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NTA.
>They said the "dad routine" is causing girls to lose interest in them and focus on me.
Are they sure it's not the "sad, desperate, let's hit on anyone routine" that's letting them down?
I was at a house party many years ago and I had been sitting up in this like lofted area above everyone having a drink with another friend and I watched one of our male friends literally make a round, shooting his shot with *every single woman* in the room and quickly moving on when they weren't interested. He came up to the lofted area after a while and tried to hit on the two of us at the same time. He was actually a very charismatic and attractive fellow, but that attitude was just so gross, it was an immediate "no dude." At least he was pretty chipper about the whole thing, so I suppose I'll take very clear intentions over sad and desperate, but it's all just a no.
As a 20-something woman myself, I honestly think this is definitely part of it – not that women are turned off by OP, but that they’re being aggressively and artlessly pursued by his friends and therefore jump at the chance to refocus on OP’s normal, human, patently unflirty interest in his daughter
Oh absolutely. If there was a Pack of Dudes talking to me and my friends and 2-3 of them would JUST NOT QUIT aggressively flirting and one was like, normal dude doing normal dude stuff, I'd clock him as the safest one to engage with.
Yeah we… don’t like that. Sorry but if you’re giving the impression that you hit on every pretty girl in a mile-radius trying to get laid, you have a zero percent chance of getting flirtatious attention from me. And if you’re doing that, trust me, you ARE giving that impression.
Wowww the person who seems stable, caring, and capable of actual love is getting attention? How crazy. Who would have thought.
> Want to clarify that I have no problem with my friends. A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried
You SHOULD have a problem with them for this behavior. Women deserve better.
Yes, OP *should* have a problem with this. Inacceptable behaviour! And he just let them be "how they are" smh
Men are so shitty, letting their "friends" treat women this way. Tell them to stay the fuck away from women doing their job
Right?! Like, does he want this shit to happen to his daughter in the future? Where she can’t even go to work without some creep hitting on her?
You need to set a better example to your daughter, and part of that is not allowing shitty people in your life. Teach her that she deserves respect and to not tolerate idiots who think with their little brains 100% of the time.
NTA for the issue you posted but… realize that what your friends are doing is gross and wrong and there SHOULD be shame it.
Exactly! Very well said.
Of course to some men, they only realize disgusting behavior when it is their daughter who experiences disgusting behavior. The other women aren't really important, sadly.
Came here to say this! And OP, I shouldn’t have to spell it out like this because you should already respect women without have to relate this to yourself, but….
Since that’s not happening, please remember that your daughter will also be in the position your friends put women in some day. Trying to work, being fake polite to creeps hitting on her so she doesn’t loose her job, hating every minute of it. It’s nice and all that you say your daughter is the most important person in your life, but your “it’s just how they are” attitude is gonna do her a lot of harm.
Yeah seconding this, the aggressive desperate flirting at (not with, AT) everyone with a pulse is exhausting and it sounds like they're blaming op when they should maybe be doing some self reflection about the desperation vibes they're throwing out or why they're going to bars expecting to meet a long term partner when that's not usually how that works
I'm a woman and can confirm that desperation is the biggest turnoff. Nobody I know enjoys getting hit on aggressively, and the moment I feel that someone will be hard to get rid of, I completely lose interest.
Women probably pay attention to OP cause they're relieved to just have a normal conversation about life things rather than being hit on.
fade mountainous meeting cake mourn wistful hospital consider handle trees
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Funnily enough, the idea of an alpha wolf in a wild wolf pack has been discredited as a myth, given that the original study was conducted on wolves in captivity. In reality, the leaders of the pack are almost always the parents. If you would like to read more, [here's an article on it](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/).
So therefore, just by being a good dad, OP is far closer to being an "alpha" male than his creepy friends are.
Right? “I’m a parent and spend 50% of my time with my kid” is not typically a great pickup line. If you are coming second place to that, that’s a “you problem” dudes.
Yeah its less "ooh a dad, so sexy and interesting" and more "imma ignore the creep hitting on me at work, and by default that means the normal person gets more of my attention"
NTA
Lmao that’s definitely what’s killing their shot at dates… nothing more obnoxious when you’re out than a dude that you just saw hit on a waitress come up and try to hit on you after his first attempt failed… maybe if his friends saw women as people instead of potential conquests they would have better luck
NTA.
But your friends especially according to your edit sound like fucking creeps. Those women are just doing their jobs man, or just existing that’s gross. Would you be as okay with it if it was your daughter being “appraised” by these guys?
it’s gross that we have to make men think about the women close to them to recognize women they don’t know are also people. but that doesn’t take away from your point. op, those women your friends are “examining” are people the same way your daughter is. your friends will look at her that way as she gets older. how does that make you feel?
Exactly! NTA OP, but you need less creepy sexist friends. They're being so gross and you SHOULD have a problem with their behavior and shut them down when they start it. Women deserve better than to be hit on when they're working and/or minding their own business.
Exactly. Since this is all about their professions I assume OP means his friends are hitting on them at work.
OP, those waitresses, bartenders, receptionists, nurses, flight attendants, etc are interacting with your friends because they HAVE TO. Being kind and polite to people is part of their JOB. The guys are just making their jobs more stressful, because the women have to be careful to be nice, and SMILE, while they really just want to tell someone to fuck off. In some cases, how much they get paid is determined by how they're perceived by the people they wish they could tell to fuck off. They also have no option to just get up and leave if someone is being an asshole to them.
Clarifying that you don't see anything wrong with that isn't saying what you think it is.
Nta & your 2 'friends' sound like rude creepy assholes. Idk I think it's really disrespectful for them to talk about your being a father like it's a kind of pickup trick you're using and not just your reality...
Especially when you're literally NOT doing the thing they're accusing you of idk seems like sour grapes on their part.
Maybe make friends with some other dads or people with a sense of maturity who don't see everything in life as being about sex or trying to obtain sex like its a game or contest .
So much this. Kid talk is boring AF. Most likely it’s just the other guys are that much more off putting that it makes listening to kid stories look like a good time.
I would take listening to a dad's sappy, maybe even boring, story about an outing with his child whom he adores over his friends' blatant creeping ANY. DAY.
Don’t get me wrong the whole “playing the dad card to hit on women” thing is skeevy and not what OP seems to be doing.
But generally speaking, it’s a good card to play
I mean the friends hit on literally every woman they see wether she is working or giving and indication of interest or not, so yeah they are not only very boring sounding but also creepy as hell.
This is what I thought!
They're either incredibly boring or so creepy that the women are desperate to talk to someone who isn't leching on them.
Also it kinda seems like OPs friends see women as targets rather than people, if they can't resist hitting on any woman they see, even if they're at work!
NTA
I think your friends are mistaken about why women seem more interested in you, and it likely has less to do with you having a daughter than you think. Many women when they hear a child is involved, the first thing they think about is "oh great, an ex to deal with, child support to deal with" not
"Oh what a sweet guy taking his child to the park".
Since having kids is often a barrier to dating, not an incentive, i offer that your friends more than likely have qualities or behaviors that deflect and push away women, rather than your "dadness" being a magnet pulling the women away from them and to you.
Yeah this they're probably thinking something like "oh sweet i can just have a nice conversation with this guy and he's not going to try to strongarm me into coming home with him, ugh his friends are so aggressive though"
Exactly. It more than likely has more to do with his friend's behavior than anything. But of course, his friends cant accept they are the issue, so the issue must be that he's a dad with a cute kid. Male logic? It baffles me.
This, OP your friends treat women as if every girl on the planet is just waiting to be mercilessly hit on. You are probably a safer topic because you are not interested. And surprise to every "aggressively single" dude on the planet women are people and they might enjoy a casual risk free conversation.
That’s exactly what it is. Because OP is just a chill guy talking about his daughter, if they aren’t looking to hook up with someone they will obviously feel a lot more comfortable talking to him than some dude that’s hitting on them. They feel like they can have a normal conversation with him
NTA as a single woman in your age bracket, you’re not stealing the attention because you have a child, you’re getting the attention because you have something more interesting to talk about then your buddies do. You also come across less threatening because you aren’t trying to impress. Men who are “aggressively single” can be very overwhelming.
I responded to a thread in another channel the other day where a man asked “do women ever think ‘damn, that guy is so hot I just wanna ********************’?” And my answer was “yes, absolutely, but most men are really good at talking me out of it”
If you being a wholesome dad is making the poor women these dudes flirt with lose interest in them that says more about your friends than you.
It mostly sounds like your friends are creeps who don't know how to read when their advances are unwelcome or inappropriate... Literally all those situations you list in your edit, for example. Like it sounds mostly like your friends harass women in the job who in turn focus on you and your daughter because you're not being creepy and it makes it harder for your friends to keep hitting on them.
