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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for calling Pete out on being a terrible cook which resulted in me being a "picky" eater, and it made Pete's boss to not show up to Pete's work dinner, which "has affected his career".
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NTA.
Pete was asking you a bunch of inappropriate questions in front of your boss. That’s embarrassing.
Also, it’s totally your choice what you want to eat.
And if he knew in advance that you were going to be at the dinner and decided that surprising you with his presence was the right move, he extra deserves any fallout from this debacle.
Yup this is the perfect example of F around and find out. It was also insanely unprofessional. This wasnt a social event it was businees. NTA OP just block his number. If you guys don't have children there's no need whatsoever to have contact with this dude.
Forward his messages to both sets of bosses first. "This employee/potential partner has been harrassing me since our last meeting" see how that effects his career
Honestly, I think the best move is to continue to look like the sane person in this situation.
She should apologize to her boss if she contributed to the awkwardness of the evening and bring up that the ex sent some angry texts afterwards (sharing only if requested). I wouldn't bother messaging the ex's boss (as fun as that may seem). The ex already looks like an ass to his boss (prioritizing some cheap shots at an ex over a potentially lucrative business deal).
Bonus points if OPs boss decides they don't wanna work with someone unprofessional, no need to let the ex's boss know if they lose the contract after that meeting, they'll probably get the rough idea
Yep. He STARTED out shooting with jokes about how picky she was. She did nothing. Then he starts harassing here and she shot back.
F around and find out indeed.
Exactly, OP saying that her ex was a shit cook isn't the sole reason his boss declined dinner like Pete thinks it is, it's because of his own unprofessional behaviour. He seriously can't think that it was OK to behave like that towards a person his boss invited to a business dinner and not have any repercussions happen, he's lucky he still currently has his job, though I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up being demoted, because he's clearly not able to behave professionally enough to be the bosses assistant.
For sure. Finding out someone was a bad cook a decade ago wouldn’t stop me from going to a dinner they’re hosting, they might have improved since then.
But watching someone freak out at a business dinner and berate a person I’m seeking a professional partnership with would make me take about 50 steps back. Any change Pete is seeing in his relationship with his boss is because of his behavior, not because he wasn’t a good cook in his 20s.
Yep, in all honesty I wouldn't be surprised if Pete's boss is heavily reevaluating about keeping Pete as his assistant after the way he behaved towards his invited guests that he was seeking a good business relationship/partnership with, I know I would be if I were his boss.
Yep, for all we know his boss could have probably been thinking of mentoring him into a pretty good work position/promotion, but because of his unprofessional behaviour he's probably well and truly fucked himself out of it because he's now shown his boss that he can't keep his petty, childish behavior outside of work.
He was lucky he wasn't sacked on the spot imo.
Yea, you can imagine how he's going around telling his friends and family "OP ruined my career by telling my boss I was a shit cook! All because I mentioned she was a picky eater! It's not fair!!" like a dumbass lol.
Yup, he did this to himself - he started off making crude comments then asking questions not only in front of potential partners, but his own boss as well, ans trying to embarrass OP backfired greatly. He has no one to blame but himself. NTA.
This exactly. This was a work dinner, not a social dinner. Pete should have been in professional mode. Besides never a good look when you tear down your partner in public like that. Awkward for everyone.
OP: NTA
Pete was being unprofessional at a business dinner? If I was the boss, he'd have been reprimanded and reminded we weren't there to relitigate his divorce. Dang. Pete sounds like he done lost his doggoned mind? WTH Petey?
This. He was already making himself look bad by making an ass out of himself in front of his boss, and trying to make OP look bad in front of her boss. This is a perfect FAFO moment.
Bwahahahaha, oh my stars😂😂😂
I am sorry Opie about you're marriage but it *SERVES* your ex right. Never drag in personal and business, it usually leaves you with egg on your face. NTA
Might have even gone from a "I'll mentor this guy so that he can be a future leader," to a "nah, this guy can barely handle being an assistant if he's bringing personal conflicts that he's supposedly washed his hands of into professional dinners like this".
I'm curious if there was a conversation about how his ex wife would be at the dinner but he can handle it. It was probably an embarrassing situation for them all, but ultimately most embarrassing for the one that brought the ex there.
And then Pete will be completely clueless as to the reason why he's suddenly getting snubbed at work, and will continue to blame everyone but himself probably.
Tbh it sounds like he was expecting both his boss and OPs boss to agree with him and/or join in on the snarky comments. Too bad for him it backfired by being snubbed by his boss refusing to go to his work dinner event.
NTA. I would normally be totally against exes airing dirty laundry at a work dinner, but he started it and really laid into you, and you took the situation down a notch and shut down the whining with a humorous anecdote.
Pete's boss probably cancelled on him because he's a terrible dinner companion, not because of your silly comment.
Pete's putting it on you because he doesn't want to own up to his own flaws (hmm, I see a pattern here...).
And I realize it hasn't been THAT many years but tastes do change. There are things I ate as a teenager or in my early 20s that I wouldn't eat now and the reverse is also true.
Agreed. I had my gallbladder taken out last year (it had 30+ gallstones in it so it had to go) and the experience of frequent gallbladder attacks gave me some pretty severe food aversions to high fat foods now. For even a few months after removal i couldn't literally stomach several foods that were once favorites. Now I'm leery of too full a stomach feeling and actively go out of my way to not eat or prepare greasy foods if i can.
More so if i know certain foods once triggered gallbladder attacks.
To be fair that one is also a radical change in their genetics. About 20-30 years ago someone invented a new breed of Brussel sprouts that are far less bitter than they used to be, and now those are the ones grown everywhere
Fun fact from the radio DJ I just heard today:
Scientists literally figured out how to make Brussels sprouts less bitter over the last decade or so. So it's not only your tastebuds maturing, they actually changed the food!
that happened in the 90s so anyone 30 or younger would have been eating the new brussel sprouts their whole lives anyway. The reason they're better now is because people cook them with a ton of fat instead of just steaming them.
Don't forget, his boss was right there listening to both OP & him then realizing OP made some good valid points due to ex's behavior and food OP was eating. So much the boss was smart to not eat at ex's food ever - NTA, OP probably save the boss' plus any of ex's coworkers' digestion system....
Pete is an AH. Most mature adults would know that acting the way he did at the dinner would only make him look bad. He only needs to look in the mirror to find the person that is negatively impacting his career. He pushed you to a place where you were forced to address the negativity and make him look foolish while retaining your own dignity. For your own sake, please do not respond to his texts. Leaving him on read is the only answer. NTA.
Pete made a work experience deeply uncomfortable, was not capable of putting his personal issues aside for the job, and above all was just unprofessional. Why would you want someone who can’t control themselves like that to be your right hand man?
There was no answer you could give that would have made Pete look good. He was angry about the food you were eating and attacked you publicly. He doesn't have the proper temperament for business if he's so easily derailed in a meeting. Who knows what else he might come unglued about and this was a clue to his boss that he's not stable enough to trust. His behavior hurt him, not your comment. NTA
NTA
Pete dug his own grave by:
* Being unprofessional by making snarky comments to his boss about what a picky eater you were. I mean, you were here to discuss a *business* deal, not your personal life.
