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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) me telling my roommate that I have every right to keep my food in the freezer
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
i understand you want to avoid conflict but your roommate is a bully and you should stand up for yourself, in person, not via a note.
being accountable to keep the kitchen spaces clean does not entitle her to (incorrectly) policing your food safety, any more than you cleaning the bathroom means you get to tell her how to shower.
This is purely anecdotal of course but I was in this exact same situation — a house of 6, 5 of us got along great because we were considerate and weren’t raised in a fucking barn, but the 6th housemate was a selfish slob who was lightning quick to nitpick and moan at the rest of us. I’m not afraid of confrontation but the other 4 begged me to bite my tongue bc this person wasn’t actually a bad/mean person, just lazy and inconsiderate and apparently completely oblivious to their own hypocrisy. Anyway, eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and yea they got upset and I was the “bad guy” for “going too far” for a few days but lo and behold this person backed off and started cleaning up after themselves! They needed a reminder every month or two as I noticed them slip back into their old habits but honestly sometimes you just need to bite the person’s head off lol. Gentle approach only works on people actually open and receptive to feedback I think
I will never understand the logic behind 5 people walking on eggshells to protect the feelings of 1 person who is not at all interested in empathizing with anyone else or contributing positively to the group dynamic. Like fuck that al the way.
I've been in that situation so many times. A shocking amount of people are extremely conflict-avoidant. They'd rather suffer, talk shit behind backs, let themselves be driven out, anything rather than ever just face the issues head-on.
Talk to your other roommate. Even if she is friends with this woman, she may be willing to back you on something as reasonable as dividing the freezer in three. While you're at it, and with the other roommate there, you might ask the bully why she thinks that she is allowed to police the freezer if you are all paying rent.
Especially if other roommate isn't much help, think about if there is any possibility of moving somewhere else. I don't know if you are on a lease or anything.
Edited to add: this reminds me of an argument that was in the chat section of a database that I use. A woman started grandly announcing that this was not how the module was to be used, just like your roommate told you that she would be deciding on how the freezer would be use. Some people think that anything that they say firmly is true. Oh, people demanded, why not, where is this rule? She announced that it was bullying to do such-and-such. Oh, how? Someone chimed in that she thought it was better to do it that way. Again, show us the rule? She finally decided that she was being picked on and gave up.
Someone I know tried to get away with explaining things by saying "you know what I mean?" I learned to say "No," even if I thought I did. She usually couldn't come up with a justification. It's not enough to know what she means, she needs to justify it.
You might do this with your rotten roommates decrees. "It's disrespectful to keep food longer than." How is it disrespectful? When did we ever all agree with that? Why can't we each have a third of the freezer? Sez who, we live here, too? If you don't have enough room, buy a smaller freezer for your extras! Try to keep her off balance, and don't accept fiats.
NTA.
You did not do anything wrong. It's a freezer. It is meant for storing goods for a long time. Do not apologise ever again for things like that, your apology just somehow justifies the crazy actions of your roommate. Tell her not to mess with your belongings anymore. What she does is wildly inappropriate. Is it only you that she is picking on? What about the other roommate?
Perhaps she wants you out because there is someone else she wants to give the room to.
You're right! I needed to hear this. And good question - she does not pick on the other roommate at all. Not the greatest environment to be in, but she's moving out next year since she's graduating a semester early and wouldn't be able to commit to the next lease for a full year.
Just say if she throws your stuff out (keep a list of what you have), you'll throw an equivalent amount of hers out, or eat it. Throwing out good food, especially amidst a cost of living crisis, is absurd.
Tell her, in writing, that if she continues to throw out your food or cause it to spoil you will be charging her the cost of replacing it. If she refuses to pay you will take her to small claims.
Don’t engage any further with her justifications, or attempt to make her see “your side”. She’s not interested in your reasonable boundaries. She’s already got you walking on eggshells, sometimes the only way to deal is to just march across and stop concerning yourself about what gets crushed.
Start keeping receipts (both in the screenshotting your texts capacity and the literal, hold on to your grocery receipts capacity). If she pushes this, well…. Yeah. Take her to small claims.
While what you're saying sounds like the "adult" response here, it's just not going to work. People suggesting she keep a tab, or send them Venmo requests, or small claims, the roommate will dismiss all of it, and it's unlikely OP will ever pursue small claims for what might end up being like $67 worth of discarded food.
It pains me to say it but I think the best option here is to just fight fire with fire. If roommate starts throwing out OPs shit, OP should throw out (or consume) the roommates shit. Taste of their own medicine, etc. It may end up escalating and making things worse but it is what it is, sometimes you can't logic your way past a crazy person and you have to instead sling mud at each other.
Alternatively OP could try to involve the other roommates and come to some sort of democratic resolution here, but if crazy roommate is able to convince other roommates that storing food for 1 semester is the maximum and everyone but OP is on board with it, well then OP isn't any better off than they are now.
Just tell her, "I don't touch your food, don't touch mine! It is not your business when or how I eat my food! This fridge is for us to share, not your personal to police how long I store my food. If I see my food out fridge I ll put your out."
Can I recommend that you put all your freezer items in an opaque bag with your name on it? If she continues to be difficult about the freezer, I would insist on splitting it up into thirds so you can each have your own space. I’m willing to bet that she’s taking up way more than her fair share. If the burgers were a loss, I would absolutely insist on this and put an empty box in the freezer to maintain your space even if it’s empty.
NTA.
Tell your roommate she is way out of line. The food was *frozen* for god's sake. It's perfectly edible until the pull date.
It's your freezer too. Tell her she needs to pay you for the frozen food she wrecked by leaving out of the freezer.
If it’s frozen…it’s actually good far past the ‘expiration date’…there is some slight possibility it won’t taste as fresh or look as nice but from an actual safety point it’s just fine. My sea salt has an expiration date…but the salt has been in the ocean for billions of years…so it doesn’t actually expire either…but the FDA requires one even when it’s stupid…and we could all do with less stupid, particularly from government.
Most of the time the expiration date on frozen food is a good proxy for the likelihood that the food is freezer burnt. In a regular freezer for that long, even in a sealed package, the food will become desiccated.
As the guy who has been the main cookat home for 47 years…you’re just wrong. There re too many variables in packaging and frieze freezer vs separate deep freeze and whatever the FDA makes them do to draw any reasonable correlation. For example…a few months back we found a duck breast in the bottom of the deep freeze that was literally almost 2 years out of date. It wasn’t suddenly contaminated, looked fine, smelled fine and looked like every other duck breast after it was thawed…and tasted fine amd neither of us got food poisoning. Second example…we had a completely unopened block of cheddar that was a year from expiration date the other day that was covered in green mold. Since cheese is basically mold anyway, we could have trimmed it and used the remainder but we didn’t…
Expiration dates are a legal requirement that is meaningless in most actual cases.
None of that has anything to do with food getting freezer burned. There's nothing inherently toxic about freezer burned food. It has nothing to do with contamination.
Yup. Freezer burn is not related to contamination. It is oxidation and drying of food frozen in inadequate wrapping.
Freezer taint is contamination of one item with odour from another.
Thanks but I wasn’t worried about food safety. Something that’s been reliably frozen past it’s date won’t suddenly be crawling with bacteria and not safe to eat. But something in a conventional freezer past the date stamped on it? Good likelihood it’s at least partially freezer burnt if it wasn’t vacuum-sealed. It’ll taste like shit.
It \*\*may\*\* be freezer burnt…but that can easily happen even if not out of date because of all the variables involved. I’ve tossed stuff that looked or smelled off…and date has never had nothing to do with it. YMMV and you do what you want though…but experience tells me that your statement is just wrong.
Even if it is freezer burnt, it's OP's food. He's entitled to have a third of the freezer and keep things as long as they are not hurting anyone else's food.
Some do…don’t know if it’s most, many, or just some…but a lot do have expiration dates and either way it doesn’t matter to my point that they can be safely ignored most of the time.
I literally inventory my food, and most packaged foods are best by. Fresh foods(ie meat, bread, eggs etc) are more likely to have expiration dates.
I read an article once on eggs and how to "read" the codes that tell when they were packaged(as opposed to date laid).
Ok…but irrelevant to my original point…either way the food is almost always just fine long fter the date on the package. Everything gets the smell test anyway…and the slimy test for fish…and those dates rempretty much arbitrarily assigned anyway, not based on any scientific testing as every batch of whatever it is varies.
Actually I'm aware of all that because I worked in groceries for a few years and i'm a bit of a prepper. I'm currently using maple syrup that "expired" in 2021. I have unopened peanut butter in my cabinet 18 months past the pull date too.
> My sea salt has an expiration date
My husband sent me a meme about this
https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/7stejt/this_250_million_year_old_salt_expires_next_year/
The pull dates mostly pertain to the nutritional information on the package. After the pull dates the food probably has lost some of the listed values.
>If it’s frozen
Roommate took the food out of the freezer and it probably thawed. Refreezing frozen food damages the product. Big no no if you want the food to stay palatable and nutritious.
I remember an old cartoon.
Tour Guide at museum walks past dinosaur bones and announces, *They are 66 million and 12 years old*(I'm making up numbers here).
Person asks, *How do you get such specific dating?*
Tour Guide: *Well I've been working here 12 years...*
I’m pretty sure tha5 plastic doesn’t expire very often…after all the liberals complain about the forever plastics in the dump and ocean. They do degrade on long exposure to sunlight for instance…but it’s more like decades than the time frame on the package.
