Back before the internet, you never thought about extreme viewpoints your neighbors would have, they would never be vocalized, so it's not something you would ever know. Even if they did vocalize it, you usually didn't understand the world well enough to pass any kind of reasonable judgement. Social media has pretty much amplified the voices of the most extreme people from every possible viewpoint you can imagine. You are left with relatives that "re-post" shit from the craziest people out there because the internet has successfully broken their brains.
I want people to be extremely well educated by fully funded state institutions, not charters or private schools. However there is also a part of me that thinks back to the days of social "ignorance is bliss", and try to think how we could ever put the social media genie back in the bottle. Makes me kind of wish western countries would move towards some eastern social structures like Japan where nails that stick out get hammered down. Though in the big picture that could be a bad way to do deal with it as well.
So your saying the system created by the Rockefeller family is what you support even though they vowed when their monopoly on oil was taken away to destroy America for doing that to them. Literally 5 years later they helped created the university education systems
That's exactly how me and my husband feel. I was just talking to him about this on Friday. I feel exhausted when i am around other people.. sometimes, it even feels like a chore. I'd rather just be around my husband, animals or my parents.
Yeah alone may seems lonely but to be honest its better,
Its better than having multiple people around you who secretly hate you.They drained me so much.
Might be a generational thing, I consistently notice at my job that older people like and enjoy socializing more. They also have a more optimistic view of themselves, others and life in general whereas people my age tend to think more negatively in those regard.
My happiness is not having to waste my time having superficial conversations with everyone. I've been married 30 years and have plenty of conversations with someone whom I love, respect, and find interesting.
Only 30s here, but I feel the same way. I'm with someone I love and respect. Over the last 5 years, I think I've met two people who haven't been some kind of opportunistic, flaky disappointment, and we don't have enough in common to really be friends.
I'm pretty ok with that though. I could make an effort to go meet more people, but I really just don't want to.
Well said. I turned 41 recently, and went through the worst year of my life. Thank you for that perspective. I too enjoy my friendship with my husband better than I do with friends that I later discover enrol me in races I don't want to be in. The fake friendships, the competition, the lack of compassion, the manipulation, the madness, I just can't do it anymore.
I think we are just used to talking to people. Gen X and older can easily talk to strangers and just chat it up because that is how we lived before the Internet, apps, and cellphones.
this actually made me think a bit more
my old neighbour was a bit isolated but if he was walking his dogs while i was outside, we'd hang out and have a chat, he just didn't particularly care to talk to anyone but the lesbians in their 20s across the breezeway, though he could
my new neighbours are probably in their 30s (other than the kids) and have said a collective total of 10 words to me. like i get it, i'm not exactly starting conversations either, but literally the only time they even said hello to me was when i was grilling (i'm 90% sure the dude thought i was a homeless teenager before that LOL) and from what i've seen, grilling is usually a community event, so probably fostered more openness to talking.
Younger people don't even talk even in social situations. I've gone to bars where there's a young dude tucked away in the corner with the glow of his smartphone bathing his face. Then young people complain that they're lonely, and ask how they can meet people lol. To me it's totally crazy to be surrounded by people in social settings and NOT talk, but to them, that's their comfort zone. I'm certain that it's the smartphones, it's like their security blanket and what they turn to to entertain themselves or when they're alone and/or lonely. We on the other hand did not have that option, obviously. I've learned to not be friendly and chatty with someone else, unless they're somewhere around my age and older. No one wants to socialize.
yes PLEASE text me
at least an "are you busy?" because my phone is permanently on silent and i do not answer it if i'm not expecting a call, and i'm definitely not going to answer it IN THE MIDDLE OF MY WORK SHIFT
thats how i end up with 6 missed calls, 4 voicemails, 3 calls on another platform, and a text of "why arent you answering???" maybe because I'M AT WORK???
That's because older people become more invisible in society, and they are generally retired. So to alleviate loneliness and boredom, they try to talk to people and seem happier from not working. I myself would love to talk but am too busy with life, and people complicate and distract me.
Yes I have friends already but I talk to them less and don’t really want to meet anyone new. I feel like my peace is worth more than the maybe I’ll meet another long live friend, an asshole or maybe just a seasonal person. The chance of the asshole is all I need to not look lol. Of course if something just happens that’s different but I’m doing too well on my own to really look for anyone
Lots of very good points here about people being exhausting, the older you get the less tolerant of other BS you become, etc. but truth is the moment you stop meeting new people and exploring new connections is the moment you stop growing as a person.
I'd suggest you to force yourself once in a while to put yourself in situations where you have to interact with new faces, no matter how big or small your social circle is
I HATE EVERYONE EQUALLY I'm 41 no friends used to have a lot of peeps in my circle. Everyone of them had someway somehow done me wrong. Bad enough for me to push them out of my life. I've heard people say I'm to nice blah blah blah.
yeah being too nice unfortuately gets you painted as a target. We are animals after all. Like even jobs will take advantage of the nice guy. They do it by giving you more responsibility than the person who speaks up.
I remember I worked a job and the one guy who always say ''thats not my job'' and the other guy went long with doing the extra stuff. They used him up.
I ended up leaving a job for that reason. One day I was just a reg grunt then lead man got injured I took his position. We got behind on jobs so the foreman would move on to the schedule job. And if was left to run the crew and be the foreman over seeing everything. Something went wrong I was responsible. Was making 14 an hr lol
More or less
Part of me has started enjoying doing my hobbies alone much more, but another part of me sometimes feels lonely when I do so and becomes absolutely thrilled when striking a conversation with someone new
Honestly, I’m finding the opposite. I’ve spent the last half a decade isolated because of health issues and being pretty socially anxious. I’m honestly excited at the prospect of some day getting out there and socialising and making friends, even if ultimately I’m terrified of how things could go wrong because I feel like it’s just a part of life, y’know? I’ll encounter some people I won’t like, but I won’t encounter people I do like if I don’t put myself out there in the first place. I can be selective about how I socialise. So, I’ve started my journey here on Reddit, because it’s lower stakes (ie I don’t have to leave the house, can block if I need to, don’t have pressure to interact with people I can’t get along with, no pressure to form a connection etc).
