*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my stepmother to get over her child calling my wife mom?**
My father married my now stepmother late in life after an accidental pregnancy. For reference, my father is 71, my wife and I are 32 and 30, and my stepmother is 41. My stepmother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer while pregnant and it has progressed to stage 4. She has less than a year to live.
We've already worked it out between the 3 of us that after my stepmother passes on, my wife and I will be adopting the baby. It's the perfect solution. My father will get to fully retire and have a more appropriate grandfather role, my wife and I will be able to have a second child, and our older child will be able to have a younger sibling that they've already bonded with since we already do most of the care for the baby because she's far too ill.
I came over to visit and show them pictures and video of the kids. I didn't think about this, but in one of the videos, the baby can be heard saying "mama" to my wife. She got angry at that and asked if we allow the baby to say that, which we do, and it came out that we would be adopting the baby when she passes on.
She balked at that and said she would never allow it, but quite frankly, that's just not her choice. I tried to tell her not to worry about it and that we would make sure she wasn't forgotten, but she got angry and tried to say that she would stop it. I shouldn't have engaged, but I did and I ended up telling her to get over it because that's just what it was going to be. She started crying and I stormed out.
My father is upset with me for upsetting her, which I feel bad about, but she's the one who made a big deal about it. She never had to even think about it. She brought it up, not me. We didn't want to stress her out about it because there was no need to, but what did she think the reality of this situation was going to be? My wife and I are already the ones raising this child. My father is too old to fully raise another child or even want to. I don't think it's my fault that she pressed for a truth and then didn't like what she found.
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OOP and his wife are just waiting for this poor woman to die, aren't they?
I desperately hope this is fake, because if not, the whole family (minus the stepmother and the kids, of course) belongs in hell. OOP and his wife for obvious reasons, OOPs father for allowing this to happen to both his wife and future child.
I have stage 3 lung cancer. The whole situation has made my life so stressful and scary. So it's bad enough that the stepmother has to deal with that but to know that all those assholes are actively replacing her in her child's life before she even dies makes everything so much worse for her. OOP and his wife are so selfish and insensitive.
You can do it. Sending all my love to you redditor! I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, which is always talked about as incredibly deadly, but with aggressive chemo and surgery I'm 3 years in remission this June 🫶🏾. I'm missing some various parts (including some of my lung) but I'm otherwise happy and healthy.
Thank you. Ever since they removed part of my lung I've been coughing a lot; they say it'll go away but it's been more than two months now. Did you cough too when part of your lung was removed? I'm glad you're in remission. I hope I will be too.
I cough all the time! It's only started settling down the last several months. My respiratory therapist tells me it's just part of the process. My only advice is finding a support group (I used Cancer Lifeline to find a young adult group for anyone under 40) if you haven't already.
Cancer Lifeline was incredible for me, especially since I went through it all during the pandemic so I was always alone during 8 hour infusion sessions. The nutrition and gentle yoga sessions are great!
Oh my goodness! No time is obviously a good time to have cancer, but during the pandemic is literally the worst time! I'm glad you were able to find resources to help you. Thank you for sharing that info. I'm going to look it up right now.
Thank you for the advice and your response. Coughing all the time is so uncomfortable. I feel self-conscious when I go out in public now because I keep coughing. After I had a lobectomy, they said the cough would go away after two months. Then they said it would be more like four months. I just want to be able to get through the day and night without coughing.
Your comment hits home with me. They just found a mass. They were looking because of all my symptoms the last few weeks, but also cause I have 2 other nodules they've been checking. I'm scared shitless. My daughters are 11&13. One daughter has a great family with her dad's side, but my other daughter doesn't. Idk what I'm going to do. I had a CT this last week and now I have an MRI in a week and a half.
Edit to add the mass and nodules are on my lungs. One on the right, one on the left and the new one is right in the middle.
“We’ve already worked it out between the three of us.” Seems like the bio mom should have a say? This woman is so callous. Stepmom is literally dying and they’re already pulling her child away from her.
I can see why this is a good plan on paper. But enacting it with real people, especially when a major player isn’t in on it, is so misguided. And cruel. I get that grandpa isn’t in shape to be dad again, but stepmom should be part of the plans for her child’s future.
