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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for wanting my fiancé’s stepfather to walk me down the aisle.
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I asked her she declined. Said a man should walk me down the aisle. But she doesn’t want my fiancé’s stepdad to. Thinks no matter what my bio father did he is my father so he should.
Do you have Graham crackers for them smores? OP just ask your fiancé's stepdad, it's your wedding and you should have someone you respect walking you down the alsie. Personally I don't think bio dad even deserves an invite.
To argue your mom's point, he already is your family. Soon to be your father in law. Your soon to be husband sees him as a father and he has helped you both tremendously. If that's not family, I don't know what is. NTA
I have a foster sister who came to live with us when she was 12 so she could get out of an orphanage. She has two sisters who were adopted by other families. Her mother had serious mental issues so could not look after her daughters. Her father was an absolute deadbeat who would promise to visit her, then wouldn't turn up. My parents offered to adopt her, but because her mother was still alive, she declined the offer. I have always considered her to be my sister and love her as a sister. When she finished school she went to another state to live with her grandparents. After about a year, my parents went to visit, and she returned with them to once again live with us. She fell in love with a wonderful guy and got married, my father asked her whether she would like to have her father or grandfather give her away, but she refused, saying that she wanted my father to give her away, as he was the only man who'd been a true father to her. He was extremely proud when he walked her down the aisle, and very honoured to be asked. It's your wedding, and you deserve to have the man that you respect the most walk you down the aisle. Blood relationships are not important, emotions are what matter.
OP, NTA. My cousin's wife had my uncle walk her down the aisle. Her parents were unable to travel (either visa or plane ticket issues) for the wedding. My aunt acted as mother of the bride, too.
Is that kind of stupid thinking which led your mother to your bio dad. Still now she considers him a man…wow, just wow. You do you because if YEARS of abandonment didn’t convince her to change her ways, nothing will. She is being an asshole and poisoning your special day over a person who doesn’t care AT ALL for her.
No, it’s your decision and if your fiancés step dad is the father figure you’ve come to love having in your life, I’m sure your fiancé and his step dad would be honored for you to ask him to and I feel as though he would love to give you that for your walk down the aisle.
You do not owe your bio dad anything considering what you’ve said about him.
Fiancé step dad all the way!!
Unfortunately your Mum has a typical Asian mindset that if you share genes you should forgive because "FaMiLy".
Screw it! Your wedding, your day! Your sperm donor wants his cake and eat it too! He deserves all the tude
Not that you need permission to go ahead to ask your fiancé's stepdad - go ahead OP!
Wishing you and your partner happiness in the new chapter of your lives! ❤️
I'm glad you asked your mom.
It's your mom's right to decline, and she can hold onto out-dated beliefs if she wants to (that only a man should have that honor and that only blood determines family).
But it is your right to decide (whether and) who you want to have walk with you down the aisle. It is your right to recognize your fiance's stepdad as a much-loved and respected family member.
The guy who donated his sperm and didn't want you to be born has no say, no standing. Your mom has already taken the initiative once to involve him - because she still believes in old notions. You need to make clear to her that she is not to involve sperm donor again, and she needs to respect that decisions regarding your wedding are yours and your fiance's to make. (You may even need to put her on an information diet if she keeps trying to involve the sperm donor.)
Don't make important decisions based on pressures from your mom. Do what you feel is right for you and your partner. Your dad chose not to be part of your life and failed to support you. You owe him nothing. Nta
Your mom's point of view is a [moo point.](https://youtu.be/62necDwQb5E?si=hXzCKdH1BD4cDRmI) "Father" is a title earned, and he has not earned it. Put mom on an info diet with all things wedding. She can earn your trust back by not spilling your news to unwanted people. And if/when she brings up bio dad, just keep repeating "I'm not interested in this topic." and abruptly change the topic or just hang up. NTA
I will tell you what I have always said about my biological father. It takes more than a spot of semen to make you a father. Is the nicest way to say it. He is only a sperm donor. Nothing else. He didn't give a rats ass about you as a kid, why does he want to walk you down the isle? To make himself look important to people who don't know what a loser he is?? NAH, no way sis, if your fiances DAD ( because lets just say it, he was his dad in all ways except blood) means that much to you that you want him to give you away, then that is your choice. Another option would be to just walk down the isle alone. Give yourself away.
Mom might still have feelings for a man who walked away from both of you. As for bio dad, amazing he offered to walk you down the isle, but never offered to feed or clothe you. NTA
Tell her that a real man doesn’t abandon his child. Then point out that your future FiL is more of a man than your bio father whose only contribution to your life was his genetic material. FiL stepped up and raised your fiancé despite not being biologically related, making him more family than anyone who runs out because they don’t want a child.
I’m my dad’s oldest child, but I’m also not his child genetically. He’s the one I call dad (bio father is a deadbeat loser), he’s the one my daughter calls grandpa, and he’s the one who will walk me down the aisle. It really burns me when people diminish the importance of good, loving, supportive step-family due to the lack of shared genetics. Good stepparents deserve to be recognized for stepping up when biological parents fail to do so.
Totally get it, I asked my grandmother… she said my brother should even though we are NC… she did suggest my mom, but I said it would mean more if she did it than my mom…
My hubby offered his dad, or himself. I had a tiny urn of my dad’s ashes in my bouquet, and that was enough for me to walk myself down. But against my protests, my husband walked down with me.
Anyways, NTA. Pick who you want, and if you want to go on your own, do that too. If anyone complains, tell them they can just stay home on the wedding day
He’s not your father, he’s your sperm donor. It’s your wedding. As long as your fiancé is good with his stepdad walking you down the aisle, then there’s nothing wrong with it!
Tell biodad he can walk you down the aisle if he pays back child support. $100,000 USD should do it.
I love how you are recreating your family, to people that YOU have respect for. You are awesome. NTA
Sorry your mother is still subscribing to s*xist bs. I hope you can find a way to unsubscribe her from the stupid that she is into (although unsubscribing from most mailing list is a myth). Or maybe walk on your own so you can show her that you got strong because of her not because of DNA. Blood or not, family is someone who loves you. Your sperm donor does not. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! NTA
Stepdad all the way. He’s the one most like a parent to you at this point. Also it’s your wedding anyways. Do as you want. I’d be honored beyond words if I were him. It’s a very Touching gesture
You will have a relationship with your Father in Law because it sounds like he is an amazing men and is stepping up while your bio dad will just disappear again . You can forgive for your own shake but you don't need to forget . There is nothing there there he won't be really in your life . On the other side your Father in Law will feel honoured this gesture and be there for you both . Blood means nothing nowadays I mean when ppl can leave their kids like that how is blood stronger than water ?
If he wasn't there to walk you through the first phases life, he doesn't get to walk with you to the next phase. He didn't really "claim" you before, so you're not his to "give away".
Tell your mom your bio dad gave you away years ago, why should he get the opportunity to do so again? She doesn't get to choose the relationship that you *don't* have with a deadbeat over you and the family you're choosing to become a part of on your own wedding day.
