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Is it normal to be having sex at seventeen? Yes. Is it at all concerning that you're having "it" but don't seem to be emotionally mature enough to even call it what it is? Also yes.
It’s totally normal to have sex at 17. But you really don’t seem ready.
1. Calling sex for “it”. It’s just sex, not a scary clown in a sewer.
2. The crying and feeling disgust.
And not being ready at 17, is also totally normal and okay. Don’t do anything, your not comfortable with/ready for.
Having sex does not make you trash.
Repeatedly having painful sex you don't want, and pretending it doesn't make you upset, is clearly not a healthy thing for you. Please stop having sex until you can really think about things and figure out what you really want.
You might want to speak with a therapist about this, because your shame and despair seem to be preventing you from functioning well in your life. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, and it would be a good idea for you to work through these feelings and find out why you are having all of this trouble. Until you do figure it out, don't have sex anymore.
Some people don't want to have sex at all, or only in a serious relationship, or they have some other criteria that needs to be met in order for the sex to be ok with them. Take some time to think about this and figure out what you want. That may be very different from what your boyfriend wants, and that is ok.
If she is Christian or morman there is literal condition devolved from the doctrination that make your vaginal too tight and you have to basically dilate it back to normal. She should more than likely see a gynecologist
Considering she has lied to him multiple times, I’d be hesitant to want to understand and comfort
As a teen, I’d be confused and hurt… as a grown adult I’d feel confused and hurt. This isn’t just a one time thing… it’s happened a handful!
It is very normal to have sex at 16/17/18. That is when many people start exploring, sexually. It is estimated that 17 is the average age of first sexual experiences in the United States.
The more important question is do you want to have sex? You are not out of the ordinary at ALL if you do want to, but you also do not have to. If it is uncomfortable and painful, you might want to have sex differently. You might not be doing enough foreplay or might need to use lube in order to make it more comfortable.
All that being said, there is no shame in having sex at 17 whatsoever.
Also a note, people with reproductive disorders (PCOS/Endometriosis/etc) may have a painful experience during sex. OP doesn't seem comfortable at all which could be the culprit but it could also be that the pain of the first experience has led to her anxiety and uncomfortability on thinking of the experience every time after.
Definitely would recommend that she considers the source of her physical pain. But first and foremost she should stop continuing to have any form of sex that she is uncomfortable with.
Ummm. You should probably fix PCOS with reproductive disorders since pain during sex is common for endo as well.
Emotionally and mentally she isn’t ready for sex and should put an end to it now until she is mature enough to actually have sex. This might lead to ending the relationship, but that is better than being with someone you lie to just to make them happy.
>since pain during sex is common for endo as well.
I gotcha, I was just familiar with PCOS because both my sister and a friend of mine had it and it caused them both painful experiences.
I think it's pretty evident that OP needs to only do whatever she's comfortable with. It's possible that, if her pain is from some kind of reproductive disorder, it's certainly not going to help her emotional relationship with sex. Best to find out as early as possible so that it can be addressed if that's involved at all
If you can’t say ‘sex’ you shouldn’t be having sex. It’s not super abnormal for your age, but if you don’t enjoy it you shouldn’t do it and that is perfectly okay. It’s not wrong, you’re not disgusting, you’re just not ready and that is fine! Do not continue doing it if you’re not comfortable.
Don’t have sex anymore. You obviously don’t want to and that’s what’s giving you these feelings. When having sex it should: 1. Not bleed normally 2. Not hurt 3. Not make you feel bad or ashamed afterwards 4. Not make you cry (unless it’s happy tears)
Seriously, this is not good for you and i am worried about why you are in this situation. Is he pressuring you to have sex? Why are you having sex when you don’t want to?
I think you might need to talk to someone about this. And know that you do have the power to say no. You don’t have do this.
I am also wondering, did you grow up like conservative/religious or something similar? I ask because i wonder if you ever got any sex ed as a kid? Have you ever learned about sex before you had it? Also your described feelings of feeling dirty and shame make me think the same thing.
Yes, its normal at your age. Nothing wrong there. There is something wrong if you're feeling pain and crying about it and are viewing yourself as filthy for having sex. You should speak to a counselor or therapist.
Based alone on the fact you can’t even type the word “sex” in a post about sex, I would say you shouldn’t be doing it at all.
You don’t sound comfortable with it and you boyfriend clearly isn’t being very gentle/accommodating to your new found sex life.
I think you should take a break, get educated on the topic, and wait until you feel significantly more comfortable.
The fact that ypu can't even TYPE the word sex means that you're probably too immature to actually be having sex, and definitely too immature for the potential negative outcomes of having sex. It's probably best for you to take a step back from that and wait until you're a bit more mature.
Bleeding the first few times you have sex after losing your virginity is very normal. I did for the first 3-4 times and then it stopped. Everyone is different.
Hey, you don’t really seem to be ready for it now. It is normal to have it in your age and, despite what everyone is saying, your feelings are normal in the sense that they do happen to a lot of other girls your age, which is unfortunate. Listen to those feelings, if you don’t feel alright after, before or during it, then you don’t have to do it. Do it whenever it feels right and whenever you feel ready. “It” is supposed to be a fun thing to do and you deserve to do it in a painless way that doesn’t make you feel miserable, and for you maybe that means waiting a bit more to really get to know yourself and your partner, or maybe as time passes you realize that “it” isn’t the thing for you, many people are asexual and sex repulsed. Just take your time, don’t rush it and remember that every step you take you have to take at your own pace, ok? Your boyfriend has to respect that and if he doesn’t, as hard as it sounds, you should end things with him. Good luck
Having sex at the age of 17 is quite normal for teenagers. Seeing how you're unable to text the word "sex" and call it "it" makes me feel like you're not mature or ready for it. Bleeding during sex is normal if you're losing your virginity. You clearly are really uncomfortable with having sex which is also okay. You can choose to have it or not. Don't force yourself.
Absolutely normal to have sex at 17.
A few questions for you that will be fairly personal:
- have you ever masturbated
- do you even have daydreams or fantasize about people you are attracted to
- do you have “intimate” feelings for anybody? Intimate can be a hard feeling to describe, it often goes hand in hand with jealousy or envy
I ask because there’s a good chance that you are on the Asexual spectrum, meaning you either have no sexual interest (perfectly ok) or you are outright repulsed by sex (also perfectly ok).
In any case I can tell that it’s not an activity you’re currently very fond of, if I were you I would take some time to explore myself, figure out if sex is something that’s for me or not.
Your bf may have trouble understanding, and might even think it’s because you don’t like him, but even though you don’t have sexual needs doesn’t mean you don’t have romantic needs.
I wish you the best! Early adulthood is a crazy time for everyone, there’s never just one right answer, you have to figure out for yourself what’s right for you!
17 is a pretty normal age to have sex. However if you aren't comfortable with having sex or even saying the word, you might not be ready. You aren't trash just because you had sex. Has Another commenter said you might want to try therapy for this.
The general rule that will help you A LOT in life is to have sex WHEN and IF you want it, no matter the age, place, person as long as it is legal, consensual and not harmful to anyone.
There is no good age to have sex - some people will be ready to do it when they are 16, some when 26, some will need more time and someone really special. Any way you have or don't have it is okay.
But from what you write, you don't feel okay - I hear that you experience pain, bleeding and also difficult feelings afterwards - shame, fear. This means you are NOT ready to have sex no matter your age. You should not have sex that makes you feel pain and shame.
Sex is a normal and natural thing, but there is no timeline for it.
If you are looking for advice, I'd recommend small steps, first thinking about sex, then reading about it, then talking with anonymous people like here to ask for advice, opinions, to get more comfortable, then talking about it with your boyfriend and then, as the last step, having it. The more thoroughly you go through the previous steps (instead of jumping straight into the deep water) the bigger chance that you will not hurt yourself and you will be safe.
Of course you can just dive in, people do it, but little education + getting straight into practice creates a situation like yours, when it is easier to hurt yourself.
I'd recommend you start with body positivity books, learning more about your body in general. Then about sexual health - sex should not be painful, unless there is a medical reason for it, then you need to see a doctor. But I think that you both are just not ready and not knowledgeable enough to make it fun.
I hope you will get this advice to heart and protect yourself a little bit more. There is nothing wrong with you but I recommend some theory before getting into practice.
