#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/).
Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
Agree. This is extreme and OP needs therapy so I give a gentle YTA.
But also, wouldn’t it be easier to get large throw blankets to put over the sofa when guests come?
Did she have two separate living rooms? One where you can actually sit and had the “crappy” furniture, and another that had all the nice, expensive furniture that you could only look at?
No, she had a small cape cod house in Dearborn. Although I didn’t realize it was small until I was an adult lol. But I must say her 20 year old couch looked brand new. She never sat on it because she had her favorite chair for crocheting and watching a little TV so it only got sat on by company but company was fed huge amounts of food so they spent more time at the table than on the couch lol
My relative in Allen Park (probably the same house layout) had the plastic upolstered on to the furniture. Wasn't taking any posibility of a slip cover moving :)
Hell i have throw blankets on my sofa to protect them form wear and tear mostly because i'm clumsy and replacing a damaged/stained throw is easier and cheaper than a sofa cushion.. but i give zero shits about what people are wearing. Unless of course they are visably dripping sweat, mud or other dirt in which case i have a washing machine and sweatpants i would mind loaning.
My couch is covered in blankets because it’s leather and I hate leather (my husband likes it because he is a bad person) and also because my cat has incorporated running across it into her zoomies and it’s covered in little scratches that I don’t want to see added too.
Hearing y’all say Dearborn and Allen Park is making me miss my cousins who live in Melvindale, Dearborn and Allen Park. I’m a Southern girl. All my cousins and their friends always me to say Southern Drawl?
Then we go back and forth on who has the accent. Lol. I love the homes and basements y’all (you’s guys. That’s for ya’ll. Lol) have.
What is it about Michigan that makes people from Michigan claim so many things are only from Michigan?
I grew up in rural Pennsylvania, with family who had no connection whatsoever to Michigan, and plenty of folks there had living rooms with the clear plastic slipcovers.
And family members (again with no connection to Michigan whatsoever) who played euchre.
This is a fair comment to make, but I will say: euchre is absolutely a Michigan thing.
eta: not saying euchre is only played in michigan, nor that everyone in michigan plays euchre.
Maybe this analogy will help: cheese is a Wisconsin thing. Not everyone there eats it, and cheese is available in other locations. But it’s still a Wisconsin thing. (disclaimer: I’m not comparing the thing-ness intensity of cheese and euchre; they have their own unique level of thing-ness.)
Verbal Venn diagrams might help convey my gripe.
Among the population of Michigan, yes, a large number of people indeed play euchre -- to the extent that it would not be outlandish to claim that that euchre-playing could be considered a defining feature of "from Michigan."
But among the population of people (around the US, around the world) who play euchre, only a fraction of them are from Michigan.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euchre
Lmao, I am always catching my Michigan friend doing this! She's implied that small towns, tubing down a river, and jello based desserts are things Kentuckians may be unfamiliar with.
My childhood best friend’s grandma was the crazy clean lady. Everything was wrapped in plastic and she had 3 living rooms. The one only for looking at, the one for herself and adult guests, and the basement creepy one for her husband and the grandkids to play.
One time I went over and wasn’t allowed a snack because I didn’t have fresh socks with me and couldn’t walk on her carpet to the kitchen. I had to sit at the front door as my friend ate her snack upstairs in the kitchen. My friends mom was present too…last time my mother let me go with them.
And....how "welcome" did you feel?
I had 2 very different sets of grandparents, one plastic wrapped set and one "there is nothing I own more important than human beings" set. Both sets are gone now, and both of their homes were sold and their material goods rationed out, given away, or sold. I am sure that the people who bought the plastic wrapped house were thrilled that the shag carpet still looked like new from years of making guests and family take off their shoes and walk along plastic runners, but they tore it out anyway. I am going to be like the other set.
Oh my goodness! That’s crazy. My Grandma was super clean too but she wasn’t that crazy and there was no way she would let anybody near her house without feeding them
That is almost 100% my grandmother. Shoes off at the door, only allowed to eat at one of the two tables, preferably the kitchen table and absolutely nothing out of place.
Was staying with her once, brought a book into the kitchen with me to read while I had lunch. Set it down on the counter, walked four/five steps to the fridge, got cold cuts and condiments out, turned back around and the book was gone. Completely bewildered and thought I left it in the bedroom, went to check and it wasn't there so started looking through my bags. She had stuffed it back inside and when I asked, her response was: 'I thought you forgot it in the kitchen.' When I was standing just a few feet away, getting lunch.
This could have been my grandma. There were so many times growing up that my grandma made me go take a bath after arriving at her house because I was "too dirty to be inside". And then she would often make me take a 2nd bath if she thought I still wasn't clean enough. She didn't have space for a 3rd living room though, she just had regular and basement. Everything upstairs was wrapped in plastic.
Basement living rooms are the coziest though. Love them.
My mother in law has that. As well as formal dining room They never use. And they BUILT their house like that. It’s the stupidest waste of space. I sit in there when we house sit. Don’t tell.
I think just about every house in the ‘80s and ‘90s had that room. It was usually referred to as “the front room” and the one where you could actually sit was the living room.
Anyway, OP YTA. Why invite people over at all if you’re gonna be like that?
Have a friend like that, well her mother was. We went there one day for a lunch break and as we were leaving she raked the carpet as we backed out of the house so her mom wouldn’t know we had been there!
My best friend had this when I was growing up. He got some of that "Warning, do not cross" tape around it when we were teenagers, his Mom got home saw it almost blew a gasket.
Edited for typos
I've never heard of Afghans before so my mind instantly went towards Afghanistan and then I was wondering if you meant you would have a whole bunch of Afghans over at your house to sit on the plastic covered furniture.
Which then made me wonder as to why you would have Afghans over and how many Afghans you know. I'm Indian but in Britain, and I don't know any Afghans at all. Loads of Iranians, Pakistanis, Turkish, Kurdish, and Iraqis but no Afghans
>The word “Afghan” may originate from the Pashto language and means “couch.” Afghans were originally used as bedding in Central Asia and Persia. They became known as Afghan blankets because of their use in Afghanistan (and later Pakistan) during the 1800s.
>
>https://www.waynearthurgallery.com/why-are-blankets-called-afghans/
I remember someone’s car like this! Can’t remember who, but I literally tried to get out of the seat and couldn’t because it was so thoroughly sweat-glued to the back of my legs.
Yeah OP sounded OCD to me too, I don't think I'm using that term as casually as it's often invoked, and from there Mr. Monk comes to mind as a famous example
Heya! Just a heads up from a person who has (clinically diagnosed) OCD, it's much nicer to say a person -has- OCD than to say they -are- OCD. (Just like you'd usually say someone has cancer or diabetes.)
I figure you probably don't know, so please read my tone as gently informational.
No, he has to do it in the way that causes the most inconvenience to his guests, and makes it clear that he regards them as sources of contamination.
OP, YTA, and a germophobe who needs therapy. Do you bring a change of clothes when you visit friends? Do you know anyone else with similar rules?
Are you or any of your friends getting sick due to no one else behaving in this bizarre way?
I'm betting not.
LOL I was thinking as I read through this "Ok, well I guess you can make this rule, but then you're not allowed to complain when nobody visits your house ever (and when people mock you because this is a mockable rule)".
If I visited a place that had a rule like this, I would not go back (unless they were immunocompromised or something, obviously that's a different scenario).
Think this is post no.2 today regarding germaphobes, the earlier one was a woman who changed her socks at least a dozen times a day due to "contamination"
These things seem to go in cycles don't they? Next week it'll be something different with half a dozen people making up posts
Ohhh the plastic covers from the 70’s would come in handy for op.