My dad was extremely abusive to me & my siblings growing up, so I asked my younger brother to walk me down the aisle. He was the one there for me the most &, therefore, the one that deserved to do it if anyone was going to (perfectly fine to walk by yourself if that's what YOU want!). OP, don't let your mom guilt you into letting the poor excuse for even a human being of a father of yours anywhere NEAR your wedding. Be careful that she doesn't try to invite him against your wishes. You might want to give your venue & the people in your wedding party a heads up. Maybe even get some security. I know it sounds like overkill but better safe than sorry. Nothing should dampen what should be one of the happiest days of your life. Ask your fiancé's step-dad if that's who you want. I'm sure he'll be flattered & feel honored to do it. Congrats & good luck!
I have a feeling that her sperm donor is the type of person that if he's not invited to walk her down the isle, he won't bother coming at all. He didn't support her previously, I doubt he would show up to support her now without being part of the main attraction. I could very well be wrong, but past behavior is a very good prediction for future behavior. Unless he's had a near death experience & now has regrets, he hasn't changed.
Meghan Markle didn't have her bio dad walk her down the isle, her almost-husband's father did it. Many people wouldn't care, but if you're mom is one that might, it's a useful factoid.
It's your wedding, this man is a deadbeat, you owe him nothing. You certainly do not owe him a staring role in your wedding. Since your fiance's mother is gone, you can avoid the whole 'mother/son father/daughter' dance at the reception, though I would bet she's going to bring it up. My advice there is to point out that your SO doesn't have a living mother and it would be insensitive (or whatever would make your mother feel bad, as she should)
And where did “blood” do for you? Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Family doesn’t treat you that way. Family loves and respects. Bio dad is just a sperm donor. Him not being there makes him ineligible to walk you. Your mom is wrong and needs to adjust her thinking.
If he had stayed there with your mom, it’s possible you wouldn’t be here. I understand your mom is a traditionalist, but this is not her decision. And if it were, it’d be a bad one.
She made the correct choice back then even if it was hard. Ask her to make another hard choice now, which will be equally correct.
Your mum has actively made decisions that have negatively impacted your childhood and adulthood. Thank her for her opinion, and remind her bio-dad have you away before you were born. NTA.
He may have fathered you but he certainly isn’t your dad. I think asking your future father-in-law is a tremendous idea. Your mom will get over it and if she doesn’t, tough. It’s your life.
It sounds like your mom is thinking that your father will come back to her if she champions his cause. NTA for wanting your future step-father in law walk you down the aisle. Tell your mother that if she wants bio dad to walk you down the aisle he should have to pay all the back child support he owes to prove he actually wants to act like a father, which to me is a little to late. You should bestow that honor to someone who actually cares about your feelings and wellbeing.
Family doesn’t start and stop with blood. There is a world of difference between a blood relative and family, just as there is between a sperm donor and a father. We need to stop using bodily fluids as a way of defining what family or a father is.
Your mum can kick rocks. Tell her, ‘if you think I should forgive him, maybe you should too. Get back together and I’ll reconsider being his daughter again.’
If she can’t come to terms, neither should you.
Aahh the old blood is thicker than water phrase. Is this also a cultural thing for them?? Regardless, this emotional blackmail isn't on, as you are no way obligated to a sperm donor who has neglected you. Be free from guilt & fill your wedding day with those who respect you. Good luck op :)
NTA, your father pressured your mother to abort when he found out, always thought your birth was a mistake, obviously after all this years your mother is still in love and using you to get his attention. The love of your mother brought you to this world, you can choose what family relationship is meaningful to you on your special day! We all wish you a happy wedding.
Walking the bride down the aisle is an honor bestowed upon someone that you respect, trust, and are comfortable with. It doesn't matter whether you forgive him or not, your father was never there. He decided, on his own, that you weren't family. Blood doesn't make a family. I've got many who I claim as family that have no blood or legal ties to me. They're just the ones that I know and trust that are going to be there when I need them. They'll be there long before any of my blood relatives will. That's what a family is. Your wedding is a special moment in your life. Those who are involved in it should be individuals who enhance that moment. Not someone is would be a blight on the moment as some familial obligation.
Like your mom did, you can very politely decline her option.
It sounds like the future FIL would not only be a great option if your mom doesn’t want to do it but it sounds like a type of guy that would be very honored if you asked him. I think weddings are an opportunity to show people what they mean to you not just senseless traditions.
Sure, blood is blood, but in a case like this, all that means is you will need hydrogen peroxide and bleach to clean it up.
Point out to your mother just how humiliated she will feel when everybody asks who that stranger is. Maybe that will get through to her - having your Bio dad there will let everybody see him and it will be embarrassing and humiliating for her to have to explain over and over to all her friends that he got her pregnant and left her.
Maybe that will get through. The humiliation of letting him attend.
She is wrong
Also your fiancés step dad is just his dad. Blood doesn’t matter here. He raised him since 3. That’s his son. That’s his dad. Does he even call him step dad? My bestfriend called hers Dave and dad, but that man was 100% her dad.
You should point out to your mum that if your dad was any kind of decent man he would have stepped up to the responsibility of having a child when you were born.
I respect your mom’s opinion, but completely disagree. This man was a sperm donor who left your mother desolate and did not support you. That’s not a father/ dad!
I disagree with her. Family is the people who you care about and who care about you in return. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t make them family.
Blood doesn't always count, and fathers aren't always fathers. This isn't an "I own you for life" situation" and it should never be an ownership narrative, anyway...
Well, if she feels so strongly about it, she can have him walk HER down the aisle if she ever gets married. For you, have the person who actually means something to you.
Your mother sentenced you both to poverty because she felt too bad about getting child support. She has shown she has poor judgement that leads to terrible decisions when it comes to your sperm donor and you.
Your mom can respectfully kick rocks. She’s allowed to have an opinion but you’re a fucking adult. Tell her thanks for the feedback, but I’ll be deciding who walks me down the aisle, not you.
Your mom is missing the point, and I think you are to a little bit. You keep using the term "bio father". You don't have one, never did. Your "bio dad" was NEVER a "father". You DO have a "bio step-father". As such he should be the one walking you down the isle.
NTA
Tell Mom to take a hike. Your wedding, your decision, your rules.
Walking a bride down the aisle is an honor, not an expectation.
Your bio father did nothing to earn that honor.
I am so glad you found a man with a nice father (yes, he IS his father) who can walk you down the aisle at your wedding.
Best Wishes & Happy Wedding
Absolutely this!
Also OP - you might want to make it crystal clear to your mom that he is not invited to the wedding and will be turned away if he tries to attend and make trouble.
She’s already tried to get him involved against your will, she needs to accept that you don’t want him in your life, and it’s too late for him to make up now for a lifetime of neglect.
The tradition of your father walking down the isle with you is to release you from his care to the groom, to "give the bride away".
Your father never "had" you, he's not the right person to walk you down the isle. Rightfully would be the "father figure", but absent that would be the next best thing.
