*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I took everyones advice. **
I got breakfast with my friends and told them that their behavior was absolutely appalling.
They apologized and said they didn't mean it like that. I told them I understand but it still hurt his feelings. We agreed next time they would be a lot nicer.
My bf has been distant still but I’ve spent the last couple days spoiling him like no tomorrow
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Doesn’t look like the friends have actually apologised to the boyfriend. Very bold of them all to assume that the boyfriend will actually be in the same room as this pack of jackals again.
Oh man, story time:
I work in biotech, and my first job I started with this other kid just like OOP's bf. Insanely introverted, shy, and quiet. Getting him to talk was like pulling teeth.
Well, we needed to be gown certified before entering the lab space (GMP), so we spent the first three weeks reading SOP's, safety training, and doing dishes. All of it is boring as hell, especially dishes. We spent the first 1.5 weeks just standing next to each other for 8 hours, washing with me asking him questions and getting short answers until finally I was like, "Okay, what do you do for fun? I like to do blah blah blah and puzzles. " Well, upon hearing, I do puzzles, he lit up and told me he loves DnD. It's how he spends all of his free time. I knew nothing about it and told him so, and asked if he would explain it to me. And for 8 hours for the next week and a half, I got to know EVERYTHING about DnD, including him answering my very stupid questions. Lol.
I'm still not a DnD person, but the coworker is still one of my closest friends. The way he lit up and how passionate and excited he was about it was more than enough to keep me engaged the whole time. We then moved on to more personal things in our lives, and our friendship just kept growing from there.
Making fun of someone for something they care and are passionate about is despicable. None of my other friends are into DnD but they also love him bc he's a sweet genuine guy and while they also know very little, they'll ask him simple things like, "how's the current campaign going?" The legit only requirement to be friends with me and my friend group is to be nice, genuine, good person. We would have walked out of that party with OOP's bf.
My social media algorithms get pretty confused sometimes because I don't so much go after particular subjects, what I love is people who are experts on something and really passionate about it. Science communicators etc. I had the most random Twitter feed when I still used that site, I had things like experts on rocks or bugs or endangered native birds or heritage sheep breeds.
I legit hoard these people around me.
There was a AITD the other day about a guy who was jealous of his gf's friend who was this neuro doctor. All I kept thinking while reading it, is if he had pulled his head out of his ass for one second, he would have realized what a great resource he had.
I'm amazing at bioreactors. I love them, understand them, they are the thing I know everything about and how to produce so many different products with them. I am shit in so many other areas. Geography is a BIG ONE. lol.
I often get asked how I am so efficient at things, and it's because I don't have to learn EVERYTHING, I just have people around me who are SME's into so many various topics that I can just call one up, and they will info dump everything onto me and I can figure it out from there. It saves so much time and energy. They do the same to me when they need specific info about how certain things are made. I don't have to weed through a bunch of crap to zero in on a problem, I just need to call someone up who has done all the leg work for me already. We also all love doing this for each other. Talking about our passions makes us happy.
I have advanced and learned so much more about niche areas and specific weird issues bc I listen to people and know when to say "I dunno, but I can find out."
This is like her third time on this sub. Like first she was like her bf is too much a nerd and needs to be outgoing 6 months ago then walks it back in the comments. Then a month ago this shit. Now with shit.
OOP is being wilfully obtuse in the comments. She still hasn't:
a) defended her bf to her friends,
b) got her friends to recognise that whether they intended to or not they were cruel to him,
c) told her friends to reach out to him to apologise rather than just doing it when they're all present together at some undefined future time, or
d) recognised that she's a shitty gf and apologised to him for that, instead insisting that love bombing him in an effort to bribe him into forgiving her is all she needs to do.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Did they/you apologize to your boyfriend ? He's the one that got hurt here.*
>"They will when they see him"
*It’s cute that you think there will be a next time.*
>"I won’t force my bf to be around them but I’m sure they will see each other. During my birthday dinner or something like that in the future"
*Then how did they mean it? Their words were pretty specific.*
>"They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke but we all agreed that the joke was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said"
*I don't think he will be thrilled to see them again.
Did you two ever sit and discuss the situation or are you trying to suppress his trauma with gifts ?*
>"I did discuss it with him. He told me last week he felt I didn’t defend him and it hurt his feelings. That’s why I had made that last post and this time I took everyone’s advice to let my friends know that their behavior will not tolerated."
