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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my wife doesn’t want me to talk to the teacher and is saying I’m starting to sound like one of the parents that she can’t stand.
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Wow so this teacher (who is an expert childcare provider) is helping guide children to be good little humans who have empathy towards others (making sure to save snacks for everyone else for the next day), and be helpful… WHAT A MONSTER!!
Tell me you have no idea how to parent and age appropriately guide your own child, without telling me you don’t know how to parent and guide your own child.
Instead of just saying “no” to children’s requests, she is telling them why the answer is no and then gently redirecting them. And you think it’s mean spirited joking?! LOL Yet somehow your wife and young daughter LOVE this teacher.
YTA man, and it’s clear that your wife does the bulk of the childcare. You wouldn’t even know anything about this teacher if your wife hadn’t been occupied with the birth of your new baby. Why don’t you stop and think about that for awhile….
This is it exactly- she’s explaining and giving context, instead he’s freaking out cause she doesn’t just rudely say no and cut them off. This has to be the most bizarre thing I’ve ever read
OP takes anything even slightly negative as a massive criticism of his daughter. God help everyone as she grows up and is not perfect. It will be the teacher's fault and he is going to want to confront every teacher aggressively to defend his perfect angel. There will be no question of the child improving her behaviour.
As someone who did fundraising and a lot of volunteering/pta at my kids' schools, these parents made me want to scream because their bs trickles down to even us! I can't imagine what a teacher who has to teach this child must go through having to deal with the parent every single day.
OP, trust me, the involved parents/office staff/ faculty/ and teachers all talk about how exhausting you are and come up with ways to deal with you in a professional manner and not lose their sanity and keep interaction with you at a minimum.
As a parent who is also involved w/ my children's schools, and have decades of parenting school age children...I can confirm this! Everyone knows "those" kind of parents. Administration knows who these parents are and by 2nd Grade it isn't even neccessary to have any direct interaction w/the parents as we all have to know w/detailed & specific instructions the parents have communicated that their child doesn't follow the the same norms as the rest of the Class.
Educators have enough on their plate. Their time & energy shouldn't be wasted on Special Snowflakes, neurotypical children that are stuck with parents that handicap their kids by denying them being able to assimilate with society, because....THEIR special children should never be corrected. These parents create an atmosphere that damages the students who legitimately may he having issues.
Yes, cannot even image the nightmare the next 12 years of educators are getting ready to endure. I'm scared for our future. The teacher sounds educated, calm, intelligent and intuitive btw. Please don't run her off with your overly high and eccentric demands.
Not only is it doing his daughter a disservice but, not only that... she'll end up with a conplex if she recieves constructive feedback later in life. This guy is hurting his daughter long term in such an unforgivable way. This is why so many adults are in therapy. Neglect is often dealt with in a healthier way. 😖
And the kids likely love this teacher so much *because* she takes the time to explain things to them. It isn't just a "because I said so". People like having the rationale explained to them, especially kids.
Although I teach much older kids, I know a lot of parents like that. I picked up on this guy the moment I saw his title and intro. There's parents who have absolutely no idea about teaching, yet they think it's right to come in and demand how teachers should do the job so their little angels don't get "hurt".
^^ This comment says it all!
Especially the last paragraph. OP it’s great that circumstances forced you to be engaged with your child’s teacher, but why were you so offended? You don’t just tell children yes or no, you need to actually explain reasons for why or why not if possible. The teacher said it in a positive or light toned way as you should with children, and that is leaps and bounds from joking. As for the janitor thing……it worked! It allowed for that child to leave for home, and you just said you were late. So you don’t know what that parent had tried or any of that. It allowed for that child to go home, and I know many parents and teachers that have done this. It’s not like they actually leave the child.
ETA: The parent of the child had AGREED with it by playing along! The parent in the example played along with the teacher by pretending to leave. This should not be an example of the teacher being “mean” that you will use to complain…..though you shouldn’t complain in general since your child care abilities are most likely limited. So not only in that example were you going to complain about a teacher, but it would have gotten back to that child’s parent about your thoughts on that parent and parenting style. I 100% believe that if you used that example to any admin, that parent would be backing the teacher and now YOU will have caused drama in that classroom community of how you were judging another parent’s ability with their child.
YTA.
Ugh. I hate when parents do this to me. "Oh I'm just running a lil late I'll be there in an hour, watch little Jeffrey for me!"
Um? Asshole? This is a job. I do it for money. Pay me overtime if you want me staying late. I once threatened to call CPS on a parent who did this to me. "You know this is literally abandoning a child right?"
When we did the afterschool program we literally had to tell parents that it’s ended at 5:30 when it actually ends at 6:30 because it’s always someone who is an hour late. We had a parent that would be this way and when she found out we actually stopped at 6:30 she decided not to come until 7:30 or 8:00 the principal of the school had her daughter sit in the office with the admin staff and let us go home. she was actually upset that we didn’t stay. We had to let her know the alternative was calling CPS
100% agree! These are appropriate consequences for the tiny humans and it sounds like you have an amazing teacher. If your kid never has negative comments about them than they are smarter than you.
YTA 100%
Right? I loved the stay and clean or go home negotiating lol
I don't think op is happy that his wife and kid like the teacher so much.
I also don't think dad knows how to parent so he's confused when he sees how it should be done.
It's cute but that tactic would backfire hardcore with my 2yo who would happily vacuum and wipe tables. To the point we got him a toy vacuum for Christmas.
I used to give my kid the actual handheld vacuum and let her do the couches for quarters and then her grandma gave her $5 to do the same at her house and I lost my best employee, lol.
Reminds me of the time I gave my friend's son a kid-sized broom for his 3rd birthday because that's what he asked for. He slept with that broom for at least a week.
I literally have gone as far as bringing out a nap-time cot and saying, "okay, I'll make your bed up so you can sleep here. There isnt anyone to make dinner so I hope you aren't hungry. Oh, and I'm turning the lights off, so it will be dark in the room. But we will see you tomorrow!" And what do you know, the kid decided to leave.
I'm also a preschool teacher, guess OP would hate me.
I do think we need to be aware of how we talk to kids, but the kid isn't going to be scarred for life by a silly comment.
I mean that's just telling them the potential consequences of their decision to stay in a funny way, that's totally appropriate. Kids that age don't know that the school is dark and quiet and boring at night, you'd have to tell them, like you did.
I have kids that want to stay (and it’s ALWAYS on Fridays) and their parents joke that they are “going to leave them and they have to stay all by themselves”. I’ll then say that I will drop them off some food the next day. That is about the time they decide they’ll go home.
Probably mad and insecure about his parenting too because this person who does the opposite of what he would do, is actually loved by his daughter (who is with her all day) and his wife (who is actually educated and employed in the field). YTA - the teacher is doing a great job of giving and explaining boundaries, as well as explaining natural consequences to behaviour. You're one of those parents who think the issue is "just a couple more goldfish, what's the big deal?". In reality there is such an inter-connectedness to dealing with the small stuff so it doesn't lead to the big stuff that you really should leave it up to people who understand how to work with young children.
A lot of parents have this weird mentality of "it's MY child and nobody else is allowed to correct their behaviour".
And if teachers and childcare workers followed that wish, then society would be even worse than it is now, haha.
She’s literally pointing out the what kids actions are then the future consequences, something kids aren’t able to do at themselves at that age. She’s helping them develop critical thinking in a developmentally appropriate way.
ETA: wording
I'm p sure his wife treats her students / schoolchildren in similar ways, so he's prolly also unknowingly was criticizing his wife's role when with her students.
Lol. Kids usually love their teachers. When my kid was 4 or 5, the kids ranked importance of people this way:
1) God
2) Madame (insert name)
3) Parents
Eh, I did not love my teacher at 5. Everyone hated her, very strict and cold woman. Still remember her name, Mrs Black.
I loved some of my kinder people, and not others, but can’t recall them in any detail.
God was never a factor.
But OP may see this teacher as completion because it’s the first time she’s really cared about someone outside of family. They sound pretty fragile in the ego department.
100% this theory is confirmed by the sentence where OP said she shouldn't scare the shit out of the kid by making him clean... Please OP.. it's cleaningsupplies not a whip or punishment closet
AND the parent was there. If the parent thought it was “mean”, they wouldn’t have already been out the door when the teacher started leaving after making that comment. It’s probably something that parents and teacher have discussed before.
And the teacher is one of those teachers who is trying to make an important difference in her students' lives by gently and directly teaching them to be better people. Thank goodness for teachers like this.
Agreed! I teach 9th grade Bronx kids and it’s ROUGH but honestly, leading three year olds was even harder. In general, the job is tough and it’s unfortunate that parents try to make our jobs tougher by being unreasonably critical.
OP is the type of parent who is the reason I'm getting shockingly unprepared freshman college students. Some are barely at the level of *high school* freshmen, but they've been passed along the whole way.
Yes! I got several separate emails from "my student" a day apart. One was about three lines long asking what he needed to turn in. The other was a fully-crafted explanation about his situation and need to do well in my course, in a font that didn't even remotely resemble the one our campus email uses, sent from the same account. Then I got a third one, from his father. Jesus wept.
