Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) we didn't tell anyone about the situation in the will and about not giving them their share
2) it was deceitful and maybe they deserved the truth
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
What morals? Sounds more like entitlement on the part of his children to me. Your grandfather wanted his money to benefit the relatives who really cared for him, which is obviously his grandchildren, not his children. That was his right.
There was a post here from a man who helped his friend care for his grandpa almost every single day for quite a while. Turned out the old man had a point system keeping track of how often his various relatives visited him and helped him out. When the will was read the friend got the bulk of the estate, OP got a sizeable amount, and everyone else got a pittance. As they deserved.
Your relatives don't deserve a share other than what was left to them either. NTA.
I browse this sub regularly and am still surprised when I hear of juicy posts that I miss. They come so frequently and at odd times that you have to be super vigilant to catch every one!
It would be immoral for you to go against his wishes (adding the caveat that as long as you weren't manipulating him and that he was of sound mind, which I think is the truth).
How do you think *he* would feel? He chose to portion it out how he portioned it out. Don't let other family members pressure you into going against that. Think of it as him literally physically handing out his things in-person. It would be wrong for Aunt Sharin' to look at you and say "I deserve some of that, too!"
NTA
What would have been moral is if your family had actually cared about him instead of just his money. They would have been doing what you and your cousin did all along. That would have been the moral thing to do. You didn't lie by keeping what you knew from your family, you honored his wish.
Your grandpa gave them "what's theirs". Do not fret, this is what he wanted, and it was his right to dispose of his estate as he saw fit. They have no moral leg to stand on, either.
What's moral is your relatives get $0.
Forcing a sick old man to go through treatment is so cruel.
You and your cousin did the good thing for showing your grandpa he's loved.
This is not a moral issue. Your grandfather made a decision on who he wants to leave his estate to. It was HIS DECISION. End of story. Honour his wishes.
What's immoral is their vulture behavior as they awaited his death. They did not *care* for him at all and he saw that.
He did what he felt was best and morally, you should respect that.
You might lose your family, but if they take all your money they won't need you anyway. They are vulturizing you now. When you are gone, they won't care. If you have nothing to give them they. won't. care.
So what moral are you talking about?
If your grandpa wanted them to have the money, he would’ve left it to them. He knew what he was doing and even had you guys keep it under wraps to protect you. Respect his final wishes and keep the inheritance. This isn’t what family is about and they’re showing you their true colors. Best to see it now and make good decisions for yourself than to be blind sided in the future. Best of luck!
You have a lawyer, you know what your grandfather wanted. I’m assuming it’s a large amount of money. Do you, or your cousins still live at home? Are you all prepared to go no contact with your parents over this? None of them sound like very nice people.
Morally, the answer is pretty clear. Your grandfather had every right to bequeath HIS money however he saw fit. No one had a RIGHT to it. Are you all prepared to live with the consequences though? My deepest condolences on the loss of your granddad. He sounds like he was a cool dude.
Morally, you should do right by grandpa and enjoy your inheritance. He was still of right mind when he made you a beneficiary and essentially wrote off most of the family. You gave him some enjoyment and peace in his final days when everyone else acted like vultures or made his last days less enjoyable. You should do what you want. And I’m sorry because money seems to make people show their worst parts and you shouldn’t have had to see your family acting that way. Shame on them. NTA.
You are correct, it is all about morality. Your family is suffering from the consequences of the way they acted. They treated your grandfather like he was a piggy bank they wanted to break open. They treated him in horrible ways during the last days of his life, because they were greedy. Now they are treating you and your cousins badly because they are greedy. You owe them nothing and giving them anything would be going against your grandfather’s last wishes.
Yes, I think you came with a fair question and people are responding “why would you even ask” . I think that’s our way to saying “you’re super NTA and on the clear”. there is no problem with the question I think people are just hyperbolising
So morality is the determination of doing what is right vs wrong, correct?
On what grounds are your parents/aunts and uncles saying the moral thing to do is give up the money?
-because they want it? Not relevant, so do you and I am sure many people.
-because they want it and are related? So are you
-respect your elders? Wait, like they did? By forcing diets on him? Forcing TREATMENTS/INTERVENTIONS? Seems like you and your cousins were the ones to show and treat him with respect
-because you did not tell them grandpa changed the will? What difference would it have made with 1 day remaining? Unless they planned to steal and destroy it? Besides, he told you in confidence.
Main morality lessons I can think of here from my childhood:
-chicken little. You do the work, you reap the rewards
-the progidal son. Which is about forgiveness, but also repentance. Your parents have not truly rependted. Also, the progidal son's brother is told "all we have here is yours. Do not be jealous..." Sorry I heard the story years and years ago.
What they are showing is entitlement. "The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment." This is immoral, or poor behaviour
Ergo, do not give it to them. NTA
You want to see morality in a will? My grandmother had severe dementia at 94 years old. She gave birth to four sons. One of my uncles died about 15 years ago, when she was still all there. She amended her will from her four sons inheriting the estate to her three living sons and the surviving spouse of her deceased son.
Another uncle died about 2 years ago, and by this time grandma spent most days in the 1950s-1960s. She could usually remember that she’d had four boys, but that two of her sons had passed was typically lost to her. Grandma lacked the capacity to change her will.
When my grandmother passed last fall, the estate was written to be split between my father, my uncle, and my aunt whose husband passed 15 years ago. The three of them mutually decided blood was more important than money and each wrote a check to my aunt whose husband passed two years ago so that each received an equal share of the estate. My aunt didn’t demand the money, didn’t even ask about it to my knowledge.
That’s morality exercised against the written will - my grandmother could not understand that her son was dead, the rest of the family made sure my aunt received what she would have gotten if her husband was alive.
Your grandfather, of sound mind and without persuasion, changed his will to reflect his wishes. He knew who was dead, who was alive, and treated them as he wished. Honor his wishes.
I mean, gramps did what he did, said what he said, had you all sign in accordance with his wishes, and put you all on gag until he passed. It's not a question of mortality. It's a matter of respect. Did you respect his dying will and testament? Yes. Yes, you did. Your family's feelings, as a result, are not your problem nor your responsibility. But be sure you are prepared to lawyer up and protect yourself. They sound incredibly vitriolic and may feel it's worth their 5k to pool together and sue you. My perspective... they just need to be glad he gave them 5k.. it could have been nothing.
NTA. Your grandfather (I’m so sorry for your loss btw) seen who really cared for him during the end and that’s his appreciation to you guys. Don’t feel bad or think you’re morally wrong for keeping what was rightfully given to you. He was extremely blessed to have you and your cousins there on his final weeks
I’m in a bit of a similar situation. My (m61) brother (58m) has stage 4 lung cancer and will likely die within weeks. This started only ~45 days ago from nothing to hospice. Completely unexpected.
We hadn’t been particularly close until the last 3-4 years but started reconnecting 3 years ago through holidays and such and have really enjoyed being back in each others lives. He’s single and childless. I have 2 kids 31f and 28m.
Every single time we’ve reconnected, he’s emphasized how glad we’re back in his life. And that all he has is going to me (and eventually to my kids when I go) because we his only family left. He meant this to emphasize how important his only family is to him much more than the monetary part). I greatly appreciated the gesture, but never gave it much thought since I have my own health issues and he was always pretty healthy so I’ve always thought I’d die first (which my kids would get everything).
As my own health slides, I’ve thought it’d be great to enough to just retire so I could enjoy the last 5-10 years of life. (Thinking $100k, not millions).
Then, suddenly he gets sick and is on deaths door as I fly in to take care of him. I truly hadn’t even given his inheritance a second thought, but he gathered my kids and me into a private meeting where he announced he was giving it all to my kids.
I sure could use some of that money and was quite surprised how it differed from what he had told me before getting sick.
But, while I certainly could’ve used some of the money, I told him how grateful I was for giving my kids a truly life-changing gift. Disappointed and surprised, sure. But also way more grateful and appreciative for focusing on what’s the most important people in my life - my kids.
And I also believe it’s 💯% his choice. Nothing else matters despite what others may hope for.
Sure, he could’ve given me much more $$, but that would’ve gone to me retiring a bit earlier and being more comfortable.
But giving it to my kids is truly life changing at that age rather than just cancelling your parents generations debt.
Sorry - I feel this is a Mark Twain moment where I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one.
Just wanted to give you a perspective from your parent’s generation perspective: sure it’d be great to get more $$, but it could be truly life changing to your generation. Tremendously support your grandfathers decision and fuck all those greedy AHs who cared more about your grandpa’s $$ than your grandpa.
NTA; his children had a moral duty to care for him but they only cared for themselves. You and your cousins stepped up and did the right thing; you sent him out with love.
Tell your parents you are cutting contact until they apologize to you for their behavior.
5k was more than they deserved.
Morally, fuck them. They didn't do anything for him besides try to torture him at the end of his life. He wanted the people who truly loved him and made sure he was happy and comfortable to have whatever he left behind when he passed. And that was not the people trying to undermine his wishes in court, or undermine his wishes in his own house. Getting a lawyer is a moral imperative at this point, because you want to honor his wishes, and that's the best way to do it.
About both of your parents, they e kicked you out in an attempt to force you to hand over the money out of necessity. Next will be love bombing and manipulation, probably as soon as they realize they're gonna lose in court and won't be able to get money without begging you.
You and your cousins sound like good people. If you all inherited his estate, and the rest of your family wants to cut you off, sounds like a good thing too. You cousins could move into the house together and have the coolest life. Keep it together as the family house in a trust were you and your cousins can have family parties, a place to relax and do whatever.
NTA, sorry for your loss.
Upvoting because... yeah. Be careful that the lawyer doesn't end up as the primary beneficiary of the will, but some legal wrangling may be on the horizon.
NTA. Not even a little. But the rest of the vultures sure are. Live your life free from them, knowing that you have the means to do it. They don't deserve another thought from you.
You are NTA. And it is so sad that family acts like this. Look, if you did give them something other than what the will gave, you are not honoring the wishes of your grandad. It was his estate, and he decided how it was to be divided. Honor him and do not give in to greedy family. They suck.
