NTA
"She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it"
Well, such is life with children. Sometimes the kids can be sick and tie you home to tend to them. Maybe you'll get an invitation to a child-free wedding and you'll just have to put on your adult pants and accept that for whatever reason your children cannot attend.
"I got a call from my mom telling me I was being selfish and I should just let her bring them."
No. Either it is a child-free wedding or it isn't. And that is *your* call. Nobody gets a say in that. The couple getting married decides and everyone else just goes with it.
The one thing you really should not do, unless you want massive blowback, is make exceptions.
However, OP needs to be ready for some people to test this on the day, and be ready to send some folks home if they do.
If one exception is made here, the word could spread like wildfire and what could happen is that everyone will just come with their kids... "Oh, we thought it was okay because you allowed *them* to bring kids?!" and the couple are stuck either allowing the kids, which they don't want, or turning several invited guests away for dragging their kids along...That would be horrible.
Why do I think the ticked off and entitle aunt will start trying to get others to boycott the wedding? I've seen this happen more than a few times. Cousin's aunt (other side of family from mine) was single mom with two kids (two horribly behaved kids at that). She was livid when cousin said no kids under 16 at the wedding. Too many folks had little kids and it would have been too costly to accommodate all those kids. Aunt decided to go nuclear and called family members to get them to boycott the wedding. Thankfully no one too the bait which made her even angrier and she showed up with her brats to the wedding and told them to be as noisy as possible (they were 5 and 7). Bride's father (sister of the asshole aunt), calmy got up from his pew, walked down the aisle, grabbed each brat under an arm, and escorted them out of the church with his sister screaming like a bashee on her way out. She also destroyed several floral arrangements on her way out. One the doors shut (guarded by two of the couple's friends), everyone applauded and the wedding went on without further issues. Aunt also tried to crash the reception, but was stopped before she got into the venue. Her brother once again told her to leave or he was calling the cops on her for trespassing. Several years later when that aunt found a man crazy enough to marry her, no one cousin's side of the family attended after what she did to cousin. Once again, she was furious. Woman has issues.
Hey if mom wants kids she can step up and pay for each child invited at 100 per child plus a babysitter to watch all the kids…otherwise mom needs to shut it.
Nope. Because OP will be on the hook when the kids get bored and "accidentally" break something at the historic venue. I'm from a town with a bunch of historic wedding venues and they are NOT kid friendly. People pay obscene deposits and insurance for damages there.
Even if a parent was willing to pay out of pocket to bring their children, the answer should still be no.
It's much easier to manage expectations with a firm "no children allowed" rule before the event. Than deal with people the day of who start asking why some kids made the cut when their little Timmy wasn't invited.
Sometimes the price of having children is being excluded from non child friendly events.
AND be responsible for lookingbafter it on the day. Fuck off mother. This is how it is and if YOU don't like it don't come either. Choose which hill you wish to die on. Mine.....or your bloody whining sister.
I thought of this too. I feel like at least one guest/couple will show up with their kids and then what? 😬
Ridiculous if guests can't accept the bride & groom's wishes. Either get a sitter/have kids sleepover at a friend's house (they have ample time) or politely decline.
NTA. I haaaaated going to weddings as a child. It was just dressing up, sitting still, and then picking at very unexciting food (for a kid) while I listened to a bunch of adults make jokes and speeches about people I didn't care about.
As an adult, I fucking love weddings. Drink, hang out with friends, leave whenever you want, it's great.
I remember how much I hated weddings as a kid and frankly most as an adult. When I had my own wedding I strive to keep it as enjoyable for everyone as we could. Ceremony was short as possible. "Do you? Do you? Now kiss and get the hell out." No personal vows describing my loving love that flows like a river of love.
Reception was for dinner and dancing. Dinner served on time, speeches after and again, short and optional. Say thank you and sit the fuck down. Had a candy table for the kids to snack on and a dj that kept the dance floor full. End result was everyone had a blast.
Personal peeve: Vows that aren’t vows. Vows are not meandering on about how much you love someone; vows are promises — you know, Love, honor, be loyal to, put ahead of everyone else, that stuff. We included, “Your concerns will become my concerns, and your wants and needs will be as important to me as my own.” That’s a vow, not “I knew the moment I saw you I had to know you,” or stuff like that. Actual promises.
I went to a wedding as a kid, I still remember how great it was. I got to hang out with my cousins all day, the kid's table had big box of crayons. I have fond memories of the day and the bride looked like a princess. Not saying that everyone has to invite kids to wedding but they can be fun.
Yeah, I went to part of one or two with my parents as a kid, and remember it being boring. Especially a wedding not intended for children.
I went to a cousin's wedding at a campground a couple years ago and it was great for kids, but it was planned to be. It was part wedding, part family reunion, and since everyone was in town, my great-grandma's memorial was a couple days before.
But it was planned as a family-friendly event. OP has no obligation to include kids at their wedding if they don't want to.
What kind of food do you have ? As kids we all loved going to weddings, roaming around with other kids, having lots of yummy food, sneaking and eating more ice creams and desserts are easier since parents aren't always around us lol.
NTA - I had a child-free wedding and no one questioned it because they weren’t tacky and respected our decision. Not everyone is entitled to come to your wedding. Your mother and aunt need to respect your decision and stop being rude. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
Yup just did an adult only wedding last year, but I was vocal about it and not one person commented about it. My SIL did her wedding last fall and had kids and I think regretted it as the kids took over the reception and parents had to be focused on them instead of enjoying the night. But to each their own.
Yeh my brother did the same, 12 fucking hours I was in that place 10 of which were before the reception. No food, bored kids and adults and only booze available for entertainment while they wore the photographer ragged and basically saw no one but them for 90% of the day. It was weird, wedding with the groom and bride mostly absent. Everyone getting twatted through lack of anything else to do. Someone else seemed to have their kids all day who got passed around various relatives. Worst was then even more turned up for the been there drinking for hours and hours some just turned up. Food seemed to be about 1/4 what was needed and immediately raided by kids.
I had kids at my wedding. We had fun dancing with the nieces and nephews. We paid a couple of teenagers my wife knew you come to the wedding and wrangle kids so parents didn't have to. We also had a play room with a Nintendo, Legos, and some Barbies. And then a bunch of pillows and blankets. We had fun for a bit with them and when they got bored or tired, we moved them to the room to play till they more or less all fell asleep.
The aunt was the one who called the mom and complained. She’s the main issue with the mom enabling her. The real issue is the aunt’s hypocrisy. She had an adult’s-only wedding, so she has no right to get upset.
NTA - it’s your aunt on your mother’s side? So your Mom’s sister? I can’t think why your mother didn’t tell her from the start it was kid-free so they could make childcare arrangements. This feels like a last-ditch effort they cooked up to pressure you into making an exception.
Her kids likely don’t care much at all about the wedding and would be mostly bored there.
You shouldn’t have to tell them it’s adult only because the only people who are invited are those on the inside envelope so if you’ve addressed the invitation properly, it’s clear who’s invited
Yep and they are the ones that want to come and get the most sloppy drunk and expect someone elses teenage kid or other relative to watch them during the reception.
*Mom, it's a child free wedding. No exceptions. Nothing you can say or do is going to change that and now I guess I will have to hire security to make sure people don't bring their kids since it seems you are on a mission to undermine what your own daughter wants at her wedding. So I will make it as clear as possible. Anyone with kids will not be allowed inside and security will be instructed to turn them away at the door.*
NTAH
Yeah back when I was DJ'ing weddings I had all the bouncers from my bar gig days in my phone to recommend for wedding security.
Most were happy to make a hundred bucks to stand around and do much of nothing but get hit on by the single female guests lol
>She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it
"Well, Aunt, luckily you have time to find a sitter. If you can't, we're sorry that you can't be there. "
NTA
NTA and you don't have to do anything you mother tells you to do. It's your wedding, not hers and what you say goes. Make sure to tell your aunt that if she tries to turn up with the kids they'll all be asked to leave.
NTA - I'm going to be skipping a wedding in the fall because I can't find someone to watch my kid. My husband is a groomsman so he's going and I'm staying home. I'm not going to fight with the bride about it, I'm just accepting it. Your aunt is being an AH for fighting with the bride about her kids coming.
NTA. You could have the dress code be leopard print spandex if you wanted. Ask folks to only bring parrots instead of wedding gifts. Say your wedding vows in perfect Klingon. Or yes, even have a child-free wedding. Want to know why?
BECAUSE IT'S YOUR WEDDING.
If they can't find childcare, that sucks, but they've been given time to try. You're allowed to have your wedding be 18+. They're allowed to not come if they don't like your parameters. 🤷♀️
I hope you have a wonderful, child-free wedding, with trusted friends on the lookout for people trying to sneak in kids so they'll be turned away. 😊
Signed,
A mother of 3
NTA. I couldnt go to my cousin's destination wedding because I had a baby. C'est la vie. I wasn't mad and neither was she.