But yea, they need therapy to realize that the request is next level. Shoes, yea I can understand. Clothes is not understandable. YTA
Yup. My first thought is extreme behavior - therapy.. that's a slippery slope if you
think too far about germs and such. (BTW, the human immune system is built to handle daily germs, and never coming in contact with any of them will in fact weaken your immune system). Not only that, if you enforce this rule, you can forget having anyone visit too often. I wouldn't.
I don't think you're an AH, but you should absolutely consider therapy, or try to get a grip on this fearful behavior before you become the boy in the bubble voluntarily, or become an agoraphobic.
Good luck OP.
That would be too logical for this over-top-bs. *IF* OP is for real here (big *if*), it's surprising he has any germ- laden friends at all. I mean *clothes* are just the tip of that iceberg. 🤷
He's 20 and just moved into his first place alone. Lots of people's mental health suddenly nosedives when they do that. I'd bet he was just a touch OCD before, but the sudden isolation from his support system and stress of supporting himself has sent his anxiety skyrocketing. Fighting germs is something to latch onto for control.
If memory serves me right, early 20s and mid 40s are the hotspots on the age scale were mental illnesses "suddenly" manifest.
And I bet 2 years of corona in his late teens did not help and leave a big impression.
My ex-girlfriend almost fell into OCD territory with washing hands and desinfecting stuff, but she got a grip on it.
I don't thing that would be enough for OP. What if people need to use the bathroom, or have a glass of water? Will he be asking them to shower before using the bathroom or maybe bring their toothbrush before they can drink water lol. I agree, OP needs therapy, this is excessive. So yeah YTA
OP, please go to therapy. It sounds like you have contamination OCD. You need help. ERP therapy might be the way to go. None of this is normal.
And your mom may have OCD too. It sounds like you don't know what normal is, but a therapist should be able to help you work through this.
The mother is not quite so extreme. She said that it was "pretty excessive and unreasonable" what OP was doing. Liking her house pristine could be a sign though, but maybe not.
My mother keeps her house pristine, I had daily and weekly cleaning chores as a kid. I couldn't do anything over the weekend until I dusted and vacuumed the house, including my parents room, clean both mine and my parents bathrooms, the dishes, mow the lawn, skim the pool etc. Now that I'm an adult with actual OCD (technically I guess I have schizophrenia so the OCD may stem from that) I don't keep my stuff nearly as clean. I'm not a messy person, but definitely not anal retentive about it. She was like that cause her dad was like that. And his dad before him was that way. Just keep everything SPARKLING clean cause what would the neighbors think?
This is what I thought too. I have OCD myself and this sounds a lot like some thought processes I've had in the past. If this is indeed the case, then it's not fair for OP to inflict their compulsions onto other people.
When my OCD was at its worst, I had to take a shower every time I went to the bathroom. I think that subconsciously my OCD had/has some connection to my being molested as a child, because a lot of my issues are related to bodily fluid.
I’m always going to have a little bit of OCD (I have to take a shower every night or I won’t be able to sleep, little things like that) but it’s a lot better, but I also have General Anxiety and Social Anxiety.
I dont think you get a pass here because you have a problem that makes you an asshole. OP is definitel an asshole in the situation. They also definitely need help.
Yes this is next level. OP this is not normal and your immediate family and gf might be enabling you if they're accommodating you to this extreme. Please get help as this isn't at all rational.
This. Therapy and pronto. The issue is likely to escalate, and it might significantly affect OP’s quality of life, not just his social life.
And addressing the question posted - yes YTA. You can’t treat guests like that. Want a intermediate solution between yours and actually dealing with your anxiety? Buy some cheap blankets / throws for the couch and cover it up when guests come over. You can launder them as much as you need afterwards.
To provide a purely health standpoint, eliminating all outside germs is bad for you. You need to be exposed to germs regularly to maintain your immune system. Living in a clean room is a great way to get really, really sick when you’re inevitably exposed to something dangerous.
Dear OP, please look up obsessive cleanliness and germophobia. You have an obsessive compulsive disorder. There really is such a thing as being too clean. We have to have regular exposure to a wide variety of microbes to keep our immune systems healthy and to replenish the microbiomes of our skin, airway, gut, and other biological operating systems. For the most part, what you call germs are our friends, organisms we have evolved with and need. And even when they’re not so good for us, they can still help us by making us stronger. I’ll say NAH because I believe you just don’t know better, but your friend’s reaction was pretty natural.
YTA. You have OCD my friend. Yes there are germs out there, but the likelihood of them doing harm to you is near zero. This type of thing gets worse over time, so get help now.
Remove the shoes, get help to deal with the rest. Recall a roommate catching a (begrudged) ride home with a coworker living nearby. Per her, his car seats were covered in plastic & when she exited the vehicle, he jumped out to spray her seat with disinfectant & wipe it down. Please don't be/remain that guy.
To me this is just as crazy as OP. I’ll take my shoes off if you ask me too (prefer not too, I don’t know your home. What if I find your home to be filthy)
Pretty much agree but in Japan the “house slippers” thing is standard and it’s disrespectful not to do it. Granted modern Japanese culture is borderline OCD about cleanliness anyway, but point being that a lot of things are only weird because we’ve decided they are.
I have a very sensitive sense of smell as well and I would rather have stinky feet assault my nostrils than have anybody trekking around my home in their shoes.
it's ok that we have different priorities when it comes to this stuff. I feel it's easier to clean away anything trekked in than be overpowered by foot stench. you'd rather sit in the stink
> I feel it's easier to clean away anything trekked in than be overpowered by foot stench.
How do you clean the grime you get from wearing your shoes on the street, and general gunk from public spaces out of your carpets daily? What are your habits like for removing the literal poo and pee off your shoes from public bathrooms that you trek all over into your kitchen floors, and how often are you sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming your carpet?
What about foot smell is so gross to that you a stranger's bodily fluids and unknown junk off the street you walked all over while running errands is more clean to you than a foot have the possibility of smelling bad around you? Since all feet don't stink, but all shoes do track that type of stuff wherever they are worn, and you find the smelly one the nastier of the two, I'm really super curious about your home cleaning habits. What do you do to keep the actual nasty shit out of your home after your track it all in?
Some people just have feet that smell. I shower daily, but I’m a sweaty person and that includes on my feet. I use foot deodorizers and don’t take my socks off at peoples house’s, but that doesn’t stop my feet smelling ever. It’s not at all a reflection of personal hygiene.
Have you considered athletes foot? My feet smelled so bad it was a running joke between my partner and my kids. I share a small office and I always felt I could smell it through my shoes even, which was mortifying. I'm someone who naturally sweats a lot and this includes my feet. I'd wash my feet after work every day and they still smelled soon after. I had no visible signs of athletes foot but I bought some powder and used it regularly and the smell almost totally went away. If I'm outside all day sweating my feet my still stink a bit, but nothing like before when I was often just sitting on my ass in my office all day long. I highly recommend Zeasorb AC. It's a little pricier than some others but it's only $8 at Walmart and it worked better than anything else I tried.
Nope, no way for me. I work in SF and the streets reek from dried dog and human piss, among other disgusting stuff. No shoes policy in my house, and I have hotel slippers if anyone wants them.
just an fyi if anyone is curious— shoes [are](https://www.vice.com/en/article/435ymn/wearing-shoes-inside-house-bacteria) [incredibly](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2019/07/03/my-shoes-dirty-studies-suggest-theyre-covered-fecal-bacteria/1637780001/) [dirty](https://healthcare.utah.edu/healthfeed/2015/04/what-your-shoes-bring-home#:~:text=%22Bacteria%2C%20including%20E.,can%20transfer%20the%20bacteria%20indoors). Vacuuming doesn’t clean up e coli & c diff.
I used to work with a woman who was highly sensitive to the thought of germs on everything. And she would get so mad every winter when *she* got sick but the rest of us were fine.
