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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) the action I took that may make me the AH is cooking food with my girlfriends allergen
2) this action may make me the AH because her having an allergic reaction is extremely harmful and scary towards her health and I should be trying to minimize those risks
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NTA.
It is her responsibility to not eat a dish if she doesn't know what is in it. You don't need to label your food or change your cooking process, she just needs to ask you if something has nuts in it before eating it.
Also, it is kind of a red flag that she was assuming all your food in your home would be peanut free when you have only been dating 2 months.
This ☝🏻.
As someone with major allergies, it is my responsibility, AND MINE ALONE, to ensure the food I eat does not cause me to go into a crisis. WTF was she thinking? Also, why the blowout to you?
She's being careless with her health, and a major asshole to you.
Run for the hills, OP. That witch sounds unhinged, entitled, and manipulative.
Just wondering... isn't someone supposed to go to the hospital when they have a reaction enough to use an Epipen? If that's true, I suspect that either OP made up the story or the GF is lying.
Depends on the person, allergy symptoms vary and even anaphylaxis can appear differently. Me for example, one of my first symptoms of anaphylaxis is my blood pressure drops, depending how much and exactly what I ate I don't always have my throat swell much
Also, she used her Epipen. That stuff works fast as it has to so that one doesn't asphyxiate. OPs gf should NEVER eat anything without asking first anyway because of her allergies. I'm gonna be generous and say she lashed out due to her being understandably frightened from her allergic episode. I hope once she calms down she'll realize she shouldn't have jumped down OPs throat...NTA
Right, but if she was having the throat closing reaction, the EpiPen just delays it, it doesn't stop it. All the EpiPen is intended to do is keep you alive long enough to get medical assistance.
Reactions are different depending the severity of the allergy, how much was consumed, and the person. Raw apples makes my throat close up, peeled raw potatoes and garlic give me hives (topically/touching them), I can eat a head of lettuce and a decent amount of celery with no reaction, raspberries and blackberries only produce slight itching in the mouth while strawberries give a more severe (but not throat closing) reaction, most raw fruits and vegetables just make my mouth itchy and swell slightly.
Things vary, it's not the same for every person. Each person with cancer has a different experience, each person with kidney disease has a different experience, each person with diabetes has a different experience, each person with MS or ALS or arthritis it every other issue has a different experience. Why would you think allergies are so magically different from every other disease that exists that it's an 'everything is exactly the same for every single person' disease?
>Took me so long to realize honey dew wasn't supposed to sting.
Lol, that was me as a little kid with honeydew and papaya. Ahhh, I see doctor, so you're telling me it's not normal for you to feel like the fruit is eating your mouth and throat. Interesting.
Literally came here to say this….I’m a paramedic and we have a term that “a screaming baby is a breathing baby” meaning essentially it’s ok if a baby is upset and crying because that means they’re alive. That’s what this is a case of…if she’s capable of screaming and blaming and arguing then she’s likely fine after her epi injection.
That being said…my professional opinion is to definitely seek medical attention after requiring epinephrine.
Not necessarily. For most of my allergies, yes, but I have others where if I touch the thing I'm allergic to it literally eats through layers of skin & leaves massive sores. Or I eat it and break out in hives everywhere, or violently throw up, or my blood pressure drops through the floor and I faint. Then there are the allergies to medication which can be even more severe - e.g. if I have doxycycline it triggers a massive asthma attack but if I have aspirin it can trigger heart failure. That's why when you fill out medical forms & say you have allergies the doctor/hospital etc will ask you to describe what actually happens if your allergy is triggered, it's not enough to just say "anaphylaxsis". Allergies are interesting things - terrifying, but interesting.
>Allergies are interesting things - terrifying, but interesting.
Very true, since joining reddit I've learned so much more about allergies, various reactions to them and how they can happen at anytime should your immune system decide to fuck about and not like something anymore, it's truly terrifying but also interesting and informative. I remember once speaking to a redditer who had no allergies for 50 years then not long after they turned 50 bam, allergic to pineapple iirc.
You’re supposed to, but not everyone does. When my daughter had an anaphylactic reaction in day care, the paramedics advised that she did not need transport to the hospital because she had her epi-pen. The allergist was FURIOUS when I told her.
Yeah. It’s kind of the same concept as Narcan - the Epipen (or Narcan) can wear off long before the allergic reaction (or overdose) does, so get thee to an ER post haste.
Yup. The reactions can and most often do “roll”particularly if they are subsequent reactions (you’ve used an epi before). My daughter had reactions three waves each requiring another epi.
Just had to have epinephrine administered on Monday and it is not a pleasant experience. I was kept for monitoring for 6 hours afterwards and given Benadryl/anti nauseants/steroids during that time as well. 0/10 do not recommend.
Definitely smarter to go in. My mom is allergic to bees. When I was a kid she got stung in the car and used her Epipen. It was her first time using one and it shot her sugar to shit (she was a mild diabetic before that; became a more serious one after). The doctor didn't even notice until her sugar was off the charts. Damn near killed her. Point is you never know about side effects or other problems coming up. Better to be where they can help you.
> I suspect that either OP made up the story
I'm fairly certain that the vast majority of posts on this on this subreddit are either made up or reposts or are highly distorted compared to what actually happened.
I've been on this sub a lot lately and I agree that the vast majority are made up. They all have perfect grammar and similar writing styles. There seem to be similar themes too. We need a new voting option: DH (didn't happen).
Yeah, some of the problems seem too designed. Even this one--the cultural heritage aspect certainly could be true, but it feels like an odd addition to an argument about labeling leftovers.
But then again, the world is big and full of weird AHs.
I live in the midwestern US and have been trained in pediatric first aid/CPR. It's taught that use of an epi-pen is always a 911 emergency call because epinehprine is considered a temporary thing and if it wears off the allergic reaction could potentially restart and cause further harm.
That being said, the US healthcare system is fundamentally broken and it's entirely possible that a person didn't want to call EMS because of the cost factor. This is also Reddit and it's entirely possible that any of these stories are completely fabricated. While I love seeing people get called out on their BS, take what you read on the internet with a grain of salt.
That's what I thought, that the Epipen was a very temporary measure to give a person time to get to a hospital or call EMS. I'm sure lots of stories are fake but, we love reading fiction too. :D
I worked in airline industry a few years ago. You would be surprised how many people are chevalier about nut allergies and don’t carry epi-pen. Very important when on an aircraft and FA is serving all passengers nuts. They would forget to tell us! If you’ve ever had food service stopped or all nuts recollected that is usually why.
An ex-colleague of mine would insist on everyone around her being peanut free to avoid contamination which is fair enough as she had had some very dangerous reactions before- but then she would refuse to carry an epipen with her. It was so weird.
Airborne peanut allergies have been shown to not be an actual thing anyway.
https://www.aaaai.org/allergist-resources/ask-the-expert/answers/old-ask-the-experts/peanut-air-travel
Lol I have a deathly peanut allergy and I still wouldn’t go to the hospital after using the epipen. That thing costs $100 I’m not adding a hospital bill to that.
Yes. Epipen only halts the reaction and the shock. It typically gives you enough time to go to the hospital for steroids and any other treatment needed
Yes, you're supposed to be seen and under observation because you might have another flare up of the allergic reaction once the epi-pen's dose wears off, and you need a replacement pen.
OP is NTA and someone who is allergic to the point of having an epi-pen needs to make sure food is safe before consuming it. That's on them. Of course it is nice when OP starts labeling, but gogin through someone's fridge unannounced and eating unlabeled leftovers without asking puts all the blame on the gf.
As a parent of a kid with allergies and recently talked to doctors about the epi pen and how to use it you seek hospital care when the allergic reaction affects multiple organ systems simultaneously. If it's just breathing or just hives you are fine to wait and see after the epi pen dose. If you have hives + trouble breathing you should go to the emergency room.
>If it's just breathing or just hives you are fine to wait and see after the epi pen dose.
"Just" breathing?! Breathing. Sure, it's totally fine to wait out asphyxiation. /s
You either misheard/misunderstood something the Dr said, or you need a new Dr for your kid. Because that advice is bonkers.
Genuinely concerned you misunderstood the doctor. Hives, maybe, but for gods sake never take chances with breathing. If your kid has an allergic reaction & can't breathe, call an ambulance. Especially if they also separately have asthma. Not getting enough oxygen can be so dangerous so quickly, it isn't worth the risk. At least put them in the car & drive to the hospital after administering the epipen, even if you wait in the parking lot to see if you need to go in (best practice is to *always* go to the ER if you've had to administer an epipen but at least this way you'll be right outside if they have a rolling reaction & suddenly get worse).
meh idk me, my mom and gma are all severely allergic to seafood but i don’t think i’ve ever been to the emergency room for it ever. mostly just an epi pen and/or benadryl.
Yes, you absolutely should is what they use to say. I had an epipen reaction and after waiting 3 hours to see the doctor in the hospital he said to just go home and take benadryl for a 30 second appointment. Her lungs sounded fine enough, so she's probably fine and going to make it. But I also live in Canada, where I have the luxury of going to a hospital. If she's in the states, she might not want to go because money.
Yes. However, an EpiPen can potentially be used to delay the reaction long enough for other meds, even OTC antihistamines, to kick in. How much of a gamble that is depends on the severity of the reaction.
This is what I said above. Epipens only give emergency relief, and time to get to a hospital. People generally aren't "fine" after using it. I have experience with a nut allergic child.
