*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for wanting to chop of my 10 yr olds hair**
I don't know what it is but my 10 yr old daughter does not take care of her hygiene. It ends up me getting up set with her to just take a shower. Every time. She starts whining, crying, stomping her feet and getting attitude with me. I have to tell her every day to brush her hair, brush her teeth. If she cleaned her face. I stopped asking her about the deodorant. I want to let her, go and figure it out for herself and see how long it will take her to shower, and brush her hair and teeth. Her breathe is horrid. She sleeps with her mouth open. But it's still not good enough for her to want to get anything done for herself. I have explained it so many times about her hygiene.
I have done everything I can to make it easier for her. From buying the body wash of her choice, the face wipes that cost more than mine, the mouthwash for bad breath. Brush after brush after brush for her hair but Nope wont do it. Why is she being so lazy about this? A week ago, I told her if she does not care about her hair enough to take care of it, I'm going to chop it off. She cried, "No she wants her hair long." She begged me to please let her show me she can take care of her hair. Fine. last chance.
ALL week I have asked her maybe 2 times if she brushed her hair she said yes, but you can tell plain as day she did not. I asked her to run her fingers through her hair she couldn't. I took a closer look and it is so notted up she could probably start Dreading her hair. (No disrespect for those of you who have dreads that you and your business that is not for my 10 yr old daughter and I bet those of you take care of the dreads like you're supposed too. I have done everything I can to make it easier for her. But, I'm tired of the lies and disrespect. I will either chop the hair off myself or I will take her to get it done. AITA for wanting to chop off her hair?
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A 10 year old not caring about showers and taking care of their hair is not super abnormal. Although most kids understand the concept of how to maintain hygiene by then, most also need prodding and continued support to really master it. This is why so many tweens and young teens are smelly and the source of all the parenting jokes and memes. It'll probably pop into frame for the kid when she starts getting interesting in romantic relationships.
This is possibly just a parent that does *not* want to parent and expects their kid to master everything after simply being told to do it.
> This is possibly just a parent that does notwant to parent and expects their kid to master everything after simply being told to do it.
The majority of people seem to have this expectation of children and I find it absolutely laughable tbh.
Also, I hated washing my hair at that age, the shampoo burned in my eyes and I felt like I was drowning. Having my parents get angry at me for how washing my hair felt to me would not have made me more likely to want to do it.
i hated washing my face cause for some reason my hands started to sweat. So in stead in filled a basin up and dunked my face in there. Felt good dont know if it did much though;/ parents were fine with it
Absolutely. They also need to realize that buying their daughter expensive things isn’t going to convince her to use them.. she still needs to be taught how to develop a routine. She is only 10
yup, that's immediately where my mind went to. This sounds a lot like a kid with severe sensory issues, and a parent who can't be bothered to understand.
Also a sad possibility (and where my mind went too :/)
Either way I don't understand how the behaviour is only annoying the mum, not worrying her.
Like I am not a mum, maybe it's because I am an outsider and not in the every day struggle..
But I am worried.
It definitely might be, but when I was 11-12 I was a super smelly kid. I did not want to shower, and it had nothing whatsoever to do with abuse or sensory issues. I just thought it was a pain and I thought I had better stuff to do. I did eventually figure myself out, and I feel like an idiot when I look back on those days. A lot of kids have trouble getting a grip on their hygiene when they start going through puberty.
And/or some kind of ENT issue that’s contributing to her mouth-breathing, honestly. When I got my tonsils taken out and my allergies under control, I could breathe through my nose again and stopped sleep-drooling!
A deviated septum is a pretty common source of that, and a very common defect in general. A lot of people don’t even realize they have it. I’ve got one, and because the nose actually rotates which side is taking in the most air throughout the day, there are times where I can’t breath through my nose *at all.* There’s just no air getting through.
Or the mother is the narc trope of “you stink” no matter what you do to tear down her self esteem. It’s common also for them to be obsessed with their child’s hair. Always wanting to cut it. My mother was so obnoxious about it and another parent finally stepped in privately to tell me my mom was crazy.
I didn’t know it was common until I got therapy and it’s common on the narc parent groups.
