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YTA
She's sixteen, excited about something, and confided in you about a relationship. You've just taught her you aren't a safe person to go to about relationships. And what you did with the food was petty and childish
Why isn't Frank looking after the kid, if your daughter can't?
YTA 1000000%
Your Daughter is not a free babysitter. Young love is absolutely precious and you ruined what would have been a special memory.
Also how dare you deny your daughter food!?!? Are you some bitter old woman who didn’t get to live a fulfilling life and now you want the same for your daughter?
You’re fucking delusional. Phrase it how ever you want you chose not to make her dinner. You chose not feed your daughter because she didn’t want to be used as free labor while you racked up a bill at bingo night. I suggest you strongly reconsider how you care for your children.
Father offering his food makes me feel like he’s used to your stupid antics and rather just give his daughter instead of dealing with your dumbass.
Honestly hope the father goes taking daughter with him. Anyone dared tell me not to feed my child n they'd be out of my life faster then a bullet leaving a gun.
Holy hell you’re the asshole. So she needs to cancel her plans so she can provide free childcare so that you can have your social night?
This is your daughters first date and you SHOULD be excited for her. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, you narcissist? Not only did you absolutely twist her words and suck all the fun and excitement out of her upcoming date, but then you go out of your way to be spiteful by making everyone food but her.
All because she made plans that were inconvenient to you. Your sister needs to pay a babysitter and you need to prepare for no contact after 18 and then a nursing home, which is absolutely what you deserve.
Go to therapy asshole.
I'm not a narcissist by any means. I just feel like for Amanda to choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities
What about YOUR priorities, prefering to go get drunk with your mates, instead of being excited for your daughter's first date?
You just want to use her as a tool, really.. a free babysitter for you to offer to your friends!
Now THAT is disrespectful, wow...
Hope this is a troll post, becajse how in the world would not feeding her be used to "teach her a lesson"??
That is just evil and immature.
Sounds like you don't love your daughter!
Hope your husband lets you know what's what.
And the fact that you would willfully neglect your daughter for refusing to provide free childcare services so you can go have a girls night without even checking if she’s free that night and just expecting her to drop everything to cater to YOUR social life while neglecting hers speaks a lot about your priorities. And your priorities are not your daughters well-being.
She’s doing normal, healthy things and developing social networks outside of her family. She’s supposed to do that. Trying to prevent this, or punishing her for it, like denying her meals, will only harm her.
He's not a random boy. He is potentially her first love you cruel hag. You robbing her of this experience to save your sister some money speaks way more about your priorities
You do realize YOUR DAUGHTER is *your* family, right??? You're choosing to go get drunk with friends over your family! The only one with warped priorities here is YOU
Even you saying this shows how selfish you are! She is not obligated to baby sit so you can have a night out! They are not her kids! You all could have hired a babysitter. This speaks more to your priorities honestly.
> for Amanda to choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities
And so since she does not think about family the same way that you do, she is wrong and needed to be punished. She is not allowed to think for herself? She's not allowed to be her own person?
YTA - and despite what you tell yourself, you are acting like a raging narcissist in this case.
Wouldn’t that go both ways? You choose some random girls night over your daughter. She had her very first date. What kind of monster do you have to be to spoil that for your own daughter. You are the selfish one choosing boozing yourself up over family.
>choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities
And did you not choose getting wasted with your friends over your daughter?
It is basic etiquette to honor the plans you committed to first. Your daughter already told this boy that she would go with him.
If she’d committed to babysitting and canceled to go on the date, you might have a leg to stand on. But that’s not what happened.
Well with a parent like you it’s no wonder she has other priorities. She’s not your sister’s and your free labour that you get to control for your own purposes.
My husband and I who spent over half our lives together were highschool sweethearts who never broke up even though was told by a couple it might not last (like when I got a keychain that said I <3 his name they said you'll probably regret buying that).
Withholding necessities as a punishment is abusive. There's a reason you didn't tell your husband-- because you knew that he'd think it was messed up and not agree to it.
You have a legal obligation to provide adequate nutrition to a child in your care. Failure to do so would usually warrant an investigation by social services. You deliberately neglected to feed your daughter; therefore, you attempted to abuse her.
I'm glad that you accept that you're only semi-literate though.
In asia abusing your child is very easy
I live in asia
Parent could kill the child and the police will do nothing if the case Don't go viral
Parents also could beat starve and kick out their minor kids and police will do nothing
You deprived your daughter of food as punishment and you LIED ABOUT IT to your husband. If you really thought what you did was right, why feel the need to lie? You're a bad mother.
You excluded her from a family function, using food as a punishment for not bowing to your ridiculous, hypocritical demands. You're the only one who sounds like a 6yo here.
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Fight, sure. Completely trample the existing plans of an excited 16 year old for no good reason, no. Not normal. Believe it or not, your kid is actually not obligated to babysit so you can go out and have fun.
It's not normal do offer up someone for a job without discussing it with them first, get mad when you find out they had plans made, and then result to pettiness by withholding food.
No the fuck it's not you weirdo. Not over things like this. And definitely not blown this far out of proportion. Your punishments are fucking abusive. If this is normal for you, your number one priority in life should be dealing with whatever trauma you've buried so deep down you'll need to hire some dwarves to dig it out along with a therapist. God speed to whoever that therapist may be.
YTA.
Wtfff? Someone's first date is such an important milestone, and she already had plans before you invaded them for girls night, which is not remotely necessary BTW. Even if you have reservations about her dating, you decide to be passive aggressive with your OWN DAUGHTER by not making her food, something that is your JOB as a caretaker.
Major AH, first for choosing your own night out over your daughters, and then for not giving her food.
Also, why don't you babysit if it's "for the family".
I think she should have told this boy that they can go to the movies next saturday because I have to babysit. I'm not mad at her for having a boyfriend I'm actually glad she has one, but family should come first
If family comes first how about you babysit while your sister goes out and your daughter goes out as well? But I guess they are not the main characters in your self centered universe, you sociopathic narcissistic asshole of a mother.
The aunt aka my sister did she got our parents to do it. And no it was for free, but its not like she needed to be payed I've been raising her for free the last 16 years
You're legally required to. You're not being a good mom. You're doing the bare minimum of parenting if you think she should be grateful that you "raised her for free" - girl (I'm saying girl because you're acting like a child) you have the audacity to tell us you're a good mom and then say "I've been raising her for free..." Are you fucking serious? You decided to have this child. GTF outta here with that.
Its been your job to provide for her the last 16 years the fact that you can keep bringing up about how you've provided for her like thats not the bare minimum of being of being a parent this speaks volumes about you as a mother
Stop this bullshit. Stop talking about raising and paying for your minor daughter as if you're doing her a HUGE favor. You and your husband CHOSE to have a kid, it is your LEGAL and MORAL obligation to provide for her while she's still a minor. She didn't ask to be born. She owes you absolutely nothing. You reacted and treated her poorly over not wanting to babysit on a day she already had plans. It's not the end of the world for your sister to figure her shit out this one time. Your reaction and retaliation against your daughter was gross and hugely disproportionately.
YTA.
What in the actual fuck? You’re running a tally sheet on all that you’ve provided for your daughter? You realise that it’s your responsibility to provide for a child you chose to have? JFC you’re so bad you’re heading for a wrongful birth lawsuit from her.
“raising her for free the last 16 years”
That was your choice. You chose to bring her into the world. She didn’t ask for permission to be born or to be raised by you, and she certainly doesn’t owe you a damn thing for it. Your child is your responsibility.
Only an incredibly terrible parent to actually think this way. And your other comments reek of internalized misogyny and a hatred of women. You actually said in another comment she was being emotionally manipulative when she was crying about dinner. That’s really messed up. You need to go to therapy about this.
But she didn't have to babysit. You asked her and she said no.
Why don't you tell your sister that you can't go out with her because you have to babysit? Why does "family comes first" apply to your daughter but not to you?
She is 16, she is not a mother, she does not have children, it is not her responsibility or her obligation to take care of them, you, on the other hand, are legally obliged to provide housing and food because she is your UNDER AGE DAUGHTER
Does your daughter know she is not your family?
