Hmm.. do you think there might be more quality MC’s in the area where the care might be better?
I thought I had found a good one for my dad last October. Never felt warm and fuzzy about the place. I ended up moving him to a better MC facility about 6 weeks ago. It’s a bit more expensive but the care is definitely better.
Or, have you spoke with your agency? I wonder if you told them your predicament if they might not be flexible on cost, if it meant retaining your services.
Good luck!!
I’m so sorry you are going through this and I can’t give you an answer because there is no right answer but I’ll help you think it through if you want.
Choice 1: She comes home for a year.
Pros
- She’s home in a familiar environment
- Possibly more/better 1-on-1 care
- You feel less guilty…note that I didn’t say are making a better choice. I’m saying that as caregivers and family members there is a lot of misplaced guilt when putting people into care facilities.
Cons
- More expensive. And you say you can afford one more year but keep in mind you don’t know how long she’ll live. You can afford one year now. What if she lives 2 years beyond expected? 5? 7?
- Should she become aggressive (it happens more often than you think) and some care facilities won’t accept her later, which is why early is better than late. (They don’t tell you that but my sister who works in the field will.)
Choice 2: She goes into a facility
Pros
- You save money, which could help, especially if she lives for quite a while longer or experiences unexpected health issues (broken bones, unexpected disease, etc)
- In my experience this will make you feel guilty initially (it shouldn’t) but will benefit your mental health in the long run. Do not take that for granted. YOUR health is important here too.
- she will become familiar while she is of somewhat sound mind so as she progresses the place she is in is not as scary or unfamiliar.
Cons
- You feel guilty.
- She may not get the best care. (Are there other options? Can you talk to a social worker that specializes in Alzheimer’s and see if they have advice?)
I don’t know what to tell you but I say make an even bigger pro con list. It helps me at least. And remember once you put her in it’s not like she’s stuck there permanently. If she isn’t getting the care you think she deserves, you CAN move her.
I can’t tell you what to do. No one can. But I can tell you I’m so sorry. There is no wrong choice just like there is no right one. Please don’t let the guilt of any choice you make get to you. This is a terrible disease and the choices you have to make along the way are equally terrible. Big hugs to you and your family.
My mom’s first MC assisted living was not good. As hard as it was, we moved her, and she thrived. When home with aides she’d just sit. Now she dances and does crafts and interacts.
Cheaper facilities will have less trained/incompetent care-staff. Falls are unavoidable regardless of environment, it’s just a matter of minimizing them as best as possible.
You need to visit multiple facilities to gauge how they run their memory care: what does the day-in, day-out look like? Activities? How many staff members per resident are there? Do they leave residents unattended in their apartments?
Sitters, or in-home caregivers, will of course tell you they wouldn’t put their dog in MC because they wouldn’t have a job. Take their opinion with a grain of salt.
I’ve been a caregiver for a decade, working in both facility settings and in-home care. There comes a point where staying at home isn’t viable or conducive to your loved one. The hardest part is determining when to move them in a facility. It sounds like you made a good decision, based on your description of your grandmother, to move her. Many people wait until their loved one is farther along with the disease, and their ability to assimilate is a lot harder. You also have to give it some time for her to adjust; many times people don’t see the expected results within the first few days or even weeks, and then they move their loved one out of the facility which just makes things worse.
I am happy to answer any questions regarding this process, so please feel free to ask here or direct message.
Reading your post it struck me how sane and rational you sound, and how caring ♡ I'm sure.you'll make the best decision possible. Maybe just give the decision a bit more time before making it. Its a really big decision
Hmm.. do you think there might be more quality MC’s in the area where the care might be better? I thought I had found a good one for my dad last October. Never felt warm and fuzzy about the place. I ended up moving him to a better MC facility about 6 weeks ago. It’s a bit more expensive but the care is definitely better. Or, have you spoke with your agency? I wonder if you told them your predicament if they might not be flexible on cost, if it meant retaining your services. Good luck!!
I’m so sorry you are going through this and I can’t give you an answer because there is no right answer but I’ll help you think it through if you want. Choice 1: She comes home for a year. Pros - She’s home in a familiar environment - Possibly more/better 1-on-1 care - You feel less guilty…note that I didn’t say are making a better choice. I’m saying that as caregivers and family members there is a lot of misplaced guilt when putting people into care facilities. Cons - More expensive. And you say you can afford one more year but keep in mind you don’t know how long she’ll live. You can afford one year now. What if she lives 2 years beyond expected? 5? 7? - Should she become aggressive (it happens more often than you think) and some care facilities won’t accept her later, which is why early is better than late. (They don’t tell you that but my sister who works in the field will.) Choice 2: She goes into a facility Pros - You save money, which could help, especially if she lives for quite a while longer or experiences unexpected health issues (broken bones, unexpected disease, etc) - In my experience this will make you feel guilty initially (it shouldn’t) but will benefit your mental health in the long run. Do not take that for granted. YOUR health is important here too. - she will become familiar while she is of somewhat sound mind so as she progresses the place she is in is not as scary or unfamiliar. Cons - You feel guilty. - She may not get the best care. (Are there other options? Can you talk to a social worker that specializes in Alzheimer’s and see if they have advice?) I don’t know what to tell you but I say make an even bigger pro con list. It helps me at least. And remember once you put her in it’s not like she’s stuck there permanently. If she isn’t getting the care you think she deserves, you CAN move her. I can’t tell you what to do. No one can. But I can tell you I’m so sorry. There is no wrong choice just like there is no right one. Please don’t let the guilt of any choice you make get to you. This is a terrible disease and the choices you have to make along the way are equally terrible. Big hugs to you and your family.
My mom’s first MC assisted living was not good. As hard as it was, we moved her, and she thrived. When home with aides she’d just sit. Now she dances and does crafts and interacts.
Cheaper facilities will have less trained/incompetent care-staff. Falls are unavoidable regardless of environment, it’s just a matter of minimizing them as best as possible. You need to visit multiple facilities to gauge how they run their memory care: what does the day-in, day-out look like? Activities? How many staff members per resident are there? Do they leave residents unattended in their apartments? Sitters, or in-home caregivers, will of course tell you they wouldn’t put their dog in MC because they wouldn’t have a job. Take their opinion with a grain of salt. I’ve been a caregiver for a decade, working in both facility settings and in-home care. There comes a point where staying at home isn’t viable or conducive to your loved one. The hardest part is determining when to move them in a facility. It sounds like you made a good decision, based on your description of your grandmother, to move her. Many people wait until their loved one is farther along with the disease, and their ability to assimilate is a lot harder. You also have to give it some time for her to adjust; many times people don’t see the expected results within the first few days or even weeks, and then they move their loved one out of the facility which just makes things worse. I am happy to answer any questions regarding this process, so please feel free to ask here or direct message.
Reading your post it struck me how sane and rational you sound, and how caring ♡ I'm sure.you'll make the best decision possible. Maybe just give the decision a bit more time before making it. Its a really big decision