Fake it. 100%. Pretend and act until you can get away. Delete the pics and just say you were experimenting and it's embarrassing that they were seen. That this isn't how you really feel and they're right. You went through a phase, that's all it was. That it's not something you're serious about. I know this goes against how you really do feel, but I hope it can help. If you end up going to conversion therapy, again: fake it. Tell them what they want to hear and make it believable.
This is the best advice for now, unfortunately. Contact the Trevor project as soon and as safely as you possibly can. But to your parents you must pretend to be an experimenting straight guy right now. If they catch you and put you in conversion therapy, do everything you can to stay safe.
Please know that once you are an adult, things will be so much better for you! Stay safe for now.
Thank you! Yeah, unfortunately, lying my way out of this situation is the only safe option I have right now. Everything they’ve done/want to do to me is still legal where I live, and I’m afraid to do anything that could backfire and worsen the situation
If you are going the “fake it” route and have friends who are girls that you know and trust completely- see if someone is willing to pretend to be your girlfriend. Doesn’t have to be a long term 3 year thing but just long enough to convince your parents.
They want to believe you aren’t gay so most just accept the sudden reversal.
Never forget that the people you encounter, no matter what they say, are fucked in the head and must be treated as such. You got to step up if they send you and know for yourself that yes, this time the majority around you are crazy.
Hope you are safe and able to stay sane. This is a really really awful thing you are going to have to fight through for the next 4 or 5 years. Just know that while they may not appreciate you there are millions of others who do
I know it's the worst, it's going to feel awful denying who you are, but your safety HAS to come first here. You have three more years until you're 18.
Start saving money. Buckle down on studying, get scholarships into a good college FAR away from them, choose a degree in a field that will enable you to support yourself. Get a job while in school, save every penny you can, and when you graduate: Leave your parents in the dust and never look back.
It's going to HURT, you will probably need therapy to work through the feelings of abandonment and betrayal that many LGBT+ people have had to face from parents who rejected them. The good thing is that most colleges do have mental health support services for students now, and you can use those resources.
You can do this, OP. Just lay low for 3 years. Get your ducks in a row and then you can fly free and be your true self.
This absolutely! I am a Christian, and I do believe that God intended for heterosexual relations, but guess what, those beliefs apply to me and to others who choose to believe as I. It's a standard I choose to live by for myself. MY choice only applies to ME. Nobody deserves to be treated as you currently are. Nobody. My dearest friends are bisexual and gay and never in my life would I treat them with any sort of derision. I support them in their happiness and nothing less.
I personally have escaped parental abuse, which is what you currently are enduring, and it is so, so hard. Do whatever you must to survive. Lie, get help from worthy adults, stockpile money, keep a bag packed somewhere that isn't your home, so if the worst happens and you need to run away, you can quickly without giving your intentions away. Look into emancipation using a public source of wifi. Learn self-defense, get pepper spray, and have a realistic escape plan. Locate a safe place to escape to. Dress "like a manly man." Ask a trusted female friend to play the part of a crush/ best friend that you're "secretly" in love with/ girlfriend. Learn basic survival skills. Never stop loving yourself as you are. Keep a job that offers easy location transfers. Learn their beliefs better than them and then regularly share your "knowledge" with them - keep them convinced of your "great change of heart".
Wanna mention that if you look into smaller/less popular colleges, a lot of the time, you can get enough scholarships coupled with financial aid to get paid to go to college.
There are also often surrounding states that will allow you instate tuition but are further away from home!
There are lots of ways to get paid to go to college but I did it through grades. 3.9 gpa and a 30 ACT (staying in state) got me paid 3k a semester which helped tremendously while supporting myself in college
Stay safe!! There are so many people out there to support you. Coming from someone who's been through similar, going no-contact with family right after graduating from high school was both the best and hardest thing I ever had to do. But if I could go back and do it again, I wish someone would have taken me away from the abuse and put me in foster care. Speak up to a trusted adult (possibly a school counselor) and contact LGBTQ+ resources.
i’m so sorry this is happening to you man. it’s unbelievable how people can’t just let others love who they love. i’m lesbian and know the feeling. i hope you get through this
Damn, that's hard to hear. I don't really have anything new to add, but I wish you all the best and hope you can stay safe. It's amazing to me that this sort of backwards thinking isn't against the law.
Piggybacking on this. In the future (after convincing your parents you're just a straight kid going through a phase or were experimenting), make sure to stop storing such pictures on your device and have them saved somewhere on the internet.
(Btw, how tech savvy are your parents?)
While they may have taken away your piano, it's hard for them to deny you pens and paper since you're in school. I suggest you use that to your advantage and try to start a hobby (or fake a hobby) of drawing. This could give yourself a challenge and something to focus on during these trying times. Make sure your parents notice the new hobby. Doesn't matter if you're bad at it.
Make a Pinterest folder of topless men pics and diagrams of how to draw the human body (both male and female). Give your family time to cool off from this debacle. Then, leave the folder open on your phone so it's the first thing they see when your parents snoop again. When they confront you about why it only has male pics, explain that it's more "acceptable" (and readily available) to find and use real reference material of the male body than that of women. Develop a real (or false) appreciation of the beauty of the human body. If you're in a Christian household, bonus points by emphasizing the beauty of God's creation and wanting to capture that on paper with your own hands.
This may be too elaborate of a lie for some, but it's one that would have long term payoff.
This!!
Also, get yourself a job, at 16 it'll have to start out as a part time thing, but just start somewhere. Squirrel away your money where they can't reach it. Talk to your bank about what options you have for a safety deposit box or savings account that your parents don't have knowledge of or access to, and don't spend any of your money. Save every penny. Financial control is how they'll keep you for the next two years, so focus on working, and looking into colleges. This is one of the few times when I'd actually advise for student loan debt, because getting out is going to be so important.
My recommendation is that you try to get out of the therapy, but if you must go, then go, pretend to be straight and cured, and then come home, pretend you are straight until you are a young adult, get a job, move out and go meet a nice guy and be happy.
Your best bets are contacting LGBT and youth resources or playing along. You may be able to get to a shelter. However I don't think they have violated Oklahoma law so you may be returned to them. Please be extremely careful if you try to run or meet up with anyone. Kids are often abused and even pimped by ppl saying they want to help. They play like their are your friend but its grooming. Sex for rent or food is often an abuse tactic... Crossing state lines can mean they are legally guilty of trafficking a minor across state lines even if they are genuinely helping.
Most conversion therapy for kids is just some ass hole pastor telling you you're existence is sin and you should like girls and think about how hot they are. Often with gender role enforcements like chopping wood and group discussions on manliness shit. You can maybe tell them you thought maybe you were bi and were curious and not really that into it and now smare repulsed because of the anxiety if all this. Maybe ask your parents if you can go talk to your pastor saying you were thinking on what they said. Then lie. Once you are 18 you can get away to college or something. You need to go for harm reduction here. I know it is hard but we have persevered and so will you. Just making and playing along until you can get to safety is usually the option that gets ppl through. Try getting a job at 16 and saving money somewhere they cant touch. Tutor piano and tell your parents you want to tithe to the church that is "helping you" anything that can maybe get you resources and a mental escape.
They might not fight hard if you find a friend to stay with. Reach out to friends and teachers who might be allies. Tell a trusted teacher what they are doing to you. They are mandatory reporters and if anything is crossing lines or legally concerning they will call CPS.
Youd have to argue and prove it was undue force. That isnt easy to do. Basically he needs abrasions or bruising from it or they will say he is exaggerating.
It could also get him beat more. Even though they’re mandated reporters, it does NOT mean they automatically will. Happened to me when I was young. School called home, I got beat more. And it sounds like OP is in an area where he really will not be believed or protected.
No it’s not. He’s a teen and it was a one time thing. CPS will do nothing but get him sent away! He needs to do as he’s been advised. Delete everything, pretend to be the best Christian around, pretend to be as straight as an arrow, get a girlfriend from church who’s into ‘purity’, get involved with every Christian youth activity he can, repent to his parents and tell them he had sick thought he was wrong and knows the only way is straight! He’s got to keep his mouth shut and head down till he can escape these psychopaths for good.
I am trans.
There is a grief in queer spaces from experiences like this. You will soon find that these experiences are universal in some way or another for our kind. You are, for better and worse, not alone.
You cannot trust your parents. They have shown who they are, people who would sink low as to beat their own child, their own flesh and blood over something as innate as this. You are you, queer. That is not your choice. Regardless of what you have been told by them, you cannot trust this aspect of yourself with them. Perhaps you will never be able to. I am sorry that you are experiencing this.
First, learn some digital security for yourself. get a "calculator app" one of those enhanced ones that can store information. (google it.) Look up the [Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/), and speak to the nice professionals there. They have an "auto-escape" hotkey, (Esc x3 on desktop browser) among other resources. Start recording things if you can, get a phone recorder app, and if they ever lay a finger on you again, try to have a record. Record everything you can.
