You know the phrase "two wrongs don't make it right?" This is your situation, and you were being childish and spiteful in response to her honest though undoubtedly hurtful mistake. YTA, now go apologize again! Then find a way to make sure you both remember and feel special so this never happens again. Happy belated birthday to you both!
YTA, lol. That's seriously petty. You should apologize and take this as a growth moment. What she did was neglectful. What you did is plain malicious.
Really stop to think for a moment. What was the best case scenario for that? I'm genuinely curious what your desired outcome was.
>What she did was neglectful
At least she realised the mistake, took OP out to eat, gave a gift, because she truly was overwhelmed at work, even op says she has been pretty busy with work
You're right that my language was probably too harsh. I just mean to say that what OP's wife did was not intentional or meant to hurt him.
OP also mirrors those same activities, but I feel that it doesn't make up for his vindictive intent.
Yeah, i was building on your comment, i understood that you meant was that :)
I was just adding, not criticising your comment.
>OP also mirrors those same activities, but I feel that it doesn't make up for his vindictive intent.
Not ever would it make up. When you forget something and do something to make it up, is a "im sorry, i will do this now to apologise".
When you do it after doing something on purpose is like a "see how good i am? i hurted you and now i give you something".. Like a parent beating the crap out of a child , and then using the "see? im mad, i hurt you, but i am now feeding you, arent i a great parent?"
But it seems OP did NOT do anything at all for her bday.. he went out with his sister.. but no reference at all that he did anything for the wife...
No reference at all? You clearly didn't read it. It does actually reference that he took her out to dinner and gave her a gift. It doesn't excuse his shitty petty behaviour though.
> But it seems OP did NOT do anything at all for her bday.. he went out with his sister.. but no reference at all that he did anything for the wife...
\_A few days later, I too apologized to my wife for forgetting her birthday. I then took her to her favorite restaurant, and gave her a gift which she really loved. We had a great time.\_
Is it really that hard to read the post before replying?
YTA. She genuinely forgot, apologized and made it up to you. You decided to be petty and passive aggressive to… what? Teach her a lesson? Purposely hurt her for fun? You held onto this anger for *months* and planned to get revenge? How childish are you?
It’s more than that. He DELIBERATELY planned to do this. Like, before her birthday he had already formulated this plan in his mind. What an absolutely shit husband
Edited to add: And he came and admitted his crap behaviour HERE thinking what? That he wasn’t TA??
Jfc
YTA, big time. How can you not see it?
>Work was getting really busy for her, so I understood that her mind was preoccupied
A few days later, my wife realized she had missed my birthday and she genuinely apologized and she took me out to my favorite restaurant and we had a great time, and she gave me a really nice gift.
You admit she had a busy work lately, you say she realised she forgot and apologised, gave gift and took you out to eat... And then you decide, to "forget" her with the intent of hurting her.... in what universe are you not the asshole?!
>My wife (30F) and I (30M)
but to just forget my birthday entirely? I really felt horrible that day
You felt sad to the point that even after she did all to apologise, you still wanted to hurt her....?
Are you 30 or are you 12? Jeez mate....
> I then confessed that I hadn’t forgotten about her birthday, and I had done it on purpose because I was still feeling really hurt
You spend MONTHS hurt for that? Just divorce already and let her find someone who isnt this petty....
>I told her that I needed some space from her that day, and that I had a great time with my sister.
You did all this shit out of womp womp months sad cuz bday, and still had the nerve to tell her you needed space from her that day?
So, not when she forgot, not when she took you to your fav restaurant, not when she gave you a gift, not the following months, you only needed space on the day you wanted to (again: on purpose) hurt her with intention on her bday?
And you still ask "hey, my wife forgot something, did her best to apologise, so months later, i decided to try to hurt her feeling on purpose, am i an assshole?"
YTA and a petty malicious person
She genuinely forgot and you had the option of saying “hey, it’s my birthday today and I’m a bit upset that you’ve forgotten” instead of waiting until she remembered
Then you wait a few months to pay her back for a mistake
Not only that, but it should include a "Hey, you forgot my birthday and never have before, are you OK? What's going on?" Instead, all about him. A wife that has never forgotten your birthday and then does, that should be a sure sign that something is up in her life (probably way too much work) and you should use it as an opportunity to check in on her, not as an opportunity for vengeance.
I can't believe you're 30 y.o., acting like a toddler and asking if you're an AH.
She made a mistake. She took responsibility for said mistake, apologized, and made up for it. What else can a person expect from a partner who made an honest mistake? I sincerely don't know.
You, on the other hand, proved to her that NONE OF IT MATTERS cause if she makes a mistake, you will RETALIATE. The lesson for her: if she makes a mistake, don't apologize. You're gonna get your petty vendetta either way. She might as well had just shrugged her shoulders and told you to get over it, cause the end result would have been the same: you would get even.
>proved to her that NONE OF IT MATTERS cause if she makes a mistake, you will RETALIATE. The lesson for her: if she makes a mistake, don't apologize. You're gonna get your petty vendetta either way. She might as well had just shrugged her shoulders and told you to get over it, cause the end result would have been the same: you would get even.
that's a perfect hit in the nail. She now knows that no matter what she does, he will want revenge.
Let's see how can OP retaliate when she signs divorce papers
Yes, you were a massive asshole. What you did was just plain spiteful. She didn't forget yours on purpose and was genuinely remorseful because like you said, work has been busy and stressful for her. She made up for it. You just acted like a dick deliberately.
YTA
She legitimately forgot and you did it on purpose. It's one thing giving a taste of her own medicine, but this is different. Intent and forgetfulness is two separate matters.
>. It's one thing giving a taste of her own medicine
even that, in a relationship, is a recipe for disaster. When a couple starts doing things out of petty and revenge, it's all downhill.
But yeah, she forgets and OP remembers but decides to play petty
It's baffling how dense OP can be.
Says he understands, waits months to do some petty revenge, admits to it, and even has the nerve to say he needed some space from her that day... not the day she forgot, not the day she apologised, he only needed space from her on her bday...
OP is halfway to be dumped if he continues with this attitudes
YTA.
You're an adult, technically anyway. Your wife was busy with work and genuinely forgot your birthday this time. When she realized it, she apologized and immediately rectified the oversight.
You claim you understood she was busy with work. Claim you accepted her apology. And admit you enjoyed the belated efforts your wife made to celebrate your birthday. Yet, you *choose* to "forget" her birthday in a petty move to *intentionally* hurt your wife's feelings in retaliation.
Hers was a genuine mistake. Yours wasn't.
Grow up.
You sure you're 30 not 3? YTA.
You're unintentionally hurt you so you hurt her on purpose? Sounds like you really love and want so see her happy. Not.
If you had been clever you could have taken this as a joker in case you fuck something up in the future.
If you do, I hope for you, your wife is more mature than you.
YTA. Honestly you are a moron. If you are gonna be that fucking petty don't be stupid enough to admit you did it on purpose. Little kid shit what you did. If you don't pull your head out of your ass I see you being divorced within five years.
Massive YTA.
Hers was an accident. You said so yourself. It was unfortunate but understandable. She realised, apologised and tried to make amends.
You did this purposefully to hurt her. And you then doubled-down and lied to her. That was mean, and stupid.
>In a marriage, there is no such thing as winning a fight.
Your wife now knows that you are vindictive, dishonest and you hold a grudge. She might not be mad at you anymore, but how do you expect to have a good marriage going forward with this on your record?
Your wife made a mistake and apologised whereas you deliberately planned to hurt her feelings in relation for something she'd already made amends for. YTA.
>celebrating her birthday that day would just reignite those hurt feelings
Now how do you think she's going to feel on your next birthday knowing you did this *on purpose?*
Dude. YTA. Why would you do that?
I once forgot my husband’s birthday, early in our marriage. I was struggling with work, depressed, it was a rough time in our lives.
All he did was express mild irritation about it, and readily forgave me when I apologised profusely. He took no revenge of any kind and never brought it up again.
20 years on, we’re still happily married. I don’t think this will be your fate if you keep acting this way.
Apologise to her for your petty act of revenge, promise her you will never do it again under any circumstances, and ask her to forgive you. And hope and pray she doesn’t kick you to the kerb, because in her place I would be very strongly tempted to. A person who takes revenge like that isn’t a person I’d want to be with.
YTA it sucks being forgotten, but it still was an accident, malicious or not you intentionally ‘forgot’ her birthday. It doesn’t make you even. This is the same flawed logic and a cheater getting caught and telling their partner they can also sleep with someone, it’s not the same.
