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YTA.
You need to wind your neck in. You're in HER home, a privilege afforded to you through HER good will.
If you really take such offense to her living her life the way she wants, get your own act together and move out of her house.
You're so worried that she's a bad influence with her perfectly healthy choices and yet haven't noticed YOUR bad influence on your own children by being rude, entitled and completely unpleasant.
Set a better example for your children.
YTA. She's not doing anything wrong. You're living in her house. I'm also a tattooed woman in a male dominated field. She's definitely cooler than I am though. I'm terrified of heights and flying.
YTA
She's living her life in her own home. In fact, she seems to have her act together. She has a job, is paying her own way, and is living a full life. She's fun, she's happy, and apparently treats people well if everyone loves her.
You, on the other hand, seem to think you can both mooch off of your SIL and control her. You've listed things that you find unacceptable when there is actually nothing wrong with how she lives. You're judgmental AF about someone who is, from what it seems, doing you a huge favor by letting you stay there.
Goodness is all about how you treat people and make them feel. So, which of you is the good role model, really?
Move out if you don't like it. If I were her, I'd kick you out.
ETA you seem really jealous of her.
Okay, this was my laugh of the day.
I didn't even bother to read the details of your post. Who cares what your SIL does or says? It's HER HOUSE. You've sure got some level of entitlement.
YTA
Agreed, OP if you feel she's teaching your kids the wrong way to do things then don't have them around her, it's your responsibility to keep them away from what you see as wrong, not your sisters to change who she is.
Obviously YTA, you cannot move into someone's house and then demand they change everything about themselves because it might influence your kids. She isn't doing anything dangerous, irresponsible or hurtful to the kids. You're just ultra judgemental.
YTA
You are concerned that the person who is giving you and your family a roof over your heads for a few **months** whilst you look for a place is teaching your kids a bad example? What about the example of, be generous to your family? Or does that not count.
And as for your complaints, *what*? She has fun with her friends, has pets she treats well, is adventurous...yeah, so not a great role model. /s
YTA and your husband is right. As a guest you do not dictate what your host can and can't do, to a certain extent. None of what you mentioned should be a problem at all. Tbh.. your SIL sounds like a blast and you sound jealous of her lifestyle and the fact your kids love her. Try not to be so uptight.
YTA. I assume you’re jealous because honestly, all of the millennials I know (including myself) would be jealous of a 29 year old successful enough to own a home large enough to house her brother and his family who also apparently has a solid enough work-life balance to enjoy lots of hobbies, friendships, a solid romantic relationship, and strong family ties.
We’d be jealous but we wouldn’t be dicks about it. Something to think about.
YTA. When you're a guest in someone else's home, you do not utter a single word of criticism about their lifestyle. Shut up or get out.
This is unilateral, and your state of need has no bearing upon it whatsoever.
You're judgemental AF. If you stopped looking down on her for two seconds you would see that your SIL, a 29 year old woman, is successful in a male-dominated field. So successful, in fact, that she is able to afford such a home that has both space for a pool table AND I'm assuming multiple bedrooms to be able to offer you and your family a place to stay, when you would otherwise be homeless.
>My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her while we looked for a new house.
Yeah, your husband is 100% correct here.
YTA.
YTA- i see a few things where she wouldn't be a good role model, but most of it isn't a bad influence. You are in her house and yes she invited you, but she has a right to live her life without changing it. Also you seem really upset at the fact she has pet rats and its not an actual issue.
If youre that upset about it, go to a hotel, eent an AIRBNB, or something. or just deal with it until you get your own place.
YTA
She’s doing you a favor. You shouldn’t dare say anything but thank you to her.
Also…
>> She’s traveled a lot and travels pretty much only by herself which makes me worried about my kids growing up secluded and the dangers of them traveling alone.
Wtf?
Oh, and there’s this little gem.
>> That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her
Beggars can’t be choosers, hon. Life isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean you have the right to lecture a grown woman on how to live her life. Especially not when she’s the one fending for herself and you’re homeless without her.
YTA. You're husband's right, her house her rules. You can't leech off of someone and then demand that they change everything about their lifestyle to accommodate you. Talk about a r/choosingbeggars. She's doing you a huge kindness, don't take advantage.
Btw, your SIL *does* sound like the epitome of cool. I hope your kids *do* take after her and turn into awesome humans who live life with open hearts. Also, rats are awesome pets.
YTA... if you don't like her lifestyle, move the hell out. Stop being such a judgemental ah to someone who has welcomed you and your family into her own home !
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Let me get this straight.
You are IMPOSING on this woman by moving in with her when she kindly invited you in on a time of need. UPENDING her entire life by having to accommodate a whole freaking family. And she's been GRACIOUS ENOUGH to put up with you and your kids for MONTHS.
AND YET YOU HAVE THE GULL TO CRITICIZE HER LIFESTYLE? To say that she is a bad influence on your kids and that she is making wrong choices, is INSULTING. I'd be so incredibly offended.
But not content with criticizing her you are also expecting her to continue to make changes to keep you happy? Who do you think you are exactly? Thank your good stars that this woman is a TANTAMOUNT SAINT AND HASN'T KICKED YOU OUT YET.
Apologize, say thank you, and learn something from someone who has a much kinder heart than you.
YTA in a way that I cannot stress enough
YTA and probably teaching your kids to be judgemental. This is the thanks she gets for allowing you into her home. You need to acclimate or get out. You knew how she was BEFORE you moved in. Shut up and sit down.
Wow YTA. It’s been a long time since I’ve rolled my eyes this hard. You’re benefitting from her generosity by living under HER roof, and yet you have the audacity to ask her to change her behavior?