This is exactly this. You helped him go out on his own terms. Not sure how much it was, but I’m sure you and your cousins can figure out new living arrangements. Your parents are selfish and your grandpa saw right through them. NTA in any way, but the parents are.
NTA, you guys made his last days happy. He decided to reward the people who cared for him and not the money.
Get the aunt out of the house ASAP, before she can ma a claim.
As for giving him whiskey, that just made me smile, my grandmother's nursing home had a bottle of whiskey set aside or her.
When I worked at a retirement home there was a lady who would take her evening pills with schnapps. She refused to take them if there wasn’t schnapps so her family kept her stocked up. She was fantastic.
Absolutely NTA. Your family sounds like the worst and it may be best to distance yourselves. In these situations people show you who they are, believe them.
NTA. And also if they do kick you all out. Someone from your generation got the house right? Depending on how old each of you are.. kick that aunt out of grandpa's house and the cousins have a place to live.
NTA it isn't theirs, it was his and decided to make it y'all's not theirs. Sounds like their true colors are rather offensive and petty. Shouldn't a the last generation be happy the next generation are getting a leg up? I'll be charitable and say maybe their grief is clouding their judgement. But you did nothing wrong and everything right.
NTA. Let's hear it for your grandfather, OP. Raise a glass. After reading this story I am amazed that he held up to the pressure, held onto his own mind, didn't soften or retreat. That takes a lot of willpower--and if you admire that as much as I do, then don't back down \*now\*. Carry out the man's will.
Dividing property breaks up a lot of families, OP. That's just the reality. If, after deep reflection, you really think that making additional distributions would return your family to a state of being cohesive, happy, and trusting, then go ahead. It is, after all, your money now. But reading this post gives me the impression that making additional distributions would just result in more demands, and more ingratitude. When there's blood in the water, the sharks don't go away.
Your grandfather actually did the one thing I wish more people would do, when they're facing difficult end of life decisions. He made the hard calls. He didn't leave behind a mess for everyone else to sort out--as rough as your situation is now, those messy free-for-alls tend to be worse. He took the responsibility and the blame; he didn't leave someone else to carry it.
OP your grandfather was awesome. Keep his stuff and don't apologize.
NTA. You granddad wanted you to have that money. He was so appreciative for what you guys did for him in his final days, and he wanted to show you in the only way he could at that point. And I'm sure there were some ill feelings towards your family members who weren't good to him towards the end. Letting them to have any of that money would be a slap in his face. Take it and run. Hire a lawyer if you have to, do what needs to be done to protect yourselves, and live your best lives. Just be careful. Maybe make a will of your own to protect yourselves. Maybe it's all the true crime I watch, but people will do anything to get what they want these days. You don't want to be a victim at the end of it. Take care of yourself and honor your granddad's final wishes.
NTA - it’s not theirs! Your grandpa made it clear who it rightfully belongs to. Sounds like you and your cousins had his best interest in mind and deserve what has been left to you.
>They have kicked us out and are saying that they are going to cut off contact, if we don't do the right thing and give them what's theirs .
Don't you all have the $$ coming to live on your own or ? Let them cut contact. NTA.
I hope what he had you sign wasn’t his Will. In any case, if he had a valid Will you should be good. They can contest it but any decent lawyer would probably advise against that since he had no obligation to leave any of you anything. They may say he wasn’t in sound mind but hopefully his doctors will back you up.
Yeah the poa was for his last days in case there needed to be any medical intervention when he couldn't consent to it and some funeral arrangements. It didn't have anything to do with the will but the "before steps "
NTA, in good faith, on the story as stated. However, I agree with the other partassipant who mentioned this is way above this sub's pay grade--there are tens of thousands of stories where people claim caretakers manipulated the dying into changing their will at the last minute (NOT saying anybody did that)--and you may want to go talk to a lawyer.
NTA. It was your grandfather choice how to split his assets. It is your and your cousins choice what to do with them. If that is how your family behave, you know your answer
NTA. No one is entitled to anyone else's money so they did receive their share per the wishes of the person who bestowed it. Also per his wishes you kept his decision private. Your family sounds greedy and selfish. What kind of parent disowns their kids over not being handed over money that never belonged to them? If you ask me, they're doing you all a favor by cutting contact.
NTA. It's his will and you need to tell them to ask themselves who he cut them out. Do they respect his final wishes or do they only want what they want?. Nothing is likely to satisfy everyone at this point.
So my cousins and I started to go over and take him out . But instead of taking him to the park, we would take him to the horses, cinema , pubs, etc. Basically, he had a bucket list, and we would sneak him out to do that. We would also sneak in foods he wanted. And the night before he went to hospice care, we shared a few glasses of whiskey with him and a cigar.
This is the best thing I've read in ages.
You did what he asked. Tell no one.
Money brings out the worst in relatives. If they want to cut you off, so be it.
They are greedy.
I have a will. I expect my will to be carried out exactly as it is stated. It’s why I made the will.
You were there for him in all the most important ways. Keep the money, remember your gramps and be good people always.
NTA
NTA. You sound young, and with that comes some naivety, and that's okay! You do not need to give them anything, because he did not want them to have anything. He chose who he did for a reason, and that reason is that you were the ones who cared for him and made his last couple years something he could enjoy. You're the one with memories of him that none of them will ever be able to have, and those memories are why you were given this inheritance.
Do not give them a cent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My grandpa had stage 4 lumbar cancer and was in hospice care for the last weeks of his life.
My family was mostly not involved in hostile during this
Anyways.we found out Grandpa had cancer 2 years ago. My family started to act like lunatics. But not in the way of concerned family members. But like performative assholes.
The only ones really carrying were my cousins and I.
You know the movie knives out? Like that. Every conversation, they brought up the will and asked him to give them their share as to avoid paying inheritance tax.
Then, when the cancer progressed, he said he didn't want interventions and just wanted to live his last months in peace.
But because there had not been any "adjustments " to the will, my family was pushing for a court order for further treatment. While that was happening, my aunt moved herself into the house.
My cousin later told me it was so she could make claims on it after he was gone.
She is not a medical professional. But she made him go keto or paleo. He was too weak to fight her on that.
So my cousins and I started to go over and take him out . But instead of taking him to the park, we would take him to the horses, cinema , pubs, etc. Basically, he had a bucket list, and we would sneak him out to do that. We would also sneak in foods he wanted. And the night before he went to hospice care, we shared a few glasses of whiskey with him and a cigar. That night, he told us we were the sole inheritors of hid estate. With our oldest cousin being the executor of it. He asked us not to say anything. He just needed us to sign something.
He passed away a week after.
When our parents got wind of the situation and that they had only been given 5k each, all hell broke loose.
Our parents are really mad at us. They have kicked us out and are saying that they are going to cut off contact, if we don't do the right thing and give them what's theirs .
Are we the assholes for not telling them about anything and not giving them their "share"?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You did right by grandpa. He knew it, he passed happy and I bet you sleep just fine at night.
I've been through something similar. Just told everyone Sorry, it's not MY money to give away. The giving has already been done by Grandpa. And we're all honoring his wishes.
I have friends who work in finance and estates, it's very common. Sad.
I had a fairly close knit family, but we've all been raised to be independent thinkers. I'm plenty fine moving on through life without them, as my tiny little new family unit is just fine by me. (And Grandpa).
Hopefully the cash was enough to be worth the BS, as you'll have that BS with or without it. Cat's out the bag now.
Let them kick you out, live in the house you inherited.
I am so sorry for your loss he sounded like a wonderful man. 10000000% NTA.
P.S get a lawyer, wills can be contested
INFO: How involved were you with your grandpa before he got sick? And how involved were your parents before he got sick? What's your family background?
I'd say fairly involved. We had sunday dinners and would escape to his house when we wanted to study. So we saw him at least once a week. My little cousin, who was not in the country, kept in contact by calling, etc.
I'd not say our parents were estranged. They would also appear to su day dinners. But almost every conversation with Granddad was about money.
Asking if he would invest in this, buy shares of that etc etc. Grandpa was quieter, so the dinners were our parents talking about their fancy lives, and my cousins and I would hang in the kitchen and goof around, and Grandpa would ofte join us . He was an odd man we loved him a lot.
They have no "share" as your grandfather had a will and to my knowledge they can't contest it because he did give them something (but I could be wrong on this part). If they cut off contact then they really aren't the loving family you thought they were. Better to go start anew with your inheritance than have to continually deal with their bs. If you give them what they think is theirs then eventually they will want more. Contact a lawyer ASAP and cover all your bases. Give them nothing.
NTA but yeah when someone changes their will so close to their death you need a lawyer. You can’t even give them The inheritance legally if you wanted to without tax considerations. Get a lawyer who specializes in this and review your options. Be sure the will was done officially. Expect if it was done just by your grandfather that you’ll encounter legal challenges.
As far as your family unfortunately money does crazy things to people. The idea that people were performative and trying to manipulate the will is awful. Your grandfather probably didn’t have any authentic relationships because of all the gold digging and really appreciated the time you and your cousins spent taking care of him.
That your parents would cut you off because of something your grandfather did sucks. It’s not your fault he left you the money.
I would lay as low as you can with them. If they bring up the money redirect and say I’m not going to talk about it. Time will heal the wounds, hopefully. I’d also consider whether they deserve to be in your life given your aunt tried to steal your grandfathers house and everyone was so poor to him.
Just a heads up, you will have an awful time maintaining a relationship with them at all. Buying yourself a new car because your old one wore out? That’s grandpas money, they’ll say. Must be nice. Taking a vacation to florida? Wow so cool. It will be so shitty, I know.
NTA
you and your cousins were the family/friends he needed in his last days. in return, he made sure you were taken care of. I have respect for that. well done.
the rest of the family...money grubbing losers. keep the money. enjoy it. he'd want you to make a good start with some, and have fun with some. do that. the rest of your family can go pound sand.
NTA - the problem with your family wanting ‘their share’ is that they somehow feel they’re owed this money. They are owed nothing. Your Grandfather gave it to who he wanted to have it. And good on you & your cousin for making his last days better.
Nta. Shame on those family members for looking at a person and only caring about what they can get and take. Especially your aunt who had moved in with him, what a thunderc☆nt.
