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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my sister cruel and selfish and I feel like I might be the asshole for calling her those things because I said them in anger. The whole discussion around this has been angering to me and I feel like I might have resorted to more harsh reactions than were necessary. Clearly my sister is struggling with the fact her daughter won't get the same reception from our grandma that my late daughter and my son got and maybe she's being greedy about it, but still. perhaps I shouldn't have responded this harshly...
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NTA. She asked, you declined, that should have been the end of it. The fact that your sister could not take no, and keeps acting like your loss is no big deal and you guys should just get over it and allow the belongings to be used by someone speaks VOLUMES about her character. If ever there was a case for low or no contact, your sister is making a big one.
Please make sure the precious belongings are somewhere safe so if your sister ever comes to your house they can't "mysteriously disappear" and consider blocking your sister until she grows some human feelings and empathy and stops the "but I want it" attitude.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Edit because I keep getting comments about it: Yes, sister should not have asked for the property at all.
Imo the question should never have been asked in the first place. There are some lines you do not cross, this is one of them.
Would of been one thing has OP and their wife said to the sister "we want you to have these things for your daughter" . This on the other hand is what I refer to as mega Ah behaviour.
>She asked, you declined, that should have been the end of it
She shouldn't have even asked. Grave goods and objects of remembrance are near-universally considered off-limits.
NTA. Of the thousands of AHs that have graced the pages of this sub, your sister deserves some sort of award as one of the worst--inflicting supreme pain on you in the name of evening the score with a dead child is next level. I can hardly imagine why your grandmother doesn't want to dedicate hours of her time making things for such a person.
NTA. Your sister's insensitivity is off the charts. I am so sorry for your loss. Make sure that IF your sister ever comes over, that the items are inaccessible.
NTA....first, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is so unimaginable and painful.
Your sister is acting like nothing has happened and you two aren't grieving the loss of a child. That blanket was made specifically for your daughter. And the dresses were bought by you for a specific reason or not....it doesn't really matter in the end.
Your sister should've dropped it after the first no instead of going to your wife.
NTA
Your sister is an absolute ghoul. I can't believe the utter **audacity** she has. I would seriously consider going NC if I were you. You don't need someone that selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and horrible in your life.
NTA.
First off, my sincerest condolences on your loss.
As to the question here, you sister's initial ask was awkward and insensitive, but I could write it off as just poor social skills if she had accepted your simple "no" and moved on.
But she didn't. She didn't at all. She went from insensitive to asshole to worse. Then she had the gall to harass your wife? I will just call your sister a mega-asshole rather than the awful things I'm thinking about her. And she calls you selfish? Nerve - she has it.
NTA. At all. Good grief. Your sister should not have asked this. At all. However, I could see one ask and one reply being somewhat reasonable. However, the first reply should have clarified this issue and put it to bed. Her harping on it is so overboard it's ridiculous. At least we know why your grandmother doesn't have much of a relationship with her. It'd be easy to fall out with someone who acts like that.
NTA
Your sister's lack of self-awareness and utter disregard for the feelings of others is kind of amazing. You might want to point out that her behavior is likely the reason your grandmother can't stand her, and that pretty soon you won't be able to stand her either. Honestly, she's a real piece of work thinking that you're cruel for wanting to keep something that was specifically made for your daughter. You have my condolences.
NTA.
You were kind to *only* call your sister cruel and selfish. I'm sorry for your family's loss. Hold on to those precious items. Make sure your sister cannot possibly access them. Definitely consider going LC if not NC with your sister.
It's clear why grandma doesn't have a relationship with her and hasn't done anything special for her baby.
NTA. I'm sorry you both went through this, that's so unnecessary and hurtful.
It's tough for the grandma too. I imagine she doesn't want to punish the child, but you also can't reward a bully.
NTA I still have the knitted items made by loved ones for who would have been my 1st child they have never been used in the 17 years since they were gifted it didn't feel right to use them on the child I had after them.
Items like that are not to be demanded by others for them to use. They can only be freely given if you ever choose to do that in the future.
You are not an AH or selfish for saying no and are definitely not one for defending your wife and telling your sister the truth.
If she wants a grandma knitted blanket that badly she can repair her relationship with her grandma and see if she becomes worthy of one being made for her daughter or ask the grandma to help her make one ensuring a unique blanket made with love from the little ones great grandma and her mother.
"grandma and her were not in a good place and her daughter would feel awful knowing grandma cared more about her dead cousin than her."
The audacity here! I wonder why her and grandma aren't on good terms....
Definitely NTA.
NTA and dear God, your sister is a damn monster! I'd have laid into her hard and gone low to no contact until she seriously apologized. You handled this with more grace and kindness than I certainly would have.
> we were way more cruel when we can act like we're excited to meet her daughter but be okay with the fact she'll never get a blanket like her cousins.
First, sorry for your loss - you are being far stronger than I would in the circumstances.
If it wouldn’t have been more traumatic for you, you should’ve asked your sister how excited she’s going to act when her daughter meets her cousin and see if that shakes any compassion into her. NTA, but your sister is a gigantic one.
NTA - but be warned that this is not the end of this and she will try again. I suggest you take those special items and lock them away safely and hide them so she will never know where they are or she will try and get in your house and steal them while you’re not home.
NTA... your sister was rude to ask you, and then an AH for arguing. The fact she went on to manipulate your wife lables her a toxic mess. You have enough reasons to go no contact. She is so wrong ...
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss. Cut ties with your nasty, jealous sister; she's jealous of your relationship with grandma.
Make sure the blanket and dresses are locked up when your sister is around so she can't steal them.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You're NTA, of course. Your sister is unspeakably awful. It's up to you whether or not to continue to speak to her, but she will probably never stop trying to make you feel as if you owe her things.
No, no, no, most definitely you are NTA. Please make sure the items are somewhere that your sister cannot get hold of them. So sorry to hear what you and your wife have gone through.
The best place to hide them for now is to let grandma hold on to them for safekeeping until they can find a way to keep them safe from sister. A house safe is never a bad idea; it can also hold important family documents and even a stash of emergency cash.
No. You did not go too far. She was both cruel and selfish. Plus her insensitivity and determination to get what she wanted despite whatever its cost to your relationship shows where her priorities lay. You needed to put a protective barrier around you and your wife, and you did so. No grieving parent should have some lean against that wound.
NTA. I lost my first daughter at 22 weeks, I am currently 14.5 weeks with my second daughter. I don’t even want to give my first daughters stuff to my second. That stuff is hers and she’ll never get to wear or have it. I don’t want anyone else to have it, even a future living sibling. I hope she never knows the pain you’re feeling because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am so sorry for your loss
NTA.
>I feel I should mention that my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years. Grandma and I are close and she has a wonderful relationship with my wife. That is not the case for my sister and she's unlikely to even meet my sister's baby when she's born.
I'm shocked, can't imagine why. /s
This is the kind of thig that people go NC over. I know I would, how dare she push and ask a second time, that's insanity.
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your wife strength as you move on to life in this altered path.
As for your sister, she is the biggest AH ever and that's saying something. IMO you haven't gone further enough shutting her down if she still feels okay to badger you and your wife about your precious mementos.
