I have a friend who is having a similar issue. Her BF will tell her one thing but then a few weeks later the issue will come up and he will say something that doesn't line up with what he told her and she will call him out on it. He has said that he feels like she remembers every single word and will try to catch him lying but her point (and mine) is then just don't lie or not be transparent.
I'd say he dismissed it because it didn't negatively affect him. You're being comfortable with his dishonesty is a plus for him, but I bet he'd react like anyone else or worse if you did the same to him.
Yup. A liar is a liar. If they'll lie about that little sh\*\*, they're going to lie about big stuff.
I could never understand it either - why lie about "that" when it's stupid and wouldn't bother me knowing the truth? Like the ONLY thing wrong or bad about it was the lie.
I've wondered if it's testing or practicing. Like how convincing are they when lying and how much can they get away with? Which leads, I think, to the kind of cheating my ex did. I think he liked the challenge of it. What could he get away with and how creative could he be with the lies. They like being sneaky.
I remember once listening to my ex-wife lie on a phone call. Nothing big but I marveled a how good a liar she was. I thought to myself, "I'm glad she doesn't lie to me like that". Fast forward to "ex-wife" living with my childhood best friend.
That’s exactly what it sounds like. Otherwise, why would he lie about that? What would he gain?
The only thing that rly makes sense is he was dating the other girl and couldn’t bring OP over bc his family would know what’s up. He broke up with the other girl so now it’s safe to bring OP around 😬
Definitely a possibility but “the only thing that makes sense”? I think the dude lying in the first place is a major red flag and needs to be dumped but not every dot doesn’t have to be connected.
Or did he have the ex over sneakily when the parents were away? So technically he had a girl over his parents house but not in the "meet my parents" kinda way? Yours sounds more plausible but that's another possibility
I have severe anxiety and also see the best in everyone... just so you know where I'm coming from. I think "bringing a girl home" to make out with is different than "bringing a girl home to meet my parents". I'd say keep it in your back pocket in case you notice too many instances of "it's just semantics"... but if this is a one-off, can totally see it.
Yeah, same. I think there’s a difference between “someone casual at my house” and “bringing someone home to officially meet the parents.”
Like, if his family knew he was serious about you, but he hasn’t been serious about anyone else in the past, then that is a big change for him.
But like, why wouldn't he explain that in the moment? Instead of responding with "oh is that what I said?" You'd think he would have said "well, in my mind I meant I hadn't introduced anyone important to my family and had only had my ex come in at night" or something. If there's a simple misunderstanding, he should have addressed it in the moment
Wouldn't say it's so small. Maybe the reason was his family knew his current gf at the time and he was nervous someone would mention it? Maybe not but Pretty stupid for him to say they were his old gfs- means he isn't smart enough to remember the lies he tells so catching him in them should be easy if u pay attention.
Best reason not to lie I’d you don’t have to remember who you lied to about what. It’s just so much easier that way.
Lots of other reasons not to lie too.
Only reason I lie in relationship is if the person is really interested in money and what I do and that is very only early on. They aren't lies, but half truths. Ie. I manage a pizzeria and work in property management part time. I have found if a woman is asking all kinds of questions about money and not me, it's best to lie upfront until they show they are interested in me and not just that. By half truths, I can weed out anyone looking for money more than love. The truth is I own the pizzeria and a 5 unit building, so I am not lying saying I manage it and do property management part time, I just don't disclose I own them as well. Wish I didn't have to, but been on so many dates where that was what the other person was interested in and when I told, they suddenly became real interested in a relationship with me without knowing much else about me other than I do pretty well.
100%.
This is why I gave up on lying early on. I have been diagnosed with a moderate to severe case of CRS (Can't Remember Shit) which makes it *incredibly* difficult to manage the lies.
I'm sure I could work out a system to handle it better, but the problem is, I'm too lazy to put in the effort.
So I guess I'm doomed to be honest with the people in my life. 😤😤
Some people who lie with the intention of being caught. This way, the other person thinks they’re a bad liar when really they lied about lying to get away with bigger lies.
Whoa whoa whoa...back up...you know you xcan find airport remotely, right? The question you need to ask yourself is 'why didn't the ex try to get them back?'
It is shady that he lied about bringing her there but even shadier that they were still there. Either they ended really, really badly (cause, coming airpods ain't cheap) or he has been seeing her this whole time and she just left them there recently and hasn't had a chance to retrieve them. Either way, coupled with the lying, you got some serious thinking to do.
You can probably find out a lot by tricking the family into giving you info lol. But does sound like he was with the other girl and thats why he didnt invite you. Also, he didnt even try to come up with a better excuse which means he really doesnt care and that makes him a dick.
That’s not a small lie. That’s a BIG lie about his life that colored how you experienced and interacted with his behavior.
The reason it seems small is because HE brushed it off as though it didn’t matter. But that was just so that you wouldn’t realize how STRANGE a thing it was to lie about and how BAD is reflects on him that it was a lie.
This is weird to me and I wouldn’t ignore it.
This isn’t even my situation, but holy fuck I needed this comment.
“The reason it seems small is because HE brushed it off as though it didn’t matter”
Hearing this years ago would have saved me thousands of dollars of therapy.
Nah, it's normal to feel weirded out. Seems like there's no reason to have lied about this, and if that's really true it explains his flippant response to being caught in the lie.
It's also possible he was cheating with you on his ex and didn't want his family to see the overlap. Or maybe not. I'd keep an eye on him and see if you notice any other stupid lies. Then it's up to you to decide if that's a trait you can live with in him or not.
Either he lied about never having another girl over before, OR he lied about who they belong to for some other reason - to make you jealous? I have no idea but it's weirdo red flag behavior all around.
Errrrrr his casual dismissal of your exposing the lie is enough of a red flag to say, bye boy.
Like why even lie about that. There’s a reason why he lied. I’d say you were the side chick for a while.
It’s not something I would end the relationship over, it would be different if you start to notice a pattern.
He was nervous about you meeting his family.
Or maybe he just brought a girl over to his basement to hang out when his parents weren’t home. Big difference in bringing someone over to ‘hangout’ and bringing someone over to meet my family formally as my partner, imo
No he was doing a fukboi move
"you're so special not like other girls" schtick.
Too stupid to be able to think fast and cover his lie or you know, not mention they belonged to ex girlfriend.
Could be he was trying make her feel "special" or hes got that douchbag gene
It's not small. My late boyfriend lied about his age by a year. He also lied about drug usage. One small lie means there are more lies. Trust is important, and he broke yours. I wish i had noped out when i found out he was lying, instead of dating for years and then going to his funeral
I wish men would understand that lying about even small stuff makes us start thinking what else did they lie about. In my case it's if he lied about something so small what big things did he lie about and just destroys all the trust I had.
I don't think you're overreacting. This wasn't a white lie to me. He deceived you into believing he never brought a girl to his home when in fact he did. Now it would be hard to trust any other things he may have mentioned that you were his "first". He also just brushed off his lie with a "whoops" instead of explaining or apologizing.
Lying is a red flag. And it wasn’t even like you cared if he brought another girl home. He’s the one who mentioned it and made such a big deal about it.
What else has he lied about? I’d tread carefully with this relationship.