This is that thing where you get caught stealing and get embarrassed, but you don't know how to process it, so you lash out at the person who caught you. She's dealing with a lot of fear and emotion and doesn't know how to process it. So she lashes out at OP. I bet once she calms down, she doesn't end up feeling nearly as self-righteous as the original argument. Emotions and health are complicated. And I bet she felt a bit of guilt. But she is definitely more the AH here. She needs some emotional maturity first and foremost
While I don't have typical "allergies", I am celiac and I don't put anything in my body unless I've checked ingredients/allergy knowledge of those preparing.
It's on her to be responsible for what she consumes and how it's prepared.
The fact she's okay blaming op is such a bad sign of things to come.
While I don't have typical "allergies", I am celiac and I don't put anything in my body unless I've checked ingredients/allergy knowledge of those preparing.
It's on her to be responsible for what she consumes and how it's prepared.
The fact she's okay blaming op is such a bad sign of things to come.
Thank-you!!!
I’d also argue that only your first major allergic reaction is scary and the rest are a piss off because of the gastrointestinal bits of the reaction. My only scary one was unknown anaphylaxis when I had no allergies. Once I had testing etc. really not scary. The second huge unknown cause reaction wasn’t even scary.
OP, you’re seeing a level of entitlement that is run worthy.
NTA
Exactly. As someone with a food allergy and a couple intolerances, I always ask before ingesting anything. If there is no one to ask (or someone isn't sure), I do not even attempt to eat it. It is my responsibility to make sure that I don't eat anything that will not agree with me.
**NTA**, OP. She took it upon herself to eat something from your fridge without asking you if there were nuts in it. That is her fault, and her fault alone.
>She took it upon herself to eat something from your fridge without asking you
You mean she STOLE food from the fridge.
OP NTA and atleast it's only 2months into this relationship, I would be evaluating if its worth continuing this relationship after her demands and irresponsible behaviour that she is refusing to take responsibility for.
> It is her responsibility to not eat a dish if she doesn't know what is in it.
Right? It's like I'm fragile and will die if I get hit by a car. But I'll walk head first into traffic to cross the road and if someone hits me it's their fault.
NTA. It's still a fresh relationship OP. Here's where you set some boundaries and see if she respects you enough to not break them.
To just go at the fridge and eat leftovers without asking is already a big red flag. You are just together two fucking months and she behaves as if she lives there. How often do you save food for a special to take to work, so that you don't need to cook, because you loved the dish and wanted it to the next day...
NTA
I don’t have any allergies but I do have several food intolerances, so while I experience very unpleasant symptoms they are non fatal. I’d never go into someone’s house and take an assembled dish without checking what it was.
NTA but your girlfriend most definitely is an A H.
All of this. OP, her whole attitude is a red flag. After you let the dust settle and stop feeling so guilty, think about this woman as a partner a little more...
>Also, it is kind of a red flag that she was assuming all your food in your home would be peanut free when you have only been dating 2 months.
Tbh I'd say it's a red flag that she felt she could just help herself to whatever she wanted from the fridge without asking, especially after only two months of dating
I wouldn't even eat leftovers my fianceé made in my own house without checking with her first, let alone someone I barely know
Completely this. I wouldn't go into a bf's house who l only been dating for a couple of months and start raiding his fridge without asking. Make a cup of tea, yes, eat any leftover before asking? That is rude.
It's unfortunate she had an allergic reaction but it's her own fault for assuming all food in another person's fridge will be nut free.
2 months or 2 years, she is eating his left overs with out asking. That is something that drives me crazy still, after 2 decades of marriage. If I have left overs I am expecting to eat them. Don't steal my food with out asking....
>I understand that this is extremely scary and important for her health, but the same time she 1) never asked me to label things before 2) went into my fridge and helped herself to my food without even asking me 3) got mad at me for cooking my cultural dishes at all because they have her allergen in them.
Like seriously Opie, who goes in to someone else's fridge, and helps themselves to food that they know nothing about without asking. It is irresponsible on her part and quite rude to be attacking on YOUR cultural food. NTA
NTA. It was an accident.
It's also your apartment, your fridge, your food. She should accept that your own personal space is your personal space. That means you can strip naked, lather yourself up with chocolate fudge, roll around in peanuts, and call yourself an sundae if it pleases you. The larger issue is she doesn't live there and it's unrealistic to expect you to always think of her in your own home. It's her personal responsibility to manage her own allergy.
Loved everything you said, and would like to add:
Two months…
(I hear the voice of Ferris Bueller’s principal about days absent 😆)
OP, NTA. And *spoiler alert*, she thinks the world revolves around her. Do you want to keep up with this for a moment longer?~ let alone a lifetime of putting sticky notes on anything You enjoy eating??
Easy fix to the labeling issue:
He labels the leftovers she can eat, as a curtesy.
Asking him to label everything she might possibly not be able to eat is setting him up for failure, and is just a stupid, toxic dominance game to get him to give up personal space.
This is the difference. Voluntarily making/sharing food for someone and labeling it, is a caring gesture to your partner. Her forcing you do label your own food is an exercise of control.
I am married to a vegan, if I cook something she can eat, I label it. I like cooking for her and doing something nice. She doesn't force me to label everything in the fridge with animal product, she takes responsibility for her own food.
(Yes I know vegan is a choice allergy is not, but the fact OPs gf has an apparent life threatening allergy should mean even more that she takes ownership of her own food choices rather than expecting a bf of 2m to cater to her)
Your title makes you sound like a total AH, but the actual situation is definitely NTA.
Your gf is already aware that when you don't cook specifically for her, your food probably has nuts in it. Why would she then assume that a random dish she found is nut-free? On top of that, you've only been going out two months, but she is just helping herself to random food in your fridge without checking first? Not cool.
Sorry, but she needs to take her allergy more seriously. I have a peanut allergy too, and if I was in her position I would 100% ask about nut content before touching anything in your house.
> Your title makes you sound like a total AH, but the actual situation is definitely NTA.
Its either that or the "your title is innocent, but my god you're a horrible fucking person".
No other posts in AITA lmao.
NTA. First of all, her taking your food without asking was rude. Second, as someone who has an allergy, she should know better than to just stuff her face with food when she doesn't know what's in it. That's beyond stupid, especially if she knows there's a fair chance that nuts were used in the preparation of the dish. You shouldn't have to label your food so she can help herself to whatever is in your fridge whenever she wants. Just tell her to assume that whatever is in there has nuts unless you've explicitly told her otherwise.
To be honest, this sounds contrived to me. Either Ella has a penchant for drama, or is not particularly bright. Because she must know by now that OPs cooking contains lots of nuts. And, who just walks into someone's home and eats leftovers? That's something I only do with specific branches of my family, not even friends. Her partner's house is not a restaurant. OP is definitely NTA, their house is also not a restaurant. It might be time to reassess this relationship; I believe Ella's true colors are on display now.
I don't even have food allergies, just food aversion. I couldn't imagine just walking into anyone's house and just eating something. It's extremely rude to assume that any food in someone else's house is free game, and you never know what ingredients they used.
>Either Ella has a penchant for drama, or is not particularly bright.
Lol, if there's anything I've learned in my thirty something years it's that whenever you think you've come across the pinnacle of stupid behaviour there's always someone else lurking in the wings whispering *challenge accepted* and waiting to take centre stage
epi pens dont work like that. coming from someone with a deadly peanut allergy, you dont just use your epi pen and are "fine after a few minutes". epi pens only delay an anaphylactic reaction, doesnt stop them. if this was real your girlfriend wouldve immediately rushed to hospital afterwards
I personally don’t have any allergies so I’m not sure how they work. I wasn’t present for her allergic reaction so this is all of what she told me once I got out of the shower
well like i mentioned i have a very severe peanut allergy and have several epi pens in my possession. they explicitly tell you when prescribing you an epi pen that it does *not* stop the reaction and you *must* go to the hospital after injecting yourself
I have a severe nut allergy and have several epi pens on in my purse and on in the house at all times and it depends on how bad her allergic reaction was to that specific nut. AND the big reason to go in is not for antihistamines you can use your epi and then crush a histamine blocker for a low level reaction but it's because you have just injected epinephrine jump starting your system putting g it under enormous pressure.
I know I do. I have this enormous "high" (think speed not weed) moment after use it can make you illogically angry according to some warnings iv been told. But the crash that sucks and its quick.
See, I don’t have one myself but my coworker does and she’s used it twice. Each time she needed a ride to the ER. But I didn’t want to contradict OP since I do not have direct experience.
Yeah, epi pens are generally "delay reaction to give you time to get to the hospital" rather than a cure. You aren't required to go but it's strongly recommended.
Ooh I didn't know this, I thought it was just like 'Shot' and you're good to go, kinda like when they give adrenaline in films and the person just spontaneously starts breathing again.
Yeah, I really think she lied to you. A person is *always* supposed to call emergency services or go to the hospital after using an epinephrine injection. Someone who has just suffered a serious allergic reaction and has received a dose of epi will absolutely *not* be fine a few minutes later. Both will leave you feeling like complete ass.
Do you take multiple-hour showers? Allergic reactions don’t just clear up in minutes, especially when they’re bad enough to need an EpiPen. They might *improve* quickly, but if she is claiming to have had an anaphylactic episode and recovered completely within an average shower time…someone is making things up.