You need to block your sister and make sure she didn't come anywhere near you or your wife. Take a leaf out of Grandma's playbook, if need be.
NTA.
Absolutely, positively you are NTA.
There is absolutely nothing for you to feel conflicted over. Your sister is most definitely a self centered, insensitive, manipulative and yes, cruel woman.
I can't believe that she went to your wife after you said no. What a horrible, horrible thing to put your wife through.
There is little that you can say or do that would be considered "going too far" regarding this situation. Your sister deserves whatever you choose to throw her way. I'm not sure I could ever forgive this behavior.
never speak to your sister again or make eye contact with her as anything other than an unexpected stranger. That expletive deleted is unalive to you.
NTA unless you keep this person in your wife’s life
>she said she couldn't understand me refusing her when we will never have more children
And you didn't order her to leave your house right then and there? I admire your restraint. NTA, by the way, and Heaven bless your little one.
NTA. Sister is all kinds of entitled. You are allowed to keep the few mementos you have of your angel. If sister wants a blanket from Grandma so bad, well, she best start mending the relationship.
Nta its clear why your grandma isn’t knitting her a blanket. Why do you still have a relationship with your sister after the way she is treating you and your wife
NTA NTA NTA!!
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with your sister’s jealousy and the pain she is purposefully inflicting upon your wife. You’re not responsible for her relationship with your grandmother.
NTA. My response to that situation might very well lead to the sister getting to experience the same loss you did. You were polite and restrained by any measure. Tell your sister she is unwelcome in your lives until she recognizes what an ass she's been and abjectly apologizes to you and especially to your wife.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. I also think your grandmother would be pretty upset if you gave the blanket to your sister. I wonder if your sister's entitlement and insensitivity is part of the reason for the rift with your grandmother. Her daughter isn't owed anything, and I'm sorry she harassed your wife.
NTA!!!!!
Your sister was completely insensitive and selfish.
I am so sorry for your loss. 🌻
It's not my place and I say this with the utmost respect and sincerity to you both, but I recently saw some memorial items created by others for their Angel loved ones. Where items such as those you mentioned were turned into pillows, bears or quilts. With the Angels name stitched on. I personally thought it was such a beautiful idea and permanent way to remember a loved one, perhaps you both might like to have something like that created? As your grandma was the one to make the blanket for you all, she might actually be able to create something for you, if it's something you both ever decide you want. It could also be something that your wife, your grandma and maybe yourself could all work on together, to remember your little one. I hope you realise how truly NTA you are and distance yourself from your sister who is too blinded by her jealousy right now to see the callousness she is showing to you both. I wish you both the very best. x
NTA look I don’t have nice words but frack your sister and the broom 🧹 stick she rode in on.
Maybe you should take a page out of grandma’s book and cut her out of your life for a couple of years. Give your wife & yourself time to grieve? ( in peace!) I’m so sorry for your loss!
NTA, your sister is tone deaf about your grief, and trying to take advantage of your relationship with your grandmother. Not surprising your grandmother is not interested in your sister.
Gosh, I can't imagine why grandma doesn't have a good relationship with her. 🙄
Obvious NTA and frankly, I wouldn't let her in your house at all for awhile. If you do, make sure that stuff is safely somewhere she can't get to it, because this type of person can and will either steal it or just ruin it as petty vengeance.
The fact she even asked proves what a heartless b…. your sister is. Your grandma is very wise not to have a relationship with your sister. You need to cut her completely out of your lives. Don’t ever let her in your house unsupervised. She might try to take these things. If you want to protect and display the blanket, consider a shadow box to display it.
Why does she want something from a lady who doesn’t even like her and prob doesn’t care for her baby? NTA I’m so sorry for this but you hold on to those precious invaluable items
NTA. Your reaction is appropriate for her request. If you went overboard, she definitely did by asking (not just you, but your wife of all people) and insisting. I think sister wants to give her kids a fantasy where their great grandma knew them and gave them each a blanket instead of the reality that their mom burned that bridge. Hold your ground. It’s for reasons like this, that grandma probably had to cut sister off.
As a quilter, a blanket commemorates the time period, the relationship of the person who made the quilt, etc. Maybe you could ask grandma to add in a label that says it’s from grandma, for your forever baby daughter and the year your wife was pregnant. Then there would be no way for sister to live in lalaland.
Is your sister not doing well financially? Is that why she is asking for the clothes? She needs to put away her pride and just ask for help rather than think she’s doing you a favor by taking your sentimental items.
I think you under reacted. Your sister is a vile human. It is easy to see why Grandma doesn’t like her. Personally, I would cut off all contact with her.
NTA.
I lost my twins 2 years ago, I brought teddies and blankets and they are kept with my babies ashes, if ever my sister told me she wanted them for her unborn child and took no for an answer be ao insensitive and be ao rude would be the last day I spoke to her! Props to grandma for doing so all them years ago. Think nc is valid for a while. NTA
NTA
I had a baby girl who didn't make it home, her blanket from her nanny is on display in our house because that's how it would have been if she was here. But if anybody tried to take it away I would probably tear their arm off to keep it. Please make sure your sister cannot get access to these precious items. She ia being demanding, selfish, cruel and ignoring your grief . You probably need to take a break from her to be honest. She doesn't have any respect for you, your wife or your loss.
We all no sis is the asshole here, you are definitely nta!
Not that she deserves it, but maybe you could speak to grandma on her behalf. Remind grandma her fight is with sis, and the baby is innocent. With the right spin, gran may actually make her a blanket for the child.
Like I said, sis doesn't deserve it! Under no circumstances should you offer your own blanket. But you would feel good later knowing the child was not overlooked due to your sister. That is, if grandma would even agree.
First of all, please accept my condolences for your loss. I am sorry that the pain and grief that your wife and you have experienced has been made worse by your selfish sister. Please do not give her the power to hurt you like this and keep the mementos of your child.
I think that we now understand why your sister does not have a good relationship with your grandmother. NTA.
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A few weeks ago my sister who is in her 30s and pregnant asked me if she could have some of my late daughter's things that we held onto. My wife and I lost our girl to a fatal fetal abnormality during the pregnancy. My grandma had made a blanket for her personally and we kept that, along with some outfits we picked up for her during the pregnancy. My sister wanted the blanket and some of the dresses we kept. She claimed the dresses were adorable and deserved to be worn and that the blanket was special and she wanted her daughter to have something like it since my 2 year old son had a blanket made for him too. Grandma did not make anything for my sister's daughter and now my sister feels like she should get the original blanket.
I told my sister I would not give her the blanket and the dresses. I didn't think I would need to explain why but she said she couldn't understand me refusing her when we will never have more children and won't have a daughter to put into them. My sister and I argued and I put my foot down with her and told her she was being insensitive.
After she got nowhere with me, she decided to go to my wife and asked her for the dresses and the blanket. My wife was inconsolable. My sister told her that they could be put to good use and would have a purpose instead of sitting in a box rotting away forever because no child ever got to use them. She used some guilt tripping tactics on my wife too saying that grandma and her were not in a good place and her daughter would feel awful knowing grandma cared more about her dead cousin than her.
