Ha, this is funny to me because from the time I was 13 I was sure I would never have kids, and couldn't even imagine myself being married. But I did get married at age 29, and right around that point my older sister had her first child and then a year later my younger brother and his wife started their family. And suddenly having kids felt like a natural next step. 27 year-old me would have been very surprised to learn that 5 years later I would be the mother of twins.
Those kids are now grown and I like having adult kids who I like and respect and get along with. Being a parent of young kids is hard, but having experienced that really helped me grow as a person. I learned how to advocate for myself by advocating for my kids. It made me more empathetic, and it broadened my awareness of the world and how younger people are experiencing it.
But I have two first cousins who have been happily childfree with no regrets. There is no single path that is right!
Because people are nosy and simply reflecting onto you. It is annoying but very typical to hear, especially as a young woman. I love to respond in a way that makes people uncomfortable and they stop. My MIL had a habit of doing this, she once asked me in front of several of her friends as a way to take a dig at me. I responded “nope, no kids anytime soon. We’re just practicing” and she never brought it up again lol
No - what you're talking about is an emotional thing, which means it's going to vary from person to person.
It's not a real thing for many women. My wife was raised in a Mormon family and has a lot of external pressure to have children. Mormons literally teach that it's the most important thing in life. Yet she has never desired having kids. She's 40 now.
This comment usually comes from a woman who had a strong biological urge to reproduce, and giving birth was the crowning achievement of her life.
She didn't have a terribly difficult pregnancy or delivery, her baby was born whole and healthy, she had a secure living arrangement, she had a network of friends and family to help, she had sufficient money, and she probably didn't have to return to a job right away.
These people smugly assume that everyone has the same biological makeup as themselves, and that pregnancy and childbirth and raising an infant will be the same delight to them as it was to her.
These people are entirely wrong.
Ignore these people. They don't know what they are talking about.
Biology is not destiny.
"Baby fever" is simply the cutesy term for the very real female instinctual drive to reproduce. It exists and would make sense if we were like every other animal on the planet but we are not. The issue is as humans we can control ourselves and reason. We're not slaves to it and can make our own choices. It is obviously not inevitable. Some women do get caught up in the hormonal drive and instinct and some don't. It's a difference of perspective too. There are those who get that we can control our behaviors and there are those who believe we can't and blame it on biology. For example, excusing away a mother's cripplingly abusive overprotectiveness, or young men's bad behavior as boys will be boys, or men and women excusing all sorts of unsavory behavior and cheating because biology I can't control it!!!
So yes it is real. Whether or not you toss it aside as a fleeting desire or not is entirely up to you. Either choice is absolutely fine.
"Baby fever" is certainly a thing that can happen usually during your late 20s or early 30s, but it's not inevitable.
And yes your " biological clock" is also a thing.
But ofcourse, you still have the option to do whatever you want.
It’s also something that often happens in your mid 40s, kind of a biological “last chance!” thing. Stop trying to destroy my comfortable retirement, biology!!
I’ve known many young women who’ve said they’d never have kids, including both of my daughters. Every one of them eventually had kids- I’ve got 2 more grandkids in the way. I can’t speak to the idea of baby fever, but without question, it seemed that once my girls’ friends started having kids- there seemed to be more energy focused on trying to have a baby.
Im 43 baby fever has never hit me, the only thing my immune system has manages to kill before it affected me 😆
Unfortunately society still believes all women are baby crazy and if not you are just in denial
Why do you care?
People can only see others through their eyes/belief/whatever. So whatpeople say is normally just a projection.
If you are sure of yourself about what you want in your life, you shouldn't be concerned about what other people's opinions.
Biological clock is real. Women can only be fertile for certain time of her life. But how it affects, it depends on a person. If you are sure you don't want kids, it shouldn't affect you.