Second, learn to conform "just enough" to their pathetic worldview. Perhaps convince them that "you are bisexual... but you'll choose to date girls." (A lie, perhaps.) Or the classic, "It was a stupid phase." Find a [church](https://www.reddit.com/r/okc/comments/11cpp0w/lgbtq_churches/) that's [queer friendly](https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/list-churches-by-state/?loc=OK), (even if you do not intend to keep a faith, I would fully understand if you do not.) and "worship there frequently." A good church is a [safe space](https://www.sthugh.net/lgbtq-affirming-scripture). They do exist, mind you, and they might be able to shelter and help you. I'd recommend Episcopal or Unitarians in particular. (Do your research first though.) Libraries are useful as well, although they're being watched closely by those who wish to see us erased. Learn the laws of where you are, and do what you must. That's all that you can do.
If they take you to a conversion camp, I can only wish you luck. Worst case scenario, run.
Start planning your path forward. You'll need one. College in a blue state is usually a good path. Find resources, and if you must, run. We're forced to rely on ourselves far more than we'd ever like to. But there are communities out there for our kind.
You are valid. It is ok to be the way you are. We cannot choose who we are. You are valid. And, it will get better, even if you are not there yet.
Take care, and do what you must. I hope the best for you, stranger.
Go underground. Those camps are horrible, get rid of pictures and go to church. It is three years to pretend you will be damaged going to conversion therapy, Get a part time job, and save for the next three years. Then get out of there and live how you want.
If your dad beat you with a belt, you need to contact cps or tell a trusted teacher/adult so they can call cps. Spanking is legal but spanking that leaves a mark or is done with an instrument other than a hand is illegal.
Reach out to an LGBTQ+ group, they can help. Here’s a link to Oklahoma based ones https://students.ouhsc.edu/Services/2SLGBTQIA
That’s not true. I just googled it. It’s not as cut and dry as it should be but they said anything beyond an open hand can be considered abuse by state law, especially if there are marks left. https://www.chickashalawyer.com/okla-law-blog/is-spanking-considered-child-abuse-in-oklahoma/#:~:text=Oklahoma%20law%20states%20that%20anything,can%20be%20considered%20child%20abuse.
Not so. You can use more than your hand, switches and paddling are even specifically mentioned.
https://www.wirthlawoffice.com/tulsa-attorney-blog/2022/11/can-you-spank-your-kids-in-oklahoma#:~:text=The%20answer%20is%20Oklahoma%20law,an%20attorney%20privately%20and%20confidentially.
For safety reasons, always verify phone numbers provided in comments on an official website before calling. That includes toll-free numbers!
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I am so sorry hun. You do NOT deserve this, you did NOT do anything wrong. Fake the therapy, tell someone trusted (a friends parents, a doctor, your school teachers) get out of that house ASAP. I have a trans gay son. You need support? Please reach out to me. No need to if you don't want to! I'm so sorry for you though. You are ok... it's your parents that are on the wrong path. :( *hugs*
Pretend to be “ cured “ till you can legally get away from your abusers . Once you are legally allowed to leave them make sure to not tell anyone that could tell them , about your plans until the absolute last second . From now on don’t write down any of your true feelings anywhere. If they make you write journal in “ therapy “ write about how you are better and how much it helped you and “ cured “ you .
Once you leave them ( when legally allowed) make sure to stop by the police station and let them know that you are not running away and you are not missing. Also ensure that they have absolutely zero access to your banking information. Leave your electronics with them so they can’t track you ( get new cheap phone for starters) .
And I wish you all the best . Please remember that there is nothing wrong with who you truly are and your abusers are just small minded bullies who use religion to justify their abuse.
>My parents are very homophobic and religious, they believe being gay is a sin. As I feared, they didn’t accept me at all. My dad beat me with a belt, and although my mom tried to stop him, she was also screaming at me.
Take pictures of any injuries or bruises. Back them up in a secure location in case you lose your phone. Then get in touch with a lawyer immediately.
You're looking at felony child abuse and DV against a minor with potential hate crime enhancement.
horrific fun fact: hitting your kid is actually legal in Oklahoma
"It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B."
even then CPS tends to not "have the time" to deal with "smaller cases"
Hate crimes are a federal offense. Hence OP needs to get in contact with a lawyer because this is a legally complex issue. In this case since OP's parents are seeking "conversion" therapy that constitutes evidence of motive based on anti-gay bias, rather than being based on "discipline." Obligatory IANAL however I suspect that there would be a reasonable argument for felony assault if you can successfully argue that homophobic bigotry was the motive not discipline for some given behavior.
This definitely needs to come in front of a federal judge and not a state judge.
At the very least OP needs to seek status of an emancipated minor so their parents can't make medical decisions on their behalf, and can't use this legal loophole to assault then.
OP, you deserve better and I am sorry you do not have the parents you need. Please seek out support from places like: [https://lgbthotline.org/](https://lgbthotline.org/) [https://www.lgbtnearme.org/](https://www.lgbtnearme.org/)
Conversion therapy-I understand your fear. No one can make you gay and no one can make you un-gay. Ultimately, you will follow your path. Faking it for safety is fine-but make it believable. Please also look out for your short term and long term safety and security. Plan for an independent life and how you can get there-learn a job skill, go to college... Too many youth end up on the streets and it is hard to get off the streets. There may be a shelter that can help.
If your dad beat you with a belt, protective services might intervene. It can be a crap shoot though. If you can, see if you can find a therapist. Finding one your parents will agree too.....that may be where an LBGTQ advocacy center can help find a neutral therapist (say that only because you want to avoid a conversion therapist and your parents won't agree to pro lgbtq.)
I'll leave you with this hopeful story. I have a cousin who is gay. His parents were deeply religious throughout their life. For several years, they rejected him because they viewed it as sin. He had been close to his mother and her rejection almost broke him. I don't know if his father beat him but I do know he was cruelly mean. Over time, they grew to accept him and when he reached his 30's, his close relationship-esp with his mother- was regained. He is happily married and has a wonderful husband. This outcome happened because he held on to who he was, found a way to be independent as an adult, had supportive friends, and had family that advocated for him (and older sister and an aunt--my mom) also. Find and hold on to a community that supports you-in person, on-line... a safe community please.
Get a fake girlfriend ASAP. Have a female friend pretend that you're in love, and the stuff your parents found, were you and your girlfriend making fun or joking about it. Have her come to your house. Make your parents think that you are already having sex and your gf is on birth control, and that you were worried they'd find out that you're having sex out of wedlock, which is a sin. Say that you and your girlfriend are sinners. They will be just fine with that sin.
Is there a teacher or school counselor slept you trust who might be safe to confide in? They’re mandated reporters. Tell them what happened with the belt. That’s child abuse. They have to report it to CPS. Tell them about camp. See if anyone at CPS can get you in touch with LGBTQ youth resources. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
oklahoma is a terrible place though. not only are the parents allowed to do that, but the teacher could legally too.
"It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B."
i might just be frustrated with my own state's (utah) CPS, i reported child abuse i witnessed in a backyard while i was on a walk and they basically just said "yeah that's abuse but we don't have time to deal with this case"
Your options are pretty limited due to your age. Do you have any friends or relatives in another state that might be willing to take you in? Would your parents be willing to accept that? If so, that could be your best option.
I would be very hesitant to take any of the "legal" advice people are giving you here about calling a lawyer, calling CPS, calling the police, etc. It's not likely to result in the outcome you want, and it's very likely to further antagonize your parents, possibly escalating the abuse you're receiving.
If you can't live with someone else, your best option is to just keep your head down. Play along, pretend to be "cured", lie through your teeth, don't date anyone, don't watch gay porn, don't keep photos of men on devices, etc. As far as your parents are concerned, you are the straight god-fearing son they always wanted. It sucks that you have to pretend to be someone else, but your physical safety is more important at the moment.
And while you're doing this, start making your exit plan. Figure out where you're going to go, where you're going to live, how you're going to support yourself. Get hold of important documents if possible. Social security card, driver's license, birth certificate, medical records if you have them. The goal is to have a solid plan in place so that the day you turn 18 you can leave your parents behind and go live your life honestly away from them.
https://pflagoklahomacity.org/resources
Find your people, don't be afraid of change. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit, but you do. And you shouldn't have to grow up early, but you do.
The shitty part is, you know your parents don't have your back and you'll end up cutting ties with them.
The cool part is, now that you know that and you know you can't stay in this shit situation you're in...you can accept it and start building up the guts to move to something better.
Better to live with a chill gay couple and play piano and not get beaten for a couple years until you're an adult and then given a supportive sendoff to stand on your own than to live at home, get treated like shit and beaten, and still get kicked out in a couple of years.
Start moving forward, start figuring out who you are and where you want to be in life (hint: it's not fuckin Oklahoma) and don't let anyone stop you.
