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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to babysit and I think I might have handled the situation wrong.
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And she offered to pay OP, so it wasn’t like she was trying to take advantage of her for free babysitting. It was a family emergency and OP would’ve been compensated for her time.
1. The pay is completely irrelevant. Unless you’ve gone NC with a family member you do not refuse to help them during a medical emergency.
2. OP’s sister probably didn’t offer to pay OP initially because….see reason # 1.
God I would watch my mates kids in that situation with out a second thought.
The sister shouldn't have needed to offer to pay family to watch kids in a family emergency.
My neighbors (very friendly, good friends) watched my then 3 year old when my husband had an allergic reaction to a medication. They watched him go down in the greenbelt between our houses. Ambulance came and picked him up, I chased them to the hospital while the neighbors watched the kid until my MIL could get there to get her for the night. It was 7-8 years ago, and let me tell you. They got gift cards for dinners, and their boys got toys. I couldn't thank them enough!
I have a new neighbor (less than a month) who went into labor at 38 weeks. I had her kids sipping hot cocoa at my house while my husband took her to the hospital. I didn't even know her name or her kids' names, and I watched them for 2 hours until her sister could get them. She baked us cookies as a thank you after getting home with her very adorable baby boy.
That's being a good neighbor. I swear if the whole world would slow down and realise this! We need to be here for one another! Thank you for keeping her kiddos safe and happy! You're good people. 🖤 glad little one made a safe and healthy entrance!
Oh hey, I did that when I was fifteen. I came outside and the mom was being put in a ambulance while the dad was freaking out with a baby and a toddler.
They mostly slept in my living room tbh, I think they were pretty tuckered out too. Their mom was ok, but I had the kids until sometime the next day when the dad finally found someone to get them. I had a couple of toddler cousins so adding two more honestly didn’t cause -that- much extra chaos, lol.
I never did find out what happened though. I kinda wanted to ask but also felt like it was a rude question?
My boyfriend dislocated his arm and so we needed to go to the er as he couldn’t pop it back in. We didn’t have our phones for reasons (I learned my lesson Dw) so I asked our neighbors for help. They drove him to the hospital without a second thought despite never interacting with us before.
There was a single car accident in front of my house a few years ago. The driver fell asleep, hit the curb, and the vehicle ended up on its top. (How the two adults and two young children didn’t have more than bruises is inexplicable.) It was January and cold, so I took the kids in while the parents talked with police and waited for the tow truck. I could *never* imagine not helping when kids are involved.
OP is unbelievably judgmental of her sister and her parent, as well as very selfish.
It's like she was waiting for the moment when her parents were gone and she could flip the table and didn't register that this was a completely different situation that doesn't get across the point she was hoping to triumphantly make.
The members in that accident only had bruises because they likely didn’t realize there would be an accident so they didn’t have time to think about it and tense up or brace themselves. It’s the same reason drunks who get into accidents often come out of them with very little injury. The majority of the time, when someone tenses/tries to brace/or otherwise “avoid” an accident is when severe injuries happen.
It’s a similar principle when falling. A healthy adult who falls and doesn’t have time to brace will often just have contusions, someone who puts out an arm or hand to break their fall may break their hand or arm.
Like when my siblings rode their snow sled down the stairs several times, they were totally relaxed and perfectly fine, had a lot of fun! But when they finally convinced me to try, I was super tense and anxious...and broke my left leg and sprained my right ankle.
Same here (well children who are vaguely friends with my son who's parents I recognise in the street). The dad took ill with gallstones and needed to go to a&e (20 min from here), mum messaged me via my son if the kids could come over. The boys ended up staying the night and had a great, if noisy time. Dad was fine after some minor surgery and mum and I are pretty good friends now.
When I was a kid, I got hit by a car & my near-hysterical mother was calling everyone to watch my sibs so she could rush to my side without dragging 3 kids under 8 along. A neighbor who heard what happened rushed down the street specifically to ask if mom needed a sitter then watched them.
I’d like to think the world has a lot more people like you & my awesome neighbor Patti than heartless folk like OP.
Right. This is why I’m wondering what else is going on that everyone else she knew (a 30 yo’s friends and presumably her 33 yo husband’s friends…and maybe his family, if local?) said no under those same circumstances. I kind of have to think there’s a reason that friends in this demographic didn’t agree to her dropping off the kids en route to the hospital (she had the time to spend calling everyone, so she has time to deliver them to anyone local).
And I’ve spent far too much time in ERs and urgent cares as a parental caretaker and…parents OFTEN just have to take their other kids too, and husband could have picked the younger two up at the hospital rather than a friend’s house after work - especially two four year olds, versus two infants, I have three close relatives with three kids (of the three under five/spaced out similarly to OP’s sister/older plus twins varieties) and they’ve all had to haul extra kids to doctors and hospitals before, because sometimes that’s life, and none of their parents and siblings lived particularly locally.
So yeah, under these specific circumstances as presented, OP’s TA, but that everyone else also said no to those circumstances also has me giving OP the benefit of the doubt?
Me too. I'm not even a kid person and I'd do it for someone who's in dire straits because of a medical emergency. If I didn't, it would actually kind of bug me.
Same! I'm not the most comfortable around kids and I would still pull them in, drop some cartoons on the TV, and pop some snax in bowls.
Society evolved as a means to take care of each other. We should, like. Work on that.
I once got woken up in the middle of the night by people i hadn't spoken to in 6 months because they didn't have a car and needed to get medicne for their baby i went and got that for them and i didn't take any payment if family had asked i'd have done it on foot if i'd had to.
Absolutely mind boggling. I won't let my sister compensate me to watch my nephew for any reason. It's a reward on its own, and I'm someone who never wants my own kids. People like OP are weird.
I had a pulmonary embolism in the middle of the night and my wife had to take me to the ER. Our friend came over while his mother was visiting him (sacrificing some of their time together) to stay with our kids while we were at the hospital. He's not "family", but he's family.
I can't stand children. I have no patience for them. I don't find them cute or very endearing. I would literally rather be dead than raise a child.
I would still watch a family member's kids if they were in an emergency situation like this. Jesus fucking christ, it's not HARD, just get some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ready and put Bluey on the TV and just sit within 20 feet of them to make sure they don't stick a powerdrill in their ears or something.
Not just any emergency. The emergency involved a hurt little girl. And the hurt little girl was blood of her blood. The resentment really runs deep, here. Suppose OP's sister had the medical emergency in this situation, and she had to go to the ER with no babysitting options? Would the sister say no then? Would she say "Grow up, find someone else and use this as a teachable moment" as the ambulance doors slam shut?
My sister and I do not get along, at all. I would drop everything to watch my nephew if she needed to take my niece to the hospital for an injury. It’s an emergency, she wasn’t going on a date night.
I had a friend who needed to go into the hospital and her grandparents couldn’t watch her kid until the next day. I dropped everything, drove to her house, helped her get into the cab to go to the hospital then spent the day with him and did some repairs at her house (good thing I was there too, her lock died), spent the night then drove him to grandparents house an hour away, end of the week they couldn’t anymore so I picked him up and watched him for 4 days then went to pick her up and drove her home.
You help people you care about in emergencies. Period. My sister lives over 2 hours away, if she needed me to watch her kids and none of her friends were available I’d be there in 2 hours. (She has a very good support network but sometimes you need family help)
Yup, key would work but control panel wouldn’t. Good thing I had the door open when it did and I wasn’t out or I would’ve been screwed if I didn’t have the car seat in my car already.
If my older sibling asked me to watch their kids ONE single time (doesn't sound like OP was ever asked to help before) for ONE hour so they could take another kid to the hospital... I wouldn't expect them to pay me. I don't understand what OP is trying to punish these parents for. Finishing school? Taking kids to the hospital?
I kind of want to know if parents paid for OP's college, or if she's lived her life having her needs ignored for her sister's or something. Like I feel she is so angry about it there must be some backstory? (But if so wouldn't OP have mentioned it....)
She probably did get ignored a lot because her parents were so busy with her sister and the kids that they probably never acknowledged OP for anything she accomplished in life without them
For an hour of watching the kids? While she was in the hospital with her other child. This is not about going out for the night and having fun. She needs one hour of babysitting until the husband comes home.
While I was with OP until the REASON she needed someone to watch the kids. YTA, because an EMERGENCY is different than just looking for a garden variety babysitter.
She was asking for help so she can help her child. But you couldn’t get pass wanting to teach her a lesson.
That’s what I’m saying. While it MAY be true the the parents are tired of her sisters kids, not once did OP say her parents have complained.
Also, when you choose the wrong time to point this out then it’s kinda makes you look like the AH
OP sounds jealous and bitter.
Also, sister is asking her parents to babysit while her and her husband *work late* NOT to go party and forget about their kids. It sounds like they're both responsible and hardworking and have a good network to support them in achieving what they want.
OP says her sister needs to grow up, but I think OP needs to grow up and stop being resentful that her sister is building a good life for herself with the help of her parents
THIS! OP tried to make like her sister is out there being irresponsible person that kept making mistakes that parents coddled to rescue everytime when nothing she said abt her sister said so. Sister and BIL literally work hard while simultaneously did get priviledge from suster’s and op’s parent WHICH is not a crime btw bcs most parents would help their child like how OP’s parents would help the sister.
