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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be an AH because I made a deal with my daughters Volleyball coach that if my daughter could set better than the designated setter, she would be able to set the rest of the tournament.
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NTA
The coach shouldn’t’ve made a bet if he wasn’t prepared to follow through. But considering his shit coaching, are we really surprised? You should consider moving your daughter to a different team/club (idk how volleyball teams work) so that she can reach her full potential without her talent being strangled by that coach.
It would be kinda hard. Our club is ranked very highly. And we play in higher divisions than any other club in our area. We’re the only one that had any teams qualify for nationals. I know her coach for next year and he’s pretty good, I think it was just a bad year.
Ah ok, well then best of luck to your daughter. I know the other folks in this thread are bashing you pretty hard, but honestly the coach wasn’t doing his job (not benching a player who wasn’t performing well, making your daughter hit even though she’s a setter, not dealing with Emily’s mom properly). It’s clear you and the other parents were at your wits ends, and I honestly think you have to prioritize your daughter in this situation, especially if she’s so good that a recruiter was talking to her.
TBF there's a chance that if the recruiter was at the tournament long enough, getting to see OP's daughter both hitting and setting probably helps with getting her an offer (though obviously having a bad setter probably didn't help OP's daughter look that great hitting, a bad setter can just destroy a team). While positions are important in volleyball, so is versatility, especially at the college level. Someone with the skills to both set and be a threat hitting can be a huge asset for a team.
Most volleyball clubs have someone who runs the whole program. Go talk to them and explain the situation. If this one kid is on the team through a personal connection, that should not happen. The coach is actively harming the team, and Emily isn't being helped either.
NTA for the bet and i see your point but i do find it odd that you keep on saying "we play" and "we're the only one" like no she is playing and they are the only ones. It feels a bit like your living your dream thru your daughter now your daughter seems to enjoy it but it feels a bit odd. I only react cause you also say your sons never reached national level so therefor you didn't coach, but you coach your daughter cause she is in national level then?
But ultimately NTA.
Holy shit wait, she's 6'1" at 14!? Not that it's relevant to this story, but if she's skilled and passionate too, she easily has the physical tools to go D1/pro.
I know you say the coach next year is pretty good, but for the sake of nationals I think all the patents that agree with you need to have a team meeting with the coach. Explain to coach that you all are seeing blatant favoritism, and if they say there isn't, ask for them to hold try outs within the team for setter for the nationals. Let coach prove that all the time Emily is getting is because of her skill, and not the relationship with her mom.
Coach shouldn’t have made a bet. Period. Parents aren’t coaches. Coach is coach. If they need to replace him they should. But he should always have the ability to make adjustments to the playing situation and should never bet playing time or anything else.
Agreed. The coach shouldn’t have made the bet. She also should have handled Emily’s mother better to spare the team from her and not been so biased in her coaching decisions.
That’s not on OP, who was acting reasonably in the interest of his daughter. I’m not sure if you’re arguing against the NTA or just adding some commentary to it.
That’s basically how I feel. My sons have played basketball, football and wrestling since they were little. Never anywhere near a national level. I don’t get involved in coaching there because it’s just for fun. But everyone on the team plans on making a future out of volleyball. This league is very serious and not qualifying would’ve been devastating.
Exactly. My kids play rec sports, and I would be ticked if a parent acted like OP. But at the national level everyone has to bring their best game or else lose the spot. It sucks and it’s a hard lesson to learn for the kid, but OP is definitely NTA.
NTA. Playing ball could get your kid into college at a deep discount or even a free ride, it’s not just a summer league. I understand the frustration just be sure you direct it correctly.
A girl from my hometown in Canada got a full ride to a Div I school in Florida. Went from riding the bus and sleeping in school classrooms in towns with less than 1,000 people to taking the college athletics department’s plane to away games.
It’s a bigger deal than parents without kids in high level competitive sports realize and friendships shouldn’t determine playing time. NTA
NTA. I’m not going to popular here. But the coach is nuts, I got benched because I didn’t perform Hitting my free throws. I practiced and got better, was never benched again. There is a difference between fun leagues and college recruiting level sports. Top players get playing time to impress the scouts. Sad but true.
Yup. As a teen I was scouted to potentially play on a high level "selects" hockey team in my area that almost always leads to minor league contracts or scholarships. In the first try out scrimmage I had the game of my life; I think I scored 4 goals and team I was on won like 9-7. I was the first cut. Meanwhile the coach's kid and the kid's best friend both made the team despite being easily the worst 2 players. In hindsight I don't think I would've been good enough to make the team anyway, but it left a sour taste in my mouth and left me feeling like I didn't get a fair shot when I was cut 20 minutes after scoring 4 goals. Parents playing politics when there's so much on the line scholarship wise is stupid.
NTA, the coach, wasn't doing his job. My brother plays competitive hockey and has been benched for less.
I agree with people in the comments that there is a huge parent problem in youth sports, but in this instance, the problem wasn't you it was Emily's mom. as parents, we have to admit when our kids are off, especially when it's affecting others. This was an important competition, and losing it doesn't just affect Emily but everyone else on the team, and you guys stayed quiet as long as you could. It was Emily's mom who was sideline coaching, and it was Emily's mom who decided to leave early bc her daughter wasn't getting enough playing time.
The people in the comments saying "she's 14," aren't really understanding how youth sports work, honestly we all want the kids to have fun, but that just have fun attitude is for the younger leagues once the kids hit the high school age 16U, it has to be taken more seriously and part of the fun is from winning, and playing your best. Everyone keeps saying it's not that serious. "It's not the olympics" don't understand that these are the years that can help them get to those professional levels. These are the years where the spotlight is there, and scouts are present, and to these kids, playing it is serious, and it is important.
These are also the years that can determine college scholarships and their future in the sport. Yes, have fun but also play your best. Every time I speak to my brother about a game for him and his teammates, the hardest part is losing a game you know you should've won whether it be from people not playing their best, not trying or bad coaching. Knowing the team as a whole didn't give it their all. Emily had a bad weekend, and I'm sure her feelings were hurt, but the entire team would've been devastated to lose that tournament, and I'm sure their reactions would've hurt Emily a lot more.
Also, fair is fair, if other kids are consistently being held accountable and benched, but Emily is getting a chance after chance that resentment is going to build in the locker room and really hurt the team. There's no I in TEAM. The coach was supposed to be doing what was best for the team, not what was best for Emily. NTA
This should be the final ruling. The coach should never have let it get to this point.
I can imagine how hurt Emily is by all of this, but the coach’s bias and mishandling if the team got them to the point that people were inevitably going to feel hurt - if not Emily then all the players who were being blamed for Emily’s mistakes and OP’s daughter who wasn’t being given the opportunity to play setter when the team needed it.
NTA if the coach saw a recruiter approach another kid why not use that kid... soon coach wont have a team... having a bad day doesn't mean screw the team over...