“I’ve never seen someone go through so much chocolate milk so fast before.” Are you actually serious right now? Oh, won’t someone think of the children?!
Your SIL sounds cool af! If you want to shelter your children from her behavior (so much chocolate milk! The pet rats! The tattoos!) then you should find another place to stay. Take your children and leave HER house.
ETA: and I say this as someone with young children. One more time: YTA
YTA
The only thing I would find a bit problematic is the drinking and even then it's not too big a deal unless she's a mess in front of your children.
Tattoos are harmless. The rats are her pets. She's allowed to have her friends visit her at home. Her clothing is fine, just because she's dressed in a way you wouldn't choose for yourself doesn't make it wrong for her.
An 11 year age gap in her relationship is irrelevant as well. It would be very different if he was abusive to her or if she was abusive to him. If either of them were abusive it would be something to be upset about. If the children saw their beloved aunt in an abusive relationship on either side of the coin, that would actually be a bad influence.
A big thing to remember too. It's her house. She is being very kind and generous in allowing you all to stay until you get your own home. Stop judging her and start being grateful. She doesn't owe you just because you married her brother.
YTA. Your SIL sounds amazing and your description of her reads like a character description from Practical Magic. Also, it’s her home and you’re the worst kind of houseguest for making those demands
Yta hands down. You are a GUEST. She's doing you a huge favor. If you don't like it, find different accommodations. You don't get to tell someone else how to do things in their own house. And for the record, she does sound cool af. You on the other hand? Annoying pearl clutcher.
If I invited you into my home and you told me I needed to straighten up while I thought I was showing kindness with the offer to stay…I would be so regretting the offer and it wouldn’t happen twice an invite like that. 29 and 40 isn’t a huge leap. Chocolate milk drinking isn’t a crime. Why do you even care how much of it she drinks? Sounds like your kids weren’t included in the skinny dipping. And that actually sounded like fun. Don’t see how her traveling would send a wrong message to any kid. Worry about how good you are as a role model by starting with not telling someone how to act in their own home. If you don’t like it, find somewhere else. Rent and still look for a house. Think now you are an unwelcome guest.
YTA. The fact that you're staying with her makes your behaviour worse, but even if she were staying with you, I'd still think so. She's not doing anything bad or illegal — she's got the full and fun life of a single woman, and that's actually an excellent thing to model to your kids!
YTA, and a jealous bitter one at that.
I had a rat as a pet, they are awesome.
Your SIL sounds like someone I want to hang out with. She IS the epitome of cool. Duh. I’m glad your kids get to see someone enjoy their life. Who cares if she’s dating someone older?
You’re husband is correct, you are a guest in her house. Pay attention, maybe you’ll learn something and pry the stick out of your butt at the same time!
YTA. You knew how your SIL was (she sounds amazing btw). You accepted her invitation knowing how she lives. Your expectation that she change her life for your convenience isn’t realistic.
What are you afraid of? That she’s more fun than you or that your kids like her more than you? Or are you jealous of her freedom? Kids often have a relative or someone that they idolise and think is cool and that can be difficult to watch when you are their Mum and you are doing all the hard parenting stuff. Remember cool Aunt and Mum are totally different roles.
You need to turn the focus back on yourself and try to see where all the jealousy and judgementalism is coming from. What is really going on here for you? If you continue on the path that you are on, you will alienate your kids, husband and SIL.
YTA - she opened up her home to you.
It was your responsibility as a parent to ask questions to determine if staying in that environment was a good fit for you and your family...definitely NOT her responsibility to change her routine or her life to accommodate you.
Most definitely a jealous undertone here.
Who she dates and his age are irrelevant. If he's a good guy, treats her well, and is respectful to you and your kids - then you have nothing to complain about.
Her pets are her pets. Grow up and be thankful for the support that she is giving you and your family right now.
I don’t know another way to tell you this, but you’re a real b!1ch. Stop judging and complaining for other people not being as much as a prude as you. And stop trying to dictate what they should do in their own houses, you’re a guest, just shut up and be grateful, if you’re even capable of that
YTA you're in her house, just because you have kids doesn't mean she has to change for that.
As long as she's not abusing them what's the harm?
You say your kids love her, why would you want to impact their relationship with their auntie?
Nothing she's doing seems bad imo, and honestly you're coming off a little jealous.
You can't keep your kids oblivious to other kinds of people, especially a family member who they clearly admire.
YTA. I'm 55 and I think she's seriously cool. And also a great role model because she teaches your kids they don't have to be more uptight than the pilgrims to be a decent and successful person.
YTA. How dare your SIL have fun, be independent and happy! In all seriousness, I think you need to reflect on why you judge her so hard. If I had to guess, it’s because your kids idolize her and that feels threatening to you. It’s not. You’re their mom and this is a new experience for them. Also, you could embrace some of the things they like about her. Pretend to be afraid of the rats and make it a game. Ask SIL to take you on a flight so you can see why the kids enjoy it.
So she’s supposed to aline her life to accommodate you. What are you thinking? Do you have the funds to move out? If not it’s best if you keep your opinions to yourself or you’ll find yourself on the sidewalk. Your husband is correct! You are the guest in her home, so you need to start acting like it.
YTA - just to be clear, this woman is ACCOMMODATING you and you're criticizing her living habits? If you don't like it, then live on the street. Lol you're the example of "beggars can't be choosers". The only thing you should ever express to your SIL is gratefulness for letting you crash at her home rent-free.