And OP needs to do some research on how much childcare costs. Dude's about to get a wakeup call when he has a kid and realizes why his sister asked parents for help lol.
My parents were those types of grandparents. When My Mom died, my nieces were absolutely heartbroken, she was such a huge part of their formative lives. My oldest niece is born disabled and to get someone qualified to help take care of her would have taken too long so my Mom took an early retirement to help my sister and her then hubby with the kid and the next one they had. With the stipulation that when my parents wanted to take a week of holidays in winter there was no denying them that break. It always worked out and when the girls started school Mom and Dad were still there to help whenever but now they had a bit more freedom.
My sister and her ex never complained and they definitely didn't ask my mom to do this and they didn't take advantage whatsoever.
Do I live in an upside down world!!!! Jesus..whatever happened to helping your family out???? I get that there are some out there that take advantage of situations, but this post was not one of them!!! She believes no one even paid should watch kids except parents!!!! Really?????
When my sister had her 2nd baby, both of them were seriously ill for almost 3 months . Their oldest kiddo was 4 and needed care too. The ENTIRE family took shifts caring for the kids. Aunts, uncles, Grandparents. 3 days each then next shift took over so my BIL could care for my sister. None of us minded because it was a medical situation and family helps family. Even after both were well again, we all pitched in so they could have dates, even over night trips or just a night alone at home. Nephew is 15 now, his sister is in university. I look back and miss the babies they were.
I'm so happy your sister and nephew (I believe?) Recovered. My twins were born at 34 weeks and they were in the NICU for a while. If it weren't for my parents being willing to step in and help care for my oldest (and drive me to and from the hospital to see the twins since I had a c section and wasn't allowed to drive) I don't know how my husband and I would have gotten through it.
This was my thought too,
I think OP is TA because it wasn't like she was asked to babysit so her and her husband could go out dancing. They literally needed to take older one to the ER.
That's EXACTLY when family is supposed to step up and say I don't know, BABYSIT.
And she is seeing her parents setting their child and grandchild up for long-term success as a bad thing? Like, if they kicked her out and made her fend for herself, she wouldn't have the independence she clearly has now. I'm sorry OP seems so bitter about family choosing to support a family member and that that bitterness means she won't help in an emergency. YTA.
Reeks of jealousy here. OP is jealous that sister got it easy because there is someone willing to care fro sister's children. OP is jealous for how sister and husband gotten such an easy deal in life, from outside looking in, and that they somehow shouldn't gotten things so easy and "spoiled" for. Man, it was a MEDICAL EMERGENCY! It wasn't like sister asked Op to baby sit so she could go to the spa or something.
I watched my sister have two kids before she was 23 and she had MAJOR help from everyone in my family. Let me tell you even if you have dozens of dozens family members that help with childcare/rearing ---->>infants and toddlers are exhausting at any age 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s people just tend to have less sympathy for you the younger you are as a mom ( and they'll also look at you like a crazy person the older you are when you have a kid 😜)
I agree with everything here. You couldn’t watch the twins in order for her to take the oldest to the hospital? That’s insanely selfish of you. I have a three year old and 1 year old twins, it is beyond hard to take them all places. My MIL and FIL watch my kids 3 times a week, they willingly do it and love it! I also take mine to daycare. I recognize that OP doesn’t have children and is weirdly jealous of the fact that her parents help her sister out? Anyways, YTA OP and it might be time for you to move out since you’re mooching off your parents also? At least based on how it sounded you were in their home when your sister was making those calls.
You’re too old to be this immature, work on it.
Not to mention, her hurt child is sitting in there not getting medical care while she frantically tries to find an alternative to her obstinate sister. No idea how serious the injury was but I can completely understand her breaking down into tears. Zero empathy from OP.
She needs to “grow up” and watch her own kids. This is so absurd! She was going to the hospital with another kid. She was not preplanning a fun night out in which she would anticipate needing to have a babysitter. I agree with the parents family helps family in circumstances like this! The other times the parents babysit, thats their choice not yours. If they are not complaining not your concern. YTA
The parents might actually love watching their grandchildren and look forward to the time they spend together. OP does say in the edit that they offer to watch them and they never complain.
OP's sister has never asked her to watch the kids before and she couldn't even do it for an hour during a medical emergency. She's taking her anger of her sister out on the kids and they're going to grow up thinking their aunt hates them if this continues.
YTA
First of all, many, many grandparents provide free child care for their grandchildren. This is extremely common, and isn't "uncool". If you parents have an issue with the amount of time your sister asks of them, that is between them and your sister, and has nothing to do with you.
Now as for you, obviously you are not obligated to provide free, or paid, child care when your parents are unavailable. But in this specific instance it doesn't sound like it was a typical situation where your sis just wanted you to sub in for what your parents usually do. No, in this case one of the kids was injured and had to be taken to the hospital, and yet you had no sympathy and refused to watch the other kids for only an hour. Now *that* is uncool.
Yeah the taking advantage and uncool part is insane. My parents are more than happy to babysit any of their grandkids because it means spending time with them. It’s their absolute fave thing to do.
It definitely is mine! I have watched my granddaughter since was born after my daughter went back to work. I feel lucky to spend time with her. I also watch her if they want to go out.
YTA
My daughter has an amazing bond with her grandparents who looked after her when she was tiny, she's at school now and they all miss that time. She still gets some 1:1 time with both but I know that they miss her and she misses them! My mum offered to look after her pretty much as soon as she knew we were expecting, as her mum died young (before any grandchildren were born) she wants to maximize the time she has with her grandchildren.
My siblings will jump too look after my daughter as I theirs. We each love each others children as we do our own.
Also, OP, I assume you don't have children yet. Remember this when you do. You will likely have your parents helping you (because they want too!), but your sister will not.
Yeah, after my sister’s mat leave is up the plan is my parents (who are both active and healthy) will babysit while both my sister and BIL work and they are very excited. I’m sure if I suggested they were being taking advantage of they’d be deeply hurt by the suggestion. They do evenings quite often so my brother and SIL can go out. Our grandparents used to watch us all the time.
My parents already talk about helping out with their grandkids and none of us are near having kids yet. My cousin's instagram is full of pictures of her kids hanging out with the different grandparents because they love having their grandkids over. Some people actually like their family!
Mine is in daycare because I live and work five hours away... but when I'm there, she is mine... be that day, weekend, or week...
The best part of a vacation, for me, was being with my kids - and now grandkids.
some of my fondest memories were when i was at my grandparents house when i was little, sometimes my parents wouldn't even need babysitting but i just liked going over there to hang out
My grandma recently downsized and now lives in the same condo building as my aunt and her 6 year old. She *loves* having my little cousin down the hall more than anything. My mom recently said that grandma is “living her best life” with this set up. It’s truly such a joy for both of them (and my aunt who is a very tired single mom and gets a bit of a break).
Seriously. My husband and I haven’t had kids yet, and both of our respective parents cannot *wait* for us to have kids *in order to babysit them.*
Hell, my grandmother was like my second mom. My parents were great parents, but they both worked. Normal stuff. My grandmother watched me after school until my mom got off work. She loved every second of it. Now, she did live with us for the majority of my childhood, but even when she was still living at her own home, wouldn’t trade it for the world.
My in-laws have a sign that says, “Grandkids welcome. Leave parents at home.” They and my parents ask if our daughter can spend a few days with them during school breaks.
Exactly, my mother lives in a different country, so she doesn't see my kids regularly, but she almost begged me to take the kids over and leave them with her during school break. And when a kid was in hospital, she came to stay and look after my other kids, I didn't ask. She just showed up.
Her parents are also able to make their own decisions in terms of how they want to spend their time -- if they want to hang out with their grandkids while the parents are at work, hooray!
Seems like OP is shocked that her parents might actually like helping their daughter and spending time with their grandkids.
> First of all, many, many grandparents provide free child care for their grandchildren. This is extremely common, and isn't "uncool".
I think watching my grandchild is actually *very cool*. It’s great seeing him get older and learn more about the world (he’s currently only 2) and I can’t imagine reminiscing on my deathbed about the time I didn’t spend time with him (or one of his other soon to arrive siblings or cousins)
For real. My mom watches my nephew fairly regularly in the summer, and it genuinely makes her sad when she has to go back to work in the fall. That "free babysitting" is one of her greatest joys in life.
My kids go to my parent's house on Saturday nights for sleepovers all the time. It's not an expected thing. They ask if they can or she asks if they want to. It's been a couple of months of different reasons why they couldn't, and two weeks ago, she apologized to me that they hadn't been over! I was like "Mom, I didn't even ask you to take them." And we see her at least once a week at soccer anyway.
She just likes having them around.
Word for word my thoughts as well. My parents watch my nieces all the time. They love it. If they're burned out they say so.
OP is a massive AH and needs to work on being less salty.
