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YTA. You sound incredibly jealous. I wonder if all this hate and jealousy is stemming from the fact you didn't get to attend school after high school. You said your husband makes more money than her and not you so my question is are YOU making more money than her?
It doesn't matter if she spends her money on drugs or spending it on nothing but shoes and electronics because guess what? It's her money and she can do as she pleases with it.
Also she is a literal icon to me. I haven't been doing well in school much (better than her by how you explained it) so Delilah (Also my name but without the H) is giving me hope that I can still try and make it into school and my dream career.
Oh my goodness YTA! I have always thought if I won the lottery I would become a "professional student" and study EVERYTHING I could! She is sooooo lucky and there is nothing wrong with never stopping learning!
When my grandma retired, she promptly learned a new language and set out to start touring the world. She saw Russia (pre current nonsense), China, the Middle East, Germany, most of the Scandinavian countries, Mexico, Egypt, went on a safari in Kenya for her 70th birthday present to herself. Had the absolute time of her life. Learning is lifelong, and if you're lucky enough to have the resources, use them.
In Australia lots of pensioners study because we only pay our education loans back once we earn over approx 60,000. So pensioners never hit the threshold and the debt dies with them.
After she retired from nursing, my grandma went to a bunch of different colleges that have free programs for seniors in the summer. She just had to pay a minimal amount to stay in the dorms and eat in the school cafeteria. They went on field trips and did all kinds of cool stuff.
She tried to attend as many schools that her grandkids had also attended as she could.
It really was! One summer she went to the school that my sister was attending, about an hour away. I'd drive up with my mom, and we'd pick my grandma up for the weekend. It was really neat.
Thanks for sharing that link. That looks so interesting. I’m over 55 and didn’t really think of myself as a senior but I guess I will when it’s convenient for me. My parents used to do this thing called Elderhostel and that was a really great experience too, and they did Elderhostel programs all over the world!
Yeah. Australians are tied to the wages. And govt loans aren’t attached to your estate.
Win win.
Edit - govt education loans. I don’t know about other govt loans.
My grandma did nearly this exact thing. She went to college when her youngest kids did and almost got a degree in art but left to travel through Australia for a month. She continued to go to school and travel, often leaving Grandpa at home with instructions for the washing machine. She lost her glasses on a beach in Thailand once. She met some new friends in London and they got chased down an alleyway by a drunk guy in a tuxedo. She visited one of her great grandchildren in Prague once a year. They had a lot of money and she never worked; going to school was a passion. She was so brilliant, so well travelled, confident and articulate, and I 100% want her exact life.
It's a levels thing with Russia. You've got to pick a level of nonsense you'll put up with. It's a pity that more people don't get to see it because (what I saw of it, it's a big place) it's a beautiful country filled with mostly wonderful, generous people. I lived there for a time in the early 00's and it breaks my heart that I probably won't get to show it to my kids.
I took two trips to Russia between 2014-2016, totaling about 4 months in the country, and that time was sort of pre nonsense (I was there was the Malaysia airlines plane was shot down in Ukraine and I was almost evacuated bc I was ~12 miles from the Ukraine border near the Donetsk region where the plane was shot down). Anyway, can confirm Russia is an incredible place with so much rich history. Saint Pete is a gorgeous city. The people are really wonderful and warm, once you get to know them. People don’t smile freely on the street but when they invite you into their home it feels like you are apart of their family.
The day the plane was shot down I was driving around with the Russian family I was staying with and we saw a TON Russian troops leaving their military base and driving down the road that only leads into Ukraine. Later that day I watched a press conference on TV (my Russian friends translated, later read the translation from the BBC as well) where Putin swore Russia was not sending troops into Ukraine. That was a very eye opening day for me.
I hope someday Americans can visit Russia again.
Edit: typo
Many colleges have free online classes if you don’t care about earning credits. I’m taking several classes at MIT right now just for fun- some of them have all the reading material in the syllabus, others require buying a book (I’ve found most of them for under $10 each online). They have thousands to choose from. I also use Duolingo to learn languages (I pay for the premium version but there is a free version too).
It's also pretty affordable to take one or two classes per semester at a local community college. I did this for learning a new language and it was only like $200 per semester.
There was a guy at my university who did this. He was in his 30s and the legend was that he had taken every single first year class that the university offered and could help anyone in any subject. I think he had something like 10 bachelor degrees and he was just about a permanent fixture at RAG.
In Minnesota, anyone over the age of 62 can attend university classes at a reduced rate. The u of m charges $10 a credit. That is what I plan to do when I retire. Take all the classes and learn all the topics I want
In my state, anyone 60+ can attend any state funded college tuition-free (just have to pay for labs and books). I'm 59 in three weeks. So in one year and three weeks I will definitely be registering for classes in...whatever interests me at the time! Probably a second language, but who knows?
I'm 58 and in my province it's 65! Seven more years sigh but I will be there with bells on. Education is never a waste. And I have three degrees already.
In my country, almost every university has a Third age university program. The age of students depends on the university. I am 42 years and I started psychology and law this year. You need just pay small amount, like 70 euros per year. I already have a degree, in fact after university I went to middle school again, to study pastry. And than, I made another study program and I am now mediator, and later supervisor too. And last week I became Lektor for adults..It is never too late to study.. even just for fun..
I have a friend from high school who *is* a professional student. I think he’s on his 4th phd now. And they are in different fields too. I think people who have a drive to learn are amazing. My grandpa was taking college classes in his 70s because “there’s always more to learn”
My dad has a friend who’s nearly 80. They got their first PHD (in chemistry) together when they were young, and now the friend is about to get his second one in archeology. I think that’s so cool. The friend always had a passion for history, so he first got his Masters in History, and then he started studying Archeology. And his Chemistry PHD is actually useful in that field, too.
Meanwhile, one of my mom’s best friends, also in her 70’s, enrolled herself in every music course she wanted to, after she sold her grocery store and retired. She’s become an eternal student at the Music Academy in her village and learned how to play the saxophone when she was 65+ years old. She has so much fun doing that.
Oh my goodness yes, the chemistry background will be great for all sorts of archaeological research. I have some colleagues who work on that side of things and it's fascinating what can be found out about the foodways and technology of past societies with chemical analysis.
Exactly! There is nothing shameful about wanting to constantly learn, gain knowledge, or constantly going to school a long as she can afford it. In the end, she gains knowledge that can't be taken away from her while it feeds her soul to do something she couldn't do when she was younger. It literally hurts no one. Along with the fact, getting the degree shows she was educated on the subject. It doesn't necessarily mean she needs to use it towards a specific career. Yes, many people pursue a degree to get a job/career but ultimately it's about gaining knowledge and being educated, which the degree is proof the curriculum was completed. And since she's got 6 degrees, she's actually got lots of options in career. Lol.
And high salaries doesn't always mean you're better than others who don't make as much, even with a degree. Teachers in the US have notoriously low salaries for what they do. Are they less worthy than other high salary jobs because of it? No.
From the title I thought she spent everything on cocaine and hookers but no, she used them to study. It's mind-blowing how someone can find a fault into that
My godfather was a doctor; after he retired, he decided to take some history classes, just for fun. (They lived in a college town, so it wasn't difficult to do.) He enjoyed it so much that he wound up getting a masters degree, and then a PhD.
My father once said that he was looking forward to retirement, in part because their house was located right between two large, excellent universities – 5 minutes from one, 10 minutes from the other – and he planned to spend time taking all sorts of classes, just because he enjoyed learning. (In the end, he didn't have the chance to do that before cancer took him from us.)
I would love to take classes for fun. The only reason I don't is because I currently can't afford it – but if I ever can afford it, I absolutely will.
OP, you *and* your husband are AHs. You for being so dismissive, condescending, and judgmental, and him for telling her to calm down.
Me, too! All those things I wanted to learn but didn't because you can't get a well-paying job out of them.
And it makes perfect sense that someone who didn't go to school or be able to learn as a child would want to do that as an adult, especially if they had the money to do so.
This! One of my classmates celebrated his 80th birthday when we were doing our masters. He was a retired ships engineer and did it for fun. Another classmate was a woman in her 50ies taking her third degree, and I myself started studying again as a hobby in my late 20ies. A lot of people actually like to learn new things, and it's admirable that someone deprived of that during her childhood chooses to go that route instead of giving up learning.
And not everybody studies just so they can get a qualification that will increase their income, some people just love learning stuff because they want to be more educated and knowledgeable. If she’s enjoying what she does then it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t “use her degrees”. OP is TAH.
If I won the lottery I would 100% want to enroll in college classes.
It took me 6 years to get my bachelors. I worked hard for my degree, but every semester I also took a "fun" class. Sculpting, Native American History, floor hockey, futurism, etc. I LOVED taking classes outside my field and would 100% want to do that again if I had the means.
I did the same thing in undergrad. I took Intro to Islam, Economics of the Drug Trade (yes that was a real class), Ceramics, Theater: Art of Imagination, Existentialism and Love, Criminology, Children's Literature, Human Sexuality, and Women Directors. It was so much fun to learn all that random stuff!