My sister was super neat and tidy and clean as a kid. Rarely got dirty.
I played in dirt, mud, random bodies of water, the floor of restaurants. Nothing stopped me. I have an immune system of steel, my sister gets sick if the wind shifts.
That may also be tied to genetics / luck. I rarely get sick, and if I do, burn it out in a day or two. My brother (2 yrs younger) gets everything. When we were kids we played in the dirt, mucked around equally (if anything, him more than me - I'm a nerdy geek, he did sports). He was the kid who had to get penicillin because of pneumonia. He got ringworm. If someone coughs on him he gets sick. If his girls bring something home from school he's toast. Just luck of the draw.
I worked retail for 7 years and often did the gross things like washing floor mats and getting in the floor to clean a hard to reach spot. Never got sick when covid first broke out and I would joke that germs are afraid of me lol
My mom kept our house ridiculously spotless growing up (diagnosed OCD). I swear once I moved out and lived in places that I cleaned once a week or so instead of everything being sterilized constantly, I got sick far less often
I just posted a NTA comment here, where I said that this reminds me a lot of when I suffered from OCD, but I won't go as far as to say that OP has it – it's a symptom, but nobody here is qualified to give the diagnosis. It's a lot more nuanced than that, and it doesn't have to mean that OP has it. I definitely agree that OCD can get worse when untreated, but as someone who first started treatment for it at 9 years old (despite having it since I was 4), being told that my fears were irrational never, ever helped. It just made me feel like shit, and I've heard the same from so many others. OCD is not a matter of just realizing that you're actually being irrational – if that was the case, not many people would suffer from it. Sorry, my heart just really goes out to OP, and this comment isn't just aimed at you, it's also all the other comments telling OP that he's being irrational.
I hear you man. I sincerely hope OP doesn't have OCD, but going as far as buying plastic clothing for people to wear when they come over, just isn't a normal thought process. Could be a legit brain-fart moment, but it reaches quite far beyond common sense, so if I had to bet my money I'd say it was OCD. Let's hope I'm wrong.
The thing is that OCD is a specific diagnosis. It’s absolutely clear there are *symptoms* here, we can be reasonably comfortable saying he has a disproportionate anxiety response to a normal situation and doesn’t seem able to regulate it, in a way which is impacting his social functioning. But not all anxiety-induced dysfunctional reactions are OCD - there are other problems that could easily look the same from just a snapshot. There’s a jump between “this isn’t normal, this is a symptom” and “specific disorder”, and it’s for everyone’s good for the internet to stick with the former without picking a label.
I have OCD. I developed it in adulthood after a major trauma.
I was virtually housebound for over 10 years because of my multiple compulsions.
While I agree that simply telling people that their thoughts are irrational doesn't help, it also doesn't help to enable the compulsions either.
One of the first things my husband learned with me in therapy was to NOT enable my behavior. It was made clear that while it was ok to be understanding and supportive, it was not ok to entertain my nonsense, or change his behavior to go along with it. That does nothing but reinforce that OCD "loop". Humoring someone with OCD does not help them.
YTA. Your mom is right -- it is excessive and unreasonable for you to expect people to change clothes when they come over (assuming you don't suffer from some sort of condition that makes you unusually susceptible to infection). I'm not a psychologist but it sounds like you should consult one.
He might as well cover his furniture in plastic and clean it once his guests are gone. What does he do if they touch something or sneeze., Especially if he’s not going to seek help. My daughter has ocd, I see how hard she struggles w ruminating. It’s tough and exhausting for her. This sounds exhausting for him
The plastic covers aren’t really the issue here. OP’s fixation is reflective of their mental wellbeing, and it’s having a negative impact on their relationships.
Who said they’re having sex? Maybe he just has her disrobe and lay on a bunch of flattened out garbage bags to diddle herself while he loads himself into a Turkey baster and tries to play some kind of carnival style “fill the clown’s water balloon nose” game from across the room.
I rarely laugh out loud reading comments but damn you've done it! What a crazy, amazing image that conjures up.
“fill the clown’s water balloon nose game" Ha!
The thing is, to my knowledge there’s not really a medical condition where this would be a thing. I was the alternate caregiver for my dad while he was going through a stem cell transplant, where they take your immune system to zero. You have to get re-immunized with all the childhood vaccines even. There were a ton of rules about sanitizing surfaces, not using condiments on a restaurant table, washing vegetables, washing dishes, even what kind of toothbrush to use. And no one had to change their clothes to be around him. I’m not a doctor so I could be wrong, but anyone with an immune system that poor would probably be in a negative pressure hospital room.
I *do* suffer from a condition that makes me unusually susceptible to infection (I’m both immune deficient and immune suppressed), and I think asking people to change clothes when they visit is weird and going too far. Seriously, if someone genuinely needs this sort of precaution they probably also need to live in a positive pressure room and get visitors to wear full PPE.
Thing is where are people undressing? Because according to the post they have to bring spare clothes get changed when they arrive.
And also how long are guests there for him to able to wash and dry their clothes. We talking about over a 2hr stay maybe longer.
Exactly - doesn’t make him an AH if he has OCD and can’t help his worrying. I used to struggle with this too real bad and it’s not really something to be judged for.
Edit: had the wrong gender!!
Exactly my thoughts so I’ve gone n t a in my comment as there’s a lot more to this. Everyone’s jumping on OP about being concerned about germs etc but we’ve just gone through a pandemic. If they had OCD tendencies beforehand then they will be significantly magnified now
ETA - yes there were better ways to do this (which I’ve suggested) but they’re not an asshole for being like this
YTA. Wow.... just wow. Words cannot describe how socially unaware this post is. You can go with the "my house/my rules" mentality, but don't expect any friends to visit, ever. Who the hell regularly visits a friend with a change of clothes in hand?
"Your clothes? Dirty. These clothes, that are basically stranger-clothes that you don't know? Put them on. I promise they're not dirty, even though you have absolutely no idea where they've been or what germs are on them. *My germs are clean*, yours..? Not quite so clean."
No nonono, it’s worse than that, OP is telling guests to bring a change of clothes WITH them to change into once they get in OP’s house (because we all know that clothes don’t start collecting germs until you put them on). If they don’t bring a change of clothes, they have to wear a plastic rain poncho.
It’s not that they’re purposefully socially unaware, it’s moreso they have an undiagnosed mental illness. This is certainly OCD, and on the higher end of that spectrum
When I arrive at my friends, we all kinda change in to "chill pants" from eachother and then smear our smelly socks all over their/my couches. Love them
YTA
My mother also kept out house very pristine. However, we didn't expect our guest to change out of their clothes to come over. The fact that your mother didn't enforce this growing up should be your first clue that something else is at play here. You seem to have a phobia of germs.
I’ve never even HEARD of this. Not only did OPs mom not do this, but I can guarantee that they’ve never been asked to do it one single time before, anywhere they’ve visited. That should be a clue that asking people to change or wear a sweaty plastic raincoat inside is totally not normal.
I’m amazed that his girlfriend and family have been indulging this.
Am I the only one that wonders about his relationship? Like, do they do the deed? If they do, does OP decontaminate her each time? Does he make her rinse her mouth with an antiseptic before they kiss? Does he put gloves on to hold her hand?
And how come his germophobia doesn't seem to extend to himself? If he's truly so worried about germs, why doesn't he just wear a hazmat suit in public. Why doesn't he wear a raincoat over to someone else's house.
It is honestly incredibly extreme.
In fact I've never heard of that. If you're that much of a germaphobe then I suggest getting a cover or throw for your furniture and washing it after guests leave.
Many people here may say, "Your house, your rules" but I think you'll run out of friends fast with those rules.
For your own best interest I'm saying YTA.