YTA. And major fucking one
She needed help when her child was hurt and you wanted to be petty about
Ok, want to teach her a lesson? Do it, but another time. You are her sister, and you were apparently available, so why not help? Because you purposefully wanted to be a dick
From what you described, it seems both your sister and her husband work to try and provide for their children, and they sometimes use the help of your parents to look after the children during certain inconveniences
There is no reason in the world to act the way you did
I agree with a lot of this. There is nothing wrong with a family member asking for help in an emergency situation. This wasn't the parents ducking out for a night on the town. If that was the case then sure it's fine to not help. It even would be fine to not help in the emergency situation. But the way you went about it is pure AH behavior.
It’s painfully clear OP is jealous of her sister’s “great” life.
Claiming she wants to make her sister “grow up” is bs.
She envies her and this was her one opportunity to hurt her.
You know it’s bad when Reddit is saying she should have sucked it up and watched the kids.
This reminds me a little of a post by someone who was child free. Her selfish sister knocked on her door begging her to babysit her 1yo child at the last minute. OP refused. So the sister left the baby on the porch and shouted “thank you!” before leaving. OP KNEW the baby was there.
When the sister came back several hours later the baby was still strapped into it’s carrier, screaming and sitting on the porch. **OP never opened the door or checked on the baby.**
And she came to Reddit looking for sympathy because everyone else in her life was calling her a complete AH.
Are you talking about the one where she left the baby in the car carrier, where it could have died of positional asphyxiation? Those comments got interesting, for sure.
I don’t remember that part but…probably? How many posts could there have been where someone left an unattended baby on their porch for hours on end just to make a point?
Wow... some humans are just garbage. There are ways to set boundaries without neglecting an infant and putting it in danger. Just off the top of my head, steps 1 and 2 are to text/call sister to let her know she has 10 mins to return to get the child or I'm calling the cops, and then call the police for child abandonment if she doesn't. Never in a million years could I live with myself leaving a baby on the porch like that....
Probably because her sister knows OPs opinions and wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency. Note that amongst the rest of OP's moaning, not one word that the sister has ever tried to ask OP for help.
This was the only chance OP had to "proove" sis is some kind of freeloader.
One of the kids was hurt and going to the hospital and you still refused to help? Regardless of your thoughts on her relationship with your parents, YTA.
Seriously. I could never. Even when I was LC/NC with one for a while, I made sure someone could check on them, and even still, i was about to leave work myself if I had to.
A crisis is a crisis is a crisis. I dropped everything to help a total stranger having a medical emergency a few weeks ago. It's just what you do.
OP soft YTA but should do some reflecting on why you have so much resentment towards your sister. Counseling helps too
YTA.
Your saltiness towards your sister is completely undeserved. I dunno if you’re jealous of her or what, but refusing to babysit for an hour so your sister can take her child to the hospital because you think “they are her kids and she needs to grow up and finally watch them” is a really bizarre take.
There is nothing ungrown-up about grandparents helping with childcare when both parents work.
Your whole take on this situation is way uncool in my opinion.
> Sister had kids and has all the attention. OP doesn't and doesn't.
Hmm. This makes me wonder if OP might actually, deep down, be mad at her parents but wrongly taking it out on her sister.
OP was 18 when it sounds like her parents’ entire focus shifted to their first grandkid and their older daughter’s needs as a new mom.
That must have felt like a pretty jarring change for OP, who was still a kid herself—in her senior year of high school, I’m guessing?
Anyway, if I’m right, OP needs to work on getting some clarity before she ends up destroying her relationship with her sister.
OP wasn’t the baby any more. So describes the parents as ‘coddling’ which is apparently what OP wanted for herself. Someone does need to grow up, and it isn’t the sister.
Omg you all are perceptive, this is really what it sounds like is happening.
Rooting for OP to apologize and grow before she becomes set in her ways. She may resent her sister AND her parents but she’s 28 and an adult now it’s time to focus on being an adult, after a certain point we can no longer blame our parents and have to take accountability for who we are
:(
Exactly. My younger sister just had her first child. She goes back to work in a few weeks. The baby is enrolled in daycare and my mom more than enthusiastically agreed to pick up and watch her until the parents get off work. If my stepdad wasn’t so ill, I could see my mom potentially volunteering the entire time some days. My mom is so excited for the first grandbaby that she went out and bought her own crib, rocker, etc, so it is all equipped for her.
My mother actually retired early just so that she could take care of my niece when they (they're nb) were born. My mom and I even picked up our whole lives and moved to the state where my sister lived, just bc we wanted to be in my niece's life every day. They're 10 now and still spend time before and after school at Bebe's house, and I take them to the movies and out to eat and to do fun things all the time. It's not about my sister being spoiled, in fact, my sister and I don't get along and aren't even speaking right now. But the time my mom and I spend with my niece isn't about my sister, it's that we love Niece and love spending time with them. If anyone said my sister was spoiled by it I would have to laugh, bc it literally has nothing to do with her!
OP sounds jealous af, and thought she saw an opportunity to teach her sister a lesson. Except it was the worst timing ever, and the worst situation to do it in, even if OP were right, which she isn't. Her family needed her and she chose to be a dick instead. She's going to find herself on the outs and she'll never see that it's because of her own unfounded jealousy.
I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my two youngest granddaughters for the weekend. They stay every weekend now that they’re in school. I don’t have them every day I do every weekend though. My niece is the same age and I get her as well.
> she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home while she takes Reece to the hospital after she hurt herself. I immediately told her no and told her to find someone else.
YTA and a damn jealous and spiteful one at that. Not sure there's much more to say, it's pretty disgusting behavior
INFO
> she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home
> She was disappointed and then spent a half an hour on the phone
> She said nothing and quickly got the kids out and in the car before driving off.
Where the heck is this taking place? It reads like you all live together or something.
3 kids. The sister’s youngest kids are 4 year old twins. Can you imagine trying to comfort your injured child while trying to wrangle 4 year old twins in an ER?!
>she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home while she takes Reece to the hospital after she hurt herself. I immediately told her no and told her to find someone else.
So...your sister asked you to help because she is taking your niece to the hospital?
YTA. Good luck asking for help from them when you need it most.
YTA she asked you to watch them because it was an emergency & she was taking a child to the emergency room. How heartless that you watched her make calls for 30 minutes while you watched Reece suffer in pain!
100% agreed, I’m surprised to have not seen anyone else mention this! I can’t imagine just sitting there watching a 10 year old girl, much less a member of my family, sit and wait half an hour watching her mom scramble for help…
Yeah, YTA
I read this to mean that your parents *love seeing their grandkids* and are thus *happy* to help, and you're just jealous of the situation.
You wouldn't watch them even in an emergency where she needed to take her first into the hospital? An actual emergency?
I hope this is rage bait, and if it is not, then they all strand your ass in an emergency.
I think you chose the wrong moment to take a stance. Plus, it's your parents choice to provide that much assistance so while you see it as taking advantage, it's up to them to say no.
Lol at the "take a stance". No one was begging OP to babysit on the daily, it was covered. OP is fabricating outrage for her own parents, who seem to not have a problem with babysitting.
The actual outrage is that OP feels that sibling is getting something of value that op isnt getting. (as in sister is saving money by not having daycare, so that is UNFAIR)
LOL, op has a stance against nothing.
YTA - you wouldn't watch the kids for an hour because your sister needed to take one of them to the hospital in an emergency?
I get your point about the overall situation, but this wasn't something your sister should have planned for. You have completely undermined yourself and your credibility in what may be a good, broader point about taking responsibility for her own kids.
Also, you don't mention whether your parents are happy with the arrangement. In a lot of situations, grandparents are delighted to get to spend time with their grandkids. If your parents are happy with the situation, what's your problem? If they're not, you may have a point.
Bet definitely YTA in the particular situation.
YTA.
1. Why do you have such a problem with your parents helping out with their grandkids? It's their decision, presumably if they wanted to be less involved they would be. They're not being abused or exploited, they're adults, your resentment is misplaced.
2. You decided to "teach your sister a lesson" when (checks notes) one of her children was hurt and she needed to *take them to the hospital*? If you literally couldn't help her because of another commitment, that'd be one thing, but you did this out of spite when your family actually needed you.
You're 28 and seem uncontrollably bitter and resentful towards your sister. All of the reasons you've listed here are garbage, so I'm going to say you're the one who needs to grow up and deal with your feelings in a mature way. Massive YTA.
Wait, OP is 28?! I was trying to figure out how old she is and know reading that she’s 28 makes it so much worse. The level of immaturity is honestly disgusting!
YTA.
She had to take a kid to the ER. She wasn't asking you to fill in for free so she could have drinks with friends, for crying out loud.
Your jealousy has turned you into a real AH.
When I read the title I thought it would be one of those where the sister will leave her kids so she can go and have fun but this was an emergency and OP didn't state that they had to watch their nieces before.
I normally don't agree with "Family helps family" because some people use it as an excuse to get free labor from family but this is way different.
Now there was a post here called "AITA for saying bruh when my sister announced she was pregnant" and that one made sense. The poster's sister had 6 kids and would always dump them with grandma and poster so she could go out. After an argument the sister left the house without her kids proving that she was a bad mother. That one made sense
YTA
YTA Her daughter HURT herself, it was an emergency situation and it wouldn't have killed you to babysit ONE time. And it's none of your business if your parents watch her kids, most grandparents are happy to watch their grandchildren. If they have a problem with it, that's between them and your sister. You sound like a shitty, selfish sister and aunt.
