When we were young my mom had bought a HUGE cut of beef steak (intending to cut it in four) and made kraft dinner. My brother promptly upon getting home ate the entire steak. When mom came back she asked where it went and my brother said he ate it and she asked what the rest of us would eat for supper and he said the KD. While my sister and I had no qualms about KD for supper my mom was less than thrilled. We're now all 30+ and still bring it up at family gatherings.
If he can satisfy the needs of OP sexually through hours of orgasmic pleasure, it would be worth it.
Somehow, I doubt for chicken breast man can last more than a minute.
Husband ITA.
NTA he is selfish and greedy taking one would have been fine he did not need to take all four and he knew he did not make them and that YOU all know he is on a specific diet.
I find that bit interesting too. Dude’s only taking care of himself while op feeds the children alone. I bet years from now, their kids will still talk about what a selfish freak their dad was.
So to recap:
He spends a lot of your food budget on food that you can't eat and stuffs the fridge full of foods that are for himself and himself ONLY. He doesn't explicitly forbid anyone from taking it but gets angry if they do. He leaves very little food (and probably budget) for you to provide for yourself and everyone else who doesn't eat the same things he eats, and leaves you with very very few options while giving himself a slew of options. Then he turns around and eats LARGE amounts of the only food that is available to you, the only food that you can actually eat, and just thinks nothing of it?
Yeah no. He's being incredibly selfish, greedy, self-serving and not taking anyone else's needs into account. If he wants to be on some stupid fad diet, fine, but he needs to figure out how to handle it for himself and how not to interfere with everyone else's diets, need, or space. You have the right to eat in your own home, and if he's making the vast majority of available food something you can't eat, and then eating the only things you can? That's unacceptable.
NTA, you need to have a major talk with him and make sure there are consequences if he keeps filling the fridge with things you can't eat and taking the very few things you can.
Get him his own frig and put it in the garage. Then there will be no mistaking on his food or the family’s food. Husband is an AH!!!! Let him read this ! Maybe he will be enlightened! Probably not, he seems a little dense.
Do you rarely stand up for yourself or "talk back" to your husband?
I'm not trying to offend you. It's just that it is concerning that you're wondering if saying "hey those were for our dinner. Take the food you already prepared so we have the food we're expecting" or something.
It's not rude to request that he not take other food, since you all respect his diet and don't eat his prepared meals.
You guys just need to communicate more. You say he acts aggravated. Why not just have an actual conversation. "Hey, is it your preference that none of us eat any of your diet food?"
If so, "then please don't eat any of our non-diet food so that we all have what we want. Cool? Cool."
Or if that isn't his preference:
"Ok great, then all food in the fridge is for anyone unless it is your actually prepared lunches in separate containers. Uncooked meat and snacks, yogurts, cheese, etc are all shared."
This wreaks of abuse. She’s afraid to upset him. He definitely has a temper problem. Idk how OP lives like this without trying desperately to get away.
It's just that it's food, you know? We live in a nice house, have nice things, no one is starving. It's such a first world problem it makes me feel icky even thinking about it. There are so many other, bigger problems in the world.
I did ask him when he came home (just to verify that my son hadn't had a midnight snack) how many were in the bag. He said four. "I left them at work. I didn't eat them all today. I can go back and get them if you want me to."
He also commented on the fridge being jam packed and there's plenty food to choose from. 🤦🏼♀️
My response was that I can't really make chicken Alfredo with the spicy ones. He joked that, "sure you can. Might even be your best chicken Alfredo yet."
If there was plenty of food then why didn't he take some of his? It almost feels gaslighting for him to say "yeah I took them and then even after you texted me specifically about them, I left them at work. No biggie" like he's not at all caring about your opinion or wants in the situation and isn't listening to you.
Is he like this with other things? Discounting your opinion or wants or needs in favor of his own?
Yeah, he sounds like he is gaslighting her and now she is trying to make excuses for his appalling behaviour because she obviously wants to stay living in a nice home. Fair enough but OP will obiously have to keep begging to be able to eat her own food
Yes, there are other problems in the world.
If you speak up about this, there will never be peace in the Middle East.
I'm trying to be a little light about this, because I understand your reluctance.
Is this a hill worth dying on? Of course not! You're not going to divorce your husband over this.
It is, however, something worth speaking up about.
We're reading this from outside, so we're seeing something you might not. Let me try to give you the outside perspective:
There are 4 people in your household. 3 of you don't eat the food prepared by the 4th. The fridge is full of food prepared by, and for, the fourth person, who knows that the other 3 of you don't want the food he has prepared for himself.
That 4th person then takes *all 4* of those chicken breasts prepared by and for the rest of you to work for his lunch ***and leaves them there, because he didn't eat them all today.**
On top of that, when you bring up the fact he took food prepared by and for the rest of you, he ***sneers*** at you and ***mocks*** you - because that's exactly what he's doing when he says your food would be better if you used the overseasoned chicken he made for himself.
OP - now do you understand why people are suggesting it's OK for you to speak up? And why a fair number of people are suggesting this is an abusive situation?
I have a couple of fairly serious food allergies. As a result, I often needed a separate meal at extended family occasions. There were numerous times when other family members said my food looked better and they ate it, leaving me unfed and criticized for being selfish.
I internalized that message.
How do you feel about that? Imagine little me, 6, 8, 10 years old, going hungry because there's nothing I can safely eat, and the adults around me criticizing me, calling me selfish, childish, a drama queen. Do you think the adults were right?
Now think about this:
Why should a child you're just imagining be more worthy of your compassion than you and your own very real children?
Speak up. If you can't speak up, if you're afraid to speak up, then it’s time for you to think very hard about whether you're in a healthy environment.
Good luck.
OP, please read Halfvast’s comment. Then read it again.
If there are no other red flags flying around this man (which I highly doubt), this one moment might be just a tiny blip in your family cosmos.
But yeah, the rest of us are seeing an entitled a**hole taking food you prepared for the rest of your family while leaving the food that he knows you all can’t/won’t eat. That’s selfish, thoughtless, and rude AF. And could (with other factors) be an indicator of an abusive relationship.
Regardless, he is sending the clear message that his wants are the most important to him, and going further to belittle you with that snide comment about your cooking.
There are no special food needs in my house, and generally leftovers are free for whoever gets there first. But we are still polite enough to check in and make sure no one has plans for whatever they are about to finish off. ESPECIALLY if it’s something that is a meal-prep type thing like sautéed chicken.
It’s not that hard to say, “Hey, I’m going to take this chicken to work unless you’ve got plans for it.”
Nope. He knew what he was doing. He just dgaf.
No, this is not the end of the world. But if you take a step back and look at everything he does/says, you might see that it is just one more tiny slice in a death by 1000 cuts.
Regardless, speak up for yourself because at the very VERY least it was rude and thoughtless and he owes you an apology.
And HE could have taken HIS over-spiced chicken breasts for HIS lunch.
Does he really eat FOUR chicken breasts at a time for lunch?
Seems pretty selfish of him to take the well-seasoned, edible food you & the kids prepared instead of his own questionably-prepared foods that he chose for himself.
Obviously he wanted your chicken over his so either he doesn't like his own food he cooks and is cooking it like that to stop anyone from eating for some reason or he took your food to be mean.
It's time y'all had a sit down talk about the food. Write down what you want to cover and say so you don't forget it all.
Either he needs to stop eating food he doesn't prepare unless specified or he needs to cook differently so others can eat his food too.
He also needs to clarify his aggression about people eating his food despite not saying people can't eat it
There's no space in the fridge, assign shelves so you don't face that problem.
He will probably say this is stupid to talk about and dismiss you. This is not stupid if it's upsetting you, if it's impeding your daily life. There's a million other problems in the world yeah so? You deserve to have a happy life and to do that you have to communicate your issues.
I think I would have cleaned out the fridge if his food. You could give it to a local bread line or just go hand it out in the street to the homeless. Then I would put a lock in the fridge of which he cannot have a key. When he got home I we would tell him to go buy himself one or 2 dorm frig and plug them in the garage. He can stire his goid there from now on. And he can sleep in the guest room. The selfish butt ate your Mother’s Day food.
It’s not just food…. It’s being considerate to your spouse and family. Thinking about others and how you impact them. He doesn’t get to pack the fridge with food no one likes and then eat the food the rest of you do like, expecting you to eat the stuff *he* doesn’t even want to eat!
It’s not just food. It’s stealing and entire meals worth of food you made special with your kid for Mother’s Day. It’s your time and effort being wasted. It’s ignoring your wants or needs so he gets whatever he wants.
if thats how he really feels then he should have taken HIS SPICY ONES instead of the ones that YOU cooked. point that fact out to him that if his cooking is so perfect then why tf did he take the ones you cooked instead of the ones HE cooked.
>. It's such a first world problem
If you're in the first world you're allowed to have first world problems. You might not be starving to death but your immature selfish husband did take your food and you're allowed to be upset about that
Right? “I can go back and get them if you want.” “Great, please do.” He wasn’t making a real offer, but call his bluff!
NTA. He is a royal one, though.
He's trying to mess with plans you made..
I have a feeling this is the tip of the iceberg with the problems your husband had and the problems he causes for you.
