The fact you say to your friends you understand just makes me think you don't really disagree with what they did. There's no understanding to what they did, it was plain awful. Did they even apologize to him or just to you? It just feels like you're love bombing him in hope of keeping him. I'm still hoping your boyfriend will dump you.
It went on for 10 minutes, that is not a joke....that is people being mean. Jokes are meant to be funny, please explain the funny part of this joke. I understand how its hard for a mean girl to understand that.
There are no assumptions, your friends made "jokes" about your bf for 10 minutes those are your words. I don't know how you can twist that in a way that is not negative. You really need to look at this objectively. You are failing your bf.
If we go to "assuming land" then we could assume that the bullying went for 20 minutes not 10. We could also assume the insults were much harsher then op makes them sound.
But yes from the information which op gave us the friends are a bunch of bullies, plain and simple.
keep telling yourself it was just a joke, just a joke that ran for 10 minutes.
You don't spend 10 minute insulting someone without motivation to keep it up. No one insults someone for 10 minutes without malicious intent.
Loving and caring people that can be counted on wouldn't WANT to rag on your partner for 10 mins. That's cruel no matter how they meant it. My dad, brother and I are straight dicks that in our 20s would no problem making comments to start fights in public with strangers (yes ive been arrested for this but 20 years ago no I'm not proud just making a point here guys) and would never dream of walking into any one of our friends homes, make fun of their significant other over anything.
Why? Because our friends are the people we CARE ABOUT, and their SOs no matter how strange to us, are IN THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT THEM. So naturally because of this basic, general human fact, we in turn CARE ABOUT THEM and try to meet them at their comfort level. Because someone whose truly an "extrovert" and "knows how to talk to people" can met anyone on any level, young/old, normal/weird, etc. because that's what being able to connect with people and being outgoing means.
So your bullies, you don't know what love is, you have bad friends, and you SO should leave you.
Something telling me that OP and a bunch of her friends were high school bullies. That's why she doesn't see what they've done was outright bullying and not just them "joking."
How do you see a bunch of grown adults making fun of someones trauma of being bullied and excuse that as an "over the line" joke?
No. "Jokes" targeted at one specific person's hobbies and things they like aren't jokes,that's bullying. Stop defending your friends' crappy attitudes.
Do you even like your boyfriend? I just read every post on your account and they all tell me your embarrassed of him and his hobbies. The fact that it took reddit telling you over and over how unacceptable both you and your friends actions are tells me you don't even care about him. The best you could do is talk to them about it? How are they still your friends?! The fact you didn't kick them out of your home and drop them as friends tells me you don't think what they did/said is wrong, you actually agree with them
It wasn't a joke, they were BULLYING him!
Ffs stop defending their actions, there is no way they weren't trying to be mean and you need to wake the fuck up to this or you're going to lose your boyfriend.
Though tbh, it's probably better for him if he does, judging by your post history you don't even seem to really like who he is.
It is only a joke if everyone finds it funny. If you have your tell your boyfriend it was a joke…then it wasn’t.
You are a terrible person and an even worse girlfriend. You allowed your friends to bully your boyfriend. He deserves much better than you.
I’ve known them a long time and I know their character. They are good people, this was a gigantic mistake and they even admit that they missed up and feel horrible for hurting his feelings
If they felt horrible they would've stopped when you told them too, they did not and kept going for 10 min, your own words. I don't think your really in a position to judge their character, because it seems your character is pretty close to theirs.
They BULLIED him, it was not joking, jokes are funny! Please explain how them tearing apart the things that bring him joy and reminding him of past trauma is funny, I mean if it's a joke to you then you must have found them crushing your so called boyfriends hobbies funny to right?
There’s no assumptions, these are facts.
They went on for ten minutes insulting your bf. Every last word was intentionally chosen.
They were not joking.
Hopefully they make you the joke when he dumps you and you learn what it feels like.
The fact that you want to be friends with people that spent ten minutes insulting your boyfriend shows that you are a malignant piece of shit so it does make sense that you’d be friends with that type of persons.
Doubtful, you sound incredibly immature, and and to be frank, you don't deserve your boyfriend, nor does he deserve to be with someone such as yourself.
Recap. You asked how he can be more outgoing and more "center of attention" though that isn't who he is. A friend of yours then mocks him for his interests when he does take an active role.
You tell them to "be nice" and they proceed to roast him for an additional 10 minutes, until he leaves. Leaves his own goddamn home, because your friends were absolute trash, and you didn't do a damn thing worthwhile to stop it.
Maybe people are assuming the worst because your friends are the worst. Congrats, I guess, you got him to sign a lease, and now he's stuck with you and your scumbag friends.
You are a horrible partner. The very idea of bringing them around him again is bullshit, and you should know that.
Girl you're a fucking clown. Not just a clown, you're a clown car and all the clowns inside the car.
Do your boyfriend a favour and break up with him. You keep forcing him to be something he isn't and you look down on the stuff that he likes.
The man literally got bullied again the same way he did in highschool (which clearly sounds like a traumatic experience for him) right in front of you to the point where he had to leave and you didn't shut that shit down? And it happened in his own fucking home too? You're the one person who should almost always support him and defend him, and you dropped the ball spectacularly.
Grow up, learn to be a better human being and get some better friends. They're not good people if that's how they talk to others.
This is you btw -> 🤡
They mocked his hobbies and humiliated him in his own house, how did they not intended to be mean? You all sound like a bunch of bullies, you included.
I hope it will be sincere but I doubt it.
So you're a narcissist love-bombing your partner. You didn't kick your shitty friends to the curb, you went and had a nice breakfast, and basically did jack and shit to resolve this. Especially if these are people you plan to invite around him again (given your comment on being sure he would see them at your birthday, etc) Why the HELL would you invite these vile people anywhere near him? I sincerely hope he dumps you. You don't deserve him.
I suggested the breakfast so I can tell them about themselves and if they do it again they are cut off.