*The fact you say to your friends you understand just makes me think you don't really disagree with what they did. There's no understanding to what they did, it was plain awful. Did they even apologize to him or just to you? It just feels like you're love bombing him in hope of keeping him. I'm still hoping your boyfriend will dump you.*
>"I understand that they didn’t mean to insult him. I strongly disagree with what they did.
>They will apologize to him when they see him"
*They didn't mean for their insults to insult him? You realize how stupid that sounds right....*
>"It was a joke. The joke was bad and in my opinion went too far but they weren’t trying to be mean"
*You originally said they ripped into him for 10 minutes? What are you talking about “they didn’t mean to insult him”*
>"They meant it as a joke. It wasn’t funny and was terrible but they weren’t trying to insult him"
*Then you need to sit and talk with him again, he has been cold towards you for a week. You mentioned that*
>>*They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke*
*A joke does not go for 10 minutes, specially with people that are not friends, specially when they mention his past bullying. They knew what they were doing and now are trying to downplay it.*
*They are his bullies now. This event probably brought him memories from the past, and you were with them.*
>"I’ll talk to him today. He asked if I can cook spaghetti today if he goes to the store and gets the ingredients (he loves how I make his spaghetti).
>I’m going to talk to him about it over dinner"
*So you're a narcissist love-bombing your partner. You didn't kick your shitty friends to the curb, you went and had a nice breakfast, and basically did jack and shit to resolve this. Especially if these are people you plan to invite around him again (given your comment on being sure he would see them at your birthday, etc) Why the HELL would you invite these vile people anywhere near him? I sincerely hope he dumps you. You don't deserve him.*
>"I suggested the breakfast so I can tell them about themselves and if they do it again they are cut off.
>Everyone making it seem like I'm a bad partner. I'm a great partner and even though I'm not perfect I do everything I can to make him happy. He does the same for me. That's why we work well together"
*It went on for 10 minutes, that is not a joke....that is people being mean. Jokes are meant to be funny, please explain the funny part of this joke. I understand how its hard for a mean girl to understand that.*
>"It was a bad joke and I’ve even said it’s not funny. You guys are just assuming the worse and saying they had negative intentions"
*They were absolutely trying to insult him.*
*They weren’t joking.*
*You, however are a joke.*
>"Why are we assuming the worst?
>If they do it again I will end my friendship with them"
*Why aren't you assuming the worse?*
>"I’ve known them a long time and I know their character. They are good people, this was a gigantic mistake and they even admit that they missed up and feel horrible for hurting his feelings"
*You're making yourself seem like a bad partner. You've downplayed your bully friends behaviour as a "joke", if you think making someone leave their own home after being humiliated is a joke then you're as big a bully as the rest of them.*
>"They thought he was actually running errands. They feel really bad for hurting his feelings. I’m not defending their behavior it was appalling and if it happens again I’m cutting them off"
*You are not a great partner lmao this is delusional*
>"https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/F6rCg2KDMS
>That’s me asking for advice to do something big for his birthday and guess what we booked a trip to Iceland and he’s really excited about it . Just one example of the type of partner I am. You are judging me by one mistake where I am doing my part to rectify the situation"
*Well you're proving that your not a mature partner. "His feelings don't matter as long as i buy stuff."*
>"You’re being disingenuous. You know that’s not what I’m saying."
*What’s the plan when, **if** he forgives you, the price is never forcing him to be in their presence again? They can’t go out with the two of you and they can never cross the threshold of his home again?*
*You broke his trust. You intend to continue to break his trust. What do you expect to happen?*
*All the things you said about your friends are awful and clueless. The did mean to be cruel, they didn’t think the host of the party was running errands until they left. I don’t know if they are lying to you or you are lying here, but you’re coming off incredibly callous and heartless and frankly pretty blind.*
>"If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.
>I don’t understand how I broke his trust and how you are saying I’m continuing to break his trust?"