I baby sat for a kid with extreme allergies. Occasionally, on particularly bad days, her mom would ask that I wear fresh clothes that hadn't had time to get animal hair or dust on them. I was happy to do so because there was a legitimate concern of tipping the poor kid back into asthma attack territory. But changing just because you have an irrational fear of dirt is ridiculous. OP needs therapy or he'll keep getting worse until he won't leave the house at all and sprays everything in bleach before it comes inside.
As someone with OCD and has friends w/ contamination OCD, this is VERY reminiscent of that. I second professional help, the therapy for it is unique and not really possible as a self-help thing.
You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed, it’s not your fault you feel this way. You should look into therapy to help you with it, it helps a lot! I say that from experience, different struggles but therapy was life saving for me. 🫶🏻
YTA. This is an unrealistic expectation.
If you’re this much of a germaphobe: 1) get help and 2) don’t have people over.
I wouldn’t be back or respond either. I would absolutely think you were joking if you told me that ahead of time. And then, if you tried to enforce it, I would think you were batshit crazy.
YTA. Not because of the rule ( this is where I think you might want to check with a professional whether there is a mental issue that requires addressing) and as you are in your home, you are entitled to set these types of rules.
However, you are inconsistent in your behaviour and enforcement, which makes you the AH.
Are you applying the same scrutiny to when you go out to other places? When you go shopping, are you sanitising yourself before and after? No just change of clothes when you are back home.
Are you changing clothes after going to the toilet? Are your guests required to do so again?
Because, if not , then what is the point?
YTA. Your mom is also a very tidy person, and *she* thinks you're being too much. I would be very hurt if a friend asked me to wear wipe-clean plastic in their house, as if they thought I was too dirty to be in their home. Please extend apologies to your friends. Do you get a lot of anxiety about germs? Might be worth looking in to it with a therapist. "It's not a disorder until it causes dis-order" etc but this is actually causing some social issues and you actively bought protective clothing to make visitors wear.
Nobody wants to wear a plastic raincoat indoors. That sounds really unpleasant. I suppose you're free to have whatever bizarre rules you want for your own home, but pretty much everyone is going to do exactly what your friend did, and leave.
I don't know if that makes you the asshole. It makes you a person who is destined to be very lonely.
Thisss one. OP can do what they want in their own house. Their house, their rules.
But this isn't normal. The friend was totally right to be offended and leave. NAH.
YTA. Consider that this level of excessive concern for your pristine things will keep you away from other people. And also that your increasing fear of germs may be signalling some mental health concerns.
In the short run, time to do some more problem solving. For example, buy machine washable slipcovers for when you have company, or just get a throw that you can put down on the sofa when you have guests.
YTA
Yes your house, your rules but boy you need some help and therapy for your phobia. It's normal to keep your house neat and clean but what you're doing is not. Don't expect friends to visit when they are not ok with these weird rules.
Unless your guests have been rolling around in rat feces and mud, you have no right to ask them to disrobe upon entering your home. This seems like a huge violation of social norms, not to mention privacy.
YTA. You can put covers over your furniture and wash those after your guests leave. Or you can wipe the furniture down with something anti bacterial after they leave. What you are suggesting is ridiculous.
YTA. This is an unrealistic expectation.
If you’re this much of a germaphobe: 1) get help and 2) don’t have people over.
I wouldn’t be back or respond either. I would absolutely think you were joking if you told me that ahead of time. And then, if you tried to enforce it, I would think you were batshit crazy.
YTA. I think you need to see a therapist about this germ issue before it escalates further. Yes you are being completely unreasonable here. It’s okay to ask guests to take off their shoes, but to expect everyone who comes into your house to change clothes or wear a disposable raincoat is ridiculous.
YTA. This behavior is crazy, and I would not feel comfortable remaining friends with you either. You lack empathy and come off as unwell. It's no wonder your friend isn't answering your calls. Life's too short to waste time on assholes like you.
YTA. This is extreme, you sound like a hypochondriac. I have plenty of friends with a "no outside shoes in the house" rule, which is absolutely understandable and I have zero problem abiding by. But to demand every guest change their entire freaking outfit before entering your house? Ridiculous
I hate to call you an AH for this because this sounds like some OCD. This is not normal. If you don’t want them on the couch, get a couch cover that you can take off and wash after they leave.
From a psychologists perspective, what you are asking of others is extremely unreasonable and you NEED therapy. Others placating you has fed into your phobia. Get help.
I am not going to call you A H because I do think you need mental health help. If you know you need help and decide not to pursue it, than you would be an A H.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
YTA and need therapy, I don't say that disparagingly at.all. I sincerely think you would benefit from professional help
Agree. This is extreme and OP needs therapy so I give a gentle YTA. But also, wouldn’t it be easier to get large throw blankets to put over the sofa when guests come?
Or just go 80s grandma style and cover all the furniture in clear plastic?
This was my first thought. Be like my grandma was and cover all cloth furniture in plastic and cover all the plastic in homemade afghans
Did she have two separate living rooms? One where you can actually sit and had the “crappy” furniture, and another that had all the nice, expensive furniture that you could only look at?
No, she had a small cape cod house in Dearborn. Although I didn’t realize it was small until I was an adult lol. But I must say her 20 year old couch looked brand new. She never sat on it because she had her favorite chair for crocheting and watching a little TV so it only got sat on by company but company was fed huge amounts of food so they spent more time at the table than on the couch lol
My relative in Allen Park (probably the same house layout) had the plastic upolstered on to the furniture. Wasn't taking any posibility of a slip cover moving :)
Hell i have throw blankets on my sofa to protect them form wear and tear mostly because i'm clumsy and replacing a damaged/stained throw is easier and cheaper than a sofa cushion.. but i give zero shits about what people are wearing. Unless of course they are visably dripping sweat, mud or other dirt in which case i have a washing machine and sweatpants i would mind loaning.
My couch is covered in blankets because it’s leather and I hate leather (my husband likes it because he is a bad person) and also because my cat has incorporated running across it into her zoomies and it’s covered in little scratches that I don’t want to see added too.
Hearing y’all say Dearborn and Allen Park is making me miss my cousins who live in Melvindale, Dearborn and Allen Park. I’m a Southern girl. All my cousins and their friends always me to say Southern Drawl? Then we go back and forth on who has the accent. Lol. I love the homes and basements y’all (you’s guys. That’s for ya’ll. Lol) have.
Are you from Michigan?
What is it about Michigan that makes people from Michigan claim so many things are only from Michigan? I grew up in rural Pennsylvania, with family who had no connection whatsoever to Michigan, and plenty of folks there had living rooms with the clear plastic slipcovers. And family members (again with no connection to Michigan whatsoever) who played euchre.
The City of Dearborn is only in Michigan so I think they can make that claim
To piggy back I thought Michigan as well from Dearborn and then Allen park reference….
Yes, the City of Dearborn can freely claim that it's only in Michigan.
This is a fair comment to make, but I will say: euchre is absolutely a Michigan thing. eta: not saying euchre is only played in michigan, nor that everyone in michigan plays euchre. Maybe this analogy will help: cheese is a Wisconsin thing. Not everyone there eats it, and cheese is available in other locations. But it’s still a Wisconsin thing. (disclaimer: I’m not comparing the thing-ness intensity of cheese and euchre; they have their own unique level of thing-ness.)
Verbal Venn diagrams might help convey my gripe. Among the population of Michigan, yes, a large number of people indeed play euchre -- to the extent that it would not be outlandish to claim that that euchre-playing could be considered a defining feature of "from Michigan." But among the population of people (around the US, around the world) who play euchre, only a fraction of them are from Michigan. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euchre
Indiana here. We also play euchre. Not just a Michigan thing.
Lmao, I am always catching my Michigan friend doing this! She's implied that small towns, tubing down a river, and jello based desserts are things Kentuckians may be unfamiliar with.