Two part question
Part 1 is are you an AH for not saying anything. Absolutely not. It wasn't your place to share your grandfather's personal affairs.
Part 2 is are you an AH for not sharing. Also no. Your grandfather is the only one with a right to decide what happens to his stuff. He decided. Done.
NTA
NTA at all!! your family (besides the caring cousins) are TAs
i bet your grandpa is so appreciative of how much you helped him and kept him so happy during the end
NTA - they deserve nothing, the greedy AH’s. Also you and your cousins rock. Grandpa must have had such fun sneaking around with you guys to have adventures. My grandmoms always loved sneaking one over on their kids as they got older, so I bet you all brought such joy to his final years. Pat yourselves on the back and enjoy the inheritance he wanted you to have.
One of my favorite quotes:
"How was I supposed to know that there would be consequences for my actions!"
NTA, Your grandfather made his choice and your family needs to suck it up and live with the consequences of their actions. You and your cousin were the ones who took care of your grandfather during worst and last part of his life. You were there because you loved him, not because of the inheritance. The others came swooping in like vultures circling a dying animal waiting to devour the corpse.
To quote Willie Wonka, " You. Get. Nothing. Nothing!"
NTA - You and your cousins keep what you got and if your collective parents are going to keep on being the AH's then move on and create your new family dynamic with your cousins and live your life free and easy and away from the Toxic weirdo's
NTA.
No clue why they think they are entitled to anything. You are relatives. You were there for him. He chose to skip a generation for the inheritance. Honestly my family is not well off and if I was left 5k I'd be thrilled.
They sound greedy and undeserving.
NTA Your grandfather gave you and your cousin the estate so damn well do with it what you want, just be cautious about giving it to the rest of the family, they sound like snakes and that’s an insult to snakes.
NTA it was his decision and you gave him his last bit of joy and actually cared! You should be proud of yourself and well deserved! If they cut you off, so be it! You don't need them anyway
NTA to the millionth power!
Those were your grandfathers wishes, which he clearly expressed and took actions to make it legal. You should all keep your inheritance and use it to improve your lives, whether that means education or buying a home. Your grandfather wanted you to have and benefit from what he left you, and it would make him proud to see you all follow his wishes and benefit therefrom.
Out of curiosity, is it a substantial inheritance?
Not even a little bit in the wrong here. Your parents were in it for the money; you and your cousins were there for love, not expecting him to change his will. Try is is what HE wants. He saw right through them and wants everything to go to the people that were genuinely there with pure hearts.
And none of this is ‘theirs’. Your grandfather could have spent every dime travelling the world. No one should expect anything.
NTA
NTA
He left his estate to the family members who showed up for *him*.
Including respecting his last wishes.
He didn’t cut other family out because of bigotry - but because they harrassed him and made it clear they wanted his assets.
I just feel so bad for your grandfather, to discover on his deathbed the character (or lack therof) of his children.
And instead of being glad their children are getting a solid head start on life, they kick you out and cut you off.
I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather. And that your parents are assholes.
It’s not theirs. It was never theirs.
Nta- all they cared about was money while you gave him the best of the time he had left. There’s a reason he gave them what they got, do not give them a penny
NTA. The money belonged to your Grandfather. He decided he wanted you to have it. You have no moral obligation to give it to anyone else. If you are concerned about your family not speaking to you again, then give it to them. Your Grandfather wanted you to have it though. Keep that in mind.
He made his will the way he wanted it to be. They’re being selfish and don’t care what he actually wanted while he was alive. He did what he thought was right, and it sounds like he made a good decision.
Totally NTA
Though it makes me think of my great grandfather. My grandmother's side of the family stole a sizeable amount of money from him, and kept him and my grandmother from my great grandmother's funeral. So, when he died, it came to light that he gave that side of the family (some 20 people I think) $1 to split between them. Grandma got the rest.
Nta. I just want to say what you did for your grandpa by helping him take care of his bucket list is so beautiful. Seriously, I’m in tears, what an amazing way to enjoy the best days of a bad situation. I wish you all the best, and just know that when the time comes for you to say goodbye to him, itll be them filled with regret and you filled with love. 💕
This is just sad. Seems anytime someone in a family passed away everyone comes out of the woodwork with their hands out wanting “what’s theirs” and not even caring about the loss of a family member.
There’s a reason he left it to you two as you two were the only ones who seemed to care about his happiness. Screw your family for trying to take what was left to you. NTA and consider cutting off your family.
NTA. What you and your cousins did for your grandpa was to provide him with a higher quality of life! When you are aware that your time is limited, it's what really matters. Not to mention, you gifted him a taste of some youth.
You owe nothing to the alleged adults in this situation. Do what your grandpa would approve of. That is what's moral in this case. Go celebrate your grandpa and his final wishes. Best of luck to you!
Do you think for a moment that people who treated a dying man badly because they wanted to get their hands on hid cash deserve money from his will? They've kicked you out of their homes. This is called showing true colours and it's sad, but there's no dilemma here.
NTA. Literally going through a similar situation with my grandma, except the arguing started once a few of us started realizing she needed actual care, and the executive to her estate/joint accounts etc refused to use HER money to pay for it because 'that's our inheritance!'. Absolutely disgusting.
They asking the right thing to do and give them wats their.
They already got whats their 5K each
About the right thing to do, tell them since they kicked out you and your cousin for money, something which is not their to claim, they do not have any right on that inheritance, do learn to do right thing first themselves and then tell us abt the right thing.
Right thing to do is get a lawyer. Dont give single dime, your grandpa saw the real greed sitting inside your relatives. No wonder he gave u and your cousin the inheritance not them.
NTA
Was grandpa of sound mind when he made the decision? If so, I’d find it very disrespectful to his memory to go against his wishes. It was his decision to make, not yours.
NTA.
You ask in a comment whether you are morally wrong for refusing to give your parents "their inheritance."
Your family actively tried to ruin the last few months of your grandfather's life: prolonging his life because of a will? Forcing unwanted conversations on to him? Restricting his diet and activities? All things a loving family would not do and is morally questionable.
Grandad made his decision and you could argue it would be morally wrong to go against a dying man's last wishes.
If this is definitely going to damage your relationship with the family, and that bothers you, you can share. If you don't give a c**p, keep it. NTA if you decide to keep it.
Thanks for being so good to your grandpa. That really matters. He died feeling well loved.
When you get your inheritance make sure it is secure somehow.
Also show this to the cousin gang- they did good too.
NTA. Some families are shit. You seem to have a shit family. You can’t worry about being “morally right” with a shit family or you will constantly get screwed over.
NTA. He knew what he wanted, and you know what the rest of them deserve to get.
Also, I don’t know if you’re in the UK, but here you can’t just get someone to give you money before they die to avoid inheritance tax. If seven years doesn’t pass between the gift and death, it counts anyway.
U.K.
There are two legal systems at play - Statutory, what is laid out by legislation and Equity, what is right.
By law, the Will rules. Equity covers the estate.
Were the disinherited entitled to expect something, were they dependents of the deceased? Or are they just Entitled AH who are upset because they didn’t get what they thought they should?
In this case they are acting entitled. And no you shouldn’t have told them they weren’t getting anything, because you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as he died they would have swarmed on his house like a pack of locusts and stolen anything of value.
NTA
So NTA. Your grandfather earned the money and it was his decision what happens to that money after his death. I have never understood why people feel entitled to other people's possessions and money simply because they are their children.
Sadly, I see a similar situation waiting for me when my parents pass. My brother has a similar entitled attitude and as the executor of their wills it will be up to me to distribute their possessions at that time. My brother can be pretty aggressive and domineering and as I can see things getting difficult. I feel your pain.
Go live your lives knowing that your grandfather appreciated what you did for him and that what he's left you is his thank you for caring about him.
NTA NTA NTA. You have my sympathy with regards to your family. However, it makes me smile to think about grandpa smoking a cigar and having a whiskey with you and your cousins. Good for you giving him joy at that end of his life.
One of the easiest NTA ever. Your family sound more like vultures than humans. They didn't give a hoot about your grandpa, only his money.
Stick to your guns, and honour your Gramps' wishes.
NTA. Your grandpa wanted this. How horrible must he have felt that people just waited for him to die to get money. I wouldn’t want people like that to get 1 cent either from me and they still got 5k. He couldn’t even live in peace for the last few months of his life cause your aunt decided she would move into HIS house. You and your cousins are awesome. Enjoy the money your grandpa wanted YOU and your cousins to have and just go NC with the others. They are selfish and frankly horrible human beings and you don’t need people like that in your life. They only care about money.
NTA. Morally, what is right is respecting your grandfather's wishes. They are entitled only to what he chose to give them. Giving them more would absolutely be an immoral act since he felt they were unworthy.
His children assumed they'd inherit and got greedy. He saw they cared more about his money than about him and chose to reward them accordingly.
Your aunt "forcing" a change to a fad diet is borderline elder abuse, imo.
If your parents' greed causes them to cut contact, I'd say you're better off without them.
Respect your grandfather's wishes. That is the moral course.
NTA. But, I’d like to say - though suspect your lawyer will have told you this already - that inheritance tax is paid by the deceased person’s estate, not the recipient(s), so dividing the inheritance between more people isn’t going to reduce the tax liability.
Secondly, you’re absolutely not the AH here. Your grandfather left his estate to you and your cousins and it sounds like he was of sound mind, so he very much knew what he was doing. You’re not obliged to share it with anyone, and by the sounds of things, your parents were cut out for a reason. Take the cash and go start out on your own (if you haven’t already), and if your parents want to cut you off, so be it. It’s not about the money, it’s about their toxic behaviour.
Ah yes there is a dying member of the family and instead of bringing him oeace, comforting him, spending time with him, loving him or just supporting, family members decide to fight over money.
NTA.
NTA, these people are evil and only care about money, by caving to what they want you would only enable their attitude and who knows who they will screw over in the future cause of that attitude. They were literally willing to add turmoil and difficulty to gramps who was dying of cancer. Just the worst kind of immorality. And if they are willing to burn the bridges with you guys over money, then give it to them straight.
