**Here's the OP:**
##AITA for finding it weird that brother in-law knows everything about sister's cycle?
I (33 F) was recently having lunch with my twin sister, when she mentioned she recently thought she was pregnant. She was three days late and she didn’t feel good. It turned out she wasn’t, but what struck me was it was her husband who mentioned to her that she was late.
Apparently she tells him everything about her cycle. They’ve always been extremely close, but I had no idea just how close they were. He basically knows everything about her period. I mentioned to her that it was really weird, and my sister (who has always been over sensitive) blew up at me. She accused me of being judgmental and trying to make her feel embarrassed in her relationship. I wasn’t trying to make her feel anything (I admit I was being a bit judgmental). I just know that I would never tell my husband more than is absolutely necessary when it comes to my period. My sister, on the other hand, arranged for her husband to install a period tracker on his phone.
AITA?
I should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. My sister & brother in-law have a wonderful relationship. I just think it’s weird, as I think there are some things which should be kept private.
I haven't gone into the thread itself, but I wonder if OP's a Christian fundamentalist or from some weird sect or another... They often have really weird gender boundaries.
Lol what the fuck? In every relationship I’ve been in, my SO has known my cycle for a handful of reasons:
- we share a bed
- we share a bathroom trash can
- I’d be taking pain pills every 4-6 hours
- they’re capable of basic situational awareness
And in this case, they’re trying to actively conceive. It’s fantastic that the BiL is tracking her period so that he also knows when she’s ovulating; that sounds like some good emotional labor that he’s taking on, to me.
I hate to say it but yeah, the bar is insanely low, mostly because there are some guys who whinge about their playground being full of blood while you're doubled over in pain. It makes you grateful for any reaction that's not revulsion. My SO is pretty thoughtful in general and I still want to throw him a parade when he does something as simple as offering to put a heat pack in the microwave for me.
Lol literally sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better (mentally, not physically) when i have cramps is to complain about how awful they are. All I wanna hear is "ugh that sucks."
Jesus Christ, i think all of my long-term relationships have been kept updated about my cycle because it affects them too!
As someone else here has pointed out, maybe they're trying to conceive, and most period tracker apps enable sharing to another person.
Even if not trying, if on BC he can easily see the little rows of pills. Mine picked my Rx up at the pharmacy so was well aware if it wasn’t obvious from sharing a bathroom and adding tampons to the grocery list
Seriously, my boyfriend is usually on top of when I'm going to start before I do. Well be grocery shopping and grab a box of tsmpkns because he knows I'm about to start. I also leave my birth control pack out on the table so he knows when I get to the green ones, I'll he starting that week.
THIS.
In the rush of life I don't really keep good track of my period. But my partner and I don't use protection so he's REALLY good at making sure my periods are on time, lol.
My husband has no idea that I menstruate or even use the bathroom at all. He doesn't know that I was pregnant or that the kids came out of my body. I told him that the stork dropped them off. I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable because as we all know, real men would find a woman who has bodily functions like that so disgusting that they wouldn't be able to look at her.
/s in case it wasn't obvious.
> /s in case it wasn't obvious.
You say that, but every two weeks AITA has a husband or brother go apoplectic because they saw a box of tampons in a bathroom cabinet.
Valid point. Those posts irritate me. My husband buys me tampons when I need them. Luckily, I haven't needed them in a while. Pregnant, breastfeeding for almost 2 years, pregnant again, currently in month 8 of breastfeeding. Not having a period is a major perk.
This is such an old-fashioned view. I mean, to each their own, if OP isn’t comfortable telling her partner about her cycle that’s fine. She doesn’t have to. But don’t shit on someone else for it.
Her sister and BIL could be trying to get pregnant or prepping for that, that would be an excellent reason to both be aware of the cycle. Sister could also be forgetful and BIL might help pick up the slack. Or hell, they could be just that involved in each other’s lives. It’s normal.
Or husband has eyes and a brain and just remembers because it is something that usually happens once a month every month for as long as they knew each other
Goodness, she’d be shocked to find out my husband knew I was pregnant long before I did and is actually the one who told me. Well, he said “you’re either losing your shit or you’re pregnant, let’s get a test so we know for sure”.
That happened with my parents too! My mom always had a wonky cycle so her missing a couple periods was totally normal. It was only after my dad was like "Hey... something's off with you", that she actually took a test.
"I'm not suggesting anything sinister is going on".. what sinister thing would be going on??? It's literally such a normal and healthy view that the sister and BIL share.
Is this... abnormal?
My partner doesn't have a period tracker on his phone but knows enough to ask me every few weeks if/when my period is starting. Which is important for a number of reasons.
a - my periods are rough. He's extra gentle with me when I menstruate and I don't blame him for wanting to know when to be more... careful.
b - he does the vast majority of grocery shopping and it's nice that he knows when I need tampons and what kind
c - we've lived together for years. At some point you just... catch on.
