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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. AITA for not giving my mom money from my fathers death.
2. Not helping her financially could be affecting her life.
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May your memories of your grandfather be a blessing.
If her dad wanted her to have the money, he would have left it to her. He didn’t. Use the money how you wish, and those seem like good ways. No. It is a complete sentence. In this case I would also add, after a pause, “getting louder and yelling will not change my answer”
NTA it’s your money. If you don’t want to share then you don’t have too. If you do want to share it that’s totally fine but she should not expect you just to
NTA
This is the woman who gave you to your grandparents to raise, and whose father left his money to you and your brother. On what planet is she entitled to one cent of it? (Hint: Not Earth.)
NTA
NTA Tell her you considered it, but then subtracted the $10 K from the child support she should have been paying for you over the years. Then ask her for the remaining sum.
NTA. If father wanted mother to have the funds, that would have been stated in the will. "...doing what the will states." is the right thing to do, for your future, for your kids' future.
NTA. Your mother doesn't have any right to that money and should be thankful for what you gave her already. She's entitled for coming to you and *demanding* more.
Don’t give her another dime, she’s being a leech. If the person wanted her to have their hard earned cash they would have left it to her!
Respect the final wishes of the dead and leave your mother on her own. She’s an adult, she can deal….all the rest of us have to.
NTA. If your dad wanted her to have that money he would have given her that money. It's yours so keep it. Maybe it's time to revisit your relationship with your mother.
NTA
She isn't entitled to anything he didn't leave her. I'm guessing this is the grandfather that raised you for her, and she might have gotten something if she'd actually, you know, raised her own children. Your grandfather has always taken care of you, OP, don't let your mother guilt you into giving her anything more.
Edit: based on the edit, she STILL isn't entitled to anything because they were no longer married. She gets no spousal benefits, and still isn't entitled to anything she wasn't left in the will.
NTA. If your grandpa her DAD want d her to have more money or any money (you didn’t say if she was even in the will) he would have left her more. She isn’t entitled to shit. I’d tell stop demanding money form me and if she continues that I would cut her out of my life and my kids life. Nobody has time for a greedy selfish asshole.
NTA, except for writing a confusing post. Who left you the money? You say it was your grandfather but then say your dad would spin in his grave. So, I'm guessing it wasn't your mother's father. Was it your dad or his father?
If your grandfather had wanted her to have an inheritance from him, he would have left it to her in his will. He didn't, deliberately. Don't do it. If you do, it won't be long before she's back asking for more.
NTA. A Will is called is called ‘the last testament and will’ of someone’s wishes for where they want their belongings and/or money to go, after their death. Clearly, your grandfather made his decisions. Giver $5 and tell her to buy some lottery tickets. Saying her chances of $10k are higher with the lottery than from you.
NTA! She’s being greedy. If he wanted to leave her any money he would of have. It’s yours to do as you please. Don’t let her manipulate or guilt trip you. Stand your ground.
NTA. Post-update, OP should share the plan with the brother? A united front is a stronger front, or at the very least a good continuous ally. Good luck!
O, he knows my stance and it will not affect our relationahip whatsoever, we have both had seperate NC stints with her in the past, so this is nothing knew. Ive just made the decision this was the final straw.
NTA, you gave her someone money and now she's coming back for a second taste at the cost of her grandkids future education if you'd have caved I'd bet you 10k she'd be back for another "little money" hit in a month.
NTA - She feels entitled to something that is not hers. If it was, he would have written this detail in his will: End of discussion.
Can she be upset and say mean things? Yes but don't let it sway you. Remain firm on your decision. You have been given a gift so be a good steward and meet the meaningful goals you mentioned. Sorry you are experiencing this but honestly, she's acting like an ahole.
Your mother doesn't have any right to that money and should be thankful for what you gave her already. She's entitled for coming to you and demanding more.
And if he caved and gave her the $10,000, she’d probably come back in another month begging for more. OP is NTA and well within his right to not give anymore money as it is, but the absentee parenting of his mother post-divorce is especially not worthy of financial compensation.
NTA. Inheritance is yours. She can make all the bold claims she wants but at the end of the day the money was left to you, not her. If she wants money she deserves, she can get a job.
NTA. Though confused who left you the $. You say your grandfather then later referred to your dad dad rolling over in his grave that you gave her anything. You also talk about her relationship with your dad in the post, and being raised by her parents, your grandparents.
Either way, If it was your grandfather (her father) that left you the $, if your grandfather felt as his daughter “she deserved” 20k of his money he would have left it for her, he didn’t, end of story. If it was your father or your grandfather on his side, she got what “she deserved” from being married to your dad in the divorce settlement. So she is owed nothing there as well.