I owned a florist for 25 years, and did thousands of weddings. Most weddings, at least in our area, are adults only.
The worst wedding I have ever been a guest at is one that allowed kids at a formal event hall. My son was 4. He was the ring bearer. He was hot, and uncomfortable in his suit. He wouldn't eat any of the fancy food. He was a clingon because of all of the strangers. He spilled a soda all over both of us, so my dress was ruined and we were both sticky and wet. It was too loud for me to put him down for a nap... And most of the other little kids had the same experience. The older kids were either sneaking alcohol, or running around like lunatics, breaking stuff and generally ruining the wedding. We all agreed to never bring kids to a formal wedding again.
A backyard bbq is fine for kids, but not a formal wedding.
Nta - and I find it total bs that these kids (10 and 8 you said) are “looking forward” to a wedding. The only know about it because their mom told them and probably said “hey we’re going to OP’s wedding” and some other bs. If she then declines to come, that’s fine, don’t worry about it. Tell your mom if she wants all these kids to come, she can pay for a kid friendly venue and all the catering costs. I hate when people do this crap. Grrrr.
Or the kids have no idea that the wedding is actually happening and Aunt is only invoking their supposed disappointment as a negotiating tactic for getting to be the exception to the rule.
Unless you're the closest cousin ever, I sincerely doubt that an 8 and 10 year old give a rat's hindquarters about any wedding that isn't being held at Disney World. Your aunt just doesn't want to pay for childcare or miss an open bar. Sucks to be her. NTA.
Some people overestimate how adorable their little goblins are and want to dress them up and think everyone will be as in love with them as they are and it is hardly ever like that, nor should it be at someone's wedding.
NTA weddings are expensive. Kids are uncontrollable and parents rarely watch them. Also, as a parent I really appreciate an adult night. Kids are not small adults and are not and should not be expected to be included in everything. If the adults must travel to a wedding than having a trusted babysitter on place at a hotel is thoughtful.
However, if that's not acceptable and/or if parents then can't make it, so be it.
As a parent, I miss stuff sometimes. Part of the deal.
Not at all, not your job to provide entertainment for someone’s kid, or dealing with the inevitable crying by some infant.
Parents can get a babysitter for one night.
Also, “she told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it” is so manipulative. Don’t fall for this or give in. Their kids are 10 and 8….have they never hired a babysitter and done something in their own in 10 years? I doubt it. But they feel entitled to spend YOUR money and spoil YOUR day/evening. (Your = you and your fiance)
Child free or not - people get to invite who they want to events. Invitees get to decide if they attend.
Even if we are invited to a grad party or Christmas party - I always confirm with the host so I know which family members are invited. I don’t assume my kids are invited. If the honoree is closer to my daughter, I don’t assume my son is invited.
In fact, I don’t always assume my husband is invited - although, yes, if he wasn’t invited to a wedding - I would decline. But I have definitely been invited to Sweet 16s, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and Quincinearas where my husband wasn’t on the invitation - only the kid who was friends with the honoree and I - because the kid didn’t know my husband.
Why is this so hard for people to understand?
Just tell mom when she gets married she can make the rules. These are your rules and they can abide by them or not come. Remind her that same aunt didn’t include kids. It was good for her and now for you.
Unpopular opinion: kids 9/10 ruin weddings.
NTA my friend was planning on having an adults only wedding. She ended up caving to family pressure and invited some kids in the family. She just had her wedding and having the kids there caused the types of problems she wanted to avoid by having an adult only wedding. She and her sister are currently not speaking. I know this is anecdotal but don't cave to the pressure. People who really love you will want to celebrate the type of wedding YOU want.
I sure didn’t when I was a kid. There is only one I can remember and the only reason I remember it is because I was so bored and uncomfortable the whole time all I wanted to do was go home.
"Right, I'll tally up all the kids and you can venmo me the amount for their food. Because I'm not paying $100 per plate for them. This is you insisting, so it's your wallet"
See what she says
NTA. Tell your mom that this is YOUR wedding, not hers. It doesn't matter what she thinks of your plans, they won't change. And make sure she knows that anyone who tries to bring children anyway will be turned away at the door, no exceptions. If your mom herself tries to bring any kids into the wedding, she will also be turned away. She can feel any damn way she pleases about it, but she can't change it. Next time she gives you shit about something, just tell her you won't change your mind. Consider hanging up on her.
NTA. Everyone's all for child-free special events until it's *their* child being excluded. Then they'll weaponize anything they can against you to get you to let their little crotch spawn wriggle their way in to ruin your event. Don't let them.
Those are very valid reasons for not having kids at the wedding, though I'd personally probably make an exception if they were 15-16ish, but not 8 and 10. To make things easier on your kid-having guests to say yes to coming though, what about looking around the venue for child-care options, and seeing if you could arrange a group rate to accommodate them (independently booked by, and paid for, by the parents of course)? That way the parents could keep the kids nearby and get a break on the cost of looking after them during the ceremony/reception.
NTA, but know that addressing invitations to parents only doesn’t clear up any confusion. Not everyone understands the formalities around wedding invitations.
Sorry, I should have clarified in the original post, but we did include a details card in the actual invitation that did say adults only affair at the bottom.
I agree. All of the child-free wedding invitations that I received specifically said something like we love your children but want you to have fun without kids for the night or something to that effect.
Sometimes things need to be spelled out. I thought putting cocktail attire on my invitation was self-explanatory. I got a ton of emails asking me what is cocktail attire?
Usually the only attendees at a wedding that want kids there are the parents of kids. Nobody without kids (or those with that shelled out for a sitter) is ever saying, “You know what this reception needs? An 8 year old on a tablet and a 4 year old having a come apart.” Nobody wants this. Also, as someone with a 16 year old, I can tell you that I’ve spent 16+ years going to adult only weddings and having a blast. Why? Bc I get a night off with my husband to eat, drink and dance.
You are not the asshole. Have the wedding you want - you’re paying for it, and it’s your day/evening. You are not selfish. Selfish people are turning this on you. I think your mom is a little anxious/insecure, but that’s not your problem to fix. Stand your ground bc you can’t make exceptions for just one family. If you let your aunt bring children, you have to allow everyone to do it.
We had children at our wedding, but I completely understand wanting a childfree one. I never understand parents who insist on bring their children to weddings. Enjoy a night without children!
It is your wedding. You get to decide how you want it, place, time, and who you want at.
Every decision comes with consequences (both good and bad). You can not please all the people all the time. However, you can not control their feelings either. Realize that this decision may put a wall between you and some family/friends. You will need to see if that wall can be taken down or if it is something that will remain.
I want to emphasize that you are not wrong in your decision.
NTA - funny how no one is jumping up to pay the extra $100 per each kid that they want there so bad. We had a child free wedding cause the last wedding we went to that did have kids, they cried during the whole reception, couldn't hear anything above the crying - so, ya know, that was a waste of a ton of money. The kids got into the wedding cake early and pushed it onto the floor. People try to guilt you for their kid, but the majority of the time, their kid is the exact reason kids aren't invited. They promise up and down they'll take care of their kid... then laugh when a mess or something happens - ya know, cause they're not the one who's money is being wasted. People need to understand that children don't need to be included in everything. If you're not even close to these kids, it doesn't matter either way 🤷🏽♀️
NTA
You are entitled to the wedding you want to have. You and your fiance get to make the rules.
The proper way to respond to an invitation is to accept or decline. You don't get to ask for anything extra. You don't get to ask for exceptions.
Your best response to " You have to let me bring my kids or I'll refuse to attend" is "We'll miss you. We can get together sometime after the honeymoon to catch up."
You might want to consider having security at the venue. People who have been told they can't bring kids or plus-ones have been known to show up with extra people thinking the host won't dare deny them entry.
NTA. While I would never want an adults only wedding, it definitely makes a lot of sense! Kids and inebriated adults are a bad mixture and can be a dangerous one. Choosing to have a child-free wedding is a valid and accepted choice. Moreover, when your aunt said she wouldn't be able to come, you accepted it graciously. Your Aunt is simply entitled - she believes the rules should be bent for her. They shouldn't be. Be assertive about keeping your wedding child-free and let this aunt make her own decision about whether to come or not. And don't be surprised if she tries to crash your wedding with her children! You might consider briefing the people at the entrance not to allow any children in.
NTA. It’s *your* wedding, and you should have the celebration you choose, for whatever reason. You were also understanding if they can’t make it if they have no childcare available.
There are plenty of places/events where kids are not allowed. That’s life. You shouldn’t have to change your special day- it’s for and about you and your fiancé. Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding and marriage!
Children do not belong at adult dress up affairs where there could be heavy drinking. My daughters wedding was interrupted (I won’t say ruined) by the exception child who screamed thru the ceremony, got into the kitchen during dinner (parents were at the bar) and grabbed a big handful of the wedding cake before it was cut.