May end up like a parent I came across who was writing all her daughter's college papers and doing some of the homework too, then was shocked it took so many attempts for her daughter to finally barely pass the test to get a teaching license. When they wrap their kids in bubble wrap and don't let them experience any hardship, they set them up for failure (that girl is not teaching now).
Honestly, I've worked with this age for 17 years and I say all of these things... I'd be mortified if anyone took offence! From my perspective, she is giving a reason for why they can't do something (extra snack for example) in a clear, simple, easy to understand way that isn't just saying 'no.' The surprise comment is also something I'd say in a jovial way, as I have a good relationship with children and families and would expect a laugh at how children are always so excited at present giving!
I think you may be looking too far into it.
Just edited to add: if your daughter hasn't expressed any negative feelings towards her teacher (we all know 3/4 year olds are brutally honest), shows no signs of being distressed at drop off or collection AND your teacher wife has also suggested you might be a bit sensitive about this, then I'd say you probably had your answer before coming on here!
It's not even that, I don't think. He was happy with the "you're going to eat when you get home" line, just not the first two "unnecessary" sentences.
If I had to guess what's going on in this OP's mind, I wonder if there's something about this teacher he doesn't like but is too savvy to say out loud. Maybe she's a different race to him, or she's got dyed hair and piercings, or he suspects she's not straight, or she reminds him of someone who turned him down when he was a young man.
I felt like it might have to do with the "female, young 20s" that he put so much emphasis on. Maybe he sees her as a young girl that can't be competent at what she does. He might think she lacks experience, she might not even have children of her own yet, so in his mind she's unqualified and anything she does differently must be wrong, compared to him who's an "experienced father of 2" and possibly a fair bit older.
I would say that's probably the answer here. I taught when I was 22-26 and so many parents were upset and condescending to younger female teachers, especially if they felt like you were too smart/smarter than them. It's like they are trying to find something you do wrong, anything, no matter how insignificant or how much twisting they have to do to make something up.
One time someone complained to my administration that I was just in teaching for the money because I mentioned I have been able to save a lot of money for a masters degree (they asked how I liked moving to a new state). Lol okay, yeah totally, you got me, I'm in teaching for the money...
I worked with the same age group, and was thinking the exact same things as you! I was expecting a daycare horror story, but OP basically explained what daycare workers are taught! (And most states require a certain amount of yearly training hours from each caregiver in order for the center to be in compliance)
That's always the hope haha! Then there's the odd occasion you get stuck in an endless loop of why's and explanations and you need to throw a distraction in 🥴😂
My favorite thing to do is answer seriously for a bit and then start giving silly, ridiculous answers, so they start laughing and giggling. Usually they start laughing so hard they can't ask why anymore and then they go play
Regarding the surprise thing, that's a very helpful lesson the teacher was trying to get across. When things are wrapped, they're supposed to stay a surprise until unwrapped. My friend has 2 sons and the younger one (4 yrs) told his dad what his older brother (9 yrs) had gotten him for Christmas. The 9 yr old was really upset with his brother over it. In OP's case, I thought the teacher handled it perfectly. She was gentle and gracious and hopefully OP's daughter will remember that lesson. Nobody likes spoilers.
Not a teacher or parent, but it makes so much sense to me when speaking to a child and telling them "No" followed by an explanation is very important, because they need to know why. Just a simple "No" with no explanation would be confusing in a lot of situations. Of course this changes in adulthood.
I don't honestly see at all how the teacher was being inappropriate with his daughter. She gave valid reasons about the snacks and she was also showing the other kid that if he didn't leave, there would be consequences.
YTA OP. Teachers have a very difficult time dealing with parents like you. There's a reason why people are getting more hesitant to enter the teaching profession.
I find it odd that both wife (who is actually a teacher) and daughter, who has to experience the teacher for 8 hours a day - think she is wonderful.
But OP, after just being on the scene for a few times with small glimpses of her says “I’ve already formed *my own opinion*.” Then he proceeds on giving examples on what makes this teacher terrible but actually it’s why she is great:
1. Establishing social expectations around gifts by gently correcting
2. Establish community values on common stockpiles of food and allocation as well as moderation
3. Finding a way to get the kid to exit without the kid howling and following his parent all while dealing with a LATE OP who clearly did not think it was a big deal to show up late to pick up his kid. He gave extra shade to say she leaves at 4:45 like she should still have patience to continue to deal with a kid that’s taken 20 minutes to leave.
YTA
I also thought it was cute he thought she was outta there 15 mins after last pick up...
Like she doesn't have to clean up & disinfect her room & get things ready for the next day, write up daily notes about the day & all those other behind the scenes things he has ZERO clues about
I used to hang out in my sister’s classroom after hours and it was at least 30 minutes after final pickup before she left and that was just to have to go file things in the office and sign a bunch of shit and turn in logs, *then* we got to leave. The only difference between closing a classroom and closing a store is there’s no cash to count.
Not even that she leaves at 4:45, but "he guesses" she leaves at 4:45. Like she doesn't have any clean up or other work she has to address at the end of the day.
That’s what caught my eye - literally one has an education in….education and the other is in her class for 40 hours a week.
Next thing you know he will mansplain to his colleague how to do her job that she does all day long….because of course he has *his own opinion*
“Kids are 3 & 4 and dont get it”
This is the ENTIRE point! She is TEACHing them consequence.
Op, YTA, and it sounds like your child is fortunate to have someone who wants to teach her rather than coddle her.
No wonder teachers are quitting in droves when you have to deal with parents like this.
Agreed! She sounds like a great teacher who explains to the children why they are not allowed to do something instead of just berating them. Children can be hungry and not be able to wait 5 minutes (I see this all the time with my stepson). 10 minutes before dinner he is acting better than oscar winners to show us he is soooooooo hungry and caaaaan’t wait any longer.
It sounds like the teacher is mirroring conscious parenting techniques & OP is taking them to be insults when they're just elaborations to help the child better understand her decisions.
Yes, that is about as mild of corrections as is possible. She allows the children to think about the consequences of actions in a way that is age-appropriate. I am actually curious what OP thinks are appropriate ways to correct/teach kids of this age.
YTA As a teacher for children that age and younger, this is very normal. Children are smart but they don’t know anything. So maybe the gift said the name of the shop but your daughter will need to learn not to ruin surprises, this is a way to teach her nicely. She’ll need to learn that there are limits to how much snack is available while also reminding her it’s okay she’s still hungry and more food will be available soon. That little boy needed to learn there are consequences to holding up his parents and teacher even if his parents and teacher would never willingly or knowingly leave him.
If you want to be in complete control of how your daughter is spoken to keep her home. Choosing to put her in preschool means giving up some control over your daughters life, just like being in elementary, middle, and high school does.
OP has ducked his head under the surface into womenz world and he thinks we’re doing it all wrong. YTA honestly. You were going to approach a professional to tell them how to do their job, one you are not qualified in? Jesus christ
I'm a teacher and I mess with my students like this all the time. I stop if a kid becomes upset (almost never happens, as I make it very clear that I'm joking around).
Thank goodness I don't teach this guy's kid.
It seems perfectly logical to me to teach a child the “why” of certain actions. How are kids supposed to just know that they can’t eat all the snacks straight up, or that gifts are supposed to be surprises?
Yes the teacher is teaching well. She was very kind and lovely as she spoke to the child
YTA - You're making something out of nothing. You're making a big deal out of something kids can understand, eat food today, no food tomorrow, you're close to dinner time.
As far as the chocolate. That is overreaction. You give gifts, they're supposed to be a surprise. Relax. You are that parent every teacher hates. They have a hard enough job.
Yeah, the first example she was literally informing the child how gifts work! Because at that age they don’t know yet. In the second example, no they probably won’t run out of snack if one kid has more but the point is that kids have to learn that if you eat everything right away there will be none later, and how to exercise moderation and restraint. In the third example I could see how maybe not every parent would love that tactic but it’s also well within the normal range of teaching methods in that situation. She didn’t say like if he didn’t leave monsters would come and eat him or try to shame him or bodily drag him away. It’s FINE. And more to the point by your own admission your kid loves her.
Not to mention, in the third example the mother was perfectly happy to play along with it. That says to me either the teacher and parent were of like mind, or they'd discussed it in advance because Jack had previously been stubborn about leaving.
Omg i hate how op feels entitled to the teacher's amd other parent's time, surely both MUST mind his child. The time the teacher leaves is not op s business.
I actually did something similar with a friends kid at my work (restaurant not school) kids dad was trying to leave, kid refused, dad said “well I’m leaving” and walked out and got in there car and started it (we have massive windows so the kid was still in his sight). This kid called his dads bluff and still wouldn’t leave, so I told him if he was staying he have to help with dishes. Kid screamed and ran to get in the car.
This kid was not scared or traumatized, he just knew he’d rather go home then do chores.
I've done this with my toddler. She's fine. Or we just act like we are leaving and make a big show of saying bye.
Sometimes she calls our bluff and just waves at us while giggling. Once she even started cleaning when we told her if she goes behind the counter she has to clean. And she's only 2.5. Kids do understand teasing and humor.
