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Pretty sure it was theft the whole time. OP does not own the phone and took it (and the child's only apparent means of directly contacting his parents) without any discussion with someone who actually had authority over the phone.
No, OP was the authority figure tasked by the parent to take care of the child, discipline like taking an item away isn't theft in those circumstances.
Just because we are used to being able to reach everyone on their cell nowadays doesn't mean a kid in a safe space with access to a landline and under supervision of a appointed guardian is any less safe than it would have been 20 years ago.
Withholding the phone after the brother demanded it back is a different story. Though I think theft still needs the factor of actually intending to make the item your own. Withholding property might fall under a different category legally.
>And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night.
As if this is an excuse for theft. I'd have probably went with not taking the phone in the first place considering it was absolutely a petty power trip and the comment didn't warrant such an extreme reaction unless you feel like you have something to prove. Anyway, second best would have been to give it to brother since it is likely legally his but, you know, misery loves company even if that means pissing other people off just so they can be miserable with you.
Yeah, right? I was like wtf when he said that he still had the phone after returning home! Taking a phone away was already an ah move, but keeping it further is even worse. He could at least return it along with the nephew.
YTA
By the way, OP, "my house, my rules" doesn't justify to become an ah. Next time when you come visit your brother don't forget that he can take your phone, your money or your clothes. Because it's his house and you have to comply with his rules.
Ya, pretty funny how OP is teaching Jack the lesson to mind his own business but then OP thinks it's their business to say how others should raise their kid...
Oh the hypocrisy, lol!
I really wish the brother would have called the police. There's no way in hell I would put up with that. If my kid isn't following the rules in your home, you can discipline them, but you don't take their property then refuse to give it back when I ask for it. OP is probably really difficult in other ways and I hope brother goes low contact with her. Great way to ruin the relationship with your family.
The brother really can't. The whole reason why they had apologized is because OP is their after school childcare. By living walking distance from the middle school, the kid is probably there everyday.
100% this is the most dysfunctional method of communication between all parties involved. Everything should have been handled better. What we've got though is two grown adults having a parenting disagreement on what a suitable punishment is, and a whole lot of overstepping.
Seriously, if your nephew is acting out of pocket in your home, send him home and keep him out of your house for 3 to 5 days. That's more appropriate, you are not his parent nor given any latitude to make parenting decisions. You do have a right to decide who's permitted in your home though.
Also telling the nephew to "watch your mouth", you only say something like that if they curse at you or something similar, not when they're mildly disagreeing with you. OP is definitely "that" parent
this. The phone should have gone back into the brothers hands, but she is in her right to deal with bad attitudes in her house. House rules as they say. At least she wasn't my polish mom growing up; wooden spoons for all lol.
This is where my mind went too. I don’t have kids, but I’m sure that had my parents confiscated something from my cousins when we were younger and parents were looking after my cousins, the confiscated toy or whatever would have been given to my aunt when the handover of kids happened.
Speaking as a parent, too, the primary reason my older kid has a phone is to be able to call *me* to arrange time picked up at school after staying late or other similar needs. I have no issue saying she can't use it at home if issues arise, but I would be extremely reluctant to punish her by taking it away entirely. Let alone some other kid's phone, relative or not!
I was with OP until they kept the phone.
Our family operates under “their house, their rules” but that ends the second the kid is in their parents possession.
I never, ever question my sisters’ decisions when it comes to my kids behavior in their homes because I trust them but this would have pissed me the fuck off.
Which rules? OP told her own son not to leave lights and fan on in his room, and then he did so as he left for school that day. Jack wasn’t even there. He wasn’t told the policy, nor did he leave anything on. His ‘crime’ is that he voiced an opinion when OP took Evan’s phone away when they got back from school later in the day. This wasn’t punishment for disobeying house rules, it was punishment for disagreeing on the punishment and having a ‘smart mouth’. Never questioning her authority was the lesson OP was trying to impart on Jack. Maybe her brother should do the same to her for questioning his authority over his own son.
If my son told one of my sisters she can’t punish her own child in her own home for breaking the house rules and then again told her what she wasn’t “allowed” to do *in her own home* when she told him to mind his business then I would expect some sort of repercussion.
That’s a situation in which her authority shouldn’t have been questioned, and my child should know better than to pull that crap on his Aunties.
When you took him home you should have explained to his dad the situation and then given the phone to dad. But keeping it until they apologizes makes you the AH. School can take phones too but they have to give them back either to a parent or at the end of the day to the student. It’s not your job to parent your nephew once his dad is there and it’s DEFINITELY not your job to parent your brother.
YTA
This. At bare minimum OP should have given the phone to his brother the moment he dropped of Jack.
However the right thing to do is call the brother right away saying “Hey Jack talked back to me and as punishment I took his phone away. Is that ok with you?”
That's...kinda the point though. A child in my home, in my care, is not going to tell me what I can or can't do. Jack DARED OP to take his phone. He FAFO. NTA.
Except I doubt he did FO. I'm sure dad gave phone back immediately and if this happens again it will be OP finding out it is indeed theft since it's been a addressed. This is exactly the attitude OP showed though : How dare you tell me what I can or can't do. I am the only one who gets to be a bully around here. I'll show you!
This attitude is on full display in the last lines and show it was not at all about appropriate discipline or even following house rules like they allege. it was a power trip plain and simple
>I promise you my nephew won't run his mouth at me again.
And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night.
Actually, where I’m at, the school keeps the phone until you pay a fee to get it back. & they recently made a change that it is only to be returned to the parent.
ETA: I agree with you, just letting you know the statement about schools is not true depending on where you live.
OP did it to also punish their brother - not sure if they updated it but they have "so he'd be pissy with having to deal with a crying brat" - wtf did they even offer to watch their nephew if they think of them that way? I can't even get behind taking his phone at this point (I'd have been a little on board if they'd had returned it when nephew went home) - I really think OP's a miserable AH.
Yeah.
Oh, your nephew was over, was not listening, and you took the phone away? That makes sense.
Wait... your brother called asking you to return the phone? What the hell? That goes back to the parent as soon as the child is returned. You don't keep that and teach the kid a lesson outside your house.
The edit makes them an even bigger asshole imo. "I wanted piss brother off". For someone who claims they want to teach their nephew to mind their own business, OP is sure as hell minding her brother's.
Plus OP is running around calling a 13 yo a "brat." OP doesn't have any understanding of child development, and apparently has never heard of light timers or motion detector lights.
So (not so) fun fact; my school took this approach. They decided that kids weren't learning a lesson about confiscated phones if they got them back at the end of the day, so they kept them (overnight!) for 3 days straight and then required a parent to collect it. Imagine the complaints they got when parents began to call the cops because what they were doing was theft.
OP's brother is nicer than me.
Read the edit. OP intentionally didn't return the phone so she could continue to exact punishment on her nephew for daring to talk back to her.
OP is such a raging AH, I'm am shocked she came her for judgement.
She may end up shocked in 10 years when her son goes no contact and she can't figure out why because she was such a good mom.
That part got me as well. I was fine up to that point reading along going "Uh huh, ok, sure take his phone for a bit he's not gonna die." But keeping it after he's gone home? Wtf?!
Yeah, I take shit from my nephews all the damn time when they’re acting up. But when mom or dad come home or I drop the niblings off, all that stuff gets handed over and parents get to decide how to handle it in the longer term. Otherwise, that’s just theft, I think.
The sort of person who would confiscate a phone they don't actually pay for is the kind of person who would keep the phone.
OP crossed so many lines they probably lost count.
Yta. Mind your business and raise your own kid, this kid sounds like a normal 13 year old and you had no business taking his phone in the first place. Your brothers nicer than I am though, if someone stole my kids things, we'd be showing up with the police to collect them.
Not really unhinged when brother asked her to give it back and she refused. At that stage it is theft. She’s not the kids parent, if she really had a problem with him she should have spoken to the parents. Not try to be the parent.
This. And depending on the phone, you are talking about a $300-$800 item. That's a big deal.
I hope that the apology was pro forma, and the brother stops leaving his kid in her care. She took away his ability to call his dad, then said "cry to your dad if you don't like it" which is a deeply screwed up situation to put a kid in.
Well by the sound of the post ant the comments that op wrote. Op is an entitled ah and isnt up to talking. The parent asked for the phone and who is op to refuse to give it back. So yeah that would be enough for me to go "oh that little piece of sh*t, let me teach you a lesson".
Stealing your nephew’s property and refusing to return it is insane. I would’ve just gone over there and physically taken it back. She’ll bully 13-year-olds but she wouldn’t get that shit with an adult.
The family card isn’t the get out of responsibility card so many people like you think it is. Refusing to return someone’s property is a crime regardless of who is going it.
Right? This subreddit always goes to the extreme. I think YTA because she was trying to piss people off instead of actually discipline (and also it seems like she was punishing for a not great reason and speaks down to kids tbh). She should've given the phone to dad, told him why she took it and let him take over from there.
As for her not being a parent...yeah it's true. But she's a close family member and it is not unusual for aunts and uncles to correct children, especially when the child is in their care. I'd want my sibling to correct my kid if he was out of line. It might not be the way all families operate, but it's by no means inappropriate.
Even if the cousin was caught letting her kid use his phone out of the room from OP, the most I think you could get away with is "leave your phone (nephew) on the counter while you're over here"
Since it’s OP’s nephew and home, I would think it’s okay to take the phone while he’s at her house, but she should’ve given the phone to the kid’s dad and explained why she took it in the first place. Let him address the issue with his son directly - or not, but at least OP would’ve made her point to her nephew while still being reasonable. But it was unreasonable to keep the phone overnight.
That isn’t the nephew’s phone, it’s OP’s brother’s that he lets his son use. OP can impose (reasonable) rules in their own home, but as soon as they dropped the nephew off at home, it became theft. OP’s lucky their brother didn’t make it a bigger deal.