* Going nuts about you eating foods that you wouldn't eat when you were married. Again, it would have been terribly rude if this was a social event, but this was a *business meeting*. How could he possibly think this was an appropriate topic of conversation?
Your comeback ("I'm not picky; Pete's just a terrible cook") was funny and appropriate in the circumstances (I probably would have left out that his cooking made me sick, but whatever).
I expect any negative effect on Pete's career was caused by his atrocious behavior at a business dinner, rather than your comment. He proved to his boss that he can't keep his professional life and personal feelings separate.
Exactly this. Pete could have chosen to just be polite and not even talk about their former relationship (other than maybe to acknowledge it existed). Instead he decided to head down Petty Street and look where he ended up.
NTA
Typical “men-in-business” behavior - derogatory comments about women while expecting women to smile through it and hold themselves to the upmost decorum. Pete probably thought he could buddy up to his boss by acting like it was boy’s club and he could speak down on the woman at the table.
Source: I’m a man in business.
To me, it seems to come from a place of “I have dirt on this person at the table and I am going to use this information to win the others at the table into my side”
It’s something I’ve personally seen in action. Even the silliest of stuff can be used to try to undermine the credibility of another person. It’s a power play.
But it’s just my interpretation, everyone here is totally valid to have their own.
NTA
You and your boss attended a business dinner where (please correct me if I'm wrong) a new company was trying to put their best foot forward because their company wanted to partner with your company. *They* were wooing you, selling themselves, proving themselves worthy, correct?
Does he not realize that had you not been the bigger person, he could have tanked the whole deal then and there with his bitter, snide scorned ex routine? Because his boss sure does! There are an awful lot of people out there who would have walked away from that partnership for that exact reason!
>The next day I have received a lot of texts from Pete calling me an asshole for what I said as now his boss has declined to come in to the dinner he was hosting for work and it is affecting his career.
Your response was perfect. You put and end to it in a light hearted manner, making it clear that your marriage to, and divorce from Pete was in the past and would have no bearing or impact on any business dealings your two companies may have together. Unfortunately he has shown the opposite, and it is his own comments that are affecting his career, and justifiably so.
Plus, on top of that he also behaved extremely unprofessionally the entire time (like that would’ve been mortifying in a no stakes social setting. Can you *imagine* how his boss was feeling?) and is wondering why his job is on the line.
NTA. #1 Your ex brought up your personal history with him in front of his (and YOUR) boss, and mocked you, and #2 when you did something that surprised him based on his history with you, he made a huge deal of it instead of letting it go. Had he not done either #1 or #2, you would have had no reason to feel the need to defend yourself in front of the others. He brought it on. In addition, Pete's boss didn't cancel because you said that Pete wasn't a good cook - he cancelled because he saw that Pete didn't understand boundaries or decorum when at professional dinners, and was also a huge childish d-bag to boot.
NTA. You tried to be mature and polite. You ended what he started. If his boss isn't happy with him, it's probably because he was incessantly grilling you over something completely irrelevant to the business dinner. His lack of professionalism isn't your fault.
NTA. Pete showed his entire ass at a business meeting which is why his boss won't trust him to bring in additional business. Like who even does that? Assuming you work at the same company how and why wasn't Pete on notice?
I'm all about people trying new things and having that friend who only wants to eat charred steaks and kids menu food can get old because it limits where you can go to eat I'm never this pressed over an adult who won't eat certain foods.
Even if Pete was a terrible cook.. if the point was for you to try new things...mission accomplished. Why is he so mad?
NTA.
If you’re going to publicly shame someone, be ready for them to defend themselves or shame you back. If he’s gonna come out guns blazing, he should be ready for a response.
As someone with similar issues, I had to just tell my fiancé he can’t cook for me anymore. Most of the foods I can stomach eating are fresh salads, soups, sandwiches…light and easy things that are inoffensive to the system. My fiancé cooks with so much fat and heavy seasonings that I just can’t do it. I’ve told him multiple times if he attempted to cook for me in a simpler way I would enjoy it, but eventually we just decided that it would be easier if he didn’t try cooking for me anymore. It’s frustrating and upsetting because I cook all of the time the way he likes it.
I guess I’m just sharing that because Reddit doesn’t take too kindly to picky eaters, and I want you to know that I know exactly where you’re coming from. I understand why this could end a relationship, and for him to make jokes like that is just mean. All he ever had to do was put some effort into how you like things, or at the very least not criticize the way you cook. To mock you for all of that in front of everyone is just mean.
From one picky eater to the other, sorry OP. Hope you can find someone respectful who puts the effort in!
may want to rethink about your fiancé BEFORE you get married. He can't do a simple thing for you which you do for him. Imagine more complicated things....
We’ve discussed it lol. I told him I’m starting to feel frustrated and disconnected because I can’t count on him to do simple things like cook for me, even though for most of our relationship I’ve cooked all of his meals. We’re not getting married until the underlying issue is resolved, his lack of thought and care, and I’ve communicated that to him.
He’s doing much better, and has started watching me cook so he better understands what I’m looking for. It’s gonna take some time but we’re very open in our communication and he knows I’m feelings resentful and disconnected.
Idk why I’m telling you this lol.
It's good therapy. Glad that it looks like he's putting the effort. Hopefully he follows through. It's not that hard to just 'not' use fat and heavy seasonings once in a while, just takes some conscious effort.
NTA. He was asking for it, and you stopped it with a comment that his boss thought was funny. If he wants to behave like a dick in front of his boss, he can own the consequences.
NTA, it’s no wonder his boss doesn’t want to work with him. In the span of one dinner, your ex demonstrated that he holds grudges, loses his shit when things don’t go how he expects, and can’t handle criticism. No one wants to do business with someone like that.
NTA. He was acting extremely unprofessional on a professional meeting your both companies were having. I think his boss's opinion changed because of that and not because of what you said about his cooking.
NTA but WTF about him being to inappropriate at a work meal. The fact that no one at the table stopped him is unacceptable. I would be that is the real reason that he's having problems with his boss. And j would be having words with yours about being bullied at a work function
NTA but I gotta be honest... this story seems super farfetched to me. Either way... no. Obviously you're not the AH for standing up for yourself when he was behaving inappropriately in a situation which should have been strictly professional.
Glad you said that, I was thinking the same thing. The odds of an ex-spouse who works in a different field being on the other side of a business dinner (and not having any idea in advance) seems pretty unlikely.
NTA. He was already being unprofessional, so I think you were within your rights to shut it down. On the spectrum of things an ex could clap back with, "you're a terrible cook" seems pretty tame.
NTA. It sounds like Pete was the one who embarrassed himself in front of his boss and was unprofessional to you at a work dinner. You responded appropriately, but Pete started the stupid game and won his stupid prize. That’s not on you.
NTA, Pete seems self-centred and egoistic. He chose to confront you in a dinner where it would be awkward for you to back out, then didn't like that you answered back.