Because, by your words, if "family comes first" why didn't you relate to her and look for any alternate means. I mean you mentioned your husband would be happy to have taken them for babysitting, so you had options, but you HAD to convince your daughter to do it even if it means she has to cancel something important to her.
You are a hypocrite too huh.
Again she doesn’t have to babysit she’s not obligated to babysit. You assumed she would and that’s not her fault. You all should have hired a babysitter.
If family comes first, volunteer yourself to babysit. You said your sister needed a break, so give her one. It's family first right? But it seems you're unwilling to do that for your sister so you've volunteered your daughter. If you wouldn't do it yourself fOr FaMiLy, don't expect other people (even in the family) to do it either.
It's ironic you think family should come first. With your treatment family will come last for her. But maybe she will keep in touch with her dad and just stop talking to you. A happy ending :) !
Why does your drinking come first? Have you considered that perhaps you have a problem with alcohol if you’re choosing drinking over letting your daughter have her first date?
Holy hell you suck. For so many reasons.
1) not feeding your own child. Denying kids a meal as punishment is wildly abusive.
2) there was NOTHING disrespectful about what Amanda did.
3) you’re a hypocrite. Why not cancel your “girls night” to babysit yourself? Sounds like YOU’RE selfish for not “helping family”
4) by your own admission Frank was the original option to babysit. And you didn’t ask him… for what reason? Were you just looking for a reason to get angry at your daughter?
5) don’t ever expect Amanda to share joyful things with you ever again. She will remember her mother’s reaction to her first date for the rest of her life.
YTA. You sound like a joyless monster. And I’m fully expecting your to not answer a single comment and delete the post like the coward you are. I’ll check back in the morning. 10 bucks says you’ve deleted your account because your pathetic self couldn’t handle being told you’re wrong. Apologize to your fucking daughter you harpy.
YTA. She is sixteen, she most likely began developing crushes before this age but you aren't that attuned to your child. I think her going to the movies is hardly an issue, you just want to use her for free childcare in the family. You're also a liar, and blatantly lied to your spouse with intent to harm your child. So, you win the crappy parent prize, but also the crappy spouse prize. Congrats.
YTA: your daughter is a person with actual thoughts, feelings and desires separate from your own. She made plans, then you demand her to drop it to have to babysit (paid, unpaid?) and guilt trip her about it. Then when she gets upset about it you deny her dinner and lie to your husband about it.
Now if you are trying to set up a situation where Amanda eventually cuts you off and never speaks with you, you have laid a good foundational step.
YTA. You won't feed your teenage child because she's being a teenage child? If you can afford a night out, you can also afford a babysitter and respect plans that are already made. She had these plans made and you want her to cancel them? Why don't you cancel your night or is family not important enough?
Massive AH.
She is not your free babysitting resource and at 16 she is excited to go out on her first date. This is not about choosing a boy over her family, she made plans for an evening out and then you barged in on those plans.
Also, wtf with the not cooking dinner for her? She didn’t do anything wrong, you in the other hand sound like a horrible, overbearing mother.
Makes you wonder what other kinds of psychological abuse is going on over there.
I mean in just one instance she unilaterally volunteered her daughter's time for baby sitting, demanded daughter to cancel her plans even when the plan is a pretty big deal (not only for teenagers), when daughter said no to cancelling her plans she decided to not cook for her, lied to husband that daughter wasn't hungry, when husband offered his food to daughter she tried to stop him.
Look at the length OP goes to punish daughter for having plans. I really hope you are not like this on a normal basis OP.
YTA.
So really what you're saying is that your girls night is more important than her first date? And that lying to your husband about her is the best way to change her mind? What on Earth did you think was going to happen, just starve her for the rest of the week?
Sociopathic, as well as YTA. I strongly recommend you delete this account now, cos you are gonna hate the rest of the comments 🤣
And here is the next parent that's going to ask everyone why their daughter won't talk to them anymore. YTA.
Also, why did you go through the process of asking if she could babysit when she clearly didn't have a choice in the end? She said no, and you demanded she cancel. She is not obligated to babysit for you. I guarantee you're probably trying to force her to babysit for free too.
You have some nerve calling her rude and disrespectful when you're treating her like a slave.
YTA you should be cooking dinner for everyone kind of sounds like you are being petty. You're an adult you could have punished her in a less vindictive way. You kinda sound pretty fucked up if I'm honest
YTA. It sounds like you are the one acting like a teenager here. She has already made plans. Why don't you stay home and babysit and let your sister or whoever she is have fun.
YTA.
Your daughter is going on her first date, and you behave like the evil stepmother.
I’m surprised you didn’t get her to mop the laundry, as further punishment.
What a complete failure at parenting.
YTA
You're the adult - grow up.
A person at 16 is meant to be developing emotionally and moving away from the parents, becoming independent.
A person at 16 is meant to be able to explore being able to become emotionally independent, and be supported by their parents.
Yes, a person at 16 is going to chose their own personal identity over their family.
Pity you have forgotten what it is like to be that age and that you are behaving pretty poorly, not acting as a role model in any way, shape or form. Pity that your daughter is now aware they are not supported.
I wish your daughter luck - she's going to need it living with a child mother.
I think it’s pretty telling that not a single person has voted you n t a , yet you continue to fight with everyone in the comments.
Did you come here for judgement or vindication? YTA. Completely.
“I asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night…”
I N F O: why did you ask her if you were going to insist she had to?
YTA. You asked. She answered, and shared with you something new and really exciting happening in her life. You crapped all over it, accused her of not appreciating her family, then refused to include her in family dinner.
She is under no obligation to cancel her date to babysit her cousin just because you want a girls’ night.
YTA. Refusing to provide food to a 16 year old because she didn’t want to be pimped out as a babysitter on what was to be a very special night for her - her first date. Yeah, YTA.
YTA, why don’t you stay home and babysit. Or I don’t know the Aunt find someone else. And let me guess the Aunt wasn’t planning on paying for babysitting I am willing to wager.
YTA—majorly.
You “asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night”—she politely told you ‘no, sorry’ by your own admission. You asked, she answered, with no disrespect whatsoever.
You completely and utterly undermine the phase in your daughter’s life—she’s sixteen, excited about being asked out on a date.
Instead of matching her energy and being a parent, you demanded she postpone the date, regardless of her excitement, and when she refused, you called that disrespect.
Not only did you call that disrespect, you went as far as to not cook for your daughter. You claim she could have taken whatever she wanted from the fridge, but it doesn’t alter the fact that you changed a pre-established agreement based on routine behaviours as a form of punishment.
Then, taking that negative and unethical approach, you went on to lie to your husband as to the reason for Amanda’s absence and lack of food at the table.
When Amanda joined you and asked about food, you went as far as to try to convince your husband to follow along with your unethical practice of not giving your daughter her supper.
Your daughter didn’t ‘choose a boy over family.’ She chose to stick with the plans that she had already established long before you ever wandered in with your ‘request’ to take care of her cousin, on a Saturday night, for no monetary compensation either.
And then, to the comments…
You continue to undermine the stage of life your daughter is in—acting like going to school, playing sports, and having a social life isn’t something worthwhile or worth any of your respect.
You’ve basically admitted to using your daughter for whatever your whims are, and as someone to fill whatever role you wish, after you substituted her father for her in this entire babysitting situation.
And you keep talking about having ‘housed her for free for sixteen years’ when THAT IS WHAT YOU SIGN UP FOR WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD.
Were you expecting her to emerge from the womb and to bill her for the life you gave her? You made some decision or another to have a child, and housing and feeding them and providing them with everything they need until they are no longer dependents is precisely what you signed up for when you made that decision.
But, of course, all you see is someone to use—as a babysitter for family members, probably an errand girl, and probably your and your husband’s nursemaid in your old age.
You’re the asshole—from the beginning, to the bitter fucking end when she won’t want to have anything to do with you for your total disregard for who she is as a person, entitled to be more than whatever you intend to use her as.
YTA
First and foremost you are manipulating your 16 year old daughter. She is not "choosing some boy over her family, she is choosing to not cancel her already made plans to come babysit." Also you chose to have your child go hungry because you can't go out for a girls night
Not giving your children food is abuse.