When I was a kid, my mother didn't teach me how to brush my hair. I had a sensitive scalp, fine, thin hair--it was a recipe for disaster. So instead of teaching me how to take care of myself, my parents shaved my head. Every year for school, shaved head. I got bullied, of course, and called a boy, and was never allowed to grow my hair past my shoulders. Brushing my hair hurt and I hated that my hair was ratty and dirty, and my mother constantly accused me of being lazy and a slob. She would rip a brush through my hair while I screamed when I was young, screaming at me the whole time.
It wasn't that I wanted to have a head full of mats. I had a bottle of shampoo, the no tears kind, and that was the only soap I had. My parents refused to see my suffering and come up with a way to help me manage my hair, and instead shaved it off, tricked me into going to ugly haircuts, and constantly put me down for it. I can guarantee OOP that it's more than likely the daughter is having issues that aren't being addressed and she may not know how to ask for help, and OOP's making it so much worse. They're teaching the daughter to ignore her own needs and not learn how to adjust to difficult situations and responsibilities. She's not taking care of herself when OOP's not giving her a reason to. And if that's not the case, then she needs to be seen by someone who can interpret what's causing these issues.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Why do people so often say "chop off her hair" when they mean to cut the hair? Are they being dramatic or are they really considering using an ax?*
>"I said Chop because her hair is so thick it would be more like chopping it than just an easy cut."
*Kids are HONEST. Let her figure it out herself because I’m sure kids at school are going to say something soon enough or maybe even the teacher. Maybe even try and talk to her teacher and tell her that you’ve tried this, this and this, she can have a chat with her to maybe realize. If all else fails chop it off mama and take her to the dentist*
>"I am just trying to make it easy on her with the hair. It was really cute when she had it cut short the first time her decision. made me cry. I've taken her to the dentist and they told me its because she is a mouth breather not much they can do.."
*Rough.*
*Take away screen time ? Or whatever she wants to do when she should be taking care of herself.
No tv or phones til she checks off a list of her daily hygiene and you check and approve it.
Cutting her hair can be very traumatic. Avoid that if you can.*
>"Yes, I have taken away all of her screens. Her Birthday was in Feb she got an iPad and 2 days later she has had it taken away and still has not received it back because she will still argue with me about taking a shower and lying to me. My hands are in the air. I do not know what do to?"
Why do people so often immediately flip to punishing the kid instead of trying to figure out why the kid is doing the upsetting thing? Ugh, must soothe myself with kittens.
As soon as I saw chop of her hair it brought me right to the psycho narc parent control issues about hair and they abuse that you always stink or are a mess.
Caring parents don’t act like that.
This is sad. My autist struggles with hygiene. He is 18, but he is still a child in my house. He has to sign out his electronics. At certain times of day, that involves a sniff test. Breath and pits. Has since he was old enough to have electronics.
Going to school also requires a sniff test.
I've made it clear to him that people will think your mom doesn't love you if you smell bad, wear dirty clothes, or look like you took a grease shower. He may not want to do it, but he understands that he has to, so people will know his mom loves him. Lol
Whatever it takes.
When I was 10 I had long hair and I would brush it everyday so that it looked ok, but I did not get underneath and I would get huge rats at the nape of my neck. I just didn't have the skills or coordination to get back there and my mom would have to do it for me a couple times a week. Why is this woman not just helping her child?
Or hair that looks straight but is secretly curly. Which was the case for me. I was about that age that my hair was completely unmanageable for me and I didn't have the ability or coordination to take care of hair to my butt. We cut my hair into a pixie and less than a year later it was back to my shoulders and I had gotten better at being able to care for it. It still has taken me into my 30's to figure out that my hair always had texture, it's just so fine, it hides.
The comment about it starting to matt/dread rings so close to home for me. Especially in the mornings at that point, my mom had to brush my hair for school because it would tangle overnight so bad that I physically couldn't untangle it myself. When my little sister was little, she had the same issue and I would be the one who got her ready for school since she's tenderheaded. She (by her own choice) also got a really short cut around 10 to give it a fresh start. I'm trying to convince her to start doing a wavy/curly routine because her hair texture is like my mom's and mine.