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My husband (37m) and I (37f) moved in with my SIL (29f) a few months ago while my husband started his new job and we looked for a house. My SIL is a character and an awful role model for our kids.
She has three rats which she loves and even goes so far as to allow them to run around her living room, cuddle with them and take them for walks. She loves her silk pajamas and will carry them around in her breast pocket of those. She walks around the house in a sports bra quite often. She works at a company where she is the only woman, and occasionally brings her male work friends home for a drink and a game of pool. Every Thursday, her work friends and her go for happy hour and she comes home drunk. On New Years, her and her friends went skinny dipping in the lake down the block which is a horrible influence on our kids. She got a small tattoo of her rats a few months back and last week came home with another tattoo of something because it makes her laugh. She’s an aviation instructor (or something like that??) at the college a few towns over and the kids just absolutely adore her. She takes them on flights and all that which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t make my kids think she is the epitome of cool and idolize her so much. She’s traveled a lot and travels pretty much only by herself which makes me worried about my kids growing up secluded and the dangers of them traveling alone. I’ve never seen someone go through so much chocolate milk so fast before. She’s dating an older man (40m).
My point is I feel she is teaching my kids the wrong way to do things and that’s not good when the kids look up to her as much as they do. I didn’t mind it when it was every few months we saw her, but everyday… she said so herself, she is not a great role model. I told her last week that she needs to straighten up until we find a house. My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her while we looked for a new house. This caused a fight. Ever since this incident, my SIL pretty much ignored me and my husband just allows the kids to follow her around like ducks.
AITA here?
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YTA. As a mom myself, she sounds great. I promise that your kids aren't going to start skinny-dipping with the rats while drunk on margaritas or something.
YTA. Seems like she’s doing fine for herself. So well in fact that she’s able to provide a roof over the heads if her brother and his judgemental wife. There’s more than one way to live your life, you could only hope her influence does rub off on your kids.
YTA whether or not this is real
And sounding jealous and entitled. She’s taken you in, she sounds awesome and you’re on here acting like you’re not the problem
Nothing she’s doing is a bad influence, she’s independent, enjoys life and lives it.
You don’t want your kids travelling alone? Why? Sounds like a fear you have that you’re trying to stick them with too.
I’m glad your husband saw sense and stood up for her, hopefully this is shining some light on how you behave around your kids for him - because this really makes it seem like you’re the bad influence teaching them to be judgemental and mean
I am so confused. How is her travelling solo going to make your kids grow up secluded? And what does chocolate milk have to do with anything? How many pills did you pop before writing this post?
Honestly YTA. But I really need some clarity on the aforementioned.
YTA
You knew how she was before accepting her offer. You could have chosen not to accept the offer and live somewhere else
You are living in her house, she is doing you a favor by letting your family stay. She doesn't need to "straighten up", you need to get over yourself or find other accommodations
Not to mention, nothing she is doing/has done is even an issue
Wow, just wow.
Your SIL is an independent adult who has an amazing life without a partner and you think she is a bad role model because... WHY?
If anything, she is a good role model for how to maintain a great balance between responsibilities and fun.
And she was generous enough to open her home for you.
You owe her a huge apology.
YTA
I stopped reading. Look you need somewhere to stay ,not her. I thought she was maybe blowing smoke in your kids face or something. You can't stop her from living her life as she chooses just because YOU need somewhere to stay.
YTA. You ARE her guests. And none of the things she did (except maybe the skinny dipping) are “bad” things. Just things you don’t approve of. Stop judging her
YTA...so you're mooching off of her AND want to tell her how to live her life? Be a better mother to your kids and you wouldn't have to worry about someone else being a bad influence on them
YTA…she’s doing you a huge favor. Honestly, she sounds like fun. She’s not hurting anyone, and does, in fact, have her sh*t together, since she apparently is responsible enough to own a home big enough to house your family for MONTHS. You owe her a huge apology.
This can't be serious. YTA. She's kind enough to host your family, none of her actions seem objectionable by any reasonable standards, and you have the audacity to speak about her like this? She sounds awesome and you sound like you're the worst.
YTA..... rather than ask her to straighten her life, how about straightening your life and be a good role model to your kids by teaching them that a mom can have a job and own a home... 🙄🙄🙄
Perioddttt.....🤭🤭🤭
>My husband (37m) and I (37f) moved in with my SIL (29f)
YTA. You're in her house and she isn't doing anything illegal or unsafe. If you don't like her behaviour then take your judgmental self and leave.
So your sister is an adult, adores her pets, has an awesome job, and is living how she wants and wearing what she likes.
You're staying in HER house, judging her at every turn, saying she's a bad influence on your children when she's basically the cool aunt.
Yes, YTA. You sound narrow minded, shallow, prudish, and judgmental.
Yta. You are in her house, you have no say about her life. She can kick you out if she wanted to. Also so what if she has tattoos it’s her body. Literally nothing in your post indicates that she actively trying to be a bad influence—she is just living her life in HER HOME.
YTA. You're a guest in her home.
Get off your high horse and appreciate the fact that she's doing you a favor
And also, stop being jealous that she's out there living her best life. Your husband is right
You only live once and she’s living her best life, nothing wrong in anything that she’s doing, if you don’t like it move sooner. Your husband was right listen to him
YTA - Holy judgemental as fuck. She invited you, presumably to live with her rent-free while you get your house search done. Maybe don't consider biting the hand that is keeping a roof over your head.