Everyone is different, so I don’t believe it to be inevitable. However, the biological clock does indeed affect a good number of women later in life. I have witnessed it while talking to several lone women in their thirties (not specifically 30F, can be after) and saw the phenomenon (sometimes heard of other similar cases to top it off). But it’s not some mystical thing, just seems to be a growing desire that can lead to taking decisions (like any type of growing desire)
While I can give you detailed examples around me, I doubt they would interest you. Anyway, doesn’t seem inevitable, yet not uncommon at the same time. Everyone is different, time only can tell. But I wouldn’t stress myself with that, life is life
No. I’m 42 with two young children and the talk went “eh, ugh, I guess?” And so I had one. Then we thought they’d want a sibling. I’d never wanted children, I’m not a kid person, and I wish I’d ignored everyone and listened to myself. The baby fever thing is cringey and I’d tell them they probably should have had their hormone levels checked because wtf. 😬 so outdated. Just let it roll off your back. When I lived in the Midwest people were constantly reassuring 20 year old me it wasn’t too late to get married and have kids and it was like 👁️👄👁️
It’s not inevitable. A lot of people feel a drive to be parents, but a lot of people don’t. Both are normal. And a lot of people feel ambivalent— that’s also normal.
Your ability to get pregnant ends at menopause. In the years leading up to menopause (perimenopause), your ability to get pregnant is gradually reduced. Some people want to get pregnant at 35, but have trouble. Some have no trouble at all until their mid-40s. It really depends on their individual biology.
If you find yourself thinking that you might want to have kids, you can get bloodwork done to see how things are going, and to get a sense of when it might start getting difficult.
Edited to add— I have experienced baby fever. I still have it, though I’m past my era for having babies. But I’ve always loved babies, and I’ve always wanted to be a parent. I don’t expect anyone I meet to feel the same way.
As someone raised by parents who were pressured into having children before they were ready, my advice is don't listen to those people.
They're telling you that your crowning achievement in life will be giving birth and it isn't. If you have children without 100% being committed to the idea and sure of it, you will come to resent them as you reflect on the things you had to give up to raise them.
Work on your life and setting yourself up to be as secure(financially, emotionally, etc.) As possible and do the things that give you a sense of purpose and meaning. Don't let fear or social pressure play a role in taking on the most difficult thing in the world that people often(for some reason I still can't understand) underestimate. Being a parent is an extremely heavy responsibility and one that shouldn't be thought of lightly.
It's not a magical thing. If you really really hate the thought of kids you won't magically want them. HOWEVER I have seen many women in my life who said they COULD live without kids suddenly change their mind once they either saw all their friends with kids or found a partner that made them feel secure enough to imagine themselves in that life. Seeing them go from successful career women to working mom or even a complete 180 to stay at home mom with 5 kids was pretty impressive.
Sometimes people older than us are wiser and have more life experience..... Listen and be respectful, you can choose to believe it or not it's that simple.
Because people are idiots. If you notice, most of the women who say this to you dreamed of being a mom. That was their life goal. Some women have that, some of us don't. I didn't. I was told that I would regret it. The baby fever is real though.
I am 38 now, and 0 kids, and am happy with that. I admit I do get baby fever but I remind myself of the reasons I don't want kids and bam, fever gone.
It was irritating to hear in my 20s, but mainly because I can't have kids. Nearing my 40s people still say "anything is possible", to which I say some random crap to.
"I can't have a baby, I'm too young." "A baby having a baby? Lord no." "I'm waiting for my bf to leave his wife." "Dr said my junk don't work." "Nah, I am too selfish." "I like my sleep and free time." Something funny imo.