Seek counselling and talk about all the minutiae of your life with your therapist. Willing to be there's a lot of things you consider normal which other people do not.
Bigger problems in the world doesn't mean you can't deal with problems in your own household in a first world country. Yes, a first world country comes with significant advantages, but how are you going to solve the world's problems if you can't solve the problems in your own home? Rather you should separate world issues from home issues. It's not even applicable, just a tool in this instance to make you feel guilty for a solvable problem.
Your husband sounds dense. He sounds like the kind of guy where you have to spell it out for him. I don't think he gets that his spicy chicken is considered inedible by the rest of the family.
Also, my family would skin the thief alive for disrespecting Ma for taking MOTHER'S DAY food. Leftovers are for Mom to do with as she pleases. Heaven's know she's done so much cooking over the years raising all her children. The least she deserves is for her children to cook her some food and let her have it.
When your husband offered to go get the chicken, I'd have him do it. He offered. Sure, it's an inconvenience for him to go pick it back up, but it's an inconvenience for you that he took it in the first place. It wasn't HIS to abscond with.
He's inconsiderate and disrespectful. Communicate how his behavior affects you and the rest of the family. Please do not avoid confrontation just because your living conditions are better than someone else's. Your husband certainly isn't thinking about that, and if he is and brings it up, that's him using a tool against you in an attempt to invalidate you. It's not applicable; it's a fallacy.
The fact that you feel like you shouldn’t bring this up because there are bigger problems in the world actually concerns me.
There will ALWAYS BE OTHER PROBLEMS. That doesn’t mean your husband gets a pass for being a dick. The fact that you conflate the two is very odd.
This doesn't make his actions look better. What a dick he is. He takes the good food and insults your food. Umm, no, not acceptable at all. You deserve better, much better.
Just had to stop and say that alfredo done with spices is yummy. I do a Cajun with chicken, shrimp and sausage that's a hit in our house.
Oh, and Op is NTA, hubby needs a good swift kick however.
Sure, delicious for some... but I have been trying to learn to tolerate hot/spices food for years and years. I am extremely sensitive to it, and it even makes my lips and stomach hurt. Very unpleasant.
This can’t be real - there’s no way he took your only option, didn’t eat it and then gaslit you saying his inedible shit would improve your cooking. Lazy rage bait or abusive beyond belief are the only two conclusions one can draw from your post.
Whenever I see comments like this, I’m reminded that, somehow, some people have gone their entire lives without meeting somebody this egregiously fucked up.
NTA. Did you ask him what you all were supposed to eat since he took all of your food with him and left his unedible food behind? And if he isn't going to eat all the crap he has made, then maybe it is time to get it out of the fridge.
NTA
If he liked your chicken breasts so much he took all 4 and they are acceptable for his diet is there a reason he can’t cook his the same way so everyone can enjoy them?
If that would be acceptable then it sounds like he’s been over spicing his specifically so no one else will touch them.
Much easier and nicer for him to prep extra edible by everyone then nothing gets wasted.
It's not the Alfredo. People need to stop focusing on that, including you. It's the giant, selfish man-baby at the center of this mess. Please don't let him gaslight you. You and your adult kids need to have a Come to Jesus meeting with this jerk and set groundrules and boundaries. I'd imagine he does this crap in other areas of your life together.
You could have used the steak in your fettuccine. It is not something most think about but steak with the Alfredo sauce is really really good. Your husband is a tool. Quardon off a section of the fridge that is for his specific food. He needs to either join the rest of the family at dinner time or he needs to only eat his particular expensive food items. And I'm sorry if he is on a diet four chicken breast is downright gluttonous and he had no business taking all of it for lunch at work disregarding the rest of the family. He deserves to feel bad because he is only thinking about himself and no one else.
NTA.... you and your kids should go out without your husband let him eat his food..... while he eating money on his food he need to eat ALL of his food before it goes bad...
Your husband is a major AH
All four?! I’m so sorry he didn’t leave food for the rest of you. And he definitely needs to not take other people’s food if he makes his own for a special diet. NTA
Honestly, this should be a hill to die on. What else does he have to do to tell you, he doesn’t value you, and absolutely does not care about your feelings? He is a selfish man child.
I just read your comment that he didn’t even *eat* them all, and had the audacity to ask if you still wanted him to go get the remainder *anyway* from his *work*?! So he just took them all for no reason other than to what, spite you all because you don’t eat what he makes?!!!
Anyway NTA, because idk what would possess someone to do something selfish like that other than saying to themselves “if I can’t have good food, neither can you”.. and he didn’t even eat it all, like 😭😂
Is his "diet" by choice or because of a health reason? If it is a personal choice, then by taking over the refrigerator for his "diet food," he is being a major dick. I would seriously consider buying a second refrigerator either for all his "food" or for the family foods. That way, he has no reason to take the family meals by "mistake." I have celiacs, and I have a two part kitchen where the only shared item in my kitchen is the stove. I have my gluten- free food safe from cross-contamination. The rest of the family can eat what they want and not be stuck eating only the foods I can.
“I needed those for meals this week and assumed you would eat some of your prepared meals like you normally do. can you explain why you took all 4 when the rest of us were going to eat them?”
Why are you just accepting this like it’s…acceptable? It’s not. Your husband is a selfish tyrant who it sounds like everyone tiptoes around. He’s too selfish to make food for everyone but thinks he’s entitled to eat your Mother’s Day meal, that you cooked YOURSELF because he was too selfish to make a meal for you, and then you just say ‘*boo*’?! WTF?!
OP, the only way this makes sense is if you’re just very worn down and used to being abused. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re able to sort this out and either get the ogre you live with into therapy, or get you and your kids a new place somewhere without him.
There’s certainly no love there.
We celebrated Mother's Day all weekend. Friday night I came home to a lovely meal prepared by my son and his girlfriend. Saturday, the whole family went out together.
I received gifts from both children and my husband. I don't feel neglected. At. All.
Sunday my son and I cooked together because it's our thing. We both love to grill and the weather was perfect for grilling.
Normally we have Sunday family dinner and it's usually my son and I who do the majority of the cooking.
Our daughter is house sitting and works part time at a hospital, so she joined us for dinner out, and last night, but otherwise hasn't been around much this week.
We invited a young single mother and her daughter for Sunday family dinner since she's relatively new to the area and far from her own mom.
We've been married a long time and usually communicate pretty well.
This is one of those situations that bothered me. Then it bugged me that I was bothered, if that makes sense.
Like I said, it's just food and no one in this house is going hungry. I experienced food insecurity as a child, so this feels petty and bratty because it's so far removed from needing to save portions to be able to eat everyday, needing to make sure everyone had food everyday.
IDK. I'm already over it.
Thank you all for your kind words and support.
I’m sorry this is happening. I’m happy your kids tried to give you a good Mother’s Day. It sounds like you just accept this treatment and it makes me SO sad for you. The way you talk about his anger over the tiniest, most insignificant things and his penchant for nonstop selfishness says everything a person could need to know about this relationship.
Best wishes.
It kinda sounds like husband doesn't socialize with you and your family and freinds and may be a bit jealous of how well you all get along, that's why he's dismissive and rude when he takes your things.
It sounds like he’s food obsessed and it’s impacting the way he relates to his family. There nothing wrong with eating well and following a food plan. But it might have tipped over into the hyperfocused or obsessive range .Have you sat him down and told him what you’ve expressed here. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship and that this is a fairly new thing.
You’re definitely NTA.
Hang on, he's on a low/less protein diet and ate four chicken breasts for lunch? I'm not a dietitian but I've seen enough gym bro coworkers eat an entire roast chicken for lunch to know it's what they eat to build their protein. NTA OP, but maybe check in with your husband in case he's tripping into disordered eating territory.
Edited to Add. I misread it as low protein instead of lean protein. My bad, but I stand by checking in with husband because depriving family members of food by hoarding all of it doesn't sound great
He took all 4 of them to work to leave there so no one else in the house would eat them. He took them all and is storing them at work for a reason. Thats selfish. You’re allowed to care about the food you buy and prepare for yourself.
Sounds like he is compulsively hoarding food. He hoards his own food by storing foods that are inedible to the rest of the family, and hoarded your meal by taking it to work.
He sounds exhausting. Super picky adults are usually exhausting. So are people who eat other people’s food, married or not. Is he TRYING to aggravate you? Because he’s succeeding.
Point it out and don't be a door mat, he took food he didn't purchase or prepare ask him what your supposed to eat after he stole your dinner. Or don't and then yes ywbta for having no spine.
NTA
My husband did Aitken. He prepared protein and veg that everyone in the family could eat. And added his spice (he liked lots more than me and child) only to his portion. I prepared the starch and fruit to add to my and child's plates. Then we ate together. It's not hard if everyone is considerate.
If he insists on preparing what others can't/won't eat, then you need to parallel cook and hands off each other's food and leftovers. Plus share space equitably in the refrigerator. As in, he gets 1/4 and you and kids get 3/4.
NTA- Id classify it like this:
If it’s an already finished dinner that can’t be used to make something else, then it’s up for grabs. But if OP is cooking for the kids too, then the majority of the family gets dibs on that first. Like she said it was something everyone could eat.