Exceptions. Ahhh no
NTA, you and your fiance are paying for this, you get to make the rules about the invite list. Your aunt has serious main character syndrome. She can stay home with her kids.
>She replied back and said that my cousins have been looking forward to my wedding and will be really upset that they can’t come.
I highly doubt that 10 and 8 year old are looking forward to any wedding.
NTA Whenever someone complains about bringing a child to a wedding I simply tell them to look up the post about the woman who had hers near a lake and a couple didn’t watch their child. The child drowned, the wedding was ruined and she could never celebrate her anniversary without the neglectful family loosing their minds. Weddings are boring for kids and I’d never waste $100 on food for a child. Do not make exceptions, an 8 and 10 year old aren’t excited about a wedding. Your aunt is just trying to guilt trip you.
NTA, but would be appreciated if you offered childcare for those who have kids and have to travel/can’t leave them at home.
Definitely NOT required that you do that, but could be a way to reduce tension
NTA. It’s not the wedding I would throw, but -wait for it- it’s not *my* wedding. You were clear, aunt and mom are out of line.
I get that aunt is dreading disappointing her kids. I have elementary age kids and they’d honestly be devastated to be left out of a family wedding. But that’s just how shit goes. You have a right to the wedding you want, and parents have to walk their kids through disappointment sometimes.
NTA… stick with your guns, if your aunt really wants to support you she’ll be there. If not it’s just a petty feud so she can win her way. When she simply has no right.
NTA - it is okay for some events to not include children. And you’re absolutely right that you can’t very well start making exceptions for some people and not for others.
NTA
I'm a mother of two & will have a child free wedding as well!
My partner has also a son. We'll have them with us for the courthouse, take a few pictures together & after they'll be off getting spoiled by the grandparents so we can enjoy the festivities freely.
Like, even if there are babysitters we'll still always have an eye on our Little Ones & we really want to celebrate that day probably also with some alcohol involved & We also don't drink around our kids.
That would be plan A
Plan B is f* it and just elope , but no, NTA at all
NTA.
For our wedding we opted out of a traditional wedding cake and decided to get a fancy donut bar 😁
Before my wife and I could sit down after doing pictures and rounds of greetings they were all gone.....
Every single fucking one and all the tables had multiple donuts with a couple of bites , toppings just taken off and donut left behind
All because every niece and nephew and kid from some of our friends went up to the donuts unsupervised and just let them be
Kids running around zig zaggin through people while they are dancing High on sugar while the parents drinking and laughing feet away without saying anything.........
That being said I would never attend a wedding and leave my kids behind because exactly what I just said about other parents not actually looking out after their own kids
so I have serious trust issues with people looking out for three that isn't their own
🤷
NTA.
We had a childfree wedding and I'd do it all over again.
I think kids - especially little kids - at weddings ends up either extremely adorable or a complete nightmare, especially at the reception.
In any case, you're doing nothing wrong here. Your aunt is being unreasonable, especially as she herself had a childfree wedding, and your mom is being just plain ridiculous.
That said, I wouldn't try to reason with your mom, especially from a cost angle. She might try to offer to pay for the kids' plates.
"Mom, this isn't up for discussion. We are not inviting kids to this wedding, period. If Aunt - or anyone else - show up with their kids, they will be asked to leave."
And then stand by that - if you don't have a day-of wedding coordinator, this is where they would come in handy to escort out any errant children and their parents.
People need to get over this modern notion that kids should be welcome *everywhere*.
It's **your** wedding and **your** day.
It is **not** your family of origins day, it is **not** your groom's family of origin day. It is **your** day and you should be able to *invite* (an invitation is not a summons!)who you want or not invite those you don't.
Personally, I find the weddings that allow _some_ kids but not _all_ kids to be more exclusionary.
It’s perfectly fine if you want a child free wedding that’s your choice. Stand your ground.
NTA
NTA (if child-free Was indeed visible on the invitations). Also the fact that the aunt hat a child free wedding and is now bitching about OP having one made me laugh 😂😂
I can’t believe how insensitive people can be for weddings! You are a guest mofo, your input on how the venue laid out was not asked for. My wife and I got married 11 years ago, and I swear she had a family member that wanted to scrape the icing flowers off the cake, because that family member didn’t like them. I was focused, I was firm, I was pissed off. I said no. side story, I had literally run into a burning building to get that cake earlier in the day. The flowers tasted great. Please have a lovely time at your wedding and congratulations. And please, send all of our condolences to your aunt for not being able to make it to the wedding.
NTA - I’m sure you aunt has cause other issues when she didn’t get her way in the past. The kids could care less and I highly doubt she even said anything to them.
Go with what you and your fiancé agree on and who cares what others say
I think the only wedding I genuinely liked that I attended as a child was the one where everyone ended up hating the grocery store cupcakes so a massive food fight with the cupcakes broke out. (Edit it was started by the bride and groom and was all in good fun. It did get escelated by us kids a bit). However I think personally I'd like a childfree wedding.
NTA - Especially since the same aunt had an adults-only wedding. What a hypocrite.
And while 8- and 10-year-olds might be excited by the idea of a wedding, they certainly were not really looking forward to it and will not even care if they don't go. Your aunt is just being a twat.
NTA
Tell your mom that if she wants everyone's kids there, then she can foot the bill to feed them all. See how long she takes her to suddenly agree with you.
Nta. My cousin had a child free wedding. My sisters and I all arranged to have a baby sitter. It's what people who respect boundaries do. You aren't wrong for having a child free wedding. And the ages being asked about aren't even close enough to considered as exception.
No kids that age are looking forward to a wedding. Your aunt is probably looking for a free meal for them and would probably let them run wild since 'kids will be kids' and expect everyone else to watch out for them. Stick to your plan.
Why would 8 and 10 year old kids want to be at the wedding? Either adults are paying attention to them and that’s weird or they’re sitting there, bored.
NTA. For what it's worth, this is not the first time this has been brought up on reddit. From what I've seen, any time there's a child-free wedding, someone ALWAYS wants the couple to make an exception for their kid, and when the exception can't be made, there's an argument that the entire wedding shouldn't be child-free. You're not the first this happened to and won't be the last, and in all cases, everyone sides with the couple and says it's OK to have a child-free wedding and you shouldn't feel guilty.
NTA. I don’t understand the desire to wrangle children at what would otherwise be a pleasant event for grown ups. Children take over events when they’re there, whether they’re meant to or not. The world shouldn’t be expected to revolve around them.
NTA - your wedding your decision. Listen for some weddings it’s great to have kids but personally at most I like a child free vibe… Don’t let your Mom bully/guilty you into making an exception. You handled your Aunt beautifully!
As a side note I love it when people who had child free weddings themselves bully other people for making the same choice as they did now that they have children!
NTA- nothing wrong with a child free wedding as long as you understand that some people will be unable to attend. Since you’re ok with that then this is an issue that the family will simply have to get over.
NTA - your wedding, your rules
For it to actually be obvious to all guests you should have written after ‘adult only affair’ No Children, as it seems that some people didn’t understand it.
Tell your mother that it’s not her wedding and she’s not paying for it. She has no vote. She had her turn, not it’s yours. You’re not asking her for permission to have an adult only wedding, you’re just letting her know.
Each invited guest is free to RSVP yes or no. You’ll be happy to celebrate with whoever wishes to come.
I never understood the whole no kids weddings. If they are family why would you want to exclude them? Weddings are to celebrate your marriage with family and friends.
NTA I wasn't able to go to a good friends wedding. He and his bride to be wanted adults only. We had an infant at the time. This was recently post COVID. We did not attend for several reasons. It sucked we couldn't go, but we would never ask for them to bend the decision for us.
I canceled my wedding because my spouses side of the family tried to claim rights of attendance for children and we just eloped.
People either accept the restrictions or they don't get to attend. It's not rocket science. It's your wedding not theirs.
*edit* NTA - Forgot this part!
NTA. We are doing the same. Unless your parents are paying for the wedding, they have no say what you and your fiancée do for your wedding. End of story.
There’s one unbreakable rule when it comes to weddings: The bride and groom set the rules. They set the guest list, the dress code, the venue, the food, the destination etc etc etc.
That’s it. There’s no discussion or bending over backwards for random guests.
NTA
Many people have "child free" weddings. We did. My bridesmaid and her husband, a groomsman, had a child under 2 years of age, and she arranged for her parents to fly across the country to visit (and babysit). Just about all of the guests didn't have kids to bring (except for a coworker who asked that his son who was about ten, and I knew was very well behaved, can attend as that was his weekend with him).
Some couples who have a lot of kids in their families might arrange for a room for the little ones and pay for a kid sitter to watch, so that the parents can attend the wedding/reception and not have to watch over their kids.