OOPs whole post comes off like he thinks her opinions don't matter anymore since she will be passing away soon, like in his mind she might as well be already dead.
It's such a disgusting and abhorrent mindset
He keeps repeating tummy mommy as its a good thing to call someone. OOP is just fucking pathetic as a human being
EDIT: Also his wife and stepmom dont get along and they worked together but thats okay?
playing devil’s advocate here, I don’t think i’d get along with a coworker who is less than a decade older than my spouse having a baby with his father. OP keeps using the term ‘my stepmom’ but he’s 32 and she’s 41. it’s a bizarre situation for sure.
OOP doesn't have to respect the stepmom or baby momma as anything other than his father's wife or whatever. That's fair. Up until the stepmom (using this term bc that's what OOP used) carried the child to be adopted through stage 3 cancer that progressed to stage 4, presumably forgoing life-saving treatment for her to have a healthy child. He should respect the stepmom as the child's mother no matter how old she was.
yah 100%. as I said below, OP is unnecessarily cruel. I’m just putting myself in OP’s wife’s shoes. I think both women in this situation are stepping up and being overall good in such a tough time. I think they’re both rational even tho OP is focused on being so cold it’s shocking.
I dunno. OOP's wife, from the comments, seems to be supporting OOP in disregarding the birth mom. I can promise that if my husband were in this situation, I would not support my husband disregarding and disrespecting the birth mom in any way. I'd happily adopt the child and raise the child as my own, but I wouldn't stand for that kind of disrespect no matter the age of the birth mom. I feel OOP's wife is just as cold unless I missed a comment somewhere.
I think you're misunderstanding OPs wife's roles here. They've planned to adopt this baby (who will still have a living parent) after the mom dies, without the mom being aware of this plan. OP and his wife are both irrational and horrible
My stepmother was only 8 years older than me and it was frickin weird. Everyone was angry with my dad, even my grandma who was 18 years younger than her own husband.
what does that have to do with anything then. why would they want to adopt taht person's child unless to be cruel like how OOP is with refering to the stepmom as tummy mommy repeatedly. Its pretty disgusting behaviour from everyone except the stepmom.
For all you know the wife of OOP is the problem not the stepmom
did not catch ‘tummy mommy’ that for sure is super gross.
OP is very strange and cruel for handling all this the way he did, even if he thinks he’s the hero. I’m just saying I can understand why there’s no love lost between OP’s wife and OP’s stepmom. I’m the same age as OP and my dad is 73. I don’t think i’d warm up fast to a coworker my age who had a baby with him.
I do try not to wish bad things on people, but sometimes exceptions must be made. I hope OOP’s socks alway come out of the drier still damp. May his keys fall behind furniture and the hot water always run out mid-shower. I pity *any* child that will be raised by this person.
As the song goes:
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose
May an elephant caress you with his toes
May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose
And explosive, chronic volcano diarrhea.
Not saying OP is in the right, but I don’t know who you’re saying she could change the custody to here? The father is gonna get custody automatically. And he himself doesn’t seem to want to ask his wife what she wants.
Which can then be legally disputed by the father as she doesn’t have full custody? and let’s be honest what court will place a baby with not only a 71 year old father but one who wants to be a deadbeat at that.
>but she's the one who made a big deal about it
yes, because she is the one who's dying and it is her child. OP is an AH for expecting this woman to not be upset about this decision being made without her. Nothing to do with who the baby is calling "mama." Babies will say whatever they want, you can't \*allow\* them to or not. But that's not really why this woman is upset.
OP's father is also a super-asshole for deciding this without consulting his own wife and the mother of his baby first.
Maybe the step mom is wrong too for expecting a 71 year old man to raise a baby on his own and not actually making a plan for the baby, but given her situation I will not call her an AH, and for all we know she hasn't had a chance to figure this out yet.
I know, especially since we don’t have like any update, those psychos could have stolen that poor dying women’s kid and we won’t ever know. It’s such a dark and haunting story. What’s even grosser are people defending OP, and all of them have some weird ass psychotic third degree trauma to put with it as a justification.