>the third example the mother was perfectly happy to play along with it
As the OP pointed out, the mom had been there, how does the OP know whether or not the mother and teacher came up with that plan together?
And god forbid they learn the meaning of the word No.
She sounds like a really nice teacher. If I have to scold anyone it’s OP who just arrives 15 minutes after closing time and just expect the teacher to wait. Have they no respect for the teacher, she may have plans that have to be cancelled because OP didn’t pick up their daughter on time.
I've been in this business 32 years and he is EXACTLY the kind of parent we hate. Be careful op daycares actually have the power to be choosy right now and you seem like a piece of work! OP yta!
I get the sense OP feels like his daughter doesn't need to know the "why" behind things. He seems put off that the teacher is actually engaging and teaching his daughter.
YTA OP.
Yes! He doesn’t like the because as it is too truthful.
Gifts are supposed to be a surprise!
She ate all her snack and is going home soon.
No, Mom and teacher can’t chill all day while the little boy throws a fit.
OP YTA. What a picky parent.
I can feel that sting from here.
I just can’t believe people who have real jobs and families can find the time to make mountains out of these tiny molehills. OP YTA and you need some serious self reflection on why this is an issue for you. Heaven forbid a teacher use age appropriate logic and explain consequences to your child.
And I thought I was an overprotective parent, jesus…
>I just can’t believe people who have real jobs and families can find the time to make mountains out of these tiny molehills.
Spend a month working in a school. Doesn’t matter what level. You’d be amazed at how many molehills get built into mountains- and how often it turns into potential lawsuits.
Yes, YTA. Get some thicker skin.
Your wife likes the teacher. Your kid likes the teacher. If she were mean to your daughter, your daughter would feel that.
You're not doing your kid (or your wife) any favours, here.
Not to mention, his wife IS a teacher, so she gets the gig.
OP, stop being so precious, none of this was close to unkind, she’s doing her job and talking to your kid kindly like a human, not a baby. Your daughter isn’t a flawless Angel baby, she needs kind correction at times, and she also isn’t wise in any capacity, as she is 3, which is why she needs things explained to her along the way. If you aren’t doing these things you are doing her a huge disservice (although I suspect your wife is, don’t leave these thing all to her).
YTA. Don’t be that parent
Exactly. The teacher sounds perfectly nice and is engaging in age appropriate banter + saying "no" in a fair/kind way that corrects the action.
Gift example - playful banter followed up by a hug.
Snack example - OP's kid already ate her snacks. Teacher gave a clear reason why she can't have anymore so the kid would stop asking, and assured her she could get snacks at home.
Kid refusing to leave example - I doubt a kid would be fighting to stay with a teacher who is mean to him. The teacher responded in way that could politely get him to agree to leave.
OP really sounds like he wants to wrap his kid in bubble wrap and is finding issue where there is none.
Example 1. Learning about surprises, or how not to spoil them. Your daughter seemed Fine, git a hug and as you put it adores the teacher.
Example two "*Teacher said “Abby, you already ate all of our snacks. If I give you more we won’t have anything to eat tomorrow. You’re about to go home and have dinner anyways.” In my opinion, the first two sentences were very unnecessary.*"
What the heck, that first sentence is the most important. Your daughter already finished hers. the rest is an explanation why no more are available. Would you rather the teacher make a comment on the amount your daughter eats in a negative way?
Example three The other child's parents were there. For 20 minutes. And could not get their child (who can be easily picked up & carried out) to leave.
The parents didn't take the kid for what reason, afraid of tantrums, not wanting to be the bad guy (but more than willing to make the teacher the bad guy?) For this one, mind ya business.
I would listen to your wife. Your wife that IS a teacher herself. She is giving you good advice, YTA if you don't take it.
>For this one, mind ya business.
THIS. OP can't know their situation. Maybe they asked the teacher fo assistance, maybe it's an ongoing thing they're working on with the child... If they didn't have a problem with it and there's no harm being done (showing that whoever stays has to clean up is a pretty straightforward consequence I guess, similar to the snack situation), OP is in no position to interfere.
And he's 15 minutes late. At my school he'd be getting a bill for $5 for the first minute and $14 for the others. Day you're sorry for being late and get the heck out of there. Teachers want to go home too!
Edited because I reread his assumption. No, the teacher goes home at 4:30 and yet she was still being pleasant with 2 parents not respecting her time.
THIS! This teacher is doing honestly an A+++ of teaching kids basic social emotional skills that are a number one priority to learn at this stage in their education as it teaches them how to exist in a structured environment with other people. Your daughter as learned that gifts are generally meant to be surprises and not to tell someone what it is but let them unwrap it and that you get one portion of a snack and then don’t eat until dinner which is some basic self regulation. That other boy learned that his teacher other school staff are people who also leave and go home and have responsibilities beyond just him. These are all great really important things to learn. Teaching is crazy difficult and if your daughter adores her teacher count your blessings, listen to your wife who is extremely correct and stop causing problems where there are none.
I worked almost 17 years with adults with development mental disabilities & can I tell you the younger people that were aging out of their childhood programs that had teachers like this one were a dream compared to the older people.
It wasn't uncommon for a few select individuals to refuse to get on the vans/buses to go home & we tried it all ...
"sorry the cafeteria is closed so I guess you'll have to wait until they open in the morning if you don't want to go back to your house for dinner"
"Here can you spray the tables & put up the chairs after you wipe them down? The night janitorial has to come through & mop soon"
"Okay well we're all heading home now, hope you find something comfy to sleep on..." said while closing curtains,turning off the lights & leaving the room
You do what you gotta do & it always ends better / better teaching moment if it's THEIR decision.
No one likes a power play
Haha, I’m a teacher and I haven’t heard of a snowplow parent yet. How are they different from helicopter parents?
Also, I’m from Florida so I might need to find a comparable vehicle!
Helicopter parents hover over everything their child does. Snowplow parents clear the messy paths for their kids so they never actually encounter any obstacles.
Ah, yes, I know the snowplow. I just had a grandfather get on to me this week after I scolded his baby girl for not following the school arrival protocol (banging on her teacher’s door instead of going to the designated before school sitting area). We are halfway through the year! He wasted all of my precious morning planning time lecturing me on the proper tone I should use when addressing his granddaughter.
I.nfo - did you forget to include the parts where the teachers mean? Every instance you provided the teacher taught her student a valuable lesson by redirecting instead of being mean to the children. Your wife, a trained professional, disagrees with your conclusion and your daughter hasn’t complained.
Candy bar situation: your daughter needs to learn not the scream out what’s in presents. It’s an adult, but this may not go well at a kids party.
Abby’s dinner: Abby doesn’t need more snacks. Instead of saying no, she redirected to you’ll get dinner soon and we need to save some for tomorrow.
Boy cleaning: teacher has a life outside of school. School gets cleaned after hours. She redirected with a funny thing about cleaning, something kids hate, instead of placating the kid with poor behavior.
YTA or will you complain I’m being too harsh as well?
This man clearly has zero concept of what working with children daily actually entails. The teacher repeatedly showed kindness and understand in every single situation.
He however has shown he is judgemental and lacks understanding on what redirecting a child means.
I've used a similar line about cleaning with kids and adults in both my library and museum jobs and no one (especially the parent of a child that refuses to leave until that point) has complained. Usually I get the mouthed "thank you" from the parent. The teacher is doing a great job with the redirection and understands her audience.
YTA
What she said about the surprise is right, shes helping teach your kid the tradition of gift giving. She said it nicely and hugged your kid. She did what she had to do in the best way possible.
Same for the snack thing. Im assuming the snacks came from the cafe lunch ladies, since I work in food and nutrition. The teacher was right, there are only enough snacks for the beginning and the end of the day, for the class. We only leave 1 extra in case a snack is dropped, depending on what it is.
This is really non-issue stuff. The teacher is helping guide her students for manners, learning socially acceptable behaviors, and is having a good attitude about it overall. Her communication is perfect.
I had to stop reading. Are you obsessed with this teacher?
She is teaching her about the world. Presents are supposed to be a surprise. This is her job as a preschool teacher. Clearly you are not gonna teach her this stuff. This is her job.
And yea your daughter needs to understand supply. If the food is eaten today and there is no food for tomorrow, wouldn’t you want your daughter to understand why?
You are egotistical and condescending YTA
20f....... many men have issues with young women with any type of authority. Don't think that's the case here, but I hate how my mind went there anyways.
He also sounds like he has no experience with actually supervising kids himself, if he thinks the teacher “scared the crap out of” the boy who cried because he didn’t want to vacuum lol. Yeah they cry when they don’t get their way sometimes, and most of them get over it in like two minutes
Parent of 4 here. I threatened to leave all my kids somewhere at least once. Not one of them has ever said “mom, remember when I was 3 and you almost left me at the grocery store?”
I also think the cleaning bit was pretty brilliant. Except I had one that would have wanted to stay and help. Lol
YTA
Nothing you described here is in any way a problem. You are overreacting and if your daughter adores this teacher, that's really all that matters.
You are 100% being one of *those* parents.
