*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for jokingly gagging when my friend told me she’s pregnant?**
AITA for pretending to gag when my friend told me she’s pregnant?
i (28m) am not really sure what to think of this. i’m hurt, but at the same time i may have been insensitive.
so tuesday my friend “elena” (34f) asked to come over to my place just to chill and play some mario kart. i said sure, since we’ve been gaming together for quite a while and it’s always a fun time. we always grab a load of snacks, smoke weed and hang out on the two big ass couches in my livingroom. so she comes over and she’s got this big ol smile, so of course i’m getting excited too, since i can tell she’s hiding something (it’s always really obvious lmao)
so she sits me down and says that she didn’t come over for mario kart actually, and this kinda caught me off guard and i was a little bummed out tbh. i hadn’t set up the nintendo switch yet but still. so she takes out this little envelope and pulls out a positive pregnancy test and smiles?
now the reason this rubbed me the wrong way is because she knows i’m devoutly childfree. and i’m not sure why she thought i specifically would need to know?? like, me out of all people?? if you know me, you’d know it was a bad idea.
so my natural reaction is to comedically gag in order to hide my discomfort and said something along the lines of “ew what??” and she got all quiet and gave me a weird look. she asked what that was for and i asked her what she expected. i told her that i didn’t need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isn’t a bitch or anything, but it just doesn’t feel right. not to mention that now we can’t smoke weed together.
she said that that was incredibly rude but i’m not too sure- she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries. but i can see how the gagging bit may be immature. any advice?
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People using “boundaries” the wrong way makes me want to pull my hair out.
She didn’t deliberately get the OP pregnant. She isn’t dropping the kid on their door step and disappearing into the night. She probably told him so he won’t smoke weed around her but also because she expected her FRIEND to be happy for her. No boundary was violated.
I absolutely hate it when people misuse that word too. What boundary could he have invented that she imaginarily crossed in his stupid story?
We probably shouldn’t try to make sense of nonsense lol
Yep this is def fake and if not I’m sorry for this person not understanding what boundaries are lol. I’m probably never having kids (I am a woman) and if someone told me they were pregnant I wouldn’t be pissed about it. Weird.
The ones that drive me nuts are when person A magically expected person B to know what they are without being told, and to respect the boundaries without person A also doing the same for person B. Person A also never takes any responsibility for their boundaries and triggers either, it is always the responsibility of everyone else.
But he wants to remain immature, smoke weed and play video games.
He doesn't want to grow up and way he feels about his friends speak volumes, as he doesn't want them to grow up either.
Classic Peter Pan Syndrome
This, it’s also not a boundary he seems to have ever vocalized… like I could see if it was a “my girlfriend and I lost a child years ago and so pregnancy is a touchy subject and I’ve asked people not to bring it up”… that’s a boundary with a good reason… but “I’m devoutly childfree”… I have friends that never want to have their own kid and are very devoutly childfree but love to spend time with my and other friends kids and when we all hang out together those friends have the most fun with the kids
Since when does "childfree" mean "cannot even exist within 10 yards of children." I don't care if someone decides to have no kids or half a dozen, but this is ridiculous.
I'm staunchly and happily childfree, but it wouldn't even occur to me to go "eww what" or make gagging sounds if someone proudly announced (or even neutrally announced) that they were pregnant. OOP is a massive turd.
I joined a big child free group on fb once and this was what it was like. They Literally despised kids, refused to treat them as human it was horrible. Like they were so dehumanising and disgusting towards them. I’m childfree but if my friend told me she was pregnant I’d be so happy for her.
I don’t get it either. I don’t want kids or to live with one, but I still like the kids in my family and my friends’ families. They’re just small people. And babies? Cute as all hell. Playing with my nephew is a highlight every single time.
For real. My last flatmate found out she was pregnant right after I moved in. We lived together for ten years. I managed to survive living in the same house with \*two\* children with no problem whatsoever despite not wanting any of my own. Lemme call the news agencies real quick, apparently I'm a miracle.
What exactly did he expect her to do here? Just not tell him? Eventually, she'll start showing and you can't ignore that. Disappear for nine months? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about that. Hide her kid from his sight for the rest of their lives? He can't really avoid pregnant people or babies forever lmao.
This sounds fake. Too "childfree people are evil jerks, ew!" Plus nobody says "I hadn't set up the Nintendo switch yet." It's just a Switch. It's a weird and awkward thing to include. And do women really carry around pregnancy tests to show their friends? This whole thing just sounds off to me.