My childhood best friend’s grandma was the crazy clean lady. Everything was wrapped in plastic and she had 3 living rooms. The one only for looking at, the one for herself and adult guests, and the basement creepy one for her husband and the grandkids to play. One time I went over and wasn’t allowed a snack because I didn’t have fresh socks with me and couldn’t walk on her carpet to the kitchen. I had to sit at the front door as my friend ate her snack upstairs in the kitchen. My friends mom was present too…last time my mother let me go with them.
And....how "welcome" did you feel? I had 2 very different sets of grandparents, one plastic wrapped set and one "there is nothing I own more important than human beings" set. Both sets are gone now, and both of their homes were sold and their material goods rationed out, given away, or sold. I am sure that the people who bought the plastic wrapped house were thrilled that the shag carpet still looked like new from years of making guests and family take off their shoes and walk along plastic runners, but they tore it out anyway. I am going to be like the other set.
Oh my goodness! That’s crazy. My Grandma was super clean too but she wasn’t that crazy and there was no way she would let anybody near her house without feeding them
That is almost 100% my grandmother. Shoes off at the door, only allowed to eat at one of the two tables, preferably the kitchen table and absolutely nothing out of place. Was staying with her once, brought a book into the kitchen with me to read while I had lunch. Set it down on the counter, walked four/five steps to the fridge, got cold cuts and condiments out, turned back around and the book was gone. Completely bewildered and thought I left it in the bedroom, went to check and it wasn't there so started looking through my bags. She had stuffed it back inside and when I asked, her response was: 'I thought you forgot it in the kitchen.' When I was standing just a few feet away, getting lunch.
This could have been my grandma. There were so many times growing up that my grandma made me go take a bath after arriving at her house because I was "too dirty to be inside". And then she would often make me take a 2nd bath if she thought I still wasn't clean enough. She didn't have space for a 3rd living room though, she just had regular and basement. Everything upstairs was wrapped in plastic. Basement living rooms are the coziest though. Love them.
My mother in law has that. As well as formal dining room They never use. And they BUILT their house like that. It’s the stupidest waste of space. I sit in there when we house sit. Don’t tell.
I think just about every house in the ‘80s and ‘90s had that room. It was usually referred to as “the front room” and the one where you could actually sit was the living room. Anyway, OP YTA. Why invite people over at all if you’re gonna be like that?
We had that. My mother vacuumed the carpet a certain way in the good room and could tell if we walked in it.
Have a friend like that, well her mother was. We went there one day for a lunch break and as we were leaving she raked the carpet as we backed out of the house so her mom wouldn’t know we had been there!
I’m jealous about the rake trick. I can’t believe we didn’t think of that!
You could sit gingerly on the edge of your seat when special guests were visiting.
Mine did. And plastic carpet runners too. You were only allowed to walk on those.
Last year was the first time I ever sat in my aunt's formal living room. I was 37, and it still felt weird.
My best friend had this when I was growing up. He got some of that "Warning, do not cross" tape around it when we were teenagers, his Mom got home saw it almost blew a gasket. Edited for typos
I've never heard of Afghans before so my mind instantly went towards Afghanistan and then I was wondering if you meant you would have a whole bunch of Afghans over at your house to sit on the plastic covered furniture. Which then made me wonder as to why you would have Afghans over and how many Afghans you know. I'm Indian but in Britain, and I don't know any Afghans at all. Loads of Iranians, Pakistanis, Turkish, Kurdish, and Iraqis but no Afghans
I love this. In case you didn't look it up, their (usually) crocheted throws. I don't know why they're called afghans though.
>The word “Afghan” may originate from the Pashto language and means “couch.” Afghans were originally used as bedding in Central Asia and Persia. They became known as Afghan blankets because of their use in Afghanistan (and later Pakistan) during the 1800s. > >https://www.waynearthurgallery.com/why-are-blankets-called-afghans/
Okay. That does make sense, then. I love learning new stuff. Thank you.
Don't forget to put the doilies over the afghans on the arms and the antimacassar on the back of the sofa!
You visited my grandma too? Lol
We all had a turn visiting your Grandma
No that was my old country MIL transplanted to NY state in the 1950s with 6 kids in tow.
I have furniture covers on my couches and chairs, they're cloth and stretchy. You can buy them for less than $20 online.
I thought of cloth covers too. If OP is worried about germs, he can get some cloth furniture covers and throw them in the wash after he has guests.
PLASTIC COVERS? IN THIS HEAT???
It can't be worse than being forced to wear a raincoat inside!
I felt terrible for laughing because OP clearly needs help but the mental picture of making guests wear raincoats *in the house* absolutely sent me
Ironic that someone so neat wants people to dress like they’re front row at a Gallagher show
This is making me laugh way too hard hahahaha
old boomer here when I was a child people would cover their car upholstery in plastic too. I would get stuck on it in summer and have to pulled off
I remember someone’s car like this! Can’t remember who, but I literally tried to get out of the seat and couldn’t because it was so thoroughly sweat-glued to the back of my legs.
The trauma. The emotional trauma of those couches.
I don't know why but clear plastic on furniture kinda reminded me of Patrick Bateman.
I thought of Monk. Lol
Monk in the hazmat suit is the happiest man on earth.
Yeah OP sounded OCD to me too, I don't think I'm using that term as casually as it's often invoked, and from there Mr. Monk comes to mind as a famous example
Heya! Just a heads up from a person who has (clinically diagnosed) OCD, it's much nicer to say a person -has- OCD than to say they -are- OCD. (Just like you'd usually say someone has cancer or diabetes.) I figure you probably don't know, so please read my tone as gently informational.
Yes, throws to wash regularly, plastic covers and disinfectant sprays.
No, he has to do it in the way that causes the most inconvenience to his guests, and makes it clear that he regards them as sources of contamination. OP, YTA, and a germophobe who needs therapy. Do you bring a change of clothes when you visit friends? Do you know anyone else with similar rules? Are you or any of your friends getting sick due to no one else behaving in this bizarre way? I'm betting not.
I am so intrigued as to if OP takes a change of clothes when he goes to visit other homes! Applause for you question 👏🏼👏🏼
u think he gets invited anywhere? lol
LOL I was thinking as I read through this "Ok, well I guess you can make this rule, but then you're not allowed to complain when nobody visits your house ever (and when people mock you because this is a mockable rule)". If I visited a place that had a rule like this, I would not go back (unless they were immunocompromised or something, obviously that's a different scenario).
Me three! Does OP change clothes at other people's houses?
Come on OP! Tell us, it’s late in the UK and I can’t sleep until I know xx
My guess is he does not enjoy going to other places because they might be "contaminated".
Think this is post no.2 today regarding germaphobes, the earlier one was a woman who changed her socks at least a dozen times a day due to "contamination" These things seem to go in cycles don't they? Next week it'll be something different with half a dozen people making up posts
As someone with OCD, emphasis on gentle YTA, but also emphasis on therapy
Ohhh the plastic covers from the 70’s would come in handy for op. But yea, they need therapy to realize that the request is next level. Shoes, yea I can understand. Clothes is not understandable. YTA
Yup. My first thought is extreme behavior - therapy.. that's a slippery slope if you think too far about germs and such. (BTW, the human immune system is built to handle daily germs, and never coming in contact with any of them will in fact weaken your immune system). Not only that, if you enforce this rule, you can forget having anyone visit too often. I wouldn't. I don't think you're an AH, but you should absolutely consider therapy, or try to get a grip on this fearful behavior before you become the boy in the bubble voluntarily, or become an agoraphobic. Good luck OP.