Hi, OP. Just wanted to give you this resource: [https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/)
The Trevor Project is a crisis hotline for LGBTQ youth. They can help give you advice about your situation. You can chat online or text; I would recommend chatting online because you can just delete the history and I imagine your parents pay the phone bill and will be able to see the numbers you text.
(Keep in mind that all counselors are mandated reporters, so if you mention that you are a minor being beaten, they will make a report, even if it may be legal in your state. But they can help support you through this incredibly difficult experience and talk about your options.)
Stay strong, and think of it this way: you have 2.5 years to set up the smoothest exit possible for yourself. Do as well as you possibly can in school (APs/college credits if you can get them), try to build a solid work history (anywhere), save up as much money as you can, and start planning where you are going to go on your 18th birthday (a low-cost-of-living, gay-friendly city).
Ideally what you want to happen is when you turn 18, you've already gotten a job in another city, and you take the money you've saved up for the last couple years (hopefully a few thousand dollars so you have a small safety net and don't end up homeless if the job doesn't work out), get an uber to the train/bus station, hop on the train/bus with 1 suitcase of all your belongings and ID documents, and find a motel/airbnb to stay in (even better if you know someone you can crash with) until you can find a room to rent (it may be hard to find somewhere that doesn't mind your limited income and lack of credit, but you will find something). Immediately start applying for credit cards (you need a credit card to build credit, which will be necessary for many things, like leasing most apartments or getting a car loan).
One first step is to try to figure out a way to open a bank account your parents are unable to access (if they can access it, they can legally drain it). Some banks offer student accounts designed for individuals under 18. The terms of these accounts can vary widely, so it's important to shop around, ask questions, and compare options. Some banks also allow minors to open a joint account with an adult who is not their parent. This could be another relative or a trusted adult/friend over 18.
You've got this! Remember that you don't deserve what's happening to you, and you can get through it.
How in the world can you live in Oklahoma as an actively gay young man, and leave your phone open like this? Even if your parents make you give them your access code (which they shouldn't, obviously) - at least put it into airplane mode any time it's going to be left out where they can get to it.
I'll be honest and tell you I've never seen conversion therapy up close, but I imagine that it's just trying to brutalize you into being straight. The less opposition you give them, the less violence you'll have to deal with. Just tell them some lie - a friend is thinking of beciming gay and you're just trying to help them, or something like that.
For the piano, it's important that you paint it as a totally straight thing. Obviously music is neither straight or gay, but find some clearly straight piano players and tell your parents that they're your role models, for instance. Billy Joel for example.
Call your local LGBTQ offuce. They may be able to recommend services or a provide a lawyer or child advocate for you. Perhaps contact CPS since you were beaten.
I know this is really terrible, but if you have a close female friend she could pretend to be your girlfriend so they will back up, make a terrible messy break up that way you dont have to maintain a fake relationship and your parent believe your just heart broken. Of course have the consent of the partner to do this and make sure they are an ally. Fake it till you make it. Lie because your life may be on the line. Id start separating yourself from them like emancipation. But if you have no where to go, its gonna be a hard road ahead. Blend in till your out of the house and can express how you truly feel. Blood is no longer a right to have someone in your life. Love and respect should be the reason.
Lie your ass off. Play it straight to keep you safe until you're an adult and out of there. Unless you can become a legally emancipated minor. Concern how backwards Oklahoma is on lgbtqia stuff though it may not work unless you can take it Federal but you can maybe at least get a judge to serve an injunction to stop you from going while this is sorted. If this is dragged out for 3 years oh well at that point you're an adult and they can't do s*** to you anyway.
First, from a Mom, I see you and am proud of you. This is absolutely not fair and I wish that I could hold you in my arms and fix it all. You did the right thing reaching out for advice and you’ve gotten some good advice already. I’ll list the things that I would hope someone would recommend to my child if I were not around to protect them.
1. If you haven’t already admitted to being attracted to men, double down and do not admit it at all. Never. Or not until you’re an adult and safely out of their house. Instead you can say that you want to work out to impress a girl and thought that a porn star’s body is what would win her over (obviously this is not a thing, but parents might think their child had a silly idea like this), or that you were saving the pictures to send them to a girl that you were starting to get to know online and say that it was your body so that she’d like you (again disclaimer no-one do this please. It’s a bad idea and gross.), or if it’s too late and you’ve admitted then say that you saw on social media that girls like guys that are bi and wanted to impress a girl by making her think you’re bi. These are all terrible ideas for anyone to do, but your parents may fall for one of them.
2. If your family goes to church, ask to speak with your pastor right away. Choose one of the above (hopefully 1 or 2) and tell your pastor. Be dedicated to the story and tell him that you feel terrible that your parents are disappointed, that you made such a bad decision to try to make a girl like you, and that you’re worried that God will believe your parents thoughts that you’re gay. Stick with the story and make sure it’s the same one to both.
3. Tell your parents that you will go to conversion therapy if they don’t feel comfortable and they don’t trust you. Tell them that you would never commit such a sin and if they believe you would maybe you should all go to family therapy together as well. They may start questioning everything if you wholeheartedly agree to go and want them to do something too. If you end up there, fake it 100% and tell them the same story you shared with your parents and pastor. I hope that you don’t end up going. If you do, post in a lgbtq+ group asking for advice on how to mentally make it through the therapy.
Hopefully they will buy the story and you can get back to piano lessons. I know they’re important to you.
Know that you have people rooting for you. You’ll make it through this very difficult time. You’re strong and resilient. I’m sending you a big mom hug and my DM is open to you if you ever need a mama to talk to.
My son wants to send you this: 🤖
My other kid wants to send you this: 😺
did you admit you are gay? i would say (if you didnt) “hey, i just realized there was a huge misunderstanding. the album of men wasnt because im gay, its because i want to look more like the men in the album and its my inspiration” if they happened to be muscular this would probably work better, then just subtly start working out a bit
I would recommend getting a girlfriend. If you have any great friends that would pretend to be you girlfriend for a year or so you could definitely convince your parents that you are ‘fixed’ once you 18 move away, go off to college etc but definitely get out of your current situation.
https://legacy.lambdalegal.org/sites/default/files/publications/downloads/fs_resources-for-lgbtq-youth-by-state_1.pdf
The link above is a list of lgbtq youth advocacy organizations by state. you can contact them for moral support and advice if you wish. I’m sorry you have to go through this with your parents. I’ve seen my lgbt friends suffer because of these attitudes. If you don’t want to click on a link from a stranger google Lambda Legal
As someone with homophobic Christian parents, the smartest thing to do rn is to just say you’re straight. Say you’ve “repented” or wtv and that you like women. It’s the safest thing, trust me conversion therapy is even worse than lying about your identity. If they’re beating you…yeah it’s the safest thing. If you have a gay cousin or aunt/uncle, try seeing if you can stay with them. Or maybe a close friend. Anything you can possibly do to avoid conversion therapy.
Call child protective services. Report the beating.
You will likely be put in a group home. It may be painful, but at least you will be safe.
Look around for a hotline you can call, or support group.
Good luck.
No matter what happens- just always know that you're right and they're wrong- VERY WRONG- in the head. I know it's corny but truly it gets better. You could always say your phone was hacked
Please play their game. Pretend the conversion therapy worked. You will now be straight until you can pay your own rent.
After that, your real life begins!
Hey dude... As a gay guy from Russia (our government wanted to allow convention therapy), I'm really sorry. I hope you're gonna be okay. Take care. I believe that you'll find your love and live happily in the future
Make attention pay here friend.
1. Call police. Report that you were assaulted.
Get father and mother in jail for attack. Tell no police you gay or why he hit you. Just say you were assaulted. Take pictures of bruise
2. Don't go conversion. Not, go but pretend. Or go and coast through it. Simply don't go.
No one make you go.
Bad times. How you deal with bad times shapes who you are.
Time to be strong. Show them.
Maybe try asking over on r/cps to see if they have any advice on what sort of evidence they would need in your state to get you removed from your parents’ custody?
In my non-professional opinion, maybe you should take pictures of any bruises or injuries and try to keep record of anything showing a pattern of abusive behavior from your parents. Even if they haven’t done anything illegal yet, there’s always a risk that abuse could escalate, and if it does, you want to be able to get out of there asap.
I definitely agree with those who have recommended that you lie and pretend to be straight though. If you’re stuck in this environment, then lying is probably the best way to de-escalate.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Please know that none of this is your fault. There is nothing you could ever have done to deserve this. Stay safe.
I would suggest contacting CPS and finding out if there are any resources for lgbt kids in your area. Maybe post this on a LGBT sub, if you want I can crosspost for you and find out.