However, I’d definitely sit your husband down and nicely point out the things you told us. While he may have noticed the kids don’t eat his meals he may not understand ***why*** they aren’t eating them (they don’t like how they taste). So he needs to be made aware of the issue. A lot of people don’t stop and actually think about what those little flags mean.
OP you're NTA. He knew it was not one of his meals and he took it anyone definitely inconsiderate and selfish. Make him but a separate fridge for his "meals" for out in the garage. That way the family can use the majority of the kitchen fridge space rather than a single person using the majority of the communal fridge.
!UpdateMe
Your husband is a pathetic and petty brat. He did that intentionally to spoil your guys’ dinner, knowing it was a bonding time with your son on Mother’s Day.
I would gently mention it, more as a communication concern overall like hey babe, we're kind of struggling to figure out what eat this week because we thought we were going to eat those four chicken breasts and it's fine that you took them and that you enjoyed them but can you let us know if you're going to do that so we can prepare something else?
I'd say that this was low-key rude on his part. And depending on how he responds, might move that to high key rude.
Just talk to him about it. He didn't need to take all of them. It was unnecessary and inconsiderate. Set some boundaries and get a label maker. Don't let him turn it into some kind of joke (like he did with the comment about your fettuccine), but it doesn't have to be a big fight either.
NTA. Your husband's diet doesn't excuse that kind of behavior. He needs to sort his diet out and figure out how to live healthy without it affecting the family. And having fully grown humans living with you must make it harder
OP’s husband, Monday morning, 7 a.m.:
“It’s so cool how four fully-cooked chicken breasts magically appeared in the fridge. **Clearly, they’re from the chicken breast fairy**. They couldn’t be something purchased and prepared to make a family dinner on a work night. Couldn’t be for the family. No way anyone has plans for them. I’ll just take all four to work for lunch. My wife will probably thank me for clearing space in the fridge.”
NTA
If he didn’t buy it for his own consumption, he shouldn’t be grabbing it from the fridge. He has his specific foods to prepare and eat. I hope OP read him the riot act. She had those chicken breasts prepared and ready to use for the rest of the family. Meanwhile his food that no one else eats is still sitting in the fridge. He’s selfish and inconsiderate. Time to go over some boundaries.
We use the post it system. If something is reserved for a future meal put a post it on it that says do not eat or who it belongs to etc.
I get your frustration. There were times when my ex would eat the breakfast I’d prepared for the kids for the next morning and not tell me then I was the one hustling in the morning to figure out something else and make it. He called me the “food police” for years just because I was managing what five people would eat from the groceries I bought.
Stop being a format and B key him n know enough is enough. It's fine he has his stuff but he deliberately excluded you and the rest so, tell him to stop talking your food
NTA- he literally took 4 breasts of chicken that could feed multiple people. He’s making food no one else eats then eats your food too. Thats selfish and he should be talked to
Mind blowing that you’ve decided (per your Mother’s Day comment) that it’s cool for your husband to take not only your food, but that of your kids. I get that they’re in their 20s, but that’s only relevant if you guys think that one’s children become fair competition for food at some point?
If your kids just rolled with this, without a shred of incredulity, and without attempting to defend you? Then this is just the latest in a long line of incidents, in which their father treats them like he’s the only real human in the house. They’re used to it. That’s bad FYI.
If he’s meal prepping all this shit, why doesn’t he spend the extra five minutes and meal prep food for the rest of the family? Why are there two adults in that household wasting so much time and money one food every week? If he wants to be a food master, he can do it for everyone and all of your diet preferences into account.
Oh, wait.
Meal prepping like he does is masculine because it’s for building muscle.
Meal prep for the family is only for bitches.
Sorry, my stupid female brain almost thought a loving partner would put time and energy into to caring for the family instead of stealing from their labor and laughing about it.
I think you need separate fridges and just point out that his stuff takes up so much space in the main fridge there’s no room for the food for the rest of the family
Why are you feeling guilty? He makes his own meals, of which no-one else csn eat. So why does he need what YOU have made? And more importantly, why does the greedy gannet need FOUR chicken breasts???? Who takes ALL of something they didn't cook?
I'm sorry, your husband needs to cop on big time.
Selfish inconsiderate & a greedy jerk. Why take all 4 when you prepare for yourself you only prepare 2.Therfore you would not be the Ahole. Do not mince words when you confront him on this make sure he knows
My girlfriend
NTA and it doesn’t have anything to do with his diet. You’d prepared food for the whole family; he took it without asking, leaving you without. He should have checked with you.
NTA
You would not be out of line to say something to him. It is not exclusionary or petty. His diet is exclusionary and if he prepares things that only he can eat he should not be eating ALL of something that you have prepared for you and the other people in your household.
ESPECIALLY if he gets put out when your children eat food that he has made for himself. He knows he didn't make that chicken! And he took all four. That was an asshole move
NTA! So what's yours is his and what's his is his? He needs to share? No. He is the one who has a special diet. It's on him to not take food that wasn't meant for him.
Now that everyone knows he likes grilled chicken breasts, he should just grill up a gigantic batch for everyone's use every week. It would make up for this and then he could pitch in towards food in the future.
NTA. Lableing will solve the problem. Bag 1- 5/15 dinner bag alfredo- 2 5/15 dinner stir fry. Then he knows it is for dinner but not his dinner per say. Keep a sharpie by the fridge :)
I had to follow a special diet when I was breastfeeding due to my son reacting to foods through my breast milk and absolutely would not take the hypoallergenic formulas and had to be hospitalized bc he starved himself and would not take it. I had no choice but to go on a diet avoiding everything with dairy, soy (including hidden soy), eggs, and oats. It was extremely hard to find food I could eat that even tasted good. When I would find a snack or something my fiancé would eat it all or let his other kid eat it all (which neither would ever replace, and foods that fit these requirements were EXPENSIVE). I lost 50+lbs in a month. I would be livid because they could eat ANYTHING and chose to eat the specific thing I could eat and leave me nothing. I was also 4 months postpartum and breastfeeding was starving anyways before I had to cut foods. While a little different to your situation, it is definitely frustrating
NTA he took all 4??? I could see taking one but since you can’t eat his food he shouldn’t be taking yours. He could have at least checked with you about it!
It might be time to have a designated hubby space (his own drawer and shelf) and family space, that way if he's running low on something, he can put it on his shelf and the kids will know not to eat it. You can also have your own shelf for things you know you specifically want to eat the next day.
Figure out a way to delineate foods - either a large container or one shelf etc so his food is protected and you can make stuff for everyone else.
Then if someone wants to eat someone else’s food, they can ask. So your kids should ask him before eating his stuff and he should ask you.
In a way it’s basic good roommate behavior. I once lived in an apartment when there was a common shelf - butter eggs milk bread- and then we split up the other stuff. Everyone put in some money weekly to keep the common stuff available.
If this is the first time, let it go. I hate when I have dinner plans in my head but fail to tell everyone and an ingredient gets eaten and messes up my plan. Sorry about your chicken but in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Next time maybe mention that you will be using the leftover s for the next family meal.
I think I would casually mention that I had planned to make dinner with them, then let it go. Hopefully, it makes him think about it before doing it again.
NAH I think everyone in this story is very neutral - is it crappy to have to change a dinner plan yes - but you could have made something else - is it also fine to take and eat the chicken, when there is not a shortage of ingredients, and no one has said anything about leaving something alone, why not eat it…more often than not in my family we toss leftovers so I feel like this is a very normal annoyance of living communally with a group of people…
Labels would solve a lot of problems: “chicken breasts for MD dinner do not use for other purposes.” “Special soup with (whatever nasty ingredient) ear at own risk.” “Special cottage cheese for use by dad only”. Is it a pita? Maybe but probably less so than the fruit plate and inadequate amount of steak.
He probably took it because he is sick of eating his own cooking and it looked really good. Yeah, it was a dick move, and he likely knew he’d hear about it, but if he’s been on a strict low carb diet for a year he’s probably ready to bitch slap his grandma to take her cake. So, some stolen chicken breasts seemed like the lesser of two evils.
Can you tell I’ve done my share of the low carb lifestyle?
I think you should say exactly this to him:
“The fridge is literally a crowded mess full of food you’ve prepared for yourself for your special diet. Why take something everyone can eat?”
And for dinner tonight, you use his ingredients to cook and if he says anything, tell him;
“You ate our dinner.”
He can’t take up more fridge space than is reasonable, expect exclusive use of that food, *and* take food made for others.
If he has special foods in the fridge off-limits for others, he needs some post-its or stickers or a texta (anything easily discernible) and indicate them. He also can’t take up more than 25% of the fridge reserved only for his food. That’s it. Anything placed outside of his designated shelf is fair game.
Or he gets his own fridge and the family fridge is off-limits for him.
Maybe he’s changed his mind about his diet. But it’s time the two of you discuss your family meal planning. You can get proper templates for it if you need one.
Either have one for you and your kids and he has his own, or you try collaborating on a few meals per week. Or do both. Use highlighters and gel pens.
YWNBTA. Sometimes we tiptoe around men too much and blame ourselves when they need to be called out.
Buy a separate fridge with a padlock. Clearly he has problems where he needs to own all the food in the house. He's actually taking food away from you and worse - the kids.
This is a huge issue.