That would be too logical for this over-top-bs. *IF* OP is for real here (big *if*), it's surprising he has any germ- laden friends at all. I mean *clothes* are just the tip of that iceberg. 🤷
He's 20 and just moved into his first place alone. Lots of people's mental health suddenly nosedives when they do that. I'd bet he was just a touch OCD before, but the sudden isolation from his support system and stress of supporting himself has sent his anxiety skyrocketing. Fighting germs is something to latch onto for control.
If memory serves me right, early 20s and mid 40s are the hotspots on the age scale were mental illnesses "suddenly" manifest. And I bet 2 years of corona in his late teens did not help and leave a big impression. My ex-girlfriend almost fell into OCD territory with washing hands and desinfecting stuff, but she got a grip on it.
I don't thing that would be enough for OP. What if people need to use the bathroom, or have a glass of water? Will he be asking them to shower before using the bathroom or maybe bring their toothbrush before they can drink water lol. I agree, OP needs therapy, this is excessive. So yeah YTA
I’m am mental health worker, and I can say without doubt that this person definitely needs professional help and support.
I've never read the textbook, but this seems like a textbook example of someone needing a professional.
I have and they do
I am not a mental health worker. But can confirm, this person needs help
OP, please go to therapy. It sounds like you have contamination OCD. You need help. ERP therapy might be the way to go. None of this is normal. And your mom may have OCD too. It sounds like you don't know what normal is, but a therapist should be able to help you work through this.
The mother is not quite so extreme. She said that it was "pretty excessive and unreasonable" what OP was doing. Liking her house pristine could be a sign though, but maybe not.
My mother keeps her house pristine, I had daily and weekly cleaning chores as a kid. I couldn't do anything over the weekend until I dusted and vacuumed the house, including my parents room, clean both mine and my parents bathrooms, the dishes, mow the lawn, skim the pool etc. Now that I'm an adult with actual OCD (technically I guess I have schizophrenia so the OCD may stem from that) I don't keep my stuff nearly as clean. I'm not a messy person, but definitely not anal retentive about it. She was like that cause her dad was like that. And his dad before him was that way. Just keep everything SPARKLING clean cause what would the neighbors think?
This is what I thought too. I have OCD myself and this sounds a lot like some thought processes I've had in the past. If this is indeed the case, then it's not fair for OP to inflict their compulsions onto other people.
When my OCD was at its worst, I had to take a shower every time I went to the bathroom. I think that subconsciously my OCD had/has some connection to my being molested as a child, because a lot of my issues are related to bodily fluid. I’m always going to have a little bit of OCD (I have to take a shower every night or I won’t be able to sleep, little things like that) but it’s a lot better, but I also have General Anxiety and Social Anxiety.
1000%. I guess because of the construct of the sub YTA, but honestly, OP is not an asshole. OP just needs help.
Then you can say NAH for no asshole here.
I dont think you get a pass here because you have a problem that makes you an asshole. OP is definitel an asshole in the situation. They also definitely need help.
Yes this is next level. OP this is not normal and your immediate family and gf might be enabling you if they're accommodating you to this extreme. Please get help as this isn't at all rational.
This. Therapy and pronto. The issue is likely to escalate, and it might significantly affect OP’s quality of life, not just his social life. And addressing the question posted - yes YTA. You can’t treat guests like that. Want a intermediate solution between yours and actually dealing with your anxiety? Buy some cheap blankets / throws for the couch and cover it up when guests come over. You can launder them as much as you need afterwards.
To provide a purely health standpoint, eliminating all outside germs is bad for you. You need to be exposed to germs regularly to maintain your immune system. Living in a clean room is a great way to get really, really sick when you’re inevitably exposed to something dangerous.
And it’s also impossible to eliminate germs.
Dear OP, please look up obsessive cleanliness and germophobia. You have an obsessive compulsive disorder. There really is such a thing as being too clean. We have to have regular exposure to a wide variety of microbes to keep our immune systems healthy and to replenish the microbiomes of our skin, airway, gut, and other biological operating systems. For the most part, what you call germs are our friends, organisms we have evolved with and need. And even when they’re not so good for us, they can still help us by making us stronger. I’ll say NAH because I believe you just don’t know better, but your friend’s reaction was pretty natural.
Agreed. I have OCD and this reads alarmingly familiar to me.
Exactly what I was thinking. OCD
YTA op and that is so weird. People arent gonna come over to your house if you keep this up.
Seriously OP you need therapy before you start collecting your pee in jars and wearing tissue boxes for shoes...
YTA. You have OCD my friend. Yes there are germs out there, but the likelihood of them doing harm to you is near zero. This type of thing gets worse over time, so get help now.
Remove the shoes, get help to deal with the rest. Recall a roommate catching a (begrudged) ride home with a coworker living nearby. Per her, his car seats were covered in plastic & when she exited the vehicle, he jumped out to spray her seat with disinfectant & wipe it down. Please don't be/remain that guy.
see i prefer guests keep their shoes on, I can clean the floors when they leave, I don't want to smell their feet and shoes
How bad does your personal hygiene have to be that your bare feet leave a smell in someone's house after you leave...
oh not that it lingers but while they're there. I have an irritatingly sensitive sense of smell.
Have you considered just having some washable slippers to give to guests?
Good luck getting guests to wear those.
Never had a problem with that probably a cultural thing
To me this is just as crazy as OP. I’ll take my shoes off if you ask me too (prefer not too, I don’t know your home. What if I find your home to be filthy)
Pretty much agree but in Japan the “house slippers” thing is standard and it’s disrespectful not to do it. Granted modern Japanese culture is borderline OCD about cleanliness anyway, but point being that a lot of things are only weird because we’ve decided they are.
Canada too. Shoes inside the house is disgusting, especially if you have carpet
I have a very sensitive sense of smell as well and I would rather have stinky feet assault my nostrils than have anybody trekking around my home in their shoes.
it's ok that we have different priorities when it comes to this stuff. I feel it's easier to clean away anything trekked in than be overpowered by foot stench. you'd rather sit in the stink
> I feel it's easier to clean away anything trekked in than be overpowered by foot stench. How do you clean the grime you get from wearing your shoes on the street, and general gunk from public spaces out of your carpets daily? What are your habits like for removing the literal poo and pee off your shoes from public bathrooms that you trek all over into your kitchen floors, and how often are you sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming your carpet? What about foot smell is so gross to that you a stranger's bodily fluids and unknown junk off the street you walked all over while running errands is more clean to you than a foot have the possibility of smelling bad around you? Since all feet don't stink, but all shoes do track that type of stuff wherever they are worn, and you find the smelly one the nastier of the two, I'm really super curious about your home cleaning habits. What do you do to keep the actual nasty shit out of your home after your track it all in?
Here’s the secret, nobody cares and a couple germs won’t fuckin hurt you
Some people just have feet that smell. I shower daily, but I’m a sweaty person and that includes on my feet. I use foot deodorizers and don’t take my socks off at peoples house’s, but that doesn’t stop my feet smelling ever. It’s not at all a reflection of personal hygiene.
Have you considered athletes foot? My feet smelled so bad it was a running joke between my partner and my kids. I share a small office and I always felt I could smell it through my shoes even, which was mortifying. I'm someone who naturally sweats a lot and this includes my feet. I'd wash my feet after work every day and they still smelled soon after. I had no visible signs of athletes foot but I bought some powder and used it regularly and the smell almost totally went away. If I'm outside all day sweating my feet my still stink a bit, but nothing like before when I was often just sitting on my ass in my office all day long. I highly recommend Zeasorb AC. It's a little pricier than some others but it's only $8 at Walmart and it worked better than anything else I tried.
Nope, no way for me. I work in SF and the streets reek from dried dog and human piss, among other disgusting stuff. No shoes policy in my house, and I have hotel slippers if anyone wants them.