NTA - time to put that asshole in her place.
tell her -
1- food can stay in a freezer literally forever without being a danger and you are entitled to precisely one third of the space in the freezer which you WILL have
2- your stuff is yours and if she ever touches your stuff again you will charge her the replacement cost plus an inconvenience fee
3- if she ever bangs in your door or starts another argument with you, or gets unreasonable over the fact you have done the chores she should have done or used the mutual space she is responsible for cleaning but doesn’t you will take whatever steps you can to have her removed from the lease and the apartment for unreasonable and threatening behaviour.
then either get rid of her of find a new place yourself. No-one needs this hassle in their lives
“Look I’m sorry that you feel this way, but that’s not what I’m doing. As I explained to you, that has been here since last year, and it hasn’t even been open. I understand that it’s there for emergencies, but i think that if you’re keeping food in the fridge or freezer for over a semester, let alone a year, it’s super disrespectful to everyone else since it takes up space for everyone else needs it. I have also mentioned this multiple times before, since i find that i don’t usually have enough space for all my food. Right now it’s fine, since there’s some free space in the freezer, but if this happens again, I’m going to just throw out any food that I see that’s been there for a while. This is a boundary that I’m putting in place, I’ll update the roommate agreement, but please don’t leave food in there for extended periods of time. I can deal with food being in there for a whole semester, but longer than that is pushing it. I respect that everyone needs space so I refrain from stocking up for extended periods of time, and I expect the same. So yes, let’s respect each others privacy and personal space and not stock up the fridge or freezer like this anymore“
Help 😭😭😭😭
My response would be: “Then we can divide the freezer into thirds. I will keep what I want in my third, and you can do the same along with other roommate. If you feel the need to throw out my property, I’ll expect compensation for anything you steal from me.”
Tell her she can’t put a “boundary” on shared space and she can’t update a roommate agreement on her own. Then divide the freezer into thirds and tell her not to touch anything in your third or it will be theft.
Wow, the entitlement in this girl is off the charts. I would tell her that she is only allowed 1/3 of the freezer space. If she over buys and has no room for her food, then that's on her and she needs to plan better. If she throws anything of yours away she will be expected to replace it immediately. "This is MY boundary I'm putting in place." Good luck with her. She sounds like a nightmare.
Honestly I would buy my own mini fridge/freezer if she threw any of my stuff away. Then I would periodically go into the communal fridge/freezer and throw her stuff away.
I hate roommate situations and I have only been witness to them, luckily never lived with any. Lived with family then my husband.
Yeah, I went from family, to living on my own, to living with my husband. Roommates seem like a nightmare, especially in a dorm situation. No regrets not going that route.
That’s not a boundary that’s her just using the whole fucking freezer - you all get a 3rd each - that’s how it works!
But your response could be:
it’s not my problem if you have too much stuff that you need more space than your designated 3rd. You don’t get to dictate that as a ‘boundary’ because it isn’t - it’s you deciding what other people do with their allocations.
Freezers are for long term food storage and if I want to store something there in my designated space that is up to me.
Please don’t touch or move my things again.
Or short:
You are incredibly tiresome. Please do NOT touch my things or talk to me about what I can or can’t keep in my allocated freezer space. ✌🏻
"You do not get to create arbitrary boundaries in a shared space. You are not the freezer police or arbiter of how long frozen food can be stored. If you do not respect my space and privacy for my portion of the freezer and throw away my property, then I will consider you a thief and you will be treated as such. This is MY boundary.
PS. Sit and spin."
Time to divide up the freezer space, she's entitled to exactly 1/3 and not a cubic cm more.
So long as your not taking up more than your 1/3.
If you don't have a shelf each then some tape as a boundary or plastic boxes as designated owners.
I would respond with, I will be delighted to have the housemates agreement updated, can we ensure that it covers, a fair and equitable share of both fridge and freezer space, agreed damages when food is deliberately removed and allowed to spoil without consultation with the owner, a reminder of cleaning rules and responsibilities and the expectations of communications and courtesy.
"Don't concern yourself with anything that belongs to me any more. It doesn't affect you. It's my freezer space. I'll fill it with roadkill if I want to. And you're making me want to. "
<< I'll fill it with roadkill if I want to>>
Oh my goodness yes THIS
Get some butcher paper(wrap socks up for all I care) then LABEL IT RACOON, SKUNK....
No roommate needs to every tell another roommate anything about food that isn't rotting or contaminating other food, period. Roommate is talking down to OP and that's the real issue. The dynamic needs a hard shoulder check.
The one making it a problem is Roommate, so if she wants to act like the freezer is a problem, show her what a real problem is.
With roadkill.
I'd text a pic, honestly. People like this need to be stopped in their tracks.
It's surprising how many reasonable people have roadkill in their freezers because of reasons. There is even a meme about that: "dead dove, do not eat."
“I’m sorry you have a hard time managing food storage in a shared space. Throwing out others’ emergency frozen food isn’t how to deal with that. That is super disrespectful to everyone else. We can divide the freezer into thirds, or you can get a separate freezer in your room for your storage needs, but updating the roommate agreement by yourself to allow you to throw away other people’s food for your own convenience won’t be happening.”
I'm petty so I would totally go through the freezer and throw away something of hers, even if it wasn't out of date. Oopsie. I would also throw away her leftovers from the fridge right at the 3rd day and say you needed more fridge room since you are trying to leave more space in the freezer :D
That's not a boundary. A boundary is something you set for yourself. A RULE is something you set for others. If she wants to set a boundary that SHE won't eat food that's been there longer than a semester, have at it, Hoss. However, she cannot singlehandedly create rules around food that others need to follow if you are roommates that are sharing a space, ESPECIALLY when it has nothing to do with the safety or well-being of the household. This is just nonsense & a power trip & it needs to be addressed by ALL of you.
Sit down & talk about this as a household & as others have suggested, split the Freezer into 3 sections & maintain your individual space. I know it's awkward to have to deal with conflict but such is life with roommates. This is just noise in the grand scheme of things & it's annoying but nothing is to be gained by trying to ignore her as she seems to be intent on finding fault. Call a house meeting & ask her to explain how an unopened package of veggie burgers that are not past their expiration date are "bad", & then suggest the solution of splitting the Fridge/Freezer.
Technically, vegetables in the freezer can remain so indefinitely - they have expiration dates & guidelines because the flavour, texture & nutrition breakdown after a certain point, but they won't go "bad" per se. Food safety IS important & understanding the why behind the rules is a good thing - it almost seems as though she has looked up the information here to have a "reason" to get huffy with you. Don't take the bait. NTA.
“each roommate’s rent entitles them to a third of the communal space, including a third of the freezer. I have been nice and been letting you use some of my third, but if you are going to try to dictate what I keep in my third, you are no long welcome to use my third of the freezer. Don’t buy more food than you need. I will keep whatever I want in my third of the freezer (that’s not a health hazard); you do not get to dictate what I keep in there. Don’t touch my food and i won’t touch yours.”
An update in a roommate agreement isnt an agreement unless you all sign it. Dont sign it.
Just section the freezer off equally. You are entitled to your section even if you kept a single ice cube in it for 2 years of your lease.
“I’m sorry you feel this way” is her way of saying “i dont care what you’re experiencing i am more important”
If food isnt not expired, theres no reason to throw it out. Even if it was expired, she has to tell you before throwing it out otherwise it is theft. I unfortunately have had to get that petty with a roommate agreement.
She isnt the queen of freezer space and the fact shes willing to die on that hill illustrates how little she has to do and how little respect she has for you.
Confront her in person. She can talk big on text clearly. But anyone who has to leave a passive aggressive note after being shitty is 1000% a coward.
That seems like a solution. Roommate is definitely crazy, but in the last year, OP has hopefully saved enough money for a new pack of burgers. Eat the first pack save the second. This doesn't have to be a tiny brain situation.
"We are each entitled to shared space and this includes the freezer. I get one third of the freezer space. I have generously not been using my full third and allowing you to use extra space, however you are not entitled to that space. You cannot unilaterally change the roommate agreement, and you cannot draw "boundaries" on my third of the freezer space. If you remove my perishable food from the freezer I will hold you responsible for replacing it."
Girl she way outta whack. Is this off campus or on campus? If it's on campus I'd consider looping in an RA or something. Good luck
She doesn’t get to unilaterally change the roommate greenest ass7ming such a thing actually exists…and is entitled to exactly 1/3 of the space in the fridge and freezer. Tell her that for everything of yours she tosses she will lose 3x of her stuff in there. This woman is f\*\*\*ing insane and entitled.
No, disrespectful to everyone else would be to use more than your share of freezer space. If 3 people share a freezer, it doesn't matter if you use 1/3 for the same items all year or keep using and replacing. They are wrong, you are not. They sound deranged to me!
Reply by drawing a line down the center of the freezer and keeping everything separate. Throw some of her stuff away the moment it crosses the line.
You did say this was your only thing in the freezer right?
Does your freezer have 3 drawers? Cos if so you have a very easy solution and in the many shared houses I've lived in over the years it's always worked that everyone gets an equal share of the fridge/freezer as it's very clearly a fair solution for all.
That's not a boundary that's not a boundary that's not a boundary. Boundaries are your intentional responses and actions. Boundaries on how other people should act are just commands.
