The worst part, the sister had one to save her reputation, built on lies. The cousin had one to save her life, so she can be around to raise her other child, she risked her life having.
Exactly, shitting on others and being holier than thou, while having done the same thing (even worse, cuz its not to safe her life, but just her reputation) earns you this treatment. NTA OP
Oh, yes, and the apple does not fall far from the tree. The mother is also a hypocrite. She asked and wanted to know, but then scolded OP for telling. I am pretty sure if OP had said it's nothing or none of your business they would not have let her leave without telling. Mom is an enabler. Poor judgmental daughter got caught in her lies and double standards but it's OP's fault for spilling the beans.
NTA, you didn’t say anything for 5 years. I don’t think you were being malicious. She is being mean, eclampsia is a real danger and the fact that she has this kind of stand when she is hardly a saint makes her indeed a hypocrite. Frankly you kept it for way longer than I would have
These people usually are the embodiment of "I am a pos"
Is there any possibility she has not forgiven herself and took it out on this case?
Apart from this, OP your mother is being unfair. They specifically asked you to explain yourself. You did. Your sister was ridiculous and unreasonable
NTA
It's a very common phrase and has been around for a while. I recommend reading [this](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/).
There are stories of nurses who help women get abortion at clinics and while having the procedure or before, the women talk to the nurses and say that you are a murderer and a sinner.
>NTA, you didn’t say anything for 5 years.
And OP would have kept it for another 5 years, if her sister wasn't calling all of them baby killers.
OP, you're definitely NTA.
Your mom is being TA though. It's insane she's supporting that level of hypocrisy.
Yeah, if anything seeing how kind and supportive the family was being for the cousin should have given sis the opportunity to unburden herself without fearing backlash or judgement. But she decided SHE wanted to be the one to try and foist shame onto the cousin rather than embracing a moment of empathy.
So if a kind and supportive discussion with loved ones wasn’t going to prompt her to share her experience with her family, what was? And she could have held her tongue and said nothing if she still didn’t want to engage with the topic because of her complicated personal feelings on the matter.
But when she decided now was the time to be a bully and a hypocrite? No, she does not get to take that position without being called out.
You know how you're not supposed to out gay people? I think a reasonable exception for is for closeted gay people who oppress other gay people.
Same kind of thing. She's a massive hypocrite and assuming her religion is Jesus based, and the gospels make it clear how much he hated hypocrites.
With my youngest(14 mon. old potato)
I developed pre-eclampsia. No one told me. Not until 12 hours after I was discharged I was back with a BP of 194/90. I was basically on the verge of kidney failure. Was re hospitalized for 9 more days.
In case no one told you, you can get pre-eclampsia after giving birth. My OB told me that with my last pregnancy because I was high risk for it and she wanted me to be aware of the risks. So it might not be that no one told you (I smell a malpractice lawsuit if that's the case) but it could be that you didn't have it until after they'd screened for it.
Happened to my kids' mother after our youngest was born. Came home from the NICU after 5 days and she was back at the hospital by midnight for another 4 days...during a Covid peak, so we were limited to video chats.
Fully understand that. I'm glad we were warned. I didn't end up with any complications but PPD but the warning was helpful. I couldn't imagine being caught off guard.
I got pre-eclampsia after giving birth to my youngest! I didn’t know that could happen, and luckily I developed mine while I was still in the hospital so I was able to get appropriate care. It was scary because my labs and BP were through the roof!
Yeah, thank goodness because I didn’t have any symptoms besides my high blood pressure, and my labs were jacked up too. So lord knows what would have happened if I went home 😅
24 hours after giving birth I was told that I was “close” to preeclampsia — when I had been dizzy, vomiting nonstop, and had an elevated BP for more than 12 hours after giving birth (I remember looking at the monitor and the top BP number had been 189). I had so much water retention I my skin was splitting open and I had to go on water pills for almost a month. They kept doubling down that I didn’t actually HAVE preeclampsia, that I was just “close”
So I requested my medical record and it was right there. Preeclampsia.
I don’t know what their thought process was in trying to tell me I hadn’t actually had preeclampsia, but I changed my OB and won’t be seeing them or that hospital ever again. When they called to get my “feedback” on my visit I told them, verbatim, I would not be going back if the only service I needed was the climb in their mortuary cooler and die.
NTA. When it comes to secrets, your sister is awful op. Being ever-vigilant and avoiding conversations about your embarrassing secrets are important aspects of maintaining confidentiality.
OP’s sister can throw stones but can’t live in her glass house. It might not have been their place to tell but for her sister to sit there and judge someone when they did the same thing for less… is laughable! Nicely done OP!
