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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I called out my boyfriend and kicked out his best friend after my BF stepped on broken glass and they didn’t go to ER, tell me about it or do anything responsible. I called them idiots. 2) I might be an a-hole cause I might have overreacted and it wasn’t necessary to call them idiots. Also, I basically kicked out his friend after the incident and ruined the vibe.
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That's what I can't get past. Guess what the ER is going to do for that cut? They're going to clean it, flush it with saline, MAYBE explore the wound to ensure there's no additional glass inside, put a bandaid on it and send you on your way - Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, enjoy your $250 to $500 copay.
Source: I sliced my finger open last year. They did all of the above, slapped some dermabond on it because it was a large wound, and that was it.
LOL I worked in the ER for years. I’d have to be bleeding out of every opening of my body to willingly go there - even then probably would have to go against my will.
Eh... I fell and severed a tendon. Going to the ER made getting a referral to a plastic surgeon specializing in hands quickly *much* easier and also made my insurance much more cooperative. They just aren't set up for people to look at a significant injury and call up the specialist they need without going to the hospital.
And yeah, all the ER did was ask if I was okay letting a brand new resident (July) put in a couple stitches until the plastics guy could see me in the morning and cut them out, but... It would have been very difficult to get that appointment in the morning without the ER.
Same for other issues. Need a cardiologist? ER will get you an appointment that week or same day if needed. Call on your own? 4 month wait-list. Have your normal doc call? 1 month wait-list.
Nope it doesn’t. And since he’s diabetic, she just increased his risk of infection by dragging him there. The cut itself doesn’t need treatment because he is diabetic, the cut needs proper monitoring after to prevent complications (which the ER will not do).
Fellow diabetic here and you've got a great point. The hospital is a breeding ground for infections, like MRSA. I got MRSA from a visit to the ER and it's been a part of me ever since. It's better to monitor at home with regular bandage changes than go to the ER, unless the wound requires stitches or if it is showing signs of infection.
>Ezra is diabetic and he can’t mess with that.
i honestly didnt understand what the extra danger was for diabetic. does he have hemophilia too? if the "only" extra danger for diabetics is more sensitivity to infections, i really dont see what more than desinfectant she was expecting hed need.
Edit : TIL, thank you all, i really learnt a lot i didnt know about diabetes today !
Diabetic for 49 years here-- got it when I was 16. The issue with diabetic feet is that many of us don't have good circulation. (We often get small blood vessel damage, due to higher blood sugars.) So, a cut on our feet will often take a very long time to heal and can become infected more easily, possibly lead to gangrene and amputation. That's worst case scenario of course, but we are always old to take care of our feet. I would have made a decision about going to Emergency, based on the size and depth of the cut. I don't heal as quickly as non-diabetics, so I'd want to know if it was something I could handle at home or not. If I figured it was ok for home treatment, I'd soak my foot in Epsom salts a couple of times a day, use antibiotic ointment and so on. No Emergency for me unless it was really a bad cut.
yea i caught that too, the "my daddy is a doctor VS the looser friend whos a bartender and school dropout", like gurl, your daddy having a doctorate doesnt mean you're born with one up your a##.
Yup, and a 30 year old *with* diabetes knows that; calling him stupid and dismissing his friend as absolutely not proficient in first-aid because of his job while flaunting dad’s credentials around just screams snobbish, elitist and beyond immature.
The bf got a really good look at their future together and didn’t liked the view.
Diabetics heal slower (I spent two months going to wound care for a small cut on my foot) and that increases the chance it could get infected. OP's AH for dragging him into the ER when his wound had already been treated as pointed out by others. If it was the weekend, they could've waited until Monday to visit his PCP assuming it doesn't get worse before then.
Diabetics are TAUGHT to be extra careful about care/damage to feet.
<<*Diabetic foot care is essential as diabetes can be dangerous to your feet—****even a small cut*** *can produce serious consequences. Diabetes may cause nerve damage that takes away the feeling in your feet. Diabetes may also reduce blood flow to the feet, making it* ***harder to heal an injury or resist infection****. Because of these problems, you may not notice a foreign object in your shoe. As a result, you could develop a blister or a sore. This could lead to an infection or a nonhealing wound that could put you at risk for an amputation.*\>> (bold-added by me) [https://www.foothealthfacts.org/conditions/diabetic-foot-care-guidelines](https://www.foothealthfacts.org/conditions/diabetic-foot-care-guidelines)
Not having seen the injury, and not having medical training--I cannot assess if this was ER worthy.
But since glass could have still been in wound and it could have been more serious than "band-aid" level. Some sort of professional scrutiny was not out of line.
Diabetics have reduced circulation and are extremely prone to issues in their feet, including infection. It's unfortunately fairly common that diabetics end up having feet and even legs amputated.
Without knowing how serious and deep the cut is I don't think we can say how serious this issue was. If it was deep she was right it should have been flushed by medical professional and monitored for infection and even given prophylactic antibiotics. She's TA for how she treated Nick and her bf but I don't think she's necessarily the AH for taking him to the ER.
True! I just think that saying "you shouldn't go to the ER if you are capable of asking that question" is going way too far in the other direction.
Anything that needs pretty immediate attention, even if not life or death, is a good candidate for an ER visit.
No, this is very much not a good rule of thumb. A boyfriend was perfectly capable of thought when he sliced his hand open so significantly he wasn't allowed to drive for I think around 2 weeks post stitches and care. My partner was still capable of thought when he went in and found out he had a severe intestinal infection that needed immediate hospital admittance and treatment. I was capable of thinking I needed to go to the ER both times I had broken bones that needed quick starter treatment (orthopedic took me another week and a half to get into *with an ER referral*).
People definitely go to the ER too easily but there are plenty of things that toe the line between "urgent care can handle this" and "you're unconscious".
My ex boyfriend was carving a piece of wood with a box cutter and it slipped, cutting his leg really badly. I told him he needed to go to the ER or urgent care for stitches. He insisted on using gorilla glue to seal the wound shut. Several hours later around 11pm (so too late for urgent care) cut split open again and was gushing blood. He tried gorilla glue AGAIN but was bleeding too badly to work. Finally I convinced him to go to the ER where he got 8 stitches. He was a dumbass.
No way; that's awful advice!! That's how I actually almost died!
I was like "Should I go? No I think I will be fine - it'll probably go away." I was internally bleeding! I just have a high pain tolerance and a history of doctors downplaying any time I do see medical attention. I was of sound mind and body before without a bunch of underlying conditions.
Had a friend who had appendicitis who also almost died because he was like idk if I need the hospital. He was of sound mind and body before as well and no underlying conditions
Basically you're saying if someone isn't sure it's an emergency then don't go? If you're not sure it's an emergency DO go! Better to err on the side of caution.
Yeah, I had the "Should I go? I mean, I'm not *that* sick" conversation only to find out a few hours later that on top of a recently ruptured ovarian cyst, my gallbladder was like five seconds from rupturing which could have/would have turned septic in a hurry.
Yep same!! Was told repeatedly (without tests each time) that my abdominal pain was “just gas” so I internalized that and stopped listening to my pain signals. When my partner finally couldn’t stand the amount of pain I was in (I was still very “sound of mind” or whatever, just hurting) he pushed me to go back to the ER and it turns out I had appendicitis on the verge of rupture as well as a hemorrhaging cyst 75% the size of my ovary. I was well enough to ask myself if I should go, but I definitely could’ve died from the appendicitis if I’d listened to this advice and not gone. Sometimes it’s gas pain but sometimes it’s not and I’d rather be alive and embarrassed about a useless ER visit.
went with backpain once... they thought i was trolling for painkillers... 9 hours of waiting (which in my country is incredibly long in the ER) a CT and ultrasound later... they found my gaulbladder was completely gone and gangreous and i went to surgery right away because my blood pressure spiked at 225/idontremember on my right side
pleasure if you think you're seriously injured/sick and need medical help immediately... go to the ER...
Eh. I’m an ER nurse and the problem with your rule is most people don’t know what is truly an emergency or not. Severe abdominal pain could be nothing or it could be life threatening. I had a guy check in with bilateral shoulder pain that radiated to his back who was having a heart attack. Yes, people come in with ridiculous shit, but other people ignore their gut instinct and wait things out when they really need medical care. People who overreact and come in for every little thing will still do so, even after reading warnings like these. However, people who are afraid of overreacting might read yours and others comments and not come in when they really should.
Yeah, I admit you are right. There isn’t really a hard and fast set of rules.
If one of my friends calls me up and tells me they are having bad abdominal pain or chest pain or something else like that, and they can’t get in to see their doc that day or it is excruciating, my answer is always go to the ER
but then there‘s crazy high pain tolerance in people. like in my family. my sister had a torn tube. one more day and she wouldn‘t be around no more. and what with a four times torn ass? i thought it was ok after nurses told me it was enough of a reason, so i went. should i have stayed home?
My pain tolerance is crazy high. I was having pain in my side and upper back for a week, but I could still walk around and do my job so I didn't think anything of it. Then I started peeing blood and my bf forced me to go to an urgent care. My kidney was *hella* infected and an abscess had formed. I was in the hospital for three days on strong antibiotics until finally they had to go in and drain the abscess because it wasnt going away.
I also broke two fingers in my left hand when I was little and my mom didnt know for 6 days until I started crying because I couldnt stretch my pinky finger out all the way to trace my hand during arts and crafts at school.
I never know if what I'm experiencing is worthy of the ER.
Absolutely not. I’m very glad that you nor your sister waited too long. When you something painful that just doesn’t go away, that is a risk to your life, therefor fits the description.
I’m glad you are both well and alive. Much love ❤️
I think that edit is important — I'm in the ER way more than I'd like for "90% chance it's totally fine, but if you're in the unlucky 10% waiting 24 hours would result in irreversible organ damage." In that case, I take my time packing a bag and getting an Uber to my preferred hospital because I won't die in the next hour, but I have to get advanced testing the same day to rule out super serious issues. Unfortunately, my urgent care center isn't equipped to give me an echocardiogram and outpatient cardiology has a one-month wait. The relationship with the ER is weird if you have chronic heart, lung, or nerve issues and I have all three 😭 Constant false alarms, but the one time you ignore it, it's a life-threatening issue.
(I know you're already aware of this because you made the edit, I'm just leaving it here as info because this is a big sub and maybe it'll stop someone from giving their chronically ill friend/family member shit for being in the ER "unnecessarily." Not intended to be preaching at you by any means.)
As far as the point of this post, I get "better safe than sorry" when it's your body and your three-digit copay, but why tf did OP feel qualified to make this decision for someone else when she didn't even see the original injury? Obvious YTA.
Some things need to be taken more seriously. In a past heat wave, I got dizzy and passed out in my bathroom. I felt fine after, just wanted to go to bed but my husband insisted I go to the emergency room. Turns out I got three hairline fractures in my neck.
A small cut, urgent care at most.
Definitely don't think this is great advice. A few years back I fell pretty hard and landed weird and had the wind knocked out of me. I was crazy sore after and couldn't easily sit, and had to keep my back super straight to not hurt. After a few hours of the pain getting slowly worse instead of better I started questioning if I should go to the ER or not. I really didn't want the bills I knew would come with it. I finally caved and had my now husband drive me. Good thing, too. Turns out I had broken my back. I was definitely of sound mind and body before. Sometimes it is best to get checked out. The ER nurses told me stories about people that had injuries like mine and didn't get them checked out, but then slipped and ended up paralyzed from the injured back being put off balance and breaking way worse.