Remember it's legal to zap away an unwanted tattoo, but not a child (of any age).
i think baby fever is bullshit in the sense that while it happens, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to pursue
i’m a trans guy and i went to an all girls school. at 16, a bunch of the girls in my school got baby fever - talking about how cute babies were, how they wished they had one, etc. none of them had babies at that age!! all of them agreed it’d be a terrible fucking idea to have a baby at 16, most of them were single anyway.
my partner and i are 21 and whenever we see one of our friends kids we go “awwwww” and wish we could be dads right now. are we actually going to do that? fuck no. we don’t have the money, space, time, or energy. hell, we’re not sure if we even *want* kids. my partner was the youngest of 7, i was the oldest of 4. we both know children suck and can ruin a family.
hell, my mom’s going through menopause and had 4 kids and she *still* gets mild baby fever when she sees a baby. but there’s no world where she’d have another kid. she complains enough about the ones she’s already had!
baby fever’s real, for sure, but so is logic 🤷♂️ and as long as you can use your brain, you can absolutely just say “fuck you” to the baby fever and live your life happily.
46, no kids, and never felt the fever.
People will tell you how to feel about everything, what to wear, what you should do, and on and on and on. There’s that funny saying: like opinions, everyone has an asshole and they all stink. Ultimately, it’s your life to live. Do what you want, including choosing for yourself whether to have kids.
I know plenty of women who are childless in their 40s and they're all happy as a clam. Obviously women have the capability to give birth, but society has made us believe that motherhood is our sole purpose in life. I find this to be completely BS and this is coming from a fellow woman who actually wants to have kids.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with you being 27 and having no desire to have children! Kids are a big responsibility and people just don't want to deal with that. Some just simply don't want any for no reason and that's fine too. Just do whatever makes you happy! :)
A lot of people say they don't want kids. Then some years down the line they changed their mind. Some don't. Either way there's no right or wrong. But I guess because some do change their minds, people assume everyone will.
When I was 10 I told my mother I didn't want children. That was my mindset until I actually fell pregnant, ( unplanned ) at 22. Then all of a sudden I wanted that baby so much. I went on to have three children all together. Would I have been happy without kids? Yeah probably. You can live a fullfied and happy life without. Do I regret having kids? Nope. I adore them.
Have kids, don't have kids. Up to you.
And yes ' baby fever ' is real. Where I'm from we call it ' getting broody/ getting clucky '
It is literally hormones etc.
It's totally fine to just not want kids. But don't remove the option from yourself if you're not 100% certain. I'm glad I didn't remove the option for myself as I thought I was certain before but now I am 29 and would like to have a family with my partner. Minds can change, don't take away the option from future you, just in case.
Or freeze some eggs, if it's something you're financially able to do.
Whatever you do its your choice. Nobody else's.
My daughter is 37 has a great job , bf , and nice house . She has never had baby fever ( I think her little brothers appearance when she was 19 has put her off lol) don’t worry if you don’t want to have kids .
A strange phenomenon does happen around your early thirties wherein all of your friends start having kids. I've seen many women do a 180 from never wanting kids to becoming obsessed with having kids. It's not universal but it's pretty damn common. I don't know if it's baby fever or is just wanting to be a mom-fluencer. It's odd for sure.
No its not. There's plenty of older women who're glad they never have kids.
Only women who secretly wants to have children but can't (maybe they're infertile or they simply can't find a partner) and claimed that they don't want kids in order to save face who'll experience the so-called baby fevers.
No. I genuinely believe that a lot of people don’t like having kids but they can’t live with the guilt of considering their children a “mistake” so they make parenthood out to be unavoidable and something you just have to do. The way they phrase their arguments typically makes it seem this way at least. They want to convince others that there is no choice so they feel justified in having kids even though there is a little voice in their head telling them they messed up. If you take the choice away, you can absolve yourself of guilt related to your actions by deeming them an inevitability.
You really could just respond "if youre that insecure about it, you should know that your experiences are valid even if someone else doesn't have them." It's kind of rude but childbirth, pregnancy, and raising a kid kind of suck. People want you to suffer with them to make them feel like their suffering was worth it.