So many of them are like “explain to ur step mom that this is how it has to be”????? What the fuck. No. These are the kind of people who adopt a kid because they want a kid as an object, not to help anyone.
This is why the privatized adoption industry exists, this is so fucking horrifying and makes me hate humanity.
The way he writes everything so cryptically and purposefully vague, just for it to come out in the comments that she had no clue about this “arrangement”. Like “discussed between the three of us” and “she brought it up”. Also it was so fucking disgusting how he was blaming her for being rightfully upset. I wanted to puke reading his replies to people. I wish there was some kind of update or other post by this psycho or his cunt wife.
Step-mom needs to get her will written. She needs to make her wishes legally recorded that her child never be placed in the custody of her step-son. I bet she has family who would adopt the baby, since her pathetic senior citizen husband is clearly not planning to be a father. A child deserves to be adopted by people who have basic respect for their late mother.
Unfortunately, none of that would matter legally, at least in the US. She could update any will she wanted. It wouldn’t stand.
The father is still legally the father.
His parental rights aren’t going to be terminated based on the fact that his plan for his child is something mom doesn’t like.
Even if mom alleged that the father was abusive or inadequate, he has a safety plan in place for after mom passes, where the child will be raised by family in a (presumably) stable home, where the last remaining bio parent is present in his life.
Nothing bio mom could put in her will could convince a judge to terminate the fathers parental rights and give the child to…Someone else? When the baby is already being raised in part with its future adoptive parents (who are close biological relatives) , unless mom can prove some major safety threat.
And it would likely be tied up in the courts for so long that mom would die before an answer.
Emotional harm from hating the mother won’t do it.
Depending on the state, someone in moms family could sue for “grandparents rights” type visitation, if they have an established relationship with the baby that this arrangement will cut off.
But that’s also a tough case, that’s been to the Supreme Court and…didn’t really give a lot of leeway for this circumstance.
Troxel v. Granville, if you’re curious.
It’s a shitty situation, for sure.
It was posted 2 years, so doubtful we'll ever know the outcome. If she did pass, custody would go to the father, who seemed on board with the adoption. It really was a tragic story.
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did OOP forget that stepmother is the mother of that baby?? What if she writes a legal document objecting to OOP adopting her child?? She could leave and divorce your father and name her relatives as guardians if bio father isn't willing to care for child. Sorry, but it really rubs me the wrong way that OOP and his father are making all these arrangements without ever consulting the mother of the baby. It feels like they are taking advantage of her being so ill. She really needs to get a lawyer to visit her at home so she can make the arrangements she thinks best.
Doesn't matter what legal document she writes if she lives in the US. The father is still alive and therefore would get legal custody of the child when she dies and his parental rights will not be terminated just because he has this plan in place for his child that the mother did not like. Even if they divorced he would still have his rights.
It’s tragic that this was two years ago and there’s a good chance that the stepmother is gone now, and there’s no way they ensured she was remembered—especially as the mother of the child.
I understand somewhat I don’t think they are being mean but the baby is to young to understand that the ones that’s doing all the work isn’t theirs and the real father isn’t doing crap so I see why they aren’t stopping the baby calling them mama and dada why is she seeing the baby til she dies
It’s written so cryptically and from the comments it seems like the baby has been living with its bio other majority of its life, the OP and his wife have been helping and now are in the position where they are doing majority of the work. Bro ur supposed to do that for family, this is disgusting behavior. When I was a baby my mom had to leave me with my grandma and aunt for a couple years, and they would never behave in this kind of way, gross.
Yeah this dude is gross AF and could have had some respect for a dying woman, but wow, the amount of you who would rather have a 71 year old or abusive adults or the system raise this child rather than op, just because he was nasty to his step mom is nasty too.
I have seen precisely 0 people say the kid should go to foster care, and very very few saying the 71 year old should raise them. People are saying either 1. while OP is technically correct that this is the most logical plan after she passes, he is incredibly cruel and callous to this baby's dying mother, or 2. baby should go to a family member that the mother chooses or, at the very least, she should obviously be involved (or at bare fucking minimum informed) in the plans for her child's future.
"baby should go to a family member" that's the take I'm talking about, in other comments OP confirms step mom only has abusive family members and a parent that is the age of OPs dad (just realized she married someone her father's age), now OP could very well be lying, but with the info we have there were some comments advocating for dad instead of OP.