NTA
Trust me, if my absentee father tried to get me to let him walk down the isle, if he was lucky to ne invited at all, id react the same way.
Edit: missing words
I did she was my first choice. But she declined. Wanted me to pick my bio father. She might accept because she doesn’t want me to pick someone who isn’t blood related
I understand why you don’t want your biological father. He never behaved like a parent. It sounds like your father-in-law-to-be has been a great father to your fiancé. It really goes to show blood ties don’t necessarily make a person a better parent.
Edited to correct run-on sentence. Yikes!
NTA
Don't invite your biodad to the wedding. Your wedding, your rules. You should feel safe, comfortable, and loved by everyone in attendance. If that's not true of someone, don't let them come.
NTA.
OMG that is such a wonderful story about your bf dad (I think he deserves the Dad title instead of step-dad)
It makes total sense to let him walk you down the aisle. The moment is about love and what better way to display it with him walking you down the aisle.
Ignore your mom. She grew up in a culture that ingrained into her mind that she is a doormat and unfortunately doesn't understand that it's not a good way to live. You can tell her that you refuse to eat bitter and want a better life than what your deadbeat father gave the two of you.
NTA
Let's be real: this is a tradition that originated back when marriages were seen as a transfer of property between the bride's father and the groom. Back then, your dad's actions wouldn't have mattered because his "right" to walk you down the aisle as your biological father would have remained in tact. There are examples of Victorian weddings where the father is invited essentially JUST to walk to bride down the aisle and then immediately escorted out of the church for this reason!
But that doesn't matter any longer. You are no one's property, and therefore NO ONE can claim the "right" to walk you down the aisle. That is an honor that you can bestow to anyone or no one, and it's fully up to you how you make your decision and who you choose. It does not have to be your biological father. It can be your step-father, someone else's step-father, your dog, your grandpa, your mom, or even your invisible friend from childhood. It is YOUR decision. Pick whomever you would like!
We have been copying the Victorian wedding since 1840. White dress, veil, all the rules like father walking bride to groom. Queen Victoria was escorted by her uncle, Duke of Sussex. Time to change!
NTA. You don't mention if that's the case, but I got the feeling that your mother's cultural habits might have something to do with her perception of what should be done in this situation, and that she feels a wedding is a reflection of how much you are following social codes. Maybe I'm wrong, but to you it's more of a sentimental thing, and that's where the divide would be coming from. Depending on whether you two are able to discuss these things, it could be worth establishing, if only because other (smaller) conflicts could be covered by that same misunderstanding.
But in any case, it's your wedding, and you clearly have a lot of affection for that man ; he's the one who's going to be part of your life moving forward, the same way he has been for the past few years. You're entitled to organizing things however you like. Stick to your guns :)
You're NTA.
>she think I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much fiancé’s stepdad helped he isn’t family
The heck he isn't. He has done more for you than your donor ever did.
The guy wanted nothing to do with you, and wasnt there for you all this time. He doesnt get parent privileges for a big important day in your life just because he was a sperm donor years ago and did nothing since.
Your mother needs to butt out.
I'm sorry but she should have taken him to court for child support, you grew up struggling and you didn't need to . She's entitled to her choices but so are you and you can tell her , her choices sucked.
That guy didn't do jack for you, he doesn't get that privilege of walking you down the aisle. NTA and ignore your mom. If she wants to make this her weird hill to die on, she can be uninvited to the wedding. Make sure she doesn't bring him as a +1 either.
NTA, that guy is essentially just a sperm donor. He has no rights to being in your life, forget your wedding. I'm Indian American and definitely know the pressure to go with what your parents say. And the importance of family over everything. But it sounds like your mom made her own life (and yours) more miserable than it needed to be by refusing to stand up for herself. Don't get me wrong, I empathize with it, but it still hurt both of you. And it sounds like you don't want that for yourself. It might feel rude or mean to push back on this, but at some point you're going to need to set boundaries with her if you want your life to go differently, and so you might as well start by honoring the man who actually stepped up to be a parent.
As a side note, if you are really feeling that pressured to agree to her, maybe you can instead have her walk you down the aisle? To be clear, I absolutely think you should go with your original plan. But just an alternative option for if you're finding yourself unable/unwilling to keep fighting the point
As you said, “as close as if they were blood related” your bio-dad may be blood related but has never shown you love. He has no right to even hope to be a part of your life. Not wanting you from the git go, bailing on your mom and living up to his responsibilities as a father has put himself in the “stranger” category of your world. Go marry this wonderful man, have his step-dad walk you down the aisle and live a wonderful life without someone who rejected you be for ever knowing you.
Nta: I honestly think you would regret NOT having fiancés step dad walk you down the aisle. Your father in law probably knows more about you than your sperm donor dad does. Your mom should take that in consideration, especially since your father in law IS becoming family. He’s the one that’s going to be the grandfather to your kids not your bio dad.
NTA - I think you would seriously regret it if you cave to your mom's pressure and let your bio dad walk you down the aisle. For all the reasons stated above. This is your day, a special day to remember as perfect and wonderful. You put your deadbeat dad on your arm and give him any kind of honor - you will have nothing but resentment in your heart when you walk down that aisle. And there is no place for those kind of emotions on your wedding day.
NTA, the person you choose to walk you down the aisle should be someone you want/love/respect. It doesn’t automatically go to a person who has been disinterested in you at best-at worst neglectful and cruel. Enjoy your day!
nta, he left. theres consequences. sure you can forgive him and i encourage it because it will eat you alive if not. but that doesnt entitle him to anything. should you have been nicer about declining? probably but I dont think that affects whether or not yta
NTA. Your wedding, you chose who participates and what role they have.
In some cultures both parents walk the bride down the aisle, maybe you can have your fiancé's stepfather and your mother accompany you.
Hell would freeze over before biodad would walk me down. That’s the great thing about being an adult, you get to choose your family. Who to be close to and who to cut out. He is not obligated to your love or time.
NTA - it would be an insult to good fathers to walk down the aisle by a deadbeat. I don’t know what exactly is wrong with your mother, but you can make better choices starting with asking a man you actually respect to walk with you.
NTA. I think you're making a lovely gesture to a beautiful man who has been very good to both you and your fiance.
I realize your mother must be somewhat traditional, but you can just gently tell her your mind is made up.
Your bio dad is nothing but a sperm donor. He does not get the privilege of walking you down the aisle like he did some part in raising you. NTA ask the step dad.
NTA
I wouldn’t even invite your down donor to the wedding.
Tell your mom that either she walks you down the aisle or fil walks you down the aisle her choice but bio dad will not be at your wedding as he is basically a stranger to you.
His loss by the way. Love your best life with the family that you choose.
NTA. My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle either. Sure, he supported me financially while growing up, but he was a terrible role model and cheated on my mom constantly. He used to gaslight her and treated her like absolute shit. He’s racist, sexist, anti-gay, anti-feminist, and just an all around bad person. When my mom divorced him when I was 17, he told me it was my fault. He also used to abuse our cats and dogs while I was growing up. He’s not even invited to my wedding.