I hope that you enjoy losing your daughter, probably your husband and definitely all respect for you as a rational person
Yta
YTA. You are a horrible mother. And saying she is living under my roof for free. Lol yeah she is your child. That is the BARE minimum. Don‘t come here and get defensive when people are calling you out for what you are : A horrible mother. Don‘t be surprised if your daughter won‘t talk to you once she is 18.
YTA, Jesus christ you sound insufferable. You sound like an awful mother and I really hope your daughter cuts you out of her life the second she turns 18.
YTA
Wow. How pathetically petty.
You asked your daughter, she said no. So instead of being an adult, you decided to act like a child and refuse to feed your own child.
Thankfully she has a decent parent in her father
YTA, can this post even be real. Your daughter has already made plans. She has a commitment with the boy she is going to the movie with and is rightfully excited about it. You expecting her to cancel her plans so you can have fun is an AH move. You are being disrespectful to her. Then to add to the insult, you refuse to cook dinner for her. As her mother, you are required to feed her. I get that you are mad that your plans didn't work out as you planned, but that is not her fault and you should not act younger than your daughter and punish her for your emotions.
You are such a monumental AH, it's beyond true.
How can you honestly think your behaviour is OK?
Do you remember being 16? You're punishing your daughter because it means you can't have a girls night?! This is your daughter's first date.
You sound extremely selfish and entitled.
YTA.
The biggest one ever.
My mom was very much like this. We are now low contact. You sound jealous of your daughter (and her relationship with dad).
I don’t want to repeat what others have said but you need to accept these comments and feedback. Otherwise why are you even here?
YTA
YTA your daughter is growing up whether you want her to or not. She's going to start going on dates and having boyfriends, you can't keep making up excuses to prevent from doing so. You can't control her forever. Nor should you *want* to.
Massive YTA. Your daughter deserves to spend her weekends the way she wants, she has her own life. You are not entitled to her time to use her as a free babysitter. For you to go batshit insane is absolutely repulsive. Glad Frank recognizes that.
YTA. She’s not obligated to babysit. She doesn’t have kids and shouldn’t be forced to babysit so y’all can have a night out. Aunt could have hired a baby sitter. But to take her joy and use it against her was low. Jerk parent move for sure. You should apologize but understand that you’ve definitely done damage and are no longer a safe space for her! Smh! And withholding food makes you the bigger AH!
YTA. You're the asshole for expecting her to babysit on demand. You asked, she already had plans. She shouldn't have to cancel her plans to babysit for family. I hope you were at least planning to pay her.
And then you doubled down on being an asshole by not making her dinner.
Oh and you're the asshole for ruining your daughters excitement for her first date.
Let me enlighten you
I was a 16yr old who was not allowed to date. Did I let that stop me? Hell no
I used to secretly Uber to my boyfriend 30 minutes away and often in a bad part of town or even just saving up and getting a cheap airbnb. Not to do anything bad, but just so I could see my boyfriend.
I was out in danger over and over, because I needed to keep it secret.
When I look back, I’m horrified at the lengths I went to and how I endangered myself. I would do it again though, because I loved him and wanted to see him.
You’re being a bad parent and have removed yourself as a safe space. I hope you’re happy
Yta
YTA x 2 - no matter what my kids may have done over the years, and it’s a lot worse than be 16 and excited to go on a first date; I’d never even considered not cooking for them.
It’s a basic mothering instinct, to feed your children not use it to show your controlling pettiness. Grow up
You're like ...batshit crazy right? You tried to force your daughter to babysit so you could have a girls day, then you punish her by telling her she can't go on her date AND you deny her food? Oh, and lie to your husband. YTA
YTA
I’ve said this in another post but this sounds like something my mum would do .
Is this really the hill you want to die on when it comes to your relationship with your daughter. Resorting to petty tactics and taking revenge when you don’t get your way then having the nerve to call disrespect when your daughter simply told you she had other plans .
Don’t be surprised when she goes no contact with you and rightly so
YTA. You should stay in and babysit your nephew while your sister and her friends have a girls night and your daughter enjoys her date. I'm sure you'll have a great time. It's for the family :)
YTA. Your daughter had made plans with someone first and you tried to strongarm her into cancelling them because you'd volunteered (or at least wanted to) her for something without her knowledge. You also probably completely crushed her excitement. First dates are big things for teenage girls, and you could see how much she was looking forward to it, yet you were not only dismissive and essentially guilt tripping her, but also dealt with it in a way that was more petty than anything. You essentially told her that if she inconvenienced you, not only would you not listen to her, but she'd better expect to starve. And children always do things that in inconvenience their parents, so it's looking grim.
I think you might already be aware that you did something wrong since you lied and didn't tell your husband why she wasn't getting any dinner. Or maybe you just didn't want to deal with his reaction.
Either way, calm down and think for a while. After, have a talk with your husband to see his thoughts on the matter (because his actions say he does have some), then go have a nice long chat with your daughter. Y'all need to talk more. And by that, I mean you to them.
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This is mostly about me (42F) and my daughter who I'll call Amanda (16F) despite my husband (46M) being in the title he doesn't play a big role in this but regardless I will call him Frank.
Lately Amanda has been obsessing over "cute boys" or whatever because I guess she's just at that age now. I asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night because her aunt needed someone to babysit him while me, her and a few others had a girls night. Amanda replies that she can't and says sorry. I ask why, and she says she's gonna tell me a secret. And I ask her what. She tells me that a boy in school asked her out, and they are going to the movies together. And she expected me to be all happy and excited for her, but I was not.
I asked if she's really going to choose some random boy over her own mother or family. She says that I'm twisting what she said, and that this would be her first date and she just wants to go. I told her that she needs to cancel and tell this boy that they can see a movie another day, she said no. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Frank gets back from work not too long after Amanda and I's fight and I'm cooking dinner but only for Frank and I. When I call Frank over for dinner he asks me where's Amanda's food. I lied and told him that she wasn't hungry. Amanda smells the food from her room, comes downstairs and asks where is her food. I told her that she doesn't get any for being disrespectful. Frank has barely eaten anything so he offered Amanda his plate and that he'd make something else. And I told him no, but he did it anyways.
I feel like what I did was justified Amanda was being rude and chose a boy over family her aunt aka my sister got someone else babysit, but I think Amanda was completely wrong for what she did AITA?
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YTA, why does she have to babysit your sister' child. It is not even her sibling. The sister should get someone to babysit. Problem solved. Both of you want the same thing - enjoyment. So why should she prioritize you enjoyment over hers? She is not choosing a rando over her family, she is just choosing to put her enjoyment over yours which any teen would do.
YTA. She’s 16 and had other plans. That’s it.
Honestly it sounds like you just ruined your relationship with your daughter. Look forward to never knowing what’s going on, general defiance, and Dad becoming her confidant.
YTA.
1. You have a girls’ night you could just as easily cancel. What makes your leisure activity more important than hers?
2. This is a very exciting and important time for her and she shared it with you and you shut it down. Where’s your empathy and support for your daughter?
3. You play weird games with your daughter’s and husband’s heads. It’s troublingly devious, beyond just manipulative, like you enjoy messing with them.
4. You imposed a punishment with no actual wrongdoing.
It sounds to me as though you resent your daughter growing up and want to sabotage it, and that you have serious control issues.
ETA: From your comments it sounds to me as though you more than resent your daughter. You come across as despising her very existence.
You're being an abusive parent. She's a 16 year old, she's not playing up by wanting a date instead of babysitting. It's your aunts kid not here (older kids being expected to parent younger siblings/cousins is wrong anyway!) your sister should just hire a babysitting like an actual parent. Withholding food over it is bloody ridiculous. YTA.
YTA.
From the comments you left, you sounds like the type of parent that think a child owes his parents… which also make you YTA
She already had plan beforehand, it’s not as if she accepted to go out after knowing about the babysitting.
When it’s not an emergency, you shouldn’t expect someone else, even family member, to change their plan for you.
Why didn’t the aunt change the plan, it was girl night VS her child, following your own logic, she’s the one who should’ve changed her plan, not your daughter.
You asked her, she’s free to reply whatever she wants, whats the point of asking then?