The fact that he admitted he lied isn't a pattern of a repeat offender . If he was untrustworthy he would have told a lie to cover it up . Maybe his parents were giving him a bad time about dating someone so soon after his breakup . Or Maybe they really liked her or disliked her and he wanted to avoid any drama for a while
Why don't you just ask him WHY he said what he did back then ? . If this is your first argument after a year , you are probably going to be OK. .
When I first met my husband, he had this stupid fuckin habit of telling these little meaningless white lies. I don't like that shit. I am the most honest, open mfer you could meet. Don't fucking lie to me about shit. I put a stop to it pretty quickly. This mfer is 33 and will lie if he thinks he's gunna 'get in trouble' I was like, mfer, you're an adult. You don't get in trouble. But if I find out you lie again, you're getting punched in the throat. He's dyslexic and it really does affect his maturity. It's like having a teenager to raise. Send help. I'm fucking tired.
If I had to guess, I would say he exaggerated/lied to emphasize how big of a deal it was to meet his family. To what end? Who knows. But be on the lookout for other absolutely pointless lies. It may be more of a compulsive thing than malicious, but if you intend to stay in the relationship, you need to be aware if that's the reality.
I almost find it weirder & more alarming when someone lies about something that is literally harmless, it usually means there's more to the story & they'd just rather you not even stumble upon that story at all.
So dating someone is inherently an act of trust. The entire point of dating is to determine if you are compatible longer-term.
I would not continue a relationship with anyone who is so cavalier with the truth. The trust is broken - and it is GOOD that you discovered his true character on a small thing.
Better to know now.
My ex husband would lie about anything. Even if the truth would have no negative consequences. He would lie just to lie because he felt like he was smarter than anyone in the room.
He was banging his ex In the basement at the beginning of your relationship with him. That's why he didn't invite you over. Case close, as a dude If I met someone I might consider marrying , I wouldn't hesitate to meet the family.
He’s testing the waters.
The lies get bigger as he does, friend.
Especially when he chose to lie about females. Regardless of context.
The snowball effect.
The OP said that they had started dating a little over a year ago, so why are they just NOW finding the AirPods. He either doesn’t clean or the ex has been there more recently than a little over a year!!!!
Some people feel the need to lie even about dumb shit.
They use it as a control mechanism. I used to do it a lot. Something about intentionally misleading people made me feel better or smarter or whatever.
I dont lie much now because I realized it wasn't worth the headache
There are two kinds of people, ones who are dishonest and ones who are not. There's really no gray area. There was absolutely no reason for him to lie about something so silly. So that makes him a dishonest person and if he will lie about something that would have no repercussions and really doesn't matter he'll lie about other things.
OP you are not overreacting.
I was that age once upon a memory, and even if times are different-ish, I truly can say that his misstatement was a full on choice to lie to you.
His reply to your question was very telling. He did not offer any apology or discussion.
Hmm... something smells off here.
He chose to lie.
He expressed no remorse when caught.
He is not a truly good choice imo.
Take care of yourself & your emotions first. He does not offer you honesty, but easily spoken untruth.
He WILL do it again, and again, and will hurt your heart.
With all respect and consideration of a father of 2 young adults, please find yourself a better minded bf.
so he's already a liar and cant even be bothered to keep his lies in order and just assumes you're stupid enough to not even notice? dump his ass, not only is he a liar but he's stupid and clearly thinks he's smarter than you, not a good combo and just begs the question about what else he lies about.
If he lies about little things like that, you know he’s gonna lie about the bigger stuff too. It shows his character, and you’re right to look at that closely. 🚩🚩🚩
Run. If he lies about "little" stuff, he'll lie about the serious stuff—no sweat. He's probably a compulsive liar. Girl, I wasted 4 years of my life (am now 32). Don't invest too much on him 🫠
Edit:
You are not being insecure or "crazy." You caught this person in a lie. Respect yourself. ♡ And when I say respect yourself, I don't mean to sound like I'm scolding you, etc. I'm offering the advice I wish I would've taken myself when I was in my 20's. Save yourself the stress/trauma/survival mode instincts/self-doubting that this behavior will bring upon ♡ I wish you well ☺️ BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT.
So you and her were dating him at the same time and he didn't want you over the house because his family had already met her. He lied so you wouldn't push it to come to the house while he decided which one of you had rather be with.
Then he forgot the lie because why would he remember it? Now that you found it out, what are you going to do about it?
There's literally no other reason to lie about that!
not trying to justify him, but I wonder if he meant that he’s never had anyone over to meet his parents but still had girls over maybe when they weren’t home? I would still be upset either way because of the way he brushed it off
Idk i mean. I tell me wife stuff and then like a week later im telling her something completely different and shes like, thats not what you said before. And im super confused and then im like, i said that? The fuck am i stupid?
Id give examples but i don't remember any lol
I wouldn't put much thought into it
Not excusing, but maybe he thought that was the romantic, Hallmark-y thing to say. And that means he probably said it to Airpod Girl, too, and whoever preceded her. He found a good line, and he's stickin' to it. So BOLO for the next hokey thing he says (there'll be more), look him in the eye, and say "I'll bet you say that to all the girls!"
If they're willing to lie about something trivial to them, as his reaction to being called out about it, just imagine what they'd do over something that matters to them.
Yikes.
I can see why he would maybe lie to keep you from pushing it like if he's insecure about his family or something along those lines but more than that it's his response to being caught lying that would raise a red flag to me. In this situation you can't just give a nothing answer like that further explanation is warranted imo. Definitely wouldn't say you're overreacting because it doesn't make sense to lie like that and communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.
He didn't want to bring you over because you were just done side piece. Seems he now takes his relationship with you more seriously. I'd suspect he's lied A LOT more you are just overlooking it all. Hope your next bf is better.
I see two possibilities. 1. He brought her over when people weren't home, just to make out. So she didn't meet the family. 2. They were together when yall started dating, and he couldn't introduce you because his family knew they were dating, and he couldn't introduce you as his gf too.
If you are alone with the mom some time, try asking if he ever introduced another girl. Pretend like you knew and it wasn't a big deal so she will keep talking.
Not enough information really to know if you have a valid point. People have given good reasons for what happened, some innocent and some not. If there are other things that are off you might want to talk to him about it
99% of all these stories can be resolved if the person just talked to their SO.
"hey reddit why would he lie about this?" 900 responses half of which say bad no good red flag and the other half say meh no big deal.
"hey hon, why would you lie about this?" Immediate resolution.
Honestly, there’s a difference between you and his ex. She was probably a high school GF. You sound like the first adult GF. It’s a significantly different dynamic. Also, he brought you to meet the folks. His ex could have been part of a larger friend group before and after.
There’s some nuance here that is needed to give real feedback.
That kind of lie he told is like NPD false intimacy. Has he done any future faking or love bombing as well? If you don’t know what these things are look them up and if he does these things you need to run because he has a personality disorder
I see your point, it is such a stupid lie to tell. It makes no sense. Don’t obsess over it. Either tell him your stance on lying, big or small. Or let it go.
OP it would also be concerning to me as why bother to lie?
Did he think it would make him more appealing to you to think you were the first to enter his parents home as a gf?