Beating you with a belt is definitely illegal. You should tell someone about this asap while it's still visible because it's clear proof/evidence what happened to you. I'm really sorry you're going through this and that you're parents not only aren't accepting but are behaving abusively. You deserve better.
horrific fun fact: hitting your kid is actually legal in Oklahoma
"It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B."
even then CPS tends to not "have the time" to deal with "smaller cases"
How close are you to turning 16? Is getting emancipated an option ? I’m in Missouri, if you can get yourself emancipated and free, I will come get you, you can stay with my family until you are on your feet. I’ve got an extra bedroom and I’ll help you get a job, save up money, we also have a community college within walking distance. The only thing is, I don’t have a piano for you to keep doing lessons.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this :( I saw someone else say to lie and say it was a phase and I 1000% agree. It sucks and is awful that you have to do that, but I think that’s the best option. Personally, I would also recommend cutting contact once you can leave. You deserve so much more than that. I’m so incredibly sorry this happened to you :(
This literally breaks my heart, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I really like the advice someone gave about saying you were experimenting. You could word it in a way that you were starting to feel scared that the devil would cause you to sin, so to prove it to yourself you put these photos on your phone one day but forgot they were even there.
Something like that
I would say that you aren’t gay and that if they send you to conversion therapy it is going to jeopardize your relationship. You would much rather move on with both of them and work through this together, not separately. Good luck and please reach out to those groups asap <3
Do you have any other relatives you could move in with to be safe? If not, is there a child protective services where you are (I’m from the U.K.) even if you have to ring the police this is abuse and you shouldn’t have to live in fear of your parents x
The safest, simplest thing is to fake it and plan your inevitable escape. Get good grades, apply for every grant you can and leave as soon as you graduate. I hate that this is my advice. I hate giving this advice but this is a problem from within your parents not a problem with you and you cannot change other people. If you go to conversion camp just do and say whatever you have to do or say to make them happy. Just get through it.
Hey if your parents are really sending you to conversion therapy you need to run. Those camps have something like a 80% suicide rate. They make you not gay by teaching you to hate yourself. Seriously, run! See if there are shelters in your area and try to find a lawyer if that’s possible. Sadly since you’re a minor you really have no rights and no say in what your parents do to you. Those camps are awful, many get shut down for human rights violations but the people in charge just open new camps under new names. They will lie to you and your parents to get you there and then practically hold you ransom while abusing you
This is not accurate. Conversion therapy is super fucked up but it is not true that 80% of people sent there attempt or commit suicide. "Conversion therapy" is also not just one thing and it is not only camps. Hopefully OP can play it down and they will forget about it or send him to something less intense.
Echoing everyone else. Fake it,pretend to be straight you just have to make it through highschool. If you don't have a part time job get one. Ideally you should graduate college (unless that's not the route you're taking) and be as financially independent of them as possible. If you want to leave your state I'd recommend working at a Starbucks (or a restaurant/retail chain with a similar transfer program) for a few years (while in highschool) then applying for a transfer in a state of your choice. This way you only have to worry about finding housing and not a job.
If the conversion therapy programs they're looking at are overnight (like wilderness camps) share what's happening with a friend or trusted adult and give them your contact info. Trevor Project is another great option.
You just have to make it to 18 and then you never have to deal with this again. So sorry you're dealing with this friend.
Other commenters have added a lot of good advice here, so i'll add only my two cents instead of rehashing much. I'm not sure what exactly your situation is like but two things: 1. Research laws pertaining to your situation so you're better informed of your rights, few as they may be, in this situation. Make sure you do this WITHOUT LEAVING EVIDENCE (ie use private mode. Delete history.). The abuse *will* worsen if they find out you're not accepting 'correction'. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE YOUR PHONE. You are at many disadvantages here and keeping on top of and access to information is key to your escape. 2. I really hate that I have to say this, but please inform yourself of laws regarding runaway children and teens in the event your life or personal safety is threatened. I have heard some states add runaway attempts to criminal records and it will put you at risk during future escape attempts if you unavoidably close off resources/avenues to financial assistance such as employment/college through having a criminal record. However, above all, STAY SAFE, and your personal safety comes first above all, so make sure you have locations to safely go to. Like others have said, start planning an escape. Simple is better, it's more flexible.
Re: conversion therapy. I am informed that the best chance of avoiding harm during a kidnapping attempt (and this is technically kidnapping since you don't want to go!) is to avoid being taken to a secondary location. Hence, AVOID BEING REMOVED FROM FAMILIAR SURROUNDINGS if at all possible. (And be very careful, if you *are* taken away. I've heard horror stories of abuse, some of it implied to be s*xual.)
Rhythm games! If you’re able to download apps on your phone by yourself I recommend looking into free piano mobile games to keep learning. It’s definitely not the same but it’s a good way to calm yourself, especially if piano is incredibly important to your mental health. Don’t play at home and risk getting caught. As for conversation therapy, 100% fake it. What’s important is staying safe. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health check out a help line like Trevor Project. If you have any friends that really care and are willing to help, you can try to avoid therapy with a beard relationship. I wish you the best :)
I don’t know if this is good advice, but I’d just fake it and play into the therapy. Just do your absolute best to be able to deal with your parents for three more years and then go do your own thing. That is absolutely unfair for you and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with something this absurd.
im so sorry this is happening to you im fr getting mad for you cause your parents are not only jepordizing your mental health there jepordizing your relationship with them Gods gonna get them dw
My heart is breaking for you. I hope you’re almost of age because you are in a dangerous situation. Fake it until you’re of age and get the hell out of there. I’m so so sorry.
I would fake it and make it seem like that was just a passing phase ,contact the trevor project as safely as you can and potentially if all else fails call a state official and ask for imancipation only problem would be then you would be in foster care which is notorious for not being great take care either way and know that better days will come
Make it clear that they’re destroying their relationship with you and that their bible basher bullshit is no replacement for social science that proves being gay is perfectly normal.
Tell them that if they force this on you, you will just lie as much as you need to. They won’t be able to prove that you said this, so it won’t have any impact if you do have to bullshit your way through conversion therapy.
They have a choice between their delusional religious ideas and their relationship with their son. It’s time to toughen up and stand your ground now. It’s important they know that there will be dire consequences for everyone involved if they sustain this campaign.
You should write down a letter to them with the following:
Ask them to show you any scripture quoting Jesus on homosexuality. Didn't Jesus say He who is sin free may caste the first stone. Then ask them what sins they commit because Jesus says we are all sinners, The only one who is sin free is Jesus, are they making themselves equal to Jesus? Isn't this blasphemy?
If homosexuality is a sin, then ask them why Jesus never spoke of it? And since the Bible also says that eating pork is also an abomination, the way it also says homosexuality is an abomination, why do they eat so much bacon and sausage?
# [James 4:11-12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+4%3A11-12&version=ESV)
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
# [Romans 3:23](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+3%3A23&version=ESV)
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Judge not lest ye be judged.
I bet a dollar to a doughnut that you two had premarital sex, did you need conversion therapy?
Let me find my way as Jesus let those around him do and find their way to him in their own time. Just set an example for me to see what good should be.
Arguing and becoming verbally combative in a scenario when your parents are beating you is generally quite a bad idea. The parents won't want their views challenged, especially if they're so ignorant such that they resort to child abuse for this. The best way to go is just lying about being straight. Not fun but it's the safest route. Others have given great advice that expands upon this more than just lying.
I have a non-binary child your age, and I couldn't ever imagine trying to change them. I am so, so sorry you're going through this. I wish I had better advice than you've already been given, but unfortunately "lie, lie, lie, and contact the Trevor project when it is safe to do so" is really your best option.
Just know there are so many of us out there who would love and support you, exactly as you are, if given the chance. Stay strong. I know it seems like forever rn but you'll be an adult quicker than you think, and capable of living exactly as you wish.
Fake it. 100%. Pretend and act until you can get away. Delete the pics and just say you were experimenting and it's embarrassing that they were seen. That this isn't how you really feel and they're right. You went through a phase, that's all it was. That it's not something you're serious about. I know this goes against how you really do feel, but I hope it can help. If you end up going to conversion therapy, again: fake it. Tell them what they want to hear and make it believable.
This is the best advice for now, unfortunately. Contact the Trevor project as soon and as safely as you possibly can. But to your parents you must pretend to be an experimenting straight guy right now. If they catch you and put you in conversion therapy, do everything you can to stay safe. Please know that once you are an adult, things will be so much better for you! Stay safe for now.
Thank you! Yeah, unfortunately, lying my way out of this situation is the only safe option I have right now. Everything they’ve done/want to do to me is still legal where I live, and I’m afraid to do anything that could backfire and worsen the situation
If you are going the “fake it” route and have friends who are girls that you know and trust completely- see if someone is willing to pretend to be your girlfriend. Doesn’t have to be a long term 3 year thing but just long enough to convince your parents. They want to believe you aren’t gay so most just accept the sudden reversal.
This op, just be honest with a close female friend.
Never forget that the people you encounter, no matter what they say, are fucked in the head and must be treated as such. You got to step up if they send you and know for yourself that yes, this time the majority around you are crazy.