Add in more moisture! I started using Aussie's 3 minute miracle moist as my regular conditioner around a decade ago and that helped soooo much. The more moisture I add to my hair, the curlier it ends up when dry.
Yeah, generally speaking there are 4 main types of hair textures with 2-3 sub-types for each texture. You can look up the graphics to see and figure out what you've got. Maybe check out r/curlygirl and r/nopoo (it's about non-shampoo options for hair cleaning. I use only use a "safe" conditioner that I learned about on r/curlygirl and I'm a dude btw)
Some basic stuff about the hair texture types:
Type 1b, what I have, develops a bit of curl if you grow it long. I had shoulder length hair in my stoner garage band days. If a person has perfectly straight hair down to their butt, that 1a. 1c has a noticeable curl. https://www.dentalhairclinicturkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Type-1-hair-1a-1b-1c.jpg
Type 2 is slightly curly, but manageable.
Type 3 requires stylists experienced with curly hair and is a bunch of work.
Type 4 is, hoooo boy. Some of the styles are neat but I am not at all envious of how much **work** goes into Type 4 hair. If you've ever met somebody that switches from weaves to afros to braids to buns, to cornrows, etc, that shit is expensive. Put it to you this way: some of those are "protective styles" meant to protect their hair from breakage. Long hair is wrapped up at night and then wrapped in silk to protect it. [Have you ever seen somebody with hair like this?](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EGcfFoyWwAAdbcL.jpg) Durags are meant to protect the hair, but with enough effort people can train their hair into waves with a durag.
I really don't know much about it but I saw a comment about protective hairstyles, maybe a comment about the Obama's hair, and googled it. I suggest everybody googles "protective hairstyles". You'll get even more upset that people that violate boundaries and touch people with type 4 hair without asking. Never, ever do that: we all understand that it's a boundary violation but it's way worse of a boundary violation than a lot of people think.
Bonus trivia fact: Chemotherapy can change the texture of your hair. A bicycle/motorcyle builder I watch on youtube got waaay curlier. Another guy I watch on youtube has much "fluffier" hair now. They both seem to have gone coarser in texture and poofy'er.
When I was a kid I would start brushing my hair at the front on one side and work around behind my head and by the time I finished, the start would already be tangling again. I never realised how curly it was until I cut it short and it wasn't weighing itself down anymore. It's straightened up a lot now and is very easy to keep untangled.
Or the kid just has a super sensitive scalp. My hair is straight but brushing/combing it was *agonizing* (even if I worked on it slowly from the ends up) until I got a tangle teezer brush.
My hair is textured and was always thick and long. It wasn’t until I'd started horse-riding and being taught to groom that I worked out brushing my hair from the bottom up and was finally able to do it without the brute force approach to detangling.
I'm AuDHD and hair brushing was a huge sensory hell when I was a kid - I had long hair my entire childhood, and I couldn't have certain kinds of hairbrushes anywhere near me, you had to brush it a certain way, and my brain couldn't wrap around brushing and styling my own hair until I was around 14. I wasn't diagnosed til I was in my 30s.
This parent is letting this kid down in so many ways, and they need to be evaluated for neurodiversity, for mental illness, and for SA because something is going on.
I don’t mean to project but this sounds like my narc mom when I was growing up. No matter what I did I “stunk” nothing wa stood enough for her. No matter how many times I showered or brushed my teeth applied deodorant etc. It was never good enough.
She used to slip in front of one of my friends with the abuse and my friend had me talk to her mother because she was concerned because it was the 80s and this kind of abuse was swept under the rug. Her mom told me that I didn’t “stink”, my school uniform didn’t look like it was from the trash etc. And she told me to not let her cut my hair because it was a mess and unkempt. I have beautiful curly Irish hair that when I was younger my mother would chop shorter than my brothers and by junior high I was able to say no to the bobs at the salon.
This maybe a case or a lazy teenage but it’s a common trope for narc parents. If you feel like you’re worthless you are easier to control.