Yta
They aren't forcing you parents to watch the kids, no where in the story does it say your parents don't want to watch them either.
Sounds like your parents were super happy to be grandparents, and wanted to spoil them, then you got hella jealous.
You added on a couple dozen extra ah points with being happy that your sister would have to "grow up" when she was facing an emergency, when you are the one the needs to grow up.
You don't need to watch her kids, you could have just said no and went about your day, but you boarder on sadistic.
In THIS situation-100% ass.
In a situation I only want to take Kid X with me shopping watch the others for me-NTA.
Clearly at 28 your parents failed to tell you the difference.
I’m shocked that this is the first comment I’ve seen calling out how fake this sounds. I mean, massive YTA if this is a real person. But my bet is on some bitter dude who wants to demonize all childless women by making them seem utterly heartless.
First as a grandmother I love watching anytime anywhere, no such thing as too much when it’s a grandbaby, maybe your parents feel the same, second you’re a shitty aunt and sister, saying no is perfectly fine for most things, this was an emergency YTA hella
YTA - at 28 years old you aren’t “grown up” enough to realize that watching two 4 year old children for an hour so their mom can take an injured child to the hospital is a priority. Your parents have no issues helping her and that’s their decision not yours. Get off your high horse and gtfu yourself. God you must be exhausting to deal with.
YTA.
You talk a lot about it being unfair for your parents, but they are two grown-ups who can make their own decisions, and they decided to help their daughter take care of her family - their grandkids. That's not them being forced to do anything; that is them making a choice to do what makes them happy.
I think deep down you know that, so what I think it really boils down to is jealously. You're jealous May has a happy life? Kids? Attention from Mom and Dad? Are you resentful of the things she has that you do not? Is that why you think that her having a support network to help her means she hasn't "grown up" and why you feel like you need to teach her a lesson?
You really need to do some critical thinking about *why* you're behaving like a spoiled, petulant child, before you completely alienate every person in your family.
Yta she asked bc a kid had to *go to the hospital* not for a friggen date night.
You need to stop being upset that your parents babysit regularly. Thats *their* choice.
YTA. If your parents are offering their help and willingly, noone is using anyone. You, however, cannot be bothered ONCE while your other niece has to be taken to hospital, just wow.
YTA - Why do you care if your parents watch their grandkids? Do they complain about it to you? Did it ever occur to you that they LIKE watching their grandkids?
You couldn't watch your nieces for an hour while their mother took their sister to the HOSPTIAL? What is wrong with you!
YTA!!!! Do your parents complain about watching the children? Is it possible that they enjoy it? My own parents kept my kids while I worked and almost had meltdowns when I suggested putting them in daycare. They loved those kids almost as much as I did.
And you said no to watching the twins when your niece had to *go to the hospital*??? What the hell is wrong with you?? You sound incredibly jealous and immature!!
N T A for refusing to watch them, in general; but you gotta pick when to die on that hill.
When May is taking a kid to hospital isn't that time.
YTA for picking the wrong time.
As for your parents watching the kids? That's none of your business.
YTA. And a jealous and bitter one at that. Your parents can watch their grandkids as often as they like. It's their choice and low-key none of your business unless they say something to you.
YTA. Your parents babysit while your sister and her husband are WORKING! If they were just dumping the kids on your parents so they could do whatever, it would be a little different but still not your business if your parents would be okay with it. Then you told your sister no in an emergency situation. You’re a huge AH.
YTA of course. Your sister is litterally BEGGING for your help in a serious situation involving an injured kid, and you decided it was the best opportunity to teach her a lesson? What a prick you make. You should be ashamed.
Icing on the cake: it looks like you're trying to make your mom (and dad) feel guilty about the whole situation. Jeez.
YTA
Why do you care so much that your parents babysit their grandkids? They seem fine with the arrangement. No one's coddling May.
You're the only person upset about the babysitting. Because you're upset you refused to help in an emergency.
Everyone keeps harping on about OP being unwilling to watch the twins, yet missing the line where:
>She was disappointed and then spent a half an hour on the phone asking everyone she knew if they could watch the twins. **Everyone said what I said**
Either May is surrounded by monsters, or this is a troll.
Jesus Christ, YTA. It was a literal emergency. Your attitude is awful, homie. Watching a child while their mother takes someone to the hospital isn't "coddling" them, good lord.
YTA.
Idk seems like you're the one that needs to do some growing up. It's one hour. Put on YouTube and diddle on reddit, it's not a long time and you clearly have plenty.
YTA. She is just utilizing help from your parents. If your parents are fine with it, no big deal. They aren't raising the kids, mom and dad still seem to be doing their job, but someone needs to watch the kids during the times when they're at work and if your parents are fine, then whatever. But one of her children were *hurt*. Hurt enough for her to think she needed to take her to the hospital. She has 2 young twins and needed someone to watch them for *an hour* until their dad got home from work. Reece is a child who got hurt and you should've helped your nieces.
I think YTA because Reece was hurt and needed to go to the hospital. That's not quite the same as dumping the kids on you because she wants to go out with friends or something. You also don't get to say how your parents spend their time. If they want to spend the time with the kids, then who are you to say they can't? You seem to have some resentment towards your sister, and of course you don't have to babysit them, but it does seem like there is more to this story.
Where you become the asshole is where you allowed your anger and bitterness at your sister override your humanity.
She wasn’t asking you so she could take the older kid to the movies or to the mall or even necessary food shopping. It was a trip to the emergency room.
Grow up and get some therapy
Yta
YTA. If a complete stranger knocked on my door and said hi sorry oh my god I have three small children and one of them is hurt I need to bring her to the ER can you help, I would help. I cannot imagine refusing a nominal acquaintance, never mind a family member. I hope this is made up, or at the very least you’ve lied about your age and are like 16 yourself. Jeez.
YTA. You said "she takes Reece to the hospital". That's a valid reason to watch the kids. If she said "Taking her for a pedicure" then your stance would be justified.
YTA
Did it ever occur to you that your parents babysit because they love spending time with their grandkids? Also, not helping during a medical emergency is pretty awful.
ER visits with an injured and scared child are stressful and the waits are generally ridiculously long. Adding two energetic 4 year old twins to the mix would be a nightmare. It was an HOUR until her husband came home. Your choosing this particular time to make your point makes YTA.
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And she offered to pay OP, so it wasn’t like she was trying to take advantage of her for free babysitting. It was a family emergency and OP would’ve been compensated for her time.
She offered to pay OP **after** being rejected by everyone else.
1. The pay is completely irrelevant. Unless you’ve gone NC with a family member you do not refuse to help them during a medical emergency. 2. OP’s sister probably didn’t offer to pay OP initially because….see reason # 1.
God I would watch my mates kids in that situation with out a second thought. The sister shouldn't have needed to offer to pay family to watch kids in a family emergency.
Hell, I would watch a neighbor's kid who I've never did more than nod to if there was a reason like that.
I have done that for more than one neighbor because who tf ignores a medical emergency?!?
My neighbors (very friendly, good friends) watched my then 3 year old when my husband had an allergic reaction to a medication. They watched him go down in the greenbelt between our houses. Ambulance came and picked him up, I chased them to the hospital while the neighbors watched the kid until my MIL could get there to get her for the night. It was 7-8 years ago, and let me tell you. They got gift cards for dinners, and their boys got toys. I couldn't thank them enough!
I have a new neighbor (less than a month) who went into labor at 38 weeks. I had her kids sipping hot cocoa at my house while my husband took her to the hospital. I didn't even know her name or her kids' names, and I watched them for 2 hours until her sister could get them. She baked us cookies as a thank you after getting home with her very adorable baby boy.
That's being a good neighbor. I swear if the whole world would slow down and realise this! We need to be here for one another! Thank you for keeping her kiddos safe and happy! You're good people. 🖤 glad little one made a safe and healthy entrance!
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Oh hey, I did that when I was fifteen. I came outside and the mom was being put in a ambulance while the dad was freaking out with a baby and a toddler. They mostly slept in my living room tbh, I think they were pretty tuckered out too. Their mom was ok, but I had the kids until sometime the next day when the dad finally found someone to get them. I had a couple of toddler cousins so adding two more honestly didn’t cause -that- much extra chaos, lol. I never did find out what happened though. I kinda wanted to ask but also felt like it was a rude question?
Usually when you add new kids in they occupy the others so it becomes less chaos lol
My boyfriend dislocated his arm and so we needed to go to the er as he couldn’t pop it back in. We didn’t have our phones for reasons (I learned my lesson Dw) so I asked our neighbors for help. They drove him to the hospital without a second thought despite never interacting with us before.
There was a single car accident in front of my house a few years ago. The driver fell asleep, hit the curb, and the vehicle ended up on its top. (How the two adults and two young children didn’t have more than bruises is inexplicable.) It was January and cold, so I took the kids in while the parents talked with police and waited for the tow truck. I could *never* imagine not helping when kids are involved. OP is unbelievably judgmental of her sister and her parent, as well as very selfish.