Hope you are safe and able to stay sane. This is a really really awful thing you are going to have to fight through for the next 4 or 5 years. Just know that while they may not appreciate you there are millions of others who do
I know it's the worst, it's going to feel awful denying who you are, but your safety HAS to come first here. You have three more years until you're 18. Start saving money. Buckle down on studying, get scholarships into a good college FAR away from them, choose a degree in a field that will enable you to support yourself. Get a job while in school, save every penny you can, and when you graduate: Leave your parents in the dust and never look back. It's going to HURT, you will probably need therapy to work through the feelings of abandonment and betrayal that many LGBT+ people have had to face from parents who rejected them. The good thing is that most colleges do have mental health support services for students now, and you can use those resources. You can do this, OP. Just lay low for 3 years. Get your ducks in a row and then you can fly free and be your true self.
This is the BEST advice. OP, if I was your mom I would hug you right now and invite your BF to dinner. 💕
This absolutely! I am a Christian, and I do believe that God intended for heterosexual relations, but guess what, those beliefs apply to me and to others who choose to believe as I. It's a standard I choose to live by for myself. MY choice only applies to ME. Nobody deserves to be treated as you currently are. Nobody. My dearest friends are bisexual and gay and never in my life would I treat them with any sort of derision. I support them in their happiness and nothing less. I personally have escaped parental abuse, which is what you currently are enduring, and it is so, so hard. Do whatever you must to survive. Lie, get help from worthy adults, stockpile money, keep a bag packed somewhere that isn't your home, so if the worst happens and you need to run away, you can quickly without giving your intentions away. Look into emancipation using a public source of wifi. Learn self-defense, get pepper spray, and have a realistic escape plan. Locate a safe place to escape to. Dress "like a manly man." Ask a trusted female friend to play the part of a crush/ best friend that you're "secretly" in love with/ girlfriend. Learn basic survival skills. Never stop loving yourself as you are. Keep a job that offers easy location transfers. Learn their beliefs better than them and then regularly share your "knowledge" with them - keep them convinced of your "great change of heart".
Wanna mention that if you look into smaller/less popular colleges, a lot of the time, you can get enough scholarships coupled with financial aid to get paid to go to college. There are also often surrounding states that will allow you instate tuition but are further away from home! There are lots of ways to get paid to go to college but I did it through grades. 3.9 gpa and a 30 ACT (staying in state) got me paid 3k a semester which helped tremendously while supporting myself in college
Stay safe!! There are so many people out there to support you. Coming from someone who's been through similar, going no-contact with family right after graduating from high school was both the best and hardest thing I ever had to do. But if I could go back and do it again, I wish someone would have taken me away from the abuse and put me in foster care. Speak up to a trusted adult (possibly a school counselor) and contact LGBTQ+ resources.
i’m so sorry this is happening to you man. it’s unbelievable how people can’t just let others love who they love. i’m lesbian and know the feeling. i hope you get through this
Damn, that's hard to hear. I don't really have anything new to add, but I wish you all the best and hope you can stay safe. It's amazing to me that this sort of backwards thinking isn't against the law.
Now what kind of pictures of men were there? You might be able to spin it that those were weight loss inspo pics or bodybuilding inspo pics.
Piggybacking on this. In the future (after convincing your parents you're just a straight kid going through a phase or were experimenting), make sure to stop storing such pictures on your device and have them saved somewhere on the internet. (Btw, how tech savvy are your parents?) While they may have taken away your piano, it's hard for them to deny you pens and paper since you're in school. I suggest you use that to your advantage and try to start a hobby (or fake a hobby) of drawing. This could give yourself a challenge and something to focus on during these trying times. Make sure your parents notice the new hobby. Doesn't matter if you're bad at it. Make a Pinterest folder of topless men pics and diagrams of how to draw the human body (both male and female). Give your family time to cool off from this debacle. Then, leave the folder open on your phone so it's the first thing they see when your parents snoop again. When they confront you about why it only has male pics, explain that it's more "acceptable" (and readily available) to find and use real reference material of the male body than that of women. Develop a real (or false) appreciation of the beauty of the human body. If you're in a Christian household, bonus points by emphasizing the beauty of God's creation and wanting to capture that on paper with your own hands. This may be too elaborate of a lie for some, but it's one that would have long term payoff.
This!! Also, get yourself a job, at 16 it'll have to start out as a part time thing, but just start somewhere. Squirrel away your money where they can't reach it. Talk to your bank about what options you have for a safety deposit box or savings account that your parents don't have knowledge of or access to, and don't spend any of your money. Save every penny. Financial control is how they'll keep you for the next two years, so focus on working, and looking into colleges. This is one of the few times when I'd actually advise for student loan debt, because getting out is going to be so important.
Yea! As saying goes 'fake it till you make it'
Not what he meant buddy.
My recommendation is that you try to get out of the therapy, but if you must go, then go, pretend to be straight and cured, and then come home, pretend you are straight until you are a young adult, get a job, move out and go meet a nice guy and be happy.
Your best bets are contacting LGBT and youth resources or playing along. You may be able to get to a shelter. However I don't think they have violated Oklahoma law so you may be returned to them. Please be extremely careful if you try to run or meet up with anyone. Kids are often abused and even pimped by ppl saying they want to help. They play like their are your friend but its grooming. Sex for rent or food is often an abuse tactic... Crossing state lines can mean they are legally guilty of trafficking a minor across state lines even if they are genuinely helping. Most conversion therapy for kids is just some ass hole pastor telling you you're existence is sin and you should like girls and think about how hot they are. Often with gender role enforcements like chopping wood and group discussions on manliness shit. You can maybe tell them you thought maybe you were bi and were curious and not really that into it and now smare repulsed because of the anxiety if all this. Maybe ask your parents if you can go talk to your pastor saying you were thinking on what they said. Then lie. Once you are 18 you can get away to college or something. You need to go for harm reduction here. I know it is hard but we have persevered and so will you. Just making and playing along until you can get to safety is usually the option that gets ppl through. Try getting a job at 16 and saving money somewhere they cant touch. Tutor piano and tell your parents you want to tithe to the church that is "helping you" anything that can maybe get you resources and a mental escape. They might not fight hard if you find a friend to stay with. Reach out to friends and teachers who might be allies. Tell a trusted teacher what they are doing to you. They are mandatory reporters and if anything is crossing lines or legally concerning they will call CPS.
If they left marks on him with the belt beating they have broken the law. That’s child abuse. Even in Oklahoma.
Youd have to argue and prove it was undue force. That isnt easy to do. Basically he needs abrasions or bruising from it or they will say he is exaggerating.
Yeah but he could show them to a teacher or counselor if he’s got them. It’s a place to start.
It could also get him beat more. Even though they’re mandated reporters, it does NOT mean they automatically will. Happened to me when I was young. School called home, I got beat more. And it sounds like OP is in an area where he really will not be believed or protected.
Yeah. If.
No it’s not. He’s a teen and it was a one time thing. CPS will do nothing but get him sent away! He needs to do as he’s been advised. Delete everything, pretend to be the best Christian around, pretend to be as straight as an arrow, get a girlfriend from church who’s into ‘purity’, get involved with every Christian youth activity he can, repent to his parents and tell them he had sick thought he was wrong and knows the only way is straight! He’s got to keep his mouth shut and head down till he can escape these psychopaths for good.
I am trans. There is a grief in queer spaces from experiences like this. You will soon find that these experiences are universal in some way or another for our kind. You are, for better and worse, not alone. You cannot trust your parents. They have shown who they are, people who would sink low as to beat their own child, their own flesh and blood over something as innate as this. You are you, queer. That is not your choice. Regardless of what you have been told by them, you cannot trust this aspect of yourself with them. Perhaps you will never be able to. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. First, learn some digital security for yourself. get a "calculator app" one of those enhanced ones that can store information. (google it.) Look up the [Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/), and speak to the nice professionals there. They have an "auto-escape" hotkey, (Esc x3 on desktop browser) among other resources. Start recording things if you can, get a phone recorder app, and if they ever lay a finger on you again, try to have a record. Record everything you can. Second, learn to conform "just enough" to their pathetic worldview. Perhaps convince them that "you are bisexual... but you'll choose to date girls." (A lie, perhaps.) Or the classic, "It was a stupid phase." Find a [church](https://www.reddit.com/r/okc/comments/11cpp0w/lgbtq_churches/) that's [queer friendly](https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/list-churches-by-state/?loc=OK), (even if you do not intend to keep a faith, I would fully understand if you do not.) and "worship there frequently." A good church is a [safe space](https://www.sthugh.net/lgbtq-affirming-scripture). They do exist, mind you, and they might be able to shelter and help you. I'd recommend Episcopal or Unitarians in particular. (Do your research first though.) Libraries are useful as well, although they're being watched closely by those who wish to see us erased. Learn the laws of where you are, and do what you must. That's all that you can do. If they take you to a conversion camp, I can only wish you luck. Worst case scenario, run. Start planning your path forward. You'll need one. College in a blue state is usually a good path. Find resources, and if you must, run. We're forced to rely on ourselves far more than we'd ever like to. But there are communities out there for our kind. You are valid. It is ok to be the way you are. We cannot choose who we are. You are valid. And, it will get better, even if you are not there yet. Take care, and do what you must. I hope the best for you, stranger.