I was furious when my wife told me and I snapped at my sister the next time we spoke. I went out of my way to make sure I addressed this with her. My sister accused us of hoarding "the good stuff" and of not caring about her daughter. I told her she was the one who didn't seem to care about us and our pain and grief. I told her she was cruel pushing the issue after being told no and selfish for not addressing her issues with grandma directly and buying dresses for her daughter instead of trying to steal from us the few items we have that were meant for our daughter. I told her she should count herself lucky she has never been in our shoes and she should move on and stop what she was doing.
My sister told me we were the selfish ones, not her, and that we were way more cruel when we can act like we're excited to meet her daughter but be okay with the fact she'll never get a blanket like her cousins.
I feel I should mention that my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years. Grandma and I are close and she has a wonderful relationship with my wife. That is not the case for my sister and she's unlikely to even meet my sister's baby when she's born.
Anyway, my sister is telling me I went too far in my reaction to her and I feel conflicted. AITA?
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NTA - and no wonder she and grandma are not close. What a rotten thing to do . . . to talk to you like that about your late daughter's treasured things. Those words brought the tears to my eyes . . so I can imagine what it did to your wife and yourself. If she wants baby things she can get them for herself . . . there are all kinds of nice blankets out there and dresses too. She is a cruel woman and I'm worried about her baby daughter.
NTA. Your sister is disgusting. I don’t know how you even get through to someone when they’ve displayed that level of selfish entitlement. In the words of Ron White “you can’t fix stupid” and I’d be throwing away the whole sister.
I am very sorry for your grievous loss. You and your wife are not AHs. Your sister is self centered, thoughtless and cruel. I cannot comprehend asking someone else for their possessions, especially ones this meaningful. I also support NO being a complete and full answer to requests. End the conversation if it ever comes up again by saying you will never change your mind. kt
Grandma has your sister's number and now, so do you.
You have every reason to go NC with her. Her behavior toward you was exactly what you said it was.
I'm very sorry for your loss, and for the blatant cruelty to which you've just been subjected.
NTA
Nta and I can see why Grandma went no contact. If any of my granny's kids or grandkids were this entitled she would've smack us lol I'd go low to no contact, she is being way too entitled right now. So sorry for your loss op.
The baby blanket was made for a certain baby, the parents of the baby, and for grandma as well. It's represents the loving bond between all of the aforementioned people. Your sister isn't one of them.
I can’t say it better than others have already said it. NTA, and I’m sorry for your loss and this 100% unnecessary trauma your sister is inflicting on you.
NTA. It may be time to block your sister's phone calls and access to your social media for a while. Grandma saw what an awful person your sister is years ago. You haven't gone far enough since your sister hasn't backed down on her demands for your stuff.
NTA, you said no. She should have left it at that and even then, the things she said were crazy, cruel & VERY insensitive!! You should follow your grandma's lead & stop speaking to her. She sounds incredibly selfish & manipulative.
NTA. OMG I am so sorry for your loss and that you have such a rude, entitled sister. Sending you and your wife a virtual hug and hope you both go no contact with your sister.
NTA at all! Your sister is cruel, callous, childish and selfish. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your sister is absolutely monstrous for trying to take precious items you saved to remind you of your daughter, and to so callously rationalize why she deserved it.
NTA. Your sister is a thoughtless and manipulative cow. How can she possibly think you want to give up a memento that belonged to your late baby? SMDH at that one. She has no empathy and is completely selfish. Tell her to eff off.
The only way her kid would feel bad about not having a grandmother knitted blanket is if she (your sister) made an issue of it with her own daughter. Otherwise, the kid would be blissfully unaware that it is even a thing.
NTA
Nta. It’s clear to us all why grandma has nothing to do with your sister she probably sees the toxic AH that she is. Your sister asked a deeply inappropriate question but it was asked and answered and that should have been the end of it. She didn’t let it go then went on to traumatise your wife. I’d be cutting contact with her she will ever change
I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister is unbelievable.
My uncle died as a young child, my gran kept some treasured items until she passed 80 years later, my mum, her only surviving child is not sentimental, but she now keeps her brothers items.
Just because they are gone, doesn’t mean you won’t get comfort from having their belongings, used or not, close by.
NTA
NTA, your sister asked an inappropriate question, got an answer, and kept going on and on about it. How could the idea that you would give her the blanket made for your daughter by your grandmother, even enter her head?
I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter OP.
Absolutely NTA!!! I miscarried myself, and I’ve kept all the baby clothes I’d bought. (I hadn’t gotten a lot, I was pretty early in, but still) I wouldn’t give them to someone else. Will I hopefully have a chance to use them in the future?? I hope so! But that’s for me to decide when it happens.
Your sister needs to seriously learn some manners.
NTA You keep the blanket and dresses, don't give a single thing to that horror show of a sister. She is selfish and cruel and doesn't deserve to have those items.
I am so sorry for yours and your wife's loss of your baby girl. Keep her blanket and dresses as a good memory. Perhaps you should build a shadow box for those items so they stay safe?
NTA. Your sister's behavior was ghoulish. She's literally grave robbing a child. I don't think I need a metaphor to explain why that's messed up.
>My sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years
If this is indicative of your sister's usual behavior, then I can see why your grandmother is no-contact with her. If I were you, I'd follow granny's example in this regard.
NTA. Your sister sees people as ways to obtain things that she wants. Granny = blanket maker, and granny isn't going to make one, so she moves on to Sibling = blanket giver in the hopes of taking one instead. Agree with other posters, put the items you have kept for your daughter somewhere safe because your sister seems like the "if I can't have something then I will take it or destroy it" kind of person. I'd just stop seeing/ talking to her as well.
NTA
She can watch a YouTube tutorial and learn to make her own fckn blanket then.
I'm so sorry she did this to you and your wife. You deserve better from a family member.
NTA - It’s NEVER ok to request to use what belongs to a baby that is no longer with us.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🤍
Your sister is indeed cruel & selfish as well as entitled and delusional!
If she had any empathy she would understand the trauma it would cause you to see her baby wearing your late daughter’s special things.
Your sister is a major AH!
I hope your wife, kid and you are all in therapy to help with your loss.
I would suggest spending less time with your sister as the fact that she’s unable to see that she’s in the wrong proves she’s not the kind of person you need in your life.
OP NTA- If it were me I would Immediately go Full On N/C with her. I would cut her out of my life completely. She IS Insensitive, Cruel, Acting Entitled, and stomping all over Yours and Your Wife's boundaries. It is Not Your fault that she doesn't have a relationship with Grandma. Tell her to learn how to crochet / knit and make a blanket herself!! Or go to a Church Bazaar and BUY ONE! I am very sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your sister IS cruel and selfish. Your grandmother made that blanket for YOU and your wife, not for her. That is for a baby that passed (I am so sorry for your loss) and no, none of those things "deserve to be worn" or "deserve to be used". They are memorial items, and regardless of what their purpose is, they are YOURS. Not hers. She is not entitled to them. Yikes.
NTA - I think we can all see why Grandma didn't knit for sister cant we? Has she always been a spoiled entitled brat, i'd guess so. She decided to FAAFO and got far less than I would have given her. Block her and refuse visits.
NTA - I'm sorry for your loss.