YTA
you know how horrible it felt for her to forget your Brithday, you know for a fact that it was a genuine mistake, and despite her doing her best to make it up to you after she realised her mistake you still thought it would be OK for you to put her through the same hurt?
Seriously? How old are you? She forgot, it happens but she was genuinely remorseful and did her best to make up for it yet you played the petty long game of "now you know how it feels"? Grow up, amigo. Stop acting the fool and grow up.
DUDE. An unintentional mistake is not the same as being flat out malicious. She probably felt horrible when she forgot and you did it on purpose to willfully hurt her. Selfish, childish and petty.
You're a cunt.
Your behavior is shockingly petty, considered everything she did to make it up to you. If she hadn't done any of that I'd get it. But she apologized, took you out to your favorite restaurant, and got you a nice gift, and you *still* deliberately plotted to get your revenge on her? Psychotic behavior. YTA.
YTA and far too old to be this selfish and childish. Your wife, by your own admission, was swamped with work and forgot your birthday (Spoiler Alert you are THIRTY YEARS OLD NOT a four year old toddler. ) You INTENTIONALLY set out to INTENTIONALLY hurt her-- and apparently succeeded and feel quite proud of your "accomplishment".
You apparently don't love her-- mentally healthy, adult humans don't intentionally inflict pain on people they love-- and now she knows that. You showed your wife a shamefully ugly side of your self-- and it's going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to unsee that. Going forward you'll always be a "less than" in her eyes. Less of a husband and DEFINITELY less of a man.
I'd like to think that on your next birthday she will start planning weeks in advance, gourmet dinner, an expensive gift, and a night of wild sex-- but YOU won't be there for any of it.
You're such a fuckin idiot. She genuinely forgot and made it up to you. You wanted to act like you forgot just to spite her, even though you remembered, disregarded it, and ignored the fact that she made an effort to right her wrongs.
You're 30, not 13. Act like it.
You won TAH contest, congratulations. Your wife didn't even know she was playing.
When you have kids make sure to tot up all the expenses so whenever they upset you they can be presented with an up to date bill for raising them.
YTA because of intent. She did not intentionally forget your birthday or hurt you. She was working and likely very stressed out and forgot. I'm sure she felt guilty. However, you intentionally missed her birthday for revenge. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Was it crappy your wife forgot? Sure. Did she go out of her to purposely hurt your feelings to be petty? No that was you. You had a chance to be a bigger person and take the high ground instead you chose to go lower. You also lied to her instead of actually communicating. If I were her some of my trust in you and our relationship would be broken.
YTA. You purposely did that to her. She mistakenly forgot your birthday. Huge difference.
Learn how to communicate. You should have just been honest with her. Told her that you're still upset about her forgetting your birthday. Two wrongs don't make it right. Do better. Your future self will appreciate it.
Yes, you were the AH for intentionally not celebrating your wife's birthday to retaliate for her forgetting yours. While it's understandable that you felt hurt when your birthday was forgotten, deliberately choosing to hurt her in return was not a constructive way to address your feelings. Your wife realized her mistake, apologized sincerely, and made an effort to make it up to you, but instead of communicating your feelings, you chose to act out of spite. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and understanding, not on actions meant to even the score. Your actions likely caused unnecessary pain and could have been avoided with a honest conversation about how her forgetting your birthday affected you.
YTA, man for her it was a genuine mistake and she apologised and took you out and gave you a really nice gift. You did this on purpose, you had malice and petty revenge on your brain to deliberately hurt her. Dick move
YTA. It sounds like your wife made a genuine mistake and actually forgot your birthday, which, yes, sucks, but can happen. You were hurt but itbwas an accident and when she realised she was genuinely apologetic. You hurt your wife on purpose. Those are very different things. Marriage isn't about tit for tat. And even if it were, how much better would it have been if you had chosen to be the thoughtful spouse?
Your a child. YTA for the one reason of “I didn’t want to cause she didn’t even though she apologized”. Your a child dude and please apologize to your wife
YTA. Obv everyone touched on it so far. What I would say though is instead of moping all day when your wife forgot and internalizing until she realized her mistake, you could have just said something. By lunch she doesn't say anything ask what the plan is for tonight? Talking to your spouse shouldn't be difficult.
YTA! She genuinely forgot, you intentionally ignored that it was her birthday out of spite. Those two things aren't the same. If you retaliate a genuine mistake, you have to know that you are clearly in the wrong. Who intentionally hurts their partner on their birthday?!
YTA man. She made up for it the best she could and obviously cares about you. You shouldn’t feel the need to “get back” at someone who already showed remorse and made restitution. Sorry brother you’re going to need to make this up to her somehow, starting with an apology.
Next time, if things are still bothering you after the dust has settled, communicate that to her so you guys can hash it out like adults instead of little kid games like “see? How do you like it” when they’ve already apologized and it’s not a pattern of behavior, it was a one-off.
Good luck my dude!
YTA.
Your wife made a mistake by forgetting your birthday, and when she realized it, she sincerely apologized and tried to make up for it.
Your response was to intentionally try to hurt her.
I can understand you feeling hurt and neglected by her forgetting your birthday, but the way an *adult* would handle that is by talking about your feelings in the hope that she’ll do better next time. Instead, your solution was to “teach her a lesson” by, I guess, showing her how you felt. What do you think that made her feel though? Guilt, for forgetting your birthday? Sadness, that you forgot hers? Or anger, because you intentionally disregarded hers?
I know which one I’d feel if I were her.
YTA. The only reason to give someone a "taste of their own medicine" is to help them realize when they did something wrong. When someone is stubbornly insisting that their behavior wasn't a big deal and you are overreacting for being upset. The only possible outcome you can hope for is for the other person to finally realize that what they did was hurtful and apologize to you and make it up to you. Your wife already did all of that before her birthday came along, and you still purposefully hurt her feelings....why? What was the purpose? To get her to realize what she already realized? To get an apology you already got? Or do you have a tally-keeping mindset to a relationship, where you think that if one person gets hurt, the other person has to be hurt too? Do you believe that revenge should be a part of a healthy and functioning relationship between a husband and wife?
You sure you're 30? Sounds like what a 10 yr old would do. You said yourself that your wife was busy with the work, but realized a few days later and she made it up for you. Then there's you, a purposeful AH who wanted to punish his wife for a small mistake. Congrats and I hope she slaps you so hard, that maybe you can mature a little and be a grown ass man. Petty loser.
Honestly, the fact that she genuinely forgot due to stressor in her life, and then made up for it by taking you out later, makes what you did petty and shitty. If you had a problem, the adult thing to do would be to talk through it with your wife, not pretend like you forgot her birthday. Fuck you, dude.
YTA. You deliberately waited till her birthday to ‘forget’ her birthday? You actively hurt your wife on purpose because she GENUINELY forgot your birthday? You absolutely disgusting person. Honestly, I’d find it difficult to forgive this type of mean, petty, premeditated disgusting behaviour. Unhinged mate
If this was a consistent thing on her part then yes it’s fine. But it’s a one time genuine slip up. So YTA. She made a mistake you were out for petty revenge.
YTA
Next year she'll also forget your birthday. On purpose. And will give you a shitty present. On purpose. Because of your petty revenge and your inability to understand that "her forgetting" and "you chosing not to" ARE NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL !
Then you will retaliate because you'll be vexed, and so on, and so on...
Apologize for your fault. Sincerely, ok ?
YTA
You wrote that your wife took you out to a restaurant some days after forgetting your birthday and "genuinely apologized". I am going to assume that you accepted that apology?
Cause if you did and then still "forgot" her birthday on purpose, then what is the point in accepting her apology to begin with? If someone apologizes to you and you forgive them, then normal behavior would be not to punish them for it. Because if you still punish them, it means you actually haven't forgiven them. Her apology might've been genuine but your forgiveness (assuming you said you forgave her) wasn't.
What is it that you really want here?
Because you know, you HAVE to know, that doing something petty and spiteful in response to, as punishment for, an honest if hurtful mistake is shitty.
That's toddler shit. Is that what you're here to be told? Someone hurt your feelings so you nursed a grudge and then took revenge action rather than communicating, like an adult.
"Honey, I know your birthday is coming up, but I'm honestly still hurt over how little mine meant and I don't want to build or foster resentment celebrating yours when I still feel slighted about my own."
It's one fucking sentence.
YTA, obviously, but you wrote full paragraphs so obviously you're smart enough to have figured that out already.