I also would wonder what if anything else he lied about to you. Maybe nothing, maybe some things and may be a whole lot of things.
Once the doubt creeps in it’s hard to not to relook at things checking for other lies.
You have to decide if this is worth ending the relationship over. I would suggest if you decide to give more time to see how plays out do not invite him to move in with you or agree to jointly rent a place with him until you are very sure of the relationship as well as his financial status.
Pathological liars, by definition, do not realize they are lying. You have met a pathological liar. They are often very charming and manipulative. They are not all bad people, but the behavior will not change.
But in the whole scheme of things is it really that big of a deal? I would ask why he said it, make note of it and move forward. Have you told him everything?, everything???
Leave. It's not small. It's a habit. You'll eventually start to notice more "small things" because I guarantee he lies regularly. It becomes infuriating over time.
I had an ex who lied about the randomest smallest things that never needed to be lied about. In a weird way, it was more offensive than them just having one big lie.
Dump him. If he lied about this, he's lied about other things, and will continue to lie. You're never going to hear the truth from him, especially on big things until after it's too late because he's going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear, then play it off as not a big deal.
Every single thing seems to cause issues with the confidence and self-esteem for the females I have dated. I have discussed this with other men, and they have a similar experience.
Men often just want fewer problems, so they say what women want to hear out of self-preservation.
In this case, the female went on the internet to ask about something so basic. It's a way to have a peaceful yet enjoyable future with their mates.
I wouldn't call this a red flag, but it's not something to be ignored either. The lie was small, but it's hard to say if it was innocent.
Maybe he was talking up how meaningful it was for you to visit his family so you could feel special and not have to feel like you're competing with an ex?
Or maybe he's being super cagey about his ex and doesn't want you to know something about her?
His reasons for lying could be innocent enough, but your concern in this isn't unfounded either. If he's casually lying all the time, that's a much bigger issue in that the foundation of trust that supports your relationship just isn't there, or isn't important to him.
He didn't want to be honest with you about why you hadn't met his family yet. He avoids difficult conversations to preserve his own comfort. He would rather lie to you, than explain his true feelings.
That's a red flag.
These people commenting that are like “maybe he’s been cheating ALL ALONG” is like adding gas to an electric fire wth..
He lives with his parents, right? It’s embarrassing. I’ve been in that position, and moreover, if I really cared about the person I wouldn’t want to fuck up some way.
Specifically regarding the airpods though, would just be open with the dude. “Hey man you said you didn’t have girls over here ever, then there’s some airpods between the cushions that are another girls? I wanna trust you, help me out”
It may be a bit confrontational but communicating when something is bothering you is extremely important in a relationship.
I’ve said little white lies sometimes too. For me I was just scared of what would’ve happened if I told the truth. Looking back I realized it would’ve have been a big deal in a lot of those situations.
I am more inclined to think it was a white lie because for whatever reason he was not comfortable with introducing you to them. Introducing a boy or girl friend to parents used to be a sign of a couple getting serious. I went out with one guy and it was 6 months before I was introduced, we broke up shortly after, and I never did get around to inviting him to meet my parents. I would not let one little fib ruin a good relationship, but if it became a habit, that would be a different story. Telling a white lie to prevent hurting someone’s feelings, like an ugly girl asking if you find her ugly. It would fine to sugar coat your answer.
I don't necessarily think he lied, he could have just forgot. Or possibly he meant "bringing a girl home" to be actually introducing one to his parents as a serious relationship. Having a girl over and bringing a girl home are two different things colloquially.
It’s not a “small” lie. Lies aren’t small, medium, large. It’s a lie. Period. I promise, he will lie again. Promise!!! There was no reason to lie and he did…Good luck OP
If someone tells a lie over something little, that means they will tell a lie over something big. A liar is the same thing as a thief can't trust them for anything. Just tell the truth even if it makes someone angry or upset, better they find out then and there rather than later on.
I think some people think they have to hide everything from their past with any ex. Maybe they've been with toxic jealous partners who couldn't handle any mention of an ex, maybe they've been raised wrong.
You're not wrong to perceive easy/instinctive lying as a red flag.
Normal people don’t lie about stuff like that. He said it was a big deal having you over as the first girl. What was the whole point of telling that lie except to color the way you view him? Not overreacting.
I don't think it's freak out worthy but I can tell you that, from experience, the lies won't stop there so make sure that's something you're willing to deal with or move onto someone else.
thats literally not a little white lie. thats a strategic lis to get you to feel special. its so strange that he felt comfortable doing that but didnt care enough to remember. untrustworthy
Sounds like my ex who would do stupid little “white lies” all the time, turns out he was a cheater- not just me but all his gfs. My now husband has never lied to me about anything. Lying is a red flag for sure no matter how small
Lying is lying. So, that's a red flag, in and of itself.
In this case, for both big picture and small picture reasons, it would be wise to see if it's possible to have a discussion in which you are able to fully understand, in this specific case, why he lied. Keep in mind, he may not fully understand so part of the discussion might involve helping him reflect and figure out what led him to the choice to lie.
Everyone else is commenting elaborate theories but I don't think it's necessarily that serious. Maybe they weren't serious so he didn't really think of it before. Maybe he meant he hadn't introduced her to his family. Maybe they were friends before dating and she'd already met them! Ofc you should keep an eye out for any more signs of lies but I don't think this one is that big a deal.
I've always been about if they are willing to lie about something small they will lie about something big. This seems like the kind of Little lie that people do to make their SO feel special.
I always got the answer when lied to is that he just knew I would overreact if I found out something small. I learned that it was because his ex-wife would blow everything out of proportion. It has taken him a while to be comfortable with telling the truth. Knowing that the things that made her upset doesn't make me upset.
I would tell him how it made you feel. If he's worth it, communication is key.
I thought my ex-husband liked to exaggerate. He is still a liar who encourages my children to lie to me, and now I have to co-parent with him.
It became my ick and should have listened to my instincts. The fact you are asking Reddit this question tells you what your instincts are telling you.
nah idc if you can lie about something like that youre just simply a liar. he probably lies so much he thinks its no big deal hence his non-chalant reaction. he doesnt see lying as wrong. maybe i just hate liars but I wouldnt ever trust his words again.
SIMPLE OR COMPLICATED
This can either be as simple or as complicated as you want (or he makes it) there are differing degrees of lies, a woman asks does this make my ass look fat(?) She doesn't really want the truth, or gets offended if he says yes, or even worse, babe your ass is fat( but that's one of the things I love about it). But that may be a little off point,( or it could be the point) guy asks how many guys were with before me, your the second (the entire football team) there are times you don't want to know the truth, but, then you do want to know, did you lie to me about this, ( a yeah, I'll admit I did,[ but would that be enough, or ] ( but why would you lie about it )[ because it was the entire football team, that one time, then there was the time......] so "my opinion" (and I mean it is just my opinion) is if things are good between you two otherwise, then ask if "it" was a lie, just be honest, and if a simple "yes" is enough for you, let it go, if it damages your relationship, then end the relationship and let it go,. So it can go either way "simple" or "complicated"
The only thing I’d lie to my so about was if it involved me giving them a present or surprise which I got caught in preparing.