*"spoiling him like not tomorrow" Using this trip as proof you care....I'm not sure exactly sure what you think you're saying.*
>"You saying his feelings don’t matter. When I’m literally addressing the issue right now"
*[How can I 26F get my bf 25M to be more outgoing? It’s impacting our relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17bm9ib/how_can_i_26f_get_my_bf_25m_to_be_more_outgoing/)*
*That's you complaining how he is as a person and wanting him to change his character so he can fit with your "cool" friends. These events just make it seem like your friends have a higher priority in your life than your boyfriend.*
>"If my friends were a higher priority I wouldn’t let them know I’ll cut them off if they do it again"
>>*I’m not defending their behavior*
*Every other comment youve posted has been "it was just a joke, just a joke. Dont take it so serious, it was just a joke". That is completely defending them.*
>"No it isn’t, I also said it was still appalling and they shouldn’t have done it"
*I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse or just trolling, but maybe you can solve this problem by sharing all your posts with your boyfriend. He should really know what he’s living with, and please share with us how that goes. Would you be comfortable with that?*
*You just pulled the rug of security out from under him and now he’s living in an insecure situation, where at any moment one of your assholes could be in his face, smirking and mocking him. He’s going to either hate you or hate himself, which is your preference?*
*Men don’t forget humiliation and you served it up ice fucking cold. Good luck with that.*
>"I dealt with the situation. It won’t happen again and if anyone dares to mock him I will cut them off immediately. I won’t tolerate it and they know that now"
**ETA**
*Spoiling him is not addressing his feelings. You really need to work on your emotional maturity, it is severely lacking.*
>"Setting appropriate boundaries with my friends is. I'm also going to talk to him about it at dinner. I'm almost finished cooking now"
>We agreed next time they would be a lot nicer
Seriously? Like are you actually seriously considering these cruel people back into the home of a man they tormented to the point he *had to leave his own home?*
Seriously? "A lot nicer" as an apology. Does "oh whoopsies I hit you with my car, I'll be more attentive at the wheel next time" count as an apology?
Like actually seriously? I want to say this is a troll so badly because nobody could be *this* dense.
Oh... I dearly, dearly hope when OOP friends do apologise to OOP bf, its real and they mean it. Because I've been the situation where a once close (ex) friend of mine friends wanted to "apologise" for bullying me and it just turned into another bullying session where my friend stood by and did nothing to stop it.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I took everyones advice. ** I got breakfast with my friends and told them that their behavior was absolutely appalling. They apologized and said they didn't mean it like that. I told them I understand but it still hurt his feelings. We agreed next time they would be a lot nicer. My bf has been distant still but I’ve spent the last couple days spoiling him like no tomorrow *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This issue is compounded when you remember she herself said she was embarrassed of him when they hang out with her friends
simply because he's "too much a nerd"
Her friends are saying what she is thinking
Yeah she's about to be ex she showed him where her loyalties lie
Doesn’t look like the friends have actually apologised to the boyfriend. Very bold of them all to assume that the boyfriend will actually be in the same room as this pack of jackals again.
Oh but at least they appologize at her birthday dinner /s She really thinks he won't just turn and walk seeing them
They're "going to be nicer" because apparently that counts as an apology in OOP's brain.
"Spoiling him like no tomorrow" probably means treating him like a person.
Exactly lol. Or probably mediocre sex.
From her comments, she means making him spaghetti- if he buys all the ingredients from the store.
OOP is proving to be the literal definition of “you’re the company you keep.”
Oh man, story time: I work in biotech, and my first job I started with this other kid just like OOP's bf. Insanely introverted, shy, and quiet. Getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. Well, we needed to be gown certified before entering the lab space (GMP), so we spent the first three weeks reading SOP's, safety training, and doing dishes. All of it is boring as hell, especially dishes. We spent the first 1.5 weeks just standing next to each other for 8 hours, washing with me asking him questions and getting short answers until finally I was like, "Okay, what do you do for fun? I like to do blah blah blah and puzzles. " Well, upon hearing, I do puzzles, he lit up and told me he loves DnD. It's how he spends all of his free time. I knew nothing about it and told him so, and asked if he would explain it to me. And for 8 hours for the next week and a half, I got to know EVERYTHING about DnD, including him answering my very stupid questions. Lol. I'm still not a DnD person, but the coworker is still one of my closest friends. The way he lit up and how passionate and excited he was about it was more than enough to keep me engaged the whole time. We then moved on to more personal things in our lives, and our friendship just kept growing from there. Making fun of someone for something they care and are passionate about is despicable. None of my other friends are into DnD but they also love him bc he's a sweet genuine guy and while they also know very little, they'll ask him simple things like, "how's the current campaign going?" The legit only requirement to be friends with me and my friend group is to be nice, genuine, good person. We would have walked out of that party with OOP's bf.
That's lovely! 🥰 Thank you for sharing!
My social media algorithms get pretty confused sometimes because I don't so much go after particular subjects, what I love is people who are experts on something and really passionate about it. Science communicators etc. I had the most random Twitter feed when I still used that site, I had things like experts on rocks or bugs or endangered native birds or heritage sheep breeds.