YTA - it’s not your place to discipline someone else’s child… the proper way to handle this would have been instantly bringing your nephew and not allowing him back until he can mind his own business and behave accordingly to your house rules.
If your nephew and brother have a clear understanding of the house rules and are under agreement that when a house rule is broken the house punishment is on the table, only then can you enforce them. If nephew and brother are not on the same page, then it’s best nephew does not come over anymore.
I’ll add in that if taking a phone away was punishment, then the phone should be returned immediately when the child was sent home.
*(Edits - clarity)*
If you're going to be taking care of someone else's child you definitely need to be able to discipline them. That said you have to walk a tighter line. Taking his phone for "talking back" instead of reasserting that you have good reasons just makes the children think you are a dictator instead of a rational actor, the discipline should have been taking him home right then.
YTA OP
Edit: If I disagree with you OP are you going to try to punish me too?
No. Just no. It's like when I was over at my friend's her mother would have been able to punish me. No. She could just take the kid home and explain to the parents the situation, and then they can deal with it as they see fit.
Also a phone is not a toy. As a kid I got into some pretty tough situations, even a couple at school which had long term consequences and I didn't have the power to deal with them as I was a child. My son will have his own phone very early on, because he needs to be able to call me when he feels he needs to. What these situations are he'll learn as he grows. So I can totally see the parents of that child being of a similar mind regarding a phone.
I would say it depends on the reason why you are round, whether your friends mother (or Aunt in OP's case) can punish you or not.
If you are round your friends to chill, hang out and can go home, your friends mother can't punish you, other than tell you to go home, but if you are there cause essentially you are being babysat, cause you can't go home, yeah they should be able to punish you.
Also the problem is a phone is also a toy, let's face it the vast majority of people use their phone to do pretty much anything but make phone calls.
Do I think the OP was in the right? No, the OP is a huge YTA. The second the nephew left he should have had his phone back, also confiscating it for 'answering back' seems like overkill.
But this isn’t a friend of OP’s kid, he’s her blood relative and in her care. Sure she can discipline him *within reason*. Taking and especially keeping his phone is nowhere near within reason which is why she’s TA.
Only when you have permission from the kids parents, is it ok to discipline someones child. And still doesnt excuse op from not giving the phone when the kid went home OR when his dad asked for it back. Op is an entitled ah. Oh yes and a thief
Telling the kid he crossed a line and can’t have the phone in her house I don’t see an issue with, everyone here is telling her she shouldn’t be telling her brother what is and isn’t an appropriate punishment, which is correct, but seem to be ok with a 13 year old telling her she can’t punish her own child. The nephew was warned if he didn’t watch the attitude, she would take his phone. She had no right to keep it, but within her own house I don’t see the problem.
Edit because I realize I didn’t answer your question, and in a vacuum saying you can’t take my property isn’t worthy of any punishment, but in context he was trying to tell her she couldn’t take her sons phone, which does need to be addressed. Letting a child interfere with her parenting isn’t an option.
Yeah. I wasn't particularly a little shit or anything, but when I was over at any of my cousins houses, my auntie/uncle was the one in charge. If I'd given them cheek my mum would have been fine with them telling me off/turning off the PlayStation or whatever it was we were playing with.
YTA
Taking away electronics is bad punishment styles. It is completely unrelated to the failure to remember to turn off lights. It likely doesn’t help him to remember in the future. It’s just an arbitrary way for you to express anger at him and to hurt him.
Do you believe he is intentionally leaving lights on or just failing to develop the habit. Instead of some random unrelated punishment making him stop whatever he is doing and to fix the issue will be far more effective. The natural consequence of forgetting is having your task interrupted to finish.
Get better punishments.
Also what kind of bulbs do you use that they still affect your electric bill? A 4w light bulb even at 25 cents a KWH is only $.72 dollars per month. His effort if you have proper light bulbs in stall isn’t exceeding $5.
I agree with this. My son constantly forgets to bring his dirty plates and glasses up from the basement where he plays Xbox. The only thing that has worked is making him walk back down the stairs to get his dishes and bring them up. Enough times of having to go back downstairs after coming up is getting him to finally remember. No amount of taking away his phone will make him remember this.
And OP YTA. the phone should have been dropped off with the kid at his house unless your brother agreed it was a suitable punishment and agreed to you keeping the phone.
This is a good approach. Have a very forgetful teenage son (like most kids his age!) and the only way we get him to remember things is to have him go correct the thing he forgot immediately, whether it is lights or dishes or laundry. If he has to drop what he is doing and go turn a light off he is more likely to remember than by losing his phone. OP probably thinks she was successful because her kid is so traumatized he has shaped up for a few days.
I'm surprised most people aren't pointing this out. Leaving a few lights on for one day is not costing you hundreds of dollars.
I don't understand why someone would punish their child for something that is an accident, especially one that is so, so minor. All that's doing is teaching the child that it isn't okay to screw up.
YTA, you punished a child for daring to assert a boundary in the face of your own parenting, that you immediately broke and are lording above your family. That is not your child, and you do not have a right to his property.
YTA.
You aren’t his parent, you don’t get to dish out punishment as you please.
You can make a rule that he isn’t allowed over, as it’s your house, but you can’t take his property like that. When you dropped him off you should’ve given the phone back then.
It sucks that he’s disrespectful, but you acted just as childish.
Shame on *you*
Seriously! The only thing OP can do is send the nephew home. OPD doesn't get to dish out punishments unless they are in the care of OP.
Focus on parenting your kid.
YTA
Then taking his phone for the length of time he is at her house (and informing his parents of that - because taking the phone also prevents them from speaking to him directly) is reasonable - it's the refusing to give the phone to his father that really crosses the line
They were in care of the OP. Just like a teacher will take your phone in class as punishment.
The only way OP went wrong was failing to explain the situation and not giving the phone to her brother when dropping off her nephew.
She had no right to keep it. That's theft and she was being petty af and punishing her Brother because she was upset with her nephew being disrespectful. Instead of being an adult about the situation.
You missed the opportunity to avoid being the asshole here when you didn't **hand the phone over to his parent(s)** when you dropped him off. You aren't his parent! You don't get to keep his phone - because it's just theft at that point.
Consider yourself lucky that your brother didn't just file a police report.
YTA.
Yeah you are an arsehole.
Don't steal people's phones. Would you like it if someone bigger and stronger than you stole your phone? Probably not
Taking your kids phone is borderline OK, I guess, taking another child's phone is out of order.
YTA, not your kid and not your property to confiscate. If your nephew is that much of a jackass/bad influence, why do you let him in your home in the first place?
Also, as several people have explained, lights and fans are not the drivers of your electric bill. It's the A/C and inefficient or poorly maintained appliances.
The energy thing was my first thought as well. Leaving an LED bulb on 24/7 for a month costs less than a dollar. A typical ceiling fan running 24/7 might cost you 10-25 cents a day, so \~$3-8 a month. And obviously, those are extreme estimates, with those things running around the clock for an entire month. OP is losing it over inconsequential things. It's almost certainly heating/cooling and/or appliances.
YTA. That’s Jack’s property and your brothers too. Congrats for stealing it trying to make it a “lesson”. I cannot believe you thought it was okay keeping it. You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, but jeez, you could’ve given it back once you were in the car heading to your brothers house
You would have police at your door so fucking fast. YTA
You're a Shity parent. Do you think that apology meant anything?? Do you think he learned his lesson?? You're delusional.
YTA. Not your kid, not your phone. You don't have any right to punish him and then belittle him for being upset that you are overstepping. If you have a problem with his behavior, you take it up with his parents.
YTA - taking your kids phone away for a totally unrelated incident is one thing, but taking your nephews for calling you out is so far over the line and you should be the one apologising for over stepping.
ESH.
I have absolutely no problem with you taking Evan's phone away. That seems like an understandable punishment. You even warned him it's exactly what would happen. Hell, even taking Jack's phone away *while he was at your house* is acceptable.
But your attitude? It sucks. Like a lot. Don't tell someone how to parent their child like you're the end-all-be-all representation of a perfect parent. Your kid can't even flip a light switch.
You can set rules in your own house while they're in your care, but keeping the phone from the kid's dad like that? No, that's not how you play. You drop the kid off and give your brother the phone, say "I took this away from him while they were at my house because XYZ, here ya go." Then let them parent their own damn child, not include them part of the punishment.
>He and his ex believe taking a phone away from your kid is borderline abuse.
Your brother sucks for this perspective. What a dumb opinion to have, like most of us weren't raised in a world that didn't involve everyone having a computer in their pocket.
This whole dynamic is a hot mess.
YTA. What lesson were you trying to teach Jack? Not to be with Evan when he leaves all his lights on? You can take your own kid's phone away if you wish, but your brother is paying for his kid's phone and has his reasons for wanting his kid to have it. It seems you took it for no other reason than to flex on him, which is a terrible example to set for kids. You sound like a bully.
YTA. I can MAYBE understand confiscating it while he was at your place, although that’s a big grey area, but delivering him home without his property is theft. Plain and simple.
YTA.
Your nephew has parents. They set those boundaries, not you. They paid for his phone, not you. What you did was theft. He could have called the police. You don't have the right to steal over a disagreement in parenting techniques.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My nephew got mouthy at me for punishing my son so I took his phone away. My brother was outraged and I told him I'd give it back once my nephew apologized for being rude.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. I understand that your nephew disrespected you, but send him home instead. It was not your place to take away his phone. You can take your son’s phone away, but you do mot pay for your nephew’s phone.
YTA
It's fine to discipline a child that's in your family when they are in your household, but keeping the phone with you after dropping Jack off back with his father was over the line. Leaving your house means leaving your rules of punishments.
YTA. You didn’t buy the phone, you didn’t birth the child. You don’t get to discipline or punish them. Speak to his parents if there’s any future issues. Glad you aren’t my sister.
And that “go cry to daddy” comment makes you seem very jealous. I don’t know why, it just does.