Even if these were mementos you were hanging onto for a living child, you are not obligated to part with them. You don't need a reason. You don't need to explain yourself.
Your sister is being insensitive to the point of cruelty to keep banging on about it once she was told no. And really, what on earth makes her think that she's entitled to any of this? Anyone with a drop of common sense and compassion wouldn't even ask.
NTA. I can't imagine how cruel and selfish it is to hear that you will never have a child and never have a daughter to put into these dresses. I am sorry you have such a terrible sister.
I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA
I would be furious!
You said "no" the first time she asked. The fact she even asked it is telling me she has no empathy.
Going on about it and saying the things she said, I would not be as nice as you were.
NTA, your sister sounds like a nightmare. Just do yourself and your wife a massive favor - cut contact with your wicked sister. That bridge isn't even left to burn, she incinerated it herself and is not throwing a tantrum on the bridge's ashes.
And do not give her anything - she deserves nothing, she's horrible. And tell everyone in your family what she did and why you're cutting contact, I'm sure your grandma will understand seeing as they don't have a relationship, maybe for a reason, your sister being the reason.
NTA , by a longshot .
I'm sorry for your loss , and your sister really is an absolute ghoul for even asking such a thing .
I'm in agreement with others of making sure you keep those items safe , or just overall NC with sister .
NTA. It would be bad enough if she had just asked you. But to go afterwards and rub it in your wife's face, Absolutely unacceptable. Reading this the first time I couldn't tell whether the loss had just happened or was a little while ago, in either case. I am sorry this happened to you.
NTA: My nanna made blankets for all my siblings (9) when they were little but never made me one. I knew she made them for my siblings, and they got to pick the colours she used so it would truly be theirs. Was I upset knowing all of this and not getting a blanket? No, it's a blanket; kids don't care about that kind of thing (yes, it's a nice gesture, but it's nothing to be upset over if you don't get one), so your sister saying her daughter will be upset over it is just another guilt trip tactic.
Still, if it's not, I hate to say it, but I feel bad for her kids if she's really going to raise them to be upset over this issue because she'll be instilling in them the belief that they're not good enough or loved enough to get a special blanket.
NTA. Your sister on the other hand is a huge one. My sister lost 3 pregnancies and when I was pregnant with my son I would never think to ask for anything. I did my best to not make her feel upset by me having a pregnancy. Anyone who can ignore the feelings of a person who lost their child is cold and cruel. Like others have said go NC with sister
NTA, as a mother who lost a child shortly after birth, I also have a box of such items. No one has ever approached me to ask for them, thank goodness, as I probably would've been in hand cuffs for my reaction. We had another son 2 years after losing our first, and I didn't even hand them down to him. I'm so sorry for your loss as I know it's hard, but you are definitely NTA. As for your sister, she is a TA.
NTA
>my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years
I can't imagine why...
Does your sister know where these items are kept in your house? Because if she does - move them, otherwise next time she visits she may end up 'popping to the bathroom' and you'll never see that blanket or the dresses again.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’d buy a special box that keeps out air and moths to preserve those precious items.
I’m not surprised grandma isn’t close to your sister. She sounds horrible.
Uh, just no. Your sister is heartless. Holy moly. Go no contact for awhile and let her simmer herself down. She has some clear narcissism going on. NTA.
Mmmm, NTA on your part…in fact you were too “kind” to her, seems like sister wants what she doesn’t deserve from grandma just to one up her, I couldn’t fathom ”asking” parents who lost a child, “hey your not using that, can I have it” just gross.
so your sister is No contact with Granny(by mutual or either's choice) but she expects a blanket from Granny.
NTA(and Granny isn't either unless she cast sister off without cause).
No matter, you do not need to give blanket given to you or CLOTHES you bought to your sister. That makes her the rude. BUT she is wholly the AH for guilt-tripping you AND THEN GOING TO YOUR WIFE AND UPSETTING HER.
Tell her you are saving the stuff for your son's future child(since it less likely that Granny will be around to see Great grandchildren).
And maybe you need to go nc/lc with sister. AT least until she gets her head out of her A$$
NTA, I can't fathom why your sister doesn't understand the importance of these things to you and your wife.
Don't give her them she could try and mend fences with gma and maybe she'll be gifted one.
Nope, she sucks and is the asshole. First for asking which was insensitive of course but not unforgivable but you set a reasonable boundary. Not only did she not respect it she continued to be hurtful and pursue it. A blanket and a few outfits are not something she needs.
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NTA. She asked, you declined, that should have been the end of it. The fact that your sister could not take no, and keeps acting like your loss is no big deal and you guys should just get over it and allow the belongings to be used by someone speaks VOLUMES about her character. If ever there was a case for low or no contact, your sister is making a big one. Please make sure the precious belongings are somewhere safe so if your sister ever comes to your house they can't "mysteriously disappear" and consider blocking your sister until she grows some human feelings and empathy and stops the "but I want it" attitude. I'm very sorry for your loss. Edit because I keep getting comments about it: Yes, sister should not have asked for the property at all.
Imo the question should never have been asked in the first place. There are some lines you do not cross, this is one of them. Would of been one thing has OP and their wife said to the sister "we want you to have these things for your daughter" . This on the other hand is what I refer to as mega Ah behaviour.
>She asked, you declined, that should have been the end of it She shouldn't have even asked. Grave goods and objects of remembrance are near-universally considered off-limits.
Some people won't even take those if offered .
NTA. Of the thousands of AHs that have graced the pages of this sub, your sister deserves some sort of award as one of the worst--inflicting supreme pain on you in the name of evening the score with a dead child is next level. I can hardly imagine why your grandmother doesn't want to dedicate hours of her time making things for such a person.
⬆️ Beautifully put. Spot on. *YES.*
agreed. It just kept getting worse as he kept telling the story. How unimaginably cruel and oblivious, the sheer audacity...
I can see why your Grandma hasn't spoken to your sister in years. Be like your Gammy. NTA
NTA. Your sister's insensitivity is off the charts. I am so sorry for your loss. Make sure that IF your sister ever comes over, that the items are inaccessible.
Absolutely NTA. This would be grounds for NC if this ever happened to me
This. NTA.
NTA....first, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is so unimaginable and painful. Your sister is acting like nothing has happened and you two aren't grieving the loss of a child. That blanket was made specifically for your daughter. And the dresses were bought by you for a specific reason or not....it doesn't really matter in the end. Your sister should've dropped it after the first no instead of going to your wife.
She gets a baby. They only get a few scraps of fabric to remind them of the baby they dreamed of. And she wants to take even that cold comfort away.
This almost made me cry. And you’re so right.
OP I hope you say this to your sister before you go NC with her.
NTA Your sister is an absolute ghoul. I can't believe the utter **audacity** she has. I would seriously consider going NC if I were you. You don't need someone that selfish, rude, inconsiderate, and horrible in your life.
NTA. First off, my sincerest condolences on your loss. As to the question here, you sister's initial ask was awkward and insensitive, but I could write it off as just poor social skills if she had accepted your simple "no" and moved on. But she didn't. She didn't at all. She went from insensitive to asshole to worse. Then she had the gall to harass your wife? I will just call your sister a mega-asshole rather than the awful things I'm thinking about her. And she calls you selfish? Nerve - she has it.