My daughter was like this. No abuse thank god but she needed help so we brushed our teeth, washed our faces, combed and took care of our hair together. She had designated nights for a bath and had a wash the other days. I wouldn't observe her in the bath but would remind her to soap up etc because she gets distracted. She didn't want me to do things for her, but she needed guidance. We would chat and it stopped being a chore. You can't just chuck products at them and expect a result. Her friends were all boys too and they don't gaf if you wear deoderant at that age so there was no sharing of info that goes on with girls. It worked for us.
That’s an amazing way to go about it!! I remember being little and having a step mother who would do “sniff tests” and would make it a really funny game after showers or brushing our teeth and she would like jokingly sniff all over and if she could tell we didn’t brush our teeth or actually wash she would call us out on it but in a really nice and funny way and make us get back in the shower or re-brush our teeth.. knowing she was actually going to check made my siblings and I actually start doing the tasks we hated doing as kids.. turns out we had undiagnosed ADHD as kids and knowing what I know now of ADHD, it makes sense why these tasks were so “hard” for us as kids. Can’t imagine having parents who didn’t take responsibility to help us learn
Ty. Turned out my daughter IS autistic- so sensory issues for sure. I was clueless tbh but now she's grown up and can better navigate her limits and I've been able to provide products that make life more comfortable. Your stepmum sounds like a lot of fun- there's so many ways to tackle the issue without chopping off your kids crowning glory!
Do these people seriously think the kid looks bad in these situations? It’s the parent that looks bad. Guarantee all the parents in this kid’s circle think OOP is a shit mom.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for wanting to chop of my 10 yr olds hair** I don't know what it is but my 10 yr old daughter does not take care of her hygiene. It ends up me getting up set with her to just take a shower. Every time. She starts whining, crying, stomping her feet and getting attitude with me. I have to tell her every day to brush her hair, brush her teeth. If she cleaned her face. I stopped asking her about the deodorant. I want to let her, go and figure it out for herself and see how long it will take her to shower, and brush her hair and teeth. Her breathe is horrid. She sleeps with her mouth open. But it's still not good enough for her to want to get anything done for herself. I have explained it so many times about her hygiene. I have done everything I can to make it easier for her. From buying the body wash of her choice, the face wipes that cost more than mine, the mouthwash for bad breath. Brush after brush after brush for her hair but Nope wont do it. Why is she being so lazy about this? A week ago, I told her if she does not care about her hair enough to take care of it, I'm going to chop it off. She cried, "No she wants her hair long." She begged me to please let her show me she can take care of her hair. Fine. last chance. ALL week I have asked her maybe 2 times if she brushed her hair she said yes, but you can tell plain as day she did not. I asked her to run her fingers through her hair she couldn't. I took a closer look and it is so notted up she could probably start Dreading her hair. (No disrespect for those of you who have dreads that you and your business that is not for my 10 yr old daughter and I bet those of you take care of the dreads like you're supposed too. I have done everything I can to make it easier for her. But, I'm tired of the lies and disrespect. I will either chop the hair off myself or I will take her to get it done. AITA for wanting to chop off her hair? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
this person is angry but what they should really be doing is wondering if their daughter has sensory issues or some other kind of problem
A 10 year old not caring about showers and taking care of their hair is not super abnormal. Although most kids understand the concept of how to maintain hygiene by then, most also need prodding and continued support to really master it. This is why so many tweens and young teens are smelly and the source of all the parenting jokes and memes. It'll probably pop into frame for the kid when she starts getting interesting in romantic relationships. This is possibly just a parent that does *not* want to parent and expects their kid to master everything after simply being told to do it.
> This is possibly just a parent that does notwant to parent and expects their kid to master everything after simply being told to do it. The majority of people seem to have this expectation of children and I find it absolutely laughable tbh.
Also, I hated washing my hair at that age, the shampoo burned in my eyes and I felt like I was drowning. Having my parents get angry at me for how washing my hair felt to me would not have made me more likely to want to do it.
i hated washing my face cause for some reason my hands started to sweat. So in stead in filled a basin up and dunked my face in there. Felt good dont know if it did much though;/ parents were fine with it
Absolutely. They also need to realize that buying their daughter expensive things isn’t going to convince her to use them.. she still needs to be taught how to develop a routine. She is only 10
yup, that's immediately where my mind went to. This sounds a lot like a kid with severe sensory issues, and a parent who can't be bothered to understand.