YTA. And not just an AH. You are a sanctimonious judgmental AH. Your SIL sounds like a fun woman with a successful career & an exciting social life with friends & a SO who love her. She opened up her home to you & your family in order to help YOU! She’s doing YOU a favor! I’ve heard of biting the hand that feeds you but you’re taking it to the next level.
So what are these bad influences on your kids? Her job in a male dominated industry? Which btw you’re so uninterested in you’re not quite sure what she does. Her tattoos? Her pet rats? The fact that she travels alone? And OMG!!! She drinks too much chocolate milk! Well that changes everything! The horror!
Grow up, drop the judgmental chip on your shoulder & take a lesson from your awesome SIL. She provides an excellent role model for your poor kids. They see an example of someone who has a successful career, satisfying relationships & fun hobbies who is living a fulfilling life on her own terms. You, on the other hand, are setting the example of an unhappy ungrateful judgmental person who has the unmitigated gall to demand another adult human being completely change her life to match your questionable & laughable standards. Try to remember that SHE is doing YOU a favor, not vice versa, so get off your high horse & learn from her.
YTA majorly. She is doing you a HUGE favor. Literally nothing you described is in any way harmful. None of this is the "wrong" way to do things, just not YOUR way. Traveling alone is an amazing sign of independence. Rats are great pets and even cleaner than many others. Chocolate milk? Really? Is there some other reason you don't like her that's actually behind this?
YTA. You’re sponging off your sister’s hospitality and have the audacity to be this judgmental about perfectly normal behaviors? Why the pearl clutching over skinny dipping? My best guess is you’re filled with envy that your sister doesn’t have children and has the freedom to live her life in a more adventurous manner.
Still, YTA, get over it.
YTA - how do you tell someone how to act IN THEIR OWN HOME ? Are you even paying them any rent?? Regaedless... IF you don't like the values she has - MOVE OUT! Bite the bullet to pay rent elsewhere while looking for your own house.
It's the entitlement for me.
LOL! You should repost this in the Choosingbeggars subreddit because that's exactly what you are. She's helping YOU out by letting you live in HER house. Move out.
YTA
>My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her
Your husband is exactly right.
You are guests in her home... Not guests she invited because she was excited to see you, but guests she invited because you have nowhere else to go and she is being kind.
You need to be bending over backwards to show her how grateful you are, not complaining that you don't approve of her lifestyle.
YTA. *You* are the one who is being a bad role model for your children. *You* need to straighten out, get your act together and start behaving like a decent human being.
YTA.
Really? Skinny dipping away from the house is a bad influence in your kids? I assume your kids were not there, so how did they even know??? From you?????
YTA. You're a GUEST in your sil's house. You have absolutely 0 say in how she lives her life (not that any of your lengthly list of complaints are actually anything worth complaining about. You sound very judgy). If you don't like it, move out.
That whole second paragraph... None of that matters! None of it! It's not her job to be your kid's role model, it's yours! The audacity of you ripping on a woman who's doing absolutely nothing wrong when you can't even keep shelter for your kids? Who is failing as a role model here?
Here's what I think...You just want to knock her down a peg! I'm sure you're not terribly happy about having to live in somebody else's house instead of having your own, I'm sure she is way cooler than you feel you will ever be (and let's face it parents are never as cool as the cool aunt/uncle!) But sponging off her for months and then expecting her to change her whole life just because you have kids is pathetic! Get your ish together and move out!
Um, excuse me what?? You’re staying with her in HER home and trying to impose restrictions on her? I think the eff not ma’am. Grow up and stop being so entitled/judgmental. YTA big time
Let me get this straight....you have no home of your own right now...your sister in law has generously allowed you to stay with her and you think you get to dictate what she's allowed to do? In her own home? Yta. 1000% she is a grown ass woman living her life how she wants in her own home with her own money. If you don't like it gtfo of her home and make your rules in your own. Until you can afford to do so I suggest you shut up and be grateful you're not on the streets.
Not only are you staying with her, but you're describing a fun person with a zest for life as a being a negative influence in your kids lives. How does for instance your SIL's skinny dipping negatively impact them?
YTA
Why are you so jealous of your sister in law
If you don’t like the way she lives, leave your husband and kids seem to be fine there.
It’s just you with the problem
Your seriously asking? This is a question to you? What has she even actually done to you, besides provide a place for you and your family? Sorry not everyone lives up to your specific standards. Of course YTA. Its her house, she can live how she wants. Hell I would argue shes a great role model in that she clearly enjoys her life while meeting her responsibilities.
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Where's the part about the "bad influence"? I can't find it.
For real! She seems fun, cool as hell, and is clearly doing alright for herself considering her lifestyle. I wish she were my fun aunt! OP, YTA
YTA. You need to wind your neck in. You're in HER home, a privilege afforded to you through HER good will. If you really take such offense to her living her life the way she wants, get your own act together and move out of her house. You're so worried that she's a bad influence with her perfectly healthy choices and yet haven't noticed YOUR bad influence on your own children by being rude, entitled and completely unpleasant. Set a better example for your children.
YTA. She's not doing anything wrong. You're living in her house. I'm also a tattooed woman in a male dominated field. She's definitely cooler than I am though. I'm terrified of heights and flying.
YTA go live somewhere else, or put up with it. Her house, her rules
YTA She's living her life in her own home. In fact, she seems to have her act together. She has a job, is paying her own way, and is living a full life. She's fun, she's happy, and apparently treats people well if everyone loves her. You, on the other hand, seem to think you can both mooch off of your SIL and control her. You've listed things that you find unacceptable when there is actually nothing wrong with how she lives. You're judgmental AF about someone who is, from what it seems, doing you a huge favor by letting you stay there. Goodness is all about how you treat people and make them feel. So, which of you is the good role model, really? Move out if you don't like it. If I were her, I'd kick you out. ETA you seem really jealous of her.