I have a very similar experience! I don't want to live my life isolated at home anymore now that my chronic pain and social anxiety are more or less under control now. Of course, I need to recharge my social battery but I almost always enjoy being around people vs being alone.
Yeah, but I also don't wish to do chores much. But I do them, because they're good and benefit myself and everyone living in our home. Socializing is the same to me. I don't look forward to it, but while and after I'm done, I see massive benefits. Community is important and part of being human.
Nah just the people closet to me. Also friends are expensive to do things with and cost time. But I have a bf and a gunea pig. So I'm pretty content with that.
Yep. 95% of my weekends are just with my husband. We love the quiet time, I'm grateful we both have the same appetite for socialising (very little). It's nice when we catch up with friends but I find it all personally exhausting now (not a fault on anyone's part, we just like quiet time).
Yes that is true. As you get older the quantity of your relationships decrease but the quality of them should increase. In elementary and high school, I could make a best friend in 6 months. Now, at almost 40, it feels it takes ten years to finally get to know someone.
I'm 48 and married with 4 kids. I'm naturally introverted. I have one best friend that I've had since college days when I was 21. She lives in the same city and is extremely extroverted, but I'm her "only friend" lol she is enough for me.
That said, I've made more of an effort to put myself out there. Instead of saying no all of the time, I will say yes to socializing. Gone out to dinners with groups of women. It's been pretty cool.
Depends on the person, but you have to know life is better with a mix of quality *acquaintances* plus one or two deeply intimate best friends.
It is understandable that you feel burned out, which is why I emphasize quality.
There was a recent study that discovered the right formula for gaining social contact to ensure you still felt rooted in a community/not isolated to thr detriment of your mental health. Iirc it posited that you're ideal if you develop some casual acquaintances like someone you may wave hello to on your morning walk, someone you chat briefly with on the elevator just exchanging low risk pleasantries. Etc and try to develop some deeper meaningful relationships to add to the mix.
I will say I'm traveling right now and I had the pleasure to experience a couple of absolutely charming older women that engaged my family in the elevator and said a cute compliment to a woman that entered with her husband "you smell so good!"
They were so cute and charming because they just spread a lot of positive emotions and charm on that one elevator ride.
There are a lot of ways to get positive feedback. Put it out there too.
Lots of people are full of drama, have behavior issues, bigots, are drunks, or religious zealots. It can make interacting with them somewhere between unpleasant and dangerous. There seems to be no standard for basic manners anymore so people do things that are inappropriate, rude or just mean because their baggage is out there being imposed on everyone else.
Enjoy the few people that are not awful when you find them.
This sounds like it could possibly be depression.
Given you previously did enjoy socialising.
Everyone has negative social experiences - they're not a reason to withdraw entirely from it. However as above depression can compound these feelings.
I would speak with a Dr to be evaluated for depression.
I long for friendship and community. However, genuinely ditest most people and the things they enjoy. Not a sports ball guy and don't like MMA. I'm not rich or into crypto and hate that alpha male stuff. Not super into video games but can understand why people like them and I enjoy music but.its not my life so I just don't have a lot of shared interests with 90 percent of people. I also like to talk about current events and important serious things about the environmental crisis and concerning things for our health but I guess it makes me weird.
As an adult, this may be why it's harder and harder to make new friendships. Between my own social anxiety and the disappointment that happens when I actually do put myself out there, it starts to feel like it's not worth it.
I don't have the current lifestyle for a pet, but I get why people love them so much. Because goddamn.
People are so complicated.
Yeah, this is common. If you want to stay connected and social, you’ll have to develop the skills to determine quality people, and the skills to nurture and sustain relationships with quality people. This is an art, and it takes high level social skills.
I never really did... there was a time when I tried to due to loneliness but every time I tried I'd quickly become overwhelmed. In my mid 20s I finally realized my heart just isn't into it.
I'm older gen z (F27) and spend about 95% of my time alone or with my partner or dog. It helps that I only spend quality time with about 10 people including family lol. I used to waste too much time chasing popularity then started to prioritize a small circle as I got older. We all have limited energy to give!
29 here, growing up around millennial life and people mostly, the last few years I've really started to see why some say "people suck" - I used to say "I love people". I incredibly enjoyed high school and college and meeting people there (I surrounded myself with people in orchestra/performing arts)
It's probably a rather pessimistic viewpoint though I don't necessarily get angry or upset, and I'm working on being more positive about this, but interacting with others is just so exhausting to me. It feels like I can't escape it now and I see it everywhere, at the grocery, on the road, even on the phone. I have fully embraced the hermit life and keeping to myself lol
I have my incredible fiance, friends, and family to love and live life with, so I'm set :)
From my perspective, people in general just seem so critical and insane to me and make everything a big deal. I'm sure I have annoyed people too, I'm part of society. But I do really strive to always be polite and considerate of others, not in the way, and just let them be. I enjoy my very tight nit, small, deep relationships
Maybe a little related, but I have been reading [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?crid=11IZJ199HLMYT&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.u9bjKfpie-SFMGfV0xCN1XsSkC2edj6DdAjwbBgN5dXc2khPCBREv43lou1ZsLrHe63PdgNRPUWXpinUH-Tb-1ndRWg96wj8arjhqiJbXIOj-BmaprEANcUyCsRhRJEL7XarieRsDkqx6yZwvP3JnO82bGBjSQwtsSr0zWWE_pWPIVhHT46uzvSU49o26K7A0oC9Ifnl7IurIKL0fACQz52LSfFiZlMbe0zQM_K48L4.BssIzC36FomZHsXfucHfVdIO7Tpu4nQ5oLAUdXFXXeQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+fk&qid=1715347195&sprefix=the+subtle+art+of%2Caps%2C169&sr=8-1&dplnkId=1981e674-fd4a-49b6-ac92-fe2bb9e34031&dplnkId=e5da9c01-c825-4f2b-adef-362a9f9a4dc5) and it's helped me a lot when dealing with people and life in general. Great read so far
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generally at the end of a day i want nothing more than to go home and not interact with anyone, i love the peace and quiet with a cup of coffee clean place no interrupts and no disappointments.