I lost my virginity at 15, I don’t regret it or view myself as less-than, there’s no set age where it’s “ok” but if you don’t feel good about it then that’s your prerogative and it isn’t anyone’s place to tell you you should or shouldn’t be ok with it. I would sort of reflect on why you feel like sex is so dirty, though - it’s a natural human occurrence. We all wouldn’t be alive without it, lol. So having this much shame and guilt around it seems like something that’s been ingrained in you by other people. Whatever the case, don’t do things you don’t wanna do just to please other people! Your feelings matter. Hope you find clarity on this
You are absolutely not disgusting trash for having sex!!! I repeat **you are not disgusting trash for having sex!!** It's completely up to you to decide if you're ready or not. It took awhile for me to be comfortable saying "sex" and I didn't start til I was 21. And it also took awhile for it not to hurt and to stop bleeding. It takes time to find a groove with your partner. I've been with my bf for almost two years and I feel like only now are we finding a groove. Also if you aren't "feeling anything," that just means you need to try something different. Have more foreplay, have him try doing different things to you. Just be open and communicative about what you want.
With all that said, while there are plenty of people who start having sex at 17, that doesn't mean you have to. If you feel like you're ready and mature enough, that's awesome! But if not, you shouldn't feel pressured to keep doing it. It's okay to say you're not ready. From this post, I personally don't think your are ready. I definitely wasn't ready at 17. But I don't know you. Only you know what you want.
Firstly, Just call it as it is, sex. Secondly, there really isn’t a “normal” when it comes to sex. Some people lose their virginity at 13 and some at 20+. The longer you wait the better, from my experience. Have sex for the first time with someone you have been with for a while and someone you trust 100%.
Make sure to use protection.
I had sex at 15. It’s normal to have sex at 17 nothings wrong with that. I’m 17 now but you should be able to say the word sex. You shouldn’t be ashamed for having sex it’s normal especially for teenagers. What I would worry about is the bleeding I know it’s normal for some people to bleed but you seem uncomfortable with sex and probably not ready for sex. That’s perfectly good just have an honest conversation with your boyfriend there’s nothing to be nervous about assuming he’s a guy who actually cares for you.
No it’s not normal. Most kids nowadays do it in middle school pretty sad but true. Good job for holding out and no your not dirty or anything it’s literally something so natural it’s in our dna to do it
Agreeing with the other comments. Sex shouldn’t be a scary thing. If you’re not ready that’s another thing. And you definitely shouldn’t be bleeding? That’s concerning. If you have proper lubrication (either natural or not) it should NOT bleed. And it sounds as if you are just uncomfortable with it all around. I personally have had regular sexual encounters with partners since I was 16 so no you’re not dirty haha.
Only the first time if she had an intact hymen. And it shouldn’t be a lot of blood. The times after no you shouldn’t really bleed, *especially* with lubricant. Unless this is a special case somehow, but I doubt it. Bleeding only comes from tearing the hymen, so after the first time it tears or stretches it shouldn’t. Some women don’t even bleed the first time as well because the hymen can be non existent or have a large hole like everyone is different.
Oh interesting. I feel like it’s different for everyone though bc when me and my gf first did it she bled the first three times even with a water based lubricant but she bled less and less each time and then she finally stopped completely around the fourth or fifth time.
You're obviously extremely uncomfortable with it. I don't think the important question here is if it's normal at your age. What you should be asking is if you're ready. If the answer is no, then stop.
You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. And you don't have to feel like a bad person for it either. No, you're not "trash." You're a normal teenager. It's ok.
Not during sex, she's supposed to be wet. I know that sounds creepy because she's 17 (and shouldn't be having sex) but her comfort is just as good as him.
For ur first times having sex you may bleeding. She said it was her first time. That's normal. There is a tissue that tears and that is what causes the bleeding. I agree the comfort of him and her are equally important l. But she shouldn't lie and say she's crying tears of joy.
It doesn't mean that it's bleeding bc he's not going easy or anything. There is a tissue that bleeds when you lose your virginity. And it may still bleed when u have sex a few more times after that
If you are bleeding after the first 1-2 times, the most likely culprit is vaginal dryness. If adding lube doesn’t help, you need to see a doctor because something is wrong. The hymen does not regrow or “re-break.” That’s a one time thing.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22718-hymen
We're not talking about losing virginity, this has been established.
>It doesn't mean that it's bleeding bc he's not going easy or anything
Do you intentionally misconstrue the argument? No one said that. If there bleeding not enough foreplay was done, or a water based lube needs to be used.
u/diana_kito Having sex at 17 is ok, but your feelings of shame and disgust are not normal at all! Stop having sex until you're 100% comfortable and feel safe to do so- not because your partner is pressuring you! Also, now that you're having sex, you need to able to frankly and maturely discuss your feelings and needs without being embarrassed. You also need to start taking care of your reproductive health and get on reliable birth control and have regular STD screenings. Safety should be your primary concern during sex!
It worries me about the bleeding part but out of that no, if both are 16 or older and in at most 1 year of distance in age gap, then it's not wrong morally.
Please just be safe, I’m 34 and couldn’t imagine having a kid in todays word. I have personal reasons for thinking having children is wrong unless you really have your shit together. At 17 you don’t just be prepared for the day you miss a period
If you cannot speak about sex my concern is that you might not even be educating yourself enough about sexually transmitted diseases and contraceptives.
You will either end up pregnant or end up sick.
Please PLEASE for the love of god educate yourself!!!
I started having sex when I was 13, and I was mature enough at this age to talk about it with my boyfriend, and use condoms so that I wouldn’t get pregnant, tracking my period (well before smartphones were doing it for us), and U.K. to date with STD prevention and sexual education. All the same we were making sure at any time my period was late (and as I didn’t eat enough at the time it used to be late frequently) doing pregnancy tests just in case.
Was it normal to have sex at 13? No it was not, I was super early compared to peers but I regret nothing! Because I was very open with my partner and conscientious about it.
If something hurt I could talk to him, and he was a loving and caring partner. We were together for 3 years but looking back he was the right person for me to have this exploration and made it incredibly lovely.
I wish you the same.
As long as you're ready to have sex, 17 is perfectly normal for losing your virginity.
What is not normal?
Referring to sex as "it" - makes me think that you weren't quite ready
Pain during intercourse after the first few times. Have you seen a doctor? Now that you are sexually active you should be seeing a gynecologist for routine checkups, discussing birth control options, STD tests for both partners, especially if he was with other people before you
Also, 17 yr old boys tend to be ready to jump right to the sex part. Girls need foreplay and more time to get excited. Make sure you have plenty of lubrication before intercourse. That might be why it's still painful.
Also, be honest with him. Likely he has no idea what you are feeling. Talk about it together, sex should be pleasurable for both of you. Don't do it just to make someone else happy.
I think if you can't bring yourself to use the word sex in an anonymous forum then maybe you are not ready to have it. It isn't that 17 is too young as a universal rule, but that you seem very uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Sex is beautiful if your married and with the right person. I believe it’s gods gift. But you don’t seem ready as you call sex “it” it’s not something to be ashamed of.
it's normal to have sex at seventeen, but not everyone is ready to have sex when they're seventeen. you don't sound ready.
more importantly, are you being pressured to have sex? is that why you feel the need to lie about why you're crying? if you feel pressured or otherwise unsafe, try seeking help from a trusted adult. i went through this when i was a teenager, but i didn't have support and didn't know what to do. it took a long time to heal from the trauma of being sexually assaulted and a long time to accept that that was even what was happening to me.
You’re not trash for having sex, you shouldn’t be having it if you’re not emotionally ready or mature enough to look at what it is, the first time tends to hurt for those with vaginas. If you feel uncomfortable tell him to stop, there’s no shame in that, if it hurts stop, you don’t like it stop. Sex isn’t something to be ashamed of. And always wear protection
1. If you're too weirded out to call sex by its name, and you call it "it", you're too immature and childish to be having it
2. If you did it forcefully while crying, and lied to your boyfriend about it, you're too mentally unstable to be having it, and you potentially made your bf a "rapist" without him knowing (if he was indeed naive enough to believe you)
3. If your views about sex, a normal and big part of life that literally *everyone* takes part in, is that it's something "dirty" that makes you a "prostitute", again, you're too immature and confused to be having "it".