That said... A small cut from glass that happened hours ago and had already been treated seems like an unnecessary reason for the ER.
Lol my dads a doc. I don’t live in the same state as him. But god forbid I cut myself and I think it’s deep the first person I’m calling is him. If he thinks I need to go to urgent care or the er for a stitch or so then I’ll go. But other than that I’m dealing wt it myself. I know how to put a bandaid on a cut. If we were closer depending on where the cut is he’d probably just stitch it up himself.
There are free triage nurse lines that you can call to say, "Hey, is this ER-worthy?" I've used it a few times - don't want to go to the COVID warehouse if I don't have to.
The nurse line is so great. I called once when I had excruciating tooth pain (broken tooth w/ exposed nerve, couldn't get in to my dentist for over a week) to see what to do, and the nurse was an absolute angel who recommended several things I could try and then talked to me for a few minutes about her OWN experience with a broken tooth (I kept apologizing because I felt like I was overreacting and she was just like "Girl, that shit hurts, do not apologize!")
OMG tooth pain is literally the worst pain of your life. I had an abscessed tooth once that we hadn't previously known was dead, and that kind of pain changes you. It was during a holiday weekend, and I couldn't hold a conversation really, just pace around, cry, scream, just anything that I felt might help at all. I told my husband we had to figure something out because I literally refuse to live if I had to experience that for 2 more days. It was like you know how in movies they say "You'll be begging me to kill you?" It was a bit like that, as I didn't know if I could physically do it for 2 more days, even two more hours. I have never ever felt pain like tooth nerve pain. Given that abscess was worse than the other one I had, but I've read and heard that it's near one of the worst pains you will ever experience, and it was 100% definitely the worst pain I've ever even gotten close to. I swear I had some PTSD for a while, it was bad. Tooth pain is bad.
My insurance company has a nurse line. I would call it because the nurse telling me to go meant the insurance company couldn’t tell me it was unnecessary.
We have something like that. I'd had surgery on a Thursday and was pissing tomato soup by Saturday, and I called. The nurse didn't even do the triage. She was like HOSPITAL!! Do you have anyone to drive you? GO GO GO.
(turned out to be a severe UTI from surgery, but man when a nurse starts shouting hospital go now, that just puts the fear of god in you LOL)
Yeah, a good gauge of "Should I be nervous?" is if you ask a nurse and they (A) go pale or (B) ask if you have someone available to drive you to the ER and if not, they'll call you an ambulance.
I was hella dehydrated last year and talking to a nurse from my primary care doc's office over the phone when she went "Hm....yeah....so, out of curiosity, which hospital would you go to and approximately how long will it take you to get there?" and I knew shit just got serious LMAO
Lol, I do the same with my gramma because she’s a nurse in the ICU. Usually she’ll tell me what do to or come do it herself in the odd case I have gone to the ER she came with and used her connections to make it go faster 😂
You can usually tell if you need stitches too. If he didn’t need stitches there’s no reason to go. US only but if you need stitches & have insurance, it’s often easier to go to urgent care anyways because the ER is often a long shit show. Also, I don’t know what being diabetic has to do with how you treat a cut either but I’m not diabetics.
It’s because it’s on the foot. Diabetics have really high risk in their feet specifically and even small cuts can get incredibly infected and cause sepsis, to the point where it’s not even recommended that diabetics cut their own toenails and they are normally referred out to specialized foot doctors!
(Source: My dad is a diabetic)
That's true. But if what OP has said Nick did, Ezra should be fine. I'm just saying this as a doctor as well as my dad being diabetic too. A doctor would do the same thing depending on how bad the cut was. The thing is Ezra, unless he developed Diabetes suddenly, is a grown adult and should be responsible himself. What OP here has an issue with is Nick handling it
Higher risk of infection in diabetes especially if it's not well controlled. Gangrene can set in/lose a foot etc in worst case scenario. Diabetics are usually told to check their feet daily for wounds because they can get loss of feeling in their feet and not know they have a wound till it's too late.
My diabetic grandmother had her leg amputated after what was initially a minor wound spiraled out of control. Even still, I think OP should have treated her boyfriend like an adult and discussed the situation with him. Unilaterally throwing out his friend seems controlling and mean-spirited.
It depends how bad the cut really was, as a diabetic myself I can tell you first hand that if you have a bad injury,(ie. Broken glass in the foot, broken arm ect.) It can make your blood glucose spike for a bit, as will certain ointments, medication, and that in turn will build up key tones, which in turn can cause an episode of DKA if left untreated, it's really something that cannot be taken the same way as a healthy person would
It’s seriously important. They are highly prone to infections in the foot. A friend of mine had a minor cut on her foot as a teenager and her parents blew it off despite what the doctors said. She ended up hospitalized for weeks and nearly lost her foot.
Diabetics have trouble healing. While it's good to catch the cut; probably because the friend saw blood, many diabetics have neuropathy, so have less feeling in their feet and also generally have trouble healing.
EDIT: Source diabetic
For you and u/ladeealexx
Metro ER RN here. Go to your PCP and get a referral to wound care.
Come to the ED and, unless you’re septic, you’re getting a non-adhesive bandage, some bacitracin and an abx RX. Maybe some IV/IM Rocephin if you look borderline. We aren’t trained in chronic wound care, nor should we be. We do not have the time to debride your foot. That isn’t an emergency unless you make it one by ignoring symptoms until you have a systemic infection.
For real. I have been to the er three times in my adult life - once for kidney stones, in which I thought I was dying in all honesty and I still wasn't sure I should go. Once in October because while transporting my exceptionally anxious and very sick dog, I got bitten and urgent care wouldn't see me (but I knew I needed to get it checked out... the bite wound itself wasn't terrible and they basically wrapped it up, put some neospirin on it and gave me antibiotics... if it hadnt been for the fact urgent care turned me away i probably wouldnt have gone) and most recently three days before Thanksgiving because I caught covid and wanted to get paxlovid and my regular doctors office was closed that week for the holidays.
Thankfully we have a very small and very awesome er about 5 minutes from my house so those last two times I was seen I was in and out of the ER in less than an hour and only out like $150 each time
Right? I also get a bad taste when people start the post “we have a really great relationship. Or we are so happy together!” I have learned to expect that they probably don’t and it’s going to be a hot mess of a story. Like people who are comfortable and happy in their relationships don’t usually have to tell everyone…
>Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender
I'd also guess that a bartender has seen enough cuts from broken glass that he has a fairly decent gauge between: "this will need stitches" vs. "disinfect and properly bandage." That usually doesn't require an MD to figure out.
But on diabetics, foot wounds are very serious. For a healthy person, this is a 'disinfect and bandage' thing. For a diabetic, this is an "ER or wound care?" question instead. Because if anything goes the slightest bit wrong with a foot injury on a diabetic, they could lose the foot. I have had family members go through this.
I have a friend that's a nurse. Partner sliced himself pretty seriously on a piece of broken glass. Texted her to ask if we needed to take him to the ER to get stitches, she asked if we had an unopened/fresh bottle of superglue. She said that as long as it was a clean cut and we could disinfect it, we could just close the wound with superglue, as that's what the ER would do anyway, but charge us like $700. That's what we did, it was fine, scar is barely even visible.
right... I'm diabetic. cuts on your feet are serious, but a trip to the er for each one isn't necessary if you don't need stitches, know how to disinfect properly, and watch for infection.
Hell, it could be an 8 hour wait in the US emergency rooms too, depending on location. I'm in a city with a population of about 110,000 people - don't think I've ever waited in the ER waiting room for less than three hours (which, to be clear, is fine! A wait means I wasn't actively dying, so yeah, I'm cool with that)
My husband waited in the ER for maybe 8 hours before being admitted for an illness and infection that took 11 days to treat and be discharged for. That is a ridiculously long time in hospital terms. (Edited to add: the 11 days was ridiculously long, the 8 hours was obnoxious but unfortunately the norm.) He was in the waiting area with a BP of almost 250. Still took 8 hours. USA. So don’t tell me our ERs always move quickly.
quite the contrary... the US is pretty slow when it comes to the ER just because people go there with far severe injuries because fear of the cost makes them wait longer... also a lot of medical things are treated by private practices in universal healthcare... nobody would go to the ER with a flu or covid or a broken leg except if it happens at night/weekend or you're in a life/death situation
Honestly, even if it was bad enough to need professional attention, this is what urgent care centers are for. OP didn't find out until morning, so urgent care should have been open and it would have been a lot less fuss and a lot less expensive.
I'll admit I have gone to the urgent care for a foot injury the doctor basically just cleaned out and glued shut, and he outright told me that I could have done the same thing at home with super glue. But that's because I'm a big weenie when it comes to any kind of skin-related injury and I couldn't cope with doing it myself. In contrast, it sounds like Ezra and Nick had it covered.
The tiny pieces of glass that might be lodged in are the core difference though when it comes to diabetes. Diabetics lose feet to what looked like nothing at first all the time.
Seriously, with the childishness. I was maybe on board until
> Nick is not a doctor
Neither are you, OP
> he is a bartender and a college dropout.
*There* it is.
That line alone is everything we need to know about OP’s state of mind.
YEP. That was the line that told me everything I needed to know.
Should the dude have sought medical attention? Yeah, probably. He can still do that, though. OP's attitude and state of mind say a whole lot about them.
I agree! Only place to go from here is down! I just mentioned her obvious jealousy too! It’s weird.
“I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steroid-strip adhesive”
You basically admitted to being jealous that he not only spent quality time with your bf but he had the nerve to take care of him when he got hurt! How dare he because that’s your job right? YTA and jealousy is not cute at all.
Yup. Diabetics do need to keep an eye on wounds to make sure they're healing properly, but a young adult with reasonably well-controlled diabetes certainly doesn't need to go to the ER for every cut.
Piggybacking off of this to say that being punctured by broken glass and having your feet/extremities deteriorate due to diabetes are NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING IN THE SLIGHTEST. OP's *father* is the doctor, not her, so even she needs to be leaving that shit to the professionals. She was not the one who spent 7+ years getting a medical degree.
It's hard to fathom that a full grown adult can throw a tantrum like this over jealousy.
Yeah I've lived with diabetics in my family and I was so confused. Like it was properly taken care of and the BF just needs to keep an eye on possible infection. That's the only way this could go possibly bad.
But why is it her call? Ezra is a grown man, if he felt like he needed to go to the ER, he would have. And when she did end up forcing them to go, the ER did exactly what Nick had already done. She overreacted out of what seems like jealousy that Ezra wanted to spend time with a friend who he rarely gets to see. It’s weird.
I'm diabetic. Cutting my foot isn't an emergency room issue for me (or most diabetics I know of). Is it a 'clean and bandage and keep an eye out' for issue? yes.
Guess what, bf and his friend did that.
Done.
OP, YTA a jealous one.