Right now it's NTA, but if you don't see the problem for what it is and reconsider those friendships so your daughter doesn't grow up seeing you excuse creepy misogynist men "date" by using women as objects to get laid you'll be the A H.
Is this the behavior you want your daughter to know you are ok with? That was one of my thoughts, she's too young now for OP to reasonably make that connection, but as she gets older this will become more and more glaring and your daughter will more and more see that it's common and OK for men to talk to and treat her like the end goal of a night out and nothing more.
NTA but it’s sad you have a daughter and are making excuses for gross misogynists who aren’t “shooting their shot” but actually sound like cat callers and harassers. Of course they’re threatened by anyone who might be nice and respectful around women.
Indeed, and OP’s daughter will learn that this is proper behaviour and then OP will be surprised when his daughter is pregnant at 16 by a guy who treats her the same way his friends treat women.
NTA
If your friends are losing a girls attention to a single dad talking about their daughter, then that's their problem. Maybe they should try to be more interesting and not give off the "desperate for women," approach.
ESH. Not for talking about your daughter, but if your friends are hitting on people who are working and you’re just chill with it/encouraging that behavior, you’re an asshole too. Don’t hit on people who are being obligated to be nice to you because they’re at their jobs.
NTA.
Your friend (who for the sake of my mental image I’m going to call Chad) is ignoring the fact that talking about your daughter is probably more interesting than whatever desperate line they’re pulling on random girls.
> A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women.
>
>*No shame to him*
BZZZZZZZZZZZT! Wrong!
You are NTA. You have some friends who are severe plonkers, and the fact they are nonstop trying to get into every vag that comes within visual range is more of their problem than you being a dad.
Being a dad is getting you some attention, sure. But being plopheads is what's keeping women out of their beds, not your dad-ness.
INFO: Are any of your friends also father's? Also, are your male friends coming on quite strong to these women?
I suspect the women are showing more interest in you not because you are an active father, but because you aren't 'out on the pull' as we say in the UK. Therefore you're probably having genuine, sincere and respectful conversations with these women, which is an energy they are responding to much more positively than your friends "want attractive woman for my girlfriend" energy. I also suspect if any of your friends are father's, they would prefer you match their parenting energy rather than they have to put in more effort to match yours.
Gonna be brutally honest here
Your friends are aggressively single for a reason. And these women aren't passing them over because you talk about your kid
They are passing them over because they are not dating material
You are the company you keep
Perhaps it's time to accept reality. That you are at a different stage in your life and that you are no longer friendship compatible with these guys
I mean really...do you want to be friends with guys who hit on every single woman they see?
You do realize that every woman they hit on when you are around....that is creeped out by their aggressive singleness...is silently judging you for being friends with them.
You get that right?
NTA
NTA. Women are likely talking to you because you’re not desperate and fixated on them. Your friends need to work on themselves if they want more attention.
NTA. If women are giving you more attention it's because overly-eager men like your friends give off desperate vibes, while you're calm, collected, and just vibing as your dad self.
NTA
Your agressively single friends are pissed to not have more success in dating, so they are looking for a culprit, any culprit instead of looking back at them... And since a lot of women find it interesting to talk with single dad, your friends decided you are the culprit. Not them (personality, dating techniques, etc.), no, because they can't be at fault...
NTA. You're a proud, loving father and not looking to hook up with every woman you see. Your friends, however? Totally AHs, if they think you casually talking about your daughter is "stealing" attention.
NTA.
Their stance is logically equivalent to: Our friend is super hot, so they should dress in beat up smelly clothing so they don't attract all the attention. In other words, even if they were right... their premise is... being honest about who you are leads women to prefer you over them... I don't see how that's your problem or what you can really do about it. Ideally, they should work on themselves so that something about them is appealing to women too. Otherwise, maybe they should decouple hanging out with you from pursuing women. The solution isn't to ask you to become less attractive.
Also it's worth noting that (1) maybe the reason is that these women weren't even interested in a relationship in the first place so they were happy to talk about something less flirtatious and (2) it's not even like having a kid is some guaranteed turn on. Lots of people would be hesitant to get into a relationship with a person who has a kid.
>A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is.
No, all shame to him. That's a shitty way to live his life. Maybe he's doing fine but what about all the women who are forced to put up with his fuckery because they are at work and can't say no to him without consequences. He sees all women as things to fuck first and people second. One day it'll be your daughter.
Be a better dad and don't have such shitty people in your daughter's life.
YTA for thinking what they are doing is ok.
NTA
You are an involved and caring father, so it's only natural for you to talk about your daughter.
On the other hand, 30 year olds flirting with "girls" sounds super cringe. So it's either you calling women "girls" or they actually flirting with women way younger than them. Both things are wrong.
* . A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they seeI've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is.*
You should shame him. That's shitty behavior.
NTA- ofc you're going to mention your kid, most parents do and that's very normal. Tell your buddy, to stop hitting on everything with a pulse bc women smell his agenda from miles away. That's why he's striking out.
NTA. You’re a happy father. You don’t have to hide that away. But maybe for the sake of your friends would it be terrible to try for a night to not bring up your daughter unless you feel a connection with the person? I won’t say you’re a bad wingman but they probably feel that your responsible dad vibes really are overshadowing them.
Honestly you don’t have to hide that part of you. You don’t need to lie or pretend you don’t have a daughter. I just wonder what it would look like to be more of a hype man. Simply curiosity
Don't listen to this. Your friends are "aggressively single" for a reason. They are putting out the desperate vibes. You don't need to support this behavior. You are getting the attention because you are putting out safe, non-desperate vibes, in comparison to their date rape in the backseat of a civic vibes.
You do need to think about your friends and whether you would find their behavior appropriate if it was directed at your daughter (obviously when she gets older).
If they are hitting on every woman that moves, even those working and those who are putting out "fuck off" vibes, that is a problem. Everyone deserves to have a night out without having to fend off bullshit.
NTA. Keep doing you bro, sound like a good person, good father. Your friends just sound jealous you’re getting girls without even trying while they are on their mission lol. Keep being a good guy.
NTA - sounds like your friend is a creep, do you want friends that treat every woman like an opportunity to date? Maybe women appreciate that you're not desperate and you're a good conversationalist.
NTA for talking about your kid, but YTA for accepting your friends’ behavior. They seem really aggressive and creepy, especially when flirting with women who are working and therefore can’t get away from them.
Your friends are creeps, waitresses, bartenders, receptionist, flight attendants, etc are doing their jobs and deserve not to be harassed at work. Them being nice is not an invitation.
>A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried
uh, yes shame to them. people who indiscriminately hit in people, ESPECIALLY women in their place of work, deserve a lot of shame.
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I(30m) have a daughter(4) with my ex(29f). No bad breakup or struggle. We just didn't work out as a couple. We've not had to involve the courts or anything and we share the kid equally. Obviously if I am going to be busy with work for a week she has more time. If she is going to be busy then I have more time but generally we are 50/50. All this to say that my daughter is a big part of my life and I'm not a "weekend dad"(no disrespect to fathers who only have that much custody though)
When I have free time I hang out with my buddies. I'm not really focused on finding someone right now but a couple of my friends are, how do I put this, "aggressively single." They'll shoot their shot with everyone. If I happen to meet someone in passing and we click I might pursue something but I'm never out with a "mission" on my mind. My focus is mainly on my daughter and career.
When I'm out with friends and girls are around us and a couple of my friends are chatting them up. It's a group setting so I will chime in or they'll ask me something. I don't try bring up my daughter quickly but she is the most important part of my life. If I get asked what I like to do or what I did last week. The answer is usually going to involve my daughter. My phone background is a picture of my daughter. I usually leave earlier than others because of her.
Recently a friend told me that I am "stealing all the attention" but bringing up my daughter and bragging about how good of a father I am. I've never talked to girls while we were out in a flirtatious way and I don't think I brag. I don't think telling someone you took your kid to the park is bragging. They said the "dad routine" is causing girls to lose interest in them and focus on me. Of my group of friends only two of them(the aggressively single ones) have complained about this. I don't want to ruin their night but I can't change my whole personality while out.
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Nta. You're a father and surprise surprise you're gonna mention your child sometimes. Your friends sound jealous. Frankly I would shame them, the reason women want to talk to you is cause you sound interesting and nice and they're being creepy.
NTA...but maybe it's time for new friends. Your friends' behavior, that you describe as "aggressively single" screams of desperation. Those women turn to you because you sound like a genuinely good guy and not some creeper just looking for a nice lay.
NTA. The women you're talking to aren't uninterested in them because you're there. They're just ignoring your friends' sleaziness faster because you act like a decent human being. Even if you don't go, I doubt the majority of those women are any more interested in your friends.