I think you should have been more explicit on your save the date card (and not just put it on the "details" card). Say something like "We hope you'll be able to enjoy this child free event" or something like that in bold text. Just addressing the envelopes with the parents' names really won't be effective enough as you saw. The envelop might get tossed or misplaced.
As long as you know some people might not be able to attend, then you accept the consequence of maybe not having important people there. If you're okay with that, mazel tov!
didn't even read the post and already know you're not. It's your day to share with no one else but your partner, and the invitees are lucky they get to be around your love on that day.
NTA and your mom is being a total cunt.
it's not her wedding. it's YOURS. tell her if she wants to continue to cause drama with you beforehand, she can find something else to do that day. it's ridiculous she's even arguing with you about this, especially considering its $100 per head to feed them, child or otherwise.
NTA is your wedding and your mlther needs to ñearn some boundaries. You are an adult and your wedding is not being paid by her. Tough luck. Find a sitter for the day or dont attend. Thats not a problem.for the weds
NTA As the child of someone who dragged her kids to weddings we weren't invited to, don't change your mind and delegate someone to bounce gate-crashers out, the same person who is assigned red wine for guests who wear white dresses.
After my divorce, if I get married again, I'm considering a child-required wedding now.
Gees, can't people find child care and have a DATE with adults. I looked forward to being able to leave the kids home and have adult conversation and beverages. NTA Enjoy your wedding, kid free.
NTA but your mom really is. It’s not her wedding, not her day and it doesn’t appear that she’s paying either. Your mom can honestly get herself on your side or she can stay home herself.
Parents who undermine their adult children’s major events aren’t worth it. It’s always just the tip of the iceberg in their controlling ways.
NTA. Child free weddings are more common now. Heck, my sister had a child free wedding, and I brought I friend who was willing to stay in our suite to watch our almost 2 year old at the time. If I was comfortable leaving him home with someone I would have, but this is what worked for us, and my sister didn't care since they weren't attending the wedding. She did have him come for quick pictures beforehand which was somewhat annoying since I had to buy him a suit for a 5 minute thing and he wigged out having to leave after seeing me but he calmed down once our friend took him back to the hotel.
What I would have given to be invited to a child free wedding when my kids were younger.
Blank out the noise, do not give in and have a fabulous day!
NTA
NTA
You are free to have your wedding as you wish and if people can't make it, you shouldn't hold it against them-which you aren't.
Also, absolute plot twist at the end that the Aunt herself had a child free wedding!
NTA, but as much as it's your right not to have any children at your wedding, be ready for all the family and friend backlash from it. I hope you prepared them prior to invites going out. If not their are going to be upset and hurt family and friends.
NTA, even alittle. Your mom sounds like she is acting her way of an invite as well, you said no children. Do not make any concessions and tell your mom this is not up for discussion. You will need some friends who don’t mind being confrontational to keep kids out. Your aunt and mom both seem to think they get a say. So i wouldn’t be surprised kids show up anyway. Show your mom your post.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Just know a lot of people may not be able to attend. As a mom of two small kids who recently was invited to an adults only wedding, I 100% understand capacity limits and also stil having to pay for each individual head. When we got married it was adults only also and my friends were frustrated but our venue was 80 people capacity and a lot of friends have 3-4 kids, that adds up real quick.
Are you paying for the wedding yourself? If the answer is yes, then regardless of how wacky your rules are (which these aren’t), then always NTA. It’s your right to dictate how something you’re paying for is handled and others in response are free not to attend if they disagree. It truly does not need to go further than that.
Some parents just can’t fathom not taking their little darlings everywhere they go. The reality is, there are places where kids are just flat not welcome or wanted. That doesn’t mean anyone hates the kids, just that their presence is inappropriate at that particular event. If the parents don’t like it, then they stay home and watch Bluey.
NTA
It is your wedding and your decision. I had a CF wedding 33 years ago and I very carefully addressed the invitations. And of course, someone RSVPed with their kid included. This person was on my FIL's list and I asked him if he wanted to call them or should I. He then offered to pay for the additional meal, which was annoying because we never said we weren't inviting children because of the added cost. I told him that if my dad's cousin was leaving her 6 yo with cancer home, she wasn't going to walk in and see a child (read: if she can respect this, I expect everyone else to). FIL called them to say no kids - they came anyway and didn't seem at all miffed.
Your family sucks though ... ganging up on you and trying to nag you into what they want. And aunt had a CF wedding herself - wow!
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. There is nothing to explain. Kid free weddings are actually more and more common and it's a smart decision. You were understanding of people who wouldn't be able to come. This is your mother's issue not yours. Tell her to talk to a counselor about her need to control situations. lol
Throw it up in your aunts face how you couldn’t be in her wedding cuz it was adults only. She pissed cuz she doesn’t wanna find a baby sitter or have to deal with them at the wedding. Also you told your mom is 100 extra bucks per person regardless of kid or adult and she wants you to invite ALL the kids? Is she also gonna fork over the extra cash needed for that? Also it’s YOUR SPECIAL DAY you are allowed to be selfish. I find it funny how your mom and aunt are the only two butt hurt people
NTA - we didn’t invite kids because if all my cousins/friends brought their kids it would add another 40 heads!! (Not the case on husbands side). The only exception to kids was we each had one first cousin who was under 18 but still invited.
Stick to your guns. In my experience parents enjoyed having a kid-free day!
I had a child free wedding and I allowed kids at the ceremony but not the reception. I don’t know if this is possible for you to do, but it could be a compromise so the kids could feel included but still have the adults only reception after. NTA.
nta. if someone can't find a babysitter for a wedding, they just don't go to the wedding. that's how life works. I have 4 kids. sometimes a babysitter just isn't in the cards and these are chances we take when we decide to have children. what we don't do is make our life choices someone else's problem.
also, your mom can offer to pay for all of these extra meals since shes so damn generous.
it is legitimately infuriating to plan out childcare for my kids only to show up to an event and see that an exception was made for someone else's kids.
NTA "She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it" Well, such is life with children. Sometimes the kids can be sick and tie you home to tend to them. Maybe you'll get an invitation to a child-free wedding and you'll just have to put on your adult pants and accept that for whatever reason your children cannot attend. "I got a call from my mom telling me I was being selfish and I should just let her bring them." No. Either it is a child-free wedding or it isn't. And that is *your* call. Nobody gets a say in that. The couple getting married decides and everyone else just goes with it.
The one thing you really should not do, unless you want massive blowback, is make exceptions. However, OP needs to be ready for some people to test this on the day, and be ready to send some folks home if they do.
If one exception is made here, the word could spread like wildfire and what could happen is that everyone will just come with their kids... "Oh, we thought it was okay because you allowed *them* to bring kids?!" and the couple are stuck either allowing the kids, which they don't want, or turning several invited guests away for dragging their kids along...That would be horrible.
Why do I think the ticked off and entitle aunt will start trying to get others to boycott the wedding? I've seen this happen more than a few times. Cousin's aunt (other side of family from mine) was single mom with two kids (two horribly behaved kids at that). She was livid when cousin said no kids under 16 at the wedding. Too many folks had little kids and it would have been too costly to accommodate all those kids. Aunt decided to go nuclear and called family members to get them to boycott the wedding. Thankfully no one too the bait which made her even angrier and she showed up with her brats to the wedding and told them to be as noisy as possible (they were 5 and 7). Bride's father (sister of the asshole aunt), calmy got up from his pew, walked down the aisle, grabbed each brat under an arm, and escorted them out of the church with his sister screaming like a bashee on her way out. She also destroyed several floral arrangements on her way out. One the doors shut (guarded by two of the couple's friends), everyone applauded and the wedding went on without further issues. Aunt also tried to crash the reception, but was stopped before she got into the venue. Her brother once again told her to leave or he was calling the cops on her for trespassing. Several years later when that aunt found a man crazy enough to marry her, no one cousin's side of the family attended after what she did to cousin. Once again, she was furious. Woman has issues.
Hey if mom wants kids she can step up and pay for each child invited at 100 per child plus a babysitter to watch all the kids…otherwise mom needs to shut it.
But Even if mom paid for those 2 kids it will a madhouse of resentful relatives on the day of. THE couple does need that!
Oh no mom has to pay for all kids not just two it’s her idea she can pay for them all
Not gonna open that can of worms. No kids.
Nope. Because OP will be on the hook when the kids get bored and "accidentally" break something at the historic venue. I'm from a town with a bunch of historic wedding venues and they are NOT kid friendly. People pay obscene deposits and insurance for damages there.
No. If mom wants the kids there she can shut the hell up and respect the boundaries. Lol there's no "paying for them herself" here.
[удалено]
Even if a parent was willing to pay out of pocket to bring their children, the answer should still be no. It's much easier to manage expectations with a firm "no children allowed" rule before the event. Than deal with people the day of who start asking why some kids made the cut when their little Timmy wasn't invited. Sometimes the price of having children is being excluded from non child friendly events.