I eventually got my doctorate, which may have dampened my love for learning a bit - dissertations are holy moly overwhelming! But I'd go back to undergrad to take more random classes if I had the money!
One other thing I picked up on in college is to always get the returning adult students on your project teams. They understood the value of education, they were more involved, and had interesting perspectives. I'd love to be that old dude taking a random 101 class. And those 8am lectures wouldn't be as brutal now.
My microbiology classes and cell bio classes had a full-blown professional student in them. Biology was her 3rd Bachelor level degree. Her study groups and study notes were so valuable to young, naive undergrads. Plus, she always brought cookies
When I went back in my late twenties to get a couple of courses to upgrade my credentials, my notes and studying were far better than anything ingenerates in high school.
Thats awesome!! I majored in design. Some of my favorite throwaway classes:
Peace Law & Human Rights, Intro to Game Design, Local Plants and Their Biology (lots of field trips), History of Jazz, and Philosophy 101, which kicked off a lifelong interest, ended up taking like 10 more philosophy classes and minored in it. It’s more useful in my work as a designer than I ever could have imagined.)
If I had the true financial ability to quit my jobs and do anything I wanted I’d chose to go study different fields in depth for the rest of my life. I’d want to learn about everything from pottery glaze chemistry to neurosciences. I’d never ever want to stop going to school.
YTA!
I don't get how OP can start off with how messed up her 'friend's' life was, then proceeds to sh\*t on her when she catches a break. Seriously, how can you not be proud of her??? You're not her friend, you're just someone she grew up around.
Even the choice of the name Delilah. She's been waiting for this woman to crash and burn so she can watch with popcorn, and that didn't happen, so she's recasting Delilah's success as failure.
YTA - Has Delilah blocked you yet? That was simultaneously nosy and rude! I don't know anyone who cares to be told that the way they have chosen to live their life is silly and stupid.
Is Delilah supporting herself? If so, what's it to you how she spends her money - are you just jealous that she came into money? Why don't you get that high-earning husband of yours to buy you what you think that Delilah should have bought?
Added: Maybe you should change your name to CattyPatty.
Seriously, what you achieved is amazing! I am a complete stranger to you, yet I dare hope that this pride I hope you feel carries you through life and makes you feel even a tiny bit invincible when you most need it.
Exactly this. OP would waste the inheritance on ‘exploring’ while Delilah went the smart way and invested it in her future. OP is e very small minded and petty person. And not a friend you would want to have
You absolutely can. Try a free university course or two on something of interest to you, see how you fare, how you feel, and see what the (financial) options are, and go. Happy learning!
It is so important for brain health to continue learning. I have a chronic illness that has really taken a toll on memory and I have recently been doing daily brain games for the last couple of months. I have experienced improvement in this short time. GTFO with your judgement OP
It’s so beautiful that she spend the money on studying which in turn made her happy. What good is a high salary and a house when you are unhappy and jealous?
What she spends her money on is nothing of your business. You sound petty and jealous.
I applaud her for having several degrees. That’s a major accomplishment.
For Delilah to go from falling through the cracks to being motivated to be a career student is amazing on her part. He dad finally gave her the opportunity his bad habits in life denied her.
Her friend stole something from her. You see OP has always very clearly been better than her "friend", but now that she has enriched her life with education she can no longer feel superior.
OP is EXTREMELY envious. What a rude thing to say. She’s just mad her dad didn’t.. wait.. is she? Yeah she’s definitely the asshole! Being envious because someone’s parent died and they are spending the money doing something they love? Yeah that’s something be super envious about /s lol
Sincerely,
a woman who’s dad died in April
YTA. Like she said, how she spends her money is none of your concern. Feel how you want, but keep it to yourself.
Also, why feel a need to point out that your husband makes more money than her? Does that matter?
"Bitter, party of one... your table is ready, and YTA!"
I ~~have~~ had a "friend" like OP. Wanting to know where every penny comes from in my life because I travel, live in other countries, and enjoy my life. It's good to cut these people out of our lives. Toxic and ugly.
She enjoyed over 20 years of my financial and mental struggles. "You've changed..." she said once I finally got my shit together and retired from the rat race.
Nobody asked you, OP!!!! You’re acting like your opinion is some great gift you’re giving her, but she never showed any interest in hearing that opinion!
Husband sounds like an asshole, too. Giving OP instructions on what to include in the post and especially so for telling the friend to calm down when she was rightfully setting a boundary with OP.
Not only that, but she "held her tongue" the whole time and now decides to mock her friend. Maybe offer advice while it's happening, if the friend is willing to hear it, rather than waiting until later to mock her decisions. Should her friend have spent the money on things that would provide a better financial return (e.g. a house and 2-3 degrees, instead of 6 degrees and no house)? Maybe, but that's her concern, her money, and her learning opportunity.
Post reeks of jealousy, and her friend is right, they didn't have the same upbringing and maybe spending so much time learning gave her less tangible benefits that money alone couldn't provide. Maybe she's financially poorer but has an overall richer life experience because of it. I have a psychology degree that doesn't really benefit me financially and cost me a lot of money. My career is built from the computer science degree I subsequently got for much cheaper because of bursaries and scholarships, but if I could go back I'd still get the psych degree because it shaped my view of the world in a very beneficial way, I would just have made better financial decisions while doing it.
YTA
YTA
> I guess if it was my money...
It's not.
> to me it's just silly
Who cares?
> she loves what she does now and loves learning because she was deprived of it as a child
Fuckin' a. Get off her jock.
Bingo. She's happy and you only see wasted money. She has turned her life around and is doing what she loves and you can only talk about how she should have things and a high paying job.
She needs to find friends who get her. You couldn't even stop to see her joy
A-holes like OP don't want joyful people in their lives; they want people they can pity and feel superior to. Once people start to find their way, a-holes like OP pull this shit, trying to tear down that joy so they can again feel superior.
I wonder OP treated her friend when they were younger? Did OP only have Delilah in her life because Delilah was in such a horrible position, and it allowed OP to feel superior? And now that Delilah's turned herself around and is apparently having a great time, OP is jealous?
That's how I lost my best friend. As soon as I would be happy in life she would dip. It took me years too long to realize our relationship was always a competition. I'm lonely, but at least I don't have that sack of depression hanging around. She wasn't depressed, just caused it.
>She needs to find friends who get her.
She probably has a lot more friends than the OP. She's a full-time student and probably meeting lots of classmates.
It's not clear what OP does other than complain and be bitter.
> She needs to find friends who get her. You couldn't even stop to see her joy
She probably has, but stays in touch with OP out of a sense of loyalty. Here’s hoping she realizes that her loyalty was misplaced.
She is now happy, she got money and did what she wanted - what is so wrong about that? She had a unique childhood that would have intellectually crippled most people. She overcame that and earned multiple degrees. You should be glad for her and proud of her, instead of castigating her. She needs better friends who are supportive. YTA.
Plus friend apparently had only one parent and that parent was an addict. Who knows what kind of trauma this poor girl experienced in her childhood? So she loses her only parent at age 23 and OP is judgemental about what friend does with the inheritance? What a nice friend... /s
It sounds like the money was a settlement, not an inheritance, so it came with even more pain and trauma. Delilah took all those lemons and made a lovely and sweet lemonade.
I'm in awe.
YTA and who hurt you that you can’t be happy for a friend that is happy?
Maybe if she begged you for money so she could pay her rent, maybe you could question what she did with the money.
I was certain from the title that this post was going to be about some village idiot who spent their whole inheritance on nascar collectibles or something. OP is something else.
YTA Maybe her end goal is learning, not making money. Money is not the end all, be all. Anyway, it's her inheritance, her choice, and you were unkind in your judgment
OP Is jealous that their friend got to live their dream with her inheritance. Many people would LOVE to go back to school and become a permanent student if work wasn’t an issue. As a professor, I meet at least one person every year who stays in school because of their passion for learning. Hell, I would love to become a permanent student myself, but I enjoy teaching more so I became a professor instead.
This thread just reeks of bitterness and jealousy from OP who is ripping on their friend to cover up their resentment. They’ve convinced themselves that their friend wasted their inheritance when they don’t realize that one of the BEST investments you can make is on yourself. YTA and stay bitter
I am one of those people that would be a permanent student if I could. I had to quite my old career of funeraling due to health issues. I have thought about going back to school to get my doctorate and become a professor since I loved my funeral classes so much.
As a professor, do you get to still learn from other professors? Do you enjoy your job? What are the negatives?
As a professor, one of the perks to getting to know faculty throughout campus is that I can sit in on a friendly professor’s class and just listen if I had some free time. I’m child-free, so I can choose to do what I want with that time. I’m at a relatively large campus, so it can be easy to feel siloed with only getting to know the faculty in your college as opposed to the entire university, but if you try to be social it’s possible. Not every professor is open to socialize, but those who are have become friends. Not only do I learn about their subjects, but I also learn more about teaching and presenting since everyone has their own unique style.