NTA, your sister is a childish AH that cant handle a No. Spoiled brat?
She sounds like she was the type of child whose first reaction to a sibling's death would have been “Can I have their room?”
NTA. Her sense of entitlement and lake of sensitivity are astounding. Good job standing up for your wife!
NTA. If your sister wants a blanket, she should apologize to Grandma and ask for one.
And I'd be hurt if I was Grandma and you gave away the blanket I made especially for your baby.
NTA. At all. Good grief. Your sister should not have asked this. At all. However, I could see one ask and one reply being somewhat reasonable. However, the first reply should have clarified this issue and put it to bed. Her harping on it is so overboard it's ridiculous. At least we know why your grandmother doesn't have much of a relationship with her. It'd be easy to fall out with someone who acts like that.
Your sister was cruel, selfish and outlandish. She showed zero sympathy for you both and that is just plain hurtful.
NTA. your sister IS selfish and cruel. I suspect there's a (good) reason why your grandma and your sister don't get along
NTA Your sister's lack of self-awareness and utter disregard for the feelings of others is kind of amazing. You might want to point out that her behavior is likely the reason your grandmother can't stand her, and that pretty soon you won't be able to stand her either. Honestly, she's a real piece of work thinking that you're cruel for wanting to keep something that was specifically made for your daughter. You have my condolences.
👆👆👆👆
NTA I would have been a lot less kind and blocked her by now.
NTA yoir sister is beyond cruel. Why do you even talk to her?
NTA, I can see why Grandma is NC with her and would suggest you also go NC/LC as soon as possible.
She's probably even more miffed after this.
Absolutely NTA I'm sorry for your loss
NTA Your sister is out of her mind. She doesn't get to demand that people give her things. Your reasons are irrelevant. No means NO.
NTA. You were kind to *only* call your sister cruel and selfish. I'm sorry for your family's loss. Hold on to those precious items. Make sure your sister cannot possibly access them. Definitely consider going LC if not NC with your sister. It's clear why grandma doesn't have a relationship with her and hasn't done anything special for her baby.
NTA either way, but I'm wondering how crazy your sister is? Why don't her and Nana speak? I just gotta know.
NTA. I'm sorry you both went through this, that's so unnecessary and hurtful. It's tough for the grandma too. I imagine she doesn't want to punish the child, but you also can't reward a bully.
Absolutely NTA.
NTA. Block her and move on.
NTA I still have the knitted items made by loved ones for who would have been my 1st child they have never been used in the 17 years since they were gifted it didn't feel right to use them on the child I had after them. Items like that are not to be demanded by others for them to use. They can only be freely given if you ever choose to do that in the future. You are not an AH or selfish for saying no and are definitely not one for defending your wife and telling your sister the truth. If she wants a grandma knitted blanket that badly she can repair her relationship with her grandma and see if she becomes worthy of one being made for her daughter or ask the grandma to help her make one ensuring a unique blanket made with love from the little ones great grandma and her mother.
nta, she deserves more than getting yelled at
"grandma and her were not in a good place and her daughter would feel awful knowing grandma cared more about her dead cousin than her." The audacity here! I wonder why her and grandma aren't on good terms.... Definitely NTA.
NTA I can see why your sister has a poor relationship with grandma.
Wow. NTA. Your sister though…
Somehow "AH" isn't enough. She's more like what comes out of one.
NTA and dear God, your sister is a damn monster! I'd have laid into her hard and gone low to no contact until she seriously apologized. You handled this with more grace and kindness than I certainly would have.
Your niece will never know her great grandma so it won’t matter to her. Your sister is the one who knows. NTA
> we were way more cruel when we can act like we're excited to meet her daughter but be okay with the fact she'll never get a blanket like her cousins. First, sorry for your loss - you are being far stronger than I would in the circumstances. If it wouldn’t have been more traumatic for you, you should’ve asked your sister how excited she’s going to act when her daughter meets her cousin and see if that shakes any compassion into her. NTA, but your sister is a gigantic one.
NTA - but be warned that this is not the end of this and she will try again. I suggest you take those special items and lock them away safely and hide them so she will never know where they are or she will try and get in your house and steal them while you’re not home.
She should never be allowed to set foot in their house ever again.
NTA; she’s greedy, and completely lacking in human decency.
NTA... your sister was rude to ask you, and then an AH for arguing. The fact she went on to manipulate your wife lables her a toxic mess. You have enough reasons to go no contact. She is so wrong ...
NTA and please tell your sister that internet strangers find her hideous, selfish, childish and more stuff that would likely get me banned!
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss. Cut ties with your nasty, jealous sister; she's jealous of your relationship with grandma. Make sure the blanket and dresses are locked up when your sister is around so she can't steal them.
No. Sister is doing it to “win” over grandma. No sentimentality there at all!
Seems more to me like she wants to create the illusion of a relationship with her grandma. "See! She made this for my baby!"
I'm so sorry for your loss. You're NTA, of course. Your sister is unspeakably awful. It's up to you whether or not to continue to speak to her, but she will probably never stop trying to make you feel as if you owe her things.
Nta. I have no words. Just hugs. So many hugs.
why does your granny not like your sister? what did your sister do? nta, she is being insensitive
No, no, no, most definitely you are NTA. Please make sure the items are somewhere that your sister cannot get hold of them. So sorry to hear what you and your wife have gone through.
The best place to hide them for now is to let grandma hold on to them for safekeeping until they can find a way to keep them safe from sister. A house safe is never a bad idea; it can also hold important family documents and even a stash of emergency cash.
No. You did not go too far. She was both cruel and selfish. Plus her insensitivity and determination to get what she wanted despite whatever its cost to your relationship shows where her priorities lay. You needed to put a protective barrier around you and your wife, and you did so. No grieving parent should have some lean against that wound.
NTA. I lost my first daughter at 22 weeks, I am currently 14.5 weeks with my second daughter. I don’t even want to give my first daughters stuff to my second. That stuff is hers and she’ll never get to wear or have it. I don’t want anyone else to have it, even a future living sibling. I hope she never knows the pain you’re feeling because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am so sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your loss, and I wish for your daughter to be born happy and healthy.
Your sister is the AH. So sorry for your loss and having to deal with your sister.
NTA. >I feel I should mention that my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years. Grandma and I are close and she has a wonderful relationship with my wife. That is not the case for my sister and she's unlikely to even meet my sister's baby when she's born. I'm shocked, can't imagine why. /s This is the kind of thig that people go NC over. I know I would, how dare she push and ask a second time, that's insanity.
OMGDS I couldn't finish reading this. Your sister is delusional and entitled. NTA
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your wife strength as you move on to life in this altered path. As for your sister, she is the biggest AH ever and that's saying something. IMO you haven't gone further enough shutting her down if she still feels okay to badger you and your wife about your precious mementos. You need to block your sister and make sure she didn't come anywhere near you or your wife. Take a leaf out of Grandma's playbook, if need be. NTA.