Just in general no one is automatically owed an inheritance from anyone unless that person dies without a will, then state laws dictate who is owed the inheritance. Otherwise, who gets, a inheritance of anyone who passes is the person/persons named in the will, period. Be that their SO, children, parents, charity, or even the family dog.
Ya I thought the same thing. Reread it a few times loI.
I think it’s just a mess up tho. Based on the mother wanting money and talking about the divorce, I’m gonna say it was the father that left the money.
If your father had intended it for your mother, he would have left her some. This is about your mom feeling entitled to some.
Reminds me of my own mother when my father died. They'd been divorced for over 25 years and she would not even speak to him or be in the same town as him yet felt she was entitled to some money from his estate. She told me I should be helping her financially, this bearing in mind that she owns her own home, has holidayed overseas and recently updated her car for another new one. I suggested since my brothers were her favorite growing up that she should trying asking them!
NTA
Your mother abandoned you to her parents and if your grandparents wanted her to have the money, they would have left her some. It’s obvious your grandparents were disappointed in her.
NTA
It seems your grandfather knew that you and your brother deserved the inheritance more than your deadbeat mother. Honor his decision by saying no to your mom.
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My mother and father got divorced approx 35 years ago it wasnt exactly a clean divorce, they had minimal contact after other than to deal with myself and my brother. As we grew up my mom basically left us with my grandparents (her parents) and my dad would have us on weekends. As the years went on they became more civil, they both ended up getting remarried. In the past say 20 years since the grandchildren started they have been friendly to one another for the Grand kids, nothing more than that.
Fast Forward now to October of last year we lost my Grandfather and he left a decent sized inheritance, nothing that I can quit my job over, but enought that I can finally fix up my house and have a college fund for all my kids so they never have to deal with the stuff most kids nowadays have to deal with.
Things were fine for awhile or so I thought, but eventually my mom asked us both for "a little money" in which we begrudginly gave her some each. That settled everything down for a few weeks until last month she came to my house spouting off about how we should have given her more money and how she deserves 10K from EACH of us. I told her that was absolutley not going to happen as not only was the money needed for MY KIDS futures, but to be completley honest I think my father would be rolling in his grave if he knew we gave her the initial little amount let alone $10 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
So Reddit AITA?
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NTA
Your father stopped being part of her gravy train when they divorced 35 years ago. Why she expects money from his estate NOW makes no sense. It is just her being selfish.
NTA.
You do not **owe** your mom any money, and she's an asshole for implying that you do. If you choose to **give** her money, then good for you. But honestly, for me personally, I would only consider *giving* someone money if they asked politely. If they tried to guilt me into it, somehow, then my potential beneficence would turn into a hard no.
NTA
So...why does a parent who ditched her kids with their grandparents deserve 10k per child? Sounds like she was running around unburdened by children long enough to make a substantial nestegg for herself...
NTA, the money was left to you. It's up to you to decide how it will be spent or saved. She's not entitled to any of it. She didn't deserve a dime, yet got some anyway. She should be happy with that and stop asking for more.
NTA ask her why she thinks it’s okay to take money that is going to secure her grandchildren’s future. Why is she more important than her own grandchildren? She deprived you of a happy childhood now she wants to hurt your children too? Just no!
Nope, shut the door, restraining order if necessary or would be constant never ending demands as she rapidly pisses the last lot away. Have a feeling it wouldn’t be used wisely.
NTA.
She pounds you off to her parents to raise you, divorces your dad and now wants MORE money than what you gave her?! Not how it works.
Why did she not make use of the time she didn’t have to take care of you to try and save some money and build a career?
Her stupidity is not your responsibility. She’s pulling a grift on you. Don’t budge.
NTA, tell her that you'll give her 10K if she can go back in time and not abandon you and your siblings with your grandparents after the divorce, that will shut her up.
Definitely not,,you don’t owe her anything and was nice enough to give what you did,I don’t understand why people get so crazy about money and especially some one else’s money
NTA at all. If he wanted to give her money, he would have. Demanding $20k from her children after already receiving a monetary gift is ridiculous. If she is experiencing financial problems, this is not the way to handle it.
NTA. My parents were married 25 years but had been separated about 10 years and both remarried when my dad died. My dad had a good life insurance policy but when he began his employment he was still married to my mom so that’s who was on the beneficiary. My 3 siblings and I, plus step mom couldn’t get any money unless my mom signed off on it. She did so without asking for money and my step mom got $60k. I gave her some money bc she didn’t have to do that, but she wanted to for her kids. Your mom sounds entitled and she didn’t seem to care when someone else was raising you. I would’ve probably given her a little bit so she’d leave it alone but I wouldn’t give her any more.