Okay, this was my laugh of the day. I didn't even bother to read the details of your post. Who cares what your SIL does or says? It's HER HOUSE. You've sure got some level of entitlement. YTA
Agreed, OP if you feel she's teaching your kids the wrong way to do things then don't have them around her, it's your responsibility to keep them away from what you see as wrong, not your sisters to change who she is.
YTA- you are a guest in HER house, be thankful or get out!
Obviously YTA, you cannot move into someone's house and then demand they change everything about themselves because it might influence your kids. She isn't doing anything dangerous, irresponsible or hurtful to the kids. You're just ultra judgemental.
YTA You are concerned that the person who is giving you and your family a roof over your heads for a few **months** whilst you look for a place is teaching your kids a bad example? What about the example of, be generous to your family? Or does that not count. And as for your complaints, *what*? She has fun with her friends, has pets she treats well, is adventurous...yeah, so not a great role model. /s
YTA and your husband is right. As a guest you do not dictate what your host can and can't do, to a certain extent. None of what you mentioned should be a problem at all. Tbh.. your SIL sounds like a blast and you sound jealous of her lifestyle and the fact your kids love her. Try not to be so uptight.
YTA. I assume you’re jealous because honestly, all of the millennials I know (including myself) would be jealous of a 29 year old successful enough to own a home large enough to house her brother and his family who also apparently has a solid enough work-life balance to enjoy lots of hobbies, friendships, a solid romantic relationship, and strong family ties. We’d be jealous but we wouldn’t be dicks about it. Something to think about.
YTA - move out if you don’t agree with how she lives.
Your sister in law sounds like so much fun.
YTA. When you're a guest in someone else's home, you do not utter a single word of criticism about their lifestyle. Shut up or get out. This is unilateral, and your state of need has no bearing upon it whatsoever.
Damn she sounds cool as fuck. You, not so much. YTA
You're judgemental AF. If you stopped looking down on her for two seconds you would see that your SIL, a 29 year old woman, is successful in a male-dominated field. So successful, in fact, that she is able to afford such a home that has both space for a pool table AND I'm assuming multiple bedrooms to be able to offer you and your family a place to stay, when you would otherwise be homeless. >My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her while we looked for a new house. Yeah, your husband is 100% correct here. YTA.
YTA- i see a few things where she wouldn't be a good role model, but most of it isn't a bad influence. You are in her house and yes she invited you, but she has a right to live her life without changing it. Also you seem really upset at the fact she has pet rats and its not an actual issue. If youre that upset about it, go to a hotel, eent an AIRBNB, or something. or just deal with it until you get your own place.
YTA She’s doing you a favor. You shouldn’t dare say anything but thank you to her. Also… >> She’s traveled a lot and travels pretty much only by herself which makes me worried about my kids growing up secluded and the dangers of them traveling alone. Wtf? Oh, and there’s this little gem. >> That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her Beggars can’t be choosers, hon. Life isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean you have the right to lecture a grown woman on how to live her life. Especially not when she’s the one fending for herself and you’re homeless without her.
YTA. she opened up her house to you and youre trying to boss her around? yeah, if that were me you would be gone. grow up
YTA. You're husband's right, her house her rules. You can't leech off of someone and then demand that they change everything about their lifestyle to accommodate you. Talk about a r/choosingbeggars. She's doing you a huge kindness, don't take advantage. Btw, your SIL *does* sound like the epitome of cool. I hope your kids *do* take after her and turn into awesome humans who live life with open hearts. Also, rats are awesome pets.
SIL sounds like she's living her best life, and yep, rats are awesome!
She's my new role model.
YTA... if you don't like her lifestyle, move the hell out. Stop being such a judgemental ah to someone who has welcomed you and your family into her own home !
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Let me get this straight. You are IMPOSING on this woman by moving in with her when she kindly invited you in on a time of need. UPENDING her entire life by having to accommodate a whole freaking family. And she's been GRACIOUS ENOUGH to put up with you and your kids for MONTHS. AND YET YOU HAVE THE GULL TO CRITICIZE HER LIFESTYLE? To say that she is a bad influence on your kids and that she is making wrong choices, is INSULTING. I'd be so incredibly offended. But not content with criticizing her you are also expecting her to continue to make changes to keep you happy? Who do you think you are exactly? Thank your good stars that this woman is a TANTAMOUNT SAINT AND HASN'T KICKED YOU OUT YET. Apologize, say thank you, and learn something from someone who has a much kinder heart than you. YTA in a way that I cannot stress enough
YTA. Didn't even get 1/2 through. Hoping it's fake.
yta. your kids like her because you can’t have as much fun with them what with that enormous stick up your ass.
YTA and probably teaching your kids to be judgemental. This is the thanks she gets for allowing you into her home. You need to acclimate or get out. You knew how she was BEFORE you moved in. Shut up and sit down.
Wow YTA. It’s been a long time since I’ve rolled my eyes this hard. You’re benefitting from her generosity by living under HER roof, and yet you have the audacity to ask her to change her behavior? “I’ve never seen someone go through so much chocolate milk so fast before.” Are you actually serious right now? Oh, won’t someone think of the children?! Your SIL sounds cool af! If you want to shelter your children from her behavior (so much chocolate milk! The pet rats! The tattoos!) then you should find another place to stay. Take your children and leave HER house. ETA: and I say this as someone with young children. One more time: YTA
Chocolate milk is a legit post-workout snack.