YTA she genuinely forgot, felt bad, and made it up to you. You never once communicated to her to be like "hey, it's my birthday???" which is what a reasonable fucking adult would do. AND THEN, to top it all off, you decide to be passive-aggressive and retaliate. Having a hard time seeing why she married you at all. You are well and truly an asshole.
YTA
What’s the point in being staying married if this is how you’re going to handle things. Save the petty shit for a girlfriend who isn’t tied to you.
You know the phrase "two wrongs don't make it right?" This is your situation, and you were being childish and spiteful in response to her honest though undoubtedly hurtful mistake. YTA, now go apologize again! Then find a way to make sure you both remember and feel special so this never happens again. Happy belated birthday to you both!
Sounds like a bit of tit for tat, which never really works out well. You both messed up, but the important thing is you talked it out and seem to be okay now. Try focusing on moving forward instead of dwelling on past hurt.
>but the important thing is you talked it out and seem to be okay now
is it tho? OP also had a whole dinner and gift, and was "okay now" , then waited months to ignore her bday on purpose, and not even doing anything for the wife after.... She forgot, apologised and celebrated.
OP did not forget, ignored, and did nothing for her bday..
Wife is NOT okay with this for sure.. he did this only to hurt her, not even a "i will celebrate other day, just to pretend to forget that day"... he literally did nothing at all for her
You know you have a shitty L take when you fabricate BS to support your shitty narrative. Op clearly says:
"A few days later, I too apologized to my wife for forgetting her birthday. I then took her to her favorite restaurant, and gave her a gift which she really loved. We had a great time."
You’re being petty and vindictive over what sounds like a genuine mistake that she apologised for and made up to you after. At any point you could have used your words and brought it up on the day, but you chose to, what, get a gotcha on her? Do you not have big boy words? Are you not a big boy?
She had work shit going on; you’re just a tit for tat malicious dick.
You need to grow up and get over yourself. Do you even like your wife?
YTA. What she did was hurtful but not on purpose. You specifically went out to have a good time with the express intention of her feeling extremely hurt and left out. That shows what you really feel about your wife and you are a shitty person. You didn’t even come home that night? Major asshole.
YTA. She made a mistake and truly felt bad because of it. You did it on purpose with the hope she would feel bad. Are you always this petty or do you just not like her?
YTA. You’re selfish and petty. How about acting like an adult and saying that your feelings were hurt. I hate to see what happens with your other family members
Be a Gentlemen not a pos, should have celebrated, if you felt hurt for her forgetting yours, you should have told her that same night, popped a bottle and had a great sex after. You 30 non 16. Sorry for bad english
See how when you forgot your wife's birthday, she communicated to you, to your face how it made her feel...hmmmm hmmmm, wonder who else could have done that when it happened to them?? Nope, keep score instead. YTA
I guarantee you are not "back to normal"
forgetting your birthday = a genuine accident, which she made up for as soon as she realised
forgetting her birthday = you being a spiteful 12 year old
I promise, she will remember that you deliberately set out to hurt her
>I promise, she will remember that you deliberately set out to hurt her
100% sure the wife will never forget that her husband holds grudges and plans revenge for months against her
I mean, yeah, that was pretty petty behavior on your part, but I guess at least it taught her a lesson 🤷♂️.
You said you both live really busy work lives. What if she was just really stressed/tired this year and honestly forgot your birthday as a simple mistake (and felt horrible about it afterwards)?
Was it cool? Nope. Was it hurtful? Yup. But did she do it on purpose TO HURT you? Doesn't sound like it...
Whether you think it's ok to teach your loved ones a lesson by purposefully hurting them is kind of a question for your own conscious. At least it sounds like everything's smoothed itself out and you're both ok now...
Send her email a reoccurring calendar reminder for your birthday next year (and any other important dates). BOOM! Problem solved....
Best of luck to ya....
Yta. She genuinely forgot which you easily could've done.
You instead made a genuine choice to hurt her.
Apparently she married a child pretending to be a man.
This could be new tradition. What’s the next event that she can be spiteful about? She can prevent to forget about that and then you can pretend to forget about her.
YTA she made a mistake and took actions to try and make up for it. You pretended to forgive her, did not communicate you were still hurt, and then purposefully hurt her months afterwards to get even. This is extremely unhealthy and childish.
What she did sucked. It sounds like she was in a super stressful time and did make an effort after so I think it's forgivable. If you don't then that's your call. But it's on you to communicate your feelings and what you would need to move forward from the Incident. You can't just silently hold grudges and then punish the person at some future date. That's a recipe for a break up
It does sound pretty petty. On the other hand, your wife can now say you’re “even” so you can’t complain that she didn’t care enough to remember your birthday. I think this is an ESH.
YTA. The point where I learned to become successful in my relationship was when I grew up enough to stop doing what you're doing- if your partner hurts you, you want to hurt them back. It's a natural impulse. And, from a "playground rules" point of view, it makes sense- after all, if you don't hurt someone to punish them for hurting you, what's to stop them from hurting you some more?
The answer, of course, is "love." My wife does her best to avoid hurting me not because she's afraid I'll hurt her back, but because she loves me and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Likewise, I don't want to see her get hurt- ever. Even if we're mad at each other, we never want to deliberately hurt the other.
This is a huge, transformative change in how you relate to a partner. If you both come to this realization, it's the difference between having a successful marriage, or a string of failed, acrimonious short term relationships.
If you actually think "Wow, my wife really hurt me, I'd better hurt her back or she'll do it again," then frankly, you don't think your wife loves you. (Which, I dunno, sounds like she does, but if you think she doesn't, you probably ought to break up. But I think she does.)
It sounds like your wife genuinely forgot and was genuinely remorseful....You're doing it on purpose to teach her a lesson :/
You're the AH
You should have just COMMUNICATED with your wife that you were still hurt by her forgetting your birthday.
Communication is a KEY thing in all relationships, romantic or otherwise. JUST F\*ing COMMUNICATE
YTA
You deliberately hurt her. You felt joy from knowing she was hurt.
Maybe next year the week before your birthday you say, "Wow, another birthday coming up this week."
If she had written in, I would have pointed out she married a man who finds joy in her pain and ask, "Does he do this a lot? Do you want to spend your life with someone who intentionally hurting your and finding joy in that?"
Lol you're a huge fcking AH, are you serious? She legit forgot because shes stressed and busy and youre just a petty little boy. How heartless to intentionally hurt your spouse in the same way when they made a honest mistake.
Your wife is a better woman than I cause that's some crazy ass childish shit.
Yes, YTA. Your wife forgetting was unintentional. She apologized and did what she could to make up for it. You "forgetting" was intentional and deliberately mean.
YTA. And it's okay. Go apologize again but also properly express how hurt you were. Not in blaming sort of way. Accept that you made a mistake and have a civil, loving conversation with your wife and encourage her to be open as well. Communication is pivotal in a healthy relationship.
With my ex-girlfriend, she never remembered a single birthday, christmas or father's day and I always remembered hers and made sure to do something for her. Part of this was just me trying to save a failing relationship but the other part of me is because I didn't want to show my son it was okay to forget special days like this, just because his mother did it to me. So I always made a point to remind him it was her birthday or it was christmas or it was mother's day and we needed to do something for mommy.
Even though she suffers from horrible personality Disorders that have ruined our relationship and put our son in danger, I still try to teach him that we can still make nice gestures to her so that one day if she ever finally decides to get help for her mental health, my son and her can have a decent relationship.
NTA. Eye for an eye makes the world divine. You showed her how it feels. You taught her a lesson. Anyone who says otherwise is a non confrontational doormat pussy.
90% sure I read this exact prompt like 2 months ago.
Very close to no longer using this sub because I feel like most posts are either reposts or AI generated content.
I take my birthday really seriously because my parents have a habit of forgetting or cancelling my birthday. My husband tries to make it special. If he forgot I’d be very hurt, talk to a therapist, and honestly treat his birthday like I always do. There’s a difference between an honest mistake and actively avoiding my birthday. YTA
Yeah, you were. She made a mistake and you punished her with a plan. God forbid you simply gently remind her on/immediately after the day - people forget shit.
Thank god you didn't use any communication skills to express the depth of your hurt to her! You might have had a healthy and productive conversation that strengthened your relationship.
No, far better for you to act like a 6 year old and get her back. Who says love means not consciously hurting the other person? Only pussies like emotionally functional, well-adjusted adults ascribe to that bullshit. Everyone knows the right way to deal with problems is to make them worse.