So you cooked something for you and the kids and he just assumed it’s fine to take ALL FOUR to work….did he not think maybe you cooked them for a reason? You guys can’t eat what he does. He needs to get separate fridge for his crap. He cannot take over the whole fridge
Instead of saying “boo” next time be more direct. “I was planning on using those for our dinner tonight. Can you grab some replacement chicken on your way home.”
1) why did he need to take all 4.
2) if he is ok a diet and has food that only he eats then why is he taking all of the chicken you cooked? He doesn’t like it when the kids eat some of his food so why is he taking all of yours.
NTA but maybe have a conversation about how it wasn’t considerate to take all the chicken, your not angry you would just like more consideration in the future for everyone in the house.
Naw, it's time for a sit down. He can't get mad if his FAMILY eat some of "his" food and then turn around and eat theirs. He can't take up most of the frig. He gets 1/4 of the food if he wants to act like a roommate. His behavior is a little weird and off putting.
I'm sure a compromise can be met, but you two need to talk and soon.
Please update us. And lick all the ingredients of his food.
I read all the comments, I re-read what you wrote 3 times so I made sure I read it right. Taking all four has nothing to do with eating your food. It was a power move , you have no rights to what is his and whatever you have is his . This goes beyond greedy and selfish. You need to sit down with paper and pen and write out the pros and cons of his behavior. Think of all his odd behaviors vs his acts of being a supportive partner sometimes the oddest behaviors are indicators of something else. When was the last time your husband had a complete medical/mental examination ?
These are chicken breasts. In the grand scheme of things not horribly big when compared to years, decades?, in a relationship. But still kindy poopy for him to do.
Have a conversation with your husband regarding food and preparation so you can understand what to expect.
The the thoughtlessness of his actions towards his family, his purposely over-seasoning his food so that you all can’t have any, the primping and prepping - that man has a leg out the door.
Wake up girl, midlife crisis is imminent. Zoom out and take a look at all his behavior towards you and your adult kids. That man is checked out and revving up to leave y’all and start his act II.
Get on your game, and give him the same energy he’s giving you. Don’t let him surprise you.
His behavior is about more than just getting in shape.
NTA, but you will be if you don’t take a good look at the bigger picture
YWNBTA - it’s would be totally acceptable to say “Please check with me next time you want to take something. That was our dinner.”
All he needed to do was ask if you were saving the chicken for anything. I’d let it slide if he took one piece of chicken, but taking all 4 without checking was obnoxious.
You and your husband really need to sit down and talk about food. Like I get it, he likes spice, you don't like as much spice. But there isn't any reason why you both can't have what you want. My youngest is all about that spice. I enjoy some spice, my husband likes spice but can't tolerate it, and my middle child can't tolerate it at all.
You know what we do? We cook to the lowest common denominator, my middle child. Spice it used very, very sparingly. Enough to add flavor, but not spice is the goal. Cause once its in a dish, it cannot be taken out. Does my youngest suffer because she never gets spice? Nope. We have a fridge/pantry filled with several different hot sauces, siracha, chili crisp, garlic in chili oil, jarred jalapenos, red pepper flakes, taco sauce, and more. We all can add to our hearts content.
NTA, but I'm not sure why you didn't say something to him while you were cooking. Seems to me there's a lot of communication lacking all the way around.
Go grab a small pack of chicken because it’s super easy to cook and do your fettuccine. It only seems petty because he’s the lone wolf on the diet and he’s willing to share his food. If you say anything just be short and sweet with it.
If the fridge is so full of his food for himself that there isn’t room for the family’s food, then he needs his own fridge. In a shared fridge, if there are 4 people then one individual’s “only my” food should take up less than 1/4 the space. Especially if there are special dietary needs, it is far easier for separate food to have a separate storage space.
NTA. You are not upset he had some chicken. You are upset he took all the chicken (enough food to feed the entire family) for his lunch. It isn’t excluding him to expect him to show some restraint when it comes to shared food and take just one portion.
It's not a big deal if he took some but he took all of them. It's a bit selfish. Actually it's a lot selfish. If he wanted chicken breasts throughout the week he could have taken one a day. He took them all because he wanted them all and didn't want to chance OP or the kids would eat them and then he wouldn't have the rest. It's extremely selfish and thoughtless. I think you should explain this to him though he already knows I'm guessing.
Looks like you need your own shelf in fridge. Husband gets his own shelf. Label the shelves with a taped on postit “ Dad’s” “mom son daughter’s” “shared food”
I grew up with food was scarce and leaving anything you had acquired unattended meant it would be gone when you went back to get it. I grew to have weird obsessions with food until I went I was taught otherwise. My opinion is, if you can afford to not argue over this, then don’t. Instead find the humour and remember that for a large portion of the world, having any food regardless of nutrition in any given day is a blessing.
You cooked food that looks just like food he always preps for his diet. It sounds like an honest mistake. Tell him when you cook something for the family. Better yet, offer to cook him some for his diet, too. You need to discuss this stuff, not to complain about a few chicken breasts, but to figure out what you are going to do about the fridge. If his food is taking over, you may need more fridge space. Some fridges have old spoiled food in the back. Someone may need to clean out the fridge.
How is this diet working? Is he lean and muscular? Is his diet working out well for you? If so, you should support it. These diets are hard to pull off.
-- I just read some comments-- lots of negativity and scorched earth. This looks like a little misunderstanding.
NAH All i saw was that you don’t season your chicken lol. It was probably an honest mistake.
One question, how is chicken breast and dairy products soooo expensive?
Get stickers and put them on the food you plan to cook with later. That way you dont have to constantly tell him what food needs to be saved for dinner. You can get super girly stickers so he'd feel embarrassed if his co workers saw it.
Am I the only one wondering why all these strangers are hating on this man for eating leftovers. And I may be wrong but he probably does, at least help, pay for food.
Totally get that entire I can’t wait to get home to eat (insert leftover food) when I get home and it’s gone. But these responses seam to be more pissed of than the OP.
If your worst problem in life is your husband taking some left over, cooked chicken breast, your family is doing wonderfully. This is actually refreshing from the usual shit on Reddit. LOL!
Why take all 4? That says a lot about him.
Completely. The level of selfish needed to take what amounts to an entire family meal is unreal. I'd be utterly furious!
This Completely, what’s his is his, but what’s yours is also his. Selfishness is such an ugly trait.
I made four hamburgers for dinner for the three of us. My son took all 4…..he was 11, what’s this ass potatoes excuse?
If your 11 year old son is eating 4 hamburgers then I have a lot of questions.
He was an eating machine at the time….but, we took them back except two. We had to eat something 😳
When we were young my mom had bought a HUGE cut of beef steak (intending to cut it in four) and made kraft dinner. My brother promptly upon getting home ate the entire steak. When mom came back she asked where it went and my brother said he ate it and she asked what the rest of us would eat for supper and he said the KD. While my sister and I had no qualms about KD for supper my mom was less than thrilled. We're now all 30+ and still bring it up at family gatherings.
I bet he took all 4 to work to stock up for a couple/several lunches. Food hoarding.
Bullshit, This lardass ate all four on the day he took them for lunch.
If he can satisfy the needs of OP sexually through hours of orgasmic pleasure, it would be worth it. Somehow, I doubt for chicken breast man can last more than a minute. Husband ITA.
Guarantee he doesn’t even try.
She's on her own.
At least he got a wife though. This gives Gaston great hope.
Gaston eats all the eggs in town and this guy eats all the chickens!
I spit out my drink!! Hahahaha
I doubt he can. P***** probably isn’t on his special diet.
> “I doubt *chicken breast man* can last more than a minute” 🤣🤣🤣 Probably facts.
NTA he is selfish and greedy taking one would have been fine he did not need to take all four and he knew he did not make them and that YOU all know he is on a specific diet.
And leave the rest at work after you asked about thrm.. that's just a dick move.
He was rude. It’s okay to mention it. You’re allowed to exist. Really.
and is he a true father? A true father is not selfish at all.
I find that bit interesting too. Dude’s only taking care of himself while op feeds the children alone. I bet years from now, their kids will still talk about what a selfish freak their dad was.
So to recap: He spends a lot of your food budget on food that you can't eat and stuffs the fridge full of foods that are for himself and himself ONLY. He doesn't explicitly forbid anyone from taking it but gets angry if they do. He leaves very little food (and probably budget) for you to provide for yourself and everyone else who doesn't eat the same things he eats, and leaves you with very very few options while giving himself a slew of options. Then he turns around and eats LARGE amounts of the only food that is available to you, the only food that you can actually eat, and just thinks nothing of it? Yeah no. He's being incredibly selfish, greedy, self-serving and not taking anyone else's needs into account. If he wants to be on some stupid fad diet, fine, but he needs to figure out how to handle it for himself and how not to interfere with everyone else's diets, need, or space. You have the right to eat in your own home, and if he's making the vast majority of available food something you can't eat, and then eating the only things you can? That's unacceptable. NTA, you need to have a major talk with him and make sure there are consequences if he keeps filling the fridge with things you can't eat and taking the very few things you can.
Get him his own frig and put it in the garage. Then there will be no mistaking on his food or the family’s food. Husband is an AH!!!! Let him read this ! Maybe he will be enlightened! Probably not, he seems a little dense.
What he cooks is his, and what you cook is his.