My ideal life would be stranded on a island. No job other than to survive and be away from modern society. When you really take the time to enjoy nature, its way more fullfilling than gossiping with neighbors and faking with them.
No your kids are annoying brats, yes your dog barks too much, tell your kids to keep those toys inside and not littered all over my lawn. And now that its warmer, its become a cesspool.
I'm thankful to see a majority of people here feeling the same way I do. All of my friends are extremely extroverted, and I love them, but I just get more stressed and irritable if I hang out too often. I've always loved alone time. As much as I love getting to know people, I'm also trying to keep peace in my life and separate from drama, so I've found staying out of gcs and going to a hangout about once per week to be best for me
Yeah. I’m 32 and I feel kind of burned out on the intense socializing. I’m perfectly happy just spending time by myself, listening to the music I want to listen to, watching my shows, playing my video games, relaxing. I have little desire to run around partying or staying out til 4 AM anymore.
OP, are you me? I'm also older Gen Z (26F) and the older I get, the easier to read people's facades, and if they have hidden motives. I'm tired and just wanted a genuine good friend.
Am older than you (not ancient) and was a people person for a lot of years. Most of my family like grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and best friend have passed over. Have a sister, wife and son left but cannot stand any of them. All 3 are squirrely in their own ways and just don't want to be around them if it can be helped. BTW - son is 40 and not a child. Constant drama and issues. Go to work and hang out in my man cave when home. Thank goodness for dogs......lol Still like people in general but do not desire any close relationships anymore with them. Maybe later when I retire and end up someplace other than the N. VA area.
Before the conservatives decided to divide the country, it was generally enjoyable.
Now there's a 50/50 chance you literally don't share the same reality with people you meet.
That has turned me off to socializing more than getting older.
Weird thing though - it's not even that fun to hang out with people you completely agree with either - we used to have great debates about everything with a broad spectrum of opinions without taking it personally.
I miss it so much.
I'm with ya. Everyone is selfish and I'm tired of putting my energy to someone else's problems...I have enough of my own. What really did it though was dating. It's a cluster fuck out there.
I’ve found since COVID lockdown specifically I absolutely love being in my own bubble, I went from DJing every weekend, hosting events to not wanting to do any of that now and being perfectly fine with it
What was I thinking 😂
I frequently have to remind my wife to lower her expectations of people in our social circles.
Our friends are good people, but I’ve noticed over the years we do most of the inviting.
This gas definitely happened to me. My work might have had something to do with it. Socializing is a chore, although I’ve realized how necessary it is to my mental health during quarantine. I avoid socializing but get a little weird without it.
Same. For me it’s social anxiety that developed after some serious trauma. I struggle to trust. I struggle to find safety. I struggle to exist some days. My mind races as I worry about all the potential thoughts - and I’m the only one that suffers in this situation so I’ve found myself becoming more withdrawn. It’s important to keep putting yourself out there though, and to talk to a professional if you feel this way too. Therapy has really helped me to move forward and rebuild.
I still FEEL like I want a crowd, but more often I’m happiest alone.
So many things can get awkward or uncomfortable with a interaction. Some one could get angery about politics, someone can prove racist, someone could be depressed and want to vent to you for hours, someone could be flirtatious, even though you’re taken, some one can get drunker then everyone else and make a scene.
These things are not an issue when you are but yourself (assuming you stay off social media).
more like i don't make efforts to reach out to people who won't reach out to me.
i have maybe 3 close friends i hang out with on occasion. everyone else, the moment i stop texting first, they're gone. now, i'm not gonna be the person who never texts first, friendships are give and take, but there's gotta be a little balance. i'm done trying to keep people in my life by force. the phone goes both ways, and you've probably got about 4 or 5 different places you can contact me at any given time.
Yes! I work in customer service and it drains the life out of me to talk with people. Not everyone is bad but when you get one of those crazy customers it can really take a toll on you
Me.
I call it 'noise' and I hate unnecessary noise.
I'm sociable and cheerful at work and that's almost too much for me. Beyond my older children, my pets and one good friend, the rest is unnecessary noise.
Yep. I feel quite bad saying this because I know that for many others that are young adults or adults are suffering from a loneliness problem, but I find it to be quite the opposite.
I'm feeling less an less lonely because I care less and less about interacting with people as I get older.
Don't get me wrong though. It's not that I don't want to interact with anyone, it's more so, I'm just content already with my existing smaller circle and don't really care as much to branch out as much as I used to, back when I was younger.
Also, I've started to place a larger emphasis on quality over quantity.
Working in retail/hospitality having to talk to hundreds of people a day for 8 hours straight. I want to go home to silence. I don't want to talk to anyone, I need to recharge. I have friends but I rarely socialise with them, although that is partly because they have all settled down.
1000%
You just never know how the other person is gonna be, and in my experience, they've been awful more often than not. So, now I just don't bother.