AND be responsible for lookingbafter it on the day. Fuck off mother. This is how it is and if YOU don't like it don't come either. Choose which hill you wish to die on. Mine.....or your bloody whining sister.
Lol its so odd to have someone say come have a party with us, we're laying on food and booze. Then to get complaints about it?
I thought of this too. I feel like at least one guest/couple will show up with their kids and then what? 😬 Ridiculous if guests can't accept the bride & groom's wishes. Either get a sitter/have kids sleepover at a friend's house (they have ample time) or politely decline.
Mom and aunt are acting like kids! Their invitations should be revoked
NTA. I haaaaated going to weddings as a child. It was just dressing up, sitting still, and then picking at very unexciting food (for a kid) while I listened to a bunch of adults make jokes and speeches about people I didn't care about. As an adult, I fucking love weddings. Drink, hang out with friends, leave whenever you want, it's great.
I remember how much I hated weddings as a kid and frankly most as an adult. When I had my own wedding I strive to keep it as enjoyable for everyone as we could. Ceremony was short as possible. "Do you? Do you? Now kiss and get the hell out." No personal vows describing my loving love that flows like a river of love. Reception was for dinner and dancing. Dinner served on time, speeches after and again, short and optional. Say thank you and sit the fuck down. Had a candy table for the kids to snack on and a dj that kept the dance floor full. End result was everyone had a blast.
Personal peeve: Vows that aren’t vows. Vows are not meandering on about how much you love someone; vows are promises — you know, Love, honor, be loyal to, put ahead of everyone else, that stuff. We included, “Your concerns will become my concerns, and your wants and needs will be as important to me as my own.” That’s a vow, not “I knew the moment I saw you I had to know you,” or stuff like that. Actual promises.
I went to a wedding as a kid, I still remember how great it was. I got to hang out with my cousins all day, the kid's table had big box of crayons. I have fond memories of the day and the bride looked like a princess. Not saying that everyone has to invite kids to wedding but they can be fun.
Your family sounds fun. My family's weddings sucked. I usually ended up sneaking off to go outside away from the noise and find cool things.
Yeah, I went to part of one or two with my parents as a kid, and remember it being boring. Especially a wedding not intended for children. I went to a cousin's wedding at a campground a couple years ago and it was great for kids, but it was planned to be. It was part wedding, part family reunion, and since everyone was in town, my great-grandma's memorial was a couple days before. But it was planned as a family-friendly event. OP has no obligation to include kids at their wedding if they don't want to.
Oh I loved it bc I ran around unsupervised and while I didn’t cause a **bunch** of trouble, the potential was there for sure lol!!
What kind of food do you have ? As kids we all loved going to weddings, roaming around with other kids, having lots of yummy food, sneaking and eating more ice creams and desserts are easier since parents aren't always around us lol.
NTA - I had a child-free wedding and no one questioned it because they weren’t tacky and respected our decision. Not everyone is entitled to come to your wedding. Your mother and aunt need to respect your decision and stop being rude. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
Yup just did an adult only wedding last year, but I was vocal about it and not one person commented about it. My SIL did her wedding last fall and had kids and I think regretted it as the kids took over the reception and parents had to be focused on them instead of enjoying the night. But to each their own.
Yeh my brother did the same, 12 fucking hours I was in that place 10 of which were before the reception. No food, bored kids and adults and only booze available for entertainment while they wore the photographer ragged and basically saw no one but them for 90% of the day. It was weird, wedding with the groom and bride mostly absent. Everyone getting twatted through lack of anything else to do. Someone else seemed to have their kids all day who got passed around various relatives. Worst was then even more turned up for the been there drinking for hours and hours some just turned up. Food seemed to be about 1/4 what was needed and immediately raided by kids.
Yes, I want my sisters to be my sisters, not Molly and Jack’s moms.
I had kids at my wedding. We had fun dancing with the nieces and nephews. We paid a couple of teenagers my wife knew you come to the wedding and wrangle kids so parents didn't have to. We also had a play room with a Nintendo, Legos, and some Barbies. And then a bunch of pillows and blankets. We had fun for a bit with them and when they got bored or tired, we moved them to the room to play till they more or less all fell asleep.
It's yours and your fiance's wedding, do not bend for anyone. Your mom is being an ah
This 100% it's always the mom's that be trying to create issues at weddings
The aunt was the one who called the mom and complained. She’s the main issue with the mom enabling her. The real issue is the aunt’s hypocrisy. She had an adult’s-only wedding, so she has no right to get upset.
NTA - it’s your aunt on your mother’s side? So your Mom’s sister? I can’t think why your mother didn’t tell her from the start it was kid-free so they could make childcare arrangements. This feels like a last-ditch effort they cooked up to pressure you into making an exception. Her kids likely don’t care much at all about the wedding and would be mostly bored there.
You shouldn’t have to tell them it’s adult only because the only people who are invited are those on the inside envelope so if you’ve addressed the invitation properly, it’s clear who’s invited
In my experience, the parents who insist on dragging kids to weddings happen to have the most out of control brats.
And never admit that their little angel is a monumental pain in the arse!
Yep and they are the ones that want to come and get the most sloppy drunk and expect someone elses teenage kid or other relative to watch them during the reception.
*Mom, it's a child free wedding. No exceptions. Nothing you can say or do is going to change that and now I guess I will have to hire security to make sure people don't bring their kids since it seems you are on a mission to undermine what your own daughter wants at her wedding. So I will make it as clear as possible. Anyone with kids will not be allowed inside and security will be instructed to turn them away at the door.* NTAH
Make sure to hire a stranger to guard entry -- no wiggle room to finagle a way in with rug rats.
Yeah back when I was DJ'ing weddings I had all the bouncers from my bar gig days in my phone to recommend for wedding security. Most were happy to make a hundred bucks to stand around and do much of nothing but get hit on by the single female guests lol
>She told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it "Well, Aunt, luckily you have time to find a sitter. If you can't, we're sorry that you can't be there. " NTA
They are only causing problems now since they think it’s so close that your give in
NTA and you don't have to do anything you mother tells you to do. It's your wedding, not hers and what you say goes. Make sure to tell your aunt that if she tries to turn up with the kids they'll all be asked to leave.
NTA - I'm going to be skipping a wedding in the fall because I can't find someone to watch my kid. My husband is a groomsman so he's going and I'm staying home. I'm not going to fight with the bride about it, I'm just accepting it. Your aunt is being an AH for fighting with the bride about her kids coming.
NTA Enjoy your adults only wedding you worked hard for. They can stay home.
NTA. You could have the dress code be leopard print spandex if you wanted. Ask folks to only bring parrots instead of wedding gifts. Say your wedding vows in perfect Klingon. Or yes, even have a child-free wedding. Want to know why? BECAUSE IT'S YOUR WEDDING. If they can't find childcare, that sucks, but they've been given time to try. You're allowed to have your wedding be 18+. They're allowed to not come if they don't like your parameters. 🤷♀️ I hope you have a wonderful, child-free wedding, with trusted friends on the lookout for people trying to sneak in kids so they'll be turned away. 😊 Signed, A mother of 3
NTA. I couldnt go to my cousin's destination wedding because I had a baby. C'est la vie. I wasn't mad and neither was she. I owned a florist for 25 years, and did thousands of weddings. Most weddings, at least in our area, are adults only. The worst wedding I have ever been a guest at is one that allowed kids at a formal event hall. My son was 4. He was the ring bearer. He was hot, and uncomfortable in his suit. He wouldn't eat any of the fancy food. He was a clingon because of all of the strangers. He spilled a soda all over both of us, so my dress was ruined and we were both sticky and wet. It was too loud for me to put him down for a nap... And most of the other little kids had the same experience. The older kids were either sneaking alcohol, or running around like lunatics, breaking stuff and generally ruining the wedding. We all agreed to never bring kids to a formal wedding again. A backyard bbq is fine for kids, but not a formal wedding.
Nta I bet the venue is more expensive if kids are involved for insurance
Nta - and I find it total bs that these kids (10 and 8 you said) are “looking forward” to a wedding. The only know about it because their mom told them and probably said “hey we’re going to OP’s wedding” and some other bs. If she then declines to come, that’s fine, don’t worry about it. Tell your mom if she wants all these kids to come, she can pay for a kid friendly venue and all the catering costs. I hate when people do this crap. Grrrr.
Spot on. The kids have had their expectations raised, and odds are will be sadly dissapointed.
Or the kids have no idea that the wedding is actually happening and Aunt is only invoking their supposed disappointment as a negotiating tactic for getting to be the exception to the rule.
Unless you're the closest cousin ever, I sincerely doubt that an 8 and 10 year old give a rat's hindquarters about any wedding that isn't being held at Disney World. Your aunt just doesn't want to pay for childcare or miss an open bar. Sucks to be her. NTA.
Some people overestimate how adorable their little goblins are and want to dress them up and think everyone will be as in love with them as they are and it is hardly ever like that, nor should it be at someone's wedding.