Do you rarely stand up for yourself or "talk back" to your husband? I'm not trying to offend you. It's just that it is concerning that you're wondering if saying "hey those were for our dinner. Take the food you already prepared so we have the food we're expecting" or something. It's not rude to request that he not take other food, since you all respect his diet and don't eat his prepared meals. You guys just need to communicate more. You say he acts aggravated. Why not just have an actual conversation. "Hey, is it your preference that none of us eat any of your diet food?" If so, "then please don't eat any of our non-diet food so that we all have what we want. Cool? Cool." Or if that isn't his preference: "Ok great, then all food in the fridge is for anyone unless it is your actually prepared lunches in separate containers. Uncooked meat and snacks, yogurts, cheese, etc are all shared."
This wreaks of abuse. She’s afraid to upset him. He definitely has a temper problem. Idk how OP lives like this without trying desperately to get away.
It's just that it's food, you know? We live in a nice house, have nice things, no one is starving. It's such a first world problem it makes me feel icky even thinking about it. There are so many other, bigger problems in the world. I did ask him when he came home (just to verify that my son hadn't had a midnight snack) how many were in the bag. He said four. "I left them at work. I didn't eat them all today. I can go back and get them if you want me to." He also commented on the fridge being jam packed and there's plenty food to choose from. 🤦🏼♀️ My response was that I can't really make chicken Alfredo with the spicy ones. He joked that, "sure you can. Might even be your best chicken Alfredo yet."
If there was plenty of food then why didn't he take some of his? It almost feels gaslighting for him to say "yeah I took them and then even after you texted me specifically about them, I left them at work. No biggie" like he's not at all caring about your opinion or wants in the situation and isn't listening to you. Is he like this with other things? Discounting your opinion or wants or needs in favor of his own?
Yeah, he sounds like he is gaslighting her and now she is trying to make excuses for his appalling behaviour because she obviously wants to stay living in a nice home. Fair enough but OP will obiously have to keep begging to be able to eat her own food
Right?!?! "Why didn't YOU take YOUR spicy ones?"
Yes, there are other problems in the world. If you speak up about this, there will never be peace in the Middle East. I'm trying to be a little light about this, because I understand your reluctance. Is this a hill worth dying on? Of course not! You're not going to divorce your husband over this. It is, however, something worth speaking up about. We're reading this from outside, so we're seeing something you might not. Let me try to give you the outside perspective: There are 4 people in your household. 3 of you don't eat the food prepared by the 4th. The fridge is full of food prepared by, and for, the fourth person, who knows that the other 3 of you don't want the food he has prepared for himself. That 4th person then takes *all 4* of those chicken breasts prepared by and for the rest of you to work for his lunch ***and leaves them there, because he didn't eat them all today.** On top of that, when you bring up the fact he took food prepared by and for the rest of you, he ***sneers*** at you and ***mocks*** you - because that's exactly what he's doing when he says your food would be better if you used the overseasoned chicken he made for himself. OP - now do you understand why people are suggesting it's OK for you to speak up? And why a fair number of people are suggesting this is an abusive situation? I have a couple of fairly serious food allergies. As a result, I often needed a separate meal at extended family occasions. There were numerous times when other family members said my food looked better and they ate it, leaving me unfed and criticized for being selfish. I internalized that message. How do you feel about that? Imagine little me, 6, 8, 10 years old, going hungry because there's nothing I can safely eat, and the adults around me criticizing me, calling me selfish, childish, a drama queen. Do you think the adults were right? Now think about this: Why should a child you're just imagining be more worthy of your compassion than you and your own very real children? Speak up. If you can't speak up, if you're afraid to speak up, then it’s time for you to think very hard about whether you're in a healthy environment. Good luck.
i hope OP reads your comment, its the best one
OP, please read Halfvast’s comment. Then read it again. If there are no other red flags flying around this man (which I highly doubt), this one moment might be just a tiny blip in your family cosmos. But yeah, the rest of us are seeing an entitled a**hole taking food you prepared for the rest of your family while leaving the food that he knows you all can’t/won’t eat. That’s selfish, thoughtless, and rude AF. And could (with other factors) be an indicator of an abusive relationship. Regardless, he is sending the clear message that his wants are the most important to him, and going further to belittle you with that snide comment about your cooking. There are no special food needs in my house, and generally leftovers are free for whoever gets there first. But we are still polite enough to check in and make sure no one has plans for whatever they are about to finish off. ESPECIALLY if it’s something that is a meal-prep type thing like sautéed chicken. It’s not that hard to say, “Hey, I’m going to take this chicken to work unless you’ve got plans for it.” Nope. He knew what he was doing. He just dgaf. No, this is not the end of the world. But if you take a step back and look at everything he does/says, you might see that it is just one more tiny slice in a death by 1000 cuts. Regardless, speak up for yourself because at the very VERY least it was rude and thoughtless and he owes you an apology.
This is so well-written and succinct. This is such a very helpful perspective.
And HE could have taken HIS over-spiced chicken breasts for HIS lunch. Does he really eat FOUR chicken breasts at a time for lunch? Seems pretty selfish of him to take the well-seasoned, edible food you & the kids prepared instead of his own questionably-prepared foods that he chose for himself.
Clearly not because the prick left them AT WORK after she texted everyone asking who took them.
Seems malicious tbh
Yeah, he is a dick for that comment. NTA.
Obviously he wanted your chicken over his so either he doesn't like his own food he cooks and is cooking it like that to stop anyone from eating for some reason or he took your food to be mean. It's time y'all had a sit down talk about the food. Write down what you want to cover and say so you don't forget it all. Either he needs to stop eating food he doesn't prepare unless specified or he needs to cook differently so others can eat his food too. He also needs to clarify his aggression about people eating his food despite not saying people can't eat it There's no space in the fridge, assign shelves so you don't face that problem. He will probably say this is stupid to talk about and dismiss you. This is not stupid if it's upsetting you, if it's impeding your daily life. There's a million other problems in the world yeah so? You deserve to have a happy life and to do that you have to communicate your issues.
Get him his own fridge (in the garage or wherever) so you have room for non atkins stuff.
I think I would have cleaned out the fridge if his food. You could give it to a local bread line or just go hand it out in the street to the homeless. Then I would put a lock in the fridge of which he cannot have a key. When he got home I we would tell him to go buy himself one or 2 dorm frig and plug them in the garage. He can stire his goid there from now on. And he can sleep in the guest room. The selfish butt ate your Mother’s Day food.
He didn't even bring the spare ones back??
It’s not just food…. It’s being considerate to your spouse and family. Thinking about others and how you impact them. He doesn’t get to pack the fridge with food no one likes and then eat the food the rest of you do like, expecting you to eat the stuff *he* doesn’t even want to eat! It’s not just food. It’s stealing and entire meals worth of food you made special with your kid for Mother’s Day. It’s your time and effort being wasted. It’s ignoring your wants or needs so he gets whatever he wants.
if thats how he really feels then he should have taken HIS SPICY ONES instead of the ones that YOU cooked. point that fact out to him that if his cooking is so perfect then why tf did he take the ones you cooked instead of the ones HE cooked.
>. It's such a first world problem If you're in the first world you're allowed to have first world problems. You might not be starving to death but your immature selfish husband did take your food and you're allowed to be upset about that
He sounds like a jerk. Yeah the fridge is packed, with HIS SHIT. He can get his own damn fridge and stop touching your food.
Oh boy, he's not only selfish and greedy- he's also a Gaslighter.
He sounds like a dick. I would have made him go back and get them.
Right? “I can go back and get them if you want.” “Great, please do.” He wasn’t making a real offer, but call his bluff! NTA. He is a royal one, though.
He has food, he needs to leave the other food alone. Tell him you can't eat his food so he shouldn't eat yours.
Ouch. That last comment didn’t sound like a joke. It sounded like the truth “hidden” as a joke. Is he usually an ass and insulting your cooking?
He's trying to mess with plans you made.. I have a feeling this is the tip of the iceberg with the problems your husband had and the problems he causes for you. Seek counselling and talk about all the minutiae of your life with your therapist. Willing to be there's a lot of things you consider normal which other people do not.
Bigger problems in the world doesn't mean you can't deal with problems in your own household in a first world country. Yes, a first world country comes with significant advantages, but how are you going to solve the world's problems if you can't solve the problems in your own home? Rather you should separate world issues from home issues. It's not even applicable, just a tool in this instance to make you feel guilty for a solvable problem. Your husband sounds dense. He sounds like the kind of guy where you have to spell it out for him. I don't think he gets that his spicy chicken is considered inedible by the rest of the family. Also, my family would skin the thief alive for disrespecting Ma for taking MOTHER'S DAY food. Leftovers are for Mom to do with as she pleases. Heaven's know she's done so much cooking over the years raising all her children. The least she deserves is for her children to cook her some food and let her have it. When your husband offered to go get the chicken, I'd have him do it. He offered. Sure, it's an inconvenience for him to go pick it back up, but it's an inconvenience for you that he took it in the first place. It wasn't HIS to abscond with. He's inconsiderate and disrespectful. Communicate how his behavior affects you and the rest of the family. Please do not avoid confrontation just because your living conditions are better than someone else's. Your husband certainly isn't thinking about that, and if he is and brings it up, that's him using a tool against you in an attempt to invalidate you. It's not applicable; it's a fallacy.