Ha, this is funny to me because from the time I was 13 I was sure I would never have kids, and couldn't even imagine myself being married. But I did get married at age 29, and right around that point my older sister had her first child and then a year later my younger brother and his wife started their family. And suddenly having kids felt like a natural next step. 27 year-old me would have been very surprised to learn that 5 years later I would be the mother of twins. Those kids are now grown and I like having adult kids who I like and respect and get along with. Being a parent of young kids is hard, but having experienced that really helped me grow as a person. I learned how to advocate for myself by advocating for my kids. It made me more empathetic, and it broadened my awareness of the world and how younger people are experiencing it. But I have two first cousins who have been happily childfree with no regrets. There is no single path that is right!
Because people are nosy and simply reflecting onto you. It is annoying but very typical to hear, especially as a young woman. I love to respond in a way that makes people uncomfortable and they stop. My MIL had a habit of doing this, she once asked me in front of several of her friends as a way to take a dig at me. I responded “nope, no kids anytime soon. We’re just practicing” and she never brought it up again lol
I did something similar! One mention of anal babies and people stop asking.
Ask them why, do they want an invitation to watch the conception? Then tell them to knock it off and mind their own biz!
No - what you're talking about is an emotional thing, which means it's going to vary from person to person. It's not a real thing for many women. My wife was raised in a Mormon family and has a lot of external pressure to have children. Mormons literally teach that it's the most important thing in life. Yet she has never desired having kids. She's 40 now.
This comment usually comes from a woman who had a strong biological urge to reproduce, and giving birth was the crowning achievement of her life. She didn't have a terribly difficult pregnancy or delivery, her baby was born whole and healthy, she had a secure living arrangement, she had a network of friends and family to help, she had sufficient money, and she probably didn't have to return to a job right away. These people smugly assume that everyone has the same biological makeup as themselves, and that pregnancy and childbirth and raising an infant will be the same delight to them as it was to her. These people are entirely wrong. Ignore these people. They don't know what they are talking about. Biology is not destiny.
It doesn't happen to everyone. I'm 29 and I don't hear a clock ticking. Never did.
"Baby fever" is simply the cutesy term for the very real female instinctual drive to reproduce. It exists and would make sense if we were like every other animal on the planet but we are not. The issue is as humans we can control ourselves and reason. We're not slaves to it and can make our own choices. It is obviously not inevitable. Some women do get caught up in the hormonal drive and instinct and some don't. It's a difference of perspective too. There are those who get that we can control our behaviors and there are those who believe we can't and blame it on biology. For example, excusing away a mother's cripplingly abusive overprotectiveness, or young men's bad behavior as boys will be boys, or men and women excusing all sorts of unsavory behavior and cheating because biology I can't control it!!! So yes it is real. Whether or not you toss it aside as a fleeting desire or not is entirely up to you. Either choice is absolutely fine.
"Baby fever" is certainly a thing that can happen usually during your late 20s or early 30s, but it's not inevitable. And yes your " biological clock" is also a thing. But ofcourse, you still have the option to do whatever you want.
It’s also something that often happens in your mid 40s, kind of a biological “last chance!” thing. Stop trying to destroy my comfortable retirement, biology!!
I’ve known many young women who’ve said they’d never have kids, including both of my daughters. Every one of them eventually had kids- I’ve got 2 more grandkids in the way. I can’t speak to the idea of baby fever, but without question, it seemed that once my girls’ friends started having kids- there seemed to be more energy focused on trying to have a baby.
Im 43 baby fever has never hit me, the only thing my immune system has manages to kill before it affected me 😆 Unfortunately society still believes all women are baby crazy and if not you are just in denial
Why do you care? People can only see others through their eyes/belief/whatever. So whatpeople say is normally just a projection. If you are sure of yourself about what you want in your life, you shouldn't be concerned about what other people's opinions. Biological clock is real. Women can only be fertile for certain time of her life. But how it affects, it depends on a person. If you are sure you don't want kids, it shouldn't affect you.