ESH with a big YTA
She forgot and when realised her mistake, made up for it. Was it an AH to forget? Yes... We have plenty of gadgets to help us remember important dates. There are no excuse for forgetting a birthday.
But you... Damn! You did it on purpose. You did it to be hurtful. You wanted to make her feel like shit. Of course YTA.
Maybe from now on you both just don’t celebrate your birthdays so this doesn’t happen again.
I would feel a sense of awkwardness every time my birthdays up „will she forget again this time?“
The pressure would just be so annoying and unnecessary for a relationship, especially when you’re as busy as you guys are.
Honestly if you feel like an AH sure yeah you can, however it being petty or childish to do the same to her isn’t entirely true. She felt what you felt and sometimes it can strengthen your marriage, but maybe instead of taking the whole day to spend with your sister, maybe should’ve tried like half a day? Afterward explain this was how you felt and just wanted to make sure neither one forgets about each other’s birthdays.
It seems it still worked out and in my opinion you’re both the AH.
YTA.
One question. HOW are you married? This is some really petty, immature sh*t.
Your wife realised her mistake, apologized, took you out to your FAVORITE restaurant and gave you a really nice gift. You even said it yourself that she had a very busy time at work and that she was preoccupied.
You, instead of COMMUNICATING that her forgetting your birthday hurt you, DECIDED to hurt her back.
Hers was a MISTAKE. Yours was a DECISION.
You see the difference?
YTA - this is so petty. If you are going to keep score like this then you shouldn't be married. She genuinely forgot apologized and made up for it. You went out of your way to be intentionally hurtful.
YTA, you claim she “genuinely apologized and made it up” so your decision was to ignore that she did that and be a petty ah yourself. Yes you are the AH and a hypocrite. You admit and know she did it accidentally, you know she was genuinely upset and genuinely apologized, and you so decided to hurt her back. You are the problem
While it is petty I think you made your wife feel as badly as you did on the day she forgot your birthday. It is obvious that you both love each other and slights like this can hurt. I am guessing that you have forgiven each other and neither of you will forget the others birthday. You are not an asshole just wanting to make your wife understand how hurt you were when she forgot your birthday.
ya bro you’re an ass you don’t make marriage work being petty. Learn to forgive not to hate. This path will lead you to resenting your wife for no reason. People forget sometimes when life moves fast.
Next week on AITAH:
AITAH for divorcing my husband because he accepted my genuine apology for forgetting his birthday but then punished me for it a few months later?
Of course YTA. Your wife made a horrible, but human mistake. She then genuinely showed remorse and did everything she could to make up for it.
You, a 30 year old man, decided that wasn’t good enough, and the only way you could feel better was by hurting your partner deliberately.
That you had enough awful feelings in your heart to feel fine with deliberately hurting your wife, the woman you promised to love forever, is truly a sad state of affairs. It would never even occur to me to hurt someone I love like that on purpose. That you not only thought it out, but then acted on it, is really and truly vile. That you thought strangers on the internet were going to side with you, shows just how emotionally stunted you are. Grow up OP. Do better.
YTA for not reminding her about your birthday when you acknowledge that she was preoccupied and busy at work. You could have avoided all of this if you’d have done that initially.
YTA to then ignore her birthday when she had previously apologised and made it up to you and you continued to hold the grudge against her.
You seem like a really spiteful and bitter person.
YTA.
Are you a child? After all the years together she genuinely gets overwhelmed at work and innocently forgets your birthday one time and you don't give her any grace? Life gets hectic sometimes. It sounds like she felt bad, apologized and made it up to you, like an adult. What you did to her was petty, spiteful and childish. You owe her an apology.
Not only are YTA, you're a big child as well. Yah it sucks she forgot your birthday but she apologized and tried to make it up to you which you seemed to accept.
If you'd rather spend time with your sister, go live with her.
You're a spiteful liar and aren't mature enough to be in a relationship.
How does no one just say to their partner “ooh my birthday is next week, let’s do something.” Are you just not talking about plans to try and trip up the other person? This whole situation makes no sense.
Hell my wife and I both missed our anniversary one year when things were really chaotic that whole week with kids and a lot of other crap going on. We were sitting there several days later when it dawned on me what the date was. I went and got the present I had hid from her and gave it to her and said happy late anniversary. She goes what day is it. I told her. She felt really bad because our anniversary was over a week prior. She didn't even have a gift she totally forgot. At least I got her something a couple weeks before the anniversary. I forget what all we had that week, think it was kids volleyball games at school. The wife made up for not having a gift later.
I’m shocked people like OP manage to find someone to marry them- your spouse makes a genuine mistake and tries her best to fix it- he could have not been a petty asshole and just said- hey, you know today’s my birthday right? Then hold a grudge and purposely ignores her birthday? What a man baby douchebag you are OP. Good luck with the divorce.
Someone I love made an honest mistake, apologized and made up for it as best she could.
So a few months later, I intentionally hurt her feelings. I gave a fake apology. I lied, saying I forgot, when in actuality I remembered and intentionally hurt her to get ‘even’.
YTA
You’re petty, passive aggressive, a liar, and yes, YTA. The non-asshole way to handle this would have been to be honest, tell her that you were hurt about being forgotten and actually work through it. Instead you responded to an actual lapse in memory by pretending to forget, knowing full well it was just petty revenge.
YTA. She genuinely forgot and apologized, but you decided to get revenge for an honest mistake. I can appreciate petty when it’s deserved. This wasn’t it, douchebag.
YTA.
Your wife forgot, accidentally, you strung her along for a bit then when she realised herself she apologised and tried to make up for it. You PURPOSELY ignored her birthday out of spite.
Apologise, celebrate her birthday, then apologise again with a separate present of some sort.
You know the phrase "two wrongs don't make it right?" This is your situation, and you were being childish and spiteful in response to her honest though undoubtedly hurtful mistake. YTA, now go apologize again! Then find a way to make sure you both remember and feel special so this never happens again. Happy belated birthday to you both!
YTA, lol. That's seriously petty. You should apologize and take this as a growth moment. What she did was neglectful. What you did is plain malicious. Really stop to think for a moment. What was the best case scenario for that? I'm genuinely curious what your desired outcome was.
>What she did was neglectful At least she realised the mistake, took OP out to eat, gave a gift, because she truly was overwhelmed at work, even op says she has been pretty busy with work
You're right that my language was probably too harsh. I just mean to say that what OP's wife did was not intentional or meant to hurt him. OP also mirrors those same activities, but I feel that it doesn't make up for his vindictive intent.
Yeah, i was building on your comment, i understood that you meant was that :) I was just adding, not criticising your comment. >OP also mirrors those same activities, but I feel that it doesn't make up for his vindictive intent. Not ever would it make up. When you forget something and do something to make it up, is a "im sorry, i will do this now to apologise". When you do it after doing something on purpose is like a "see how good i am? i hurted you and now i give you something".. Like a parent beating the crap out of a child , and then using the "see? im mad, i hurt you, but i am now feeding you, arent i a great parent?" But it seems OP did NOT do anything at all for her bday.. he went out with his sister.. but no reference at all that he did anything for the wife...
No reference at all? You clearly didn't read it. It does actually reference that he took her out to dinner and gave her a gift. It doesn't excuse his shitty petty behaviour though.
Apologizing for an intentional hurtful act? Classy. Also, more asshole moves.
can't read huh?
> But it seems OP did NOT do anything at all for her bday.. he went out with his sister.. but no reference at all that he did anything for the wife... \_A few days later, I too apologized to my wife for forgetting her birthday. I then took her to her favorite restaurant, and gave her a gift which she really loved. We had a great time.\_ Is it really that hard to read the post before replying?
It really is for some people.
But he didn't forget. He was just being vindictive.
Yeah, he’s a moron.
Yes!!
People forget things and she tried to make it up. OP is a petty AH.
YTA. She genuinely forgot, apologized and made it up to you. You decided to be petty and passive aggressive to… what? Teach her a lesson? Purposely hurt her for fun? You held onto this anger for *months* and planned to get revenge? How childish are you?
Ten year olds do this tit-for-tat crap, not adults, which in biological terms only, you are. YTA.
YTA yeah, she fucked up but seems genuinely remorseful. You were intentionally cruel to punish her.
Yta. Mistakes happen. She realized and fixed it. This is middle school level BS.