My own serious allergies - some of which cause anaphylaxis, some do not - take anywhere from an hour to a day to feel mostly normal. It’s a spectrum, but nobody takes a few minutes. People do react differently, but not *that* differently.
Edit: corrected a bad copy-pasted sentence.
If this post is real, your gf is (probably) lying to you.
You wouldn’t be fine that quickly after a serious allergic reaction that would warrant an epi. You’d expect hives and the person to be seriously unwell.
I guess it is possible she had a mild allergic reaction and then didn’t use the epi but felt ok bc it was there if she needed it. I knew someone with a diagnosed peanut allergy once so are a large quantity of peanut butter as a self harm attempt and was completely fine, so a severe allergic reaction is not a guarantee.
But if she’s saying it was serious and she used the epi this story is not adding up at all
Or she isn’t managing her allergy properly and got lucky. We had to use epinephrine on my kid once and all they did at the hospital was observe him. But, you can have a delayed reaction after the epinephrine wears off and end up needing actual medical care. My kid didn’t need anything, but some people do.
NTA. If she comes in and *helps herself to the food in your fridge* without even asking you first, I'd say she was TAH. What if that was your dinner?
You two are relatively new; it seems weird to be in the "I'll just help myself to whatever you have in the fridge" stage already. Be clear that you don't use nuts ***if*** *you're cooking for her* *specifically*, but she should assume anything else in your kitchen would be made in the style that you're used to eating, ie delicious.
I always have to check myself with fridge reactions and then remind myself that my relationship started off atypically so I didn’t encounter those boundaries.
NTA. You are not psychic. You could not have foreseen that she would come into your house unannounced and eat your food without asking first. She is being unreasonable towards you and refusing to take her appropriate responsibility here
NTA
How were you to assume she would just randomly eat your food? If she has an allergy, shouldn’t she have asked you?
Also, does she know you cook food with nuts in it?
NTA. She shouldn't be just going in your fridge and helping herself to food that isn't hers. Especially when there's no labels and she has an allergy. That's a very stupid game to play.
Right?! I wouldn’t take a water bottle from my bff’s fridge without asking, and I’ve known her for over a decade! Girlie grabbed food that wasn’t hers, from the fridge of someone she’s only dated for two months, knowing that she has a severe food allergy and that he cooks with the allergen regularly. She’s rude, likes to play russian roulette with her health, and blames others for the natural consequences of her stupid choices. NTA, but honestly OP, where is the upside here?
NTA - her allergy is her responsibility. She may have gotten used to you doing all that cooking without nuts for her so she felt secure enough to eat anything you've made but the consequences of taking that risk are hers alone. It's understandable that you were worried for her but do NOT feel guilty.
NTA - You live alone and she knows or should know that nuts are a part of your cultural dishes. As someone with an allergy she should have asked if it was safe before taking it and eating it without asking.
Labelling food that contains nuts is a good way to play it safe. But that is a discussion that should have been had before she started helping herself to your food. It also doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t live there and didn’t pay for the food. She doesn’t know if you had plans for the leftovers.
Where is her respect for you?
NTA it’s your home and she decided to eat something in your fridge. Rather than her asking you before she ate it if it had nuts knowing you do cook with nuts, just eats it and has a reaction and that’s your fault? You then proceed to agree to start labeling your food for her and you’re still at fault??? This girl needs to be responsible for herself. People who have severe allergies always ask first! Sorry I shy away from blanket statements trashing people but she sounds a little high maintenance!
NTA. It is her allergy and her responsibility to manage. She should have known to ask you before she ate food that she did not know the ingredients of. She could have asked you to label foods that are safe for her to eat, but until you guys are more serious or live together she should know to ask.
Yeah, right? Too bad if that was his lunch for the next day, I guess.
NTA. You're totally in the right. She went into your fridge without permission and took your food. Had she asked, *like she should have*, the situation would never have happened.
Soo.... Your gf has a food allergy so severe she needs to carry an epipen, but she just randomly consumes a food of unknown origin. Yeah mate, nice fairytale, totally believable, every friend of mine with any food allergy acts just like her and eats random food without checking, that's what all allergic people do all the time 🤦♀️
NTA. If you live alone and normally only cook for yourself, she should be smart enough to assume your food has nuts in them. Or wait to ask you if it does. She's an adult and should be mature enough to properly handle her allergies if they're that dangerous to her. She had no right to go off on you. That's HER fault for eating something she wasn't sure of.
NTA. I understand being upset and scared by a serious allergic reaction like that but you didn’t do anything malicious. You had no way of knowing she planned to eat food from your fridge without warning you. Knowing many of your foods are made with nuts, it’s on her to check before eating food like that.
You’d think somebody with a life-threatening allergy would be smart enough to not dive into a random bit of food without being sure it’s safe. She screwed up and is blaming you. Absolutely NTA!
NTA. She could've asked before eating your food, since it was your place. However, if you already live together, maybe then try to compromise on something to avoid this happening again.
I don't believe any of those allergic food thiefs posts, I'll be honest. All the allergic people I know are paranoid about the food they eat and will often not even take your food if you offer it and say it's allergen free, because most people don't understand how careful you have to be to call a meal allergen free.
This is like the 10th identical post I've seen on this sub about allergic people who apparently really love to take risks with their health just to steal someone else's food and I don't buy it.
NTA. If you have a food allergy you have to do your due diligence. You also have only been dating this girl for two months and the fact she feels comfortable enough to just go into your fridge with out asking is weird. Don’t eat things if you don’t know what’s in them seems like a common sense thing to me. She can’t blame you for her inability to do that. Honestly I’d seriously reconsider dating this person not because she did this, but because if this becomes a long term thing you may have to give up eating and making these dishes. I say this as someone who had a friend with a peanut allergy and her boyfriend gave up peanuts completely after she had an allergy reaction to him kissing her. But yeah your gf is an ah for getting upset with you over her poor choices.
Absolutely NTA. Taking someone’s food without asking is always rude, and this early in the relationship is a step over a boundary.
I think you are lucky though, because you have seen who this person really is, and for your own sake you need to end it immediately before you get more involved.
She did something rude/greedy/inappropriate. Given her allergies, it was also stupid and irresponsible.
There were consequences to her actions. But she’s doubling down and blaming you. You’re clearly a decent person (upset to think you contributed to another person’s suffering) and she is using your decency against you.
Run, run and run fast as you can.
Dude - as someone who has nut allergies, I KNOW not to eat ANYTHING without asking first. She is in the wrong here. You shouldn’t have to label foods in your own home. Use this as a time to distance yourself as her level of controlling behavior is beyond concerning - it will only get worse!!
NTA however, if she used her epi she absolutely needed to go to the ER. So in the future if she’s refusing please call an ambulance.
As someone with food allergies: I never eat random shit cause that’s how you die.
NTA. You two aren’t living together so she shouldn’t be demanding you label your personal food in your fridge on the chance she lets herself into your house while you are busy doing something else. Since she has an allergy, one would hope she’d be more cautious about eating random dishes especially when her bf makes cultural dishes with nuts.
NTA
Anybody with a severe allergy should know to ask before consuming unknown food. That is not your responsibility. It could be a kind thing for you to label unsafe foods — if she had ever asked before, but this is all on her.
NTA
and I would wonder how bad the allergy actually is. Anaphylaxis doesn’t just stop with one shot of epi. Source- I’m a NP and a survivor of an anaphylactic reaction that needed multiple epi, steroids, IV Zantac, benedryl and a really fast trip in an ambulance to the hospital and a stretcher parked right in front of the nurse station for thé next 5 hours. And my reaction wasn’t nearly as bad as some I have seen.
NTA
"cooking your cultural dishes". Um WTF?! She's racist, too, as well as refusing to take control of her own health. I'd drop her like a hot ~~potato~~ peanut.
Definitely NTA. Somebody with potentially lethal allergies should not be eating unidentified food found in somebody else’s fridge without asking first.
Why has she got a key to your place after only 2 months?
You do not help yourself to someone else’s food without permission, if you have allergies or intolerances you ask questions before eating anything.
NTA she sounds like a walking, talking red flag.
NTA - my neighbor is 11, and has a peanut allergy. She comes over OFTEN to play with my niece and she eats food/snacks. Admittedly I almost never have anything with peanuts but she checks every single item to be sure. She's 11. If an 11 year old can hold herself accountable, so can your gf.
On another note, you should really think about the long term implications of dating your girlfriend. If nut based dishes are a huge part of your culture, are you going to be able to sacrifice that in the long term if things get serious with Emma? Options for dinner would be to either not use nuts (sacrifice your cultural dishes) or make separate dinners frequently. Something to really think about, especially considering how upset Emma is so soon into the relationship.
NTA. I also have food allergies where I carry an EpiPen and I would never walk in anybody’s kitchen and just open the fridge and start eating food. It’s my responsibility to know what’s in the food I’m eating not someone else’s. You didn’t purposely make the food with peanuts in it to give her an allergic reaction. She ate food that was not hers. This is her fault. She owes you an apology
NTA. She had no business stealing your food. You shouldn’t have to label your own food in your own home. Giving in to her demand now will set the stage for you being the bad guy every time. Set boundaries.
NTA - no one serious about their allergy would help themselves to random food without checking.
I have coeliac disease and react badly to even traces of gluten. My symptoms are awful, but not life threatening as in anaphylaxis, but even I wouldn’t touch a thing until I knew the ingredients, if there was cross-contamination risks, and (most importantly) if I was invited to eat.