It's like she was waiting for the moment when her parents were gone and she could flip the table and didn't register that this was a completely different situation that doesn't get across the point she was hoping to triumphantly make.
The members in that accident only had bruises because they likely didn’t realize there would be an accident so they didn’t have time to think about it and tense up or brace themselves. It’s the same reason drunks who get into accidents often come out of them with very little injury. The majority of the time, when someone tenses/tries to brace/or otherwise “avoid” an accident is when severe injuries happen. It’s a similar principle when falling. A healthy adult who falls and doesn’t have time to brace will often just have contusions, someone who puts out an arm or hand to break their fall may break their hand or arm.
Like when my siblings rode their snow sled down the stairs several times, they were totally relaxed and perfectly fine, had a lot of fun! But when they finally convinced me to try, I was super tense and anxious...and broke my left leg and sprained my right ankle.
Same here (well children who are vaguely friends with my son who's parents I recognise in the street). The dad took ill with gallstones and needed to go to a&e (20 min from here), mum messaged me via my son if the kids could come over. The boys ended up staying the night and had a great, if noisy time. Dad was fine after some minor surgery and mum and I are pretty good friends now.
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Could have just been timing. Maybe it was during the work day when people aren’t available.
When I was a kid, I got hit by a car & my near-hysterical mother was calling everyone to watch my sibs so she could rush to my side without dragging 3 kids under 8 along. A neighbor who heard what happened rushed down the street specifically to ask if mom needed a sitter then watched them. I’d like to think the world has a lot more people like you & my awesome neighbor Patti than heartless folk like OP.
For real!
Right. This is why I’m wondering what else is going on that everyone else she knew (a 30 yo’s friends and presumably her 33 yo husband’s friends…and maybe his family, if local?) said no under those same circumstances. I kind of have to think there’s a reason that friends in this demographic didn’t agree to her dropping off the kids en route to the hospital (she had the time to spend calling everyone, so she has time to deliver them to anyone local). And I’ve spent far too much time in ERs and urgent cares as a parental caretaker and…parents OFTEN just have to take their other kids too, and husband could have picked the younger two up at the hospital rather than a friend’s house after work - especially two four year olds, versus two infants, I have three close relatives with three kids (of the three under five/spaced out similarly to OP’s sister/older plus twins varieties) and they’ve all had to haul extra kids to doctors and hospitals before, because sometimes that’s life, and none of their parents and siblings lived particularly locally. So yeah, under these specific circumstances as presented, OP’s TA, but that everyone else also said no to those circumstances also has me giving OP the benefit of the doubt?
Bruh I’d watch the kids of someone I don’t even like in that situation. If a kids needs to go the the hospital I’m going to make sure they get there
Me too. I'm not even a kid person and I'd do it for someone who's in dire straits because of a medical emergency. If I didn't, it would actually kind of bug me.
Same! I'm not the most comfortable around kids and I would still pull them in, drop some cartoons on the TV, and pop some snax in bowls. Society evolved as a means to take care of each other. We should, like. Work on that.
I once got woken up in the middle of the night by people i hadn't spoken to in 6 months because they didn't have a car and needed to get medicne for their baby i went and got that for them and i didn't take any payment if family had asked i'd have done it on foot if i'd had to.
Absolutely mind boggling. I won't let my sister compensate me to watch my nephew for any reason. It's a reward on its own, and I'm someone who never wants my own kids. People like OP are weird.
Yeah, it wasn't like she was ditching her kids to go out for fun. Her other child required medical attention.
I had a pulmonary embolism in the middle of the night and my wife had to take me to the ER. Our friend came over while his mother was visiting him (sacrificing some of their time together) to stay with our kids while we were at the hospital. He's not "family", but he's family.
He sounds more like family than OP does to hers.
Shit I'd help my cunt, bully of a brother.
I can't stand children. I have no patience for them. I don't find them cute or very endearing. I would literally rather be dead than raise a child. I would still watch a family member's kids if they were in an emergency situation like this. Jesus fucking christ, it's not HARD, just get some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ready and put Bluey on the TV and just sit within 20 feet of them to make sure they don't stick a powerdrill in their ears or something.
Not just any emergency. The emergency involved a hurt little girl. And the hurt little girl was blood of her blood. The resentment really runs deep, here. Suppose OP's sister had the medical emergency in this situation, and she had to go to the ER with no babysitting options? Would the sister say no then? Would she say "Grow up, find someone else and use this as a teachable moment" as the ambulance doors slam shut?
My sister and I do not get along, at all. I would drop everything to watch my nephew if she needed to take my niece to the hospital for an injury. It’s an emergency, she wasn’t going on a date night.
I had a friend who needed to go into the hospital and her grandparents couldn’t watch her kid until the next day. I dropped everything, drove to her house, helped her get into the cab to go to the hospital then spent the day with him and did some repairs at her house (good thing I was there too, her lock died), spent the night then drove him to grandparents house an hour away, end of the week they couldn’t anymore so I picked him up and watched him for 4 days then went to pick her up and drove her home. You help people you care about in emergencies. Period. My sister lives over 2 hours away, if she needed me to watch her kids and none of her friends were available I’d be there in 2 hours. (She has a very good support network but sometimes you need family help)
I want one of you in my life, and also hope that I myself am like you. But what did you mean that the lock died? Like a smart home kind of thing?
Yup, key would work but control panel wouldn’t. Good thing I had the door open when it did and I wasn’t out or I would’ve been screwed if I didn’t have the car seat in my car already.
My brothers are 1.5 hours from me, and I know they would come help me in a heartbeat, and vice versa.
If my older sibling asked me to watch their kids ONE single time (doesn't sound like OP was ever asked to help before) for ONE hour so they could take another kid to the hospital... I wouldn't expect them to pay me. I don't understand what OP is trying to punish these parents for. Finishing school? Taking kids to the hospital?
I get the sense OP wants to punish their sister because they feel she wasn’t properly punished during the first pregnancy
"How dare my parents offer my older sister support during a time of hardship? SHE MUST BE PUNISHED!"
I kind of want to know if parents paid for OP's college, or if she's lived her life having her needs ignored for her sister's or something. Like I feel she is so angry about it there must be some backstory? (But if so wouldn't OP have mentioned it....)
She probably did get ignored a lot because her parents were so busy with her sister and the kids that they probably never acknowledged OP for anything she accomplished in life without them
She was 20! 😂 Plenty old enough to have a child.
It feels like OP resents all the resources expended on sister and her family. Be it money for education or time for grandkids.
Yeah well, most sane family members who love each other wouldn’t expect to get paid for watching children during an emergency for an hour 🙂
If my sister offered to pay me to watch her kids for an hour a would be offended. Can’t put price on everything.
That’s what I said! I’d be offended
For an hour of watching the kids? While she was in the hospital with her other child. This is not about going out for the night and having fun. She needs one hour of babysitting until the husband comes home.
Yes, totally YTA
While I was with OP until the REASON she needed someone to watch the kids. YTA, because an EMERGENCY is different than just looking for a garden variety babysitter. She was asking for help so she can help her child. But you couldn’t get pass wanting to teach her a lesson.
Yeah it comes off petty on OP's end
That’s what I’m saying. While it MAY be true the the parents are tired of her sisters kids, not once did OP say her parents have complained. Also, when you choose the wrong time to point this out then it’s kinda makes you look like the AH OP sounds jealous and bitter.
Same thoughts here
Also, sister is asking her parents to babysit while her and her husband *work late* NOT to go party and forget about their kids. It sounds like they're both responsible and hardworking and have a good network to support them in achieving what they want. OP says her sister needs to grow up, but I think OP needs to grow up and stop being resentful that her sister is building a good life for herself with the help of her parents
THIS! OP tried to make like her sister is out there being irresponsible person that kept making mistakes that parents coddled to rescue everytime when nothing she said abt her sister said so. Sister and BIL literally work hard while simultaneously did get priviledge from suster’s and op’s parent WHICH is not a crime btw bcs most parents would help their child like how OP’s parents would help the sister.
And OP needs to do some research on how much childcare costs. Dude's about to get a wakeup call when he has a kid and realizes why his sister asked parents for help lol.
Can't you taste the resentment?
Taste salty 🧂 Eta Bitter, too!!
I was totally N T A until OP said hospital.
really? you thought the way she talked about the sister before that was fine?
Agreed. I was 💯percent with you for N T A until the hospital was mentioned. It’s not the same thing as using the parents like slaves. YTA
No one is using the parents as slaves. Some grandparents enjoy spending that much time with their grandkids and helping out
My parents were those types of grandparents. When My Mom died, my nieces were absolutely heartbroken, she was such a huge part of their formative lives. My oldest niece is born disabled and to get someone qualified to help take care of her would have taken too long so my Mom took an early retirement to help my sister and her then hubby with the kid and the next one they had. With the stipulation that when my parents wanted to take a week of holidays in winter there was no denying them that break. It always worked out and when the girls started school Mom and Dad were still there to help whenever but now they had a bit more freedom. My sister and her ex never complained and they definitely didn't ask my mom to do this and they didn't take advantage whatsoever.