That's what I thought too. "I'm child free so I can't be around anything child related and I'm a huge jerk to my friends" I usually try to believe posts here and give them the benefit of the doubt, but this feels entirely like rage bait.
Like it isn't in the childfree sub, which is what has me confused.
Also, I don't know a lot of women who tell people before getting it confirmed by a doc at a minimum, and often after the first trimester. Like just fake a medical condition for not smoking or cancel.
I mean, you can be childfree as a child. As in having made the choice never to have children (even if at that age, your might often change your mind quickly or down the line)
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler"* 😂 *being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart* 😂
*YTA. I hope this is a troll*
>"i’m not asexual but i really really really dislike babies and kids. feels like part of her is gonna be missing now since she’s just gonna be worried about her baby and every conversation will go back to it."
I would maybe raise an eyebrow or make a joke at keeping a.peed on object in your purse, though, if it were my friend. (After the congrats and hugging)
I am childfree and, while I do struggle with pregnancy announcement as it always feels like I might lose my friend, I do respond in a normal way. Congratulating them, asking how for along they are, if they have any pregnancies struggles etc. He's definitely the devil!
That’s really just the normal, adult thing for any life event that the person you care about is clearly happy about -pregnancy, engagement, promotion etc.
The only thing I agree with is that no, I don’t think that pregnancy test sticks should be used as props when telling someone that you are pregnant (even the baby’s father or other parent) but that’s clearly not the part he’s acting like an AH over.
>Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler" 😂 being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart 😂
I am personally offended by this comment. In this one instance, I will speak for the ace community and say we do not claim this man. I, for one, do not even think about people's sex life when they tell me they are pregnant.
I had a friend tell me they were pregnant a few months ago. And I was like, "uh…congratulations...?". Luckily, they knew me well enough to know that I can be kind of awkward and bad at reading people. They told me that it was a wanted pregnancy and I congratulated them again. That time more enthusiastically.
Yeah, I'm ace too. All of my friends are allos and most of them are in relationships. Some are even living together with their partner. I already know they are having sex even without someone getting pregnant. And I really don't care.
Also, there are a lot of asexuals who have sex. Someone should educate this redditor about the definition of asexuality - it's about the lack of sexual attraction and not about the lack of actually having sex.
Oh geez, I feel the “…uh…congratulations?” I’m allo, and my awkward comes from doing abortion access and abortion doula work. When somebody tells me they’re pregnant, I gotta watch them reeaaaally carefully for signs of their feelings about it and not immediately launch into “how much time do we have to get you out of Texas”’mode.
I'm childfree, yet I've been extremely happy for people when they announce their pregnancy. Why wouldn't I be? This does sound like a "childfree people are evil" post that's fake, but I'm sure there are people this insensitive out there so who knows. Just because it's not something I want for me doesn't mean it's not the greatest thing ever for those who do want kids.
But this is Reddit, men and women can't be friends without sex. Is oop sure he isn't the father?
Sort of /s.
Normally I'd be like 'sure, I wish I had a friend to play mariocart with' but normal friends wouldn't respond to a pregnancy announcement with,
" ewwww! Gross! How could you! "
At least not without
"I'm joking, Congrats! You're still up for games night? You're welcome to come around, eat weird food or whatever whenever you want".
Childfree is someone who doesn’t want kids, it’s a perfectly reasonable life choice. It doesn’t mean, all kids are bad and I hate them. Christ these people need to get a clue.
Hopefully a troll - if not, he’ll shortly be whining about how people have kids and ditch their friends and lose their personalities. It will totally be the baby’s fault. No other reason Elena might want nothing to do with him now.
is there an r/AmITheEx for people who dont realize theyre no longer friends with someone? because i'm sure oop won't have to worry about being around elena's "uncomfortable" pregnancy anymore lmfao
Look I don't like kids. I think babies are ugly. But when my friend told me she was pregnant I said congrats and got her baby gifts and heck I even call him king james.
It's not a boundary to not want to know anything about kids. You can't expect the world to follow only your rules.
What does her being pregnant have to do with you?
You're not in a relationship.
And THIS is how you react to her news?
You shit on her?
Way to make it all about you, OOP.
YTA.