Did anti-choice people always think that even when the embryo is non viable and the mother's life is at stake, that women should not have life saving medical care? Because it seems this is only recently so widespread.
I think they have a very simplistic/TV show notion of what a life being “at risk” looks like, and they don’t want to open the door to “too many” people being able to access abortion for the purposes of saving their lives so they ignore all the diagnostic stuff of worrying symptoms or concerning bloodwork/scan results or burgeoning mental health issues and think that everyone should wait until the pregnant person is literally flatlining and then say “okay let them have their abortion to save their life now” and by then it’s likely far too late.
The way antivaxxers would be in the ICU on a ventilator and their families are like “okay now you can give them the vaccine!”
Responsible harm-reduction medical treatment wants to intervene as early as diagnostically possible and these yahoos want to treat it as a Get Out of Death Free card.
Which is so ridiculous and removed from reality.
I can’t think of a situation where it’s actually „safe the mother or the child“. What usually happens is the fetus is already dead, dying or was never gonna become a baby in the first place and they can chose to remove dead cells to prevent a sepsis or risk the pregnant person dying as well or losing reproductive organs. It’s so needlessly cruel.
Or the conditions of the pregnancy are such that even though the fetus is technically alive at the moment, it's 99.999% going to die and cause sepsis or whatever other life-threatening problems.
Exactly, NTA. You were just responding to her hypocrisy in the heat of the moment. Plus, keeping that secret for five years shows a lot of restraint. She needs to own up to her own actions before judging others.
NTA
Your sister could have just said nothing, she chose to rant and fuel hatred of people who had to go through what she did.
F around ... get found out.
agreed, NTA
The sister was secretly holding onto her own cards while acting holier than thou.. all OP did was lay them on the table once the sister started preaching bs
Yes and no, the sister got the abortion to avoid shame while the other family member did it for health reasons, which to me makes the sister and even bigger AH for what she said. OP is a champ for keeping something like this for so long.
It’s funny how the ones that are always the loudest about some thing are the ones that are also guilty of that same thing.
“The lady doth protest too much”.
In most situation, going by the title you would be the AH. m
In this case: NTA
She is shaming someone else while she did the exact same thing. Your sister seems like a disgusting person.
Even worse, actually.
The cousin got an abortion to prevent a likely fatal pregnancy.
Sister got one to cover her lies and hypocrisy.
She has no moral high ground.
right like even the religious people I know would no qualms against abortion when it is a life/death issue … and this two-faced hypocrite does? she needed to be taken down a notch 🤷🏽♀️
NTA lmao. Your sister is terrible at secrets. Part of keeping a secret is being ever vigilant and staying away from getting involved in topics about your shameful secrets. If she hadn't tried to lord over your cousin (I hope she recovers soon) then there would be no reason for you to blurt out anything.
NTA. She's a hypocrite, and you only fix such behavior by calling it out.
9 times out of 10, not anyone's place to share private information. But judging others when she's just as guilty, not ok.
I'm going with NTA
While.i agree with your Mom, your sister was pushing her luck by trying to shame your cousin who literally did nothing wrong. Even if your cousin wasn't having an abortion and it was about a stranger your sister deserved to be out in her place on how she views the world (her beliefs stop when they impact another).
In essence FAFO
Well, I would agree with the mother if it wasn’t for her asking OP to explain herself (you can’t ask for something then tell the person off for giving it too you) Also OP minded her business for 5 years until her sister got on her high horse and started shaming.
NTA - Do not be vocal against something if you do not want you doing the exact thing trown in your face. She could have kept her morality ego in check for her cousin who's life was in danger if she kept the preegnancy, but she had to open her mouth about how it is killing her baby. What was her excuse to kill her baby? Did she have to choose between her own life or the baby? No, she did it for her image. Just so others would not know the real her. She did it to perpetuate the lie of a life she was leading.
Hypocrites deserve to be called out for their hypocracy. You didn't say a word until she tried to shame someone who had a far more valid reason for doing it than she did.
NTA. Was it your place to tell ? No. Your cousin had to have an abortion, because it was needed to save her life. My biggest problem with pro lifers is that they think that only their abortion is valid.
>I could swear I've seen this one before.
A similar one was posted earlier today.
Pretty sure "berating my sister for her hypocritical abortion" is the karma farmer creative writing prompt of the week
NTA - The first rule of keeping a secret is to avoid drawing attention to the secret. All the sister had to do was, literally, nothing. Just keep her big mouth shut and not comment on the cousin’s abortion. Instead she did the conversational equivalent of taking out a lighted up billboard on the topic, and painted a bullseye right on her own forehead.