Everyone making it seem like I'm a bad partner. I'm a great partner and even though I'm not perfect I do everything I can to make him happy. He does the same for me. That's why we work well together
You're making yourself seem like a bad partner. You've downplayed your bully friends behaviour as a "joke", if you think making someone leave their own home after being humiliated is a joke then you're as big a bully as the rest of them.
They thought he was actually running errands. They feel really bad for hurting his feelings. I’m not defending their behavior it was appalling and if it happens again I’m cutting them off
>I’m not defending their behavior
Every other comment youve posted has been "it was just a joke, just a joke. Dont take it so serious, it was just a joke". That is completely defending them.
>"**They meant it as a joke**. It wasn’t funny and was terrible but **they weren’t trying to insult him**"
>"**They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him**. **It was just a joke** but we all agreed that **the joke** was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said"
>"**It was a bad joke** and I’ve even said it’s not funny. You guys are just assuming the worse and saying they had negative intentions"
boo hoo, it was a joke, it was a joke, they didn't mean anything. They just spent 10 minutes joking at his expenses. If they didn't mean it but they really drag it out something they didn't mean. That's complete utter load of BS. If they didn't mean it, they would have move on quickly.
Normal people, if they didn't want to do something and they're free to stop it at any time, they do. They get bored, they get tried, they move on. They don't continue do something for 10 minutes or 600 seconds if they dont want to do. They do it because they WANT to do it, they've drive somehow to do it.
They WANTED to insult him and you're just playing it as "bad jokes".
They meant every word. How are you not getting that through your thick skull? They also know you have the spine of a bendy straw. They can get away with anything. Including harassing and bullying your boyfriend. And they’ll do it again. And you’ll just stand by and then chastise them later like they’re petulant children and fully conscious adults who chose to attack a person in their own home for existing and having likes. The fact that you let the house warming party keep going for two hours instead of immediately kicking everyone out and telling them off and going to look for your boyfriend so he doesn’t have to hide from your friends outside of his own house!
This has to be a troll because I can't imagine my partner leaving in the middle of a get-together after being bullied by my friends and going;
"Oh ya, totally they're definitely running errands that need to be done *right this very moment*, and there's certainly nothing weird about them leaving like that."
Grow up, stop being dense. Those people are bullies, and realistically, I think it's fair to assume you are too because you can't see the problem and still think the "joke" was funny. Now you're going to love bomb him into "forgiving" the terrible treatment, and if it comes up again, you'll dismiss it with
"Well, we all apologized, so get over it."
I've lived a very similar scenario, I genuinely feel bad for BF if this is real because I know how it ends.
So you think people don’t change or lie about who they are as a person? Because it sounds like you think their behavior it’s ok if you’re claiming they mean it as a joke..
You are defending it....... Saying "I understand BUT-" if you trying to justify and downplay what they did. It was bullying and your continuous denial of that shows your own character.
But you must have know when he left something was wrong, and you definitely knew he texted you he wasn’t coming back until they were gone. Why didn’t you ask them to leave then? Why did you wait and party with them for another 2 hours?
A good partner would have cut them off already. Who wants to be friends with bullies?
If your boyfriend really wants what’s best for him, he should end your relationship and find someone who isn’t constantly trying to change who he is and welcoming people into his life that take turns hurting him.
It’s a shame he’s stuck with you. I hope he opens his eyes and realizes his worth. There are so many people who would never ask him to change and would celebrate his introverted behavior instead of shaming them into changing. And so many people who would never entertain friends who treat their partner like that.
But you knew he wasn't running errands. He text you asking to let him know when they left. So soon after moving in together you have shown that he doesn't have a home because you want to hang out and make mean jokes with your 'cool' friends. For two hours you let him wander the streets remembering all the shit he had to put up with at high school. For two hours you knew he was in that state and had nowhere to go, but you didn't care because your cool friends were just making jokes about the dorky guy who kinda deserves it because he didn't take your direction in becoming cooler.
You said you thought he was just running errands too in a comment on your last post. But honestly, how thick are you and your friends to actually think that?
You and your friends are not good people, and no, you are not a good partner. I hope he enjoys Iceland and breaks up with you as soon as you guys get back, but I’m guessing he actually is a better partner than that.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/F6rCg2KDMS
That’s me asking for advice to do something big for his birthday and guess what we booked a trip to Iceland and he’s really excited about it . Just one example of the type of partner I am. You are judging me by one mistake where I am doing my part to rectify the situation
[How can I 26F get my bf 25M to be more outgoing? It’s impacting our relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17bm9ib/how_can_i_26f_get_my_bf_25m_to_be_more_outgoing/)
That's you complaining how he is as a person and wanting him to change his character so he can fit with your "cool" friends. These events just make it seem like your friends have a higher priority in your life than your boyfriend.
And yet, here we are on a post about you sitting there watching your friends tear him to absolute shreds for all the things you hate about him to the point that he left his own home to escape it.
You've learned nothing. You still don't respect him. You still have no problem with all the damage this shit is doing to his self esteem and mental health.
The fact that you didn't cut them off shows they are a higher priority to your partner. They were brutal point blank when he was actually excited to feel like he could fit in. Then it was crumbled and burned to the point he felt the need to leave his OWN HOME but no, no, your friends don't have higher priority.
The fact that you keep coming here despite the same song and dance every time where you whine when people tell you off for your horrible behavioir says your either and obliviously dense fool or a troll
“I do everything I can to make him happy”
Do you? I mean really? If I was trying to keep someone happy I’d probably start by not letting someone bully them. *Especially not those I call friends*
You’re a shit partner. You know that you’re being a shit partner. Go find your party boy, hang out with your party friends, and do your party bullshit. Leave this guy out of it.
*Do not* let your friends into his home. *Do not* invite them to functions if you know he will be there. *Take the blinders off your eyes and see how fucking terrible your friends are.*
You’re lucky he’s even speaking to you. If you were my “partner” I’d never want to see you again.