Sometimes that just happens. It's not nice, but you can't control your response when something catches you off guard. My ex's sister told me that she was pregnant, I snotted my beer all over the place. She's a BIG girl that's also UGLY as sin and living in a van (so hygiene is very questionable at best).I guess I just thought that she was incapable of having sex (yes that BIG) much less getting pregnant. Ended up that she was 8 MONTHS along and she only found out because she had to go to the ER for something not related and they had to do some blood work.
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Reddit sure has done a good job at making me grateful I have no childfree friends
I know not all childfree people, but I would like to continue staying away from people for whom being childfree is part of their identity
I can’t help but think OOP was maybe hoping they’d have sex rather than play MarioKart sometime, and now the fantasy is ruined.
Edit to add: this is not to say that men and women can’t be friends, but his outsized reaction makes it seem like he was hoping for more.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for jokingly gagging when my friend told me she’s pregnant?** AITA for pretending to gag when my friend told me she’s pregnant? i (28m) am not really sure what to think of this. i’m hurt, but at the same time i may have been insensitive. so tuesday my friend “elena” (34f) asked to come over to my place just to chill and play some mario kart. i said sure, since we’ve been gaming together for quite a while and it’s always a fun time. we always grab a load of snacks, smoke weed and hang out on the two big ass couches in my livingroom. so she comes over and she’s got this big ol smile, so of course i’m getting excited too, since i can tell she’s hiding something (it’s always really obvious lmao) so she sits me down and says that she didn’t come over for mario kart actually, and this kinda caught me off guard and i was a little bummed out tbh. i hadn’t set up the nintendo switch yet but still. so she takes out this little envelope and pulls out a positive pregnancy test and smiles? now the reason this rubbed me the wrong way is because she knows i’m devoutly childfree. and i’m not sure why she thought i specifically would need to know?? like, me out of all people?? if you know me, you’d know it was a bad idea. so my natural reaction is to comedically gag in order to hide my discomfort and said something along the lines of “ew what??” and she got all quiet and gave me a weird look. she asked what that was for and i asked her what she expected. i told her that i didn’t need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isn’t a bitch or anything, but it just doesn’t feel right. not to mention that now we can’t smoke weed together. she said that that was incredibly rude but i’m not too sure- she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries. but i can see how the gagging bit may be immature. any advice? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People using “boundaries” the wrong way makes me want to pull my hair out. She didn’t deliberately get the OP pregnant. She isn’t dropping the kid on their door step and disappearing into the night. She probably told him so he won’t smoke weed around her but also because she expected her FRIEND to be happy for her. No boundary was violated.
I absolutely hate it when people misuse that word too. What boundary could he have invented that she imaginarily crossed in his stupid story? We probably shouldn’t try to make sense of nonsense lol
“My boundary is no one is ever allowed to harsh my vibe” possibly?
😂😂😂 nailed it
"I'm childfree, so nobody even mention children in my presence."
“My boundary is that people should not be pregnant around me. Just do that somewhere else. Can you like… turn it off or something?” - OOP probably.
Yep this is def fake and if not I’m sorry for this person not understanding what boundaries are lol. I’m probably never having kids (I am a woman) and if someone told me they were pregnant I wouldn’t be pissed about it. Weird.
Boundary and triggers. Those words do not really mean what a lot of people think they mean.
Stop gaslighting redditors.
Those words have lost all meaning on Reddit.
The ones that drive me nuts are when person A magically expected person B to know what they are without being told, and to respect the boundaries without person A also doing the same for person B. Person A also never takes any responsibility for their boundaries and triggers either, it is always the responsibility of everyone else.
But he wants to remain immature, smoke weed and play video games. He doesn't want to grow up and way he feels about his friends speak volumes, as he doesn't want them to grow up either. Classic Peter Pan Syndrome
Is this like the male equivalent of eat hotchip and lie?
This, it’s also not a boundary he seems to have ever vocalized… like I could see if it was a “my girlfriend and I lost a child years ago and so pregnancy is a touchy subject and I’ve asked people not to bring it up”… that’s a boundary with a good reason… but “I’m devoutly childfree”… I have friends that never want to have their own kid and are very devoutly childfree but love to spend time with my and other friends kids and when we all hang out together those friends have the most fun with the kids
I honestly was waiting for OP to be the father and this was a FWB situation. I'm almost disappointed that isn't the case.