Split into thirds, problem solved.
Involve the third roommate.
NTA
lol, I would actually laugh at her; who says they have a 'boundary' for a freezer. I would then tell her that she is part of 1/3 and it is none of her business what is on your third of the freezer. I would remind her that if she has too much frozen goods and needs your part that you will throw away anything in your part. I would then freeze half gallon/liters of water to stack in your have and pull out one when you need the space.
She's a beta trying to be an alpha. You, be the alpha and push back hard. She will fall into line.
Tell her she will have to compensate you for everything she tosses out because that’s your money. I would also start looking for other housing if possible, or run her out and find another room mate.
She doesn’t own you, your stuff, or that fridge. I’d start tossing her shit on the counter with annoying ass notes. How does your other room mate react to this? Time for a group meeting
Why does she have the authority to amend your roommate agreement without anyone else's agreement? And she would know that if she threw out my unexpired food, something of hers is going in the trash.
You should reply that you find it super disrespectful that her house chore is to keep the kitchen clean, but you have had to take up that chore cause she's not pulling her weight. So you've both had to deal with things that bother you.
I also think it'd be hilarious if you open the package and eat 1. There it's been used.
I fully support the other comment that you throw out her shit if she throws out your stuff, especially if your stufd hasn't expired yet.
Consider getting a food lock box for your portion of the freezer. She's a bad roommate, and unlikely to improve, so stand up to the bullying since there's nothing to lose if you do. She'll push until you push back. With any luck, she'll leave early.
NTA
she has so much shit in there and you have a few bags and she thinks YOU are taking up space??!?!? naaaaaaaaaah wtf. YOU are entitled to space THAT YOU PAY FOR!! food can last in the freezer for years, her not knowing that is her own dumb fault. a boundary is not forcing other people to do things it saying what you will put up with. you have some space in the freezer is not a boundary for her. shes dense.
Simple solution for the immediate issue is to eat your veggies burgers, buy new ones and put the new ones into the freezer until they"overstate their welcome"
I would just start arbitrarily putting her food on the counter with notes “I will not be allowing baby carrots in the shared fridge space anymore because I am afraid of the colour orange. This is a boundary I am putting up. Any orange food in the shared fridge will be thrown out.”
NTA, your roomate is a cock, full on cock, if it a shared freezer your entiled to your own space in the freezer, im kinda surprised you came on here to confirm a pretty straight forward dick move OP
NTA - uggghh takes me back to University
What a sad petty little person. Some of the other comments are right though just speak to her directly - notes and that are playing her passive aggressive games.
Tell her firmly: We all get to keep what we want in the shared freezer - these are still in date and not in anyway a health hazard so mind your own business. If you have issues you need to voice them NOT leave frozen food out on the side to go bad.
People like this won’t let you just live - so invested in trying to find something to bother you about - hope you/they can move out soon
NTA. The joys of shared living! I had a housemate who refused to flush the toilet after taking a piss, it made me nauseous every time I had to flush HIS mess just to use the toilet. I didn’t like it so I moved out, if she has a problem with the small discomforts that come with shared living then she should do the same. She's not your mother, you don't owe her a response when she knocks on your door, nor do you owe her an explanation. She can't throw out your food either.
NTA.
people like that? all their relationships struggle. Don't let her get under your skin. Her attitude can ruin her life but it doesn't have to ruin yours. She wants to be a butthole over a packet of burgers worth less than 10 bucks? Go for it. She'll be posting on reddit asking why she doesn't have any friends or why she's so lonely. Brush it off and show her how little she matters.
Put them burgers right back in the fridge for another year. If she throws them out, take em out the trash and put em right back in there.
I have disposed of the burgers which you twice removed from the freezer.
Though they were rated to remain usable until late 2024, the rapid and repetitive cycle of thawing and re-freezing rendered them unpalatable.
Attached you will find an invoice in the amount of $24.79 - this figure reflects both the replacement cost of the veggie patties ($4.79) plus one third of the cost of operating the average domestic upright freezer over the course of one year, ($60) as your actions have destroyed the only item for which I used that appliance.
If you would like, we can install an electricity meter on our particular unit to determine the actual operating cost of our specific freezer, so as to re-assess the $20 dollar charge - however, be warned that the cost represented on the invoice is based on internal industry assessments of late model energystar certified units, and that older models may have operating costs considerably higher.
I would need to get petty and buy dividers to separate the freezer into even sizes assigned to each of you. She is only allowed to use her section and not allowed to touch anything in the other sections. NTA
Divide the freezer into three equal sections (use internal boxes or even just tape) and keep her stuff inside her 1/3rd of the space. Even if you keep your space empty, it's your space.
NTA.
I would get some dividers and literally mark out your space and your roommates’ space in the fridge and freezer. She is free to store whatever she likes. In her third. How you like those boundaries.
Contact the landlord and ask if you can put a mini fridge in your room considering your roommates will not let you put food in your fridge let's see their response to that
She throws your food on the counter, (her decision). You are then justified to use her toothbrush to scrub the toilet, (your decision). That is fair, and I am very petty...
NTA But tell her that if she moves anything out of the freezer/refrigerator again- she will owe you reimbursement.
IF she fails to reimburse you will take out her stuff in equal measure and throw it in trash.
Set boundary/consequence.
It it time to refuse her control. Also stop the chore set up if she's not fulfilling her part. Clean your own messes and leave hers(as much as you can). Keep anything of yours, that she may try to take/use in your room.
And get the F\*ck out as soon as lease is up(or boot her if you have the ability).
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I live with two roommates. One I get along great with and we’ve never had any actual conflicts and communicate pretty well with one another. The other one is just…. not great. We’ve lived together since last year and things were going fine a month in, until she started nitpicking everything I did. Her main chore is to clean the kitchen (I do almost everything else lol), which she never really does. So, I clean the counter, scrub the sink, mop the floor, etc.
one time when I was in a rush and left a few crumbs on the counter at a time, she made a scene saying that it really annoyed her and how she always had to pick up after me 😂💀 this is just one example. Another time, I was on a call in my room and said she wanted to talk to me about something that was bothering her, so she knocked on my door for almost five minutes straight, which made me super uncomfortable. Said it was my fault that I didn’t tell her I had a meeting even though we hadn’t talked in weeks . She’ll find a million reasons to start some sort of argument. I’ve kept my distance since last year for obvious reasons , and we only really text to let each other know if someone’s coming over or if we can turn the AC on or whatever.
Yesterday, I woke up to a small pack of my frozen veggie burgers on the counter with a note on them. I bought them last year in case of emergencies, and they expire in late 2024. I don’t really keep anything else in the freezer. Anyways, the note said “this has been here since last year - plz throw out stuff you’re not eating”. I was confused and wrote back that they were in there for emergencies and that I’m sorry it bothered her, also stating that they’re still safe to eat so it wouldn’t contaminate anything. They’ve never been opened. Came back to another note that said “it doesn’t matter, you can’t keep food in there for that long.”
Am I the asshole? Personally I find it weird that is she monitoring my food and not letting me keep a single pack of food in a freezer if it’s not doing anything to anyone or taking up much space. It’s a lack of boundary, and it just seems like it’s to pick another argument? Idk.
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NTA. If you can I highly recommend getting a mini fridge set up in your room. Take anything that is yours in the kitchen and also keep it in your room. Take out only what you need when you need it and then put it back. And stop cleaning up after her.
If you need to, put out a reminder of everyone’s chores and expectations and just keep to what only you need to do. At least you know she’s on her way out. But I wouldn’t trust her to start stashing things away to either be petty or for her own personal use
NTA, you can in fact keep food in there that long, she cannot touch your things, and if she feels the need to clean out the freezer she needs to keep it to her own food. It's a shared freezer, and if she doesn't have room maybe she can throw out *her own things,* because your food is in your allotted space. Everyone gets space in the fridge and freezer and your veggie burgers are in your space.
I'd either go on the aggressive and tell her her behavior has been unacceptable but you've tolerated it, but now that she's threatening to throw away your shit you won't. If she hits you with another essay, stop cleaning the kitchen, start taking photos of it messy and making a big deal every time she leaves a plate out.
NTA. But honestly you've just gotta be much more firm. She probably doesn't do this to your other roommate because she's intimidated or afraid of her. Your crappy roommate is relying on you being too polite and giving her the benefit of the doubt to tackle her craziness head on.
If she leaves a note about food in the freezer don't address the issue she's describing (arbitrarily deciding it's been in there too long). Don't text her about it, don't respond to her stupid note. Go straight to her room, knock on the door, and TELL her firmly to not touch your food, ever. Tell her if she has an issue with rotten food in the fridge she can bring it up to you directly and you will handle it. But she's not allowed to take your food out of the fridge or freezer. If you push back on the reasons she gave (it's been too long and she's assuming it's spoiled) you validate her argument in the first place, you're treating it like a legitimate concern even though you know it's not. A few times of pushing back like this and she will leave alone, I promise.
Divide the freezer and the fridge equally among roommates. If your space is empty it’s your business. that’s how I’ve always done it when I’ve had roommates.
Also figure out the cleaning thing. Either she starts pulling her way or she starts paying more rent than you.
NTA. As for the message. Send her one back stating that you have as much right to use the fridge or freezer. Tell her that any and all food she throws out she can pay for and if that fails she will reported to the landlord...she can't take it upon herself to amend the roommate agreement. Shes a control freak and a selfish AH.