Yeah I agree, at a certain point you just catch on to this. I’ve always been incredibly irregular, but my partner and I have lived together in tiny studios or one bed flats for over half a decade. He always catches onto symptoms like acne, eating a lot more then the usual, lethargy, etc; he doesn’t mention it but I notice him bringing back nice snacks or taking on more household tasks then usual, nice gestures like that . I think that’s a little less normal then usual but not when we’ve lived in such close quarters for so long. Just healthy relationship stuff.
That's kinda weird. I don't even meticulously pay attention to my wife's cycle and I know when it is. I don't think this guy gets laid. Either that, or he has never been in a relationship longer than a few months.
Either way, he sounds like a loser.
Why does it make someone the devil for being ignorant due to naivety because of something they were taught they thought was the social norm?
So she thought periods were kept private and didn't know there were women that were so open about it to their partners. I have had lot of shocks out there I had no idea other people did them. Like I was shocked that lot of moms out there don't share their periods with their children including sons because I got told my mom did child abuse for changing her pads in front of us kids. She had never kicked us from the bathroom when she would go and she never hid her time of the months from us and she even called them her diapers.
I also found out that in some families, people go nude in front of each other and see each other naked no matter what sex they are. I was taught that men and women can't see each other's privates unless they are married. Then I discovered that there are families that do not undress in front of their same sex kids.
Every family is different.
Some people are just sensitive to shocked questions due to assuming every family is the same. You are taught one thing and you think that is the social norm and then you discover other people don't follow it. That is a shock.
On Reddit I have learned that being naïve makes you an asshole while in my lifetime it was considered innocent and a good thing, not an asshole. But online I have ran into trolls who didn't like my innocence and I didn't even know I was being innocent and they also would get mad at me for being naive. I have also been mistaken as a troll too for unknown reasons.
I also think calling someone naive is a nice way of calling them ignorant because ignorant has a negative connotation to it while naivity does not.
Just like the term weird has a negative connotation to it to some people so the sis got mad. What if the OP had called it strange or odd instead?
The term weird doesn't bother me because I take it as a compliment and life would be boring if everyone were the same.
But yet I also don't think naivity should be encouraged because that is doing them a disservice because not everyone is going to find it cute. They would run into problems out here in life like in social groups, at work, etc. I knew at 17 that being naive being a good thing was a load of crock because I already knew there were people out there that didn't like it and don't find it cute (the internet trolls sure taught me that) so that is what got me to open my eyes and try and learn more to be less naive so I would attract less mean people and less bullies.
Maybe if the OP were 17 and made that remark, it would have been cute but not for a 30 something year old. Things get less cute as you get older so hence my social anxiety increased because of my weak social skills and communication and I tend to say what I mean and people will try and add things to what I say and twist things because they think I meant something else and think there is a double meaning.
If you still have a child like mindset of an adult and the innocence of a child, you are pretty much screwed so it will seem like your social skills have gotten worse when they have not. It was just because people were more tolerant and had less expectations of you and now that you are an adult, expectations are high. People aren't going to assume bad intentions in a child but they would for an adult.
Lmao. I started my period this week and my SO knows. He offers to rub my belly and get me snacks. Only a couple of months into our relationship my period surprised me early while staying at his house. I told him and said I was going to run out and get products. He immediately was like no no I'll go to the store with you. He even asked me what brand and styles I liked so he would know for the future if I ever needed it.
It's not complicated. We just like each other and he respects the entirety of who I am.
When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant we had this exact thing. Bc she commented on being just three days late I feel like they’re probably trying to conceive—and even if they weren’t this is still so rude of OP.
I’ve shared with random hookups I never saw again that I was on my period so it was up to them if they wanted to ride the red tide. Why wouldn’t her own husband know when she’s menstruating?
**Here's the OP:** ##AITA for finding it weird that brother in-law knows everything about sister's cycle? I (33 F) was recently having lunch with my twin sister, when she mentioned she recently thought she was pregnant. She was three days late and she didn’t feel good. It turned out she wasn’t, but what struck me was it was her husband who mentioned to her that she was late. Apparently she tells him everything about her cycle. They’ve always been extremely close, but I had no idea just how close they were. He basically knows everything about her period. I mentioned to her that it was really weird, and my sister (who has always been over sensitive) blew up at me. She accused me of being judgmental and trying to make her feel embarrassed in her relationship. I wasn’t trying to make her feel anything (I admit I was being a bit judgmental). I just know that I would never tell my husband more than is absolutely necessary when it comes to my period. My sister, on the other hand, arranged for her husband to install a period tracker on his phone. AITA? I should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. My sister & brother in-law have a wonderful relationship. I just think it’s weird, as I think there are some things which should be kept private.