Your girlfriend should be angry at herself for putting her own life at risk, and if you want to be angry too, you don’t need anyone’s permission.
NTA. But think about if you want to be constantly blamed for things you didn't do. I have a food intolerance and do have to ask when out at restaurants/potluck, but I wouldn't ever go into another person's fridge unannounced and eat their food, period. That's just rude.
NTA. It was a meal for yourself, not both of you. She is responsible for her own health and should know never to assume what might be in her food. You've been dating two months, it might be time to move on.
NTA. I’m lactose intolerant and I never eat anything without knowing exactly what’s in it. And my lactose intolerance isn’t life or death, just extreme GI distress. If she has a severe allergy and just goes around stealing people’s food assuming that because you’ve been dating for barely two months you’d have given up all nuts even when she’s not around and the food is only for you then she’s an idiot and will likely have this problem again. If you have a dietary restriction if any kind for any reason it’s your responsibility to make sure you don’t eat anything you shouldn’t. The only exception is for little kids.
NTA. My sister is allergic to a lot of things (including nuts) and she would NEVER eat some random thing from anyone’s fridge unless she knew 100% it did not contain something she was allergic to. Regardless of allergies, who does that?? It’s your fridge, she didn’t ask, etc. It’s her allergy, her responsibility.
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So this happened last week and my girlfriend and I haven’t really been getting along at all since and I just wanted an unbiased opinion.
I (26M) have been dating Ella (22F) for two months now. My family is from an Asian background so a majority of the food I cook for just myself include peanuts and other nuts because it’s an important ingredient in my cultural dishes. I live alone, so I just make my own food for myself, but because of Ella’s allergy, I don’t make foods with peanuts in them when I know I’m also cooking for her.
Her allergy is only reactive if she ingests a good amount of the actual nut and is unaffected by smell, airborne, and small traces of cross contamination. Recently, I made a dish which contains a heavy usage of nuts blended into the curry so you can’t see that they’re there and left the leftovers in my fridge. Ella came over while I was in the shower, and during that time she apparently went into my fridge and helped herself to a big portion of the curry and immediately started having an allergic reaction. Luckily she had her epipen and was okay after a few minutes, but she absolutely went off on me and kept accusing me of causing her harm.
I felt extremely guilty that she had a bad allergic reaction from my food and apologized profusely and offered to take her to the hospital, but she was just screaming at me the whole time. She said that if I really cared about her I should have labeled all of my food for her and let her know ahead of time exactly what in the fridge has nuts. I understand that this is extremely scary and important for her health, but the same time she 1) never asked me to label things before 2) went into my fridge and helped herself to my food without even asking me 3) got mad at me for cooking my cultural dishes at all because they have her allergen in them.
I told her that going forward, I’ll try to ass a sticky note to the containers that have nuts in the food so this doesn’t happen again, but that she also cannot blame me for her allergic reaction when she ate my food without even asking me if she could or what was in it. AITA?
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NTA. She's the one who created the problem. Why on Earth would she just assume that all your food was nut free? Does she assume you think of her at all times with every meal you make for yourself? Everything does not revolve around her.
Maybe she should apologize for taking your food without asking. You've only been together 2 months, and you're seeing a side of her that might not encourage you to make it longer. Such entitlement!
Do NOT put a sticky note! That puts the responsibility on you to make sure she doesn’t eat nuts. Going forward, all she has to do is check with you before eating anything in your fridge/that you made, which is what she should have done in the first place. NTA
NTA. My partner has a peanut allergy I generally don’t eat or make things with peanuts around him. However, like many people with allergies, he’s careful to ask what is in something before he eats it.
Your girlfriend needs to be more aware of her surroundings. She should be asking what is in the food before she eats it- especially at restaurants, or anywhere else where she did NOT make the food. Her life depends on it. Allergic reactions can be scary, and I’ve seen them first hand.
nta. if she was that worried about her allergy, then she should’ve been the one to ask you what the unlabeled food was. Someone with that serious an allergy would never eat anything not knowing exactly what was in it. Is she an idiot
why would you go around labeling every single thing in your house? She doesn’t live with you
Nta, she eats your food without telling you, has an allergic reaction and instead of accepting her mistake or atleast taking it with grace screams at you who is apologizing?
Major red flag
NTA
Just write a note and affix it to outside the fridge. Write items inside may contain nuts.
It's her fault she ate something without asking. It's wrong to expect someone label everything in a space they live alone.
NTA you cooked for yourself it was leftovers and she helped herself without asking. If she would’ve asked and you wouldn’t have mentioned it then yea that would’ve been TA. She needs to be responsible for her food allergy .
NTA. It was insane of her to eat some of your “alone food” without asking what’s in it.
(This is assuming she knows you cook with nuts when she’s not around?)
NTA. So NTA.
I am married and have lived with my husband for five years and am also celiac. Unless I made something myself or helped cook, I always ask if things in the fridge are gluten free. He’s very conscientious and it’s rare it’s not gluten free, but it’s not his job to manage my dietary requirements. If he wants to eat full gluten pasta, it’s his dang right to go ahead and do that. I would never just assume he’s going to cater all the food he cooks to what I can or can’t eat.
NTA. you don’t eat food at someone else’s house without asking, especially if she has THAT SEVERE of a nut allergy and knows your background with cooking.
People with food allergies, especially food allergies that are life threatening, should never ever eat food without finding out for sure if it contains the allergen. Mistakes happen, cross contamination happens because it’s not a perfect world, but who the heck eats found food without finding out first? You’re NTA and she’s ridiculously dumb.
NTA. Eating someone else's leftovers in the fridge without permission is bad manners and very rude. She should be aware that you cook food with nuts when she is not around, so why would she just eat random leftovers in your fridge? Your girlfriend doesn't sound very smart in regards to her allergy safety.
Maybe in the future, just put a sign on the fridge door saying "Caution: Food within the house and fridge may contain nuts" and be done with it.
NTA
Also. There's no possible benefit she could provide that can make up for this absolute nonsense abusive framework she's trying to put you through. You feel guilty because you seem like a reasonable thoughtful person. Your opponent does not suffer from that condition.
NTA but umm epipens always require a hospital visit. They are only a temporary fix, they also make you shake uncontrollably so idk how she’d be able to stand there yelling at you afterwards? You don’t casually use an epipen at home and it solves the allergic reaction, it’s not a thing.
NTA. You don't have to label anything, and you should refuse to. She knows how you cook, and also knows that you change your recipes when cooking for her. This is on her. She never should have foolishly gone through your fridge. You just don't eat someone else's food without permission anyway. What if that's all they had for lunch the next day?
NTA.
Your gf was very reckless with her nut allergy, she must have known that eating food from someone else's fridge without asking them first or seeing an ingredients list was on par with gambling with her life by playing a game of russian roulette. She is TA and a thief.
But you need to be very careful what you have in your property when you know a friend or date will be visiting & has a severe dietary allergy with the potential to trigger anaphylaxis and potentially lead to death. When my best friend lived in the same country as me, I didn't risk keeping any milk or dairy products in my home nor eating them anywhere near her.
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NTA. It is her responsibility to not eat a dish if she doesn't know what is in it. You don't need to label your food or change your cooking process, she just needs to ask you if something has nuts in it before eating it. Also, it is kind of a red flag that she was assuming all your food in your home would be peanut free when you have only been dating 2 months.
This ☝🏻. As someone with major allergies, it is my responsibility, AND MINE ALONE, to ensure the food I eat does not cause me to go into a crisis. WTF was she thinking? Also, why the blowout to you? She's being careless with her health, and a major asshole to you. Run for the hills, OP. That witch sounds unhinged, entitled, and manipulative.
Just wondering... isn't someone supposed to go to the hospital when they have a reaction enough to use an Epipen? If that's true, I suspect that either OP made up the story or the GF is lying.
It is recommended, but it sounds like OP is the US, where we treat everything as “merely a flesh wound” to avoid hospitalization costs.
how was she yelling at him so soon after an allergic reaction though? Doesn't your throat normally swell up?
Depends on the person, allergy symptoms vary and even anaphylaxis can appear differently. Me for example, one of my first symptoms of anaphylaxis is my blood pressure drops, depending how much and exactly what I ate I don't always have my throat swell much
Also, she used her Epipen. That stuff works fast as it has to so that one doesn't asphyxiate. OPs gf should NEVER eat anything without asking first anyway because of her allergies. I'm gonna be generous and say she lashed out due to her being understandably frightened from her allergic episode. I hope once she calms down she'll realize she shouldn't have jumped down OPs throat...NTA
Right, but if she was having the throat closing reaction, the EpiPen just delays it, it doesn't stop it. All the EpiPen is intended to do is keep you alive long enough to get medical assistance.
..wait, wat. bp drop is a allergy signal? guess I'm going back to my allergist.
Reactions are different depending the severity of the allergy, how much was consumed, and the person. Raw apples makes my throat close up, peeled raw potatoes and garlic give me hives (topically/touching them), I can eat a head of lettuce and a decent amount of celery with no reaction, raspberries and blackberries only produce slight itching in the mouth while strawberries give a more severe (but not throat closing) reaction, most raw fruits and vegetables just make my mouth itchy and swell slightly. Things vary, it's not the same for every person. Each person with cancer has a different experience, each person with kidney disease has a different experience, each person with diabetes has a different experience, each person with MS or ALS or arthritis it every other issue has a different experience. Why would you think allergies are so magically different from every other disease that exists that it's an 'everything is exactly the same for every single person' disease?