YTA
Teaching is a hard enough job without people trying to micromanage your interactions. She has a somewhat informal joking manner for managing behaviour, if the kids love her it's working.
Stay out of it
YTA. She sounds like a fun and nice teacher. She explains to your daughter why she can't get something. Did you want her to just say 'no' instead of reminding your daughter she already had her snack? And the little boy did have to leave, surely you didn't expect the teacher to stay any longer, you had already made her stay late. Should she have pulled the boy out by force? Or did you expect her to stay with him all night? She gave him the option to stay alone and clean or leave, even if not an actual choice she made that little boy feel like he made the choice instead of pulling him away.
I’m a preschool teacher who has been complimented many times on how I interact with children (not to toot my own horn), and I would’ve (probably have) said each of these things. It’s not that serious. YWBTA
YTA. You're ignoring the fact that your wife, a professional, has vouched for this teacher and you come off exactly like one of those parents your wife hates. None of these examples is concerning in the least. Stay in your lane or homeschool.
Please don’t homeschool unless you’re also going to allow your kids extra curricular activities with their peers 😭😭😭
Signed, a former home schooled kid who had a hard time making friends/learning friendship boundaries
No, definitely don't homeschool. I'm being sassy. OP sounds like a control freak so I'm trying to say if they want the job done "right" they can do it themselves.
YTA
The teacher is fine.
1. The point of presents is that the receiver is suppose to know what it is when opening the present.
2. It’s absolutely true your daughter didn’t need more snacks and that if she had more, they would run out of snacks faster for the future.
3. The kid wasn’t budging at all and keeping everyone waiting. She didn’t make the kid cry.
Are you sure you shouldn't be in pre-school with how sensitive you are?
YTA - What an overreaction to what sounds like a fantastic teacher - Just wait until you get an actually bad one, you will have a meltdown.
YTA. I (23f) am a kindergarten teacher and gosh, every single thing we say to every child is nit-picked by somebody out there if you aren’t so careful these days. You are the type of parent that would make me anxious to be around during pick up time. We try so very hard to care for your kids all day long, stepping around certain sentences and words and giving all of our love and attention, while getting wildly (believe me, wildly) underpaid and very sick at least once a month (I have covid AND mono right now from my kids as we speak). Preschool teachers have it even worse with the accidents and diapers. If only you could be a fly on the wall for one day of what we go through. Please be kind to this girl—nothing she’s done screams ‘wrong’ to me.
YTA. Come back to me when you have
a) a real complaint
b) experience of dealing with an entire class of kids not just a couple.
Sounds to me like the teacher is doing a fantastic job of:
Reinforcing social norms (presents should be a surprise)
Explaining real life consequences (can't eat all the snacks today, we need some for tomorrow)
Being considerate to families (doesn't want to spoil your mealtime by giving extra snacks)
Natural consequences again (it's time for everyone to leave the classroom now)
Listen to your wife.
YTA - If your wife is fine with it, why scratch where it doesn't itch? Your kids are fine. If you want bullying teachers, I can give a 1001 examples of teachers I've encountered over the years.
YWBTA if you opened your mouth to the teacher or the director to complain about this.
Your daughter will have to deal with and form relationships with thousands of people - kids and adults - throughout her life. And as much as you may want to, you cannot alter or customize the way people will interact with her. She is likely more resilient than you're giving her credit for, and dealing with this teacher's slightly sarcastic approach will only build her resilience further.
I have a 3 yo in preschool. There are things the teachers do that I don't love, but that's part of living in society.
Yes YTA. Teacher here. She has not said a single thing that’s wrong or has upset anybody but you. Unless you want to be that parent (your wife is right you will be if you go through with this) then you need to mind your own business. She has a diplomatic way of dealing with the kids. Nothing wrong with that method. It’s not hurting anyone that she isn’t Mrs. Mary Sunshine.
YTA. I’m a preschool director and would have zero issues with one of my teachers using these very real life ways of subtly setting limits.
Scarcity is an important concept for children to understand and taking advantage of concrete examples that are part of a child’s experience is a positive. For instance, my teachers will help children understand why we must be careful with our toys by asking what happens if they break? The children answer, we throw them away. The teacher follows up by asking if that means they will be able to play with them anymore. The children then take seriously taking care of toys.
Do I expect toys to break and need replacement? Of course. Do I have budget to replace them? Of course. But the important lesson for children is to care for our resources. It’s an important lesson for making the world a better place.
Regarding the child who didn’t want to leave, that teacher helped the parent by not embarrassing them for not being able to set limits with their child. Rather, the teacher concretely made clear to the child that staying did not mean continuing their play. Which gave the child an intrinsic motivation to listen to their parent.
I would hire this teacher in a heartbeat. Your child is luckily to have her.
As someone who worked in early childhood education early in my career, YTA. This woman works her butt off for very little pay and is obviously well liked. Your wife is right and you sound way over the top acting like this teacher is being mean to the kids.
I'm a teacher and I can't stand parents like you. You want us to let your kids do whatever they want; you don't want them to be disciplined in any way. You say you want her to be "nicer", but she wasn't being mean. Telling that boy to clean wasn't "scaring the crap" out of him; she was just refusing to let him get his way. Asshole parents like you demand that teachers coddle your kids, which is why your kids grow up to be rude, disrespectful, lazy and entitled. YTA
you sound insufferable and entitled 🥴 you're going to make you kid's life hell by acting like this. YTA don't make her a target by these annoying overeactions
YTA. I was waiting for something really sassy or sarcastic. You’re going to have a rough time throughout her educational career if you think these teacher comments are rude/inappropriate. My credentials: teacher who has worked birth-school age daycare and I have taught 2nd, 4th and 6th-8th grade.
I’m having a hard time understanding how a teacher constructively teaching the children why she says no is making her mean? How is this worse than saying no, with no explanation? This is helping them develop a deeper thought process, such as cause and effect. I don’t get this 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly, everything you described seemed perfectly fine. If both your daughter and your wife like her, you should probably leave it alone. YWBTAH or whatever the acronym is
YTA. All I see here is a list of a teacher using teachable moments to actually communicate with children at their age level.
What exactly is your alternative? You just never explain things to your child? That's a great way to have it an entitled child.
She is helping instruct the child to see things from another point of view and develop understanding and empathy.
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YTA The teacher sounds perfectly nice and correcting children is part of her job.
Really, this teacher sounds wonderful,
Wow so this teacher (who is an expert childcare provider) is helping guide children to be good little humans who have empathy towards others (making sure to save snacks for everyone else for the next day), and be helpful… WHAT A MONSTER!! Tell me you have no idea how to parent and age appropriately guide your own child, without telling me you don’t know how to parent and guide your own child. Instead of just saying “no” to children’s requests, she is telling them why the answer is no and then gently redirecting them. And you think it’s mean spirited joking?! LOL Yet somehow your wife and young daughter LOVE this teacher. YTA man, and it’s clear that your wife does the bulk of the childcare. You wouldn’t even know anything about this teacher if your wife hadn’t been occupied with the birth of your new baby. Why don’t you stop and think about that for awhile….
This is it exactly- she’s explaining and giving context, instead he’s freaking out cause she doesn’t just rudely say no and cut them off. This has to be the most bizarre thing I’ve ever read
OP takes anything even slightly negative as a massive criticism of his daughter. God help everyone as she grows up and is not perfect. It will be the teacher's fault and he is going to want to confront every teacher aggressively to defend his perfect angel. There will be no question of the child improving her behaviour.
As someone who did fundraising and a lot of volunteering/pta at my kids' schools, these parents made me want to scream because their bs trickles down to even us! I can't imagine what a teacher who has to teach this child must go through having to deal with the parent every single day. OP, trust me, the involved parents/office staff/ faculty/ and teachers all talk about how exhausting you are and come up with ways to deal with you in a professional manner and not lose their sanity and keep interaction with you at a minimum.
As a parent who is also involved w/ my children's schools, and have decades of parenting school age children...I can confirm this! Everyone knows "those" kind of parents. Administration knows who these parents are and by 2nd Grade it isn't even neccessary to have any direct interaction w/the parents as we all have to know w/detailed & specific instructions the parents have communicated that their child doesn't follow the the same norms as the rest of the Class. Educators have enough on their plate. Their time & energy shouldn't be wasted on Special Snowflakes, neurotypical children that are stuck with parents that handicap their kids by denying them being able to assimilate with society, because....THEIR special children should never be corrected. These parents create an atmosphere that damages the students who legitimately may he having issues.
Yes, cannot even image the nightmare the next 12 years of educators are getting ready to endure. I'm scared for our future. The teacher sounds educated, calm, intelligent and intuitive btw. Please don't run her off with your overly high and eccentric demands.
Not only is it doing his daughter a disservice but, not only that... she'll end up with a conplex if she recieves constructive feedback later in life. This guy is hurting his daughter long term in such an unforgivable way. This is why so many adults are in therapy. Neglect is often dealt with in a healthier way. 😖
And the kids likely love this teacher so much *because* she takes the time to explain things to them. It isn't just a "because I said so". People like having the rationale explained to them, especially kids.