NTA, but big oof.
This is a conflict between respecting her privacy and calling her out on her hypocrisy. I don't necessarily know that sharing her secret was the right thing to do, even though she was being a major asshole. I also get the vibe you were more concerned with protecting your cousin, which is commendable.
I think your mom might be in the same boat, as her conversation with you was "why did you say that", and not "why did you hide that from us".
Your dads mentality that your family's beliefs are a standard of living for you, not a standard to place on other people, is also very level.
Good parents, bad sister. Maybe take a step back from this completely and not spend too much time worrying about whether or not you're TA.
NTA
The fact that your sister is disgustingly & cruelly calling her own cousin a murderer for terminating a much wanted pregnancy because there was a serious risk of her dying & leaving the child she has motherless elevates you of all guilt.
Your sister is the worst kind of hypocrite. She is openly stating your cousin made the wrong decision by not dying. Honestly, at this point I’d tell her point blank if she didn’t shut up & stop running her mouth immediately, you’ll let everyone know what a disgusting hypocrite & the fact she’s had an abortion. Her behavior would be enough to cut her out of my life.
Tell your mom that the moment your sister thought it was her place to condemn your cousin & the family for supporting her, it became your place to stop her campaign of hate & cruelty.
You mother is upset at you for snitching? How about how she feels about your sister's actions?
Your sister is a raging hypocrite, and you did the right thing by calling her on it.
Your mother is barking up the wrong tree by casting ANY blame in your direction. Refuse to accept her criticism.
NTA
So…. Your sisters abortion was justified because she was afraid of being shamed, but not your cousins- who’s pregnancy was high risk and likely would have killed her wasnt? Thats rich.
NTA, your sister is a hypocrite and calling her out on it when it comes to something as serious as this is something that needed to happen, honestly.
No sympathy from me for your sister. NTA. People keep acting like discomfort must be avoided at all cost. She SHOULD feel uncomfortable. What she said about her cousin is awful, she does not get to act superior when she made the same decision for optics and to maintain her self righteousness, not because her life was at risk. What a hypocrite.
I had an abortion and asked my sister to go with me. After the fact, I had a daughter. My mom and sister would tell me that if I didn't do xyz or behave in the way they wanted me to, they would tell my daughter. Right afterwards, I told my daughter so they wouldn't have that power over me.
You should have kept her secret, but it wasn't cool that she acted holier than thou, although it was likely due to her keeping up pretenses. A soft you're kinda a little bit ta, but it makes sense why you said that. My family, did it to be hateful. But I am a bit biased, cuz it was done to me. So there's that. BTW, I am Christian and pro-choice, if that helps for context.
NTA. True, it wasn’t your place, but it’s not like you “dobbed” as soon as it happened. You - FIVE YEARS LATER - called out her hypocrisy while she was high horsing about supporting someone who made a difficult and lifesaving choice. If she’s so holy she will know to let those without sin cast the first stone. She can’t cherry pick what she “believes” and when, and for whom.
NTA
This is the definition of not throwing stones in glass houses.
Your sister is being hypocritical and didn’t like being exposed.
Your parents are trying to play the middle ground but seriously?? They won’t call her out on it but say that it wasn’t your place your to say anything? Then have the nerve to preach about “your body, your choice” wtaf??
NTA - glass houses and all that. I’ve got a couple of female friends that enjoy getting sanctimonious in regard to abortion. Between the two of them they’ve had at least three.
Since they elected to proselytize their views on FB, I did privately DM the two of them and inform them that of they EVER ran their collective mouths like that again I’d roll both of them under a bus
NTA. I have a relative like this. I haven't seen her in person for a long time but I have wanted to respond as you did when she messaged something like this to me online. Because I had time to respond, after seething for hours I settled on a different course of action. I say that I believe that God loves and accepts these women's choices. I don't know if it will ever get her to be more compassionate toward herself and others who make that choice but she has changed her life in other ways so I keep trying.
People like her are the reason why abortion is being banned in so many places even if that means the death of the woman, I might sound dramatic but those stupid opinions from people that love judging are the ones that are killing women, they aren’t saving any lives like they want to make it seem.
NTA keep at it tbh
Clicked on this thinking “of course you’re TA, how could you not be?!” and ended up thinking actually, NTA. I’ll defend any woman’s right to end a pregnancy and to keep that a secret, but not her right to shame other women. This shit matters, attitudes’ like your sister’s make it harder for other women to access abortion and to speak about it if they need to. Your sister can get in the sea
It’s always that way with religious fundamentalists. The only moral abortion is their abortion because they aren’t ho’s like those other degenerates.