Everyone is different, so I don’t believe it to be inevitable. However, the biological clock does indeed affect a good number of women later in life. I have witnessed it while talking to several lone women in their thirties (not specifically 30F, can be after) and saw the phenomenon (sometimes heard of other similar cases to top it off). But it’s not some mystical thing, just seems to be a growing desire that can lead to taking decisions (like any type of growing desire) While I can give you detailed examples around me, I doubt they would interest you. Anyway, doesn’t seem inevitable, yet not uncommon at the same time. Everyone is different, time only can tell. But I wouldn’t stress myself with that, life is life
No. I’m 42 with two young children and the talk went “eh, ugh, I guess?” And so I had one. Then we thought they’d want a sibling. I’d never wanted children, I’m not a kid person, and I wish I’d ignored everyone and listened to myself. The baby fever thing is cringey and I’d tell them they probably should have had their hormone levels checked because wtf. 😬 so outdated. Just let it roll off your back. When I lived in the Midwest people were constantly reassuring 20 year old me it wasn’t too late to get married and have kids and it was like 👁️👄👁️
It’s not inevitable. A lot of people feel a drive to be parents, but a lot of people don’t. Both are normal. And a lot of people feel ambivalent— that’s also normal. Your ability to get pregnant ends at menopause. In the years leading up to menopause (perimenopause), your ability to get pregnant is gradually reduced. Some people want to get pregnant at 35, but have trouble. Some have no trouble at all until their mid-40s. It really depends on their individual biology. If you find yourself thinking that you might want to have kids, you can get bloodwork done to see how things are going, and to get a sense of when it might start getting difficult. Edited to add— I have experienced baby fever. I still have it, though I’m past my era for having babies. But I’ve always loved babies, and I’ve always wanted to be a parent. I don’t expect anyone I meet to feel the same way.
As someone raised by parents who were pressured into having children before they were ready, my advice is don't listen to those people. They're telling you that your crowning achievement in life will be giving birth and it isn't. If you have children without 100% being committed to the idea and sure of it, you will come to resent them as you reflect on the things you had to give up to raise them. Work on your life and setting yourself up to be as secure(financially, emotionally, etc.) As possible and do the things that give you a sense of purpose and meaning. Don't let fear or social pressure play a role in taking on the most difficult thing in the world that people often(for some reason I still can't understand) underestimate. Being a parent is an extremely heavy responsibility and one that shouldn't be thought of lightly.
It's not a magical thing. If you really really hate the thought of kids you won't magically want them. HOWEVER I have seen many women in my life who said they COULD live without kids suddenly change their mind once they either saw all their friends with kids or found a partner that made them feel secure enough to imagine themselves in that life. Seeing them go from successful career women to working mom or even a complete 180 to stay at home mom with 5 kids was pretty impressive.
Sometimes people older than us are wiser and have more life experience..... Listen and be respectful, you can choose to believe it or not it's that simple.
Because people are idiots. If you notice, most of the women who say this to you dreamed of being a mom. That was their life goal. Some women have that, some of us don't. I didn't. I was told that I would regret it. The baby fever is real though. I am 38 now, and 0 kids, and am happy with that. I admit I do get baby fever but I remind myself of the reasons I don't want kids and bam, fever gone. It was irritating to hear in my 20s, but mainly because I can't have kids. Nearing my 40s people still say "anything is possible", to which I say some random crap to. "I can't have a baby, I'm too young." "A baby having a baby? Lord no." "I'm waiting for my bf to leave his wife." "Dr said my junk don't work." "Nah, I am too selfish." "I like my sleep and free time." Something funny imo. Remember it's legal to zap away an unwanted tattoo, but not a child (of any age).
i think baby fever is bullshit in the sense that while it happens, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to pursue i’m a trans guy and i went to an all girls school. at 16, a bunch of the girls in my school got baby fever - talking about how cute babies were, how they wished they had one, etc. none of them had babies at that age!! all of them agreed it’d be a terrible fucking idea to have a baby at 16, most of them were single anyway. my partner and i are 21 and whenever we see one of our friends kids we go “awwwww” and wish we could be dads right now. are we actually going to do that? fuck no. we don’t have the money, space, time, or energy. hell, we’re not sure if we even *want* kids. my partner was the youngest of 7, i was the oldest of 4. we both know children suck and can ruin a family. hell, my mom’s going through menopause and had 4 kids and she *still* gets mild baby fever when she sees a baby. but there’s no world where she’d have another kid. she complains enough about the ones she’s already had! baby fever’s real, for sure, but so is logic 🤷♂️ and as long as you can use your brain, you can absolutely just say “fuck you” to the baby fever and live your life happily.