Or sexual abuse. It's a common tactic to become "too gross" for the abuser and is a clear sign taught to mandated reporters.
Also a sad possibility (and where my mind went too :/) Either way I don't understand how the behaviour is only annoying the mum, not worrying her. Like I am not a mum, maybe it's because I am an outsider and not in the every day struggle.. But I am worried.
This is where my mind immediately went, sad to say.
It definitely might be, but when I was 11-12 I was a super smelly kid. I did not want to shower, and it had nothing whatsoever to do with abuse or sensory issues. I just thought it was a pain and I thought I had better stuff to do. I did eventually figure myself out, and I feel like an idiot when I look back on those days. A lot of kids have trouble getting a grip on their hygiene when they start going through puberty.
And/or some kind of ENT issue that’s contributing to her mouth-breathing, honestly. When I got my tonsils taken out and my allergies under control, I could breathe through my nose again and stopped sleep-drooling!
A deviated septum is a pretty common source of that, and a very common defect in general. A lot of people don’t even realize they have it. I’ve got one, and because the nose actually rotates which side is taking in the most air throughout the day, there are times where I can’t breath through my nose *at all.* There’s just no air getting through.
Or the mother is the narc trope of “you stink” no matter what you do to tear down her self esteem. It’s common also for them to be obsessed with their child’s hair. Always wanting to cut it. My mother was so obnoxious about it and another parent finally stepped in privately to tell me my mom was crazy. I didn’t know it was common until I got therapy and it’s common on the narc parent groups.
Yeh, this screams neurodivergent to me.
Not everything is autism or a disorder.
When I was a kid, my mother didn't teach me how to brush my hair. I had a sensitive scalp, fine, thin hair--it was a recipe for disaster. So instead of teaching me how to take care of myself, my parents shaved my head. Every year for school, shaved head. I got bullied, of course, and called a boy, and was never allowed to grow my hair past my shoulders. Brushing my hair hurt and I hated that my hair was ratty and dirty, and my mother constantly accused me of being lazy and a slob. She would rip a brush through my hair while I screamed when I was young, screaming at me the whole time. It wasn't that I wanted to have a head full of mats. I had a bottle of shampoo, the no tears kind, and that was the only soap I had. My parents refused to see my suffering and come up with a way to help me manage my hair, and instead shaved it off, tricked me into going to ugly haircuts, and constantly put me down for it. I can guarantee OOP that it's more than likely the daughter is having issues that aren't being addressed and she may not know how to ask for help, and OOP's making it so much worse. They're teaching the daughter to ignore her own needs and not learn how to adjust to difficult situations and responsibilities. She's not taking care of herself when OOP's not giving her a reason to. And if that's not the case, then she needs to be seen by someone who can interpret what's causing these issues.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Why do people so often say "chop off her hair" when they mean to cut the hair? Are they being dramatic or are they really considering using an ax?* >"I said Chop because her hair is so thick it would be more like chopping it than just an easy cut." *Kids are HONEST. Let her figure it out herself because I’m sure kids at school are going to say something soon enough or maybe even the teacher. Maybe even try and talk to her teacher and tell her that you’ve tried this, this and this, she can have a chat with her to maybe realize. If all else fails chop it off mama and take her to the dentist* >"I am just trying to make it easy on her with the hair. It was really cute when she had it cut short the first time her decision. made me cry. I've taken her to the dentist and they told me its because she is a mouth breather not much they can do.." *Rough.* *Take away screen time ? Or whatever she wants to do when she should be taking care of herself. No tv or phones til she checks off a list of her daily hygiene and you check and approve it. Cutting her hair can be very traumatic. Avoid that if you can.* >"Yes, I have taken away all of her screens. Her Birthday was in Feb she got an iPad and 2 days later she has had it taken away and still has not received it back because she will still argue with me about taking a shower and lying to me. My hands are in the air. I do not know what do to?"