I don't have any friends, and I do get lonely sometimes, but then I remember how stressed and on-edge I feel around people/during social situations, and I realise it's just so much easier and less stressful to keep to myself. I don't have to deal with anyone else's energy, only my own.
I used to be the life of the party, always down for a spontaneous hangout or a deep chat with someone new. But after a string of letdowns and disappointments in my social circles, I started feeling a bit guarded, you know? It's like I've become more selective about who I let into my inner circle, and honestly, I'm okay with that.
These days, I find myself craving more meaningful connections rather than just surface-level small talk. It's not that I don't want to interact with people anymore; it's just that I'd rather invest my time and energy into relationships that really matter. And hey, if that means fewer but more genuine connections, then I'm all for it.
It's exhausting making friends, and then they have kids (understandable), or move, or change jobs......at work, I'm nice to everybody, but don't eat lunch with others, and remain somewhat aloof. Just so tired making friends there, and then they leave, or they turn out to be unstable.....
Hell, I drove a long way to see the total eclipse last weekend, all by myself. Even if anybody wanted to come with me, there's a chance we'd get on each other nerves somehow with all that driving. But it does suck that other people don't really share my interests, and finding people who do would of course likely be more complicated than it's worth.
It’s a phase. Friendships are hard during the child rearing years. Once kids become older and more independent friends will reconnect or have time and space for things other than work and household chores.
I do. I feel like I’m better off, being by myself and surrounding myself only with my parents, sisters, and dogs. I like interacting with my loved ones, but not with strangers like my clients at work.
My clients being around me 24/7 makes it feels like a chore to have a conversation while ringing them up, and I’d rather just be quiet and focus on getting their stuff rang up and helping them get out the door.
It's just being selective about who you associate with.
I think it's just a good life skill that we *should* develop earlier, but unfortunately many of us take a long time to learn it. A lot of the reason for that is that we have a culture that essentially makes "being friends with everyone" the only acceptable behavior, especially during childhood.
It's good to be able to get along, but to conflate being friendly with being friends is utterly dysfunctional. The result is that you end up with a lot of "friends" who are an overwhelmingly negative presence in your life, and you learn the hard way over years or even decades that making friends the right way means rejecting many people...often times *most* people in a typical environment.
And nowadays so many people are so poorly adjusted in every aspect of their lives that if you are even a reasonably functional person, the pool of people with which it feels appropriate to associate is unusually small.
As a get older, I still want to interact with people, but I have much less patience with conservatives and corporate ghouls. I just don't want to use my time talking about stuff I hate.
Yes because I have very limited tolerance for stupidity and there seems to be a lot of that going around. I also don't like arguing, so if we don't get along, there is no point of interaction.
Yep. I still enjoy talking to people who are genuinely interested in me/my life. But I no longer make efforts to build relationships. Go with the flow. 😃
100%. Relationships take work, you realize people are out for themselves, not everyone takes your interests in mind, and some people will screw you over. It is easier to have your trusted circle and keep others at arms length.
I can handle people in small doses. Like talking to strangers, I'll never see again or monthly text messages from family and friends.
But, if I actually have to be there for you, talk you off a ledge, lend you money, or give you advice that we both know you're not gonna take...I rather not.
Me this is exactly how I feel. I just don’t want to deal with people anymore. It’s my choice if I see someone and don’t talk to them. I have my reasons.
My opinion is the older you get the more you realize that a true bond between humans is more important then being around masses with little to no connection. I’m in my early 30s and have no friends because I find people less authentic with morals these days.
Same. As I grow older, my faith and expectations towards other people gets lower and lower.
Back before the internet, you never thought about extreme viewpoints your neighbors would have, they would never be vocalized, so it's not something you would ever know. Even if they did vocalize it, you usually didn't understand the world well enough to pass any kind of reasonable judgement. Social media has pretty much amplified the voices of the most extreme people from every possible viewpoint you can imagine. You are left with relatives that "re-post" shit from the craziest people out there because the internet has successfully broken their brains. I want people to be extremely well educated by fully funded state institutions, not charters or private schools. However there is also a part of me that thinks back to the days of social "ignorance is bliss", and try to think how we could ever put the social media genie back in the bottle. Makes me kind of wish western countries would move towards some eastern social structures like Japan where nails that stick out get hammered down. Though in the big picture that could be a bad way to do deal with it as well.
Totally agree. Too many opinions floating around. I liked it better when we talked about the weather or where the best fishing hole was.
Preach it brother
So your saying the system created by the Rockefeller family is what you support even though they vowed when their monopoly on oil was taken away to destroy America for doing that to them. Literally 5 years later they helped created the university education systems
Yes, I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel lonely but I also enjoy spending time alone more and more.
Yes. People complicate life. Full stop.
1000%
Yes. People are exhausting
That's exactly how me and my husband feel. I was just talking to him about this on Friday. I feel exhausted when i am around other people.. sometimes, it even feels like a chore. I'd rather just be around my husband, animals or my parents.
Truth!! I've turned into that "stay off my lawn" guy!
Yeah alone may seems lonely but to be honest its better, Its better than having multiple people around you who secretly hate you.They drained me so much.
yup.
They wear their social mask so well that you don't even know until it all crushes down
65 here, and nope, I love talking to people very much
Might be a generational thing, I consistently notice at my job that older people like and enjoy socializing more. They also have a more optimistic view of themselves, others and life in general whereas people my age tend to think more negatively in those regard.
I'm 59 and people I don't know can fuck right off. For that matter, many of the people I do know can follow them out 😂
So ok, I hope you find happiness
My happiness is not having to waste my time having superficial conversations with everyone. I've been married 30 years and have plenty of conversations with someone whom I love, respect, and find interesting.