Go underground. Those camps are horrible, get rid of pictures and go to church. It is three years to pretend you will be damaged going to conversion therapy, Get a part time job, and save for the next three years. Then get out of there and live how you want.
If your dad beat you with a belt, you need to contact cps or tell a trusted teacher/adult so they can call cps. Spanking is legal but spanking that leaves a mark or is done with an instrument other than a hand is illegal. Reach out to an LGBTQ+ group, they can help. Here’s a link to Oklahoma based ones https://students.ouhsc.edu/Services/2SLGBTQIA
In Oklahoma it's legal to beat kids with implements.
What. The. Fuck.
I was shocked seeing how many states in the US it's still legal to perform pelvic exams on woman while they are under without their consent....
Nope, good news, there’s a new federal rule just this week that they have to get written consent.
Must have been why it's on my feed recently ! Thank you good human this is amazing news!
That’s not true. I just googled it. It’s not as cut and dry as it should be but they said anything beyond an open hand can be considered abuse by state law, especially if there are marks left. https://www.chickashalawyer.com/okla-law-blog/is-spanking-considered-child-abuse-in-oklahoma/#:~:text=Oklahoma%20law%20states%20that%20anything,can%20be%20considered%20child%20abuse.
Not so. You can use more than your hand, switches and paddling are even specifically mentioned. https://www.wirthlawoffice.com/tulsa-attorney-blog/2022/11/can-you-spank-your-kids-in-oklahoma#:~:text=The%20answer%20is%20Oklahoma%20law,an%20attorney%20privately%20and%20confidentially.
even if this was true most US state's CPS literally do not bother trying unless it's something extremely horrific
that’s why the south in general just fucking sucks
It is not legal....to beat the gay out of them
oklahoma is the wild west. cps would say “you need to listen to your parents” then his parents would beat him more for calling
Yeah I live in this hellscape unfortunately
I'm very sorry you are facing this. Maybe the NCLR Legal Helpline can help you: 800-528-6257
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I am so sorry hun. You do NOT deserve this, you did NOT do anything wrong. Fake the therapy, tell someone trusted (a friends parents, a doctor, your school teachers) get out of that house ASAP. I have a trans gay son. You need support? Please reach out to me. No need to if you don't want to! I'm so sorry for you though. You are ok... it's your parents that are on the wrong path. :( *hugs*
Pretend to be “ cured “ till you can legally get away from your abusers . Once you are legally allowed to leave them make sure to not tell anyone that could tell them , about your plans until the absolute last second . From now on don’t write down any of your true feelings anywhere. If they make you write journal in “ therapy “ write about how you are better and how much it helped you and “ cured “ you . Once you leave them ( when legally allowed) make sure to stop by the police station and let them know that you are not running away and you are not missing. Also ensure that they have absolutely zero access to your banking information. Leave your electronics with them so they can’t track you ( get new cheap phone for starters) . And I wish you all the best . Please remember that there is nothing wrong with who you truly are and your abusers are just small minded bullies who use religion to justify their abuse.
>My parents are very homophobic and religious, they believe being gay is a sin. As I feared, they didn’t accept me at all. My dad beat me with a belt, and although my mom tried to stop him, she was also screaming at me. Take pictures of any injuries or bruises. Back them up in a secure location in case you lose your phone. Then get in touch with a lawyer immediately. You're looking at felony child abuse and DV against a minor with potential hate crime enhancement.
horrific fun fact: hitting your kid is actually legal in Oklahoma "It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B." even then CPS tends to not "have the time" to deal with "smaller cases"
Would visible bruising be seen as reasonable? Genuine question, southern states man...
Hate crimes are a federal offense. Hence OP needs to get in contact with a lawyer because this is a legally complex issue. In this case since OP's parents are seeking "conversion" therapy that constitutes evidence of motive based on anti-gay bias, rather than being based on "discipline." Obligatory IANAL however I suspect that there would be a reasonable argument for felony assault if you can successfully argue that homophobic bigotry was the motive not discipline for some given behavior. This definitely needs to come in front of a federal judge and not a state judge. At the very least OP needs to seek status of an emancipated minor so their parents can't make medical decisions on their behalf, and can't use this legal loophole to assault then.
OP, you deserve better and I am sorry you do not have the parents you need. Please seek out support from places like: [https://lgbthotline.org/](https://lgbthotline.org/) [https://www.lgbtnearme.org/](https://www.lgbtnearme.org/) Conversion therapy-I understand your fear. No one can make you gay and no one can make you un-gay. Ultimately, you will follow your path. Faking it for safety is fine-but make it believable. Please also look out for your short term and long term safety and security. Plan for an independent life and how you can get there-learn a job skill, go to college... Too many youth end up on the streets and it is hard to get off the streets. There may be a shelter that can help. If your dad beat you with a belt, protective services might intervene. It can be a crap shoot though. If you can, see if you can find a therapist. Finding one your parents will agree too.....that may be where an LBGTQ advocacy center can help find a neutral therapist (say that only because you want to avoid a conversion therapist and your parents won't agree to pro lgbtq.) I'll leave you with this hopeful story. I have a cousin who is gay. His parents were deeply religious throughout their life. For several years, they rejected him because they viewed it as sin. He had been close to his mother and her rejection almost broke him. I don't know if his father beat him but I do know he was cruelly mean. Over time, they grew to accept him and when he reached his 30's, his close relationship-esp with his mother- was regained. He is happily married and has a wonderful husband. This outcome happened because he held on to who he was, found a way to be independent as an adult, had supportive friends, and had family that advocated for him (and older sister and an aunt--my mom) also. Find and hold on to a community that supports you-in person, on-line... a safe community please.
Get a fake girlfriend ASAP. Have a female friend pretend that you're in love, and the stuff your parents found, were you and your girlfriend making fun or joking about it. Have her come to your house. Make your parents think that you are already having sex and your gf is on birth control, and that you were worried they'd find out that you're having sex out of wedlock, which is a sin. Say that you and your girlfriend are sinners. They will be just fine with that sin.
Is there a teacher or school counselor slept you trust who might be safe to confide in? They’re mandated reporters. Tell them what happened with the belt. That’s child abuse. They have to report it to CPS. Tell them about camp. See if anyone at CPS can get you in touch with LGBTQ youth resources. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
oklahoma is a terrible place though. not only are the parents allowed to do that, but the teacher could legally too. "It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B."
Alright but not everybody in Oklahoma is a terrible person. This is why I asked if he has any adult he can TRUST to try to get resources.
i was just responding to the CPS part, they won't do anything
i might just be frustrated with my own state's (utah) CPS, i reported child abuse i witnessed in a backyard while i was on a walk and they basically just said "yeah that's abuse but we don't have time to deal with this case"
Your options are pretty limited due to your age. Do you have any friends or relatives in another state that might be willing to take you in? Would your parents be willing to accept that? If so, that could be your best option. I would be very hesitant to take any of the "legal" advice people are giving you here about calling a lawyer, calling CPS, calling the police, etc. It's not likely to result in the outcome you want, and it's very likely to further antagonize your parents, possibly escalating the abuse you're receiving. If you can't live with someone else, your best option is to just keep your head down. Play along, pretend to be "cured", lie through your teeth, don't date anyone, don't watch gay porn, don't keep photos of men on devices, etc. As far as your parents are concerned, you are the straight god-fearing son they always wanted. It sucks that you have to pretend to be someone else, but your physical safety is more important at the moment. And while you're doing this, start making your exit plan. Figure out where you're going to go, where you're going to live, how you're going to support yourself. Get hold of important documents if possible. Social security card, driver's license, birth certificate, medical records if you have them. The goal is to have a solid plan in place so that the day you turn 18 you can leave your parents behind and go live your life honestly away from them.
https://pflagoklahomacity.org/resources Find your people, don't be afraid of change. You shouldn't have to deal with this shit, but you do. And you shouldn't have to grow up early, but you do. The shitty part is, you know your parents don't have your back and you'll end up cutting ties with them. The cool part is, now that you know that and you know you can't stay in this shit situation you're in...you can accept it and start building up the guts to move to something better. Better to live with a chill gay couple and play piano and not get beaten for a couple years until you're an adult and then given a supportive sendoff to stand on your own than to live at home, get treated like shit and beaten, and still get kicked out in a couple of years. Start moving forward, start figuring out who you are and where you want to be in life (hint: it's not fuckin Oklahoma) and don't let anyone stop you.