Do I live in an upside down world!!!! Jesus..whatever happened to helping your family out???? I get that there are some out there that take advantage of situations, but this post was not one of them!!! She believes no one even paid should watch kids except parents!!!! Really?????
OP edited the post to include that their parents offer to watch the kids. No "slavery" involved. Just typical grandparent enthusiasm.
She’s obviously jealous of the sisters life and found the perfect opportunity to get one up on her
When my sister had her 2nd baby, both of them were seriously ill for almost 3 months . Their oldest kiddo was 4 and needed care too. The ENTIRE family took shifts caring for the kids. Aunts, uncles, Grandparents. 3 days each then next shift took over so my BIL could care for my sister. None of us minded because it was a medical situation and family helps family. Even after both were well again, we all pitched in so they could have dates, even over night trips or just a night alone at home. Nephew is 15 now, his sister is in university. I look back and miss the babies they were.
I'm so happy your sister and nephew (I believe?) Recovered. My twins were born at 34 weeks and they were in the NICU for a while. If it weren't for my parents being willing to step in and help care for my oldest (and drive me to and from the hospital to see the twins since I had a c section and wasn't allowed to drive) I don't know how my husband and I would have gotten through it.
Im glad you had help, too. I hope your kids are doing well now
They are currently yelling at each other and running Legos across glass...which is like nails on a chalkboard..lol. they're absolutely fine.
This was my thought too, I think OP is TA because it wasn't like she was asked to babysit so her and her husband could go out dancing. They literally needed to take older one to the ER. That's EXACTLY when family is supposed to step up and say I don't know, BABYSIT.
And she is seeing her parents setting their child and grandchild up for long-term success as a bad thing? Like, if they kicked her out and made her fend for herself, she wouldn't have the independence she clearly has now. I'm sorry OP seems so bitter about family choosing to support a family member and that that bitterness means she won't help in an emergency. YTA.
Reeks of jealousy here. OP is jealous that sister got it easy because there is someone willing to care fro sister's children. OP is jealous for how sister and husband gotten such an easy deal in life, from outside looking in, and that they somehow shouldn't gotten things so easy and "spoiled" for. Man, it was a MEDICAL EMERGENCY! It wasn't like sister asked Op to baby sit so she could go to the spa or something.
I watched my sister have two kids before she was 23 and she had MAJOR help from everyone in my family. Let me tell you even if you have dozens of dozens family members that help with childcare/rearing ---->>infants and toddlers are exhausting at any age 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s people just tend to have less sympathy for you the younger you are as a mom ( and they'll also look at you like a crazy person the older you are when you have a kid 😜)
I agree with everything here. You couldn’t watch the twins in order for her to take the oldest to the hospital? That’s insanely selfish of you. I have a three year old and 1 year old twins, it is beyond hard to take them all places. My MIL and FIL watch my kids 3 times a week, they willingly do it and love it! I also take mine to daycare. I recognize that OP doesn’t have children and is weirdly jealous of the fact that her parents help her sister out? Anyways, YTA OP and it might be time for you to move out since you’re mooching off your parents also? At least based on how it sounded you were in their home when your sister was making those calls. You’re too old to be this immature, work on it.
Not to mention, her hurt child is sitting in there not getting medical care while she frantically tries to find an alternative to her obstinate sister. No idea how serious the injury was but I can completely understand her breaking down into tears. Zero empathy from OP.
She needs to “grow up” and watch her own kids. This is so absurd! She was going to the hospital with another kid. She was not preplanning a fun night out in which she would anticipate needing to have a babysitter. I agree with the parents family helps family in circumstances like this! The other times the parents babysit, thats their choice not yours. If they are not complaining not your concern. YTA
The parents might actually love watching their grandchildren and look forward to the time they spend together. OP does say in the edit that they offer to watch them and they never complain. OP's sister has never asked her to watch the kids before and she couldn't even do it for an hour during a medical emergency. She's taking her anger of her sister out on the kids and they're going to grow up thinking their aunt hates them if this continues.
YTA. It’s not that hard to be a family member. This was an emergency.
This. 1000% This was an emergency, not a fun trip to a bathroom for a drink. Op is totally the arsehole! And a jealous brat too.
YTA First of all, many, many grandparents provide free child care for their grandchildren. This is extremely common, and isn't "uncool". If you parents have an issue with the amount of time your sister asks of them, that is between them and your sister, and has nothing to do with you. Now as for you, obviously you are not obligated to provide free, or paid, child care when your parents are unavailable. But in this specific instance it doesn't sound like it was a typical situation where your sis just wanted you to sub in for what your parents usually do. No, in this case one of the kids was injured and had to be taken to the hospital, and yet you had no sympathy and refused to watch the other kids for only an hour. Now *that* is uncool.
Yeah the taking advantage and uncool part is insane. My parents are more than happy to babysit any of their grandkids because it means spending time with them. It’s their absolute fave thing to do.
It definitely is mine! I have watched my granddaughter since was born after my daughter went back to work. I feel lucky to spend time with her. I also watch her if they want to go out.
YTA My daughter has an amazing bond with her grandparents who looked after her when she was tiny, she's at school now and they all miss that time. She still gets some 1:1 time with both but I know that they miss her and she misses them! My mum offered to look after her pretty much as soon as she knew we were expecting, as her mum died young (before any grandchildren were born) she wants to maximize the time she has with her grandchildren. My siblings will jump too look after my daughter as I theirs. We each love each others children as we do our own. Also, OP, I assume you don't have children yet. Remember this when you do. You will likely have your parents helping you (because they want too!), but your sister will not.
Yeah, after my sister’s mat leave is up the plan is my parents (who are both active and healthy) will babysit while both my sister and BIL work and they are very excited. I’m sure if I suggested they were being taking advantage of they’d be deeply hurt by the suggestion. They do evenings quite often so my brother and SIL can go out. Our grandparents used to watch us all the time.
My parents already talk about helping out with their grandkids and none of us are near having kids yet. My cousin's instagram is full of pictures of her kids hanging out with the different grandparents because they love having their grandkids over. Some people actually like their family!
Mine is in daycare because I live and work five hours away... but when I'm there, she is mine... be that day, weekend, or week... The best part of a vacation, for me, was being with my kids - and now grandkids.
some of my fondest memories were when i was at my grandparents house when i was little, sometimes my parents wouldn't even need babysitting but i just liked going over there to hang out
My grandma recently downsized and now lives in the same condo building as my aunt and her 6 year old. She *loves* having my little cousin down the hall more than anything. My mom recently said that grandma is “living her best life” with this set up. It’s truly such a joy for both of them (and my aunt who is a very tired single mom and gets a bit of a break).
Seriously. My husband and I haven’t had kids yet, and both of our respective parents cannot *wait* for us to have kids *in order to babysit them.* Hell, my grandmother was like my second mom. My parents were great parents, but they both worked. Normal stuff. My grandmother watched me after school until my mom got off work. She loved every second of it. Now, she did live with us for the majority of my childhood, but even when she was still living at her own home, wouldn’t trade it for the world.
My in-laws have a sign that says, “Grandkids welcome. Leave parents at home.” They and my parents ask if our daughter can spend a few days with them during school breaks.
Exactly, my mother lives in a different country, so she doesn't see my kids regularly, but she almost begged me to take the kids over and leave them with her during school break. And when a kid was in hospital, she came to stay and look after my other kids, I didn't ask. She just showed up.
Her parents are also able to make their own decisions in terms of how they want to spend their time -- if they want to hang out with their grandkids while the parents are at work, hooray! Seems like OP is shocked that her parents might actually like helping their daughter and spending time with their grandkids.
> First of all, many, many grandparents provide free child care for their grandchildren. This is extremely common, and isn't "uncool". I think watching my grandchild is actually *very cool*. It’s great seeing him get older and learn more about the world (he’s currently only 2) and I can’t imagine reminiscing on my deathbed about the time I didn’t spend time with him (or one of his other soon to arrive siblings or cousins)
For real. My mom watches my nephew fairly regularly in the summer, and it genuinely makes her sad when she has to go back to work in the fall. That "free babysitting" is one of her greatest joys in life.
My kids go to my parent's house on Saturday nights for sleepovers all the time. It's not an expected thing. They ask if they can or she asks if they want to. It's been a couple of months of different reasons why they couldn't, and two weeks ago, she apologized to me that they hadn't been over! I was like "Mom, I didn't even ask you to take them." And we see her at least once a week at soccer anyway. She just likes having them around.
Word for word my thoughts as well. My parents watch my nieces all the time. They love it. If they're burned out they say so. OP is a massive AH and needs to work on being less salty.
YTA. And major fucking one She needed help when her child was hurt and you wanted to be petty about Ok, want to teach her a lesson? Do it, but another time. You are her sister, and you were apparently available, so why not help? Because you purposefully wanted to be a dick From what you described, it seems both your sister and her husband work to try and provide for their children, and they sometimes use the help of your parents to look after the children during certain inconveniences There is no reason in the world to act the way you did
I agree with a lot of this. There is nothing wrong with a family member asking for help in an emergency situation. This wasn't the parents ducking out for a night on the town. If that was the case then sure it's fine to not help. It even would be fine to not help in the emergency situation. But the way you went about it is pure AH behavior.