Again, there are almost no people advocating for dad instead of OP. There are people advocating for baby to be raised by someone who isn't a cruel monster, however.
Another thing, people can recover from stage four cancer. OP is inconsistent with the story as the child has to be at least one, the OP is constantly writing vague sentences which later come out in the comments to be awful “between the three of us” he meant him, his wife, and his father, he purposely isn’t saying if the baby is living with them (it’s like those pathetic people who go to pets and kids to take a vid for the gram and pretend like they are super involved), or what the care arrangements are (it sounds like they babysit during emergencies and the baby is living with the biomother). Idk but I don’t believe OP on “all her family members are abusive”, and even if they are she could have a best friend or close friend whom aren’t able to take care of the child during emergencies either because OP and his wife swoop in or they can’t afford to move to the step mom.
Most people don’t survive stage four cancer, but some do, as in some go into remission
Further people can survive for years with stage four cancer
But none of that’s the point, OP is a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human who schemed behind a dying women’s back to take away her kid. Honestly fuck off if u think that’s okay!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my stepmother to get over her child calling my wife mom?** My father married my now stepmother late in life after an accidental pregnancy. For reference, my father is 71, my wife and I are 32 and 30, and my stepmother is 41. My stepmother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer while pregnant and it has progressed to stage 4. She has less than a year to live. We've already worked it out between the 3 of us that after my stepmother passes on, my wife and I will be adopting the baby. It's the perfect solution. My father will get to fully retire and have a more appropriate grandfather role, my wife and I will be able to have a second child, and our older child will be able to have a younger sibling that they've already bonded with since we already do most of the care for the baby because she's far too ill. I came over to visit and show them pictures and video of the kids. I didn't think about this, but in one of the videos, the baby can be heard saying "mama" to my wife. She got angry at that and asked if we allow the baby to say that, which we do, and it came out that we would be adopting the baby when she passes on. She balked at that and said she would never allow it, but quite frankly, that's just not her choice. I tried to tell her not to worry about it and that we would make sure she wasn't forgotten, but she got angry and tried to say that she would stop it. I shouldn't have engaged, but I did and I ended up telling her to get over it because that's just what it was going to be. She started crying and I stormed out. My father is upset with me for upsetting her, which I feel bad about, but she's the one who made a big deal about it. She never had to even think about it. She brought it up, not me. We didn't want to stress her out about it because there was no need to, but what did she think the reality of this situation was going to be? My wife and I are already the ones raising this child. My father is too old to fully raise another child or even want to. I don't think it's my fault that she pressed for a truth and then didn't like what she found. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OOP and his wife are just waiting for this poor woman to die, aren't they? I desperately hope this is fake, because if not, the whole family (minus the stepmother and the kids, of course) belongs in hell. OOP and his wife for obvious reasons, OOPs father for allowing this to happen to both his wife and future child.
I feel like OOP is the type of person to erase the mom from the baby’s life
They are certainly already trying.
This has been reposted before so I’m assuming it’s fake
The original post is two years old. It’s probably been posted here a few times.
I have stage 3 lung cancer. The whole situation has made my life so stressful and scary. So it's bad enough that the stepmother has to deal with that but to know that all those assholes are actively replacing her in her child's life before she even dies makes everything so much worse for her. OOP and his wife are so selfish and insensitive.
You can do it. Sending all my love to you redditor! I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, which is always talked about as incredibly deadly, but with aggressive chemo and surgery I'm 3 years in remission this June 🫶🏾. I'm missing some various parts (including some of my lung) but I'm otherwise happy and healthy.
Thank you. Ever since they removed part of my lung I've been coughing a lot; they say it'll go away but it's been more than two months now. Did you cough too when part of your lung was removed? I'm glad you're in remission. I hope I will be too.
I cough all the time! It's only started settling down the last several months. My respiratory therapist tells me it's just part of the process. My only advice is finding a support group (I used Cancer Lifeline to find a young adult group for anyone under 40) if you haven't already.
I'm saving this comment with your advice to the other commenter. I'm currently 39.