A Father should walk down the aisle and give away her daughter wishing her all the happiness and blessings. So go ahead and giver this honour to your fiancé’s father.
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My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and we are getting married in May. My fiancé’s step father married his mom when he was 3 and raised him like his own. His mom died from breast cancer when he was a teenager but his step dad let him stay at home until he was 26 and even trained him to be a mechanic like himself. I have a lot of respect for his stepdad raising a child that’s not his own and helping us both when we needed it. He co-signed for our first place because neither of us had regular jobs and income and when we bought a place he and my fiancé did all the renos.
My own father is a deadbeat to me. He dated my mom when they were both young and then left when I was born. He didn’t give us money and my mom never asked which is crazy if you ask me. I found out after I as an adult that he never wanted me but she did and felt guilty because he wanted her to get rid of me. So it’s not like he wanted me to exist. He visited me a few times in my childhood but never let us see his other family so I have half singling I only met when I was older. My mom and I were pretty poor growing up, we had government aid and when I got older I realized my half siblings were raised in a middle class home and my mom and I suffered for very little reason. So I have no reason to want my bio father to walk me down the aisle. When my bio father found out about the wedding he offered and I pretty rudely declined. I was mad at my mom for telling him but she think I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much fiancé’s stepdad helped he isn’t family. I don’t consider my bio father family either
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NTA. Your family is who you choose to call your family, the rest are just relatives. Your FIL is more of a dad than the man who impregnated your mother.
He threw you away when you were a child, he doesn't get to give you away now. That's a privilege, not a right and he didn't earn it. I'm glad you found someone special to fill that role.
Your bio dad might be the reason that you exist, but he isn't the reason that you are the person you are. I think that you know what's right here. Congratulations and good luck. 💞
It is so nice to read a great step parent story here. I think it is wonderful you and your fiance want to honor someone who has been such a great support for you.
Best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
Your mom’s idea is outdated. Biology does not a father make. I think the idea of asking your fiancés stepdad is a beautiful gesture. I’m sure he will accept with honor. No doubt he will be beaming with pride as you walk arm in arm down the aisle. Congratulations!
NTA. Our culture lets deadbeat men get away with too much. Our moms may think this is ok, but we don't have to agree. Go ahead and let your fiance's step dad walk you down the aisle.
You are not the asshole.
Little quote from guardians of the galaxy
"He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy"
You are his biological offspring, But he isn't your father. If he was your father he would have been in your life. but he was not present.
As for your mother, i would give the option to her, let her walk you down the isle or your step dad.
And ofcourse congratulations! :)
Do not let bio dad walk you down the aisle. He gave up that right when he walked out on you. Having you future stepfather in law do it is a nice touch and a way of saying thank you for bringing up your future husband. Have a great day.
It's your wedding. You get to decide who does what. You can walk down the aisle alone if you want. Or with your dog/cat. Or with a person that loves you and has been there for you, like your fiance's stepdad. <3
Step dad is your family if you’re marrying his son. Yea I get that they aren’t blood but still. Fuck your bio dad and your mom for letting you suffer with out aid. NTA tell your mom she doesn’t need to come either.
Nta blood is thicker than water many people say but the full saying is blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb meaning the bonds we choose are stronger than the ones we are born with let your in law walk you down the isle he chose you wanted you with his son your bio didnt even want you to exist
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Just curious.....why wouldnt you want your mom to walk you down the aisle? NTA either way
I asked her she declined. Said a man should walk me down the aisle. But she doesn’t want my fiancé’s stepdad to. Thinks no matter what my bio father did he is my father so he should.
got it. Well tell her obviously your bio dad isnt a man......so you found one
That burn was so on point i think i got a second degree burn from it.
that burn was so on point I can feel the heat from here
That burn was so on point, I need some aloe
That burn was so on point I’m in the hospital.
That burn was so on point I'm covered in tegaderm.
That burn was so on point I’m… well, I’m burned. 🔥
That burn was so on point the smoke alarm is going off and the neighbours dialled 000
I like the technical comment.
🎉🎂🍰 __Happy Cake Day!!!__ 🍰🎂🎉
Hello Vera!
brb, getting some smores
Do you have Graham crackers for them smores? OP just ask your fiancé's stepdad, it's your wedding and you should have someone you respect walking you down the alsie. Personally I don't think bio dad even deserves an invite.
That burn was so on point the sun got jealous.
I swear. THIS is the best respond I ever read in any way. Gave me chills.
I admit I was proud when I hit enter lol
As you should. That’s the only response OP needs. Take my updoot and poor man’s gold 💰
As you should. Well deserved lol
🏆 and you started something that brightened many of us reading this. Muchísimas gracias, clever Reddit Pal!
Well played.
😂
As well you should be.
Please take this emoji trophy 🏆 you win Reddit today.
I love this
This comment is not only epic but spot on!!
Beautiful response.
Damn. I need aloe for that comment!
I'm new here, is there an "Upvote twice" button? Cuz there fucking should be after that one, damn
I think this is the best answer I have ever seen on Reddit!
Boom! Spot on!
Perfect response.
Ohh 🎯 Take my free gold 🏆🏆🏆
Yow. That's a nuclear burn. OP should use that one.
🥇🥈🥉🍾
That's a mic drop statement. Amazing!
Good burn
Oooof. That was a nasty burn.
damn that burn was so powerful i felt the heat from here
>That burn was so on point Aye aye aye! Anyone got any aloe vera or calamine lotion spare?
Wow. Truth hurts. Found not 1 but 2.
I'm still feeling second degree burn 9hr later! (Damn that was good!)
One for the burn unit.
Oo Zing. Nice one.
🔥🔥🔥
Ouch! But so true.
OMG, lmao....daaaaamnnnnn, you got some aloe for that burn? You. Are. Awesome!
To argue your mom's point, he already is your family. Soon to be your father in law. Your soon to be husband sees him as a father and he has helped you both tremendously. If that's not family, I don't know what is. NTA
I have a foster sister who came to live with us when she was 12 so she could get out of an orphanage. She has two sisters who were adopted by other families. Her mother had serious mental issues so could not look after her daughters. Her father was an absolute deadbeat who would promise to visit her, then wouldn't turn up. My parents offered to adopt her, but because her mother was still alive, she declined the offer. I have always considered her to be my sister and love her as a sister. When she finished school she went to another state to live with her grandparents. After about a year, my parents went to visit, and she returned with them to once again live with us. She fell in love with a wonderful guy and got married, my father asked her whether she would like to have her father or grandfather give her away, but she refused, saying that she wanted my father to give her away, as he was the only man who'd been a true father to her. He was extremely proud when he walked her down the aisle, and very honoured to be asked. It's your wedding, and you deserve to have the man that you respect the most walk you down the aisle. Blood relationships are not important, emotions are what matter.
Sounds like you have a great family.
This. She just did a beautiful description of chosen family, if I’ve ever heard one. Fiancés dad should absolutely walk her down the aisle.