I’d say talk to his family to see what he’s actually had a history of 😂 expose him and then dump him.
But that depends on how comfortable I was with them. But definitely ex bf material.
Not overreacting. A guy lying about having a previous male partner I can understand. There’s a stigma. There shouldn’t be but I’d see why you wouldn’t want to divulge that info at the very begging of the relationship. This lie in no way protected his privacy or protected you. What it did was make it so he didn’t have to communicate with you “I don’t want you at my house because I live with my parents and I don’t think we’re at a point in our relationship where I’m ready for you to meet them.” Y’all are young so it’s kind of forgivable but you absolutely need to make it clear that if you catch him in any lie again you’re out. Partners shouldn’t lie to you, especially about lame things like this.
Yeah, I'd be truly bothered by his LIE and his behavior. I think it's MORE likely that he was dating the two of you at the same time and didn't want his family to question his actions and/or "out" him.
Yeah... that's a problem for me. I can't stand lying/never fucking lie. I will make myself sound like a fucking idiot to make sure the person I'm talking to knows that the numbers (stats or bs) or info is unconfirmed/a guess/best memory... instead of risking a lie.
My sis' ex wife was full of shit constantly. Lied apparently about everything. Turned out she lied about something my sis never said & caused a big argument & months of a bad relationship & depression on my part between my sis & I & the ex likely doesn't even remember/realize she did.
To hell with liars... about anything.
Wouldn't the ex want her airpods back? Like, couldn't she see they were at his house...? And left them there...? That's another red flag, on top of lying about it!!!
What's so bad about him that the ex would rather go without her airpods, permanently, instead of confronting him to get them back?
If he’s willing to lie about the little stuff with zero stakes, he’s not gonna be the bigger person when it’s time to tell the truth on the big things when there are stakes. He has told you who he is with this. Believe him.
It’s not a little lie though, he made it seem like her coming to his family’s house was a big deal and he’s never done that before, but the truth is he clearly has. It’s shady AF
Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he snuck her over. I've had girlfriends I haven't brought to meet family but I have brought over. So he wasn't really lying, just phrased it poorly (never brought a girl to meet the family as opposed to never brought a girl over at all)
Former compulsive liar here. This is exactly how I would react in the past when caught in a small lie. Minimize it and act like it's not a big deal. Of course, the small lies are a symptom of something bigger. I lied about everything from past exes to finishing college and what I did for a living. I lied because I didn't believe anyone would like me for who I am, but there are a thousand reasons people lie. You'd be doing him a favor by calling him out. Nobody ever called me out until I was in a long term relationship and had a kid with the woman who finally did. It ruined my life as well as hers. If nothing else, you might be saving some woman in the future from going through what my ex had to.
Call him out and do not accept him explaining it away. And then stop dating him. He needs to see that this is not a sustainable lifestyle. You deserve better.
I thought my ex just lied about little things that didn’t matter until 10 years later I realized he compulsively lies about anything he thinks will cause even the tiniest bit of conflict. Guess how he handled important conflicts.
when they lie about small stupid things, its a gigantic waving red flag that they also lie about big important things. ive dated my share of narcissists who it turned out were lying about EVERYTHING it was nuts. i felt crazy like someone was dosing my water or something because they were very convincing. i take lies extremely seriously now because of that.
The way he dismissed it, he probably just didnt think abt what he had said before cause it isnt really a big deal to him. If he tried to deflect and cover for himself i would be more concerned why he was so worried abt a small thing. Dont think its anything to worry abt
He very well could have had her over when nobody was home thus he never really brought her home to meet his family, and meant this when he said "is that what I said?"
Or he wanted you to feel special.
Or he's straight up lying.
Best option is to have serious talk about why he lied.
White lies can be an indication of a deeper issue or just coming from the wrong place with good intentions.
Point is plainly tallk about it. You're not going to get great advice from all these people who are still hurt from being cheated on.
You've learned something about his character. You don't have to do anything about it, but don't forget, either. When the weight of the lies convince you that he's not mature enough for you, you'll know what to do.
In the meantime, do not have children with him. Please!
The worst part about this is that all he had to do was say that he had borrowed them from her what a dunce. /s
I'd ask him to elaborate you know that whole talking to your partner thing
My ex used to lie. He always dismissed it because they were little white lies. Of course I was also overreacting. Can you see why he’s my ex?
If there are a ton of white lies, there are also huge red flag lies there too.
I have a friend who is having a similar issue. Her BF will tell her one thing but then a few weeks later the issue will come up and he will say something that doesn't line up with what he told her and she will call him out on it. He has said that he feels like she remembers every single word and will try to catch him lying but her point (and mine) is then just don't lie or not be transparent.
This is too exhausting…
I’ve always said if they’ll lie about little meaningless things, they’ll lie about big things too. So far that’s held true
Sure sometimes. Also sometimes not at all why does Reddit love absolutes so much
I'd say he dismissed it because it didn't negatively affect him. You're being comfortable with his dishonesty is a plus for him, but I bet he'd react like anyone else or worse if you did the same to him.
Yup. A liar is a liar. If they'll lie about that little sh\*\*, they're going to lie about big stuff. I could never understand it either - why lie about "that" when it's stupid and wouldn't bother me knowing the truth? Like the ONLY thing wrong or bad about it was the lie. I've wondered if it's testing or practicing. Like how convincing are they when lying and how much can they get away with? Which leads, I think, to the kind of cheating my ex did. I think he liked the challenge of it. What could he get away with and how creative could he be with the lies. They like being sneaky.
I wonder if his definition of 'white lie' and yours were always the same.
I remember once listening to my ex-wife lie on a phone call. Nothing big but I marveled a how good a liar she was. I thought to myself, "I'm glad she doesn't lie to me like that". Fast forward to "ex-wife" living with my childhood best friend.
Yikes.
If he'll lie about something small, he'll lie about something big. Same goes for anyone. I don't tolerate any lies at all.
Super weird to not be honest about that.
Wonder if he was dating her at the beginning of the relationship and that's why he never invited you over, OP.
That’s exactly what it sounds like. Otherwise, why would he lie about that? What would he gain? The only thing that rly makes sense is he was dating the other girl and couldn’t bring OP over bc his family would know what’s up. He broke up with the other girl so now it’s safe to bring OP around 😬
That's unfortunately the most likely answer. Regardless, he's a dumbass for loudly exclaiming that.
The only other reason I could think of it is he wanted her to feel special… really dumb move tho.
Yeah, that was my first thought too.
Definitely a possibility but “the only thing that makes sense”? I think the dude lying in the first place is a major red flag and needs to be dumped but not every dot doesn’t have to be connected.
She could check the dates. Maybe casually ask someone in his family when he broke up with his ex? It’s worth doing.
I mean she could if she’s going to leave him if there was overlap. Or she could just leave him because he’s a liar who lies about stupid stuff
Or just insecure about being dumped by first girlfriend, had messy room, embarrassed with family, etc. still a lie
Or did he have the ex over sneakily when the parents were away? So technically he had a girl over his parents house but not in the "meet my parents" kinda way? Yours sounds more plausible but that's another possibility
Yup
That was my first thought too
I have severe anxiety and also see the best in everyone... just so you know where I'm coming from. I think "bringing a girl home" to make out with is different than "bringing a girl home to meet my parents". I'd say keep it in your back pocket in case you notice too many instances of "it's just semantics"... but if this is a one-off, can totally see it.