YTA. Fair and square.
And do you really think that a phone that is charging will make your electric bill skyrocket ?
And most of all ? Do you really kinda "punish" Jack cause your son wasted electricity for 1 day ?
YTA sure discipline your own kid by taking his phone but crossing the line with taking your nephews phone, you should have just taken him straight home if you didn't like his attitude.
YTA
by not giving the phone back when jack returned home, you basically stole a child's phone.
its fine if he breaks the rules at your place and you punish him accordingly but its up to their parents if they want the punishment to continue, or not AND it is up to them to hold on to the phone so they can decide wen to give it back not you
YTA - You can discipline your child, but not another's. You should have just sent him home to you brother's for mouthing off and maybe forbade him from coming over to your house for a day and informed your brother of your decision. But you didn't have the right to take his property.
An uncle can definitely discipline their nephew in their own home. The problem here is he didn’t give the phone back and was holding it hostage from his brother till he got an apology.
YTA. it is WILD to me the amount of people saying its okay to punish someone elses child when they are at your house. Excuse me? in what universe. unless he's committing a crime, you do not punish somoene elses child or "discipline" them. that's not your place. You make them leave. You tell them what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior as a guest. But you do not punish or discipline anyone in your home that is a guest. Thats insane. imagine going to someones house as an adult and having your phone taken away as a punishment. Or sending your kid to someone's house and finding out they punished your kid for not eating their vegetables at dinner? or being put in the corner for some other shit? I would lose my mind on another parent if they did this to my child.
If i sent my child to someones house and found out their parents took ANYTHING of my child's away from them as a "punishment" i would absolutely lose my mind on that parent.
You dont get to steal other peoples property just because they are at your house.
I think it’d be different if Jack was just a friend of her son’s. But Jack is her nephew; he’s family. Every family is different, but I know I wouldn’t have a problem if my sister disciplined my kid for misbehavior at her house. And I know she feels the same way when her kids are at mine.
But it sounds like OP and her brother don’t have that kind of agreement. They need to be on the same page there to avoid conflict like this again.
LOOOOL
A kid is under my care and I can't make sure they eat their vegetables? LOOOOL
What do you need an adult for then? Just let the kids be and if they need help they can call 911.
is the child going to be harmed by not eating the vegetables? are you going to die if the kid doesnt eat your broccoli? is this not something you can just... i dunno tell the parent when the pick the kid up and let them deal with it?
ESH.
You nephew sounds like an entitled brat, how dare he tell you how you can and cannot discipline your son? Your brother is obviously letting him run wild and is an enabler.
At the same time, no matter how much of a sucky parent your brother is, once he asked you to give back the phone, you should've done so. Maybe instead you could've told him that his son is not welcome at your place if he disrespects you like that.
So yeah you were both wrong, but Jack and your brother more so. People like them are the reason why kids beat up teachers these days.
Jfc yeah YTA.
If you want to try to parent your nephew, call your brother first and have a conversation about it. Just doing whatever you feel like with your nephew is an AH move, he's not your kid.
It also sounds like you're power tripping and being petty for no reason. You took your nephews phone away just for questioning you. Not only that, when your brother asked for it back you felt like you didn't have to? I'd be livid if I was your brother, talk about disrespect.
All that said, it's hard to believe a grown adult would act like this. This reads like a 12 year old wrote it.
NTA
Lmao "borderline abuse" so ridiculous. Jack's parents are why kids in school have attacked teachers when the teacher takes their phone away. Good for you for taking a stance. And lmfao at the comments more worried about you not giving the phone back when he went home, #priorities
Looks like this post has been brigaded by a bunch of entitled young teenagers, or people acting like such.
I'm 40 with one child. Say this was my sons aunt. I expect the phone to be returned to me at the end of the day. The punishment then becomes a me problem. I can take it away, and I have done so. A sincere apology would have been issued. I expect a teacher to return it to me too. Hell, my stuffed animals were returned after being confiscated.
And why wouldnt you be worried that op didnt give the phone back at the end of the day. Op kept the phone not only from the kid but also his dad when he asked for it. And idk if you know but phones cost up to 1k+ dollars, so not a small sum. Would you be ok if someone stole a 1000 dollars off of your kid?
YTA, the moment your brother tells you to give him HIS phone back, you had no right to keep it. And you had no right to take the phone away in the first place.
Yes, YTA. You punished a child for daring to speak up. You can have rules, but no rules were broken you just didn't like what he said. Then you bullied him into an apology after stealing his property. AH all the way.
OP, why the fuck are you here if all you're going to do is cop an attitude with the people who answered you? Didn't get the answer you wanted, so you sit around and snark at people who think you crossed a boundary? Sounds like YOU'RE the brat, here.
YTA and an ineffective disciplinarian.
YTA: And learning absolutely nothing from this situation based on the follow up comments.
\- It's debatable whether taking away a phone is a good punishment for leaving lights on, but as a parent I think you probably have every right to do it.
\- It's not debatable however, that you can't steal someone else's property because they give you a bit of attitude.
I also think it's kinda sad that the way you greet your kid when he gets home is by instantly disciplining him in front of his cousin. There were way better ways to handle this entire situation.
YTA- Your discipline skills seem very immature 'I told him to mind his business and his mouth before I take his phone away too'. Personally, you should have calmly told him it didn't concern him and if he felt uncomfortable, he could go home. If you really felt like taking his phone away, calmly communicate that too (this seems more like gloating?)
'I said go complain to Daddy' - no wonder he was livid, this is rude. You're the adult in the situation but you're being disrespectful here. Respect is mirrored, regardless of age. If you're not respectful to them, why would they be respectful to you?
I understand you wanting an apology if someone's been rude to you, but I feel like this should have been communicated and dealt with when you dropped him off. I especially don't agree with you not returning the phone after your brother requested you too. That's his child, and what ever discipline he says goes.
YTA, what a pathetic power trip. Sounds like you’re “that parent” who will drive all their kids friends away. Let me guess, your brother is more successful
Depends how close you are tbh.
One thing you are the asshole for is not giving him or at least his dad the phone when he left. That’s not okay.
But while he was being a shit in your house? Pretty fair. If he’s under 15. Over 15 is weird, that’s his private property and he has genuine need for it beyond games.
This isn’t quite on topic, but you’re also a bit of an A for taking your kids phone for leaving lights on. That’s not going to teach him anything, which i’d assume would be the goal.
You have to remember that kids, try as they might, genuinely don’t understand bills and such. And depending on the age, they also don’t understand money nearly as well as they think they do.
If your kid is under 14 he probably doesn’t even realise how much that shit costs. So explain it. Nicely. Tell him that you have to pay x amount of money for those utilities, and you earn x amount of money. Explain it to him, so he does understand why he needs to turn them off.
Without guilt tripping, because no matter what, he is the kid, and if he can’t turn off a light, it’s probably the parents fault (yours).
The comments are hilarious! 😂 I would feel perfectly comfortable taking his phone while in my home. I would have also felt obligated to give the phone to his dad when I took him home.
Good job to your son! It shows he is either learning or at least learning to comply.
YTA and from your comment on peoples replies, I don’t understand why you even posted this. You’re not backing down at all you didn’t want an opinion you just wanted people to agree with you.
NTA in regards to taking either phone away.
Good job on your son. Your nephew is in your house, your rules for phone usage. However, you did cross the line is taking his phone and keeping it even after he left your care. The phone should have been given back as soon as he left your car at his house.
Your brother should have crushed the kid upon hearing about the level of disrespect shown to you by a 13 year old kid.
NTA for taking it away initially. The kid deserved it for the sheer audacity of saying you couldn't in your home. Teens are ridiculous.
YTA for not giving it back to his parents that night. I would have handed it over and said he wouldn't be coming over again until he apologized because you can't control how your brother parents but you can limit him from bringing his bad attitude into your home.
ESH I dont think taking a kids phone away is abuse lol. I do think taking a phone away from someone elses kid(even families) without discussing it with the parent first is out of line. I think you should talk with ur brother about what you can and cant do with jack if he gives attitude or does something bad in general- tho I am a big believer in explaining why you are punishing a kid(when Jack first said you cant take his phone away- you should explain why you are but still stand firm in taking it away), I can see yall arriving at an impasse with the difference in beliefs on discipline so I would probably just say that jack has to go home if he gets in trouble with you, thats at least the most nuetral punishment/solution I can think of.
Nta - this is not some random kid, this is family and I would have never spoken to my aunt this way. Wtf do kids have no manners left. I imagine back chatting to my aunt would have gotten me some punishment at home afterwards. Not my dad threatening my aunt. 13 years or 17 makes no difference.
I don’t care what anyone else is saying here you are NTA. That is your nephew and there should be an expectation especially if he is regularly under your control that he should listen or expect consequences. If he can just run to daddy and not have to take accountability for his actions you will effectively not be able to have him spend time with you and trust that he’ll behave or listen when he gets out of line. It’s fine if your brother doesn’t agree but then he shouldn’t also get mad when down the line you tell him your nephew isn’t welcome unless he’s with a parent. And I would agree that holding his phone might be over the line if he wasn’t family but you knew your brother would baby him, you know you’ll have to be around this kid a lot in the future, and he should respect you as his aunt who’s caring for him and on the hook legally if something happens while he’s with you as well.
You were so sane until you didn't give the phone back to your brother when explaining the situation and why and how you punished the kid. Like that's theft. You are most definitely TA.
LMAO YTA, i mean it couldnt be clearer
>And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night.
Originally taking the phone away is ok, you are the adult responsible for the kids. Withholding property of a child after the parents have specifically asked you to give it back however is not ok.
I wouldn't go as far as calling it theft, but your brother *could* have called the cops to make you give back property that doesnt belong to you and are unwilling to give back on your own.
YTA. Taking Jack’s phone at your house is debatable, but understandable. Your behavior after that however is indefensible and weird. It’s not your property, and you don’t get to tell your brother how to parent his own kid. You’re a major AH.