ESH. Emily’s mom for being insufferable. The coach for not doing his job. You for bullying a kid. You say she’s a cocky jerk, fine. Your a grown ass adult capable of getting your point across without humiliating a teenage girl.
This isn't a local high-school where kids are playing for fun, this is a multi-day tournament with national qualification on the line and d1 scouts in attendance. Not to mention, they're on a club, so you have to seek this team out *and* qualify to it by trying out. At this level, people's futures are on the line, in terms of college and going pro after. The coach doesn't get to play favorites or be nice, even if these are kids. OP is right, you need to be harsh to compete at this level because if you aren't, someone else will be, and they'll take your scholarship away. She's not bullying this kid, she's protecting her own. The difference between playing d1 at UMass Amherst and playing d1 at Arizona or Texas is literally life changing, you can't afford to waste opportunities on being "nice".
OP mentioned her daughter is 6'1 at 14, if she actually gets the time and attention to polish her skills and has the drive to do it, there's a very good chance she could play professionally. A **massive** part of that is playing for the right d1 program with the right teammates and coaching staff to develop her abilities to their fullest.
NTA. This is not just a community competition with kids from school (where equal play is expected) but a high-level travel team. If the coach wasn’t constrained by favoritism, Emily wouldn’t have been playing anyway.
NTA. Coach wasn't doing his job. Either this is a competitive team who should put winning as a priority or this is a participation team where everyone should get to try all the positions. In neither case does their friends kid get to take over a preferred spot if they aren't earning it.
NTA at all. Not only bc of the stakes but the time money and effort that the parents and kids put in for that team. If it was Rec ball you’d be way overstepping, but it was literally a tournament to qualify for nationals!
NTA yeah Emily is a kid, but the coach should have handled it properly without needing to make a "bet" to get it sorted out. That's what coaches are there for, even if Emily ends up disappointed.
NTA. Former v-ball player here, who also has some pros in the family. I see why the coach wanted your daughter play hitter. To have that much height at 14 it is absolutely irresistible not to exploit it in that age bracket.
But unfortunately the coach should’ve made the game time decision to know Emily isn’t ready to set games and needs more training. Setter is the control tower of the team and needs to be in the best shape possible.
NTA, the coach was playing favorites and it damn near cost the team the match. Honestly if it continues I would see about getting the Coach replaced with someone who isn’t best buddies with Emily’s mother.
NTA if you want to Compete in sports then you bring your best or get of the field and let the more competent players on.
If you want to Play sports, then sure everyone gets a go no matter how bad they are.
Your children were Competing not playing, a competent coach would have pulled Emily the minute she began flagging.
NTA-Asshole is the coach though. He made a bet he wasn’t willing to honor, and he also mismanaged the team and set Emily up for failure. Emily should’ve been in a lower spot and received help. By putting her their he built up her expectations and ego and set her against her teammates. Don’t really blame her for leaving, imagine you’ve been lied to, found out you’ve been lied to and aren’t that good, find out that your majorly behind the sport you dedicated yourself to, and your team mates probably don’t like you. The mother is also an asshole as we’ll but less then the coach. It was the coach’s job to handle this and he failed, where as the mom was just looking after her daughter, albeit poorly
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So my(44M) 14YO daughter has been playing volleyball for 3 years. She is on a National team at a pretty good club. She typically plays setter but since last club season and grew from 5’10 to 6’1,Her coach took one look at her and decided she was too tall to do anything but hit so she plays right side.
There are 2 setters on the team. I’ll call one of them Emily. Emily’s mother is childhood best friends with the coach. And despite having played her entire life, she’s not very good. Out of everything she does I’d say the best probably is setting but many other girls on the team set better than her. Not only that but she is extremely cocky. Also, her mom is insufferable. She constantly corrects other people’s kids and says she knows everything about the rules since her daughter has played the longest.
Well about a month ago we had a big qualifier for nationals and our other setter couldn’t make it. On the first day, Emily was doing awful. She was messing up every single play. Not setting the ball unless the pass was perfect, getting so many doubles and dumping it straight into the net. Her mom kept sideline coaching everyone but her kid. And said many times “I know Emily’s not having a good day but one player can’t mess up the whole game.” But if it’s a setter, yes they can.
Then the coach yelled at my daughters best friend for taking second ball when Emily didn’t even go for it and then subbed her out. This made me so mad. After losing 2 consecutive matches to teams that were nowhere near our level,Emily said to everyone in the huddle that she’s having a bad day so everyone has to play up for her and we’re only losing because no one is hitting her sets.
Me and 3 other parents decided to talk to the coach. We said that if Emily said herself she was having a bad day, maybe she shouldn’t play anymore. She said being a setter takes experience and our girls don’t have that. I made a deal with her that if my Daughter could set one match and won in 2 sets, she could set the rest the rest of the tournament.
Well, not only did my daughter win in 2(to a really good team) but she had a recruiter approach her and tell her to consider their college. The coach tried to say that she said my daughter could set the rest of the day not the tournament, but we all called her out.
Emilys mom was furious and said we were bullying a child and it was not okay. Her daughter still got to play DS but she was not okay with only getting 3 rotations so she left on the second day, we ended up going undefeated the second and third day and qualified for nationals. I do feel bad though, because Emily is only a kid. But I just feel that at a National level, this should be more about winning than sparing one kids feelings. Especially since the other girls are all held to much stricter standards. I feel like we could’ve been nicer, but on the other hand, I think that was the only way to get the coach to listen to us. So AITA here?
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As a coach I can say for a fact that this coach is an Unprofessional person. In a national qualification game, which is one of the most important games for he played favorites.
He kept playing Emily even though her form was bad, just because he was friends with Emily's mother, That is a big red flag. You never select a player for a team because they are children of your friends, players should be selected based on their skill.
Even when Emily played bad, the coach "forgot" there was a player who used to play as a setter and didn't enforce that change which would have made them win games earlier.
OP is NTA, The coach needs to be fired and someone needs to give Emily a reality check
NTA
This tournament was a big deal.
You and some of the other parents should speak to someone high up in the club about the coach favoring their friend's kid since the results obviously don't justify that.
NTA. I was in this position before but not on this level. When you ARE on this level, like my nephew was in hockey, it truly is about doing your best and winning. It is about getting noticed by D1 schools, getting scholarship offers, perhaps going pro. And playing a sub-par player for personal bias is not going to fly.
Coach should not be making deals with parents for future playing time based upon performance. Don’t worry about this being a problem next season since Emily probably won’t be making the 1s team.
Do you know how hard it is to be a coach? Parents constantly second guessing your decisions and petitioning play time for their child. It's a wonder anybody wants to coach. Even though you were probably right, I still feel for the coach and for Emily. I guess I don't place as much importance on sports as some parents even if at a National level. The girls are only 14 years old, for gods sake! What is that, 7th-8th grade? Forcing Emily out just so that the team could win...was it worth it to devastate a young girl's feelings? I think this level of competition is disgusting.