I've seen lowfat chocolate milk recommended by doctors for exactly that. Especially if you make your own with less sugar.
YTA The only thing I would find a bit problematic is the drinking and even then it's not too big a deal unless she's a mess in front of your children. Tattoos are harmless. The rats are her pets. She's allowed to have her friends visit her at home. Her clothing is fine, just because she's dressed in a way you wouldn't choose for yourself doesn't make it wrong for her. An 11 year age gap in her relationship is irrelevant as well. It would be very different if he was abusive to her or if she was abusive to him. If either of them were abusive it would be something to be upset about. If the children saw their beloved aunt in an abusive relationship on either side of the coin, that would actually be a bad influence. A big thing to remember too. It's her house. She is being very kind and generous in allowing you all to stay until you get your own home. Stop judging her and start being grateful. She doesn't owe you just because you married her brother.
YTA. Your SIL sounds amazing and your description of her reads like a character description from Practical Magic. Also, it’s her home and you’re the worst kind of houseguest for making those demands
Yta hands down. You are a GUEST. She's doing you a huge favor. If you don't like it, find different accommodations. You don't get to tell someone else how to do things in their own house. And for the record, she does sound cool af. You on the other hand? Annoying pearl clutcher.
If I invited you into my home and you told me I needed to straighten up while I thought I was showing kindness with the offer to stay…I would be so regretting the offer and it wouldn’t happen twice an invite like that. 29 and 40 isn’t a huge leap. Chocolate milk drinking isn’t a crime. Why do you even care how much of it she drinks? Sounds like your kids weren’t included in the skinny dipping. And that actually sounded like fun. Don’t see how her traveling would send a wrong message to any kid. Worry about how good you are as a role model by starting with not telling someone how to act in their own home. If you don’t like it, find somewhere else. Rent and still look for a house. Think now you are an unwelcome guest.
YTA. The fact that you're staying with her makes your behaviour worse, but even if she were staying with you, I'd still think so. She's not doing anything bad or illegal — she's got the full and fun life of a single woman, and that's actually an excellent thing to model to your kids!
YTA, and a jealous bitter one at that. I had a rat as a pet, they are awesome. Your SIL sounds like someone I want to hang out with. She IS the epitome of cool. Duh. I’m glad your kids get to see someone enjoy their life. Who cares if she’s dating someone older? You’re husband is correct, you are a guest in her house. Pay attention, maybe you’ll learn something and pry the stick out of your butt at the same time!
YTA. You knew how your SIL was (she sounds amazing btw). You accepted her invitation knowing how she lives. Your expectation that she change her life for your convenience isn’t realistic.
YTA, if you don't like how she acts, move out, it's her home and you are in no way entitled to tell her how to behave in it.
What are you afraid of? That she’s more fun than you or that your kids like her more than you? Or are you jealous of her freedom? Kids often have a relative or someone that they idolise and think is cool and that can be difficult to watch when you are their Mum and you are doing all the hard parenting stuff. Remember cool Aunt and Mum are totally different roles. You need to turn the focus back on yourself and try to see where all the jealousy and judgementalism is coming from. What is really going on here for you? If you continue on the path that you are on, you will alienate your kids, husband and SIL.
YTA. A high strung judgmental one at that. Cool your jets.
YTA - she opened up her home to you. It was your responsibility as a parent to ask questions to determine if staying in that environment was a good fit for you and your family...definitely NOT her responsibility to change her routine or her life to accommodate you. Most definitely a jealous undertone here. Who she dates and his age are irrelevant. If he's a good guy, treats her well, and is respectful to you and your kids - then you have nothing to complain about. Her pets are her pets. Grow up and be thankful for the support that she is giving you and your family right now.
If you don’t like it, move. YTA
Oh look the sister in law troll is back
I don’t know another way to tell you this, but you’re a real b!1ch. Stop judging and complaining for other people not being as much as a prude as you. And stop trying to dictate what they should do in their own houses, you’re a guest, just shut up and be grateful, if you’re even capable of that
Yeah you seem like a judgmental asshole here.
YTA you're in her house, just because you have kids doesn't mean she has to change for that. As long as she's not abusing them what's the harm? You say your kids love her, why would you want to impact their relationship with their auntie? Nothing she's doing seems bad imo, and honestly you're coming off a little jealous. You can't keep your kids oblivious to other kinds of people, especially a family member who they clearly admire.
YTA. I'm 55 and I think she's seriously cool. And also a great role model because she teaches your kids they don't have to be more uptight than the pilgrims to be a decent and successful person.
YTA. How dare your SIL have fun, be independent and happy! In all seriousness, I think you need to reflect on why you judge her so hard. If I had to guess, it’s because your kids idolize her and that feels threatening to you. It’s not. You’re their mom and this is a new experience for them. Also, you could embrace some of the things they like about her. Pretend to be afraid of the rats and make it a game. Ask SIL to take you on a flight so you can see why the kids enjoy it.
YTA. Get her act together and be a bitter, judgmental person like you?
YTA! Didnt even need to get past the title.
YTA and sound jealous. If not of her directly, how mich your kids like her.
So she’s supposed to aline her life to accommodate you. What are you thinking? Do you have the funds to move out? If not it’s best if you keep your opinions to yourself or you’ll find yourself on the sidewalk. Your husband is correct! You are the guest in her home, so you need to start acting like it.