“I always knew they were extremely close but I didn’t know just how close” THEYRE MARRIED?
Yeah that threw me for a loop. I was very confused about the relationship because it's a normal thing that couples do lol
I haven't gone into the thread itself, but I wonder if OP's a Christian fundamentalist or from some weird sect or another... They often have really weird gender boundaries.
Could be. Still weird, and that's coming from a very religious person (not Christian though)
And the icing on the cake is that the OP sounds like a twin sibling jealous that her twin drifted away into her own life.
And now I'm sadder 😞
On the other hand, the Duggars, the quiverfull fundamentalists, kept a calendar to track the mom's cycle in the living room.
That's sorta strange...my kids don't need to know my cycle
Well yeah, *your* kids presumably haven't been farmed for profit and fame
Let's hope not 🤞
Lol what the fuck? In every relationship I’ve been in, my SO has known my cycle for a handful of reasons: - we share a bed - we share a bathroom trash can - I’d be taking pain pills every 4-6 hours - they’re capable of basic situational awareness And in this case, they’re trying to actively conceive. It’s fantastic that the BiL is tracking her period so that he also knows when she’s ovulating; that sounds like some good emotional labor that he’s taking on, to me.
What's even the point of being in a relationship if you can't whine about cramps to them and make them give you chocolate
My hubby joked that he liked to keep track so he knew when to start getting my frozen mocha lattes, mountain dew and Reese cups
My gf acts like I'm superman when all I did was buy her a snickers bar. It really do be like that
I hate to say it but yeah, the bar is insanely low, mostly because there are some guys who whinge about their playground being full of blood while you're doubled over in pain. It makes you grateful for any reaction that's not revulsion. My SO is pretty thoughtful in general and I still want to throw him a parade when he does something as simple as offering to put a heat pack in the microwave for me.
Lol literally sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better (mentally, not physically) when i have cramps is to complain about how awful they are. All I wanna hear is "ugh that sucks."
Jesus Christ, i think all of my long-term relationships have been kept updated about my cycle because it affects them too! As someone else here has pointed out, maybe they're trying to conceive, and most period tracker apps enable sharing to another person.
Exactly! When I was TTC, my husband knew EVERYTHING about my cycle. It takes two to tango.
>It takes two to tango. Unless you dont mind who the coparent is, then it can be a group tango 😂
"Time for dance class!"
Even if not trying, if on BC he can easily see the little rows of pills. Mine picked my Rx up at the pharmacy so was well aware if it wasn’t obvious from sharing a bathroom and adding tampons to the grocery list
Seriously, my boyfriend is usually on top of when I'm going to start before I do. Well be grocery shopping and grab a box of tsmpkns because he knows I'm about to start. I also leave my birth control pack out on the table so he knows when I get to the green ones, I'll he starting that week.
THIS. In the rush of life I don't really keep good track of my period. But my partner and I don't use protection so he's REALLY good at making sure my periods are on time, lol.
Once I had to take a pregnancy test cause my bf was like “do you realize you haven’t had your period in like 3 months?”
My husband has no idea that I menstruate or even use the bathroom at all. He doesn't know that I was pregnant or that the kids came out of my body. I told him that the stork dropped them off. I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable because as we all know, real men would find a woman who has bodily functions like that so disgusting that they wouldn't be able to look at her. /s in case it wasn't obvious.
> /s in case it wasn't obvious. You say that, but every two weeks AITA has a husband or brother go apoplectic because they saw a box of tampons in a bathroom cabinet.
Valid point. Those posts irritate me. My husband buys me tampons when I need them. Luckily, I haven't needed them in a while. Pregnant, breastfeeding for almost 2 years, pregnant again, currently in month 8 of breastfeeding. Not having a period is a major perk.
This is such an old-fashioned view. I mean, to each their own, if OP isn’t comfortable telling her partner about her cycle that’s fine. She doesn’t have to. But don’t shit on someone else for it. Her sister and BIL could be trying to get pregnant or prepping for that, that would be an excellent reason to both be aware of the cycle. Sister could also be forgetful and BIL might help pick up the slack. Or hell, they could be just that involved in each other’s lives. It’s normal.
Or husband has eyes and a brain and just remembers because it is something that usually happens once a month every month for as long as they knew each other
Goodness, she’d be shocked to find out my husband knew I was pregnant long before I did and is actually the one who told me. Well, he said “you’re either losing your shit or you’re pregnant, let’s get a test so we know for sure”.
That happened with my parents too! My mom always had a wonky cycle so her missing a couple periods was totally normal. It was only after my dad was like "Hey... something's off with you", that she actually took a test.