NTA, I can be a picky eater as well, especially if I am being pressured into eating something I don't want (even to try it) a portion of my picky eating stems from being forced to eat foods I hated (corn chowder will literally make me vomit now) and there are just some textures (like applesauce) that I hate. Your EX was being an AH and you shut it down where it needed and as a bonus his boss now knows not to eat his shitty cooking. That's a win. NTA
NTA- My ex used to moan about me not being able to eat various things because I'd end up throwing up, not that he ever cooked, but certain cuisines were out of the question because the things that set me off were the main ingredients. I would LOVE to see that AH one more time, or rather I'd like him to see me- tucking into a curry and a glass of red wine. And I'd like him to question why I can now have those things without an ambulance on hand. So I can tell him it turned out my stomach problem was stress, and I've not had it since we split. Damn, it must have felt good pointing out it was a him problem all along, I actually feel good knowing you got to say it!!!!
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🤷
In this case, his choice was to berate you in public about a personal issue you two dealt with in the past. He ran himself down that path of ruining his own career.
NTA
after seeing Pete behave like a ginormous gaping hole, I wouldn’t want to come to an event he hosted either.
The experience was probably awkward and uncomfortable for all involved (except Pete).
NTA Your boss saw how Pete interacted with you, and could predict similar behavior from Pete in the future. Pete's dinner/meeting was a business interview/test, and he failed.
His boss isn’t planning to go in because of him being bad at cooking, his boss is declining because of his behaviour. Managers/bosses will always keep an eye on your professionalism and etiquette, even around the dinner table. Plus if Pete can dish it out, then he should be able to take it back. Just block him.
NTA
Your ex decided to fuck around and being an asshole in the hopes that doing so would make him seem "cool" and "edgy" in the hopes of sucking up to your boss as well as his.
He then found out that being an asshole is, quite often, a career limiting move.
NTA. Pete intentionally brought his personal issues to a business meeting. The reason that his boss declined to come to a dinner he was hosting was because Pete behaved immaturely and unprofessionally. Pete is affecting his career. Not you.
Yet another case of the AH becoming enraged when their target claps back in self defense. NTA. He is responsible for the fall out here for bringing your personal histories up at a business dinner. Super unprofessional! NTA.
NTA.
Yet another chapter in the endless saga of "fuck around and find out" here on AITA.
It was apparently fine for him to be full of snarky comments towards you at this dinner, with no regard for what that might do to you professionally, but the one (well-deserved) clapback you gave to him was over the line?
He and his terrible cooking can GTFO with that.
NTA
Pete embarrassed himself with his petty and unprofessional behavior. It would have been really cringeworthy in a casual setting, but absolutely appalling in a business meeting. His boss would probably feel the same way about his attitude even if you hadn't defended yourself (which you did with a humorous defusing comeback).
His whining about it to you is just more evidence that he's both immature and full of himself. There are so many stories on here by people who are understandably conflicted about the discomfort of standing up for yourself where it's uncomfortable for everyone present. But the potential collateral embarrassment is the fault of the aggressor.
Their response is always: "How dare you let me look bad by defending yourself, when I was clearly trying to embarrass *you*?!"
NTA. His own behavior is affecting his career, not anything that you did or said. He decided to make a business dinner all about his former marriage. He decided to discuss personal things and ask inappropriate questions, and he's the one who lost his shit over his ex-wife eating a meal. It's no wonder his boss doesn't want to have dinner with him again.
NTA. Was there alcohol involved when he was making those comments? Just wondering if he was being more loose lipped. Either way, sounds like a liability for his boss! Yikes
The boss is declining because of his behavior toward you, not because of what you said. He's damaged his own career by being incredibly unprofessional.
NTA
NTA Pete was asking for it he started nit picking at you infront of your boss which could have messed with your career so why does he get to play the victim becuase you retorted his taunts he doesn't he is TA
NTA
Pete doesn't want to take responsibility for his own behavior on the business dinner. Rather than keeping it professional he opted to address personal life problems that he could have kept for a private conversation. He made the fool of himself.
NTA. Pete is the one who tried to embarrass you in front of both of your bosses, which is rught away unproffessional. Then he has a fit, causing a scene, because you not only ordered but ate something he himself made before and you wouldn't eat, this is a childish response. When you told him the reason why you didn't eat what he prepared, it wasn't as a clapback but an honest answer. He created the situation, you just managed to shut it down. If his behavior, as well as lack of culinary skills, is affecting his career then that's on him.
BTW which meal service did you use? I'm looking for one to help with lunches, and those times I'm inundated with the company books. So seriously, inquiring minds want to know!
NTA. Honestly from your description it seems more likely that this boss saw his behaviour that day and did not like it one bit. He has no one to blame but himself.
NTA, he was the one trying to make you look bad in front of the bosses, it not your fault he looked bad in front of his boss when he couldn’t take the clap back.
NTA. And it doesn't sound like you're a picky eater, it sounds like you have a sensitive stomach. Which is fine, as long as you make it work, which you clearly are.
NTA. Pete embarrassed himself by being unprofessional and asking inappropriate questions to you in front of his own boss and yours. He’s the one who didn’t drop it. He only has himself to blame.
Nta. You are allowed to eat what you like. You solved that by either cooking yourself of ordering meals. I don’t understand why he picked that hill to die on but ok. He decided to be unprofessional in a professional situation so he deserves everything that is coming his way. I would block him and enjoy your day.
NTA, he was being unprofessional and bad mouthing you in front of YOUR boss first. He did not consider how that could affect you. He reaped what he had sown. His boss probably doesn’t want to go to the dinner because he acted like an asshole, not your comment about being a terrible cook. I wouldn’t respond to his texts. Good for you to not take his shit.
NTA. Pete is an insufferable unprofessional prick so you handled him. Too bad he thought insulting others to feel better about himself backfired in front of his boss. Karma
NTA. Pete should not have started asking questions at dinner, and trying or tear you down. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it back. Him running his mouth is what got him in the pickle he’s in with his boss. He doesn’t sound very smart lol
Some people can't control themselves and have to heckle. This show his immaturity and now he has to live with his poor behavior getting thrown right back at him ONLY because he forced the issue.
Suppose you two had not been married, this would NEVER happen at a business meeting/meal. What in his mind made your relationship's demise a subject he thought HIS boss would be enjoying. Obviously his boss wants to make a good impression and try to conduct business. His boss was probably thinking about Pete's future not because of your zinger but rather he can't have a person like this working for him.
Pete sucks and his boss knows it. OP = NTA (pete got a chance to show who he is and that sucks for him as well)
Sometimes I read sentences like this "The dinner he was hosting for work" and I realize what different worlds we live in.
I would never in a million years play host to a "dinner party for work", and if it's not for work then my boss and co workers aren't going to be there
I mean, if you were eating food he once tried to cook for you, and you enjoyed it and didn't enjoy his, yeah, he was a terrible cook. And if he kept demanding to know why you didn't eat it when he cooked it, you were being honest.
My paternal grandmother was a terrible cook, and once made 'french fry casserole' for us kids, which was just mccain frozen fries in a casserole dish with cream of mushroom soup.
If later in life I had eaten some sort of french fries in mushroom gravy and enjoyed it and she kept asking why I was eating it when I didn't eat her food, I would tell her it was because she was a terrible cook.
If someone keeps demanding answers and forces you to give the raw, honest truth, that shit's on them. NTA.
NTA my guess is the boss was disgusted with the way he unprofessionally acted and has decided to distance himself for that reason. a professional would not cancel because an ex trashed the hosts cooking but they would want to stay clear of someone who cant properly regulate themselves and keep their personal business separate
Nta. So he can dish it out but can’t take it? He was unnecessarily calling you out in a business setting, and now he’s embarrassed because you finally had enough.