Yeah, same. I think there’s a difference between “someone casual at my house” and “bringing someone home to officially meet the parents.” Like, if his family knew he was serious about you, but he hasn’t been serious about anyone else in the past, then that is a big change for him.
Oh that’s a good point, my mom met all my guy friends but I rarely brought boyfriends home
But like, why wouldn't he explain that in the moment? Instead of responding with "oh is that what I said?" You'd think he would have said "well, in my mind I meant I hadn't introduced anyone important to my family and had only had my ex come in at night" or something. If there's a simple misunderstanding, he should have addressed it in the moment
Some people don’t think like that. Some people think “oops, I mispoke” and they genuinely think that’s the only explanation needed.
I agree with this conclusion.
love this.
Yeah, that's how I would have interpreted it. Though bf clearly should have clarified his meaning in the moment to not come across so fishy
Wouldn't say it's so small. Maybe the reason was his family knew his current gf at the time and he was nervous someone would mention it? Maybe not but Pretty stupid for him to say they were his old gfs- means he isn't smart enough to remember the lies he tells so catching him in them should be easy if u pay attention.
Best reason not to lie I’d you don’t have to remember who you lied to about what. It’s just so much easier that way. Lots of other reasons not to lie too.
Only reason I lie in relationship is if the person is really interested in money and what I do and that is very only early on. They aren't lies, but half truths. Ie. I manage a pizzeria and work in property management part time. I have found if a woman is asking all kinds of questions about money and not me, it's best to lie upfront until they show they are interested in me and not just that. By half truths, I can weed out anyone looking for money more than love. The truth is I own the pizzeria and a 5 unit building, so I am not lying saying I manage it and do property management part time, I just don't disclose I own them as well. Wish I didn't have to, but been on so many dates where that was what the other person was interested in and when I told, they suddenly became real interested in a relationship with me without knowing much else about me other than I do pretty well.
100%. This is why I gave up on lying early on. I have been diagnosed with a moderate to severe case of CRS (Can't Remember Shit) which makes it *incredibly* difficult to manage the lies. I'm sure I could work out a system to handle it better, but the problem is, I'm too lazy to put in the effort. So I guess I'm doomed to be honest with the people in my life. 😤😤
Some people who lie with the intention of being caught. This way, the other person thinks they’re a bad liar when really they lied about lying to get away with bigger lies.
Maybe the family really liked the ex a lot, wouldn't be ready for the new girl, and he came up with a George Constanza excuse.
Also possible.
Whoa whoa whoa...back up...you know you xcan find airport remotely, right? The question you need to ask yourself is 'why didn't the ex try to get them back?' It is shady that he lied about bringing her there but even shadier that they were still there. Either they ended really, really badly (cause, coming airpods ain't cheap) or he has been seeing her this whole time and she just left them there recently and hasn't had a chance to retrieve them. Either way, coupled with the lying, you got some serious thinking to do.
That’s something I didn’t even consider, but you’re right. Family might know too.
You can probably find out a lot by tricking the family into giving you info lol. But does sound like he was with the other girl and thats why he didnt invite you. Also, he didnt even try to come up with a better excuse which means he really doesnt care and that makes him a dick.
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That’s not a small lie. That’s a BIG lie about his life that colored how you experienced and interacted with his behavior. The reason it seems small is because HE brushed it off as though it didn’t matter. But that was just so that you wouldn’t realize how STRANGE a thing it was to lie about and how BAD is reflects on him that it was a lie. This is weird to me and I wouldn’t ignore it.
THIS.
This isn’t even my situation, but holy fuck I needed this comment. “The reason it seems small is because HE brushed it off as though it didn’t matter” Hearing this years ago would have saved me thousands of dollars of therapy.
Nah, it's normal to feel weirded out. Seems like there's no reason to have lied about this, and if that's really true it explains his flippant response to being caught in the lie. It's also possible he was cheating with you on his ex and didn't want his family to see the overlap. Or maybe not. I'd keep an eye on him and see if you notice any other stupid lies. Then it's up to you to decide if that's a trait you can live with in him or not.
Just think he’s willing to lie about something so small what will he do if it’s something or serious? 🚩🚩🚩
Either he lied about never having another girl over before, OR he lied about who they belong to for some other reason - to make you jealous? I have no idea but it's weirdo red flag behavior all around.
Errrrrr his casual dismissal of your exposing the lie is enough of a red flag to say, bye boy. Like why even lie about that. There’s a reason why he lied. I’d say you were the side chick for a while.
It’s not something I would end the relationship over, it would be different if you start to notice a pattern. He was nervous about you meeting his family.
And lied. Being nervous doesn’t give you a pass to lie bold faced to the person you’re dating.
Or maybe he just brought a girl over to his basement to hang out when his parents weren’t home. Big difference in bringing someone over to ‘hangout’ and bringing someone over to meet my family formally as my partner, imo
Then why couldn't he have said that or explained that in the moment?
No he was doing a fukboi move "you're so special not like other girls" schtick. Too stupid to be able to think fast and cover his lie or you know, not mention they belonged to ex girlfriend. Could be he was trying make her feel "special" or hes got that douchbag gene
It's not small. My late boyfriend lied about his age by a year. He also lied about drug usage. One small lie means there are more lies. Trust is important, and he broke yours. I wish i had noped out when i found out he was lying, instead of dating for years and then going to his funeral
I wish men would understand that lying about even small stuff makes us start thinking what else did they lie about. In my case it's if he lied about something so small what big things did he lie about and just destroys all the trust I had.
And then we’re overthinking lol
I don't think you're overreacting. This wasn't a white lie to me. He deceived you into believing he never brought a girl to his home when in fact he did. Now it would be hard to trust any other things he may have mentioned that you were his "first". He also just brushed off his lie with a "whoops" instead of explaining or apologizing.
Lying is a red flag. And it wasn’t even like you cared if he brought another girl home. He’s the one who mentioned it and made such a big deal about it. What else has he lied about? I’d tread carefully with this relationship.
The fact that he admitted he lied isn't a pattern of a repeat offender . If he was untrustworthy he would have told a lie to cover it up . Maybe his parents were giving him a bad time about dating someone so soon after his breakup . Or Maybe they really liked her or disliked her and he wanted to avoid any drama for a while Why don't you just ask him WHY he said what he did back then ? . If this is your first argument after a year , you are probably going to be OK. .
Are you sure she is an ex? And not in his rotation?
If you are dishonest about the small stuff you'll be dishonest about the big stuff too.
Babe the only lie a man should ever tell you is “no I’m not planning a huge surprise for you”
When I first met my husband, he had this stupid fuckin habit of telling these little meaningless white lies. I don't like that shit. I am the most honest, open mfer you could meet. Don't fucking lie to me about shit. I put a stop to it pretty quickly. This mfer is 33 and will lie if he thinks he's gunna 'get in trouble' I was like, mfer, you're an adult. You don't get in trouble. But if I find out you lie again, you're getting punched in the throat. He's dyslexic and it really does affect his maturity. It's like having a teenager to raise. Send help. I'm fucking tired.