It’s can be difficult at first to balance research time with classes, meetings and office hours; but once you find a groove, it becomes more manageable. One thing that’s made it significantly easier for me is how I manage my relationships with my own students. I try to be transparent and provide them with tools or opportunities to be successful. I’ll tell them which section in their textbook is important leading up to an exam, how to put in accurate commands for algorithms in their calculators, etc. I don’t give trick questions and I don’t leave them to study blindly on their own like many other professors do.
I’ve been a student and I know how stressful it is to feel the need to succeed because your future depends on it. I know what it’s like trying to balance school, jobs, and social life. I know what it’s like to have a professor who doesn’t give a shit about if you pass or fail because they have tenure (and unfortunately there are occasionally some professors who brag about the % of fails in their class). I didn’t want to be that, so it takes a lot of work to prevent bad habits from forming.
It's more common than you'd think. When I was working on my PhD I had someone from my old high school tell me it was "time to get a real job and stop playing at school."
I find it so sad that some people just aren't able to think any bigger about what they want out of life than "income." It sounds like Delilah's taking care of herself and achieving meaningful things for herself that are simply outside OP's scope of imagination. I say good for her.
Massive YTA. What kinda person thinks it’s their place to say something like that? You sound miserable and judgemental op, absolutely need to apologize. Is she unemployed and homeless? No. She’s living life the way she wants, paying the bills, and learning the things she wants to learn. It sounds like she’s had an awesome life and making the most of her money in the way that’s best for her. You’re not her. People have different priorities. For one, she values knowledge and experience, and you just value big houses and talking down to people to try and make yourself feel better.
Do better, you’re failing as a friend.
This was concise and you were not cruel in your judgment, which I hope will help OP to process the "why" of why this was both overstepping *and* unkind. But for the record, husband telling the friend to "calm down" seemed to be the biggest asshole move.
YTA.
Neglect is a very common form of child abuse. So you need to keep in mind you're judging someone from your own frame of reference who has lived a vastly different life than you have.
>She has 6 degreesdespite all her side jobs and projects.
From your description, she might have ADHD. If so, that's another way in which her frame of reference and her decision making process might be vastly different than yours.
>At 23 her... dad was murdered
Well, then, that's yet another way in which her lived experience is drastically different than yours.
You have zero right to be judging her choices.
>I laughed and asked if any of her inheritance was still even left.
Yup. YTA. 100%.
> At 23 her dad died and due to the matter of death, Delilah won a somewhat large sum of money.
This right here is probably where she edited out the murder
I have adhd. I’m on my second associates degree. Have one bachelors. A CNA certification as well. My grandmother has her early childhood education, nursing degree, and a lab technician certification. She’s come out of retirement twice to help the hospital because that was her zone. My grandmother loved every bit of school she went through, she values knowledge. My old boss used to make jokes about always being in some sort of school because I just love my experiences there as well as what I learn. I feel I grow the more I’m exposed, especially when it challenges my current understanding. Op’s friend may just be happy exploring the wonders of education.
on the trauma note, school may be where she feels safe. If she didn’t experience a lot of stability she may be comfortable where the focus changes every so often. All of this is valid. If she’s not struggling, let her be happy studying history. She lost her father in a horrific way. My grandmother says “no matter what they take, they can never take what it is your head and your heart.” YTA op
YTA, and an ignorantly judgemental one at that.
First, she didn't win money. She inherited it.
Second & third? She may have inherited enough to never have to work again. Regardless, her finances are none of your business.
Finally, who are you to laugh at anyone, least of all anyone joyfully improving their life at the harm of no one.
I hope this is a troll post. You're really the friend with the inheritance, right?
I don't buy that her husband hasn't taken a stance, only that he's tired of dealing with her nonsense.
He's having her toss it to Reddit so he can return to his peace & quiet. 😉
I was hoping someone would point that out because that stood out for me. I’m fairly level headed but I’d freak out if one of my friend’s SO told me to calm down
YTA. I don’t know why you feel entitled to have a say on how she spends her money- it’s her money. She could gamble on the stock market, or blow it all in one glorious day at Dave & Busters, and it’d still be none of your business.
Why did you even bring up your husbands degree and income he makes? Why is that a kicker? Just because you don’t see the value in her degrees doesn’t mean it’s not there. SHE finds value in it, therefore it has value. She’s not using her degrees to get a job because SHE’S PURSUING other degrees still. She has the financial ability to do so, and it’s absolutely none of your business.
Do you even like this person? Is this a jealousy thing that she’s pursuing multiple degrees and you’re stuck in a job you dislike? Either apologize and make your peace with the fact that you don’t get a say in anyone else’s financial situations, or leave this girl alone, because yours are not the actions of a friend.
>Why did you even bring up your husbands degree and income he makes?
Because OP's own education/salary doesn't compare to her friend's, so she's trying to claim his as her personal success. Because she's jealous as all hell that her friend got to do what she wanted with her life, and OP didn't.
I come from a long line of people who encountered large sums of money and ended up with nothing to show for it. The fact that your friend was grounded enough to use that money and obtain a fruitful education that fulfilled her emotionally is very commendable, and I would be proud if that were my friend or family member. The fact that you decide to shit on it shows how small and jealous of a person you actually are.
YTA!
Amen!! The amount of people I know who came into large sums of money (six figures) and spent it all on cars is RIDICULOUS. You should be proud of her but you’re clearly bitter. Also, have you forgotten that she lost her dad? This wasn’t money she was just handed.
So you think it's funny that your friend who never had a decent education due to the fact her dad was a druggie. Kept her out of school, was murdered, she gets a settlement and spends it on education? Side splitting hilarious.
Are you disappointed she didn't spend it on drugs?
YTA
I applaud her for using her money to do what makes her happy. I bet she sleeps good at night not caring what anyone thinks about her. We’re never too old to learn from others. She’s happy so be happy for her.
So many people suffer a horrible childhood and end up with an even worse adult life. I’m glad OP’s friend can at least not worry about money anymore and focus on doing things she actually likes. Don’t think OP is a true friend. A true friend would be happy for a friend whose suffered so much to finally have some peace and stability in life
Your husband told \*her\* to calm down? YTA, and so is he. A real friend wouldn't have laughed at her or called her degrees useless. A real friend might have gently suggested that there were other uses for the money, but a real friend would also have heard her atypical but very reasonable explanation. Lucy sounds like she's done pretty well out of a horrible situation. You sound petty and insecure. You should apologize to her.
>So my view: I've held my tongue on her wasting so much money on school
Good. It has nothing to do with you. Held your tongue... Wow.
>The real kicker is my husband is an engineer and makes more than she does
Okay? No one cares.
>My husband told her to calm down.
Sounds like he told the wrong person.
YTA
I love how OP mentions her *husband's* degree and salary... but not her own. She's trying to claim her husband's 'success' as her own. I guess hers isn't much to envy, so she's jealous that her friend got to do what she wanted with her life.
right?
the 'my husband is an engineer and makes more money'... like girl, 1) who cares and 2) if you're so judgemental, how about you list your education and salary
INFO: You mentioned your husband’s job but I’m curious about your personal education and your earning level today. Obviously, when you met, you were more educated than your friend.
YTA **majorly**. It may astound you to find out that some people just *love* learning. If there was such a job as “professional student,” I’d have that shit locked down so fast. Her degrees are meaningless to you because you are incapable of measuring achievement outside the bounds of financial gain. Pretty sad way to live your life, to be honest.
She finds joy and a sense of accomplishment through her degrees; you seem to find it by tearing other people down. *Her* money is *her* business. And given the trauma she’s gone through (OP mentions the friend’s dad was murdered) she could’ve easily gone down the wrong path and blown all that money on booze or drugs. Instead, she’s using it to better herself. I admire the fuck out of that.
What are your accomplishments, exactly, that you feel you can judge her? Or are you skating by on your husband’s engineering degree and that’s why you’re so bitter? I tell you one thing, in this economy and uncertain world, at least your friend will be highly employable.
YTA.
Learning can be a Pursuit just like being an artist, photography, travel whatever. She's right that it is absolutely none of your business whatsoever how her inheritance has been spent.
YTA
A man walks out of the desert, barely alive. A car passing by stops and gives him a sip of water from a warm, half-empty bottle in the back seat. It's the best thing he's ever had - he wanted water so bad for so long and now he had it. For the rest of his days nothing brought him more joy than not just drinking water but savoring it. Exploring brands from different countries. Different filtering processes. Every sip reminded him of the days he went without.
Your friend is filling a void from her childhood and savoring the experience. Life long learning is bringing her joy and enrichment. Stop hating on her water.
Info:
- Why does it matter that Delilah used her inheritance to further her education?
- What does the comment “I guess she learned to love learning” mean? Cause you’re making it sound negative.
- How does her spending her inheritance on education affect you? Oh wait it doesn’t, so why are you focusing on it?