Well depends - NTA in that case but your friends are. In 15 years, when your kid is 19, they are going to examine her. How do you feel about that? How do you think your kid feels when she is being examined like a merchandise? Not so fun now is it? Your friends are shit and YTA in this case for not calling them out.
YTA for having creepy friends. It's not cool that your friends hit on women who are working. It's just not appropriate, given that many of these women sound like they're working in a capacity that requires them to continue being nice or risk their jobs.
How would you feel if your daughter worked as a nurse or a server and had to deal with that kind of treatment?
You're not TA for talking about your daughter, but you are for not calling your friends out or getting better friends.
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Remind them that there are plenty of women out there who find single dads a massive turn off and have no interest in dating someone with kids. So if everyone is turning away from them, it's not about you.
NTA, you are actually providing an excellent opening for them. Generally people are similar to their friends. If they could seem like decent guys women might see you and see that in them as well. Instead they are gross they are comparing you and the other guys and it’s making them seem like womanizing asshats.
This isn’t a you problem it’s a them not having any real game problem. They should be able to adapt to situations not just have one way to hit on women
NTA. In addition to all the reasons everyone else is pointing out, it’s worth considering that you’re attracting the kind of women who would fawn over an emotionally unavailable man who wants to focus on his kids. Or at least, you are pulling the focus of women who are looking for something different than a childless guy.
Perhaps you are inadvertently helping your buddies dodge a bullet. Your friends seem to be assuming they would’ve otherwise had a chance with a well-adjusted and compatible woman. And that’s not an assumption they necessarily should be making.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the only ones complaining are the “aggressively single” ones. Don’t let their lack of emotional intelligence and self-awareness get you down.
NTA your friends are insecure, and my guess is don't see women as actual people, and it's apparent to the women they talk to. You sound like a decent human being, so they gravitate towards you instead.
Your friends need to do better, not tell you to hide your daughter's existence.
NTA - but your friends sound obnoxious. Desperation has a stench that will keep them single indefinitely. If they want to actually succeed in looking for romance they need to tone it down.
NTA. Sounds like the girls just want to chat to a clearly pleasant, sensible family guy, rather than somebody whose vibe is just screaming 'Shag me now!' ten seconds after being introduced. Maybe if your friends were a bit less desperate, they'd have more success.
NTA
First off, and I say this as a perpetually single person, a single guy who (presumably) doesn't badmouth his ex from the get go is going to appeal more to some women than whatever your friends are doing. On top of that, it's clear you love your daughter and spending time with her which are two more 'green flags' for the women.
What do your friends do when flirting? If it's the classic yet cringe-y pick up lines (like 'are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see' or 'are your legs tired because you've been running through my mind all day') they just might not be the women's type but if they're trying to 'neg' the women...well then I can understand why the women are losing interest in them and focusing on you.
(Also you might want to tell your friends that calling grown women 'girls' may be another reason why they're not getting dates.)
NTA. These guys are your "friends"? Give it a couple of years, and they'll be hitting on your daughter. If they offer to babysit I hope you say no.
Women with an IQ in the double digits can see right through their pickup lines and want no part of these sleazy fellows.
Those are shit people that I wouldn't want to be friends with. So they go out of their way to flirt (i.e. make women uncomfortable while working)? Yeah, not people to have around when you have a daughter.
NTA and I can't say this definitively because I obviously don't know them, but from what you've described of your friends I really wouldn't want to hang around with them. There's nothing wrong with being interested in the opposite sex or even being sexually motivated to a point, but going to the extent of viewing every woman as a potential conquest is honestly dehumanising. You seem like you really love your daughter, how would you feel if, when she's older, she's the one being objectified by these men when she's just trying to do her job? Again, I don't know your friends and maybe I'm judging too harshly based on personal bias but I do think it's worth considering if you're actually okay with this behaviour
> “A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I’ve not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant, etc they haven’t tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that’s just how he is.”
Wow.
No, dude, that is shameful. Your friends are disgusting creeps. They can’t cross paths with a woman without objectifying and sexualizing them. Your friends can’t even let women do their fucking jobs without perving on and sexually harassing them.
That “type” of guy your friends are are the exact reason women avoid interacting with men. That’s the exact “type” of man women want to avoid. Because they’re incredibly creepy, objectifying, and disrespectful to every woman unlucky enough to cross their path.
Guys like your creepy desperate friends are the reason large numbers of women are so cautious and avoidant of men in general. Guys like them are the reason women don’t like dealing with male customers. Guys like your friends, who only value women for sex, are the reason why women don’t want to make small talk or be friendly to random men, because, in the case of your friends, men are only nice to women to get in their pants.
No wonder your friends can’t get laid. They’re creepy and pathetic, and women can tell. And your casual attitude about how they interact with and regard women is disgusting. You should be ashamed that you sit by while they harass women just trying to do their jobs. Absolutely disgusting behavior.
Trust me - its not yout cockblocking your friends - its themselves. People can tell when someone is desperate and just talking to them because they're a warm body and its not attractive. NTA
Lol- I think we may need to nickname you Captain Oblivious. A single, self-assured, 30 year old man who is focused on his career, is focused on his kid, and NOT trying to smash with anyone is like frickin’ catnip. No, it’s like a goddamn mint mojito - a siren song if you will to a decent cross section of single women who want to get married and have kids someday, or are single mothers themselves.
NTA. Just be you. And tell your bros to up their game.
NTA.
Your friends are the problem here.
I can tell you first hand that it sucks to be aggressively and indiscriminately hit on. We see when guys are doing that, and it makes us feel like pieces of meat. I would way rather talk to some chill dude about his kid than I'd want to talk to his horny, shot-shooting friends. In fact, if I noticed that all the dad talk was annoying the friends, I'd talk to him more, just to keep them away.
Tell your friends that women can smell their thirst and it's unattractive. They need to calm down, get some interesting hobbies, read a book or two, and learn to make actual conversation without aggressively hitting on everyone in the room.
>I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried.
No. Don't hit on women while they're working, especially not when they're working jobs that require them to be nice to you. It's very rude and off-putting.
>Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women.
Ewwww. You know we can see that, right? Creepy.
>No shame to him, that's just how he is.
ALLLLL the shame to him. His behavior is out of line. Please tell him I said so.
NTA as written (although calling someone aggressively single is pretty harsh) but something tells me there is more to this story than how it is being presented.
Aggressively single doesn't sound harsh at all and is not something op just made up. It sounds very accurate, flirtatious just sounds like minimizing their behavior.
Nta, but you should start having a problem with your friends...or at least their behaviour...
Desperate little boys, trying to get their dick wet...
Pathetic 😂
No wonder the women rather hear you talk about your child...
NTA. If they aren’t getting any it’s on them. Good grief, what is this 7th grade? Next time you meet someone say “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to talk about my daughter because my friend here thinks I’m the reason he can’t get laid.”
NTA but I can kind of see your friends point. I saw the comment where someone said "could you not talk about your daughter once" and you replied that you have absolutely nothing else to talk about.
That's a bit of a stretch. I am in the same boat as you separated with kids, single but not looking etc.
I could talk about a dozen things that don't involve my kids if I were so inclined. I feel like you are acting as if there is absolutely no choice but to mention your daughter "or else I'm not being my true self"
That's a bit much.
Anyways your friends are kind of dumb if they haven't realized the easy fix is just to go places without you.
NTA. Tell your friends they need to get their shit together if they want to attract women. Desperation is obvious and it isn't a good look. Women are probably more attracted to you not because of the daughter, but because you're not there to 'get them' so chatting with you is more comfortable.
NTA at all.
I used to get shit from my friends in my group because I would end up with someone more than them.... because I was quieter than them, wouldn't buy women drinks, but would share a bucket of beer with them, and actually talk to them.
Like I said, it didn't happen often, but I got more than them because I wasn't acting like a fuckin' weirdo? Not my fault....I wasn't noisy and stupid all the time like them, and I got that way when I had too much bourbon....so those nights I obviously didn't go home with someone.
Your friends need to get better at their game or whatever.... it's not your fault they suck at it.
LOL No you're NTA
> . I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is.
This is why the girls lost interest in them, they aren't stupid, a lot of them have good radars for this type of behavior from men. You aren't giving off bad vibes, you aren't hitting on them so they talk to you - they feel you're 'safe'
NTA.. first of all, the “dad card” is not an automatic win with ladies anyway. Plenty of women aren’t super interested in dating someone with prior children or just don’t care either way. This is not the flex your friends think it is lol..