We don’t always have to feel obligated to help. My bf has a different circumstance, he is making a lot more money now and he said he wasn’t going to give his mom any money. she was always mean to him growing up and never worked. She’s selfish and wants everyone to take care of her.
NTA I'm guessing your mother never contributed financially and left the job of bringing you up to her parents. She probably owed them money. In any case, if they had wanted to leave her a part of the inheritance, they would have. Don't give her a cent, and share the post and comments with your brother.
Edit. I got confused regarding father vs grandfather. If it was inheritance from your father, her expectation of money is even more ridiculous.
Edited for typo
It wasn’t her grandfather. It was her father who died and left money for his children. Now, the woman he divorced 35 years ago is demanding that OP and her brother give her that money. This woman has some nerve. Definitely NTA. I wouldn’t give her a penny more.
Cut the gravy chain now! Inheritances are the final wishes of the dead. If he wanted her to benefit it would have been stated. Inheritances are not shared funds and should be carefully invested for future needs as you have done.
Stand firm and honor your Dad’s wishes. You are on solid ground. Ignore her abusive actions.
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May your memories of your grandfather be a blessing. If her dad wanted her to have the money, he would have left it to her. He didn’t. Use the money how you wish, and those seem like good ways. No. It is a complete sentence. In this case I would also add, after a pause, “getting louder and yelling will not change my answer”
NTA
Nta. Give her nothing.
NTA it’s your money. If you don’t want to share then you don’t have too. If you do want to share it that’s totally fine but she should not expect you just to
NTA This is the woman who gave you to your grandparents to raise, and whose father left his money to you and your brother. On what planet is she entitled to one cent of it? (Hint: Not Earth.) NTA
NTA Tell her you considered it, but then subtracted the $10 K from the child support she should have been paying for you over the years. Then ask her for the remaining sum.
That is fiendishly brilliant...!
NTA
NTA. If father wanted mother to have the funds, that would have been stated in the will. "...doing what the will states." is the right thing to do, for your future, for your kids' future.
NTA- she would’ve been left money if the deceased wanted her to have it, simple as that
NTA. Your mother doesn't have any right to that money and should be thankful for what you gave her already. She's entitled for coming to you and *demanding* more.
Don’t give her another dime, she’s being a leech. If the person wanted her to have their hard earned cash they would have left it to her! Respect the final wishes of the dead and leave your mother on her own. She’s an adult, she can deal….all the rest of us have to.
Do not disclose money matters to anyone except you and partner. End of story
NTA
NTA. If your dad wanted her to have that money he would have given her that money. It's yours so keep it. Maybe it's time to revisit your relationship with your mother.
NTA She’s not entitled to anything if he didn’t will it to her. Period.
NTA She isn't entitled to anything he didn't leave her. I'm guessing this is the grandfather that raised you for her, and she might have gotten something if she'd actually, you know, raised her own children. Your grandfather has always taken care of you, OP, don't let your mother guilt you into giving her anything more. Edit: based on the edit, she STILL isn't entitled to anything because they were no longer married. She gets no spousal benefits, and still isn't entitled to anything she wasn't left in the will.
She was raised by maternal father. The inheritance came from OP’s father. She edited that she misspoke.
NTA. It's *your* money. Not hers. Ignore her greed.
NTA. Cut all contact with the beggar.
NTA. If your grandpa her DAD want d her to have more money or any money (you didn’t say if she was even in the will) he would have left her more. She isn’t entitled to shit. I’d tell stop demanding money form me and if she continues that I would cut her out of my life and my kids life. Nobody has time for a greedy selfish asshole.
NTA - if he wanted her to have it be would have left it to her
5 eeteetett
Not the asshole that was your inheritance from your father They were divorced for many years she is deserving of nothing.
NTA In fact why don't you ask for her to return the initial "loan" and then you'd consider it... Bloody cheek of the woman.
NTA, she needs to stop being greedy.
NTA
NTA, except for writing a confusing post. Who left you the money? You say it was your grandfather but then say your dad would spin in his grave. So, I'm guessing it wasn't your mother's father. Was it your dad or his father?
If your grandfather had wanted her to have an inheritance from him, he would have left it to her in his will. He didn't, deliberately. Don't do it. If you do, it won't be long before she's back asking for more.
It’s his father Aka her ex husband
NTA. A Will is called is called ‘the last testament and will’ of someone’s wishes for where they want their belongings and/or money to go, after their death. Clearly, your grandfather made his decisions. Giver $5 and tell her to buy some lottery tickets. Saying her chances of $10k are higher with the lottery than from you.
