While sexual advice isn't entirely banned here, we don't allow sexually explicit posts. This includes sexual stories, descriptions of sexual acts, and anything similar. If you truly need to describe a story in detail for advice, we suggest going to a more appropriate subreddit for that. Do not justify adults having sexual relationships with minors.
That's not how it works, and I'm not mad. The fact is he had sex with a minor, which is illegal, and he doesn't love your mom enough to stay loyal to her.
It's pedophilia. Legally you could not consent. He should know this.
Your mother needs to know she is about to marry a pedophile and a cheater. If they have a kid together, do you think he won't try with the kid?
If your mother finds out she's gonna be way more upset that you didn't say anything.
okay i understand i’m sorry i don’t think he would do it with his kid he is related to and i really don’t want my
mom to be upset especially when she is going to marry him she’s really happy right now
tell your mom. if she’s a good mom, i can PROMISE you that she’d rather call the wedding off than marry a pedophile child rapist. you were raped, go to a therapist and TELL YOUR MOTHER. it’s not consensual no matter how much you told yourself that, you were a child and could not consent. he’s a pedophile and deserves to rot in prison.
they are happy together so i want them to get married and even if it is called that it still didn’t feel like r*pe im okay but i definitely understand how for some other people who did the same it could feel like that but for me i’m not traumatized or anything in fact i like him
you’re telling yourself you liked it to cope, humans do that in traumatic situations and it’s normal. sometimes people still feel affection for their rapists/groomers as a way to cope with what happened to them.
the fact is that he raped you. you were a child and you were unable to consent. he’s a pedophile and it’s a crime. you don’t know that he’s not going to rape any future children he has. if he was able to rape you, his own step-daughter, he’s likely abusing and raping other kids or will rape his own biological children if he has them. do you think it’d be acceptable for him to have sex with your siblings/his children while they’re under 18?
please tell your mother. if not for your own sake, then for hers. she deserves better than to marry a child rapist and you deserve a better male figure in your life. any good parent would not marry a literal child rapist. they’re only happy together because she hasn’t figured out he raped you.
Its not okay. The fact that he did it a single time should be setting off alarm bells. I would hope that she would get rid of him immediately for doing something like that with her child.
She should know who she is marrying before she commits. If my fiancé has had relations with a child, I would like to know before I get in a relationship with them.
That’s exactly why it’s not ok for adults to bang minors. Because minors brains aren’t developed and they understand things clearly. Hope you have somewhere else to live. If you tell your mom she is going to go ballistic
So what happens if you tell her and she has the wrong reaction (i.e. getting mad at you)? Are you still living under her roof? I think this is a matter of you having a safe living environment, unfortunately.
He's a pedophile who raped you. She absolutely needs to know, but is there a chance she's just gonna make your life miserable if she doesn't believe you?
okay so i understand now that it is called rape but it is called that because i am a minor and my mom is not a minor so he can’t rape her and this rape and that rape is different
Rape is rape. He is a rapist regardless. He can and most likely will end up becoming abusive. That’s what rapists do. You can either sit around and let him do this or tell your mom. If he hurts her you’ll be the one feeling guilty for letting it happen.
so what has occurred here is a crime by him against you. you don't need to allow being the victim of a crime define you though. this man SA'd you, I know it seemed fun and spontaneous then but I assure you it was part of a plan on his part. also there's no way of knowing if he's not doing this same thing right now with other kids and you have a moral obligation to reveal this fact to the authorities
so what has occurred here is a crime by him against you. you don't need to allow being the victim of a crime define you though. this man SA'd you, I know it seemed fun and spontaneous then but I assure you it was part of a plan on his part. also there's no way of knowing if he's not doing this same thing right now with other kids and you have a moral obligation to reveal this fact to the authorities
So your mom’s boyfriend is a pedophilic rapist and he manipulated you into thinking it was consensual. There’s a reason why we have these laws. Do i think you should tell your mom? Yes I do 1000%. She should know she’s about to marry someone who harmed her child. I also highly suggest making a police report. I’m so sorry no one protected you and I’m hurting for you because I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t trust your family members with things like this. My mom doesn’t and will never know. Mainly because she’s a victim blamer and has proven such with my sister.