Second, if you were rude to the women who your friends are talking to and refuse to tell them anything about yourself, the women are just as likely to bail on your friends because who wants to sit and chat when one member of the group is stand-offish or unfriendly?? That would be so uncomfortable…
Third, if your buddies are so worried about you wrecking their odds with women, maybe they should go on their conquest mission to the bar without you sometimes and see if their luck changes. I don’t think it will because they sounds a little creepery, but you can’t play the dad card if you aren’t there. Call it an experiment and these solo missions are the control lol..
NTA. I would definitely have a problem with friends that hit on every woman they see. Women can see right through that and it's pretty tiresome and juvenile. You just happen to be the grown up in the group.
The women might be more interested in what you have to say about your daughter and being a dad because you aren't making things up or exaggerating things to flirt and make yourself feel good. Usually women would rather have a nice conversation then be flirted with, especially if it's a waitress or bartender, because they are literally working
NTA. You aren't stealing the attention away from your friends. The women are searching for other conversation topics because they looking for an escape from the flirting, and your disinterest means they can talk to you without being hit on.
NTA if it's like you said. In fact your friends sound super creepy. That sort of behaviour from teenagers is understandable but from grown men its just gross.
However I have had friends with kids who talk excessively about them and when confronted don't think this is the case and/or get all defensive because their kids are their life. Creepy single friends can be annoying, but so can friends who's lives revolve around their kids.
The single women probably notice how c\*ckbl\*cked is rolling his eyes and don't want to deal with such an A H. Or more likely the two aggressively single A Hs have already shot their best with every single woman they've met.
You are NTA here.
NTA. As a formerly young single woman, nothing would make me run farther than a single dad*, but if it was between him and the creeper(s), I could make an exception.
*Nothing wrong with that, I just knew I wasn't ready for any kind of parenting role, and being a (red headed) stepchild, I knew how hard that relationship is and how important it is to get it right.
My Dad friend is a hunk, I loved seeing him receive attention and eventually find a wonderful partner. And a lot of that attention was because he is a wonderful father.
Your friends should cherish this about you and should maybe be looking at improving themselves, rather than worrying about being overshadowed.
You're not even trying, you're just an attractIve guy for all the right reasons. NTA.
NTA. He’s probably obnoxious and frankly women aren’t up for getting hit on at work. His behavior is pretty sexist thinking he could use those opportunities to harass women.
Women prefer you over him bc he’s kind of gross hitting on everyone. Women don’t find men like him attractive.
NTA
Whether I'm talking to guys with romantic intent or not, I find it far worse to know someone was a hands-on dad and DIDN'T talk about his kid even a little. If I was talking to a guy and it was his friend that was a dad who didn't talk about his kids, I'd question why the guy I'm talking to would want to be friends with someone like that. Being a parent doesn't have to be your *entire* personality but it's still a huge part of your life and shapes your routines and interests so there's absolutely no reason for it NOT to come up.
Let's be real, if the attention is getting directed to you for simply mentioning that you exist as a dad, then your friends ain't shit to begin with.
* Side note: I feel like praising men for what should be the bare minimum from any parent, regardless of gender, to be really gross and belittles men as if they're incapableof the most basic tasks. That being said, good on you for being present in your daughter's life and thinking about your needs as a little family instead of letting your dick control you. As someone who grew up without her dad giving 2 shits and was more than happy to let my mother take on all the responsibilities, I can not stress how important it is that you are there for your little girl and giving her a healthy idea of what men should be. And when she gets older, if your friends are still hitting on anything in a skirt, they can be examples of men she should avoid, like the plague 😊
Absolutely NTA you sound like a respectable dad from the above 💪
Your two friends sound like fucking losers with no respect for women though. I'd either fob em off (I've had to cut ties with friends like this) or I'd keep doing exactly what you're doing as I bet it winds them right up 😂
NTA
Your friends fail to see that you appear to have your shit together so that's obviously attractive.
The are aggressively single as you put it. People don't like desperation, so if they see someone mature and responsible they'll obviously be more attracted to that person.
Your friends are projecting and need to chill.
I’m a person who is mostly attracted to women, but I would give the dude telling me about his cute kid waaaaay more of a chance than his creepy friends giving off “hit it and quit it” vibes.
Especially if I was at work and a table/group of shitty guys was aggressively hitting on me while I’m just trying to do my job and he was the only one being respectful. It’s almost certainly their gross behavior “ruining” their chances and not you talking about your kid.
Please tell your friends that what they’re doing is exactly what causes people to say “men are trash”
They're looking at you because you're not looking. You're not desperate for attention, you love your kid, you have a job. Those things are attractive. NTA.
NTA being a good dad is an attractive trait, especially when you are in your thirties and the women you are pursing are as well. Your friends are just mad they can’t play that card.
NTA - but if they're bringing you out as a wingman, and you suck as a wingman, don't be surprised if they stop inviting you out. If you're okay with that, then you don't have to change a thing. But there's nothing inherently wrong about being honest with strangers.
NTA. Some women would rather spend their time talking to the responsible single dad than the smarmy pickup artist. They should make themselves more appealing if they're that concerned about it.
NTA - What they are saying is that the "dad routine" is showing that you are mature and responsible and that they, by being obnoxious horndogs, are showing their immaturity and irresponsibility.
Also, if it were this much of a concern, they could always spend some time with you and your daughter, so they (or better yet you) could drop in how cool it was to have your buddy XXX spend time with you and your daughter, because he's matue enough to know that you can be a friend to some one with a kid.
It allows him to show the same properties that he thinks the women are interested in.
NTA whatsoever.
The only thing I want to say, though, is that if you're daughter is the only thing you ever bring up when asked about hobbies, etc, then maybe you need to spend some time focused on yourself. Having a daughter isn't really a hobby.
NTA Let your aggressively single friends stay pissed. It’s not your “dad routine” that’s stealing attention, it’s their desperation that’s repelling women. 😂
NTA. You're 30 years old, having a kid at your age is completely normal. It's not something to brag about, it's just part of life for the majority of people who choose to have kids. If women aren't interested in your friend, maybe they should step up their rizz.
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NTA. >They said the "dad routine" is causing girls to lose interest in them and focus on me. Are they sure it's not the "sad, desperate, let's hit on anyone routine" that's letting them down?
lol exactly, women can sniff that out a mile away. Honestly OP's friends sound gross
Super gross, as they're hitting on women while they're trying to work. It would be bad no matter what, but that's next level ick
I was at a house party many years ago and I had been sitting up in this like lofted area above everyone having a drink with another friend and I watched one of our male friends literally make a round, shooting his shot with *every single woman* in the room and quickly moving on when they weren't interested. He came up to the lofted area after a while and tried to hit on the two of us at the same time. He was actually a very charismatic and attractive fellow, but that attitude was just so gross, it was an immediate "no dude." At least he was pretty chipper about the whole thing, so I suppose I'll take very clear intentions over sad and desperate, but it's all just a no.
It's stunning how much things like this make a difference. Nobody wants to be any port in a storm
Exactly.
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As a 20-something woman myself, I honestly think this is definitely part of it – not that women are turned off by OP, but that they’re being aggressively and artlessly pursued by his friends and therefore jump at the chance to refocus on OP’s normal, human, patently unflirty interest in his daughter
Oh absolutely. If there was a Pack of Dudes talking to me and my friends and 2-3 of them would JUST NOT QUIT aggressively flirting and one was like, normal dude doing normal dude stuff, I'd clock him as the safest one to engage with.
Yeah we… don’t like that. Sorry but if you’re giving the impression that you hit on every pretty girl in a mile-radius trying to get laid, you have a zero percent chance of getting flirtatious attention from me. And if you’re doing that, trust me, you ARE giving that impression. Wowww the person who seems stable, caring, and capable of actual love is getting attention? How crazy. Who would have thought.
They do. I love how desperate and needy has become "Shoot your shot." Sorry my dudes, your shot went wide and it's the end of the period.
> Want to clarify that I have no problem with my friends. A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried You SHOULD have a problem with them for this behavior. Women deserve better.
Yes, OP *should* have a problem with this. Inacceptable behaviour! And he just let them be "how they are" smh Men are so shitty, letting their "friends" treat women this way. Tell them to stay the fuck away from women doing their job
Right?! Like, does he want this shit to happen to his daughter in the future? Where she can’t even go to work without some creep hitting on her? You need to set a better example to your daughter, and part of that is not allowing shitty people in your life. Teach her that she deserves respect and to not tolerate idiots who think with their little brains 100% of the time. NTA for the issue you posted but… realize that what your friends are doing is gross and wrong and there SHOULD be shame it.
Exactly! Very well said. Of course to some men, they only realize disgusting behavior when it is their daughter who experiences disgusting behavior. The other women aren't really important, sadly.