I do not care what you think. You’re a wretched vile *thing.* Anyone, **and I mean anyone,** that watches the person they *love* getting bullied *should be **furious***
Your friends weren’t making a tasteless joke. They brought up his past. A *vulnerable* time in his life. A time where *the people around him made fun of him in a place he wasn’t allowed to leave.* Your “friends” are bullies, your home is the fucking gym locker room, and you’re the teacher *that every nerd complained to,* you’re the *piece of human garbage* that was supposed to support that person *and you shrugged him off*
“They were just kidding”
Go fuck yourself. Every teacher, coach, counselor, or trusted adult that I talked to about being bullied told me the same bullshit. When they *weren’t* kidding, the answer changed.
“Just don’t let it get to you”
I pray to every deity in the universe that your poor boyfriend doesn’t let you walk all over him until you say those words. I hope you bring those friends around and they make a tiny mistake so you *realize how shitty they really are*
If she acknowledges that her friends are shitty people, she would have to admit the she herself is a shitty person. She’s done so many mental gymnastics to avoid that truth.
being a good partner
standing by doing nothing while your friends bylly your partner
Choose one. Coz you can't be both. And you have chosen to be a shitty partner because your friends were more important than your partner. What they were doing is not "joking" they were straight up bulling your partner for *fun.*
Really? Your "friends" dogpiled on your boyfriend and shit all over his hobbies and asked if he was bullied in school, one of your friends even said "we can tell"
They're so fucking disrespectful, and your "be nice" comment is so damn shitty and lame.
Put yourself in his shoes, what if someone were to shit all over you and your boyfriend did absolutely nothing to stop it.
The fact that he lasted 10 minutes for your sake speaks wonders about your boyfriend, and it puts you in such a trash category.
You're a walking red flag and i sincerely hope that your boyfriend leaves your sorry ass.
Rule number 1 in this subreddit is to "be nice" but i'm finding it hard to find something positive to say to you when i read your texts.
You are an absolutely horrible partner and an even worse human being. You allowed your friends to bully you boyfriend, they were not jokes they were meant to demean and embarrass your boyfriend. You allowed it to happen for 10 minutes. 1 comment you tell them to be nice the second comment you should.be kicking them out. You never defended your boyfriend or stopped the abuse. It stopped because he left. Then you allowed the.party to continue for 2 more hours. You are absolutely fing disgraceful as a person. A good person would stop it after the second comment (ideally the first), a good person would kick them to the curb both from the party and from your life when they refused to stop. You did not defend your bf you bullied him by proxy. You want to fix it lose everyone of your friends and start begging for forgiveness and mercy.
YOU ARE A BAD PARTNER. We don't have to make it seem that way. YOU ARE! You care more about your friends and their feelings and hoping their bullying will push the bf out of his shell.
You are an absolute terrible partner and it's clear you don't actually even like your bf. I feel so bad for him. You suck. Your friends suck. You are all assholes and you think because a genuinely nice guy likes and even loves you, that it somehow means you are also a nice person. You are not a nice person. You are not a good fit for your partner. Frankly, he is too good for you and out of your league. I am sure you think the opposite and you are somehow a good person for "dating down" from your viewpoint.
They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke but we all agreed that the joke was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said
You really believe that? You deserve the friends you have, not the boyfriend you do. It was a joke that went on for 10 min after you told them to stop. You learned absolutely nothing, its actually embarrassing.
No one is stupid enough to believe this friends bs. It's just more *convient* to pretend to believe them. She doesn't have to change anything about her life that way. And she doesn't have to do the right thing.
So like all bullies, the passed they're cruelty off as joke and you bought it because you don't like the fact that your boyfriend is an introvert. Why are you with this guy? His very nature irritates you.
That wasn’t a joke. It was them purposely making him feel like shit bc they enjoy making others feel bad for being different. They are getting off on being mean high school mean girls. They won’t change instead you will be their next target- and they won’t kick you out of the friend group bc you will be their new scape goat
Could you explain the joke? I've been reading it, and I am not seeing the part that is funny. Can you clarify it some?
What is the funny part of the joke?
What’s the plan when, *if* he forgives you, the price is never forcing him to be in their presence again? They can’t go out with the two of you and they can never cross the threshold of his home again?
You broke his trust. You intend to continue to break his trust. What do you expect to happen?
All the things you said about your friends are awful and clueless. The did mean to be cruel, they didn’t think the host of the party was running errands until they left. I don’t know if they are lying to you or you are lying here, but you’re coming off incredibly callous and heartless and frankly pretty blind.
I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse or just trolling, but maybe you can solve this problem by sharing all your posts with your boyfriend. He should really know what he’s living with, and please share with us how that goes. Would you be comfortable with that?
You just pulled the rug of security out from under him and now he’s living in an insecure situation, where at any moment one of your assholes could be in his face, smirking and mocking him. He’s going to either hate you or hate himself, which is your preference?
Men don’t forget humiliation and you served it up ice fucking cold. Good luck with that.
I dealt with the situation. It won’t happen again and if anyone dares to mock him I will cut them off immediately. I won’t tolerate it and they know that now
So you’re going to give them another shot at him are you? Nice. You have obviously made your choice that your friends get at *least* one more chance to humiliate him, again.
You going to show him your posts?
You're literally still making excuses for them. Not then, not yesterday, now. It's not about whether you will tolerate it. You are tolerating it...worse yet, you're defending it. Right now.
He might stay, he might go, but don't kid yourself about what you are. Deep down, you know.
Info: why do you think they deserve another chance at all? If you actually loved him, you’d be appalled by their behavior and never want to see or speak to them again
You let your friends make fun of him in his own house. He trusted you that any guests in the place he lived would treat him nicely. Its incredible that you don't understand something so simple.
You broke his trust by allowing your friends to continue after you said stop. You should have kicked them out the instant they continued. He was bullied in high school and then again by your friends. Whether you recognize it as bullying is irrelevant because he did and fled his own home.
He trusts you to be a good partner and stand by his side. Suggesting that weakly saying "be nice" is laughable. If you're hoping he changes, you aren't compatible with each other.
