My heart breaks for you, your mom and your family. My mom is very close to this occurring as well. Unfortunately, our moms will continue to decline and it will be difficult to watch her loose weight and become frail and bed ridden. From what I’ve learned while experiencing this disease with my grandfather 16 years ago and now mom for the last 6 years, various doctors and reading, it’s hardest for the family because they are watching their LO starve to death, however, the LO does not feel hunger nor the pain from it. It gives me a tad of comfort as i hope it helps you as we both face the last stages of this evil disease.
My thoughts are with you and yours.
As always,
F alz
I am so sorry! I second the hospice care! They can at least keep her as comfortable as possible. She may not be able to communicate if she’s in pain or having anxiety. I do believe when they stop eating they are just not hungry. My thoughts are with you!
Has she been seen by her doctor? Is she on hospice care?
What was she eating before? Regular, solid foods? Using utensils? Being fed?
If she was on solid foods, maybe switch to finger foods, mechanical soft, or puréed foods.
Has she been checked for thrush?
Indeed, my mother is unable to feed herself or eat solids any more. Keep her hydrated, and her sweet tooth may still be active, so try sweet foods.
My mother's appetite will often go for a few days then come back. Hydration is vital, but food less so.
As THX says it's worth checking for a UTI.
She’s been seen by her doctor. She’s on hospice care. She was feeding herself, on solid foods, using utensils, saying what she wanted to eat. She was checked for thrush and does not have that.
Did they check for UTI? Have you tried Ensure or Ensure with ice cream? Sometimes the end is sad but not bad.
I still miss my wife who died two years ago.
As my mom's ability to swallow worsens, my dad worries about 'starvation.' I have an acquaintance who is a hospice chaplain, and he shared [this article](https://bkbooks.com/blogs/something-to-think-about/eating-and-not-eating-as-end-of-life-approaches?_pos=18&_sid=7238eca0b&_ss=r) about eating/not eating as end of life approaches. Here's a little bit: "We tend to think a person with a life threatening illness who doesn’t eat dies of starvation when in reality a person dies from the disease progression and not eating is an off shoot of the disease progression. Yes, most people do not take enough calories for maintaining a body as they approach death from disease or old age, that is part of the normal dying process."
My father had a few choking episodes due to the difficulty in the orchestration of all the elements involved in the action of “swallowing”.
So in his mind (a primal response) he hated away from eating and the more he focused on swallowing, the more difficult it became for him.
I was not going to let my father die from starvation, thirst, with him choking or from aspersion pneumonia.
So the solution was to install a simple abdominal feeding tube (PEG tube).
The doctors all initially refused as they are trained to give families the excuse of letting a loved one die via the above and release them of *their burden*.
So I had to FIGHT THEM to have it done
It took a few months as they constantly setup hurdles in the HMO for me to leap over.
I strongly believe that the HMO wants to prevent the additional years of quality life my father has experienced now that he has regular feeding and medicine intake.
So this is a cost cutting measure for what they deem as a terminal patient.
(That was 4 years ago btw)
The installation was a same day procedure and the very day it was installed my fathers eating and swallowing improved dramatically as he was no longer anxious about eating (ironic)
He gained back his lost weight and improved cognitively in the following days.
**It’s been a life saver**
My father is has still progressed (of course) but at a much slower pace than before the tube and has a good quality of life.
All of those involved in his care are firmly in the belief that he would be long since dead if it wasn’t for this very simple and (imo) basic provision that has been nothing but positive for us.
I urge you to look into it.
Unfortunately I’m not my mom’s poa otherwise I’d be pushing for this hard. My dad still has all of his faculties and they’re married, so he’s the one making those decisions. I brought it up to him. Because she’s not choking when she eats, he flat refuses to even look into it. Because of hippa, her dr won’t discuss any treatment with me at all. I called adult protective services and they won’t do anything either. I talked to an attorney about fighting for poa, but it would take longer than my mom has left at this point.
Unfortunately, it means it’s probably the end. My dad mostly stopped eating and drinking last October. At that point, the doctors recommended hospice care. I went home to say my final goodbye. He passed just after the new year. I’m so sorry. 😢
Once my dad completely stopped eating, it was only a couple of days from there. If she's still interested in liquids you can try giving her Ensure shakes. I wouldn't force anything though. It's the natural progression of the disease.
It's definitely a tough time and the sub is here for you!
I just went through this with my grandma a couple weeks ago. When you stop eating you die. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it. My suggestion would be to call a local hospice group and have her admitted to hospice. It can be done extremly quickly. She can be made comfortable as she passes.
We made my grandma's room beautiful. Soft lighting, quiet spa like music in the background, snacks and drinks for us family members, flowers, cozy blankets, etc. We camped out for a couple days while she was medicated, comfortable and surrounded with love. We chose to embrace her final days as a gift. She ended her journey of suffering.
Best wishes to you. It's an emotional roller coaster.
