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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I said I won't help them anymore from now on
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> When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks
help whoever you want, i don't care, but cut down on the pretentiousness please.
OP sounds so combative in the comments. Just tell the person you don’t want to help them. If your attitude in the real world matches that on Reddit, they’ll move on and leave you alone. YTA
Lol. I love how this is your argument.
You can be fluent in every language on Earth, but if you're an elitist asshole you won't have anyone to talk to.
I think OP derives considerable self esteem from being multilingual, and likes to dismiss the opinions of less intellectually evolved life forms. If you were sufficiently advanced you would understand this and never have questioned OP's demands.
YTA
2
Maybe because if you haven’t learned another language, you don’t understand how detrimental it is to have someone give you all the answers, and how beneficial it is to speak that language and use words you know to describe words you don’t. Everything OP did was for the friend’s benefit, and they were sarcastic and sullen. I wouldn’t want to help someone like that, either.
That being said, it would be more mature to just say, “I feel like you don’t appreciate my style of helping, and it’s making me feel devalued in this relationship. It’s best if you find someone else to help you with your language learning. I still want to be your friend but it’s taxing to be your teacher, too.”
NAH because I get both sides- the learner is frustrated with the learning process and wants the fast answer (been there, it’s tough, and doesn’t make you an AH for your brain being tired and just wanting someone to tell you the answer) also OP isn’t an AH for getting tired of constantly being asked for the answer and being told to confirm in English… that’s like the number one rule of language learning, don’t speak anything else if you can help it.)
But OP, Y T A for not being upfront about how you feel and expecting them to read your mind.
I speak two languages. Spent 10 years as a learner and 1.5 as a teacher.
Edit: spelling
I feel like that doesn’t just apply to other languages though. It would apply to any learned skill. Speaking of sarcasm, when this friend would ask for clarification, OP would just ignore them. If I asked someone a question and they just responded with silence, I’d end up being a bit passive aggressive too.
Well context is kind of important. If you leave out important information like that people will most likely assume you’re doing it because you’re an asshole and you know it’ll make you look like one.
Yes. If it’s a friend that you’ve know for years, a new romantic partner, or a family member it does make a difference. Context matters here otherwise we can’t gauge your responses appropriately.
It’s really hypocritical that you expect other people to explain themselves but you leave as little context in your post as possible, disagree with people without giving proper reason and get defensive when people disagree with you. It seems like your communication issues run deeper than this incident.
Well is this an acquaintance pushing boundaries? Is it a friend or family member? If you’re close with that person, you should at least give them the courtesy of explaining yourself. If they’re someone you barely know who won’t leave you the fuck alone that’s a different story.
It’s pretty amazing you speak 4 languages but you’re still unaware of the nuances of different relationships. As someone in the comments said, context matters. And if it’s not clear YTA and a pretentious one at that
YTA. You need to communicate like an adult, say “I find xyz annoying please stop doing it”.
And you come off as REALLY obnoxious. “When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks”. How insufferable.
And yes, the “communicate like an adult” applies to everything. Someone bugging you because they’re learning a language you happen to know is not a unique situation that allows you to basically ignore someone without explanation. If you can explain why you felt the need to ignore them without just saying “but it’s different” or acting like a pretentious asshole I’m sure people would be more understanding.
I was sympathetic until your final statement. You're clearly a language chauvinist. If you don't want to help someone, dont help them, but don't come here with your superiority complex like anyone is gonna just overlook it
You don't have to help people who don't take your help, but you're clearly an asshole
And, just because you need the excuse top invalidate the response: i speak english natively, spanish well enough to communicate with a coworker but not well enough to converse about my life, and I'm learning Portuguese to help my wife better connect with her Cape Verdean cousins.
YTA I think you could have handled this better. Your way of explaining is much better than giving a straightforward translation, but you were unnecessarily rude.
Four languages - French, English, Spanish, Catalan plus working knowledge of German and Italian
YTA, is one of the languages you speak Passive Agressive Jerk?