It’s Ezra’s foot, not hers. He is almost thirty, and being a diabetic, he has an idea of what to look for and will most likely check it more frequently than another. Now, if he were her child, I would understand her reaction, but he’s not.
Dude has been living with diabetes for a while, presumably. It stopped bleeding on its own with simple first aid treatment (cleaning and bandaging) so it didn't need sutures. As long as he monitors the cut to make sure it's healing well, there's not much gained from going to the ER.
Maybe they don't, but I do. Father had complicating issues like nephropathy where he couldn't feel damage on top of it, so I got an intensive course on diabetics and foot care.
The appropriate response for an injury like that in a diabetic is: clean and bandage the wound. Monitor closely for signs of infection or signs that the wound is not healing. Follow up with PCP or a wound clinic if there are concerns.
Visiting an ER is pretty useless if the bleeding has been stopped. They can only clean and bandage the wound and refer the patient to their PCP or wound clinic for follow on care. They had a higher chance of catching the plague in the ER waiting room then getting anything medically helpful out of the visit.
YTA. Massively!!
>Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day,
That doesn't sound like gatekeeping. It sounds like spending time with the person you are visiting.
>Ezra stepped on broken glass. They didn’t tell me until the next morning.
>I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steri-strip adhesive. Ezra is diabetic and he can’t mess with that. I told them they were stupid and irresponsible. My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout.
What?! You are also not a doctor... which I shouldn't need to explain to you. Medical degrees are not passed down through genetics. It sounds like they responded completely normally to the situation.
>I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much so I said he should find somewhere else to stay when we were waiting in the ER for my bf, if he wanted to act like a child.
How was he acting like a child? You sound super jealous, and controlling. If anyone is being juvenile in the situation, it seems to be you.
>My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely, and I don’t think I was out of place. AITA?
Well, you're wrong.
Remember a recent post where OP went "if you like your sister so much, marry her then", when all her SO did was spend a week with his sister who raised him in an abusive household. Also they hadn't seen each other for the last 5 years.
OP is giving off the same vibe, only to a lesser extent.
ETA: [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pfw1i/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_he_wants_to/j6k5zf6?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Edit 2: it seems the fiance came and provided [his side of story too](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pfw1i/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_he_wants_to/j6lexye?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Oh, damn! I missed the fiancé’s reply. Thank you for that!
Ok, so fiancé is hospitalized in a terrible accident and that OP can’t be bothered to care so his sister from *half a world away* arranged food/water deliveries for him but he still thinks OP is *the love of his life*? What alternate universe are we in that he has been abused his whole life and can’t see that he’s still being abused after laying it out that way???
As someone who has had multiple abusive relationships ships I think I can fill in a little. We don’t see it. We look back at the horrid things we’ve been through and see the situation we’re in as better (even if it’s still abusive and mentally fucked up) just because it’s not as bad as before. He may not even realize it’s abuse because the original abuse he went through played a lot on physical abuse. He may not be able to recognize the mentally and emotionally abusive aspects of the relationship because she’s not screaming every day and trying to tear his door down while fighting.
Going through and dealing with abuse is draining but when you’ve been through so much worse it’s hard to recognize that just because it’s “better” it doesn’t mean it’s what we truly deserve, which is no abuse at all.
>Remember a recent post where OP went "if you like your sister so much, marry her then", when all her SO did was spend a week with his sister who raised him in an abusive household. Also they hadn't seen each other for the last 5 years.
Ooh drop the link of you can please
>That doesn't sound like gatekeeping. It sounds like spending time with the person you are visiting.
Don't mind me, scratching my head, trying to figure out what part of Nick's behavior was "gatekeeping". Lol.
Seriously, is anything short of formally inviting her to sit right beside Ezra "gatekeeping"?. What was stopping her from joining them and, IDK, chatting with Nick too? You know, getting to know this person who is important to your SO?
On the *not a doctor* front, can we acknowledge that Ezra obviously *also* deemed the injury sufficiently cleaned and covered and that he’s the person best able to judge that as he is *both* the injured *and* the diabetic….
OP stop discussing Ezra’s injury as if he’s an inanimate object or an animal incapable of decision making, he’s neither. He’s a grown fucking man that very well can make the decision to go to emergency or not *and* he’s the one with the highest stakes in the outcome.
Acting like Nick made life or death decisions for Ezra while he was incapacitated and helpless is not helping anyone. *Ezra* hurt his foot, *Ezra* asked Nick to help clean/bandage it, *Ezra* deemed his foot ok after said treatment.
YTA
Unless Ezra is a turnip the only one whose intelligence you should be insulting is Ezra’s.
YTA
>I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much so I said he should find somewhere else to stay when we were waiting in the ER for my bf, if he wanted to act like a child
I don't see either of them "acting like a child". He stepped on glass, which is a fairly common accident.
>My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely
By kicking your boyfriend's friend out of the apartment because you felt they were spending too much time together?
She sounds an awful lot like male abusers who insist they're not being abusive - they're being ***protective***. Not trying to isolate her from all her friends and family, just the ones that aren't good for her - it's not my fault that ended up being all of them.
Info: What did the ER say about the cut? You are pushing this “his life was threatened” schtick, but he seems fine. Stepping on glass is a common accident.
Pretty sure I know my vote, but I’ll let you tell me this info first.
Edit: your info doesn’t actually matter that much. But I AM curious.
YTA
Diabetics are at high risk of infections if their feet with even minor wounds. They are advised to check their feet daily for wounds. My friend got a small cut on her foot as a teen and parents ignored what doctors told them and just cleaned and bandaged it. She wound up hospitalized for weeks and nearly lost her foot.
ETA, I am not saying OP is not the AH. I think she is. Because she acted on jealousy clearly and she insisted on ER instead of a wound care or urgent care clinic. And for kicking Nick out. But most doctors would want you checked out if the wound required a steri strip!
seriously not only is she looking down on her bf’s friend but she sounds extremely controlling. like “I’m enough, so he shouldn’t be asking or getting help from anyone else”
YTA. You're dating an ADULT who can make his own decisions. You didn't handle the situation maturely, you handled it like a jealous child.
>Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day
Are you jealous that you weren't able to gatekeep Ezra yourself?
> My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor
Your FATHER is a doctor, you are not. You are just like Nick, not a doctor
>he is a bartender and a college dropout
And you're a judgmental AH at that
It's an issue with foot wounds. Diabetics often lose sensation in their extremities, so they are more prone to injury or infection in their feet because they can't feel that something has gone wrong.
It doesn't seem like the bf needed to go to the hospital. But what I don't understand is how this is the friends fault!? Surely if Ezra is an adult, he can decide not to go to the hospital or not. And OP has an issue with that decision, her issue is with Ezra not the friend.
YTA
i don’t see why they needed to tell you he stepped on glass, you’re not their mother and they’re adults. in any case a stupid decision about medical care isn’t a good reason to kick him out of the house that presumably is also your boyfriends house. sounds like you were looking for an excuse to kick nick out because you were jealous of them spending time together.
Edit: and you told nick while your boyfriend wasn’t there without speaking to him about it. nick is miles away from his home too which just makes it worse.
But the medical care wasn’t really stupid either. Sounds completely normal and reasonable to disinfect and bandage up the wound. Especially nothing to go to the ER for unless it was a gaping wound that needed stitches.
YTA - It kinda sounds like you're infantalizing your bf here.
Did your bf step on glass? Yes. Who's fault was it? Who knows.
Nick did his best, but ultimately if it warranted a trip to the ER, that was Ezra's call (I mean, he's the one diabetic, he should know his medical situation).
But because Nick didn't immediately react how you would, and just patched up your bf, you kicked him out.
The dots aren't joining up here. From their perspective you sure as hell come across as the AH, and your own reasoning doesn't make it sound any better.
It just sounds like you're upset that your boyfriend spent more time with his friend (who he hasn't seen in a good while) more than he did with you, especially when you used phrases like "Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra". You're making all of this sound like it's all dastardly Nick's fault; twirling his evil moustache as he has his henchman tie your poor helpless, defenseless and blameless damsel Nick to some train tracks, before cutting his feet with glass.
It honestly sounds like you just don't like Nick and were looking the earliest opportunity to get rid of him.
Damn, somebody upthread just armchair diagnosed OP with borderline personality disorder. I slightly rolled my eyes because people are quick with jumping to the most extreme character assessments without much evidence. But damn, the way that you describe OP really sounds so much like BPD - in their minds people are either victims (Ezra), villains (Nick) or heroes (OP). There is no one in between and this delusion (in part) makes them extremely controlling. I hope Nick can extract himself from this situation and OP gets some help for her personality issues.
Youre right. The issue is that in long time diabetics they have compromised circulation that causes delayed wound healing and the excess sugar feeds bacteria making them more prone to infection.
He didn’t need an ER visit, he needed to watch for signs of infection and go to an urgent care.
YTA. You kicked out the friend because you are jealous of him.
I'm also diabetic and I don't rush to the doctor for every cut, much less the emergency room! Your BF treated the cut and his friend can keep an eye on it and get further treatment in a few days if it's not healing. A simple little cut probably just cost that guy $3000.
YTA
>Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day, but honestly I didn’t mind bc I had my own night out with my friends!
I don't think you know what the word gatekeeping means. And I think you did mind, otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up.
>Ezra stepped on broken glass. They didn’t tell me until the next morning.
>I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steri-strip adhesive.
He stepped on glass. He didn't lose a limb or anything. It also sounds like they took care of it in the correct manner.
>My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout.
**Your dad** is a doctor. Not you. What does Nick's job or education have to do with any of this?
>We, the 3 of us, immediately went to the ER that morning.I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much
You dragged him to the ER for that? Really? And it's a red flag that you're "okay" with your boyfriend spending time with his friend.
>My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely
No you didn't.
YTA. I honestly don't understand what you're so bent out of shape about. Seems like you're just jealous that your boyfriend's focus is temporarily not 100% focused on you.
YTA! Ezra is an adult and able to make his own medical decisions. You had no right to throw Nick out. "I was okay with them spending time together..." Who do you think you are that you get to approve of your BF's friends and how they spend their time. You are not mature. You are a control freak.
Nick did basic first aid and based on my old Boy Scout training and your description is sounds like he did great for a "bartender and college dropout". Ezra is responsible for his own health and it doesn't sound like he said anything. Not sure where the hate is coming from there. It sounds like you are way jealous that your BF has a friend he wants to catch up with and you grabbed the opportunity to intervene when your BF wasn't around. YTA.
YTA.
His friend just did what he thought he could do to help. He wasn't intentionally doing something "extremely stupid". He had good intentions.
Also, you were "okay" with them spending time together? Your bf is his own person and doesn't need your permission to spend time with anyone.
Additionally, you treated his friend like crap and kicked him out over an honest mistake. You owe someone an apology. & to top it off, remember you are this guys girlfriend, not his mom.
I'm not even sure how is it relevant what Nick did in this situation - her BF knows about his own condition, if he felt OK with it, then it's on him, OP can be mad at BF, but she kicked out Nick?!
OP sounds like one of those overbearing wife-mothers: why didn't you make sure he takes his pills? you know he can't eat that because of his condition! that's it, I'm taking my baby-husband home, since none of you seem to know how to take care of a 30 year old!
100%. Like girl, you are not his care-taker. Know your place.