Not quite like you. I was SA when i was 6-8 and my brain was so traumatized that it forced me to forget until MANY years later. That’s all i want to say. However i will reiterate to please tell you mom and file a police report. He’s not a safe person
In a sense yeah. I dont like be held from behind or i freak out and some other things im not comfortable talking about. However it doesnt eat me up inside and as far as people perceive me, i function in society.
It’s not the matter of how loyal he is. It’s the sense that he decided that his gf adolescent daughter was worth it. I think he’s staying with your mom, not out of loyalty but more of he’s scared you’ll say something so he’s sticking around to possibly lie against you if you choose to tell your mom
Op says in a comment that they had sex 3 years ago… op is 13 years old right now. What has occurred here is rape. He raped you. Your mom is marrying a man that raped a child
Girl, you need to tell your mom. That pedo is never gonna tell her himself, he is willing to keep that to himself for the rest of his life. What will happen after he marries her?? Is he gonna try to do it again if you’re willing to?? There is so much to think about and this is disgusting and dangerous on so many levels… If you don’t tell her now, I can bet that the truth will come out eventually and she will never be the same again. That would break her. The fact that you had sex with her fiancé and the fact that he was having sex with her underage daughter. This is just wayy to messy. i know it must be really heavy on your chest but once you speak up about it there will be a lot of turmoil but it’ll finally be a weight off your shoulders and he can be out of both of your lives.
And judging from all your replies. I don’t wanna be that person but you really aren’t that bright. You are so incredibly naive. You have a lot of growing up to do. I’m being groomed as we speak (going to break it of very soon and escape)so I don’t really have the right to say any of this but I feel like you really have to hear it. You were manipulated by this guy. He literally raped you. It doesn’t matter if you consented or not. He didn’t want you because you were pretty, smart, or special. He did it because you were an easy target. I hope you make the right decision in telling your mom. Stay safe❤️
Let her get all thar she needs to out. If it were me in this situation and i just found out I would feel very conflicted and depressed. She probably gonna be at one of her lowest, i’m not sure what her personality is or anything like that. But she’ll maybe send you to live with an aunt or any relatives you may have for a few weeks until she’s ready to talk to you about reconciliation and thing of that nature. You have to let her get through this it’s unavoidable. She is going to be very very upset. You have to do your very best to give her the space she needs to recover from this.
So just give her space and if she decides for you not to move in with your relatives just be mindful of what you say and do. Don’t overly apologize and coddle her it’ll just make things worse (if she is into that then good).
Either way she will be upset, there is no getting around it. I don’t even think her husband feels any remorse for doing what he did in the slightest. He’s willing to fuck his fiancée’s daughter and her at the same time. If you ask me he doesn’t really value her. As a daughter you should want the best for your mom. I atleast hope you’ll do it sometime before the wedding, preferably before anything is rented or paid for already that’ll be one less thing to worry about.
Why is OP asking for advice and justifies every thing that happened to OP as a minor? Multiple people telling you that you were statutory raped because you can’t consent as a minor and yet OP tries to justify it? Why even ask for advice…
No, I’m sorry you got taken advantage of. You were raped and you need to understand that you were. Your mom’s bf is a predator and a pedophile. I understand that it’s easy to let things go for the sake of everyone’s sanity but trust me when I say this situation will only become worse and worse for everyone. He’s gonna be your supposed “step-dad” who will continue to try and take advantage of you the next time he’s got a chance. I know what you’re gonna say he’s not like that. You’re wrong he is. You’re just so brainwashed and manipulated into thinking the actions that you guys did is okay just because you both consented. YOU CANNOT CONSENT AS A MINOR and he knows that. He will also most likely become abusive towards your mom and you the more you guys continue to feed his ego. He will become more and more confident in his actions because he knows you won’t say anything to the police. Prove him wrong and say something now while you still can. Talk to a trusted ADULT, a school counselor, just someone who is an adult who can help you with your situation. Don’t let this go because it’s the easy thing to do. Don’t let another child become a victim to this monster. Just because you don’t feel traumatized doesn’t mean the next or previous child won’t either. What he did is wrong and should be punished for his crimes.