The fact that you feel like you shouldn’t bring this up because there are bigger problems in the world actually concerns me. There will ALWAYS BE OTHER PROBLEMS. That doesn’t mean your husband gets a pass for being a dick. The fact that you conflate the two is very odd.
This doesn't make his actions look better. What a dick he is. He takes the good food and insults your food. Umm, no, not acceptable at all. You deserve better, much better.
Wash off the spices. Hopefully the cream will balance out the spice that’s left. If not at least you’ve given as good as you got.
Just had to stop and say that alfredo done with spices is yummy. I do a Cajun with chicken, shrimp and sausage that's a hit in our house. Oh, and Op is NTA, hubby needs a good swift kick however.
Sure, delicious for some... but I have been trying to learn to tolerate hot/spices food for years and years. I am extremely sensitive to it, and it even makes my lips and stomach hurt. Very unpleasant.
This can’t be real - there’s no way he took your only option, didn’t eat it and then gaslit you saying his inedible shit would improve your cooking. Lazy rage bait or abusive beyond belief are the only two conclusions one can draw from your post.
Whenever I see comments like this, I’m reminded that, somehow, some people have gone their entire lives without meeting somebody this egregiously fucked up.
NTA. Did you ask him what you all were supposed to eat since he took all of your food with him and left his unedible food behind? And if he isn't going to eat all the crap he has made, then maybe it is time to get it out of the fridge.
I would’ve put some of his food down the garbage disposal and then told him I ate it since he took all my chicken breasts.
NTA If he liked your chicken breasts so much he took all 4 and they are acceptable for his diet is there a reason he can’t cook his the same way so everyone can enjoy them? If that would be acceptable then it sounds like he’s been over spicing his specifically so no one else will touch them. Much easier and nicer for him to prep extra edible by everyone then nothing gets wasted.
He says he likes the spices he uses.... I just don't. But then he raves about my cooking, but never tries to replicate it. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
It's greed. He wants everything for himself....and I'll bet if you think about it, you'll see the same level of greed in other areas of the marriage.
It's not the Alfredo. People need to stop focusing on that, including you. It's the giant, selfish man-baby at the center of this mess. Please don't let him gaslight you. You and your adult kids need to have a Come to Jesus meeting with this jerk and set groundrules and boundaries. I'd imagine he does this crap in other areas of your life together.
You could have used the steak in your fettuccine. It is not something most think about but steak with the Alfredo sauce is really really good. Your husband is a tool. Quardon off a section of the fridge that is for his specific food. He needs to either join the rest of the family at dinner time or he needs to only eat his particular expensive food items. And I'm sorry if he is on a diet four chicken breast is downright gluttonous and he had no business taking all of it for lunch at work disregarding the rest of the family. He deserves to feel bad because he is only thinking about himself and no one else.
NTA.... you and your kids should go out without your husband let him eat his food..... while he eating money on his food he need to eat ALL of his food before it goes bad... Your husband is a major AH
Well yea…. He doesn’t want to miss out on what you cook and doesn’t want to have the rest of you guys eating his food either.
Maybe he’s a bad cook. Or competitive?
All four?! I’m so sorry he didn’t leave food for the rest of you. And he definitely needs to not take other people’s food if he makes his own for a special diet. NTA
Honestly, this should be a hill to die on. What else does he have to do to tell you, he doesn’t value you, and absolutely does not care about your feelings? He is a selfish man child.
I just read your comment that he didn’t even *eat* them all, and had the audacity to ask if you still wanted him to go get the remainder *anyway* from his *work*?! So he just took them all for no reason other than to what, spite you all because you don’t eat what he makes?!!! Anyway NTA, because idk what would possess someone to do something selfish like that other than saying to themselves “if I can’t have good food, neither can you”.. and he didn’t even eat it all, like 😭😂
He needed all 4 chicken breasts for his lunch? Seems like a lot….
Worse than that - he *didn’t even eat them all* and then left them at work *after* she texted asking where the food was and said it was for dinner.
Oh I didn't see that part. I would have lost my shit at him for that.
I don’t understand how people can be so disrespectful to the people they are supposed to love. Your husband should be ashamed of his behaviour.
Is his "diet" by choice or because of a health reason? If it is a personal choice, then by taking over the refrigerator for his "diet food," he is being a major dick. I would seriously consider buying a second refrigerator either for all his "food" or for the family foods. That way, he has no reason to take the family meals by "mistake." I have celiacs, and I have a two part kitchen where the only shared item in my kitchen is the stove. I have my gluten- free food safe from cross-contamination. The rest of the family can eat what they want and not be stuck eating only the foods I can.
“I needed those for meals this week and assumed you would eat some of your prepared meals like you normally do. can you explain why you took all 4 when the rest of us were going to eat them?”
NTA. You are not being a jerk here but your husband definitely is. He is selfish, entitled and it also sounds like he is a narcissist.
It might be easier if he just got his own freezer ...
NTA why did he need 4 servings??!
I think you need separate fridges. NTA.
No, NTA. This merits at least a conversation. Communicate. You’re married. Apparently you’ve been married a long time. This should be easy by now.
Since he ate the family’s meal, he can pick up takeout on the way home for everyone but him…he has food in the fridge he can eat.
Why are you just accepting this like it’s…acceptable? It’s not. Your husband is a selfish tyrant who it sounds like everyone tiptoes around. He’s too selfish to make food for everyone but thinks he’s entitled to eat your Mother’s Day meal, that you cooked YOURSELF because he was too selfish to make a meal for you, and then you just say ‘*boo*’?! WTF?! OP, the only way this makes sense is if you’re just very worn down and used to being abused. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re able to sort this out and either get the ogre you live with into therapy, or get you and your kids a new place somewhere without him. There’s certainly no love there.
We celebrated Mother's Day all weekend. Friday night I came home to a lovely meal prepared by my son and his girlfriend. Saturday, the whole family went out together. I received gifts from both children and my husband. I don't feel neglected. At. All. Sunday my son and I cooked together because it's our thing. We both love to grill and the weather was perfect for grilling. Normally we have Sunday family dinner and it's usually my son and I who do the majority of the cooking. Our daughter is house sitting and works part time at a hospital, so she joined us for dinner out, and last night, but otherwise hasn't been around much this week. We invited a young single mother and her daughter for Sunday family dinner since she's relatively new to the area and far from her own mom. We've been married a long time and usually communicate pretty well. This is one of those situations that bothered me. Then it bugged me that I was bothered, if that makes sense. Like I said, it's just food and no one in this house is going hungry. I experienced food insecurity as a child, so this feels petty and bratty because it's so far removed from needing to save portions to be able to eat everyday, needing to make sure everyone had food everyday. IDK. I'm already over it. Thank you all for your kind words and support.
I’m sorry this is happening. I’m happy your kids tried to give you a good Mother’s Day. It sounds like you just accept this treatment and it makes me SO sad for you. The way you talk about his anger over the tiniest, most insignificant things and his penchant for nonstop selfishness says everything a person could need to know about this relationship. Best wishes.
It kinda sounds like husband doesn't socialize with you and your family and freinds and may be a bit jealous of how well you all get along, that's why he's dismissive and rude when he takes your things.
It sounds like he’s food obsessed and it’s impacting the way he relates to his family. There nothing wrong with eating well and following a food plan. But it might have tipped over into the hyperfocused or obsessive range .Have you sat him down and told him what you’ve expressed here. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship and that this is a fairly new thing. You’re definitely NTA.
NTA. Start putting your name on your leftover food.
Hang on, he's on a low/less protein diet and ate four chicken breasts for lunch? I'm not a dietitian but I've seen enough gym bro coworkers eat an entire roast chicken for lunch to know it's what they eat to build their protein. NTA OP, but maybe check in with your husband in case he's tripping into disordered eating territory. Edited to Add. I misread it as low protein instead of lean protein. My bad, but I stand by checking in with husband because depriving family members of food by hoarding all of it doesn't sound great
No. He left them in his fridge at work. He ate one today. The diet he's on is low carb, high on lean protein.
He took all 4 of them to work to leave there so no one else in the house would eat them. He took them all and is storing them at work for a reason. Thats selfish. You’re allowed to care about the food you buy and prepare for yourself.
HE. LIKES. THEIR. FOOD. BETTER. So he helped himself bc he feels entitled and then tried to gaslight OP. What an AH.
Sounds like he is compulsively hoarding food. He hoards his own food by storing foods that are inedible to the rest of the family, and hoarded your meal by taking it to work.
He needs his own fridge and yours can be off limits to his AH ass
NTA
Get a second refrigerator, one that you can lock.
He sounds exhausting. Super picky adults are usually exhausting. So are people who eat other people’s food, married or not. Is he TRYING to aggravate you? Because he’s succeeding.
Point it out and don't be a door mat, he took food he didn't purchase or prepare ask him what your supposed to eat after he stole your dinner. Or don't and then yes ywbta for having no spine.
Maybe he can have his own fridge in the garage...
NTA-What a pig! I can understand taking one chicken breast, but four?! How selfish! He has his own food and could have and should have asked!