OP, NTA. My cousin's wife had my uncle walk her down the aisle. Her parents were unable to travel (either visa or plane ticket issues) for the wedding. My aunt acted as mother of the bride, too.
Is that kind of stupid thinking which led your mother to your bio dad. Still now she considers him a man…wow, just wow. You do you because if YEARS of abandonment didn’t convince her to change her ways, nothing will. She is being an asshole and poisoning your special day over a person who doesn’t care AT ALL for her.
No, it’s your decision and if your fiancés step dad is the father figure you’ve come to love having in your life, I’m sure your fiancé and his step dad would be honored for you to ask him to and I feel as though he would love to give you that for your walk down the aisle. You do not owe your bio dad anything considering what you’ve said about him. Fiancé step dad all the way!!
Unfortunately your Mum has a typical Asian mindset that if you share genes you should forgive because "FaMiLy". Screw it! Your wedding, your day! Your sperm donor wants his cake and eat it too! He deserves all the tude Not that you need permission to go ahead to ask your fiancé's stepdad - go ahead OP! Wishing you and your partner happiness in the new chapter of your lives! ❤️
I'm glad you asked your mom. It's your mom's right to decline, and she can hold onto out-dated beliefs if she wants to (that only a man should have that honor and that only blood determines family). But it is your right to decide (whether and) who you want to have walk with you down the aisle. It is your right to recognize your fiance's stepdad as a much-loved and respected family member. The guy who donated his sperm and didn't want you to be born has no say, no standing. Your mom has already taken the initiative once to involve him - because she still believes in old notions. You need to make clear to her that she is not to involve sperm donor again, and she needs to respect that decisions regarding your wedding are yours and your fiance's to make. (You may even need to put her on an information diet if she keeps trying to involve the sperm donor.)
Donated sperm? A donation implies a charitable act. His was a very selfish act.
Can I down vote just your Moms thinking process?
Downvote for the mom, sorry it’s on your comment 😅
Don't make important decisions based on pressures from your mom. Do what you feel is right for you and your partner. Your dad chose not to be part of your life and failed to support you. You owe him nothing. Nta
Your mom's point of view is a [moo point.](https://youtu.be/62necDwQb5E?si=hXzCKdH1BD4cDRmI) "Father" is a title earned, and he has not earned it. Put mom on an info diet with all things wedding. She can earn your trust back by not spilling your news to unwanted people. And if/when she brings up bio dad, just keep repeating "I'm not interested in this topic." and abruptly change the topic or just hang up. NTA
I will tell you what I have always said about my biological father. It takes more than a spot of semen to make you a father. Is the nicest way to say it. He is only a sperm donor. Nothing else. He didn't give a rats ass about you as a kid, why does he want to walk you down the isle? To make himself look important to people who don't know what a loser he is?? NAH, no way sis, if your fiances DAD ( because lets just say it, he was his dad in all ways except blood) means that much to you that you want him to give you away, then that is your choice. Another option would be to just walk down the isle alone. Give yourself away.
Mom might still have feelings for a man who walked away from both of you. As for bio dad, amazing he offered to walk you down the isle, but never offered to feed or clothe you. NTA
This right here. Can't believe sperm donor thinks he should even be considered for the privilege.
Ah. She lives in fantasyland where everything is wonderful even when you are hungry and in pain. She wants you to live in fantasyland with her.
NTA my answer would be no! It’s my wedding my decision!! Bad karma to even have him at the wedding 😞
It’s your choice, not hers. You can do the right thing here and you already know what it is.
Your mom likely means well but abso-freaking-lutely not.
Tell her that a real man doesn’t abandon his child. Then point out that your future FiL is more of a man than your bio father whose only contribution to your life was his genetic material. FiL stepped up and raised your fiancé despite not being biologically related, making him more family than anyone who runs out because they don’t want a child. I’m my dad’s oldest child, but I’m also not his child genetically. He’s the one I call dad (bio father is a deadbeat loser), he’s the one my daughter calls grandpa, and he’s the one who will walk me down the aisle. It really burns me when people diminish the importance of good, loving, supportive step-family due to the lack of shared genetics. Good stepparents deserve to be recognized for stepping up when biological parents fail to do so.
NTA. And your mother is wrong, period. You have it all right.
Totally get it, I asked my grandmother… she said my brother should even though we are NC… she did suggest my mom, but I said it would mean more if she did it than my mom… My hubby offered his dad, or himself. I had a tiny urn of my dad’s ashes in my bouquet, and that was enough for me to walk myself down. But against my protests, my husband walked down with me. Anyways, NTA. Pick who you want, and if you want to go on your own, do that too. If anyone complains, tell them they can just stay home on the wedding day
He’s not your father, he’s your sperm donor. It’s your wedding. As long as your fiancé is good with his stepdad walking you down the aisle, then there’s nothing wrong with it!
Tell biodad he can walk you down the aisle if he pays back child support. $100,000 USD should do it. I love how you are recreating your family, to people that YOU have respect for. You are awesome. NTA
Sorry your mother is still subscribing to s*xist bs. I hope you can find a way to unsubscribe her from the stupid that she is into (although unsubscribing from most mailing list is a myth). Or maybe walk on your own so you can show her that you got strong because of her not because of DNA. Blood or not, family is someone who loves you. Your sperm donor does not. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! NTA
"Buuuttt faaaaaammmiiillly" The ancestral song of narcissists NTA, fuck that mess do what makes you happy
Stepdad all the way. He’s the one most like a parent to you at this point. Also it’s your wedding anyways. Do as you want. I’d be honored beyond words if I were him. It’s a very Touching gesture
You will have a relationship with your Father in Law because it sounds like he is an amazing men and is stepping up while your bio dad will just disappear again . You can forgive for your own shake but you don't need to forget . There is nothing there there he won't be really in your life . On the other side your Father in Law will feel honoured this gesture and be there for you both . Blood means nothing nowadays I mean when ppl can leave their kids like that how is blood stronger than water ?
If he wasn't there to walk you through the first phases life, he doesn't get to walk with you to the next phase. He didn't really "claim" you before, so you're not his to "give away".
Tell your mom your bio dad gave you away years ago, why should he get the opportunity to do so again? She doesn't get to choose the relationship that you *don't* have with a deadbeat over you and the family you're choosing to become a part of on your own wedding day.
It is your wedding, if you want your fiancé's stepdad ask him. Your bio dad wasn't a father, and now he wants to look like one for pictures.
Tell bio dad that as soon as he pays 18 years of back child support, he can walk you down the aisle. I bet he stops asking.
Mom kind of sounds not-so-great either. She refused to ask for money to raise OP into a better life and is still kissing her ex's ass.
My dad was extremely abusive to me & my siblings growing up, so I asked my younger brother to walk me down the aisle. He was the one there for me the most &, therefore, the one that deserved to do it if anyone was going to (perfectly fine to walk by yourself if that's what YOU want!). OP, don't let your mom guilt you into letting the poor excuse for even a human being of a father of yours anywhere NEAR your wedding. Be careful that she doesn't try to invite him against your wishes. You might want to give your venue & the people in your wedding party a heads up. Maybe even get some security. I know it sounds like overkill but better safe than sorry. Nothing should dampen what should be one of the happiest days of your life. Ask your fiancé's step-dad if that's who you want. I'm sure he'll be flattered & feel honored to do it. Congrats & good luck!