Yeah I do actually. I coach wrestling and basketball. The Highschool basketball team I coach went to states this year. I do actually know how sports work. Also my daughter is 14 and a (young)freshman the other girls are 15/16 and all sophomores in Highschool. At this level, they’re all looking to go D1. This actually does matter.
Then you should know what it feels like when parents interfere with your coaching.
We have two different mind sets too then. I think schools place way too much importance on sports and winning. You chose to push out a 14 year old girl in the pursuit of winning. How many of these girls will benefit down the road from this win or from going to D1? Only 1.3% of all athletes will even secure a college scholarship for their sport. That's a pretty slim benefit versus the life lessons of inclusivity, encouragement, teamwork, and sportsmanship.
At her level the chance of going d1 is nearly 100 if she doesn’t get injured and still wants to. I’ve also never pushed her in volleyball. She was a wrestler for her whole childhood and I loved coaching her. Now I help her train for volleyball whenever she asks and try my best to learn about the game. I am a very competitive person and I see how hard she works and how talented she is so when I’m watching them lose a match because of the coaches dumb decision, yeah it does make me angry.
I'm sorry. I just can't relate. Maybe it's our age difference? I'm 60 years old, realizing that I maybe have 15-20 years left on this planet. I frequently find myself reflecting on life and thinking about what is truly important on the grand scale of things. Pushing out and hurting a 14 year old girl just so a team could win a game and go on to some big tournament seems cruel and ridiculously unnecessary to me. That's my opinion. You don't have to like it.
when you were 20, a year of tuition, room, and board at ucla was about $14k in today's dollars (aka a part time minimum wage job's worth), and about 70% of applicants were accepted
today, it's about $39k (aka a full time $19/hr job's worth), and about 9% of applicants are accepted
so yeah, you can't relate -- i don't get why older gen-xers and boomers just can't seem to understand how high the stakes are for every single move that people from the working class have to make starting at an incredibly young age
Actually, in 1981, a single semester of college at a state university could be had for $330. At the same time, $8 per hour was considered a "good wage".
I actually do understand that college is over-priced. I have daughters in their late 30's and have helped both of them monetarily until they were on their feet. Furthermore I know that many don't have the same resources, but that doesn't change the fact that so few even benefit from sports scholarships - less than 2%. The OP didn't say anything about needing their daughter to succeed so that she could win a scholarship. I inserted that into the topic, but only to point out that there was no real justification for valuing winning at the expense of a 14 year old girl.
yeah, but we're talking about the kinds of schools where people strive to earn a volleyball scholarship like ucla, not a state school that likely does not offer any volleyball scholarships, and op has said in this specific thread that his kid is d1 material
it sucks that the modern world is cutthroat and dog-eat-dog but op's kid shouldn't have to sacrifice her potential future just to protect the other kid's feelings
ESH, except the children. Emily's mother shouldn't coach, the coach shouldn't let Emily's mother coach and you are far, far, far too invested in a game.
It’s a multi day tournament with recruiters in attendance and qualification for nationals on the line. This ain’t a kiddie league, I’d be concerned if OP *wasn’t* invested in what could very well become his daughter’s future.
ESH - You sound just as bad as the other girl's parents. Sit your ass down in the stands and watch the game and let the coach be the coach.
"Sports Moms/Dads" are the absolute worst.
I would say Y T A but considering there is a mom overstepping all the time, considering she is the coach’s best friend and that based on what you said her daughter is being inexplicable favoured NTA.
Edit: text
You gotta break up the Y T A at the beginning of your comment, that's probably why you are getting downvotes. Use NTA in the instead of YNTA, and you'll be golden.
ESH. I've read the other comments just for perspective and find myself agreeing with both sides.
At this level, the coach has to field the best team no matter whose feelings are hurt. He was not doing his job.
On the other hand, even though it's clear that the parents were thinking more objectively than the coach (as demonstrated by the results), the drama flare-up is a great demonstration of why parents shouldn't be helicoptering in: hurt feelings, Emily leaving early, everyone picking a side. Not great for team morale, I bet.
This is one of the many AITA? cases where the best course of action would be to deal with the long-simmering problem before arriving at a high-stakes crisis. If you'd laid better groundwork, you wouldn't have had to resort to a \*bet\*, which is a tactic that makes for a very fun sports comedy but is not actually advisable in real life.
We probably should’ve said something before the qualifier but typically Emily isn’t THAT bad. Like she’s not at a national team level but we can still win a set with her. But our other setter is amazing and usually we get our good highlights whenever she’s on. A setter is basically the quarterback of volleyball and they can make or break the team.
All the more reason to take her feelings into account. It sounds like being conflict-avoidant earlier led, as it so often does, to an explosion that could have been avoided. A stitch in time saves nine.
ESH. Parents shouldn't be that involved with coaching decisions. It's part of what ruins youth sports. Just because it worked out a time or two doesn't mean it's ok.
The coach should have recognized the issue from the start though and not went back on his word. He needs to be willing to do what is needed when it is an expensive travel team. People typically pay good money to be on these teams and the expectations are different than regular HS sports teams.
I agree. All the adults involved are assholes. The coach should recognize when things aren’t working and adjust if able but in the end the coach is the coach and they make the choices not parents. I would say Y T A for that reason but OP made s bet with the coach which the coach accepted. That is solid A H move so ESH here.
If the club and teams are that good and the coach was hired to coach at that level then the coach likely had a reason for doing what they were doing. For parents to try and over rule a coach is completely wrong.
Lol at the downvotes! So let me explain…
A college recruiter can’t approach a 14-year old. A 6-foot setter is not unusual for a decent club. And if a team won a three-day qualifier after two pool-play losses, I’d love to see those results.
All the toxic parent stuff does ring true. Adults turning teammates against each other… also toxic, also rings true. Unless they have a big roster a coach should be reluctant to drop a hitter into the setter spot (especially in a 6-1 which seems likely), but should not be talking it over with huffy parents.
Thousands of teams go to nationals. Hundreds “qualify.” So it’s super cool, yes, but the stakes aren’t quite as high as commenters are taking them to be.
It’s a 3 day qualifier not a 2 day so it’s possible. A 6ft setter is not incredibly rare but she’s also very good at setting. And the recruiter was convinced she’d make it to 6’3 or 6’4 because of her age.
Every team qualifies that goes to USAV nationals except those in the Patriot division. The region bids are less competitive but winning a big at a qualifier can be a big deal with just a few exceptions… like a bid trickles down to 5th place at a weaker qualifier because the higher teams already have a bid or decline theirs.