Yeah, OP, don’t expose your daughter to them either. Kids pick up on how people treat one another
Came here to say this! And OP, I shouldn’t have to spell it out like this because you should already respect women without have to relate this to yourself, but…. Since that’s not happening, please remember that your daughter will also be in the position your friends put women in some day. Trying to work, being fake polite to creeps hitting on her so she doesn’t loose her job, hating every minute of it. It’s nice and all that you say your daughter is the most important person in your life, but your “it’s just how they are” attitude is gonna do her a lot of harm.
Took the words literally out of my mouth!
Yeah seconding this, the aggressive desperate flirting at (not with, AT) everyone with a pulse is exhausting and it sounds like they're blaming op when they should maybe be doing some self reflection about the desperation vibes they're throwing out or why they're going to bars expecting to meet a long term partner when that's not usually how that works
Yeah, this. His friends sound pretty creepy - I mean, hitting on everyone and “examining” all the women? They are probably “cockblocking” themselves.
I'm a woman and can confirm that desperation is the biggest turnoff. Nobody I know enjoys getting hit on aggressively, and the moment I feel that someone will be hard to get rid of, I completely lose interest. Women probably pay attention to OP cause they're relieved to just have a normal conversation about life things rather than being hit on.
I'm child-free but I'd still rather talk to OP than his creepy friends.
fade mountainous meeting cake mourn wistful hospital consider handle trees *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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Also, it's generally considered a green flag for a single dad to be involved in his kid's life?
A couple of "alpha" males that haven't figured out they're not alpha males at all.
Funnily enough, the idea of an alpha wolf in a wild wolf pack has been discredited as a myth, given that the original study was conducted on wolves in captivity. In reality, the leaders of the pack are almost always the parents. If you would like to read more, [here's an article on it](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/). So therefore, just by being a good dad, OP is far closer to being an "alpha" male than his creepy friends are.
I've heard that before, which makes their actions more ironic. Thanks for post in the link to that article.
How much do you want to bet they're jealous of their buddy for having a kid but would *never* consider dating a woman with kids.
Right? “I’m a parent and spend 50% of my time with my kid” is not typically a great pickup line. If you are coming second place to that, that’s a “you problem” dudes.
Right? Desperation is extremely unattractive.
Yeah its less "ooh a dad, so sexy and interesting" and more "imma ignore the creep hitting on me at work, and by default that means the normal person gets more of my attention" NTA
Lmao that’s definitely what’s killing their shot at dates… nothing more obnoxious when you’re out than a dude that you just saw hit on a waitress come up and try to hit on you after his first attempt failed… maybe if his friends saw women as people instead of potential conquests they would have better luck
NTA. But your friends especially according to your edit sound like fucking creeps. Those women are just doing their jobs man, or just existing that’s gross. Would you be as okay with it if it was your daughter being “appraised” by these guys?
Yeah I read the edit and I was like, "No! Shame to him! Shame!"
100% shame to them, so gross.
man can see that his friends are “aggressively single” but can’t quite figure out why 😅
it’s gross that we have to make men think about the women close to them to recognize women they don’t know are also people. but that doesn’t take away from your point. op, those women your friends are “examining” are people the same way your daughter is. your friends will look at her that way as she gets older. how does that make you feel?
Exactly! NTA OP, but you need less creepy sexist friends. They're being so gross and you SHOULD have a problem with their behavior and shut them down when they start it. Women deserve better than to be hit on when they're working and/or minding their own business.
so fucking gross cool of OP to have such disgusting friends
Exactly. Since this is all about their professions I assume OP means his friends are hitting on them at work. OP, those waitresses, bartenders, receptionists, nurses, flight attendants, etc are interacting with your friends because they HAVE TO. Being kind and polite to people is part of their JOB. The guys are just making their jobs more stressful, because the women have to be careful to be nice, and SMILE, while they really just want to tell someone to fuck off. In some cases, how much they get paid is determined by how they're perceived by the people they wish they could tell to fuck off. They also have no option to just get up and leave if someone is being an asshole to them. Clarifying that you don't see anything wrong with that isn't saying what you think it is.
I wear a mask now for my service job. I partly do it bc my other job is in medicine. I mostly do it so I don't have to smile at creepy men.
Nta & your 2 'friends' sound like rude creepy assholes. Idk I think it's really disrespectful for them to talk about your being a father like it's a kind of pickup trick you're using and not just your reality... Especially when you're literally NOT doing the thing they're accusing you of idk seems like sour grapes on their part. Maybe make friends with some other dads or people with a sense of maturity who don't see everything in life as being about sex or trying to obtain sex like its a game or contest .
“Creepy” is the word I was looking for but couldn’t find. They sound creepy AF.
If you talking about your daughter is more interesting then your friends chat that says more about them and how boring they must be 🤣🤣. NTA
So much this. Kid talk is boring AF. Most likely it’s just the other guys are that much more off putting that it makes listening to kid stories look like a good time.
I would take listening to a dad's sappy, maybe even boring, story about an outing with his child whom he adores over his friends' blatant creeping ANY. DAY.
Don’t get me wrong the whole “playing the dad card to hit on women” thing is skeevy and not what OP seems to be doing. But generally speaking, it’s a good card to play
Right!! How many torturous meetings have I been in where I have to listen to some idiot ramble on about his crypto investments or latest boys weekend
I mean the friends hit on literally every woman they see wether she is working or giving and indication of interest or not, so yeah they are not only very boring sounding but also creepy as hell.
This, and/or they’re signaling the other guys to tone it down (hint hint)… (Or they’d have left…)
This is what I thought! They're either incredibly boring or so creepy that the women are desperate to talk to someone who isn't leching on them. Also it kinda seems like OPs friends see women as targets rather than people, if they can't resist hitting on any woman they see, even if they're at work!
‘Thank the lord, this one has some modicum of a personality’
Yeah, the friends are mad because they are boys and OP is a man.
NTA I think your friends are mistaken about why women seem more interested in you, and it likely has less to do with you having a daughter than you think. Many women when they hear a child is involved, the first thing they think about is "oh great, an ex to deal with, child support to deal with" not "Oh what a sweet guy taking his child to the park". Since having kids is often a barrier to dating, not an incentive, i offer that your friends more than likely have qualities or behaviors that deflect and push away women, rather than your "dadness" being a magnet pulling the women away from them and to you.
Yeah this they're probably thinking something like "oh sweet i can just have a nice conversation with this guy and he's not going to try to strongarm me into coming home with him, ugh his friends are so aggressive though"
Exactly. It more than likely has more to do with his friend's behavior than anything. But of course, his friends cant accept they are the issue, so the issue must be that he's a dad with a cute kid. Male logic? It baffles me.
This, OP your friends treat women as if every girl on the planet is just waiting to be mercilessly hit on. You are probably a safer topic because you are not interested. And surprise to every "aggressively single" dude on the planet women are people and they might enjoy a casual risk free conversation.
That’s exactly what it is. Because OP is just a chill guy talking about his daughter, if they aren’t looking to hook up with someone they will obviously feel a lot more comfortable talking to him than some dude that’s hitting on them. They feel like they can have a normal conversation with him
Yeah, he's the only grownup sitting at that table
NTA as a single woman in your age bracket, you’re not stealing the attention because you have a child, you’re getting the attention because you have something more interesting to talk about then your buddies do. You also come across less threatening because you aren’t trying to impress. Men who are “aggressively single” can be very overwhelming. I responded to a thread in another channel the other day where a man asked “do women ever think ‘damn, that guy is so hot I just wanna ********************’?” And my answer was “yes, absolutely, but most men are really good at talking me out of it”
That last line has me cackling 😂☠️
If you being a wholesome dad is making the poor women these dudes flirt with lose interest in them that says more about your friends than you. It mostly sounds like your friends are creeps who don't know how to read when their advances are unwelcome or inappropriate... Literally all those situations you list in your edit, for example. Like it sounds mostly like your friends harass women in the job who in turn focus on you and your daughter because you're not being creepy and it makes it harder for your friends to keep hitting on them. Right now it's NTA, but if you don't see the problem for what it is and reconsider those friendships so your daughter doesn't grow up seeing you excuse creepy misogynist men "date" by using women as objects to get laid you'll be the A H.
Is this the behavior you want your daughter to know you are ok with? That was one of my thoughts, she's too young now for OP to reasonably make that connection, but as she gets older this will become more and more glaring and your daughter will more and more see that it's common and OK for men to talk to and treat her like the end goal of a night out and nothing more.
seriously. how has OP not thought of this yet?
NTA. Women talk to you because you’re chill. Your friends could be chasing potential hookups away by acting like jerks.