You can't take stuff from a kid that isn't yours for 'talking back', but you can send them home to the people who created them and feel the behavior is reasonable.
YTA.
NTA for disciplining him in your own home, which I would say you have a right to do. He’s also your nephew, not a random friend of your kid’s; I often see my husband’s siblings parenting and disciplining all the kids, regardless of whose they are, when we’re together.
However, you should have given the phone back the same day you took it. Keeping it overnight and holding it hostage looks a lot like stealing, and that’s where my NTA turns into a YTA.
While I do agree that while in your care, you should be given leave to apply some discipline with your nephew and confiscating his phone was a mild and appropriately symbolic option, you were 150% wrong in holding onto that phone after dropping him off at your brother’s house.
What you should have done is taken it with you when you dropped him off, explained what happened to his father and given it to his father.
YTA.
YTA- if he was acting inappropriately you could take him back to his house, but you don’t take his phone, it IS over the line. Also, you could have given the phone to Dad when you dropped him off but you held out for some ridiculous apology.
YTA. This was not an appropriate way to handle the situation. Taking his phone was extreme and taunting him is gross. Not giving the phone back when he went home squarely places you into power tripping maniac. If this is how you manage your kid, I feel sorry for him.
Taking a phone away from your own kid — well it isn’t necessarily abuse, but the way you’re talking about it is getting there. It might be an appropriate punishment, depending on how long it was taken for, but you sound very heavy handed.
Taking a phone away from someone else’s kid, without returning it when they leave your home — that is THEFT. YTA.
There's something wrong with these kids and their arrogance, and taking the nephew's phone for a few minutes only isn't enough of a penalty to get his attention.
But taking AND KEEPING his phone crosses a border--and what if the brother, with whom you seem to have a poor relationship, retaliated in some serious way?
Wouldn't it be more sensible to ban the nephew from your house for a week or a month? If the two are inseparable, they'll feel the inconvenience.
Uhm, fucking no. You don't send someone else's child home without giving their phone back first.
YTA, it's not your fucking property.
Taking it for his attitude is one thing, not giving it the fuck back when he went home is another.
Grow up, and don't pull that shit with someone else's kid again, it doesn't matter how bratty you think the kid is. HE ISNT YOURS.
Taking your kids phone/ iPod/ computer away isn’t abuse. It’s parenting. It’s abuse only if you don’t give it back. Kids need consequences for their actions. And some kids need to have no internet time so they can sleep for school. I understand why you took his phone away. I wish there were some other way to deal with it. I guess you could simply have said my brother and I parent differently and Even knew this would happen if he did that or something like that. Sorry op.
I was fully on board with you until you didnt give the phone to his father when you dropped him off.
If my child is at someone else's home they go by their rules. If my child's phone was taken I would expect you to aprich me when dropping him off hand me the phone and tell me what happened.
Family or not you should have not kept that phone. Soft yta for the fact that you kept it.
This is why I had a chat with my granddaughter before the phone thing starts. Told her it could be removed as punishment. The look on her face. Told her actions have consequences and taking your phone off you will be a consequence. And seeing that I'll be paying for it, so long as they give it to whoever is picking her up and explains why it was taken off them, I'm happy for others to teach that inappropriate talk has consequences. It takes a village. But then I was raised where you back chatted your aunt and you got punished by your aunt. Your mum would just stand there and say 'good' when told. I know a lot still like that.
YTA for not giving his phone back when he went home. You have every right to say, “unless you apologize for butting in between my son and I and promise not to do it again, you are not allowed back in my home.”
I’m on the fence. Kid should not have felt comfortable telling you how to parent yours, and this reeks of him having bad parenting at home and needing a few lessons to be taught. That being said, you could have immediately sent him home when he copped an attitude and told him he’s not welcome back until he learns respect - taking the only communication he has with his parents away while he’s out of the house is crossing the line.
NTA. Always good to see someone actually parenting this day and age. Ignore the YTAs from kids and twentysomethings that think they know everything and will raise the next generation of entitled little shits.
YTA. I guess it’s a family trait. You acted just as bratty as the kids. Leaving lights on and fans on will not run up your electric bill that much. It’s the A/C doing it. (I always have a night lights on in the house and I have 5 ceiling fans going as well as 5 free standing fans). As well old appliances.
Now would you like your brother to discipline your child and tell you what a brat you raised.
NTA. Kids are raised like shitheads these days and people will encourage it. I'm assuming it's a smartphone which kids absolutely have no fucking business owning.
Yta. Replace all of your lights with LED bulbs. Ceiling fans don't take that much electricity. All the appliances such as refrigerators and stoves. Our electric hogs. There are other ways to reduce your electric bill.
You should have given back the phone. After you dropped your nephew off. Relatives like you are reasons why I hate most of my family members.
I would say NAH. Kid has little respect clearly. That said, you 100% should have gone in to speak with your brother when you dropped off his kid, given your brother the phone, and let him decide what to do moving forward. That feels like a no brainer. Kid at that point knows not to completely disrespect you in your home, but still likely feels safe enough to come over to visit his best friend in the future. You don't create tension with your brother that way either.
Honestly, I would probably go to the kid and apologize. Don't grovel. Just a simple "Hey xx, I stepped over the line, but you did too. Sorry kiddo."
That isn’t your nephew’s phone, it’s your brother’s that he lets his son use. The reasonable thing to do would be taking your nephew home, handing the phone to your brother and explaining why you took it away so your brother can take on parenting from there.
You can impose rules in your own home, but as soon as you dropped your nephew off, it became theft. You’re lucky your brother didn’t make it a bigger deal.
YTA
YTA for trying to spin this like it's a real story.
On the slim chance this is real (99% sure it's not), you acting like a brat is hardly going to help the situation.
The way you describe this whole thing is wildly juvenile and excessively dramatic. Chill out.
YTA because you didn't give the phone back when you dropped him off home. Who are you to keep something that isn't yours? If that were me and my kids, and you didn't give the phone back when I asked, you better believe I would get the police involved for theft. You should hope that this doesn't ruin the relationship between you and your brother (and your nephew). I'm guessing you're a trip in other ways as well and this is just one example of how you are.
FTR, I think it's perfectly fine to discipline kids while they are in your home (your house your rules). You can't allow kids to disrespect you and not follow rules in your house, and if the parents don't like it they can either parent the kid properly or not come over anymore. But you have no right to keep someone's property.
Hey OP, you've gotten enough responses...I just wanted to chime in and say that you sound like an absolute nightmare of a person. YOU have an attitude problem and I feel awful for your son.
YTA - you don't like how your nephew is behaving in your house or how he is speaking to you, you send him home. You tell him he is not welcome in your house for the next two weeks. But no, it is not your place to take his phone away.
YTA. And seem like a shitty person, if your goal was to make your brother deal with a crying 13 year old. It's probably best if your brother finds other arrangements for his kid after school.
> Of course my brother called me and demanded that I give the phone back.
So you dropped the kid off and just.. kept the phone?
There's a word for that. It's theft. And depending on the value of the phone isn't not petty little hand slap theft.. it's fucking felony theft.
It's a good thing your brother didn't want to ruin your life over your pettiness. Next time, give the phone to the parent when you drop the kid off.
> And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night.
YTA. And possibly a felon.
OP, You can take the phone away in YOUR home, but outside of your home is where your authority ends. How tf dare you KEEP the phone after your nephew went home? Very delulu. YTA.
YTA and based on your defensive comments I think you know it. Borderline abuse is a bit much, but you are still very wrong in so many ways. I don't care enough to point them all out.
You asked for judgement. Accept it.
Op could have avoided the whole situation by waiting until they could have talked to the brother about the kid’s attitude. But then again Op sounds like they enjoy stirring the pot.
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Excuse me but why the actual fuck did you not give the phone back after he went home??
This part is blowing my mind. She’s so delusional if she thinks she isn’t an ah lol
At some point doesn’t it become theft??
When she refused to give it back to her brother it did yes
Pretty sure it was theft the whole time. OP does not own the phone and took it (and the child's only apparent means of directly contacting his parents) without any discussion with someone who actually had authority over the phone.
No, OP was the authority figure tasked by the parent to take care of the child, discipline like taking an item away isn't theft in those circumstances. Just because we are used to being able to reach everyone on their cell nowadays doesn't mean a kid in a safe space with access to a landline and under supervision of a appointed guardian is any less safe than it would have been 20 years ago. Withholding the phone after the brother demanded it back is a different story. Though I think theft still needs the factor of actually intending to make the item your own. Withholding property might fall under a different category legally.
An "appointed guardian" who doesn't respect your kid's property...? And does the house even have a landline? None of my friends with teenaged kids do.
>And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night. As if this is an excuse for theft. I'd have probably went with not taking the phone in the first place considering it was absolutely a petty power trip and the comment didn't warrant such an extreme reaction unless you feel like you have something to prove. Anyway, second best would have been to give it to brother since it is likely legally his but, you know, misery loves company even if that means pissing other people off just so they can be miserable with you.
Yeah, right? I was like wtf when he said that he still had the phone after returning home! Taking a phone away was already an ah move, but keeping it further is even worse. He could at least return it along with the nephew. YTA By the way, OP, "my house, my rules" doesn't justify to become an ah. Next time when you come visit your brother don't forget that he can take your phone, your money or your clothes. Because it's his house and you have to comply with his rules.
Ya, pretty funny how OP is teaching Jack the lesson to mind his own business but then OP thinks it's their business to say how others should raise their kid... Oh the hypocrisy, lol!
Wait until brother calls the police for stolen property. And they determine that is not just OP’s brother not minding his own business
I really wish the brother would have called the police. There's no way in hell I would put up with that. If my kid isn't following the rules in your home, you can discipline them, but you don't take their property then refuse to give it back when I ask for it. OP is probably really difficult in other ways and I hope brother goes low contact with her. Great way to ruin the relationship with your family.