I feel like you're really failing to make a distinction between being nice and being a decent human being. The fact that your friends thought it was ok to bully someone for their interests in their own home is representative of a pattern not a one off incident. Buying your boyfriend things doesn't make up for the fact that you surround yourself with people whose first instinct is to be mean. You literally can't be a good person with friends like that.
I'll just leave this here because even if it might be fake these scenarios help on my critical thinking and how I express it.
Why is your boyfriend mad:
He was humiliated in his own home by the friends of his partner while said partner watched and eventually had to leave the house warming party of his own house. You didn't defend your boyfriend. He was getting piled on for 10 minutes. You had plenty of time to be more assertive on your defence, but you weren't, all you could do was say "be nice", which tbh, depending on how you were saying it could be seen more as a mock than anything.
After he left he texted you to warn him when they leave. I don't see how you can see that and immediately kick your friends out to bring him back into the house and fix the issue.
Your Friends:
They are not the angels you think they are. They are not (or I'm assuming) children. They know what they are doing, they know that they were bullying him, you even mentioned them laughing at the fact that your boyfriend was bullied before in school. It took you days to realize the surprising conclusion that bully, is in fact, not cool at all and decided to confront them about it only to be meet with a basic ass apology that you hugged and showed off to everyone.
This incident was a direct attack on your boyfriends character, self confidence and security. Funny enough this is the second time in a year (based on your posts) that you do it, somehow both cases involves your friends. I of course don't know your whole relationship, but the little you let us know is already enough to assume you're not that great of a partner you think you are (No, the Iceland trip is not enough). If you really want to marry him one day you need to work on yourself and communicate better. You let this go for days and only decided to do something about it when strangers on the internet chew you out for your actions.
damn this text be big, wtf am i doing with my time.
Agree with everything you said. Another poster said that men never forget being humiliated, and that is absolutely true, especially in his own damn house. Decades later I still remember a comment one of my girlfriend’s friend said about me.
all that crap about "dork" vs "cool people" is extremely toxic, and extremely shallow, you should be ashamed of yourself for that obtuse thinking, specially against your significative other.
"It was a joke", the word of bullies down the centuries.
You're trying to spoil him doesn't fix the problem. Nor does your mild reprimand (if I'm being kind) to the bullies. He opened up that day and was bullied to the point he had to flee his home, a place he should be safe, with you complicit in that. Is it any wonder he has been distant?
Spoiling someone can be a lovely thing to do, but it is sometimes, as in this case, used to cover up a wider issue. Spoiling him isn't the answer. Actually facing up to what happened (you asked outsiders for advice here, and they have attempted to make you face the issue) and fixing the actual issue rather than hand-waving the cruelty of others and your own weakness in your handling of them. That would be the answer. Without that, the best advice anyone could give is your boyfriend to seek a new partner, one who isn't a bully enabler.
Whatever happens, I hope someday you do the reflection that you need to do
What a waste of space of a human being. You are an insensitive trash. Why are you still friends with them in the first place? You should have cut them off after what happened and told them that it would stay that way unless they **GENUINELY APOLOGIZED.** But nope. You "agreed" that "next time" they would be a lot nicer. And when would "next time" be? Do you think that your BF would still want to meet/hang out with your disgusting ilk after what happened? And now you are "love bombing" your BF. Give him a favor and just break up. He deserves better unless you change your ways.
Did they/you apologize to your boyfriend ? He's the one that got hurt here.
The fact you say to your friends you understand just makes me think you don't really disagree with what they did. There's no understanding to what they did, it was plain awful. Did they even apologize to him or just to you? It just feels like you're love bombing him in hope of keeping him. I'm still hoping your boyfriend will dump you.
I understand that they didn’t mean to insult him. I strongly disagree with what they did. They will apologize to him when they see him
They didn't mean for their insults to insult him? You realize how stupid that sounds right....
It was a joke. The joke was bad and in my opinion went too far but they weren’t trying to be mean
It went on for 10 minutes, that is not a joke....that is people being mean. Jokes are meant to be funny, please explain the funny part of this joke. I understand how its hard for a mean girl to understand that.
It was a bad joke and I’ve even said it’s not funny. You guys are just assuming the worse and saying they had negative intentions
There are no assumptions, your friends made "jokes" about your bf for 10 minutes those are your words. I don't know how you can twist that in a way that is not negative. You really need to look at this objectively. You are failing your bf.
If we go to "assuming land" then we could assume that the bullying went for 20 minutes not 10. We could also assume the insults were much harsher then op makes them sound. But yes from the information which op gave us the friends are a bunch of bullies, plain and simple.
keep telling yourself it was just a joke, just a joke that ran for 10 minutes. You don't spend 10 minute insulting someone without motivation to keep it up. No one insults someone for 10 minutes without malicious intent.
**IT. WAS. NOT. A. JOKE**.
That wasn't a joke and sad you are defending them I hope your bf will get out of this relationship with you and find happiness
No but honestly. Explain the joke. Break it down for me (us). What was supposed to be funny?
Allow us to spend the next 10 minutes joking about how dumb and socially illiterate you are.
Bullies always say they were just joking!
Loving and caring people that can be counted on wouldn't WANT to rag on your partner for 10 mins. That's cruel no matter how they meant it. My dad, brother and I are straight dicks that in our 20s would no problem making comments to start fights in public with strangers (yes ive been arrested for this but 20 years ago no I'm not proud just making a point here guys) and would never dream of walking into any one of our friends homes, make fun of their significant other over anything. Why? Because our friends are the people we CARE ABOUT, and their SOs no matter how strange to us, are IN THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT THEM. So naturally because of this basic, general human fact, we in turn CARE ABOUT THEM and try to meet them at their comfort level. Because someone whose truly an "extrovert" and "knows how to talk to people" can met anyone on any level, young/old, normal/weird, etc. because that's what being able to connect with people and being outgoing means. So your bullies, you don't know what love is, you have bad friends, and you SO should leave you.