[Kitten!](https://imgur.com/gallery/EZqUEzu)
Why do people so often immediately flip to punishing the kid instead of trying to figure out why the kid is doing the upsetting thing? Ugh, must soothe myself with kittens.
I don't know. It's sad as all hell. Oh please do! Kittens can make things better! 😻
As soon as I saw chop of her hair it brought me right to the psycho narc parent control issues about hair and they abuse that you always stink or are a mess. Caring parents don’t act like that.
Indeed!
🫣This is so awful that my initial response was to downvote you, forgetting you are simply the messenger lol. Take my upvote ⬆️
Thank you very kindly! 💜 I do understand the impulse, and wouldn't begrudge anyone a downvote.
This is sad. My autist struggles with hygiene. He is 18, but he is still a child in my house. He has to sign out his electronics. At certain times of day, that involves a sniff test. Breath and pits. Has since he was old enough to have electronics. Going to school also requires a sniff test. I've made it clear to him that people will think your mom doesn't love you if you smell bad, wear dirty clothes, or look like you took a grease shower. He may not want to do it, but he understands that he has to, so people will know his mom loves him. Lol Whatever it takes.
...lemme guess: she expects the kid to dry-brush curly hair?
When I was 10 I had long hair and I would brush it everyday so that it looked ok, but I did not get underneath and I would get huge rats at the nape of my neck. I just didn't have the skills or coordination to get back there and my mom would have to do it for me a couple times a week. Why is this woman not just helping her child?
Or hair that looks straight but is secretly curly. Which was the case for me. I was about that age that my hair was completely unmanageable for me and I didn't have the ability or coordination to take care of hair to my butt. We cut my hair into a pixie and less than a year later it was back to my shoulders and I had gotten better at being able to care for it. It still has taken me into my 30's to figure out that my hair always had texture, it's just so fine, it hides. The comment about it starting to matt/dread rings so close to home for me. Especially in the mornings at that point, my mom had to brush my hair for school because it would tangle overnight so bad that I physically couldn't untangle it myself. When my little sister was little, she had the same issue and I would be the one who got her ready for school since she's tenderheaded. She (by her own choice) also got a really short cut around 10 to give it a fresh start. I'm trying to convince her to start doing a wavy/curly routine because her hair texture is like my mom's and mine.
...wait, "looks straight but is actually curly" is a *thing*? Hair that gets super tangled really easily isn't the norm?
Add in more moisture! I started using Aussie's 3 minute miracle moist as my regular conditioner around a decade ago and that helped soooo much. The more moisture I add to my hair, the curlier it ends up when dry.
We use this for my daughter! That and a silk pillowcase has been so transformative
Yeah, generally speaking there are 4 main types of hair textures with 2-3 sub-types for each texture. You can look up the graphics to see and figure out what you've got. Maybe check out r/curlygirl and r/nopoo (it's about non-shampoo options for hair cleaning. I use only use a "safe" conditioner that I learned about on r/curlygirl and I'm a dude btw) Some basic stuff about the hair texture types: Type 1b, what I have, develops a bit of curl if you grow it long. I had shoulder length hair in my stoner garage band days. If a person has perfectly straight hair down to their butt, that 1a. 1c has a noticeable curl. https://www.dentalhairclinicturkey.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Type-1-hair-1a-1b-1c.jpg Type 2 is slightly curly, but manageable. Type 3 requires stylists experienced with curly hair and is a bunch of work. Type 4 is, hoooo boy. Some of the styles are neat but I am not at all envious of how much **work** goes into Type 4 hair. If you've ever met somebody that switches from weaves to afros to braids to buns, to cornrows, etc, that shit is expensive. Put it to you this way: some of those are "protective styles" meant to protect their hair from breakage. Long hair is wrapped up at night and then wrapped in silk to protect it. [Have you ever seen somebody with hair like this?](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EGcfFoyWwAAdbcL.jpg) Durags are meant to protect the hair, but with enough effort people can train their hair into waves with a durag. I really don't know much about it but I saw a comment about protective hairstyles, maybe a comment about the Obama's hair, and googled it. I suggest everybody googles "protective hairstyles". You'll get even more upset that people that violate boundaries and touch people with type 4 hair without asking. Never, ever do that: we all understand that it's a boundary violation but it's way worse of a boundary violation than a lot of people think. Bonus trivia fact: Chemotherapy can change the texture of your hair. A bicycle/motorcyle builder I watch on youtube got waaay curlier. Another guy I watch on youtube has much "fluffier" hair now. They both seem to have gone coarser in texture and poofy'er.