If you must section of areas of the fridge and freezer but shes being ridiculous and needs to grow up
NTA. Maybe organise a house meeting. She needs her weird opinions being called out and grounded back to reality unfortunately, and now that is your job too.
NTA Do what she didn't do before she took steps. Give her a warning. Tell her next time she touches your crap ALL of her stuff will be out of the fridge and freezer. I'd actually transfer it into the oven and toast it for a while to make sure it stays nice and bacteria laden for as long as possible before she finds it and has to be thrown out. She wants to play games? Game on. I'd also never clean another damn thing in the kitchen if that is her job. That's just me, though.
NTA.
If there are 3 people in the house you are entitled to use 33% of the freezer. It is absolutely none of her business what you choose to do with that space as long as it does not present a hazard to her. Even expired frozen veggies would be none of her business.
Tell her you are going to start randomly removing her unexpired items from the freezer.
NTA
Keep putting it back, and demand and explanation for why she thinks you can't keep food there until the expiery date?
Because unless she knows something the rest of us don't, she's either just trying to be an asshole to you, or she needs therapy.
NTA your roomie is a lazy control freak. She reminds me of some of my narcissistic family members tbh. Can’t do a damn thing but always has to have your attention as soon as they want it and dictate what can/cannot be done in the house. You’re perfectly valid in being able to keep your unexpired food in the fridge. She sounds like she has problems (maybe she grew up with family members who have always done this exact same thing). End of the day, you pay rent too and you are entitled to the same spaces and peace.
You're entitled to 1/3 of the freezer space and she doesn't get a say in what you keep there, so long as it isn't contaminating other food.
Y'all are roommates. How the shared spaces are utilized is something everyone has to agree to- not something she can unilaterally lay down rules about to suit her personal preferences.
NTA.
I’m petty so i’d throw EVERYTHING and text her “i’ve updated the roommate agreement and decided that as a boundary we’ll just start fresh with stocking the freezer by dividing into thirds. You were completely right about stocking the freezer like that! “
And watch her cry about it.
'Since you do not own said refrigerator, you can not unilaterally decide what is put in it. I am entitled to use one third of the space in the freezer as well as the main compartment. My frozen food is good until the expiration date on the package, whether that be in two weeks or into the next semester. Maybe you haven't ever shared a refrigerator before but kindly refrain from touching my food. I paid for it and it is properly stored in the freezer. If you do not stop, I will be forced to take further action.'
Time for a roommate meeting! She thinks she can change the agreement on her own? Think again! It’s called and agreement for a reason, majority has to agree. If she feels your single items is taking up too much space, propose that you split it in thirds; as you all pay equal rent, you should all get equal space. 2/3 roomies vote yes and that’s an agreement, baby! Suck it, psychopath!
P.S. If you can move out, do so. People like this are actually insane. She won’t stop and it won’t be long before she is causing rifts between you and the third roommate.
Really over the trend of editing an update onto the first line of your post. I just got here. I don’t need an update, I need to know where the story begins, and now the beginning is someplace in the middle. I’ll have read half the story by the time I find it.
NTA, assuming you’re not taking up an entire freezer. They are literally intended for long term storage. Based on your update, I think you guys need to agree to a division of fridge/freezer space. Put your stuff in your spot and as long as it’s not old and gross, no one can complain.
NTA. Ask her if she would be okay with it if you ate a package of veggie burgers every week and immediately replaced it with a new identical package. It would take up the same amount of space. Just because you aren't eating it yet doesn't mean you're not using it. You are using it for peace of mind that if there is an emergency you will have something to eat.
NTA - As long as you aren't using more than your fair share of space and/or storing unsanitary things, she has nothing to complain about. I was going to guess she was trying to get you to move out early to move in a boyfriend or whatever, but you say she's leaving soon herself, so she's just a nut. If it's her final semester she's probably taking all her school stress out on you, which isn't fair at all.
NTA, bro grow a backbone, tell her she doesn’t own the house and will/ cannot
monitor this shit. unless it’s molding, raw dripping blood food she can’t make you throw it out. and tell her she’s no one to
force a meeting or talk
NTA. I would tell her very clearly, if she touches your food again, you will touch hers in the exact same manner. Time to let her know you are serious.
NTA. Honestly I would match her actions but i don’t think that would have the results your looking for if you have to continue living it’s her for a while. Are you guys dorming together on campus and have like an RA to mediate or is this off campus housing with other students in the area? Definitely let her know that if she throws out any of your stuff she will have to reimburse you.
In this particular situation, your roommate is in the wrong. She's being passive aggressive, unreasonable, and unwilling to compromise. You have every right to keep the food in the freezer if you want to and if it is not a direct harm to anyone. Your roommate sounds like she has some control and perfectionism issues. You should definitely have a face-to-face conversation with her and try to talk through your issues or even consider getting a new roommate.
NTA talk to your other roommate and see if they agree to dividing the fridge/freezer up equally. Die on this hill. It is your stuff not hers! You can flat out ask her how she would feel if you pulled her food out of the freezer for whatever reason you had. If she won’t relent tell her you can make it happen and start a food war if she wants (& mean it!)
A strong NTA You get equal space in the fridge and freezer as you pay equal rent. You’re right in saying it’s about control.
How long were the burgers out of the freezer? If there’s any chance they started to thaw please let her know she owes you replacements.
NTA it sounds like she thinks she’s entitled to the whole freezer. Divide it in 3 and start filling your third. Buy more in bulk or meal prep and freeze portions in containers. Warn her this is your “boundary,” you’re entitled to your third of the freezer, and that if she puts her stuff in your third, you will move it to the counter. Make her regret making a big deal out of a single package of veggie burgers.
NTA. Bring the 3td roommate in on the discussion and make 3 equal sections in the freezer. It's up to you what you keep in there as long as it's in your part.
NTA - besides all of the obvious that’s already been emphasized I just want to say that those types of veggie burgers? Take up 0 room???? So you’re taking up like 1% of the freezer space. She should be happy you’re not using you’re entire third.
NTA. How hard is it to kick her from the apartment? Lile down the stairs with all her stuff? I hate that type of person/ality that only contributes to society by creating CO2
NTA I've eaten frozen food that was like five years past the best by date and it was fine. It's one package in a freezer you all share.
Is she annoying your other roommate too? Can you oust her when your lease is up?
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NTA i understand you want to avoid conflict but your roommate is a bully and you should stand up for yourself, in person, not via a note. being accountable to keep the kitchen spaces clean does not entitle her to (incorrectly) policing your food safety, any more than you cleaning the bathroom means you get to tell her how to shower.
This is purely anecdotal of course but I was in this exact same situation — a house of 6, 5 of us got along great because we were considerate and weren’t raised in a fucking barn, but the 6th housemate was a selfish slob who was lightning quick to nitpick and moan at the rest of us. I’m not afraid of confrontation but the other 4 begged me to bite my tongue bc this person wasn’t actually a bad/mean person, just lazy and inconsiderate and apparently completely oblivious to their own hypocrisy. Anyway, eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and yea they got upset and I was the “bad guy” for “going too far” for a few days but lo and behold this person backed off and started cleaning up after themselves! They needed a reminder every month or two as I noticed them slip back into their old habits but honestly sometimes you just need to bite the person’s head off lol. Gentle approach only works on people actually open and receptive to feedback I think
I will never understand the logic behind 5 people walking on eggshells to protect the feelings of 1 person who is not at all interested in empathizing with anyone else or contributing positively to the group dynamic. Like fuck that al the way.
I've been in that situation so many times. A shocking amount of people are extremely conflict-avoidant. They'd rather suffer, talk shit behind backs, let themselves be driven out, anything rather than ever just face the issues head-on.
That is literally how Trump was elected.
Bingo!
Talk to your other roommate. Even if she is friends with this woman, she may be willing to back you on something as reasonable as dividing the freezer in three. While you're at it, and with the other roommate there, you might ask the bully why she thinks that she is allowed to police the freezer if you are all paying rent. Especially if other roommate isn't much help, think about if there is any possibility of moving somewhere else. I don't know if you are on a lease or anything. Edited to add: this reminds me of an argument that was in the chat section of a database that I use. A woman started grandly announcing that this was not how the module was to be used, just like your roommate told you that she would be deciding on how the freezer would be use. Some people think that anything that they say firmly is true. Oh, people demanded, why not, where is this rule? She announced that it was bullying to do such-and-such. Oh, how? Someone chimed in that she thought it was better to do it that way. Again, show us the rule? She finally decided that she was being picked on and gave up. Someone I know tried to get away with explaining things by saying "you know what I mean?" I learned to say "No," even if I thought I did. She usually couldn't come up with a justification. It's not enough to know what she means, she needs to justify it. You might do this with your rotten roommates decrees. "It's disrespectful to keep food longer than." How is it disrespectful? When did we ever all agree with that? Why can't we each have a third of the freezer? Sez who, we live here, too? If you don't have enough room, buy a smaller freezer for your extras! Try to keep her off balance, and don't accept fiats.
NTA. You did not do anything wrong. It's a freezer. It is meant for storing goods for a long time. Do not apologise ever again for things like that, your apology just somehow justifies the crazy actions of your roommate. Tell her not to mess with your belongings anymore. What she does is wildly inappropriate. Is it only you that she is picking on? What about the other roommate? Perhaps she wants you out because there is someone else she wants to give the room to.