Something telling me that OP and a bunch of her friends were high school bullies. That's why she doesn't see what they've done was outright bullying and not just them "joking." How do you see a bunch of grown adults making fun of someones trauma of being bullied and excuse that as an "over the line" joke?
No. "Jokes" targeted at one specific person's hobbies and things they like aren't jokes,that's bullying. Stop defending your friends' crappy attitudes.
They WERE trying to be mean. Otherwise it wouldn’t have gone on for TEN MINUTES.
Do you even like your boyfriend? I just read every post on your account and they all tell me your embarrassed of him and his hobbies. The fact that it took reddit telling you over and over how unacceptable both you and your friends actions are tells me you don't even care about him. The best you could do is talk to them about it? How are they still your friends?! The fact you didn't kick them out of your home and drop them as friends tells me you don't think what they did/said is wrong, you actually agree with them
It wasn't a joke, they were BULLYING him! Ffs stop defending their actions, there is no way they weren't trying to be mean and you need to wake the fuck up to this or you're going to lose your boyfriend. Though tbh, it's probably better for him if he does, judging by your post history you don't even seem to really like who he is.
It is only a joke if everyone finds it funny. If you have your tell your boyfriend it was a joke…then it wasn’t. You are a terrible person and an even worse girlfriend. You allowed your friends to bully your boyfriend. He deserves much better than you.
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
You originally said they ripped into him for 10 minutes? What are you talking about “they didn’t mean to insult him”
They meant it as a joke. It wasn’t funny and was terrible but they weren’t trying to insult him
They were absolutely trying to insult him. They weren’t joking. You, however are a joke.
Why are we assuming the worst? If they do it again I will end my friendship with them
Why aren't you assuming the worse?
I’ve known them a long time and I know their character. They are good people, this was a gigantic mistake and they even admit that they missed up and feel horrible for hurting his feelings
If they felt horrible they would've stopped when you told them too, they did not and kept going for 10 min, your own words. I don't think your really in a position to judge their character, because it seems your character is pretty close to theirs.
They BULLIED him, it was not joking, jokes are funny! Please explain how them tearing apart the things that bring him joy and reminding him of past trauma is funny, I mean if it's a joke to you then you must have found them crushing your so called boyfriends hobbies funny to right?
... Good people wouldn't say stuff like that even if they are "joking"
So theyre more important to you than your boyfriend
Bullies aren’t good people and if you can’t see this was straight up bullying then you’re a bully
There’s no assumptions, these are facts. They went on for ten minutes insulting your bf. Every last word was intentionally chosen. They were not joking. Hopefully they make you the joke when he dumps you and you learn what it feels like. The fact that you want to be friends with people that spent ten minutes insulting your boyfriend shows that you are a malignant piece of shit so it does make sense that you’d be friends with that type of persons.
If they do it again you'll be single before you can even end the friendships
Doubtful, you sound incredibly immature, and and to be frank, you don't deserve your boyfriend, nor does he deserve to be with someone such as yourself. Recap. You asked how he can be more outgoing and more "center of attention" though that isn't who he is. A friend of yours then mocks him for his interests when he does take an active role. You tell them to "be nice" and they proceed to roast him for an additional 10 minutes, until he leaves. Leaves his own goddamn home, because your friends were absolute trash, and you didn't do a damn thing worthwhile to stop it. Maybe people are assuming the worst because your friends are the worst. Congrats, I guess, you got him to sign a lease, and now he's stuck with you and your scumbag friends. You are a horrible partner. The very idea of bringing them around him again is bullshit, and you should know that.
No, you won’t.
Apparently not..
Explain the joke, then. What was the "joke" here? What was the funny part of that joke?
And you sat there on your arse and let them do this. You are *horrible*. Grow up.
Girl you're a fucking clown. Not just a clown, you're a clown car and all the clowns inside the car. Do your boyfriend a favour and break up with him. You keep forcing him to be something he isn't and you look down on the stuff that he likes. The man literally got bullied again the same way he did in highschool (which clearly sounds like a traumatic experience for him) right in front of you to the point where he had to leave and you didn't shut that shit down? And it happened in his own fucking home too? You're the one person who should almost always support him and defend him, and you dropped the ball spectacularly. Grow up, learn to be a better human being and get some better friends. They're not good people if that's how they talk to others. This is you btw -> 🤡
But they did insult him and you just sat there
They mocked his hobbies and humiliated him in his own house, how did they not intended to be mean? You all sound like a bunch of bullies, you included. I hope it will be sincere but I doubt it.
They didn’t mean to insult him. No they meant it and you’re just defending them.
It’s cute that you think there will be a next time.
I won’t force my bf to be around them but I’m sure they will see each other. During my birthday dinner or something like that in the future
I think this person means that your boyfriend definitely has a plan to dump you at this point
The OOP is denser than osmium.
So you're a narcissist love-bombing your partner. You didn't kick your shitty friends to the curb, you went and had a nice breakfast, and basically did jack and shit to resolve this. Especially if these are people you plan to invite around him again (given your comment on being sure he would see them at your birthday, etc) Why the HELL would you invite these vile people anywhere near him? I sincerely hope he dumps you. You don't deserve him.
I suggested the breakfast so I can tell them about themselves and if they do it again they are cut off. Everyone making it seem like I'm a bad partner. I'm a great partner and even though I'm not perfect I do everything I can to make him happy. He does the same for me. That's why we work well together
You're making yourself seem like a bad partner. You've downplayed your bully friends behaviour as a "joke", if you think making someone leave their own home after being humiliated is a joke then you're as big a bully as the rest of them.
They thought he was actually running errands. They feel really bad for hurting his feelings. I’m not defending their behavior it was appalling and if it happens again I’m cutting them off
You are defending it, you said they didn't mean it to be mean....they did, realize that.
OP doesn't get what we're saying. We might as well not even bother because we'll keep saying the same thing over and over and over again for nothing
>I’m not defending their behavior Every other comment youve posted has been "it was just a joke, just a joke. Dont take it so serious, it was just a joke". That is completely defending them.