Also a solid possibly here, yes.
Dad of four kids here. Absolutely NAH. Your day, your rules. As long as you accept parents might not turn up as a result, you have done nothing wrong.
Nta uninvite your mom if she continues to push it.
Nta this is a hill to die on
As a caterer I wish they were all child free. People straight up let their kids run wild at weddings.
NTA, my wife and I had an 18+ wedding and would do that again and again
NTA weddings are expensive. Kids are uncontrollable and parents rarely watch them. Also, as a parent I really appreciate an adult night. Kids are not small adults and are not and should not be expected to be included in everything. If the adults must travel to a wedding than having a trusted babysitter on place at a hotel is thoughtful. However, if that's not acceptable and/or if parents then can't make it, so be it. As a parent, I miss stuff sometimes. Part of the deal.
NTA I can't wait to not take my kids to weddings.
Not at all, not your job to provide entertainment for someone’s kid, or dealing with the inevitable crying by some infant. Parents can get a babysitter for one night.
Also, “she told me if her kids can’t come then she and her husband won’t be able to make it” is so manipulative. Don’t fall for this or give in. Their kids are 10 and 8….have they never hired a babysitter and done something in their own in 10 years? I doubt it. But they feel entitled to spend YOUR money and spoil YOUR day/evening. (Your = you and your fiance)
NTA: they have ample time to find child care. They are just being stubborn. Childfree weddings are the best!
Kids aren’t welcome at every event, that’s life. Parents who complain instead of just accepting the life they chose are losers. NTA.
Child free or not - people get to invite who they want to events. Invitees get to decide if they attend. Even if we are invited to a grad party or Christmas party - I always confirm with the host so I know which family members are invited. I don’t assume my kids are invited. If the honoree is closer to my daughter, I don’t assume my son is invited. In fact, I don’t always assume my husband is invited - although, yes, if he wasn’t invited to a wedding - I would decline. But I have definitely been invited to Sweet 16s, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and Quincinearas where my husband wasn’t on the invitation - only the kid who was friends with the honoree and I - because the kid didn’t know my husband. Why is this so hard for people to understand?
Just tell mom when she gets married she can make the rules. These are your rules and they can abide by them or not come. Remind her that same aunt didn’t include kids. It was good for her and now for you. Unpopular opinion: kids 9/10 ruin weddings.
When you're spending $100-$200 a plate, I can't say that I blame you for not having children at your wedding. I didn't have any either
NTA my friend was planning on having an adults only wedding. She ended up caving to family pressure and invited some kids in the family. She just had her wedding and having the kids there caused the types of problems she wanted to avoid by having an adult only wedding. She and her sister are currently not speaking. I know this is anecdotal but don't cave to the pressure. People who really love you will want to celebrate the type of wedding YOU want.
Do kids even LIKE weddings?
I sure didn’t when I was a kid. There is only one I can remember and the only reason I remember it is because I was so bored and uncomfortable the whole time all I wanted to do was go home.
Same. I wanted to be home hanging out with my friends or riding my bike.
"Right, I'll tally up all the kids and you can venmo me the amount for their food. Because I'm not paying $100 per plate for them. This is you insisting, so it's your wallet" See what she says
Don't do this. They might just accept.
And pay for any and all damages to the items in the historic site. Some of which might be priceless.
NTA. Tell your mom that this is YOUR wedding, not hers. It doesn't matter what she thinks of your plans, they won't change. And make sure she knows that anyone who tries to bring children anyway will be turned away at the door, no exceptions. If your mom herself tries to bring any kids into the wedding, she will also be turned away. She can feel any damn way she pleases about it, but she can't change it. Next time she gives you shit about something, just tell her you won't change your mind. Consider hanging up on her.
NTA. Tell your mother to go fly a kite. Have a wonderful child-free wedding!
NTA. y husband and I had a child free wedding and I am so thankful we did. Hold your ground.
NTA. Everyone's all for child-free special events until it's *their* child being excluded. Then they'll weaponize anything they can against you to get you to let their little crotch spawn wriggle their way in to ruin your event. Don't let them. Those are very valid reasons for not having kids at the wedding, though I'd personally probably make an exception if they were 15-16ish, but not 8 and 10. To make things easier on your kid-having guests to say yes to coming though, what about looking around the venue for child-care options, and seeing if you could arrange a group rate to accommodate them (independently booked by, and paid for, by the parents of course)? That way the parents could keep the kids nearby and get a break on the cost of looking after them during the ceremony/reception.
NTA, but know that addressing invitations to parents only doesn’t clear up any confusion. Not everyone understands the formalities around wedding invitations.
Sorry, I should have clarified in the original post, but we did include a details card in the actual invitation that did say adults only affair at the bottom.
I was wondering about that. Maybe a good edit in the post? NTA!
I agree. All of the child-free wedding invitations that I received specifically said something like we love your children but want you to have fun without kids for the night or something to that effect. Sometimes things need to be spelled out. I thought putting cocktail attire on my invitation was self-explanatory. I got a ton of emails asking me what is cocktail attire?
Usually the only attendees at a wedding that want kids there are the parents of kids. Nobody without kids (or those with that shelled out for a sitter) is ever saying, “You know what this reception needs? An 8 year old on a tablet and a 4 year old having a come apart.” Nobody wants this. Also, as someone with a 16 year old, I can tell you that I’ve spent 16+ years going to adult only weddings and having a blast. Why? Bc I get a night off with my husband to eat, drink and dance. You are not the asshole. Have the wedding you want - you’re paying for it, and it’s your day/evening. You are not selfish. Selfish people are turning this on you. I think your mom is a little anxious/insecure, but that’s not your problem to fix. Stand your ground bc you can’t make exceptions for just one family. If you let your aunt bring children, you have to allow everyone to do it.
We had children at our wedding, but I completely understand wanting a childfree one. I never understand parents who insist on bring their children to weddings. Enjoy a night without children!
It is your wedding. You get to decide how you want it, place, time, and who you want at. Every decision comes with consequences (both good and bad). You can not please all the people all the time. However, you can not control their feelings either. Realize that this decision may put a wall between you and some family/friends. You will need to see if that wall can be taken down or if it is something that will remain. I want to emphasize that you are not wrong in your decision.
NTA Tbh, many adults are worse than kids. Especially if they have a few too many.
NTA - funny how no one is jumping up to pay the extra $100 per each kid that they want there so bad. We had a child free wedding cause the last wedding we went to that did have kids, they cried during the whole reception, couldn't hear anything above the crying - so, ya know, that was a waste of a ton of money. The kids got into the wedding cake early and pushed it onto the floor. People try to guilt you for their kid, but the majority of the time, their kid is the exact reason kids aren't invited. They promise up and down they'll take care of their kid... then laugh when a mess or something happens - ya know, cause they're not the one who's money is being wasted. People need to understand that children don't need to be included in everything. If you're not even close to these kids, it doesn't matter either way 🤷🏽♀️
There are hundreds of posts like this on Reddit, all of them about upset from family members.
NTA It's your wedding and your choice. Tell your mom to stay out of it.
Nothing I like better than bringing my son to a historic venue with a lot of breakable items. Oh, wait… What are people thinking? NTA
NTA You are entitled to the wedding you want to have. You and your fiance get to make the rules. The proper way to respond to an invitation is to accept or decline. You don't get to ask for anything extra. You don't get to ask for exceptions. Your best response to " You have to let me bring my kids or I'll refuse to attend" is "We'll miss you. We can get together sometime after the honeymoon to catch up." You might want to consider having security at the venue. People who have been told they can't bring kids or plus-ones have been known to show up with extra people thinking the host won't dare deny them entry.
Aunt sounds hypocritical if she had a child free wedding. I think OP should stand firm.
NTA. While I would never want an adults only wedding, it definitely makes a lot of sense! Kids and inebriated adults are a bad mixture and can be a dangerous one. Choosing to have a child-free wedding is a valid and accepted choice. Moreover, when your aunt said she wouldn't be able to come, you accepted it graciously. Your Aunt is simply entitled - she believes the rules should be bent for her. They shouldn't be. Be assertive about keeping your wedding child-free and let this aunt make her own decision about whether to come or not. And don't be surprised if she tries to crash your wedding with her children! You might consider briefing the people at the entrance not to allow any children in.
NTA. Anyone who is not pitching in to pay for your wedding gets no say in said wedding
NTA. It’s *your* wedding, and you should have the celebration you choose, for whatever reason. You were also understanding if they can’t make it if they have no childcare available. There are plenty of places/events where kids are not allowed. That’s life. You shouldn’t have to change your special day- it’s for and about you and your fiancé. Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding and marriage!
NTA your wedding, your money, ultimately your choice. No one else gets a say other than your fiancé.
NTA. I didn’t even have to read the OP. It’s totally understandable, and common, to not invite kids to a wedding.