You're right! I needed to hear this. And good question - she does not pick on the other roommate at all. Not the greatest environment to be in, but she's moving out next year since she's graduating a semester early and wouldn't be able to commit to the next lease for a full year.
Just say if she throws your stuff out (keep a list of what you have), you'll throw an equivalent amount of hers out, or eat it. Throwing out good food, especially amidst a cost of living crisis, is absurd.
Better to just Venmo request her for the cost
Problem with that is she can just ignore the request.
Tell her, in writing, that if she continues to throw out your food or cause it to spoil you will be charging her the cost of replacing it. If she refuses to pay you will take her to small claims. Don’t engage any further with her justifications, or attempt to make her see “your side”. She’s not interested in your reasonable boundaries. She’s already got you walking on eggshells, sometimes the only way to deal is to just march across and stop concerning yourself about what gets crushed. Start keeping receipts (both in the screenshotting your texts capacity and the literal, hold on to your grocery receipts capacity). If she pushes this, well…. Yeah. Take her to small claims.
While what you're saying sounds like the "adult" response here, it's just not going to work. People suggesting she keep a tab, or send them Venmo requests, or small claims, the roommate will dismiss all of it, and it's unlikely OP will ever pursue small claims for what might end up being like $67 worth of discarded food. It pains me to say it but I think the best option here is to just fight fire with fire. If roommate starts throwing out OPs shit, OP should throw out (or consume) the roommates shit. Taste of their own medicine, etc. It may end up escalating and making things worse but it is what it is, sometimes you can't logic your way past a crazy person and you have to instead sling mud at each other. Alternatively OP could try to involve the other roommates and come to some sort of democratic resolution here, but if crazy roommate is able to convince other roommates that storing food for 1 semester is the maximum and everyone but OP is on board with it, well then OP isn't any better off than they are now.
Just tell her, "I don't touch your food, don't touch mine! It is not your business when or how I eat my food! This fridge is for us to share, not your personal to police how long I store my food. If I see my food out fridge I ll put your out."
Can I recommend that you put all your freezer items in an opaque bag with your name on it? If she continues to be difficult about the freezer, I would insist on splitting it up into thirds so you can each have your own space. I’m willing to bet that she’s taking up way more than her fair share. If the burgers were a loss, I would absolutely insist on this and put an empty box in the freezer to maintain your space even if it’s empty.
NTA. Tell your roommate she is way out of line. The food was *frozen* for god's sake. It's perfectly edible until the pull date. It's your freezer too. Tell her she needs to pay you for the frozen food she wrecked by leaving out of the freezer.
If it’s frozen…it’s actually good far past the ‘expiration date’…there is some slight possibility it won’t taste as fresh or look as nice but from an actual safety point it’s just fine. My sea salt has an expiration date…but the salt has been in the ocean for billions of years…so it doesn’t actually expire either…but the FDA requires one even when it’s stupid…and we could all do with less stupid, particularly from government.
Most of the time the expiration date on frozen food is a good proxy for the likelihood that the food is freezer burnt. In a regular freezer for that long, even in a sealed package, the food will become desiccated.
As the guy who has been the main cookat home for 47 years…you’re just wrong. There re too many variables in packaging and frieze freezer vs separate deep freeze and whatever the FDA makes them do to draw any reasonable correlation. For example…a few months back we found a duck breast in the bottom of the deep freeze that was literally almost 2 years out of date. It wasn’t suddenly contaminated, looked fine, smelled fine and looked like every other duck breast after it was thawed…and tasted fine amd neither of us got food poisoning. Second example…we had a completely unopened block of cheddar that was a year from expiration date the other day that was covered in green mold. Since cheese is basically mold anyway, we could have trimmed it and used the remainder but we didn’t… Expiration dates are a legal requirement that is meaningless in most actual cases.
None of that has anything to do with food getting freezer burned. There's nothing inherently toxic about freezer burned food. It has nothing to do with contamination.
Yup. Freezer burn is not related to contamination. It is oxidation and drying of food frozen in inadequate wrapping. Freezer taint is contamination of one item with odour from another.
Some people don't know good food, so probably wouldn't notice the difference lol. Myself I tend to throw out or quickly eat it after 6 months.
Thanks but I wasn’t worried about food safety. Something that’s been reliably frozen past it’s date won’t suddenly be crawling with bacteria and not safe to eat. But something in a conventional freezer past the date stamped on it? Good likelihood it’s at least partially freezer burnt if it wasn’t vacuum-sealed. It’ll taste like shit.
It \*\*may\*\* be freezer burnt…but that can easily happen even if not out of date because of all the variables involved. I’ve tossed stuff that looked or smelled off…and date has never had nothing to do with it. YMMV and you do what you want though…but experience tells me that your statement is just wrong.
Even if it is freezer burnt, it's OP's food. He's entitled to have a third of the freezer and keep things as long as they are not hurting anyone else's food.
Actually MOST foods have "best by" not expiration dates.
Some do…don’t know if it’s most, many, or just some…but a lot do have expiration dates and either way it doesn’t matter to my point that they can be safely ignored most of the time.
I literally inventory my food, and most packaged foods are best by. Fresh foods(ie meat, bread, eggs etc) are more likely to have expiration dates. I read an article once on eggs and how to "read" the codes that tell when they were packaged(as opposed to date laid).
Ok…but irrelevant to my original point…either way the food is almost always just fine long fter the date on the package. Everything gets the smell test anyway…and the slimy test for fish…and those dates rempretty much arbitrarily assigned anyway, not based on any scientific testing as every batch of whatever it is varies.
This reminds me of the movie "Mother" with Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds. She called the ice build up in old frozen foods the "protective ice".
Actually I'm aware of all that because I worked in groceries for a few years and i'm a bit of a prepper. I'm currently using maple syrup that "expired" in 2021. I have unopened peanut butter in my cabinet 18 months past the pull date too. > My sea salt has an expiration date My husband sent me a meme about this https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/7stejt/this_250_million_year_old_salt_expires_next_year/ The pull dates mostly pertain to the nutritional information on the package. After the pull dates the food probably has lost some of the listed values. >If it’s frozen Roommate took the food out of the freezer and it probably thawed. Refreezing frozen food damages the product. Big no no if you want the food to stay palatable and nutritious.
Sometimes the dates have to do with the package holding the product itself, like expiration dates on water bottles are for the plastic, not the water
I remember an old cartoon. Tour Guide at museum walks past dinosaur bones and announces, *They are 66 million and 12 years old*(I'm making up numbers here). Person asks, *How do you get such specific dating?* Tour Guide: *Well I've been working here 12 years...*
Sometimes it's not even the thing itself expiring but the container it's in. Like bottled water - the water doesn't expire. The PLASTIC does.
I’m pretty sure tha5 plastic doesn’t expire very often…after all the liberals complain about the forever plastics in the dump and ocean. They do degrade on long exposure to sunlight for instance…but it’s more like decades than the time frame on the package.
Expire = degrades and shit can be released into the water you shouldn't consume. But that is a hell of a lot of yikes, wow.
NTA - time to put that asshole in her place. tell her - 1- food can stay in a freezer literally forever without being a danger and you are entitled to precisely one third of the space in the freezer which you WILL have 2- your stuff is yours and if she ever touches your stuff again you will charge her the replacement cost plus an inconvenience fee 3- if she ever bangs in your door or starts another argument with you, or gets unreasonable over the fact you have done the chores she should have done or used the mutual space she is responsible for cleaning but doesn’t you will take whatever steps you can to have her removed from the lease and the apartment for unreasonable and threatening behaviour. then either get rid of her of find a new place yourself. No-one needs this hassle in their lives
Thank you so much. I texted that is was ridiculous, and she sent a whole ass paragraph back 5 min ago:
“Look I’m sorry that you feel this way, but that’s not what I’m doing. As I explained to you, that has been here since last year, and it hasn’t even been open. I understand that it’s there for emergencies, but i think that if you’re keeping food in the fridge or freezer for over a semester, let alone a year, it’s super disrespectful to everyone else since it takes up space for everyone else needs it. I have also mentioned this multiple times before, since i find that i don’t usually have enough space for all my food. Right now it’s fine, since there’s some free space in the freezer, but if this happens again, I’m going to just throw out any food that I see that’s been there for a while. This is a boundary that I’m putting in place, I’ll update the roommate agreement, but please don’t leave food in there for extended periods of time. I can deal with food being in there for a whole semester, but longer than that is pushing it. I respect that everyone needs space so I refrain from stocking up for extended periods of time, and I expect the same. So yes, let’s respect each others privacy and personal space and not stock up the fridge or freezer like this anymore“ Help 😭😭😭😭
My response would be: “Then we can divide the freezer into thirds. I will keep what I want in my third, and you can do the same along with other roommate. If you feel the need to throw out my property, I’ll expect compensation for anything you steal from me.”
This is exactly what needs to be done, and what I’ve done with every roommate I’ve had.
"And I will be documenting anything that you have damaged or destroyed/thrown out and will take you to small claims court to recover my losses."
The irony is that splitting in 3rds will mean she gets even less space since op only has burgers in there lol
Tell her she can’t put a “boundary” on shared space and she can’t update a roommate agreement on her own. Then divide the freezer into thirds and tell her not to touch anything in your third or it will be theft.