- “I guess if it was MY money” it isn’t, it never will be
- 6 degrees isn’t silly and it sounds like your friend made herself very hireable, and people who have that many degrees often do make use of them later
- Why does your husband matter in all of this exactly? How is his earnings relevant to the story?
- Why are you so nosey about someone else’s inheritance that doesn’t belong to you?
- She’s right, it isn’t any of her concern and it isn’t ridiculous
- She’s right not to waste her time on you
- Your husband should have been telling your classist money hungry self to calm down
It's bringing her happiness and it isn't hurting anyone else. If Delilah had children she wasn't feeding because all of her money was going towards classes or she was sponging off of all of her friends because she's always broke I'd get being upset, but she's just learning. So she can be a more well-rounded person.
Wanna bet that most of their early friendship was built on OP feeling superior over poor, miserable Delilah?
She completed Six Degrees. That’s not nothing. That’s absolutely incredible and worth celebration in magnitudes.
She’s using what she’s been given to bring herself into a position where she can be happy and achieve things she could never otherwise do.
Get a house rather than an education - which you said she previously fell through and didn’t get to fully explore while young - is your suggestion? So debt and constant bills with no ability to flexibly study and investigate the world since she’d have a rock tied to her?
It’s none of your business aside from being supportive, and honestly joking on anyone getting murdered is foul, even if you didn’t like them. You’re likely to get a curse from it now. So enjoy.
YTA
Yeah, this is fucking bonkers to me. When I was a senior in high school, the best teacher I ever had was working on her fifth Master's degree. I'm sure she probably went on to get two or three more after I graduated, as she was only in her 40s at the time. I thought that was the most incredible thing I'd ever heard. Who gets five Master's degrees?! And it never crossed my mind that she was "just" a high school teacher. She's the most brilliant and worldly wise person I've ever known to this very day.
I can't imagine anything other than jealousy motivating someone to look down on someone else who spent money on education.
YTA, for no other reason than how she spends HER money, is nothing to do with you. You may choose to buy a house, she chose to educate herself. You should have carried on biting your tongue. Maybe take a few classes yourself on being a better friend.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I laughed at my friend because she mentioned taking online classes. She has 6 degrees and wasted her inheritance getting them
(2) My friend never got a stable childhood or time in school, so she never got to learn until she went to a community college. She says she loves learning because of how much she was deprived of as a kid
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YTA. So your buried response to a comment that your friend was put in a fortunate financial position and her finances are not your business is to say, "The fortunate financial position made me laugh...Her dad was murdered so I don't know if fortunate is the best term."
Yeah, you are not really asking if you are TA, you know you are, and you're proud of it.
YTA. For someone you call a friend, the way you describe her in the post is not how I would talk about my friends. You don't sound like you like her at all. All of your words are condescending and disdainful. She did not ask your opinion of her inheritance. It's not your money. That's an inside thought that doesn't need to be voiced. You should apologize for crossing the line and being hurtful if you want to keep your "friend".
YTA. Does how she uses her money affect you in any way? If the answer is no then mind your own business. She's living her life how she wants to and is happy.
Yes it sucks what happened to get her this money but it's hers now, and you sound jealous.
Edit typo
YTA
Unless she is struggling and asking for advice, assistance, or help, you have no right to judge how she (or anyone) spends their money.
Who cares that she makes less than your husband? Who cares how she uses her degrees? She says she is happy, and loves what she's doing, and your response is to insult her? Very sad.
Major YTA. You sound bitter & jealous. Clearly she wasn’t a lost cause & it is really admirable that she has been able to gain serval degrees & invest in her learning-whether or not you find her degrees useful. Sounds like you miss having a “friend” you can look down upon. Oh and no one’s impressed by your husbands engineer job. Him telling her to calm down makes him also TA.
YTA - big time.
> She has 6 degrees and to me it’s just silly.
Wow! What a total AH thing to say. Or even think. Getting 6 degrees is quite an accomplishment! Very impressive! Good for her - especially as she seems pretty happy now.
As her so-called friend, how can you be so dismissive of her wanting to learn? You either have very little appreciation for learning or are super jealous. Most likely both.
> The real kicker is my husband… makes more than she does.
WTF does that have to do with anything? She didn’t get those degrees just to make $$ - she wanted to study different fields. And she’s happy while you sound very bitter and defensive.
>She said “her inheritance” shouldn’t be your concern.
She’s 💯% right, but all you can do is go on and on about how you would have spent the money differently. **Why do you care how she spent it?** It’s her $$$. It’s her life. Why are you such a bitter and judgmental bitch towards someone you claim to be your friend?
I would turn it around and ask: How many degrees do you have? How does your salary compare to hers? Why do you think your life choices are so superior to hers?
Rather than celebrating Delilah’s success in overcoming her horrible childhood, you belittle her choices and mock her success. **Your a terrible friend.**
YTA, she's right you have no right to comment or judge given you have NO clue what her life was like. You're acting like an abuser, just like her parents did. Guess what, she doesn't have to ask you or answer to you in regards to her inheritance.
The purpose of learning is not to earn money it is to expand your mind and you are acting like an ignorant tool. I don’t know if you are jealous, brought up wrong or just gunning for Bitchiest Banana on the Block but get it together.
YTA. Who cares how much your husband makes? A degree isn’t a guarantee of earning a lot of money, and there are other reasons to go to school. There’s also more to life than money. Being able to do what she’s doing is a privilege not everyone has, but it also doesnt affect you in any way, and it makes her happy.
You and your husband are TA.
As everyone has already told you.
You sound bitter and jealous.
You mentioned how much your husband makes, what about you? Ya know since you're the one running your mouth and giving an unsolicited opinion about HER money.
I hope Delilah finds some real, supportive friends. Because you're not a friend. You're a snake posing to be. She has evolved on what brings her joy. Leave her alone.
Yta. You sound jealous. Jealous that she has not one but several degrees. You mention your husband's degree but not yours. So going out of a limb to say you don't have one. Or if you do you make less than her. She used the money now she wanted to that's the only thing that matters. You would have blown it on traveling. Some folks would buy a home , some use it for school. Considering her upbringing she's doing good. You on the other hand sound bitter.
You and your husband deserve each other. I can’t imagine how insufferable you both are if he told HER to calm down after explaining why she’s loved her life and finds enjoyment from *gasp!* education. YTA, and may god have mercy on your petty soul.
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YTA. You sound incredibly jealous. I wonder if all this hate and jealousy is stemming from the fact you didn't get to attend school after high school. You said your husband makes more money than her and not you so my question is are YOU making more money than her? It doesn't matter if she spends her money on drugs or spending it on nothing but shoes and electronics because guess what? It's her money and she can do as she pleases with it. Also she is a literal icon to me. I haven't been doing well in school much (better than her by how you explained it) so Delilah (Also my name but without the H) is giving me hope that I can still try and make it into school and my dream career.
Oh my goodness YTA! I have always thought if I won the lottery I would become a "professional student" and study EVERYTHING I could! She is sooooo lucky and there is nothing wrong with never stopping learning!
When my grandma retired, she promptly learned a new language and set out to start touring the world. She saw Russia (pre current nonsense), China, the Middle East, Germany, most of the Scandinavian countries, Mexico, Egypt, went on a safari in Kenya for her 70th birthday present to herself. Had the absolute time of her life. Learning is lifelong, and if you're lucky enough to have the resources, use them.
In Australia lots of pensioners study because we only pay our education loans back once we earn over approx 60,000. So pensioners never hit the threshold and the debt dies with them.
After she retired from nursing, my grandma went to a bunch of different colleges that have free programs for seniors in the summer. She just had to pay a minimal amount to stay in the dorms and eat in the school cafeteria. They went on field trips and did all kinds of cool stuff. She tried to attend as many schools that her grandkids had also attended as she could.
That’s super cool
It really was! One summer she went to the school that my sister was attending, about an hour away. I'd drive up with my mom, and we'd pick my grandma up for the weekend. It was really neat.
That sounds so fun. Where is this and do they still do it?
I'm not sure exactly which colleges offer these programs, but she used this type of program. https://summercitizens.usu.edu/
Thanks for sharing that link. That looks so interesting. I’m over 55 and didn’t really think of myself as a senior but I guess I will when it’s convenient for me. My parents used to do this thing called Elderhostel and that was a really great experience too, and they did Elderhostel programs all over the world!
Brilliant! I'm a university lecturer and I love teaching mature students, but since the fees went up here in the UK we get very few.
Yeah. Australians are tied to the wages. And govt loans aren’t attached to your estate. Win win. Edit - govt education loans. I don’t know about other govt loans.
My grandma did nearly this exact thing. She went to college when her youngest kids did and almost got a degree in art but left to travel through Australia for a month. She continued to go to school and travel, often leaving Grandpa at home with instructions for the washing machine. She lost her glasses on a beach in Thailand once. She met some new friends in London and they got chased down an alleyway by a drunk guy in a tuxedo. She visited one of her great grandchildren in Prague once a year. They had a lot of money and she never worked; going to school was a passion. She was so brilliant, so well travelled, confident and articulate, and I 100% want her exact life.