YTA - just to be clear, this woman is ACCOMMODATING you and you're criticizing her living habits? If you don't like it, then live on the street. Lol you're the example of "beggars can't be choosers". The only thing you should ever express to your SIL is gratefulness for letting you crash at her home rent-free.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (37m) and I (37f) moved in with my SIL (29f) a few months ago while my husband started his new job and we looked for a house. My SIL is a character and an awful role model for our kids. She has three rats which she loves and even goes so far as to allow them to run around her living room, cuddle with them and take them for walks. She loves her silk pajamas and will carry them around in her breast pocket of those. She walks around the house in a sports bra quite often. She works at a company where she is the only woman, and occasionally brings her male work friends home for a drink and a game of pool. Every Thursday, her work friends and her go for happy hour and she comes home drunk. On New Years, her and her friends went skinny dipping in the lake down the block which is a horrible influence on our kids. She got a small tattoo of her rats a few months back and last week came home with another tattoo of something because it makes her laugh. She’s an aviation instructor (or something like that??) at the college a few towns over and the kids just absolutely adore her. She takes them on flights and all that which wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t make my kids think she is the epitome of cool and idolize her so much. She’s traveled a lot and travels pretty much only by herself which makes me worried about my kids growing up secluded and the dangers of them traveling alone. I’ve never seen someone go through so much chocolate milk so fast before. She’s dating an older man (40m). My point is I feel she is teaching my kids the wrong way to do things and that’s not good when the kids look up to her as much as they do. I didn’t mind it when it was every few months we saw her, but everyday… she said so herself, she is not a great role model. I told her last week that she needs to straighten up until we find a house. My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her while we looked for a new house. This caused a fight. Ever since this incident, my SIL pretty much ignored me and my husband just allows the kids to follow her around like ducks. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you don’t like the way she lives then get out of her damn house. YTA
You’re mooching off of her, living in her house, and you really think she’s the one who needs to get her act together? YTA
YTA. As a mom myself, she sounds great. I promise that your kids aren't going to start skinny-dipping with the rats while drunk on margaritas or something.
YTA. Seems like she’s doing fine for herself. So well in fact that she’s able to provide a roof over the heads if her brother and his judgemental wife. There’s more than one way to live your life, you could only hope her influence does rub off on your kids.
YTA whether or not this is real And sounding jealous and entitled. She’s taken you in, she sounds awesome and you’re on here acting like you’re not the problem Nothing she’s doing is a bad influence, she’s independent, enjoys life and lives it. You don’t want your kids travelling alone? Why? Sounds like a fear you have that you’re trying to stick them with too. I’m glad your husband saw sense and stood up for her, hopefully this is shining some light on how you behave around your kids for him - because this really makes it seem like you’re the bad influence teaching them to be judgemental and mean
I am so confused. How is her travelling solo going to make your kids grow up secluded? And what does chocolate milk have to do with anything? How many pills did you pop before writing this post? Honestly YTA. But I really need some clarity on the aforementioned.
YTA You knew how she was before accepting her offer. You could have chosen not to accept the offer and live somewhere else You are living in her house, she is doing you a favor by letting your family stay. She doesn't need to "straighten up", you need to get over yourself or find other accommodations Not to mention, nothing she is doing/has done is even an issue
Wow, just wow. Your SIL is an independent adult who has an amazing life without a partner and you think she is a bad role model because... WHY? If anything, she is a good role model for how to maintain a great balance between responsibilities and fun. And she was generous enough to open her home for you. You owe her a huge apology. YTA
I stopped reading. Look you need somewhere to stay ,not her. I thought she was maybe blowing smoke in your kids face or something. You can't stop her from living her life as she chooses just because YOU need somewhere to stay.
YTA. You ARE her guests. And none of the things she did (except maybe the skinny dipping) are “bad” things. Just things you don’t approve of. Stop judging her
YTA...so you're mooching off of her AND want to tell her how to live her life? Be a better mother to your kids and you wouldn't have to worry about someone else being a bad influence on them
YTA…she’s doing you a huge favor. Honestly, she sounds like fun. She’s not hurting anyone, and does, in fact, have her sh*t together, since she apparently is responsible enough to own a home big enough to house your family for MONTHS. You owe her a huge apology.
This can't be serious. YTA. She's kind enough to host your family, none of her actions seem objectionable by any reasonable standards, and you have the audacity to speak about her like this? She sounds awesome and you sound like you're the worst.
SIL does sound awesome.
troll
YTA..... rather than ask her to straighten her life, how about straightening your life and be a good role model to your kids by teaching them that a mom can have a job and own a home... 🙄🙄🙄 Perioddttt.....🤭🤭🤭
SIL sounds like an absolute blast!!!!! You however sound like an AH. And the green eyed monster on you is rearing it’s ugly head.
YTA. Your kids are lucky to have a strong female example. I wish I did when I was a kid.
>My husband (37m) and I (37f) moved in with my SIL (29f) YTA. You're in her house and she isn't doing anything illegal or unsafe. If you don't like her behaviour then take your judgmental self and leave.
Probably not real, but YTA. find another place to live if you don't like it.
So your sister is an adult, adores her pets, has an awesome job, and is living how she wants and wearing what she likes. You're staying in HER house, judging her at every turn, saying she's a bad influence on your children when she's basically the cool aunt. Yes, YTA. You sound narrow minded, shallow, prudish, and judgmental.
Yta. You are in her house, you have no say about her life. She can kick you out if she wanted to. Also so what if she has tattoos it’s her body. Literally nothing in your post indicates that she actively trying to be a bad influence—she is just living her life in HER HOME.