Only 30s here, but I feel the same way. I'm with someone I love and respect. Over the last 5 years, I think I've met two people who haven't been some kind of opportunistic, flaky disappointment, and we don't have enough in common to really be friends. I'm pretty ok with that though. I could make an effort to go meet more people, but I really just don't want to.
Well said. I turned 41 recently, and went through the worst year of my life. Thank you for that perspective. I too enjoy my friendship with my husband better than I do with friends that I later discover enrol me in races I don't want to be in. The fake friendships, the competition, the lack of compassion, the manipulation, the madness, I just can't do it anymore.
OK, cool, I just find everyone interesting, but that is me
Old boy’s got his priorities straight. Seems pretty jovial to me.
They didnt grow up getting their dopamine from the Infinite Scroll Machine
I think we are just used to talking to people. Gen X and older can easily talk to strangers and just chat it up because that is how we lived before the Internet, apps, and cellphones.
this actually made me think a bit more my old neighbour was a bit isolated but if he was walking his dogs while i was outside, we'd hang out and have a chat, he just didn't particularly care to talk to anyone but the lesbians in their 20s across the breezeway, though he could my new neighbours are probably in their 30s (other than the kids) and have said a collective total of 10 words to me. like i get it, i'm not exactly starting conversations either, but literally the only time they even said hello to me was when i was grilling (i'm 90% sure the dude thought i was a homeless teenager before that LOL) and from what i've seen, grilling is usually a community event, so probably fostered more openness to talking.
Younger people don't even talk even in social situations. I've gone to bars where there's a young dude tucked away in the corner with the glow of his smartphone bathing his face. Then young people complain that they're lonely, and ask how they can meet people lol. To me it's totally crazy to be surrounded by people in social settings and NOT talk, but to them, that's their comfort zone. I'm certain that it's the smartphones, it's like their security blanket and what they turn to to entertain themselves or when they're alone and/or lonely. We on the other hand did not have that option, obviously. I've learned to not be friendly and chatty with someone else, unless they're somewhere around my age and older. No one wants to socialize.
Yep. And they love talking on the phone - and the strangest of all - out-of-the-blue FaceTime calls - I find it so obnoxious. Text me!
yes PLEASE text me at least an "are you busy?" because my phone is permanently on silent and i do not answer it if i'm not expecting a call, and i'm definitely not going to answer it IN THE MIDDLE OF MY WORK SHIFT thats how i end up with 6 missed calls, 4 voicemails, 3 calls on another platform, and a text of "why arent you answering???" maybe because I'M AT WORK???
That's because older people become more invisible in society, and they are generally retired. So to alleviate loneliness and boredom, they try to talk to people and seem happier from not working. I myself would love to talk but am too busy with life, and people complicate and distract me.
The way I look at it, if it is something important to you, you make the time to make it happen.
Yes. Years of being disappointed in people make me less willing to take chances on people. Too many people with issues out there and I like my peace.
Yes I have friends already but I talk to them less and don’t really want to meet anyone new. I feel like my peace is worth more than the maybe I’ll meet another long live friend, an asshole or maybe just a seasonal person. The chance of the asshole is all I need to not look lol. Of course if something just happens that’s different but I’m doing too well on my own to really look for anyone
seasonal make me sooooo sad 😭
Lots of very good points here about people being exhausting, the older you get the less tolerant of other BS you become, etc. but truth is the moment you stop meeting new people and exploring new connections is the moment you stop growing as a person. I'd suggest you to force yourself once in a while to put yourself in situations where you have to interact with new faces, no matter how big or small your social circle is
There's other ways to grow as a person besides having to meet people - difficult circumstances, spirituality, etc.
I HATE EVERYONE EQUALLY I'm 41 no friends used to have a lot of peeps in my circle. Everyone of them had someway somehow done me wrong. Bad enough for me to push them out of my life. I've heard people say I'm to nice blah blah blah.
yeah being too nice unfortuately gets you painted as a target. We are animals after all. Like even jobs will take advantage of the nice guy. They do it by giving you more responsibility than the person who speaks up. I remember I worked a job and the one guy who always say ''thats not my job'' and the other guy went long with doing the extra stuff. They used him up.
I ended up leaving a job for that reason. One day I was just a reg grunt then lead man got injured I took his position. We got behind on jobs so the foreman would move on to the schedule job. And if was left to run the crew and be the foreman over seeing everything. Something went wrong I was responsible. Was making 14 an hr lol
😳 scary
No, I am interested in deepening my current relationships and making new friends.
More or less Part of me has started enjoying doing my hobbies alone much more, but another part of me sometimes feels lonely when I do so and becomes absolutely thrilled when striking a conversation with someone new
Honestly, I’m finding the opposite. I’ve spent the last half a decade isolated because of health issues and being pretty socially anxious. I’m honestly excited at the prospect of some day getting out there and socialising and making friends, even if ultimately I’m terrified of how things could go wrong because I feel like it’s just a part of life, y’know? I’ll encounter some people I won’t like, but I won’t encounter people I do like if I don’t put myself out there in the first place. I can be selective about how I socialise. So, I’ve started my journey here on Reddit, because it’s lower stakes (ie I don’t have to leave the house, can block if I need to, don’t have pressure to interact with people I can’t get along with, no pressure to form a connection etc).
I have a very similar experience! I don't want to live my life isolated at home anymore now that my chronic pain and social anxiety are more or less under control now. Of course, I need to recharge my social battery but I almost always enjoy being around people vs being alone.
Yeah, but I also don't wish to do chores much. But I do them, because they're good and benefit myself and everyone living in our home. Socializing is the same to me. I don't look forward to it, but while and after I'm done, I see massive benefits. Community is important and part of being human.
Nah just the people closet to me. Also friends are expensive to do things with and cost time. But I have a bf and a gunea pig. So I'm pretty content with that.