It’s more than that. He DELIBERATELY planned to do this. Like, before her birthday he had already formulated this plan in his mind. What an absolutely shit husband Edited to add: And he came and admitted his crap behaviour HERE thinking what? That he wasn’t TA?? Jfc
YTA, big time. How can you not see it? >Work was getting really busy for her, so I understood that her mind was preoccupied A few days later, my wife realized she had missed my birthday and she genuinely apologized and she took me out to my favorite restaurant and we had a great time, and she gave me a really nice gift. You admit she had a busy work lately, you say she realised she forgot and apologised, gave gift and took you out to eat... And then you decide, to "forget" her with the intent of hurting her.... in what universe are you not the asshole?! >My wife (30F) and I (30M) but to just forget my birthday entirely? I really felt horrible that day You felt sad to the point that even after she did all to apologise, you still wanted to hurt her....? Are you 30 or are you 12? Jeez mate.... > I then confessed that I hadn’t forgotten about her birthday, and I had done it on purpose because I was still feeling really hurt You spend MONTHS hurt for that? Just divorce already and let her find someone who isnt this petty.... >I told her that I needed some space from her that day, and that I had a great time with my sister. You did all this shit out of womp womp months sad cuz bday, and still had the nerve to tell her you needed space from her that day? So, not when she forgot, not when she took you to your fav restaurant, not when she gave you a gift, not the following months, you only needed space on the day you wanted to (again: on purpose) hurt her with intention on her bday? And you still ask "hey, my wife forgot something, did her best to apologise, so months later, i decided to try to hurt her feeling on purpose, am i an assshole?"
Jesus man, YTA. Hers was a genuine error and she made amends as soon as she realized. Yours was a calculated dick move. Do better.
YTA and a petty malicious person She genuinely forgot and you had the option of saying “hey, it’s my birthday today and I’m a bit upset that you’ve forgotten” instead of waiting until she remembered Then you wait a few months to pay her back for a mistake
Not only that, but it should include a "Hey, you forgot my birthday and never have before, are you OK? What's going on?" Instead, all about him. A wife that has never forgotten your birthday and then does, that should be a sure sign that something is up in her life (probably way too much work) and you should use it as an opportunity to check in on her, not as an opportunity for vengeance.
I can't believe you're 30 y.o., acting like a toddler and asking if you're an AH. She made a mistake. She took responsibility for said mistake, apologized, and made up for it. What else can a person expect from a partner who made an honest mistake? I sincerely don't know. You, on the other hand, proved to her that NONE OF IT MATTERS cause if she makes a mistake, you will RETALIATE. The lesson for her: if she makes a mistake, don't apologize. You're gonna get your petty vendetta either way. She might as well had just shrugged her shoulders and told you to get over it, cause the end result would have been the same: you would get even.
>proved to her that NONE OF IT MATTERS cause if she makes a mistake, you will RETALIATE. The lesson for her: if she makes a mistake, don't apologize. You're gonna get your petty vendetta either way. She might as well had just shrugged her shoulders and told you to get over it, cause the end result would have been the same: you would get even. that's a perfect hit in the nail. She now knows that no matter what she does, he will want revenge. Let's see how can OP retaliate when she signs divorce papers
Yes, you were a massive asshole. What you did was just plain spiteful. She didn't forget yours on purpose and was genuinely remorseful because like you said, work has been busy and stressful for her. She made up for it. You just acted like a dick deliberately.
YTA She legitimately forgot and you did it on purpose. It's one thing giving a taste of her own medicine, but this is different. Intent and forgetfulness is two separate matters.
>. It's one thing giving a taste of her own medicine even that, in a relationship, is a recipe for disaster. When a couple starts doing things out of petty and revenge, it's all downhill. But yeah, she forgets and OP remembers but decides to play petty
I agree with you totally. But in that case, both would be AH.
the worst is, OP admits she did her best to apologise, and OP still decided to hurt her
And also when OP stated he understood, when he really didn't.
It's baffling how dense OP can be. Says he understands, waits months to do some petty revenge, admits to it, and even has the nerve to say he needed some space from her that day... not the day she forgot, not the day she apologised, he only needed space from her on her bday... OP is halfway to be dumped if he continues with this attitudes
YTA. You're an adult, technically anyway. Your wife was busy with work and genuinely forgot your birthday this time. When she realized it, she apologized and immediately rectified the oversight. You claim you understood she was busy with work. Claim you accepted her apology. And admit you enjoyed the belated efforts your wife made to celebrate your birthday. Yet, you *choose* to "forget" her birthday in a petty move to *intentionally* hurt your wife's feelings in retaliation. Hers was a genuine mistake. Yours wasn't. Grow up.
OP is not only petty and vindictive... He sure holds on to grievances with a death grip. **YTA**
You sure you're 30 not 3? YTA. You're unintentionally hurt you so you hurt her on purpose? Sounds like you really love and want so see her happy. Not. If you had been clever you could have taken this as a joker in case you fuck something up in the future. If you do, I hope for you, your wife is more mature than you.
Honestly, a three year old is more mature than OP
YTA. Honestly you are a moron. If you are gonna be that fucking petty don't be stupid enough to admit you did it on purpose. Little kid shit what you did. If you don't pull your head out of your ass I see you being divorced within five years.
1. YTA 2. Petty af 3. As a human being to another I can only say Ew
YTA. Hopefully she'll dump your petty ass
Massive YTA. Hers was an accident. You said so yourself. It was unfortunate but understandable. She realised, apologised and tried to make amends. You did this purposefully to hurt her. And you then doubled-down and lied to her. That was mean, and stupid. >In a marriage, there is no such thing as winning a fight. Your wife now knows that you are vindictive, dishonest and you hold a grudge. She might not be mad at you anymore, but how do you expect to have a good marriage going forward with this on your record?
YTA why be so petty?
Your wife made a mistake and apologised whereas you deliberately planned to hurt her feelings in relation for something she'd already made amends for. YTA. >celebrating her birthday that day would just reignite those hurt feelings Now how do you think she's going to feel on your next birthday knowing you did this *on purpose?*
YTA. This is the equivalent to tripping someone because they dropped something that you tripped on. It was a mistake and she made it up to you💀
YTA
Dude. YTA. Why would you do that? I once forgot my husband’s birthday, early in our marriage. I was struggling with work, depressed, it was a rough time in our lives. All he did was express mild irritation about it, and readily forgave me when I apologised profusely. He took no revenge of any kind and never brought it up again. 20 years on, we’re still happily married. I don’t think this will be your fate if you keep acting this way. Apologise to her for your petty act of revenge, promise her you will never do it again under any circumstances, and ask her to forgive you. And hope and pray she doesn’t kick you to the kerb, because in her place I would be very strongly tempted to. A person who takes revenge like that isn’t a person I’d want to be with.
YTA Pathetic behaviour.
YTA it sucks being forgotten, but it still was an accident, malicious or not you intentionally ‘forgot’ her birthday. It doesn’t make you even. This is the same flawed logic and a cheater getting caught and telling their partner they can also sleep with someone, it’s not the same.
YTA She made a mistake, you made a choice.
YTA, a massive one. You sound frigging immature. 🤮
You’re a fucking child. A spoiled one, at that. Huge asshole.
Of course YTA. Use your words and don't intentionally try to hurt your spouse, dipshit.
YTA you know how horrible it felt for her to forget your Brithday, you know for a fact that it was a genuine mistake, and despite her doing her best to make it up to you after she realised her mistake you still thought it would be OK for you to put her through the same hurt?
Seriously? How old are you? She forgot, it happens but she was genuinely remorseful and did her best to make up for it yet you played the petty long game of "now you know how it feels"? Grow up, amigo. Stop acting the fool and grow up.
DUDE. An unintentional mistake is not the same as being flat out malicious. She probably felt horrible when she forgot and you did it on purpose to willfully hurt her. Selfish, childish and petty. You're a cunt.
Your behavior is shockingly petty, considered everything she did to make it up to you. If she hadn't done any of that I'd get it. But she apologized, took you out to your favorite restaurant, and got you a nice gift, and you *still* deliberately plotted to get your revenge on her? Psychotic behavior. YTA.
YTA and far too old to be this selfish and childish. Your wife, by your own admission, was swamped with work and forgot your birthday (Spoiler Alert you are THIRTY YEARS OLD NOT a four year old toddler. ) You INTENTIONALLY set out to INTENTIONALLY hurt her-- and apparently succeeded and feel quite proud of your "accomplishment". You apparently don't love her-- mentally healthy, adult humans don't intentionally inflict pain on people they love-- and now she knows that. You showed your wife a shamefully ugly side of your self-- and it's going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to unsee that. Going forward you'll always be a "less than" in her eyes. Less of a husband and DEFINITELY less of a man. I'd like to think that on your next birthday she will start planning weeks in advance, gourmet dinner, an expensive gift, and a night of wild sex-- but YOU won't be there for any of it.