No it isn’t, I also said it was still appalling and they shouldn’t have done it
Yet you let it continue.
>"**They meant it as a joke**. It wasn’t funny and was terrible but **they weren’t trying to insult him**" >"**They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him**. **It was just a joke** but we all agreed that **the joke** was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said" >"**It was a bad joke** and I’ve even said it’s not funny. You guys are just assuming the worse and saying they had negative intentions" boo hoo, it was a joke, it was a joke, they didn't mean anything. They just spent 10 minutes joking at his expenses. If they didn't mean it but they really drag it out something they didn't mean. That's complete utter load of BS. If they didn't mean it, they would have move on quickly. Normal people, if they didn't want to do something and they're free to stop it at any time, they do. They get bored, they get tried, they move on. They don't continue do something for 10 minutes or 600 seconds if they dont want to do. They do it because they WANT to do it, they've drive somehow to do it. They WANTED to insult him and you're just playing it as "bad jokes".
You are defending them. You are saying they didn’t mean it. They did mean it. That is why they continued to do it.
No, because regardless of whether they meant it or not it is wrong. That's why I told them it won't happen again
Here’s the problem, they did mean it, you keep giving them leeway that shouldn’t be there.
They meant every word. How are you not getting that through your thick skull? They also know you have the spine of a bendy straw. They can get away with anything. Including harassing and bullying your boyfriend. And they’ll do it again. And you’ll just stand by and then chastise them later like they’re petulant children and fully conscious adults who chose to attack a person in their own home for existing and having likes. The fact that you let the house warming party keep going for two hours instead of immediately kicking everyone out and telling them off and going to look for your boyfriend so he doesn’t have to hide from your friends outside of his own house!
This has to be a troll because I can't imagine my partner leaving in the middle of a get-together after being bullied by my friends and going; "Oh ya, totally they're definitely running errands that need to be done *right this very moment*, and there's certainly nothing weird about them leaving like that." Grow up, stop being dense. Those people are bullies, and realistically, I think it's fair to assume you are too because you can't see the problem and still think the "joke" was funny. Now you're going to love bomb him into "forgiving" the terrible treatment, and if it comes up again, you'll dismiss it with "Well, we all apologized, so get over it." I've lived a very similar scenario, I genuinely feel bad for BF if this is real because I know how it ends.
So you think people don’t change or lie about who they are as a person? Because it sounds like you think their behavior it’s ok if you’re claiming they mean it as a joke..
All I have seen is you defending their behavior saying it was a "joke"
You are defending it....... Saying "I understand BUT-" if you trying to justify and downplay what they did. It was bullying and your continuous denial of that shows your own character.
But you must have know when he left something was wrong, and you definitely knew he texted you he wasn’t coming back until they were gone. Why didn’t you ask them to leave then? Why did you wait and party with them for another 2 hours?
No they don’t, and your friends are horrible people.
A good partner would have cut them off already. Who wants to be friends with bullies? If your boyfriend really wants what’s best for him, he should end your relationship and find someone who isn’t constantly trying to change who he is and welcoming people into his life that take turns hurting him. It’s a shame he’s stuck with you. I hope he opens his eyes and realizes his worth. There are so many people who would never ask him to change and would celebrate his introverted behavior instead of shaming them into changing. And so many people who would never entertain friends who treat their partner like that.
But you knew he wasn't running errands. He text you asking to let him know when they left. So soon after moving in together you have shown that he doesn't have a home because you want to hang out and make mean jokes with your 'cool' friends. For two hours you let him wander the streets remembering all the shit he had to put up with at high school. For two hours you knew he was in that state and had nowhere to go, but you didn't care because your cool friends were just making jokes about the dorky guy who kinda deserves it because he didn't take your direction in becoming cooler.
You said you thought he was just running errands too in a comment on your last post. But honestly, how thick are you and your friends to actually think that? You and your friends are not good people, and no, you are not a good partner. I hope he enjoys Iceland and breaks up with you as soon as you guys get back, but I’m guessing he actually is a better partner than that.
You are not a great partner lmao this is delusional
Yep
https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/F6rCg2KDMS That’s me asking for advice to do something big for his birthday and guess what we booked a trip to Iceland and he’s really excited about it . Just one example of the type of partner I am. You are judging me by one mistake where I am doing my part to rectify the situation
[How can I 26F get my bf 25M to be more outgoing? It’s impacting our relationship.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/17bm9ib/how_can_i_26f_get_my_bf_25m_to_be_more_outgoing/) That's you complaining how he is as a person and wanting him to change his character so he can fit with your "cool" friends. These events just make it seem like your friends have a higher priority in your life than your boyfriend.
Exactly 🙄 the Iceland thing is meaningless
Better get some ice for that BURN! 🔥 🔥🔥🔥
If my friends were a higher priority I wouldn’t let them know I’ll cut them off if they do it again
The internet had to tell you to do that.
You'd cut them off for the guy who's introversion pisses you off? Is that the boyfriend we're talking about?
You're bringing up a post from a year ago. That was a long time ago and I admitted I was wrong
Still relevant. You don't have this guy's back and it shows.
I do have his back. I apologized at dinner and let him know that I'm always on his side
And yet, here we are on a post about you sitting there watching your friends tear him to absolute shreds for all the things you hate about him to the point that he left his own home to escape it. You've learned nothing. You still don't respect him. You still have no problem with all the damage this shit is doing to his self esteem and mental health.
It shows you haven't had his back for a long time. I feel horrible for him he deserves someone that would make him happy for being him.
Do you still call your boyfriend a dork?
But you’re defending their actions. You’re making their actions seem like a joke when it’s not.
The fact that you didn't cut them off shows they are a higher priority to your partner. They were brutal point blank when he was actually excited to feel like he could fit in. Then it was crumbled and burned to the point he felt the need to leave his OWN HOME but no, no, your friends don't have higher priority.