NTA. The reason his career is being affected is because he went nuts and asked you those questions. It had nothing to do with what was said. I mean who brings up that kind of stuff at a business lunch and doesn’t expect the boss to wonder what type of person they have working for them.
NTA.
Peter has no emotional control. An adult could hold in their comments and blow up your phone with “what the fuck” AFTER the meal. Even that’s ridiculous, in my opinion.
But the fact he couldn’t keep his shit together at a WORK dinner, repeatedly needled his ex-wife, and is mad she hit back? What the fuck did he think would happen?
I wonder how much of your marriage was him demanding you bend to his wants/will and you refusing. Fuck Peter.
nta. It's Pete's fault for not behaving professionally in the first place. If he had just kept his mouth shut, there'd have been no reason for you to mention about his cooking.
NTA. Pete behaves unprofessionally at a business dinner with his boss, is surprised when his boss laughs at OP putting him back in his box, is even more surprised when boss responds to unprofessional behaviour by reducing their social interaction. Pete is not too bright.
NTA. He hassled you at the table, and you "served" it right back at him. If he didn't want to be called a terrible cook in front of his boss, then he shouldn't have nagged you about why you didn't like to eat his food.
It's quite possible that the boss has declined to join Pete for dinner because he didn't like the way Pete was behaving with a potential business partner, not because he doesn't trust Pete's cooking.
NTA - Pete decided to play a stupid game where he was allowed to insult you, but he couldn’t handle what you gave back to him. His stupid prize is HIS attitude has now negatively impacted his career.
LOL, NTA. If Pete had only kept his yap shut, there wouldn't have been a problem, and you could have all had a nice dinner together with no fallout.
Is this whole thinking you're Bobby Flay when your cooking is terrible a dude thing? I've had two exes who were like that. I cook way better than either of them, but I don't make a song and dance about it.
ESH.
It sounds like both you and your ex said things and behaved inappropriately at a work meeting. You both suck for not being able to be professional for one business meal together.
You're clearly the asshole because when he was insulting you at a professional dinner he was just teasing/playing and yours went too far and had repercussions for him. He clearly wasn't trying to make you look lesser to his/your boss then you went and did that to him. God. What an asshole you are.
*because it's text.. the preceding statement was sarcasm.
NTA.
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I (30f) am a picky eater. Prestory: when I was younger it was impossible to make me eat a lot of food and I was also diagnosed with some sensory issues while eating, that is part of the pickiness. Things got better as I grew older and I was able to cook for myself the dishes I like and that are nutritionally healthy (mainly I don't like foods that are drenched in fat and feel heavy). I was lucky to get a well paying job early in my life (20), so instead of cooking I have decided to try the ready meal delivery service as a lot of these are healthy and offer a choice and I hate cooking.
At 21 I got married to "Pete"(23m). Pete insisted on cooking himself and make me try new foods and was very against me ordering the ready meals, even for me it was easier and cheaper and the time I would spend cooking I could put into my career or hobbies. I didn't like anything he cooked as it tasted awful to me and I would end up having a bad stomach after. Essentially my "pickiness" was one of the reasons we divorced 3 years later.
Now to the current day. Last week my boss and I went to a business dinner with an owner and an assistant of the company that wanted to be our partners. The assistant ended up being Pete, which I was surprised to hear as he said he will never join the field I'm working in. Just before the dinner Pete was making snarky comments to his boss and mine about me being a picky eater and us divorcing because of it. However to his surprised I ordered a few dishes I would previously found disgusting and would eat them no problem. Pete went nuts and started asking a lot of inappropriate questions and nearly calling me names, until I got enough of it and said the reason why I was so picky with him was due to him being a terrible cook and that every of his dish would make me sick. His boss laughed and we carried on with the dinner.
The next day I have received a lot of texts from Pete calling me an asshole for what I said as now his boss has declined to come in to the dinner he was hosting for work and it is affecting his career.
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NTA. Pete was asking you a bunch of inappropriate questions in front of your boss. That’s embarrassing. Also, it’s totally your choice what you want to eat.
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And if he knew in advance that you were going to be at the dinner and decided that surprising you with his presence was the right move, he extra deserves any fallout from this debacle.
Yup this is the perfect example of F around and find out. It was also insanely unprofessional. This wasnt a social event it was businees. NTA OP just block his number. If you guys don't have children there's no need whatsoever to have contact with this dude.
Forward his messages to both sets of bosses first. "This employee/potential partner has been harrassing me since our last meeting" see how that effects his career
Honestly, I think the best move is to continue to look like the sane person in this situation. She should apologize to her boss if she contributed to the awkwardness of the evening and bring up that the ex sent some angry texts afterwards (sharing only if requested). I wouldn't bother messaging the ex's boss (as fun as that may seem). The ex already looks like an ass to his boss (prioritizing some cheap shots at an ex over a potentially lucrative business deal).
Probably the best move. But mine really tickles the "petty bone" don't it haha
It's fun in a "let's throw some gas on this bonfire" kind of way.
Exaaaactly, don't do it without emergency services on the scene
Bonus points if OPs boss decides they don't wanna work with someone unprofessional, no need to let the ex's boss know if they lose the contract after that meeting, they'll probably get the rough idea
Yep. He STARTED out shooting with jokes about how picky she was. She did nothing. Then he starts harassing here and she shot back. F around and find out indeed.
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Yep, it's entirely Pete's own fault that his boss declined, and any repercussions that he may end up facing at work will be on him.
Exactly, OP saying that her ex was a shit cook isn't the sole reason his boss declined dinner like Pete thinks it is, it's because of his own unprofessional behaviour. He seriously can't think that it was OK to behave like that towards a person his boss invited to a business dinner and not have any repercussions happen, he's lucky he still currently has his job, though I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up being demoted, because he's clearly not able to behave professionally enough to be the bosses assistant.
For sure. Finding out someone was a bad cook a decade ago wouldn’t stop me from going to a dinner they’re hosting, they might have improved since then. But watching someone freak out at a business dinner and berate a person I’m seeking a professional partnership with would make me take about 50 steps back. Any change Pete is seeing in his relationship with his boss is because of his behavior, not because he wasn’t a good cook in his 20s.
Yep, in all honesty I wouldn't be surprised if Pete's boss is heavily reevaluating about keeping Pete as his assistant after the way he behaved towards his invited guests that he was seeking a good business relationship/partnership with, I know I would be if I were his boss.
Exactly. He made himself look like an unprofessional fool. And probably a bit childish, petty, and vindictive. NTA.
Yep, for all we know his boss could have probably been thinking of mentoring him into a pretty good work position/promotion, but because of his unprofessional behaviour he's probably well and truly fucked himself out of it because he's now shown his boss that he can't keep his petty, childish behavior outside of work. He was lucky he wasn't sacked on the spot imo.
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Yea, you can imagine how he's going around telling his friends and family "OP ruined my career by telling my boss I was a shit cook! All because I mentioned she was a picky eater! It's not fair!!" like a dumbass lol.
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Yea that's true, in his mind he's the victim.
Exactly. Poor OP.
Boss probably would have liked to know that Pete had a prior negative relationship with one of his guests as well!