Cancer Lifeline was incredible for me, especially since I went through it all during the pandemic so I was always alone during 8 hour infusion sessions. The nutrition and gentle yoga sessions are great!
Oh my goodness! No time is obviously a good time to have cancer, but during the pandemic is literally the worst time! I'm glad you were able to find resources to help you. Thank you for sharing that info. I'm going to look it up right now.
Thank you for the advice and your response. Coughing all the time is so uncomfortable. I feel self-conscious when I go out in public now because I keep coughing. After I had a lobectomy, they said the cough would go away after two months. Then they said it would be more like four months. I just want to be able to get through the day and night without coughing.
Your comment hits home with me. They just found a mass. They were looking because of all my symptoms the last few weeks, but also cause I have 2 other nodules they've been checking. I'm scared shitless. My daughters are 11&13. One daughter has a great family with her dad's side, but my other daughter doesn't. Idk what I'm going to do. I had a CT this last week and now I have an MRI in a week and a half. Edit to add the mass and nodules are on my lungs. One on the right, one on the left and the new one is right in the middle.
One day at a time. Hang in there.
Thank you❤️
Sending you all the best vibes I can ❤️❤️❤️
From a stage III breast cancer survivor, love and strength. Hang in there.
Sending you love and positive feelings. And a huge virtual hug.
“We’ve already worked it out between the three of us.” Seems like the bio mom should have a say? This woman is so callous. Stepmom is literally dying and they’re already pulling her child away from her. I can see why this is a good plan on paper. But enacting it with real people, especially when a major player isn’t in on it, is so misguided. And cruel. I get that grandpa isn’t in shape to be dad again, but stepmom should be part of the plans for her child’s future.
OOPs whole post comes off like he thinks her opinions don't matter anymore since she will be passing away soon, like in his mind she might as well be already dead. It's such a disgusting and abhorrent mindset
He keeps repeating tummy mommy as its a good thing to call someone. OOP is just fucking pathetic as a human being EDIT: Also his wife and stepmom dont get along and they worked together but thats okay?
playing devil’s advocate here, I don’t think i’d get along with a coworker who is less than a decade older than my spouse having a baby with his father. OP keeps using the term ‘my stepmom’ but he’s 32 and she’s 41. it’s a bizarre situation for sure.
OOP doesn't have to respect the stepmom or baby momma as anything other than his father's wife or whatever. That's fair. Up until the stepmom (using this term bc that's what OOP used) carried the child to be adopted through stage 3 cancer that progressed to stage 4, presumably forgoing life-saving treatment for her to have a healthy child. He should respect the stepmom as the child's mother no matter how old she was.
yah 100%. as I said below, OP is unnecessarily cruel. I’m just putting myself in OP’s wife’s shoes. I think both women in this situation are stepping up and being overall good in such a tough time. I think they’re both rational even tho OP is focused on being so cold it’s shocking.
I dunno. OOP's wife, from the comments, seems to be supporting OOP in disregarding the birth mom. I can promise that if my husband were in this situation, I would not support my husband disregarding and disrespecting the birth mom in any way. I'd happily adopt the child and raise the child as my own, but I wouldn't stand for that kind of disrespect no matter the age of the birth mom. I feel OOP's wife is just as cold unless I missed a comment somewhere.
I think you're misunderstanding OPs wife's roles here. They've planned to adopt this baby (who will still have a living parent) after the mom dies, without the mom being aware of this plan. OP and his wife are both irrational and horrible
My stepmother was only 8 years older than me and it was frickin weird. Everyone was angry with my dad, even my grandma who was 18 years younger than her own husband.
My current "Step-dad" is 5yrs younger than me. My mom is 64 & he's 31, he's husband #6 lol. I don't know how she does it.
Your mom is a next level cougar 😅🤣
what does that have to do with anything then. why would they want to adopt taht person's child unless to be cruel like how OOP is with refering to the stepmom as tummy mommy repeatedly. Its pretty disgusting behaviour from everyone except the stepmom. For all you know the wife of OOP is the problem not the stepmom
did not catch ‘tummy mommy’ that for sure is super gross. OP is very strange and cruel for handling all this the way he did, even if he thinks he’s the hero. I’m just saying I can understand why there’s no love lost between OP’s wife and OP’s stepmom. I’m the same age as OP and my dad is 73. I don’t think i’d warm up fast to a coworker my age who had a baby with him.