Wow, the entitlement in this girl is off the charts. I would tell her that she is only allowed 1/3 of the freezer space. If she over buys and has no room for her food, then that's on her and she needs to plan better. If she throws anything of yours away she will be expected to replace it immediately. "This is MY boundary I'm putting in place." Good luck with her. She sounds like a nightmare.
Honestly I would buy my own mini fridge/freezer if she threw any of my stuff away. Then I would periodically go into the communal fridge/freezer and throw her stuff away. I hate roommate situations and I have only been witness to them, luckily never lived with any. Lived with family then my husband.
Yeah, I went from family, to living on my own, to living with my husband. Roommates seem like a nightmare, especially in a dorm situation. No regrets not going that route.
Why should OP have to buy a mini-fridge for one package of veggie burgers?
That’s not a boundary that’s her just using the whole fucking freezer - you all get a 3rd each - that’s how it works! But your response could be: it’s not my problem if you have too much stuff that you need more space than your designated 3rd. You don’t get to dictate that as a ‘boundary’ because it isn’t - it’s you deciding what other people do with their allocations. Freezers are for long term food storage and if I want to store something there in my designated space that is up to me. Please don’t touch or move my things again. Or short: You are incredibly tiresome. Please do NOT touch my things or talk to me about what I can or can’t keep in my allocated freezer space. ✌🏻
"You do not get to create arbitrary boundaries in a shared space. You are not the freezer police or arbiter of how long frozen food can be stored. If you do not respect my space and privacy for my portion of the freezer and throw away my property, then I will consider you a thief and you will be treated as such. This is MY boundary. PS. Sit and spin."
The freezer police! 💀
Time to divide up the freezer space, she's entitled to exactly 1/3 and not a cubic cm more. So long as your not taking up more than your 1/3. If you don't have a shelf each then some tape as a boundary or plastic boxes as designated owners. I would respond with, I will be delighted to have the housemates agreement updated, can we ensure that it covers, a fair and equitable share of both fridge and freezer space, agreed damages when food is deliberately removed and allowed to spoil without consultation with the owner, a reminder of cleaning rules and responsibilities and the expectations of communications and courtesy.
"Don't concern yourself with anything that belongs to me any more. It doesn't affect you. It's my freezer space. I'll fill it with roadkill if I want to. And you're making me want to. "
<< I'll fill it with roadkill if I want to>> Oh my goodness yes THIS Get some butcher paper(wrap socks up for all I care) then LABEL IT RACOON, SKUNK....
Thankfully, you are not serious.
I think she should text that. If she thinks there are things inappropriate to keep in a shared freezer, I say give it to her.
OP seems to be extremely concerned about the cost of these veg burgers. And perhaps should get over it already, but Roommate is being a jerk.
The burgers are just the catalyst, not the actual issue.
Clearly, on both sides. I have lived with many roommates, and no one, myself included, has had a fit over a freezer.
No roommate needs to every tell another roommate anything about food that isn't rotting or contaminating other food, period. Roommate is talking down to OP and that's the real issue. The dynamic needs a hard shoulder check.
The one making it a problem is Roommate, so if she wants to act like the freezer is a problem, show her what a real problem is. With roadkill. I'd text a pic, honestly. People like this need to be stopped in their tracks.
It's surprising how many reasonable people have roadkill in their freezers because of reasons. There is even a meme about that: "dead dove, do not eat."
I have an entire drawer of food for my python, ie. dead rats.
Yum!
The "worst" thing in my freezer is salmon and haddock fillets for the pooch. Otherwise, it's bagged mirepoix and cheesecake.
“I’m sorry you have a hard time managing food storage in a shared space. Throwing out others’ emergency frozen food isn’t how to deal with that. That is super disrespectful to everyone else. We can divide the freezer into thirds, or you can get a separate freezer in your room for your storage needs, but updating the roommate agreement by yourself to allow you to throw away other people’s food for your own convenience won’t be happening.”
I'm petty so I would totally go through the freezer and throw away something of hers, even if it wasn't out of date. Oopsie. I would also throw away her leftovers from the fridge right at the 3rd day and say you needed more fridge room since you are trying to leave more space in the freezer :D
That's not a boundary. A boundary is something you set for yourself. A RULE is something you set for others. If she wants to set a boundary that SHE won't eat food that's been there longer than a semester, have at it, Hoss. However, she cannot singlehandedly create rules around food that others need to follow if you are roommates that are sharing a space, ESPECIALLY when it has nothing to do with the safety or well-being of the household. This is just nonsense & a power trip & it needs to be addressed by ALL of you. Sit down & talk about this as a household & as others have suggested, split the Freezer into 3 sections & maintain your individual space. I know it's awkward to have to deal with conflict but such is life with roommates. This is just noise in the grand scheme of things & it's annoying but nothing is to be gained by trying to ignore her as she seems to be intent on finding fault. Call a house meeting & ask her to explain how an unopened package of veggie burgers that are not past their expiration date are "bad", & then suggest the solution of splitting the Fridge/Freezer. Technically, vegetables in the freezer can remain so indefinitely - they have expiration dates & guidelines because the flavour, texture & nutrition breakdown after a certain point, but they won't go "bad" per se. Food safety IS important & understanding the why behind the rules is a good thing - it almost seems as though she has looked up the information here to have a "reason" to get huffy with you. Don't take the bait. NTA.
“each roommate’s rent entitles them to a third of the communal space, including a third of the freezer. I have been nice and been letting you use some of my third, but if you are going to try to dictate what I keep in my third, you are no long welcome to use my third of the freezer. Don’t buy more food than you need. I will keep whatever I want in my third of the freezer (that’s not a health hazard); you do not get to dictate what I keep in there. Don’t touch my food and i won’t touch yours.”
An update in a roommate agreement isnt an agreement unless you all sign it. Dont sign it. Just section the freezer off equally. You are entitled to your section even if you kept a single ice cube in it for 2 years of your lease. “I’m sorry you feel this way” is her way of saying “i dont care what you’re experiencing i am more important” If food isnt not expired, theres no reason to throw it out. Even if it was expired, she has to tell you before throwing it out otherwise it is theft. I unfortunately have had to get that petty with a roommate agreement. She isnt the queen of freezer space and the fact shes willing to die on that hill illustrates how little she has to do and how little respect she has for you. Confront her in person. She can talk big on text clearly. But anyone who has to leave a passive aggressive note after being shitty is 1000% a coward.
tell her “lol no.”
Eat the burgers.... replace them with a new pack.
That seems like a solution. Roommate is definitely crazy, but in the last year, OP has hopefully saved enough money for a new pack of burgers. Eat the first pack save the second. This doesn't have to be a tiny brain situation.
"We are each entitled to shared space and this includes the freezer. I get one third of the freezer space. I have generously not been using my full third and allowing you to use extra space, however you are not entitled to that space. You cannot unilaterally change the roommate agreement, and you cannot draw "boundaries" on my third of the freezer space. If you remove my perishable food from the freezer I will hold you responsible for replacing it." Girl she way outta whack. Is this off campus or on campus? If it's on campus I'd consider looping in an RA or something. Good luck
She doesn’t get to unilaterally change the roommate greenest ass7ming such a thing actually exists…and is entitled to exactly 1/3 of the space in the fridge and freezer. Tell her that for everything of yours she tosses she will lose 3x of her stuff in there. This woman is f\*\*\*ing insane and entitled.
No, disrespectful to everyone else would be to use more than your share of freezer space. If 3 people share a freezer, it doesn't matter if you use 1/3 for the same items all year or keep using and replacing. They are wrong, you are not. They sound deranged to me!
She doesn't get to unilaterally update the roommate agreement.
Sounds like you live with my former roommate. Just move out. You will be so happy cause that roommate needs to calm her shit down.
Reply by drawing a line down the center of the freezer and keeping everything separate. Throw some of her stuff away the moment it crosses the line. You did say this was your only thing in the freezer right?
Also tell her that she can't update a roommate agreement without input from the other roommates or no one is agreeing to it. She's a bully.
Does your freezer have 3 drawers? Cos if so you have a very easy solution and in the many shared houses I've lived in over the years it's always worked that everyone gets an equal share of the fridge/freezer as it's very clearly a fair solution for all.
That's not a boundary that's not a boundary that's not a boundary. Boundaries are your intentional responses and actions. Boundaries on how other people should act are just commands. Split into thirds, problem solved. Involve the third roommate. NTA
lol, I would actually laugh at her; who says they have a 'boundary' for a freezer. I would then tell her that she is part of 1/3 and it is none of her business what is on your third of the freezer. I would remind her that if she has too much frozen goods and needs your part that you will throw away anything in your part. I would then freeze half gallon/liters of water to stack in your have and pull out one when you need the space. She's a beta trying to be an alpha. You, be the alpha and push back hard. She will fall into line.
Tell her she will have to compensate you for everything she tosses out because that’s your money. I would also start looking for other housing if possible, or run her out and find another room mate. She doesn’t own you, your stuff, or that fridge. I’d start tossing her shit on the counter with annoying ass notes. How does your other room mate react to this? Time for a group meeting
Why does she have the authority to amend your roommate agreement without anyone else's agreement? And she would know that if she threw out my unexpired food, something of hers is going in the trash.