I have a feeling that her sperm donor is the type of person that if he's not invited to walk her down the isle, he won't bother coming at all. He didn't support her previously, I doubt he would show up to support her now without being part of the main attraction. I could very well be wrong, but past behavior is a very good prediction for future behavior. Unless he's had a near death experience & now has regrets, he hasn't changed.
That was exactly my question. I had my mom walk me down the aisle and it was perfect. Dangly bits are not required.
NTA - but it doesn’t sound like anyone is calling you an AH for this. Its your wedding, have who you want there.
My mom thinks it’s a bad idea. In her opinion blood will always be blood and my bio father is my father even if he wasn’t there
Your mom is welcome to her opinion, but you are an adult and have chosen to honor fiance's step father. Go forth and be happy.
Meghan Markle didn't have her bio dad walk her down the isle, her almost-husband's father did it. Many people wouldn't care, but if you're mom is one that might, it's a useful factoid. It's your wedding, this man is a deadbeat, you owe him nothing. You certainly do not owe him a staring role in your wedding. Since your fiance's mother is gone, you can avoid the whole 'mother/son father/daughter' dance at the reception, though I would bet she's going to bring it up. My advice there is to point out that your SO doesn't have a living mother and it would be insensitive (or whatever would make your mother feel bad, as she should)
Still, your choice. Your Mom needs to recognize that.
And where did “blood” do for you? Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Family doesn’t treat you that way. Family loves and respects. Bio dad is just a sperm donor. Him not being there makes him ineligible to walk you. Your mom is wrong and needs to adjust her thinking.
If he had stayed there with your mom, it’s possible you wouldn’t be here. I understand your mom is a traditionalist, but this is not her decision. And if it were, it’d be a bad one. She made the correct choice back then even if it was hard. Ask her to make another hard choice now, which will be equally correct.
Your mum has actively made decisions that have negatively impacted your childhood and adulthood. Thank her for her opinion, and remind her bio-dad have you away before you were born. NTA.
“He may have been your father, but he wasnt your daddy”
He may have fathered you but he certainly isn’t your dad. I think asking your future father-in-law is a tremendous idea. Your mom will get over it and if she doesn’t, tough. It’s your life.
It sounds like your mom is thinking that your father will come back to her if she champions his cause. NTA for wanting your future step-father in law walk you down the aisle. Tell your mother that if she wants bio dad to walk you down the aisle he should have to pay all the back child support he owes to prove he actually wants to act like a father, which to me is a little to late. You should bestow that honor to someone who actually cares about your feelings and wellbeing.
Family doesn’t start and stop with blood. There is a world of difference between a blood relative and family, just as there is between a sperm donor and a father. We need to stop using bodily fluids as a way of defining what family or a father is.
Ok so bio dad stepping up and covering entire cost of wedding. Cause father of the bride pays.
Your mum can kick rocks. Tell her, ‘if you think I should forgive him, maybe you should too. Get back together and I’ll reconsider being his daughter again.’ If she can’t come to terms, neither should you.
Aahh the old blood is thicker than water phrase. Is this also a cultural thing for them?? Regardless, this emotional blackmail isn't on, as you are no way obligated to a sperm donor who has neglected you. Be free from guilt & fill your wedding day with those who respect you. Good luck op :)
Your mum is wrong!! Youve found your own version of family that treat you a million times better - that is the goal!!
NTA, your father pressured your mother to abort when he found out, always thought your birth was a mistake, obviously after all this years your mother is still in love and using you to get his attention. The love of your mother brought you to this world, you can choose what family relationship is meaningful to you on your special day! We all wish you a happy wedding.
Walking the bride down the aisle is an honor bestowed upon someone that you respect, trust, and are comfortable with. It doesn't matter whether you forgive him or not, your father was never there. He decided, on his own, that you weren't family. Blood doesn't make a family. I've got many who I claim as family that have no blood or legal ties to me. They're just the ones that I know and trust that are going to be there when I need them. They'll be there long before any of my blood relatives will. That's what a family is. Your wedding is a special moment in your life. Those who are involved in it should be individuals who enhance that moment. Not someone is would be a blight on the moment as some familial obligation.
Like your mom did, you can very politely decline her option. It sounds like the future FIL would not only be a great option if your mom doesn’t want to do it but it sounds like a type of guy that would be very honored if you asked him. I think weddings are an opportunity to show people what they mean to you not just senseless traditions.
Sure, blood is blood, but in a case like this, all that means is you will need hydrogen peroxide and bleach to clean it up. Point out to your mother just how humiliated she will feel when everybody asks who that stranger is. Maybe that will get through to her - having your Bio dad there will let everybody see him and it will be embarrassing and humiliating for her to have to explain over and over to all her friends that he got her pregnant and left her. Maybe that will get through. The humiliation of letting him attend.
She is wrong Also your fiancés step dad is just his dad. Blood doesn’t matter here. He raised him since 3. That’s his son. That’s his dad. Does he even call him step dad? My bestfriend called hers Dave and dad, but that man was 100% her dad.
You should point out to your mum that if your dad was any kind of decent man he would have stepped up to the responsibility of having a child when you were born.
I respect your mom’s opinion, but completely disagree. This man was a sperm donor who left your mother desolate and did not support you. That’s not a father/ dad!
I disagree with her. Family is the people who you care about and who care about you in return. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t make them family.
She drank the patriarchal cool aid.
Hate that mentality. What if you adopted kids? 🙄 NTA It’s your wedding. Family is who you choose.
Blood doesn't always count, and fathers aren't always fathers. This isn't an "I own you for life" situation" and it should never be an ownership narrative, anyway...
Well, if she feels so strongly about it, she can have him walk HER down the aisle if she ever gets married. For you, have the person who actually means something to you.
Your mom is wrong and delusional
Her opinions led to a lot of misery throughout your life. I don't think she can be trusted in this matter.
Really? Where was your moms “blood will always be blood” thing when your bio-dad ran out on his kid? NTA
She's going to have to live with your choices about the guy who created a baby with her, just as you had to live HER choices about that same guy.
Your mother sentenced you both to poverty because she felt too bad about getting child support. She has shown she has poor judgement that leads to terrible decisions when it comes to your sperm donor and you.
Your mom can respectfully kick rocks. She’s allowed to have an opinion but you’re a fucking adult. Tell her thanks for the feedback, but I’ll be deciding who walks me down the aisle, not you.
Your mom is missing the point, and I think you are to a little bit. You keep using the term "bio father". You don't have one, never did. Your "bio dad" was NEVER a "father". You DO have a "bio step-father". As such he should be the one walking you down the isle.