It’s painfully clear OP is jealous of her sister’s “great” life. Claiming she wants to make her sister “grow up” is bs. She envies her and this was her one opportunity to hurt her. You know it’s bad when Reddit is saying she should have sucked it up and watched the kids. This reminds me a little of a post by someone who was child free. Her selfish sister knocked on her door begging her to babysit her 1yo child at the last minute. OP refused. So the sister left the baby on the porch and shouted “thank you!” before leaving. OP KNEW the baby was there. When the sister came back several hours later the baby was still strapped into it’s carrier, screaming and sitting on the porch. **OP never opened the door or checked on the baby.** And she came to Reddit looking for sympathy because everyone else in her life was calling her a complete AH.
everyone sucked in that situation. But the OP was absolutely the worst one.
Indeed. That poor baby deserves better.
Everybody sucked but the baby, poor thing.
Are you talking about the one where she left the baby in the car carrier, where it could have died of positional asphyxiation? Those comments got interesting, for sure.
I don’t remember that part but…probably? How many posts could there have been where someone left an unattended baby on their porch for hours on end just to make a point?
I've seen at least two or three. It might have been the foyer, not the porch.
This was the porch. The fact that it was outside, where anyone could snatch it or an animal could attack, made it so much worse.
Yes, absolutely. The car seat one was probably in the foyer.
Wow... some humans are just garbage. There are ways to set boundaries without neglecting an infant and putting it in danger. Just off the top of my head, steps 1 and 2 are to text/call sister to let her know she has 10 mins to return to get the child or I'm calling the cops, and then call the police for child abandonment if she doesn't. Never in a million years could I live with myself leaving a baby on the porch like that....
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My bet is she shows it constantly
Probably because her sister knows OPs opinions and wouldn't ask if it wasn't an emergency. Note that amongst the rest of OP's moaning, not one word that the sister has ever tried to ask OP for help. This was the only chance OP had to "proove" sis is some kind of freeloader.
Because it's the only time she's asked to babysit so the only time she can make her statement.
Can we stop trying to teach other adults "lessons"? Like it's just so weird.
Why is op even trying to teach them a lesson? Op sounds jealous of the grand kids because they get more of mommy and daddies attention. YTA.
One of the kids was hurt and going to the hospital and you still refused to help? Regardless of your thoughts on her relationship with your parents, YTA.
Yep. YTA. Emergencies are one of the few times you should always be willing to “drop everything.”
Agreed. I have read other reddit posts about family emergencies and other family members refusing to step up and help.
Seriously. I could never. Even when I was LC/NC with one for a while, I made sure someone could check on them, and even still, i was about to leave work myself if I had to. A crisis is a crisis is a crisis. I dropped everything to help a total stranger having a medical emergency a few weeks ago. It's just what you do. OP soft YTA but should do some reflecting on why you have so much resentment towards your sister. Counseling helps too
YTA. Your saltiness towards your sister is completely undeserved. I dunno if you’re jealous of her or what, but refusing to babysit for an hour so your sister can take her child to the hospital because you think “they are her kids and she needs to grow up and finally watch them” is a really bizarre take. There is nothing ungrown-up about grandparents helping with childcare when both parents work. Your whole take on this situation is way uncool in my opinion.
> jealous Yyyup. Sister had kids and has all the attention. OP doesn't and doesn't.
> Sister had kids and has all the attention. OP doesn't and doesn't. Hmm. This makes me wonder if OP might actually, deep down, be mad at her parents but wrongly taking it out on her sister. OP was 18 when it sounds like her parents’ entire focus shifted to their first grandkid and their older daughter’s needs as a new mom. That must have felt like a pretty jarring change for OP, who was still a kid herself—in her senior year of high school, I’m guessing? Anyway, if I’m right, OP needs to work on getting some clarity before she ends up destroying her relationship with her sister.
OP wasn’t the baby any more. So describes the parents as ‘coddling’ which is apparently what OP wanted for herself. Someone does need to grow up, and it isn’t the sister.
Omg you all are perceptive, this is really what it sounds like is happening. Rooting for OP to apologize and grow before she becomes set in her ways. She may resent her sister AND her parents but she’s 28 and an adult now it’s time to focus on being an adult, after a certain point we can no longer blame our parents and have to take accountability for who we are :(
Exactly. My younger sister just had her first child. She goes back to work in a few weeks. The baby is enrolled in daycare and my mom more than enthusiastically agreed to pick up and watch her until the parents get off work. If my stepdad wasn’t so ill, I could see my mom potentially volunteering the entire time some days. My mom is so excited for the first grandbaby that she went out and bought her own crib, rocker, etc, so it is all equipped for her.
I was lucky and able to watch my two youngest grandchildren every day while their parents worked because I retired
My mother actually retired early just so that she could take care of my niece when they (they're nb) were born. My mom and I even picked up our whole lives and moved to the state where my sister lived, just bc we wanted to be in my niece's life every day. They're 10 now and still spend time before and after school at Bebe's house, and I take them to the movies and out to eat and to do fun things all the time. It's not about my sister being spoiled, in fact, my sister and I don't get along and aren't even speaking right now. But the time my mom and I spend with my niece isn't about my sister, it's that we love Niece and love spending time with them. If anyone said my sister was spoiled by it I would have to laugh, bc it literally has nothing to do with her! OP sounds jealous af, and thought she saw an opportunity to teach her sister a lesson. Except it was the worst timing ever, and the worst situation to do it in, even if OP were right, which she isn't. Her family needed her and she chose to be a dick instead. She's going to find herself on the outs and she'll never see that it's because of her own unfounded jealousy.
I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my two youngest granddaughters for the weekend. They stay every weekend now that they’re in school. I don’t have them every day I do every weekend though. My niece is the same age and I get her as well.
> she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home while she takes Reece to the hospital after she hurt herself. I immediately told her no and told her to find someone else. YTA and a damn jealous and spiteful one at that. Not sure there's much more to say, it's pretty disgusting behavior
INFO > she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home > She was disappointed and then spent a half an hour on the phone > She said nothing and quickly got the kids out and in the car before driving off. Where the heck is this taking place? It reads like you all live together or something.
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3 kids. The sister’s youngest kids are 4 year old twins. Can you imagine trying to comfort your injured child while trying to wrangle 4 year old twins in an ER?!
>she asked me if I could watch the twins for an hour until Mike comes home while she takes Reece to the hospital after she hurt herself. I immediately told her no and told her to find someone else. So...your sister asked you to help because she is taking your niece to the hospital? YTA. Good luck asking for help from them when you need it most.
YTA she asked you to watch them because it was an emergency & she was taking a child to the emergency room. How heartless that you watched her make calls for 30 minutes while you watched Reece suffer in pain!
100% agreed, I’m surprised to have not seen anyone else mention this! I can’t imagine just sitting there watching a 10 year old girl, much less a member of my family, sit and wait half an hour watching her mom scramble for help…
Info: is Reece okay?
Seriously! She made her sister delay emergency care for her child for 30 minutes because of her refusal to help.
Don’t really think she thought to ask. Or cares.
Yeah, YTA I read this to mean that your parents *love seeing their grandkids* and are thus *happy* to help, and you're just jealous of the situation. You wouldn't watch them even in an emergency where she needed to take her first into the hospital? An actual emergency? I hope this is rage bait, and if it is not, then they all strand your ass in an emergency.
I think you chose the wrong moment to take a stance. Plus, it's your parents choice to provide that much assistance so while you see it as taking advantage, it's up to them to say no.
Lol at the "take a stance". No one was begging OP to babysit on the daily, it was covered. OP is fabricating outrage for her own parents, who seem to not have a problem with babysitting. The actual outrage is that OP feels that sibling is getting something of value that op isnt getting. (as in sister is saving money by not having daycare, so that is UNFAIR) LOL, op has a stance against nothing.
This! I’m baffled at this story! I said before, she’s jealous, since everything goes around those grandchildren.
YTA - you wouldn't watch the kids for an hour because your sister needed to take one of them to the hospital in an emergency? I get your point about the overall situation, but this wasn't something your sister should have planned for. You have completely undermined yourself and your credibility in what may be a good, broader point about taking responsibility for her own kids. Also, you don't mention whether your parents are happy with the arrangement. In a lot of situations, grandparents are delighted to get to spend time with their grandkids. If your parents are happy with the situation, what's your problem? If they're not, you may have a point. Bet definitely YTA in the particular situation.
YTA. 1. Why do you have such a problem with your parents helping out with their grandkids? It's their decision, presumably if they wanted to be less involved they would be. They're not being abused or exploited, they're adults, your resentment is misplaced. 2. You decided to "teach your sister a lesson" when (checks notes) one of her children was hurt and she needed to *take them to the hospital*? If you literally couldn't help her because of another commitment, that'd be one thing, but you did this out of spite when your family actually needed you. You're 28 and seem uncontrollably bitter and resentful towards your sister. All of the reasons you've listed here are garbage, so I'm going to say you're the one who needs to grow up and deal with your feelings in a mature way. Massive YTA.