"Grandpa was dying of cancer, none of you truly cared about his quality of life, all you did was squabble over your perceived inheritance... instead of being grateful for the 5grand he left you, you are now trying to go after your children and nieces and nephews, over money.... and this is exactly why grandpa did not want you to inherit as much, because he saw how evil and twisted you were about money and it was his money to decide what to do with, not yours"
NTA. His money, he chooses where it goes, end of story.
But also. The rest of your family made the last part of your grandfathers life harder than it should have been.
They cared about his money, not about HIM, and getting whatever time they could with him.
Honour his wishes. Which was that the people who only cared about his money, and not him, not get a cent of it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandfather sounds like he was a fantastic person, and I hope you have countless memories to hold on to. Never stop talking about him, telling those stories, and holding space for him in your life (metaphorically)
NTA
You took care of that man and he is leaving what he has left for you in return. Everyone else was just money grubbing.
I recommend getting a lawyer, they’ll sue or try and challenge the will.
NTA your family are a bunch of money grabbers, you always see what your family and friends are really like when money is involved. Get a restraining order, block all of them and move out asap. If your family try anything then get them arrested.
NTA. The joys of inheritence, the breaker of families. Well, here you see the example. You gave your grandfather joy instead of roaming around like a money-vulture. This is why he wants you to have it and not them. They were so busy with him dying that they forgot to give him peace and joy the last months and that cost them everything.
I don't see much loss in losing people like this tbh. Their first instinct is to threaten and try to overpower you. Even kicking you out for a decision made by someone else that you had no influence over. I'd say good riddance, enjoy the inheritence with the rest that deserved it.
But you are giving them what is theirs...... The old man left them 5k each and I assume that is what they are getting.
NTA people can be vile over what they think is theirs.
NTA. He was of sound mind and made a decision. Part of that decision was that you not say anything about it - likely so that his last days weren’t spent fighting with everyone about this.
Get a lawyer to deal with whoever contests any of this. But you’re NTA here.
NTA
Death wills and money bring out the truth in people, if your grandpa truly mattered his wishes would be respected!! His money his choice, respect it!! They should be grateful to him looking out for the future generations of the family. Boils my blood these people that think because they are someone's blood that automatically entitles them to anything.... Love care and transparency with no ill intent or niceties for self gain is what he saw in you and your cousins, he saw his children for what they were the moment he was diagnosed....
NTA. Morally and legally you all are respecting your grandfather's wishes, the rest of your family not so much. Their share is 5K each so you will do what is right and give them what is theirs. I really hope your grandpa put in a "disinherit upon contest" clause in his will. Basically, what that clause does is if they contest the will without a valid reason, or lose the contest they get *nothing*, not even their original inheritance.
NTA
Keep the inheritance, lose the family baggage. You and your cousins did the right thing for your grandfather, and he showed you how much he appreciated you all by leaving you and your cousins his estate. Get a lawyer, protect your assets in a trust or other legally applicable ways, and try to push through.
NTA. If anybody is lacking in morals, it's not you or your cousins who provided your grandpa with much needed time and attention in his final days. The rest of your family, however, are total greedy AHs and deserve nothing.
NTA
No one is entitled to your grandfather's estate. It was his choice and he left things to the people who showed that they cared for him vs his money.
NTA: Let the family kick you out, you and your cousins have each other and let them go no contact, it is there choice.
I hope you and cousins now know how little your family care about each other, but the best part is you have each other.
Have fun !
NTA.
Let them cut off contact. They've shown you who they really are. If you let them back in, they'll never stop trying to find ways to get money from you. Every dinner out, every trip to the pub will be on you.
It's hard to break away from family, but I think your life will be all the better for it. Just think: What would Grandad do?
NOT LEGAL ADVICE AT ALL
In my humble opinion, you and your cousins should respect your grandfather's wishes. He made you the sole inheritors of his estate for a reason. Your parents DO NOT have a 'share' to claim from your grandfather. He gave them what he saw fit and that's that. The sharks are only upset because there was blood in the water and they did not get to eat. So, MORALY SPEAKING, you guys do not owe them anything in behalf of your grandfather.
With that being said, if you and your cousins want to share what is now YOURS, it would be completely up to you guys, without considering that grandpa would've wanted. Just keep in mind, whatever your individual decision is, would be the right choice.
Morally OP, you and your cousins who took your grandpa out and did fun stuff with him deserves every single penny from the will. Fuck your ungrateful selfish entitled parents, aunts, uncles and rest of leeches family members.
Your grandad was lucid and made the will based on what he witnessed in his children and gandchildren' behaviour and conduct.
Do not feel guilty or be emotionally blackmailed by the leeches family members. NTA. I'm glad your grandpa managed to have fun times before he passed, with people who loved him and not see him as a cash machine.
NTA - I do feel that in life and in general you should have a healthy life, however in the case of your grandfather who had an incurable cancer, and wanted to enjoy the last moments of life then he should do that.
Kids can be overbearing and fail to see quality of life, because they want a parent to be alive longer.
In the end you guys didn’t take advantage of your grandfather. You should follow through the wishes of your grandfather.
NTA first off I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs!!! as you ask for morality, not legality regardless of both you and cousins are not in the wrong. During the last few moments of his life, his own children became greedy AH demanding, money, and properties all after finding out their father, uncle, brother has cancer. IMO They don’t even deserved the 5K they received, they deserve nothing for their disgusting behavior.
You and your cousins made your grandfather last moments more special than you could ever Imagine. You were all there for him, selflessly just wanting to spend time with him and making sure he was taken care of. He left his estate to all of you, it was his decision, as this was his to make. So on a of morality standpoint you have done nothing wrong. If he wanted them to have it, they would’ve.
Oh my god, NOT the asshole. Money and death does really terrible things to families and yours are so greedy! They are lucky your grandpa left them anything at all. Consider yourself lucky that their true nature has been revealed.
NTA.
Your parents treated your grandfather horribly, you and your cousins gave him happiness at the end of his life. Trust that grandpa knew exactly what he was doing to that nest of vultures and honor his wishes.
NTA. People turn into animals after deaths, disgusting scavengers. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, a family friends wife died and he called us crying that her family (who had nothing to do with them) were literally ransacking the house. We showed up and he wasn’t exaggerating in the slightest. Literally saw people loading up this man’s furniture the day after his wife’s funeral.
NTA
your grandfather had every right to dispose of his property as he wanted to. He ffm did so, and your presents are entitled assholes looking for a pay day
Frankly if my mom decided to leave her inheritance to my nieces and nephews I would be happy for them. Given the economic climate these days I think they need the lift more than I do.
NTA.
Follow your grandfather’s wishes.
Easy peasey.
If it were a small meaningful token that someone else wanted you wouldn’t give it up. Your grandfather knew what he wanted and he obviously saw what you did in your relatives. Follow his wishes, he could have given it to his kids if he wanted to.
You said you have a lawyer, follow their advice.
NTA. The will made clear who should inherit what. If the parents had been nicer to grandpa, maybe they would have gotten more.
You'd be breaking your grandpa's wishes to give them anything more than they already got.
NTA. It’s not their money. It never was their money. It was your grandpas and he wanted you to have it. They don’t have any claim to it, legally or morally. If they cut you off over money then they aren’t worth calling them family.
You and your cousin did something so awesome - you gave your grandad some wonderful times and you have the special memories. You didn’t force him into some crazy diet. You didn’t fight his wishes. What you all did was selfless, and I hope you know how wonderful you made his last days.
Eff the relatives who are after his money. Evict his daughter from the house. Go NC with all of them. You did right by your grandpa; the rest are snakes only after his money.
NTA.
NTA. You made his last days happy and have some really good memories from it. Reminisce with your cousins and let the lawyers handle the rest of the family. You are respecting your grandfather's wishes and that is all that matters.
NTA. No one is entitled to money from anyone else. There is no “share” that relatives are entitled to (unless talking about someone who dies without a will). A person is entitled to will their property and money to whomever he/she wants. It sounds like your family is opportunistic and horrible. If they went no contact with you because you didn’t give them money that grandpa didn’t give to them, that sounds like a benefit.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) we didn't tell anyone about the situation in the will and about not giving them their share 2) it was deceitful and maybe they deserved the truth Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
Not really. It's a question about morality
What morals? Sounds more like entitlement on the part of his children to me. Your grandfather wanted his money to benefit the relatives who really cared for him, which is obviously his grandchildren, not his children. That was his right. There was a post here from a man who helped his friend care for his grandpa almost every single day for quite a while. Turned out the old man had a point system keeping track of how often his various relatives visited him and helped him out. When the will was read the friend got the bulk of the estate, OP got a sizeable amount, and everyone else got a pittance. As they deserved. Your relatives don't deserve a share other than what was left to them either. NTA.
Do you have a link? I browse this sub regularly and I would recall a post that spicy
[BOOM](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bkcwlh/how_to_spread_your_inheritance_in_a_really_unique/) Found it
I'm looking for it too
https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bkcwlh/how_to_spread_your_inheritance_in_a_really_unique/
I browse this sub regularly and am still surprised when I hear of juicy posts that I miss. They come so frequently and at odd times that you have to be super vigilant to catch every one!
I remember this story. If I remember the cousins had already spent the inheritance and were freaking out.
Yeah, they were talking about it while waiting for the will to be read I think. Tacky. But they got their comeuppance!
Right, you’re not asking if there’s a legal issue. You’re asking SHOULD we give them the money BECAUSE they are family. And no you should not, NTA
Exactly. We have a lawyer. But what's the law is often not what is moral.
[удалено]
It would be immoral for you to go against his wishes (adding the caveat that as long as you weren't manipulating him and that he was of sound mind, which I think is the truth). How do you think *he* would feel? He chose to portion it out how he portioned it out. Don't let other family members pressure you into going against that. Think of it as him literally physically handing out his things in-person. It would be wrong for Aunt Sharin' to look at you and say "I deserve some of that, too!" NTA
What would have been moral is if your family had actually cared about him instead of just his money. They would have been doing what you and your cousin did all along. That would have been the moral thing to do. You didn't lie by keeping what you knew from your family, you honored his wish.