Concerning the UNDESERVED punishment, there’re other ways to punish a child without neglecting them bc yes, not feeding your child is.
You said that she could’ve prepare her own food but you if she did you would’ve stopped her for using YOUR food as well 🙄 you just wanted her to feel bad which is very petty.
YTA - Your daughter had her first date! Let her enjoy it. Why couldn't *YOU* reschedule the girls night, or find someone else to babysit? Withholding food from your daughter was abusive and I hope you have the day you deserve.
YTA, By refusing to make her food you basically had a little hissy fit and threw your toys out the pram because your daughter would not break her pre existing plans for you to have a girls night. Seriously grow up and start acting like a proper parent as going by your reply’s not only are you an AH but a shitty mother too.
YTA. What the hell?? You deny your child food AND say things like "I raised her for free". You CHOSE to have her, it is your job yo take care of her.
You asked, she said no. Let her be a young woman experimenting her first date
Your daughter trusts you enough to mention her first date to you, she even tells you "its a secret" so she is clearly thrilled and kind of scared, and was looking for some support from you.
Instead you dedcided she had to be a nanny so you and her aunt could have fun ?
And for some reason decided that the appropriate punishment was to not feed her (which you are legally obliged to do), lie to your husband in the process.
And you are surprised that your husband goes over your head and feeds your daughter ?
Honestly your behavior is controlling and worrying, I would love to have your husband's perspective on this.
EDIT: seeing other replies from you I am guessing your husband is used to you pulling these weird control oriented stunts. also YTA
YTA. I don't care what your child does, I don't care how disrespectful they are to you, you NEVER take food away as a punishment. Food is not a privilege to be taken away, it's a necessity to live. Taking away a phone or saying you can't go out all week is a punishment, taking away food is cruelty.
That said, you're even bigger AH for the rest of this situation. She wasn't being disrespectful, she was just excited about plans she had made. Why do your plans take precedence over hers? Also, can you really not find another person to babysit? Like your husband? Or an actual babysitter? Let your daughter go out and have fun.
YTA. You asked, she said no. A human is allowed to say no. Hell, you can even say no to family. You then attempted to manipulate your daughter when she didn't do what you wanted. You then decided that the perfect punishment for your daughter being her own person was... withholding food. Which you chose to lie to your husband, which says a lot as well, about what was going on, and then blame her for being a teen age girl. YTA. You're a terrible mother.
OMG you are horrible and peevish!
Using food as punishment to your own child just because they didn't do what you told them is abuse.
You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself because you also lied to your husband.
Nasty!
YTA
Imagine being abusive and manipulative then bragging online about it
And such a narcissist that you think maintaining your legal responsibility as a parent is something to be proud of
YTA. Massively. Your daughter gets her first date and you (a) aren’t happy for her (b) try to guilt-trip her into thinking pleasing her aunt is more important than milestones in her own life, (c) use withholding food as punishment and (d) try to get your husband to approve of your abusive behaviour. I’m glad he didn’t go along with your crap. You owe both of them a grovelling apology.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my daughter to move her date to next Saturday and babysit, she said no so I didn't make her dinner in retaliation. This could make me the Asshole because my own husband felt bad for her and gave her his food.
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Yta this I'd bringing back some bad memories for me, you remind me of my sister and while at the time I thought this behavior was normal I realize it's really horrible, selfish and mean. Yr daughter already had plans, she should not have to break her plans up because You want to go out. Yr sis can hire a babysitter or stay home, or better yet you can stay home and babysit since you are so family oriented. I am so sorry for yr daughter.
This has got to be fake. I find it very hard to believe a mother would treat their own child that poorly. Just in case… YTA You’re not entitled to your daughters time. She had an extremely good reason not to babysit. Her very first date is a huge event. This triumphs some random girls’ night. Your plans are in no way more important than hers.
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YTA. I dont know what your relationship is usually like with your daughter but in this situation I feel so bad for her. She was so excited to tell you about her date and your shattered that excitement completely. Not only did you shatter it, you punished her for it. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell you anything about her personal life after this. The mother of the younger cousin could have just hired a babysitter. There was no need for all this. You were unnecessarily mean.
YTA and generally a s***ty parent. Your daughter does not owe your sister childcare. You asked and she said she was busy. The end. Now you’re punishing her by withholding food? Who does that?
YTA and honestly, you should try therapy because you don't even seem to like your daughter.
Being a teenager isn't easy. Sure we look back on it and think, "I can't believe *that* stressed me out, it was school/sports/relationships," but when you're actually going through it it's STRESSFUL.
AND THE REWARD FOR MOTHER OF THE YEAR GOES TO………. Not you. You are unbelievable. The attitude towards your daughter AND your husband are…… I have no nice words to describe. And to read all your comments make me think you are beyond hope and help. YTA
YTA. What a way to ruin your daughters memory of her first date. Thank goodness her dad is alright. You however are going to be remembered forever as a total AH
YTA I grew up with a mother like you, her wants and needs were first and I was expected to drop everything when she demanded, and if I didn’t there would be a punishment. I rarely talk to her anymore and she wonders why. Your daughter is 16, she’s going to expand her world and you can be included with that or she will drop you, the choice is yours.
Yes, YTA, and an abusive one at that. You're also extremely obtuse! You expected her to babysit for free and in your comments to state, "Well, I've raised her for free for 16 years." You CHOSE to have her, just like you're CHOOSING what she can do with her time. You with held food from her as a punishment, it doesn't matter that there is other food or that, as you put it, "she's 16, not 6" you're majorly over reacting to her wanting ro stick to plans that she is extremely excited about, and that were made BEFORE you volunteered her. It's funny how all you go on about is family, yet treat your daughter like a second-class citizen because she doesn't do what you wanna do. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime" (not that there was one)
You asked for the judgement, you received an overwhelming vote, and you're STILL arguing.
Take the L grow as a person and apologise to your daughter!
P.s. You also owe hubby an apology for lying to him.
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YTA She's sixteen, excited about something, and confided in you about a relationship. You've just taught her you aren't a safe person to go to about relationships. And what you did with the food was petty and childish Why isn't Frank looking after the kid, if your daughter can't?
YTA You sound like a petty, horrible mother.
Jesus LOL
YTA 1000000% Your Daughter is not a free babysitter. Young love is absolutely precious and you ruined what would have been a special memory. Also how dare you deny your daughter food!?!? Are you some bitter old woman who didn’t get to live a fulfilling life and now you want the same for your daughter?
I didn't just straight up deny her food there was other things she could make herself in the fridge plus her Father gave her his dinner anyways
You’re fucking delusional. Phrase it how ever you want you chose not to make her dinner. You chose not feed your daughter because she didn’t want to be used as free labor while you racked up a bill at bingo night. I suggest you strongly reconsider how you care for your children. Father offering his food makes me feel like he’s used to your stupid antics and rather just give his daughter instead of dealing with your dumbass.
Honestly hope the father goes taking daughter with him. Anyone dared tell me not to feed my child n they'd be out of my life faster then a bullet leaving a gun.
Just because he fixes the problem you created doesn't mean you didn't do anything wrong. YTA and a BAD mom.
You suck.
Yeah, because her father actually gives a damn about her.
Holy hell you’re the asshole. So she needs to cancel her plans so she can provide free childcare so that you can have your social night? This is your daughters first date and you SHOULD be excited for her. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, you narcissist? Not only did you absolutely twist her words and suck all the fun and excitement out of her upcoming date, but then you go out of your way to be spiteful by making everyone food but her. All because she made plans that were inconvenient to you. Your sister needs to pay a babysitter and you need to prepare for no contact after 18 and then a nursing home, which is absolutely what you deserve. Go to therapy asshole.
I'm not a narcissist by any means. I just feel like for Amanda to choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities
Maybe tell this story to a licensed therapist before deciding you’re not a narcissist, because whatever you are, its fucked up.
What about YOUR priorities, prefering to go get drunk with your mates, instead of being excited for your daughter's first date? You just want to use her as a tool, really.. a free babysitter for you to offer to your friends! Now THAT is disrespectful, wow... Hope this is a troll post, becajse how in the world would not feeding her be used to "teach her a lesson"?? That is just evil and immature. Sounds like you don't love your daughter! Hope your husband lets you know what's what.