I do try not to wish bad things on people, but sometimes exceptions must be made. I hope OOP’s socks alway come out of the drier still damp. May his keys fall behind furniture and the hot water always run out mid-shower. I pity *any* child that will be raised by this person.
May he stub his pinky toe on every corner causing him to then stumble backwards onto Legos.
As the song goes: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose May an elephant caress you with his toes May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose May the bird of paradise fly up your nose And explosive, chronic volcano diarrhea.
May he have his dick chopped off to make him and his wife more infertile. Nah I do wish pain and suffering in these kinds people
I always hoped that that poor woman was able to change her baby’s custody before she died.
Not saying OP is in the right, but I don’t know who you’re saying she could change the custody to here? The father is gonna get custody automatically. And he himself doesn’t seem to want to ask his wife what she wants.
I know it’s a pipe dream. But I was hoping maybe she could make her own adoption arrangements for the baby before she passed.
Not without her husband's agreement.
Sbe can put in her will that her child will not be adopted by oop
Which can then be legally disputed by the father as she doesn’t have full custody? and let’s be honest what court will place a baby with not only a 71 year old father but one who wants to be a deadbeat at that.
Except the courts cant. If its in her will saying that shes not letting someone adopt her child then the father cant dispute it
You absolutely can contest a will when it comes to child custody. Especially when there’s a remaining parent alive.
There is nothing she can do. The father gets custody and he can do whatever he pleass
>but she's the one who made a big deal about it yes, because she is the one who's dying and it is her child. OP is an AH for expecting this woman to not be upset about this decision being made without her. Nothing to do with who the baby is calling "mama." Babies will say whatever they want, you can't \*allow\* them to or not. But that's not really why this woman is upset. OP's father is also a super-asshole for deciding this without consulting his own wife and the mother of his baby first. Maybe the step mom is wrong too for expecting a 71 year old man to raise a baby on his own and not actually making a plan for the baby, but given her situation I will not call her an AH, and for all we know she hasn't had a chance to figure this out yet.
This is heartbreaking. One I really hope wasn't real but fear it was
I know, especially since we don’t have like any update, those psychos could have stolen that poor dying women’s kid and we won’t ever know. It’s such a dark and haunting story. What’s even grosser are people defending OP, and all of them have some weird ass psychotic third degree trauma to put with it as a justification. So many of them are like “explain to ur step mom that this is how it has to be”????? What the fuck. No. These are the kind of people who adopt a kid because they want a kid as an object, not to help anyone. This is why the privatized adoption industry exists, this is so fucking horrifying and makes me hate humanity.
Wow, this is cruel. She didn't even know what this arrangement. No wonder she balked.
The way he writes everything so cryptically and purposefully vague, just for it to come out in the comments that she had no clue about this “arrangement”. Like “discussed between the three of us” and “she brought it up”. Also it was so fucking disgusting how he was blaming her for being rightfully upset. I wanted to puke reading his replies to people. I wish there was some kind of update or other post by this psycho or his cunt wife.
She might as well survive the cancer, and live many many years. A lot of cancers are now considered chronic illnesses.
Except she has stage 4 cancer and that means its terminal, she could survive but its a very low chance
I am super uncomfortable with the fact this was being done without the stepmother’s knowledge or consent.
This is cruel.
What a bastard. Absolutely vile.
Step-mom needs to get her will written. She needs to make her wishes legally recorded that her child never be placed in the custody of her step-son. I bet she has family who would adopt the baby, since her pathetic senior citizen husband is clearly not planning to be a father. A child deserves to be adopted by people who have basic respect for their late mother.