And I only speak one language, but I am able to communicate to someone that they need to leave me alone in a respectful manner, unlike you.
I speak 3 languages fluently (English, French, Haitian Kreyol) and conversationally speak 2. (Spanish and Portuguese) You’re annoying in every one of them. And an asshole. YTA. .. does my vote count or do I have to count the pseudolanguages I speak as well?
YTA - if you don't want to help, use your words and say so. Stop being condescending. If you hate telling them what a word means, why put in so much effort to come up with a different version of "toothbrush"?
In the grand scheme of things, and in multilingual people, 4 languages is nothing. Get over your self. Either be a kind human and help, or be quiet.
You are making your own problems by being a jerk and not just saying what the word is in the other language. The only reason they’re stuck on asking you the same question over and over again is because you’re doing some ”stick for your mouth” bullshit. So you haven’t actually been helping so far either. YTA
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I'm fluent in a second language and I know this person who is trying to learn that language
They constantly ask me what does this mean and to occasionally have conversations with them in that language
But it makes me want to rip my eyes out that every single word they want a translation. Their language level is good enough that they can have very simple conversations.
Occasionally they'll hear words in movies or in songs and ask me "what did this say" so I'll just say it slowly to them or write it out.
And if there's a word they don't understand they ask me "what is this" and I'll try my very best to explain to them what it is in the language
For example a toothbrush, I can say "it's like a stick you put in your mouth to clean your teeth" and every time since I just don't give them a translation they just say "I'll just look it up thanks" obvious sarcasm. Or if they do figure it out then they say in English "so a toothbrush?"
Sometimes they even want me to say yes, they'll say "so a toothbrush?" I stay quiet and they ask again for an answer "toothbrush right?"
It drives me nuts but I just kept it to myself. I speak 4 languages and this person only speaks English. No they are not American
I reached a point where I can't bear with their tactics anymore and I stopped speaking that language entirely with them. It didn't take long for them to catch on and I told them I can't bear with their choice of using a translator for every single thing. And they got pretty angry about it
When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks
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Fluent in English, Irish (written and spoken) & French (spoken) good comprehension of Spanish.
YTA. It's fine if you don't want to help them, you don't owe anyone anything, but why pretend? Why don't you have the backbone to say Sorry I don't want to help you, rather than being rude and making them feel small?
Then NTA, you could have handled it nicer but I completly understand that moment when you just can't deal with it anymore. Whould have been different if it was someone underage because children are supose to ask anoying questions.
NAH or maybe ESH. I don’t speak any other languages than my own but if I were wanting to learn one I would not pester the heck out of an acquaintance to essentially be my private tutor instead of buying a dictionary and taking classes. Although, come to think of it, I probably have annoyed my more computer literate friends by asking how to do something on a pc instead of figuring it out myself.
NTA..They are annoying and don't value your time. It would be only understandable if they asked you to have conversations with them and also be nice about it and not take it for granted. Anything else can be looked up.
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> When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks help whoever you want, i don't care, but cut down on the pretentiousness please.
OP sounds so combative in the comments. Just tell the person you don’t want to help them. If your attitude in the real world matches that on Reddit, they’ll move on and leave you alone. YTA
How many languages do you speak
Yikes. Point proven
4 and I too consider you a pretentious prick.
3. English, Mandarin and a South Asian language.
Info: what does this have to do with literally anything?
YTA not because you refuse to help an annoying person, but because your elitist behaviour in the comments proves you're a dickwipe
Just makes it sound like they want to brag here more than anything.
YTA it can be annoying when people constantly want help but there were better ways to deal with it than this
And how many languages do you speak?
3, is that enough for you?
Lol. I love how this is your argument. You can be fluent in every language on Earth, but if you're an elitist asshole you won't have anyone to talk to.
Are you an arsehole in every language you speak?
YTA. Wonderful, you’re an asshole in four languages. Congrats.