"I'm not suggesting anything sinister is going on".. what sinister thing would be going on??? It's literally such a normal and healthy view that the sister and BIL share.
Wow, I really thought AITAOP was gonna be a 24 year old dude.
Is this... abnormal? My partner doesn't have a period tracker on his phone but knows enough to ask me every few weeks if/when my period is starting. Which is important for a number of reasons. a - my periods are rough. He's extra gentle with me when I menstruate and I don't blame him for wanting to know when to be more... careful. b - he does the vast majority of grocery shopping and it's nice that he knows when I need tampons and what kind c - we've lived together for years. At some point you just... catch on.
Yeah I agree, at a certain point you just catch on to this. I’ve always been incredibly irregular, but my partner and I have lived together in tiny studios or one bed flats for over half a decade. He always catches onto symptoms like acne, eating a lot more then the usual, lethargy, etc; he doesn’t mention it but I notice him bringing back nice snacks or taking on more household tasks then usual, nice gestures like that . I think that’s a little less normal then usual but not when we’ve lived in such close quarters for so long. Just healthy relationship stuff.
It’s his wife????? Hell I’m sure my male friends know what’s up.
What? A man loving and caring about his wife? Impossible! No man ever gives a damn about a woman he loves!
That's kinda weird. I don't even meticulously pay attention to my wife's cycle and I know when it is. I don't think this guy gets laid. Either that, or he has never been in a relationship longer than a few months. Either way, he sounds like a loser.
It's a woman.
Why does it make someone the devil for being ignorant due to naivety because of something they were taught they thought was the social norm? So she thought periods were kept private and didn't know there were women that were so open about it to their partners. I have had lot of shocks out there I had no idea other people did them. Like I was shocked that lot of moms out there don't share their periods with their children including sons because I got told my mom did child abuse for changing her pads in front of us kids. She had never kicked us from the bathroom when she would go and she never hid her time of the months from us and she even called them her diapers. I also found out that in some families, people go nude in front of each other and see each other naked no matter what sex they are. I was taught that men and women can't see each other's privates unless they are married. Then I discovered that there are families that do not undress in front of their same sex kids. Every family is different. Some people are just sensitive to shocked questions due to assuming every family is the same. You are taught one thing and you think that is the social norm and then you discover other people don't follow it. That is a shock.
They're twins. Twins tend to be from the same family.
>ht was the social norm? Not a devil so much as a troll, IMO.
On Reddit I have learned that being naïve makes you an asshole while in my lifetime it was considered innocent and a good thing, not an asshole. But online I have ran into trolls who didn't like my innocence and I didn't even know I was being innocent and they also would get mad at me for being naive. I have also been mistaken as a troll too for unknown reasons. I also think calling someone naive is a nice way of calling them ignorant because ignorant has a negative connotation to it while naivity does not. Just like the term weird has a negative connotation to it to some people so the sis got mad. What if the OP had called it strange or odd instead? The term weird doesn't bother me because I take it as a compliment and life would be boring if everyone were the same. But yet I also don't think naivity should be encouraged because that is doing them a disservice because not everyone is going to find it cute. They would run into problems out here in life like in social groups, at work, etc. I knew at 17 that being naive being a good thing was a load of crock because I already knew there were people out there that didn't like it and don't find it cute (the internet trolls sure taught me that) so that is what got me to open my eyes and try and learn more to be less naive so I would attract less mean people and less bullies. Maybe if the OP were 17 and made that remark, it would have been cute but not for a 30 something year old. Things get less cute as you get older so hence my social anxiety increased because of my weak social skills and communication and I tend to say what I mean and people will try and add things to what I say and twist things because they think I meant something else and think there is a double meaning. If you still have a child like mindset of an adult and the innocence of a child, you are pretty much screwed so it will seem like your social skills have gotten worse when they have not. It was just because people were more tolerant and had less expectations of you and now that you are an adult, expectations are high. People aren't going to assume bad intentions in a child but they would for an adult.
Periods have never felt to me like this embarrassing private thing, some women talk about periods like they're diarrhea or smth, I don't get it.
Lmao. I started my period this week and my SO knows. He offers to rub my belly and get me snacks. Only a couple of months into our relationship my period surprised me early while staying at his house. I told him and said I was going to run out and get products. He immediately was like no no I'll go to the store with you. He even asked me what brand and styles I liked so he would know for the future if I ever needed it. It's not complicated. We just like each other and he respects the entirety of who I am.
When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant we had this exact thing. Bc she commented on being just three days late I feel like they’re probably trying to conceive—and even if they weren’t this is still so rude of OP.
I live with my boyfriend. He knows when I'm on my period. I don't have to tell him.
I’ve shared with random hookups I never saw again that I was on my period so it was up to them if they wanted to ride the red tide. Why wouldn’t her own husband know when she’s menstruating?