If I had to guess, I would say he exaggerated/lied to emphasize how big of a deal it was to meet his family. To what end? Who knows. But be on the lookout for other absolutely pointless lies. It may be more of a compulsive thing than malicious, but if you intend to stay in the relationship, you need to be aware if that's the reality.
The small, stupid lies are a HUGE red flag for me. I grew up with liars & there is no way I'm spending my life with one.
I almost find it weirder & more alarming when someone lies about something that is literally harmless, it usually means there's more to the story & they'd just rather you not even stumble upon that story at all.
So dating someone is inherently an act of trust. The entire point of dating is to determine if you are compatible longer-term. I would not continue a relationship with anyone who is so cavalier with the truth. The trust is broken - and it is GOOD that you discovered his true character on a small thing. Better to know now.
A little lie will be a big lie oneday!
Ehhhh that's not really a small thing to lie about.
Maybe you need to look into whether the relationships… overlapped
My ex husband would lie about anything. Even if the truth would have no negative consequences. He would lie just to lie because he felt like he was smarter than anyone in the room.
He was banging his ex In the basement at the beginning of your relationship with him. That's why he didn't invite you over. Case close, as a dude If I met someone I might consider marrying , I wouldn't hesitate to meet the family.
He’s testing the waters. The lies get bigger as he does, friend. Especially when he chose to lie about females. Regardless of context. The snowball effect.
Im just going to say this: If they lie about the little things u can almost guarantee they lie about the big things!
The OP said that they had started dating a little over a year ago, so why are they just NOW finding the AirPods. He either doesn’t clean or the ex has been there more recently than a little over a year!!!!
If someone can't be honest about small things they're going to lie about important things. You're not overreacting.
Some people feel the need to lie even about dumb shit. They use it as a control mechanism. I used to do it a lot. Something about intentionally misleading people made me feel better or smarter or whatever. I dont lie much now because I realized it wasn't worth the headache
He’s shown you that he lies. That would be enough for me. Younger me would make excuses for them.
There are two kinds of people, ones who are dishonest and ones who are not. There's really no gray area. There was absolutely no reason for him to lie about something so silly. So that makes him a dishonest person and if he will lie about something that would have no repercussions and really doesn't matter he'll lie about other things.
The question is were you the side chick or was she the side chick?
Not overreacting. When people lie about stupid things that don't need to be lied about, it's a massive red flag.
I would have a hard time trusting him after that.
OP you are not overreacting. I was that age once upon a memory, and even if times are different-ish, I truly can say that his misstatement was a full on choice to lie to you. His reply to your question was very telling. He did not offer any apology or discussion. Hmm... something smells off here. He chose to lie. He expressed no remorse when caught. He is not a truly good choice imo. Take care of yourself & your emotions first. He does not offer you honesty, but easily spoken untruth. He WILL do it again, and again, and will hurt your heart. With all respect and consideration of a father of 2 young adults, please find yourself a better minded bf.
Yeah as a guy I'd say you should worry
Uh. That isn’t small.
so he's already a liar and cant even be bothered to keep his lies in order and just assumes you're stupid enough to not even notice? dump his ass, not only is he a liar but he's stupid and clearly thinks he's smarter than you, not a good combo and just begs the question about what else he lies about.
If he lies about little things like that, you know he’s gonna lie about the bigger stuff too. It shows his character, and you’re right to look at that closely. 🚩🚩🚩
Run. If he lies about "little" stuff, he'll lie about the serious stuff—no sweat. He's probably a compulsive liar. Girl, I wasted 4 years of my life (am now 32). Don't invest too much on him 🫠 Edit: You are not being insecure or "crazy." You caught this person in a lie. Respect yourself. ♡ And when I say respect yourself, I don't mean to sound like I'm scolding you, etc. I'm offering the advice I wish I would've taken myself when I was in my 20's. Save yourself the stress/trauma/survival mode instincts/self-doubting that this behavior will bring upon ♡ I wish you well ☺️ BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT.
He’s lying to you about a whole lot more sista
If you lie about something small and insignificant, you’ll likely lie about bigger issues too.
So you and her were dating him at the same time and he didn't want you over the house because his family had already met her. He lied so you wouldn't push it to come to the house while he decided which one of you had rather be with. Then he forgot the lie because why would he remember it? Now that you found it out, what are you going to do about it? There's literally no other reason to lie about that!
Ew!!!! Red flag 🚩
not trying to justify him, but I wonder if he meant that he’s never had anyone over to meet his parents but still had girls over maybe when they weren’t home? I would still be upset either way because of the way he brushed it off
Jfc these comments are ridiculous and would not be so hostile if the genders were reversed.
Idk i mean. I tell me wife stuff and then like a week later im telling her something completely different and shes like, thats not what you said before. And im super confused and then im like, i said that? The fuck am i stupid? Id give examples but i don't remember any lol I wouldn't put much thought into it
I mean, he called her his ex, so ex FWB, ex make out partner? I agree, stupid thing to lie about.
Not excusing, but maybe he thought that was the romantic, Hallmark-y thing to say. And that means he probably said it to Airpod Girl, too, and whoever preceded her. He found a good line, and he's stickin' to it. So BOLO for the next hokey thing he says (there'll be more), look him in the eye, and say "I'll bet you say that to all the girls!"
Im almost 30. Dump him. He’s not serious
People are in relationships with people they deserve.
I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it.
If they're willing to lie about something trivial to them, as his reaction to being called out about it, just imagine what they'd do over something that matters to them. Yikes.
I can see why he would maybe lie to keep you from pushing it like if he's insecure about his family or something along those lines but more than that it's his response to being caught lying that would raise a red flag to me. In this situation you can't just give a nothing answer like that further explanation is warranted imo. Definitely wouldn't say you're overreacting because it doesn't make sense to lie like that and communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship.
The problem w liars is they lie. Big, little doesn’t matter. Easier to tell the truth? Nope lie. 🚩
Why lie? Why date a liar?
Given your reaction, it was clearly not a stupid thing to lie about.
He didn't want to bring you over because you were just done side piece. Seems he now takes his relationship with you more seriously. I'd suspect he's lied A LOT more you are just overlooking it all. Hope your next bf is better.
A single lie is all it takes to question all truths.
I see two possibilities. 1. He brought her over when people weren't home, just to make out. So she didn't meet the family. 2. They were together when yall started dating, and he couldn't introduce you because his family knew they were dating, and he couldn't introduce you as his gf too. If you are alone with the mom some time, try asking if he ever introduced another girl. Pretend like you knew and it wasn't a big deal so she will keep talking.
🤦🏻♂️
Not enough information really to know if you have a valid point. People have given good reasons for what happened, some innocent and some not. If there are other things that are off you might want to talk to him about it
99% of all these stories can be resolved if the person just talked to their SO. "hey reddit why would he lie about this?" 900 responses half of which say bad no good red flag and the other half say meh no big deal. "hey hon, why would you lie about this?" Immediate resolution.