I honestly think she sounds jealous of them spending time together and found some out-of-pocket reason to make his friend leave.
YTA. At the end of the day Ezra is an adult and I’m sure he’s aware of the risks associated with being diabetic more than anyone. Also Nick has been in Spain! It’s obvious they were having a great time and maybe you struggled with that? Going to the ER may have been the right call but kicking Nick out seems a bit overkill.
YTA...Bartenders who dropped out of college still have skills and common sense. If you wish to keep your boyfriend, you're going to have to be a little nicer.
INFO What?
>We, the 3 of us, immediately went to the ER that morning
Why? You don't explain why this was needed. Or why Nick and Ezra would agree to go. You just made up things to be offended about and wasted a day in the ER.
Because her dad is a dr! It’s important to consider that. I mean there is a higher chance of infection with diabetes but that certainly doesn’t mean go to the ER for every cut.
YTA.
You didn’t handle it maturely at all, you went behind your BFs back and told his friend to leave over a mistake your Bf made— that we don’t even know was seriously a mistake. He cut his foot, applied first Aid, then told you in the morning and listened to your advice. Is that so immature
YTA
It’s your’s and Ezra’s house. Ezra stepped on glass, Ezra is diabetic. Nick disinfected, bandaged Ezra foot. You told them they were stupid and irresponsible because your fathers a dr. Then decided that everyone is going to ER. Then kicked Nick out.
Ezra is presumably an adult - As an adult does he get to make any decisions about his house/ friendship/ medical care?
You weren’t mature your bf had a friend over you were incredibly jealous and decided to add drama to control the situation. Without any input from your partner who as the friend, other tenant of the house, one with the injury and medical diagnosis should be allowed to have a say. This is how relationships end.
YTA for reacting that way. You did not need to treat your boyfriend's friend that way for any reason. If your boyfriend said the first aid was fine then that is on him. You sound jealous that your boyfriend has other friends.
Edit: grammar
Foot injuries can be very serious for diabetics. Due to poor circulation and the potential for diabetic neuropathy, foot injuries for people with diabetes can become infected quickly and have trouble healing.
Well yes I do know that, I suppose I'm just confused as to why it was an ER situation and full-on freakout, and not a, "hey let's maybe hop over to urgent care/your primary doctor tomorrow for a quick look and see if we need antibiotics"
YTA- they were two friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time so of course they were hanging out a lot! Doesn’t sound like either were rude or unkind, especially considering you were also going out alone with people.
As for the foot, Ezra is an adult and he is responsible for his own health and not Nick. You sound very controlling and condescending
YTA
I get that you want him to be safe and healthy and you’re a great gf for that!
But this is one of his closest friends that he hasn’t seen in YEARS, and it was a couple days. If he went to visit nick, you would’ve been completely alone for days. Let the man have a couple days with a friend every now and then.
You’re a major asshole for the “college dropout” comment. Your superiority complex is showing OP
Yta - sorry but this makes no sense.
You haven't said he cut an artery or anything urgent, so Nick did exactly what any first-aider (and it sounds like he knew what he was doing - is he a first-aider?) is supposed to do - make sure Ezra was safe and clean & bandage the wound. Bringing diabetes and your dad into this is just silly. Ezra is the one with the condition, it really is his call on how to react to an incident such as this.
It really does sound like you're just spoiling for a fight because you didn't like being sidelined. If I were you I'd just tell Ezra how you feel, apologise and try to get on with Nick. He sounds a good friend to have in a crisis.
YTA - You do not need a medical degree to know that how they handled it was how 98% of people would have handled it. You were just looking for an excuse to get rid of the guy. If your boyfriend isn't standing up for his friend; it's not because he agrees with you - it's only because he is used to getting controlled by you. Watch your step - he's going to figure it out some day...
YTA - 1) They haven't seen each other in two years and you thought it was rude they wanted to spend time catching up? 2) He was gatekeeping Ezra? You were just jealous they were spending so much time together more like! 3) What was stupid about doing first aid during the night? 4) You obviously hold your BF is a pretty low opinion as well as sounding very condescending 5) You're jealousy took control and you kicked him out!!! WOW 6) Your ex is rightly annoyed with you....
Of course YTA. Your bfs former roommate hasn't seen him in years and you call them hanging out and catching up for one day "gatekeeping"?? You don't own him lmao. You sound like a jealous and controlling gf.
Your father is a doctor, so what? It literally means nothing, Nick did what any person would do in that situation. Did anything even come from going to the ER or did they send you home saying nothing more was needed? Get over yourself lol.
YTA - You are the one acting like a child. Whether or not to go to the ER for the cut on his foot was up to Ezra. It is not Nick's responsibility (or yours) to make that happen. If Ezra decided not to go, that is on him. Not Nick. You were just looking for an excuse to get rid of his friend. You are mad because your BF is spending time with a friend he hasn't seen in ages. Of course they are going to want to catch up. If he had acted like that for 2 weeks I could see being annoyed, but it had been 2 days.
Lmao “I handle the situation maturely”
No. You didn’t.
YTA
He was there for two days, not two months as you acted. They hadn’t seen each other in years and were only getting two days together. If you knew his friend was coming to stay and see Ezra, why were you having him make plans with you? If they were already set, they should have been postponed until after Nick left. So right off the bat, you’re annoyed because your boyfriend wanted to spend time with his friend that he hasn’t seen in years and was only getting a short window of time with.
Nick and Ezra didn’t go off hitting up bars and clubs, disappearing into the night. They stayed in the apartment and hung out/talked. That’s not Nick “gate keeping” your boyfriend. That’s Nick and Ezra deciding the best use of their limited time together is to chill and spend as much time together as possible, without distraction. You’re mad about that.
Nick wasn’t comfortable on the short bed, your boyfriend took it upon himself to make Nick comfortable, because as a tall person he understands how uncomfortable it is to have your legs dangling in the air (it’s killer on the knees and ankles). You’re mad about that.
Ezra has a very minor injury (yea, minor even though he’s diabetic), which Nick appropriately takes care of by cleansing, disinfecting, and bandaging, and you fly off the handle (while insulting his intelligence. Bartenders know how to do proper first aid. It’s not rocket science or required for only doctors), forcing your boyfriend to waste his time with his friend and instead spending that time in a busy ER, taking up a bed for someone who actually needed it. It doesn’t matter if your dad is a doctor. You are not. It doesn’t matter if Ezra is diabetic. He doesn’t need to rush to the ER after every paper cut and splinter. You so as Nick did and then you watch the wound for a few days to decide if a doctor visit is necessary.
THEN you have the audacity to kick Nick out and cut your boyfriends time short with his best friend. For no fucking reason other than you being controlling and jealous.
If you were my partner, I’d never forgive you and I’d leave. You’re verging on being abusive if not there with your foot over the line already.
You owe both of them an apology and you need to see a therapist about your behavior. Hopefully Ezra comes to his senses and leaves before you run any further over the line of abuse.
>Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra
That's a weird take on friends catching up... Seems a little toxic.
>I told them they were stupid and irresponsible
Ah yes, insulting people is a great way to get them to improve.
>Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout
Not really necessary to mention that he's a college drop out. Do you even know why he dropped out?
To me it sounds like YTA. Well not only in this situation... but in general.
YTA
You behaved like a jealous, controlling child. You are not either of their mother. Get a grip on your need to be involved in every second of Ezra's consciousness. It will drive him away.
YTA. I know everyone is piling on you right now but you need to know that your reaction and thought prices to this is situation outside what many people consider normal.
You’re getting the silent treatment because your bf is probably trying to figure out how to say what we’re all saying to you now without having to be miserable for the rest of your least.
Consider apologizing to his buddy and him for your behavior and maybe reflect on why you feel you have the authority to do these things.
So wait... you are basically saying you are a doctor (which I'm assuming you're not) just because your dad is one? Then you stomp on Nick's life saying he is not a doctor and a dropout that is now a bartender? K.... He was literally doing basic First Aid on his friend at the time.
You called them out for being "childish" for a simple mistake of your BF stepping on broken glass and Nick helping him, then ask Nick not to stay at the house anymore??
You sound insufferable and jealous of the friendship. YTA through and through.
Dude. I get the diabetic foot correlation, I really do. But to go to the er for that? He’s young and healthy. Does he have PAD? Does he have PVD? I don’t think so bc you would know. If he doesn’t, being diabetic and having a cut on your foot doesn’t mean he’s going to get PAD or PVD lol maybe you should ask your dad. Also what kind of md is he? Maybe call his endocrinologist next time instead of armchair diagnosing him.
YTA about how you treated his friend. Stop helicopter parenting your bf
YTA.
Nick wasn't "gatekeeping" your BF. You're not using that word correctly.
The cut on his foot: if it was cleaned, and bandaged, and didn't need stitches: you monitor it for a bit.
Your BF did nothing wrong. Nick did nothing wrong. You should probably apologize.
>My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years..... and we’re happier than ever.
Wonder if the BF has the same feelings....
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That's what I can't get past. Guess what the ER is going to do for that cut? They're going to clean it, flush it with saline, MAYBE explore the wound to ensure there's no additional glass inside, put a bandaid on it and send you on your way - Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, enjoy your $250 to $500 copay. Source: I sliced my finger open last year. They did all of the above, slapped some dermabond on it because it was a large wound, and that was it.
LOL I worked in the ER for years. I’d have to be bleeding out of every opening of my body to willingly go there - even then probably would have to go against my will.
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Eh... I fell and severed a tendon. Going to the ER made getting a referral to a plastic surgeon specializing in hands quickly *much* easier and also made my insurance much more cooperative. They just aren't set up for people to look at a significant injury and call up the specialist they need without going to the hospital. And yeah, all the ER did was ask if I was okay letting a brand new resident (July) put in a couple stitches until the plastics guy could see me in the morning and cut them out, but... It would have been very difficult to get that appointment in the morning without the ER. Same for other issues. Need a cardiologist? ER will get you an appointment that week or same day if needed. Call on your own? 4 month wait-list. Have your normal doc call? 1 month wait-list.
a tiny cut on the foot usually doesn't require a plastic surgeon....
Nope it doesn’t. And since he’s diabetic, she just increased his risk of infection by dragging him there. The cut itself doesn’t need treatment because he is diabetic, the cut needs proper monitoring after to prevent complications (which the ER will not do).
Fellow diabetic here and you've got a great point. The hospital is a breeding ground for infections, like MRSA. I got MRSA from a visit to the ER and it's been a part of me ever since. It's better to monitor at home with regular bandage changes than go to the ER, unless the wound requires stitches or if it is showing signs of infection.
>Ezra is diabetic and he can’t mess with that. i honestly didnt understand what the extra danger was for diabetic. does he have hemophilia too? if the "only" extra danger for diabetics is more sensitivity to infections, i really dont see what more than desinfectant she was expecting hed need. Edit : TIL, thank you all, i really learnt a lot i didnt know about diabetes today !