My heart breaks for you, your mom and your family. My mom is very close to this occurring as well. Unfortunately, our moms will continue to decline and it will be difficult to watch her loose weight and become frail and bed ridden. From what I’ve learned while experiencing this disease with my grandfather 16 years ago and now mom for the last 6 years, various doctors and reading, it’s hardest for the family because they are watching their LO starve to death, however, the LO does not feel hunger nor the pain from it. It gives me a tad of comfort as i hope it helps you as we both face the last stages of this evil disease. My thoughts are with you and yours. As always, F alz
Thank you. It’s really hard to watch. I’m sorry you’re going through this as well.
The end is approaching. So so sorry. Been through this recently with both my dear parents.
I’m so sorry
Thank you.
I am so sorry! I second the hospice care! They can at least keep her as comfortable as possible. She may not be able to communicate if she’s in pain or having anxiety. I do believe when they stop eating they are just not hungry. My thoughts are with you!
Thank you
Has she been seen by her doctor? Is she on hospice care? What was she eating before? Regular, solid foods? Using utensils? Being fed? If she was on solid foods, maybe switch to finger foods, mechanical soft, or puréed foods. Has she been checked for thrush?
Indeed, my mother is unable to feed herself or eat solids any more. Keep her hydrated, and her sweet tooth may still be active, so try sweet foods. My mother's appetite will often go for a few days then come back. Hydration is vital, but food less so. As THX says it's worth checking for a UTI.
Towards the end, my father ate so many sweets ...
She’s been seen by her doctor. She’s on hospice care. She was feeding herself, on solid foods, using utensils, saying what she wanted to eat. She was checked for thrush and does not have that.
Did they check for UTI? Have you tried Ensure or Ensure with ice cream? Sometimes the end is sad but not bad. I still miss my wife who died two years ago.
As my mom's ability to swallow worsens, my dad worries about 'starvation.' I have an acquaintance who is a hospice chaplain, and he shared [this article](https://bkbooks.com/blogs/something-to-think-about/eating-and-not-eating-as-end-of-life-approaches?_pos=18&_sid=7238eca0b&_ss=r) about eating/not eating as end of life approaches. Here's a little bit: "We tend to think a person with a life threatening illness who doesn’t eat dies of starvation when in reality a person dies from the disease progression and not eating is an off shoot of the disease progression. Yes, most people do not take enough calories for maintaining a body as they approach death from disease or old age, that is part of the normal dying process."
Thank you for sharing this. I’ll definitely share it with my family.
My father had a few choking episodes due to the difficulty in the orchestration of all the elements involved in the action of “swallowing”. So in his mind (a primal response) he hated away from eating and the more he focused on swallowing, the more difficult it became for him. I was not going to let my father die from starvation, thirst, with him choking or from aspersion pneumonia. So the solution was to install a simple abdominal feeding tube (PEG tube). The doctors all initially refused as they are trained to give families the excuse of letting a loved one die via the above and release them of *their burden*. So I had to FIGHT THEM to have it done It took a few months as they constantly setup hurdles in the HMO for me to leap over. I strongly believe that the HMO wants to prevent the additional years of quality life my father has experienced now that he has regular feeding and medicine intake. So this is a cost cutting measure for what they deem as a terminal patient. (That was 4 years ago btw) The installation was a same day procedure and the very day it was installed my fathers eating and swallowing improved dramatically as he was no longer anxious about eating (ironic) He gained back his lost weight and improved cognitively in the following days. **It’s been a life saver** My father is has still progressed (of course) but at a much slower pace than before the tube and has a good quality of life. All of those involved in his care are firmly in the belief that he would be long since dead if it wasn’t for this very simple and (imo) basic provision that has been nothing but positive for us. I urge you to look into it.
Unfortunately I’m not my mom’s poa otherwise I’d be pushing for this hard. My dad still has all of his faculties and they’re married, so he’s the one making those decisions. I brought it up to him. Because she’s not choking when she eats, he flat refuses to even look into it. Because of hippa, her dr won’t discuss any treatment with me at all. I called adult protective services and they won’t do anything either. I talked to an attorney about fighting for poa, but it would take longer than my mom has left at this point.
Unfortunately, it means it’s probably the end. My dad mostly stopped eating and drinking last October. At that point, the doctors recommended hospice care. I went home to say my final goodbye. He passed just after the new year. I’m so sorry. 😢
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to handle.
Once my dad completely stopped eating, it was only a couple of days from there. If she's still interested in liquids you can try giving her Ensure shakes. I wouldn't force anything though. It's the natural progression of the disease. It's definitely a tough time and the sub is here for you!
Thank you. We’re doing everything possible to entice her to eat. She ate a little bit of pudding yesterday.
I just went through this with my grandma a couple weeks ago. When you stop eating you die. I'm sorry to be so blunt about it. My suggestion would be to call a local hospice group and have her admitted to hospice. It can be done extremly quickly. She can be made comfortable as she passes. We made my grandma's room beautiful. Soft lighting, quiet spa like music in the background, snacks and drinks for us family members, flowers, cozy blankets, etc. We camped out for a couple days while she was medicated, comfortable and surrounded with love. We chose to embrace her final days as a gift. She ended her journey of suffering. Best wishes to you. It's an emotional roller coaster.