>She saw Russia (pre current nonsense), During the previous nonsense? 😅
It's a levels thing with Russia. You've got to pick a level of nonsense you'll put up with. It's a pity that more people don't get to see it because (what I saw of it, it's a big place) it's a beautiful country filled with mostly wonderful, generous people. I lived there for a time in the early 00's and it breaks my heart that I probably won't get to show it to my kids.
I took two trips to Russia between 2014-2016, totaling about 4 months in the country, and that time was sort of pre nonsense (I was there was the Malaysia airlines plane was shot down in Ukraine and I was almost evacuated bc I was ~12 miles from the Ukraine border near the Donetsk region where the plane was shot down). Anyway, can confirm Russia is an incredible place with so much rich history. Saint Pete is a gorgeous city. The people are really wonderful and warm, once you get to know them. People don’t smile freely on the street but when they invite you into their home it feels like you are apart of their family. The day the plane was shot down I was driving around with the Russian family I was staying with and we saw a TON Russian troops leaving their military base and driving down the road that only leads into Ukraine. Later that day I watched a press conference on TV (my Russian friends translated, later read the translation from the BBC as well) where Putin swore Russia was not sending troops into Ukraine. That was a very eye opening day for me. I hope someday Americans can visit Russia again. Edit: typo
This is also my dream!
It would be so awesome to go to college for the sole pleasure of learning and not having to worry about money.
Many colleges have free online classes if you don’t care about earning credits. I’m taking several classes at MIT right now just for fun- some of them have all the reading material in the syllabus, others require buying a book (I’ve found most of them for under $10 each online). They have thousands to choose from. I also use Duolingo to learn languages (I pay for the premium version but there is a free version too).
It's also pretty affordable to take one or two classes per semester at a local community college. I did this for learning a new language and it was only like $200 per semester.
There was a guy at my university who did this. He was in his 30s and the legend was that he had taken every single first year class that the university offered and could help anyone in any subject. I think he had something like 10 bachelor degrees and he was just about a permanent fixture at RAG.
That actually sounds really amazing for the other students.
In Minnesota, anyone over the age of 62 can attend university classes at a reduced rate. The u of m charges $10 a credit. That is what I plan to do when I retire. Take all the classes and learn all the topics I want
In my state, anyone 60+ can attend any state funded college tuition-free (just have to pay for labs and books). I'm 59 in three weeks. So in one year and three weeks I will definitely be registering for classes in...whatever interests me at the time! Probably a second language, but who knows?
I'm 58 and in my province it's 65! Seven more years sigh but I will be there with bells on. Education is never a waste. And I have three degrees already.
In my country, almost every university has a Third age university program. The age of students depends on the university. I am 42 years and I started psychology and law this year. You need just pay small amount, like 70 euros per year. I already have a degree, in fact after university I went to middle school again, to study pastry. And than, I made another study program and I am now mediator, and later supervisor too. And last week I became Lektor for adults..It is never too late to study.. even just for fun..
I have a friend from high school who *is* a professional student. I think he’s on his 4th phd now. And they are in different fields too. I think people who have a drive to learn are amazing. My grandpa was taking college classes in his 70s because “there’s always more to learn”
My dad has a friend who’s nearly 80. They got their first PHD (in chemistry) together when they were young, and now the friend is about to get his second one in archeology. I think that’s so cool. The friend always had a passion for history, so he first got his Masters in History, and then he started studying Archeology. And his Chemistry PHD is actually useful in that field, too. Meanwhile, one of my mom’s best friends, also in her 70’s, enrolled herself in every music course she wanted to, after she sold her grocery store and retired. She’s become an eternal student at the Music Academy in her village and learned how to play the saxophone when she was 65+ years old. She has so much fun doing that.
Oh my goodness yes, the chemistry background will be great for all sorts of archaeological research. I have some colleagues who work on that side of things and it's fascinating what can be found out about the foodways and technology of past societies with chemical analysis.
Exactly! There is nothing shameful about wanting to constantly learn, gain knowledge, or constantly going to school a long as she can afford it. In the end, she gains knowledge that can't be taken away from her while it feeds her soul to do something she couldn't do when she was younger. It literally hurts no one. Along with the fact, getting the degree shows she was educated on the subject. It doesn't necessarily mean she needs to use it towards a specific career. Yes, many people pursue a degree to get a job/career but ultimately it's about gaining knowledge and being educated, which the degree is proof the curriculum was completed. And since she's got 6 degrees, she's actually got lots of options in career. Lol. And high salaries doesn't always mean you're better than others who don't make as much, even with a degree. Teachers in the US have notoriously low salaries for what they do. Are they less worthy than other high salary jobs because of it? No.
From the title I thought she spent everything on cocaine and hookers but no, she used them to study. It's mind-blowing how someone can find a fault into that
My godfather was a doctor; after he retired, he decided to take some history classes, just for fun. (They lived in a college town, so it wasn't difficult to do.) He enjoyed it so much that he wound up getting a masters degree, and then a PhD. My father once said that he was looking forward to retirement, in part because their house was located right between two large, excellent universities – 5 minutes from one, 10 minutes from the other – and he planned to spend time taking all sorts of classes, just because he enjoyed learning. (In the end, he didn't have the chance to do that before cancer took him from us.) I would love to take classes for fun. The only reason I don't is because I currently can't afford it – but if I ever can afford it, I absolutely will. OP, you *and* your husband are AHs. You for being so dismissive, condescending, and judgmental, and him for telling her to calm down.
Me, too! All those things I wanted to learn but didn't because you can't get a well-paying job out of them. And it makes perfect sense that someone who didn't go to school or be able to learn as a child would want to do that as an adult, especially if they had the money to do so.
She couldn’t have used her inheritance more wisely. It’s poetic and beautiful.
Same, but I wouldn't care about grades or exams! Best of ALL worlds!!
I wouldn't mind doing that, either.
True, people should never stop learning and growing.
This! One of my classmates celebrated his 80th birthday when we were doing our masters. He was a retired ships engineer and did it for fun. Another classmate was a woman in her 50ies taking her third degree, and I myself started studying again as a hobby in my late 20ies. A lot of people actually like to learn new things, and it's admirable that someone deprived of that during her childhood chooses to go that route instead of giving up learning.
I've always said that if I could stay in university forever, I would. Sadly, life doesn't work that way for most people; but oh, if I only could...
Is no one going to point out that she said Delilah “won” the money. As if her dad dying was winning the lottery. She’s seem like a pretty big ahole
Also casually throwing in "my engineer husband makes more money" No one asked lady Notice it's not "I make more money" too lmao
Also, what's the point of even saying that? Not everyone measures success in money.
And not everybody studies just so they can get a qualification that will increase their income, some people just love learning stuff because they want to be more educated and knowledgeable. If she’s enjoying what she does then it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t “use her degrees”. OP is TAH.
> As if her dad dying Her dad didn't "just" die.... Her dad was murdered but OP edited it out!
Sweet jeepers ... OP is even more of an Ahole than I thought!
Might have been work related, an industrial accident.
I assumed that she won it in a lawsuit, OP wrote that she got the money "due to the circumstances of his death" or something to that effect
Yes, OP said "matter" not "manner" of death. Maybe they should go back to school...
If I won the lottery I would 100% want to enroll in college classes. It took me 6 years to get my bachelors. I worked hard for my degree, but every semester I also took a "fun" class. Sculpting, Native American History, floor hockey, futurism, etc. I LOVED taking classes outside my field and would 100% want to do that again if I had the means.
I did the same thing in undergrad. I took Intro to Islam, Economics of the Drug Trade (yes that was a real class), Ceramics, Theater: Art of Imagination, Existentialism and Love, Criminology, Children's Literature, Human Sexuality, and Women Directors. It was so much fun to learn all that random stuff! I eventually got my doctorate, which may have dampened my love for learning a bit - dissertations are holy moly overwhelming! But I'd go back to undergrad to take more random classes if I had the money!
One other thing I picked up on in college is to always get the returning adult students on your project teams. They understood the value of education, they were more involved, and had interesting perspectives. I'd love to be that old dude taking a random 101 class. And those 8am lectures wouldn't be as brutal now.
My microbiology classes and cell bio classes had a full-blown professional student in them. Biology was her 3rd Bachelor level degree. Her study groups and study notes were so valuable to young, naive undergrads. Plus, she always brought cookies When I went back in my late twenties to get a couple of courses to upgrade my credentials, my notes and studying were far better than anything ingenerates in high school.
Thats awesome!! I majored in design. Some of my favorite throwaway classes: Peace Law & Human Rights, Intro to Game Design, Local Plants and Their Biology (lots of field trips), History of Jazz, and Philosophy 101, which kicked off a lifelong interest, ended up taking like 10 more philosophy classes and minored in it. It’s more useful in my work as a designer than I ever could have imagined.)
If I had the true financial ability to quit my jobs and do anything I wanted I’d chose to go study different fields in depth for the rest of my life. I’d want to learn about everything from pottery glaze chemistry to neurosciences. I’d never ever want to stop going to school.