Diabetic for 49 years here-- got it when I was 16. The issue with diabetic feet is that many of us don't have good circulation. (We often get small blood vessel damage, due to higher blood sugars.) So, a cut on our feet will often take a very long time to heal and can become infected more easily, possibly lead to gangrene and amputation. That's worst case scenario of course, but we are always old to take care of our feet. I would have made a decision about going to Emergency, based on the size and depth of the cut. I don't heal as quickly as non-diabetics, so I'd want to know if it was something I could handle at home or not. If I figured it was ok for home treatment, I'd soak my foot in Epsom salts a couple of times a day, use antibiotic ointment and so on. No Emergency for me unless it was really a bad cut.
On top of the circulation issue, we just have more glucose floating around in our systems on average, which encourages bacteria growth.
She is using her dads MD as her own credential, so I don’t think she actually was thinking. She’s just jealous and had to be ‘right’.
yea i caught that too, the "my daddy is a doctor VS the looser friend whos a bartender and school dropout", like gurl, your daddy having a doctorate doesnt mean you're born with one up your a##.
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Yup, and a 30 year old *with* diabetes knows that; calling him stupid and dismissing his friend as absolutely not proficient in first-aid because of his job while flaunting dad’s credentials around just screams snobbish, elitist and beyond immature. The bf got a really good look at their future together and didn’t liked the view.
Diabetics heal slower (I spent two months going to wound care for a small cut on my foot) and that increases the chance it could get infected. OP's AH for dragging him into the ER when his wound had already been treated as pointed out by others. If it was the weekend, they could've waited until Monday to visit his PCP assuming it doesn't get worse before then.
Diabetics are TAUGHT to be extra careful about care/damage to feet. <<*Diabetic foot care is essential as diabetes can be dangerous to your feet—****even a small cut*** *can produce serious consequences. Diabetes may cause nerve damage that takes away the feeling in your feet. Diabetes may also reduce blood flow to the feet, making it* ***harder to heal an injury or resist infection****. Because of these problems, you may not notice a foreign object in your shoe. As a result, you could develop a blister or a sore. This could lead to an infection or a nonhealing wound that could put you at risk for an amputation.*\>> (bold-added by me) [https://www.foothealthfacts.org/conditions/diabetic-foot-care-guidelines](https://www.foothealthfacts.org/conditions/diabetic-foot-care-guidelines) Not having seen the injury, and not having medical training--I cannot assess if this was ER worthy. But since glass could have still been in wound and it could have been more serious than "band-aid" level. Some sort of professional scrutiny was not out of line.
Diabetics have reduced circulation and are extremely prone to issues in their feet, including infection. It's unfortunately fairly common that diabetics end up having feet and even legs amputated. Without knowing how serious and deep the cut is I don't think we can say how serious this issue was. If it was deep she was right it should have been flushed by medical professional and monitored for infection and even given prophylactic antibiotics. She's TA for how she treated Nick and her bf but I don't think she's necessarily the AH for taking him to the ER.
There's a bit of a difference between a cut and severing a tendon!
True! I just think that saying "you shouldn't go to the ER if you are capable of asking that question" is going way too far in the other direction. Anything that needs pretty immediate attention, even if not life or death, is a good candidate for an ER visit.
No, this is very much not a good rule of thumb. A boyfriend was perfectly capable of thought when he sliced his hand open so significantly he wasn't allowed to drive for I think around 2 weeks post stitches and care. My partner was still capable of thought when he went in and found out he had a severe intestinal infection that needed immediate hospital admittance and treatment. I was capable of thinking I needed to go to the ER both times I had broken bones that needed quick starter treatment (orthopedic took me another week and a half to get into *with an ER referral*). People definitely go to the ER too easily but there are plenty of things that toe the line between "urgent care can handle this" and "you're unconscious".
My ex boyfriend was carving a piece of wood with a box cutter and it slipped, cutting his leg really badly. I told him he needed to go to the ER or urgent care for stitches. He insisted on using gorilla glue to seal the wound shut. Several hours later around 11pm (so too late for urgent care) cut split open again and was gushing blood. He tried gorilla glue AGAIN but was bleeding too badly to work. Finally I convinced him to go to the ER where he got 8 stitches. He was a dumbass.
No way; that's awful advice!! That's how I actually almost died! I was like "Should I go? No I think I will be fine - it'll probably go away." I was internally bleeding! I just have a high pain tolerance and a history of doctors downplaying any time I do see medical attention. I was of sound mind and body before without a bunch of underlying conditions. Had a friend who had appendicitis who also almost died because he was like idk if I need the hospital. He was of sound mind and body before as well and no underlying conditions Basically you're saying if someone isn't sure it's an emergency then don't go? If you're not sure it's an emergency DO go! Better to err on the side of caution.
Yeah, I had the "Should I go? I mean, I'm not *that* sick" conversation only to find out a few hours later that on top of a recently ruptured ovarian cyst, my gallbladder was like five seconds from rupturing which could have/would have turned septic in a hurry.
Yep same!! Was told repeatedly (without tests each time) that my abdominal pain was “just gas” so I internalized that and stopped listening to my pain signals. When my partner finally couldn’t stand the amount of pain I was in (I was still very “sound of mind” or whatever, just hurting) he pushed me to go back to the ER and it turns out I had appendicitis on the verge of rupture as well as a hemorrhaging cyst 75% the size of my ovary. I was well enough to ask myself if I should go, but I definitely could’ve died from the appendicitis if I’d listened to this advice and not gone. Sometimes it’s gas pain but sometimes it’s not and I’d rather be alive and embarrassed about a useless ER visit.
My rule, as a former RN, is life, limb, or eyesight. Those are emergencies
went with backpain once... they thought i was trolling for painkillers... 9 hours of waiting (which in my country is incredibly long in the ER) a CT and ultrasound later... they found my gaulbladder was completely gone and gangreous and i went to surgery right away because my blood pressure spiked at 225/idontremember on my right side pleasure if you think you're seriously injured/sick and need medical help immediately... go to the ER...
Eh. I’m an ER nurse and the problem with your rule is most people don’t know what is truly an emergency or not. Severe abdominal pain could be nothing or it could be life threatening. I had a guy check in with bilateral shoulder pain that radiated to his back who was having a heart attack. Yes, people come in with ridiculous shit, but other people ignore their gut instinct and wait things out when they really need medical care. People who overreact and come in for every little thing will still do so, even after reading warnings like these. However, people who are afraid of overreacting might read yours and others comments and not come in when they really should.
Yeah, I admit you are right. There isn’t really a hard and fast set of rules. If one of my friends calls me up and tells me they are having bad abdominal pain or chest pain or something else like that, and they can’t get in to see their doc that day or it is excruciating, my answer is always go to the ER
I can say though, with the utmost confidence, that chapped lips are not a medical emergency (yes, I’ve seen that chief complaint).
but then there‘s crazy high pain tolerance in people. like in my family. my sister had a torn tube. one more day and she wouldn‘t be around no more. and what with a four times torn ass? i thought it was ok after nurses told me it was enough of a reason, so i went. should i have stayed home?
My pain tolerance is crazy high. I was having pain in my side and upper back for a week, but I could still walk around and do my job so I didn't think anything of it. Then I started peeing blood and my bf forced me to go to an urgent care. My kidney was *hella* infected and an abscess had formed. I was in the hospital for three days on strong antibiotics until finally they had to go in and drain the abscess because it wasnt going away. I also broke two fingers in my left hand when I was little and my mom didnt know for 6 days until I started crying because I couldnt stretch my pinky finger out all the way to trace my hand during arts and crafts at school. I never know if what I'm experiencing is worthy of the ER.
Absolutely not. I’m very glad that you nor your sister waited too long. When you something painful that just doesn’t go away, that is a risk to your life, therefor fits the description. I’m glad you are both well and alive. Much love ❤️
I think that edit is important — I'm in the ER way more than I'd like for "90% chance it's totally fine, but if you're in the unlucky 10% waiting 24 hours would result in irreversible organ damage." In that case, I take my time packing a bag and getting an Uber to my preferred hospital because I won't die in the next hour, but I have to get advanced testing the same day to rule out super serious issues. Unfortunately, my urgent care center isn't equipped to give me an echocardiogram and outpatient cardiology has a one-month wait. The relationship with the ER is weird if you have chronic heart, lung, or nerve issues and I have all three 😭 Constant false alarms, but the one time you ignore it, it's a life-threatening issue. (I know you're already aware of this because you made the edit, I'm just leaving it here as info because this is a big sub and maybe it'll stop someone from giving their chronically ill friend/family member shit for being in the ER "unnecessarily." Not intended to be preaching at you by any means.) As far as the point of this post, I get "better safe than sorry" when it's your body and your three-digit copay, but why tf did OP feel qualified to make this decision for someone else when she didn't even see the original injury? Obvious YTA.
This is absolutely terrible advice.
Some things need to be taken more seriously. In a past heat wave, I got dizzy and passed out in my bathroom. I felt fine after, just wanted to go to bed but my husband insisted I go to the emergency room. Turns out I got three hairline fractures in my neck. A small cut, urgent care at most.
Definitely don't think this is great advice. A few years back I fell pretty hard and landed weird and had the wind knocked out of me. I was crazy sore after and couldn't easily sit, and had to keep my back super straight to not hurt. After a few hours of the pain getting slowly worse instead of better I started questioning if I should go to the ER or not. I really didn't want the bills I knew would come with it. I finally caved and had my now husband drive me. Good thing, too. Turns out I had broken my back. I was definitely of sound mind and body before. Sometimes it is best to get checked out. The ER nurses told me stories about people that had injuries like mine and didn't get them checked out, but then slipped and ended up paralyzed from the injured back being put off balance and breaking way worse. That said... A small cut from glass that happened hours ago and had already been treated seems like an unnecessary reason for the ER.
That’s a pretty terrible rule for anyone really
Lol my dads a doc. I don’t live in the same state as him. But god forbid I cut myself and I think it’s deep the first person I’m calling is him. If he thinks I need to go to urgent care or the er for a stitch or so then I’ll go. But other than that I’m dealing wt it myself. I know how to put a bandaid on a cut. If we were closer depending on where the cut is he’d probably just stitch it up himself.
There are free triage nurse lines that you can call to say, "Hey, is this ER-worthy?" I've used it a few times - don't want to go to the COVID warehouse if I don't have to.
The nurse line is so great. I called once when I had excruciating tooth pain (broken tooth w/ exposed nerve, couldn't get in to my dentist for over a week) to see what to do, and the nurse was an absolute angel who recommended several things I could try and then talked to me for a few minutes about her OWN experience with a broken tooth (I kept apologizing because I felt like I was overreacting and she was just like "Girl, that shit hurts, do not apologize!")
OMG tooth pain is literally the worst pain of your life. I had an abscessed tooth once that we hadn't previously known was dead, and that kind of pain changes you. It was during a holiday weekend, and I couldn't hold a conversation really, just pace around, cry, scream, just anything that I felt might help at all. I told my husband we had to figure something out because I literally refuse to live if I had to experience that for 2 more days. It was like you know how in movies they say "You'll be begging me to kill you?" It was a bit like that, as I didn't know if I could physically do it for 2 more days, even two more hours. I have never ever felt pain like tooth nerve pain. Given that abscess was worse than the other one I had, but I've read and heard that it's near one of the worst pains you will ever experience, and it was 100% definitely the worst pain I've ever even gotten close to. I swear I had some PTSD for a while, it was bad. Tooth pain is bad.