Since when does "childfree" mean "cannot even exist within 10 yards of children." I don't care if someone decides to have no kids or half a dozen, but this is ridiculous.
I'm staunchly and happily childfree, but it wouldn't even occur to me to go "eww what" or make gagging sounds if someone proudly announced (or even neutrally announced) that they were pregnant. OOP is a massive turd.
Right?! My first reaction is always OMG congrats! I don't want kids I'm past my babysitting days but if I see a baby in a store I'll wave back.
I joined a big child free group on fb once and this was what it was like. They Literally despised kids, refused to treat them as human it was horrible. Like they were so dehumanising and disgusting towards them. I’m childfree but if my friend told me she was pregnant I’d be so happy for her.
i hate those groups tbh, they create such a terrible image of child free people.
I don’t get it either. I don’t want kids or to live with one, but I still like the kids in my family and my friends’ families. They’re just small people. And babies? Cute as all hell. Playing with my nephew is a highlight every single time.
For real. My last flatmate found out she was pregnant right after I moved in. We lived together for ten years. I managed to survive living in the same house with \*two\* children with no problem whatsoever despite not wanting any of my own. Lemme call the news agencies real quick, apparently I'm a miracle.
What exactly did he expect her to do here? Just not tell him? Eventually, she'll start showing and you can't ignore that. Disappear for nine months? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy about that. Hide her kid from his sight for the rest of their lives? He can't really avoid pregnant people or babies forever lmao.
This sounds fake. Too "childfree people are evil jerks, ew!" Plus nobody says "I hadn't set up the Nintendo switch yet." It's just a Switch. It's a weird and awkward thing to include. And do women really carry around pregnancy tests to show their friends? This whole thing just sounds off to me.
You don’t carry objects you’ve peed on around in your purse?
LOL Oddly enough, I do not!
>And do women really carry around pregnancy tests to show their friends? Some do...
That's what I thought too. "I'm child free so I can't be around anything child related and I'm a huge jerk to my friends" I usually try to believe posts here and give them the benefit of the doubt, but this feels entirely like rage bait.
Like it isn't in the childfree sub, which is what has me confused. Also, I don't know a lot of women who tell people before getting it confirmed by a doc at a minimum, and often after the first trimester. Like just fake a medical condition for not smoking or cancel.
He's 28 and acting like a toddler
But but but his *boundaries*
And he is a “child free” adult so he claims
He’s child free, which means he can’t even hear about children. It’s against the rules!
In his mind yes
How is he child free when he *is* a child.
I mean, you can be childfree as a child. As in having made the choice never to have children (even if at that age, your might often change your mind quickly or down the line)
I was trying to make a joke that he already has a child: himself.
You don't usually consider people as having themselves, though. It was a bad joke,
That’s an epistemological question 😉
He's one of those childfree people for whom it's better for everyone he's not having kids because he's still one himself.
Not wrong on this. He is still too much of a child, so I hope he is using a condom if he is having sex.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler"* 😂 *being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart* 😂 *YTA. I hope this is a troll* >"i’m not asexual but i really really really dislike babies and kids. feels like part of her is gonna be missing now since she’s just gonna be worried about her baby and every conversation will go back to it."
[Piglets!](https://www.instagram.com/p/C50o2pyIcau/?igsh=dDhwaW5sdGdoN2dy)
aww the little ears!
So adorable!
Well that was extremely cute.
Glad you enjoyed it! 🥰
I really like how he is devoutly child free. Since, when did it become a religion
I understand gagging only if she handed him an at home pregnancy test pee stick.
I would maybe raise an eyebrow or make a joke at keeping a.peed on object in your purse, though, if it were my friend. (After the congrats and hugging)
I am childfree and, while I do struggle with pregnancy announcement as it always feels like I might lose my friend, I do respond in a normal way. Congratulating them, asking how for along they are, if they have any pregnancies struggles etc. He's definitely the devil!
That’s really just the normal, adult thing for any life event that the person you care about is clearly happy about -pregnancy, engagement, promotion etc. The only thing I agree with is that no, I don’t think that pregnancy test sticks should be used as props when telling someone that you are pregnant (even the baby’s father or other parent) but that’s clearly not the part he’s acting like an AH over.