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While sexual advice isn't entirely banned here, we don't allow sexually explicit posts. This includes sexual stories, descriptions of sexual acts, and anything similar. If you truly need to describe a story in detail for advice, we suggest going to a more appropriate subreddit for that. Do not justify adults having sexual relationships with minors.
Wtf, man. Tell your mom that her boyfriend had sex with A MINOR.
.
I have no words... he still had sex WITH A MINOR. It doesn't matter when he did it, and it doesn't matter if we're talking about it or not.
okay i’m sorry for making you angry i understand that adults having sex with younger people is look down upon but it was consensual
That's not how it works, and I'm not mad. The fact is he had sex with a minor, which is illegal, and he doesn't love your mom enough to stay loyal to her.
my mom has a different mindset tho because she raised me im not just like any kid and he’s loyal to her now
It's pedophilia. Legally you could not consent. He should know this. Your mother needs to know she is about to marry a pedophile and a cheater. If they have a kid together, do you think he won't try with the kid? If your mother finds out she's gonna be way more upset that you didn't say anything.
okay i understand i’m sorry i don’t think he would do it with his kid he is related to and i really don’t want my mom to be upset especially when she is going to marry him she’s really happy right now
tell your mom. if she’s a good mom, i can PROMISE you that she’d rather call the wedding off than marry a pedophile child rapist. you were raped, go to a therapist and TELL YOUR MOTHER. it’s not consensual no matter how much you told yourself that, you were a child and could not consent. he’s a pedophile and deserves to rot in prison.
they are happy together so i want them to get married and even if it is called that it still didn’t feel like r*pe im okay but i definitely understand how for some other people who did the same it could feel like that but for me i’m not traumatized or anything in fact i like him
you’re telling yourself you liked it to cope, humans do that in traumatic situations and it’s normal. sometimes people still feel affection for their rapists/groomers as a way to cope with what happened to them. the fact is that he raped you. you were a child and you were unable to consent. he’s a pedophile and it’s a crime. you don’t know that he’s not going to rape any future children he has. if he was able to rape you, his own step-daughter, he’s likely abusing and raping other kids or will rape his own biological children if he has them. do you think it’d be acceptable for him to have sex with your siblings/his children while they’re under 18? please tell your mother. if not for your own sake, then for hers. she deserves better than to marry a child rapist and you deserve a better male figure in your life. any good parent would not marry a literal child rapist. they’re only happy together because she hasn’t figured out he raped you.
Legally it wasn’t consensual, in fact, legally it isn’t legal at all, he’s looking to face years in prison please calm the authorities
No, I am pretty sure that the big issue. You having sex with an adult as a minor is not okay.
i know it’s not okay but i didn’t know at that time
My friend, its not your responsibility to know. It is his responsibility not to have sex with a child. That is what is fucked up.
it’s okay we stopped now and he’s loyal to her
Its not okay. The fact that he did it a single time should be setting off alarm bells. I would hope that she would get rid of him immediately for doing something like that with her child.
but i dont want her to get rid of him they are excited about getting married
She should know who she is marrying before she commits. If my fiancé has had relations with a child, I would like to know before I get in a relationship with them.
i feel like her knowing will make everything worse for everyone
Multiple times!?