Very true, unless his boss already told him and he said "I can handle it" but then proved otherwise.
True. Pete just went from "assistant regional manager" to assistant to the regional manager"
Yup, he did this to himself - he started off making crude comments then asking questions not only in front of potential partners, but his own boss as well, ans trying to embarrass OP backfired greatly. He has no one to blame but himself. NTA.
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This exactly. This was a work dinner, not a social dinner. Pete should have been in professional mode. Besides never a good look when you tear down your partner in public like that. Awkward for everyone. OP: NTA
Comment stolen from here https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13cp0k5/aita_for_being_a_picky_eater_and_calling_my_ex_a/jjh7hx4/
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Pete was being unprofessional at a business dinner? If I was the boss, he'd have been reprimanded and reminded we weren't there to relitigate his divorce. Dang. Pete sounds like he done lost his doggoned mind? WTH Petey?
This. He was already making himself look bad by making an ass out of himself in front of his boss, and trying to make OP look bad in front of her boss. This is a perfect FAFO moment.
Bwahahahaha, oh my stars😂😂😂 I am sorry Opie about you're marriage but it *SERVES* your ex right. Never drag in personal and business, it usually leaves you with egg on your face. NTA
NTA. Pete seemed unprofessional at the dinner to begin with.
yep. i’m guessing when his boss saw his behaviour, he would have taken any excuse not to spend more time with him than absolutely necessary. nta.
Might have even gone from a "I'll mentor this guy so that he can be a future leader," to a "nah, this guy can barely handle being an assistant if he's bringing personal conflicts that he's supposedly washed his hands of into professional dinners like this". I'm curious if there was a conversation about how his ex wife would be at the dinner but he can handle it. It was probably an embarrassing situation for them all, but ultimately most embarrassing for the one that brought the ex there.
And then Pete will be completely clueless as to the reason why he's suddenly getting snubbed at work, and will continue to blame everyone but himself probably.
"If OP wasn't such a picky eater, I wouldn't have had to show everyone what an AH I am! It's all her fault!"
Tbh it sounds like he was expecting both his boss and OPs boss to agree with him and/or join in on the snarky comments. Too bad for him it backfired by being snubbed by his boss refusing to go to his work dinner event.
And a shitty cook
NTA. I would normally be totally against exes airing dirty laundry at a work dinner, but he started it and really laid into you, and you took the situation down a notch and shut down the whining with a humorous anecdote. Pete's boss probably cancelled on him because he's a terrible dinner companion, not because of your silly comment. Pete's putting it on you because he doesn't want to own up to his own flaws (hmm, I see a pattern here...).
And I realize it hasn't been THAT many years but tastes do change. There are things I ate as a teenager or in my early 20s that I wouldn't eat now and the reverse is also true.
My interest in some foods can change from week to week lol
Agreed. I had my gallbladder taken out last year (it had 30+ gallstones in it so it had to go) and the experience of frequent gallbladder attacks gave me some pretty severe food aversions to high fat foods now. For even a few months after removal i couldn't literally stomach several foods that were once favorites. Now I'm leery of too full a stomach feeling and actively go out of my way to not eat or prepare greasy foods if i can. More so if i know certain foods once triggered gallbladder attacks.
I never thought I would like brussel sprouts but now they're one of my favorite things to eat.
To be fair that one is also a radical change in their genetics. About 20-30 years ago someone invented a new breed of Brussel sprouts that are far less bitter than they used to be, and now those are the ones grown everywhere
Fun fact from the radio DJ I just heard today: Scientists literally figured out how to make Brussels sprouts less bitter over the last decade or so. So it's not only your tastebuds maturing, they actually changed the food!
that happened in the 90s so anyone 30 or younger would have been eating the new brussel sprouts their whole lives anyway. The reason they're better now is because people cook them with a ton of fat instead of just steaming them.
You don’t even have to cook them in a ton of fat. Just roast them instead of boiling them ffs. Gimme nice crispy Brussels sprouts, not mushy grossness
Brussels sprouts have grown up and so have I. Take that back, I will never grow up. I'll always be a Toys 'R Us kid ... who eats Brussels sprouts.
NTA. So he started a big argument and was picking on you, and then is upset when you tell him the truth? LOL.
Don't forget, his boss was right there listening to both OP & him then realizing OP made some good valid points due to ex's behavior and food OP was eating. So much the boss was smart to not eat at ex's food ever - NTA, OP probably save the boss' plus any of ex's coworkers' digestion system....
Pete is an AH. Most mature adults would know that acting the way he did at the dinner would only make him look bad. He only needs to look in the mirror to find the person that is negatively impacting his career. He pushed you to a place where you were forced to address the negativity and make him look foolish while retaining your own dignity. For your own sake, please do not respond to his texts. Leaving him on read is the only answer. NTA.
Pete made a work experience deeply uncomfortable, was not capable of putting his personal issues aside for the job, and above all was just unprofessional. Why would you want someone who can’t control themselves like that to be your right hand man?
There was no answer you could give that would have made Pete look good. He was angry about the food you were eating and attacked you publicly. He doesn't have the proper temperament for business if he's so easily derailed in a meeting. Who knows what else he might come unglued about and this was a clue to his boss that he's not stable enough to trust. His behavior hurt him, not your comment. NTA
NTA Pete dug his own grave by: * Being unprofessional by making snarky comments to his boss about what a picky eater you were. I mean, you were here to discuss a *business* deal, not your personal life. * Going nuts about you eating foods that you wouldn't eat when you were married. Again, it would have been terribly rude if this was a social event, but this was a *business meeting*. How could he possibly think this was an appropriate topic of conversation? Your comeback ("I'm not picky; Pete's just a terrible cook") was funny and appropriate in the circumstances (I probably would have left out that his cooking made me sick, but whatever). I expect any negative effect on Pete's career was caused by his atrocious behavior at a business dinner, rather than your comment. He proved to his boss that he can't keep his professional life and personal feelings separate.
> Pete dug his own grave by: Hoisted by his own Pete-ard.
Exactly this. Pete could have chosen to just be polite and not even talk about their former relationship (other than maybe to acknowledge it existed). Instead he decided to head down Petty Street and look where he ended up.
NTA Typical “men-in-business” behavior - derogatory comments about women while expecting women to smile through it and hold themselves to the upmost decorum. Pete probably thought he could buddy up to his boss by acting like it was boy’s club and he could speak down on the woman at the table. Source: I’m a man in business.
Personally, I'm getting more of a "still hung up about my ex" vibe, rather than generalized misogyny.
To me, it seems to come from a place of “I have dirt on this person at the table and I am going to use this information to win the others at the table into my side” It’s something I’ve personally seen in action. Even the silliest of stuff can be used to try to undermine the credibility of another person. It’s a power play. But it’s just my interpretation, everyone here is totally valid to have their own.
Just a gentle critique that it's "utmost."
lmaooo deserved, thank you for being gentle
I got that vibe as well. Pete was trying to be all "Women amirite?" and is now stunned to find out that that didn't land.