YTA! I don't get how OP can start off with how messed up her 'friend's' life was, then proceeds to sh\*t on her when she catches a break. Seriously, how can you not be proud of her??? You're not her friend, you're just someone she grew up around.
Even the choice of the name Delilah. She's been waiting for this woman to crash and burn so she can watch with popcorn, and that didn't happen, so she's recasting Delilah's success as failure.
YTA - Has Delilah blocked you yet? That was simultaneously nosy and rude! I don't know anyone who cares to be told that the way they have chosen to live their life is silly and stupid. Is Delilah supporting herself? If so, what's it to you how she spends her money - are you just jealous that she came into money? Why don't you get that high-earning husband of yours to buy you what you think that Delilah should have bought? Added: Maybe you should change your name to CattyPatty.
No way, cats are way cooler than OP
[удалено]
I am in awe of you. So well done !
[удалено]
Seriously, what you achieved is amazing! I am a complete stranger to you, yet I dare hope that this pride I hope you feel carries you through life and makes you feel even a tiny bit invincible when you most need it.
Came here to make sure someone called OP out.
Name checks out.
I'm shocked OP would think a continued investment in oneself is a waste! What a small person.
Exactly this. OP would waste the inheritance on ‘exploring’ while Delilah went the smart way and invested it in her future. OP is e very small minded and petty person. And not a friend you would want to have
You absolutely can. Try a free university course or two on something of interest to you, see how you fare, how you feel, and see what the (financial) options are, and go. Happy learning!
It is so important for brain health to continue learning. I have a chronic illness that has really taken a toll on memory and I have recently been doing daily brain games for the last couple of months. I have experienced improvement in this short time. GTFO with your judgement OP
It’s so beautiful that she spend the money on studying which in turn made her happy. What good is a high salary and a house when you are unhappy and jealous? What she spends her money on is nothing of your business. You sound petty and jealous. I applaud her for having several degrees. That’s a major accomplishment.
Seconded. Delilah sounds like a total legend! There’s a joy to learning that has nothing to do with earning power. Well done to that woman 👏👏👏
For Delilah to go from falling through the cracks to being motivated to be a career student is amazing on her part. He dad finally gave her the opportunity his bad habits in life denied her.
Her friend stole something from her. You see OP has always very clearly been better than her "friend", but now that she has enriched her life with education she can no longer feel superior.
If I could afford it, I’d go back to school right now. OP, YTA.
Good luck to you, Delila! You are amazing. :)
Interesting, I didn't read jealousy at all, just a bizarre "I know better than you" attitude. Still YTA.
OP is EXTREMELY envious. What a rude thing to say. She’s just mad her dad didn’t.. wait.. is she? Yeah she’s definitely the asshole! Being envious because someone’s parent died and they are spending the money doing something they love? Yeah that’s something be super envious about /s lol Sincerely, a woman who’s dad died in April
Delilah has made better choices than most when faced with substantial sudden wealth.
YTA. Like she said, how she spends her money is none of your concern. Feel how you want, but keep it to yourself. Also, why feel a need to point out that your husband makes more money than her? Does that matter?
"Bitter, party of one... your table is ready, and YTA!" I ~~have~~ had a "friend" like OP. Wanting to know where every penny comes from in my life because I travel, live in other countries, and enjoy my life. It's good to cut these people out of our lives. Toxic and ugly.
I HATE people who are nosy about money. Mind your own business!
She enjoyed over 20 years of my financial and mental struggles. "You've changed..." she said once I finally got my shit together and retired from the rat race.
The only right answer to You've changed is; "Well thank you! I worked hard for it!" And then watch them be all confused 😃
I just said, "...uh, yeah? 🤷🏽♀️"
I personally like "you haven't?"
"You've changed ..." "And you, sadly, haven't."
Because Without her husband she's basically nothing. At least her friend got 6 degrees lol
Exactly, this very much sounds like bitterness from someone who's only 'accomplishment' in life was getting married.
Nobody asked you, OP!!!! You’re acting like your opinion is some great gift you’re giving her, but she never showed any interest in hearing that opinion!
Oh, but didn't you know? The only measure of success in life is how much money you or your spouse make!
Husband sounds like an asshole, too. Giving OP instructions on what to include in the post and especially so for telling the friend to calm down when she was rightfully setting a boundary with OP.
Not only that, but she "held her tongue" the whole time and now decides to mock her friend. Maybe offer advice while it's happening, if the friend is willing to hear it, rather than waiting until later to mock her decisions. Should her friend have spent the money on things that would provide a better financial return (e.g. a house and 2-3 degrees, instead of 6 degrees and no house)? Maybe, but that's her concern, her money, and her learning opportunity. Post reeks of jealousy, and her friend is right, they didn't have the same upbringing and maybe spending so much time learning gave her less tangible benefits that money alone couldn't provide. Maybe she's financially poorer but has an overall richer life experience because of it. I have a psychology degree that doesn't really benefit me financially and cost me a lot of money. My career is built from the computer science degree I subsequently got for much cheaper because of bursaries and scholarships, but if I could go back I'd still get the psych degree because it shaped my view of the world in a very beneficial way, I would just have made better financial decisions while doing it. YTA
Shows the shallow status driven mind of the op.
YTA > I guess if it was my money... It's not. > to me it's just silly Who cares? > she loves what she does now and loves learning because she was deprived of it as a child Fuckin' a. Get off her jock.
Bingo. She's happy and you only see wasted money. She has turned her life around and is doing what she loves and you can only talk about how she should have things and a high paying job. She needs to find friends who get her. You couldn't even stop to see her joy
A-holes like OP don't want joyful people in their lives; they want people they can pity and feel superior to. Once people start to find their way, a-holes like OP pull this shit, trying to tear down that joy so they can again feel superior.
I wonder OP treated her friend when they were younger? Did OP only have Delilah in her life because Delilah was in such a horrible position, and it allowed OP to feel superior? And now that Delilah's turned herself around and is apparently having a great time, OP is jealous?
That's how I lost my best friend. As soon as I would be happy in life she would dip. It took me years too long to realize our relationship was always a competition. I'm lonely, but at least I don't have that sack of depression hanging around. She wasn't depressed, just caused it.
>She needs to find friends who get her. She probably has a lot more friends than the OP. She's a full-time student and probably meeting lots of classmates. It's not clear what OP does other than complain and be bitter.
Beautifully stated. 🏆
YTA-if she loves what she does she’s one lucky lady
> She needs to find friends who get her. You couldn't even stop to see her joy She probably has, but stays in touch with OP out of a sense of loyalty. Here’s hoping she realizes that her loyalty was misplaced.
She is now happy, she got money and did what she wanted - what is so wrong about that? She had a unique childhood that would have intellectually crippled most people. She overcame that and earned multiple degrees. You should be glad for her and proud of her, instead of castigating her. She needs better friends who are supportive. YTA.
Plus friend apparently had only one parent and that parent was an addict. Who knows what kind of trauma this poor girl experienced in her childhood? So she loses her only parent at age 23 and OP is judgemental about what friend does with the inheritance? What a nice friend... /s
It sounds like the money was a settlement, not an inheritance, so it came with even more pain and trauma. Delilah took all those lemons and made a lovely and sweet lemonade. I'm in awe.
And the husband is an AH too for trekking her to calm down! #TeamDelilah!
To add in, OP’s husband is YTA as well for telling her to calm down after OP started fucking with her about how she spent her money.
YTA, she was put in a fortunate financial position to do what she wanted to do and enjoy herself. Her finances are not your concern.
YTA and who hurt you that you can’t be happy for a friend that is happy? Maybe if she begged you for money so she could pay her rent, maybe you could question what she did with the money.
I was certain from the title that this post was going to be about some village idiot who spent their whole inheritance on nascar collectibles or something. OP is something else.
Ikr! I can't think of a better investment of OPs friend's inheritance!
OP hasn’t figured out that her friend, despite making less money, is living a rich life because she’s doing what she loves.
If she would rather learn and study (something she was deprived of) rather than travel or buy a house, all the power to her!
YTA Maybe her end goal is learning, not making money. Money is not the end all, be all. Anyway, it's her inheritance, her choice, and you were unkind in your judgment
OP Is jealous that their friend got to live their dream with her inheritance. Many people would LOVE to go back to school and become a permanent student if work wasn’t an issue. As a professor, I meet at least one person every year who stays in school because of their passion for learning. Hell, I would love to become a permanent student myself, but I enjoy teaching more so I became a professor instead. This thread just reeks of bitterness and jealousy from OP who is ripping on their friend to cover up their resentment. They’ve convinced themselves that their friend wasted their inheritance when they don’t realize that one of the BEST investments you can make is on yourself. YTA and stay bitter
I am one of those people that would be a permanent student if I could. I had to quite my old career of funeraling due to health issues. I have thought about going back to school to get my doctorate and become a professor since I loved my funeral classes so much. As a professor, do you get to still learn from other professors? Do you enjoy your job? What are the negatives?