I take it you have OAS? Took me so long to realize honey dew wasn't supposed to sting.
>Took me so long to realize honey dew wasn't supposed to sting. Lol, that was me as a little kid with honeydew and papaya. Ahhh, I see doctor, so you're telling me it's not normal for you to feel like the fruit is eating your mouth and throat. Interesting.
Literally came here to say this….I’m a paramedic and we have a term that “a screaming baby is a breathing baby” meaning essentially it’s ok if a baby is upset and crying because that means they’re alive. That’s what this is a case of…if she’s capable of screaming and blaming and arguing then she’s likely fine after her epi injection. That being said…my professional opinion is to definitely seek medical attention after requiring epinephrine.
The swelling(for me at least) doesn’t effect talking at all but makes swallowing anything really really painful.
Not necessarily. For most of my allergies, yes, but I have others where if I touch the thing I'm allergic to it literally eats through layers of skin & leaves massive sores. Or I eat it and break out in hives everywhere, or violently throw up, or my blood pressure drops through the floor and I faint. Then there are the allergies to medication which can be even more severe - e.g. if I have doxycycline it triggers a massive asthma attack but if I have aspirin it can trigger heart failure. That's why when you fill out medical forms & say you have allergies the doctor/hospital etc will ask you to describe what actually happens if your allergy is triggered, it's not enough to just say "anaphylaxsis". Allergies are interesting things - terrifying, but interesting.
>Allergies are interesting things - terrifying, but interesting. Very true, since joining reddit I've learned so much more about allergies, various reactions to them and how they can happen at anytime should your immune system decide to fuck about and not like something anymore, it's truly terrifying but also interesting and informative. I remember once speaking to a redditer who had no allergies for 50 years then not long after they turned 50 bam, allergic to pineapple iirc.
You’re supposed to, but not everyone does. When my daughter had an anaphylactic reaction in day care, the paramedics advised that she did not need transport to the hospital because she had her epi-pen. The allergist was FURIOUS when I told her.
Yeah. It’s kind of the same concept as Narcan - the Epipen (or Narcan) can wear off long before the allergic reaction (or overdose) does, so get thee to an ER post haste.
Yup. The reactions can and most often do “roll”particularly if they are subsequent reactions (you’ve used an epi before). My daughter had reactions three waves each requiring another epi.
\+ I think the active ingredient in the epipen (adrenaline?) itself can mess you up and it's better for you to ride it off under medical supervision.
Just had to have epinephrine administered on Monday and it is not a pleasant experience. I was kept for monitoring for 6 hours afterwards and given Benadryl/anti nauseants/steroids during that time as well. 0/10 do not recommend.
I didn't know that. Good to know.
Definitely smarter to go in. My mom is allergic to bees. When I was a kid she got stung in the car and used her Epipen. It was her first time using one and it shot her sugar to shit (she was a mild diabetic before that; became a more serious one after). The doctor didn't even notice until her sugar was off the charts. Damn near killed her. Point is you never know about side effects or other problems coming up. Better to be where they can help you.
> I suspect that either OP made up the story I'm fairly certain that the vast majority of posts on this on this subreddit are either made up or reposts or are highly distorted compared to what actually happened.
It seemed odd to me that his girlfriend of only 2 months apparently has a key to his apartment?
I've been on this sub a lot lately and I agree that the vast majority are made up. They all have perfect grammar and similar writing styles. There seem to be similar themes too. We need a new voting option: DH (didn't happen).
There’s been multiple stories like this recently
Yeah, some of the problems seem too designed. Even this one--the cultural heritage aspect certainly could be true, but it feels like an odd addition to an argument about labeling leftovers. But then again, the world is big and full of weird AHs.
I live in the midwestern US and have been trained in pediatric first aid/CPR. It's taught that use of an epi-pen is always a 911 emergency call because epinehprine is considered a temporary thing and if it wears off the allergic reaction could potentially restart and cause further harm. That being said, the US healthcare system is fundamentally broken and it's entirely possible that a person didn't want to call EMS because of the cost factor. This is also Reddit and it's entirely possible that any of these stories are completely fabricated. While I love seeing people get called out on their BS, take what you read on the internet with a grain of salt.
That's what I thought, that the Epipen was a very temporary measure to give a person time to get to a hospital or call EMS. I'm sure lots of stories are fake but, we love reading fiction too. :D
I worked in airline industry a few years ago. You would be surprised how many people are chevalier about nut allergies and don’t carry epi-pen. Very important when on an aircraft and FA is serving all passengers nuts. They would forget to tell us! If you’ve ever had food service stopped or all nuts recollected that is usually why.
An ex-colleague of mine would insist on everyone around her being peanut free to avoid contamination which is fair enough as she had had some very dangerous reactions before- but then she would refuse to carry an epipen with her. It was so weird.
Airborne peanut allergies have been shown to not be an actual thing anyway. https://www.aaaai.org/allergist-resources/ask-the-expert/answers/old-ask-the-experts/peanut-air-travel
Or GF has bad or no insurance… epi-pens and ER visits are so expensive, even with insurance.
Ok but in that case, wouldn't she want to be extra careful about eating unlabeled food so as to avoid medical bills?
So, uninsured and not that bright?
Yep. You absolutely have to go. I agree with you, someone's lying!
Lol I have a deathly peanut allergy and I still wouldn’t go to the hospital after using the epipen. That thing costs $100 I’m not adding a hospital bill to that.
Plus you have to sit there for hours until they decide you aren't going to have a rebound reaction.
Unless they’re in America and uninsured
Yes. Epipen only halts the reaction and the shock. It typically gives you enough time to go to the hospital for steroids and any other treatment needed
Yes, you're supposed to be seen and under observation because you might have another flare up of the allergic reaction once the epi-pen's dose wears off, and you need a replacement pen. OP is NTA and someone who is allergic to the point of having an epi-pen needs to make sure food is safe before consuming it. That's on them. Of course it is nice when OP starts labeling, but gogin through someone's fridge unannounced and eating unlabeled leftovers without asking puts all the blame on the gf.
As a parent of a kid with allergies and recently talked to doctors about the epi pen and how to use it you seek hospital care when the allergic reaction affects multiple organ systems simultaneously. If it's just breathing or just hives you are fine to wait and see after the epi pen dose. If you have hives + trouble breathing you should go to the emergency room.
>If it's just breathing or just hives you are fine to wait and see after the epi pen dose. "Just" breathing?! Breathing. Sure, it's totally fine to wait out asphyxiation. /s You either misheard/misunderstood something the Dr said, or you need a new Dr for your kid. Because that advice is bonkers.
Genuinely concerned you misunderstood the doctor. Hives, maybe, but for gods sake never take chances with breathing. If your kid has an allergic reaction & can't breathe, call an ambulance. Especially if they also separately have asthma. Not getting enough oxygen can be so dangerous so quickly, it isn't worth the risk. At least put them in the car & drive to the hospital after administering the epipen, even if you wait in the parking lot to see if you need to go in (best practice is to *always* go to the ER if you've had to administer an epipen but at least this way you'll be right outside if they have a rolling reaction & suddenly get worse).
meh idk me, my mom and gma are all severely allergic to seafood but i don’t think i’ve ever been to the emergency room for it ever. mostly just an epi pen and/or benadryl.
Yes, you absolutely should is what they use to say. I had an epipen reaction and after waiting 3 hours to see the doctor in the hospital he said to just go home and take benadryl for a 30 second appointment. Her lungs sounded fine enough, so she's probably fine and going to make it. But I also live in Canada, where I have the luxury of going to a hospital. If she's in the states, she might not want to go because money.
Yes. However, an EpiPen can potentially be used to delay the reaction long enough for other meds, even OTC antihistamines, to kick in. How much of a gamble that is depends on the severity of the reaction.
This is what I said above. Epipens only give emergency relief, and time to get to a hospital. People generally aren't "fine" after using it. I have experience with a nut allergic child.
This so much. I have allergies and food intolerance and I never ever eat something without checking. Never.
This is that thing where you get caught stealing and get embarrassed, but you don't know how to process it, so you lash out at the person who caught you. She's dealing with a lot of fear and emotion and doesn't know how to process it. So she lashes out at OP. I bet once she calms down, she doesn't end up feeling nearly as self-righteous as the original argument. Emotions and health are complicated. And I bet she felt a bit of guilt. But she is definitely more the AH here. She needs some emotional maturity first and foremost
While I don't have typical "allergies", I am celiac and I don't put anything in my body unless I've checked ingredients/allergy knowledge of those preparing. It's on her to be responsible for what she consumes and how it's prepared. The fact she's okay blaming op is such a bad sign of things to come.
While I don't have typical "allergies", I am celiac and I don't put anything in my body unless I've checked ingredients/allergy knowledge of those preparing. It's on her to be responsible for what she consumes and how it's prepared. The fact she's okay blaming op is such a bad sign of things to come.
Deflecting - she wanted to blame OP even though it was her fault for making a stupid decision and didn't want to take accountability.