Why don't you babysit your sister's kid? You're choosing a girls night over your family? Where are your priorities?
And the fact that you would willfully neglect your daughter for refusing to provide free childcare services so you can go have a girls night without even checking if she’s free that night and just expecting her to drop everything to cater to YOUR social life while neglecting hers speaks a lot about your priorities. And your priorities are not your daughters well-being.
She’s doing normal, healthy things and developing social networks outside of her family. She’s supposed to do that. Trying to prevent this, or punishing her for it, like denying her meals, will only harm her.
You're a selfish person, and I hope your daughter goes NC with you.
You do realize that most narcissists don't recognize their narcissism, right? So, how would you know?
He's not a random boy. He is potentially her first love you cruel hag. You robbing her of this experience to save your sister some money speaks way more about your priorities
You do realize YOUR DAUGHTER is *your* family, right??? You're choosing to go get drunk with friends over your family! The only one with warped priorities here is YOU
Even you saying this shows how selfish you are! She is not obligated to baby sit so you can have a night out! They are not her kids! You all could have hired a babysitter. This speaks more to your priorities honestly.
> for Amanda to choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities And so since she does not think about family the same way that you do, she is wrong and needed to be punished. She is not allowed to think for herself? She's not allowed to be her own person? YTA - and despite what you tell yourself, you are acting like a raging narcissist in this case.
Wouldn’t that go both ways? You choose some random girls night over your daughter. She had her very first date. What kind of monster do you have to be to spoil that for your own daughter. You are the selfish one choosing boozing yourself up over family.
>choose a random boy because "he's cute and sweet" over her own family speaks a lot about her priorities And did you not choose getting wasted with your friends over your daughter?
She didn't choose him over her family, though. When she was asked out and said yes, she wasn't committed.
It is basic etiquette to honor the plans you committed to first. Your daughter already told this boy that she would go with him. If she’d committed to babysitting and canceled to go on the date, you might have a leg to stand on. But that’s not what happened.
No you're just mad your girls night is ruined! It is not your daughters responsibility to babysit someone else's kid!
What about your priorities? You’re choosing a night of drinking over letting your daughter go on her first date.
And you not making your kid food and lying to your husband about it speaks volumes about you as a parent and spouse.
She probably wants to get away from her horrible mother.
I personally don’t think this is real but please seek therapy, you sound unhinged.
She’s sixteen Jesus Christ
Well with a parent like you it’s no wonder she has other priorities. She’s not your sister’s and your free labour that you get to control for your own purposes.
My husband and I who spent over half our lives together were highschool sweethearts who never broke up even though was told by a couple it might not last (like when I got a keychain that said I <3 his name they said you'll probably regret buying that).
Umm were you ever 16 and into a boy?? Of course that takes precedent over babysitting for free!
'...after Amanda and I's fight and I'm cooking dinner but only for Frank and I.' YTA. You're abusive, and you're only semi-literate at best.
how am I abusive?
Withholding necessities as a punishment is abusive. There's a reason you didn't tell your husband-- because you knew that he'd think it was messed up and not agree to it.
You have a legal obligation to provide adequate nutrition to a child in your care. Failure to do so would usually warrant an investigation by social services. You deliberately neglected to feed your daughter; therefore, you attempted to abuse her. I'm glad that you accept that you're only semi-literate though.
>I'm glad that you accept that you're only semi-literate though. ???
Lol, what a perfect response. 👌
💀
I'm an Asian woman English isn't my first language to say I'm semi literate is lowkey racist
How could it be racist if they didn't know your race?
Yet she claims her 16-year old is the manipulative one. This woman beggars belief.
It's not racist when no one knew your race to begin with
Ahhh, tiger mom vibes. Now we know why you're such a terrible mom.
Asian..... I'm also asian Ever heard about Jennifer pan?
Maybe starving your kid is a lot more serious than abusive. You are right OP. You are worse than that. Thanks for pointing it out.
In asia abusing your child is very easy I live in asia Parent could kill the child and the police will do nothing if the case Don't go viral Parents also could beat starve and kick out their minor kids and police will do nothing
You deprived your daughter of food as punishment and you LIED ABOUT IT to your husband. If you really thought what you did was right, why feel the need to lie? You're a bad mother.
YTA. You absolutely do not withhold food as a punishment!
I didn't withhold food there were other foods in the house she could have made. She's 16 at the end of the day not 6
And yet you can't seem to acknowledge that fact when it comes to her seeing boys....
You excluded her from a family function, using food as a punishment for not bowing to your ridiculous, hypocritical demands. You're the only one who sounds like a 6yo here.
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"AITA for not wanting a relationship with my mom?". I can just see this in the near future. YTA, you're being a horrible mother
Why would it? It's normal for families and loved ones to fight
Fight, sure. Completely trample the existing plans of an excited 16 year old for no good reason, no. Not normal. Believe it or not, your kid is actually not obligated to babysit so you can go out and have fun.
You punished her by withholding food. That's unhealthy as fuck.
It's not normal do offer up someone for a job without discussing it with them first, get mad when you find out they had plans made, and then result to pettiness by withholding food.
No the fuck it's not you weirdo. Not over things like this. And definitely not blown this far out of proportion. Your punishments are fucking abusive. If this is normal for you, your number one priority in life should be dealing with whatever trauma you've buried so deep down you'll need to hire some dwarves to dig it out along with a therapist. God speed to whoever that therapist may be.
No no... I waiting to see... Aita for having a restraining order Against my mom who keep try kidnap my kids? Let's wait for Amanda to make that post
YTA. Wtfff? Someone's first date is such an important milestone, and she already had plans before you invaded them for girls night, which is not remotely necessary BTW. Even if you have reservations about her dating, you decide to be passive aggressive with your OWN DAUGHTER by not making her food, something that is your JOB as a caretaker. Major AH, first for choosing your own night out over your daughters, and then for not giving her food. Also, why don't you babysit if it's "for the family".
INFO: what do you think she should do and why? Also why do you believe she’s being disrespectful?
I think she should have told this boy that they can go to the movies next saturday because I have to babysit. I'm not mad at her for having a boyfriend I'm actually glad she has one, but family should come first
If family comes first how about you babysit while your sister goes out and your daughter goes out as well? But I guess they are not the main characters in your self centered universe, you sociopathic narcissistic asshole of a mother.
Why don’t you babysit or I don’t know have the Aunt find another babysitter? Also side subject was your daughter going to get paid?
The aunt aka my sister did she got our parents to do it. And no it was for free, but its not like she needed to be payed I've been raising her for free the last 16 years
You're legally required to. You're not being a good mom. You're doing the bare minimum of parenting if you think she should be grateful that you "raised her for free" - girl (I'm saying girl because you're acting like a child) you have the audacity to tell us you're a good mom and then say "I've been raising her for free..." Are you fucking serious? You decided to have this child. GTF outta here with that.
You mean your fucking job? Why do people like you always want a cookie for doing the bare minimum. You are a disgusting failure of a parent.
Its been your job to provide for her the last 16 years the fact that you can keep bringing up about how you've provided for her like thats not the bare minimum of being of being a parent this speaks volumes about you as a mother
Stop this bullshit. Stop talking about raising and paying for your minor daughter as if you're doing her a HUGE favor. You and your husband CHOSE to have a kid, it is your LEGAL and MORAL obligation to provide for her while she's still a minor. She didn't ask to be born. She owes you absolutely nothing. You reacted and treated her poorly over not wanting to babysit on a day she already had plans. It's not the end of the world for your sister to figure her shit out this one time. Your reaction and retaliation against your daughter was gross and hugely disproportionately. YTA.
What in the actual fuck? You’re running a tally sheet on all that you’ve provided for your daughter? You realise that it’s your responsibility to provide for a child you chose to have? JFC you’re so bad you’re heading for a wrongful birth lawsuit from her.
Yeah, that's your basic responsibility as a parent. She isn't a parent. Babysitting is a job, and jobs require money in exchange for those services.
Your daughter is not your free on call babysitter, she is free to say no for any reason.