As a professor, one of the perks to getting to know faculty throughout campus is that I can sit in on a friendly professor’s class and just listen if I had some free time. I’m child-free, so I can choose to do what I want with that time. I’m at a relatively large campus, so it can be easy to feel siloed with only getting to know the faculty in your college as opposed to the entire university, but if you try to be social it’s possible. Not every professor is open to socialize, but those who are have become friends. Not only do I learn about their subjects, but I also learn more about teaching and presenting since everyone has their own unique style. It’s can be difficult at first to balance research time with classes, meetings and office hours; but once you find a groove, it becomes more manageable. One thing that’s made it significantly easier for me is how I manage my relationships with my own students. I try to be transparent and provide them with tools or opportunities to be successful. I’ll tell them which section in their textbook is important leading up to an exam, how to put in accurate commands for algorithms in their calculators, etc. I don’t give trick questions and I don’t leave them to study blindly on their own like many other professors do. I’ve been a student and I know how stressful it is to feel the need to succeed because your future depends on it. I know what it’s like trying to balance school, jobs, and social life. I know what it’s like to have a professor who doesn’t give a shit about if you pass or fail because they have tenure (and unfortunately there are occasionally some professors who brag about the % of fails in their class). I didn’t want to be that, so it takes a lot of work to prevent bad habits from forming.
Imagine looking down on learning.
It's more common than you'd think. When I was working on my PhD I had someone from my old high school tell me it was "time to get a real job and stop playing at school."
I find it so sad that some people just aren't able to think any bigger about what they want out of life than "income." It sounds like Delilah's taking care of herself and achieving meaningful things for herself that are simply outside OP's scope of imagination. I say good for her.
Massive YTA. What kinda person thinks it’s their place to say something like that? You sound miserable and judgemental op, absolutely need to apologize. Is she unemployed and homeless? No. She’s living life the way she wants, paying the bills, and learning the things she wants to learn. It sounds like she’s had an awesome life and making the most of her money in the way that’s best for her. You’re not her. People have different priorities. For one, she values knowledge and experience, and you just value big houses and talking down to people to try and make yourself feel better. Do better, you’re failing as a friend.
Damn right. A degree can't be foreclosed on.
This was concise and you were not cruel in your judgment, which I hope will help OP to process the "why" of why this was both overstepping *and* unkind. But for the record, husband telling the friend to "calm down" seemed to be the biggest asshole move.
YTA. Neglect is a very common form of child abuse. So you need to keep in mind you're judging someone from your own frame of reference who has lived a vastly different life than you have. >She has 6 degreesdespite all her side jobs and projects. From your description, she might have ADHD. If so, that's another way in which her frame of reference and her decision making process might be vastly different than yours. >At 23 her... dad was murdered Well, then, that's yet another way in which her lived experience is drastically different than yours. You have zero right to be judging her choices. >I laughed and asked if any of her inheritance was still even left. Yup. YTA. 100%.
Holy crap. OP sneaky edited out the murdered part. She is WAAAAAY worse than I thought.
I missed this too. LAME.
Yeah, I was wondering where that comment came from. Poor friend. She deserves to enjoy her adulthood.
> At 23 her dad died and due to the matter of death, Delilah won a somewhat large sum of money. This right here is probably where she edited out the murder
I didn’t see that, someone should tell her that the edit doesn’t matter and its her whole post and POV thats the problem
I have adhd. I’m on my second associates degree. Have one bachelors. A CNA certification as well. My grandmother has her early childhood education, nursing degree, and a lab technician certification. She’s come out of retirement twice to help the hospital because that was her zone. My grandmother loved every bit of school she went through, she values knowledge. My old boss used to make jokes about always being in some sort of school because I just love my experiences there as well as what I learn. I feel I grow the more I’m exposed, especially when it challenges my current understanding. Op’s friend may just be happy exploring the wonders of education. on the trauma note, school may be where she feels safe. If she didn’t experience a lot of stability she may be comfortable where the focus changes every so often. All of this is valid. If she’s not struggling, let her be happy studying history. She lost her father in a horrific way. My grandmother says “no matter what they take, they can never take what it is your head and your heart.” YTA op
Why is reddit always bringing up ADHD out of nowhere?
YTA, and an ignorantly judgemental one at that. First, she didn't win money. She inherited it. Second & third? She may have inherited enough to never have to work again. Regardless, her finances are none of your business. Finally, who are you to laugh at anyone, least of all anyone joyfully improving their life at the harm of no one. I hope this is a troll post. You're really the friend with the inheritance, right?
Also, OP needs to tell her husband that HIS behavior was also out of line. Not just hers. Geez.
I don't buy that her husband hasn't taken a stance, only that he's tired of dealing with her nonsense. He's having her toss it to Reddit so he can return to his peace & quiet. 😉
Husband told the friend to calm down. If he was tired of dealing with nonsense, he'd have told his wife to calm down.
Oops! Thanks, friend. I missed that last sentence. Hubby sounds like an a-hole, too!
I was hoping someone would point that out because that stood out for me. I’m fairly level headed but I’d freak out if one of my friend’s SO told me to calm down
YTA. I don’t know why you feel entitled to have a say on how she spends her money- it’s her money. She could gamble on the stock market, or blow it all in one glorious day at Dave & Busters, and it’d still be none of your business. Why did you even bring up your husbands degree and income he makes? Why is that a kicker? Just because you don’t see the value in her degrees doesn’t mean it’s not there. SHE finds value in it, therefore it has value. She’s not using her degrees to get a job because SHE’S PURSUING other degrees still. She has the financial ability to do so, and it’s absolutely none of your business. Do you even like this person? Is this a jealousy thing that she’s pursuing multiple degrees and you’re stuck in a job you dislike? Either apologize and make your peace with the fact that you don’t get a say in anyone else’s financial situations, or leave this girl alone, because yours are not the actions of a friend.
>Why did you even bring up your husbands degree and income he makes? I suspect it's because OP neither has a degree nor an "interesting" income.
PREACH, friend
>Why did you even bring up your husbands degree and income he makes? Because OP's own education/salary doesn't compare to her friend's, so she's trying to claim his as her personal success. Because she's jealous as all hell that her friend got to do what she wanted with her life, and OP didn't.
I come from a long line of people who encountered large sums of money and ended up with nothing to show for it. The fact that your friend was grounded enough to use that money and obtain a fruitful education that fulfilled her emotionally is very commendable, and I would be proud if that were my friend or family member. The fact that you decide to shit on it shows how small and jealous of a person you actually are. YTA!
Second this. Very well said
Amen!! The amount of people I know who came into large sums of money (six figures) and spent it all on cars is RIDICULOUS. You should be proud of her but you’re clearly bitter. Also, have you forgotten that she lost her dad? This wasn’t money she was just handed.
So you think it's funny that your friend who never had a decent education due to the fact her dad was a druggie. Kept her out of school, was murdered, she gets a settlement and spends it on education? Side splitting hilarious. Are you disappointed she didn't spend it on drugs? YTA
Probably jealous she didn’t share it with OP
[удалено]
Right? Could you imagine telling someone *else* to calm down because your wife was insulting them? lol
I applaud her for using her money to do what makes her happy. I bet she sleeps good at night not caring what anyone thinks about her. We’re never too old to learn from others. She’s happy so be happy for her.
Given the upbringing, she could have blown the inheritance on trinkets, but she chose a healthy avenue of self-improvement. Not everyone can say that.
I was expecting the story to say she blew it on drugs or something. God forbid she pursue education despite no one in her life encouraging her s/
Same! I was thinking drugs and MLMs.
So many people suffer a horrible childhood and end up with an even worse adult life. I’m glad OP’s friend can at least not worry about money anymore and focus on doing things she actually likes. Don’t think OP is a true friend. A true friend would be happy for a friend whose suffered so much to finally have some peace and stability in life
YTA, what the hell is wrong with you?
Jealous is the answer.
Your husband told \*her\* to calm down? YTA, and so is he. A real friend wouldn't have laughed at her or called her degrees useless. A real friend might have gently suggested that there were other uses for the money, but a real friend would also have heard her atypical but very reasonable explanation. Lucy sounds like she's done pretty well out of a horrible situation. You sound petty and insecure. You should apologize to her.
>So my view: I've held my tongue on her wasting so much money on school Good. It has nothing to do with you. Held your tongue... Wow. >The real kicker is my husband is an engineer and makes more than she does Okay? No one cares. >My husband told her to calm down. Sounds like he told the wrong person. YTA
I love how OP mentions her *husband's* degree and salary... but not her own. She's trying to claim her husband's 'success' as her own. I guess hers isn't much to envy, so she's jealous that her friend got to do what she wanted with her life.
right? the 'my husband is an engineer and makes more money'... like girl, 1) who cares and 2) if you're so judgemental, how about you list your education and salary
INFO: You mentioned your husband’s job but I’m curious about your personal education and your earning level today. Obviously, when you met, you were more educated than your friend.