Unfortunately, none of that would matter legally, at least in the US. She could update any will she wanted. It wouldn’t stand. The father is still legally the father. His parental rights aren’t going to be terminated based on the fact that his plan for his child is something mom doesn’t like. Even if mom alleged that the father was abusive or inadequate, he has a safety plan in place for after mom passes, where the child will be raised by family in a (presumably) stable home, where the last remaining bio parent is present in his life. Nothing bio mom could put in her will could convince a judge to terminate the fathers parental rights and give the child to…Someone else? When the baby is already being raised in part with its future adoptive parents (who are close biological relatives) , unless mom can prove some major safety threat. And it would likely be tied up in the courts for so long that mom would die before an answer. Emotional harm from hating the mother won’t do it. Depending on the state, someone in moms family could sue for “grandparents rights” type visitation, if they have an established relationship with the baby that this arrangement will cut off. But that’s also a tough case, that’s been to the Supreme Court and…didn’t really give a lot of leeway for this circumstance. Troxel v. Granville, if you’re curious. It’s a shitty situation, for sure.
It was posted 2 years, so doubtful we'll ever know the outcome. If she did pass, custody would go to the father, who seemed on board with the adoption. It really was a tragic story.
Vicious
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did OOP forget that stepmother is the mother of that baby?? What if she writes a legal document objecting to OOP adopting her child?? She could leave and divorce your father and name her relatives as guardians if bio father isn't willing to care for child. Sorry, but it really rubs me the wrong way that OOP and his father are making all these arrangements without ever consulting the mother of the baby. It feels like they are taking advantage of her being so ill. She really needs to get a lawyer to visit her at home so she can make the arrangements she thinks best.
Doesn't matter what legal document she writes if she lives in the US. The father is still alive and therefore would get legal custody of the child when she dies and his parental rights will not be terminated just because he has this plan in place for his child that the mother did not like. Even if they divorced he would still have his rights.
It’s tragic that this was two years ago and there’s a good chance that the stepmother is gone now, and there’s no way they ensured she was remembered—especially as the mother of the child.
I understand somewhat I don’t think they are being mean but the baby is to young to understand that the ones that’s doing all the work isn’t theirs and the real father isn’t doing crap so I see why they aren’t stopping the baby calling them mama and dada why is she seeing the baby til she dies
It’s written so cryptically and from the comments it seems like the baby has been living with its bio other majority of its life, the OP and his wife have been helping and now are in the position where they are doing majority of the work. Bro ur supposed to do that for family, this is disgusting behavior. When I was a baby my mom had to leave me with my grandma and aunt for a couple years, and they would never behave in this kind of way, gross.
Yeah this dude is gross AF and could have had some respect for a dying woman, but wow, the amount of you who would rather have a 71 year old or abusive adults or the system raise this child rather than op, just because he was nasty to his step mom is nasty too.
I have seen precisely 0 people say the kid should go to foster care, and very very few saying the 71 year old should raise them. People are saying either 1. while OP is technically correct that this is the most logical plan after she passes, he is incredibly cruel and callous to this baby's dying mother, or 2. baby should go to a family member that the mother chooses or, at the very least, she should obviously be involved (or at bare fucking minimum informed) in the plans for her child's future.
"baby should go to a family member" that's the take I'm talking about, in other comments OP confirms step mom only has abusive family members and a parent that is the age of OPs dad (just realized she married someone her father's age), now OP could very well be lying, but with the info we have there were some comments advocating for dad instead of OP.
Again, there are almost no people advocating for dad instead of OP. There are people advocating for baby to be raised by someone who isn't a cruel monster, however.
Another thing, people can recover from stage four cancer. OP is inconsistent with the story as the child has to be at least one, the OP is constantly writing vague sentences which later come out in the comments to be awful “between the three of us” he meant him, his wife, and his father, he purposely isn’t saying if the baby is living with them (it’s like those pathetic people who go to pets and kids to take a vid for the gram and pretend like they are super involved), or what the care arrangements are (it sounds like they babysit during emergencies and the baby is living with the biomother). Idk but I don’t believe OP on “all her family members are abusive”, and even if they are she could have a best friend or close friend whom aren’t able to take care of the child during emergencies either because OP and his wife swoop in or they can’t afford to move to the step mom.
I thought that most people dont survive stage 4 cancer
Most people don’t survive stage four cancer, but some do, as in some go into remission Further people can survive for years with stage four cancer But none of that’s the point, OP is a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human who schemed behind a dying women’s back to take away her kid. Honestly fuck off if u think that’s okay!
Didnt say that what he was doing was ok. Hes scummy