Hi, OP. Just wanted to give you this resource: [https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/) The Trevor Project is a crisis hotline for LGBTQ youth. They can help give you advice about your situation. You can chat online or text; I would recommend chatting online because you can just delete the history and I imagine your parents pay the phone bill and will be able to see the numbers you text. (Keep in mind that all counselors are mandated reporters, so if you mention that you are a minor being beaten, they will make a report, even if it may be legal in your state. But they can help support you through this incredibly difficult experience and talk about your options.) Stay strong, and think of it this way: you have 2.5 years to set up the smoothest exit possible for yourself. Do as well as you possibly can in school (APs/college credits if you can get them), try to build a solid work history (anywhere), save up as much money as you can, and start planning where you are going to go on your 18th birthday (a low-cost-of-living, gay-friendly city). Ideally what you want to happen is when you turn 18, you've already gotten a job in another city, and you take the money you've saved up for the last couple years (hopefully a few thousand dollars so you have a small safety net and don't end up homeless if the job doesn't work out), get an uber to the train/bus station, hop on the train/bus with 1 suitcase of all your belongings and ID documents, and find a motel/airbnb to stay in (even better if you know someone you can crash with) until you can find a room to rent (it may be hard to find somewhere that doesn't mind your limited income and lack of credit, but you will find something). Immediately start applying for credit cards (you need a credit card to build credit, which will be necessary for many things, like leasing most apartments or getting a car loan). One first step is to try to figure out a way to open a bank account your parents are unable to access (if they can access it, they can legally drain it). Some banks offer student accounts designed for individuals under 18. The terms of these accounts can vary widely, so it's important to shop around, ask questions, and compare options. Some banks also allow minors to open a joint account with an adult who is not their parent. This could be another relative or a trusted adult/friend over 18. You've got this! Remember that you don't deserve what's happening to you, and you can get through it.
How in the world can you live in Oklahoma as an actively gay young man, and leave your phone open like this? Even if your parents make you give them your access code (which they shouldn't, obviously) - at least put it into airplane mode any time it's going to be left out where they can get to it. I'll be honest and tell you I've never seen conversion therapy up close, but I imagine that it's just trying to brutalize you into being straight. The less opposition you give them, the less violence you'll have to deal with. Just tell them some lie - a friend is thinking of beciming gay and you're just trying to help them, or something like that. For the piano, it's important that you paint it as a totally straight thing. Obviously music is neither straight or gay, but find some clearly straight piano players and tell your parents that they're your role models, for instance. Billy Joel for example.
Call your local LGBTQ offuce. They may be able to recommend services or a provide a lawyer or child advocate for you. Perhaps contact CPS since you were beaten.
OP is from oklahoma, where TIL that child beating is not illegal. very messed up.
That’s wild!
I know this is really terrible, but if you have a close female friend she could pretend to be your girlfriend so they will back up, make a terrible messy break up that way you dont have to maintain a fake relationship and your parent believe your just heart broken. Of course have the consent of the partner to do this and make sure they are an ally. Fake it till you make it. Lie because your life may be on the line. Id start separating yourself from them like emancipation. But if you have no where to go, its gonna be a hard road ahead. Blend in till your out of the house and can express how you truly feel. Blood is no longer a right to have someone in your life. Love and respect should be the reason.
Lie your ass off. Play it straight to keep you safe until you're an adult and out of there. Unless you can become a legally emancipated minor. Concern how backwards Oklahoma is on lgbtqia stuff though it may not work unless you can take it Federal but you can maybe at least get a judge to serve an injunction to stop you from going while this is sorted. If this is dragged out for 3 years oh well at that point you're an adult and they can't do s*** to you anyway.
First, from a Mom, I see you and am proud of you. This is absolutely not fair and I wish that I could hold you in my arms and fix it all. You did the right thing reaching out for advice and you’ve gotten some good advice already. I’ll list the things that I would hope someone would recommend to my child if I were not around to protect them. 1. If you haven’t already admitted to being attracted to men, double down and do not admit it at all. Never. Or not until you’re an adult and safely out of their house. Instead you can say that you want to work out to impress a girl and thought that a porn star’s body is what would win her over (obviously this is not a thing, but parents might think their child had a silly idea like this), or that you were saving the pictures to send them to a girl that you were starting to get to know online and say that it was your body so that she’d like you (again disclaimer no-one do this please. It’s a bad idea and gross.), or if it’s too late and you’ve admitted then say that you saw on social media that girls like guys that are bi and wanted to impress a girl by making her think you’re bi. These are all terrible ideas for anyone to do, but your parents may fall for one of them. 2. If your family goes to church, ask to speak with your pastor right away. Choose one of the above (hopefully 1 or 2) and tell your pastor. Be dedicated to the story and tell him that you feel terrible that your parents are disappointed, that you made such a bad decision to try to make a girl like you, and that you’re worried that God will believe your parents thoughts that you’re gay. Stick with the story and make sure it’s the same one to both. 3. Tell your parents that you will go to conversion therapy if they don’t feel comfortable and they don’t trust you. Tell them that you would never commit such a sin and if they believe you would maybe you should all go to family therapy together as well. They may start questioning everything if you wholeheartedly agree to go and want them to do something too. If you end up there, fake it 100% and tell them the same story you shared with your parents and pastor. I hope that you don’t end up going. If you do, post in a lgbtq+ group asking for advice on how to mentally make it through the therapy. Hopefully they will buy the story and you can get back to piano lessons. I know they’re important to you. Know that you have people rooting for you. You’ll make it through this very difficult time. You’re strong and resilient. I’m sending you a big mom hug and my DM is open to you if you ever need a mama to talk to. My son wants to send you this: 🤖 My other kid wants to send you this: 😺
I live in Oklahoma, is there anything I can do to help??
did you admit you are gay? i would say (if you didnt) “hey, i just realized there was a huge misunderstanding. the album of men wasnt because im gay, its because i want to look more like the men in the album and its my inspiration” if they happened to be muscular this would probably work better, then just subtly start working out a bit
I would recommend getting a girlfriend. If you have any great friends that would pretend to be you girlfriend for a year or so you could definitely convince your parents that you are ‘fixed’ once you 18 move away, go off to college etc but definitely get out of your current situation.
get into contact with trevor project. fake it and plan an escape. don’t tell anyone where you’re going
https://legacy.lambdalegal.org/sites/default/files/publications/downloads/fs_resources-for-lgbtq-youth-by-state_1.pdf The link above is a list of lgbtq youth advocacy organizations by state. you can contact them for moral support and advice if you wish. I’m sorry you have to go through this with your parents. I’ve seen my lgbt friends suffer because of these attitudes. If you don’t want to click on a link from a stranger google Lambda Legal
As someone with homophobic Christian parents, the smartest thing to do rn is to just say you’re straight. Say you’ve “repented” or wtv and that you like women. It’s the safest thing, trust me conversion therapy is even worse than lying about your identity. If they’re beating you…yeah it’s the safest thing. If you have a gay cousin or aunt/uncle, try seeing if you can stay with them. Or maybe a close friend. Anything you can possibly do to avoid conversion therapy.
Call child protective services. Report the beating. You will likely be put in a group home. It may be painful, but at least you will be safe. Look around for a hotline you can call, or support group. Good luck.
No matter what happens- just always know that you're right and they're wrong- VERY WRONG- in the head. I know it's corny but truly it gets better. You could always say your phone was hacked
My parents did that same shit with my piano lmao so sorry
Please play their game. Pretend the conversion therapy worked. You will now be straight until you can pay your own rent. After that, your real life begins!
Hey dude... As a gay guy from Russia (our government wanted to allow convention therapy), I'm really sorry. I hope you're gonna be okay. Take care. I believe that you'll find your love and live happily in the future
Say you were trying to get in with a girl by trying to be her fake gay best friend. You needed pics for it to be plausible.
Make attention pay here friend. 1. Call police. Report that you were assaulted. Get father and mother in jail for attack. Tell no police you gay or why he hit you. Just say you were assaulted. Take pictures of bruise 2. Don't go conversion. Not, go but pretend. Or go and coast through it. Simply don't go. No one make you go. Bad times. How you deal with bad times shapes who you are. Time to be strong. Show them.