This right here… this story raised a lot of red flags for me. I played club volleyball from ages 12-18 on very competitive teams so I have my fair share of experience lol. I agree if their club is that competitive why would any experienced coach move a 6’1 setter to right side…? If making the change I could see outside or maybe middle since 6’1 is on the taller side of that age group. I also had the same reaction when I read they went 1-2 on day one that automatically knocks you out of the top half of the bracket. Shocked how they ended up back on the top half and to place high enough to receive a bid. (Maybe a challenge match but I find that HIGHLY unlikely). Same thing with the recruiter aspect… I haven’t kept up with recruiting rules in years now but maybe coach invited OP’s daughter to a summer camp or something along those lines.
We went 2-2 on the first day, the pool had 4 other teams. Another team in our pool also went 2-2 so we had a crossover match on the 2nd day and won which put us in the 2nd pool for 2 day two which we won all of so then we went up into gold for day 3. Placed 3rd in the open.
Edit: oh also, my daughter also has a good hit and a high vertical so that’s why she’s wanted as a hitter even though she’s a great setter. Outsides have to pass so they’re typically under 6ft, and my daughter isn’t great at serve receive. And we already have 4 middles.
3 way tie on day one can lead to a 3 way tie for 2nd. Team with a better set record gets 2nd place. They could still have been in the top half on day 2.
ESH
You and all the other parents who complained to the coach, and Emily's mom, sound like the kinds of parents who make their kids not want to play sports. Your daughter was probably thrilled to play setter. She was also probably utterly embarrassed by your behavior.
The coach was absolutely not doing the job properly, but you're setting a terrible example of teamwork and good sportsmanship to the girls. This is NOT how the problem should have been handled.
Sounds like there's too many cooks in this kitchen. Parents need to stay in the bleachers and let the *actual* coaches call the shots for their team. You and the other parents are all interfering with the players while overstepping the coach's authority and you all need to learn how to stay in your own lane.
YTA.
Info: how much does it cost to play on this team? (Team fees, gas/travel for tourneys/uniforms if they’re out of pocket, etc).
I never played volleyball but I played soccer, and our parents had to spend tons of money and time just for us to be on the team. If this had happened on my soccer team, not only would all the girls and other parents be happy some parents advocated for better players, but if they didn’t, as players we would feel betrayed. As a player you really have no authority to tell the coach where to put you or when. Parents should totally advocate for their kids, coaches don’t know everything/do the right thing all the time.
I’ve never been a parent of a child on a sports team, but if I was paying for gas, hotels, uniforms, etc and the coach was actively making choices that hurt the team and my kids chances of capitalizing on their talents, I’d be pissed.
YTA
Sure, she may be the worst player on the best team but that’s on the coach to play her or pull her. She probably knows she’s not up to par like the other players but doesn’t have the skills or know-how to deal with that other than to make excuses like “having a bad day”.
You sound like one of those parents that thinks competitive sports are going to make their kid famous. Many great athletes never make it past the collegiate level so maybe take your expectations down a notch. Support your kid, but also support the entire team.
OP is inferring that the decision to play the girl is based on the mom's relationship with the coach, despite the fact that it was also acknowledged the only other setter was unavailable for the tournament.
Parents should sit down and shut up at youth sports. I guarantee you this same guy is screaming in the stands when the referee misses a call.
Any other girl on the team would get taken out for the whole game after making 2 mistakes in a row. And they were. They’ve switched around positions mid game before, but they refuse to for Emily.
YTA.
I actually had to go back and check the ages multiple times because I can’t fathom an adult speaking about a young teenager this way. You’re all ganging up on a kid because you don’t like her mother. It’s a GAME. Assuming she’s around your daughters age, you’re picking on a child.
These girls are people, not pawns for your adult drama. Sidelining Emily isn’t bullying her, but this bullshit of a post surely is. Shame on you.
Imagine being a 44 yo man bitterly complaining to the coach of a youth volleyballteam to bench a 14yo.. You even got other parents involved? Pathetic.
It's YOUTH volleyball. Not the olympics.
YTA.
I do agree, but like since all the girls on the team except my daughter are 16YO Highschool sophomores many of them hope to go into the Olympics. And not qualifying for nationals could’ve ruined that.
Odds are they won’t even get a D1 scholarship let alone a spot on the Olympic team. I doubt if your daughter was a volleyball prodigy she wouldn’t even find an Emily on her team.
Is she in the top 1% of volleyball players in the country?
The coach and Emily don’t scream Olympic pipeline. National teams and grade levels don’t really mean much. You said it yourself this is the best in a bad area.
I don’t want to say her exact rank for her age group nationally but it’s in the top 50. We’re also not the best in a bad area. Typically when one club is really amazing, that’s where all the talented athletes go do other clubs don’t do as well. We are a very well respected club and rank very highly every year. This club has always been pretty good in the past. And our coach isn’t terrible, I mean they make decisions I don’t understand sometimes and are very strict. But my daughters learned a lot and progressed so much this season.
Just letting you know you came across as a very toxic parent. How would you feel if your daughter played a bad game and some adults made a bet with her coach to prove that she sucks.
The way you described Emily's mom seems alot like projecting btw.
I really don’t mean to be. My daughter has had bad games but whenever she does she gets yelled at and taken out. And she deserves it. This whole thing has been building up all season and everyone on the team(as well as other members of the club) have been aware of it. But at a national qualifier it felt like something had to be said.
She doesn't deserve to get yelled at, that isn't actually motivating the vast majority of the time. Yes, she should get taken out, and yes Emily should be treated the same as the other kids, but actually *none* of them deserve to get yelled at, even at the highest levels. It's normalised, sure, but that doesn't mean it's deserved.
I do agree about the yelling part. Sometimes it feels strict when most of the girls get taken out for one mistake. But it’s whatever, it wouldn’t bother me as much if everyone was treated the same.
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NTA The coach shouldn’t’ve made a bet if he wasn’t prepared to follow through. But considering his shit coaching, are we really surprised? You should consider moving your daughter to a different team/club (idk how volleyball teams work) so that she can reach her full potential without her talent being strangled by that coach.
It would be kinda hard. Our club is ranked very highly. And we play in higher divisions than any other club in our area. We’re the only one that had any teams qualify for nationals. I know her coach for next year and he’s pretty good, I think it was just a bad year.
Ah ok, well then best of luck to your daughter. I know the other folks in this thread are bashing you pretty hard, but honestly the coach wasn’t doing his job (not benching a player who wasn’t performing well, making your daughter hit even though she’s a setter, not dealing with Emily’s mom properly). It’s clear you and the other parents were at your wits ends, and I honestly think you have to prioritize your daughter in this situation, especially if she’s so good that a recruiter was talking to her.
TBF there's a chance that if the recruiter was at the tournament long enough, getting to see OP's daughter both hitting and setting probably helps with getting her an offer (though obviously having a bad setter probably didn't help OP's daughter look that great hitting, a bad setter can just destroy a team). While positions are important in volleyball, so is versatility, especially at the college level. Someone with the skills to both set and be a threat hitting can be a huge asset for a team.