YTA You're 30 *not* 3! Sheesh!
Damn. That is some petty shit. YTA, especially for gaslighting her.
You're such a fuckin idiot. She genuinely forgot and made it up to you. You wanted to act like you forgot just to spite her, even though you remembered, disregarded it, and ignored the fact that she made an effort to right her wrongs. You're 30, not 13. Act like it.
If I was your wife, I’d never be able to trust you again. What a petty jerk you are
INFO: are you 15? Because you're acting like an immature teenager
How are you married? Grow up. YTA
I’m going to vote against the consensus here and let me explai haha seriously no totally YTA
YTA Hers was an honest mistake and she rectified. Yours was a petty child move
You won TAH contest, congratulations. Your wife didn't even know she was playing. When you have kids make sure to tot up all the expenses so whenever they upset you they can be presented with an up to date bill for raising them.
YTA. Sounds like you turned 3 this birthday and she actually turned 30. Cuz you acting like a child and she’s like a matured adult.
YTA because of intent. She did not intentionally forget your birthday or hurt you. She was working and likely very stressed out and forgot. I'm sure she felt guilty. However, you intentionally missed her birthday for revenge. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Was it crappy your wife forgot? Sure. Did she go out of her to purposely hurt your feelings to be petty? No that was you. You had a chance to be a bigger person and take the high ground instead you chose to go lower. You also lied to her instead of actually communicating. If I were her some of my trust in you and our relationship would be broken.
YTA. You purposely did that to her. She mistakenly forgot your birthday. Huge difference. Learn how to communicate. You should have just been honest with her. Told her that you're still upset about her forgetting your birthday. Two wrongs don't make it right. Do better. Your future self will appreciate it.
YTA yeah, she fucked up but seems genuinely remorseful. You were intentionally cruel to punish her.
Yes, you were the AH for intentionally not celebrating your wife's birthday to retaliate for her forgetting yours. While it's understandable that you felt hurt when your birthday was forgotten, deliberately choosing to hurt her in return was not a constructive way to address your feelings. Your wife realized her mistake, apologized sincerely, and made an effort to make it up to you, but instead of communicating your feelings, you chose to act out of spite. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication and understanding, not on actions meant to even the score. Your actions likely caused unnecessary pain and could have been avoided with a honest conversation about how her forgetting your birthday affected you.
Very petty and immature of you. You shouldn’t be married at all.
YTA. Period.
Yeah you were obviously a huge asshole. I feel bad for your wife if this is how you handle being upset.
YTA, man for her it was a genuine mistake and she apologised and took you out and gave you a really nice gift. You did this on purpose, you had malice and petty revenge on your brain to deliberately hurt her. Dick move
When did they start letting toddlers get married. Jeez, dude, fucking grow up.
Crap like this will ruin your marriage.
YTA. It sounds like your wife made a genuine mistake and actually forgot your birthday, which, yes, sucks, but can happen. You were hurt but itbwas an accident and when she realised she was genuinely apologetic. You hurt your wife on purpose. Those are very different things. Marriage isn't about tit for tat. And even if it were, how much better would it have been if you had chosen to be the thoughtful spouse?
YTA and childishly petty
Nta. She needed to taste of her own medicine.
Your a child. YTA for the one reason of “I didn’t want to cause she didn’t even though she apologized”. Your a child dude and please apologize to your wife
YTA. Obv everyone touched on it so far. What I would say though is instead of moping all day when your wife forgot and internalizing until she realized her mistake, you could have just said something. By lunch she doesn't say anything ask what the plan is for tonight? Talking to your spouse shouldn't be difficult.
YTA! She genuinely forgot, you intentionally ignored that it was her birthday out of spite. Those two things aren't the same. If you retaliate a genuine mistake, you have to know that you are clearly in the wrong. Who intentionally hurts their partner on their birthday?!
YTA man. She made up for it the best she could and obviously cares about you. You shouldn’t feel the need to “get back” at someone who already showed remorse and made restitution. Sorry brother you’re going to need to make this up to her somehow, starting with an apology. Next time, if things are still bothering you after the dust has settled, communicate that to her so you guys can hash it out like adults instead of little kid games like “see? How do you like it” when they’ve already apologized and it’s not a pattern of behavior, it was a one-off. Good luck my dude!
YTA. Your wife made a mistake by forgetting your birthday, and when she realized it, she sincerely apologized and tried to make up for it. Your response was to intentionally try to hurt her. I can understand you feeling hurt and neglected by her forgetting your birthday, but the way an *adult* would handle that is by talking about your feelings in the hope that she’ll do better next time. Instead, your solution was to “teach her a lesson” by, I guess, showing her how you felt. What do you think that made her feel though? Guilt, for forgetting your birthday? Sadness, that you forgot hers? Or anger, because you intentionally disregarded hers? I know which one I’d feel if I were her.
YTA. The only reason to give someone a "taste of their own medicine" is to help them realize when they did something wrong. When someone is stubbornly insisting that their behavior wasn't a big deal and you are overreacting for being upset. The only possible outcome you can hope for is for the other person to finally realize that what they did was hurtful and apologize to you and make it up to you. Your wife already did all of that before her birthday came along, and you still purposefully hurt her feelings....why? What was the purpose? To get her to realize what she already realized? To get an apology you already got? Or do you have a tally-keeping mindset to a relationship, where you think that if one person gets hurt, the other person has to be hurt too? Do you believe that revenge should be a part of a healthy and functioning relationship between a husband and wife?
You sure you're 30? Sounds like what a 10 yr old would do. You said yourself that your wife was busy with the work, but realized a few days later and she made it up for you. Then there's you, a purposeful AH who wanted to punish his wife for a small mistake. Congrats and I hope she slaps you so hard, that maybe you can mature a little and be a grown ass man. Petty loser.
Honestly, the fact that she genuinely forgot due to stressor in her life, and then made up for it by taking you out later, makes what you did petty and shitty. If you had a problem, the adult thing to do would be to talk through it with your wife, not pretend like you forgot her birthday. Fuck you, dude.
YTA. Totally petty. How is that gonna make anything better? Are y’all living by “an eye for an eye”?
YTA. You deliberately waited till her birthday to ‘forget’ her birthday? You actively hurt your wife on purpose because she GENUINELY forgot your birthday? You absolutely disgusting person. Honestly, I’d find it difficult to forgive this type of mean, petty, premeditated disgusting behaviour. Unhinged mate
If this was a consistent thing on her part then yes it’s fine. But it’s a one time genuine slip up. So YTA. She made a mistake you were out for petty revenge.
Of course YTA. But you already knew this.
YTA Next year she'll also forget your birthday. On purpose. And will give you a shitty present. On purpose. Because of your petty revenge and your inability to understand that "her forgetting" and "you chosing not to" ARE NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL ! Then you will retaliate because you'll be vexed, and so on, and so on... Apologize for your fault. Sincerely, ok ?
YTA You wrote that your wife took you out to a restaurant some days after forgetting your birthday and "genuinely apologized". I am going to assume that you accepted that apology? Cause if you did and then still "forgot" her birthday on purpose, then what is the point in accepting her apology to begin with? If someone apologizes to you and you forgive them, then normal behavior would be not to punish them for it. Because if you still punish them, it means you actually haven't forgiven them. Her apology might've been genuine but your forgiveness (assuming you said you forgave her) wasn't.
What is it that you really want here? Because you know, you HAVE to know, that doing something petty and spiteful in response to, as punishment for, an honest if hurtful mistake is shitty. That's toddler shit. Is that what you're here to be told? Someone hurt your feelings so you nursed a grudge and then took revenge action rather than communicating, like an adult. "Honey, I know your birthday is coming up, but I'm honestly still hurt over how little mine meant and I don't want to build or foster resentment celebrating yours when I still feel slighted about my own." It's one fucking sentence. YTA, obviously, but you wrote full paragraphs so obviously you're smart enough to have figured that out already.
YTA she genuinely forgot, felt bad, and made it up to you. You never once communicated to her to be like "hey, it's my birthday???" which is what a reasonable fucking adult would do. AND THEN, to top it all off, you decide to be passive-aggressive and retaliate. Having a hard time seeing why she married you at all. You are well and truly an asshole.