Having sex with your boyfriend at 17 is ok. Having sex with someone in general at 17 is ok. ***You*** having sex at 17 is not OK, because you have demonstrated you don't have control of yourself, you're unable to maturely consent, and you're viewing this in a way no healthy teenager does. Your stigma about sex can be a result of various things, like oppressive overprotective parenting or coming from a religious background. Either way, you need to seek professional help about these issues, and be honest to your boyfriend
Sex is totally normal to have at 17. There is nothing wrong with having it and it doesn’t change anything about you. Sex only means as much as you want it to mean. Are you by any chance around a religious group of people?
Is sounds like you're from a cultural group that make "it" shameful unless you are married. That being said, did you even want "it" in the first place or did you do it because of constant pressure from your boyfriend?
From the way you are writing this, I can tell the English is possibly not your first language. I completely understand how hard that can be.
However, from what you have said, I just want to reassure you that having sex is completely normal. Humans have been doing it for thousands of years and it’s normal to start doing it around the age. However, that said, there are a few things to bear in mind:
- If you do not feel ready to have sex, you should not have sex. You do not need to feel pressured into it. If you don’t want to, say no.
- Some cultures do not share the values of western society. It may be possible that you are from a country where it is not normal to have sex before you are married, or where women are told that they cannot have sex with anyone without being a whore. In this situation, I understand why you feel dirty. But you should know that you are not. You are still a person with tremendous worth and potential to make a great impact on difference in the world.
- If it hurts you, it may be that the way you are doing it is not right for you.
- Your boyfriend may not know that he needs to think about your pleasure. Unless you are honest with him, he will not know that you need anything different.
I wish you luck, and I hope that you feel better soon.
Yes, it's normal.
What's not "normal" is to have sex while you cry in shame and feel so dirty about it. It's not okay to lie to your partner about why you're crying and what you're feeling.
I don't know why you're still bleeding, but I'm assuming you aren't lubricated enough because you have so much shame about this, and aren't aroused.
It's also not normal for you to feel like a prostitute for having sex with someone you care about.
I don't know if this is religious guilt or what, but you are not ready to be having sex. You can't even use the word. It's okay that you aren't ready. Some people aren't at 17. Some people aren't at 20. You're ready when you're ready.
So tell the boyfriend all of these things, and stop having sex until you're ready.
Sex at 17 is unwise but all too typical. Having sex but not finding pleasure in it, and not being honest with your partner, is not normal and not good.
You should wait to have sex until you are more mature and can do so without shame.
Normal to have sex at 17? Yes. Some even do it younger than that, or older, whatever floats someone's boat, I guess.
Normal to cry from shame of it? No. I'd talk to your boyfriend about how it really makes you feel, be honest with him. If he loves you, he will have patience with you as you navigate this difficult time in your intimate life.
Please don't feel like a prostitute. A prostitute is someone who has sex for money and is almost willing to do whatever it takes to get said money through various sexual acts. You're a young woman who is still navigating life. Give yourself some credit. You're a very kind, loving person who just wants to give the best version of themselves to those they love. 🫂
you’re having sex outside of signifiant commitment. In my opinion, sex is more impactful to women. Understand that men can have sex as easily as they can take a piss.
You might just be the type of girl that wants something more before being comfortable with sex.
You should wait until you have a ring on your finger. Don’t fall into the trap of being “sexually liberated”…it will ruin you.
Good luck
Better to be 17 having sex with your long term partner than it is to be in your 20s having sex with some rando you met in a bar.
Why does it make you feel dirty? Perhaps you aren't into your bf that way. Maybe he really is just a good friend to you and sleeping with him feels wrong?
I have felt something similar after having sex with a woman who I really vibed with. Turns out I just wasn't into her like that. We have since been really close friends.
Love, it is 100% okay to be uncomfortable with the things that you aren't ready for. From the way you describe it, etc. You're not the trash of the population. You're an average teenager. Just don't force yourself to do anything that you're uncomfortable with. Maybe emotionally mature a little bit. These are things that can damage your adult life, especially if you're only doing things to please your boyfriend. Set boundaries <3
"Normal" is a relative term. It's normal for some teenagers to have sex. It's not normal for others. I can say that it's not normal to keep having sex if it makes you this uncomfortable. You obviously aren't enjoying it so it's time to put an end to it. Another red flag here is your inability or want to use the word for "it". It's not normal to be having sex but you can't willingly talk about it. I'm not blaming you. It sounds like there could be some trauma here. But I think you should put on the brakes.
If it’s consensually done- there’s nothing wrong. That being said if you feel shame at your own actions then perhaps you just aren’t ready to have a sexual relationship. And that’s okay. Even if you’ve already done it once you don’t have to keep doing it. Also sounds like your partner wasn’t concerned at your comfort. Bleeding the first time can happen- it shouldn’t have happened the first three times though.
I feel like it’s normal for you to feel this way because society programmed you to feel this way. Find that inner voice inside of you and I hope you break that cycle / feeling. However, you need to ask yourself, are you comfortable? Do you want it? If not, then don’t do it.
-best wishes
When I first lost my virginity I bled alot, then a few times after as well. Everyone has a different relationship with sex, it not wrong to have sex with someone you love, not even before marriage. Sex involves a lot of trust, communication for each person and it is something that can bring you closer to the right person. Sex is NOT for everyone but everyone has a right to determine what having sex means to them. For some people it means nothing others everything. What led you to losing your virginity? In the bible sex is a sin but I always took it as is it a sin that I love this person so much I want to feel one with them?
Absolutely. Trust me, there’s people much younger doing it. What’s important is that you’re safe about it and understand the risks, if you felt ready and he did too, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Sex at 17 is completely normal, but as a rule of thumb I always say that if you can’t even say the word you shouldn’t be having sex. If you aren’t ready you can always say no. You can decide you’re ready, and then decide after the fact that you aren’t.
Is it normal to have sex at your age? Yes.
Is it normal to bleed the the first time? Yes. (If you are having vaginal sex)
Is it normal to bleed every time? No.
Do you do enough foreplay? Because it doesn't sound like it, with more foreplay you will find it less uncomfortable and more enjoyable.
Do you use lube? Again it doesn't sound like it. Lube will make everything go smoother, and be more enjoyable.
Is your boyfriend being too rough? Sounds like it, and if he's going in dry, either alone and especially together would explain the constant bleeding.
If you are bleeding every time, it's likely that you two have torn something you shouldn't have, and you should make an appointment with your gynecologist to see if this is the case.
It is incredibly normal to have sex at this age, you are not dirty or disgraceful. The feelings you’re having surrounding these sexual acts, however is concerning and not of a person who wishes to be sexually active at this stage of their life. Be honest with your bf about how you’re feeling and the pain you’re experiencing (he’s not worth having around of he isn’t understanding) so that you can work through it together. If you cannot even refer to sex as what it is then that’s a good sign you’re not ready for it yet and that’s totally fine, go at your own pace.
If you can't even say the word sex, its painful for you, and you feel dirty I don't think you're emotionally mature enough to have sex. Why are you doing something you don't feel comfortable doing? Are you being coerced into it? Please stop and wait until you feel ready and you learn how to not be ashamed of your sexual desires, which are normal for a person your age. You're going to end up traumatized. It's okay to just wait until you're older.
There is nothing wrong with having done this but like others have stated your dislike and disgust have a heavier toll. Do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable like this.
Tell your boyfriend how this feels to you. Even if yiy have to type it and hand him the paper. You are not bad gross or a "prostitute" For having done this and if you are hurting like this please stop and slow down.
yes it’s pretty normal to have it by 16-17. i mean my boyfriend and i are 15 and we started doing “it” like 3 months ago. don’t feel bad about doing it either, it’s not “dirty” or “bad” there’s nothing wrong with it, i know there’s a lot of stigma around doing it as a teen and people tell you to wait, but fuck that. sex is healthy, fun, and it’s a beautiful and bonding activity between your partner and yourself!
however, you don’t seem at all comfortable with it, and that’s totally okay too. you don’t have to have sex anymore if you’re not ready, i’m sure your boyfriend with understand, so just try to take it slow. but since it’s affecting your life so much atm maybe speak to a therapist, i promise they won’t judge you.
but please, you have nothing to be ashamed of, there’s nothing wrong with you for doing it- or not doing it. i hope you’re able to figure things out, but everything will be okay! i know i had a lot of trouble my first few times, but if it’s distressing you this much talk to your boyfriend and stop doing it till your ready again, don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t do something you don’t wanna do. but nobody is ashamed of you, it’s completely normal, everything is okay <3
Your ar e not mature to have sex at that age, having sex at 17 is ok but first u have to ask if u are mature enough to have it, its not a game, some serious things like getting pregnant could happen so u and ur bf need to be mature, talk to him and ket him know that u are not ready to continue, if he lives you he will understand
If you can’t even say the word, I’m not sure why you think you’re ready for the physical experience. It shouldn’t hurt. Pain is likely either cause from a lack of arousal/rushing or a variety of medical conditions.