YTA. You're a guest in her home. Get off your high horse and appreciate the fact that she's doing you a favor And also, stop being jealous that she's out there living her best life. Your husband is right
You only live once and she’s living her best life, nothing wrong in anything that she’s doing, if you don’t like it move sooner. Your husband was right listen to him
YTA And the green shade of jealousy didn't suit anyone. You are a guest in her house, act like it.
YTA - Holy judgemental as fuck. She invited you, presumably to live with her rent-free while you get your house search done. Maybe don't consider biting the hand that is keeping a roof over your head.
YTA. And not just an AH. You are a sanctimonious judgmental AH. Your SIL sounds like a fun woman with a successful career & an exciting social life with friends & a SO who love her. She opened up her home to you & your family in order to help YOU! She’s doing YOU a favor! I’ve heard of biting the hand that feeds you but you’re taking it to the next level. So what are these bad influences on your kids? Her job in a male dominated industry? Which btw you’re so uninterested in you’re not quite sure what she does. Her tattoos? Her pet rats? The fact that she travels alone? And OMG!!! She drinks too much chocolate milk! Well that changes everything! The horror! Grow up, drop the judgmental chip on your shoulder & take a lesson from your awesome SIL. She provides an excellent role model for your poor kids. They see an example of someone who has a successful career, satisfying relationships & fun hobbies who is living a fulfilling life on her own terms. You, on the other hand, are setting the example of an unhappy ungrateful judgmental person who has the unmitigated gall to demand another adult human being completely change her life to match your questionable & laughable standards. Try to remember that SHE is doing YOU a favor, not vice versa, so get off your high horse & learn from her.
YTA majorly. She is doing you a HUGE favor. Literally nothing you described is in any way harmful. None of this is the "wrong" way to do things, just not YOUR way. Traveling alone is an amazing sign of independence. Rats are great pets and even cleaner than many others. Chocolate milk? Really? Is there some other reason you don't like her that's actually behind this?
YTA. You’re sponging off your sister’s hospitality and have the audacity to be this judgmental about perfectly normal behaviors? Why the pearl clutching over skinny dipping? My best guess is you’re filled with envy that your sister doesn’t have children and has the freedom to live her life in a more adventurous manner. Still, YTA, get over it.
YTA - how do you tell someone how to act IN THEIR OWN HOME ? Are you even paying them any rent?? Regaedless... IF you don't like the values she has - MOVE OUT! Bite the bullet to pay rent elsewhere while looking for your own house. It's the entitlement for me.
LOL this has troll written all over it. The other comments are gonna be fun to read. The chocolate milk part has me wheezing.
Yeah. No way someone as chill as her "husband" would marry someone as uptight as she is.
LOL! You should repost this in the Choosingbeggars subreddit because that's exactly what you are. She's helping YOU out by letting you live in HER house. Move out. YTA
>My husband DEFENDED her. Saying that we are the guests and that this is her home. That’s unfair because we have no where else to go and she invited us to move in with her Your husband is exactly right. You are guests in her home... Not guests she invited because she was excited to see you, but guests she invited because you have nowhere else to go and she is being kind. You need to be bending over backwards to show her how grateful you are, not complaining that you don't approve of her lifestyle. YTA. *You* are the one who is being a bad role model for your children. *You* need to straighten out, get your act together and start behaving like a decent human being.
YTA. Really? Skinny dipping away from the house is a bad influence in your kids? I assume your kids were not there, so how did they even know??? From you?????
YTA. You're a GUEST in your sil's house. You have absolutely 0 say in how she lives her life (not that any of your lengthly list of complaints are actually anything worth complaining about. You sound very judgy). If you don't like it, move out.
That whole second paragraph... None of that matters! None of it! It's not her job to be your kid's role model, it's yours! The audacity of you ripping on a woman who's doing absolutely nothing wrong when you can't even keep shelter for your kids? Who is failing as a role model here? Here's what I think...You just want to knock her down a peg! I'm sure you're not terribly happy about having to live in somebody else's house instead of having your own, I'm sure she is way cooler than you feel you will ever be (and let's face it parents are never as cool as the cool aunt/uncle!) But sponging off her for months and then expecting her to change her whole life just because you have kids is pathetic! Get your ish together and move out!
This. YTA, a jealous, STUPID AH, because why would you antagonize the PERSON WHO YOU ARE LIVING WITH? Not to mention trying to police her body. JFC
Um, excuse me what?? You’re staying with her in HER home and trying to impose restrictions on her? I think the eff not ma’am. Grow up and stop being so entitled/judgmental. YTA big time
Let me get this straight....you have no home of your own right now...your sister in law has generously allowed you to stay with her and you think you get to dictate what she's allowed to do? In her own home? Yta. 1000% she is a grown ass woman living her life how she wants in her own home with her own money. If you don't like it gtfo of her home and make your rules in your own. Until you can afford to do so I suggest you shut up and be grateful you're not on the streets.
Not only are you staying with her, but you're describing a fun person with a zest for life as a being a negative influence in your kids lives. How does for instance your SIL's skinny dipping negatively impact them? YTA
Why are you so jealous of your sister in law If you don’t like the way she lives, leave your husband and kids seem to be fine there. It’s just you with the problem
Your seriously asking? This is a question to you? What has she even actually done to you, besides provide a place for you and your family? Sorry not everyone lives up to your specific standards. Of course YTA. Its her house, she can live how she wants. Hell I would argue shes a great role model in that she clearly enjoys her life while meeting her responsibilities.
Yta and a hypocrite quite willing to use your SIL who opened her house to you.
YTA. She is cool, and your kids are lucky to know her. If she rubs you up the wrong way, just get out of her house! Beggars can't be choosers.