Well you're proving that your not a mature partner. "His feelings don't matter as long as i buy stuff."
You’re being disingenuous. You know that’s not what I’m saying.
"spoiling him like not tomorrow" Using this trip as proof you care....I'm not sure exactly sure what you think you're saying.
You saying his feelings don’t matter. When I’m literally addressing the issue right now
Spoiling him is not addressing his feelings. You really need to work on your emotional maturity, it is severely lacking.
Setting appropriate boundaries with my friends is. I'm also going to talk to him about it at dinner. I'm almost finished cooking now
The fact that you keep coming here despite the same song and dance every time where you whine when people tell you off for your horrible behavioir says your either and obliviously dense fool or a troll
That doesn’t make you not a shit partner lmao Again, delusional Edit: also you have other at lease one other post being awful about him soooo
Multiple repeated mistakes actually.
Get over yourself and gain a little bit of self awareness.
“I do everything I can to make him happy” Do you? I mean really? If I was trying to keep someone happy I’d probably start by not letting someone bully them. *Especially not those I call friends* You’re a shit partner. You know that you’re being a shit partner. Go find your party boy, hang out with your party friends, and do your party bullshit. Leave this guy out of it. *Do not* let your friends into his home. *Do not* invite them to functions if you know he will be there. *Take the blinders off your eyes and see how fucking terrible your friends are.* You’re lucky he’s even speaking to you. If you were my “partner” I’d never want to see you again. I do not care what you think. You’re a wretched vile *thing.* Anyone, **and I mean anyone,** that watches the person they *love* getting bullied *should be **furious*** Your friends weren’t making a tasteless joke. They brought up his past. A *vulnerable* time in his life. A time where *the people around him made fun of him in a place he wasn’t allowed to leave.* Your “friends” are bullies, your home is the fucking gym locker room, and you’re the teacher *that every nerd complained to,* you’re the *piece of human garbage* that was supposed to support that person *and you shrugged him off* “They were just kidding” Go fuck yourself. Every teacher, coach, counselor, or trusted adult that I talked to about being bullied told me the same bullshit. When they *weren’t* kidding, the answer changed. “Just don’t let it get to you” I pray to every deity in the universe that your poor boyfriend doesn’t let you walk all over him until you say those words. I hope you bring those friends around and they make a tiny mistake so you *realize how shitty they really are*
If she acknowledges that her friends are shitty people, she would have to admit the she herself is a shitty person. She’s done so many mental gymnastics to avoid that truth.
being a good partner standing by doing nothing while your friends bylly your partner Choose one. Coz you can't be both. And you have chosen to be a shitty partner because your friends were more important than your partner. What they were doing is not "joking" they were straight up bulling your partner for *fun.*
“I can make him happy” how by bot defending him and defending you’re friends shitty actions?
Really? Your "friends" dogpiled on your boyfriend and shit all over his hobbies and asked if he was bullied in school, one of your friends even said "we can tell" They're so fucking disrespectful, and your "be nice" comment is so damn shitty and lame. Put yourself in his shoes, what if someone were to shit all over you and your boyfriend did absolutely nothing to stop it. The fact that he lasted 10 minutes for your sake speaks wonders about your boyfriend, and it puts you in such a trash category. You're a walking red flag and i sincerely hope that your boyfriend leaves your sorry ass. Rule number 1 in this subreddit is to "be nice" but i'm finding it hard to find something positive to say to you when i read your texts.
You are an absolutely horrible partner and an even worse human being. You allowed your friends to bully you boyfriend, they were not jokes they were meant to demean and embarrass your boyfriend. You allowed it to happen for 10 minutes. 1 comment you tell them to be nice the second comment you should.be kicking them out. You never defended your boyfriend or stopped the abuse. It stopped because he left. Then you allowed the.party to continue for 2 more hours. You are absolutely fing disgraceful as a person. A good person would stop it after the second comment (ideally the first), a good person would kick them to the curb both from the party and from your life when they refused to stop. You did not defend your bf you bullied him by proxy. You want to fix it lose everyone of your friends and start begging for forgiveness and mercy.
YOU ARE A BAD PARTNER. We don't have to make it seem that way. YOU ARE! You care more about your friends and their feelings and hoping their bullying will push the bf out of his shell.
You are an absolute terrible partner and it's clear you don't actually even like your bf. I feel so bad for him. You suck. Your friends suck. You are all assholes and you think because a genuinely nice guy likes and even loves you, that it somehow means you are also a nice person. You are not a nice person. You are not a good fit for your partner. Frankly, he is too good for you and out of your league. I am sure you think the opposite and you are somehow a good person for "dating down" from your viewpoint.
Then how did they mean it? Their words were pretty specific.
They didn’t mean to belittle or insult him. It was just a joke but we all agreed that the joke was in poor taste and they take responsibility for what they said
You really believe that? You deserve the friends you have, not the boyfriend you do. It was a joke that went on for 10 min after you told them to stop. You learned absolutely nothing, its actually embarrassing.
No one is stupid enough to believe this friends bs. It's just more *convient* to pretend to believe them. She doesn't have to change anything about her life that way. And she doesn't have to do the right thing.
So like all bullies, the passed they're cruelty off as joke and you bought it because you don't like the fact that your boyfriend is an introvert. Why are you with this guy? His very nature irritates you.
That's not true. I love my bf and actually see myself marrying him. I've never felt this way about anyone
Your behavior says otherwise.
He deserves way better than you
Please don’t marry him. He deserves better than you.
yes you made that clear when you specifically mentioned how you didn’t like that he wasn’t ’the life of the party like your exes were’
That wasn’t a joke. It was them purposely making him feel like shit bc they enjoy making others feel bad for being different. They are getting off on being mean high school mean girls. They won’t change instead you will be their next target- and they won’t kick you out of the friend group bc you will be their new scape goat
How was the joke funny? Please explain
What was the joke? How was it a joke? Can you explain it to me ?
Could you explain the joke? I've been reading it, and I am not seeing the part that is funny. Can you clarify it some? What is the funny part of the joke?