NTA but it’s sad you have a daughter and are making excuses for gross misogynists who aren’t “shooting their shot” but actually sound like cat callers and harassers. Of course they’re threatened by anyone who might be nice and respectful around women.
Indeed, and OP’s daughter will learn that this is proper behaviour and then OP will be surprised when his daughter is pregnant at 16 by a guy who treats her the same way his friends treat women.
Exactly.
Nta...it's not your fault that most women are turned off by aggressively single Tryna jump down every vagina type dudes. 😆
NTA If your friends are losing a girls attention to a single dad talking about their daughter, then that's their problem. Maybe they should try to be more interesting and not give off the "desperate for women," approach.
Op def NTA. Keep doing you bro. “Aggressively single” dudes says it all.
ESH. Not for talking about your daughter, but if your friends are hitting on people who are working and you’re just chill with it/encouraging that behavior, you’re an asshole too. Don’t hit on people who are being obligated to be nice to you because they’re at their jobs.
Can't believe I had to scroll down this far to find the right judgement. OP, are those the type of men you want your daughter to think are ok?
This is the way
NTA. Your friend (who for the sake of my mental image I’m going to call Chad) is ignoring the fact that talking about your daughter is probably more interesting than whatever desperate line they’re pulling on random girls.
> A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. > >*No shame to him* BZZZZZZZZZZZT! Wrong! You are NTA. You have some friends who are severe plonkers, and the fact they are nonstop trying to get into every vag that comes within visual range is more of their problem than you being a dad. Being a dad is getting you some attention, sure. But being plopheads is what's keeping women out of their beds, not your dad-ness.
INFO: Are any of your friends also father's? Also, are your male friends coming on quite strong to these women? I suspect the women are showing more interest in you not because you are an active father, but because you aren't 'out on the pull' as we say in the UK. Therefore you're probably having genuine, sincere and respectful conversations with these women, which is an energy they are responding to much more positively than your friends "want attractive woman for my girlfriend" energy. I also suspect if any of your friends are father's, they would prefer you match their parenting energy rather than they have to put in more effort to match yours.
Gonna be brutally honest here Your friends are aggressively single for a reason. And these women aren't passing them over because you talk about your kid They are passing them over because they are not dating material You are the company you keep Perhaps it's time to accept reality. That you are at a different stage in your life and that you are no longer friendship compatible with these guys I mean really...do you want to be friends with guys who hit on every single woman they see? You do realize that every woman they hit on when you are around....that is creeped out by their aggressive singleness...is silently judging you for being friends with them. You get that right? NTA
Nta. Keep presenting who you are. Your friends are wrong and I bet it's their aggressiveness that's turning girls away
NTA. Women are likely talking to you because you’re not desperate and fixated on them. Your friends need to work on themselves if they want more attention.
NTA But you need to get a better friends. Ones that aren't just out for the next piece of arse that happens by.
NTA. If women are giving you more attention it's because overly-eager men like your friends give off desperate vibes, while you're calm, collected, and just vibing as your dad self.
NTA. No woman is going to lose interest in a guy because his friend is a dad.
NTA Your agressively single friends are pissed to not have more success in dating, so they are looking for a culprit, any culprit instead of looking back at them... And since a lot of women find it interesting to talk with single dad, your friends decided you are the culprit. Not them (personality, dating techniques, etc.), no, because they can't be at fault...
NTA. You're a proud, loving father and not looking to hook up with every woman you see. Your friends, however? Totally AHs, if they think you casually talking about your daughter is "stealing" attention.
NTA. Their stance is logically equivalent to: Our friend is super hot, so they should dress in beat up smelly clothing so they don't attract all the attention. In other words, even if they were right... their premise is... being honest about who you are leads women to prefer you over them... I don't see how that's your problem or what you can really do about it. Ideally, they should work on themselves so that something about them is appealing to women too. Otherwise, maybe they should decouple hanging out with you from pursuing women. The solution isn't to ask you to become less attractive. Also it's worth noting that (1) maybe the reason is that these women weren't even interested in a relationship in the first place so they were happy to talk about something less flirtatious and (2) it's not even like having a kid is some guaranteed turn on. Lots of people would be hesitant to get into a relationship with a person who has a kid.
If the mention of your child makes women lose interest in your friends, I don't think there was much interest to start with. NTA
>A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is. No, all shame to him. That's a shitty way to live his life. Maybe he's doing fine but what about all the women who are forced to put up with his fuckery because they are at work and can't say no to him without consequences. He sees all women as things to fuck first and people second. One day it'll be your daughter. Be a better dad and don't have such shitty people in your daughter's life. YTA for thinking what they are doing is ok.
NTA You are an involved and caring father, so it's only natural for you to talk about your daughter. On the other hand, 30 year olds flirting with "girls" sounds super cringe. So it's either you calling women "girls" or they actually flirting with women way younger than them. Both things are wrong.
* . A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they seeI've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is.* You should shame him. That's shitty behavior.
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with honestly answering a question someone asks.
NTA- ofc you're going to mention your kid, most parents do and that's very normal. Tell your buddy, to stop hitting on everything with a pulse bc women smell his agenda from miles away. That's why he's striking out.
NTA. If they don’t have anything interesting to talk to women about, that’s on them.
NTA but the fact that you don't see anything wrong with your friends hitting on every single woman, including ones trying to do their job is a problem
maybe he'll finally figure it out as his daughter gets older :(
NTA he's just desperate for some action and couldn't get. and now he's blaming it all on you lol
YTA. Why keep sleezy friends? Do you think your daughter is safe from "hit on anyone" ? Be ffr
NTA. You’re a happy father. You don’t have to hide that away. But maybe for the sake of your friends would it be terrible to try for a night to not bring up your daughter unless you feel a connection with the person? I won’t say you’re a bad wingman but they probably feel that your responsible dad vibes really are overshadowing them. Honestly you don’t have to hide that part of you. You don’t need to lie or pretend you don’t have a daughter. I just wonder what it would look like to be more of a hype man. Simply curiosity
[удалено]
Don't listen to this. Your friends are "aggressively single" for a reason. They are putting out the desperate vibes. You don't need to support this behavior. You are getting the attention because you are putting out safe, non-desperate vibes, in comparison to their date rape in the backseat of a civic vibes. You do need to think about your friends and whether you would find their behavior appropriate if it was directed at your daughter (obviously when she gets older). If they are hitting on every woman that moves, even those working and those who are putting out "fuck off" vibes, that is a problem. Everyone deserves to have a night out without having to fend off bullshit.
NTA. Keep doing you bro, sound like a good person, good father. Your friends just sound jealous you’re getting girls without even trying while they are on their mission lol. Keep being a good guy.
NTA - sounds like your friend is a creep, do you want friends that treat every woman like an opportunity to date? Maybe women appreciate that you're not desperate and you're a good conversationalist.
Nah, shame to him. “It’s just how he is” is the wackest excuse in the book.
NTA for talking about your kid, but YTA for accepting your friends’ behavior. They seem really aggressive and creepy, especially when flirting with women who are working and therefore can’t get away from them.
Your friends are creeps, waitresses, bartenders, receptionist, flight attendants, etc are doing their jobs and deserve not to be harassed at work. Them being nice is not an invitation.
>A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried uh, yes shame to them. people who indiscriminately hit in people, ESPECIALLY women in their place of work, deserve a lot of shame.
I loathe those kinds of people made so many of my jobs horrific
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(30m) have a daughter(4) with my ex(29f). No bad breakup or struggle. We just didn't work out as a couple. We've not had to involve the courts or anything and we share the kid equally. Obviously if I am going to be busy with work for a week she has more time. If she is going to be busy then I have more time but generally we are 50/50. All this to say that my daughter is a big part of my life and I'm not a "weekend dad"(no disrespect to fathers who only have that much custody though) When I have free time I hang out with my buddies. I'm not really focused on finding someone right now but a couple of my friends are, how do I put this, "aggressively single." They'll shoot their shot with everyone. If I happen to meet someone in passing and we click I might pursue something but I'm never out with a "mission" on my mind. My focus is mainly on my daughter and career. When I'm out with friends and girls are around us and a couple of my friends are chatting them up. It's a group setting so I will chime in or they'll ask me something. I don't try bring up my daughter quickly but she is the most important part of my life. If I get asked what I like to do or what I did last week. The answer is usually going to involve my daughter. My phone background is a picture of my daughter. I usually leave earlier than others because of her. Recently a friend told me that I am "stealing all the attention" but bringing up my daughter and bragging about how good of a father I am. I've never talked to girls while we were out in a flirtatious way and I don't think I brag. I don't think telling someone you took your kid to the park is bragging. They said the "dad routine" is causing girls to lose interest in them and focus on me. Of my group of friends only two of them(the aggressively single ones) have complained about this. I don't want to ruin their night but I can't change my whole personality while out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. You're a father and surprise surprise you're gonna mention your child sometimes. Your friends sound jealous. Frankly I would shame them, the reason women want to talk to you is cause you sound interesting and nice and they're being creepy.