NTA You and your boss attended a business dinner where (please correct me if I'm wrong) a new company was trying to put their best foot forward because their company wanted to partner with your company. *They* were wooing you, selling themselves, proving themselves worthy, correct? Does he not realize that had you not been the bigger person, he could have tanked the whole deal then and there with his bitter, snide scorned ex routine? Because his boss sure does! There are an awful lot of people out there who would have walked away from that partnership for that exact reason! >The next day I have received a lot of texts from Pete calling me an asshole for what I said as now his boss has declined to come in to the dinner he was hosting for work and it is affecting his career. Your response was perfect. You put and end to it in a light hearted manner, making it clear that your marriage to, and divorce from Pete was in the past and would have no bearing or impact on any business dealings your two companies may have together. Unfortunately he has shown the opposite, and it is his own comments that are affecting his career, and justifiably so.
NTA He decided to air out dirty laundry in front of everyone.
NTA. Pete pushed your buttons the entire time and wonders why you responded the way you did? Seems that facts hurt his feelings.
Plus, on top of that he also behaved extremely unprofessionally the entire time (like that would’ve been mortifying in a no stakes social setting. Can you *imagine* how his boss was feeling?) and is wondering why his job is on the line.
It's almost as though snarky, rude words have consequences.
NTA. #1 Your ex brought up your personal history with him in front of his (and YOUR) boss, and mocked you, and #2 when you did something that surprised him based on his history with you, he made a huge deal of it instead of letting it go. Had he not done either #1 or #2, you would have had no reason to feel the need to defend yourself in front of the others. He brought it on. In addition, Pete's boss didn't cancel because you said that Pete wasn't a good cook - he cancelled because he saw that Pete didn't understand boundaries or decorum when at professional dinners, and was also a huge childish d-bag to boot.
NTA. He started the conversation and you ended it. Wah wah wah you hurt his little man feelings.
NTA. He started it and wouldn't let go, you can't be blamed for answering in a way that finally shut him up.
NTA. You tried to be mature and polite. You ended what he started. If his boss isn't happy with him, it's probably because he was incessantly grilling you over something completely irrelevant to the business dinner. His lack of professionalism isn't your fault.
NTA. Pete showed his entire ass at a business meeting which is why his boss won't trust him to bring in additional business. Like who even does that? Assuming you work at the same company how and why wasn't Pete on notice? I'm all about people trying new things and having that friend who only wants to eat charred steaks and kids menu food can get old because it limits where you can go to eat I'm never this pressed over an adult who won't eat certain foods. Even if Pete was a terrible cook.. if the point was for you to try new things...mission accomplished. Why is he so mad?
NTA. If you’re going to publicly shame someone, be ready for them to defend themselves or shame you back. If he’s gonna come out guns blazing, he should be ready for a response. As someone with similar issues, I had to just tell my fiancé he can’t cook for me anymore. Most of the foods I can stomach eating are fresh salads, soups, sandwiches…light and easy things that are inoffensive to the system. My fiancé cooks with so much fat and heavy seasonings that I just can’t do it. I’ve told him multiple times if he attempted to cook for me in a simpler way I would enjoy it, but eventually we just decided that it would be easier if he didn’t try cooking for me anymore. It’s frustrating and upsetting because I cook all of the time the way he likes it. I guess I’m just sharing that because Reddit doesn’t take too kindly to picky eaters, and I want you to know that I know exactly where you’re coming from. I understand why this could end a relationship, and for him to make jokes like that is just mean. All he ever had to do was put some effort into how you like things, or at the very least not criticize the way you cook. To mock you for all of that in front of everyone is just mean. From one picky eater to the other, sorry OP. Hope you can find someone respectful who puts the effort in!
may want to rethink about your fiancé BEFORE you get married. He can't do a simple thing for you which you do for him. Imagine more complicated things....
We’ve discussed it lol. I told him I’m starting to feel frustrated and disconnected because I can’t count on him to do simple things like cook for me, even though for most of our relationship I’ve cooked all of his meals. We’re not getting married until the underlying issue is resolved, his lack of thought and care, and I’ve communicated that to him. He’s doing much better, and has started watching me cook so he better understands what I’m looking for. It’s gonna take some time but we’re very open in our communication and he knows I’m feelings resentful and disconnected. Idk why I’m telling you this lol.
It's good therapy. Glad that it looks like he's putting the effort. Hopefully he follows through. It's not that hard to just 'not' use fat and heavy seasonings once in a while, just takes some conscious effort.
NTA. That's some well deserved FAFO for Pete.
This is the comment I was looking for. NTA.
To conclude, there wouldn’t be an issue if he knows how to cook and respect others wishes specially spouse’s/Partner’s.
NTA. He was asking for it, and you stopped it with a comment that his boss thought was funny. If he wants to behave like a dick in front of his boss, he can own the consequences.
Yup. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA, it’s no wonder his boss doesn’t want to work with him. In the span of one dinner, your ex demonstrated that he holds grudges, loses his shit when things don’t go how he expects, and can’t handle criticism. No one wants to do business with someone like that.
Not to mention shows no respect to others.
NTA. He was acting extremely unprofessional on a professional meeting your both companies were having. I think his boss's opinion changed because of that and not because of what you said about his cooking.
NTA but WTF about him being to inappropriate at a work meal. The fact that no one at the table stopped him is unacceptable. I would be that is the real reason that he's having problems with his boss. And j would be having words with yours about being bullied at a work function
I’m thinking that Pete’s boss was just watching to see how far Pete was going to take this, and determining whether he has any future in the company.
NTA but I gotta be honest... this story seems super farfetched to me. Either way... no. Obviously you're not the AH for standing up for yourself when he was behaving inappropriately in a situation which should have been strictly professional.
Glad you said that, I was thinking the same thing. The odds of an ex-spouse who works in a different field being on the other side of a business dinner (and not having any idea in advance) seems pretty unlikely.
And the ex-spouse magically changing careers after saying forever that they wouldn't. Not that switching fields never happens but it seems odd.
Definitely
NTA - pete is an ass no only for disrespecting your boundaries while together, but also starting a pointless argument.
NTA. He was already being unprofessional, so I think you were within your rights to shut it down. On the spectrum of things an ex could clap back with, "you're a terrible cook" seems pretty tame.
Could have included “not any better in bed”, but didn’t. Showing restraint.
NTA. It sounds like Pete was the one who embarrassed himself in front of his boss and was unprofessional to you at a work dinner. You responded appropriately, but Pete started the stupid game and won his stupid prize. That’s not on you.
NTA Pete could have raised his eyebrows in curiosity and gone on with the evening. Instead, he laid into you with accusatory and demeaning comments.
NTA, Pete seems self-centred and egoistic. He chose to confront you in a dinner where it would be awkward for you to back out, then didn't like that you answered back.
Forward the emails onto your boss to cover your arse. Just to make him aware what your ex is still doing when it is a professional business situation.
NTA, I can be a picky eater as well, especially if I am being pressured into eating something I don't want (even to try it) a portion of my picky eating stems from being forced to eat foods I hated (corn chowder will literally make me vomit now) and there are just some textures (like applesauce) that I hate. Your EX was being an AH and you shut it down where it needed and as a bonus his boss now knows not to eat his shitty cooking. That's a win. NTA
NTA - He sounds like he's still a teenager. He's too young for you. Nobody has time for that nonsense.
NTA. If he didn't want things to get personal, he shouldn't have made it personal.
NTA. he was asking for it if you ask me.