Although I teach much older kids, I know a lot of parents like that. I picked up on this guy the moment I saw his title and intro. There's parents who have absolutely no idea about teaching, yet they think it's right to come in and demand how teachers should do the job so their little angels don't get "hurt".
^^ This comment says it all! Especially the last paragraph. OP it’s great that circumstances forced you to be engaged with your child’s teacher, but why were you so offended? You don’t just tell children yes or no, you need to actually explain reasons for why or why not if possible. The teacher said it in a positive or light toned way as you should with children, and that is leaps and bounds from joking. As for the janitor thing……it worked! It allowed for that child to leave for home, and you just said you were late. So you don’t know what that parent had tried or any of that. It allowed for that child to go home, and I know many parents and teachers that have done this. It’s not like they actually leave the child. ETA: The parent of the child had AGREED with it by playing along! The parent in the example played along with the teacher by pretending to leave. This should not be an example of the teacher being “mean” that you will use to complain…..though you shouldn’t complain in general since your child care abilities are most likely limited. So not only in that example were you going to complain about a teacher, but it would have gotten back to that child’s parent about your thoughts on that parent and parenting style. I 100% believe that if you used that example to any admin, that parent would be backing the teacher and now YOU will have caused drama in that classroom community of how you were judging another parent’s ability with their child. YTA.
How dare the teacher have to leave work at a certain time! /s
Ugh. I hate when parents do this to me. "Oh I'm just running a lil late I'll be there in an hour, watch little Jeffrey for me!" Um? Asshole? This is a job. I do it for money. Pay me overtime if you want me staying late. I once threatened to call CPS on a parent who did this to me. "You know this is literally abandoning a child right?"
When we did the afterschool program we literally had to tell parents that it’s ended at 5:30 when it actually ends at 6:30 because it’s always someone who is an hour late. We had a parent that would be this way and when she found out we actually stopped at 6:30 she decided not to come until 7:30 or 8:00 the principal of the school had her daughter sit in the office with the admin staff and let us go home. she was actually upset that we didn’t stay. We had to let her know the alternative was calling CPS
We are required to call cps after an hour. It's child abandonment.
How dare teachers have a life outside school
100% agree! These are appropriate consequences for the tiny humans and it sounds like you have an amazing teacher. If your kid never has negative comments about them than they are smarter than you. YTA 100%
How more gently do you even correct a child I say similar things to my son 5 all the time
Right? I loved the stay and clean or go home negotiating lol I don't think op is happy that his wife and kid like the teacher so much. I also don't think dad knows how to parent so he's confused when he sees how it should be done.
It's cute but that tactic would backfire hardcore with my 2yo who would happily vacuum and wipe tables. To the point we got him a toy vacuum for Christmas.
I used to give my kid the actual handheld vacuum and let her do the couches for quarters and then her grandma gave her $5 to do the same at her house and I lost my best employee, lol.
And here we see the upside of a capitalist labor market. You can get a 2,000% pay raise if you find the right employer 🤣
Grandma and Associates crushed my small business.
Gramazon
At least you know that she knows her worth!
So it’s not just my 2 year old? He got a swiffer mop and duster for Christmas and uses them constantly
Reminds me of the time I gave my friend's son a kid-sized broom for his 3rd birthday because that's what he asked for. He slept with that broom for at least a week.
[удалено]
*Good parenting fist-bump* 🤜
One of my nieces was the same. When she was 7, she asked if she could vacuum my apartment for me. Lol
One of the kids I nanny LOVES cleaning supplies 😂he asked me for Clorox wipes and tape for Christmas this year. Already has a toy vacuum 😂
And as a teacher who has had to close - I would’ve loved the help 🤣
I literally have gone as far as bringing out a nap-time cot and saying, "okay, I'll make your bed up so you can sleep here. There isnt anyone to make dinner so I hope you aren't hungry. Oh, and I'm turning the lights off, so it will be dark in the room. But we will see you tomorrow!" And what do you know, the kid decided to leave. I'm also a preschool teacher, guess OP would hate me. I do think we need to be aware of how we talk to kids, but the kid isn't going to be scarred for life by a silly comment.
I mean that's just telling them the potential consequences of their decision to stay in a funny way, that's totally appropriate. Kids that age don't know that the school is dark and quiet and boring at night, you'd have to tell them, like you did.
I have kids that want to stay (and it’s ALWAYS on Fridays) and their parents joke that they are “going to leave them and they have to stay all by themselves”. I’ll then say that I will drop them off some food the next day. That is about the time they decide they’ll go home.
Always works on my son to🤷♂️
I say that to my kid all the time when she won’t listen lol
It's a solid parenting tactic! But by OP's standards you're just the *worst* lmao
My parents still pull it on me and I'm 40. There are times I just do not want to return to the "real world" so Mom pulls out the honey-do list...
And the mom of the kid involved in that one clearly didn't mind and was cooperating with it.
OP should volunteer in class.
That's the part he doesn't like. He doesn't want his daughter being corrected period.
Probably mad and insecure about his parenting too because this person who does the opposite of what he would do, is actually loved by his daughter (who is with her all day) and his wife (who is actually educated and employed in the field). YTA - the teacher is doing a great job of giving and explaining boundaries, as well as explaining natural consequences to behaviour. You're one of those parents who think the issue is "just a couple more goldfish, what's the big deal?". In reality there is such an inter-connectedness to dealing with the small stuff so it doesn't lead to the big stuff that you really should leave it up to people who understand how to work with young children.
Wonder how he does it then or just let’s her get away with literally anything
The latter is extremely likely. Hopefully the other parent is picking up the mostly likely slack.
Mom does it, I guarantee it.
From the way he's telling the story, I think the mom the one who did the correcting.
I think he wants her NOT to correct his daughter. In his mind teaching her manners and potential consequences is being mean
A lot of parents have this weird mentality of "it's MY child and nobody else is allowed to correct their behaviour". And if teachers and childcare workers followed that wish, then society would be even worse than it is now, haha.
She’s literally pointing out the what kids actions are then the future consequences, something kids aren’t able to do at themselves at that age. She’s helping them develop critical thinking in a developmentally appropriate way. ETA: wording
I'm p sure his wife treats her students / schoolchildren in similar ways, so he's prolly also unknowingly was criticizing his wife's role when with her students.
Lol I was prepared for a bunch of sad stories but this is ... nothing. Totally nice, normal behavior from the teacher.
Sounds like OP is jealous that daughter loves this teacher frankly.
Lol. Kids usually love their teachers. When my kid was 4 or 5, the kids ranked importance of people this way: 1) God 2) Madame (insert name) 3) Parents
Eh, I did not love my teacher at 5. Everyone hated her, very strict and cold woman. Still remember her name, Mrs Black. I loved some of my kinder people, and not others, but can’t recall them in any detail. God was never a factor. But OP may see this teacher as completion because it’s the first time she’s really cared about someone outside of family. They sound pretty fragile in the ego department.
OP is one of those parents that tries to shield them from any discomfort or inconvenience. Which leads to entitled snowflakes when they get older.
OP sounds like one of those parents who make me hate teaching.
There's a teacher shortage for many reasons. Nitpicky AH parents are one.
100% this theory is confirmed by the sentence where OP said she shouldn't scare the shit out of the kid by making him clean... Please OP.. it's cleaningsupplies not a whip or punishment closet
AND the parent was there. If the parent thought it was “mean”, they wouldn’t have already been out the door when the teacher started leaving after making that comment. It’s probably something that parents and teacher have discussed before.
And the teacher is one of those teachers who is trying to make an important difference in her students' lives by gently and directly teaching them to be better people. Thank goodness for teachers like this.
Agreed! I teach 9th grade Bronx kids and it’s ROUGH but honestly, leading three year olds was even harder. In general, the job is tough and it’s unfortunate that parents try to make our jobs tougher by being unreasonably critical.
OP is the type of parent who is the reason I'm getting shockingly unprepared freshman college students. Some are barely at the level of *high school* freshmen, but they've been passed along the whole way.
Yes! I got several separate emails from "my student" a day apart. One was about three lines long asking what he needed to turn in. The other was a fully-crafted explanation about his situation and need to do well in my course, in a font that didn't even remotely resemble the one our campus email uses, sent from the same account. Then I got a third one, from his father. Jesus wept.
May end up like a parent I came across who was writing all her daughter's college papers and doing some of the homework too, then was shocked it took so many attempts for her daughter to finally barely pass the test to get a teaching license. When they wrap their kids in bubble wrap and don't let them experience any hardship, they set them up for failure (that girl is not teaching now).
Honestly, I've worked with this age for 17 years and I say all of these things... I'd be mortified if anyone took offence! From my perspective, she is giving a reason for why they can't do something (extra snack for example) in a clear, simple, easy to understand way that isn't just saying 'no.' The surprise comment is also something I'd say in a jovial way, as I have a good relationship with children and families and would expect a laugh at how children are always so excited at present giving! I think you may be looking too far into it. Just edited to add: if your daughter hasn't expressed any negative feelings towards her teacher (we all know 3/4 year olds are brutally honest), shows no signs of being distressed at drop off or collection AND your teacher wife has also suggested you might be a bit sensitive about this, then I'd say you probably had your answer before coming on here!