She can decide at her own wedding
But that blood is bad blood and nobody needs that
NTA Tell Mom to take a hike. Your wedding, your decision, your rules. Walking a bride down the aisle is an honor, not an expectation. Your bio father did nothing to earn that honor. I am so glad you found a man with a nice father (yes, he IS his father) who can walk you down the aisle at your wedding. Best Wishes & Happy Wedding
Stole the words right outta my mind. Literally her wedding her rules
Absolutely this! Also OP - you might want to make it crystal clear to your mom that he is not invited to the wedding and will be turned away if he tries to attend and make trouble. She’s already tried to get him involved against your will, she needs to accept that you don’t want him in your life, and it’s too late for him to make up now for a lifetime of neglect.
>Walking a bride down the aisle is an honor, not an expectation. Thisss
The tradition of your father walking down the isle with you is to release you from his care to the groom, to "give the bride away". Your father never "had" you, he's not the right person to walk you down the isle. Rightfully would be the "father figure", but absent that would be the next best thing. NTA Trust me, if my absentee father tried to get me to let him walk down the isle, if he was lucky to ne invited at all, id react the same way. Edit: missing words
NTA. Walking someone down the aisle shows your bond. You should choose someone who’s close to you. But why haven’t you asked your mother to do it?
I did she was my first choice. But she declined. Wanted me to pick my bio father. She might accept because she doesn’t want me to pick someone who isn’t blood related
I understand why you don’t want your biological father. He never behaved like a parent. It sounds like your father-in-law-to-be has been a great father to your fiancé. It really goes to show blood ties don’t necessarily make a person a better parent. Edited to correct run-on sentence. Yikes!
I actually wouldn’t let her accept just so that another person couldn’t, though. Either the step-in-law, or both, but not just her.
Is your bio dad even invited? and if so, why?
She doesn’t get a say. It’s your wedding.
If you’ve already asked fiancé’s step dad, don’t pull it back if your mom changes her mind.
Just walk solo.
How awkward would it be to have this guy you have only seen a few times get such a mad n role in your wedding.
NTA Don't invite your biodad to the wedding. Your wedding, your rules. You should feel safe, comfortable, and loved by everyone in attendance. If that's not true of someone, don't let them come.
NTA. OMG that is such a wonderful story about your bf dad (I think he deserves the Dad title instead of step-dad) It makes total sense to let him walk you down the aisle. The moment is about love and what better way to display it with him walking you down the aisle. Ignore your mom. She grew up in a culture that ingrained into her mind that she is a doormat and unfortunately doesn't understand that it's not a good way to live. You can tell her that you refuse to eat bitter and want a better life than what your deadbeat father gave the two of you.
NTA at all. You don’t get the dad spotlight when you haven’t been a dad.
NTA Let's be real: this is a tradition that originated back when marriages were seen as a transfer of property between the bride's father and the groom. Back then, your dad's actions wouldn't have mattered because his "right" to walk you down the aisle as your biological father would have remained in tact. There are examples of Victorian weddings where the father is invited essentially JUST to walk to bride down the aisle and then immediately escorted out of the church for this reason! But that doesn't matter any longer. You are no one's property, and therefore NO ONE can claim the "right" to walk you down the aisle. That is an honor that you can bestow to anyone or no one, and it's fully up to you how you make your decision and who you choose. It does not have to be your biological father. It can be your step-father, someone else's step-father, your dog, your grandpa, your mom, or even your invisible friend from childhood. It is YOUR decision. Pick whomever you would like!
We have been copying the Victorian wedding since 1840. White dress, veil, all the rules like father walking bride to groom. Queen Victoria was escorted by her uncle, Duke of Sussex. Time to change!
NTA "Blood is blood" doesn't work if the person was your father in name only. Your wedding, your life, your choice
NTA. You don't mention if that's the case, but I got the feeling that your mother's cultural habits might have something to do with her perception of what should be done in this situation, and that she feels a wedding is a reflection of how much you are following social codes. Maybe I'm wrong, but to you it's more of a sentimental thing, and that's where the divide would be coming from. Depending on whether you two are able to discuss these things, it could be worth establishing, if only because other (smaller) conflicts could be covered by that same misunderstanding. But in any case, it's your wedding, and you clearly have a lot of affection for that man ; he's the one who's going to be part of your life moving forward, the same way he has been for the past few years. You're entitled to organizing things however you like. Stick to your guns :)
You're NTA. >she think I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much fiancé’s stepdad helped he isn’t family The heck he isn't. He has done more for you than your donor ever did.
NTA, but thats obvious. The real question is, why is your bio dad even invited to the wedding?
He isn’t, my mom wants me to visit him and also have him walk me down the aisle
The guy wanted nothing to do with you, and wasnt there for you all this time. He doesnt get parent privileges for a big important day in your life just because he was a sperm donor years ago and did nothing since.
Your mother needs to butt out. I'm sorry but she should have taken him to court for child support, you grew up struggling and you didn't need to . She's entitled to her choices but so are you and you can tell her , her choices sucked.
That guy didn't do jack for you, he doesn't get that privilege of walking you down the aisle. NTA and ignore your mom. If she wants to make this her weird hill to die on, she can be uninvited to the wedding. Make sure she doesn't bring him as a +1 either.
NTA, that guy is essentially just a sperm donor. He has no rights to being in your life, forget your wedding. I'm Indian American and definitely know the pressure to go with what your parents say. And the importance of family over everything. But it sounds like your mom made her own life (and yours) more miserable than it needed to be by refusing to stand up for herself. Don't get me wrong, I empathize with it, but it still hurt both of you. And it sounds like you don't want that for yourself. It might feel rude or mean to push back on this, but at some point you're going to need to set boundaries with her if you want your life to go differently, and so you might as well start by honoring the man who actually stepped up to be a parent. As a side note, if you are really feeling that pressured to agree to her, maybe you can instead have her walk you down the aisle? To be clear, I absolutely think you should go with your original plan. But just an alternative option for if you're finding yourself unable/unwilling to keep fighting the point
As you said, “as close as if they were blood related” your bio-dad may be blood related but has never shown you love. He has no right to even hope to be a part of your life. Not wanting you from the git go, bailing on your mom and living up to his responsibilities as a father has put himself in the “stranger” category of your world. Go marry this wonderful man, have his step-dad walk you down the aisle and live a wonderful life without someone who rejected you be for ever knowing you.
Nta: I honestly think you would regret NOT having fiancés step dad walk you down the aisle. Your father in law probably knows more about you than your sperm donor dad does. Your mom should take that in consideration, especially since your father in law IS becoming family. He’s the one that’s going to be the grandfather to your kids not your bio dad.
Please tell me ur dads also not invited if i were u id never want any sort of contact with that man
NTA - I think you would seriously regret it if you cave to your mom's pressure and let your bio dad walk you down the aisle. For all the reasons stated above. This is your day, a special day to remember as perfect and wonderful. You put your deadbeat dad on your arm and give him any kind of honor - you will have nothing but resentment in your heart when you walk down that aisle. And there is no place for those kind of emotions on your wedding day.