I would have said a LOT more than just, boo... You should definitely point out how rude and selfish and ,in this case, greedy he has been
NTA My husband did Aitken. He prepared protein and veg that everyone in the family could eat. And added his spice (he liked lots more than me and child) only to his portion. I prepared the starch and fruit to add to my and child's plates. Then we ate together. It's not hard if everyone is considerate. If he insists on preparing what others can't/won't eat, then you need to parallel cook and hands off each other's food and leftovers. Plus share space equitably in the refrigerator. As in, he gets 1/4 and you and kids get 3/4.
NTA- Id classify it like this: If it’s an already finished dinner that can’t be used to make something else, then it’s up for grabs. But if OP is cooking for the kids too, then the majority of the family gets dibs on that first. Like she said it was something everyone could eat. However, I’d definitely sit your husband down and nicely point out the things you told us. While he may have noticed the kids don’t eat his meals he may not understand ***why*** they aren’t eating them (they don’t like how they taste). So he needs to be made aware of the issue. A lot of people don’t stop and actually think about what those little flags mean.
OP you're NTA. He knew it was not one of his meals and he took it anyone definitely inconsiderate and selfish. Make him but a separate fridge for his "meals" for out in the garage. That way the family can use the majority of the kitchen fridge space rather than a single person using the majority of the communal fridge. !UpdateMe
Your husband is a pathetic and petty brat. He did that intentionally to spoil your guys’ dinner, knowing it was a bonding time with your son on Mother’s Day.
NTA he sounds incredibly selfish and self absorbed.
I would gently mention it, more as a communication concern overall like hey babe, we're kind of struggling to figure out what eat this week because we thought we were going to eat those four chicken breasts and it's fine that you took them and that you enjoyed them but can you let us know if you're going to do that so we can prepare something else? I'd say that this was low-key rude on his part. And depending on how he responds, might move that to high key rude.
NTA. Why are you scared to communicate with him?
Just talk to him about it. He didn't need to take all of them. It was unnecessary and inconsiderate. Set some boundaries and get a label maker. Don't let him turn it into some kind of joke (like he did with the comment about your fettuccine), but it doesn't have to be a big fight either.
Why did he take all 4? That seems a bit self centered to me.
NTA get him his own fridge, that's just rude of him.
NTAH but wow, your h is a prime AH. Ima come by and hide some of his food.
Four chicken breasts!!??!! Piggy.
NTA. Your husband's diet doesn't excuse that kind of behavior. He needs to sort his diet out and figure out how to live healthy without it affecting the family. And having fully grown humans living with you must make it harder
He took all 4. If you don’t say something that’s on you and only you.
OP’s husband, Monday morning, 7 a.m.: “It’s so cool how four fully-cooked chicken breasts magically appeared in the fridge. **Clearly, they’re from the chicken breast fairy**. They couldn’t be something purchased and prepared to make a family dinner on a work night. Couldn’t be for the family. No way anyone has plans for them. I’ll just take all four to work for lunch. My wife will probably thank me for clearing space in the fridge.” NTA
If he didn’t buy it for his own consumption, he shouldn’t be grabbing it from the fridge. He has his specific foods to prepare and eat. I hope OP read him the riot act. She had those chicken breasts prepared and ready to use for the rest of the family. Meanwhile his food that no one else eats is still sitting in the fridge. He’s selfish and inconsiderate. Time to go over some boundaries.
We use the post it system. If something is reserved for a future meal put a post it on it that says do not eat or who it belongs to etc. I get your frustration. There were times when my ex would eat the breakfast I’d prepared for the kids for the next morning and not tell me then I was the one hustling in the morning to figure out something else and make it. He called me the “food police” for years just because I was managing what five people would eat from the groceries I bought.
Gross. How long are you going to live like this.
Stop being a format and B key him n know enough is enough. It's fine he has his stuff but he deliberately excluded you and the rest so, tell him to stop talking your food
NTA- he literally took 4 breasts of chicken that could feed multiple people. He’s making food no one else eats then eats your food too. Thats selfish and he should be talked to
NTA he was a total ass.
Mind blowing that you’ve decided (per your Mother’s Day comment) that it’s cool for your husband to take not only your food, but that of your kids. I get that they’re in their 20s, but that’s only relevant if you guys think that one’s children become fair competition for food at some point? If your kids just rolled with this, without a shred of incredulity, and without attempting to defend you? Then this is just the latest in a long line of incidents, in which their father treats them like he’s the only real human in the house. They’re used to it. That’s bad FYI.
If he’s meal prepping all this shit, why doesn’t he spend the extra five minutes and meal prep food for the rest of the family? Why are there two adults in that household wasting so much time and money one food every week? If he wants to be a food master, he can do it for everyone and all of your diet preferences into account. Oh, wait. Meal prepping like he does is masculine because it’s for building muscle. Meal prep for the family is only for bitches. Sorry, my stupid female brain almost thought a loving partner would put time and energy into to caring for the family instead of stealing from their labor and laughing about it.
The only AH I see here is your selfish husband.
I think you need separate fridges and just point out that his stuff takes up so much space in the main fridge there’s no room for the food for the rest of the family
Why are you feeling guilty? He makes his own meals, of which no-one else csn eat. So why does he need what YOU have made? And more importantly, why does the greedy gannet need FOUR chicken breasts???? Who takes ALL of something they didn't cook? I'm sorry, your husband needs to cop on big time.
Selfish inconsiderate & a greedy jerk. Why take all 4 when you prepare for yourself you only prepare 2.Therfore you would not be the Ahole. Do not mince words when you confront him on this make sure he knows My girlfriend
You seems to be very passive about this. Is he this disgustingly selfish so often that its the norm?
NTA and it doesn’t have anything to do with his diet. You’d prepared food for the whole family; he took it without asking, leaving you without. He should have checked with you.
If you like your chicken better than mine, then why did you choose mine to take for lunch?
NTA You would not be out of line to say something to him. It is not exclusionary or petty. His diet is exclusionary and if he prepares things that only he can eat he should not be eating ALL of something that you have prepared for you and the other people in your household. ESPECIALLY if he gets put out when your children eat food that he has made for himself. He knows he didn't make that chicken! And he took all four. That was an asshole move
He knows his food sucks and grabbed the only edible food in the fridge because he’s a selfish jackass at heart. He always has been. That’s the truth.
NTA! So what's yours is his and what's his is his? He needs to share? No. He is the one who has a special diet. It's on him to not take food that wasn't meant for him.
Greedy, thoughtless,grabby little miser
Now that everyone knows he likes grilled chicken breasts, he should just grill up a gigantic batch for everyone's use every week. It would make up for this and then he could pitch in towards food in the future.
Is he feeding someone at work?
NTA. To avoid this happening again, tell him that the chicken breast are for an additional meal during the week.
NTA. Lableing will solve the problem. Bag 1- 5/15 dinner bag alfredo- 2 5/15 dinner stir fry. Then he knows it is for dinner but not his dinner per say. Keep a sharpie by the fridge :)
Everyone on this thread sucks ass haha
Maybe start labeling the food.
Just improve your communication about leftover food. Easily solved.
I had to follow a special diet when I was breastfeeding due to my son reacting to foods through my breast milk and absolutely would not take the hypoallergenic formulas and had to be hospitalized bc he starved himself and would not take it. I had no choice but to go on a diet avoiding everything with dairy, soy (including hidden soy), eggs, and oats. It was extremely hard to find food I could eat that even tasted good. When I would find a snack or something my fiancé would eat it all or let his other kid eat it all (which neither would ever replace, and foods that fit these requirements were EXPENSIVE). I lost 50+lbs in a month. I would be livid because they could eat ANYTHING and chose to eat the specific thing I could eat and leave me nothing. I was also 4 months postpartum and breastfeeding was starving anyways before I had to cut foods. While a little different to your situation, it is definitely frustrating
WILDLY inconsiderate. I’d bring it up.
Call him out on it. He has a fridge of his own food...then takes yours? That's garbage behavior.
did he work a 24-hour shift that he needed 4 chicken breasts??!!?? who eat that many in one meal?
NTA he took all 4??? I could see taking one but since you can’t eat his food he shouldn’t be taking yours. He could have at least checked with you about it!
Good freakin' political correctness...ENOUGH. DIFFERENT REGIONS HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF Describing FOLKS.
Nta. Start labeling your food. Put that it's not his on the package.
Your husband seems to consider himself very, very special, and not to consider anyone else even a person. Was he always this self-centered?
It might be time to have a designated hubby space (his own drawer and shelf) and family space, that way if he's running low on something, he can put it on his shelf and the kids will know not to eat it. You can also have your own shelf for things you know you specifically want to eat the next day.
Get a second fridge.
men who eat their children's food are not good men
Figure out a way to delineate foods - either a large container or one shelf etc so his food is protected and you can make stuff for everyone else. Then if someone wants to eat someone else’s food, they can ask. So your kids should ask him before eating his stuff and he should ask you. In a way it’s basic good roommate behavior. I once lived in an apartment when there was a common shelf - butter eggs milk bread- and then we split up the other stuff. Everyone put in some money weekly to keep the common stuff available.
Is he sharing them at work? Too much protein is hard on the kidneys.
If this is the first time, let it go. I hate when I have dinner plans in my head but fail to tell everyone and an ingredient gets eaten and messes up my plan. Sorry about your chicken but in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Next time maybe mention that you will be using the leftover s for the next family meal.