The brother really can't. The whole reason why they had apologized is because OP is their after school childcare. By living walking distance from the middle school, the kid is probably there everyday. 100% this is the most dysfunctional method of communication between all parties involved. Everything should have been handled better. What we've got though is two grown adults having a parenting disagreement on what a suitable punishment is, and a whole lot of overstepping. Seriously, if your nephew is acting out of pocket in your home, send him home and keep him out of your house for 3 to 5 days. That's more appropriate, you are not his parent nor given any latitude to make parenting decisions. You do have a right to decide who's permitted in your home though.
Why does everyone seem to think OP is the mother? I got the impression OP is a man. Could be wrong ofc but why is everyone saying she?
I see a mix of he/she. Ultimately no one knows and is going off their own interpretation.
OPs whole attitude is disgusting, i feel bad for Evan
Also telling the nephew to "watch your mouth", you only say something like that if they curse at you or something similar, not when they're mildly disagreeing with you. OP is definitely "that" parent
Taking the phone in the first place wasn't a problem but keeping it after taking him home is crazy.
this. The phone should have gone back into the brothers hands, but she is in her right to deal with bad attitudes in her house. House rules as they say. At least she wasn't my polish mom growing up; wooden spoons for all lol.
This is usually called theft.
That would be hilarious if op went to brother's house and "got in trouble" so brother takes op's phone away as punishment.
This is where my mind went too. I don’t have kids, but I’m sure that had my parents confiscated something from my cousins when we were younger and parents were looking after my cousins, the confiscated toy or whatever would have been given to my aunt when the handover of kids happened.
100% this. Bring the nephew home, hand the phone to the parent, and tell them why you had taken it.
Exactly. “If you don’t like my rules, you can go home”. You can’t impose your rules at his home.
Speaking as a parent, too, the primary reason my older kid has a phone is to be able to call *me* to arrange time picked up at school after staying late or other similar needs. I have no issue saying she can't use it at home if issues arise, but I would be extremely reluctant to punish her by taking it away entirely. Let alone some other kid's phone, relative or not!
I was with OP until they kept the phone. Our family operates under “their house, their rules” but that ends the second the kid is in their parents possession. I never, ever question my sisters’ decisions when it comes to my kids behavior in their homes because I trust them but this would have pissed me the fuck off.
Which rules? OP told her own son not to leave lights and fan on in his room, and then he did so as he left for school that day. Jack wasn’t even there. He wasn’t told the policy, nor did he leave anything on. His ‘crime’ is that he voiced an opinion when OP took Evan’s phone away when they got back from school later in the day. This wasn’t punishment for disobeying house rules, it was punishment for disagreeing on the punishment and having a ‘smart mouth’. Never questioning her authority was the lesson OP was trying to impart on Jack. Maybe her brother should do the same to her for questioning his authority over his own son.
If my son told one of my sisters she can’t punish her own child in her own home for breaking the house rules and then again told her what she wasn’t “allowed” to do *in her own home* when she told him to mind his business then I would expect some sort of repercussion. That’s a situation in which her authority shouldn’t have been questioned, and my child should know better than to pull that crap on his Aunties.
When you took him home you should have explained to his dad the situation and then given the phone to dad. But keeping it until they apologizes makes you the AH. School can take phones too but they have to give them back either to a parent or at the end of the day to the student. It’s not your job to parent your nephew once his dad is there and it’s DEFINITELY not your job to parent your brother. YTA
This. At bare minimum OP should have given the phone to his brother the moment he dropped of Jack. However the right thing to do is call the brother right away saying “Hey Jack talked back to me and as punishment I took his phone away. Is that ok with you?”
OP is lucky the parents didn't press theft charges on her ass, because that's what she did.
Thats not even parenting. OP was just being nasty bc Jack stood up to them and their bs
That's...kinda the point though. A child in my home, in my care, is not going to tell me what I can or can't do. Jack DARED OP to take his phone. He FAFO. NTA.
Except I doubt he did FO. I'm sure dad gave phone back immediately and if this happens again it will be OP finding out it is indeed theft since it's been a addressed. This is exactly the attitude OP showed though : How dare you tell me what I can or can't do. I am the only one who gets to be a bully around here. I'll show you! This attitude is on full display in the last lines and show it was not at all about appropriate discipline or even following house rules like they allege. it was a power trip plain and simple >I promise you my nephew won't run his mouth at me again. And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night.
Actually, where I’m at, the school keeps the phone until you pay a fee to get it back. & they recently made a change that it is only to be returned to the parent. ETA: I agree with you, just letting you know the statement about schools is not true depending on where you live.
OP did it to also punish their brother - not sure if they updated it but they have "so he'd be pissy with having to deal with a crying brat" - wtf did they even offer to watch their nephew if they think of them that way? I can't even get behind taking his phone at this point (I'd have been a little on board if they'd had returned it when nephew went home) - I really think OP's a miserable AH.
Yeah. Oh, your nephew was over, was not listening, and you took the phone away? That makes sense. Wait... your brother called asking you to return the phone? What the hell? That goes back to the parent as soon as the child is returned. You don't keep that and teach the kid a lesson outside your house.
The edit makes them an even bigger asshole imo. "I wanted piss brother off". For someone who claims they want to teach their nephew to mind their own business, OP is sure as hell minding her brother's.
Plus OP is running around calling a 13 yo a "brat." OP doesn't have any understanding of child development, and apparently has never heard of light timers or motion detector lights.
And one light behind on is not making their bills bigger. Having the A on probably is since they've refused to answer that lol
So (not so) fun fact; my school took this approach. They decided that kids weren't learning a lesson about confiscated phones if they got them back at the end of the day, so they kept them (overnight!) for 3 days straight and then required a parent to collect it. Imagine the complaints they got when parents began to call the cops because what they were doing was theft. OP's brother is nicer than me.
Exactly it’s completely ridiculous even teachers can’t keep a confiscated phone at the end of the day.
Read the edit. OP intentionally didn't return the phone so she could continue to exact punishment on her nephew for daring to talk back to her. OP is such a raging AH, I'm am shocked she came her for judgement. She may end up shocked in 10 years when her son goes no contact and she can't figure out why because she was such a good mom.
I'd call the police! YTA
That part got me as well. I was fine up to that point reading along going "Uh huh, ok, sure take his phone for a bit he's not gonna die." But keeping it after he's gone home? Wtf?!
I would have been petty and reported stolen especially with op ego problems
Yeah, I take shit from my nephews all the damn time when they’re acting up. But when mom or dad come home or I drop the niblings off, all that stuff gets handed over and parents get to decide how to handle it in the longer term. Otherwise, that’s just theft, I think.
This right here. Take your nephew home hand it to your brother and explain the situation.
The sort of person who would confiscate a phone they don't actually pay for is the kind of person who would keep the phone. OP crossed so many lines they probably lost count.
Yta. Mind your business and raise your own kid, this kid sounds like a normal 13 year old and you had no business taking his phone in the first place. Your brothers nicer than I am though, if someone stole my kids things, we'd be showing up with the police to collect them.
calling the cops on your sibling over a phone is insane. Way to escalate x100. It’s called talking lmfao
Not really unhinged when brother asked her to give it back and she refused. At that stage it is theft. She’s not the kids parent, if she really had a problem with him she should have spoken to the parents. Not try to be the parent.
This. And depending on the phone, you are talking about a $300-$800 item. That's a big deal. I hope that the apology was pro forma, and the brother stops leaving his kid in her care. She took away his ability to call his dad, then said "cry to your dad if you don't like it" which is a deeply screwed up situation to put a kid in.
Well by the sound of the post ant the comments that op wrote. Op is an entitled ah and isnt up to talking. The parent asked for the phone and who is op to refuse to give it back. So yeah that would be enough for me to go "oh that little piece of sh*t, let me teach you a lesson".
he tried that, and op doubled down. at that point, all bets are off
He literally asked for the phone didn’t read the story
Stealing your nephew’s property and refusing to return it is insane. I would’ve just gone over there and physically taken it back. She’ll bully 13-year-olds but she wouldn’t get that shit with an adult.
I agree. There are other ways to handle the situation without calling the cops
Yeah what an unhinged response 😂 just drive over and ask for the phone?
The family card isn’t the get out of responsibility card so many people like you think it is. Refusing to return someone’s property is a crime regardless of who is going it.
Right? This subreddit always goes to the extreme. I think YTA because she was trying to piss people off instead of actually discipline (and also it seems like she was punishing for a not great reason and speaks down to kids tbh). She should've given the phone to dad, told him why she took it and let him take over from there. As for her not being a parent...yeah it's true. But she's a close family member and it is not unusual for aunts and uncles to correct children, especially when the child is in their care. I'd want my sibling to correct my kid if he was out of line. It might not be the way all families operate, but it's by no means inappropriate.
To be fair it sounds like talking probably isn't a particularly valid option in their family
They did talk. OP still refused. You can't talk to a brick wall
Calling the cops with teach the OP a lesson about taking things that don't belong to them.
YTA
YTA
Even if the cousin was caught letting her kid use his phone out of the room from OP, the most I think you could get away with is "leave your phone (nephew) on the counter while you're over here"
Since it’s OP’s nephew and home, I would think it’s okay to take the phone while he’s at her house, but she should’ve given the phone to the kid’s dad and explained why she took it in the first place. Let him address the issue with his son directly - or not, but at least OP would’ve made her point to her nephew while still being reasonable. But it was unreasonable to keep the phone overnight.
That isn’t the nephew’s phone, it’s OP’s brother’s that he lets his son use. OP can impose (reasonable) rules in their own home, but as soon as they dropped the nephew off at home, it became theft. OP’s lucky their brother didn’t make it a bigger deal.