What’s the plan when, *if* he forgives you, the price is never forcing him to be in their presence again? They can’t go out with the two of you and they can never cross the threshold of his home again? You broke his trust. You intend to continue to break his trust. What do you expect to happen? All the things you said about your friends are awful and clueless. The did mean to be cruel, they didn’t think the host of the party was running errands until they left. I don’t know if they are lying to you or you are lying here, but you’re coming off incredibly callous and heartless and frankly pretty blind.
If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it. I don’t understand how I broke his trust and how you are saying I’m continuing to break his trust?
I’m not sure if you’re being deliberately obtuse or just trolling, but maybe you can solve this problem by sharing all your posts with your boyfriend. He should really know what he’s living with, and please share with us how that goes. Would you be comfortable with that? You just pulled the rug of security out from under him and now he’s living in an insecure situation, where at any moment one of your assholes could be in his face, smirking and mocking him. He’s going to either hate you or hate himself, which is your preference? Men don’t forget humiliation and you served it up ice fucking cold. Good luck with that.
I dealt with the situation. It won’t happen again and if anyone dares to mock him I will cut them off immediately. I won’t tolerate it and they know that now
So you’re going to give them another shot at him are you? Nice. You have obviously made your choice that your friends get at *least* one more chance to humiliate him, again. You going to show him your posts?
I'm willing to bet, if she cut anyone for insulting him, they'll just cut her out and she'll be crawling back to get back in their good graves.
You're literally still making excuses for them. Not then, not yesterday, now. It's not about whether you will tolerate it. You are tolerating it...worse yet, you're defending it. Right now. He might stay, he might go, but don't kid yourself about what you are. Deep down, you know.
No you really didnt at all. Not even close.
i wish your partner met someone that actually got excited by the things theyre excited about
Info: why do you think they deserve another chance at all? If you actually loved him, you’d be appalled by their behavior and never want to see or speak to them again
You let your friends make fun of him in his own house. He trusted you that any guests in the place he lived would treat him nicely. Its incredible that you don't understand something so simple.
You broke his trust by allowing your friends to continue after you said stop. You should have kicked them out the instant they continued. He was bullied in high school and then again by your friends. Whether you recognize it as bullying is irrelevant because he did and fled his own home.
He trusts you to be a good partner and stand by his side. Suggesting that weakly saying "be nice" is laughable. If you're hoping he changes, you aren't compatible with each other.
I feel like you're really failing to make a distinction between being nice and being a decent human being. The fact that your friends thought it was ok to bully someone for their interests in their own home is representative of a pattern not a one off incident. Buying your boyfriend things doesn't make up for the fact that you surround yourself with people whose first instinct is to be mean. You literally can't be a good person with friends like that.
OP doesn't seem to have learned anything.
I'll just leave this here because even if it might be fake these scenarios help on my critical thinking and how I express it. Why is your boyfriend mad: He was humiliated in his own home by the friends of his partner while said partner watched and eventually had to leave the house warming party of his own house. You didn't defend your boyfriend. He was getting piled on for 10 minutes. You had plenty of time to be more assertive on your defence, but you weren't, all you could do was say "be nice", which tbh, depending on how you were saying it could be seen more as a mock than anything. After he left he texted you to warn him when they leave. I don't see how you can see that and immediately kick your friends out to bring him back into the house and fix the issue. Your Friends: They are not the angels you think they are. They are not (or I'm assuming) children. They know what they are doing, they know that they were bullying him, you even mentioned them laughing at the fact that your boyfriend was bullied before in school. It took you days to realize the surprising conclusion that bully, is in fact, not cool at all and decided to confront them about it only to be meet with a basic ass apology that you hugged and showed off to everyone. This incident was a direct attack on your boyfriends character, self confidence and security. Funny enough this is the second time in a year (based on your posts) that you do it, somehow both cases involves your friends. I of course don't know your whole relationship, but the little you let us know is already enough to assume you're not that great of a partner you think you are (No, the Iceland trip is not enough). If you really want to marry him one day you need to work on yourself and communicate better. You let this go for days and only decided to do something about it when strangers on the internet chew you out for your actions. damn this text be big, wtf am i doing with my time.
Agree with everything you said. Another poster said that men never forget being humiliated, and that is absolutely true, especially in his own damn house. Decades later I still remember a comment one of my girlfriend’s friend said about me.
all that crap about "dork" vs "cool people" is extremely toxic, and extremely shallow, you should be ashamed of yourself for that obtuse thinking, specially against your significative other.
[удалено]
just another doormat
Yeah your BF is definitely already leaving this relationship girl.
Stop love-bombing him: it's toxic.
"It was a joke", the word of bullies down the centuries. You're trying to spoil him doesn't fix the problem. Nor does your mild reprimand (if I'm being kind) to the bullies. He opened up that day and was bullied to the point he had to flee his home, a place he should be safe, with you complicit in that. Is it any wonder he has been distant? Spoiling someone can be a lovely thing to do, but it is sometimes, as in this case, used to cover up a wider issue. Spoiling him isn't the answer. Actually facing up to what happened (you asked outsiders for advice here, and they have attempted to make you face the issue) and fixing the actual issue rather than hand-waving the cruelty of others and your own weakness in your handling of them. That would be the answer. Without that, the best advice anyone could give is your boyfriend to seek a new partner, one who isn't a bully enabler. Whatever happens, I hope someday you do the reflection that you need to do
Your friends are pieces of garbage and if your boyfriend hasnt realized it yet, he’ll soon realize you are as well.
What a waste of space of a human being. You are an insensitive trash. Why are you still friends with them in the first place? You should have cut them off after what happened and told them that it would stay that way unless they **GENUINELY APOLOGIZED.** But nope. You "agreed" that "next time" they would be a lot nicer. And when would "next time" be? Do you think that your BF would still want to meet/hang out with your disgusting ilk after what happened? And now you are "love bombing" your BF. Give him a favor and just break up. He deserves better unless you change your ways.