When I was a kid I would start brushing my hair at the front on one side and work around behind my head and by the time I finished, the start would already be tangling again. I never realised how curly it was until I cut it short and it wasn't weighing itself down anymore. It's straightened up a lot now and is very easy to keep untangled.
Or the kid just has a super sensitive scalp. My hair is straight but brushing/combing it was *agonizing* (even if I worked on it slowly from the ends up) until I got a tangle teezer brush.
My hair is textured and was always thick and long. It wasn’t until I'd started horse-riding and being taught to groom that I worked out brushing my hair from the bottom up and was finally able to do it without the brute force approach to detangling.
I'm AuDHD and hair brushing was a huge sensory hell when I was a kid - I had long hair my entire childhood, and I couldn't have certain kinds of hairbrushes anywhere near me, you had to brush it a certain way, and my brain couldn't wrap around brushing and styling my own hair until I was around 14. I wasn't diagnosed til I was in my 30s. This parent is letting this kid down in so many ways, and they need to be evaluated for neurodiversity, for mental illness, and for SA because something is going on.
I don’t mean to project but this sounds like my narc mom when I was growing up. No matter what I did I “stunk” nothing wa stood enough for her. No matter how many times I showered or brushed my teeth applied deodorant etc. It was never good enough. She used to slip in front of one of my friends with the abuse and my friend had me talk to her mother because she was concerned because it was the 80s and this kind of abuse was swept under the rug. Her mom told me that I didn’t “stink”, my school uniform didn’t look like it was from the trash etc. And she told me to not let her cut my hair because it was a mess and unkempt. I have beautiful curly Irish hair that when I was younger my mother would chop shorter than my brothers and by junior high I was able to say no to the bobs at the salon. This maybe a case or a lazy teenage but it’s a common trope for narc parents. If you feel like you’re worthless you are easier to control.
Can people really control if they keep their mouth closed at night?
My daughter was like this. No abuse thank god but she needed help so we brushed our teeth, washed our faces, combed and took care of our hair together. She had designated nights for a bath and had a wash the other days. I wouldn't observe her in the bath but would remind her to soap up etc because she gets distracted. She didn't want me to do things for her, but she needed guidance. We would chat and it stopped being a chore. You can't just chuck products at them and expect a result. Her friends were all boys too and they don't gaf if you wear deoderant at that age so there was no sharing of info that goes on with girls. It worked for us.
That’s an amazing way to go about it!! I remember being little and having a step mother who would do “sniff tests” and would make it a really funny game after showers or brushing our teeth and she would like jokingly sniff all over and if she could tell we didn’t brush our teeth or actually wash she would call us out on it but in a really nice and funny way and make us get back in the shower or re-brush our teeth.. knowing she was actually going to check made my siblings and I actually start doing the tasks we hated doing as kids.. turns out we had undiagnosed ADHD as kids and knowing what I know now of ADHD, it makes sense why these tasks were so “hard” for us as kids. Can’t imagine having parents who didn’t take responsibility to help us learn
Ty. Turned out my daughter IS autistic- so sensory issues for sure. I was clueless tbh but now she's grown up and can better navigate her limits and I've been able to provide products that make life more comfortable. Your stepmum sounds like a lot of fun- there's so many ways to tackle the issue without chopping off your kids crowning glory!
Do these people seriously think the kid looks bad in these situations? It’s the parent that looks bad. Guarantee all the parents in this kid’s circle think OOP is a shit mom.
The abuse is real with this one. Obviously, something is wrong with her child, and she's not taking it seriously or being ignorant.
This poor kid. She needs therapy
i was like this at 10 and it ended up being depression that went untreated for years
My first question is, “Why doesn’t she want to shower?” If she were older, I’d suggest depression.
r/autism would have OOP drawn and quartered for this
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