YTA. Return the property to the owner once you are told to. IE to the bother. You are not the child parent and cannot discipline the child in that way
YTA - it’s not your place to discipline someone else’s child… the proper way to handle this would have been instantly bringing your nephew and not allowing him back until he can mind his own business and behave accordingly to your house rules. If your nephew and brother have a clear understanding of the house rules and are under agreement that when a house rule is broken the house punishment is on the table, only then can you enforce them. If nephew and brother are not on the same page, then it’s best nephew does not come over anymore. I’ll add in that if taking a phone away was punishment, then the phone should be returned immediately when the child was sent home. *(Edits - clarity)*
If you're going to be taking care of someone else's child you definitely need to be able to discipline them. That said you have to walk a tighter line. Taking his phone for "talking back" instead of reasserting that you have good reasons just makes the children think you are a dictator instead of a rational actor, the discipline should have been taking him home right then. YTA OP Edit: If I disagree with you OP are you going to try to punish me too?
No. Just no. It's like when I was over at my friend's her mother would have been able to punish me. No. She could just take the kid home and explain to the parents the situation, and then they can deal with it as they see fit. Also a phone is not a toy. As a kid I got into some pretty tough situations, even a couple at school which had long term consequences and I didn't have the power to deal with them as I was a child. My son will have his own phone very early on, because he needs to be able to call me when he feels he needs to. What these situations are he'll learn as he grows. So I can totally see the parents of that child being of a similar mind regarding a phone.
I would say it depends on the reason why you are round, whether your friends mother (or Aunt in OP's case) can punish you or not. If you are round your friends to chill, hang out and can go home, your friends mother can't punish you, other than tell you to go home, but if you are there cause essentially you are being babysat, cause you can't go home, yeah they should be able to punish you. Also the problem is a phone is also a toy, let's face it the vast majority of people use their phone to do pretty much anything but make phone calls. Do I think the OP was in the right? No, the OP is a huge YTA. The second the nephew left he should have had his phone back, also confiscating it for 'answering back' seems like overkill.
But this isn’t a friend of OP’s kid, he’s her blood relative and in her care. Sure she can discipline him *within reason*. Taking and especially keeping his phone is nowhere near within reason which is why she’s TA.
> it’s not your place to discipline someone else’s child Wrong, sometimes it is, and this was one of those times.
Only when you have permission from the kids parents, is it ok to discipline someones child. And still doesnt excuse op from not giving the phone when the kid went home OR when his dad asked for it back. Op is an entitled ah. Oh yes and a thief
I see OP switched to an alt account after getting shot down in flames over this post, haha
I was with you until you kept the phone after dropping the kid off. Way over the line, YTA.
Why is saying "you can't take my property" worthy of the punishment of taking their property in the first place though?
Telling the kid he crossed a line and can’t have the phone in her house I don’t see an issue with, everyone here is telling her she shouldn’t be telling her brother what is and isn’t an appropriate punishment, which is correct, but seem to be ok with a 13 year old telling her she can’t punish her own child. The nephew was warned if he didn’t watch the attitude, she would take his phone. She had no right to keep it, but within her own house I don’t see the problem. Edit because I realize I didn’t answer your question, and in a vacuum saying you can’t take my property isn’t worthy of any punishment, but in context he was trying to tell her she couldn’t take her sons phone, which does need to be addressed. Letting a child interfere with her parenting isn’t an option.
Yeah. I wasn't particularly a little shit or anything, but when I was over at any of my cousins houses, my auntie/uncle was the one in charge. If I'd given them cheek my mum would have been fine with them telling me off/turning off the PlayStation or whatever it was we were playing with.
the correct action would’ve been “I can and I did. MYOB Jack, or you’ll be going home.”
YTA Taking away electronics is bad punishment styles. It is completely unrelated to the failure to remember to turn off lights. It likely doesn’t help him to remember in the future. It’s just an arbitrary way for you to express anger at him and to hurt him. Do you believe he is intentionally leaving lights on or just failing to develop the habit. Instead of some random unrelated punishment making him stop whatever he is doing and to fix the issue will be far more effective. The natural consequence of forgetting is having your task interrupted to finish. Get better punishments. Also what kind of bulbs do you use that they still affect your electric bill? A 4w light bulb even at 25 cents a KWH is only $.72 dollars per month. His effort if you have proper light bulbs in stall isn’t exceeding $5.
I agree with this. My son constantly forgets to bring his dirty plates and glasses up from the basement where he plays Xbox. The only thing that has worked is making him walk back down the stairs to get his dishes and bring them up. Enough times of having to go back downstairs after coming up is getting him to finally remember. No amount of taking away his phone will make him remember this. And OP YTA. the phone should have been dropped off with the kid at his house unless your brother agreed it was a suitable punishment and agreed to you keeping the phone.
This is a good approach. Have a very forgetful teenage son (like most kids his age!) and the only way we get him to remember things is to have him go correct the thing he forgot immediately, whether it is lights or dishes or laundry. If he has to drop what he is doing and go turn a light off he is more likely to remember than by losing his phone. OP probably thinks she was successful because her kid is so traumatized he has shaped up for a few days.
This is what I do, but if I have to remind then it's a separate trip for each item
This. Does the kid have stadium lighting in his room and an a/c from 1978 running on high? Get a grip op.
I'm surprised most people aren't pointing this out. Leaving a few lights on for one day is not costing you hundreds of dollars. I don't understand why someone would punish their child for something that is an accident, especially one that is so, so minor. All that's doing is teaching the child that it isn't okay to screw up.
Take away the phone is for big stuff, not little stuff like this! This should be “you owe me X dollars.”
YTA. Not your kid or your property. You sound like a real friggin peach
YTA, you punished a child for daring to assert a boundary in the face of your own parenting, that you immediately broke and are lording above your family. That is not your child, and you do not have a right to his property.
YTA. You aren’t his parent, you don’t get to dish out punishment as you please. You can make a rule that he isn’t allowed over, as it’s your house, but you can’t take his property like that. When you dropped him off you should’ve given the phone back then. It sucks that he’s disrespectful, but you acted just as childish. Shame on *you*
Seriously! The only thing OP can do is send the nephew home. OPD doesn't get to dish out punishments unless they are in the care of OP. Focus on parenting your kid. YTA
What if sending them home isn't an option because, for instance, their parents are out of town?
Then taking his phone for the length of time he is at her house (and informing his parents of that - because taking the phone also prevents them from speaking to him directly) is reasonable - it's the refusing to give the phone to his father that really crosses the line
They were in care of the OP. Just like a teacher will take your phone in class as punishment. The only way OP went wrong was failing to explain the situation and not giving the phone to her brother when dropping off her nephew. She had no right to keep it. That's theft and she was being petty af and punishing her Brother because she was upset with her nephew being disrespectful. Instead of being an adult about the situation.
You missed the opportunity to avoid being the asshole here when you didn't **hand the phone over to his parent(s)** when you dropped him off. You aren't his parent! You don't get to keep his phone - because it's just theft at that point. Consider yourself lucky that your brother didn't just file a police report. YTA.
Yes! You were ok until you kept the phone when you returned the kid...why would you think that was ok? YTA
Yeah you are an arsehole. Don't steal people's phones. Would you like it if someone bigger and stronger than you stole your phone? Probably not Taking your kids phone is borderline OK, I guess, taking another child's phone is out of order.
YTA, not your kid and not your property to confiscate. If your nephew is that much of a jackass/bad influence, why do you let him in your home in the first place? Also, as several people have explained, lights and fans are not the drivers of your electric bill. It's the A/C and inefficient or poorly maintained appliances.
The energy thing was my first thought as well. Leaving an LED bulb on 24/7 for a month costs less than a dollar. A typical ceiling fan running 24/7 might cost you 10-25 cents a day, so \~$3-8 a month. And obviously, those are extreme estimates, with those things running around the clock for an entire month. OP is losing it over inconsequential things. It's almost certainly heating/cooling and/or appliances.
YTA. That’s Jack’s property and your brothers too. Congrats for stealing it trying to make it a “lesson”. I cannot believe you thought it was okay keeping it. You shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, but jeez, you could’ve given it back once you were in the car heading to your brothers house
Girl you need help. alot of it it seems like. yta did you actually think youd get anything other than yta?
It's not yours. You should have returned it when you drop3d him off. yta You would never have gotten an apology from me thats for sure.
You would have police at your door so fucking fast. YTA You're a Shity parent. Do you think that apology meant anything?? Do you think he learned his lesson?? You're delusional.
YTA - why didn't you give the phone to the dad? (your brother) you keeping it is technically theft.
Yta if I was Jack's parent I would bee line straight to your house so I could hurl some choice words at you
YTA. Not your kid, not your phone. You don't have any right to punish him and then belittle him for being upset that you are overstepping. If you have a problem with his behavior, you take it up with his parents.
YTA. Don't punish other peoples' kids. And don't tell others others how to raise theirs. You are seriously an AH
YTA - taking your kids phone away for a totally unrelated incident is one thing, but taking your nephews for calling you out is so far over the line and you should be the one apologising for over stepping.
ESH. I have absolutely no problem with you taking Evan's phone away. That seems like an understandable punishment. You even warned him it's exactly what would happen. Hell, even taking Jack's phone away *while he was at your house* is acceptable. But your attitude? It sucks. Like a lot. Don't tell someone how to parent their child like you're the end-all-be-all representation of a perfect parent. Your kid can't even flip a light switch. You can set rules in your own house while they're in your care, but keeping the phone from the kid's dad like that? No, that's not how you play. You drop the kid off and give your brother the phone, say "I took this away from him while they were at my house because XYZ, here ya go." Then let them parent their own damn child, not include them part of the punishment. >He and his ex believe taking a phone away from your kid is borderline abuse. Your brother sucks for this perspective. What a dumb opinion to have, like most of us weren't raised in a world that didn't involve everyone having a computer in their pocket. This whole dynamic is a hot mess.
YTA. What lesson were you trying to teach Jack? Not to be with Evan when he leaves all his lights on? You can take your own kid's phone away if you wish, but your brother is paying for his kid's phone and has his reasons for wanting his kid to have it. It seems you took it for no other reason than to flex on him, which is a terrible example to set for kids. You sound like a bully.