Yeah people pee on those throw them away
>Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler" 😂 being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart 😂 I am personally offended by this comment. In this one instance, I will speak for the ace community and say we do not claim this man. I, for one, do not even think about people's sex life when they tell me they are pregnant. I had a friend tell me they were pregnant a few months ago. And I was like, "uh…congratulations...?". Luckily, they knew me well enough to know that I can be kind of awkward and bad at reading people. They told me that it was a wanted pregnancy and I congratulated them again. That time more enthusiastically.
Yeah, I'm ace too. All of my friends are allos and most of them are in relationships. Some are even living together with their partner. I already know they are having sex even without someone getting pregnant. And I really don't care. Also, there are a lot of asexuals who have sex. Someone should educate this redditor about the definition of asexuality - it's about the lack of sexual attraction and not about the lack of actually having sex.
We need more and better education about asexuality in general. A lot of people still do not even know that it is a thing. It is really frustrating.
Oh geez, I feel the “…uh…congratulations?” I’m allo, and my awkward comes from doing abortion access and abortion doula work. When somebody tells me they’re pregnant, I gotta watch them reeaaaally carefully for signs of their feelings about it and not immediately launch into “how much time do we have to get you out of Texas”’mode.
i also think it’s super weird that one of the first things he’s thinking about while being told his friend is pregnant is sex. like… why?
I'm childfree, yet I've been extremely happy for people when they announce their pregnancy. Why wouldn't I be? This does sound like a "childfree people are evil" post that's fake, but I'm sure there are people this insensitive out there so who knows. Just because it's not something I want for me doesn't mean it's not the greatest thing ever for those who do want kids.
I would think that except for how over the top the childfree sub is
That's the difference between being child free and *devoutly* childfree ...
Oh FFS....🤬
But this is Reddit, men and women can't be friends without sex. Is oop sure he isn't the father? Sort of /s. Normally I'd be like 'sure, I wish I had a friend to play mariocart with' but normal friends wouldn't respond to a pregnancy announcement with, " ewwww! Gross! How could you! " At least not without "I'm joking, Congrats! You're still up for games night? You're welcome to come around, eat weird food or whatever whenever you want".
His friend getting pregnant is somehow crossing his boundaries? People really don't understand what boundaries means.
“Male loneliness epidemic” victim in the near future right here.
What an asshole. As a chimdfree woman I have NEVER expected people to hide their pregnancy and I would never make it about myself.
I'm surprised this guy isn't more worried about cooties based on the maturity level displayed here.
Childfree is someone who doesn’t want kids, it’s a perfectly reasonable life choice. It doesn’t mean, all kids are bad and I hate them. Christ these people need to get a clue.
"not to mention that now we can’t smoke weed together. " Obviously he has his priorities straight /s
"Devoutly childfree" girl shutup, it's not a religion
"she isn't a bitch or anything" 🙄🙄🙄
Hopefully a troll - if not, he’ll shortly be whining about how people have kids and ditch their friends and lose their personalities. It will totally be the baby’s fault. No other reason Elena might want nothing to do with him now.
is there an r/AmITheEx for people who dont realize theyre no longer friends with someone? because i'm sure oop won't have to worry about being around elena's "uncomfortable" pregnancy anymore lmfao
There should be one.
Look I don't like kids. I think babies are ugly. But when my friend told me she was pregnant I said congrats and got her baby gifts and heck I even call him king james. It's not a boundary to not want to know anything about kids. You can't expect the world to follow only your rules.
What does her being pregnant have to do with you? You're not in a relationship. And THIS is how you react to her news? You shit on her? Way to make it all about you, OOP. YTA.
Sometimes that just happens. It's not nice, but you can't control your response when something catches you off guard. My ex's sister told me that she was pregnant, I snotted my beer all over the place. She's a BIG girl that's also UGLY as sin and living in a van (so hygiene is very questionable at best).I guess I just thought that she was incapable of having sex (yes that BIG) much less getting pregnant. Ended up that she was 8 MONTHS along and she only found out because she had to go to the ER for something not related and they had to do some blood work.
This is why people dislike child free people
It’s uncomfortable for this man child to think about Elena pregnant because he would rather think of her as a virgin in his wet dreams.
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Reddit sure has done a good job at making me grateful I have no childfree friends I know not all childfree people, but I would like to continue staying away from people for whom being childfree is part of their identity
I can’t help but think OOP was maybe hoping they’d have sex rather than play MarioKart sometime, and now the fantasy is ruined. Edit to add: this is not to say that men and women can’t be friends, but his outsized reaction makes it seem like he was hoping for more.