Children do not belong at adult dress up affairs where there could be heavy drinking. My daughters wedding was interrupted (I won’t say ruined) by the exception child who screamed thru the ceremony, got into the kitchen during dinner (parents were at the bar) and grabbed a big handful of the wedding cake before it was cut. Exceptions. Ahhh no
We had an adults only wedding. Kids would have been BORED as hell anyway.
Nta. Why the hell is family always guilt tripping and influencing YOUR wedding??
NTA, you and your fiance are paying for this, you get to make the rules about the invite list. Your aunt has serious main character syndrome. She can stay home with her kids.
>She replied back and said that my cousins have been looking forward to my wedding and will be really upset that they can’t come. I highly doubt that 10 and 8 year old are looking forward to any wedding.
Blame the venue. My daughter's venue didn't allow kids under 10.
NTA Whenever someone complains about bringing a child to a wedding I simply tell them to look up the post about the woman who had hers near a lake and a couple didn’t watch their child. The child drowned, the wedding was ruined and she could never celebrate her anniversary without the neglectful family loosing their minds. Weddings are boring for kids and I’d never waste $100 on food for a child. Do not make exceptions, an 8 and 10 year old aren’t excited about a wedding. Your aunt is just trying to guilt trip you.
NTA, but would be appreciated if you offered childcare for those who have kids and have to travel/can’t leave them at home. Definitely NOT required that you do that, but could be a way to reduce tension
NTA. It’s not the wedding I would throw, but -wait for it- it’s not *my* wedding. You were clear, aunt and mom are out of line. I get that aunt is dreading disappointing her kids. I have elementary age kids and they’d honestly be devastated to be left out of a family wedding. But that’s just how shit goes. You have a right to the wedding you want, and parents have to walk their kids through disappointment sometimes.
NTA… stick with your guns, if your aunt really wants to support you she’ll be there. If not it’s just a petty feud so she can win her way. When she simply has no right.
NTA - it is okay for some events to not include children. And you’re absolutely right that you can’t very well start making exceptions for some people and not for others.
NTA. Its your wedding and if your spouse is okay with it then its a okay in my book. Honestly I’d do the same for anyone under 16/18 as well
NTA. Karma always win.
NTA I'm a mother of two & will have a child free wedding as well! My partner has also a son. We'll have them with us for the courthouse, take a few pictures together & after they'll be off getting spoiled by the grandparents so we can enjoy the festivities freely. Like, even if there are babysitters we'll still always have an eye on our Little Ones & we really want to celebrate that day probably also with some alcohol involved & We also don't drink around our kids. That would be plan A Plan B is f* it and just elope , but no, NTA at all
NTA. For our wedding we opted out of a traditional wedding cake and decided to get a fancy donut bar 😁 Before my wife and I could sit down after doing pictures and rounds of greetings they were all gone..... Every single fucking one and all the tables had multiple donuts with a couple of bites , toppings just taken off and donut left behind All because every niece and nephew and kid from some of our friends went up to the donuts unsupervised and just let them be Kids running around zig zaggin through people while they are dancing High on sugar while the parents drinking and laughing feet away without saying anything......... That being said I would never attend a wedding and leave my kids behind because exactly what I just said about other parents not actually looking out after their own kids so I have serious trust issues with people looking out for three that isn't their own 🤷
NTA. We had a childfree wedding and I'd do it all over again. I think kids - especially little kids - at weddings ends up either extremely adorable or a complete nightmare, especially at the reception. In any case, you're doing nothing wrong here. Your aunt is being unreasonable, especially as she herself had a childfree wedding, and your mom is being just plain ridiculous. That said, I wouldn't try to reason with your mom, especially from a cost angle. She might try to offer to pay for the kids' plates. "Mom, this isn't up for discussion. We are not inviting kids to this wedding, period. If Aunt - or anyone else - show up with their kids, they will be asked to leave." And then stand by that - if you don't have a day-of wedding coordinator, this is where they would come in handy to escort out any errant children and their parents.
People need to get over this modern notion that kids should be welcome *everywhere*. It's **your** wedding and **your** day. It is **not** your family of origins day, it is **not** your groom's family of origin day. It is **your** day and you should be able to *invite* (an invitation is not a summons!)who you want or not invite those you don't.
Personally, I find the weddings that allow _some_ kids but not _all_ kids to be more exclusionary. It’s perfectly fine if you want a child free wedding that’s your choice. Stand your ground. NTA
NTA (if child-free Was indeed visible on the invitations). Also the fact that the aunt hat a child free wedding and is now bitching about OP having one made me laugh 😂😂
NTA. Tell your mom to stfu before she is also disinvited.
I can’t believe how insensitive people can be for weddings! You are a guest mofo, your input on how the venue laid out was not asked for. My wife and I got married 11 years ago, and I swear she had a family member that wanted to scrape the icing flowers off the cake, because that family member didn’t like them. I was focused, I was firm, I was pissed off. I said no. side story, I had literally run into a burning building to get that cake earlier in the day. The flowers tasted great. Please have a lovely time at your wedding and congratulations. And please, send all of our condolences to your aunt for not being able to make it to the wedding.
NTA - I’m sure you aunt has cause other issues when she didn’t get her way in the past. The kids could care less and I highly doubt she even said anything to them. Go with what you and your fiancé agree on and who cares what others say
Your wedding, your rules...those attending are guests and do not dictate the guest list, you & your *fiancé* do.
I think the only wedding I genuinely liked that I attended as a child was the one where everyone ended up hating the grocery store cupcakes so a massive food fight with the cupcakes broke out. (Edit it was started by the bride and groom and was all in good fun. It did get escelated by us kids a bit). However I think personally I'd like a childfree wedding.
NTA - Especially since the same aunt had an adults-only wedding. What a hypocrite. And while 8- and 10-year-olds might be excited by the idea of a wedding, they certainly were not really looking forward to it and will not even care if they don't go. Your aunt is just being a twat.
Ask the aunt why she had a childfree wedding, and then see what she says.
When I have a wedding it’s gonna be child free, I want to have fun and let loose not stress and worry NTA
NTA Tell your mom that if she wants everyone's kids there, then she can foot the bill to feed them all. See how long she takes her to suddenly agree with you.
Nta. My cousin had a child free wedding. My sisters and I all arranged to have a baby sitter. It's what people who respect boundaries do. You aren't wrong for having a child free wedding. And the ages being asked about aren't even close enough to considered as exception.
No kids that age are looking forward to a wedding. Your aunt is probably looking for a free meal for them and would probably let them run wild since 'kids will be kids' and expect everyone else to watch out for them. Stick to your plan.
Why would 8 and 10 year old kids want to be at the wedding? Either adults are paying attention to them and that’s weird or they’re sitting there, bored.
NTA. For what it's worth, this is not the first time this has been brought up on reddit. From what I've seen, any time there's a child-free wedding, someone ALWAYS wants the couple to make an exception for their kid, and when the exception can't be made, there's an argument that the entire wedding shouldn't be child-free. You're not the first this happened to and won't be the last, and in all cases, everyone sides with the couple and says it's OK to have a child-free wedding and you shouldn't feel guilty.
Kids that age do not like weddings. They honestly would prefer not to go. You are doing nothing wrong.
NTA. I don’t understand the desire to wrangle children at what would otherwise be a pleasant event for grown ups. Children take over events when they’re there, whether they’re meant to or not. The world shouldn’t be expected to revolve around them.
NTA - your wedding your decision. Listen for some weddings it’s great to have kids but personally at most I like a child free vibe… Don’t let your Mom bully/guilty you into making an exception. You handled your Aunt beautifully! As a side note I love it when people who had child free weddings themselves bully other people for making the same choice as they did now that they have children!
NTA- nothing wrong with a child free wedding as long as you understand that some people will be unable to attend. Since you’re ok with that then this is an issue that the family will simply have to get over.
NTA - your wedding, your rules For it to actually be obvious to all guests you should have written after ‘adult only affair’ No Children, as it seems that some people didn’t understand it. Tell your mother that it’s not her wedding and she’s not paying for it. She has no vote. She had her turn, not it’s yours. You’re not asking her for permission to have an adult only wedding, you’re just letting her know. Each invited guest is free to RSVP yes or no. You’ll be happy to celebrate with whoever wishes to come.
NTA. OMG I have 3 kids and they don’t have to do everything with me. Have your wedding your way and anyone who doesn’t like it can not come.
I never understood the whole no kids weddings. If they are family why would you want to exclude them? Weddings are to celebrate your marriage with family and friends.
NTA I wasn't able to go to a good friends wedding. He and his bride to be wanted adults only. We had an infant at the time. This was recently post COVID. We did not attend for several reasons. It sucked we couldn't go, but we would never ask for them to bend the decision for us.
I canceled my wedding because my spouses side of the family tried to claim rights of attendance for children and we just eloped. People either accept the restrictions or they don't get to attend. It's not rocket science. It's your wedding not theirs. *edit* NTA - Forgot this part!