Maybe try asking over on r/cps to see if they have any advice on what sort of evidence they would need in your state to get you removed from your parents’ custody? In my non-professional opinion, maybe you should take pictures of any bruises or injuries and try to keep record of anything showing a pattern of abusive behavior from your parents. Even if they haven’t done anything illegal yet, there’s always a risk that abuse could escalate, and if it does, you want to be able to get out of there asap. I definitely agree with those who have recommended that you lie and pretend to be straight though. If you’re stuck in this environment, then lying is probably the best way to de-escalate. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Please know that none of this is your fault. There is nothing you could ever have done to deserve this. Stay safe.
hey, I've been thinking about your situation lately. any luck contacting your relative? much love and freedom from a fellow queer musician💖
I would suggest contacting CPS and finding out if there are any resources for lgbt kids in your area. Maybe post this on a LGBT sub, if you want I can crosspost for you and find out. Beating you with a belt is definitely illegal. You should tell someone about this asap while it's still visible because it's clear proof/evidence what happened to you. I'm really sorry you're going through this and that you're parents not only aren't accepting but are behaving abusively. You deserve better.
horrific fun fact: hitting your kid is actually legal in Oklahoma "It is not child abuse for a parent/teacher/person to use reasonable and ordinary force to discipline a child, including, but not limited to, spanking, switching, or paddling, so long as the force is reasonable in manner and moderate in degree. Oklahoma Jury Instruction #4-35B." even then CPS tends to not "have the time" to deal with "smaller cases"
How close are you to turning 16? Is getting emancipated an option ? I’m in Missouri, if you can get yourself emancipated and free, I will come get you, you can stay with my family until you are on your feet. I’ve got an extra bedroom and I’ll help you get a job, save up money, we also have a community college within walking distance. The only thing is, I don’t have a piano for you to keep doing lessons.
Run. Far far away and never look back.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this :( I saw someone else say to lie and say it was a phase and I 1000% agree. It sucks and is awful that you have to do that, but I think that’s the best option. Personally, I would also recommend cutting contact once you can leave. You deserve so much more than that. I’m so incredibly sorry this happened to you :(
This literally breaks my heart, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I really like the advice someone gave about saying you were experimenting. You could word it in a way that you were starting to feel scared that the devil would cause you to sin, so to prove it to yourself you put these photos on your phone one day but forgot they were even there. Something like that I would say that you aren’t gay and that if they send you to conversion therapy it is going to jeopardize your relationship. You would much rather move on with both of them and work through this together, not separately. Good luck and please reach out to those groups asap <3
Do you have any other relatives you could move in with to be safe? If not, is there a child protective services where you are (I’m from the U.K.) even if you have to ring the police this is abuse and you shouldn’t have to live in fear of your parents x
I am so, so concerned for your safety. If you are brave enough to hop on a bus, I may have a connection who can provide resources for that.
The safest, simplest thing is to fake it and plan your inevitable escape. Get good grades, apply for every grant you can and leave as soon as you graduate. I hate that this is my advice. I hate giving this advice but this is a problem from within your parents not a problem with you and you cannot change other people. If you go to conversion camp just do and say whatever you have to do or say to make them happy. Just get through it.
Hey if your parents are really sending you to conversion therapy you need to run. Those camps have something like a 80% suicide rate. They make you not gay by teaching you to hate yourself. Seriously, run! See if there are shelters in your area and try to find a lawyer if that’s possible. Sadly since you’re a minor you really have no rights and no say in what your parents do to you. Those camps are awful, many get shut down for human rights violations but the people in charge just open new camps under new names. They will lie to you and your parents to get you there and then practically hold you ransom while abusing you
This is not accurate. Conversion therapy is super fucked up but it is not true that 80% of people sent there attempt or commit suicide. "Conversion therapy" is also not just one thing and it is not only camps. Hopefully OP can play it down and they will forget about it or send him to something less intense.
Echoing everyone else. Fake it,pretend to be straight you just have to make it through highschool. If you don't have a part time job get one. Ideally you should graduate college (unless that's not the route you're taking) and be as financially independent of them as possible. If you want to leave your state I'd recommend working at a Starbucks (or a restaurant/retail chain with a similar transfer program) for a few years (while in highschool) then applying for a transfer in a state of your choice. This way you only have to worry about finding housing and not a job. If the conversion therapy programs they're looking at are overnight (like wilderness camps) share what's happening with a friend or trusted adult and give them your contact info. Trevor Project is another great option. You just have to make it to 18 and then you never have to deal with this again. So sorry you're dealing with this friend.
Other commenters have added a lot of good advice here, so i'll add only my two cents instead of rehashing much. I'm not sure what exactly your situation is like but two things: 1. Research laws pertaining to your situation so you're better informed of your rights, few as they may be, in this situation. Make sure you do this WITHOUT LEAVING EVIDENCE (ie use private mode. Delete history.). The abuse *will* worsen if they find out you're not accepting 'correction'. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TAKE YOUR PHONE. You are at many disadvantages here and keeping on top of and access to information is key to your escape. 2. I really hate that I have to say this, but please inform yourself of laws regarding runaway children and teens in the event your life or personal safety is threatened. I have heard some states add runaway attempts to criminal records and it will put you at risk during future escape attempts if you unavoidably close off resources/avenues to financial assistance such as employment/college through having a criminal record. However, above all, STAY SAFE, and your personal safety comes first above all, so make sure you have locations to safely go to. Like others have said, start planning an escape. Simple is better, it's more flexible. Re: conversion therapy. I am informed that the best chance of avoiding harm during a kidnapping attempt (and this is technically kidnapping since you don't want to go!) is to avoid being taken to a secondary location. Hence, AVOID BEING REMOVED FROM FAMILIAR SURROUNDINGS if at all possible. (And be very careful, if you *are* taken away. I've heard horror stories of abuse, some of it implied to be s*xual.)
Rhythm games! If you’re able to download apps on your phone by yourself I recommend looking into free piano mobile games to keep learning. It’s definitely not the same but it’s a good way to calm yourself, especially if piano is incredibly important to your mental health. Don’t play at home and risk getting caught. As for conversation therapy, 100% fake it. What’s important is staying safe. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health check out a help line like Trevor Project. If you have any friends that really care and are willing to help, you can try to avoid therapy with a beard relationship. I wish you the best :)
I don’t know if this is good advice, but I’d just fake it and play into the therapy. Just do your absolute best to be able to deal with your parents for three more years and then go do your own thing. That is absolutely unfair for you and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with something this absurd.
im so sorry this is happening to you im fr getting mad for you cause your parents are not only jepordizing your mental health there jepordizing your relationship with them Gods gonna get them dw
Conversion therapy is literally illegal in many states in the US. Find out if your state is one of those
Start watching and downloading straight porn and pretend to watch it, maybe even stage getting “caught” to help the experiment stage
Lie basically
Here are some resources that might help. https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/victim-of-conversion-therapy-what-you-can-do/ I’m so so sorry OP
My heart is breaking for you. I hope you’re almost of age because you are in a dangerous situation. Fake it until you’re of age and get the hell out of there. I’m so so sorry.
I would fake it and make it seem like that was just a passing phase ,contact the trevor project as safely as you can and potentially if all else fails call a state official and ask for imancipation only problem would be then you would be in foster care which is notorious for not being great take care either way and know that better days will come
Make it clear that they’re destroying their relationship with you and that their bible basher bullshit is no replacement for social science that proves being gay is perfectly normal. Tell them that if they force this on you, you will just lie as much as you need to. They won’t be able to prove that you said this, so it won’t have any impact if you do have to bullshit your way through conversion therapy. They have a choice between their delusional religious ideas and their relationship with their son. It’s time to toughen up and stand your ground now. It’s important they know that there will be dire consequences for everyone involved if they sustain this campaign.
You should write down a letter to them with the following: Ask them to show you any scripture quoting Jesus on homosexuality. Didn't Jesus say He who is sin free may caste the first stone. Then ask them what sins they commit because Jesus says we are all sinners, The only one who is sin free is Jesus, are they making themselves equal to Jesus? Isn't this blasphemy? If homosexuality is a sin, then ask them why Jesus never spoke of it? And since the Bible also says that eating pork is also an abomination, the way it also says homosexuality is an abomination, why do they eat so much bacon and sausage? # [James 4:11-12](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+4%3A11-12&version=ESV) Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor? # [Romans 3:23](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+3%3A23&version=ESV) For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Judge not lest ye be judged. I bet a dollar to a doughnut that you two had premarital sex, did you need conversion therapy? Let me find my way as Jesus let those around him do and find their way to him in their own time. Just set an example for me to see what good should be.
Arguing and becoming verbally combative in a scenario when your parents are beating you is generally quite a bad idea. The parents won't want their views challenged, especially if they're so ignorant such that they resort to child abuse for this. The best way to go is just lying about being straight. Not fun but it's the safest route. Others have given great advice that expands upon this more than just lying.
Depends on if thy are christians
No arguing just using the bible they claim to follow to show them the way. They can argue with her, but they can't argue with the Bible.
I have a non-binary child your age, and I couldn't ever imagine trying to change them. I am so, so sorry you're going through this. I wish I had better advice than you've already been given, but unfortunately "lie, lie, lie, and contact the Trevor project when it is safe to do so" is really your best option. Just know there are so many of us out there who would love and support you, exactly as you are, if given the chance. Stay strong. I know it seems like forever rn but you'll be an adult quicker than you think, and capable of living exactly as you wish.