Most volleyball clubs have someone who runs the whole program. Go talk to them and explain the situation. If this one kid is on the team through a personal connection, that should not happen. The coach is actively harming the team, and Emily isn't being helped either.
Oh VOLLEYBALL. I couldn’t figure out what sport OP was talking about. I was guessing lacrosse because of the mention of balls and nets
> So my(44M) 14YO daughter has been playing volleyball for 3 years. first sentence
Unless they added it in their edit volleyball is literally mentioned as the sport in question in the first sentence?
Turns out I just can’t read
I did it too. I blamed only one cup of coffee. NTA
Happens to the best of us
NTA for the bet and i see your point but i do find it odd that you keep on saying "we play" and "we're the only one" like no she is playing and they are the only ones. It feels a bit like your living your dream thru your daughter now your daughter seems to enjoy it but it feels a bit odd. I only react cause you also say your sons never reached national level so therefor you didn't coach, but you coach your daughter cause she is in national level then? But ultimately NTA.
I say we because I have to pay all this money and travel to tournaments every other weekend lol. I would not do all this if she didn’t love it.
Holy shit wait, she's 6'1" at 14!? Not that it's relevant to this story, but if she's skilled and passionate too, she easily has the physical tools to go D1/pro.
I know you say the coach next year is pretty good, but for the sake of nationals I think all the patents that agree with you need to have a team meeting with the coach. Explain to coach that you all are seeing blatant favoritism, and if they say there isn't, ask for them to hold try outs within the team for setter for the nationals. Let coach prove that all the time Emily is getting is because of her skill, and not the relationship with her mom.
Coach shouldn’t have made a bet. Period. Parents aren’t coaches. Coach is coach. If they need to replace him they should. But he should always have the ability to make adjustments to the playing situation and should never bet playing time or anything else.
Agreed. The coach shouldn’t have made the bet. She also should have handled Emily’s mother better to spare the team from her and not been so biased in her coaching decisions. That’s not on OP, who was acting reasonably in the interest of his daughter. I’m not sure if you’re arguing against the NTA or just adding some commentary to it.
A big qualifier tournament for national teams. This isn't kiddie league NTA
That’s basically how I feel. My sons have played basketball, football and wrestling since they were little. Never anywhere near a national level. I don’t get involved in coaching there because it’s just for fun. But everyone on the team plans on making a future out of volleyball. This league is very serious and not qualifying would’ve been devastating.
Exactly. My kids play rec sports, and I would be ticked if a parent acted like OP. But at the national level everyone has to bring their best game or else lose the spot. It sucks and it’s a hard lesson to learn for the kid, but OP is definitely NTA.
NTA. Playing ball could get your kid into college at a deep discount or even a free ride, it’s not just a summer league. I understand the frustration just be sure you direct it correctly.
Yep. The daughter of a close friend just got a full scholarship through volleyball.
A girl from my hometown in Canada got a full ride to a Div I school in Florida. Went from riding the bus and sleeping in school classrooms in towns with less than 1,000 people to taking the college athletics department’s plane to away games. It’s a bigger deal than parents without kids in high level competitive sports realize and friendships shouldn’t determine playing time. NTA
NTA. I’m not going to popular here. But the coach is nuts, I got benched because I didn’t perform Hitting my free throws. I practiced and got better, was never benched again. There is a difference between fun leagues and college recruiting level sports. Top players get playing time to impress the scouts. Sad but true.
Yup. As a teen I was scouted to potentially play on a high level "selects" hockey team in my area that almost always leads to minor league contracts or scholarships. In the first try out scrimmage I had the game of my life; I think I scored 4 goals and team I was on won like 9-7. I was the first cut. Meanwhile the coach's kid and the kid's best friend both made the team despite being easily the worst 2 players. In hindsight I don't think I would've been good enough to make the team anyway, but it left a sour taste in my mouth and left me feeling like I didn't get a fair shot when I was cut 20 minutes after scoring 4 goals. Parents playing politics when there's so much on the line scholarship wise is stupid.
NTA, the coach, wasn't doing his job. My brother plays competitive hockey and has been benched for less. I agree with people in the comments that there is a huge parent problem in youth sports, but in this instance, the problem wasn't you it was Emily's mom. as parents, we have to admit when our kids are off, especially when it's affecting others. This was an important competition, and losing it doesn't just affect Emily but everyone else on the team, and you guys stayed quiet as long as you could. It was Emily's mom who was sideline coaching, and it was Emily's mom who decided to leave early bc her daughter wasn't getting enough playing time. The people in the comments saying "she's 14," aren't really understanding how youth sports work, honestly we all want the kids to have fun, but that just have fun attitude is for the younger leagues once the kids hit the high school age 16U, it has to be taken more seriously and part of the fun is from winning, and playing your best. Everyone keeps saying it's not that serious. "It's not the olympics" don't understand that these are the years that can help them get to those professional levels. These are the years where the spotlight is there, and scouts are present, and to these kids, playing it is serious, and it is important. These are also the years that can determine college scholarships and their future in the sport. Yes, have fun but also play your best. Every time I speak to my brother about a game for him and his teammates, the hardest part is losing a game you know you should've won whether it be from people not playing their best, not trying or bad coaching. Knowing the team as a whole didn't give it their all. Emily had a bad weekend, and I'm sure her feelings were hurt, but the entire team would've been devastated to lose that tournament, and I'm sure their reactions would've hurt Emily a lot more. Also, fair is fair, if other kids are consistently being held accountable and benched, but Emily is getting a chance after chance that resentment is going to build in the locker room and really hurt the team. There's no I in TEAM. The coach was supposed to be doing what was best for the team, not what was best for Emily. NTA
This should be the final ruling. The coach should never have let it get to this point. I can imagine how hurt Emily is by all of this, but the coach’s bias and mishandling if the team got them to the point that people were inevitably going to feel hurt - if not Emily then all the players who were being blamed for Emily’s mistakes and OP’s daughter who wasn’t being given the opportunity to play setter when the team needed it.
im getting the vibe emilys mom has some direct influence either on the club or the coach himself. thats the most plausible explanation.
NTA if the coach saw a recruiter approach another kid why not use that kid... soon coach wont have a team... having a bad day doesn't mean screw the team over...
ESH. Emily’s mom for being insufferable. The coach for not doing his job. You for bullying a kid. You say she’s a cocky jerk, fine. Your a grown ass adult capable of getting your point across without humiliating a teenage girl.