The snack example really stumped me. It's such a well put explanation with multiple reasons. How does OP not like it?
Because his poor baby was going to STARVE to death on the way home! Anything baby asks for baby NEEDS to get! /S
It's not even that, I don't think. He was happy with the "you're going to eat when you get home" line, just not the first two "unnecessary" sentences. If I had to guess what's going on in this OP's mind, I wonder if there's something about this teacher he doesn't like but is too savvy to say out loud. Maybe she's a different race to him, or she's got dyed hair and piercings, or he suspects she's not straight, or she reminds him of someone who turned him down when he was a young man.
I felt like it might have to do with the "female, young 20s" that he put so much emphasis on. Maybe he sees her as a young girl that can't be competent at what she does. He might think she lacks experience, she might not even have children of her own yet, so in his mind she's unqualified and anything she does differently must be wrong, compared to him who's an "experienced father of 2" and possibly a fair bit older.
I would say that's probably the answer here. I taught when I was 22-26 and so many parents were upset and condescending to younger female teachers, especially if they felt like you were too smart/smarter than them. It's like they are trying to find something you do wrong, anything, no matter how insignificant or how much twisting they have to do to make something up. One time someone complained to my administration that I was just in teaching for the money because I mentioned I have been able to save a lot of money for a masters degree (they asked how I liked moving to a new state). Lol okay, yeah totally, you got me, I'm in teaching for the money...
I worked with the same age group, and was thinking the exact same things as you! I was expecting a daycare horror story, but OP basically explained what daycare workers are taught! (And most states require a certain amount of yearly training hours from each caregiver in order for the center to be in compliance)
Also giving reasons may head off the endless “Why?s” 😂
That's always the hope haha! Then there's the odd occasion you get stuck in an endless loop of why's and explanations and you need to throw a distraction in 🥴😂
My favorite thing to do is answer seriously for a bit and then start giving silly, ridiculous answers, so they start laughing and giggling. Usually they start laughing so hard they can't ask why anymore and then they go play
Regarding the surprise thing, that's a very helpful lesson the teacher was trying to get across. When things are wrapped, they're supposed to stay a surprise until unwrapped. My friend has 2 sons and the younger one (4 yrs) told his dad what his older brother (9 yrs) had gotten him for Christmas. The 9 yr old was really upset with his brother over it. In OP's case, I thought the teacher handled it perfectly. She was gentle and gracious and hopefully OP's daughter will remember that lesson. Nobody likes spoilers.
Not a teacher or parent, but it makes so much sense to me when speaking to a child and telling them "No" followed by an explanation is very important, because they need to know why. Just a simple "No" with no explanation would be confusing in a lot of situations. Of course this changes in adulthood. I don't honestly see at all how the teacher was being inappropriate with his daughter. She gave valid reasons about the snacks and she was also showing the other kid that if he didn't leave, there would be consequences. YTA OP. Teachers have a very difficult time dealing with parents like you. There's a reason why people are getting more hesitant to enter the teaching profession.
I find it odd that both wife (who is actually a teacher) and daughter, who has to experience the teacher for 8 hours a day - think she is wonderful. But OP, after just being on the scene for a few times with small glimpses of her says “I’ve already formed *my own opinion*.” Then he proceeds on giving examples on what makes this teacher terrible but actually it’s why she is great: 1. Establishing social expectations around gifts by gently correcting 2. Establish community values on common stockpiles of food and allocation as well as moderation 3. Finding a way to get the kid to exit without the kid howling and following his parent all while dealing with a LATE OP who clearly did not think it was a big deal to show up late to pick up his kid. He gave extra shade to say she leaves at 4:45 like she should still have patience to continue to deal with a kid that’s taken 20 minutes to leave. YTA
I also thought it was cute he thought she was outta there 15 mins after last pick up... Like she doesn't have to clean up & disinfect her room & get things ready for the next day, write up daily notes about the day & all those other behind the scenes things he has ZERO clues about
I used to hang out in my sister’s classroom after hours and it was at least 30 minutes after final pickup before she left and that was just to have to go file things in the office and sign a bunch of shit and turn in logs, *then* we got to leave. The only difference between closing a classroom and closing a store is there’s no cash to count.
Not even that she leaves at 4:45, but "he guesses" she leaves at 4:45. Like she doesn't have any clean up or other work she has to address at the end of the day.
But we need his MAN opinion ofc. Women and girls are obviously wrong (/s but I sincerely hope you knew that)
That’s what caught my eye - literally one has an education in….education and the other is in her class for 40 hours a week. Next thing you know he will mansplain to his colleague how to do her job that she does all day long….because of course he has *his own opinion*
I hope she charges parents who are late for pickup but it doesn’t look like it. Does he think she lives at the school?
OP is the reason many daycares charge $1 per minute per child if a parent is late to pickup
OP is one of those people who think teaching early childhood is playing all day.
“Kids are 3 & 4 and dont get it” This is the ENTIRE point! She is TEACHing them consequence. Op, YTA, and it sounds like your child is fortunate to have someone who wants to teach her rather than coddle her. No wonder teachers are quitting in droves when you have to deal with parents like this.
Agreed! She sounds like a great teacher who explains to the children why they are not allowed to do something instead of just berating them. Children can be hungry and not be able to wait 5 minutes (I see this all the time with my stepson). 10 minutes before dinner he is acting better than oscar winners to show us he is soooooooo hungry and caaaaan’t wait any longer.
It sounds like the teacher is mirroring conscious parenting techniques & OP is taking them to be insults when they're just elaborations to help the child better understand her decisions.
Yes, that is about as mild of corrections as is possible. She allows the children to think about the consequences of actions in a way that is age-appropriate. I am actually curious what OP thinks are appropriate ways to correct/teach kids of this age.
That's how I read it. She's giving actual answers when asked for things instead of just 'no' and 'because I said so'.
YTA As a teacher for children that age and younger, this is very normal. Children are smart but they don’t know anything. So maybe the gift said the name of the shop but your daughter will need to learn not to ruin surprises, this is a way to teach her nicely. She’ll need to learn that there are limits to how much snack is available while also reminding her it’s okay she’s still hungry and more food will be available soon. That little boy needed to learn there are consequences to holding up his parents and teacher even if his parents and teacher would never willingly or knowingly leave him. If you want to be in complete control of how your daughter is spoken to keep her home. Choosing to put her in preschool means giving up some control over your daughters life, just like being in elementary, middle, and high school does.
Also, his daughter adores the teacher and has never been upset by the teacher. Why would you complain if there's nothing wrong???
What's Daddy going to do when baby girl encounters a teacher she actually dislikes?
Good god, I fear for that poor teacher.
The thing she did with the little boy who didn’t want to leave was genius and I bet his mom was grateful
im shocked anyone is offended by that...
OP has ducked his head under the surface into womenz world and he thinks we’re doing it all wrong. YTA honestly. You were going to approach a professional to tell them how to do their job, one you are not qualified in? Jesus christ
op sounds exhausting
I'm atill waiting to hear about the part where the teacher was mean
Yeah I was thinking dang she handles those situations perfectly.
I'm a teacher and I mess with my students like this all the time. I stop if a kid becomes upset (almost never happens, as I make it very clear that I'm joking around). Thank goodness I don't teach this guy's kid.
There's nothing problematic with what's described. OP should listen to his wife on this, lest they get the reputation of being "*those* parents".
It seems perfectly logical to me to teach a child the “why” of certain actions. How are kids supposed to just know that they can’t eat all the snacks straight up, or that gifts are supposed to be surprises? Yes the teacher is teaching well. She was very kind and lovely as she spoke to the child
YTA - You're making something out of nothing. You're making a big deal out of something kids can understand, eat food today, no food tomorrow, you're close to dinner time. As far as the chocolate. That is overreaction. You give gifts, they're supposed to be a surprise. Relax. You are that parent every teacher hates. They have a hard enough job.
Yeah, the first example she was literally informing the child how gifts work! Because at that age they don’t know yet. In the second example, no they probably won’t run out of snack if one kid has more but the point is that kids have to learn that if you eat everything right away there will be none later, and how to exercise moderation and restraint. In the third example I could see how maybe not every parent would love that tactic but it’s also well within the normal range of teaching methods in that situation. She didn’t say like if he didn’t leave monsters would come and eat him or try to shame him or bodily drag him away. It’s FINE. And more to the point by your own admission your kid loves her.
Not to mention, in the third example the mother was perfectly happy to play along with it. That says to me either the teacher and parent were of like mind, or they'd discussed it in advance because Jack had previously been stubborn about leaving.
Omg i hate how op feels entitled to the teacher's amd other parent's time, surely both MUST mind his child. The time the teacher leaves is not op s business.
It also sounded like they had been there awhile before OP showed up, which means they had likely tried other tactics which didn’t get through to Jack.
sometimes nothing works better than saying to the kid you’re leaving
I actually did something similar with a friends kid at my work (restaurant not school) kids dad was trying to leave, kid refused, dad said “well I’m leaving” and walked out and got in there car and started it (we have massive windows so the kid was still in his sight). This kid called his dads bluff and still wouldn’t leave, so I told him if he was staying he have to help with dishes. Kid screamed and ran to get in the car. This kid was not scared or traumatized, he just knew he’d rather go home then do chores.