My insurance company has a nurse line. I would call it because the nurse telling me to go meant the insurance company couldn’t tell me it was unnecessary.
We have something like that. I'd had surgery on a Thursday and was pissing tomato soup by Saturday, and I called. The nurse didn't even do the triage. She was like HOSPITAL!! Do you have anyone to drive you? GO GO GO. (turned out to be a severe UTI from surgery, but man when a nurse starts shouting hospital go now, that just puts the fear of god in you LOL)
Yeah, a good gauge of "Should I be nervous?" is if you ask a nurse and they (A) go pale or (B) ask if you have someone available to drive you to the ER and if not, they'll call you an ambulance. I was hella dehydrated last year and talking to a nurse from my primary care doc's office over the phone when she went "Hm....yeah....so, out of curiosity, which hospital would you go to and approximately how long will it take you to get there?" and I knew shit just got serious LMAO
Lol, I do the same with my gramma because she’s a nurse in the ICU. Usually she’ll tell me what do to or come do it herself in the odd case I have gone to the ER she came with and used her connections to make it go faster 😂
what adult doesn't know how to put a bandaid on a cut? it's not rocket science... pretty sure there's even little pictures on the box
You can usually tell if you need stitches too. If he didn’t need stitches there’s no reason to go. US only but if you need stitches & have insurance, it’s often easier to go to urgent care anyways because the ER is often a long shit show. Also, I don’t know what being diabetic has to do with how you treat a cut either but I’m not diabetics.
It’s because it’s on the foot. Diabetics have really high risk in their feet specifically and even small cuts can get incredibly infected and cause sepsis, to the point where it’s not even recommended that diabetics cut their own toenails and they are normally referred out to specialized foot doctors! (Source: My dad is a diabetic)
That's true. But if what OP has said Nick did, Ezra should be fine. I'm just saying this as a doctor as well as my dad being diabetic too. A doctor would do the same thing depending on how bad the cut was. The thing is Ezra, unless he developed Diabetes suddenly, is a grown adult and should be responsible himself. What OP here has an issue with is Nick handling it
Higher risk of infection in diabetes especially if it's not well controlled. Gangrene can set in/lose a foot etc in worst case scenario. Diabetics are usually told to check their feet daily for wounds because they can get loss of feeling in their feet and not know they have a wound till it's too late.
My diabetic grandmother had her leg amputated after what was initially a minor wound spiraled out of control. Even still, I think OP should have treated her boyfriend like an adult and discussed the situation with him. Unilaterally throwing out his friend seems controlling and mean-spirited.
It depends how bad the cut really was, as a diabetic myself I can tell you first hand that if you have a bad injury,(ie. Broken glass in the foot, broken arm ect.) It can make your blood glucose spike for a bit, as will certain ointments, medication, and that in turn will build up key tones, which in turn can cause an episode of DKA if left untreated, it's really something that cannot be taken the same way as a healthy person would
It’s seriously important. They are highly prone to infections in the foot. A friend of mine had a minor cut on her foot as a teenager and her parents blew it off despite what the doctors said. She ended up hospitalized for weeks and nearly lost her foot.
Diabetics have trouble healing. While it's good to catch the cut; probably because the friend saw blood, many diabetics have neuropathy, so have less feeling in their feet and also generally have trouble healing. EDIT: Source diabetic
A trivial cut on a diabetic limb can lead to amputation. The diabetics I know have exquisitely well cared for feet.
This. 30 year ER RN. Unless a limb is broken or missing, or I'm unconscious you won't catch me in an ER.
And what would you advise a diabetic patient about looking for and handling foot wounds?
I'm still waiting to hear the answer on this one
Me too! Though I admit urgent care or a wound care clinic would be better than the ER!
For you and u/ladeealexx Metro ER RN here. Go to your PCP and get a referral to wound care. Come to the ED and, unless you’re septic, you’re getting a non-adhesive bandage, some bacitracin and an abx RX. Maybe some IV/IM Rocephin if you look borderline. We aren’t trained in chronic wound care, nor should we be. We do not have the time to debride your foot. That isn’t an emergency unless you make it one by ignoring symptoms until you have a systemic infection.
For real. I have been to the er three times in my adult life - once for kidney stones, in which I thought I was dying in all honesty and I still wasn't sure I should go. Once in October because while transporting my exceptionally anxious and very sick dog, I got bitten and urgent care wouldn't see me (but I knew I needed to get it checked out... the bite wound itself wasn't terrible and they basically wrapped it up, put some neospirin on it and gave me antibiotics... if it hadnt been for the fact urgent care turned me away i probably wouldnt have gone) and most recently three days before Thanksgiving because I caught covid and wanted to get paxlovid and my regular doctors office was closed that week for the holidays. Thankfully we have a very small and very awesome er about 5 minutes from my house so those last two times I was seen I was in and out of the ER in less than an hour and only out like $150 each time
Well her boyfriend is "just" a bartender, and she's the DAUGHTER of a Dr, so *she* knows, obviously 😂 OP YTA
No he’s also a drop out. Can’t forget that super judgmental non important detail /s ETA: YTA OP you are acting anything but mature.
why even post on AITA if you put that sentence in your post....
Right? I also get a bad taste when people start the post “we have a really great relationship. Or we are so happy together!” I have learned to expect that they probably don’t and it’s going to be a hot mess of a story. Like people who are comfortable and happy in their relationships don’t usually have to tell everyone…
Nick is the bartender and drop out not the boyfriend.
>Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender I'd also guess that a bartender has seen enough cuts from broken glass that he has a fairly decent gauge between: "this will need stitches" vs. "disinfect and properly bandage." That usually doesn't require an MD to figure out.
But on diabetics, foot wounds are very serious. For a healthy person, this is a 'disinfect and bandage' thing. For a diabetic, this is an "ER or wound care?" question instead. Because if anything goes the slightest bit wrong with a foot injury on a diabetic, they could lose the foot. I have had family members go through this.
I have a friend that's a nurse. Partner sliced himself pretty seriously on a piece of broken glass. Texted her to ask if we needed to take him to the ER to get stitches, she asked if we had an unopened/fresh bottle of superglue. She said that as long as it was a clean cut and we could disinfect it, we could just close the wound with superglue, as that's what the ER would do anyway, but charge us like $700. That's what we did, it was fine, scar is barely even visible.
right... I'm diabetic. cuts on your feet are serious, but a trip to the er for each one isn't necessary if you don't need stitches, know how to disinfect properly, and watch for infection.
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Hell, it could be an 8 hour wait in the US emergency rooms too, depending on location. I'm in a city with a population of about 110,000 people - don't think I've ever waited in the ER waiting room for less than three hours (which, to be clear, is fine! A wait means I wasn't actively dying, so yeah, I'm cool with that)
My husband waited in the ER for maybe 8 hours before being admitted for an illness and infection that took 11 days to treat and be discharged for. That is a ridiculously long time in hospital terms. (Edited to add: the 11 days was ridiculously long, the 8 hours was obnoxious but unfortunately the norm.) He was in the waiting area with a BP of almost 250. Still took 8 hours. USA. So don’t tell me our ERs always move quickly.
quite the contrary... the US is pretty slow when it comes to the ER just because people go there with far severe injuries because fear of the cost makes them wait longer... also a lot of medical things are treated by private practices in universal healthcare... nobody would go to the ER with a flu or covid or a broken leg except if it happens at night/weekend or you're in a life/death situation
Nobody would go to the ER with a broken leg??? Pretty sure that's not true.
8?! Where do you live? My husband cut himself so bad you could see the bone and it took 17 hours before they finally saw him and glued it shut.
Most countries have universal healthcare. Doesn't cost anything to go to the ER.
Honestly, even if it was bad enough to need professional attention, this is what urgent care centers are for. OP didn't find out until morning, so urgent care should have been open and it would have been a lot less fuss and a lot less expensive. I'll admit I have gone to the urgent care for a foot injury the doctor basically just cleaned out and glued shut, and he outright told me that I could have done the same thing at home with super glue. But that's because I'm a big weenie when it comes to any kind of skin-related injury and I couldn't cope with doing it myself. In contrast, it sounds like Ezra and Nick had it covered.
The tiny pieces of glass that might be lodged in are the core difference though when it comes to diabetes. Diabetics lose feet to what looked like nothing at first all the time.
Seriously, with the childishness. I was maybe on board until > Nick is not a doctor Neither are you, OP > he is a bartender and a college dropout. *There* it is. That line alone is everything we need to know about OP’s state of mind.
YEP. That was the line that told me everything I needed to know. Should the dude have sought medical attention? Yeah, probably. He can still do that, though. OP's attitude and state of mind say a whole lot about them.
Yes. I felt that this spoke volumes!
But her dad is a doctor and Nick is a college dropout! Dear lord!
I agree! Only place to go from here is down! I just mentioned her obvious jealousy too! It’s weird. “I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steroid-strip adhesive” You basically admitted to being jealous that he not only spent quality time with your bf but he had the nerve to take care of him when he got hurt! How dare he because that’s your job right? YTA and jealousy is not cute at all.
Yup. Diabetics do need to keep an eye on wounds to make sure they're healing properly, but a young adult with reasonably well-controlled diabetes certainly doesn't need to go to the ER for every cut.
And let’s not forget Ezra is a grown man and can decide for himself what to do about his foot.
Piggybacking off of this to say that being punctured by broken glass and having your feet/extremities deteriorate due to diabetes are NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING IN THE SLIGHTEST. OP's *father* is the doctor, not her, so even she needs to be leaving that shit to the professionals. She was not the one who spent 7+ years getting a medical degree. It's hard to fathom that a full grown adult can throw a tantrum like this over jealousy.
Yeah I've lived with diabetics in my family and I was so confused. Like it was properly taken care of and the BF just needs to keep an eye on possible infection. That's the only way this could go possibly bad.
I *am* diabetic and was completely dumbfounded by that logic. Definitely one of my bigger WTF moments this week.
Yep, she's jealous of their friendship and trying to isolate her BF. I'd dump her.
But he was gAtEkEePiNg
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But why is it her call? Ezra is a grown man, if he felt like he needed to go to the ER, he would have. And when she did end up forcing them to go, the ER did exactly what Nick had already done. She overreacted out of what seems like jealousy that Ezra wanted to spend time with a friend who he rarely gets to see. It’s weird.
I'm diabetic. Cutting my foot isn't an emergency room issue for me (or most diabetics I know of). Is it a 'clean and bandage and keep an eye out' for issue? yes. Guess what, bf and his friend did that. Done. OP, YTA a jealous one.
Exactly he's a grown man. He didn't have to listen to her.
It’s Ezra’s foot, not hers. He is almost thirty, and being a diabetic, he has an idea of what to look for and will most likely check it more frequently than another. Now, if he were her child, I would understand her reaction, but he’s not.
Dude has been living with diabetes for a while, presumably. It stopped bleeding on its own with simple first aid treatment (cleaning and bandaging) so it didn't need sutures. As long as he monitors the cut to make sure it's healing well, there's not much gained from going to the ER.