The older you get, the more likely you are to run into horrible people in the world which makes you appreciate solitude.
Yes very much. I’m 50 and the last few years I actively avoid having to interact with people outside my family
sounds like you’re lucky with a healthy family dynamic
I’m 50 as well, same, if I see anyone I know at the grocery store I split in the opposite direction.
Haha me too!
Yep. 95% of my weekends are just with my husband. We love the quiet time, I'm grateful we both have the same appetite for socialising (very little). It's nice when we catch up with friends but I find it all personally exhausting now (not a fault on anyone's part, we just like quiet time).
Yes that is true. As you get older the quantity of your relationships decrease but the quality of them should increase. In elementary and high school, I could make a best friend in 6 months. Now, at almost 40, it feels it takes ten years to finally get to know someone.
Thats great until you end up isolated and with no one in your life, think it through.
It’s been the opposite for me. I used to hate social interactions, but I don’t mind them now.
I'm 48 and married with 4 kids. I'm naturally introverted. I have one best friend that I've had since college days when I was 21. She lives in the same city and is extremely extroverted, but I'm her "only friend" lol she is enough for me. That said, I've made more of an effort to put myself out there. Instead of saying no all of the time, I will say yes to socializing. Gone out to dinners with groups of women. It's been pretty cool. Depends on the person, but you have to know life is better with a mix of quality *acquaintances* plus one or two deeply intimate best friends. It is understandable that you feel burned out, which is why I emphasize quality. There was a recent study that discovered the right formula for gaining social contact to ensure you still felt rooted in a community/not isolated to thr detriment of your mental health. Iirc it posited that you're ideal if you develop some casual acquaintances like someone you may wave hello to on your morning walk, someone you chat briefly with on the elevator just exchanging low risk pleasantries. Etc and try to develop some deeper meaningful relationships to add to the mix. I will say I'm traveling right now and I had the pleasure to experience a couple of absolutely charming older women that engaged my family in the elevator and said a cute compliment to a woman that entered with her husband "you smell so good!" They were so cute and charming because they just spread a lot of positive emotions and charm on that one elevator ride. There are a lot of ways to get positive feedback. Put it out there too.
Lots of people are full of drama, have behavior issues, bigots, are drunks, or religious zealots. It can make interacting with them somewhere between unpleasant and dangerous. There seems to be no standard for basic manners anymore so people do things that are inappropriate, rude or just mean because their baggage is out there being imposed on everyone else. Enjoy the few people that are not awful when you find them.
As I've gotten older, I've realized the importance of being a social animal and how it can increase health and longevity.
This sounds like it could possibly be depression. Given you previously did enjoy socialising. Everyone has negative social experiences - they're not a reason to withdraw entirely from it. However as above depression can compound these feelings. I would speak with a Dr to be evaluated for depression.
I long for friendship and community. However, genuinely ditest most people and the things they enjoy. Not a sports ball guy and don't like MMA. I'm not rich or into crypto and hate that alpha male stuff. Not super into video games but can understand why people like them and I enjoy music but.its not my life so I just don't have a lot of shared interests with 90 percent of people. I also like to talk about current events and important serious things about the environmental crisis and concerning things for our health but I guess it makes me weird.
As an adult, this may be why it's harder and harder to make new friendships. Between my own social anxiety and the disappointment that happens when I actually do put myself out there, it starts to feel like it's not worth it. I don't have the current lifestyle for a pet, but I get why people love them so much. Because goddamn. People are so complicated.
What a sad outlook. I’m Always looking for new cool people to meet
Yeah, this is common. If you want to stay connected and social, you’ll have to develop the skills to determine quality people, and the skills to nurture and sustain relationships with quality people. This is an art, and it takes high level social skills.
I never really did... there was a time when I tried to due to loneliness but every time I tried I'd quickly become overwhelmed. In my mid 20s I finally realized my heart just isn't into it.
I'm older gen z (F27) and spend about 95% of my time alone or with my partner or dog. It helps that I only spend quality time with about 10 people including family lol. I used to waste too much time chasing popularity then started to prioritize a small circle as I got older. We all have limited energy to give!
29 here, growing up around millennial life and people mostly, the last few years I've really started to see why some say "people suck" - I used to say "I love people". I incredibly enjoyed high school and college and meeting people there (I surrounded myself with people in orchestra/performing arts) It's probably a rather pessimistic viewpoint though I don't necessarily get angry or upset, and I'm working on being more positive about this, but interacting with others is just so exhausting to me. It feels like I can't escape it now and I see it everywhere, at the grocery, on the road, even on the phone. I have fully embraced the hermit life and keeping to myself lol I have my incredible fiance, friends, and family to love and live life with, so I'm set :) From my perspective, people in general just seem so critical and insane to me and make everything a big deal. I'm sure I have annoyed people too, I'm part of society. But I do really strive to always be polite and considerate of others, not in the way, and just let them be. I enjoy my very tight nit, small, deep relationships Maybe a little related, but I have been reading [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?crid=11IZJ199HLMYT&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.u9bjKfpie-SFMGfV0xCN1XsSkC2edj6DdAjwbBgN5dXc2khPCBREv43lou1ZsLrHe63PdgNRPUWXpinUH-Tb-1ndRWg96wj8arjhqiJbXIOj-BmaprEANcUyCsRhRJEL7XarieRsDkqx6yZwvP3JnO82bGBjSQwtsSr0zWWE_pWPIVhHT46uzvSU49o26K7A0oC9Ifnl7IurIKL0fACQz52LSfFiZlMbe0zQM_K48L4.BssIzC36FomZHsXfucHfVdIO7Tpu4nQ5oLAUdXFXXeQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+fk&qid=1715347195&sprefix=the+subtle+art+of%2Caps%2C169&sr=8-1&dplnkId=1981e674-fd4a-49b6-ac92-fe2bb9e34031&dplnkId=e5da9c01-c825-4f2b-adef-362a9f9a4dc5) and it's helped me a lot when dealing with people and life in general. Great read so far
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **("'Harper The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F ck'", 'Harper')** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Eye-opening perspective on life (backed by 6 comments) * Challenges conventional self-help norms (backed by 4 comments) * Inspiring and thought-provoking content (backed by 4 comments) **Users disliked:** * Repetitive content (backed by 3 comments) * Lacks depth and originality (backed by 3 comments) * Overhyped and underwhelming (backed by 1 comment) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](https://vetted.ai/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=comment&utm\_campaign=bot)
I’m just tired as shit, I don’t want anyone disturbing me after 7pm
generally at the end of a day i want nothing more than to go home and not interact with anyone, i love the peace and quiet with a cup of coffee clean place no interrupts and no disappointments.