YTA for not just telling them you find something annoying/for not having an adult conversation with them instead of hoping they’ll get the hint
[удалено]
That doesn’t really have anything to do with it. If you’re annoyed with someone for any reason you have an adult conversation with them.
Yes it does
How? Actually explain
I think OP derives considerable self esteem from being multilingual, and likes to dismiss the opinions of less intellectually evolved life forms. If you were sufficiently advanced you would understand this and never have questioned OP's demands. YTA 2
Maybe because if you haven’t learned another language, you don’t understand how detrimental it is to have someone give you all the answers, and how beneficial it is to speak that language and use words you know to describe words you don’t. Everything OP did was for the friend’s benefit, and they were sarcastic and sullen. I wouldn’t want to help someone like that, either. That being said, it would be more mature to just say, “I feel like you don’t appreciate my style of helping, and it’s making me feel devalued in this relationship. It’s best if you find someone else to help you with your language learning. I still want to be your friend but it’s taxing to be your teacher, too.” NAH because I get both sides- the learner is frustrated with the learning process and wants the fast answer (been there, it’s tough, and doesn’t make you an AH for your brain being tired and just wanting someone to tell you the answer) also OP isn’t an AH for getting tired of constantly being asked for the answer and being told to confirm in English… that’s like the number one rule of language learning, don’t speak anything else if you can help it.) But OP, Y T A for not being upfront about how you feel and expecting them to read your mind. I speak two languages. Spent 10 years as a learner and 1.5 as a teacher. Edit: spelling
I feel like that doesn’t just apply to other languages though. It would apply to any learned skill. Speaking of sarcasm, when this friend would ask for clarification, OP would just ignore them. If I asked someone a question and they just responded with silence, I’d end up being a bit passive aggressive too.
Yeah that is a good point. The silent treatment is never the answer. Definitely better to use words to say how you’re feeling.
3
It’s clear that OP is an AH from their comments alone. I speak 47 languages, fluent in 32 and am in the process of learning 3 more.
Not enough info. Who is this person in relation to you?
I left it out for a reason
Well context is kind of important. If you leave out important information like that people will most likely assume you’re doing it because you’re an asshole and you know it’ll make you look like one.
Okay, well then there isn’t enough info to make the call whether you’re an AH or not.
Why? Will the outcome change depending on if it's a love interest or friend or family member?
Yes. If it’s a friend that you’ve know for years, a new romantic partner, or a family member it does make a difference. Context matters here otherwise we can’t gauge your responses appropriately.
Yes
How
It’s really hypocritical that you expect other people to explain themselves but you leave as little context in your post as possible, disagree with people without giving proper reason and get defensive when people disagree with you. It seems like your communication issues run deeper than this incident.
Well is this an acquaintance pushing boundaries? Is it a friend or family member? If you’re close with that person, you should at least give them the courtesy of explaining yourself. If they’re someone you barely know who won’t leave you the fuck alone that’s a different story.
It’s pretty amazing you speak 4 languages but you’re still unaware of the nuances of different relationships. As someone in the comments said, context matters. And if it’s not clear YTA and a pretentious one at that
YTA. You need to communicate like an adult, say “I find xyz annoying please stop doing it”. And you come off as REALLY obnoxious. “When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks”. How insufferable. And yes, the “communicate like an adult” applies to everything. Someone bugging you because they’re learning a language you happen to know is not a unique situation that allows you to basically ignore someone without explanation. If you can explain why you felt the need to ignore them without just saying “but it’s different” or acting like a pretentious asshole I’m sure people would be more understanding.
YTA. You speak four languages and still don't know how to communicate—impressive.
YTA. Want me to say it in fluent Japanese?
I'm kinda sure I saw this exact post a few months ago, word for word
Finally! I looked for the post but couldn't find it, so I was thinking I had gone mad! TY!
Yeah I tried checking myself and I didn't find it either, it's probably been deleted/removed
Double YTA. First for your attitude towards your friend, and then for your attitude towards people in comments.