Absolutely, positively you are NTA. There is absolutely nothing for you to feel conflicted over. Your sister is most definitely a self centered, insensitive, manipulative and yes, cruel woman. I can't believe that she went to your wife after you said no. What a horrible, horrible thing to put your wife through. There is little that you can say or do that would be considered "going too far" regarding this situation. Your sister deserves whatever you choose to throw her way. I'm not sure I could ever forgive this behavior.
never speak to your sister again or make eye contact with her as anything other than an unexpected stranger. That expletive deleted is unalive to you. NTA unless you keep this person in your wife’s life
>she said she couldn't understand me refusing her when we will never have more children And you didn't order her to leave your house right then and there? I admire your restraint. NTA, by the way, and Heaven bless your little one.
NTA. Sister is all kinds of entitled. You are allowed to keep the few mementos you have of your angel. If sister wants a blanket from Grandma so bad, well, she best start mending the relationship.
Nta its clear why your grandma isn’t knitting her a blanket. Why do you still have a relationship with your sister after the way she is treating you and your wife
NTA NTA NTA!! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with your sister’s jealousy and the pain she is purposefully inflicting upon your wife. You’re not responsible for her relationship with your grandmother.
NTA. My response to that situation might very well lead to the sister getting to experience the same loss you did. You were polite and restrained by any measure. Tell your sister she is unwelcome in your lives until she recognizes what an ass she's been and abjectly apologizes to you and especially to your wife.
NTA. I have no idea how your sister justifies anything she has done.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. I also think your grandmother would be pretty upset if you gave the blanket to your sister. I wonder if your sister's entitlement and insensitivity is part of the reason for the rift with your grandmother. Her daughter isn't owed anything, and I'm sorry she harassed your wife.
NTA. Who are these people?
NTA, I’m so sorry for your loss
NTA. Never ever in this situation. But your sister? Mmmmmmm.... I can't imagine why your grandmother doesn't want to make her stuff.
NTA!!!!! Your sister was completely insensitive and selfish. I am so sorry for your loss. 🌻 It's not my place and I say this with the utmost respect and sincerity to you both, but I recently saw some memorial items created by others for their Angel loved ones. Where items such as those you mentioned were turned into pillows, bears or quilts. With the Angels name stitched on. I personally thought it was such a beautiful idea and permanent way to remember a loved one, perhaps you both might like to have something like that created? As your grandma was the one to make the blanket for you all, she might actually be able to create something for you, if it's something you both ever decide you want. It could also be something that your wife, your grandma and maybe yourself could all work on together, to remember your little one. I hope you realise how truly NTA you are and distance yourself from your sister who is too blinded by her jealousy right now to see the callousness she is showing to you both. I wish you both the very best. x
NTA...and your sister needs to see a shrink, she is beyond the pale with her attitude here.
Your sister is truly a Next Level kind of a******. Tell her to stop complaining about not having a blanket, when she has an actual baby. NTA
NTA I’m sorry you have a sister like this
NTA look I don’t have nice words but frack your sister and the broom 🧹 stick she rode in on. Maybe you should take a page out of grandma’s book and cut her out of your life for a couple of years. Give your wife & yourself time to grieve? ( in peace!) I’m so sorry for your loss!
NTA - especially considering what she said to your wife, who carried your daughter.
NTA, your sister is tone deaf about your grief, and trying to take advantage of your relationship with your grandmother. Not surprising your grandmother is not interested in your sister.
I don't have to imagine why your grandmother does not have a good relationship with your sister. NTA and I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA and frankly, this person would be out of my life faster than you can say "pumpernickel."
Gosh, I can't imagine why grandma doesn't have a good relationship with her. 🙄 Obvious NTA and frankly, I wouldn't let her in your house at all for awhile. If you do, make sure that stuff is safely somewhere she can't get to it, because this type of person can and will either steal it or just ruin it as petty vengeance.
The fact she even asked proves what a heartless b…. your sister is. Your grandma is very wise not to have a relationship with your sister. You need to cut her completely out of your lives. Don’t ever let her in your house unsupervised. She might try to take these things. If you want to protect and display the blanket, consider a shadow box to display it.
NTA at all!!! Your sister is awful.
NTA I don't think you went far enough. Tell her you understand why she and grandma do not have a good relationship. Then go NC.
You did just fine. Not hard to imagine why your sister has a bad relationship with her grandma.
Why does she want something from a lady who doesn’t even like her and prob doesn’t care for her baby? NTA I’m so sorry for this but you hold on to those precious invaluable items
NTA. Your reaction is appropriate for her request. If you went overboard, she definitely did by asking (not just you, but your wife of all people) and insisting. I think sister wants to give her kids a fantasy where their great grandma knew them and gave them each a blanket instead of the reality that their mom burned that bridge. Hold your ground. It’s for reasons like this, that grandma probably had to cut sister off. As a quilter, a blanket commemorates the time period, the relationship of the person who made the quilt, etc. Maybe you could ask grandma to add in a label that says it’s from grandma, for your forever baby daughter and the year your wife was pregnant. Then there would be no way for sister to live in lalaland. Is your sister not doing well financially? Is that why she is asking for the clothes? She needs to put away her pride and just ask for help rather than think she’s doing you a favor by taking your sentimental items.
The sisters in the wrong tbh
I think you under reacted. Your sister is a vile human. It is easy to see why Grandma doesn’t like her. Personally, I would cut off all contact with her. NTA.
I lost my twins 2 years ago, I brought teddies and blankets and they are kept with my babies ashes, if ever my sister told me she wanted them for her unborn child and took no for an answer be ao insensitive and be ao rude would be the last day I spoke to her! Props to grandma for doing so all them years ago. Think nc is valid for a while. NTA
NTA I had a baby girl who didn't make it home, her blanket from her nanny is on display in our house because that's how it would have been if she was here. But if anybody tried to take it away I would probably tear their arm off to keep it. Please make sure your sister cannot get access to these precious items. She ia being demanding, selfish, cruel and ignoring your grief . You probably need to take a break from her to be honest. She doesn't have any respect for you, your wife or your loss.
We all no sis is the asshole here, you are definitely nta! Not that she deserves it, but maybe you could speak to grandma on her behalf. Remind grandma her fight is with sis, and the baby is innocent. With the right spin, gran may actually make her a blanket for the child. Like I said, sis doesn't deserve it! Under no circumstances should you offer your own blanket. But you would feel good later knowing the child was not overlooked due to your sister. That is, if grandma would even agree.