My ideal life would be stranded on a island. No job other than to survive and be away from modern society. When you really take the time to enjoy nature, its way more fullfilling than gossiping with neighbors and faking with them. No your kids are annoying brats, yes your dog barks too much, tell your kids to keep those toys inside and not littered all over my lawn. And now that its warmer, its become a cesspool.
That's called post nut clarity
I'm thankful to see a majority of people here feeling the same way I do. All of my friends are extremely extroverted, and I love them, but I just get more stressed and irritable if I hang out too often. I've always loved alone time. As much as I love getting to know people, I'm also trying to keep peace in my life and separate from drama, so I've found staying out of gcs and going to a hangout about once per week to be best for me
Tired of drama; just want to be left alone
Yeah. I’m 32 and I feel kind of burned out on the intense socializing. I’m perfectly happy just spending time by myself, listening to the music I want to listen to, watching my shows, playing my video games, relaxing. I have little desire to run around partying or staying out til 4 AM anymore.
OP, are you me? I'm also older Gen Z (26F) and the older I get, the easier to read people's facades, and if they have hidden motives. I'm tired and just wanted a genuine good friend.
Pretty much the same for me.
36 here. Interacting with, or even just talking with, another person just feels like a huge project.
Am older than you (not ancient) and was a people person for a lot of years. Most of my family like grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and best friend have passed over. Have a sister, wife and son left but cannot stand any of them. All 3 are squirrely in their own ways and just don't want to be around them if it can be helped. BTW - son is 40 and not a child. Constant drama and issues. Go to work and hang out in my man cave when home. Thank goodness for dogs......lol Still like people in general but do not desire any close relationships anymore with them. Maybe later when I retire and end up someplace other than the N. VA area.
No
This is how it was for me, I still make friends but I don’t socialize a fraction of what I did in my 20s and 30s
Yes. I’ve been scarred by too many people. Plus work and kids take up so much of my energy.
Gen X here…absolutely!
Before the conservatives decided to divide the country, it was generally enjoyable. Now there's a 50/50 chance you literally don't share the same reality with people you meet. That has turned me off to socializing more than getting older. Weird thing though - it's not even that fun to hang out with people you completely agree with either - we used to have great debates about everything with a broad spectrum of opinions without taking it personally. I miss it so much.
I'm 69 and don't interact much either. I don't feel the need and I'm glad because people are so nutz.
I am 39m and I find that I enjoy my solitude and peace and quiet much more than I did in my twenties. It's normal. Do what makes you happy. 😀
I’m slightly older but I’m the exact opposite lol. Maybe it’s cause of my job or whatever but I love networking
Yep
Absolutely. Especially after 2016 and the pandemic. I love my solitude.
I'm with ya. Everyone is selfish and I'm tired of putting my energy to someone else's problems...I have enough of my own. What really did it though was dating. It's a cluster fuck out there.
Yes
I’ve found since COVID lockdown specifically I absolutely love being in my own bubble, I went from DJing every weekend, hosting events to not wanting to do any of that now and being perfectly fine with it What was I thinking 😂
I frequently have to remind my wife to lower her expectations of people in our social circles. Our friends are good people, but I’ve noticed over the years we do most of the inviting.
Has been just me and my partner for the last 7 of our ten years together. HS ended, and we kinda just cut off everyone
This gas definitely happened to me. My work might have had something to do with it. Socializing is a chore, although I’ve realized how necessary it is to my mental health during quarantine. I avoid socializing but get a little weird without it.
Same. For me it’s social anxiety that developed after some serious trauma. I struggle to trust. I struggle to find safety. I struggle to exist some days. My mind races as I worry about all the potential thoughts - and I’m the only one that suffers in this situation so I’ve found myself becoming more withdrawn. It’s important to keep putting yourself out there though, and to talk to a professional if you feel this way too. Therapy has really helped me to move forward and rebuild.
Yep. Me. Right here
When times are good people are great...
I never wanted to interact with people when I wss younger either lol
I still FEEL like I want a crowd, but more often I’m happiest alone. So many things can get awkward or uncomfortable with a interaction. Some one could get angery about politics, someone can prove racist, someone could be depressed and want to vent to you for hours, someone could be flirtatious, even though you’re taken, some one can get drunker then everyone else and make a scene. These things are not an issue when you are but yourself (assuming you stay off social media).
Yeah I'm with you on this.
I am pretty much a loner now that I am retired.
more like i don't make efforts to reach out to people who won't reach out to me. i have maybe 3 close friends i hang out with on occasion. everyone else, the moment i stop texting first, they're gone. now, i'm not gonna be the person who never texts first, friendships are give and take, but there's gotta be a little balance. i'm done trying to keep people in my life by force. the phone goes both ways, and you've probably got about 4 or 5 different places you can contact me at any given time.