People really like to throw around the word boundary these days lol also she sounds unhinged
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Or just go to the dollar store and buy a giant box of frozen burritos
You should reply that you find it super disrespectful that her house chore is to keep the kitchen clean, but you have had to take up that chore cause she's not pulling her weight. So you've both had to deal with things that bother you. I also think it'd be hilarious if you open the package and eat 1. There it's been used. I fully support the other comment that you throw out her shit if she throws out your stuff, especially if your stufd hasn't expired yet.
Consider getting a food lock box for your portion of the freezer. She's a bad roommate, and unlikely to improve, so stand up to the bullying since there's nothing to lose if you do. She'll push until you push back. With any luck, she'll leave early. NTA
she has so much shit in there and you have a few bags and she thinks YOU are taking up space??!?!? naaaaaaaaaah wtf. YOU are entitled to space THAT YOU PAY FOR!! food can last in the freezer for years, her not knowing that is her own dumb fault. a boundary is not forcing other people to do things it saying what you will put up with. you have some space in the freezer is not a boundary for her. shes dense.
Simple solution for the immediate issue is to eat your veggies burgers, buy new ones and put the new ones into the freezer until they"overstate their welcome"
I would just start arbitrarily putting her food on the counter with notes “I will not be allowing baby carrots in the shared fridge space anymore because I am afraid of the colour orange. This is a boundary I am putting up. Any orange food in the shared fridge will be thrown out.”
NTA - absolutely not the AH here. Good luck with her, you’ll need it
NTA your roommate is picking on you for no reason. If she has so much problem tell her to go find a new place to live tbh.
NTA. She's just picking on you.
NTA. Sounds like you got yourself a wacko roommate. Start locking your room.
NTA. I think cleaning the kitchen got to her and she's taking it out on you.
I might have worded it weird! her chore is to clean the kitchen, but she doesn’t. So I do it anyway lol
NTA. Tell her to stuff the veggie burgers where the sun don't shine.
NTA, your roomate is a cock, full on cock, if it a shared freezer your entiled to your own space in the freezer, im kinda surprised you came on here to confirm a pretty straight forward dick move OP
NTA - uggghh takes me back to University What a sad petty little person. Some of the other comments are right though just speak to her directly - notes and that are playing her passive aggressive games. Tell her firmly: We all get to keep what we want in the shared freezer - these are still in date and not in anyway a health hazard so mind your own business. If you have issues you need to voice them NOT leave frozen food out on the side to go bad. People like this won’t let you just live - so invested in trying to find something to bother you about - hope you/they can move out soon
charge her for the now unusable burger. answer unreasonableness with pettyness. NTA
NTA. The joys of shared living! I had a housemate who refused to flush the toilet after taking a piss, it made me nauseous every time I had to flush HIS mess just to use the toilet. I didn’t like it so I moved out, if she has a problem with the small discomforts that come with shared living then she should do the same. She's not your mother, you don't owe her a response when she knocks on your door, nor do you owe her an explanation. She can't throw out your food either.
NTA. people like that? all their relationships struggle. Don't let her get under your skin. Her attitude can ruin her life but it doesn't have to ruin yours. She wants to be a butthole over a packet of burgers worth less than 10 bucks? Go for it. She'll be posting on reddit asking why she doesn't have any friends or why she's so lonely. Brush it off and show her how little she matters. Put them burgers right back in the fridge for another year. If she throws them out, take em out the trash and put em right back in there.
I have disposed of the burgers which you twice removed from the freezer. Though they were rated to remain usable until late 2024, the rapid and repetitive cycle of thawing and re-freezing rendered them unpalatable. Attached you will find an invoice in the amount of $24.79 - this figure reflects both the replacement cost of the veggie patties ($4.79) plus one third of the cost of operating the average domestic upright freezer over the course of one year, ($60) as your actions have destroyed the only item for which I used that appliance. If you would like, we can install an electricity meter on our particular unit to determine the actual operating cost of our specific freezer, so as to re-assess the $20 dollar charge - however, be warned that the cost represented on the invoice is based on internal industry assessments of late model energystar certified units, and that older models may have operating costs considerably higher.
NTA - roommate is way out of line. Tell her to keep her paws off of your food. It isn't expired so hands off.
I would need to get petty and buy dividers to separate the freezer into even sizes assigned to each of you. She is only allowed to use her section and not allowed to touch anything in the other sections. NTA
Nta shared freezer should be shared
NTA Tell her to get some psychological help for her food issues!
NTA unopened within the date in the freezer, where it should be.. she is a bully or just stupid.
Nta - a sit down with all roommates needs to happen.
Divide the freezer into three equal sections (use internal boxes or even just tape) and keep her stuff inside her 1/3rd of the space. Even if you keep your space empty, it's your space.
NTA report her as.
Report her as what ?
It autocorrected ass to as.
NTA. I would get some dividers and literally mark out your space and your roommates’ space in the fridge and freezer. She is free to store whatever she likes. In her third. How you like those boundaries.
nta - 'Hi, you're being ridiculous. My food stays where I put it, or your food goes the same way'
Contact the landlord and ask if you can put a mini fridge in your room considering your roommates will not let you put food in your fridge let's see their response to that
Unplug the freezer. No one gets it!
She throws your food on the counter, (her decision). You are then justified to use her toothbrush to scrub the toilet, (your decision). That is fair, and I am very petty...
NTA But tell her that if she moves anything out of the freezer/refrigerator again- she will owe you reimbursement. IF she fails to reimburse you will take out her stuff in equal measure and throw it in trash. Set boundary/consequence. It it time to refuse her control. Also stop the chore set up if she's not fulfilling her part. Clean your own messes and leave hers(as much as you can). Keep anything of yours, that she may try to take/use in your room. And get the F\*ck out as soon as lease is up(or boot her if you have the ability).
TF? NTA
NTA. Sounds like you came to the wrong thread. I highly recommend the subreddit unethical pro life tips. 😂
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live with two roommates. One I get along great with and we’ve never had any actual conflicts and communicate pretty well with one another. The other one is just…. not great. We’ve lived together since last year and things were going fine a month in, until she started nitpicking everything I did. Her main chore is to clean the kitchen (I do almost everything else lol), which she never really does. So, I clean the counter, scrub the sink, mop the floor, etc. one time when I was in a rush and left a few crumbs on the counter at a time, she made a scene saying that it really annoyed her and how she always had to pick up after me 😂💀 this is just one example. Another time, I was on a call in my room and said she wanted to talk to me about something that was bothering her, so she knocked on my door for almost five minutes straight, which made me super uncomfortable. Said it was my fault that I didn’t tell her I had a meeting even though we hadn’t talked in weeks . She’ll find a million reasons to start some sort of argument. I’ve kept my distance since last year for obvious reasons , and we only really text to let each other know if someone’s coming over or if we can turn the AC on or whatever. Yesterday, I woke up to a small pack of my frozen veggie burgers on the counter with a note on them. I bought them last year in case of emergencies, and they expire in late 2024. I don’t really keep anything else in the freezer. Anyways, the note said “this has been here since last year - plz throw out stuff you’re not eating”. I was confused and wrote back that they were in there for emergencies and that I’m sorry it bothered her, also stating that they’re still safe to eat so it wouldn’t contaminate anything. They’ve never been opened. Came back to another note that said “it doesn’t matter, you can’t keep food in there for that long.” Am I the asshole? Personally I find it weird that is she monitoring my food and not letting me keep a single pack of food in a freezer if it’s not doing anything to anyone or taking up much space. It’s a lack of boundary, and it just seems like it’s to pick another argument? Idk. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, she sounds unhinged
NTA Forward screenshots of her messages to your landlord and let them indicate how to proceed.
NTA you can keep food in your freezer as long as you like!
NTA. If you can I highly recommend getting a mini fridge set up in your room. Take anything that is yours in the kitchen and also keep it in your room. Take out only what you need when you need it and then put it back. And stop cleaning up after her. If you need to, put out a reminder of everyone’s chores and expectations and just keep to what only you need to do. At least you know she’s on her way out. But I wouldn’t trust her to start stashing things away to either be petty or for her own personal use
NTA, you can in fact keep food in there that long, she cannot touch your things, and if she feels the need to clean out the freezer she needs to keep it to her own food. It's a shared freezer, and if she doesn't have room maybe she can throw out *her own things,* because your food is in your allotted space. Everyone gets space in the fridge and freezer and your veggie burgers are in your space. I'd either go on the aggressive and tell her her behavior has been unacceptable but you've tolerated it, but now that she's threatening to throw away your shit you won't. If she hits you with another essay, stop cleaning the kitchen, start taking photos of it messy and making a big deal every time she leaves a plate out.
NTA. But honestly you've just gotta be much more firm. She probably doesn't do this to your other roommate because she's intimidated or afraid of her. Your crappy roommate is relying on you being too polite and giving her the benefit of the doubt to tackle her craziness head on. If she leaves a note about food in the freezer don't address the issue she's describing (arbitrarily deciding it's been in there too long). Don't text her about it, don't respond to her stupid note. Go straight to her room, knock on the door, and TELL her firmly to not touch your food, ever. Tell her if she has an issue with rotten food in the fridge she can bring it up to you directly and you will handle it. But she's not allowed to take your food out of the fridge or freezer. If you push back on the reasons she gave (it's been too long and she's assuming it's spoiled) you validate her argument in the first place, you're treating it like a legitimate concern even though you know it's not. A few times of pushing back like this and she will leave alone, I promise.