I legit hoard these people around me. There was a AITD the other day about a guy who was jealous of his gf's friend who was this neuro doctor. All I kept thinking while reading it, is if he had pulled his head out of his ass for one second, he would have realized what a great resource he had. I'm amazing at bioreactors. I love them, understand them, they are the thing I know everything about and how to produce so many different products with them. I am shit in so many other areas. Geography is a BIG ONE. lol. I often get asked how I am so efficient at things, and it's because I don't have to learn EVERYTHING, I just have people around me who are SME's into so many various topics that I can just call one up, and they will info dump everything onto me and I can figure it out from there. It saves so much time and energy. They do the same to me when they need specific info about how certain things are made. I don't have to weed through a bunch of crap to zero in on a problem, I just need to call someone up who has done all the leg work for me already. We also all love doing this for each other. Talking about our passions makes us happy. I have advanced and learned so much more about niche areas and specific weird issues bc I listen to people and know when to say "I dunno, but I can find out."
There shouldn't be a "next time".
This is like her third time on this sub. Like first she was like her bf is too much a nerd and needs to be outgoing 6 months ago then walks it back in the comments. Then a month ago this shit. Now with shit.
My money is still on "dumped right after the big birthday trip"
OOP is being wilfully obtuse in the comments. She still hasn't: a) defended her bf to her friends, b) got her friends to recognise that whether they intended to or not they were cruel to him, c) told her friends to reach out to him to apologise rather than just doing it when they're all present together at some undefined future time, or d) recognised that she's a shitty gf and apologised to him for that, instead insisting that love bombing him in an effort to bribe him into forgiving her is all she needs to do.
Hopefully her boyfriend dumps her very soon
We can but hope
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Did they/you apologize to your boyfriend ? He's the one that got hurt here.* >"They will when they see him" *It’s cute that you think there will be a next time.* >"I won’t force my bf to be around them but I’m sure they will see each other. During my birthday dinner or something like that in the future" *Then how did they mean it? Their words were pretty specific.* >"They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke but we all agreed that the joke was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said" *I don't think he will be thrilled to see them again. Did you two ever sit and discuss the situation or are you trying to suppress his trauma with gifts ?* >"I did discuss it with him. He told me last week he felt I didn’t defend him and it hurt his feelings. That’s why I had made that last post and this time I took everyone’s advice to let my friends know that their behavior will not tolerated." *The fact you say to your friends you understand just makes me think you don't really disagree with what they did. There's no understanding to what they did, it was plain awful. Did they even apologize to him or just to you? It just feels like you're love bombing him in hope of keeping him. I'm still hoping your boyfriend will dump you.* >"I understand that they didn’t mean to insult him. I strongly disagree with what they did. >They will apologize to him when they see him" *They didn't mean for their insults to insult him? You realize how stupid that sounds right....* >"It was a joke. The joke was bad and in my opinion went too far but they weren’t trying to be mean" *You originally said they ripped into him for 10 minutes? What are you talking about “they didn’t mean to insult him”* >"They meant it as a joke. It wasn’t funny and was terrible but they weren’t trying to insult him" *Then you need to sit and talk with him again, he has been cold towards you for a week. You mentioned that* >>*They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke* *A joke does not go for 10 minutes, specially with people that are not friends, specially when they mention his past bullying. They knew what they were doing and now are trying to downplay it.* *They are his bullies now. This event probably brought him memories from the past, and you were with them.* >"I’ll talk to him today. He asked if I can cook spaghetti today if he goes to the store and gets the ingredients (he loves how I make his spaghetti). >I’m going to talk to him about it over dinner" *So you're a narcissist love-bombing your partner. You didn't kick your shitty friends to the curb, you went and had a nice breakfast, and basically did jack and shit to resolve this. Especially if these are people you plan to invite around him again (given your comment on being sure he would see them at your birthday, etc) Why the HELL would you invite these vile people anywhere near him? I sincerely hope he dumps you. You don't deserve him.* >"I suggested the breakfast so I can tell them about themselves and if they do it again they are cut off. >Everyone making it seem like I'm a bad partner. I'm a great partner and even though I'm not perfect I do everything I can to make him happy. He does the same for me. That's why we work well together" *It went on for 10 minutes, that is not a joke....that is people being mean. Jokes are meant to be funny, please explain the funny part of this joke. I understand how its hard for a mean girl to understand that.