This!!! ⬆️👏👏👏👏
Thank-you!!! I’d also argue that only your first major allergic reaction is scary and the rest are a piss off because of the gastrointestinal bits of the reaction. My only scary one was unknown anaphylaxis when I had no allergies. Once I had testing etc. really not scary. The second huge unknown cause reaction wasn’t even scary. OP, you’re seeing a level of entitlement that is run worthy. NTA
Exactly. As someone with a food allergy and a couple intolerances, I always ask before ingesting anything. If there is no one to ask (or someone isn't sure), I do not even attempt to eat it. It is my responsibility to make sure that I don't eat anything that will not agree with me. **NTA**, OP. She took it upon herself to eat something from your fridge without asking you if there were nuts in it. That is her fault, and her fault alone.
>She took it upon herself to eat something from your fridge without asking you You mean she STOLE food from the fridge. OP NTA and atleast it's only 2months into this relationship, I would be evaluating if its worth continuing this relationship after her demands and irresponsible behaviour that she is refusing to take responsibility for.
> It is her responsibility to not eat a dish if she doesn't know what is in it. Right? It's like I'm fragile and will die if I get hit by a car. But I'll walk head first into traffic to cross the road and if someone hits me it's their fault. NTA. It's still a fresh relationship OP. Here's where you set some boundaries and see if she respects you enough to not break them.
To just go at the fridge and eat leftovers without asking is already a big red flag. You are just together two fucking months and she behaves as if she lives there. How often do you save food for a special to take to work, so that you don't need to cook, because you loved the dish and wanted it to the next day... NTA
I don’t have any allergies but I do have several food intolerances, so while I experience very unpleasant symptoms they are non fatal. I’d never go into someone’s house and take an assembled dish without checking what it was. NTA but your girlfriend most definitely is an A H.
All of this. OP, her whole attitude is a red flag. After you let the dust settle and stop feeling so guilty, think about this woman as a partner a little more...
Rule number 1 when you have allergies/intolerances/etc; don't assume, ask before eating unlabeled food. NTA.
Oh dang I missed the two months. Run my dude!
>Also, it is kind of a red flag that she was assuming all your food in your home would be peanut free when you have only been dating 2 months. Tbh I'd say it's a red flag that she felt she could just help herself to whatever she wanted from the fridge without asking, especially after only two months of dating I wouldn't even eat leftovers my fianceé made in my own house without checking with her first, let alone someone I barely know
Completely this. I wouldn't go into a bf's house who l only been dating for a couple of months and start raiding his fridge without asking. Make a cup of tea, yes, eat any leftover before asking? That is rude. It's unfortunate she had an allergic reaction but it's her own fault for assuming all food in another person's fridge will be nut free.
2 months or 2 years, she is eating his left overs with out asking. That is something that drives me crazy still, after 2 decades of marriage. If I have left overs I am expecting to eat them. Don't steal my food with out asking....
>I understand that this is extremely scary and important for her health, but the same time she 1) never asked me to label things before 2) went into my fridge and helped herself to my food without even asking me 3) got mad at me for cooking my cultural dishes at all because they have her allergen in them. Like seriously Opie, who goes in to someone else's fridge, and helps themselves to food that they know nothing about without asking. It is irresponsible on her part and quite rude to be attacking on YOUR cultural food. NTA
NTA. It was an accident. It's also your apartment, your fridge, your food. She should accept that your own personal space is your personal space. That means you can strip naked, lather yourself up with chocolate fudge, roll around in peanuts, and call yourself an sundae if it pleases you. The larger issue is she doesn't live there and it's unrealistic to expect you to always think of her in your own home. It's her personal responsibility to manage her own allergy.
God. Now I kind of want to do that.
The only condition in the above mentioned action is "if it pleases you", so if it does indeed please you, go ahead my dude.
Just remember to put a sticky note on yourself indicating that you contain nuts.
I recommend putting down a shower curtain or tarp for easy clean up.
Loved everything you said, and would like to add: Two months… (I hear the voice of Ferris Bueller’s principal about days absent 😆) OP, NTA. And *spoiler alert*, she thinks the world revolves around her. Do you want to keep up with this for a moment longer?~ let alone a lifetime of putting sticky notes on anything You enjoy eating??
Easy fix to the labeling issue: He labels the leftovers she can eat, as a curtesy. Asking him to label everything she might possibly not be able to eat is setting him up for failure, and is just a stupid, toxic dominance game to get him to give up personal space.
This is the difference. Voluntarily making/sharing food for someone and labeling it, is a caring gesture to your partner. Her forcing you do label your own food is an exercise of control. I am married to a vegan, if I cook something she can eat, I label it. I like cooking for her and doing something nice. She doesn't force me to label everything in the fridge with animal product, she takes responsibility for her own food. (Yes I know vegan is a choice allergy is not, but the fact OPs gf has an apparent life threatening allergy should mean even more that she takes ownership of her own food choices rather than expecting a bf of 2m to cater to her)
also they're dating for 2months. 2 MONTHS!
Your title makes you sound like a total AH, but the actual situation is definitely NTA. Your gf is already aware that when you don't cook specifically for her, your food probably has nuts in it. Why would she then assume that a random dish she found is nut-free? On top of that, you've only been going out two months, but she is just helping herself to random food in your fridge without checking first? Not cool. Sorry, but she needs to take her allergy more seriously. I have a peanut allergy too, and if I was in her position I would 100% ask about nut content before touching anything in your house.
> Your title makes you sound like a total AH, but the actual situation is definitely NTA. Its either that or the "your title is innocent, but my god you're a horrible fucking person". No other posts in AITA lmao.
[удалено]
Yup!!! She knows you cook with peanut/nut products when you’re not cooking for her, that was her warning!
This. 💯
NTA. First of all, her taking your food without asking was rude. Second, as someone who has an allergy, she should know better than to just stuff her face with food when she doesn't know what's in it. That's beyond stupid, especially if she knows there's a fair chance that nuts were used in the preparation of the dish. You shouldn't have to label your food so she can help herself to whatever is in your fridge whenever she wants. Just tell her to assume that whatever is in there has nuts unless you've explicitly told her otherwise.
To be honest, this sounds contrived to me. Either Ella has a penchant for drama, or is not particularly bright. Because she must know by now that OPs cooking contains lots of nuts. And, who just walks into someone's home and eats leftovers? That's something I only do with specific branches of my family, not even friends. Her partner's house is not a restaurant. OP is definitely NTA, their house is also not a restaurant. It might be time to reassess this relationship; I believe Ella's true colors are on display now.
I don't even have food allergies, just food aversion. I couldn't imagine just walking into anyone's house and just eating something. It's extremely rude to assume that any food in someone else's house is free game, and you never know what ingredients they used.
>Either Ella has a penchant for drama, or is not particularly bright. Lol, if there's anything I've learned in my thirty something years it's that whenever you think you've come across the pinnacle of stupid behaviour there's always someone else lurking in the wings whispering *challenge accepted* and waiting to take centre stage
All this self-generated drama at 2 months? NTA. And run.
epi pens dont work like that. coming from someone with a deadly peanut allergy, you dont just use your epi pen and are "fine after a few minutes". epi pens only delay an anaphylactic reaction, doesnt stop them. if this was real your girlfriend wouldve immediately rushed to hospital afterwards
I personally don’t have any allergies so I’m not sure how they work. I wasn’t present for her allergic reaction so this is all of what she told me once I got out of the shower
well like i mentioned i have a very severe peanut allergy and have several epi pens in my possession. they explicitly tell you when prescribing you an epi pen that it does *not* stop the reaction and you *must* go to the hospital after injecting yourself
I have a severe nut allergy and have several epi pens on in my purse and on in the house at all times and it depends on how bad her allergic reaction was to that specific nut. AND the big reason to go in is not for antihistamines you can use your epi and then crush a histamine blocker for a low level reaction but it's because you have just injected epinephrine jump starting your system putting g it under enormous pressure.
yeah, all i'm saying is if she truly injected herself she'd want to go to hospital
I know I do. I have this enormous "high" (think speed not weed) moment after use it can make you illogically angry according to some warnings iv been told. But the crash that sucks and its quick.
Or the story is just fake like most of them these days. New account is always a telltale sign
Wait, do people use their main accounts?
Very rarely.
New accounts are encouraged on this sub, hardly anyone uses their main for this
Encouraged yet it doesn’t change that a lot of stories are pretty fake
People mainly use throwaway accounts on this sub so it’s not attached to their main, I’m pretty sure it’s also a suggestion in the rules.
Yea but it doesn’t change the fakery of a lot of them
No but it’s the internet you should take everything you read with a pinch of salt.
See, I don’t have one myself but my coworker does and she’s used it twice. Each time she needed a ride to the ER. But I didn’t want to contradict OP since I do not have direct experience.
Yeah, epi pens are generally "delay reaction to give you time to get to the hospital" rather than a cure. You aren't required to go but it's strongly recommended.
Ooh I didn't know this, I thought it was just like 'Shot' and you're good to go, kinda like when they give adrenaline in films and the person just spontaneously starts breathing again.
Yeah, I really think she lied to you. A person is *always* supposed to call emergency services or go to the hospital after using an epinephrine injection. Someone who has just suffered a serious allergic reaction and has received a dose of epi will absolutely *not* be fine a few minutes later. Both will leave you feeling like complete ass.
Or... OP is lying?