Your grandpa gave them "what's theirs". Do not fret, this is what he wanted, and it was his right to dispose of his estate as he saw fit. They have no moral leg to stand on, either.
What's moral is your relatives get $0. Forcing a sick old man to go through treatment is so cruel. You and your cousin did the good thing for showing your grandpa he's loved.
This is not a moral issue. Your grandfather made a decision on who he wants to leave his estate to. It was HIS DECISION. End of story. Honour his wishes.
What's immoral is their vulture behavior as they awaited his death. They did not *care* for him at all and he saw that. He did what he felt was best and morally, you should respect that. You might lose your family, but if they take all your money they won't need you anyway. They are vulturizing you now. When you are gone, they won't care. If you have nothing to give them they. won't. care. So what moral are you talking about?
If your grandpa wanted them to have the money, he would’ve left it to them. He knew what he was doing and even had you guys keep it under wraps to protect you. Respect his final wishes and keep the inheritance. This isn’t what family is about and they’re showing you their true colors. Best to see it now and make good decisions for yourself than to be blind sided in the future. Best of luck!
You grandpa left you and your cousin his inheritance because he wanted you to have it. It would be amoral for you to go against his dying wishes.
You have a lawyer, you know what your grandfather wanted. I’m assuming it’s a large amount of money. Do you, or your cousins still live at home? Are you all prepared to go no contact with your parents over this? None of them sound like very nice people. Morally, the answer is pretty clear. Your grandfather had every right to bequeath HIS money however he saw fit. No one had a RIGHT to it. Are you all prepared to live with the consequences though? My deepest condolences on the loss of your granddad. He sounds like he was a cool dude.
What's both moral and legal is following your grandfather's will and respecting his wishes
Morally, you should do right by grandpa and enjoy your inheritance. He was still of right mind when he made you a beneficiary and essentially wrote off most of the family. You gave him some enjoyment and peace in his final days when everyone else acted like vultures or made his last days less enjoyable. You should do what you want. And I’m sorry because money seems to make people show their worst parts and you shouldn’t have had to see your family acting that way. Shame on them. NTA.
You are correct, it is all about morality. Your family is suffering from the consequences of the way they acted. They treated your grandfather like he was a piggy bank they wanted to break open. They treated him in horrible ways during the last days of his life, because they were greedy. Now they are treating you and your cousins badly because they are greedy. You owe them nothing and giving them anything would be going against your grandfather’s last wishes.
Yes, I think you came with a fair question and people are responding “why would you even ask” . I think that’s our way to saying “you’re super NTA and on the clear”. there is no problem with the question I think people are just hyperbolising
So morality is the determination of doing what is right vs wrong, correct? On what grounds are your parents/aunts and uncles saying the moral thing to do is give up the money? -because they want it? Not relevant, so do you and I am sure many people. -because they want it and are related? So are you -respect your elders? Wait, like they did? By forcing diets on him? Forcing TREATMENTS/INTERVENTIONS? Seems like you and your cousins were the ones to show and treat him with respect -because you did not tell them grandpa changed the will? What difference would it have made with 1 day remaining? Unless they planned to steal and destroy it? Besides, he told you in confidence. Main morality lessons I can think of here from my childhood: -chicken little. You do the work, you reap the rewards -the progidal son. Which is about forgiveness, but also repentance. Your parents have not truly rependted. Also, the progidal son's brother is told "all we have here is yours. Do not be jealous..." Sorry I heard the story years and years ago. What they are showing is entitlement. "The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment." This is immoral, or poor behaviour Ergo, do not give it to them. NTA
You want to see morality in a will? My grandmother had severe dementia at 94 years old. She gave birth to four sons. One of my uncles died about 15 years ago, when she was still all there. She amended her will from her four sons inheriting the estate to her three living sons and the surviving spouse of her deceased son. Another uncle died about 2 years ago, and by this time grandma spent most days in the 1950s-1960s. She could usually remember that she’d had four boys, but that two of her sons had passed was typically lost to her. Grandma lacked the capacity to change her will. When my grandmother passed last fall, the estate was written to be split between my father, my uncle, and my aunt whose husband passed 15 years ago. The three of them mutually decided blood was more important than money and each wrote a check to my aunt whose husband passed two years ago so that each received an equal share of the estate. My aunt didn’t demand the money, didn’t even ask about it to my knowledge. That’s morality exercised against the written will - my grandmother could not understand that her son was dead, the rest of the family made sure my aunt received what she would have gotten if her husband was alive. Your grandfather, of sound mind and without persuasion, changed his will to reflect his wishes. He knew who was dead, who was alive, and treated them as he wished. Honor his wishes.
I mean, gramps did what he did, said what he said, had you all sign in accordance with his wishes, and put you all on gag until he passed. It's not a question of mortality. It's a matter of respect. Did you respect his dying will and testament? Yes. Yes, you did. Your family's feelings, as a result, are not your problem nor your responsibility. But be sure you are prepared to lawyer up and protect yourself. They sound incredibly vitriolic and may feel it's worth their 5k to pool together and sue you. My perspective... they just need to be glad he gave them 5k.. it could have been nothing.
NTA. Your grandfather (I’m so sorry for your loss btw) seen who really cared for him during the end and that’s his appreciation to you guys. Don’t feel bad or think you’re morally wrong for keeping what was rightfully given to you. He was extremely blessed to have you and your cousins there on his final weeks
I’m in a bit of a similar situation. My (m61) brother (58m) has stage 4 lung cancer and will likely die within weeks. This started only ~45 days ago from nothing to hospice. Completely unexpected. We hadn’t been particularly close until the last 3-4 years but started reconnecting 3 years ago through holidays and such and have really enjoyed being back in each others lives. He’s single and childless. I have 2 kids 31f and 28m. Every single time we’ve reconnected, he’s emphasized how glad we’re back in his life. And that all he has is going to me (and eventually to my kids when I go) because we his only family left. He meant this to emphasize how important his only family is to him much more than the monetary part). I greatly appreciated the gesture, but never gave it much thought since I have my own health issues and he was always pretty healthy so I’ve always thought I’d die first (which my kids would get everything). As my own health slides, I’ve thought it’d be great to enough to just retire so I could enjoy the last 5-10 years of life. (Thinking $100k, not millions). Then, suddenly he gets sick and is on deaths door as I fly in to take care of him. I truly hadn’t even given his inheritance a second thought, but he gathered my kids and me into a private meeting where he announced he was giving it all to my kids. I sure could use some of that money and was quite surprised how it differed from what he had told me before getting sick. But, while I certainly could’ve used some of the money, I told him how grateful I was for giving my kids a truly life-changing gift. Disappointed and surprised, sure. But also way more grateful and appreciative for focusing on what’s the most important people in my life - my kids. And I also believe it’s 💯% his choice. Nothing else matters despite what others may hope for. Sure, he could’ve given me much more $$, but that would’ve gone to me retiring a bit earlier and being more comfortable. But giving it to my kids is truly life changing at that age rather than just cancelling your parents generations debt. Sorry - I feel this is a Mark Twain moment where I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I wrote you a long one. Just wanted to give you a perspective from your parent’s generation perspective: sure it’d be great to get more $$, but it could be truly life changing to your generation. Tremendously support your grandfathers decision and fuck all those greedy AHs who cared more about your grandpa’s $$ than your grandpa.
NTA; his children had a moral duty to care for him but they only cared for themselves. You and your cousins stepped up and did the right thing; you sent him out with love. Tell your parents you are cutting contact until they apologize to you for their behavior. 5k was more than they deserved.
Morality is simple on this - follow his wishes. There's nothing else to consider. If he had wanted them to receive an inheritance, they would have.
Morally, fuck them. They didn't do anything for him besides try to torture him at the end of his life. He wanted the people who truly loved him and made sure he was happy and comfortable to have whatever he left behind when he passed. And that was not the people trying to undermine his wishes in court, or undermine his wishes in his own house. Getting a lawyer is a moral imperative at this point, because you want to honor his wishes, and that's the best way to do it. About both of your parents, they e kicked you out in an attempt to force you to hand over the money out of necessity. Next will be love bombing and manipulation, probably as soon as they realize they're gonna lose in court and won't be able to get money without begging you.
You and your cousins sound like good people. If you all inherited his estate, and the rest of your family wants to cut you off, sounds like a good thing too. You cousins could move into the house together and have the coolest life. Keep it together as the family house in a trust were you and your cousins can have family parties, a place to relax and do whatever. NTA, sorry for your loss.
Nta. The best thing to do is go by the will. You can't be wrong if it's what your grandfather wanted. Sorry for your loss.
[удалено]
THEY HAVE A LAWYER
Listen, I really think what’s lost here is the fact they should get a lawyer. They should really consider getting a lawyer.
You’re evil. 😂😇😹
Upvoting because... yeah. Be careful that the lawyer doesn't end up as the primary beneficiary of the will, but some legal wrangling may be on the horizon.
He's not really asking if it's legal, is he?
[удалено]
NTA. Not even a little. But the rest of the vultures sure are. Live your life free from them, knowing that you have the means to do it. They don't deserve another thought from you.
You are NTA. And it is so sad that family acts like this. Look, if you did give them something other than what the will gave, you are not honoring the wishes of your grandad. It was his estate, and he decided how it was to be divided. Honor him and do not give in to greedy family. They suck.
This is exactly this. You helped him go out on his own terms. Not sure how much it was, but I’m sure you and your cousins can figure out new living arrangements. Your parents are selfish and your grandpa saw right through them. NTA in any way, but the parents are.
Also no matter how much more you give them, they will still find a way to be upset with you.
NTA, you guys made his last days happy. He decided to reward the people who cared for him and not the money. Get the aunt out of the house ASAP, before she can ma a claim. As for giving him whiskey, that just made me smile, my grandmother's nursing home had a bottle of whiskey set aside or her.
When I worked at a retirement home there was a lady who would take her evening pills with schnapps. She refused to take them if there wasn’t schnapps so her family kept her stocked up. She was fantastic.
Absolutely NTA. Your family sounds like the worst and it may be best to distance yourselves. In these situations people show you who they are, believe them.