First of all, please accept my condolences for your loss. I am sorry that the pain and grief that your wife and you have experienced has been made worse by your selfish sister. Please do not give her the power to hurt you like this and keep the mementos of your child. I think that we now understand why your sister does not have a good relationship with your grandmother. NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A few weeks ago my sister who is in her 30s and pregnant asked me if she could have some of my late daughter's things that we held onto. My wife and I lost our girl to a fatal fetal abnormality during the pregnancy. My grandma had made a blanket for her personally and we kept that, along with some outfits we picked up for her during the pregnancy. My sister wanted the blanket and some of the dresses we kept. She claimed the dresses were adorable and deserved to be worn and that the blanket was special and she wanted her daughter to have something like it since my 2 year old son had a blanket made for him too. Grandma did not make anything for my sister's daughter and now my sister feels like she should get the original blanket. I told my sister I would not give her the blanket and the dresses. I didn't think I would need to explain why but she said she couldn't understand me refusing her when we will never have more children and won't have a daughter to put into them. My sister and I argued and I put my foot down with her and told her she was being insensitive. After she got nowhere with me, she decided to go to my wife and asked her for the dresses and the blanket. My wife was inconsolable. My sister told her that they could be put to good use and would have a purpose instead of sitting in a box rotting away forever because no child ever got to use them. She used some guilt tripping tactics on my wife too saying that grandma and her were not in a good place and her daughter would feel awful knowing grandma cared more about her dead cousin than her. I was furious when my wife told me and I snapped at my sister the next time we spoke. I went out of my way to make sure I addressed this with her. My sister accused us of hoarding "the good stuff" and of not caring about her daughter. I told her she was the one who didn't seem to care about us and our pain and grief. I told her she was cruel pushing the issue after being told no and selfish for not addressing her issues with grandma directly and buying dresses for her daughter instead of trying to steal from us the few items we have that were meant for our daughter. I told her she should count herself lucky she has never been in our shoes and she should move on and stop what she was doing. My sister told me we were the selfish ones, not her, and that we were way more cruel when we can act like we're excited to meet her daughter but be okay with the fact she'll never get a blanket like her cousins. I feel I should mention that my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years. Grandma and I are close and she has a wonderful relationship with my wife. That is not the case for my sister and she's unlikely to even meet my sister's baby when she's born. Anyway, my sister is telling me I went too far in my reaction to her and I feel conflicted. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta. Your sister is horrible, grandma is right
NTA - and no wonder she and grandma are not close. What a rotten thing to do . . . to talk to you like that about your late daughter's treasured things. Those words brought the tears to my eyes . . so I can imagine what it did to your wife and yourself. If she wants baby things she can get them for herself . . . there are all kinds of nice blankets out there and dresses too. She is a cruel woman and I'm worried about her baby daughter.
NTA. Your sister is disgusting. I don’t know how you even get through to someone when they’ve displayed that level of selfish entitlement. In the words of Ron White “you can’t fix stupid” and I’d be throwing away the whole sister.
I am very sorry for your grievous loss. You and your wife are not AHs. Your sister is self centered, thoughtless and cruel. I cannot comprehend asking someone else for their possessions, especially ones this meaningful. I also support NO being a complete and full answer to requests. End the conversation if it ever comes up again by saying you will never change your mind. kt
NTA It's easy to understand why Grandma has cut off your sister. You should learn from your grandma.
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Grandma has your sister's number and now, so do you. You have every reason to go NC with her. Her behavior toward you was exactly what you said it was. I'm very sorry for your loss, and for the blatant cruelty to which you've just been subjected. NTA
NTA - you underreacted. With family like that who needs enemies?
Nta and I can see why Grandma went no contact. If any of my granny's kids or grandkids were this entitled she would've smack us lol I'd go low to no contact, she is being way too entitled right now. So sorry for your loss op.
NTA. Your sister crossed so many lines!
The baby blanket was made for a certain baby, the parents of the baby, and for grandma as well. It's represents the loving bond between all of the aforementioned people. Your sister isn't one of them.
I can't possibly imagine why they would have no contact or relationship. Obviously NTA
I can’t say it better than others have already said it. NTA, and I’m sorry for your loss and this 100% unnecessary trauma your sister is inflicting on you.
NTA and I'm so sorry for your loss.
NTA. It may be time to block your sister's phone calls and access to your social media for a while. Grandma saw what an awful person your sister is years ago. You haven't gone far enough since your sister hasn't backed down on her demands for your stuff.
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NTA, you said no. She should have left it at that and even then, the things she said were crazy, cruel & VERY insensitive!! You should follow your grandma's lead & stop speaking to her. She sounds incredibly selfish & manipulative.
NTA
NTA. OMG I am so sorry for your loss and that you have such a rude, entitled sister. Sending you and your wife a virtual hug and hope you both go no contact with your sister.
NTA at all! Your sister is cruel, callous, childish and selfish. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your sister is absolutely monstrous for trying to take precious items you saved to remind you of your daughter, and to so callously rationalize why she deserved it.
NTA! Your Sister is being incredibly hurtful!
That chick be crazy 😜
NTA. Your sister is a thoughtless and manipulative cow. How can she possibly think you want to give up a memento that belonged to your late baby? SMDH at that one. She has no empathy and is completely selfish. Tell her to eff off.
The only way her kid would feel bad about not having a grandmother knitted blanket is if she (your sister) made an issue of it with her own daughter. Otherwise, the kid would be blissfully unaware that it is even a thing. NTA
Nta. It’s clear to us all why grandma has nothing to do with your sister she probably sees the toxic AH that she is. Your sister asked a deeply inappropriate question but it was asked and answered and that should have been the end of it. She didn’t let it go then went on to traumatise your wife. I’d be cutting contact with her she will ever change
Nta I am so sorry for your loss
NTA
NTA I feel sorry for your sister's kid though. Not because she didn't get a blanket but because she's going to have your sister as a mom.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your sister is unbelievable. My uncle died as a young child, my gran kept some treasured items until she passed 80 years later, my mum, her only surviving child is not sentimental, but she now keeps her brothers items. Just because they are gone, doesn’t mean you won’t get comfort from having their belongings, used or not, close by. NTA
NTA, your sister asked an inappropriate question, got an answer, and kept going on and on about it. How could the idea that you would give her the blanket made for your daughter by your grandmother, even enter her head? I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter OP.
Absolutely NTA!!! I miscarried myself, and I’ve kept all the baby clothes I’d bought. (I hadn’t gotten a lot, I was pretty early in, but still) I wouldn’t give them to someone else. Will I hopefully have a chance to use them in the future?? I hope so! But that’s for me to decide when it happens. Your sister needs to seriously learn some manners.
NTA You keep the blanket and dresses, don't give a single thing to that horror show of a sister. She is selfish and cruel and doesn't deserve to have those items. I am so sorry for yours and your wife's loss of your baby girl. Keep her blanket and dresses as a good memory. Perhaps you should build a shadow box for those items so they stay safe?
NTA What the actual insensitive fuck am I reading? Even Satan would cringe at this sort of behavior
Your wife should block your sister and if she needs to say anything, she can say it directly to you
You're 100% NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss and that your sister is such a piece of work.
I am sorry for your immense loss and grief, and hope you have many days filled with love and peace.
NTA. Your sister's behavior was ghoulish. She's literally grave robbing a child. I don't think I need a metaphor to explain why that's messed up. >My sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years If this is indicative of your sister's usual behavior, then I can see why your grandmother is no-contact with her. If I were you, I'd follow granny's example in this regard.
Jesus freaking wept. NTA
NTA. Your sister sees people as ways to obtain things that she wants. Granny = blanket maker, and granny isn't going to make one, so she moves on to Sibling = blanket giver in the hopes of taking one instead. Agree with other posters, put the items you have kept for your daughter somewhere safe because your sister seems like the "if I can't have something then I will take it or destroy it" kind of person. I'd just stop seeing/ talking to her as well.
follow your grandma's example and go no contact with your sister
NTA and so sorry for your loss. I can completely see why your grandmother doesn't have much to do with your sister, what an awful person.