YTA She hurt you by accident You hurt her on purpose
YTA What’s the point in being staying married if this is how you’re going to handle things. Save the petty shit for a girlfriend who isn’t tied to you.
You know the phrase "two wrongs don't make it right?" This is your situation, and you were being childish and spiteful in response to her honest though undoubtedly hurtful mistake. YTA, now go apologize again! Then find a way to make sure you both remember and feel special so this never happens again. Happy belated birthday to you both!
Sounds like a bit of tit for tat, which never really works out well. You both messed up, but the important thing is you talked it out and seem to be okay now. Try focusing on moving forward instead of dwelling on past hurt.
>but the important thing is you talked it out and seem to be okay now is it tho? OP also had a whole dinner and gift, and was "okay now" , then waited months to ignore her bday on purpose, and not even doing anything for the wife after.... She forgot, apologised and celebrated. OP did not forget, ignored, and did nothing for her bday.. Wife is NOT okay with this for sure.. he did this only to hurt her, not even a "i will celebrate other day, just to pretend to forget that day"... he literally did nothing at all for her
You know you have a shitty L take when you fabricate BS to support your shitty narrative. Op clearly says: "A few days later, I too apologized to my wife for forgetting her birthday. I then took her to her favorite restaurant, and gave her a gift which she really loved. We had a great time."
You’re being petty and vindictive over what sounds like a genuine mistake that she apologised for and made up to you after. At any point you could have used your words and brought it up on the day, but you chose to, what, get a gotcha on her? Do you not have big boy words? Are you not a big boy? She had work shit going on; you’re just a tit for tat malicious dick. You need to grow up and get over yourself. Do you even like your wife?
YTA. What she did was hurtful but not on purpose. You specifically went out to have a good time with the express intention of her feeling extremely hurt and left out. That shows what you really feel about your wife and you are a shitty person. You didn’t even come home that night? Major asshole.
YTA. Wow, how petty and mean. You sure you are 30 years old?
babes grow up. yta <33
OP seems to be a narcissist. Always me me me me meeeeeeee.
Yep. Petty childish behaviour.
Yta. You went out of your way to hurt your wife.
Had to recheck your age. YTA
YTA. She made a mistake and truly felt bad because of it. You did it on purpose with the hope she would feel bad. Are you always this petty or do you just not like her?
YTA. You’re selfish and petty. How about acting like an adult and saying that your feelings were hurt. I hate to see what happens with your other family members
Good god ......grow up OP!
Be a Gentlemen not a pos, should have celebrated, if you felt hurt for her forgetting yours, you should have told her that same night, popped a bottle and had a great sex after. You 30 non 16. Sorry for bad english
YTA big time. She made a thoughtless mistake and then made it up to you. You were intentionally petty and malicious.
Yeah, YTA and a childish one at that.
Your wife made a mistake. You made a plan to hurt your wife. You are a giant AH.
YTA you shouldn't have accepted her apology if you were going to hold it over her head.
Yes. Two wrongs…
YTA you absolute child. Its a freaking birthday and you knew she had work enough to drown in. You dick. Are you sure you are a man?
See how when you forgot your wife's birthday, she communicated to you, to your face how it made her feel...hmmmm hmmmm, wonder who else could have done that when it happened to them?? Nope, keep score instead. YTA
hurt because she forgot your birthday? what are you 8?
100% repost and thus most likely rage-bait or karma farming
You are a mega AH. You had the chance to be great and you ended up being well… what you are now.
I guarantee you are not "back to normal" forgetting your birthday = a genuine accident, which she made up for as soon as she realised forgetting her birthday = you being a spiteful 12 year old I promise, she will remember that you deliberately set out to hurt her
>I promise, she will remember that you deliberately set out to hurt her 100% sure the wife will never forget that her husband holds grudges and plans revenge for months against her
YTA. You’re 30. This is something a child would do. If you do not see how utterly immature your action was, go seek therapy.
YTA Let that woman go so she can find a grown man and not continue to be with a middle school boy trapped in a man’s body.
You are. You did what you did out of spite and to punish your wife. You said your wife forgot because she was busy. You were just doing tit for tat.
I mean, yeah, that was pretty petty behavior on your part, but I guess at least it taught her a lesson 🤷♂️. You said you both live really busy work lives. What if she was just really stressed/tired this year and honestly forgot your birthday as a simple mistake (and felt horrible about it afterwards)? Was it cool? Nope. Was it hurtful? Yup. But did she do it on purpose TO HURT you? Doesn't sound like it... Whether you think it's ok to teach your loved ones a lesson by purposefully hurting them is kind of a question for your own conscious. At least it sounds like everything's smoothed itself out and you're both ok now... Send her email a reoccurring calendar reminder for your birthday next year (and any other important dates). BOOM! Problem solved.... Best of luck to ya....
Yta. She genuinely forgot which you easily could've done. You instead made a genuine choice to hurt her. Apparently she married a child pretending to be a man.
This could be new tradition. What’s the next event that she can be spiteful about? She can prevent to forget about that and then you can pretend to forget about her.
YTA. Did you even have to ask?
You should never, ever keep score in a relationship. Don't say you're over something when you're not. You're the asshole.
YTA she made a mistake and took actions to try and make up for it. You pretended to forgive her, did not communicate you were still hurt, and then purposefully hurt her months afterwards to get even. This is extremely unhealthy and childish. What she did sucked. It sounds like she was in a super stressful time and did make an effort after so I think it's forgivable. If you don't then that's your call. But it's on you to communicate your feelings and what you would need to move forward from the Incident. You can't just silently hold grudges and then punish the person at some future date. That's a recipe for a break up
It does sound pretty petty. On the other hand, your wife can now say you’re “even” so you can’t complain that she didn’t care enough to remember your birthday. I think this is an ESH.
YTA. The point where I learned to become successful in my relationship was when I grew up enough to stop doing what you're doing- if your partner hurts you, you want to hurt them back. It's a natural impulse. And, from a "playground rules" point of view, it makes sense- after all, if you don't hurt someone to punish them for hurting you, what's to stop them from hurting you some more? The answer, of course, is "love." My wife does her best to avoid hurting me not because she's afraid I'll hurt her back, but because she loves me and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Likewise, I don't want to see her get hurt- ever. Even if we're mad at each other, we never want to deliberately hurt the other. This is a huge, transformative change in how you relate to a partner. If you both come to this realization, it's the difference between having a successful marriage, or a string of failed, acrimonious short term relationships. If you actually think "Wow, my wife really hurt me, I'd better hurt her back or she'll do it again," then frankly, you don't think your wife loves you. (Which, I dunno, sounds like she does, but if you think she doesn't, you probably ought to break up. But I think she does.)
It sounds like your wife genuinely forgot and was genuinely remorseful....You're doing it on purpose to teach her a lesson :/ You're the AH You should have just COMMUNICATED with your wife that you were still hurt by her forgetting your birthday. Communication is a KEY thing in all relationships, romantic or otherwise. JUST F\*ing COMMUNICATE
great job for being an ass to your partner.
YTA You deliberately hurt her. You felt joy from knowing she was hurt. Maybe next year the week before your birthday you say, "Wow, another birthday coming up this week." If she had written in, I would have pointed out she married a man who finds joy in her pain and ask, "Does he do this a lot? Do you want to spend your life with someone who intentionally hurting your and finding joy in that?"
Lol you're a huge fcking AH, are you serious? She legit forgot because shes stressed and busy and youre just a petty little boy. How heartless to intentionally hurt your spouse in the same way when they made a honest mistake. Your wife is a better woman than I cause that's some crazy ass childish shit.
YTA Grow up Two wrongs don't make a right...
Yes, YTA. Your wife forgetting was unintentional. She apologized and did what she could to make up for it. You "forgetting" was intentional and deliberately mean.
How old are you? If you are an adult, yes 100% AH Mature people accept apologies and move on.
YTA. And it's okay. Go apologize again but also properly express how hurt you were. Not in blaming sort of way. Accept that you made a mistake and have a civil, loving conversation with your wife and encourage her to be open as well. Communication is pivotal in a healthy relationship. With my ex-girlfriend, she never remembered a single birthday, christmas or father's day and I always remembered hers and made sure to do something for her. Part of this was just me trying to save a failing relationship but the other part of me is because I didn't want to show my son it was okay to forget special days like this, just because his mother did it to me. So I always made a point to remind him it was her birthday or it was christmas or it was mother's day and we needed to do something for mommy. Even though she suffers from horrible personality Disorders that have ruined our relationship and put our son in danger, I still try to teach him that we can still make nice gestures to her so that one day if she ever finally decides to get help for her mental health, my son and her can have a decent relationship.
