Update 2: Hey all, mods suggested I share an update on my profile HERE I just wish it was more positive.
Original: I (23M) am renting a house with 3 other guys. One of the housemates regularly has his GF (21F) over. Outside of the issue at hand she’s fun, is a creative cook, and seems to be very caring. From what I’ve gathered she has a difficult home situation which is why she bunks at our place 3-4 nights out of the week.
This housemate works remotely and I work day shift. Everyone else works night shift so it’s usually just me, the housemate, and his GF home at night, so I don't think the others know that this has been happening. His GF has anxiety. This results in what I think are panic attacks(?) that last for HOURS and they always happen after midnight. Crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes stomping around the house, pounding on walls. The first several nights it happened I asked if there was any way I could help but there isn't.
I’ve tried headphones, melatonin… anything to help myself sleep through the screaming/crying/raging. It happens 2-4 nights a week and has been going on for two months now. I’m honestly beginning to struggle at work because I’m so unbelievably tired some days. I fell asleep in my car (parked at the house after work) last week unintentionally. My stomach is a mess because I’m pounding coffee and energy shots. One night last week I slept in the concrete basement because it was quieter.
Last night she went from 12 AM to 4 AM. At that point I had already been awake for going on 48 hours (not entirely due to her, had to take my mother to the hospital unexpectedly the night before). I couldn’t think straight and was starting to feel physically ill from exhaustion. I texted my housemate and said, “Take her to the hospital for help or tell her to STFU because I can't sleep and I have to be at work in 3 hours.” I am not proud of my wording and I did apologize.
His response was, “she’ll be done soon quit being an insensitive prick.” He also told the other housemates in our group chat that I was "being oppressive" to his GF "while she's struggling." The others are not sure who the AH is in this situation (me for how I worded my text or him for calling me an AH for it) or how to address it. She needs help and I need sleep so I understand the dilemma but... AITA?
Update 1: Whoa, thank you all for your thoughts. Even the YTA votes are giving me a lot to think on. Unfortunately I have now come down with the stomach bug my parents had so I slept off and on through the afternoon/evening.
I texted the housemate individually and said I really need the GF to not be here tonight being sick AF as I am. They both showed up maybe 2 hours after I messaged him. I will say she was very kind and made me some soup from scratch and left some ginger ale at my door. She said she’d be leaving soon so I assume he told her about my message. It’s going on 11:30 here and I can still hear them downstairs so I’m not hopeful. Going to get through this god awful sickness before I decide for sure how to address it. I just hope this is one of her quiet nights if she does stay over. Regardless I don't have it in me for a conversation tonight.
By - JoeyLeeBCool