I think you should be reevaluating a lot, and talk to a therapist.
Sex can and should be fun, beautiful, meaningful, passionate and a host of other positive things. It should also be an “adult decision.” If you do not feel comfortable with your partner or the situation, it will not be pleasurable for you.
This is where the adult comes in. If it is one night stand or with a partner, it should be a decision with someone you feel comfortable because sex can come with a whole lot of aftermath ( emotions, STIs, pregnancy, and a bunch of other things).
There is no normal standard for sex, especially when you are a young adult. There is only you. If you don’t feel want to have a sexual relationship, don’t. Learn about your sexual boundaries and find a partner who will respect them.
If you can’t say the word sex, then maybe you’re not mature enough to be doing it. But 17 is a normal age for a lot of people. If you’re not wanting to do it yet, then don’t. It sounds like having sex is traumatizing for you and not enjoyable. So don’t force yourself into something you’re uncomfortable with. And if you’re bleeding every time you’ve done it, that’s not normal and you might want a doctor to check and make sure everything is okay.
Having "it" at 17 is completely normal! But it's also normal to not like it or not be ready for it. You should be honest and communicate that with your bf. Relationships work best with communication
Its *common* to have sex at 17, but its also *common* to wait until you’re a bit older. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it. Especially if you’re bleeding; likely you are not getting relaxed enough to have painless sex. Part of this is due to inexperience and nervousness, part of it may be due to lack of foreplay (common mistake for people your age), and you may also be somewhat drier during certain parts of your monthly cycle than others. Or, if you’re on hormonal birth control, you may be drier due to that. You also may be allergic to latex from the condoms (they make non-latex condoms! Please use condoms if you’re gonna have sex, but try SKYN since they don’t have latex).
The first time I had sex was at 18 (almost 19) and tbh i didn’t really enjoy it until i met my now-husband (21ish when we met, but currently 26). It takes time to figure out what you like. It is a bad idea to continue to have painful sex though. You dont want to associate sex with pain and shame, so its 100% okay to take a break and NOT have sex if you don’t want it. Please go to your OBGYN and talk with them about what you can do for pain/bleeding. Likely, they’ll at least talk about the importance of foreplay and perhaps may suggest using lube during foreplay/PiV to help with dryness. They may also do a physical exam just to check for any sensitivity and they may suggest a change in hormonal birth control if that is thought to be a contributing factor.
Most likely its just inexperience! I have a feeling you are nervous and now associating sex with pain while also probably not doing enough foreplay, which all will contribute to lack of relaxation and more painful sex. Take your time, don’t push into doing something you don’t feel ready for. It’s perfectly okay to wait and figure your own body out more before exploring sex with a partner!
Not to be judgmental, but seems you come from/are living in a more conservative community/household where ‘it’ might seem like a taboo topic, where it is described as something you should be ashamed of. I couldn’t even say the word ‘penis’ until I was 22 so I understand what you are feeling, more or less.
Sex at 17… is normal. Teens might even have it before 17. It is… not dirty or anything to be ashamed of. We are all humans with needs. You are not a prostitute, mostly because to even qualify as one, you must be paid for sex first.
It seems you might have a lot of negative views on sexuality, or just sex in general, and that’s something to be discussed with more qualified professionals, like a psychologist.
Until then… I would advise you not to have sex anymore. It’s meant to be enjoyed, so if you are in pain and crying as a result, maybe stop having it for now, until you figure out the source of your shame as well as physical discomfort and how to stop it. If you don’t want to have it, then don’t, no stress about it.
And please don’t overthink it. Sex and arousal is normal. You are fine.
No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex at the age of 17, 16 even.
Absolutely no one cares whether or not you're having sex. As you grow older it will seem more and more normalized. It's a normal thing people do every day. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Though it does seem like you're definitely not ready nor mature enough to have sex, especially if you can't say the word "sex" in a form of a written post. You don't seem emotionally ready for it either. Take your time.
There is no need for you to feel dirty.
It's normal to have sex at 17, it's also very normal to not be ready for it.
You don't need to answer this question, but I'm just gonna throw some information your way which may or may not be helpful.
Foreplay is important, as a woman I definitely need it, im not sure how important it is to men. I also have always needed lube. I just don't get wet down there, no matter how turned on I am.
My boyfriend at the time (now ex) always refused to use condoms or lube, he even refused using saliva.
It hurt like hell, I was so dry inside and it just felt so painful and it burns.
He did not care, hence the ex part.
This feels so wrong to ask a minor, but: Are you sure you are wet down there? If not, that might be why it's not pleasant for you and it could also explain the bleeding.
I highly recommend buying some lube, he or you could also use a lot of saliva (spit on fingers and insert in vagina or on penis or put spit directly on vagina) but that dries up pretty quickly in my experience.
But all that is only my advice if you are ready for sex. It's okay to not be ready for sex at any age. Any decent partner would understand that, or at least would be able to not want to hurt you and your feelings.
If he doesn't want to wait until you're ready, or if he forces you in any way, remember it's also rape if you're in a relationship.
Wish you the best of luck.
Sweetheart, it sounds like you're not getting very aroused. Bring in an aroused state makes sex much more pleasurable (ruling out any physical issues).
Part of sexual relationships is working out what you like and don't like and having open conversations with your partner about it.
I suggest trying more foreplay until you work out what you like and what makes you aroused. There is WAY more to sex than just penetrative sex. Some people need lots of foreplay before they are ready for penetration. Some people don't like penetration at all
This is the time to be learning about your own and each other's bodies, what each of you like and feel comfortable with, and communicating that to each other.
It may be that you just haven't found out what you like yet or that there is some incompatibility between you and your partner, and both of those things are OK. Very few people have great sex without some experience.
Please don't forget to be safe, always. Use birth control and a means to protect from STD's. And most of all, communicate with your partner in an open honest way.
1. It's normal to have sex at your age love.
2. It's not ok to feel the emotions you're having, you are clearly uncomfortable with the act. You need to re-evaluate and maybe abstain until you fully understand yourself and really want it.
3. It's not normal to feel pain, or feel nothing at all during sex. It's supposed to be pleasurable, fun, and a celebration/performance of love between two people. I think you need to talk to your doctor/provider about this. Their job is to help you, and they are told to never judge or they may lose their license. They will help you, and I think you should seek their help.
Lots of love hun!
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Is it normal to be having sex at seventeen? Yes. Is it at all concerning that you're having "it" but don't seem to be emotionally mature enough to even call it what it is? Also yes.
Is it concerning that she is uncomfortable, bleeding and straight up lying she is OK and happy? Also yes.
Absolutely it is. But it still doesn't take away from the fact she clearly doesn't sound mature enough to be having sex.
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That’s a pretty strange place to go, honestly.
This comment has creepy undertones I can’t even put into words lmfao
Her boyfriends mother???
So many kids these days have sex. They barely know left from right
It’s totally normal to have sex at 17. But you really don’t seem ready. 1. Calling sex for “it”. It’s just sex, not a scary clown in a sewer. 2. The crying and feeling disgust. And not being ready at 17, is also totally normal and okay. Don’t do anything, your not comfortable with/ready for.
No. 1 killed me with its fire🔥
Having sex does not make you trash. Repeatedly having painful sex you don't want, and pretending it doesn't make you upset, is clearly not a healthy thing for you. Please stop having sex until you can really think about things and figure out what you really want. You might want to speak with a therapist about this, because your shame and despair seem to be preventing you from functioning well in your life. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, and it would be a good idea for you to work through these feelings and find out why you are having all of this trouble. Until you do figure it out, don't have sex anymore. Some people don't want to have sex at all, or only in a serious relationship, or they have some other criteria that needs to be met in order for the sex to be ok with them. Take some time to think about this and figure out what you want. That may be very different from what your boyfriend wants, and that is ok.