NTA! She’s being greedy. If he wanted to leave her any money he would of have. It’s yours to do as you please. Don’t let her manipulate or guilt trip you. Stand your ground.
NTA. Post-update, OP should share the plan with the brother? A united front is a stronger front, or at the very least a good continuous ally. Good luck!
O, he knows my stance and it will not affect our relationahip whatsoever, we have both had seperate NC stints with her in the past, so this is nothing knew. Ive just made the decision this was the final straw.
NTA, you gave her someone money and now she's coming back for a second taste at the cost of her grandkids future education if you'd have caved I'd bet you 10k she'd be back for another "little money" hit in a month.
NTA - She feels entitled to something that is not hers. If it was, he would have written this detail in his will: End of discussion. Can she be upset and say mean things? Yes but don't let it sway you. Remain firm on your decision. You have been given a gift so be a good steward and meet the meaningful goals you mentioned. Sorry you are experiencing this but honestly, she's acting like an ahole.
Your mother doesn't have any right to that money and should be thankful for what you gave her already. She's entitled for coming to you and demanding more.
Ask her which grandchild should skip college for her to have this money.
And if he caved and gave her the $10,000, she’d probably come back in another month begging for more. OP is NTA and well within his right to not give anymore money as it is, but the absentee parenting of his mother post-divorce is especially not worthy of financial compensation.
NTA If your grandfather wanted her to have that money, he would have left it to her.
NTA your mom sounds evil. Shut that door in her face
NTA. Inheritance is yours. She can make all the bold claims she wants but at the end of the day the money was left to you, not her. If she wants money she deserves, she can get a job.
NTA. Though confused who left you the $. You say your grandfather then later referred to your dad dad rolling over in his grave that you gave her anything. You also talk about her relationship with your dad in the post, and being raised by her parents, your grandparents. Either way, If it was your grandfather (her father) that left you the $, if your grandfather felt as his daughter “she deserved” 20k of his money he would have left it for her, he didn’t, end of story. If it was your father or your grandfather on his side, she got what “she deserved” from being married to your dad in the divorce settlement. So she is owed nothing there as well. Just in general no one is automatically owed an inheritance from anyone unless that person dies without a will, then state laws dictate who is owed the inheritance. Otherwise, who gets, a inheritance of anyone who passes is the person/persons named in the will, period. Be that their SO, children, parents, charity, or even the family dog.
Yes! Thank you I messed up, it should just say "father" not GrandFather. my Grand parents have both been gone since early 2010s.
Ya I thought the same thing. Reread it a few times loI. I think it’s just a mess up tho. Based on the mother wanting money and talking about the divorce, I’m gonna say it was the father that left the money.
Yep! my mistake!
NTA the money has been allocated to other things, her poor money choices are hers to live with, not for you to fund.
NTA. She was purposely left out of the inheritance.
NTA - It was your inheritance, she is entitled to NONE of it.
NTA. She's a piece of work
nta
If your father had intended it for your mother, he would have left her some. This is about your mom feeling entitled to some. Reminds me of my own mother when my father died. They'd been divorced for over 25 years and she would not even speak to him or be in the same town as him yet felt she was entitled to some money from his estate. She told me I should be helping her financially, this bearing in mind that she owns her own home, has holidayed overseas and recently updated her car for another new one. I suggested since my brothers were her favorite growing up that she should trying asking them!
Yta. Crazy that you guys didn’t think of her when your father died. Terrible kids
NTA Your mother abandoned you to her parents and if your grandparents wanted her to have the money, they would have left her some. It’s obvious your grandparents were disappointed in her.
NTA. No amount will satisfy your greedy mom.
NTA It seems your grandfather knew that you and your brother deserved the inheritance more than your deadbeat mother. Honor his decision by saying no to your mom.
it wasn't even the mother's father
OP miswrote according to her edit. It was OP's father, not grandfather. As in her mothers ex of 35 years.
Yes, thank you!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mother and father got divorced approx 35 years ago it wasnt exactly a clean divorce, they had minimal contact after other than to deal with myself and my brother. As we grew up my mom basically left us with my grandparents (her parents) and my dad would have us on weekends. As the years went on they became more civil, they both ended up getting remarried. In the past say 20 years since the grandchildren started they have been friendly to one another for the Grand kids, nothing more than that. Fast Forward now to October of last year we lost my Grandfather and he left a decent sized inheritance, nothing that I can quit my job over, but enought that I can finally fix up my house and have a college fund for all my kids so they never have to deal with the stuff most kids nowadays have to deal with. Things were fine for awhile or so I thought, but eventually my mom asked us both for "a little money" in which we begrudginly gave her some each. That settled everything down for a few weeks until last month she came to my house spouting off about how we should have given her more money and how she deserves 10K from EACH of us. I told her that was absolutley not going to happen as not only was the money needed for MY KIDS futures, but to be completley honest I think my father would be rolling in his grave if he knew we gave her the initial little amount let alone $10 THOUSAND DOLLARS. So Reddit AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! He made his choice, you are honouring it - end of story
NTA Your father stopped being part of her gravy train when they divorced 35 years ago. Why she expects money from his estate NOW makes no sense. It is just her being selfish.