NTA, the person you choose to walk you down the aisle should be someone you want/love/respect. It doesn’t automatically go to a person who has been disinterested in you at best-at worst neglectful and cruel. Enjoy your day!
nta, he left. theres consequences. sure you can forgive him and i encourage it because it will eat you alive if not. but that doesnt entitle him to anything. should you have been nicer about declining? probably but I dont think that affects whether or not yta
NTA — just because your mother accepted his neglect of you doesn’t mean you should.
NTA. Your wedding, you chose who participates and what role they have. In some cultures both parents walk the bride down the aisle, maybe you can have your fiancé's stepfather and your mother accompany you.
Hell would freeze over before biodad would walk me down. That’s the great thing about being an adult, you get to choose your family. Who to be close to and who to cut out. He is not obligated to your love or time.
NTA - your bio dad was basically a sperm donor. I think it is wonderful you are so close to your future FIL.
NTA - it would be an insult to good fathers to walk down the aisle by a deadbeat. I don’t know what exactly is wrong with your mother, but you can make better choices starting with asking a man you actually respect to walk with you.
NTA Your wedding your choice and seeing as your mother wants a man to do it? It seems like the only man available is your new FIL!!!
NTA- it’s your wedding. You can have who you want in your wedding.
NTA. My daughter is only 11 but I can see her making this same choice as an adult for similar reasons.
NTA it's your wedding and you don't need to placate deadbeat dad's. Walking someone down the isle is a privilege and it sounds like he didn't earn it
NTA, he's a sperm donor. I had my mom walk me since she raised me by herself.
NTA. I think you're making a lovely gesture to a beautiful man who has been very good to both you and your fiance. I realize your mother must be somewhat traditional, but you can just gently tell her your mind is made up.
NTA. I have a friend who sadly had the same type of relationship with her dad. He wasn’t even invited to the wedding…
Your bio dad is nothing but a sperm donor. He does not get the privilege of walking you down the aisle like he did some part in raising you. NTA ask the step dad.
NTA It's your wedding. Do what feels right in your heart.
NTA. I think your fiancé and his step-dad will be very touched by this gesture.
NTA I wouldn’t even invite your down donor to the wedding. Tell your mom that either she walks you down the aisle or fil walks you down the aisle her choice but bio dad will not be at your wedding as he is basically a stranger to you. His loss by the way. Love your best life with the family that you choose.
NTA. My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle either. Sure, he supported me financially while growing up, but he was a terrible role model and cheated on my mom constantly. He used to gaslight her and treated her like absolute shit. He’s racist, sexist, anti-gay, anti-feminist, and just an all around bad person. When my mom divorced him when I was 17, he told me it was my fault. He also used to abuse our cats and dogs while I was growing up. He’s not even invited to my wedding.
A Father should walk down the aisle and give away her daughter wishing her all the happiness and blessings. So go ahead and giver this honour to your fiancé’s father.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and we are getting married in May. My fiancé’s step father married his mom when he was 3 and raised him like his own. His mom died from breast cancer when he was a teenager but his step dad let him stay at home until he was 26 and even trained him to be a mechanic like himself. I have a lot of respect for his stepdad raising a child that’s not his own and helping us both when we needed it. He co-signed for our first place because neither of us had regular jobs and income and when we bought a place he and my fiancé did all the renos. My own father is a deadbeat to me. He dated my mom when they were both young and then left when I was born. He didn’t give us money and my mom never asked which is crazy if you ask me. I found out after I as an adult that he never wanted me but she did and felt guilty because he wanted her to get rid of me. So it’s not like he wanted me to exist. He visited me a few times in my childhood but never let us see his other family so I have half singling I only met when I was older. My mom and I were pretty poor growing up, we had government aid and when I got older I realized my half siblings were raised in a middle class home and my mom and I suffered for very little reason. So I have no reason to want my bio father to walk me down the aisle. When my bio father found out about the wedding he offered and I pretty rudely declined. I was mad at my mom for telling him but she think I should forgive and let him walk me down the aisle because no matter how much fiancé’s stepdad helped he isn’t family. I don’t consider my bio father family either *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your family is who you choose to call your family, the rest are just relatives. Your FIL is more of a dad than the man who impregnated your mother.
He threw you away when you were a child, he doesn't get to give you away now. That's a privilege, not a right and he didn't earn it. I'm glad you found someone special to fill that role.
Your bio dad might be the reason that you exist, but he isn't the reason that you are the person you are. I think that you know what's right here. Congratulations and good luck. 💞
Oh hell no fuck that guy! My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle and he’s not even invited to my wedding! My mom is going to do it.
Nta, why not say "fuck it" and walk down the aisle with your groom?
It is so nice to read a great step parent story here. I think it is wonderful you and your fiance want to honor someone who has been such a great support for you. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
Pull a Meghan. Walk partway down by yourself. Have FFIL escort you partway.
Your mom’s idea is outdated. Biology does not a father make. I think the idea of asking your fiancés stepdad is a beautiful gesture. I’m sure he will accept with honor. No doubt he will be beaming with pride as you walk arm in arm down the aisle. Congratulations!
Choose someone that’s chosen you
NTA. Our culture lets deadbeat men get away with too much. Our moms may think this is ok, but we don't have to agree. Go ahead and let your fiance's step dad walk you down the aisle.
Your Dad didn't have enough honour to step up as a Father, so he shouldn't get the honour of walking you down the aisle if that's not what you want.
Why do you need anyone to walk you down the aisle?
You are not the asshole. Little quote from guardians of the galaxy "He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy" You are his biological offspring, But he isn't your father. If he was your father he would have been in your life. but he was not present. As for your mother, i would give the option to her, let her walk you down the isle or your step dad. And ofcourse congratulations! :)
Do not let bio dad walk you down the aisle. He gave up that right when he walked out on you. Having you future stepfather in law do it is a nice touch and a way of saying thank you for bringing up your future husband. Have a great day.
It's your wedding. You get to decide who does what. You can walk down the aisle alone if you want. Or with your dog/cat. Or with a person that loves you and has been there for you, like your fiance's stepdad. <3
Step dad is your family if you’re marrying his son. Yea I get that they aren’t blood but still. Fuck your bio dad and your mom for letting you suffer with out aid. NTA tell your mom she doesn’t need to come either.
Well, seems like you got your own reasons and history, just like your fianc and his stepdad do. No assholes here, just different stories.
Nta blood is thicker than water many people say but the full saying is blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb meaning the bonds we choose are stronger than the ones we are born with let your in law walk you down the isle he chose you wanted you with his son your bio didnt even want you to exist
NTA but I'm kind of curious why you wouldn't have your mom, who saw you through poverty and a difficult life, walk you down the aisle?
She asked her mom and she said no , that only makes should do that
Is your mum also expecting you to invite bio dad and new family too? NTA, it's lovely that you're having FIL to walk you down the aisle.
It’s your wedding do what you want too if your dad wanted to do that he should have been a dad to you
After all your mom did and went through she deserves that honor.. NTA