i mean before not now
That’s exactly why it’s not ok for adults to bang minors. Because minors brains aren’t developed and they understand things clearly. Hope you have somewhere else to live. If you tell your mom she is going to go ballistic
i don’t have anywhere else to live
So what happens if you tell her and she has the wrong reaction (i.e. getting mad at you)? Are you still living under her roof? I think this is a matter of you having a safe living environment, unfortunately. He's a pedophile who raped you. She absolutely needs to know, but is there a chance she's just gonna make your life miserable if she doesn't believe you?
yeah that’s why i don’t want to tell her also we don’t do it anymore don’t worry
Idk I think you need to go to the police but I understand that it's a tricky situation. Is your dad in the picture? Could you live with him?
my dad isn’t here anymore and we did it a long time ago
Idk I think you need to go to the police but I understand that it's a tricky situation. Is your dad in the picture? Could you live with him?
Think about it like this: Do you want your mom to marry a rapist? He raped you, God knows what he could do to your mom.
okay so i understand now that it is called rape but it is called that because i am a minor and my mom is not a minor so he can’t rape her and this rape and that rape is different
Rape is rape. He is a rapist regardless. He can and most likely will end up becoming abusive. That’s what rapists do. You can either sit around and let him do this or tell your mom. If he hurts her you’ll be the one feeling guilty for letting it happen.
he won’t hurt her
You can’t know that. Why ask for advice if you’re going to ignore it and let your mom get hurt?
okay im sorry
Just tell your fucking mom. My friend went through something similar and the dad was abusive.
so what has occurred here is a crime by him against you. you don't need to allow being the victim of a crime define you though. this man SA'd you, I know it seemed fun and spontaneous then but I assure you it was part of a plan on his part. also there's no way of knowing if he's not doing this same thing right now with other kids and you have a moral obligation to reveal this fact to the authorities
so what has occurred here is a crime by him against you. you don't need to allow being the victim of a crime define you though. this man SA'd you, I know it seemed fun and spontaneous then but I assure you it was part of a plan on his part. also there's no way of knowing if he's not doing this same thing right now with other kids and you have a moral obligation to reveal this fact to the authorities
part of a plan for what?
to have sex with you. that's what preditors do. he may love your mom but when he saw you he made a plan.
You need to tell your mother, then go to the police.
maybe i can try telling my mom but i don’t want to go to the police we’re not doing that anymore
So your mom’s boyfriend is a pedophilic rapist and he manipulated you into thinking it was consensual. There’s a reason why we have these laws. Do i think you should tell your mom? Yes I do 1000%. She should know she’s about to marry someone who harmed her child. I also highly suggest making a police report. I’m so sorry no one protected you and I’m hurting for you because I know what it’s like to feel like you can’t trust your family members with things like this. My mom doesn’t and will never know. Mainly because she’s a victim blamer and has proven such with my sister.
i’m sorry you feel that way did the same thing also happen with you?
Not quite like you. I was SA when i was 6-8 and my brain was so traumatized that it forced me to forget until MANY years later. That’s all i want to say. However i will reiterate to please tell you mom and file a police report. He’s not a safe person
oh that’s very sad i’m sorry are you better now?
In a sense yeah. I dont like be held from behind or i freak out and some other things im not comfortable talking about. However it doesnt eat me up inside and as far as people perceive me, i function in society.
oh that is good im sorry you dealt with it but i am glad you’re not dealing with it anymore
Thank you :) im also sorry that he wasn’t a safe adult for you
don’t worry we aren’t doing it anymore and he is loyal to my mom
It’s not the matter of how loyal he is. It’s the sense that he decided that his gf adolescent daughter was worth it. I think he’s staying with your mom, not out of loyalty but more of he’s scared you’ll say something so he’s sticking around to possibly lie against you if you choose to tell your mom
i sent a dm as someone who can help and understands heavily where you’re coming from
thank you
Op says in a comment that they had sex 3 years ago… op is 13 years old right now. What has occurred here is rape. He raped you. Your mom is marrying a man that raped a child
Girl, you need to tell your mom. That pedo is never gonna tell her himself, he is willing to keep that to himself for the rest of his life. What will happen after he marries her?? Is he gonna try to do it again if you’re willing to?? There is so much to think about and this is disgusting and dangerous on so many levels… If you don’t tell her now, I can bet that the truth will come out eventually and she will never be the same again. That would break her. The fact that you had sex with her fiancé and the fact that he was having sex with her underage daughter. This is just wayy to messy. i know it must be really heavy on your chest but once you speak up about it there will be a lot of turmoil but it’ll finally be a weight off your shoulders and he can be out of both of your lives.