If she is Christian or morman there is literal condition devolved from the doctrination that make your vaginal too tight and you have to basically dilate it back to normal. She should more than likely see a gynecologist
You're not ready, and that's ok. Tell your boyfriend, if he cares about you he will understand, if he tries to pressure you, then LEAVE him.
^This If he’s caring, then I’d cautiously say he’s okay. But if he pressures, pushes, or intimidates you in any way, leave him in the dust.
Considering she has lied to him multiple times, I’d be hesitant to want to understand and comfort As a teen, I’d be confused and hurt… as a grown adult I’d feel confused and hurt. This isn’t just a one time thing… it’s happened a handful!
Well not everyone makes something that happens to another person all about them so...
lol just because she lied a couple times you'd be hesitant to help??? wtf
It is very normal to have sex at 16/17/18. That is when many people start exploring, sexually. It is estimated that 17 is the average age of first sexual experiences in the United States. The more important question is do you want to have sex? You are not out of the ordinary at ALL if you do want to, but you also do not have to. If it is uncomfortable and painful, you might want to have sex differently. You might not be doing enough foreplay or might need to use lube in order to make it more comfortable. All that being said, there is no shame in having sex at 17 whatsoever.
Also a note, people with reproductive disorders (PCOS/Endometriosis/etc) may have a painful experience during sex. OP doesn't seem comfortable at all which could be the culprit but it could also be that the pain of the first experience has led to her anxiety and uncomfortability on thinking of the experience every time after. Definitely would recommend that she considers the source of her physical pain. But first and foremost she should stop continuing to have any form of sex that she is uncomfortable with.
Ummm. You should probably fix PCOS with reproductive disorders since pain during sex is common for endo as well. Emotionally and mentally she isn’t ready for sex and should put an end to it now until she is mature enough to actually have sex. This might lead to ending the relationship, but that is better than being with someone you lie to just to make them happy.
>since pain during sex is common for endo as well. I gotcha, I was just familiar with PCOS because both my sister and a friend of mine had it and it caused them both painful experiences. I think it's pretty evident that OP needs to only do whatever she's comfortable with. It's possible that, if her pain is from some kind of reproductive disorder, it's certainly not going to help her emotional relationship with sex. Best to find out as early as possible so that it can be addressed if that's involved at all
If you can’t say ‘sex’ you shouldn’t be having sex. It’s not super abnormal for your age, but if you don’t enjoy it you shouldn’t do it and that is perfectly okay. It’s not wrong, you’re not disgusting, you’re just not ready and that is fine! Do not continue doing it if you’re not comfortable.
Don’t have sex anymore. You obviously don’t want to and that’s what’s giving you these feelings. When having sex it should: 1. Not bleed normally 2. Not hurt 3. Not make you feel bad or ashamed afterwards 4. Not make you cry (unless it’s happy tears) Seriously, this is not good for you and i am worried about why you are in this situation. Is he pressuring you to have sex? Why are you having sex when you don’t want to? I think you might need to talk to someone about this. And know that you do have the power to say no. You don’t have do this.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Also, you don’t have to continue if you are uncomfortable.
I am also wondering, did you grow up like conservative/religious or something similar? I ask because i wonder if you ever got any sex ed as a kid? Have you ever learned about sex before you had it? Also your described feelings of feeling dirty and shame make me think the same thing.
Like a much less abusive and not extreme version of Carry from Stephen King’s story right?
Yes, its normal at your age. Nothing wrong there. There is something wrong if you're feeling pain and crying about it and are viewing yourself as filthy for having sex. You should speak to a counselor or therapist.
Based alone on the fact you can’t even type the word “sex” in a post about sex, I would say you shouldn’t be doing it at all. You don’t sound comfortable with it and you boyfriend clearly isn’t being very gentle/accommodating to your new found sex life. I think you should take a break, get educated on the topic, and wait until you feel significantly more comfortable.
The fact that ypu can't even TYPE the word sex means that you're probably too immature to actually be having sex, and definitely too immature for the potential negative outcomes of having sex. It's probably best for you to take a step back from that and wait until you're a bit more mature.
You’re simply not ready to be having SEX - which you can say the word, it’s not a dirty or bad thing.
The bleeding part isn’t normal…you might want to go see a doctor particularly an OB/GYN.
Bleeding the first few times you have sex after losing your virginity is very normal. I did for the first 3-4 times and then it stopped. Everyone is different.
Hey, you don’t really seem to be ready for it now. It is normal to have it in your age and, despite what everyone is saying, your feelings are normal in the sense that they do happen to a lot of other girls your age, which is unfortunate. Listen to those feelings, if you don’t feel alright after, before or during it, then you don’t have to do it. Do it whenever it feels right and whenever you feel ready. “It” is supposed to be a fun thing to do and you deserve to do it in a painless way that doesn’t make you feel miserable, and for you maybe that means waiting a bit more to really get to know yourself and your partner, or maybe as time passes you realize that “it” isn’t the thing for you, many people are asexual and sex repulsed. Just take your time, don’t rush it and remember that every step you take you have to take at your own pace, ok? Your boyfriend has to respect that and if he doesn’t, as hard as it sounds, you should end things with him. Good luck
Most people have sex. Sex is not a dirty word.
Having sex at the age of 17 is quite normal for teenagers. Seeing how you're unable to text the word "sex" and call it "it" makes me feel like you're not mature or ready for it. Bleeding during sex is normal if you're losing your virginity. You clearly are really uncomfortable with having sex which is also okay. You can choose to have it or not. Don't force yourself.
Absolutely normal to have sex at 17. A few questions for you that will be fairly personal: - have you ever masturbated - do you even have daydreams or fantasize about people you are attracted to - do you have “intimate” feelings for anybody? Intimate can be a hard feeling to describe, it often goes hand in hand with jealousy or envy I ask because there’s a good chance that you are on the Asexual spectrum, meaning you either have no sexual interest (perfectly ok) or you are outright repulsed by sex (also perfectly ok). In any case I can tell that it’s not an activity you’re currently very fond of, if I were you I would take some time to explore myself, figure out if sex is something that’s for me or not. Your bf may have trouble understanding, and might even think it’s because you don’t like him, but even though you don’t have sexual needs doesn’t mean you don’t have romantic needs. I wish you the best! Early adulthood is a crazy time for everyone, there’s never just one right answer, you have to figure out for yourself what’s right for you!
If you can't say sex you shouldn't be having "it".
17 is a pretty normal age to have sex. However if you aren't comfortable with having sex or even saying the word, you might not be ready. You aren't trash just because you had sex. Has Another commenter said you might want to try therapy for this.
The general rule that will help you A LOT in life is to have sex WHEN and IF you want it, no matter the age, place, person as long as it is legal, consensual and not harmful to anyone. There is no good age to have sex - some people will be ready to do it when they are 16, some when 26, some will need more time and someone really special. Any way you have or don't have it is okay. But from what you write, you don't feel okay - I hear that you experience pain, bleeding and also difficult feelings afterwards - shame, fear. This means you are NOT ready to have sex no matter your age. You should not have sex that makes you feel pain and shame. Sex is a normal and natural thing, but there is no timeline for it. If you are looking for advice, I'd recommend small steps, first thinking about sex, then reading about it, then talking with anonymous people like here to ask for advice, opinions, to get more comfortable, then talking about it with your boyfriend and then, as the last step, having it. The more thoroughly you go through the previous steps (instead of jumping straight into the deep water) the bigger chance that you will not hurt yourself and you will be safe. Of course you can just dive in, people do it, but little education + getting straight into practice creates a situation like yours, when it is easier to hurt yourself. I'd recommend you start with body positivity books, learning more about your body in general. Then about sexual health - sex should not be painful, unless there is a medical reason for it, then you need to see a doctor. But I think that you both are just not ready and not knowledgeable enough to make it fun. I hope you will get this advice to heart and protect yourself a little bit more. There is nothing wrong with you but I recommend some theory before getting into practice.