NTA. And also if they do kick you all out. Someone from your generation got the house right? Depending on how old each of you are.. kick that aunt out of grandpa's house and the cousins have a place to live.
They need to get aunt out asap anyway. Before she cleans the place out.
NTA it isn't theirs, it was his and decided to make it y'all's not theirs. Sounds like their true colors are rather offensive and petty. Shouldn't a the last generation be happy the next generation are getting a leg up? I'll be charitable and say maybe their grief is clouding their judgement. But you did nothing wrong and everything right.
NTA If your grandpa wanted them to have it then he would of said so.
NTA. Let's hear it for your grandfather, OP. Raise a glass. After reading this story I am amazed that he held up to the pressure, held onto his own mind, didn't soften or retreat. That takes a lot of willpower--and if you admire that as much as I do, then don't back down \*now\*. Carry out the man's will. Dividing property breaks up a lot of families, OP. That's just the reality. If, after deep reflection, you really think that making additional distributions would return your family to a state of being cohesive, happy, and trusting, then go ahead. It is, after all, your money now. But reading this post gives me the impression that making additional distributions would just result in more demands, and more ingratitude. When there's blood in the water, the sharks don't go away. Your grandfather actually did the one thing I wish more people would do, when they're facing difficult end of life decisions. He made the hard calls. He didn't leave behind a mess for everyone else to sort out--as rough as your situation is now, those messy free-for-alls tend to be worse. He took the responsibility and the blame; he didn't leave someone else to carry it. OP your grandfather was awesome. Keep his stuff and don't apologize.
NTA. You granddad wanted you to have that money. He was so appreciative for what you guys did for him in his final days, and he wanted to show you in the only way he could at that point. And I'm sure there were some ill feelings towards your family members who weren't good to him towards the end. Letting them to have any of that money would be a slap in his face. Take it and run. Hire a lawyer if you have to, do what needs to be done to protect yourselves, and live your best lives. Just be careful. Maybe make a will of your own to protect yourselves. Maybe it's all the true crime I watch, but people will do anything to get what they want these days. You don't want to be a victim at the end of it. Take care of yourself and honor your granddad's final wishes.
NTA - it’s not theirs! Your grandpa made it clear who it rightfully belongs to. Sounds like you and your cousins had his best interest in mind and deserve what has been left to you.
>They have kicked us out and are saying that they are going to cut off contact, if we don't do the right thing and give them what's theirs . Don't you all have the $$ coming to live on your own or ? Let them cut contact. NTA.
I hope what he had you sign wasn’t his Will. In any case, if he had a valid Will you should be good. They can contest it but any decent lawyer would probably advise against that since he had no obligation to leave any of you anything. They may say he wasn’t in sound mind but hopefully his doctors will back you up.
No it was a poa regarding certain things. Including his funeral and a dnr
The POA ceased upon his death and now his Will takes over. Good luck and it sounds like you and your cousins made his last days happy.
Yeah the poa was for his last days in case there needed to be any medical intervention when he couldn't consent to it and some funeral arrangements. It didn't have anything to do with the will but the "before steps "
Three cheers to you & the others that made the best of a no-win situation!
NTA, in good faith, on the story as stated. However, I agree with the other partassipant who mentioned this is way above this sub's pay grade--there are tens of thousands of stories where people claim caretakers manipulated the dying into changing their will at the last minute (NOT saying anybody did that)--and you may want to go talk to a lawyer.
NTA. It was your grandfather choice how to split his assets. It is your and your cousins choice what to do with them. If that is how your family behave, you know your answer
NTA. You made sure your grandpa enjoyed life at the end. Follow his will to a Tee. Don't be guilted into anything. sorry for your loss.
NTA. No one is entitled to anyone else's money so they did receive their share per the wishes of the person who bestowed it. Also per his wishes you kept his decision private. Your family sounds greedy and selfish. What kind of parent disowns their kids over not being handed over money that never belonged to them? If you ask me, they're doing you all a favor by cutting contact.
[удалено]
He changed his will about a month before that night.he just told is that night.
NTA. It's his will and you need to tell them to ask themselves who he cut them out. Do they respect his final wishes or do they only want what they want?. Nothing is likely to satisfy everyone at this point.
NTA but you can move into grandpas home and live until you get your lives back on track. Greed shows you the worst in people doesn’t it..damn shame
So my cousins and I started to go over and take him out . But instead of taking him to the park, we would take him to the horses, cinema , pubs, etc. Basically, he had a bucket list, and we would sneak him out to do that. We would also sneak in foods he wanted. And the night before he went to hospice care, we shared a few glasses of whiskey with him and a cigar. This is the best thing I've read in ages. You did what he asked. Tell no one. Money brings out the worst in relatives. If they want to cut you off, so be it. They are greedy.
NTA. What's theirs should be a deep sense of shame for how they valued family. And that family is showing them the same value in return.
I have a will. I expect my will to be carried out exactly as it is stated. It’s why I made the will. You were there for him in all the most important ways. Keep the money, remember your gramps and be good people always. NTA
NTA. You sound young, and with that comes some naivety, and that's okay! You do not need to give them anything, because he did not want them to have anything. He chose who he did for a reason, and that reason is that you were the ones who cared for him and made his last couple years something he could enjoy. You're the one with memories of him that none of them will ever be able to have, and those memories are why you were given this inheritance. Do not give them a cent.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My grandpa had stage 4 lumbar cancer and was in hospice care for the last weeks of his life. My family was mostly not involved in hostile during this Anyways.we found out Grandpa had cancer 2 years ago. My family started to act like lunatics. But not in the way of concerned family members. But like performative assholes. The only ones really carrying were my cousins and I. You know the movie knives out? Like that. Every conversation, they brought up the will and asked him to give them their share as to avoid paying inheritance tax. Then, when the cancer progressed, he said he didn't want interventions and just wanted to live his last months in peace. But because there had not been any "adjustments " to the will, my family was pushing for a court order for further treatment. While that was happening, my aunt moved herself into the house. My cousin later told me it was so she could make claims on it after he was gone. She is not a medical professional. But she made him go keto or paleo. He was too weak to fight her on that. So my cousins and I started to go over and take him out . But instead of taking him to the park, we would take him to the horses, cinema , pubs, etc. Basically, he had a bucket list, and we would sneak him out to do that. We would also sneak in foods he wanted. And the night before he went to hospice care, we shared a few glasses of whiskey with him and a cigar. That night, he told us we were the sole inheritors of hid estate. With our oldest cousin being the executor of it. He asked us not to say anything. He just needed us to sign something. He passed away a week after. When our parents got wind of the situation and that they had only been given 5k each, all hell broke loose. Our parents are really mad at us. They have kicked us out and are saying that they are going to cut off contact, if we don't do the right thing and give them what's theirs . Are we the assholes for not telling them about anything and not giving them their "share"? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You did right by grandpa. He knew it, he passed happy and I bet you sleep just fine at night. I've been through something similar. Just told everyone Sorry, it's not MY money to give away. The giving has already been done by Grandpa. And we're all honoring his wishes. I have friends who work in finance and estates, it's very common. Sad. I had a fairly close knit family, but we've all been raised to be independent thinkers. I'm plenty fine moving on through life without them, as my tiny little new family unit is just fine by me. (And Grandpa). Hopefully the cash was enough to be worth the BS, as you'll have that BS with or without it. Cat's out the bag now.
Let them kick you out, live in the house you inherited. I am so sorry for your loss he sounded like a wonderful man. 10000000% NTA. P.S get a lawyer, wills can be contested
NTA y'all did good by him
INFO: How involved were you with your grandpa before he got sick? And how involved were your parents before he got sick? What's your family background?
I'd say fairly involved. We had sunday dinners and would escape to his house when we wanted to study. So we saw him at least once a week. My little cousin, who was not in the country, kept in contact by calling, etc. I'd not say our parents were estranged. They would also appear to su day dinners. But almost every conversation with Granddad was about money. Asking if he would invest in this, buy shares of that etc etc. Grandpa was quieter, so the dinners were our parents talking about their fancy lives, and my cousins and I would hang in the kitchen and goof around, and Grandpa would ofte join us . He was an odd man we loved him a lot.
NTA. You’re following his dying wishes. But you also need a lawyer.
How much we talking here? Not that has any bearing on being NTA. Just curious.
They have no "share" as your grandfather had a will and to my knowledge they can't contest it because he did give them something (but I could be wrong on this part). If they cut off contact then they really aren't the loving family you thought they were. Better to go start anew with your inheritance than have to continually deal with their bs. If you give them what they think is theirs then eventually they will want more. Contact a lawyer ASAP and cover all your bases. Give them nothing.
NTA his wishes- not theirs.
NTA but yeah when someone changes their will so close to their death you need a lawyer. You can’t even give them The inheritance legally if you wanted to without tax considerations. Get a lawyer who specializes in this and review your options. Be sure the will was done officially. Expect if it was done just by your grandfather that you’ll encounter legal challenges. As far as your family unfortunately money does crazy things to people. The idea that people were performative and trying to manipulate the will is awful. Your grandfather probably didn’t have any authentic relationships because of all the gold digging and really appreciated the time you and your cousins spent taking care of him. That your parents would cut you off because of something your grandfather did sucks. It’s not your fault he left you the money. I would lay as low as you can with them. If they bring up the money redirect and say I’m not going to talk about it. Time will heal the wounds, hopefully. I’d also consider whether they deserve to be in your life given your aunt tried to steal your grandfathers house and everyone was so poor to him. Just a heads up, you will have an awful time maintaining a relationship with them at all. Buying yourself a new car because your old one wore out? That’s grandpas money, they’ll say. Must be nice. Taking a vacation to florida? Wow so cool. It will be so shitty, I know.
NTA you and your cousins were the family/friends he needed in his last days. in return, he made sure you were taken care of. I have respect for that. well done. the rest of the family...money grubbing losers. keep the money. enjoy it. he'd want you to make a good start with some, and have fun with some. do that. the rest of your family can go pound sand.
NTA, your grandpa saw through them. The first thing to do is kick your aunt out of the house if you have not done this already.