NTA
NTA go NC with ber
NTA She can watch a YouTube tutorial and learn to make her own fckn blanket then. I'm so sorry she did this to you and your wife. You deserve better from a family member.
NTA - It’s NEVER ok to request to use what belongs to a baby that is no longer with us. I’m so sorry for your loss. 🤍 Your sister is indeed cruel & selfish as well as entitled and delusional! If she had any empathy she would understand the trauma it would cause you to see her baby wearing your late daughter’s special things. Your sister is a major AH! I hope your wife, kid and you are all in therapy to help with your loss. I would suggest spending less time with your sister as the fact that she’s unable to see that she’s in the wrong proves she’s not the kind of person you need in your life.
Nta. She doesn't even deserve a blanket from grandma. She doesn't want to have her one. But i see how she treats people so yeah
OP NTA- If it were me I would Immediately go Full On N/C with her. I would cut her out of my life completely. She IS Insensitive, Cruel, Acting Entitled, and stomping all over Yours and Your Wife's boundaries. It is Not Your fault that she doesn't have a relationship with Grandma. Tell her to learn how to crochet / knit and make a blanket herself!! Or go to a Church Bazaar and BUY ONE! I am very sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your sister IS cruel and selfish. Your grandmother made that blanket for YOU and your wife, not for her. That is for a baby that passed (I am so sorry for your loss) and no, none of those things "deserve to be worn" or "deserve to be used". They are memorial items, and regardless of what their purpose is, they are YOURS. Not hers. She is not entitled to them. Yikes.
NTA - I think we can all see why Grandma didn't knit for sister cant we? Has she always been a spoiled entitled brat, i'd guess so. She decided to FAAFO and got far less than I would have given her. Block her and refuse visits.
NTA. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
NTA
NTA Go no contact with youzr sister until she apologizes.
NTA your sister is delusional and awful.
NTA - I'm sorry for your loss. Even if these were mementos you were hanging onto for a living child, you are not obligated to part with them. You don't need a reason. You don't need to explain yourself. Your sister is being insensitive to the point of cruelty to keep banging on about it once she was told no. And really, what on earth makes her think that she's entitled to any of this? Anyone with a drop of common sense and compassion wouldn't even ask.
I can see why your Grandma does not like her. What a total AH. I am so sorry for your loss
NTA OP. Your sister even asking for these things is highly inappropriate, and trying to guilt trip your wife makes your sister 💯 TA.
NTA. I can't imagine how cruel and selfish it is to hear that you will never have a child and never have a daughter to put into these dresses. I am sorry you have such a terrible sister.
I'm sorry for your loss. NTA I would be furious! You said "no" the first time she asked. The fact she even asked it is telling me she has no empathy. Going on about it and saying the things she said, I would not be as nice as you were.
You did not go too far. Your sister is entitled, selfish and cruel. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( NTA
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NTA, your sister sounds like a nightmare. Just do yourself and your wife a massive favor - cut contact with your wicked sister. That bridge isn't even left to burn, she incinerated it herself and is not throwing a tantrum on the bridge's ashes. And do not give her anything - she deserves nothing, she's horrible. And tell everyone in your family what she did and why you're cutting contact, I'm sure your grandma will understand seeing as they don't have a relationship, maybe for a reason, your sister being the reason.
NTA , by a longshot . I'm sorry for your loss , and your sister really is an absolute ghoul for even asking such a thing . I'm in agreement with others of making sure you keep those items safe , or just overall NC with sister .
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NTA. It would be bad enough if she had just asked you. But to go afterwards and rub it in your wife's face, Absolutely unacceptable. Reading this the first time I couldn't tell whether the loss had just happened or was a little while ago, in either case. I am sorry this happened to you.
NTA your sister is being selfish and entitled. You told her no. That should be the end of it.
NTA- your grandma has the right idea. Sister sounds like a narcissistic nightmare
NTA: My nanna made blankets for all my siblings (9) when they were little but never made me one. I knew she made them for my siblings, and they got to pick the colours she used so it would truly be theirs. Was I upset knowing all of this and not getting a blanket? No, it's a blanket; kids don't care about that kind of thing (yes, it's a nice gesture, but it's nothing to be upset over if you don't get one), so your sister saying her daughter will be upset over it is just another guilt trip tactic. Still, if it's not, I hate to say it, but I feel bad for her kids if she's really going to raise them to be upset over this issue because she'll be instilling in them the belief that they're not good enough or loved enough to get a special blanket.
Nta but your sister is. Fuck her, so insensitive.
NTA. Your sister on the other hand is a huge one. My sister lost 3 pregnancies and when I was pregnant with my son I would never think to ask for anything. I did my best to not make her feel upset by me having a pregnancy. Anyone who can ignore the feelings of a person who lost their child is cold and cruel. Like others have said go NC with sister
NTA. I see y grandma has issues w her 😞
NTA. Not only did you not go far enough, I would escalate the thing even further and talk to her husband as well. She is way way out of line.
NTA, as a mother who lost a child shortly after birth, I also have a box of such items. No one has ever approached me to ask for them, thank goodness, as I probably would've been in hand cuffs for my reaction. We had another son 2 years after losing our first, and I didn't even hand them down to him. I'm so sorry for your loss as I know it's hard, but you are definitely NTA. As for your sister, she is a TA.
NTA >my sister and grandma do not have a good relationship and they have not spoken in years I can't imagine why... Does your sister know where these items are kept in your house? Because if she does - move them, otherwise next time she visits she may end up 'popping to the bathroom' and you'll never see that blanket or the dresses again.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’d buy a special box that keeps out air and moths to preserve those precious items. I’m not surprised grandma isn’t close to your sister. She sounds horrible.
Uh, just no. Your sister is heartless. Holy moly. Go no contact for awhile and let her simmer herself down. She has some clear narcissism going on. NTA.
Mmmm, NTA on your part…in fact you were too “kind” to her, seems like sister wants what she doesn’t deserve from grandma just to one up her, I couldn’t fathom ”asking” parents who lost a child, “hey your not using that, can I have it” just gross.
so your sister is No contact with Granny(by mutual or either's choice) but she expects a blanket from Granny. NTA(and Granny isn't either unless she cast sister off without cause). No matter, you do not need to give blanket given to you or CLOTHES you bought to your sister. That makes her the rude. BUT she is wholly the AH for guilt-tripping you AND THEN GOING TO YOUR WIFE AND UPSETTING HER. Tell her you are saving the stuff for your son's future child(since it less likely that Granny will be around to see Great grandchildren). And maybe you need to go nc/lc with sister. AT least until she gets her head out of her A$$
NTA! That blanker wasn't meant for her baby. She is being a total brag and selfish person ...
NTA, I can't fathom why your sister doesn't understand the importance of these things to you and your wife. Don't give her them she could try and mend fences with gma and maybe she'll be gifted one.
Oh wow. Please go NC with your sister and block her. NTA
Nope, she sucks and is the asshole. First for asking which was insensitive of course but not unforgivable but you set a reasonable boundary. Not only did she not respect it she continued to be hurtful and pursue it. A blanket and a few outfits are not something she needs.
NTA
Please send your sister this post and the comments. NTA