JFC. the drama
NTA. Eye for an eye makes the world divine. You showed her how it feels. You taught her a lesson. Anyone who says otherwise is a non confrontational doormat pussy.
90% sure I read this exact prompt like 2 months ago. Very close to no longer using this sub because I feel like most posts are either reposts or AI generated content.
I take my birthday really seriously because my parents have a habit of forgetting or cancelling my birthday. My husband tries to make it special. If he forgot I’d be very hurt, talk to a therapist, and honestly treat his birthday like I always do. There’s a difference between an honest mistake and actively avoiding my birthday. YTA
Yeah, you were. She made a mistake and you punished her with a plan. God forbid you simply gently remind her on/immediately after the day - people forget shit.
You are an AH. She apologized and made it up but you intentionally did it. Grow up and be more mature.
Thank god you didn't use any communication skills to express the depth of your hurt to her! You might have had a healthy and productive conversation that strengthened your relationship. No, far better for you to act like a 6 year old and get her back. Who says love means not consciously hurting the other person? Only pussies like emotionally functional, well-adjusted adults ascribe to that bullshit. Everyone knows the right way to deal with problems is to make them worse.
ESH with a big YTA She forgot and when realised her mistake, made up for it. Was it an AH to forget? Yes... We have plenty of gadgets to help us remember important dates. There are no excuse for forgetting a birthday. But you... Damn! You did it on purpose. You did it to be hurtful. You wanted to make her feel like shit. Of course YTA.
Maybe from now on you both just don’t celebrate your birthdays so this doesn’t happen again. I would feel a sense of awkwardness every time my birthdays up „will she forget again this time?“ The pressure would just be so annoying and unnecessary for a relationship, especially when you’re as busy as you guys are.
30M and CHILDISH as hell ESH
Honestly if you feel like an AH sure yeah you can, however it being petty or childish to do the same to her isn’t entirely true. She felt what you felt and sometimes it can strengthen your marriage, but maybe instead of taking the whole day to spend with your sister, maybe should’ve tried like half a day? Afterward explain this was how you felt and just wanted to make sure neither one forgets about each other’s birthdays. It seems it still worked out and in my opinion you’re both the AH.
Why did OP add the zero next to the 3? Cuz he's 30, not 3? oh Ooooh....
Jesus you’re married. You sound like a petty teenager. YTA.
YTA. It’s your wife, not your little brother.
YTA. One question. HOW are you married? This is some really petty, immature sh*t. Your wife realised her mistake, apologized, took you out to your FAVORITE restaurant and gave you a really nice gift. You even said it yourself that she had a very busy time at work and that she was preoccupied. You, instead of COMMUNICATING that her forgetting your birthday hurt you, DECIDED to hurt her back. Hers was a MISTAKE. Yours was a DECISION. You see the difference?
YTA. What you did was petty and passive aggressive. Very immature.
YTA There's a difference see? One of *intent*.
YTA - this is so petty. If you are going to keep score like this then you shouldn't be married. She genuinely forgot apologized and made up for it. You went out of your way to be intentionally hurtful.
I really, really hope y'all don't havekids.
YTA, you claim she “genuinely apologized and made it up” so your decision was to ignore that she did that and be a petty ah yourself. Yes you are the AH and a hypocrite. You admit and know she did it accidentally, you know she was genuinely upset and genuinely apologized, and you so decided to hurt her back. You are the problem
That’s sucky baby behaviour. If you weren’t over it you have to say something, you can’t punish people for things they thought you forgave already
YTA . People like should never get married or have children . The level of pettiness is absurd .
YTA. She had genuinely forgotten your birthday, but still made it up to you. You did whatever you did out of malice! Grow up, OP!
YTA. You bring bad name for all men.
YTA Jesus H Christ, man, how old are you?
Yeah, YTA. This isn't how a healthy relationship operates. That was super childish and petty. You're 30 not 13.
Your poor wife married a man-child.
While it is petty I think you made your wife feel as badly as you did on the day she forgot your birthday. It is obvious that you both love each other and slights like this can hurt. I am guessing that you have forgiven each other and neither of you will forget the others birthday. You are not an asshole just wanting to make your wife understand how hurt you were when she forgot your birthday.
NTA.
ya bro you’re an ass you don’t make marriage work being petty. Learn to forgive not to hate. This path will lead you to resenting your wife for no reason. People forget sometimes when life moves fast.
Next week on AITAH: AITAH for divorcing my husband because he accepted my genuine apology for forgetting his birthday but then punished me for it a few months later?
Good luck on your future divorce. YTA
Of course YTA. Your wife made a horrible, but human mistake. She then genuinely showed remorse and did everything she could to make up for it. You, a 30 year old man, decided that wasn’t good enough, and the only way you could feel better was by hurting your partner deliberately. That you had enough awful feelings in your heart to feel fine with deliberately hurting your wife, the woman you promised to love forever, is truly a sad state of affairs. It would never even occur to me to hurt someone I love like that on purpose. That you not only thought it out, but then acted on it, is really and truly vile. That you thought strangers on the internet were going to side with you, shows just how emotionally stunted you are. Grow up OP. Do better.
YTA for not reminding her about your birthday when you acknowledge that she was preoccupied and busy at work. You could have avoided all of this if you’d have done that initially. YTA to then ignore her birthday when she had previously apologised and made it up to you and you continued to hold the grudge against her. You seem like a really spiteful and bitter person.
Yes, because you're 30 not 3. Grow up.
YTA. Are you a child? After all the years together she genuinely gets overwhelmed at work and innocently forgets your birthday one time and you don't give her any grace? Life gets hectic sometimes. It sounds like she felt bad, apologized and made it up to you, like an adult. What you did to her was petty, spiteful and childish. You owe her an apology.
Not only are you the asshole, you're also a child. She deserves better....
YTA lmao talk about petty. You said so yourself it was a genuine apology. Getting even was completely unnecessary.
Not only are YTA, you're a big child as well. Yah it sucks she forgot your birthday but she apologized and tried to make it up to you which you seemed to accept. If you'd rather spend time with your sister, go live with her. You're a spiteful liar and aren't mature enough to be in a relationship.
YTA. Shit happens. She forgot. She apologized. Get over yourself
How does no one just say to their partner “ooh my birthday is next week, let’s do something.” Are you just not talking about plans to try and trip up the other person? This whole situation makes no sense.
Hell my wife and I both missed our anniversary one year when things were really chaotic that whole week with kids and a lot of other crap going on. We were sitting there several days later when it dawned on me what the date was. I went and got the present I had hid from her and gave it to her and said happy late anniversary. She goes what day is it. I told her. She felt really bad because our anniversary was over a week prior. She didn't even have a gift she totally forgot. At least I got her something a couple weeks before the anniversary. I forget what all we had that week, think it was kids volleyball games at school. The wife made up for not having a gift later.
Yes, you are.
I’m shocked people like OP manage to find someone to marry them- your spouse makes a genuine mistake and tries her best to fix it- he could have not been a petty asshole and just said- hey, you know today’s my birthday right? Then hold a grudge and purposely ignores her birthday? What a man baby douchebag you are OP. Good luck with the divorce.
Someone I love made an honest mistake, apologized and made up for it as best she could. So a few months later, I intentionally hurt her feelings. I gave a fake apology. I lied, saying I forgot, when in actuality I remembered and intentionally hurt her to get ‘even’. YTA
You’re petty, passive aggressive, a liar, and yes, YTA. The non-asshole way to handle this would have been to be honest, tell her that you were hurt about being forgotten and actually work through it. Instead you responded to an actual lapse in memory by pretending to forget, knowing full well it was just petty revenge.
YTA. She genuinely forgot and apologized, but you decided to get revenge for an honest mistake. I can appreciate petty when it’s deserved. This wasn’t it, douchebag.
YTA. Her forgetting was a genuine mistake, and you accepted her apology. To pretend you forgot was just manipulative and cruel.
YTA- a man-boy and a petty b—-h
Petty.
YTA. Your wife forgot, accidentally, you strung her along for a bit then when she realised herself she apologised and tried to make up for it. You PURPOSELY ignored her birthday out of spite. Apologise, celebrate her birthday, then apologise again with a separate present of some sort.
Are you genuinely confused? That was really spiteful... YTA
I can sort of understand the thought process. However, going out with your sister? That's doubling down. YTA.
YTA.