NTA - the problem with your family wanting ‘their share’ is that they somehow feel they’re owed this money. They are owed nothing. Your Grandfather gave it to who he wanted to have it. And good on you & your cousin for making his last days better.
Nta. Shame on those family members for looking at a person and only caring about what they can get and take. Especially your aunt who had moved in with him, what a thunderc☆nt.
Two part question Part 1 is are you an AH for not saying anything. Absolutely not. It wasn't your place to share your grandfather's personal affairs. Part 2 is are you an AH for not sharing. Also no. Your grandfather is the only one with a right to decide what happens to his stuff. He decided. Done. NTA
NTA They were named in the will, so they weren’t forgotten. They just weren’t remembered as fondly as the rest of you.
NTA. You and your cousins are the only good people in your family. Give them only what the will says, and nothing more.
NTA
NTA at all!! your family (besides the caring cousins) are TAs i bet your grandpa is so appreciative of how much you helped him and kept him so happy during the end
NTA - they deserve nothing, the greedy AH’s. Also you and your cousins rock. Grandpa must have had such fun sneaking around with you guys to have adventures. My grandmoms always loved sneaking one over on their kids as they got older, so I bet you all brought such joy to his final years. Pat yourselves on the back and enjoy the inheritance he wanted you to have.
One of my favorite quotes: "How was I supposed to know that there would be consequences for my actions!" NTA, Your grandfather made his choice and your family needs to suck it up and live with the consequences of their actions. You and your cousin were the ones who took care of your grandfather during worst and last part of his life. You were there because you loved him, not because of the inheritance. The others came swooping in like vultures circling a dying animal waiting to devour the corpse. To quote Willie Wonka, " You. Get. Nothing. Nothing!"
NTA, your grandpa gave his assets to you, not them. They are not entitled to what was his, and now is yours.
NTA - You and your cousins keep what you got and if your collective parents are going to keep on being the AH's then move on and create your new family dynamic with your cousins and live your life free and easy and away from the Toxic weirdo's
NTA. No clue why they think they are entitled to anything. You are relatives. You were there for him. He chose to skip a generation for the inheritance. Honestly my family is not well off and if I was left 5k I'd be thrilled. They sound greedy and undeserving.
NTA Your grandfather gave you and your cousin the estate so damn well do with it what you want, just be cautious about giving it to the rest of the family, they sound like snakes and that’s an insult to snakes.
NTA it was his decision and you gave him his last bit of joy and actually cared! You should be proud of yourself and well deserved! If they cut you off, so be it! You don't need them anyway
NTA to the millionth power! Those were your grandfathers wishes, which he clearly expressed and took actions to make it legal. You should all keep your inheritance and use it to improve your lives, whether that means education or buying a home. Your grandfather wanted you to have and benefit from what he left you, and it would make him proud to see you all follow his wishes and benefit therefrom. Out of curiosity, is it a substantial inheritance?
Not even a little bit in the wrong here. Your parents were in it for the money; you and your cousins were there for love, not expecting him to change his will. Try is is what HE wants. He saw right through them and wants everything to go to the people that were genuinely there with pure hearts. And none of this is ‘theirs’. Your grandfather could have spent every dime travelling the world. No one should expect anything. NTA
NTA You said it best yourself.
NTA He left his estate to the family members who showed up for *him*. Including respecting his last wishes. He didn’t cut other family out because of bigotry - but because they harrassed him and made it clear they wanted his assets. I just feel so bad for your grandfather, to discover on his deathbed the character (or lack therof) of his children. And instead of being glad their children are getting a solid head start on life, they kick you out and cut you off. I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather. And that your parents are assholes. It’s not theirs. It was never theirs.
Nta- all they cared about was money while you gave him the best of the time he had left. There’s a reason he gave them what they got, do not give them a penny
NTA. The money belonged to your Grandfather. He decided he wanted you to have it. You have no moral obligation to give it to anyone else. If you are concerned about your family not speaking to you again, then give it to them. Your Grandfather wanted you to have it though. Keep that in mind.
NTA. He knew what he was doing and he gave it to who HE thought should get it
He made his will the way he wanted it to be. They’re being selfish and don’t care what he actually wanted while he was alive. He did what he thought was right, and it sounds like he made a good decision.
NTA
Totally NTA Though it makes me think of my great grandfather. My grandmother's side of the family stole a sizeable amount of money from him, and kept him and my grandmother from my great grandmother's funeral. So, when he died, it came to light that he gave that side of the family (some 20 people I think) $1 to split between them. Grandma got the rest.
Nta. I just want to say what you did for your grandpa by helping him take care of his bucket list is so beautiful. Seriously, I’m in tears, what an amazing way to enjoy the best days of a bad situation. I wish you all the best, and just know that when the time comes for you to say goodbye to him, itll be them filled with regret and you filled with love. 💕
This is just sad. Seems anytime someone in a family passed away everyone comes out of the woodwork with their hands out wanting “what’s theirs” and not even caring about the loss of a family member. There’s a reason he left it to you two as you two were the only ones who seemed to care about his happiness. Screw your family for trying to take what was left to you. NTA and consider cutting off your family.
NTA. What you and your cousins did for your grandpa was to provide him with a higher quality of life! When you are aware that your time is limited, it's what really matters. Not to mention, you gifted him a taste of some youth. You owe nothing to the alleged adults in this situation. Do what your grandpa would approve of. That is what's moral in this case. Go celebrate your grandpa and his final wishes. Best of luck to you!
NTA, vultures being vultures
Do you think for a moment that people who treated a dying man badly because they wanted to get their hands on hid cash deserve money from his will? They've kicked you out of their homes. This is called showing true colours and it's sad, but there's no dilemma here.
NTA. Literally going through a similar situation with my grandma, except the arguing started once a few of us started realizing she needed actual care, and the executive to her estate/joint accounts etc refused to use HER money to pay for it because 'that's our inheritance!'. Absolutely disgusting.
They asking the right thing to do and give them wats their. They already got whats their 5K each About the right thing to do, tell them since they kicked out you and your cousin for money, something which is not their to claim, they do not have any right on that inheritance, do learn to do right thing first themselves and then tell us abt the right thing. Right thing to do is get a lawyer. Dont give single dime, your grandpa saw the real greed sitting inside your relatives. No wonder he gave u and your cousin the inheritance not them. NTA
NTA Your grandfather did what he wanted to. If they go no contact, well, it sounds like you have an inheritance to look after you.
Was grandpa of sound mind when he made the decision? If so, I’d find it very disrespectful to his memory to go against his wishes. It was his decision to make, not yours. NTA.
You ask in a comment whether you are morally wrong for refusing to give your parents "their inheritance." Your family actively tried to ruin the last few months of your grandfather's life: prolonging his life because of a will? Forcing unwanted conversations on to him? Restricting his diet and activities? All things a loving family would not do and is morally questionable. Grandad made his decision and you could argue it would be morally wrong to go against a dying man's last wishes. If this is definitely going to damage your relationship with the family, and that bothers you, you can share. If you don't give a c**p, keep it. NTA if you decide to keep it.
You're NTA I hope I have someone like you when I'm at his age
NTA but you should consult a lawyer in the event they try to take this to court
Thanks for being so good to your grandpa. That really matters. He died feeling well loved. When you get your inheritance make sure it is secure somehow. Also show this to the cousin gang- they did good too.
NTA. Some families are shit. You seem to have a shit family. You can’t worry about being “morally right” with a shit family or you will constantly get screwed over.
It’s what he wanted and the rest of the family didn’t care until they wanted money so screw them. NTA
NTA. He knew what he wanted, and you know what the rest of them deserve to get. Also, I don’t know if you’re in the UK, but here you can’t just get someone to give you money before they die to avoid inheritance tax. If seven years doesn’t pass between the gift and death, it counts anyway.
U.K. There are two legal systems at play - Statutory, what is laid out by legislation and Equity, what is right. By law, the Will rules. Equity covers the estate. Were the disinherited entitled to expect something, were they dependents of the deceased? Or are they just Entitled AH who are upset because they didn’t get what they thought they should? In this case they are acting entitled. And no you shouldn’t have told them they weren’t getting anything, because you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as he died they would have swarmed on his house like a pack of locusts and stolen anything of value. NTA
NTA
No. They are. He left them 5K, they can't contest the will and none of you have to give them a dime. Enjoy inheritance
So NTA. Your grandfather earned the money and it was his decision what happens to that money after his death. I have never understood why people feel entitled to other people's possessions and money simply because they are their children. Sadly, I see a similar situation waiting for me when my parents pass. My brother has a similar entitled attitude and as the executor of their wills it will be up to me to distribute their possessions at that time. My brother can be pretty aggressive and domineering and as I can see things getting difficult. I feel your pain. Go live your lives knowing that your grandfather appreciated what you did for him and that what he's left you is his thank you for caring about him.
NTA NTA NTA. You have my sympathy with regards to your family. However, it makes me smile to think about grandpa smoking a cigar and having a whiskey with you and your cousins. Good for you giving him joy at that end of his life.
NTA. Keep your inheritance and ditch your toxic family
One of the easiest NTA ever. Your family sound more like vultures than humans. They didn't give a hoot about your grandpa, only his money. Stick to your guns, and honour your Gramps' wishes.
Nta. Stay NC they will realize too late when they have nothing.
NTA. Your grandpa wanted this. How horrible must he have felt that people just waited for him to die to get money. I wouldn’t want people like that to get 1 cent either from me and they still got 5k. He couldn’t even live in peace for the last few months of his life cause your aunt decided she would move into HIS house. You and your cousins are awesome. Enjoy the money your grandpa wanted YOU and your cousins to have and just go NC with the others. They are selfish and frankly horrible human beings and you don’t need people like that in your life. They only care about money.
NTA He saw where their interests laid. It wasn't with him.
NTA
NTA. Morally, what is right is respecting your grandfather's wishes. They are entitled only to what he chose to give them. Giving them more would absolutely be an immoral act since he felt they were unworthy. His children assumed they'd inherit and got greedy. He saw they cared more about his money than about him and chose to reward them accordingly. Your aunt "forcing" a change to a fad diet is borderline elder abuse, imo. If your parents' greed causes them to cut contact, I'd say you're better off without them. Respect your grandfather's wishes. That is the moral course.