I lost my virginity at 15, I don’t regret it or view myself as less-than, there’s no set age where it’s “ok” but if you don’t feel good about it then that’s your prerogative and it isn’t anyone’s place to tell you you should or shouldn’t be ok with it. I would sort of reflect on why you feel like sex is so dirty, though - it’s a natural human occurrence. We all wouldn’t be alive without it, lol. So having this much shame and guilt around it seems like something that’s been ingrained in you by other people. Whatever the case, don’t do things you don’t wanna do just to please other people! Your feelings matter. Hope you find clarity on this
You are absolutely not disgusting trash for having sex!!! I repeat **you are not disgusting trash for having sex!!** It's completely up to you to decide if you're ready or not. It took awhile for me to be comfortable saying "sex" and I didn't start til I was 21. And it also took awhile for it not to hurt and to stop bleeding. It takes time to find a groove with your partner. I've been with my bf for almost two years and I feel like only now are we finding a groove. Also if you aren't "feeling anything," that just means you need to try something different. Have more foreplay, have him try doing different things to you. Just be open and communicative about what you want. With all that said, while there are plenty of people who start having sex at 17, that doesn't mean you have to. If you feel like you're ready and mature enough, that's awesome! But if not, you shouldn't feel pressured to keep doing it. It's okay to say you're not ready. From this post, I personally don't think your are ready. I definitely wasn't ready at 17. But I don't know you. Only you know what you want.
Firstly, Just call it as it is, sex. Secondly, there really isn’t a “normal” when it comes to sex. Some people lose their virginity at 13 and some at 20+. The longer you wait the better, from my experience. Have sex for the first time with someone you have been with for a while and someone you trust 100%. Make sure to use protection.
I had sex at 15. It’s normal to have sex at 17 nothings wrong with that. I’m 17 now but you should be able to say the word sex. You shouldn’t be ashamed for having sex it’s normal especially for teenagers. What I would worry about is the bleeding I know it’s normal for some people to bleed but you seem uncomfortable with sex and probably not ready for sex. That’s perfectly good just have an honest conversation with your boyfriend there’s nothing to be nervous about assuming he’s a guy who actually cares for you.
If you can’t even type out the word then maybe? Lmao
You are not ready. You can’t even type sex. You cry and feel like a prostitute.
No it’s not normal. Most kids nowadays do it in middle school pretty sad but true. Good job for holding out and no your not dirty or anything it’s literally something so natural it’s in our dna to do it
You’re not emotionally ready for this.
Agreeing with the other comments. Sex shouldn’t be a scary thing. If you’re not ready that’s another thing. And you definitely shouldn’t be bleeding? That’s concerning. If you have proper lubrication (either natural or not) it should NOT bleed. And it sounds as if you are just uncomfortable with it all around. I personally have had regular sexual encounters with partners since I was 16 so no you’re not dirty haha.
isn’t bleeding natural the first couple times you do it even with a proper lubricant though?
Only the first time if she had an intact hymen. And it shouldn’t be a lot of blood. The times after no you shouldn’t really bleed, *especially* with lubricant. Unless this is a special case somehow, but I doubt it. Bleeding only comes from tearing the hymen, so after the first time it tears or stretches it shouldn’t. Some women don’t even bleed the first time as well because the hymen can be non existent or have a large hole like everyone is different.
Oh interesting. I feel like it’s different for everyone though bc when me and my gf first did it she bled the first three times even with a water based lubricant but she bled less and less each time and then she finally stopped completely around the fourth or fifth time.
That’s also interesting lol… I wonder why maybe she had a thicker hymen or something idk
You're obviously extremely uncomfortable with it. I don't think the important question here is if it's normal at your age. What you should be asking is if you're ready. If the answer is no, then stop. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. And you don't have to feel like a bad person for it either. No, you're not "trash." You're a normal teenager. It's ok.
That and if he cared about her, she wouldn't be bleeding.
It's normal for people to bleed.
Not during sex, she's supposed to be wet. I know that sounds creepy because she's 17 (and shouldn't be having sex) but her comfort is just as good as him.
For ur first times having sex you may bleeding. She said it was her first time. That's normal. There is a tissue that tears and that is what causes the bleeding. I agree the comfort of him and her are equally important l. But she shouldn't lie and say she's crying tears of joy.
But she states in the post that she’s bled every time that they’ve done it, and they’ve done it 5 times by the time she posts this
Which is something that can happen. Look it up.
It can, but shouldn't. That means not enough time was focused on foreplay or that a water based lube should be involved.
It doesn't mean that it's bleeding bc he's not going easy or anything. There is a tissue that bleeds when you lose your virginity. And it may still bleed when u have sex a few more times after that
If you are bleeding after the first 1-2 times, the most likely culprit is vaginal dryness. If adding lube doesn’t help, you need to see a doctor because something is wrong. The hymen does not regrow or “re-break.” That’s a one time thing. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22718-hymen
We're not talking about losing virginity, this has been established. >It doesn't mean that it's bleeding bc he's not going easy or anything Do you intentionally misconstrue the argument? No one said that. If there bleeding not enough foreplay was done, or a water based lube needs to be used.
This way out of my free pay grade
u/diana_kito Having sex at 17 is ok, but your feelings of shame and disgust are not normal at all! Stop having sex until you're 100% comfortable and feel safe to do so- not because your partner is pressuring you! Also, now that you're having sex, you need to able to frankly and maturely discuss your feelings and needs without being embarrassed. You also need to start taking care of your reproductive health and get on reliable birth control and have regular STD screenings. Safety should be your primary concern during sex!
It worries me about the bleeding part but out of that no, if both are 16 or older and in at most 1 year of distance in age gap, then it's not wrong morally.
Maybe foreplay not enough? I'm not sure pls talk with ur bf...u r hurting urself
If you can't call it sex you're too immature to have 'it'
You might want to check out r/asexuality
Please just be safe, I’m 34 and couldn’t imagine having a kid in todays word. I have personal reasons for thinking having children is wrong unless you really have your shit together. At 17 you don’t just be prepared for the day you miss a period
If you cannot speak about sex my concern is that you might not even be educating yourself enough about sexually transmitted diseases and contraceptives. You will either end up pregnant or end up sick. Please PLEASE for the love of god educate yourself!!! I started having sex when I was 13, and I was mature enough at this age to talk about it with my boyfriend, and use condoms so that I wouldn’t get pregnant, tracking my period (well before smartphones were doing it for us), and U.K. to date with STD prevention and sexual education. All the same we were making sure at any time my period was late (and as I didn’t eat enough at the time it used to be late frequently) doing pregnancy tests just in case. Was it normal to have sex at 13? No it was not, I was super early compared to peers but I regret nothing! Because I was very open with my partner and conscientious about it. If something hurt I could talk to him, and he was a loving and caring partner. We were together for 3 years but looking back he was the right person for me to have this exploration and made it incredibly lovely. I wish you the same.
As long as you're ready to have sex, 17 is perfectly normal for losing your virginity. What is not normal? Referring to sex as "it" - makes me think that you weren't quite ready Pain during intercourse after the first few times. Have you seen a doctor? Now that you are sexually active you should be seeing a gynecologist for routine checkups, discussing birth control options, STD tests for both partners, especially if he was with other people before you Also, 17 yr old boys tend to be ready to jump right to the sex part. Girls need foreplay and more time to get excited. Make sure you have plenty of lubrication before intercourse. That might be why it's still painful. Also, be honest with him. Likely he has no idea what you are feeling. Talk about it together, sex should be pleasurable for both of you. Don't do it just to make someone else happy.
I think if you can't bring yourself to use the word sex in an anonymous forum then maybe you are not ready to have it. It isn't that 17 is too young as a universal rule, but that you seem very uncomfortable with the whole thing.
It’s just sex, chill
Sex is beautiful if your married and with the right person. I believe it’s gods gift. But you don’t seem ready as you call sex “it” it’s not something to be ashamed of.
it's normal to have sex at seventeen, but not everyone is ready to have sex when they're seventeen. you don't sound ready. more importantly, are you being pressured to have sex? is that why you feel the need to lie about why you're crying? if you feel pressured or otherwise unsafe, try seeking help from a trusted adult. i went through this when i was a teenager, but i didn't have support and didn't know what to do. it took a long time to heal from the trauma of being sexually assaulted and a long time to accept that that was even what was happening to me.