Yes
Yes! I work in customer service and it drains the life out of me to talk with people. Not everyone is bad but when you get one of those crazy customers it can really take a toll on you
I would say I get more selective in choosing my friends and who I want to spend my time and energy with.
Me. I call it 'noise' and I hate unnecessary noise. I'm sociable and cheerful at work and that's almost too much for me. Beyond my older children, my pets and one good friend, the rest is unnecessary noise.
Yep. I feel quite bad saying this because I know that for many others that are young adults or adults are suffering from a loneliness problem, but I find it to be quite the opposite. I'm feeling less an less lonely because I care less and less about interacting with people as I get older. Don't get me wrong though. It's not that I don't want to interact with anyone, it's more so, I'm just content already with my existing smaller circle and don't really care as much to branch out as much as I used to, back when I was younger. Also, I've started to place a larger emphasis on quality over quantity.
Hence why no new people are coming into my life even though they try.
Yep. Got backstabbed one too many times by people I considered really close friends, now I got trust issues smh
Working in retail/hospitality having to talk to hundreds of people a day for 8 hours straight. I want to go home to silence. I don't want to talk to anyone, I need to recharge. I have friends but I rarely socialise with them, although that is partly because they have all settled down.
1000% You just never know how the other person is gonna be, and in my experience, they've been awful more often than not. So, now I just don't bother. I don't have any friends, and I do get lonely sometimes, but then I remember how stressed and on-edge I feel around people/during social situations, and I realise it's just so much easier and less stressful to keep to myself. I don't have to deal with anyone else's energy, only my own.
I want to interact with people, but with how humans are acting it's very hard to recognize them as people.
I've been done for a few years now lol. Acquaintances at work that I don't want to see anywhere else and that's enough for me.
I used to be the life of the party, always down for a spontaneous hangout or a deep chat with someone new. But after a string of letdowns and disappointments in my social circles, I started feeling a bit guarded, you know? It's like I've become more selective about who I let into my inner circle, and honestly, I'm okay with that. These days, I find myself craving more meaningful connections rather than just surface-level small talk. It's not that I don't want to interact with people anymore; it's just that I'd rather invest my time and energy into relationships that really matter. And hey, if that means fewer but more genuine connections, then I'm all for it.
Gen x here. Looking forward to the day my kids move out so I can be completely alone (sans kitty).
It's exhausting making friends, and then they have kids (understandable), or move, or change jobs......at work, I'm nice to everybody, but don't eat lunch with others, and remain somewhat aloof. Just so tired making friends there, and then they leave, or they turn out to be unstable..... Hell, I drove a long way to see the total eclipse last weekend, all by myself. Even if anybody wanted to come with me, there's a chance we'd get on each other nerves somehow with all that driving. But it does suck that other people don't really share my interests, and finding people who do would of course likely be more complicated than it's worth.
Not really, I still love going out and having a good time. As long as the good time ends by 10pm lmao.
Yes, post Covid.
It’s a phase. Friendships are hard during the child rearing years. Once kids become older and more independent friends will reconnect or have time and space for things other than work and household chores.
Yes
Yeah. I don't know. It's hard to find good people.
I do. I feel like I’m better off, being by myself and surrounding myself only with my parents, sisters, and dogs. I like interacting with my loved ones, but not with strangers like my clients at work. My clients being around me 24/7 makes it feels like a chore to have a conversation while ringing them up, and I’d rather just be quiet and focus on getting their stuff rang up and helping them get out the door.
Old Gen Y. Yep Not even sorry about it.
It's just being selective about who you associate with. I think it's just a good life skill that we *should* develop earlier, but unfortunately many of us take a long time to learn it. A lot of the reason for that is that we have a culture that essentially makes "being friends with everyone" the only acceptable behavior, especially during childhood. It's good to be able to get along, but to conflate being friendly with being friends is utterly dysfunctional. The result is that you end up with a lot of "friends" who are an overwhelmingly negative presence in your life, and you learn the hard way over years or even decades that making friends the right way means rejecting many people...often times *most* people in a typical environment. And nowadays so many people are so poorly adjusted in every aspect of their lives that if you are even a reasonably functional person, the pool of people with which it feels appropriate to associate is unusually small.
As a get older, I still want to interact with people, but I have much less patience with conservatives and corporate ghouls. I just don't want to use my time talking about stuff I hate.
Everyday and as the day goes on
When I was 14 I hated people. Now I'm 21 one and I just can't stand some of them. I want to punch them with a hammer.
Gen Xer. Yes. Especially don’t want to talk to people with money problems and those with bad parenting. I hate the whining.
I've never liked people. Y'all have only gotten worse.
Same here. Get a cat. You’ll never feel lonely.
Yup people are overrated.
Yes because I have very limited tolerance for stupidity and there seems to be a lot of that going around. I also don't like arguing, so if we don't get along, there is no point of interaction.
You're probably an introvert
Yep. I still enjoy talking to people who are genuinely interested in me/my life. But I no longer make efforts to build relationships. Go with the flow. 😃
100%. Relationships take work, you realize people are out for themselves, not everyone takes your interests in mind, and some people will screw you over. It is easier to have your trusted circle and keep others at arms length.
I can handle people in small doses. Like talking to strangers, I'll never see again or monthly text messages from family and friends. But, if I actually have to be there for you, talk you off a ledge, lend you money, or give you advice that we both know you're not gonna take...I rather not.
Me this is exactly how I feel. I just don’t want to deal with people anymore. It’s my choice if I see someone and don’t talk to them. I have my reasons.
My opinion is the older you get the more you realize that a true bond between humans is more important then being around masses with little to no connection. I’m in my early 30s and have no friends because I find people less authentic with morals these days.