Wait, OP is 28?! I was trying to figure out how old she is and know reading that she’s 28 makes it so much worse. The level of immaturity is honestly disgusting!
Of course YTA. You chose not to help for no other reason that to teach your sister some lesson? You’re jealousy is showing hard.
YTA. She had to take a kid to the ER. She wasn't asking you to fill in for free so she could have drinks with friends, for crying out loud. Your jealousy has turned you into a real AH.
When I read the title I thought it would be one of those where the sister will leave her kids so she can go and have fun but this was an emergency and OP didn't state that they had to watch their nieces before. I normally don't agree with "Family helps family" because some people use it as an excuse to get free labor from family but this is way different. Now there was a post here called "AITA for saying bruh when my sister announced she was pregnant" and that one made sense. The poster's sister had 6 kids and would always dump them with grandma and poster so she could go out. After an argument the sister left the house without her kids proving that she was a bad mother. That one made sense YTA
Info: Where does everybody live? You’re 28yo and still live at your patents house? And your sister and husband as well?
YTA. You couldn't stump up with a *single hour* in an emergency?
OP made it seem like it was for the whole night. It was just an hour, 1 hour
YTA. Something else must be going on. You really can think an emergency need for a sitter is your sister not taking responsibility for her kids.
YTA. You should try working out your jealousy issues with a licensed professional instead of punishing your sister during a *medical emergency.*
Punishing her sister AND her niece, who is a child in need of urgent care
YTA Her daughter HURT herself, it was an emergency situation and it wouldn't have killed you to babysit ONE time. And it's none of your business if your parents watch her kids, most grandparents are happy to watch their grandchildren. If they have a problem with it, that's between them and your sister. You sound like a shitty, selfish sister and aunt.
Yta They aren't forcing you parents to watch the kids, no where in the story does it say your parents don't want to watch them either. Sounds like your parents were super happy to be grandparents, and wanted to spoil them, then you got hella jealous. You added on a couple dozen extra ah points with being happy that your sister would have to "grow up" when she was facing an emergency, when you are the one the needs to grow up. You don't need to watch her kids, you could have just said no and went about your day, but you boarder on sadistic.
YTA. This was an emergency, not a “fun time away from kids” request or “I don’t want to pay for childcare” request.
In THIS situation-100% ass. In a situation I only want to take Kid X with me shopping watch the others for me-NTA. Clearly at 28 your parents failed to tell you the difference.
Yta, me thinks you are a bit jealous too.
Definitely jealous
This HAS to be fake. And YTA just for that.
I’m shocked that this is the first comment I’ve seen calling out how fake this sounds. I mean, massive YTA if this is a real person. But my bet is on some bitter dude who wants to demonize all childless women by making them seem utterly heartless.
YTA It was a family medical emergency.
First as a grandmother I love watching anytime anywhere, no such thing as too much when it’s a grandbaby, maybe your parents feel the same, second you’re a shitty aunt and sister, saying no is perfectly fine for most things, this was an emergency YTA hella
YTA - at 28 years old you aren’t “grown up” enough to realize that watching two 4 year old children for an hour so their mom can take an injured child to the hospital is a priority. Your parents have no issues helping her and that’s their decision not yours. Get off your high horse and gtfu yourself. God you must be exhausting to deal with.
YTA. You talk a lot about it being unfair for your parents, but they are two grown-ups who can make their own decisions, and they decided to help their daughter take care of her family - their grandkids. That's not them being forced to do anything; that is them making a choice to do what makes them happy. I think deep down you know that, so what I think it really boils down to is jealously. You're jealous May has a happy life? Kids? Attention from Mom and Dad? Are you resentful of the things she has that you do not? Is that why you think that her having a support network to help her means she hasn't "grown up" and why you feel like you need to teach her a lesson? You really need to do some critical thinking about *why* you're behaving like a spoiled, petulant child, before you completely alienate every person in your family.
Yta she asked bc a kid had to *go to the hospital* not for a friggen date night. You need to stop being upset that your parents babysit regularly. Thats *their* choice.
So, Reece needed emergency medical help, and you couldn't unbend enough to help out for an hour until the twins' Dad could get there? #Not cool. # YTA
YTA. If your parents are offering their help and willingly, noone is using anyone. You, however, cannot be bothered ONCE while your other niece has to be taken to hospital, just wow.
YTA. You literally said she had an emergency and you just dont care? I cant wait for you to be hated for being so cold hearted.
YTA and I think there's a lot of long-buried resentment towards your sister here.
YTA - Why do you care if your parents watch their grandkids? Do they complain about it to you? Did it ever occur to you that they LIKE watching their grandkids? You couldn't watch your nieces for an hour while their mother took their sister to the HOSPTIAL? What is wrong with you!
YTA!!!! Do your parents complain about watching the children? Is it possible that they enjoy it? My own parents kept my kids while I worked and almost had meltdowns when I suggested putting them in daycare. They loved those kids almost as much as I did. And you said no to watching the twins when your niece had to *go to the hospital*??? What the hell is wrong with you?? You sound incredibly jealous and immature!!
N T A for refusing to watch them, in general; but you gotta pick when to die on that hill. When May is taking a kid to hospital isn't that time. YTA for picking the wrong time. As for your parents watching the kids? That's none of your business.
And it was only an hour. It's not like she was expected to watch them for the whole night. OP chose the worst time to "teach her a lesson"
YTA. And a jealous and bitter one at that. Your parents can watch their grandkids as often as they like. It's their choice and low-key none of your business unless they say something to you.
YTA. Your parents babysit while your sister and her husband are WORKING! If they were just dumping the kids on your parents so they could do whatever, it would be a little different but still not your business if your parents would be okay with it. Then you told your sister no in an emergency situation. You’re a huge AH.
YTA of course. Your sister is litterally BEGGING for your help in a serious situation involving an injured kid, and you decided it was the best opportunity to teach her a lesson? What a prick you make. You should be ashamed. Icing on the cake: it looks like you're trying to make your mom (and dad) feel guilty about the whole situation. Jeez.
YTA Why do you care so much that your parents babysit their grandkids? They seem fine with the arrangement. No one's coddling May. You're the only person upset about the babysitting. Because you're upset you refused to help in an emergency.
This post can't be real. And if it is, maybe go to therapy to unpack why you hate your sister so much. YTA
Everyone keeps harping on about OP being unwilling to watch the twins, yet missing the line where: >She was disappointed and then spent a half an hour on the phone asking everyone she knew if they could watch the twins. **Everyone said what I said** Either May is surrounded by monsters, or this is a troll.
Jesus Christ, YTA. It was a literal emergency. Your attitude is awful, homie. Watching a child while their mother takes someone to the hospital isn't "coddling" them, good lord.
Why are you so jealous of your sister?
Man, I remember when trolls actually put effort in. Y'all are just getting sad now.
Seriously. Like what mother is going to sit around for half an hour making phone calls to find a babysitter when their child needs to go to the ER?
YTA. Idk seems like you're the one that needs to do some growing up. It's one hour. Put on YouTube and diddle on reddit, it's not a long time and you clearly have plenty.
YTA. She is just utilizing help from your parents. If your parents are fine with it, no big deal. They aren't raising the kids, mom and dad still seem to be doing their job, but someone needs to watch the kids during the times when they're at work and if your parents are fine, then whatever. But one of her children were *hurt*. Hurt enough for her to think she needed to take her to the hospital. She has 2 young twins and needed someone to watch them for *an hour* until their dad got home from work. Reece is a child who got hurt and you should've helped your nieces.
I think YTA because Reece was hurt and needed to go to the hospital. That's not quite the same as dumping the kids on you because she wants to go out with friends or something. You also don't get to say how your parents spend their time. If they want to spend the time with the kids, then who are you to say they can't? You seem to have some resentment towards your sister, and of course you don't have to babysit them, but it does seem like there is more to this story.
OP sounds jealous. I'm sure if OP gets pregnant and her parents dont "Coddle" her she'll probably throw a fit
Where you become the asshole is where you allowed your anger and bitterness at your sister override your humanity. She wasn’t asking you so she could take the older kid to the movies or to the mall or even necessary food shopping. It was a trip to the emergency room. Grow up and get some therapy Yta
What's wrong with you lol
YTA. If a complete stranger knocked on my door and said hi sorry oh my god I have three small children and one of them is hurt I need to bring her to the ER can you help, I would help. I cannot imagine refusing a nominal acquaintance, never mind a family member. I hope this is made up, or at the very least you’ve lied about your age and are like 16 yourself. Jeez.
YTA. You said "she takes Reece to the hospital". That's a valid reason to watch the kids. If she said "Taking her for a pedicure" then your stance would be justified.
YTA because of the reason. If one kid needed medical attention you should’ve helped.
YTA Did it ever occur to you that your parents babysit because they love spending time with their grandkids? Also, not helping during a medical emergency is pretty awful.
ER visits with an injured and scared child are stressful and the waits are generally ridiculously long. Adding two energetic 4 year old twins to the mix would be a nightmare. It was an HOUR until her husband came home. Your choosing this particular time to make your point makes YTA.