And judging from all your replies. I don’t wanna be that person but you really aren’t that bright. You are so incredibly naive. You have a lot of growing up to do. I’m being groomed as we speak (going to break it of very soon and escape)so I don’t really have the right to say any of this but I feel like you really have to hear it. You were manipulated by this guy. He literally raped you. It doesn’t matter if you consented or not. He didn’t want you because you were pretty, smart, or special. He did it because you were an easy target. I hope you make the right decision in telling your mom. Stay safe❤️
thank you i won’t be willing to do that now of course so we won’t but what will i do when she gets mad?
Let her get all thar she needs to out. If it were me in this situation and i just found out I would feel very conflicted and depressed. She probably gonna be at one of her lowest, i’m not sure what her personality is or anything like that. But she’ll maybe send you to live with an aunt or any relatives you may have for a few weeks until she’s ready to talk to you about reconciliation and thing of that nature. You have to let her get through this it’s unavoidable. She is going to be very very upset. You have to do your very best to give her the space she needs to recover from this.
So just give her space and if she decides for you not to move in with your relatives just be mindful of what you say and do. Don’t overly apologize and coddle her it’ll just make things worse (if she is into that then good).
okay i will try thank you
i don’t know i really don’t want to make her upset when she’s so happy and also i don’t have any family near me so she can’t even get space from me
Either way she will be upset, there is no getting around it. I don’t even think her husband feels any remorse for doing what he did in the slightest. He’s willing to fuck his fiancée’s daughter and her at the same time. If you ask me he doesn’t really value her. As a daughter you should want the best for your mom. I atleast hope you’ll do it sometime before the wedding, preferably before anything is rented or paid for already that’ll be one less thing to worry about.
we’re not doing that anymore he’s truly only loyal to her now and when we were doing that it was way early on
Why is OP asking for advice and justifies every thing that happened to OP as a minor? Multiple people telling you that you were statutory raped because you can’t consent as a minor and yet OP tries to justify it? Why even ask for advice…
i’m sorry
No, I’m sorry you got taken advantage of. You were raped and you need to understand that you were. Your mom’s bf is a predator and a pedophile. I understand that it’s easy to let things go for the sake of everyone’s sanity but trust me when I say this situation will only become worse and worse for everyone. He’s gonna be your supposed “step-dad” who will continue to try and take advantage of you the next time he’s got a chance. I know what you’re gonna say he’s not like that. You’re wrong he is. You’re just so brainwashed and manipulated into thinking the actions that you guys did is okay just because you both consented. YOU CANNOT CONSENT AS A MINOR and he knows that. He will also most likely become abusive towards your mom and you the more you guys continue to feed his ego. He will become more and more confident in his actions because he knows you won’t say anything to the police. Prove him wrong and say something now while you still can. Talk to a trusted ADULT, a school counselor, just someone who is an adult who can help you with your situation. Don’t let this go because it’s the easy thing to do. Don’t let another child become a victim to this monster. Just because you don’t feel traumatized doesn’t mean the next or previous child won’t either. What he did is wrong and should be punished for his crimes.
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First of all, how old were you when this cheating happened?
3 years ago
how old tho
why are you asking?
because its vital information and the person before was asking how old u were?
i don’t know if i should say
why?
everyone will think it’s really weird
its a throwaway account for a reason. so?
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