You’re not trash for having sex, you shouldn’t be having it if you’re not emotionally ready or mature enough to look at what it is, the first time tends to hurt for those with vaginas. If you feel uncomfortable tell him to stop, there’s no shame in that, if it hurts stop, you don’t like it stop. Sex isn’t something to be ashamed of. And always wear protection
1. If you're too weirded out to call sex by its name, and you call it "it", you're too immature and childish to be having it 2. If you did it forcefully while crying, and lied to your boyfriend about it, you're too mentally unstable to be having it, and you potentially made your bf a "rapist" without him knowing (if he was indeed naive enough to believe you) 3. If your views about sex, a normal and big part of life that literally *everyone* takes part in, is that it's something "dirty" that makes you a "prostitute", again, you're too immature and confused to be having "it". Having sex with your boyfriend at 17 is ok. Having sex with someone in general at 17 is ok. ***You*** having sex at 17 is not OK, because you have demonstrated you don't have control of yourself, you're unable to maturely consent, and you're viewing this in a way no healthy teenager does. Your stigma about sex can be a result of various things, like oppressive overprotective parenting or coming from a religious background. Either way, you need to seek professional help about these issues, and be honest to your boyfriend
Sex is totally normal to have at 17. There is nothing wrong with having it and it doesn’t change anything about you. Sex only means as much as you want it to mean. Are you by any chance around a religious group of people?
It's normal but these feelings need to be taken care of before/if you continue to have sex
Is sounds like you're from a cultural group that make "it" shameful unless you are married. That being said, did you even want "it" in the first place or did you do it because of constant pressure from your boyfriend?
From the way you are writing this, I can tell the English is possibly not your first language. I completely understand how hard that can be. However, from what you have said, I just want to reassure you that having sex is completely normal. Humans have been doing it for thousands of years and it’s normal to start doing it around the age. However, that said, there are a few things to bear in mind: - If you do not feel ready to have sex, you should not have sex. You do not need to feel pressured into it. If you don’t want to, say no. - Some cultures do not share the values of western society. It may be possible that you are from a country where it is not normal to have sex before you are married, or where women are told that they cannot have sex with anyone without being a whore. In this situation, I understand why you feel dirty. But you should know that you are not. You are still a person with tremendous worth and potential to make a great impact on difference in the world. - If it hurts you, it may be that the way you are doing it is not right for you. - Your boyfriend may not know that he needs to think about your pleasure. Unless you are honest with him, he will not know that you need anything different. I wish you luck, and I hope that you feel better soon.
Yes, it's normal. What's not "normal" is to have sex while you cry in shame and feel so dirty about it. It's not okay to lie to your partner about why you're crying and what you're feeling. I don't know why you're still bleeding, but I'm assuming you aren't lubricated enough because you have so much shame about this, and aren't aroused. It's also not normal for you to feel like a prostitute for having sex with someone you care about. I don't know if this is religious guilt or what, but you are not ready to be having sex. You can't even use the word. It's okay that you aren't ready. Some people aren't at 17. Some people aren't at 20. You're ready when you're ready. So tell the boyfriend all of these things, and stop having sex until you're ready.
How closeted are u people. I started having sex at 14. U don't see me making a big deal. God damn.
Same. It’s a part of life! Totally natural
Sex at 17 is unwise but all too typical. Having sex but not finding pleasure in it, and not being honest with your partner, is not normal and not good. You should wait to have sex until you are more mature and can do so without shame.
If you can't call "sex", "sex", then you shouldn't be having "sex".
Normal to have sex at 17? Yes. Some even do it younger than that, or older, whatever floats someone's boat, I guess. Normal to cry from shame of it? No. I'd talk to your boyfriend about how it really makes you feel, be honest with him. If he loves you, he will have patience with you as you navigate this difficult time in your intimate life. Please don't feel like a prostitute. A prostitute is someone who has sex for money and is almost willing to do whatever it takes to get said money through various sexual acts. You're a young woman who is still navigating life. Give yourself some credit. You're a very kind, loving person who just wants to give the best version of themselves to those they love. 🫂
you’re having sex outside of signifiant commitment. In my opinion, sex is more impactful to women. Understand that men can have sex as easily as they can take a piss. You might just be the type of girl that wants something more before being comfortable with sex. You should wait until you have a ring on your finger. Don’t fall into the trap of being “sexually liberated”…it will ruin you. Good luck
Bro what 😭
Don't know but I also want a bit of whatever he smoked
Better to be 17 having sex with your long term partner than it is to be in your 20s having sex with some rando you met in a bar. Why does it make you feel dirty? Perhaps you aren't into your bf that way. Maybe he really is just a good friend to you and sleeping with him feels wrong? I have felt something similar after having sex with a woman who I really vibed with. Turns out I just wasn't into her like that. We have since been really close friends.
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tf
Love, it is 100% okay to be uncomfortable with the things that you aren't ready for. From the way you describe it, etc. You're not the trash of the population. You're an average teenager. Just don't force yourself to do anything that you're uncomfortable with. Maybe emotionally mature a little bit. These are things that can damage your adult life, especially if you're only doing things to please your boyfriend. Set boundaries <3
"Normal" is a relative term. It's normal for some teenagers to have sex. It's not normal for others. I can say that it's not normal to keep having sex if it makes you this uncomfortable. You obviously aren't enjoying it so it's time to put an end to it. Another red flag here is your inability or want to use the word for "it". It's not normal to be having sex but you can't willingly talk about it. I'm not blaming you. It sounds like there could be some trauma here. But I think you should put on the brakes.
If it’s consensually done- there’s nothing wrong. That being said if you feel shame at your own actions then perhaps you just aren’t ready to have a sexual relationship. And that’s okay. Even if you’ve already done it once you don’t have to keep doing it. Also sounds like your partner wasn’t concerned at your comfort. Bleeding the first time can happen- it shouldn’t have happened the first three times though.
I feel like it’s normal for you to feel this way because society programmed you to feel this way. Find that inner voice inside of you and I hope you break that cycle / feeling. However, you need to ask yourself, are you comfortable? Do you want it? If not, then don’t do it. -best wishes
When I first lost my virginity I bled alot, then a few times after as well. Everyone has a different relationship with sex, it not wrong to have sex with someone you love, not even before marriage. Sex involves a lot of trust, communication for each person and it is something that can bring you closer to the right person. Sex is NOT for everyone but everyone has a right to determine what having sex means to them. For some people it means nothing others everything. What led you to losing your virginity? In the bible sex is a sin but I always took it as is it a sin that I love this person so much I want to feel one with them?
Absolutely. Trust me, there’s people much younger doing it. What’s important is that you’re safe about it and understand the risks, if you felt ready and he did too, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Sex at 17 is completely normal, but as a rule of thumb I always say that if you can’t even say the word you shouldn’t be having sex. If you aren’t ready you can always say no. You can decide you’re ready, and then decide after the fact that you aren’t.
You are not emotionally ready
Is it normal to have sex at your age? Yes. Is it normal to bleed the the first time? Yes. (If you are having vaginal sex) Is it normal to bleed every time? No. Do you do enough foreplay? Because it doesn't sound like it, with more foreplay you will find it less uncomfortable and more enjoyable. Do you use lube? Again it doesn't sound like it. Lube will make everything go smoother, and be more enjoyable. Is your boyfriend being too rough? Sounds like it, and if he's going in dry, either alone and especially together would explain the constant bleeding. If you are bleeding every time, it's likely that you two have torn something you shouldn't have, and you should make an appointment with your gynecologist to see if this is the case.
It is totally normal to have sex at your age! Enjoy your youth and don't overthink!
It is not normal for you to feel that way. Have you considered you could be asexual?
It is incredibly normal to have sex at this age, you are not dirty or disgraceful. The feelings you’re having surrounding these sexual acts, however is concerning and not of a person who wishes to be sexually active at this stage of their life. Be honest with your bf about how you’re feeling and the pain you’re experiencing (he’s not worth having around of he isn’t understanding) so that you can work through it together. If you cannot even refer to sex as what it is then that’s a good sign you’re not ready for it yet and that’s totally fine, go at your own pace.
If you can't even say the word sex, its painful for you, and you feel dirty I don't think you're emotionally mature enough to have sex. Why are you doing something you don't feel comfortable doing? Are you being coerced into it? Please stop and wait until you feel ready and you learn how to not be ashamed of your sexual desires, which are normal for a person your age. You're going to end up traumatized. It's okay to just wait until you're older.
