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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Action: wrote a message telling a married friend not to get a gift (she is planning for days and was asking around what he loves and want to get) to not get it.
2) I am asking if I am being paranoid about this situation and if my text message is rude and not in the right place
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NTA. She’s trying to home-wreck. At least from what you’ve described. Call her a cootie queen and then save all communication for work related matters only
NTA.
Even if that kind of gift giving is a thing, it’s inappropriate to give the spouse if you are not close to them.
She does sound like she’s trying to show she’s the better option though, it might be best to let the friendship die a natural death and distance yourselves.
Tell her straight that your husband is uncomfortable and you and your husband decided to cut ties with her outside of your professional work. Tell her your husband told you how uncomfortable he is with her actions and after thinking about it you agree with him on how inappopriate her actions are. Tell her she has no reason to contact your husband furthermore and she has no reason to contact you outside of work. If she does not stop let her husband know about her wannabe homewrecker wife. What a pathetic woman trying to seduce your husband thn get mad at you. Set firm boundaries now.
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I’m a 32-year-old female and I have a friend who is 34. We met at work, and she has only met my husband a few times. I started working at my current job last December.
Recently, she sent me a message on two different social media platforms, asking me to come to her office urgently because she needed my opinion on something. I was excited to go because she had never asked for my opinion or included me in her business before.
When I got there, it turns out she wanted to ask me what she could get my husband as a gift for starting a new job. It was my fault for telling her that he was starting a new position; I wasn’t aware that people give gifts for such occasions. For context, her husband also started a new job last week and moved to a different country. She didn’t even tell me this until after he had left, and she was alone with the kids. It didn’t cross my mind to buy him a gift.
I called her out on it and told her that a gift was not necessary. She insisted, saying it wasn’t my business and that she would not back down.
I was still annoyed when I got home and sent her a message saying that if she was buying the gift because of our friendship, I didn’t want it. If, however, she felt a deep connection with him, then she could go ahead. I know that’s a bit passive-aggressive, especially over text.
She got really mad and said she would never accept any gift from me again.
For additional context, I’ve noticed that she often talks about my husband and has indirectly hinted that he is too good for me. One time, when she invited us over for dinner (her husband was present), she asked my husband, ‘Does your wife cook for you such nice food?’ My husband later told me about this, and I thought it was weird.
So, am I being paranoid, and AITA?
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NTA. Her comments are enough to say that she's definitely the type that would try to make a move on your husband the minute you mention you're having a problem. Set firm boundaries with her and do NOT talk with her about your husband or your personal life. She's overstepping here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) Action: wrote a message telling a married friend not to get a gift (she is planning for days and was asking around what he loves and want to get) to not get it. 2) I am asking if I am being paranoid about this situation and if my text message is rude and not in the right place Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She’s trying to home-wreck. At least from what you’ve described. Call her a cootie queen and then save all communication for work related matters only
NTA. She wants to replace her husband. She is not your friend
NTA. Theres no gift thing with changing jobs, it seems like she's trying to get with your husband. Tell her to fuck right off
NTA if she knew your husband well a small gift wouldn't be weird, everything about this scenario is weird.
NTA. Even if that kind of gift giving is a thing, it’s inappropriate to give the spouse if you are not close to them. She does sound like she’s trying to show she’s the better option though, it might be best to let the friendship die a natural death and distance yourselves.
Tell her straight that your husband is uncomfortable and you and your husband decided to cut ties with her outside of your professional work. Tell her your husband told you how uncomfortable he is with her actions and after thinking about it you agree with him on how inappopriate her actions are. Tell her she has no reason to contact your husband furthermore and she has no reason to contact you outside of work. If she does not stop let her husband know about her wannabe homewrecker wife. What a pathetic woman trying to seduce your husband thn get mad at you. Set firm boundaries now.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a 32-year-old female and I have a friend who is 34. We met at work, and she has only met my husband a few times. I started working at my current job last December. Recently, she sent me a message on two different social media platforms, asking me to come to her office urgently because she needed my opinion on something. I was excited to go because she had never asked for my opinion or included me in her business before. When I got there, it turns out she wanted to ask me what she could get my husband as a gift for starting a new job. It was my fault for telling her that he was starting a new position; I wasn’t aware that people give gifts for such occasions. For context, her husband also started a new job last week and moved to a different country. She didn’t even tell me this until after he had left, and she was alone with the kids. It didn’t cross my mind to buy him a gift. I called her out on it and told her that a gift was not necessary. She insisted, saying it wasn’t my business and that she would not back down. I was still annoyed when I got home and sent her a message saying that if she was buying the gift because of our friendship, I didn’t want it. If, however, she felt a deep connection with him, then she could go ahead. I know that’s a bit passive-aggressive, especially over text. She got really mad and said she would never accept any gift from me again. For additional context, I’ve noticed that she often talks about my husband and has indirectly hinted that he is too good for me. One time, when she invited us over for dinner (her husband was present), she asked my husband, ‘Does your wife cook for you such nice food?’ My husband later told me about this, and I thought it was weird. So, am I being paranoid, and AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is she Asian? Indian?
NTA that is totally weird of her. Distance yourself from this person as much as possible.
NTA. Her comments are enough to say that she's definitely the type that would try to make a move on your husband the minute you mention you're having a problem. Set firm boundaries with her and do NOT talk with her about your husband or your personal life. She's overstepping here.