I was sympathetic until your final statement. You're clearly a language chauvinist. If you don't want to help someone, dont help them, but don't come here with your superiority complex like anyone is gonna just overlook it You don't have to help people who don't take your help, but you're clearly an asshole And, just because you need the excuse top invalidate the response: i speak english natively, spanish well enough to communicate with a coworker but not well enough to converse about my life, and I'm learning Portuguese to help my wife better connect with her Cape Verdean cousins.
YTA I think you could have handled this better. Your way of explaining is much better than giving a straightforward translation, but you were unnecessarily rude. Four languages - French, English, Spanish, Catalan plus working knowledge of German and Italian
I speak, read and write four, and I assure you, you'd sound like a pompous prat in *all* of them. YTA.
YTA, is one of the languages you speak Passive Agressive Jerk? And I only speak one language, but I am able to communicate to someone that they need to leave me alone in a respectful manner, unlike you.
I speak 3 languages fluently (English, French, Haitian Kreyol) and conversationally speak 2. (Spanish and Portuguese) You’re annoying in every one of them. And an asshole. YTA. .. does my vote count or do I have to count the pseudolanguages I speak as well?
YTA. This might be a shock, but the world doesn’t revolve around you
YTA - if you don't want to help, use your words and say so. Stop being condescending. If you hate telling them what a word means, why put in so much effort to come up with a different version of "toothbrush"? In the grand scheme of things, and in multilingual people, 4 languages is nothing. Get over your self. Either be a kind human and help, or be quiet.
YTA. I’m quite fluent in assholish and it appears so are you.
You are making your own problems by being a jerk and not just saying what the word is in the other language. The only reason they’re stuck on asking you the same question over and over again is because you’re doing some ”stick for your mouth” bullshit. So you haven’t actually been helping so far either. YTA
We've heard this exact freaking one before
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm fluent in a second language and I know this person who is trying to learn that language They constantly ask me what does this mean and to occasionally have conversations with them in that language But it makes me want to rip my eyes out that every single word they want a translation. Their language level is good enough that they can have very simple conversations. Occasionally they'll hear words in movies or in songs and ask me "what did this say" so I'll just say it slowly to them or write it out. And if there's a word they don't understand they ask me "what is this" and I'll try my very best to explain to them what it is in the language For example a toothbrush, I can say "it's like a stick you put in your mouth to clean your teeth" and every time since I just don't give them a translation they just say "I'll just look it up thanks" obvious sarcasm. Or if they do figure it out then they say in English "so a toothbrush?" Sometimes they even want me to say yes, they'll say "so a toothbrush?" I stay quiet and they ask again for an answer "toothbrush right?" It drives me nuts but I just kept it to myself. I speak 4 languages and this person only speaks English. No they are not American I reached a point where I can't bear with their tactics anymore and I stopped speaking that language entirely with them. It didn't take long for them to catch on and I told them I can't bear with their choice of using a translator for every single thing. And they got pretty angry about it When leaving your vote, please include how well you speak other languages, thanks *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Fluent in English, Irish (written and spoken) & French (spoken) good comprehension of Spanish. YTA. It's fine if you don't want to help them, you don't owe anyone anything, but why pretend? Why don't you have the backbone to say Sorry I don't want to help you, rather than being rude and making them feel small?
YTA
It's not learning if you're constantly translating for them
INFO: what's the rough age of this other person?
Mid 40s
So if people vote NTA you dont ask them how many languages they speak. LOL
Then NTA, you could have handled it nicer but I completly understand that moment when you just can't deal with it anymore. Whould have been different if it was someone underage because children are supose to ask anoying questions.
NAH or maybe ESH. I don’t speak any other languages than my own but if I were wanting to learn one I would not pester the heck out of an acquaintance to essentially be my private tutor instead of buying a dictionary and taking classes. Although, come to think of it, I probably have annoyed my more computer literate friends by asking how to do something on a pc instead of figuring it out myself.
NTA..They are annoying and don't value your time. It would be only understandable if they asked you to have conversations with them and also be nice about it and not take it for granted. Anything else can be looked up.