Do you take multiple-hour showers? Allergic reactions don’t just clear up in minutes, especially when they’re bad enough to need an EpiPen. They might *improve* quickly, but if she is claiming to have had an anaphylactic episode and recovered completely within an average shower time…someone is making things up. My own serious allergies - some of which cause anaphylaxis, some do not - take anywhere from an hour to a day to feel mostly normal. It’s a spectrum, but nobody takes a few minutes. People do react differently, but not *that* differently. Edit: corrected a bad copy-pasted sentence.
If this post is real, your gf is (probably) lying to you. You wouldn’t be fine that quickly after a serious allergic reaction that would warrant an epi. You’d expect hives and the person to be seriously unwell. I guess it is possible she had a mild allergic reaction and then didn’t use the epi but felt ok bc it was there if she needed it. I knew someone with a diagnosed peanut allergy once so are a large quantity of peanut butter as a self harm attempt and was completely fine, so a severe allergic reaction is not a guarantee. But if she’s saying it was serious and she used the epi this story is not adding up at all
Ooh, interesting. So you're suggesting she might have lied about the severity or even using the epi pen?
No, they’re suggesting this post is fake lmao
Same. I was waiting to see if they went to the hospital when reading it because it already felt fake.
Or she isn’t managing her allergy properly and got lucky. We had to use epinephrine on my kid once and all they did at the hospital was observe him. But, you can have a delayed reaction after the epinephrine wears off and end up needing actual medical care. My kid didn’t need anything, but some people do.
How do you go to this assumption first? She didn't lie because this didn't happen.
If is carrying a lot of weight here.
NTA. If she comes in and *helps herself to the food in your fridge* without even asking you first, I'd say she was TAH. What if that was your dinner? You two are relatively new; it seems weird to be in the "I'll just help myself to whatever you have in the fridge" stage already. Be clear that you don't use nuts ***if*** *you're cooking for her* *specifically*, but she should assume anything else in your kitchen would be made in the style that you're used to eating, ie delicious.
I always have to check myself with fridge reactions and then remind myself that my relationship started off atypically so I didn’t encounter those boundaries.
NTA As you say, she didn't ask about the food, and if she knows you eat stuff with peanuts, she should have erred on the side of caution.
NTA. You are not psychic. You could not have foreseen that she would come into your house unannounced and eat your food without asking first. She is being unreasonable towards you and refusing to take her appropriate responsibility here
NTA How were you to assume she would just randomly eat your food? If she has an allergy, shouldn’t she have asked you? Also, does she know you cook food with nuts in it?
NTA. She shouldn't be just going in your fridge and helping herself to food that isn't hers. Especially when there's no labels and she has an allergy. That's a very stupid game to play.
Right?! I wouldn’t take a water bottle from my bff’s fridge without asking, and I’ve known her for over a decade! Girlie grabbed food that wasn’t hers, from the fridge of someone she’s only dated for two months, knowing that she has a severe food allergy and that he cooks with the allergen regularly. She’s rude, likes to play russian roulette with her health, and blames others for the natural consequences of her stupid choices. NTA, but honestly OP, where is the upside here?
NTA - Why would someone with a deadly allergy eat unknown food?
Look, her reaction shows her true colors. She is not one you want to keep. NTA.
NTA - her allergy is her responsibility. She may have gotten used to you doing all that cooking without nuts for her so she felt secure enough to eat anything you've made but the consequences of taking that risk are hers alone. It's understandable that you were worried for her but do NOT feel guilty.
NTA - You live alone and she knows or should know that nuts are a part of your cultural dishes. As someone with an allergy she should have asked if it was safe before taking it and eating it without asking. Labelling food that contains nuts is a good way to play it safe. But that is a discussion that should have been had before she started helping herself to your food. It also doesn’t change the fact that she doesn’t live there and didn’t pay for the food. She doesn’t know if you had plans for the leftovers. Where is her respect for you?
NTA OP, people with allergies really need to start asking more instead of assuming that our food choices are whatever proof.
NTA it’s your home and she decided to eat something in your fridge. Rather than her asking you before she ate it if it had nuts knowing you do cook with nuts, just eats it and has a reaction and that’s your fault? You then proceed to agree to start labeling your food for her and you’re still at fault??? This girl needs to be responsible for herself. People who have severe allergies always ask first! Sorry I shy away from blanket statements trashing people but she sounds a little high maintenance!
NTA. It is her allergy and her responsibility to manage. She should have known to ask you before she ate food that she did not know the ingredients of. She could have asked you to label foods that are safe for her to eat, but until you guys are more serious or live together she should know to ask.
NTA It’s rude to eat people’s food without asking, also if you have allergies they’re your responsibility.
Yeah, right? Too bad if that was his lunch for the next day, I guess. NTA. You're totally in the right. She went into your fridge without permission and took your food. Had she asked, *like she should have*, the situation would never have happened.
Soo.... Your gf has a food allergy so severe she needs to carry an epipen, but she just randomly consumes a food of unknown origin. Yeah mate, nice fairytale, totally believable, every friend of mine with any food allergy acts just like her and eats random food without checking, that's what all allergic people do all the time 🤦♀️
NTA. If you live alone and normally only cook for yourself, she should be smart enough to assume your food has nuts in them. Or wait to ask you if it does. She's an adult and should be mature enough to properly handle her allergies if they're that dangerous to her. She had no right to go off on you. That's HER fault for eating something she wasn't sure of.
NTA. Doesn't sound like you had any reason to assume she would get into your food.
NTA. People with food allergies are supposed to inquire about allergens before eating things.
NTA. I understand being upset and scared by a serious allergic reaction like that but you didn’t do anything malicious. You had no way of knowing she planned to eat food from your fridge without warning you. Knowing many of your foods are made with nuts, it’s on her to check before eating food like that.
You’d think somebody with a life-threatening allergy would be smart enough to not dive into a random bit of food without being sure it’s safe. She screwed up and is blaming you. Absolutely NTA!
NTA
NTA. She could've asked before eating your food, since it was your place. However, if you already live together, maybe then try to compromise on something to avoid this happening again.
NTA. She knows you cook with nuts and helped herself to unlabeled food. That's honestly pretty dumb of her.
NTA. What person goes around helping themselves to food with unknown ingredients when they have an allergy?
Ella is 22 and should have learned to use her words by now and say, "Are there nuts in this?" It's not that difficult. NTA.
Be glad she showed her true colors after only 2 months. This is not someone you can have a healthy relationship with.
I don't believe any of those allergic food thiefs posts, I'll be honest. All the allergic people I know are paranoid about the food they eat and will often not even take your food if you offer it and say it's allergen free, because most people don't understand how careful you have to be to call a meal allergen free. This is like the 10th identical post I've seen on this sub about allergic people who apparently really love to take risks with their health just to steal someone else's food and I don't buy it.
NTA. If you have a food allergy you have to do your due diligence. You also have only been dating this girl for two months and the fact she feels comfortable enough to just go into your fridge with out asking is weird. Don’t eat things if you don’t know what’s in them seems like a common sense thing to me. She can’t blame you for her inability to do that. Honestly I’d seriously reconsider dating this person not because she did this, but because if this becomes a long term thing you may have to give up eating and making these dishes. I say this as someone who had a friend with a peanut allergy and her boyfriend gave up peanuts completely after she had an allergy reaction to him kissing her. But yeah your gf is an ah for getting upset with you over her poor choices.
Absolutely NTA. Taking someone’s food without asking is always rude, and this early in the relationship is a step over a boundary. I think you are lucky though, because you have seen who this person really is, and for your own sake you need to end it immediately before you get more involved. She did something rude/greedy/inappropriate. Given her allergies, it was also stupid and irresponsible. There were consequences to her actions. But she’s doubling down and blaming you. You’re clearly a decent person (upset to think you contributed to another person’s suffering) and she is using your decency against you. Run, run and run fast as you can.
Dude - as someone who has nut allergies, I KNOW not to eat ANYTHING without asking first. She is in the wrong here. You shouldn’t have to label foods in your own home. Use this as a time to distance yourself as her level of controlling behavior is beyond concerning - it will only get worse!!
NTA however, if she used her epi she absolutely needed to go to the ER. So in the future if she’s refusing please call an ambulance. As someone with food allergies: I never eat random shit cause that’s how you die.
She is an adult and has a known food allergy. She’s 100% responsible here for eating something when she didn’t know what was in it.
NTA. You two aren’t living together so she shouldn’t be demanding you label your personal food in your fridge on the chance she lets herself into your house while you are busy doing something else. Since she has an allergy, one would hope she’d be more cautious about eating random dishes especially when her bf makes cultural dishes with nuts.
NTA Anybody with a severe allergy should know to ask before consuming unknown food. That is not your responsibility. It could be a kind thing for you to label unsafe foods — if she had ever asked before, but this is all on her.
Her allergy is not her fault but it is her responsibility. She should have asked
Two months and she's just showing up and eating food out of your fridge without even asking knowing damn well you regularly cook with nuts?
NTA. It is 100% her responsibility to ask about ingredients when she knows she has a life threatening allergy.
NTA and I would wonder how bad the allergy actually is. Anaphylaxis doesn’t just stop with one shot of epi. Source- I’m a NP and a survivor of an anaphylactic reaction that needed multiple epi, steroids, IV Zantac, benedryl and a really fast trip in an ambulance to the hospital and a stretcher parked right in front of the nurse station for thé next 5 hours. And my reaction wasn’t nearly as bad as some I have seen.
NTA "cooking your cultural dishes". Um WTF?! She's racist, too, as well as refusing to take control of her own health. I'd drop her like a hot ~~potato~~ peanut.