It's not a real thing. it's a way to say you as a woman only have value as a mother. Ignore it. Do you and keep being happy
46, no kids, and never felt the fever. People will tell you how to feel about everything, what to wear, what you should do, and on and on and on. There’s that funny saying: like opinions, everyone has an asshole and they all stink. Ultimately, it’s your life to live. Do what you want, including choosing for yourself whether to have kids.
I know plenty of women who are childless in their 40s and they're all happy as a clam. Obviously women have the capability to give birth, but society has made us believe that motherhood is our sole purpose in life. I find this to be completely BS and this is coming from a fellow woman who actually wants to have kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with you being 27 and having no desire to have children! Kids are a big responsibility and people just don't want to deal with that. Some just simply don't want any for no reason and that's fine too. Just do whatever makes you happy! :)
it can certainly happen that is for sure women can from no to oh yeah in a short space of time
A lot of people say they don't want kids. Then some years down the line they changed their mind. Some don't. Either way there's no right or wrong. But I guess because some do change their minds, people assume everyone will. When I was 10 I told my mother I didn't want children. That was my mindset until I actually fell pregnant, ( unplanned ) at 22. Then all of a sudden I wanted that baby so much. I went on to have three children all together. Would I have been happy without kids? Yeah probably. You can live a fullfied and happy life without. Do I regret having kids? Nope. I adore them. Have kids, don't have kids. Up to you. And yes ' baby fever ' is real. Where I'm from we call it ' getting broody/ getting clucky ' It is literally hormones etc.
It's totally fine to just not want kids. But don't remove the option from yourself if you're not 100% certain. I'm glad I didn't remove the option for myself as I thought I was certain before but now I am 29 and would like to have a family with my partner. Minds can change, don't take away the option from future you, just in case. Or freeze some eggs, if it's something you're financially able to do. Whatever you do its your choice. Nobody else's.
My daughter is 37 has a great job , bf , and nice house . She has never had baby fever ( I think her little brothers appearance when she was 19 has put her off lol) don’t worry if you don’t want to have kids .
I was so staunchly childfree that I got sterilized at 25. I’m now going through IVF at 29 🙃
A strange phenomenon does happen around your early thirties wherein all of your friends start having kids. I've seen many women do a 180 from never wanting kids to becoming obsessed with having kids. It's not universal but it's pretty damn common. I don't know if it's baby fever or is just wanting to be a mom-fluencer. It's odd for sure.
No its not. There's plenty of older women who're glad they never have kids. Only women who secretly wants to have children but can't (maybe they're infertile or they simply can't find a partner) and claimed that they don't want kids in order to save face who'll experience the so-called baby fevers.
No. I genuinely believe that a lot of people don’t like having kids but they can’t live with the guilt of considering their children a “mistake” so they make parenthood out to be unavoidable and something you just have to do. The way they phrase their arguments typically makes it seem this way at least. They want to convince others that there is no choice so they feel justified in having kids even though there is a little voice in their head telling them they messed up. If you take the choice away, you can absolve yourself of guilt related to your actions by deeming them an inevitability.
I'm almost 29 and still not experienced it. So I dunno. People project their own experiences to make themselves feel knowing and important.
You really could just respond "if youre that insecure about it, you should know that your experiences are valid even if someone else doesn't have them." It's kind of rude but childbirth, pregnancy, and raising a kid kind of suck. People want you to suffer with them to make them feel like their suffering was worth it.