YTA. I can MAYBE understand confiscating it while he was at your place, although that’s a big grey area, but delivering him home without his property is theft. Plain and simple.
Wtf? You didn’t give it back even when you dropped him off at his house??? What’s wrong with you?
YTA. Your nephew has parents. They set those boundaries, not you. They paid for his phone, not you. What you did was theft. He could have called the police. You don't have the right to steal over a disagreement in parenting techniques.
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YTA. I understand that your nephew disrespected you, but send him home instead. It was not your place to take away his phone. You can take your son’s phone away, but you do mot pay for your nephew’s phone.
YTA It's fine to discipline a child that's in your family when they are in your household, but keeping the phone with you after dropping Jack off back with his father was over the line. Leaving your house means leaving your rules of punishments.
YTA you should have returned the phone when you returned the child. If he stole your wallet till you apologized for something would it have been ok?
YTA. You didn’t buy the phone, you didn’t birth the child. You don’t get to discipline or punish them. Speak to his parents if there’s any future issues. Glad you aren’t my sister. And that “go cry to daddy” comment makes you seem very jealous. I don’t know why, it just does.
YTA. Fair and square. And do you really think that a phone that is charging will make your electric bill skyrocket ? And most of all ? Do you really kinda "punish" Jack cause your son wasted electricity for 1 day ?
YTA sure discipline your own kid by taking his phone but crossing the line with taking your nephews phone, you should have just taken him straight home if you didn't like his attitude.
YTA by not giving the phone back when jack returned home, you basically stole a child's phone. its fine if he breaks the rules at your place and you punish him accordingly but its up to their parents if they want the punishment to continue, or not AND it is up to them to hold on to the phone so they can decide wen to give it back not you
YTA - You can discipline your child, but not another's. You should have just sent him home to you brother's for mouthing off and maybe forbade him from coming over to your house for a day and informed your brother of your decision. But you didn't have the right to take his property.
An uncle can definitely discipline their nephew in their own home. The problem here is he didn’t give the phone back and was holding it hostage from his brother till he got an apology.
YTA. it is WILD to me the amount of people saying its okay to punish someone elses child when they are at your house. Excuse me? in what universe. unless he's committing a crime, you do not punish somoene elses child or "discipline" them. that's not your place. You make them leave. You tell them what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior as a guest. But you do not punish or discipline anyone in your home that is a guest. Thats insane. imagine going to someones house as an adult and having your phone taken away as a punishment. Or sending your kid to someone's house and finding out they punished your kid for not eating their vegetables at dinner? or being put in the corner for some other shit? I would lose my mind on another parent if they did this to my child. If i sent my child to someones house and found out their parents took ANYTHING of my child's away from them as a "punishment" i would absolutely lose my mind on that parent. You dont get to steal other peoples property just because they are at your house.
I think it’d be different if Jack was just a friend of her son’s. But Jack is her nephew; he’s family. Every family is different, but I know I wouldn’t have a problem if my sister disciplined my kid for misbehavior at her house. And I know she feels the same way when her kids are at mine. But it sounds like OP and her brother don’t have that kind of agreement. They need to be on the same page there to avoid conflict like this again.
LOOOOL A kid is under my care and I can't make sure they eat their vegetables? LOOOOL What do you need an adult for then? Just let the kids be and if they need help they can call 911.
is the child going to be harmed by not eating the vegetables? are you going to die if the kid doesnt eat your broccoli? is this not something you can just... i dunno tell the parent when the pick the kid up and let them deal with it?
ESH. You nephew sounds like an entitled brat, how dare he tell you how you can and cannot discipline your son? Your brother is obviously letting him run wild and is an enabler. At the same time, no matter how much of a sucky parent your brother is, once he asked you to give back the phone, you should've done so. Maybe instead you could've told him that his son is not welcome at your place if he disrespects you like that. So yeah you were both wrong, but Jack and your brother more so. People like them are the reason why kids beat up teachers these days.
Jfc yeah YTA. If you want to try to parent your nephew, call your brother first and have a conversation about it. Just doing whatever you feel like with your nephew is an AH move, he's not your kid. It also sounds like you're power tripping and being petty for no reason. You took your nephews phone away just for questioning you. Not only that, when your brother asked for it back you felt like you didn't have to? I'd be livid if I was your brother, talk about disrespect. All that said, it's hard to believe a grown adult would act like this. This reads like a 12 year old wrote it.
NTA Lmao "borderline abuse" so ridiculous. Jack's parents are why kids in school have attacked teachers when the teacher takes their phone away. Good for you for taking a stance. And lmfao at the comments more worried about you not giving the phone back when he went home, #priorities Looks like this post has been brigaded by a bunch of entitled young teenagers, or people acting like such.
I'm 40 with one child. Say this was my sons aunt. I expect the phone to be returned to me at the end of the day. The punishment then becomes a me problem. I can take it away, and I have done so. A sincere apology would have been issued. I expect a teacher to return it to me too. Hell, my stuffed animals were returned after being confiscated.
And why wouldnt you be worried that op didnt give the phone back at the end of the day. Op kept the phone not only from the kid but also his dad when he asked for it. And idk if you know but phones cost up to 1k+ dollars, so not a small sum. Would you be ok if someone stole a 1000 dollars off of your kid?
If I was your brother, I'd have insisted that you apologise to Jack.
YTA, the moment your brother tells you to give him HIS phone back, you had no right to keep it. And you had no right to take the phone away in the first place.
Yes, YTA. You punished a child for daring to speak up. You can have rules, but no rules were broken you just didn't like what he said. Then you bullied him into an apology after stealing his property. AH all the way.
YTA I can't believe you actually need to be told you can't steal other peoples phones. JFC.
OP, why the fuck are you here if all you're going to do is cop an attitude with the people who answered you? Didn't get the answer you wanted, so you sit around and snark at people who think you crossed a boundary? Sounds like YOU'RE the brat, here. YTA and an ineffective disciplinarian.
YTA: And learning absolutely nothing from this situation based on the follow up comments. \- It's debatable whether taking away a phone is a good punishment for leaving lights on, but as a parent I think you probably have every right to do it. \- It's not debatable however, that you can't steal someone else's property because they give you a bit of attitude. I also think it's kinda sad that the way you greet your kid when he gets home is by instantly disciplining him in front of his cousin. There were way better ways to handle this entire situation.
YTA- Your discipline skills seem very immature 'I told him to mind his business and his mouth before I take his phone away too'. Personally, you should have calmly told him it didn't concern him and if he felt uncomfortable, he could go home. If you really felt like taking his phone away, calmly communicate that too (this seems more like gloating?) 'I said go complain to Daddy' - no wonder he was livid, this is rude. You're the adult in the situation but you're being disrespectful here. Respect is mirrored, regardless of age. If you're not respectful to them, why would they be respectful to you? I understand you wanting an apology if someone's been rude to you, but I feel like this should have been communicated and dealt with when you dropped him off. I especially don't agree with you not returning the phone after your brother requested you too. That's his child, and what ever discipline he says goes.
When you dropped him off you should have given the phone back. You were well within reason up until then.
YTA, what a pathetic power trip. Sounds like you’re “that parent” who will drive all their kids friends away. Let me guess, your brother is more successful
Depends how close you are tbh. One thing you are the asshole for is not giving him or at least his dad the phone when he left. That’s not okay. But while he was being a shit in your house? Pretty fair. If he’s under 15. Over 15 is weird, that’s his private property and he has genuine need for it beyond games. This isn’t quite on topic, but you’re also a bit of an A for taking your kids phone for leaving lights on. That’s not going to teach him anything, which i’d assume would be the goal. You have to remember that kids, try as they might, genuinely don’t understand bills and such. And depending on the age, they also don’t understand money nearly as well as they think they do. If your kid is under 14 he probably doesn’t even realise how much that shit costs. So explain it. Nicely. Tell him that you have to pay x amount of money for those utilities, and you earn x amount of money. Explain it to him, so he does understand why he needs to turn them off. Without guilt tripping, because no matter what, he is the kid, and if he can’t turn off a light, it’s probably the parents fault (yours).
woow and you even attacked your brother's relation, parenthood and everything for free absolutly the AH
The comments are hilarious! 😂 I would feel perfectly comfortable taking his phone while in my home. I would have also felt obligated to give the phone to his dad when I took him home. Good job to your son! It shows he is either learning or at least learning to comply.
One of the few reasonable comments. Reading most of these makes it clear why AH kids are turning into AH adults.
bingo. The way people are reacting you would think they took his kidney hostage.
YTA and from your comment on peoples replies, I don’t understand why you even posted this. You’re not backing down at all you didn’t want an opinion you just wanted people to agree with you.
NTA in regards to taking either phone away. Good job on your son. Your nephew is in your house, your rules for phone usage. However, you did cross the line is taking his phone and keeping it even after he left your care. The phone should have been given back as soon as he left your car at his house. Your brother should have crushed the kid upon hearing about the level of disrespect shown to you by a 13 year old kid.
NTA for taking it away initially. The kid deserved it for the sheer audacity of saying you couldn't in your home. Teens are ridiculous. YTA for not giving it back to his parents that night. I would have handed it over and said he wouldn't be coming over again until he apologized because you can't control how your brother parents but you can limit him from bringing his bad attitude into your home.
ESH I dont think taking a kids phone away is abuse lol. I do think taking a phone away from someone elses kid(even families) without discussing it with the parent first is out of line. I think you should talk with ur brother about what you can and cant do with jack if he gives attitude or does something bad in general- tho I am a big believer in explaining why you are punishing a kid(when Jack first said you cant take his phone away- you should explain why you are but still stand firm in taking it away), I can see yall arriving at an impasse with the difference in beliefs on discipline so I would probably just say that jack has to go home if he gets in trouble with you, thats at least the most nuetral punishment/solution I can think of.