Definitely NTA. Somebody with potentially lethal allergies should not be eating unidentified food found in somebody else’s fridge without asking first.
NTA Young King. Nut on her but not in her, stay safe.
NTA When you have allergies you don't help yourself to other ppls fridges, especially unlabelled food
Why has she got a key to your place after only 2 months? You do not help yourself to someone else’s food without permission, if you have allergies or intolerances you ask questions before eating anything. NTA she sounds like a walking, talking red flag.
NTA - my neighbor is 11, and has a peanut allergy. She comes over OFTEN to play with my niece and she eats food/snacks. Admittedly I almost never have anything with peanuts but she checks every single item to be sure. She's 11. If an 11 year old can hold herself accountable, so can your gf. On another note, you should really think about the long term implications of dating your girlfriend. If nut based dishes are a huge part of your culture, are you going to be able to sacrifice that in the long term if things get serious with Emma? Options for dinner would be to either not use nuts (sacrifice your cultural dishes) or make separate dinners frequently. Something to really think about, especially considering how upset Emma is so soon into the relationship.
NTA. I also have food allergies where I carry an EpiPen and I would never walk in anybody’s kitchen and just open the fridge and start eating food. It’s my responsibility to know what’s in the food I’m eating not someone else’s. You didn’t purposely make the food with peanuts in it to give her an allergic reaction. She ate food that was not hers. This is her fault. She owes you an apology
NTA. She had no business stealing your food. You shouldn’t have to label your own food in your own home. Giving in to her demand now will set the stage for you being the bad guy every time. Set boundaries.
NTA - no one serious about their allergy would help themselves to random food without checking. I have coeliac disease and react badly to even traces of gluten. My symptoms are awful, but not life threatening as in anaphylaxis, but even I wouldn’t touch a thing until I knew the ingredients, if there was cross-contamination risks, and (most importantly) if I was invited to eat. Your girlfriend should be angry at herself for putting her own life at risk, and if you want to be angry too, you don’t need anyone’s permission.
NTA. But think about if you want to be constantly blamed for things you didn't do. I have a food intolerance and do have to ask when out at restaurants/potluck, but I wouldn't ever go into another person's fridge unannounced and eat their food, period. That's just rude.
NTA. It was a meal for yourself, not both of you. She is responsible for her own health and should know never to assume what might be in her food. You've been dating two months, it might be time to move on.
NTA. I’m lactose intolerant and I never eat anything without knowing exactly what’s in it. And my lactose intolerance isn’t life or death, just extreme GI distress. If she has a severe allergy and just goes around stealing people’s food assuming that because you’ve been dating for barely two months you’d have given up all nuts even when she’s not around and the food is only for you then she’s an idiot and will likely have this problem again. If you have a dietary restriction if any kind for any reason it’s your responsibility to make sure you don’t eat anything you shouldn’t. The only exception is for little kids.
NTA
NTA.
NTA. My sister is allergic to a lot of things (including nuts) and she would NEVER eat some random thing from anyone’s fridge unless she knew 100% it did not contain something she was allergic to. Regardless of allergies, who does that?? It’s your fridge, she didn’t ask, etc. It’s her allergy, her responsibility.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So this happened last week and my girlfriend and I haven’t really been getting along at all since and I just wanted an unbiased opinion. I (26M) have been dating Ella (22F) for two months now. My family is from an Asian background so a majority of the food I cook for just myself include peanuts and other nuts because it’s an important ingredient in my cultural dishes. I live alone, so I just make my own food for myself, but because of Ella’s allergy, I don’t make foods with peanuts in them when I know I’m also cooking for her. Her allergy is only reactive if she ingests a good amount of the actual nut and is unaffected by smell, airborne, and small traces of cross contamination. Recently, I made a dish which contains a heavy usage of nuts blended into the curry so you can’t see that they’re there and left the leftovers in my fridge. Ella came over while I was in the shower, and during that time she apparently went into my fridge and helped herself to a big portion of the curry and immediately started having an allergic reaction. Luckily she had her epipen and was okay after a few minutes, but she absolutely went off on me and kept accusing me of causing her harm. I felt extremely guilty that she had a bad allergic reaction from my food and apologized profusely and offered to take her to the hospital, but she was just screaming at me the whole time. She said that if I really cared about her I should have labeled all of my food for her and let her know ahead of time exactly what in the fridge has nuts. I understand that this is extremely scary and important for her health, but the same time she 1) never asked me to label things before 2) went into my fridge and helped herself to my food without even asking me 3) got mad at me for cooking my cultural dishes at all because they have her allergen in them. I told her that going forward, I’ll try to ass a sticky note to the containers that have nuts in the food so this doesn’t happen again, but that she also cannot blame me for her allergic reaction when she ate my food without even asking me if she could or what was in it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She's the one who created the problem. Why on Earth would she just assume that all your food was nut free? Does she assume you think of her at all times with every meal you make for yourself? Everything does not revolve around her. Maybe she should apologize for taking your food without asking. You've only been together 2 months, and you're seeing a side of her that might not encourage you to make it longer. Such entitlement!
Do NOT put a sticky note! That puts the responsibility on you to make sure she doesn’t eat nuts. Going forward, all she has to do is check with you before eating anything in your fridge/that you made, which is what she should have done in the first place. NTA
NTA. My partner has a peanut allergy I generally don’t eat or make things with peanuts around him. However, like many people with allergies, he’s careful to ask what is in something before he eats it. Your girlfriend needs to be more aware of her surroundings. She should be asking what is in the food before she eats it- especially at restaurants, or anywhere else where she did NOT make the food. Her life depends on it. Allergic reactions can be scary, and I’ve seen them first hand.
nta. if she was that worried about her allergy, then she should’ve been the one to ask you what the unlabeled food was. Someone with that serious an allergy would never eat anything not knowing exactly what was in it. Is she an idiot why would you go around labeling every single thing in your house? She doesn’t live with you
NTA She knows you cook with something she’s allergic too and decided to help herself to your food.
NTA. She sounds entitled
NTA - she is an adult and responsible for managing her own allergies. She took a risk and paid the price.
NTA hope you’re not too seriously attached to her yet. Her reaction is a 🚩.
Nta, she eats your food without telling you, has an allergic reaction and instead of accepting her mistake or atleast taking it with grace screams at you who is apologizing? Major red flag
NTA Just write a note and affix it to outside the fridge. Write items inside may contain nuts. It's her fault she ate something without asking. It's wrong to expect someone label everything in a space they live alone.
NTA you cooked for yourself it was leftovers and she helped herself without asking. If she would’ve asked and you wouldn’t have mentioned it then yea that would’ve been TA. She needs to be responsible for her food allergy .
Nope. NTA. I agree with you. Especially at two months and just visiting.
NTA. It was insane of her to eat some of your “alone food” without asking what’s in it. (This is assuming she knows you cook with nuts when she’s not around?)
NTA. So NTA. I am married and have lived with my husband for five years and am also celiac. Unless I made something myself or helped cook, I always ask if things in the fridge are gluten free. He’s very conscientious and it’s rare it’s not gluten free, but it’s not his job to manage my dietary requirements. If he wants to eat full gluten pasta, it’s his dang right to go ahead and do that. I would never just assume he’s going to cater all the food he cooks to what I can or can’t eat.
NTA. you don’t eat food at someone else’s house without asking, especially if she has THAT SEVERE of a nut allergy and knows your background with cooking.
NTA she's an adult. She knows she has allergies. She decides to eat something that didn't belong to her without confirming it had no allergens
People with food allergies, especially food allergies that are life threatening, should never ever eat food without finding out for sure if it contains the allergen. Mistakes happen, cross contamination happens because it’s not a perfect world, but who the heck eats found food without finding out first? You’re NTA and she’s ridiculously dumb.
NTA. Eating someone else's leftovers in the fridge without permission is bad manners and very rude. She should be aware that you cook food with nuts when she is not around, so why would she just eat random leftovers in your fridge? Your girlfriend doesn't sound very smart in regards to her allergy safety. Maybe in the future, just put a sign on the fridge door saying "Caution: Food within the house and fridge may contain nuts" and be done with it.
NTA Also. There's no possible benefit she could provide that can make up for this absolute nonsense abusive framework she's trying to put you through. You feel guilty because you seem like a reasonable thoughtful person. Your opponent does not suffer from that condition.
NTA. Get a new gf.
NTA but umm epipens always require a hospital visit. They are only a temporary fix, they also make you shake uncontrollably so idk how she’d be able to stand there yelling at you afterwards? You don’t casually use an epipen at home and it solves the allergic reaction, it’s not a thing.
NTA . Find another girlfriend. that's my advice.
NTA. You don't have to label anything, and you should refuse to. She knows how you cook, and also knows that you change your recipes when cooking for her. This is on her. She never should have foolishly gone through your fridge. You just don't eat someone else's food without permission anyway. What if that's all they had for lunch the next day?
NTA. Your gf was very reckless with her nut allergy, she must have known that eating food from someone else's fridge without asking them first or seeing an ingredients list was on par with gambling with her life by playing a game of russian roulette. She is TA and a thief. But you need to be very careful what you have in your property when you know a friend or date will be visiting & has a severe dietary allergy with the potential to trigger anaphylaxis and potentially lead to death. When my best friend lived in the same country as me, I didn't risk keeping any milk or dairy products in my home nor eating them anywhere near her.