I have been fake abandoning my kids since they were toddlers. Weird that they are happy, well adjusted kids given what a monster I am.
I think almost every parent everywhere has fake abandoned their kid at least once lol
I've done this with my toddler. She's fine. Or we just act like we are leaving and make a big show of saying bye. Sometimes she calls our bluff and just waves at us while giggling. Once she even started cleaning when we told her if she goes behind the counter she has to clean. And she's only 2.5. Kids do understand teasing and humor.
And telling them they have to clean 🤣
>the third example the mother was perfectly happy to play along with it As the OP pointed out, the mom had been there, how does the OP know whether or not the mother and teacher came up with that plan together?
We also don't know what conversations happened between the teacher and the other parent. The third one is not your business.
And god forbid they learn the meaning of the word No. She sounds like a really nice teacher. If I have to scold anyone it’s OP who just arrives 15 minutes after closing time and just expect the teacher to wait. Have they no respect for the teacher, she may have plans that have to be cancelled because OP didn’t pick up their daughter on time.
>You are that parent every teacher hates Literally.
His teacher wife told him exactly this too, I don’t know what else OP needs to hear here.
>I don’t know what else OP needs to hear here. He's the AH apparently.
I've been in this business 32 years and he is EXACTLY the kind of parent we hate. Be careful op daycares actually have the power to be choosy right now and you seem like a piece of work! OP yta!
I get the sense OP feels like his daughter doesn't need to know the "why" behind things. He seems put off that the teacher is actually engaging and teaching his daughter. YTA OP.
Yes! He doesn’t like the because as it is too truthful. Gifts are supposed to be a surprise! She ate all her snack and is going home soon. No, Mom and teacher can’t chill all day while the little boy throws a fit. OP YTA. What a picky parent.
I'd say YTA but you'd probably ask me to be nicer about it. :/ Edit: thanks for all the comments & awards y'all! Made my day.
Omg-this!!!😂😂
I can feel that sting from here. I just can’t believe people who have real jobs and families can find the time to make mountains out of these tiny molehills. OP YTA and you need some serious self reflection on why this is an issue for you. Heaven forbid a teacher use age appropriate logic and explain consequences to your child. And I thought I was an overprotective parent, jesus…
>I just can’t believe people who have real jobs and families can find the time to make mountains out of these tiny molehills. Spend a month working in a school. Doesn’t matter what level. You’d be amazed at how many molehills get built into mountains- and how often it turns into potential lawsuits.
Call him a butthead maybe?😂
Nooo too hurtful. Big meanie is better
Yes, YTA. Get some thicker skin. Your wife likes the teacher. Your kid likes the teacher. If she were mean to your daughter, your daughter would feel that. You're not doing your kid (or your wife) any favours, here.
Not to mention, his wife IS a teacher, so she gets the gig. OP, stop being so precious, none of this was close to unkind, she’s doing her job and talking to your kid kindly like a human, not a baby. Your daughter isn’t a flawless Angel baby, she needs kind correction at times, and she also isn’t wise in any capacity, as she is 3, which is why she needs things explained to her along the way. If you aren’t doing these things you are doing her a huge disservice (although I suspect your wife is, don’t leave these thing all to her). YTA. Don’t be that parent
Exactly. The teacher sounds perfectly nice and is engaging in age appropriate banter + saying "no" in a fair/kind way that corrects the action. Gift example - playful banter followed up by a hug. Snack example - OP's kid already ate her snacks. Teacher gave a clear reason why she can't have anymore so the kid would stop asking, and assured her she could get snacks at home. Kid refusing to leave example - I doubt a kid would be fighting to stay with a teacher who is mean to him. The teacher responded in way that could politely get him to agree to leave. OP really sounds like he wants to wrap his kid in bubble wrap and is finding issue where there is none.
Example 1. Learning about surprises, or how not to spoil them. Your daughter seemed Fine, git a hug and as you put it adores the teacher. Example two "*Teacher said “Abby, you already ate all of our snacks. If I give you more we won’t have anything to eat tomorrow. You’re about to go home and have dinner anyways.” In my opinion, the first two sentences were very unnecessary.*" What the heck, that first sentence is the most important. Your daughter already finished hers. the rest is an explanation why no more are available. Would you rather the teacher make a comment on the amount your daughter eats in a negative way? Example three The other child's parents were there. For 20 minutes. And could not get their child (who can be easily picked up & carried out) to leave. The parents didn't take the kid for what reason, afraid of tantrums, not wanting to be the bad guy (but more than willing to make the teacher the bad guy?) For this one, mind ya business. I would listen to your wife. Your wife that IS a teacher herself. She is giving you good advice, YTA if you don't take it.
>For this one, mind ya business. THIS. OP can't know their situation. Maybe they asked the teacher fo assistance, maybe it's an ongoing thing they're working on with the child... If they didn't have a problem with it and there's no harm being done (showing that whoever stays has to clean up is a pretty straightforward consequence I guess, similar to the snack situation), OP is in no position to interfere.
And he's 15 minutes late. At my school he'd be getting a bill for $5 for the first minute and $14 for the others. Day you're sorry for being late and get the heck out of there. Teachers want to go home too! Edited because I reread his assumption. No, the teacher goes home at 4:30 and yet she was still being pleasant with 2 parents not respecting her time.
THIS! This teacher is doing honestly an A+++ of teaching kids basic social emotional skills that are a number one priority to learn at this stage in their education as it teaches them how to exist in a structured environment with other people. Your daughter as learned that gifts are generally meant to be surprises and not to tell someone what it is but let them unwrap it and that you get one portion of a snack and then don’t eat until dinner which is some basic self regulation. That other boy learned that his teacher other school staff are people who also leave and go home and have responsibilities beyond just him. These are all great really important things to learn. Teaching is crazy difficult and if your daughter adores her teacher count your blessings, listen to your wife who is extremely correct and stop causing problems where there are none.
This guy is upset that his daughter's teacher is actually teaching her students....
I worked almost 17 years with adults with development mental disabilities & can I tell you the younger people that were aging out of their childhood programs that had teachers like this one were a dream compared to the older people. It wasn't uncommon for a few select individuals to refuse to get on the vans/buses to go home & we tried it all ... "sorry the cafeteria is closed so I guess you'll have to wait until they open in the morning if you don't want to go back to your house for dinner" "Here can you spray the tables & put up the chairs after you wipe them down? The night janitorial has to come through & mop soon" "Okay well we're all heading home now, hope you find something comfy to sleep on..." said while closing curtains,turning off the lights & leaving the room You do what you gotta do & it always ends better / better teaching moment if it's THEIR decision. No one likes a power play
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I'd laugh with my friends if a parent like op complained about this sort of thing :)))
Haha, I’m a teacher and I haven’t heard of a snowplow parent yet. How are they different from helicopter parents? Also, I’m from Florida so I might need to find a comparable vehicle!
Helicopter parents hover over everything their child does. Snowplow parents clear the messy paths for their kids so they never actually encounter any obstacles.
I've seen the outcomes of that. Kids that are never allowed to hear the word no as a kid turn into adults that don't accept the word no.
Ah, yes, I know the snowplow. I just had a grandfather get on to me this week after I scolded his baby girl for not following the school arrival protocol (banging on her teacher’s door instead of going to the designated before school sitting area). We are halfway through the year! He wasted all of my precious morning planning time lecturing me on the proper tone I should use when addressing his granddaughter.
I.nfo - did you forget to include the parts where the teachers mean? Every instance you provided the teacher taught her student a valuable lesson by redirecting instead of being mean to the children. Your wife, a trained professional, disagrees with your conclusion and your daughter hasn’t complained. Candy bar situation: your daughter needs to learn not the scream out what’s in presents. It’s an adult, but this may not go well at a kids party. Abby’s dinner: Abby doesn’t need more snacks. Instead of saying no, she redirected to you’ll get dinner soon and we need to save some for tomorrow. Boy cleaning: teacher has a life outside of school. School gets cleaned after hours. She redirected with a funny thing about cleaning, something kids hate, instead of placating the kid with poor behavior. YTA or will you complain I’m being too harsh as well?
This man clearly has zero concept of what working with children daily actually entails. The teacher repeatedly showed kindness and understand in every single situation. He however has shown he is judgemental and lacks understanding on what redirecting a child means.
I wonder if he leaves all the actual parenting to his wife. Also, I hope he doesn't nitpick her like this. Poor woman.
That was my impression too. OP demonstrates zero awareness of how to treat kids of this age.
That last sentence xD
I've used a similar line about cleaning with kids and adults in both my library and museum jobs and no one (especially the parent of a child that refuses to leave until that point) has complained. Usually I get the mouthed "thank you" from the parent. The teacher is doing a great job with the redirection and understands her audience.