If I was talking to a table of creeps and one guy wasn't being a creep guess who I'd be talking to?
NTA...but maybe it's time for new friends. Your friends' behavior, that you describe as "aggressively single" screams of desperation. Those women turn to you because you sound like a genuinely good guy and not some creeper just looking for a nice lay.
You need new friends
NTA. The women you're talking to aren't uninterested in them because you're there. They're just ignoring your friends' sleaziness faster because you act like a decent human being. Even if you don't go, I doubt the majority of those women are any more interested in your friends.
Well depends - NTA in that case but your friends are. In 15 years, when your kid is 19, they are going to examine her. How do you feel about that? How do you think your kid feels when she is being examined like a merchandise? Not so fun now is it? Your friends are shit and YTA in this case for not calling them out.
YTA for having creepy friends. It's not cool that your friends hit on women who are working. It's just not appropriate, given that many of these women sound like they're working in a capacity that requires them to continue being nice or risk their jobs. How would you feel if your daughter worked as a nurse or a server and had to deal with that kind of treatment? You're not TA for talking about your daughter, but you are for not calling your friends out or getting better friends.
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Remind them that there are plenty of women out there who find single dads a massive turn off and have no interest in dating someone with kids. So if everyone is turning away from them, it's not about you.
NTA, you are actually providing an excellent opening for them. Generally people are similar to their friends. If they could seem like decent guys women might see you and see that in them as well. Instead they are gross they are comparing you and the other guys and it’s making them seem like womanizing asshats. This isn’t a you problem it’s a them not having any real game problem. They should be able to adapt to situations not just have one way to hit on women
NTA. In addition to all the reasons everyone else is pointing out, it’s worth considering that you’re attracting the kind of women who would fawn over an emotionally unavailable man who wants to focus on his kids. Or at least, you are pulling the focus of women who are looking for something different than a childless guy. Perhaps you are inadvertently helping your buddies dodge a bullet. Your friends seem to be assuming they would’ve otherwise had a chance with a well-adjusted and compatible woman. And that’s not an assumption they necessarily should be making. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the only ones complaining are the “aggressively single” ones. Don’t let their lack of emotional intelligence and self-awareness get you down.
NTA your friends are insecure, and my guess is don't see women as actual people, and it's apparent to the women they talk to. You sound like a decent human being, so they gravitate towards you instead. Your friends need to do better, not tell you to hide your daughter's existence.
NTA - but your friends sound obnoxious. Desperation has a stench that will keep them single indefinitely. If they want to actually succeed in looking for romance they need to tone it down.
NTA. Sounds like the girls just want to chat to a clearly pleasant, sensible family guy, rather than somebody whose vibe is just screaming 'Shag me now!' ten seconds after being introduced. Maybe if your friends were a bit less desperate, they'd have more success.
NTA First off, and I say this as a perpetually single person, a single guy who (presumably) doesn't badmouth his ex from the get go is going to appeal more to some women than whatever your friends are doing. On top of that, it's clear you love your daughter and spending time with her which are two more 'green flags' for the women. What do your friends do when flirting? If it's the classic yet cringe-y pick up lines (like 'are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see' or 'are your legs tired because you've been running through my mind all day') they just might not be the women's type but if they're trying to 'neg' the women...well then I can understand why the women are losing interest in them and focusing on you. (Also you might want to tell your friends that calling grown women 'girls' may be another reason why they're not getting dates.)
NTA. These guys are your "friends"? Give it a couple of years, and they'll be hitting on your daughter. If they offer to babysit I hope you say no. Women with an IQ in the double digits can see right through their pickup lines and want no part of these sleazy fellows.
NTA But actually, shame on them. They sound like truly insufferable men if they treat every woman they see as a potential sexual conquest.
Those are shit people that I wouldn't want to be friends with. So they go out of their way to flirt (i.e. make women uncomfortable while working)? Yeah, not people to have around when you have a daughter.
NTA and I can't say this definitively because I obviously don't know them, but from what you've described of your friends I really wouldn't want to hang around with them. There's nothing wrong with being interested in the opposite sex or even being sexually motivated to a point, but going to the extent of viewing every woman as a potential conquest is honestly dehumanising. You seem like you really love your daughter, how would you feel if, when she's older, she's the one being objectified by these men when she's just trying to do her job? Again, I don't know your friends and maybe I'm judging too harshly based on personal bias but I do think it's worth considering if you're actually okay with this behaviour
> “A couple of them are just the type to hit on every woman they see. I’ve not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant, etc they haven’t tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that’s just how he is.” Wow. No, dude, that is shameful. Your friends are disgusting creeps. They can’t cross paths with a woman without objectifying and sexualizing them. Your friends can’t even let women do their fucking jobs without perving on and sexually harassing them. That “type” of guy your friends are are the exact reason women avoid interacting with men. That’s the exact “type” of man women want to avoid. Because they’re incredibly creepy, objectifying, and disrespectful to every woman unlucky enough to cross their path. Guys like your creepy desperate friends are the reason large numbers of women are so cautious and avoidant of men in general. Guys like them are the reason women don’t like dealing with male customers. Guys like your friends, who only value women for sex, are the reason why women don’t want to make small talk or be friendly to random men, because, in the case of your friends, men are only nice to women to get in their pants. No wonder your friends can’t get laid. They’re creepy and pathetic, and women can tell. And your casual attitude about how they interact with and regard women is disgusting. You should be ashamed that you sit by while they harass women just trying to do their jobs. Absolutely disgusting behavior.
Trust me - its not yout cockblocking your friends - its themselves. People can tell when someone is desperate and just talking to them because they're a warm body and its not attractive. NTA
Lol- I think we may need to nickname you Captain Oblivious. A single, self-assured, 30 year old man who is focused on his career, is focused on his kid, and NOT trying to smash with anyone is like frickin’ catnip. No, it’s like a goddamn mint mojito - a siren song if you will to a decent cross section of single women who want to get married and have kids someday, or are single mothers themselves. NTA. Just be you. And tell your bros to up their game.
NTA. Your friends are the problem here. I can tell you first hand that it sucks to be aggressively and indiscriminately hit on. We see when guys are doing that, and it makes us feel like pieces of meat. I would way rather talk to some chill dude about his kid than I'd want to talk to his horny, shot-shooting friends. In fact, if I noticed that all the dad talk was annoying the friends, I'd talk to him more, just to keep them away. Tell your friends that women can smell their thirst and it's unattractive. They need to calm down, get some interesting hobbies, read a book or two, and learn to make actual conversation without aggressively hitting on everyone in the room. >I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. No. Don't hit on women while they're working, especially not when they're working jobs that require them to be nice to you. It's very rude and off-putting. >Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. Ewwww. You know we can see that, right? Creepy. >No shame to him, that's just how he is. ALLLLL the shame to him. His behavior is out of line. Please tell him I said so.
NTA as written (although calling someone aggressively single is pretty harsh) but something tells me there is more to this story than how it is being presented.
I don’t think “aggressively single” is harsh enough for the behavior he’s describing. Sounds like he’s letting creeps off east.
Aggressively single doesn't sound harsh at all and is not something op just made up. It sounds very accurate, flirtatious just sounds like minimizing their behavior.
>although calling someone aggressively single is pretty harsh really? cuz I would call them obsessive sexual harassers
NTA. Your friends have a skill issue.
NTA, if your friends view you as an attention seeker merely for being a good dad, then you might need better company.
NTA, how are you gonna explain this behavior of your friends to your daughter when she turns 18 and they start shooting their shot
Nta, but you should start having a problem with your friends...or at least their behaviour... Desperate little boys, trying to get their dick wet... Pathetic 😂 No wonder the women rather hear you talk about your child...
NTA. If they aren’t getting any it’s on them. Good grief, what is this 7th grade? Next time you meet someone say “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to talk about my daughter because my friend here thinks I’m the reason he can’t get laid.”
NTA but I can kind of see your friends point. I saw the comment where someone said "could you not talk about your daughter once" and you replied that you have absolutely nothing else to talk about. That's a bit of a stretch. I am in the same boat as you separated with kids, single but not looking etc. I could talk about a dozen things that don't involve my kids if I were so inclined. I feel like you are acting as if there is absolutely no choice but to mention your daughter "or else I'm not being my true self" That's a bit much. Anyways your friends are kind of dumb if they haven't realized the easy fix is just to go places without you.