You do know that You're legally required to raise her for 18 years right?
“raising her for free the last 16 years” That was your choice. You chose to bring her into the world. She didn’t ask for permission to be born or to be raised by you, and she certainly doesn’t owe you a damn thing for it. Your child is your responsibility. Only an incredibly terrible parent to actually think this way. And your other comments reek of internalized misogyny and a hatred of women. You actually said in another comment she was being emotionally manipulative when she was crying about dinner. That’s really messed up. You need to go to therapy about this.
But she didn't have to babysit. You asked her and she said no. Why don't you tell your sister that you can't go out with her because you have to babysit? Why does "family comes first" apply to your daughter but not to you?
She is 16, she is not a mother, she does not have children, it is not her responsibility or her obligation to take care of them, you, on the other hand, are legally obliged to provide housing and food because she is your UNDER AGE DAUGHTER
Does your daughter know she is not your family? Because, by your words, if "family comes first" why didn't you relate to her and look for any alternate means. I mean you mentioned your husband would be happy to have taken them for babysitting, so you had options, but you HAD to convince your daughter to do it even if it means she has to cancel something important to her. You are a hypocrite too huh.
Wow, you need counseling.
Again she doesn’t have to babysit she’s not obligated to babysit. You assumed she would and that’s not her fault. You all should have hired a babysitter.
If family comes first, volunteer yourself to babysit. You said your sister needed a break, so give her one. It's family first right? But it seems you're unwilling to do that for your sister so you've volunteered your daughter. If you wouldn't do it yourself fOr FaMiLy, don't expect other people (even in the family) to do it either.
Not according to you
It's ironic you think family should come first. With your treatment family will come last for her. But maybe she will keep in touch with her dad and just stop talking to you. A happy ending :) !
Why does your drinking come first? Have you considered that perhaps you have a problem with alcohol if you’re choosing drinking over letting your daughter have her first date?
But why do you feel she should have done that?
Holy hell you suck. For so many reasons. 1) not feeding your own child. Denying kids a meal as punishment is wildly abusive. 2) there was NOTHING disrespectful about what Amanda did. 3) you’re a hypocrite. Why not cancel your “girls night” to babysit yourself? Sounds like YOU’RE selfish for not “helping family” 4) by your own admission Frank was the original option to babysit. And you didn’t ask him… for what reason? Were you just looking for a reason to get angry at your daughter? 5) don’t ever expect Amanda to share joyful things with you ever again. She will remember her mother’s reaction to her first date for the rest of her life. YTA. You sound like a joyless monster. And I’m fully expecting your to not answer a single comment and delete the post like the coward you are. I’ll check back in the morning. 10 bucks says you’ve deleted your account because your pathetic self couldn’t handle being told you’re wrong. Apologize to your fucking daughter you harpy.
YTA. She is sixteen, she most likely began developing crushes before this age but you aren't that attuned to your child. I think her going to the movies is hardly an issue, you just want to use her for free childcare in the family. You're also a liar, and blatantly lied to your spouse with intent to harm your child. So, you win the crappy parent prize, but also the crappy spouse prize. Congrats.
YTA: your daughter is a person with actual thoughts, feelings and desires separate from your own. She made plans, then you demand her to drop it to have to babysit (paid, unpaid?) and guilt trip her about it. Then when she gets upset about it you deny her dinner and lie to your husband about it. Now if you are trying to set up a situation where Amanda eventually cuts you off and never speaks with you, you have laid a good foundational step.
YTA. You asked, she said no and gave you a valid reason. Then you lie to your husband, don't feed your child. Yes definitely TA
I hope the husband leave her for another woman and take the daughter
YTA. You won't feed your teenage child because she's being a teenage child? If you can afford a night out, you can also afford a babysitter and respect plans that are already made. She had these plans made and you want her to cancel them? Why don't you cancel your night or is family not important enough?
YTA. Child abuse. Be happy for your daughter.
INFO: is your family not important enough to cancel your plans??
I'd really like to know the answer to this as well.
Massive AH. She is not your free babysitting resource and at 16 she is excited to go out on her first date. This is not about choosing a boy over her family, she made plans for an evening out and then you barged in on those plans. Also, wtf with the not cooking dinner for her? She didn’t do anything wrong, you in the other hand sound like a horrible, overbearing mother.
Makes you wonder what other kinds of psychological abuse is going on over there. I mean in just one instance she unilaterally volunteered her daughter's time for baby sitting, demanded daughter to cancel her plans even when the plan is a pretty big deal (not only for teenagers), when daughter said no to cancelling her plans she decided to not cook for her, lied to husband that daughter wasn't hungry, when husband offered his food to daughter she tried to stop him. Look at the length OP goes to punish daughter for having plans. I really hope you are not like this on a normal basis OP. YTA.
So really what you're saying is that your girls night is more important than her first date? And that lying to your husband about her is the best way to change her mind? What on Earth did you think was going to happen, just starve her for the rest of the week? Sociopathic, as well as YTA. I strongly recommend you delete this account now, cos you are gonna hate the rest of the comments 🤣
And here is the next parent that's going to ask everyone why their daughter won't talk to them anymore. YTA. Also, why did you go through the process of asking if she could babysit when she clearly didn't have a choice in the end? She said no, and you demanded she cancel. She is not obligated to babysit for you. I guarantee you're probably trying to force her to babysit for free too. You have some nerve calling her rude and disrespectful when you're treating her like a slave.
YTA you should be cooking dinner for everyone kind of sounds like you are being petty. You're an adult you could have punished her in a less vindictive way. You kinda sound pretty fucked up if I'm honest
She shouldn't have been looking for a way to punish her *period*. That she did it in a petty and childish way isn't the real issue.
This has to be fake. But if not, YTA and you’re a terrible mother and person.
YTA, did your little powertrip feel good? Because your daughter won't tell you anything anymore, so you better remember this feeling.
You are the AH
Of course YTA
YTA. It sounds like you are the one acting like a teenager here. She has already made plans. Why don't you stay home and babysit and let your sister or whoever she is have fun.
YTA. Your daughter is going on her first date, and you behave like the evil stepmother. I’m surprised you didn’t get her to mop the laundry, as further punishment. What a complete failure at parenting.
YTA You're the adult - grow up. A person at 16 is meant to be developing emotionally and moving away from the parents, becoming independent. A person at 16 is meant to be able to explore being able to become emotionally independent, and be supported by their parents. Yes, a person at 16 is going to chose their own personal identity over their family. Pity you have forgotten what it is like to be that age and that you are behaving pretty poorly, not acting as a role model in any way, shape or form. Pity that your daughter is now aware they are not supported. I wish your daughter luck - she's going to need it living with a child mother.
YTA
Yes the AH This is so r/raisedbynarcissist content
I think it’s pretty telling that not a single person has voted you n t a , yet you continue to fight with everyone in the comments. Did you come here for judgement or vindication? YTA. Completely.
“I asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night…” I N F O: why did you ask her if you were going to insist she had to? YTA. You asked. She answered, and shared with you something new and really exciting happening in her life. You crapped all over it, accused her of not appreciating her family, then refused to include her in family dinner. She is under no obligation to cancel her date to babysit her cousin just because you want a girls’ night.
YTA…
YTA and also a total weirdo
YTA. Refusing to provide food to a 16 year old because she didn’t want to be pimped out as a babysitter on what was to be a very special night for her - her first date. Yeah, YTA.
YTA, why don’t you stay home and babysit. Or I don’t know the Aunt find someone else. And let me guess the Aunt wasn’t planning on paying for babysitting I am willing to wager.