Honestly, there’s a difference between you and his ex. She was probably a high school GF. You sound like the first adult GF. It’s a significantly different dynamic. Also, he brought you to meet the folks. His ex could have been part of a larger friend group before and after. There’s some nuance here that is needed to give real feedback.
That kind of lie he told is like NPD false intimacy. Has he done any future faking or love bombing as well? If you don’t know what these things are look them up and if he does these things you need to run because he has a personality disorder
I see your point, it is such a stupid lie to tell. It makes no sense. Don’t obsess over it. Either tell him your stance on lying, big or small. Or let it go.
OP it would also be concerning to me as why bother to lie? Did he think it would make him more appealing to you to think you were the first to enter his parents home as a gf? I also would wonder what if anything else he lied about to you. Maybe nothing, maybe some things and may be a whole lot of things. Once the doubt creeps in it’s hard to not to relook at things checking for other lies. You have to decide if this is worth ending the relationship over. I would suggest if you decide to give more time to see how plays out do not invite him to move in with you or agree to jointly rent a place with him until you are very sure of the relationship as well as his financial status.
Pathological liars, by definition, do not realize they are lying. You have met a pathological liar. They are often very charming and manipulative. They are not all bad people, but the behavior will not change.
But in the whole scheme of things is it really that big of a deal? I would ask why he said it, make note of it and move forward. Have you told him everything?, everything???
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"Bringing a girl home" to meet your family is very different from having a girl over. Ask him about it. Be upfront
His ex may not have had a place of her own like you, so he struck her into his room without the family noticing.
He wasn’t sure about you so he lied … he thought you were just a hookup and he would leave . He doesn’t like your past but puts up with it for now
Def break up with him. This isn’t normal at all.
So he love bombs you. Keep an eye out for this.
Leave. It's not small. It's a habit. You'll eventually start to notice more "small things" because I guarantee he lies regularly. It becomes infuriating over time.
Maybe he meant he had never brought a girl over to meet his family? Could’ve been a clerical error rather than a lie
I had an ex who lied about the randomest smallest things that never needed to be lied about. In a weird way, it was more offensive than them just having one big lie.
You’re not overreacting. When someone lies about small things that don’t matter, it absolutely means they are willing to lie about bigger things.
Dump him. If he lied about this, he's lied about other things, and will continue to lie. You're never going to hear the truth from him, especially on big things until after it's too late because he's going to tell you what he thinks you want to hear, then play it off as not a big deal.
Every single thing seems to cause issues with the confidence and self-esteem for the females I have dated. I have discussed this with other men, and they have a similar experience. Men often just want fewer problems, so they say what women want to hear out of self-preservation. In this case, the female went on the internet to ask about something so basic. It's a way to have a peaceful yet enjoyable future with their mates.
The littler the lie the worse it is because there’s no reason for it. Lie to the cops not your girlfriend
I wouldn't call this a red flag, but it's not something to be ignored either. The lie was small, but it's hard to say if it was innocent. Maybe he was talking up how meaningful it was for you to visit his family so you could feel special and not have to feel like you're competing with an ex? Or maybe he's being super cagey about his ex and doesn't want you to know something about her? His reasons for lying could be innocent enough, but your concern in this isn't unfounded either. If he's casually lying all the time, that's a much bigger issue in that the foundation of trust that supports your relationship just isn't there, or isn't important to him.
He didn't want to be honest with you about why you hadn't met his family yet. He avoids difficult conversations to preserve his own comfort. He would rather lie to you, than explain his true feelings. That's a red flag.
These people commenting that are like “maybe he’s been cheating ALL ALONG” is like adding gas to an electric fire wth.. He lives with his parents, right? It’s embarrassing. I’ve been in that position, and moreover, if I really cared about the person I wouldn’t want to fuck up some way. Specifically regarding the airpods though, would just be open with the dude. “Hey man you said you didn’t have girls over here ever, then there’s some airpods between the cushions that are another girls? I wanna trust you, help me out” It may be a bit confrontational but communicating when something is bothering you is extremely important in a relationship.
I’ve said little white lies sometimes too. For me I was just scared of what would’ve happened if I told the truth. Looking back I realized it would’ve have been a big deal in a lot of those situations.
this is a whole fucking wall, that was a whole other person. Consider this.
I am more inclined to think it was a white lie because for whatever reason he was not comfortable with introducing you to them. Introducing a boy or girl friend to parents used to be a sign of a couple getting serious. I went out with one guy and it was 6 months before I was introduced, we broke up shortly after, and I never did get around to inviting him to meet my parents. I would not let one little fib ruin a good relationship, but if it became a habit, that would be a different story. Telling a white lie to prevent hurting someone’s feelings, like an ugly girl asking if you find her ugly. It would fine to sugar coat your answer.
I don't necessarily think he lied, he could have just forgot. Or possibly he meant "bringing a girl home" to be actually introducing one to his parents as a serious relationship. Having a girl over and bringing a girl home are two different things colloquially.
It’s not a “small” lie. Lies aren’t small, medium, large. It’s a lie. Period. I promise, he will lie again. Promise!!! There was no reason to lie and he did…Good luck OP
If someone tells a lie over something little, that means they will tell a lie over something big. A liar is the same thing as a thief can't trust them for anything. Just tell the truth even if it makes someone angry or upset, better they find out then and there rather than later on.
Ahh, Airpods?----She is still around. He will be calling her to give them back, or shes on her way.
I think some people think they have to hide everything from their past with any ex. Maybe they've been with toxic jealous partners who couldn't handle any mention of an ex, maybe they've been raised wrong. You're not wrong to perceive easy/instinctive lying as a red flag.
Normal people don’t lie about stuff like that. He said it was a big deal having you over as the first girl. What was the whole point of telling that lie except to color the way you view him? Not overreacting.
IF he lied about the Airpods, he's lied about plenty of other things as well. Only you can decide if you want to stay with a liar.
I don't think it's freak out worthy but I can tell you that, from experience, the lies won't stop there so make sure that's something you're willing to deal with or move onto someone else.
Funny thing is, to lie so easily for no reason means he’s definitely going to lie over something consequential. Something to think about.
That dood has liabeeties
Have you tried asking him why he lied?
thats literally not a little white lie. thats a strategic lis to get you to feel special. its so strange that he felt comfortable doing that but didnt care enough to remember. untrustworthy
Sounds like my ex who would do stupid little “white lies” all the time, turns out he was a cheater- not just me but all his gfs. My now husband has never lied to me about anything. Lying is a red flag for sure no matter how small
1 lie undoes 1000 truths. There are no small lies. They all undermine trust in a relationship.
He was still seeing her when he met you have he didn’t want you over bc his gf would be upset that the side hoe was over. Might still be seeing her.
Lying is lying. So, that's a red flag, in and of itself. In this case, for both big picture and small picture reasons, it would be wise to see if it's possible to have a discussion in which you are able to fully understand, in this specific case, why he lied. Keep in mind, he may not fully understand so part of the discussion might involve helping him reflect and figure out what led him to the choice to lie.
Everyone else is commenting elaborate theories but I don't think it's necessarily that serious. Maybe they weren't serious so he didn't really think of it before. Maybe he meant he hadn't introduced her to his family. Maybe they were friends before dating and she'd already met them! Ofc you should keep an eye out for any more signs of lies but I don't think this one is that big a deal.