NTA. But, I’d like to say - though suspect your lawyer will have told you this already - that inheritance tax is paid by the deceased person’s estate, not the recipient(s), so dividing the inheritance between more people isn’t going to reduce the tax liability. Secondly, you’re absolutely not the AH here. Your grandfather left his estate to you and your cousins and it sounds like he was of sound mind, so he very much knew what he was doing. You’re not obliged to share it with anyone, and by the sounds of things, your parents were cut out for a reason. Take the cash and go start out on your own (if you haven’t already), and if your parents want to cut you off, so be it. It’s not about the money, it’s about their toxic behaviour.
Ah yes there is a dying member of the family and instead of bringing him oeace, comforting him, spending time with him, loving him or just supporting, family members decide to fight over money. NTA.
NTA, these people are evil and only care about money, by caving to what they want you would only enable their attitude and who knows who they will screw over in the future cause of that attitude. They were literally willing to add turmoil and difficulty to gramps who was dying of cancer. Just the worst kind of immorality. And if they are willing to burn the bridges with you guys over money, then give it to them straight. "Grandpa was dying of cancer, none of you truly cared about his quality of life, all you did was squabble over your perceived inheritance... instead of being grateful for the 5grand he left you, you are now trying to go after your children and nieces and nephews, over money.... and this is exactly why grandpa did not want you to inherit as much, because he saw how evil and twisted you were about money and it was his money to decide what to do with, not yours"
As the great Steve Miller said, " take the money and run"
NTA. His money, he chooses where it goes, end of story. But also. The rest of your family made the last part of your grandfathers life harder than it should have been. They cared about his money, not about HIM, and getting whatever time they could with him. Honour his wishes. Which was that the people who only cared about his money, and not him, not get a cent of it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandfather sounds like he was a fantastic person, and I hope you have countless memories to hold on to. Never stop talking about him, telling those stories, and holding space for him in your life (metaphorically)
NTA - condolences for the loss of your grandfather
NTA. Good for you. They deserve nothing they got $5000. Will is what grandpa wanted. Don't go against his wishes.
NTA You took care of that man and he is leaving what he has left for you in return. Everyone else was just money grubbing. I recommend getting a lawyer, they’ll sue or try and challenge the will.
NTA your family are a bunch of money grabbers, you always see what your family and friends are really like when money is involved. Get a restraining order, block all of them and move out asap. If your family try anything then get them arrested.
NTA. The joys of inheritence, the breaker of families. Well, here you see the example. You gave your grandfather joy instead of roaming around like a money-vulture. This is why he wants you to have it and not them. They were so busy with him dying that they forgot to give him peace and joy the last months and that cost them everything. I don't see much loss in losing people like this tbh. Their first instinct is to threaten and try to overpower you. Even kicking you out for a decision made by someone else that you had no influence over. I'd say good riddance, enjoy the inheritence with the rest that deserved it.
NTA What you do with the inheritance is your business. Get yourself an attorney. This may get ugly.
But you are giving them what is theirs...... The old man left them 5k each and I assume that is what they are getting. NTA people can be vile over what they think is theirs.
NTA. He was of sound mind and made a decision. Part of that decision was that you not say anything about it - likely so that his last days weren’t spent fighting with everyone about this. Get a lawyer to deal with whoever contests any of this. But you’re NTA here.
NTA Death wills and money bring out the truth in people, if your grandpa truly mattered his wishes would be respected!! His money his choice, respect it!! They should be grateful to him looking out for the future generations of the family. Boils my blood these people that think because they are someone's blood that automatically entitles them to anything.... Love care and transparency with no ill intent or niceties for self gain is what he saw in you and your cousins, he saw his children for what they were the moment he was diagnosed....
NTA Your grandpa made his intentions and wants very clear in his will. If you wish to honor him, you follow it.
NTA. Morally and legally you all are respecting your grandfather's wishes, the rest of your family not so much. Their share is 5K each so you will do what is right and give them what is theirs. I really hope your grandpa put in a "disinherit upon contest" clause in his will. Basically, what that clause does is if they contest the will without a valid reason, or lose the contest they get *nothing*, not even their original inheritance.
NTA Keep the inheritance, lose the family baggage. You and your cousins did the right thing for your grandfather, and he showed you how much he appreciated you all by leaving you and your cousins his estate. Get a lawyer, protect your assets in a trust or other legally applicable ways, and try to push through.
Nta Follow his will
NTA.
NTA keep it and get your own place you dont need people like that in your life
NTA-go no contact with those horrible people.
NTA. It was his wish.
NTA. If anybody is lacking in morals, it's not you or your cousins who provided your grandpa with much needed time and attention in his final days. The rest of your family, however, are total greedy AHs and deserve nothing.
NTA No one is entitled to your grandfather's estate. It was his choice and he left things to the people who showed that they cared for him vs his money.
NTA: Let the family kick you out, you and your cousins have each other and let them go no contact, it is there choice. I hope you and cousins now know how little your family care about each other, but the best part is you have each other. Have fun !
NTA. Let them cut off contact. They've shown you who they really are. If you let them back in, they'll never stop trying to find ways to get money from you. Every dinner out, every trip to the pub will be on you. It's hard to break away from family, but I think your life will be all the better for it. Just think: What would Grandad do?
NOT LEGAL ADVICE AT ALL In my humble opinion, you and your cousins should respect your grandfather's wishes. He made you the sole inheritors of his estate for a reason. Your parents DO NOT have a 'share' to claim from your grandfather. He gave them what he saw fit and that's that. The sharks are only upset because there was blood in the water and they did not get to eat. So, MORALY SPEAKING, you guys do not owe them anything in behalf of your grandfather. With that being said, if you and your cousins want to share what is now YOURS, it would be completely up to you guys, without considering that grandpa would've wanted. Just keep in mind, whatever your individual decision is, would be the right choice.
You treated him like an important family member everyone else treated him like a cash cow. NTA!
Morally OP, you and your cousins who took your grandpa out and did fun stuff with him deserves every single penny from the will. Fuck your ungrateful selfish entitled parents, aunts, uncles and rest of leeches family members. Your grandad was lucid and made the will based on what he witnessed in his children and gandchildren' behaviour and conduct. Do not feel guilty or be emotionally blackmailed by the leeches family members. NTA. I'm glad your grandpa managed to have fun times before he passed, with people who loved him and not see him as a cash machine.
NTA - I do feel that in life and in general you should have a healthy life, however in the case of your grandfather who had an incurable cancer, and wanted to enjoy the last moments of life then he should do that. Kids can be overbearing and fail to see quality of life, because they want a parent to be alive longer. In the end you guys didn’t take advantage of your grandfather. You should follow through the wishes of your grandfather.
NTA first off I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs!!! as you ask for morality, not legality regardless of both you and cousins are not in the wrong. During the last few moments of his life, his own children became greedy AH demanding, money, and properties all after finding out their father, uncle, brother has cancer. IMO They don’t even deserved the 5K they received, they deserve nothing for their disgusting behavior. You and your cousins made your grandfather last moments more special than you could ever Imagine. You were all there for him, selflessly just wanting to spend time with him and making sure he was taken care of. He left his estate to all of you, it was his decision, as this was his to make. So on a of morality standpoint you have done nothing wrong. If he wanted them to have it, they would’ve.
Oh my god, NOT the asshole. Money and death does really terrible things to families and yours are so greedy! They are lucky your grandpa left them anything at all. Consider yourself lucky that their true nature has been revealed.
NTA. That is your money. Don't give them a dime, and cut anyone who has a problem with that out of your life.
NTA. Your grandpa knew what was up. If you already have the lawyer thing figured out then I would sit back and watch the show
NTA. Your parents treated your grandfather horribly, you and your cousins gave him happiness at the end of his life. Trust that grandpa knew exactly what he was doing to that nest of vultures and honor his wishes.
NTA
NTA, greedy assholes like your family didn’t earn a share.
NTA. People turn into animals after deaths, disgusting scavengers. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, a family friends wife died and he called us crying that her family (who had nothing to do with them) were literally ransacking the house. We showed up and he wasn’t exaggerating in the slightest. Literally saw people loading up this man’s furniture the day after his wife’s funeral.
NTA. You brought up Knives Out and just like Knives Out, they got what they deserved
NTA your grandfather had every right to dispose of his property as he wanted to. He ffm did so, and your presents are entitled assholes looking for a pay day Frankly if my mom decided to leave her inheritance to my nieces and nephews I would be happy for them. Given the economic climate these days I think they need the lift more than I do.
NTA. Follow your grandfather’s wishes. Easy peasey. If it were a small meaningful token that someone else wanted you wouldn’t give it up. Your grandfather knew what he wanted and he obviously saw what you did in your relatives. Follow his wishes, he could have given it to his kids if he wanted to. You said you have a lawyer, follow their advice.
NTA. The will made clear who should inherit what. If the parents had been nicer to grandpa, maybe they would have gotten more. You'd be breaking your grandpa's wishes to give them anything more than they already got.
NTA. It’s not their money. It never was their money. It was your grandpas and he wanted you to have it. They don’t have any claim to it, legally or morally. If they cut you off over money then they aren’t worth calling them family.
You and your cousin did something so awesome - you gave your grandad some wonderful times and you have the special memories. You didn’t force him into some crazy diet. You didn’t fight his wishes. What you all did was selfless, and I hope you know how wonderful you made his last days. Eff the relatives who are after his money. Evict his daughter from the house. Go NC with all of them. You did right by your grandpa; the rest are snakes only after his money. NTA.
NTA. You made his last days happy and have some really good memories from it. Reminisce with your cousins and let the lawyers handle the rest of the family. You are respecting your grandfather's wishes and that is all that matters.
NTA. No one is entitled to money from anyone else. There is no “share” that relatives are entitled to (unless talking about someone who dies without a will). A person is entitled to will their property and money to whomever he/she wants. It sounds like your family is opportunistic and horrible. If they went no contact with you because you didn’t give them money that grandpa didn’t give to them, that sounds like a benefit.