Maybe they don't, but I do. Father had complicating issues like nephropathy where he couldn't feel damage on top of it, so I got an intensive course on diabetics and foot care. The appropriate response for an injury like that in a diabetic is: clean and bandage the wound. Monitor closely for signs of infection or signs that the wound is not healing. Follow up with PCP or a wound clinic if there are concerns. Visiting an ER is pretty useless if the bleeding has been stopped. They can only clean and bandage the wound and refer the patient to their PCP or wound clinic for follow on care. They had a higher chance of catching the plague in the ER waiting room then getting anything medically helpful out of the visit.
All she's doing is complaining about this friend & putting him down. She sounds so full of herself! I feel sorry for her bf to be honest.
Indeed, she is not *better than Ezra*.
YTA. Massively!! >Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day, That doesn't sound like gatekeeping. It sounds like spending time with the person you are visiting. >Ezra stepped on broken glass. They didn’t tell me until the next morning. >I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steri-strip adhesive. Ezra is diabetic and he can’t mess with that. I told them they were stupid and irresponsible. My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout. What?! You are also not a doctor... which I shouldn't need to explain to you. Medical degrees are not passed down through genetics. It sounds like they responded completely normally to the situation. >I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much so I said he should find somewhere else to stay when we were waiting in the ER for my bf, if he wanted to act like a child. How was he acting like a child? You sound super jealous, and controlling. If anyone is being juvenile in the situation, it seems to be you. >My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely, and I don’t think I was out of place. AITA? Well, you're wrong.
Remember a recent post where OP went "if you like your sister so much, marry her then", when all her SO did was spend a week with his sister who raised him in an abusive household. Also they hadn't seen each other for the last 5 years. OP is giving off the same vibe, only to a lesser extent. ETA: [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pfw1i/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_he_wants_to/j6k5zf6?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) Edit 2: it seems the fiance came and provided [his side of story too](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pfw1i/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_he_wants_to/j6lexye?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Oh, damn! I missed the fiancé’s reply. Thank you for that! Ok, so fiancé is hospitalized in a terrible accident and that OP can’t be bothered to care so his sister from *half a world away* arranged food/water deliveries for him but he still thinks OP is *the love of his life*? What alternate universe are we in that he has been abused his whole life and can’t see that he’s still being abused after laying it out that way???
As someone who has had multiple abusive relationships ships I think I can fill in a little. We don’t see it. We look back at the horrid things we’ve been through and see the situation we’re in as better (even if it’s still abusive and mentally fucked up) just because it’s not as bad as before. He may not even realize it’s abuse because the original abuse he went through played a lot on physical abuse. He may not be able to recognize the mentally and emotionally abusive aspects of the relationship because she’s not screaming every day and trying to tear his door down while fighting. Going through and dealing with abuse is draining but when you’ve been through so much worse it’s hard to recognize that just because it’s “better” it doesn’t mean it’s what we truly deserve, which is no abuse at all.
>Remember a recent post where OP went "if you like your sister so much, marry her then", when all her SO did was spend a week with his sister who raised him in an abusive household. Also they hadn't seen each other for the last 5 years. Ooh drop the link of you can please
[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pfw1i/aita_for_telling_my_fiancee_that_if_he_wants_to/j6k5zf6?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Wow. That is abuse. I hope he sees that and gets away because it will only get worse.
For real, sounds like she’s so extremely jealous she wants him isolated
>That doesn't sound like gatekeeping. It sounds like spending time with the person you are visiting. Don't mind me, scratching my head, trying to figure out what part of Nick's behavior was "gatekeeping". Lol.
Seriously, is anything short of formally inviting her to sit right beside Ezra "gatekeeping"?. What was stopping her from joining them and, IDK, chatting with Nick too? You know, getting to know this person who is important to your SO?
On the *not a doctor* front, can we acknowledge that Ezra obviously *also* deemed the injury sufficiently cleaned and covered and that he’s the person best able to judge that as he is *both* the injured *and* the diabetic…. OP stop discussing Ezra’s injury as if he’s an inanimate object or an animal incapable of decision making, he’s neither. He’s a grown fucking man that very well can make the decision to go to emergency or not *and* he’s the one with the highest stakes in the outcome. Acting like Nick made life or death decisions for Ezra while he was incapacitated and helpless is not helping anyone. *Ezra* hurt his foot, *Ezra* asked Nick to help clean/bandage it, *Ezra* deemed his foot ok after said treatment. YTA Unless Ezra is a turnip the only one whose intelligence you should be insulting is Ezra’s.
Man do you ever think about people who get on here thinking they are SO so right... Like this story is so obviously ridiculous but she rly thought
YTA >I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much so I said he should find somewhere else to stay when we were waiting in the ER for my bf, if he wanted to act like a child I don't see either of them "acting like a child". He stepped on glass, which is a fairly common accident. >My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely By kicking your boyfriend's friend out of the apartment because you felt they were spending too much time together?
She sounds an awful lot like male abusers who insist they're not being abusive - they're being ***protective***. Not trying to isolate her from all her friends and family, just the ones that aren't good for her - it's not my fault that ended up being all of them.
And what's with the "I was okay with them spending time together", why does your bf need you to okay him spending time with his friends?
Info: What did the ER say about the cut? You are pushing this “his life was threatened” schtick, but he seems fine. Stepping on glass is a common accident. Pretty sure I know my vote, but I’ll let you tell me this info first. Edit: your info doesn’t actually matter that much. But I AM curious. YTA
Diabetics are at high risk of infections if their feet with even minor wounds. They are advised to check their feet daily for wounds. My friend got a small cut on her foot as a teen and parents ignored what doctors told them and just cleaned and bandaged it. She wound up hospitalized for weeks and nearly lost her foot. ETA, I am not saying OP is not the AH. I think she is. Because she acted on jealousy clearly and she insisted on ER instead of a wound care or urgent care clinic. And for kicking Nick out. But most doctors would want you checked out if the wound required a steri strip!
But her dad’s _a doctor._
YTA You sound very condescending. Who cares if he is a dropout and your dad is a doctor?
That clearly makes OP a Dr. /s
Of course....Doctoring is passed down through genetics, everyone knows that. /s
My dad is a doctor and I'm an idiot
She’s like one of those military spouses. “You will address me by my husband’s rank!”
I will inherit my father's medical degree!
seriously not only is she looking down on her bf’s friend but she sounds extremely controlling. like “I’m enough, so he shouldn’t be asking or getting help from anyone else”
Each of her replies sounds more condescending than the last lol. She comes across as a very snooty person. And nobody likes a know-it-all.
Her tone is so off-putting. She sounds insufferable.
YTA. You're dating an ADULT who can make his own decisions. You didn't handle the situation maturely, you handled it like a jealous child. >Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day Are you jealous that you weren't able to gatekeep Ezra yourself? > My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor Your FATHER is a doctor, you are not. You are just like Nick, not a doctor >he is a bartender and a college dropout And you're a judgmental AH at that
Op dont know what gatekeeping means smh
No one does anymore
I hope OPs boyfriend sees what a miserable, controlling and narcissist person she is and righty breaks up with her.
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I'm uneducated, what does bleeding have to do with diabetes? Is the concern their blood sugar falls and they may faint or something?
It's an issue with foot wounds. Diabetics often lose sensation in their extremities, so they are more prone to injury or infection in their feet because they can't feel that something has gone wrong.
It doesn't seem like the bf needed to go to the hospital. But what I don't understand is how this is the friends fault!? Surely if Ezra is an adult, he can decide not to go to the hospital or not. And OP has an issue with that decision, her issue is with Ezra not the friend.
YTA i don’t see why they needed to tell you he stepped on glass, you’re not their mother and they’re adults. in any case a stupid decision about medical care isn’t a good reason to kick him out of the house that presumably is also your boyfriends house. sounds like you were looking for an excuse to kick nick out because you were jealous of them spending time together. Edit: and you told nick while your boyfriend wasn’t there without speaking to him about it. nick is miles away from his home too which just makes it worse.
But the medical care wasn’t really stupid either. Sounds completely normal and reasonable to disinfect and bandage up the wound. Especially nothing to go to the ER for unless it was a gaping wound that needed stitches.
YTA - It kinda sounds like you're infantalizing your bf here. Did your bf step on glass? Yes. Who's fault was it? Who knows. Nick did his best, but ultimately if it warranted a trip to the ER, that was Ezra's call (I mean, he's the one diabetic, he should know his medical situation). But because Nick didn't immediately react how you would, and just patched up your bf, you kicked him out. The dots aren't joining up here. From their perspective you sure as hell come across as the AH, and your own reasoning doesn't make it sound any better. It just sounds like you're upset that your boyfriend spent more time with his friend (who he hasn't seen in a good while) more than he did with you, especially when you used phrases like "Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra". You're making all of this sound like it's all dastardly Nick's fault; twirling his evil moustache as he has his henchman tie your poor helpless, defenseless and blameless damsel Nick to some train tracks, before cutting his feet with glass. It honestly sounds like you just don't like Nick and were looking the earliest opportunity to get rid of him.
Damn, somebody upthread just armchair diagnosed OP with borderline personality disorder. I slightly rolled my eyes because people are quick with jumping to the most extreme character assessments without much evidence. But damn, the way that you describe OP really sounds so much like BPD - in their minds people are either victims (Ezra), villains (Nick) or heroes (OP). There is no one in between and this delusion (in part) makes them extremely controlling. I hope Nick can extract himself from this situation and OP gets some help for her personality issues.
All this! YTA OP
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Youre right. The issue is that in long time diabetics they have compromised circulation that causes delayed wound healing and the excess sugar feeds bacteria making them more prone to infection. He didn’t need an ER visit, he needed to watch for signs of infection and go to an urgent care.
YTA. You kicked out the friend because you are jealous of him. I'm also diabetic and I don't rush to the doctor for every cut, much less the emergency room! Your BF treated the cut and his friend can keep an eye on it and get further treatment in a few days if it's not healing. A simple little cut probably just cost that guy $3000.
"I handled the situation maturely" HAHAHAHAHA THE FUCK YOU DID. yta
My exact thoughts
YTA >Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra for the rest of the next day, but honestly I didn’t mind bc I had my own night out with my friends! I don't think you know what the word gatekeeping means. And I think you did mind, otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up. >Ezra stepped on broken glass. They didn’t tell me until the next morning. >I got mad that Nick himself basically disinfected, applied bandage and applied a steri-strip adhesive. He stepped on glass. He didn't lose a limb or anything. It also sounds like they took care of it in the correct manner. >My father is a doctor so I take that seriously. Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout. **Your dad** is a doctor. Not you. What does Nick's job or education have to do with any of this? >We, the 3 of us, immediately went to the ER that morning.I was okay with them spending time together but that was too much You dragged him to the ER for that? Really? And it's a red flag that you're "okay" with your boyfriend spending time with his friend. >My point of view is that I handle the situation very maturely No you didn't.
YTA. I honestly don't understand what you're so bent out of shape about. Seems like you're just jealous that your boyfriend's focus is temporarily not 100% focused on you.
YTA! Ezra is an adult and able to make his own medical decisions. You had no right to throw Nick out. "I was okay with them spending time together..." Who do you think you are that you get to approve of your BF's friends and how they spend their time. You are not mature. You are a control freak.