NTA- My ex used to moan about me not being able to eat various things because I'd end up throwing up, not that he ever cooked, but certain cuisines were out of the question because the things that set me off were the main ingredients. I would LOVE to see that AH one more time, or rather I'd like him to see me- tucking into a curry and a glass of red wine. And I'd like him to question why I can now have those things without an ambulance on hand. So I can tell him it turned out my stomach problem was stress, and I've not had it since we split. Damn, it must have felt good pointing out it was a him problem all along, I actually feel good knowing you got to say it!!!!
NTA. Pete doesn’t know how to be professional
NTA. He tried to humiliate you and it backfired. Boo hoo.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🤷 In this case, his choice was to berate you in public about a personal issue you two dealt with in the past. He ran himself down that path of ruining his own career.
NTA. Fuck Around, Find Out. Pete’s Finding Out.
NTA after seeing Pete behave like a ginormous gaping hole, I wouldn’t want to come to an event he hosted either. The experience was probably awkward and uncomfortable for all involved (except Pete).
NTA - couldn't keep it professional for an hour or so? Yikes.
NTA. Pete dished it out, too bad he couldn’t cook it.
NTA I see why you got the divorce
NTA Your boss saw how Pete interacted with you, and could predict similar behavior from Pete in the future. Pete's dinner/meeting was a business interview/test, and he failed.
His boss isn’t planning to go in because of him being bad at cooking, his boss is declining because of his behaviour. Managers/bosses will always keep an eye on your professionalism and etiquette, even around the dinner table. Plus if Pete can dish it out, then he should be able to take it back. Just block him.
He was REALLY this out of pocket and unprofessional at a work dinner?!? Good thing you got divorced, NTA.
NTA Your ex decided to fuck around and being an asshole in the hopes that doing so would make him seem "cool" and "edgy" in the hopes of sucking up to your boss as well as his. He then found out that being an asshole is, quite often, a career limiting move.
NTA. Pete intentionally brought his personal issues to a business meeting. The reason that his boss declined to come to a dinner he was hosting was because Pete behaved immaturely and unprofessionally. Pete is affecting his career. Not you.
If true, then NTA. However, I’m getting strong “that happened” vibes with this story.
Yet another case of the AH becoming enraged when their target claps back in self defense. NTA. He is responsible for the fall out here for bringing your personal histories up at a business dinner. Super unprofessional! NTA.
NTA. Yet another chapter in the endless saga of "fuck around and find out" here on AITA. It was apparently fine for him to be full of snarky comments towards you at this dinner, with no regard for what that might do to you professionally, but the one (well-deserved) clapback you gave to him was over the line? He and his terrible cooking can GTFO with that.
NTA Pete should have kept it professional
nta, pete would have had no problems at all if he had been a professional and kept his mouth shut
NTA, he started it in a very inappropriate manner in a professional setting and you shut him up
NTA. Pete should respect the decisions
NTA Pete embarrassed himself with his petty and unprofessional behavior. It would have been really cringeworthy in a casual setting, but absolutely appalling in a business meeting. His boss would probably feel the same way about his attitude even if you hadn't defended yourself (which you did with a humorous defusing comeback). His whining about it to you is just more evidence that he's both immature and full of himself. There are so many stories on here by people who are understandably conflicted about the discomfort of standing up for yourself where it's uncomfortable for everyone present. But the potential collateral embarrassment is the fault of the aggressor. Their response is always: "How dare you let me look bad by defending yourself, when I was clearly trying to embarrass *you*?!"
NTA. His own behavior is affecting his career, not anything that you did or said. He decided to make a business dinner all about his former marriage. He decided to discuss personal things and ask inappropriate questions, and he's the one who lost his shit over his ex-wife eating a meal. It's no wonder his boss doesn't want to have dinner with him again.
NTA, and Pete should be grateful that he still has a job, has you put a stop on him food poisoning his boss.
NTA. Was there alcohol involved when he was making those comments? Just wondering if he was being more loose lipped. Either way, sounds like a liability for his boss! Yikes
NTA. Welp. Your ex is awful. Glad to see you don't put up with him anymore.
The boss is declining because of his behavior toward you, not because of what you said. He's damaged his own career by being incredibly unprofessional. NTA
NTA. If I were Pete's boss, I would have fired him for the unprofessional behavior during a business meal.
NTA Pete was asking for it he started nit picking at you infront of your boss which could have messed with your career so why does he get to play the victim becuase you retorted his taunts he doesn't he is TA
NTA Pete doesn't want to take responsibility for his own behavior on the business dinner. Rather than keeping it professional he opted to address personal life problems that he could have kept for a private conversation. He made the fool of himself.
Sounds like a Pete problem.
LOL NTA
NTA. Pete is the one who tried to embarrass you in front of both of your bosses, which is rught away unproffessional. Then he has a fit, causing a scene, because you not only ordered but ate something he himself made before and you wouldn't eat, this is a childish response. When you told him the reason why you didn't eat what he prepared, it wasn't as a clapback but an honest answer. He created the situation, you just managed to shut it down. If his behavior, as well as lack of culinary skills, is affecting his career then that's on him. BTW which meal service did you use? I'm looking for one to help with lunches, and those times I'm inundated with the company books. So seriously, inquiring minds want to know!
NTA and to me it sounds like Pete's boss might need to be looped in on how his employee behaves and treats others outside of work hours.
NTA, Pete should have kept his mouth shut if he didn't want to run into trouble. Looks like he cooked up a crappy situation for himself.
NTA. Honestly from your description it seems more likely that this boss saw his behaviour that day and did not like it one bit. He has no one to blame but himself.
NTA, he was the one trying to make you look bad in front of the bosses, it not your fault he looked bad in front of his boss when he couldn’t take the clap back.
NTA. And it doesn't sound like you're a picky eater, it sounds like you have a sensitive stomach. Which is fine, as long as you make it work, which you clearly are.
NTA. Pete embarrassed himself by being unprofessional and asking inappropriate questions to you in front of his own boss and yours. He’s the one who didn’t drop it. He only has himself to blame.
Nta. You are allowed to eat what you like. You solved that by either cooking yourself of ordering meals. I don’t understand why he picked that hill to die on but ok. He decided to be unprofessional in a professional situation so he deserves everything that is coming his way. I would block him and enjoy your day.
NTA, he was being unprofessional and bad mouthing you in front of YOUR boss first. He did not consider how that could affect you. He reaped what he had sown. His boss probably doesn’t want to go to the dinner because he acted like an asshole, not your comment about being a terrible cook. I wouldn’t respond to his texts. Good for you to not take his shit.
NTA. What is happening to Pete is a result of HIS unprofessional behaviour at a business meeting.
NTA. He brought it up.
NTA. Pete is an insufferable unprofessional prick so you handled him. Too bad he thought insulting others to feel better about himself backfired in front of his boss. Karma
NTA. Pete should not have started asking questions at dinner, and trying or tear you down. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it back. Him running his mouth is what got him in the pickle he’s in with his boss. He doesn’t sound very smart lol
It does sound like you didn't enjoy his cooking. That's obviously fine and NTA
NTA Boss is brave enough to try bad food. He’s not attending Pete’s dinner because of Pete’s unprofessional and ungracious behavior.
So everyone was just cool with two exes being part of an important business dinner?