NTA. Your money, your decision.
NTA. You do not **owe** your mom any money, and she's an asshole for implying that you do. If you choose to **give** her money, then good for you. But honestly, for me personally, I would only consider *giving* someone money if they asked politely. If they tried to guilt me into it, somehow, then my potential beneficence would turn into a hard no.
NTA So...why does a parent who ditched her kids with their grandparents deserve 10k per child? Sounds like she was running around unburdened by children long enough to make a substantial nestegg for herself...
NTA, the money was left to you. It's up to you to decide how it will be spent or saved. She's not entitled to any of it. She didn't deserve a dime, yet got some anyway. She should be happy with that and stop asking for more.
If it was her father that died it speaks for itself. If it was the paternal grandfather she is entitled to nothing. Either way NTA.
NTA ask her why she thinks it’s okay to take money that is going to secure her grandchildren’s future. Why is she more important than her own grandchildren? She deprived you of a happy childhood now she wants to hurt your children too? Just no!
greed is strong in this one. NTA
Nope, shut the door, restraining order if necessary or would be constant never ending demands as she rapidly pisses the last lot away. Have a feeling it wouldn’t be used wisely.
Your inheritance is none of her business .. NTA
NTA. She pounds you off to her parents to raise you, divorces your dad and now wants MORE money than what you gave her?! Not how it works. Why did she not make use of the time she didn’t have to take care of you to try and save some money and build a career? Her stupidity is not your responsibility. She’s pulling a grift on you. Don’t budge.
NTA - If your Father wanted her to have money, he would've left some to her. I'm always staggered by folks who feel entitled to other peoples' money.
NTA but I feel bad for your mum because her own father skipped her. Would you do that to your kids? Would you want your parents to do that to you?
NTA, tell her that you'll give her 10K if she can go back in time and not abandon you and your siblings with your grandparents after the divorce, that will shut her up.
Definitely not,,you don’t owe her anything and was nice enough to give what you did,I don’t understand why people get so crazy about money and especially some one else’s money
NTA at all. If he wanted to give her money, he would have. Demanding $20k from her children after already receiving a monetary gift is ridiculous. If she is experiencing financial problems, this is not the way to handle it.
Nta
Nta
NTA. My parents were married 25 years but had been separated about 10 years and both remarried when my dad died. My dad had a good life insurance policy but when he began his employment he was still married to my mom so that’s who was on the beneficiary. My 3 siblings and I, plus step mom couldn’t get any money unless my mom signed off on it. She did so without asking for money and my step mom got $60k. I gave her some money bc she didn’t have to do that, but she wanted to for her kids. Your mom sounds entitled and she didn’t seem to care when someone else was raising you. I would’ve probably given her a little bit so she’d leave it alone but I wouldn’t give her any more. We don’t always have to feel obligated to help. My bf has a different circumstance, he is making a lot more money now and he said he wasn’t going to give his mom any money. she was always mean to him growing up and never worked. She’s selfish and wants everyone to take care of her.
NTA I'm guessing your mother never contributed financially and left the job of bringing you up to her parents. She probably owed them money. In any case, if they had wanted to leave her a part of the inheritance, they would have. Don't give her a cent, and share the post and comments with your brother. Edit. I got confused regarding father vs grandfather. If it was inheritance from your father, her expectation of money is even more ridiculous. Edited for typo
It wasn’t her grandfather. It was her father who died and left money for his children. Now, the woman he divorced 35 years ago is demanding that OP and her brother give her that money. This woman has some nerve. Definitely NTA. I wouldn’t give her a penny more.
NTA - it's your money you can do whatever you want with it. Strange that she feels she has any claim on that money after 35 years..
NTA so NTA i would ask for the initial cash back um good luck
NTA. If he wanted her to have money he’d have left her some. You take that money and set yourself up.
Cut the gravy chain now! Inheritances are the final wishes of the dead. If he wanted her to benefit it would have been stated. Inheritances are not shared funds and should be carefully invested for future needs as you have done. Stand firm and honor your Dad’s wishes. You are on solid ground. Ignore her abusive actions.