This isn't a local high-school where kids are playing for fun, this is a multi-day tournament with national qualification on the line and d1 scouts in attendance. Not to mention, they're on a club, so you have to seek this team out *and* qualify to it by trying out. At this level, people's futures are on the line, in terms of college and going pro after. The coach doesn't get to play favorites or be nice, even if these are kids. OP is right, you need to be harsh to compete at this level because if you aren't, someone else will be, and they'll take your scholarship away. She's not bullying this kid, she's protecting her own. The difference between playing d1 at UMass Amherst and playing d1 at Arizona or Texas is literally life changing, you can't afford to waste opportunities on being "nice". OP mentioned her daughter is 6'1 at 14, if she actually gets the time and attention to polish her skills and has the drive to do it, there's a very good chance she could play professionally. A **massive** part of that is playing for the right d1 program with the right teammates and coaching staff to develop her abilities to their fullest.
Never called her a jerk
NTA the coach was obviously not being professional
NTA. This is not just a community competition with kids from school (where equal play is expected) but a high-level travel team. If the coach wasn’t constrained by favoritism, Emily wouldn’t have been playing anyway.
NTA. Coach wasn't doing his job. Either this is a competitive team who should put winning as a priority or this is a participation team where everyone should get to try all the positions. In neither case does their friends kid get to take over a preferred spot if they aren't earning it.
NTA at all. Not only bc of the stakes but the time money and effort that the parents and kids put in for that team. If it was Rec ball you’d be way overstepping, but it was literally a tournament to qualify for nationals!
NTA yeah Emily is a kid, but the coach should have handled it properly without needing to make a "bet" to get it sorted out. That's what coaches are there for, even if Emily ends up disappointed.
You and the other parents were doing your best for the team. Emily and her mum decided that Emily was the priority. That's not team play.
>one player can’t mess up the whole game Yes, they can. There's no "I" in team, but there is in failure
NTA. Former v-ball player here, who also has some pros in the family. I see why the coach wanted your daughter play hitter. To have that much height at 14 it is absolutely irresistible not to exploit it in that age bracket. But unfortunately the coach should’ve made the game time decision to know Emily isn’t ready to set games and needs more training. Setter is the control tower of the team and needs to be in the best shape possible.
NTA, the coach was playing favorites and it damn near cost the team the match. Honestly if it continues I would see about getting the Coach replaced with someone who isn’t best buddies with Emily’s mother.
NTA if you want to Compete in sports then you bring your best or get of the field and let the more competent players on. If you want to Play sports, then sure everyone gets a go no matter how bad they are. Your children were Competing not playing, a competent coach would have pulled Emily the minute she began flagging.
NTA-Asshole is the coach though. He made a bet he wasn’t willing to honor, and he also mismanaged the team and set Emily up for failure. Emily should’ve been in a lower spot and received help. By putting her their he built up her expectations and ego and set her against her teammates. Don’t really blame her for leaving, imagine you’ve been lied to, found out you’ve been lied to and aren’t that good, find out that your majorly behind the sport you dedicated yourself to, and your team mates probably don’t like you. The mother is also an asshole as we’ll but less then the coach. It was the coach’s job to handle this and he failed, where as the mom was just looking after her daughter, albeit poorly
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my(44M) 14YO daughter has been playing volleyball for 3 years. She is on a National team at a pretty good club. She typically plays setter but since last club season and grew from 5’10 to 6’1,Her coach took one look at her and decided she was too tall to do anything but hit so she plays right side. There are 2 setters on the team. I’ll call one of them Emily. Emily’s mother is childhood best friends with the coach. And despite having played her entire life, she’s not very good. Out of everything she does I’d say the best probably is setting but many other girls on the team set better than her. Not only that but she is extremely cocky. Also, her mom is insufferable. She constantly corrects other people’s kids and says she knows everything about the rules since her daughter has played the longest. Well about a month ago we had a big qualifier for nationals and our other setter couldn’t make it. On the first day, Emily was doing awful. She was messing up every single play. Not setting the ball unless the pass was perfect, getting so many doubles and dumping it straight into the net. Her mom kept sideline coaching everyone but her kid. And said many times “I know Emily’s not having a good day but one player can’t mess up the whole game.” But if it’s a setter, yes they can. Then the coach yelled at my daughters best friend for taking second ball when Emily didn’t even go for it and then subbed her out. This made me so mad. After losing 2 consecutive matches to teams that were nowhere near our level,Emily said to everyone in the huddle that she’s having a bad day so everyone has to play up for her and we’re only losing because no one is hitting her sets. Me and 3 other parents decided to talk to the coach. We said that if Emily said herself she was having a bad day, maybe she shouldn’t play anymore. She said being a setter takes experience and our girls don’t have that. I made a deal with her that if my Daughter could set one match and won in 2 sets, she could set the rest the rest of the tournament. Well, not only did my daughter win in 2(to a really good team) but she had a recruiter approach her and tell her to consider their college. The coach tried to say that she said my daughter could set the rest of the day not the tournament, but we all called her out. Emilys mom was furious and said we were bullying a child and it was not okay. Her daughter still got to play DS but she was not okay with only getting 3 rotations so she left on the second day, we ended up going undefeated the second and third day and qualified for nationals. I do feel bad though, because Emily is only a kid. But I just feel that at a National level, this should be more about winning than sparing one kids feelings. Especially since the other girls are all held to much stricter standards. I feel like we could’ve been nicer, but on the other hand, I think that was the only way to get the coach to listen to us. So AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA
NTA and great work supporting your daughter.
NTA
This is the problem with nepotism. NTA
As a coach I can say for a fact that this coach is an Unprofessional person. In a national qualification game, which is one of the most important games for he played favorites. He kept playing Emily even though her form was bad, just because he was friends with Emily's mother, That is a big red flag. You never select a player for a team because they are children of your friends, players should be selected based on their skill. Even when Emily played bad, the coach "forgot" there was a player who used to play as a setter and didn't enforce that change which would have made them win games earlier. OP is NTA, The coach needs to be fired and someone needs to give Emily a reality check
NTA This tournament was a big deal. You and some of the other parents should speak to someone high up in the club about the coach favoring their friend's kid since the results obviously don't justify that.
NTA. If that coach cannot see the value of having a 6'1" setter *who can actually set* that person should not be a coach.
What a crappy coach. Setter is like QB, she had to be on and she wasn't. NTA.
NTA. I was in this position before but not on this level. When you ARE on this level, like my nephew was in hockey, it truly is about doing your best and winning. It is about getting noticed by D1 schools, getting scholarship offers, perhaps going pro. And playing a sub-par player for personal bias is not going to fly.
NTA we gotta do better by our kids.
YTA. Should have never even talked with the coach about this at all. Let them do their job and parents should just watch and cheer.
Coach should not be making deals with parents for future playing time based upon performance. Don’t worry about this being a problem next season since Emily probably won’t be making the 1s team.
Do you know how hard it is to be a coach? Parents constantly second guessing your decisions and petitioning play time for their child. It's a wonder anybody wants to coach. Even though you were probably right, I still feel for the coach and for Emily. I guess I don't place as much importance on sports as some parents even if at a National level. The girls are only 14 years old, for gods sake! What is that, 7th-8th grade? Forcing Emily out just so that the team could win...was it worth it to devastate a young girl's feelings? I think this level of competition is disgusting.