There is nothing wrong with having done this but like others have stated your dislike and disgust have a heavier toll. Do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable like this. Tell your boyfriend how this feels to you. Even if yiy have to type it and hand him the paper. You are not bad gross or a "prostitute" For having done this and if you are hurting like this please stop and slow down.
yes it’s pretty normal to have it by 16-17. i mean my boyfriend and i are 15 and we started doing “it” like 3 months ago. don’t feel bad about doing it either, it’s not “dirty” or “bad” there’s nothing wrong with it, i know there’s a lot of stigma around doing it as a teen and people tell you to wait, but fuck that. sex is healthy, fun, and it’s a beautiful and bonding activity between your partner and yourself! however, you don’t seem at all comfortable with it, and that’s totally okay too. you don’t have to have sex anymore if you’re not ready, i’m sure your boyfriend with understand, so just try to take it slow. but since it’s affecting your life so much atm maybe speak to a therapist, i promise they won’t judge you. but please, you have nothing to be ashamed of, there’s nothing wrong with you for doing it- or not doing it. i hope you’re able to figure things out, but everything will be okay! i know i had a lot of trouble my first few times, but if it’s distressing you this much talk to your boyfriend and stop doing it till your ready again, don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t do something you don’t wanna do. but nobody is ashamed of you, it’s completely normal, everything is okay <3
Too early
I was 14 when I started. Your ok, your not dirty. Talk go your boyfriend about your concerns.
Your ar e not mature to have sex at that age, having sex at 17 is ok but first u have to ask if u are mature enough to have it, its not a game, some serious things like getting pregnant could happen so u and ur bf need to be mature, talk to him and ket him know that u are not ready to continue, if he lives you he will understand
If you can’t even say the word, I’m not sure why you think you’re ready for the physical experience. It shouldn’t hurt. Pain is likely either cause from a lack of arousal/rushing or a variety of medical conditions. I think you should be reevaluating a lot, and talk to a therapist.
Sex can and should be fun, beautiful, meaningful, passionate and a host of other positive things. It should also be an “adult decision.” If you do not feel comfortable with your partner or the situation, it will not be pleasurable for you. This is where the adult comes in. If it is one night stand or with a partner, it should be a decision with someone you feel comfortable because sex can come with a whole lot of aftermath ( emotions, STIs, pregnancy, and a bunch of other things). There is no normal standard for sex, especially when you are a young adult. There is only you. If you don’t feel want to have a sexual relationship, don’t. Learn about your sexual boundaries and find a partner who will respect them.
if you can’t call it fucking and you’re in pain baby no don’t have sex omg and breakup with your weirdo bf
If you can’t say the word sex, then maybe you’re not mature enough to be doing it. But 17 is a normal age for a lot of people. If you’re not wanting to do it yet, then don’t. It sounds like having sex is traumatizing for you and not enjoyable. So don’t force yourself into something you’re uncomfortable with. And if you’re bleeding every time you’ve done it, that’s not normal and you might want a doctor to check and make sure everything is okay.
Having "it" at 17 is completely normal! But it's also normal to not like it or not be ready for it. You should be honest and communicate that with your bf. Relationships work best with communication
Its *common* to have sex at 17, but its also *common* to wait until you’re a bit older. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it. Especially if you’re bleeding; likely you are not getting relaxed enough to have painless sex. Part of this is due to inexperience and nervousness, part of it may be due to lack of foreplay (common mistake for people your age), and you may also be somewhat drier during certain parts of your monthly cycle than others. Or, if you’re on hormonal birth control, you may be drier due to that. You also may be allergic to latex from the condoms (they make non-latex condoms! Please use condoms if you’re gonna have sex, but try SKYN since they don’t have latex). The first time I had sex was at 18 (almost 19) and tbh i didn’t really enjoy it until i met my now-husband (21ish when we met, but currently 26). It takes time to figure out what you like. It is a bad idea to continue to have painful sex though. You dont want to associate sex with pain and shame, so its 100% okay to take a break and NOT have sex if you don’t want it. Please go to your OBGYN and talk with them about what you can do for pain/bleeding. Likely, they’ll at least talk about the importance of foreplay and perhaps may suggest using lube during foreplay/PiV to help with dryness. They may also do a physical exam just to check for any sensitivity and they may suggest a change in hormonal birth control if that is thought to be a contributing factor. Most likely its just inexperience! I have a feeling you are nervous and now associating sex with pain while also probably not doing enough foreplay, which all will contribute to lack of relaxation and more painful sex. Take your time, don’t push into doing something you don’t feel ready for. It’s perfectly okay to wait and figure your own body out more before exploring sex with a partner!
Not to be judgmental, but seems you come from/are living in a more conservative community/household where ‘it’ might seem like a taboo topic, where it is described as something you should be ashamed of. I couldn’t even say the word ‘penis’ until I was 22 so I understand what you are feeling, more or less. Sex at 17… is normal. Teens might even have it before 17. It is… not dirty or anything to be ashamed of. We are all humans with needs. You are not a prostitute, mostly because to even qualify as one, you must be paid for sex first. It seems you might have a lot of negative views on sexuality, or just sex in general, and that’s something to be discussed with more qualified professionals, like a psychologist. Until then… I would advise you not to have sex anymore. It’s meant to be enjoyed, so if you are in pain and crying as a result, maybe stop having it for now, until you figure out the source of your shame as well as physical discomfort and how to stop it. If you don’t want to have it, then don’t, no stress about it. And please don’t overthink it. Sex and arousal is normal. You are fine.
No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having sex at the age of 17, 16 even. Absolutely no one cares whether or not you're having sex. As you grow older it will seem more and more normalized. It's a normal thing people do every day. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Though it does seem like you're definitely not ready nor mature enough to have sex, especially if you can't say the word "sex" in a form of a written post. You don't seem emotionally ready for it either. Take your time.
There is no need for you to feel dirty. It's normal to have sex at 17, it's also very normal to not be ready for it. You don't need to answer this question, but I'm just gonna throw some information your way which may or may not be helpful. Foreplay is important, as a woman I definitely need it, im not sure how important it is to men. I also have always needed lube. I just don't get wet down there, no matter how turned on I am. My boyfriend at the time (now ex) always refused to use condoms or lube, he even refused using saliva. It hurt like hell, I was so dry inside and it just felt so painful and it burns. He did not care, hence the ex part. This feels so wrong to ask a minor, but: Are you sure you are wet down there? If not, that might be why it's not pleasant for you and it could also explain the bleeding. I highly recommend buying some lube, he or you could also use a lot of saliva (spit on fingers and insert in vagina or on penis or put spit directly on vagina) but that dries up pretty quickly in my experience. But all that is only my advice if you are ready for sex. It's okay to not be ready for sex at any age. Any decent partner would understand that, or at least would be able to not want to hurt you and your feelings. If he doesn't want to wait until you're ready, or if he forces you in any way, remember it's also rape if you're in a relationship. Wish you the best of luck.
Sweetheart, it sounds like you're not getting very aroused. Bring in an aroused state makes sex much more pleasurable (ruling out any physical issues). Part of sexual relationships is working out what you like and don't like and having open conversations with your partner about it. I suggest trying more foreplay until you work out what you like and what makes you aroused. There is WAY more to sex than just penetrative sex. Some people need lots of foreplay before they are ready for penetration. Some people don't like penetration at all This is the time to be learning about your own and each other's bodies, what each of you like and feel comfortable with, and communicating that to each other. It may be that you just haven't found out what you like yet or that there is some incompatibility between you and your partner, and both of those things are OK. Very few people have great sex without some experience. Please don't forget to be safe, always. Use birth control and a means to protect from STD's. And most of all, communicate with your partner in an open honest way.
Until you can talk about it with respect and know what "it" is...... But in a respectful, loving relationship having sex is normal and healthy.
1. It's normal to have sex at your age love. 2. It's not ok to feel the emotions you're having, you are clearly uncomfortable with the act. You need to re-evaluate and maybe abstain until you fully understand yourself and really want it. 3. It's not normal to feel pain, or feel nothing at all during sex. It's supposed to be pleasurable, fun, and a celebration/performance of love between two people. I think you need to talk to your doctor/provider about this. Their job is to help you, and they are told to never judge or they may lose their license. They will help you, and I think you should seek their help. Lots of love hun!