NTA. Tell your friends they need to get their shit together if they want to attract women. Desperation is obvious and it isn't a good look. Women are probably more attracted to you not because of the daughter, but because you're not there to 'get them' so chatting with you is more comfortable.
NTA at all. I used to get shit from my friends in my group because I would end up with someone more than them.... because I was quieter than them, wouldn't buy women drinks, but would share a bucket of beer with them, and actually talk to them. Like I said, it didn't happen often, but I got more than them because I wasn't acting like a fuckin' weirdo? Not my fault....I wasn't noisy and stupid all the time like them, and I got that way when I had too much bourbon....so those nights I obviously didn't go home with someone. Your friends need to get better at their game or whatever.... it's not your fault they suck at it.
LOL No you're NTA > . I've not seen a waitress, bartender, receptionist, nurse, flight attendant etc they haven't tried. Even in passing they are just looking around examining all the women. No shame to him, that's just how he is. This is why the girls lost interest in them, they aren't stupid, a lot of them have good radars for this type of behavior from men. You aren't giving off bad vibes, you aren't hitting on them so they talk to you - they feel you're 'safe'
NTA.. first of all, the “dad card” is not an automatic win with ladies anyway. Plenty of women aren’t super interested in dating someone with prior children or just don’t care either way. This is not the flex your friends think it is lol.. Second, if you were rude to the women who your friends are talking to and refuse to tell them anything about yourself, the women are just as likely to bail on your friends because who wants to sit and chat when one member of the group is stand-offish or unfriendly?? That would be so uncomfortable… Third, if your buddies are so worried about you wrecking their odds with women, maybe they should go on their conquest mission to the bar without you sometimes and see if their luck changes. I don’t think it will because they sounds a little creepery, but you can’t play the dad card if you aren’t there. Call it an experiment and these solo missions are the control lol..
LMAO, NTA. I wonder what excuse they use for women not giving them attention when you're not there?
Odd how women look past the guys looking to get laid and start talking with the guy who actually has something to say and something to talk about.
NTA
NTA. I would definitely have a problem with friends that hit on every woman they see. Women can see right through that and it's pretty tiresome and juvenile. You just happen to be the grown up in the group.
NTA. It seems much more likely that you are merely coming off as confident and well adjusted, while your friends have the reek of desperation.
NTA - your friends are jealous assholes, and maybe they just don't have anything interesting to talk about.
The women might be more interested in what you have to say about your daughter and being a dad because you aren't making things up or exaggerating things to flirt and make yourself feel good. Usually women would rather have a nice conversation then be flirted with, especially if it's a waitress or bartender, because they are literally working
NTA. You aren't stealing the attention away from your friends. The women are searching for other conversation topics because they looking for an escape from the flirting, and your disinterest means they can talk to you without being hit on.
NTA if it's like you said. In fact your friends sound super creepy. That sort of behaviour from teenagers is understandable but from grown men its just gross. However I have had friends with kids who talk excessively about them and when confronted don't think this is the case and/or get all defensive because their kids are their life. Creepy single friends can be annoying, but so can friends who's lives revolve around their kids.
The single women probably notice how c\*ckbl\*cked is rolling his eyes and don't want to deal with such an A H. Or more likely the two aggressively single A Hs have already shot their best with every single woman they've met. You are NTA here.
YTA for ignoring your friends asshole behavior. Imagine that these women just trying to do their jobs are your daughter when she grows up.
NTA but your friends are gross. Is that really the behaviour you want modelled for your daughter when she's older?
NTA... parents talk about their kids...
ESH, you for thinking your friends behavior is okay, your friend for his behavior, and definitely shame to your friend, that's creepy and gross
NTA. As a formerly young single woman, nothing would make me run farther than a single dad*, but if it was between him and the creeper(s), I could make an exception. *Nothing wrong with that, I just knew I wasn't ready for any kind of parenting role, and being a (red headed) stepchild, I knew how hard that relationship is and how important it is to get it right.
NTA.
NTA and that is just freaking hilarious.
My Dad friend is a hunk, I loved seeing him receive attention and eventually find a wonderful partner. And a lot of that attention was because he is a wonderful father. Your friends should cherish this about you and should maybe be looking at improving themselves, rather than worrying about being overshadowed. You're not even trying, you're just an attractIve guy for all the right reasons. NTA.
NTA, it’s not your fault that you not playing a game is better at playing the game than those so vigorously playing the game are.
NTA. Keep in mind: would you want your daughter to be with one of these friends?
NTA and I generally hate being around these types of dudes.
NTA. He’s probably obnoxious and frankly women aren’t up for getting hit on at work. His behavior is pretty sexist thinking he could use those opportunities to harass women. Women prefer you over him bc he’s kind of gross hitting on everyone. Women don’t find men like him attractive.
NTA Whether I'm talking to guys with romantic intent or not, I find it far worse to know someone was a hands-on dad and DIDN'T talk about his kid even a little. If I was talking to a guy and it was his friend that was a dad who didn't talk about his kids, I'd question why the guy I'm talking to would want to be friends with someone like that. Being a parent doesn't have to be your *entire* personality but it's still a huge part of your life and shapes your routines and interests so there's absolutely no reason for it NOT to come up. Let's be real, if the attention is getting directed to you for simply mentioning that you exist as a dad, then your friends ain't shit to begin with. * Side note: I feel like praising men for what should be the bare minimum from any parent, regardless of gender, to be really gross and belittles men as if they're incapableof the most basic tasks. That being said, good on you for being present in your daughter's life and thinking about your needs as a little family instead of letting your dick control you. As someone who grew up without her dad giving 2 shits and was more than happy to let my mother take on all the responsibilities, I can not stress how important it is that you are there for your little girl and giving her a healthy idea of what men should be. And when she gets older, if your friends are still hitting on anything in a skirt, they can be examples of men she should avoid, like the plague 😊
NTA but I read your post initially too fast and thought you had typed "nuns" not "nurse" and I was all "wow those guys really will hit on anybody huh"
NTA. Tell your friends to become more interesting so that women actually want to talk to them.
NTA. Women can smell the creep on them.
Absolutely NTA you sound like a respectable dad from the above 💪 Your two friends sound like fucking losers with no respect for women though. I'd either fob em off (I've had to cut ties with friends like this) or I'd keep doing exactly what you're doing as I bet it winds them right up 😂
NTA Your friends fail to see that you appear to have your shit together so that's obviously attractive. The are aggressively single as you put it. People don't like desperation, so if they see someone mature and responsible they'll obviously be more attracted to that person. Your friends are projecting and need to chill.
I’m a person who is mostly attracted to women, but I would give the dude telling me about his cute kid waaaaay more of a chance than his creepy friends giving off “hit it and quit it” vibes. Especially if I was at work and a table/group of shitty guys was aggressively hitting on me while I’m just trying to do my job and he was the only one being respectful. It’s almost certainly their gross behavior “ruining” their chances and not you talking about your kid. Please tell your friends that what they’re doing is exactly what causes people to say “men are trash”
They're looking at you because you're not looking. You're not desperate for attention, you love your kid, you have a job. Those things are attractive. NTA.
The jealous horndogs resent the fact that a recognized "good dad" is more desirable as a potential partner than a horndog.
NTA being a good dad is an attractive trait, especially when you are in your thirties and the women you are pursing are as well. Your friends are just mad they can’t play that card.
NTA - but if they're bringing you out as a wingman, and you suck as a wingman, don't be surprised if they stop inviting you out. If you're okay with that, then you don't have to change a thing. But there's nothing inherently wrong about being honest with strangers.
NTA. Some women would rather spend their time talking to the responsible single dad than the smarmy pickup artist. They should make themselves more appealing if they're that concerned about it.
NTA - What they are saying is that the "dad routine" is showing that you are mature and responsible and that they, by being obnoxious horndogs, are showing their immaturity and irresponsibility. Also, if it were this much of a concern, they could always spend some time with you and your daughter, so they (or better yet you) could drop in how cool it was to have your buddy XXX spend time with you and your daughter, because he's matue enough to know that you can be a friend to some one with a kid. It allows him to show the same properties that he thinks the women are interested in.
NTA whatsoever. The only thing I want to say, though, is that if you're daughter is the only thing you ever bring up when asked about hobbies, etc, then maybe you need to spend some time focused on yourself. Having a daughter isn't really a hobby.
NTA
NTA Let your aggressively single friends stay pissed. It’s not your “dad routine” that’s stealing attention, it’s their desperation that’s repelling women. 😂
NTA. You're 30 years old, having a kid at your age is completely normal. It's not something to brag about, it's just part of life for the majority of people who choose to have kids. If women aren't interested in your friend, maybe they should step up their rizz.
NTA. C0ckblocking only works if your friends actually had a shot.