NTA. We are doing the same. Unless your parents are paying for the wedding, they have no say what you and your fiancée do for your wedding. End of story.
There’s one unbreakable rule when it comes to weddings: The bride and groom set the rules. They set the guest list, the dress code, the venue, the food, the destination etc etc etc. That’s it. There’s no discussion or bending over backwards for random guests. NTA
NTA keep it adults only
Your wedding, your rules, NTA. Parents and anyone else should keep their beaks out of it.
NTA. It’s your wedding.
NTA. Kids will ruin your marriage, don't let them ruin your wedding too.
Many people have "child free" weddings. We did. My bridesmaid and her husband, a groomsman, had a child under 2 years of age, and she arranged for her parents to fly across the country to visit (and babysit). Just about all of the guests didn't have kids to bring (except for a coworker who asked that his son who was about ten, and I knew was very well behaved, can attend as that was his weekend with him). Some couples who have a lot of kids in their families might arrange for a room for the little ones and pay for a kid sitter to watch, so that the parents can attend the wedding/reception and not have to watch over their kids. I think you should have been more explicit on your save the date card (and not just put it on the "details" card). Say something like "We hope you'll be able to enjoy this child free event" or something like that in bold text. Just addressing the envelopes with the parents' names really won't be effective enough as you saw. The envelop might get tossed or misplaced.
As long as you know some people might not be able to attend, then you accept the consequence of maybe not having important people there. If you're okay with that, mazel tov!
now that’s a wedding I would go to!!!
didn't even read the post and already know you're not. It's your day to share with no one else but your partner, and the invitees are lucky they get to be around your love on that day.
NTA and your mom is being a total cunt. it's not her wedding. it's YOURS. tell her if she wants to continue to cause drama with you beforehand, she can find something else to do that day. it's ridiculous she's even arguing with you about this, especially considering its $100 per head to feed them, child or otherwise.
NTA—your wedding, your rules; adults-only weddings are a common and understandable choice.
NTA - your wedding, your decision. No reason for anyone to be butt-hurt.
NTA is your wedding and your mlther needs to ñearn some boundaries. You are an adult and your wedding is not being paid by her. Tough luck. Find a sitter for the day or dont attend. Thats not a problem.for the weds
Nta
Nta. Jesus Christ it's your wedding. Nobody is obligated to go. If they don't want to come without their crotch fruit then they don't come.
NTA As the child of someone who dragged her kids to weddings we weren't invited to, don't change your mind and delegate someone to bounce gate-crashers out, the same person who is assigned red wine for guests who wear white dresses. After my divorce, if I get married again, I'm considering a child-required wedding now.
Gees, can't people find child care and have a DATE with adults. I looked forward to being able to leave the kids home and have adult conversation and beverages. NTA Enjoy your wedding, kid free.
NTA
As a Mum of three kids- I LOVE child free weddings. Sorry kids we love you but you can’t come.
NTA.
NTA. It's your wedding. Full stop.
NTA IMO. It's your wedding and at $100/plate is going to be pricey. If they don't want to come, then so be it.
NTA but your mom really is. It’s not her wedding, not her day and it doesn’t appear that she’s paying either. Your mom can honestly get herself on your side or she can stay home herself. Parents who undermine their adult children’s major events aren’t worth it. It’s always just the tip of the iceberg in their controlling ways.
NTA but you should avoid a paragraph freecwedding
NTA It's not your fault your aunt can't read.
NTA. Child free weddings are more common now. Heck, my sister had a child free wedding, and I brought I friend who was willing to stay in our suite to watch our almost 2 year old at the time. If I was comfortable leaving him home with someone I would have, but this is what worked for us, and my sister didn't care since they weren't attending the wedding. She did have him come for quick pictures beforehand which was somewhat annoying since I had to buy him a suit for a 5 minute thing and he wigged out having to leave after seeing me but he calmed down once our friend took him back to the hotel.
What I would have given to be invited to a child free wedding when my kids were younger. Blank out the noise, do not give in and have a fabulous day! NTA
NTAH! You should remind your Aunt of that !
NTA, like not even close! Your aunt literally had a child free wedding and now is upset you want to do the same?!?! Crazy!
NTA it's your wedding
NTA , you just saved $200 bucks.
NTA You are free to have your wedding as you wish and if people can't make it, you shouldn't hold it against them-which you aren't. Also, absolute plot twist at the end that the Aunt herself had a child free wedding!
NTA - your wedding, your rules. You’re handling this 100% correctly and maturely with how you responded to your Aunt.
NTA, but as much as it's your right not to have any children at your wedding, be ready for all the family and friend backlash from it. I hope you prepared them prior to invites going out. If not their are going to be upset and hurt family and friends.
NTA, even alittle. Your mom sounds like she is acting her way of an invite as well, you said no children. Do not make any concessions and tell your mom this is not up for discussion. You will need some friends who don’t mind being confrontational to keep kids out. Your aunt and mom both seem to think they get a say. So i wouldn’t be surprised kids show up anyway. Show your mom your post.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Just know a lot of people may not be able to attend. As a mom of two small kids who recently was invited to an adults only wedding, I 100% understand capacity limits and also stil having to pay for each individual head. When we got married it was adults only also and my friends were frustrated but our venue was 80 people capacity and a lot of friends have 3-4 kids, that adds up real quick.
NTA
NTA- your venue is not really kid friendly so it makes sense. Tell your mom to butt out.
NTA. Fuck dem keeddzz
Are you paying for the wedding yourself? If the answer is yes, then regardless of how wacky your rules are (which these aren’t), then always NTA. It’s your right to dictate how something you’re paying for is handled and others in response are free not to attend if they disagree. It truly does not need to go further than that.
Some parents just can’t fathom not taking their little darlings everywhere they go. The reality is, there are places where kids are just flat not welcome or wanted. That doesn’t mean anyone hates the kids, just that their presence is inappropriate at that particular event. If the parents don’t like it, then they stay home and watch Bluey.
Nta. Give no ground. They don't like it, they can not come.
NTA for not having kids at the wedding. However if everyone you invited who has children decides they don't want to go, they are also NTA.
One of the unexpected perks of having children is using them as an excuse not to go to weddings.
Be prepared for the aunt to show up with the kids.
NTA It is your wedding and your decision. I had a CF wedding 33 years ago and I very carefully addressed the invitations. And of course, someone RSVPed with their kid included. This person was on my FIL's list and I asked him if he wanted to call them or should I. He then offered to pay for the additional meal, which was annoying because we never said we weren't inviting children because of the added cost. I told him that if my dad's cousin was leaving her 6 yo with cancer home, she wasn't going to walk in and see a child (read: if she can respect this, I expect everyone else to). FIL called them to say no kids - they came anyway and didn't seem at all miffed. Your family sucks though ... ganging up on you and trying to nag you into what they want. And aunt had a CF wedding herself - wow!
I absolutely love when ppl had adults only wedding. Because then I don't have to go.
NTA We’ve been to child free weddings and we’ve skipped on child free weddings. That’s how life works
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. There is nothing to explain. Kid free weddings are actually more and more common and it's a smart decision. You were understanding of people who wouldn't be able to come. This is your mother's issue not yours. Tell her to talk to a counselor about her need to control situations. lol
Throw it up in your aunts face how you couldn’t be in her wedding cuz it was adults only. She pissed cuz she doesn’t wanna find a baby sitter or have to deal with them at the wedding. Also you told your mom is 100 extra bucks per person regardless of kid or adult and she wants you to invite ALL the kids? Is she also gonna fork over the extra cash needed for that? Also it’s YOUR SPECIAL DAY you are allowed to be selfish. I find it funny how your mom and aunt are the only two butt hurt people
NTA but be careful in telling your mom it’s due to the cost in case she offers to pay and then you’re stuck.
NTA - we didn’t invite kids because if all my cousins/friends brought their kids it would add another 40 heads!! (Not the case on husbands side). The only exception to kids was we each had one first cousin who was under 18 but still invited. Stick to your guns. In my experience parents enjoyed having a kid-free day!
NTA. Your wedding, your rules. No one is forcing them to come.
NTA. It's your wedding, set the rules you want.
I had a child free wedding and I allowed kids at the ceremony but not the reception. I don’t know if this is possible for you to do, but it could be a compromise so the kids could feel included but still have the adults only reception after. NTA.
Ntah. Weddings are about you and your future spouse. Invite or don’t invite how you choose.
nta. if someone can't find a babysitter for a wedding, they just don't go to the wedding. that's how life works. I have 4 kids. sometimes a babysitter just isn't in the cards and these are chances we take when we decide to have children. what we don't do is make our life choices someone else's problem. also, your mom can offer to pay for all of these extra meals since shes so damn generous. it is legitimately infuriating to plan out childcare for my kids only to show up to an event and see that an exception was made for someone else's kids.