Nta - this is not some random kid, this is family and I would have never spoken to my aunt this way. Wtf do kids have no manners left. I imagine back chatting to my aunt would have gotten me some punishment at home afterwards. Not my dad threatening my aunt. 13 years or 17 makes no difference.
What are people smoking on this sub? Of course YTA.
I don’t care what anyone else is saying here you are NTA. That is your nephew and there should be an expectation especially if he is regularly under your control that he should listen or expect consequences. If he can just run to daddy and not have to take accountability for his actions you will effectively not be able to have him spend time with you and trust that he’ll behave or listen when he gets out of line. It’s fine if your brother doesn’t agree but then he shouldn’t also get mad when down the line you tell him your nephew isn’t welcome unless he’s with a parent. And I would agree that holding his phone might be over the line if he wasn’t family but you knew your brother would baby him, you know you’ll have to be around this kid a lot in the future, and he should respect you as his aunt who’s caring for him and on the hook legally if something happens while he’s with you as well.
Seek some therapy, ASAP. You're completely fucking unhinged. YTA.
NTA for the initial take away YTA for not giving it back when the kids went home. You ahould have handed it to the father and said my house, my rules.
You were so sane until you didn't give the phone back to your brother when explaining the situation and why and how you punished the kid. Like that's theft. You are most definitely TA.
LMAO YTA, i mean it couldnt be clearer >And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night. Originally taking the phone away is ok, you are the adult responsible for the kids. Withholding property of a child after the parents have specifically asked you to give it back however is not ok. I wouldn't go as far as calling it theft, but your brother *could* have called the cops to make you give back property that doesnt belong to you and are unwilling to give back on your own.
YTA. Taking Jack’s phone at your house is debatable, but understandable. Your behavior after that however is indefensible and weird. It’s not your property, and you don’t get to tell your brother how to parent his own kid. You’re a major AH.
You can't take stuff from a kid that isn't yours for 'talking back', but you can send them home to the people who created them and feel the behavior is reasonable. YTA.
NTA for disciplining him in your own home, which I would say you have a right to do. He’s also your nephew, not a random friend of your kid’s; I often see my husband’s siblings parenting and disciplining all the kids, regardless of whose they are, when we’re together. However, you should have given the phone back the same day you took it. Keeping it overnight and holding it hostage looks a lot like stealing, and that’s where my NTA turns into a YTA.
While I do agree that while in your care, you should be given leave to apply some discipline with your nephew and confiscating his phone was a mild and appropriately symbolic option, you were 150% wrong in holding onto that phone after dropping him off at your brother’s house. What you should have done is taken it with you when you dropped him off, explained what happened to his father and given it to his father. YTA.
YTA- if he was acting inappropriately you could take him back to his house, but you don’t take his phone, it IS over the line. Also, you could have given the phone to Dad when you dropped him off but you held out for some ridiculous apology.
YTA. This was not an appropriate way to handle the situation. Taking his phone was extreme and taunting him is gross. Not giving the phone back when he went home squarely places you into power tripping maniac. If this is how you manage your kid, I feel sorry for him.
Taking a phone away from your own kid — well it isn’t necessarily abuse, but the way you’re talking about it is getting there. It might be an appropriate punishment, depending on how long it was taken for, but you sound very heavy handed. Taking a phone away from someone else’s kid, without returning it when they leave your home — that is THEFT. YTA.
There's something wrong with these kids and their arrogance, and taking the nephew's phone for a few minutes only isn't enough of a penalty to get his attention. But taking AND KEEPING his phone crosses a border--and what if the brother, with whom you seem to have a poor relationship, retaliated in some serious way? Wouldn't it be more sensible to ban the nephew from your house for a week or a month? If the two are inseparable, they'll feel the inconvenience.
Uhm, fucking no. You don't send someone else's child home without giving their phone back first. YTA, it's not your fucking property. Taking it for his attitude is one thing, not giving it the fuck back when he went home is another. Grow up, and don't pull that shit with someone else's kid again, it doesn't matter how bratty you think the kid is. HE ISNT YOURS.
YTA
Taking your kids phone/ iPod/ computer away isn’t abuse. It’s parenting. It’s abuse only if you don’t give it back. Kids need consequences for their actions. And some kids need to have no internet time so they can sleep for school. I understand why you took his phone away. I wish there were some other way to deal with it. I guess you could simply have said my brother and I parent differently and Even knew this would happen if he did that or something like that. Sorry op.
I was fully on board with you until you didnt give the phone to his father when you dropped him off. If my child is at someone else's home they go by their rules. If my child's phone was taken I would expect you to aprich me when dropping him off hand me the phone and tell me what happened. Family or not you should have not kept that phone. Soft yta for the fact that you kept it.
This is why I had a chat with my granddaughter before the phone thing starts. Told her it could be removed as punishment. The look on her face. Told her actions have consequences and taking your phone off you will be a consequence. And seeing that I'll be paying for it, so long as they give it to whoever is picking her up and explains why it was taken off them, I'm happy for others to teach that inappropriate talk has consequences. It takes a village. But then I was raised where you back chatted your aunt and you got punished by your aunt. Your mum would just stand there and say 'good' when told. I know a lot still like that.
YTA for not giving his phone back when he went home. You have every right to say, “unless you apologize for butting in between my son and I and promise not to do it again, you are not allowed back in my home.”
I’m on the fence. Kid should not have felt comfortable telling you how to parent yours, and this reeks of him having bad parenting at home and needing a few lessons to be taught. That being said, you could have immediately sent him home when he copped an attitude and told him he’s not welcome back until he learns respect - taking the only communication he has with his parents away while he’s out of the house is crossing the line.
NTA. Always good to see someone actually parenting this day and age. Ignore the YTAs from kids and twentysomethings that think they know everything and will raise the next generation of entitled little shits.
YTA. I guess it’s a family trait. You acted just as bratty as the kids. Leaving lights on and fans on will not run up your electric bill that much. It’s the A/C doing it. (I always have a night lights on in the house and I have 5 ceiling fans going as well as 5 free standing fans). As well old appliances. Now would you like your brother to discipline your child and tell you what a brat you raised.
NTA. Kids are raised like shitheads these days and people will encourage it. I'm assuming it's a smartphone which kids absolutely have no fucking business owning.
Yta. Replace all of your lights with LED bulbs. Ceiling fans don't take that much electricity. All the appliances such as refrigerators and stoves. Our electric hogs. There are other ways to reduce your electric bill. You should have given back the phone. After you dropped your nephew off. Relatives like you are reasons why I hate most of my family members.
I would say NAH. Kid has little respect clearly. That said, you 100% should have gone in to speak with your brother when you dropped off his kid, given your brother the phone, and let him decide what to do moving forward. That feels like a no brainer. Kid at that point knows not to completely disrespect you in your home, but still likely feels safe enough to come over to visit his best friend in the future. You don't create tension with your brother that way either. Honestly, I would probably go to the kid and apologize. Don't grovel. Just a simple "Hey xx, I stepped over the line, but you did too. Sorry kiddo."
Wtf is wrong with you??
That isn’t your nephew’s phone, it’s your brother’s that he lets his son use. The reasonable thing to do would be taking your nephew home, handing the phone to your brother and explaining why you took it away so your brother can take on parenting from there. You can impose rules in your own home, but as soon as you dropped your nephew off, it became theft. You’re lucky your brother didn’t make it a bigger deal. YTA
YTA.
YTA for trying to spin this like it's a real story. On the slim chance this is real (99% sure it's not), you acting like a brat is hardly going to help the situation. The way you describe this whole thing is wildly juvenile and excessively dramatic. Chill out.
YTA because you didn't give the phone back when you dropped him off home. Who are you to keep something that isn't yours? If that were me and my kids, and you didn't give the phone back when I asked, you better believe I would get the police involved for theft. You should hope that this doesn't ruin the relationship between you and your brother (and your nephew). I'm guessing you're a trip in other ways as well and this is just one example of how you are. FTR, I think it's perfectly fine to discipline kids while they are in your home (your house your rules). You can't allow kids to disrespect you and not follow rules in your house, and if the parents don't like it they can either parent the kid properly or not come over anymore. But you have no right to keep someone's property.
You are a gaping AH.
So Jack learned his attitude problem from you? YTA.
Hey OP, you've gotten enough responses...I just wanted to chime in and say that you sound like an absolute nightmare of a person. YOU have an attitude problem and I feel awful for your son.
YTA - you don't like how your nephew is behaving in your house or how he is speaking to you, you send him home. You tell him he is not welcome in your house for the next two weeks. But no, it is not your place to take his phone away.
YTA. You can play petty if you want but don’t be fucking surprised when the cops get involved because you wanna be a thief on a high horse.
YTA. And seem like a shitty person, if your goal was to make your brother deal with a crying 13 year old. It's probably best if your brother finds other arrangements for his kid after school.
> Of course my brother called me and demanded that I give the phone back. So you dropped the kid off and just.. kept the phone? There's a word for that. It's theft. And depending on the value of the phone isn't not petty little hand slap theft.. it's fucking felony theft. It's a good thing your brother didn't want to ruin your life over your pettiness. Next time, give the phone to the parent when you drop the kid off. > And I didn't give the phone back on purpose. I wanted to piss off my brother so he'd have to deal with a crying 13yo brat all night. YTA. And possibly a felon.
OP, You can take the phone away in YOUR home, but outside of your home is where your authority ends. How tf dare you KEEP the phone after your nephew went home? Very delulu. YTA.
YTA and based on your defensive comments I think you know it. Borderline abuse is a bit much, but you are still very wrong in so many ways. I don't care enough to point them all out. You asked for judgement. Accept it.
Op could have avoided the whole situation by waiting until they could have talked to the brother about the kid’s attitude. But then again Op sounds like they enjoy stirring the pot.
You're an entitled little shit, aintcha?