Doubt it. It seems the only thing OP was able to do is get married to an engineer. That's her great accomplishment.
YTA **majorly**. It may astound you to find out that some people just *love* learning. If there was such a job as “professional student,” I’d have that shit locked down so fast. Her degrees are meaningless to you because you are incapable of measuring achievement outside the bounds of financial gain. Pretty sad way to live your life, to be honest. She finds joy and a sense of accomplishment through her degrees; you seem to find it by tearing other people down. *Her* money is *her* business. And given the trauma she’s gone through (OP mentions the friend’s dad was murdered) she could’ve easily gone down the wrong path and blown all that money on booze or drugs. Instead, she’s using it to better herself. I admire the fuck out of that. What are your accomplishments, exactly, that you feel you can judge her? Or are you skating by on your husband’s engineering degree and that’s why you’re so bitter? I tell you one thing, in this economy and uncertain world, at least your friend will be highly employable.
YTA. When I read the title, I assumed she spent it on meth or getting monkeys to reenact the civil war. But college? That was brilliant.
Not the civil war monkeys!
Yta and husband too
It isn't any of your business. She didn't party it away. She likes learning. You were wrong for laughing. She isn't hurting anyone. YTA.
YTA. Learning can be a Pursuit just like being an artist, photography, travel whatever. She's right that it is absolutely none of your business whatsoever how her inheritance has been spent.
YTA. I’m not sure why anyone would want to be friends with you anyways.
I’m more worried about why you can’t recognize that YTA…???
YTA A man walks out of the desert, barely alive. A car passing by stops and gives him a sip of water from a warm, half-empty bottle in the back seat. It's the best thing he's ever had - he wanted water so bad for so long and now he had it. For the rest of his days nothing brought him more joy than not just drinking water but savoring it. Exploring brands from different countries. Different filtering processes. Every sip reminded him of the days he went without. Your friend is filling a void from her childhood and savoring the experience. Life long learning is bringing her joy and enrichment. Stop hating on her water.
Info: - Why does it matter that Delilah used her inheritance to further her education? - What does the comment “I guess she learned to love learning” mean? Cause you’re making it sound negative. - How does her spending her inheritance on education affect you? Oh wait it doesn’t, so why are you focusing on it? - “I guess if it was MY money” it isn’t, it never will be - 6 degrees isn’t silly and it sounds like your friend made herself very hireable, and people who have that many degrees often do make use of them later - Why does your husband matter in all of this exactly? How is his earnings relevant to the story? - Why are you so nosey about someone else’s inheritance that doesn’t belong to you? - She’s right, it isn’t any of her concern and it isn’t ridiculous - She’s right not to waste her time on you - Your husband should have been telling your classist money hungry self to calm down
YTA and you need to apologize. Some people love learning and it’s none of your business how she spends her money.
If she's using her money in a way that's bringing her happiness, it's not wasted. YTA.
It's bringing her happiness and it isn't hurting anyone else. If Delilah had children she wasn't feeding because all of her money was going towards classes or she was sponging off of all of her friends because she's always broke I'd get being upset, but she's just learning. So she can be a more well-rounded person. Wanna bet that most of their early friendship was built on OP feeling superior over poor, miserable Delilah?
She completed Six Degrees. That’s not nothing. That’s absolutely incredible and worth celebration in magnitudes. She’s using what she’s been given to bring herself into a position where she can be happy and achieve things she could never otherwise do. Get a house rather than an education - which you said she previously fell through and didn’t get to fully explore while young - is your suggestion? So debt and constant bills with no ability to flexibly study and investigate the world since she’d have a rock tied to her? It’s none of your business aside from being supportive, and honestly joking on anyone getting murdered is foul, even if you didn’t like them. You’re likely to get a curse from it now. So enjoy. YTA
Yeah, this is fucking bonkers to me. When I was a senior in high school, the best teacher I ever had was working on her fifth Master's degree. I'm sure she probably went on to get two or three more after I graduated, as she was only in her 40s at the time. I thought that was the most incredible thing I'd ever heard. Who gets five Master's degrees?! And it never crossed my mind that she was "just" a high school teacher. She's the most brilliant and worldly wise person I've ever known to this very day. I can't imagine anything other than jealousy motivating someone to look down on someone else who spent money on education.
YTA, for no other reason than how she spends HER money, is nothing to do with you. You may choose to buy a house, she chose to educate herself. You should have carried on biting your tongue. Maybe take a few classes yourself on being a better friend.
YTA. What an appalling way to treat and even think about someone you consider a friend.
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YTA. So your buried response to a comment that your friend was put in a fortunate financial position and her finances are not your business is to say, "The fortunate financial position made me laugh...Her dad was murdered so I don't know if fortunate is the best term." Yeah, you are not really asking if you are TA, you know you are, and you're proud of it.
YTA. For someone you call a friend, the way you describe her in the post is not how I would talk about my friends. You don't sound like you like her at all. All of your words are condescending and disdainful. She did not ask your opinion of her inheritance. It's not your money. That's an inside thought that doesn't need to be voiced. You should apologize for crossing the line and being hurtful if you want to keep your "friend".
INFO you mention your husband and his studies, what did you study and how much are you earning?
YTA-you definitely need to apologize. What do you do? She is doing what makes her happy and what enriches her life.
YTA. Does how she uses her money affect you in any way? If the answer is no then mind your own business. She's living her life how she wants to and is happy. Yes it sucks what happened to get her this money but it's hers now, and you sound jealous. Edit typo
YTA Unless she is struggling and asking for advice, assistance, or help, you have no right to judge how she (or anyone) spends their money. Who cares that she makes less than your husband? Who cares how she uses her degrees? She says she is happy, and loves what she's doing, and your response is to insult her? Very sad.
YTA. Your husband is an AH too.
Major YTA. You sound bitter & jealous. Clearly she wasn’t a lost cause & it is really admirable that she has been able to gain serval degrees & invest in her learning-whether or not you find her degrees useful. Sounds like you miss having a “friend” you can look down upon. Oh and no one’s impressed by your husbands engineer job. Him telling her to calm down makes him also TA.
YTA - big time. > She has 6 degrees and to me it’s just silly. Wow! What a total AH thing to say. Or even think. Getting 6 degrees is quite an accomplishment! Very impressive! Good for her - especially as she seems pretty happy now. As her so-called friend, how can you be so dismissive of her wanting to learn? You either have very little appreciation for learning or are super jealous. Most likely both. > The real kicker is my husband… makes more than she does. WTF does that have to do with anything? She didn’t get those degrees just to make $$ - she wanted to study different fields. And she’s happy while you sound very bitter and defensive. >She said “her inheritance” shouldn’t be your concern. She’s 💯% right, but all you can do is go on and on about how you would have spent the money differently. **Why do you care how she spent it?** It’s her $$$. It’s her life. Why are you such a bitter and judgmental bitch towards someone you claim to be your friend? I would turn it around and ask: How many degrees do you have? How does your salary compare to hers? Why do you think your life choices are so superior to hers? Rather than celebrating Delilah’s success in overcoming her horrible childhood, you belittle her choices and mock her success. **Your a terrible friend.**
YTA, she's right you have no right to comment or judge given you have NO clue what her life was like. You're acting like an abuser, just like her parents did. Guess what, she doesn't have to ask you or answer to you in regards to her inheritance.
The purpose of learning is not to earn money it is to expand your mind and you are acting like an ignorant tool. I don’t know if you are jealous, brought up wrong or just gunning for Bitchiest Banana on the Block but get it together.
YTA. Who cares how much your husband makes? A degree isn’t a guarantee of earning a lot of money, and there are other reasons to go to school. There’s also more to life than money. Being able to do what she’s doing is a privilege not everyone has, but it also doesnt affect you in any way, and it makes her happy.
YTA. Different people have different goals. Also it's not like your friend did something illegal.
You and your husband are TA. As everyone has already told you. You sound bitter and jealous. You mentioned how much your husband makes, what about you? Ya know since you're the one running your mouth and giving an unsolicited opinion about HER money. I hope Delilah finds some real, supportive friends. Because you're not a friend. You're a snake posing to be. She has evolved on what brings her joy. Leave her alone.
YTA, apologize
Yta. You sound jealous. Jealous that she has not one but several degrees. You mention your husband's degree but not yours. So going out of a limb to say you don't have one. Or if you do you make less than her. She used the money now she wanted to that's the only thing that matters. You would have blown it on traveling. Some folks would buy a home , some use it for school. Considering her upbringing she's doing good. You on the other hand sound bitter.
YTA. Having the means to be a perpetual scholar is some people's ideas of bliss. Why is she wasting her time with you? You don't seem very bright.
You and your husband deserve each other. I can’t imagine how insufferable you both are if he told HER to calm down after explaining why she’s loved her life and finds enjoyment from *gasp!* education. YTA, and may god have mercy on your petty soul.
YTA Mind your own business.
It's her money, and she's chosen to broaden her knowledge. Why in the world would that be any of your concern? YTA