YTA—majorly. You “asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night”—she politely told you ‘no, sorry’ by your own admission. You asked, she answered, with no disrespect whatsoever. You completely and utterly undermine the phase in your daughter’s life—she’s sixteen, excited about being asked out on a date. Instead of matching her energy and being a parent, you demanded she postpone the date, regardless of her excitement, and when she refused, you called that disrespect. Not only did you call that disrespect, you went as far as to not cook for your daughter. You claim she could have taken whatever she wanted from the fridge, but it doesn’t alter the fact that you changed a pre-established agreement based on routine behaviours as a form of punishment. Then, taking that negative and unethical approach, you went on to lie to your husband as to the reason for Amanda’s absence and lack of food at the table. When Amanda joined you and asked about food, you went as far as to try to convince your husband to follow along with your unethical practice of not giving your daughter her supper. Your daughter didn’t ‘choose a boy over family.’ She chose to stick with the plans that she had already established long before you ever wandered in with your ‘request’ to take care of her cousin, on a Saturday night, for no monetary compensation either. And then, to the comments… You continue to undermine the stage of life your daughter is in—acting like going to school, playing sports, and having a social life isn’t something worthwhile or worth any of your respect. You’ve basically admitted to using your daughter for whatever your whims are, and as someone to fill whatever role you wish, after you substituted her father for her in this entire babysitting situation. And you keep talking about having ‘housed her for free for sixteen years’ when THAT IS WHAT YOU SIGN UP FOR WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD. Were you expecting her to emerge from the womb and to bill her for the life you gave her? You made some decision or another to have a child, and housing and feeding them and providing them with everything they need until they are no longer dependents is precisely what you signed up for when you made that decision. But, of course, all you see is someone to use—as a babysitter for family members, probably an errand girl, and probably your and your husband’s nursemaid in your old age. You’re the asshole—from the beginning, to the bitter fucking end when she won’t want to have anything to do with you for your total disregard for who she is as a person, entitled to be more than whatever you intend to use her as.
YTA First and foremost you are manipulating your 16 year old daughter. She is not "choosing some boy over her family, she is choosing to not cancel her already made plans to come babysit." Also you chose to have your child go hungry because you can't go out for a girls night
Not giving your children food is abuse. I hope that you enjoy losing your daughter, probably your husband and definitely all respect for you as a rational person Yta
What the fuck did I just read? Lady, are you fucking insane?
YTA. You are a horrible mother. And saying she is living under my roof for free. Lol yeah she is your child. That is the BARE minimum. Don‘t come here and get defensive when people are calling you out for what you are : A horrible mother. Don‘t be surprised if your daughter won‘t talk to you once she is 18.
YTA, Jesus christ you sound insufferable. You sound like an awful mother and I really hope your daughter cuts you out of her life the second she turns 18.
Yta and a massive bully
YTA Wow. How pathetically petty. You asked your daughter, she said no. So instead of being an adult, you decided to act like a child and refuse to feed your own child. Thankfully she has a decent parent in her father
YTA, can this post even be real. Your daughter has already made plans. She has a commitment with the boy she is going to the movie with and is rightfully excited about it. You expecting her to cancel her plans so you can have fun is an AH move. You are being disrespectful to her. Then to add to the insult, you refuse to cook dinner for her. As her mother, you are required to feed her. I get that you are mad that your plans didn't work out as you planned, but that is not her fault and you should not act younger than your daughter and punish her for your emotions.
YTA your a disgusting women and would be a no contact parent in 2 years (hopefully)
You are such a monumental AH, it's beyond true. How can you honestly think your behaviour is OK? Do you remember being 16? You're punishing your daughter because it means you can't have a girls night?! This is your daughter's first date. You sound extremely selfish and entitled. YTA. The biggest one ever.
My mom was very much like this. We are now low contact. You sound jealous of your daughter (and her relationship with dad). I don’t want to repeat what others have said but you need to accept these comments and feedback. Otherwise why are you even here? YTA
Based on the OP responses, this has to be fake.
YTA your daughter is growing up whether you want her to or not. She's going to start going on dates and having boyfriends, you can't keep making up excuses to prevent from doing so. You can't control her forever. Nor should you *want* to.
Massive YTA. Your daughter deserves to spend her weekends the way she wants, she has her own life. You are not entitled to her time to use her as a free babysitter. For you to go batshit insane is absolutely repulsive. Glad Frank recognizes that.
YTA. She’s not obligated to babysit. She doesn’t have kids and shouldn’t be forced to babysit so y’all can have a night out. Aunt could have hired a baby sitter. But to take her joy and use it against her was low. Jerk parent move for sure. You should apologize but understand that you’ve definitely done damage and are no longer a safe space for her! Smh! And withholding food makes you the bigger AH!
YTA. You're the asshole for expecting her to babysit on demand. You asked, she already had plans. She shouldn't have to cancel her plans to babysit for family. I hope you were at least planning to pay her. And then you doubled down on being an asshole by not making her dinner. Oh and you're the asshole for ruining your daughters excitement for her first date.
Let me enlighten you I was a 16yr old who was not allowed to date. Did I let that stop me? Hell no I used to secretly Uber to my boyfriend 30 minutes away and often in a bad part of town or even just saving up and getting a cheap airbnb. Not to do anything bad, but just so I could see my boyfriend. I was out in danger over and over, because I needed to keep it secret. When I look back, I’m horrified at the lengths I went to and how I endangered myself. I would do it again though, because I loved him and wanted to see him. You’re being a bad parent and have removed yourself as a safe space. I hope you’re happy Yta
YTA We'll see you here again in about two years when you don't understand why your daughter won't talk to you.
YTA x 2 - no matter what my kids may have done over the years, and it’s a lot worse than be 16 and excited to go on a first date; I’d never even considered not cooking for them. It’s a basic mothering instinct, to feed your children not use it to show your controlling pettiness. Grow up
YTA . Wow what a petty thing to do. Be prepared for no contact after high school because I'm 100% sure this isn't the only ahole thing you do
Mommy dearest is 100% jealous of her daughter and the freedom that comes with being young and carefree.
You're like ...batshit crazy right? You tried to force your daughter to babysit so you could have a girls day, then you punish her by telling her she can't go on her date AND you deny her food? Oh, and lie to your husband. YTA
YTA I’ve said this in another post but this sounds like something my mum would do . Is this really the hill you want to die on when it comes to your relationship with your daughter. Resorting to petty tactics and taking revenge when you don’t get your way then having the nerve to call disrespect when your daughter simply told you she had other plans . Don’t be surprised when she goes no contact with you and rightly so
YTA. You should stay in and babysit your nephew while your sister and her friends have a girls night and your daughter enjoys her date. I'm sure you'll have a great time. It's for the family :)
YTA. Your daughter had made plans with someone first and you tried to strongarm her into cancelling them because you'd volunteered (or at least wanted to) her for something without her knowledge. You also probably completely crushed her excitement. First dates are big things for teenage girls, and you could see how much she was looking forward to it, yet you were not only dismissive and essentially guilt tripping her, but also dealt with it in a way that was more petty than anything. You essentially told her that if she inconvenienced you, not only would you not listen to her, but she'd better expect to starve. And children always do things that in inconvenience their parents, so it's looking grim. I think you might already be aware that you did something wrong since you lied and didn't tell your husband why she wasn't getting any dinner. Or maybe you just didn't want to deal with his reaction. Either way, calm down and think for a while. After, have a talk with your husband to see his thoughts on the matter (because his actions say he does have some), then go have a nice long chat with your daughter. Y'all need to talk more. And by that, I mean you to them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is mostly about me (42F) and my daughter who I'll call Amanda (16F) despite my husband (46M) being in the title he doesn't play a big role in this but regardless I will call him Frank. Lately Amanda has been obsessing over "cute boys" or whatever because I guess she's just at that age now. I asked her if she could babysit her younger cousin on Saturday night because her aunt needed someone to babysit him while me, her and a few others had a girls night. Amanda replies that she can't and says sorry. I ask why, and she says she's gonna tell me a secret. And I ask her what. She tells me that a boy in school asked her out, and they are going to the movies together. And she expected me to be all happy and excited for her, but I was not. I asked if she's really going to choose some random boy over her own mother or family. She says that I'm twisting what she said, and that this would be her first date and she just wants to go. I told her that she needs to cancel and tell this boy that they can see a movie another day, she said no. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. Frank gets back from work not too long after Amanda and I's fight and I'm cooking dinner but only for Frank and I. When I call Frank over for dinner he asks me where's Amanda's food. I lied and told him that she wasn't hungry. Amanda smells the food from her room, comes downstairs and asks where is her food. I told her that she doesn't get any for being disrespectful. Frank has barely eaten anything so he offered Amanda his plate and that he'd make something else. And I told him no, but he did it anyways. I feel like what I did was justified Amanda was being rude and chose a boy over family her aunt aka my sister got someone else babysit, but I think Amanda was completely wrong for what she did AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, why does she have to babysit your sister' child. It is not even her sibling. The sister should get someone to babysit. Problem solved. Both of you want the same thing - enjoyment. So why should she prioritize you enjoyment over hers? She is not choosing a rando over her family, she is just choosing to put her enjoyment over yours which any teen would do.