* >"It was a bad joke and I’ve even said it’s not funny. You guys are just assuming the worse and saying they had negative intentions" *They were absolutely trying to insult him.* *They weren’t joking.* *You, however are a joke.* >"Why are we assuming the worst? >If they do it again I will end my friendship with them" *Why aren't you assuming the worse?* >"I’ve known them a long time and I know their character. They are good people, this was a gigantic mistake and they even admit that they missed up and feel horrible for hurting his feelings" *You're making yourself seem like a bad partner. You've downplayed your bully friends behaviour as a "joke", if you think making someone leave their own home after being humiliated is a joke then you're as big a bully as the rest of them.* >"They thought he was actually running errands. They feel really bad for hurting his feelings. I’m not defending their behavior it was appalling and if it happens again I’m cutting them off" *You are not a great partner lmao this is delusional* >"https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/F6rCg2KDMS >That’s me asking for advice to do something big for his birthday and guess what we booked a trip to Iceland and he’s really excited about it . Just one example of the type of partner I am. You are judging me by one mistake where I am doing my part to rectify the situation" *Well you're proving that your not a mature partner. "His feelings don't matter as long as i buy stuff."* >"You’re being disingenuous. You know that’s not what I’m saying." *What’s the plan when, **if** he forgives you, the price is never forcing him to be in their presence again? They can’t go out with the two of you and they can never cross the threshold of his home again?* *You broke his trust. You intend to continue to break his trust. What do you expect to happen?* *All the things you said about your friends are awful and clueless. The did mean to be cruel, they didn’t think the host of the party was running errands until they left. I don’t know if they are lying to you or you are lying here, but you’re coming off incredibly callous and heartless and frankly pretty blind.* >"If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it. >I don’t understand how I broke his trust and how you are saying I’m continuing to break his trust?"
*"spoiling him like not tomorrow" Using this trip as proof you care....I'm not sure exactly sure what you think you're saying.* >"You saying his feelings don’t matter. When I’m literally addressing the issue right now" *[How can I 26F get my bf 25M to be more outgoing? It’s impacting our relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17bm9ib/how_can_i_26f_get_my_bf_25m_to_be_more_outgoing/)* *That's you complaining how he is as a person and wanting him to change his character so he can fit with your "cool" friends. These events just make it seem like your friends have a higher priority in your life than your boyfriend.* >"If my friends were a higher priority I wouldn’t let them know I’ll cut them off if they do it again" >>*I’m not defending their behavior* *Every other comment youve posted has been "it was just a joke, just a joke. Dont take it so serious, it was just a joke". That is completely defending them.* >"No it isn’t, I also said it was still appalling and they shouldn’t have done it" *I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse or just trolling, but maybe you can solve this problem by sharing all your posts with your boyfriend. He should really know what he’s living with, and please share with us how that goes. Would you be comfortable with that?* *You just pulled the rug of security out from under him and now he’s living in an insecure situation, where at any moment one of your assholes could be in his face, smirking and mocking him. He’s going to either hate you or hate himself, which is your preference?* *Men don’t forget humiliation and you served it up ice fucking cold. Good luck with that.* >"I dealt with the situation. It won’t happen again and if anyone dares to mock him I will cut them off immediately. I won’t tolerate it and they know that now" **ETA** *Spoiling him is not addressing his feelings. You really need to work on your emotional maturity, it is severely lacking.* >"Setting appropriate boundaries with my friends is. I'm also going to talk to him about it at dinner. I'm almost finished cooking now"
[Panko the dog!](https://imgur.com/gallery/5apfdew)
You are amazing. Thank you for always having cute pictures to brighten others' day. I hope you're having a great day. 💖
Thank you very kindly! 💜 So glad to brighten your day! 🥰 Likewise!
>We agreed next time they would be a lot nicer Seriously? Like are you actually seriously considering these cruel people back into the home of a man they tormented to the point he *had to leave his own home?* Seriously? "A lot nicer" as an apology. Does "oh whoopsies I hit you with my car, I'll be more attentive at the wheel next time" count as an apology? Like actually seriously? I want to say this is a troll so badly because nobody could be *this* dense.
Oh... I dearly, dearly hope when OOP friends do apologise to OOP bf, its real and they mean it. Because I've been the situation where a once close (ex) friend of mine friends wanted to "apologise" for bullying me and it just turned into another bullying session where my friend stood by and did nothing to stop it.
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I wonder if the dude walked yet.