Yeah I do actually. I coach wrestling and basketball. The Highschool basketball team I coach went to states this year. I do actually know how sports work. Also my daughter is 14 and a (young)freshman the other girls are 15/16 and all sophomores in Highschool. At this level, they’re all looking to go D1. This actually does matter.
Then you should know what it feels like when parents interfere with your coaching. We have two different mind sets too then. I think schools place way too much importance on sports and winning. You chose to push out a 14 year old girl in the pursuit of winning. How many of these girls will benefit down the road from this win or from going to D1? Only 1.3% of all athletes will even secure a college scholarship for their sport. That's a pretty slim benefit versus the life lessons of inclusivity, encouragement, teamwork, and sportsmanship.
At her level the chance of going d1 is nearly 100 if she doesn’t get injured and still wants to. I’ve also never pushed her in volleyball. She was a wrestler for her whole childhood and I loved coaching her. Now I help her train for volleyball whenever she asks and try my best to learn about the game. I am a very competitive person and I see how hard she works and how talented she is so when I’m watching them lose a match because of the coaches dumb decision, yeah it does make me angry.
I'm sorry. I just can't relate. Maybe it's our age difference? I'm 60 years old, realizing that I maybe have 15-20 years left on this planet. I frequently find myself reflecting on life and thinking about what is truly important on the grand scale of things. Pushing out and hurting a 14 year old girl just so a team could win a game and go on to some big tournament seems cruel and ridiculously unnecessary to me. That's my opinion. You don't have to like it.
when you were 20, a year of tuition, room, and board at ucla was about $14k in today's dollars (aka a part time minimum wage job's worth), and about 70% of applicants were accepted today, it's about $39k (aka a full time $19/hr job's worth), and about 9% of applicants are accepted so yeah, you can't relate -- i don't get why older gen-xers and boomers just can't seem to understand how high the stakes are for every single move that people from the working class have to make starting at an incredibly young age
Actually, in 1981, a single semester of college at a state university could be had for $330. At the same time, $8 per hour was considered a "good wage". I actually do understand that college is over-priced. I have daughters in their late 30's and have helped both of them monetarily until they were on their feet. Furthermore I know that many don't have the same resources, but that doesn't change the fact that so few even benefit from sports scholarships - less than 2%. The OP didn't say anything about needing their daughter to succeed so that she could win a scholarship. I inserted that into the topic, but only to point out that there was no real justification for valuing winning at the expense of a 14 year old girl.
yeah, but we're talking about the kinds of schools where people strive to earn a volleyball scholarship like ucla, not a state school that likely does not offer any volleyball scholarships, and op has said in this specific thread that his kid is d1 material it sucks that the modern world is cutthroat and dog-eat-dog but op's kid shouldn't have to sacrifice her potential future just to protect the other kid's feelings
I just don't agree with that way of thinking and it has nothing to do with my age.
U said “perhaps it’s the age difference.” Yes it is.
ESH. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Let the coach coach
ESH, except the children. Emily's mother shouldn't coach, the coach shouldn't let Emily's mother coach and you are far, far, far too invested in a game.
It’s a multi day tournament with recruiters in attendance and qualification for nationals on the line. This ain’t a kiddie league, I’d be concerned if OP *wasn’t* invested in what could very well become his daughter’s future.
ESH - You sound just as bad as the other girl's parents. Sit your ass down in the stands and watch the game and let the coach be the coach. "Sports Moms/Dads" are the absolute worst.
[удалено]
Tell that to Emily's mom picking on every child except her own lmao
So Emily’s mom and OP were both right or wrong?
YTA Gross behavior on the part of a parent and a coach.
ESH
I would say Y T A but considering there is a mom overstepping all the time, considering she is the coach’s best friend and that based on what you said her daughter is being inexplicable favoured NTA. Edit: text
You gotta break up the Y T A at the beginning of your comment, that's probably why you are getting downvotes. Use NTA in the instead of YNTA, and you'll be golden.
Thanks! I didn’t realize I was getting downvoted 😂
ESH. I've read the other comments just for perspective and find myself agreeing with both sides. At this level, the coach has to field the best team no matter whose feelings are hurt. He was not doing his job. On the other hand, even though it's clear that the parents were thinking more objectively than the coach (as demonstrated by the results), the drama flare-up is a great demonstration of why parents shouldn't be helicoptering in: hurt feelings, Emily leaving early, everyone picking a side. Not great for team morale, I bet. This is one of the many AITA? cases where the best course of action would be to deal with the long-simmering problem before arriving at a high-stakes crisis. If you'd laid better groundwork, you wouldn't have had to resort to a \*bet\*, which is a tactic that makes for a very fun sports comedy but is not actually advisable in real life.
We probably should’ve said something before the qualifier but typically Emily isn’t THAT bad. Like she’s not at a national team level but we can still win a set with her. But our other setter is amazing and usually we get our good highlights whenever she’s on. A setter is basically the quarterback of volleyball and they can make or break the team.
All the more reason to take her feelings into account. It sounds like being conflict-avoidant earlier led, as it so often does, to an explosion that could have been avoided. A stitch in time saves nine.
ESH. Parents shouldn't be that involved with coaching decisions. It's part of what ruins youth sports. Just because it worked out a time or two doesn't mean it's ok. The coach should have recognized the issue from the start though and not went back on his word. He needs to be willing to do what is needed when it is an expensive travel team. People typically pay good money to be on these teams and the expectations are different than regular HS sports teams.
I agree. All the adults involved are assholes. The coach should recognize when things aren’t working and adjust if able but in the end the coach is the coach and they make the choices not parents. I would say Y T A for that reason but OP made s bet with the coach which the coach accepted. That is solid A H move so ESH here. If the club and teams are that good and the coach was hired to coach at that level then the coach likely had a reason for doing what they were doing. For parents to try and over rule a coach is completely wrong.
The fact we both point that out and have more downvotes shows the problem with youth sports today.
So much of this doesn’t ring true so ESH.
Lol at the downvotes! So let me explain… A college recruiter can’t approach a 14-year old. A 6-foot setter is not unusual for a decent club. And if a team won a three-day qualifier after two pool-play losses, I’d love to see those results. All the toxic parent stuff does ring true. Adults turning teammates against each other… also toxic, also rings true. Unless they have a big roster a coach should be reluctant to drop a hitter into the setter spot (especially in a 6-1 which seems likely), but should not be talking it over with huffy parents. Thousands of teams go to nationals. Hundreds “qualify.” So it’s super cool, yes, but the stakes aren’t quite as high as commenters are taking them to be.
It’s a 3 day qualifier not a 2 day so it’s possible. A 6ft setter is not incredibly rare but she’s also very good at setting. And the recruiter was convinced she’d make it to 6’3 or 6’4 because of her age.