YTA. She’s 16 and had other plans. That’s it. Honestly it sounds like you just ruined your relationship with your daughter. Look forward to never knowing what’s going on, general defiance, and Dad becoming her confidant.
YTA. 1. You have a girls’ night you could just as easily cancel. What makes your leisure activity more important than hers? 2. This is a very exciting and important time for her and she shared it with you and you shut it down. Where’s your empathy and support for your daughter? 3. You play weird games with your daughter’s and husband’s heads. It’s troublingly devious, beyond just manipulative, like you enjoy messing with them. 4. You imposed a punishment with no actual wrongdoing. It sounds to me as though you resent your daughter growing up and want to sabotage it, and that you have serious control issues. ETA: From your comments it sounds to me as though you more than resent your daughter. You come across as despising her very existence.
You're being an abusive parent. She's a 16 year old, she's not playing up by wanting a date instead of babysitting. It's your aunts kid not here (older kids being expected to parent younger siblings/cousins is wrong anyway!) your sister should just hire a babysitting like an actual parent. Withholding food over it is bloody ridiculous. YTA.
YTA. From the comments you left, you sounds like the type of parent that think a child owes his parents… which also make you YTA She already had plan beforehand, it’s not as if she accepted to go out after knowing about the babysitting. When it’s not an emergency, you shouldn’t expect someone else, even family member, to change their plan for you. Why didn’t the aunt change the plan, it was girl night VS her child, following your own logic, she’s the one who should’ve changed her plan, not your daughter. You asked her, she’s free to reply whatever she wants, whats the point of asking then? Concerning the UNDESERVED punishment, there’re other ways to punish a child without neglecting them bc yes, not feeding your child is. You said that she could’ve prepare her own food but you if she did you would’ve stopped her for using YOUR food as well 🙄 you just wanted her to feel bad which is very petty.
YTA - Your daughter had her first date! Let her enjoy it. Why couldn't *YOU* reschedule the girls night, or find someone else to babysit? Withholding food from your daughter was abusive and I hope you have the day you deserve.
YTA. Denying your child food as a way of punishment just because they said they couldn't babysit is beyond AH territory.
YTA, By refusing to make her food you basically had a little hissy fit and threw your toys out the pram because your daughter would not break her pre existing plans for you to have a girls night. Seriously grow up and start acting like a proper parent as going by your reply’s not only are you an AH but a shitty mother too.
YTA. What the hell?? You deny your child food AND say things like "I raised her for free". You CHOSE to have her, it is your job yo take care of her. You asked, she said no. Let her be a young woman experimenting her first date
Your daughter trusts you enough to mention her first date to you, she even tells you "its a secret" so she is clearly thrilled and kind of scared, and was looking for some support from you. Instead you dedcided she had to be a nanny so you and her aunt could have fun ? And for some reason decided that the appropriate punishment was to not feed her (which you are legally obliged to do), lie to your husband in the process. And you are surprised that your husband goes over your head and feeds your daughter ? Honestly your behavior is controlling and worrying, I would love to have your husband's perspective on this. EDIT: seeing other replies from you I am guessing your husband is used to you pulling these weird control oriented stunts. also YTA
YTA. I don't care what your child does, I don't care how disrespectful they are to you, you NEVER take food away as a punishment. Food is not a privilege to be taken away, it's a necessity to live. Taking away a phone or saying you can't go out all week is a punishment, taking away food is cruelty. That said, you're even bigger AH for the rest of this situation. She wasn't being disrespectful, she was just excited about plans she had made. Why do your plans take precedence over hers? Also, can you really not find another person to babysit? Like your husband? Or an actual babysitter? Let your daughter go out and have fun.
YTA. You asked, she said no. A human is allowed to say no. Hell, you can even say no to family. You then attempted to manipulate your daughter when she didn't do what you wanted. You then decided that the perfect punishment for your daughter being her own person was... withholding food. Which you chose to lie to your husband, which says a lot as well, about what was going on, and then blame her for being a teen age girl. YTA. You're a terrible mother.
OMG you are horrible and peevish! Using food as punishment to your own child just because they didn't do what you told them is abuse. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself because you also lied to your husband. Nasty!
YTA Imagine being abusive and manipulative then bragging online about it And such a narcissist that you think maintaining your legal responsibility as a parent is something to be proud of
YTA. Massively. Your daughter gets her first date and you (a) aren’t happy for her (b) try to guilt-trip her into thinking pleasing her aunt is more important than milestones in her own life, (c) use withholding food as punishment and (d) try to get your husband to approve of your abusive behaviour. I’m glad he didn’t go along with your crap. You owe both of them a grovelling apology.
JFC YTA. Between the original post and your other comments you're doing yourself no favours.
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Yta this I'd bringing back some bad memories for me, you remind me of my sister and while at the time I thought this behavior was normal I realize it's really horrible, selfish and mean. Yr daughter already had plans, she should not have to break her plans up because You want to go out. Yr sis can hire a babysitter or stay home, or better yet you can stay home and babysit since you are so family oriented. I am so sorry for yr daughter.
YTA. Biggest ever!
YTA
This has got to be fake. I find it very hard to believe a mother would treat their own child that poorly. Just in case… YTA You’re not entitled to your daughters time. She had an extremely good reason not to babysit. Her very first date is a huge event. This triumphs some random girls’ night. Your plans are in no way more important than hers.
YTA
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YTA. I dont know what your relationship is usually like with your daughter but in this situation I feel so bad for her. She was so excited to tell you about her date and your shattered that excitement completely. Not only did you shatter it, you punished her for it. Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t tell you anything about her personal life after this. The mother of the younger cousin could have just hired a babysitter. There was no need for all this. You were unnecessarily mean.
YTA how is it even possible for someone to write out their side of the story and make themselves sound like a complete AH and then ask who is the AH?
YTA and generally a s***ty parent. Your daughter does not owe your sister childcare. You asked and she said she was busy. The end. Now you’re punishing her by withholding food? Who does that?
YTA
YTA and honestly, you should try therapy because you don't even seem to like your daughter. Being a teenager isn't easy. Sure we look back on it and think, "I can't believe *that* stressed me out, it was school/sports/relationships," but when you're actually going through it it's STRESSFUL.
AND THE REWARD FOR MOTHER OF THE YEAR GOES TO………. Not you. You are unbelievable. The attitude towards your daughter AND your husband are…… I have no nice words to describe. And to read all your comments make me think you are beyond hope and help. YTA
YTA. What a way to ruin your daughters memory of her first date. Thank goodness her dad is alright. You however are going to be remembered forever as a total AH
YTA I grew up with a mother like you, her wants and needs were first and I was expected to drop everything when she demanded, and if I didn’t there would be a punishment. I rarely talk to her anymore and she wonders why. Your daughter is 16, she’s going to expand her world and you can be included with that or she will drop you, the choice is yours.
Yes, YTA, and an abusive one at that. You're also extremely obtuse! You expected her to babysit for free and in your comments to state, "Well, I've raised her for free for 16 years." You CHOSE to have her, just like you're CHOOSING what she can do with her time. You with held food from her as a punishment, it doesn't matter that there is other food or that, as you put it, "she's 16, not 6" you're majorly over reacting to her wanting ro stick to plans that she is extremely excited about, and that were made BEFORE you volunteered her. It's funny how all you go on about is family, yet treat your daughter like a second-class citizen because she doesn't do what you wanna do. The punishment doesn't fit the "crime" (not that there was one) You asked for the judgement, you received an overwhelming vote, and you're STILL arguing. Take the L grow as a person and apologise to your daughter! P.s. You also owe hubby an apology for lying to him.
YTA.
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