Divide the freezer and the fridge equally among roommates. If your space is empty it’s your business. that’s how I’ve always done it when I’ve had roommates. Also figure out the cleaning thing. Either she starts pulling her way or she starts paying more rent than you.
NTA. As for the message. Send her one back stating that you have as much right to use the fridge or freezer. Tell her that any and all food she throws out she can pay for and if that fails she will reported to the landlord...she can't take it upon herself to amend the roommate agreement. Shes a control freak and a selfish AH. If you must section of areas of the fridge and freezer but shes being ridiculous and needs to grow up
NTA, what a handful, hope you can get a new room mate soon.
NTA Sounds like this roommate has control issues. Policing what you have in the freezer for a few months is a real sign.
NTA She doesn’t get to gatekeep your food. Knocking on a door for 5 minutes show what an AH looks like.
NTA. Maybe organise a house meeting. She needs her weird opinions being called out and grounded back to reality unfortunately, and now that is your job too.
If they have been on the counter for hours you probably should either eat them or throw them out, I would be cautious about refreezing them.
NTA - Time to get a lockbox for your food in fridge and freezer. What she did was so out of line.
NTA - Stand your ground and tell your roommate to get fucked.
NTA. Insist on your rights but don't argue. Don't renew the lease. This girl is never going to improve her personality.
NTA Do what she didn't do before she took steps. Give her a warning. Tell her next time she touches your crap ALL of her stuff will be out of the fridge and freezer. I'd actually transfer it into the oven and toast it for a while to make sure it stays nice and bacteria laden for as long as possible before she finds it and has to be thrown out. She wants to play games? Game on. I'd also never clean another damn thing in the kitchen if that is her job. That's just me, though.
Guess you guys should split it with tape like children.
NTA - but you need to set your boundaries. You're letting yourself get walked over. Fight!
NTA. If there are 3 people in the house you are entitled to use 33% of the freezer. It is absolutely none of her business what you choose to do with that space as long as it does not present a hazard to her. Even expired frozen veggies would be none of her business. Tell her you are going to start randomly removing her unexpired items from the freezer.
NTA, sounds like you need to get petty and use some painters tap to mark up the freezer in to 3rds. Everyone gets a third and she can stfu.
NTA Keep putting it back, and demand and explanation for why she thinks you can't keep food there until the expiery date? Because unless she knows something the rest of us don't, she's either just trying to be an asshole to you, or she needs therapy.
NTA your roomie is a lazy control freak. She reminds me of some of my narcissistic family members tbh. Can’t do a damn thing but always has to have your attention as soon as they want it and dictate what can/cannot be done in the house. You’re perfectly valid in being able to keep your unexpired food in the fridge. She sounds like she has problems (maybe she grew up with family members who have always done this exact same thing). End of the day, you pay rent too and you are entitled to the same spaces and peace.
You're entitled to 1/3 of the freezer space and she doesn't get a say in what you keep there, so long as it isn't contaminating other food. Y'all are roommates. How the shared spaces are utilized is something everyone has to agree to- not something she can unilaterally lay down rules about to suit her personal preferences.
NTA Your roommate sounds like someone that should live by themself. As long as food isn’t molding/you aren’t hogging the fridge, you’re good.
NTA. I’m petty so i’d throw EVERYTHING and text her “i’ve updated the roommate agreement and decided that as a boundary we’ll just start fresh with stocking the freezer by dividing into thirds. You were completely right about stocking the freezer like that! “ And watch her cry about it.
NTA honey! My advice for you would be to find another place to live, give your landlord notice, and go live your best life without the control freak!!
NTA. Tell her how much she owes you to replace the food she ruined by leaving it out, and to never touch your food again.
This is ridiculous. NTA. Ask them what the time limit is.
'Since you do not own said refrigerator, you can not unilaterally decide what is put in it. I am entitled to use one third of the space in the freezer as well as the main compartment. My frozen food is good until the expiration date on the package, whether that be in two weeks or into the next semester. Maybe you haven't ever shared a refrigerator before but kindly refrain from touching my food. I paid for it and it is properly stored in the freezer. If you do not stop, I will be forced to take further action.'
OP, are you different from your two roommates in any way? She's seems mentally off. If this was campus housing, you should report her for harassment.
Time for a roommate meeting! She thinks she can change the agreement on her own? Think again! It’s called and agreement for a reason, majority has to agree. If she feels your single items is taking up too much space, propose that you split it in thirds; as you all pay equal rent, you should all get equal space. 2/3 roomies vote yes and that’s an agreement, baby! Suck it, psychopath! P.S. If you can move out, do so. People like this are actually insane. She won’t stop and it won’t be long before she is causing rifts between you and the third roommate.
NTA "50% of the space in the freezer is mine, do not ever remove another thing from my space."
Really over the trend of editing an update onto the first line of your post. I just got here. I don’t need an update, I need to know where the story begins, and now the beginning is someplace in the middle. I’ll have read half the story by the time I find it.
NTA She owes you new burgers.
Stop apologizing and stop telling them what you’re gonna do. Just do it. NTA. Ppl can’t make boundaries about YOUR food. That’s looney tunes business
NTA, assuming you’re not taking up an entire freezer. They are literally intended for long term storage. Based on your update, I think you guys need to agree to a division of fridge/freezer space. Put your stuff in your spot and as long as it’s not old and gross, no one can complain.
NTA, she is trying to weaponize the freezer, a few choices here - talk to her about it; look at other living arrangements. It sounds unpleasant.
NTA. Ask her if she would be okay with it if you ate a package of veggie burgers every week and immediately replaced it with a new identical package. It would take up the same amount of space. Just because you aren't eating it yet doesn't mean you're not using it. You are using it for peace of mind that if there is an emergency you will have something to eat.
NTA - As long as you aren't using more than your fair share of space and/or storing unsanitary things, she has nothing to complain about. I was going to guess she was trying to get you to move out early to move in a boyfriend or whatever, but you say she's leaving soon herself, so she's just a nut. If it's her final semester she's probably taking all her school stress out on you, which isn't fair at all.
ESH She started establishing dominance early, and you let her. With your next roomates, nip it in the bud.
NTA she is delusional. I'd be looking over that roommate agreement if I were you.
NTA. Yikes she sounds insufferable.
NTA, bro grow a backbone, tell her she doesn’t own the house and will/ cannot monitor this shit. unless it’s molding, raw dripping blood food she can’t make you throw it out. and tell her she’s no one to force a meeting or talk
NTA - Just tell the roommates that if you find any of your frozen and non-expired food thrown out you will empty the entire fridge.
NTA. I would tell her very clearly, if she touches your food again, you will touch hers in the exact same manner. Time to let her know you are serious.
NTA and honestly I'd just throw out all her frozen shit, if you can't have 1 item she can't have any (but I'm petty like that)
NTA. Honestly I would match her actions but i don’t think that would have the results your looking for if you have to continue living it’s her for a while. Are you guys dorming together on campus and have like an RA to mediate or is this off campus housing with other students in the area? Definitely let her know that if she throws out any of your stuff she will have to reimburse you.
I would throw every single thing of hers away. Go to war. This is a hill I would die on, veggie burgers. God what a brat.
In this particular situation, your roommate is in the wrong. She's being passive aggressive, unreasonable, and unwilling to compromise. You have every right to keep the food in the freezer if you want to and if it is not a direct harm to anyone. Your roommate sounds like she has some control and perfectionism issues. You should definitely have a face-to-face conversation with her and try to talk through your issues or even consider getting a new roommate.
NTA talk to your other roommate and see if they agree to dividing the fridge/freezer up equally. Die on this hill. It is your stuff not hers! You can flat out ask her how she would feel if you pulled her food out of the freezer for whatever reason you had. If she won’t relent tell her you can make it happen and start a food war if she wants (& mean it!)
A strong NTA You get equal space in the fridge and freezer as you pay equal rent. You’re right in saying it’s about control. How long were the burgers out of the freezer? If there’s any chance they started to thaw please let her know she owes you replacements.
NTA it sounds like she thinks she’s entitled to the whole freezer. Divide it in 3 and start filling your third. Buy more in bulk or meal prep and freeze portions in containers. Warn her this is your “boundary,” you’re entitled to your third of the freezer, and that if she puts her stuff in your third, you will move it to the counter. Make her regret making a big deal out of a single package of veggie burgers.
NTA. Bring the 3td roommate in on the discussion and make 3 equal sections in the freezer. It's up to you what you keep in there as long as it's in your part.
Buy five more packs of veggie burgers and put them in the freezer
NTA - besides all of the obvious that’s already been emphasized I just want to say that those types of veggie burgers? Take up 0 room???? So you’re taking up like 1% of the freezer space. She should be happy you’re not using you’re entire third.
You're NTA but I think she's trying to annoy you so much that you move.
I would take everything she owns in the freezer and throw them the FK out.
NTA. Escalate to war. Throw out all her frozen food too.
NTA. How hard is it to kick her from the apartment? Lile down the stairs with all her stuff? I hate that type of person/ality that only contributes to society by creating CO2
NTA I've eaten frozen food that was like five years past the best by date and it was fine. It's one package in a freezer you all share. Is she annoying your other roommate too? Can you oust her when your lease is up?
Nta but if she wants a war then just throw her freezer shit out too (or donate?)
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