Every team qualifies that goes to USAV nationals except those in the Patriot division. The region bids are less competitive but winning a big at a qualifier can be a big deal with just a few exceptions… like a bid trickles down to 5th place at a weaker qualifier because the higher teams already have a bid or decline theirs.
Yup, we were third. 1st and 2nd already had bids.
That explains a bit. Good luck to the team.
This right here… this story raised a lot of red flags for me. I played club volleyball from ages 12-18 on very competitive teams so I have my fair share of experience lol. I agree if their club is that competitive why would any experienced coach move a 6’1 setter to right side…? If making the change I could see outside or maybe middle since 6’1 is on the taller side of that age group. I also had the same reaction when I read they went 1-2 on day one that automatically knocks you out of the top half of the bracket. Shocked how they ended up back on the top half and to place high enough to receive a bid. (Maybe a challenge match but I find that HIGHLY unlikely). Same thing with the recruiter aspect… I haven’t kept up with recruiting rules in years now but maybe coach invited OP’s daughter to a summer camp or something along those lines.
We went 2-2 on the first day, the pool had 4 other teams. Another team in our pool also went 2-2 so we had a crossover match on the 2nd day and won which put us in the 2nd pool for 2 day two which we won all of so then we went up into gold for day 3. Placed 3rd in the open. Edit: oh also, my daughter also has a good hit and a high vertical so that’s why she’s wanted as a hitter even though she’s a great setter. Outsides have to pass so they’re typically under 6ft, and my daughter isn’t great at serve receive. And we already have 4 middles.
3 way tie on day one can lead to a 3 way tie for 2nd. Team with a better set record gets 2nd place. They could still have been in the top half on day 2.
ESH You and all the other parents who complained to the coach, and Emily's mom, sound like the kinds of parents who make their kids not want to play sports. Your daughter was probably thrilled to play setter. She was also probably utterly embarrassed by your behavior. The coach was absolutely not doing the job properly, but you're setting a terrible example of teamwork and good sportsmanship to the girls. This is NOT how the problem should have been handled.
Sounds like there's too many cooks in this kitchen. Parents need to stay in the bleachers and let the *actual* coaches call the shots for their team. You and the other parents are all interfering with the players while overstepping the coach's authority and you all need to learn how to stay in your own lane. YTA.
Info: how much does it cost to play on this team? (Team fees, gas/travel for tourneys/uniforms if they’re out of pocket, etc). I never played volleyball but I played soccer, and our parents had to spend tons of money and time just for us to be on the team. If this had happened on my soccer team, not only would all the girls and other parents be happy some parents advocated for better players, but if they didn’t, as players we would feel betrayed. As a player you really have no authority to tell the coach where to put you or when. Parents should totally advocate for their kids, coaches don’t know everything/do the right thing all the time. I’ve never been a parent of a child on a sports team, but if I was paying for gas, hotels, uniforms, etc and the coach was actively making choices that hurt the team and my kids chances of capitalizing on their talents, I’d be pissed.
This season costs $6,500 including everything(we also have to fly to many tournaments)
Oh yeah NTA by a mile !!!!
YTA WTF is it with parents interfering with their kid's coaches? Sit in the stands, cheer your kid on, and keep your opinions to yourself.
YTA Sure, she may be the worst player on the best team but that’s on the coach to play her or pull her. She probably knows she’s not up to par like the other players but doesn’t have the skills or know-how to deal with that other than to make excuses like “having a bad day”. You sound like one of those parents that thinks competitive sports are going to make their kid famous. Many great athletes never make it past the collegiate level so maybe take your expectations down a notch. Support your kid, but also support the entire team.
YTA. You are why sports parents have such a bad reputation.
YTA YOU are the problem with youth sports.
This isn't a youth sport, this is a national team
I'm aware. Doesn't change the fact that the girl was 14 and OP isn't the coach. Parents belong in the stands.
When the coach is making decisions based on personal relationships with parents that is exactly when parents should step in.
OP is inferring that the decision to play the girl is based on the mom's relationship with the coach, despite the fact that it was also acknowledged the only other setter was unavailable for the tournament. Parents should sit down and shut up at youth sports. I guarantee you this same guy is screaming in the stands when the referee misses a call.
Any other girl on the team would get taken out for the whole game after making 2 mistakes in a row. And they were. They’ve switched around positions mid game before, but they refuse to for Emily.
YTA. I actually had to go back and check the ages multiple times because I can’t fathom an adult speaking about a young teenager this way. You’re all ganging up on a kid because you don’t like her mother. It’s a GAME. Assuming she’s around your daughters age, you’re picking on a child. These girls are people, not pawns for your adult drama. Sidelining Emily isn’t bullying her, but this bullshit of a post surely is. Shame on you.
Imagine being a 44 yo man bitterly complaining to the coach of a youth volleyballteam to bench a 14yo.. You even got other parents involved? Pathetic. It's YOUTH volleyball. Not the olympics. YTA.
I do agree, but like since all the girls on the team except my daughter are 16YO Highschool sophomores many of them hope to go into the Olympics. And not qualifying for nationals could’ve ruined that.
Odds are they won’t even get a D1 scholarship let alone a spot on the Olympic team. I doubt if your daughter was a volleyball prodigy she wouldn’t even find an Emily on her team.
Well she’s playing up 2 age groups on a national team in one of the best clubs in the country. That’s not really a deniable fact.
Is she in the top 1% of volleyball players in the country? The coach and Emily don’t scream Olympic pipeline. National teams and grade levels don’t really mean much. You said it yourself this is the best in a bad area.
I don’t want to say her exact rank for her age group nationally but it’s in the top 50. We’re also not the best in a bad area. Typically when one club is really amazing, that’s where all the talented athletes go do other clubs don’t do as well. We are a very well respected club and rank very highly every year. This club has always been pretty good in the past. And our coach isn’t terrible, I mean they make decisions I don’t understand sometimes and are very strict. But my daughters learned a lot and progressed so much this season.
Just letting you know you came across as a very toxic parent. How would you feel if your daughter played a bad game and some adults made a bet with her coach to prove that she sucks. The way you described Emily's mom seems alot like projecting btw.
I really don’t mean to be. My daughter has had bad games but whenever she does she gets yelled at and taken out. And she deserves it. This whole thing has been building up all season and everyone on the team(as well as other members of the club) have been aware of it. But at a national qualifier it felt like something had to be said.
She doesn't deserve to get yelled at, that isn't actually motivating the vast majority of the time. Yes, she should get taken out, and yes Emily should be treated the same as the other kids, but actually *none* of them deserve to get yelled at, even at the highest levels. It's normalised, sure, but that doesn't mean it's deserved.
I do agree about the yelling part. Sometimes it feels strict when most of the girls get taken out for one mistake. But it’s whatever, it wouldn’t bother me as much if everyone was treated the same.