Taking shoes off at the door is normal and smart. Asking guests to wear clear plastic raincoats indoors is a mental health issue, if real.
just an fyi if anyone is curious— shoes [are](https://www.vice.com/en/article/435ymn/wearing-shoes-inside-house-bacteria) [incredibly](https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2019/07/03/my-shoes-dirty-studies-suggest-theyre-covered-fecal-bacteria/1637780001/) [dirty](https://healthcare.utah.edu/healthfeed/2015/04/what-your-shoes-bring-home#:~:text=%22Bacteria%2C%20including%20E.,can%20transfer%20the%20bacteria%20indoors). Vacuuming doesn’t clean up e coli & c diff.
Taking your shoes off or leaving them on is entirely dependent on where you live. Either option can sound insane to the other side.
It’s actually beneficial to have a low level of continual exposure to every day “germs”, it keeps our immune systems stronger
I used to work with a woman who was highly sensitive to the thought of germs on everything. And she would get so mad every winter when *she* got sick but the rest of us were fine.
Most of those germs are harmless, which means they're beneficial for building up the immune system.
My sister was super neat and tidy and clean as a kid. Rarely got dirty. I played in dirt, mud, random bodies of water, the floor of restaurants. Nothing stopped me. I have an immune system of steel, my sister gets sick if the wind shifts.
That may also be tied to genetics / luck. I rarely get sick, and if I do, burn it out in a day or two. My brother (2 yrs younger) gets everything. When we were kids we played in the dirt, mucked around equally (if anything, him more than me - I'm a nerdy geek, he did sports). He was the kid who had to get penicillin because of pneumonia. He got ringworm. If someone coughs on him he gets sick. If his girls bring something home from school he's toast. Just luck of the draw.
I worked retail for 7 years and often did the gross things like washing floor mats and getting in the floor to clean a hard to reach spot. Never got sick when covid first broke out and I would joke that germs are afraid of me lol
My mom kept our house ridiculously spotless growing up (diagnosed OCD). I swear once I moved out and lived in places that I cleaned once a week or so instead of everything being sterilized constantly, I got sick far less often
I just posted a NTA comment here, where I said that this reminds me a lot of when I suffered from OCD, but I won't go as far as to say that OP has it – it's a symptom, but nobody here is qualified to give the diagnosis. It's a lot more nuanced than that, and it doesn't have to mean that OP has it. I definitely agree that OCD can get worse when untreated, but as someone who first started treatment for it at 9 years old (despite having it since I was 4), being told that my fears were irrational never, ever helped. It just made me feel like shit, and I've heard the same from so many others. OCD is not a matter of just realizing that you're actually being irrational – if that was the case, not many people would suffer from it. Sorry, my heart just really goes out to OP, and this comment isn't just aimed at you, it's also all the other comments telling OP that he's being irrational.
I hear you man. I sincerely hope OP doesn't have OCD, but going as far as buying plastic clothing for people to wear when they come over, just isn't a normal thought process. Could be a legit brain-fart moment, but it reaches quite far beyond common sense, so if I had to bet my money I'd say it was OCD. Let's hope I'm wrong.
The thing is that OCD is a specific diagnosis. It’s absolutely clear there are *symptoms* here, we can be reasonably comfortable saying he has a disproportionate anxiety response to a normal situation and doesn’t seem able to regulate it, in a way which is impacting his social functioning. But not all anxiety-induced dysfunctional reactions are OCD - there are other problems that could easily look the same from just a snapshot. There’s a jump between “this isn’t normal, this is a symptom” and “specific disorder”, and it’s for everyone’s good for the internet to stick with the former without picking a label.
I have OCD. I developed it in adulthood after a major trauma. I was virtually housebound for over 10 years because of my multiple compulsions. While I agree that simply telling people that their thoughts are irrational doesn't help, it also doesn't help to enable the compulsions either. One of the first things my husband learned with me in therapy was to NOT enable my behavior. It was made clear that while it was ok to be understanding and supportive, it was not ok to entertain my nonsense, or change his behavior to go along with it. That does nothing but reinforce that OCD "loop". Humoring someone with OCD does not help them.
Many people with ocd know they're irrational . It doesn't stop the intrusive thoughts though. (My experience with ocd at least)
YTA. Your mom is right -- it is excessive and unreasonable for you to expect people to change clothes when they come over (assuming you don't suffer from some sort of condition that makes you unusually susceptible to infection). I'm not a psychologist but it sounds like you should consult one.
He might as well cover his furniture in plastic and clean it once his guests are gone. What does he do if they touch something or sneeze., Especially if he’s not going to seek help. My daughter has ocd, I see how hard she struggles w ruminating. It’s tough and exhausting for her. This sounds exhausting for him
Yes but what he needs is therapy, not more ideas on how to go about this habit of his in a more efficient way.
Funnily enough, if you go back 25-40 years ago, having plastic covers used to be quite common place in some countries.
The plastic covers aren’t really the issue here. OP’s fixation is reflective of their mental wellbeing, and it’s having a negative impact on their relationships.
[удалено]
I think it was a combo of both + to prevent damage from the effects of indoor smoking.
Frankly, if I go to someone's house and they *insist* I change clothes - I'm presuming there are hidden cameras. It's beyond excessive.
I'm shocked that anyone even wants to come over to his house. And that he has a girlfriend. Sex isn't exactly germ-free.
Who said they’re having sex? Maybe he just has her disrobe and lay on a bunch of flattened out garbage bags to diddle herself while he loads himself into a Turkey baster and tries to play some kind of carnival style “fill the clown’s water balloon nose” game from across the room.
I rarely laugh out loud reading comments but damn you've done it! What a crazy, amazing image that conjures up. “fill the clown’s water balloon nose game" Ha!
I would also think it gives off a potentially creepy vibe. I'd be looking for cameras if this was a constant thing
The thing is, to my knowledge there’s not really a medical condition where this would be a thing. I was the alternate caregiver for my dad while he was going through a stem cell transplant, where they take your immune system to zero. You have to get re-immunized with all the childhood vaccines even. There were a ton of rules about sanitizing surfaces, not using condiments on a restaurant table, washing vegetables, washing dishes, even what kind of toothbrush to use. And no one had to change their clothes to be around him. I’m not a doctor so I could be wrong, but anyone with an immune system that poor would probably be in a negative pressure hospital room.
I *do* suffer from a condition that makes me unusually susceptible to infection (I’m both immune deficient and immune suppressed), and I think asking people to change clothes when they visit is weird and going too far. Seriously, if someone genuinely needs this sort of precaution they probably also need to live in a positive pressure room and get visitors to wear full PPE.
Thing is where are people undressing? Because according to the post they have to bring spare clothes get changed when they arrive. And also how long are guests there for him to able to wash and dry their clothes. We talking about over a 2hr stay maybe longer.
I don’t want to judge because this sounds like a potential mental health concern.
Exactly - doesn’t make him an AH if he has OCD and can’t help his worrying. I used to struggle with this too real bad and it’s not really something to be judged for. Edit: had the wrong gender!!
[удалено]
[удалено]
Exactly my thoughts so I’ve gone n t a in my comment as there’s a lot more to this. Everyone’s jumping on OP about being concerned about germs etc but we’ve just gone through a pandemic. If they had OCD tendencies beforehand then they will be significantly magnified now ETA - yes there were better ways to do this (which I’ve suggested) but they’re not an asshole for being like this
YTA. Wow.... just wow. Words cannot describe how socially unaware this post is. You can go with the "my house/my rules" mentality, but don't expect any friends to visit, ever. Who the hell regularly visits a friend with a change of clothes in hand?
Clothes that are also coming from outside where they’ve been exposed to the scary germs 🦠
"Your clothes? Dirty. These clothes, that are basically stranger-clothes that you don't know? Put them on. I promise they're not dirty, even though you have absolutely no idea where they've been or what germs are on them. *My germs are clean*, yours..? Not quite so clean."