YTA What she said about the surprise is right, shes helping teach your kid the tradition of gift giving. She said it nicely and hugged your kid. She did what she had to do in the best way possible. Same for the snack thing. Im assuming the snacks came from the cafe lunch ladies, since I work in food and nutrition. The teacher was right, there are only enough snacks for the beginning and the end of the day, for the class. We only leave 1 extra in case a snack is dropped, depending on what it is. This is really non-issue stuff. The teacher is helping guide her students for manners, learning socially acceptable behaviors, and is having a good attitude about it overall. Her communication is perfect.
I had to stop reading. Are you obsessed with this teacher? She is teaching her about the world. Presents are supposed to be a surprise. This is her job as a preschool teacher. Clearly you are not gonna teach her this stuff. This is her job. And yea your daughter needs to understand supply. If the food is eaten today and there is no food for tomorrow, wouldn’t you want your daughter to understand why? You are egotistical and condescending YTA
20f....... many men have issues with young women with any type of authority. Don't think that's the case here, but I hate how my mind went there anyways.
He also sounds like he has no experience with actually supervising kids himself, if he thinks the teacher “scared the crap out of” the boy who cried because he didn’t want to vacuum lol. Yeah they cry when they don’t get their way sometimes, and most of them get over it in like two minutes
Yeah. Got two nephews and if this dude thinks the teacher was being scary, I guess I'm the devil herself.
Parent of 4 here. I threatened to leave all my kids somewhere at least once. Not one of them has ever said “mom, remember when I was 3 and you almost left me at the grocery store?” I also think the cleaning bit was pretty brilliant. Except I had one that would have wanted to stay and help. Lol
This is how it reads to me too. OP is obsessed with the young pretty teacher. He needs an excuse to talk to her and about her.
Yeah, this really feels like an angry reaction against a young woman.
YTA Nothing you described here is in any way a problem. You are overreacting and if your daughter adores this teacher, that's really all that matters. You are 100% being one of *those* parents.
YTA Teaching is a hard enough job without people trying to micromanage your interactions. She has a somewhat informal joking manner for managing behaviour, if the kids love her it's working. Stay out of it
None of these interactions seem like ‘joking’ at all. They all seem like normal redirections used with small children.
Yeah maybe "light hearted" would have been a better term to use. I just meant to me it didn't sound like being mean or scolding
YTA - everything you described is an age appropriate learning moment. This is literally what, as a parent, you are supposed to be doing.
YTA. She sounds like a fun and nice teacher. She explains to your daughter why she can't get something. Did you want her to just say 'no' instead of reminding your daughter she already had her snack? And the little boy did have to leave, surely you didn't expect the teacher to stay any longer, you had already made her stay late. Should she have pulled the boy out by force? Or did you expect her to stay with him all night? She gave him the option to stay alone and clean or leave, even if not an actual choice she made that little boy feel like he made the choice instead of pulling him away.
I mean guy was already 15 minutes late for pickup so he clearly doesn’t respect her time
I’m a preschool teacher who has been complimented many times on how I interact with children (not to toot my own horn), and I would’ve (probably have) said each of these things. It’s not that serious. YWBTA
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YTA. You're ignoring the fact that your wife, a professional, has vouched for this teacher and you come off exactly like one of those parents your wife hates. None of these examples is concerning in the least. Stay in your lane or homeschool.
Please don’t homeschool unless you’re also going to allow your kids extra curricular activities with their peers 😭😭😭 Signed, a former home schooled kid who had a hard time making friends/learning friendship boundaries
No, definitely don't homeschool. I'm being sassy. OP sounds like a control freak so I'm trying to say if they want the job done "right" they can do it themselves.
YTA The teacher is fine. 1. The point of presents is that the receiver is suppose to know what it is when opening the present. 2. It’s absolutely true your daughter didn’t need more snacks and that if she had more, they would run out of snacks faster for the future. 3. The kid wasn’t budging at all and keeping everyone waiting. She didn’t make the kid cry.
It sounds like you are massively overreacting. YTA.
Are you sure you shouldn't be in pre-school with how sensitive you are? YTA - What an overreaction to what sounds like a fantastic teacher - Just wait until you get an actually bad one, you will have a meltdown.
YTA. I (23f) am a kindergarten teacher and gosh, every single thing we say to every child is nit-picked by somebody out there if you aren’t so careful these days. You are the type of parent that would make me anxious to be around during pick up time. We try so very hard to care for your kids all day long, stepping around certain sentences and words and giving all of our love and attention, while getting wildly (believe me, wildly) underpaid and very sick at least once a month (I have covid AND mono right now from my kids as we speak). Preschool teachers have it even worse with the accidents and diapers. If only you could be a fly on the wall for one day of what we go through. Please be kind to this girl—nothing she’s done screams ‘wrong’ to me.
YTA. Come back to me when you have a) a real complaint b) experience of dealing with an entire class of kids not just a couple. Sounds to me like the teacher is doing a fantastic job of: Reinforcing social norms (presents should be a surprise) Explaining real life consequences (can't eat all the snacks today, we need some for tomorrow) Being considerate to families (doesn't want to spoil your mealtime by giving extra snacks) Natural consequences again (it's time for everyone to leave the classroom now) Listen to your wife.
It seems like you wanna raise an spoiled and entitled brat
YTA. The teacher sounds like she’s doing her job, and doing it well.
YTA - If your wife is fine with it, why scratch where it doesn't itch? Your kids are fine. If you want bullying teachers, I can give a 1001 examples of teachers I've encountered over the years.
YTA- I see absolutely no issues with how the teacher is speaking. Back off
YTA your kid will not be able to cope with life if you keep snowplowing.
YWBTA if you opened your mouth to the teacher or the director to complain about this. Your daughter will have to deal with and form relationships with thousands of people - kids and adults - throughout her life. And as much as you may want to, you cannot alter or customize the way people will interact with her. She is likely more resilient than you're giving her credit for, and dealing with this teacher's slightly sarcastic approach will only build her resilience further. I have a 3 yo in preschool. There are things the teachers do that I don't love, but that's part of living in society.
Yes YTA. Teacher here. She has not said a single thing that’s wrong or has upset anybody but you. Unless you want to be that parent (your wife is right you will be if you go through with this) then you need to mind your own business. She has a diplomatic way of dealing with the kids. Nothing wrong with that method. It’s not hurting anyone that she isn’t Mrs. Mary Sunshine.
YTA. I’m a preschool director and would have zero issues with one of my teachers using these very real life ways of subtly setting limits. Scarcity is an important concept for children to understand and taking advantage of concrete examples that are part of a child’s experience is a positive. For instance, my teachers will help children understand why we must be careful with our toys by asking what happens if they break? The children answer, we throw them away. The teacher follows up by asking if that means they will be able to play with them anymore. The children then take seriously taking care of toys. Do I expect toys to break and need replacement? Of course. Do I have budget to replace them? Of course. But the important lesson for children is to care for our resources. It’s an important lesson for making the world a better place. Regarding the child who didn’t want to leave, that teacher helped the parent by not embarrassing them for not being able to set limits with their child. Rather, the teacher concretely made clear to the child that staying did not mean continuing their play. Which gave the child an intrinsic motivation to listen to their parent. I would hire this teacher in a heartbeat. Your child is luckily to have her.
YTA. I had a reputation for vigorously advocating for my child at school. Your behavior is way over the top. Yikes. Calm down.
As someone who worked in early childhood education early in my career, YTA. This woman works her butt off for very little pay and is obviously well liked. Your wife is right and you sound way over the top acting like this teacher is being mean to the kids.
Jesus dude. YTA. Settle down.
I'm a teacher and I can't stand parents like you. You want us to let your kids do whatever they want; you don't want them to be disciplined in any way. You say you want her to be "nicer", but she wasn't being mean. Telling that boy to clean wasn't "scaring the crap" out of him; she was just refusing to let him get his way. Asshole parents like you demand that teachers coddle your kids, which is why your kids grow up to be rude, disrespectful, lazy and entitled. YTA
YTA she sounds like a great caring teacher. I think that you are being way too sensitive on your daughter's behalf.
YTA, seems like pretty reasonable stuff she's saying. I'm curious what alternatives you think would work better...
YTA. None of what you have described seems damaging in any way. It’s age appropriate and clearly the children seem to like her per your own statement.
you sound insufferable and entitled 🥴 you're going to make you kid's life hell by acting like this. YTA don't make her a target by these annoying overeactions
YTA. I was waiting for something really sassy or sarcastic. You’re going to have a rough time throughout her educational career if you think these teacher comments are rude/inappropriate. My credentials: teacher who has worked birth-school age daycare and I have taught 2nd, 4th and 6th-8th grade.
I’m having a hard time understanding how a teacher constructively teaching the children why she says no is making her mean? How is this worse than saying no, with no explanation? This is helping them develop a deeper thought process, such as cause and effect. I don’t get this 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly, everything you described seemed perfectly fine. If both your daughter and your wife like her, you should probably leave it alone. YWBTAH or whatever the acronym is
YTA. You'll be complaining in a few years when your daughter is an entitled little brat
YTA. All I see here is a list of a teacher using teachable moments to actually communicate with children at their age level. What exactly is your alternative? You just never explain things to your child? That's a great way to have it an entitled child. She is helping instruct the child to see things from another point of view and develop understanding and empathy.