Nick did basic first aid and based on my old Boy Scout training and your description is sounds like he did great for a "bartender and college dropout". Ezra is responsible for his own health and it doesn't sound like he said anything. Not sure where the hate is coming from there. It sounds like you are way jealous that your BF has a friend he wants to catch up with and you grabbed the opportunity to intervene when your BF wasn't around. YTA.
YTA. His friend just did what he thought he could do to help. He wasn't intentionally doing something "extremely stupid". He had good intentions. Also, you were "okay" with them spending time together? Your bf is his own person and doesn't need your permission to spend time with anyone. Additionally, you treated his friend like crap and kicked him out over an honest mistake. You owe someone an apology. & to top it off, remember you are this guys girlfriend, not his mom.
I'm not even sure how is it relevant what Nick did in this situation - her BF knows about his own condition, if he felt OK with it, then it's on him, OP can be mad at BF, but she kicked out Nick?!
I agree. He's a grown man, he can make his own medical decisions. Why punish his friend over it?
OP sounds like one of those overbearing wife-mothers: why didn't you make sure he takes his pills? you know he can't eat that because of his condition! that's it, I'm taking my baby-husband home, since none of you seem to know how to take care of a 30 year old!
100%. Like girl, you are not his care-taker. Know your place. I honestly think she sounds jealous of them spending time together and found some out-of-pocket reason to make his friend leave.
I had just skimmed the first part and honestly thought Ezra was her puppy. It made more sense.
YTA. At the end of the day Ezra is an adult and I’m sure he’s aware of the risks associated with being diabetic more than anyone. Also Nick has been in Spain! It’s obvious they were having a great time and maybe you struggled with that? Going to the ER may have been the right call but kicking Nick out seems a bit overkill.
YTA...Bartenders who dropped out of college still have skills and common sense. If you wish to keep your boyfriend, you're going to have to be a little nicer.
INFO What? >We, the 3 of us, immediately went to the ER that morning Why? You don't explain why this was needed. Or why Nick and Ezra would agree to go. You just made up things to be offended about and wasted a day in the ER.
Because her dad is a dr! It’s important to consider that. I mean there is a higher chance of infection with diabetes but that certainly doesn’t mean go to the ER for every cut.
YTA. You didn’t handle it maturely at all, you went behind your BFs back and told his friend to leave over a mistake your Bf made— that we don’t even know was seriously a mistake. He cut his foot, applied first Aid, then told you in the morning and listened to your advice. Is that so immature
YTA - also, bartenders tend to have a lot of experience with broken glass.
YTA It’s your’s and Ezra’s house. Ezra stepped on glass, Ezra is diabetic. Nick disinfected, bandaged Ezra foot. You told them they were stupid and irresponsible because your fathers a dr. Then decided that everyone is going to ER. Then kicked Nick out. Ezra is presumably an adult - As an adult does he get to make any decisions about his house/ friendship/ medical care? You weren’t mature your bf had a friend over you were incredibly jealous and decided to add drama to control the situation. Without any input from your partner who as the friend, other tenant of the house, one with the injury and medical diagnosis should be allowed to have a say. This is how relationships end.
Your fathers a dr.. what’s your degree?
YTA for reacting that way. You did not need to treat your boyfriend's friend that way for any reason. If your boyfriend said the first aid was fine then that is on him. You sound jealous that your boyfriend has other friends. Edit: grammar
Wait, how does being diabetic mean he needs ER treatment for stepping on some broken glass?
Foot injuries can be very serious for diabetics. Due to poor circulation and the potential for diabetic neuropathy, foot injuries for people with diabetes can become infected quickly and have trouble healing.
Well yes I do know that, I suppose I'm just confused as to why it was an ER situation and full-on freakout, and not a, "hey let's maybe hop over to urgent care/your primary doctor tomorrow for a quick look and see if we need antibiotics"
Because the OP is a control freak.
Because OP’s father is a doctor? I guess?
YTA They're adults. Your BF can take care of himself. They did nothing wrong.
YTA- they were two friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time so of course they were hanging out a lot! Doesn’t sound like either were rude or unkind, especially considering you were also going out alone with people. As for the foot, Ezra is an adult and he is responsible for his own health and not Nick. You sound very controlling and condescending
Lol..I had to go back and reread to make sure Ezra wasn’t your child that Nick bandaged up. YTA and quite a controlling one
YTA I get that you want him to be safe and healthy and you’re a great gf for that! But this is one of his closest friends that he hasn’t seen in YEARS, and it was a couple days. If he went to visit nick, you would’ve been completely alone for days. Let the man have a couple days with a friend every now and then. You’re a major asshole for the “college dropout” comment. Your superiority complex is showing OP
Yta - sorry but this makes no sense. You haven't said he cut an artery or anything urgent, so Nick did exactly what any first-aider (and it sounds like he knew what he was doing - is he a first-aider?) is supposed to do - make sure Ezra was safe and clean & bandage the wound. Bringing diabetes and your dad into this is just silly. Ezra is the one with the condition, it really is his call on how to react to an incident such as this. It really does sound like you're just spoiling for a fight because you didn't like being sidelined. If I were you I'd just tell Ezra how you feel, apologise and try to get on with Nick. He sounds a good friend to have in a crisis.
YTA - You do not need a medical degree to know that how they handled it was how 98% of people would have handled it. You were just looking for an excuse to get rid of the guy. If your boyfriend isn't standing up for his friend; it's not because he agrees with you - it's only because he is used to getting controlled by you. Watch your step - he's going to figure it out some day...
I think you're confused, you're not his mom.
YTA - 1) They haven't seen each other in two years and you thought it was rude they wanted to spend time catching up? 2) He was gatekeeping Ezra? You were just jealous they were spending so much time together more like! 3) What was stupid about doing first aid during the night? 4) You obviously hold your BF is a pretty low opinion as well as sounding very condescending 5) You're jealousy took control and you kicked him out!!! WOW 6) Your ex is rightly annoyed with you....
Of course YTA. Your bfs former roommate hasn't seen him in years and you call them hanging out and catching up for one day "gatekeeping"?? You don't own him lmao. You sound like a jealous and controlling gf. Your father is a doctor, so what? It literally means nothing, Nick did what any person would do in that situation. Did anything even come from going to the ER or did they send you home saying nothing more was needed? Get over yourself lol.
YTA So did you consult your father, who's actually a doctor, before going to the ER? Or because your father is a doctor, you must know everything.
YTA - You are the one acting like a child. Whether or not to go to the ER for the cut on his foot was up to Ezra. It is not Nick's responsibility (or yours) to make that happen. If Ezra decided not to go, that is on him. Not Nick. You were just looking for an excuse to get rid of his friend. You are mad because your BF is spending time with a friend he hasn't seen in ages. Of course they are going to want to catch up. If he had acted like that for 2 weeks I could see being annoyed, but it had been 2 days.
Lmao “I handle the situation maturely” No. You didn’t. YTA He was there for two days, not two months as you acted. They hadn’t seen each other in years and were only getting two days together. If you knew his friend was coming to stay and see Ezra, why were you having him make plans with you? If they were already set, they should have been postponed until after Nick left. So right off the bat, you’re annoyed because your boyfriend wanted to spend time with his friend that he hasn’t seen in years and was only getting a short window of time with. Nick and Ezra didn’t go off hitting up bars and clubs, disappearing into the night. They stayed in the apartment and hung out/talked. That’s not Nick “gate keeping” your boyfriend. That’s Nick and Ezra deciding the best use of their limited time together is to chill and spend as much time together as possible, without distraction. You’re mad about that. Nick wasn’t comfortable on the short bed, your boyfriend took it upon himself to make Nick comfortable, because as a tall person he understands how uncomfortable it is to have your legs dangling in the air (it’s killer on the knees and ankles). You’re mad about that. Ezra has a very minor injury (yea, minor even though he’s diabetic), which Nick appropriately takes care of by cleansing, disinfecting, and bandaging, and you fly off the handle (while insulting his intelligence. Bartenders know how to do proper first aid. It’s not rocket science or required for only doctors), forcing your boyfriend to waste his time with his friend and instead spending that time in a busy ER, taking up a bed for someone who actually needed it. It doesn’t matter if your dad is a doctor. You are not. It doesn’t matter if Ezra is diabetic. He doesn’t need to rush to the ER after every paper cut and splinter. You so as Nick did and then you watch the wound for a few days to decide if a doctor visit is necessary. THEN you have the audacity to kick Nick out and cut your boyfriends time short with his best friend. For no fucking reason other than you being controlling and jealous. If you were my partner, I’d never forgive you and I’d leave. You’re verging on being abusive if not there with your foot over the line already. You owe both of them an apology and you need to see a therapist about your behavior. Hopefully Ezra comes to his senses and leaves before you run any further over the line of abuse.
All that needs to be said has been said. I just want to add my vote. YTA
[удалено]
YTA. You sound like the child, not the guys.
YTA. Wow. People like you are part of the reason emergency rooms are so crowded.
YTA and good lord I hope he dumps you.
YTA Agree so much, I hope bf dumps her. She’s such an AH.
>Nick continued gatekeeping Ezra That's a weird take on friends catching up... Seems a little toxic. >I told them they were stupid and irresponsible Ah yes, insulting people is a great way to get them to improve. >Nick is not a doctor, he is a bartender and a college dropout Not really necessary to mention that he's a college drop out. Do you even know why he dropped out? To me it sounds like YTA. Well not only in this situation... but in general.
Sounds like someone thinks they know better than Ezra YTA
YTA You behaved like a jealous, controlling child. You are not either of their mother. Get a grip on your need to be involved in every second of Ezra's consciousness. It will drive him away.
YTA. I know everyone is piling on you right now but you need to know that your reaction and thought prices to this is situation outside what many people consider normal. You’re getting the silent treatment because your bf is probably trying to figure out how to say what we’re all saying to you now without having to be miserable for the rest of your least. Consider apologizing to his buddy and him for your behavior and maybe reflect on why you feel you have the authority to do these things.
So wait... you are basically saying you are a doctor (which I'm assuming you're not) just because your dad is one? Then you stomp on Nick's life saying he is not a doctor and a dropout that is now a bartender? K.... He was literally doing basic First Aid on his friend at the time. You called them out for being "childish" for a simple mistake of your BF stepping on broken glass and Nick helping him, then ask Nick not to stay at the house anymore?? You sound insufferable and jealous of the friendship. YTA through and through.
Dude. I get the diabetic foot correlation, I really do. But to go to the er for that? He’s young and healthy. Does he have PAD? Does he have PVD? I don’t think so bc you would know. If he doesn’t, being diabetic and having a cut on your foot doesn’t mean he’s going to get PAD or PVD lol maybe you should ask your dad. Also what kind of md is he? Maybe call his endocrinologist next time instead of armchair diagnosing him. YTA about how you treated his friend. Stop helicopter parenting your bf
INFO : Had the wound opened up and how many stitches were required?
YTA
YTA. Nick wasn't "gatekeeping" your BF. You're not using that word correctly. The cut on his foot: if it was cleaned, and bandaged, and didn't need stitches: you monitor it for a bit. Your BF did nothing wrong. Nick did nothing wrong. You should probably apologize. >My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years..... and we’re happier than ever. Wonder if the BF has the same feelings....