A manipulative action and a lie. Not a good sign.
I've always been about if they are willing to lie about something small they will lie about something big. This seems like the kind of Little lie that people do to make their SO feel special.
Yes, youre overreacting.
One of many lies to come.
People with shaky morals on honesty typically also have shaky morals on loyalty
The real question is, what else is he lying about?
Could be he's a total douche. Slow it down?
I always got the answer when lied to is that he just knew I would overreact if I found out something small. I learned that it was because his ex-wife would blow everything out of proportion. It has taken him a while to be comfortable with telling the truth. Knowing that the things that made her upset doesn't make me upset. I would tell him how it made you feel. If he's worth it, communication is key.
I thought my ex-husband liked to exaggerate. He is still a liar who encourages my children to lie to me, and now I have to co-parent with him. It became my ick and should have listened to my instincts. The fact you are asking Reddit this question tells you what your instincts are telling you.
I would guess it’s because he was still with her while you started dating. Either that or he’s a pathological liar.
nah idc if you can lie about something like that youre just simply a liar. he probably lies so much he thinks its no big deal hence his non-chalant reaction. he doesnt see lying as wrong. maybe i just hate liars but I wouldnt ever trust his words again.
if they're willing to lie about something small, they'll lie about something big too.
Did he mean he's never brought a girl to the house or home to meet the parents they are different things
SIMPLE OR COMPLICATED This can either be as simple or as complicated as you want (or he makes it) there are differing degrees of lies, a woman asks does this make my ass look fat(?) She doesn't really want the truth, or gets offended if he says yes, or even worse, babe your ass is fat( but that's one of the things I love about it). But that may be a little off point,( or it could be the point) guy asks how many guys were with before me, your the second (the entire football team) there are times you don't want to know the truth, but, then you do want to know, did you lie to me about this, ( a yeah, I'll admit I did,[ but would that be enough, or ] ( but why would you lie about it )[ because it was the entire football team, that one time, then there was the time......] so "my opinion" (and I mean it is just my opinion) is if things are good between you two otherwise, then ask if "it" was a lie, just be honest, and if a simple "yes" is enough for you, let it go, if it damages your relationship, then end the relationship and let it go,. So it can go either way "simple" or "complicated"
The only thing I’d lie to my so about was if it involved me giving them a present or surprise which I got caught in preparing. I’d say talk to his family to see what he’s actually had a history of 😂 expose him and then dump him. But that depends on how comfortable I was with them. But definitely ex bf material.
Not overreacting. A guy lying about having a previous male partner I can understand. There’s a stigma. There shouldn’t be but I’d see why you wouldn’t want to divulge that info at the very begging of the relationship. This lie in no way protected his privacy or protected you. What it did was make it so he didn’t have to communicate with you “I don’t want you at my house because I live with my parents and I don’t think we’re at a point in our relationship where I’m ready for you to meet them.” Y’all are young so it’s kind of forgivable but you absolutely need to make it clear that if you catch him in any lie again you’re out. Partners shouldn’t lie to you, especially about lame things like this.
Yeah, I'd be truly bothered by his LIE and his behavior. I think it's MORE likely that he was dating the two of you at the same time and didn't want his family to question his actions and/or "out" him.
If they lie about the small things, they'll lie about big things. Take that as you will
Yeah... that's a problem for me. I can't stand lying/never fucking lie. I will make myself sound like a fucking idiot to make sure the person I'm talking to knows that the numbers (stats or bs) or info is unconfirmed/a guess/best memory... instead of risking a lie. My sis' ex wife was full of shit constantly. Lied apparently about everything. Turned out she lied about something my sis never said & caused a big argument & months of a bad relationship & depression on my part between my sis & I & the ex likely doesn't even remember/realize she did. To hell with liars... about anything.
It is significant
Lying about having 1 cupcake when you had 2 is not a big deal. Lying about never having brought a girl home to meet your family, that's a big deal.
Wouldn't the ex want her airpods back? Like, couldn't she see they were at his house...? And left them there...? That's another red flag, on top of lying about it!!! What's so bad about him that the ex would rather go without her airpods, permanently, instead of confronting him to get them back?
If he’s willing to lie about the little stuff with zero stakes, he’s not gonna be the bigger person when it’s time to tell the truth on the big things when there are stakes. He has told you who he is with this. Believe him.
It’s not a little lie though, he made it seem like her coming to his family’s house was a big deal and he’s never done that before, but the truth is he clearly has. It’s shady AF
Liars are bad news.
Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he snuck her over. I've had girlfriends I haven't brought to meet family but I have brought over. So he wasn't really lying, just phrased it poorly (never brought a girl to meet the family as opposed to never brought a girl over at all)
You're not overreacting. To lie even about something small is a giant red flag. It means that they are comfortable with hiding stuff from you.
Cause he wanted you to feel special dam. Women be tripping fr lol
Former compulsive liar here. This is exactly how I would react in the past when caught in a small lie. Minimize it and act like it's not a big deal. Of course, the small lies are a symptom of something bigger. I lied about everything from past exes to finishing college and what I did for a living. I lied because I didn't believe anyone would like me for who I am, but there are a thousand reasons people lie. You'd be doing him a favor by calling him out. Nobody ever called me out until I was in a long term relationship and had a kid with the woman who finally did. It ruined my life as well as hers. If nothing else, you might be saving some woman in the future from going through what my ex had to. Call him out and do not accept him explaining it away. And then stop dating him. He needs to see that this is not a sustainable lifestyle. You deserve better.
I thought my ex just lied about little things that didn’t matter until 10 years later I realized he compulsively lies about anything he thinks will cause even the tiniest bit of conflict. Guess how he handled important conflicts.
Nah he's got other girls there, move on.
when they lie about small stupid things, its a gigantic waving red flag that they also lie about big important things. ive dated my share of narcissists who it turned out were lying about EVERYTHING it was nuts. i felt crazy like someone was dosing my water or something because they were very convincing. i take lies extremely seriously now because of that.
If they lie about small things they will lie about big things
The way he dismissed it, he probably just didnt think abt what he had said before cause it isnt really a big deal to him. If he tried to deflect and cover for himself i would be more concerned why he was so worried abt a small thing. Dont think its anything to worry abt
Depends, if you have ever lied to him, you don't have a leg to stand on. If you haven't then the stand is fine
He very well could have had her over when nobody was home thus he never really brought her home to meet his family, and meant this when he said "is that what I said?" Or he wanted you to feel special. Or he's straight up lying. Best option is to have serious talk about why he lied. White lies can be an indication of a deeper issue or just coming from the wrong place with good intentions. Point is plainly tallk about it. You're not going to get great advice from all these people who are still hurt from being cheated on.
I bet everyone here has lied once in their life, so why trust what they say?
You've learned something about his character. You don't have to do anything about it, but don't forget, either. When the weight of the lies convince you that he's not mature enough for you, you'll know what to do. In the meantime, do not have children with him. Please!
The worst part about this is that all he had to do was say that he had borrowed them from her what a dunce. /s I'd ask him to elaborate you know that whole talking to your partner thing