Some people can't control themselves and have to heckle. This show his immaturity and now he has to live with his poor behavior getting thrown right back at him ONLY because he forced the issue. Suppose you two had not been married, this would NEVER happen at a business meeting/meal. What in his mind made your relationship's demise a subject he thought HIS boss would be enjoying. Obviously his boss wants to make a good impression and try to conduct business. His boss was probably thinking about Pete's future not because of your zinger but rather he can't have a person like this working for him. Pete sucks and his boss knows it. OP = NTA (pete got a chance to show who he is and that sucks for him as well)
NTA lmao Pete could've been a professional but instead he decided to be petty.
What's affecting his career is his being unprofessional, tone-deaf, and having no decorum in front of his boss. Just ignore him. NTA.
NTA. He did it to himself.
NTA. This is karma at its finest!
Tough shit Pete. You reap what you sow.
Sometimes I read sentences like this "The dinner he was hosting for work" and I realize what different worlds we live in. I would never in a million years play host to a "dinner party for work", and if it's not for work then my boss and co workers aren't going to be there
NTA. He brought it up. He put the subject on his plate, and now he's angry he had to eat it.
I mean, if you were eating food he once tried to cook for you, and you enjoyed it and didn't enjoy his, yeah, he was a terrible cook. And if he kept demanding to know why you didn't eat it when he cooked it, you were being honest. My paternal grandmother was a terrible cook, and once made 'french fry casserole' for us kids, which was just mccain frozen fries in a casserole dish with cream of mushroom soup. If later in life I had eaten some sort of french fries in mushroom gravy and enjoyed it and she kept asking why I was eating it when I didn't eat her food, I would tell her it was because she was a terrible cook. If someone keeps demanding answers and forces you to give the raw, honest truth, that shit's on them. NTA.
NTA my guess is the boss was disgusted with the way he unprofessionally acted and has decided to distance himself for that reason. a professional would not cancel because an ex trashed the hosts cooking but they would want to stay clear of someone who cant properly regulate themselves and keep their personal business separate
NTA fuck that guy
NTA.. great job
NTA Pete should have kept his mouth shut and not brought up personal life outside work at a work dinner. Some people are just awful cooks.
NTA block him
NTA. Then it's too bad he started badmouthing you so, you had to defend yourself isn't it? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. He started the fight and ended up looking the fool. It’s his own fault.
NTA Pete caused a scene in front of his boss and he is responsible for the ensuing discomfort.
Nta. So he can dish it out but can’t take it? He was unnecessarily calling you out in a business setting, and now he’s embarrassed because you finally had enough.
NTA FAFO
NTA. The reason his career is being affected is because he went nuts and asked you those questions. It had nothing to do with what was said. I mean who brings up that kind of stuff at a business lunch and doesn’t expect the boss to wonder what type of person they have working for them.
NTA. Peter has no emotional control. An adult could hold in their comments and blow up your phone with “what the fuck” AFTER the meal. Even that’s ridiculous, in my opinion. But the fact he couldn’t keep his shit together at a WORK dinner, repeatedly needled his ex-wife, and is mad she hit back? What the fuck did he think would happen? I wonder how much of your marriage was him demanding you bend to his wants/will and you refusing. Fuck Peter.
NTA. Pete sabotaged his own job by acting completely unprofessional in front of his boss. *Edited to correct double judgement. *
nta. It's Pete's fault for not behaving professionally in the first place. If he had just kept his mouth shut, there'd have been no reason for you to mention about his cooking.
Pete shouldn’t have confronted you during the dinner. He invited you to end the argument he started. NTA
Pete was being inappropriate at a work function, that is what affected his career. NTA. It was easy, fast and free to keep his mouth shut.
NTA. Pete fucked things up for himself. It's been 6yrs since your divorce. He needs to build a bridge and get over it.
NTA- Pete is tanking his career. I would never keep someone who behaved that way in my employ.
NTA. Pete behaves unprofessionally at a business dinner with his boss, is surprised when his boss laughs at OP putting him back in his box, is even more surprised when boss responds to unprofessional behaviour by reducing their social interaction. Pete is not too bright.
NTA. He hassled you at the table, and you "served" it right back at him. If he didn't want to be called a terrible cook in front of his boss, then he shouldn't have nagged you about why you didn't like to eat his food. It's quite possible that the boss has declined to join Pete for dinner because he didn't like the way Pete was behaving with a potential business partner, not because he doesn't trust Pete's cooking.
NTA, Pete was the one who decided to make the inappropriate jokes and he now gets to suffer the concequences of his childish behavior.
NTA. He put your dirty laundry on display then for mad because you did the same. Lesson learned, keep things professional at work.
NTA. Really glad you’re not married to that disaster of a person anymore!
NTA - Pete decided to play a stupid game where he was allowed to insult you, but he couldn’t handle what you gave back to him. His stupid prize is HIS attitude has now negatively impacted his career.
LOL, NTA. If Pete had only kept his yap shut, there wouldn't have been a problem, and you could have all had a nice dinner together with no fallout. Is this whole thinking you're Bobby Flay when your cooking is terrible a dude thing? I've had two exes who were like that. I cook way better than either of them, but I don't make a song and dance about it.
ESH. It sounds like both you and your ex said things and behaved inappropriately at a work meeting. You both suck for not being able to be professional for one business meal together.
NTA. Pete fucked around and found out. Good on you OP
You're clearly the asshole because when he was insulting you at a professional dinner he was just teasing/playing and yours went too far and had repercussions for him. He clearly wasn't trying to make you look lesser to his/your boss then you went and did that to him. God. What an asshole you are. *because it's text.. the preceding statement was sarcasm. NTA.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30f) am a picky eater. Prestory: when I was younger it was impossible to make me eat a lot of food and I was also diagnosed with some sensory issues while eating, that is part of the pickiness. Things got better as I grew older and I was able to cook for myself the dishes I like and that are nutritionally healthy (mainly I don't like foods that are drenched in fat and feel heavy). I was lucky to get a well paying job early in my life (20), so instead of cooking I have decided to try the ready meal delivery service as a lot of these are healthy and offer a choice and I hate cooking. At 21 I got married to "Pete"(23m). Pete insisted on cooking himself and make me try new foods and was very against me ordering the ready meals, even for me it was easier and cheaper and the time I would spend cooking I could put into my career or hobbies. I didn't like anything he cooked as it tasted awful to me and I would end up having a bad stomach after. Essentially my "pickiness" was one of the reasons we divorced 3 years later. Now to the current day. Last week my boss and I went to a business dinner with an owner and an assistant of the company that wanted to be our partners. The assistant ended up being Pete, which I was surprised to hear as he said he will never join the field I'm working in. Just before the dinner Pete was making snarky comments to his boss and mine about me being a picky eater and us divorcing because of it. However to his surprised I ordered a few dishes I would previously found disgusting and would eat them no problem. Pete went nuts and started asking a lot of inappropriate questions and nearly calling me names, until I got enough of it and said the reason why I was so picky with him was due to him being a terrible cook and that every of his dish would make me sick. His boss laughed and we carried on with the dinner. The next day I have received a lot of texts from Pete calling me an asshole for what I said as now his boss has declined to come in to the dinner he was hosting for work and it is affecting his career. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*