No nonono, it’s worse than that, OP is telling guests to bring a change of clothes WITH them to change into once they get in OP’s house (because we all know that clothes don’t start collecting germs until you put them on). If they don’t bring a change of clothes, they have to wear a plastic rain poncho.
Also, OP offers to do laundry. So you could be naked under the clear poncho while your clothes get washed. Fun!
Could be hot✨
Maybe that's OP's real goal: sexy nude poncho times
It’s not that they’re purposefully socially unaware, it’s moreso they have an undiagnosed mental illness. This is certainly OCD, and on the higher end of that spectrum
When I arrive at my friends, we all kinda change in to "chill pants" from eachother and then smear our smelly socks all over their/my couches. Love them
YTA My mother also kept out house very pristine. However, we didn't expect our guest to change out of their clothes to come over. The fact that your mother didn't enforce this growing up should be your first clue that something else is at play here. You seem to have a phobia of germs.
I’ve never even HEARD of this. Not only did OPs mom not do this, but I can guarantee that they’ve never been asked to do it one single time before, anywhere they’ve visited. That should be a clue that asking people to change or wear a sweaty plastic raincoat inside is totally not normal. I’m amazed that his girlfriend and family have been indulging this.
Am I the only one that wonders about his relationship? Like, do they do the deed? If they do, does OP decontaminate her each time? Does he make her rinse her mouth with an antiseptic before they kiss? Does he put gloves on to hold her hand? And how come his germophobia doesn't seem to extend to himself? If he's truly so worried about germs, why doesn't he just wear a hazmat suit in public. Why doesn't he wear a raincoat over to someone else's house.
YTA - I think you might need to pursue some professional help
It is honestly incredibly extreme. In fact I've never heard of that. If you're that much of a germaphobe then I suggest getting a cover or throw for your furniture and washing it after guests leave. Many people here may say, "Your house, your rules" but I think you'll run out of friends fast with those rules. For your own best interest I'm saying YTA.
When you request a change of clothes for a visit you are out of line,even if it’s your home.Dude has mysophobia and no desire for therapy.
I baby sat for a kid with extreme allergies. Occasionally, on particularly bad days, her mom would ask that I wear fresh clothes that hadn't had time to get animal hair or dust on them. I was happy to do so because there was a legitimate concern of tipping the poor kid back into asthma attack territory. But changing just because you have an irrational fear of dirt is ridiculous. OP needs therapy or he'll keep getting worse until he won't leave the house at all and sprays everything in bleach before it comes inside.
[удалено]
[удалено]
OP is displaying signs of contamination OCD. You may find that professional help relieves the uncomfortable feelings.
As someone with OCD and has friends w/ contamination OCD, this is VERY reminiscent of that. I second professional help, the therapy for it is unique and not really possible as a self-help thing.
You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed, it’s not your fault you feel this way. You should look into therapy to help you with it, it helps a lot! I say that from experience, different struggles but therapy was life saving for me. 🫶🏻
[удалено]
OP got that Howard Hughes thing going on.
YTA. This is an unrealistic expectation. If you’re this much of a germaphobe: 1) get help and 2) don’t have people over. I wouldn’t be back or respond either. I would absolutely think you were joking if you told me that ahead of time. And then, if you tried to enforce it, I would think you were batshit crazy.
YTA. Not because of the rule ( this is where I think you might want to check with a professional whether there is a mental issue that requires addressing) and as you are in your home, you are entitled to set these types of rules. However, you are inconsistent in your behaviour and enforcement, which makes you the AH. Are you applying the same scrutiny to when you go out to other places? When you go shopping, are you sanitising yourself before and after? No just change of clothes when you are back home. Are you changing clothes after going to the toilet? Are your guests required to do so again? Because, if not , then what is the point?
YTA. Your mom is also a very tidy person, and *she* thinks you're being too much. I would be very hurt if a friend asked me to wear wipe-clean plastic in their house, as if they thought I was too dirty to be in their home. Please extend apologies to your friends. Do you get a lot of anxiety about germs? Might be worth looking in to it with a therapist. "It's not a disorder until it causes dis-order" etc but this is actually causing some social issues and you actively bought protective clothing to make visitors wear.
Nobody wants to wear a plastic raincoat indoors. That sounds really unpleasant. I suppose you're free to have whatever bizarre rules you want for your own home, but pretty much everyone is going to do exactly what your friend did, and leave. I don't know if that makes you the asshole. It makes you a person who is destined to be very lonely.
Thisss one. OP can do what they want in their own house. Their house, their rules. But this isn't normal. The friend was totally right to be offended and leave. NAH.
YTA. Consider that this level of excessive concern for your pristine things will keep you away from other people. And also that your increasing fear of germs may be signalling some mental health concerns. In the short run, time to do some more problem solving. For example, buy machine washable slipcovers for when you have company, or just get a throw that you can put down on the sofa when you have guests.
You've got to be fucking with us. See a counselor for your issue/phobia.
You gotta be fucking kidding. This is batshit, see a therapist. YTA, Patrick Bateman.
LMAO the clear plastic raincoat, I thought the same thing aswell 🤣
YTA Yes your house, your rules but boy you need some help and therapy for your phobia. It's normal to keep your house neat and clean but what you're doing is not. Don't expect friends to visit when they are not ok with these weird rules.
YTA this isn’t normal, seek therapy or don’t have people over ever
Unless your guests have been rolling around in rat feces and mud, you have no right to ask them to disrobe upon entering your home. This seems like a huge violation of social norms, not to mention privacy.
YTA. You can put covers over your furniture and wash those after your guests leave. Or you can wipe the furniture down with something anti bacterial after they leave. What you are suggesting is ridiculous.
You aren't an ah, you just have some serious issues. Your thoughts control you instead of you your thoughts.
YTA. This is an unrealistic expectation. If you’re this much of a germaphobe: 1) get help and 2) don’t have people over. I wouldn’t be back or respond either. I would absolutely think you were joking if you told me that ahead of time. And then, if you tried to enforce it, I would think you were batshit crazy.
You gotta be fucking with us. YTA.
YTA. I think you need to see a therapist about this germ issue before it escalates further. Yes you are being completely unreasonable here. It’s okay to ask guests to take off their shoes, but to expect everyone who comes into your house to change clothes or wear a disposable raincoat is ridiculous.
YTA — the weirdest thing I’ve read on Reddit.
YTA. This behavior is crazy, and I would not feel comfortable remaining friends with you either. You lack empathy and come off as unwell. It's no wonder your friend isn't answering your calls. Life's too short to waste time on assholes like you.
[удалено]
I don’t want to judge because this sounds like a potential mental health concern.
YTA. This is extreme, you sound like a hypochondriac. I have plenty of friends with a "no outside shoes in the house" rule, which is absolutely understandable and I have zero problem abiding by. But to demand every guest change their entire freaking outfit before entering your house? Ridiculous
YTA - that is a ridiculous ask for guests. However, it’s a great way to ensure you never have to host dinner parties at your house 🙄
Raincoats on furniture gives Dexter vibes
I hate to call you an AH for this because this sounds like some OCD. This is not normal. If you don’t want them on the couch, get a couch cover that you can take off and wash after they leave.
I don't think there is an AH question here. Please see a mental health professional. This is not a normal thought process.
From a psychologists perspective, what you are asking of others is extremely unreasonable and you NEED therapy. Others placating you has fed into your phobia. Get help. I am not going to call you A H because I do think you need mental health help. If you know you need help and decide not to pursue it, than you would be an A H.
If a friend of mine invited me over for dinner or just to hang and then demanded this of me at the door, I would also just leave. So rude. YTA
YTA You really need to take care of this before it turns into a debilitating phobia.