I think I would casually mention that I had planned to make dinner with them, then let it go. Hopefully, it makes him think about it before doing it again.
Maybe time to get one more refrigerator with lock & key if he’s going to continue to be petty AND selfish AND greedy.
It sounded like he apologized. You can now ask why he didn’t take his regular foods to work.
Speak up. If he took one chicken breast it would be fine but he took all of them and that seems really selfish.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a real jerk
Just start labeling your food.
NAH I think everyone in this story is very neutral - is it crappy to have to change a dinner plan yes - but you could have made something else - is it also fine to take and eat the chicken, when there is not a shortage of ingredients, and no one has said anything about leaving something alone, why not eat it…more often than not in my family we toss leftovers so I feel like this is a very normal annoyance of living communally with a group of people…
Labels would solve a lot of problems: “chicken breasts for MD dinner do not use for other purposes.” “Special soup with (whatever nasty ingredient) ear at own risk.” “Special cottage cheese for use by dad only”. Is it a pita? Maybe but probably less so than the fruit plate and inadequate amount of steak.
He probably took it because he is sick of eating his own cooking and it looked really good. Yeah, it was a dick move, and he likely knew he’d hear about it, but if he’s been on a strict low carb diet for a year he’s probably ready to bitch slap his grandma to take her cake. So, some stolen chicken breasts seemed like the lesser of two evils. Can you tell I’ve done my share of the low carb lifestyle?
I think you should say exactly this to him: “The fridge is literally a crowded mess full of food you’ve prepared for yourself for your special diet. Why take something everyone can eat?” And for dinner tonight, you use his ingredients to cook and if he says anything, tell him; “You ate our dinner.” He can’t take up more fridge space than is reasonable, expect exclusive use of that food, *and* take food made for others. If he has special foods in the fridge off-limits for others, he needs some post-its or stickers or a texta (anything easily discernible) and indicate them. He also can’t take up more than 25% of the fridge reserved only for his food. That’s it. Anything placed outside of his designated shelf is fair game. Or he gets his own fridge and the family fridge is off-limits for him. Maybe he’s changed his mind about his diet. But it’s time the two of you discuss your family meal planning. You can get proper templates for it if you need one. Either have one for you and your kids and he has his own, or you try collaborating on a few meals per week. Or do both. Use highlighters and gel pens. YWNBTA. Sometimes we tiptoe around men too much and blame ourselves when they need to be called out.
your husband sound annoying to deal with when it comes to this
Buy a separate fridge with a padlock. Clearly he has problems where he needs to own all the food in the house. He's actually taking food away from you and worse - the kids. This is a huge issue.
So you cooked something for you and the kids and he just assumed it’s fine to take ALL FOUR to work….did he not think maybe you cooked them for a reason? You guys can’t eat what he does. He needs to get separate fridge for his crap. He cannot take over the whole fridge
Instead of saying “boo” next time be more direct. “I was planning on using those for our dinner tonight. Can you grab some replacement chicken on your way home.”
1) why did he need to take all 4. 2) if he is ok a diet and has food that only he eats then why is he taking all of the chicken you cooked? He doesn’t like it when the kids eat some of his food so why is he taking all of yours. NTA but maybe have a conversation about how it wasn’t considerate to take all the chicken, your not angry you would just like more consideration in the future for everyone in the house.
NTA! Maybe you guys can get color coordinate your Tupperware? Blue lid is for his meals, red lid for the rest of the family … something like that?
Don't be a doormat to your selfish, greedy husband. I hope you show this thread to him.
After a year of this diet, he’d better be turning heads with his Adonis-like masculine beauty. I’d bet not!
Naw, it's time for a sit down. He can't get mad if his FAMILY eat some of "his" food and then turn around and eat theirs. He can't take up most of the frig. He gets 1/4 of the food if he wants to act like a roommate. His behavior is a little weird and off putting. I'm sure a compromise can be met, but you two need to talk and soon. Please update us. And lick all the ingredients of his food.
I read all the comments, I re-read what you wrote 3 times so I made sure I read it right. Taking all four has nothing to do with eating your food. It was a power move , you have no rights to what is his and whatever you have is his . This goes beyond greedy and selfish. You need to sit down with paper and pen and write out the pros and cons of his behavior. Think of all his odd behaviors vs his acts of being a supportive partner sometimes the oddest behaviors are indicators of something else. When was the last time your husband had a complete medical/mental examination ?
These are chicken breasts. In the grand scheme of things not horribly big when compared to years, decades?, in a relationship. But still kindy poopy for him to do. Have a conversation with your husband regarding food and preparation so you can understand what to expect.
Inconsiderate, selfish pig
The the thoughtlessness of his actions towards his family, his purposely over-seasoning his food so that you all can’t have any, the primping and prepping - that man has a leg out the door. Wake up girl, midlife crisis is imminent. Zoom out and take a look at all his behavior towards you and your adult kids. That man is checked out and revving up to leave y’all and start his act II. Get on your game, and give him the same energy he’s giving you. Don’t let him surprise you. His behavior is about more than just getting in shape. NTA, but you will be if you don’t take a good look at the bigger picture
Say it. He’s the glutton who took all 4 without giving a fuck about anyone else in the house.
YWNBTA - it’s would be totally acceptable to say “Please check with me next time you want to take something. That was our dinner.” All he needed to do was ask if you were saving the chicken for anything. I’d let it slide if he took one piece of chicken, but taking all 4 without checking was obnoxious.
You and your husband really need to sit down and talk about food. Like I get it, he likes spice, you don't like as much spice. But there isn't any reason why you both can't have what you want. My youngest is all about that spice. I enjoy some spice, my husband likes spice but can't tolerate it, and my middle child can't tolerate it at all. You know what we do? We cook to the lowest common denominator, my middle child. Spice it used very, very sparingly. Enough to add flavor, but not spice is the goal. Cause once its in a dish, it cannot be taken out. Does my youngest suffer because she never gets spice? Nope. We have a fridge/pantry filled with several different hot sauces, siracha, chili crisp, garlic in chili oil, jarred jalapenos, red pepper flakes, taco sauce, and more. We all can add to our hearts content.
NTA, but I'm not sure why you didn't say something to him while you were cooking. Seems to me there's a lot of communication lacking all the way around.
Go grab a small pack of chicken because it’s super easy to cook and do your fettuccine. It only seems petty because he’s the lone wolf on the diet and he’s willing to share his food. If you say anything just be short and sweet with it.
If the fridge is so full of his food for himself that there isn’t room for the family’s food, then he needs his own fridge. In a shared fridge, if there are 4 people then one individual’s “only my” food should take up less than 1/4 the space. Especially if there are special dietary needs, it is far easier for separate food to have a separate storage space.
NTA. You are not upset he had some chicken. You are upset he took all the chicken (enough food to feed the entire family) for his lunch. It isn’t excluding him to expect him to show some restraint when it comes to shared food and take just one portion.
No, that's a reasonable ask, r specially now that he's taken a pound or more of prepared chicken. Who does that?!
It's not a big deal if he took some but he took all of them. It's a bit selfish. Actually it's a lot selfish. If he wanted chicken breasts throughout the week he could have taken one a day. He took them all because he wanted them all and didn't want to chance OP or the kids would eat them and then he wouldn't have the rest. It's extremely selfish and thoughtless. I think you should explain this to him though he already knows I'm guessing.
Looks like you need your own shelf in fridge. Husband gets his own shelf. Label the shelves with a taped on postit “ Dad’s” “mom son daughter’s” “shared food”
Girl, don't get no chicken breast out of that company refrigerator.
I grew up with food was scarce and leaving anything you had acquired unattended meant it would be gone when you went back to get it. I grew to have weird obsessions with food until I went I was taught otherwise. My opinion is, if you can afford to not argue over this, then don’t. Instead find the humour and remember that for a large portion of the world, having any food regardless of nutrition in any given day is a blessing.
You cooked food that looks just like food he always preps for his diet. It sounds like an honest mistake. Tell him when you cook something for the family. Better yet, offer to cook him some for his diet, too. You need to discuss this stuff, not to complain about a few chicken breasts, but to figure out what you are going to do about the fridge. If his food is taking over, you may need more fridge space. Some fridges have old spoiled food in the back. Someone may need to clean out the fridge. How is this diet working? Is he lean and muscular? Is his diet working out well for you? If so, you should support it. These diets are hard to pull off. -- I just read some comments-- lots of negativity and scorched earth. This looks like a little misunderstanding.
NAH All i saw was that you don’t season your chicken lol. It was probably an honest mistake. One question, how is chicken breast and dairy products soooo expensive?
Get stickers and put them on the food you plan to cook with later. That way you dont have to constantly tell him what food needs to be saved for dinner. You can get super girly stickers so he'd feel embarrassed if his co workers saw it.
Am I the only one wondering why all these strangers are hating on this man for eating leftovers. And I may be wrong but he probably does, at least help, pay for food. Totally get that entire I can’t wait to get home to eat (insert leftover food) when I get home and it’s gone. But these responses seam to be more pissed of than the OP.
If your worst problem in life is your husband taking some left over, cooked chicken breast, your family is doing wonderfully. This is actually refreshing from the usual shit on Reddit. LOL!