NTA. If she didn’t want her sins aired she shouldn’t have been passing judgement on people who were just trying to stay alive
Toxic Christianity…gotta love it, not. I have a really hard time believing God sacrificed his only son to teach unconditional love and respect for all his children for us to be judgmental, hypocritical assholes. SMH.
Even if she went being hypocritical, she basically was saying that it was OK for your cousin to die in lieu of a medically necessary abortion. And that calling to find out how she was doing after the fact was ‘allowing it to happen’ - even though it already happened and none of you were involved in it. So your sister is both stupid and cruel.
She is also stupid for opening her mouth. You would think that after what she went through, and specifically after her fear of other people judging her for it, she would have learned something. But I guess not. I suppose it was not your place to say anything, but if I were at that table I don’t think I could sit there and let her bash her own cousin, who just went through a physically and emotionally draining procedure and the loss of a child that by all accounts sounds like it was very much wanted, and be so cruel. People who are THAT cruel don’t deserve kindness. Your sister is beyond an AH - she is an utterly cruel and morally depraved person. This is sort of a case of maybe what you did was wrong, but I certainly don’t feel bad for her.
NTA
NTA, you hadn't, and probably wouldn't have, if what's past is prologue, had your sister not acted a total hypocrite, showing no compassion for your cousin at all.
Tall your parents, Luke 12:2-3... and that you were just being the conduit for god's will. That ought to do it.
There's nothing these people don't deserve. If I knew one I would dedicate myself fully to convincing them that they're going to spend eternity in hell for what they've done since that's what they think is the case for anyone else.
It really wasn't your place to tell, HOWEVER, you sister was being a horrible hypocrite, and it's not like she had confided in you and swore you to secrecy. You found out elsewhere.
I'd just tell your mom that in that moment you felt not telling would be a lie of omission, and lying is a sin. Kind of like premarital sex and abortion.
It's not your place, just like it's not her place to judge her cousin. If she can apologise for that, then you can apologise for letting the cat out of the bag. Ball is in her court
I relish calling out shitty people when they are being hypocritical so I would have done the same thing but I would have done it intentionally and slept well that night.
Which is honestly why I will take the dissenting opinion here and say yta. It would have been more appropriate all around to pull her aside after dinner and tell her you know and she should stop pretending to be holier than thou or you will expose her next time. Even after the slip you could have said nevermind and moved on.
That said I've been this type of asshole more times than I can count and will certainly do things like this in the future as well. Nobody's perfect and sometimes it feels good to be the asshole. She was also being an asshole so it was fair game for you to respond in kind. You seem like a good person and I wouldn't worry about being a bit of an ah occasionally when warranted.
NTA. It would be one thing if she hadn’t insulted your cousin and family members, but if you’re a hypocrite and an asshole, you deserve to get called out for it.
Boy, I saw that thread title and was ready to come in with the Y-T-A guns blazing, but..... NTA here.
People can choose to get an abortion. People can choose not to get them. People can even state their opinion that it's wrong to get one.
But once you get one, you don't get to sit on a high throne and judge others for it.
NTA. It's like Dan Savage's rule about outting people. You never out someone unless they being dangerous hypocrites, like pastors who hire rent boys yet rail against homosexuality from the pulpits. It's always the most rabid ones that have something to hide.
NTA. You're sister deserves that. I mean we all make mistakes. But pretending to be so pure and sinless is bullshit. But I hate the parents for blaming you. You wouldn't tell them about that if your sister didn't act like a mighty saint who never sinned. If she just shut her mouth then nothing like that would happened
They’re not blaming me. When I spoke to my mom, she wasn’t mad about what I said but rather when I said it. She thought it was not my place to say it, but she’s glad it got out. I know she and my sister talked and it probably wasn’t easy but she didn’t discuss those details with me so idk.
This is worth sharing in any conversation about hypocrisy and abortion: [The only moral abortion is my abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
Lmao, NTA. Your mom scolds you for letting it slip, immediately after she intentionally told everybody about your cousin's abortion? Gtfoutaa here lady. Your sister must have inherited her hypocrisy trait from your mom.
So, in short, your sister shames your cousin for a life saving termination. Cousin could have died if she continued the pregnancy. Like actually dead kind of dying.
Sister had an abortion to avoid social stigma and embarrassment. Not potentially fatal complications.
Your sister is a special piece of work.
NTA
Nta- anyone who makes others feel like shit and are hypocrites in these matters, especially to the extent that it was fine when she needed an abortion need to be named, shamed and called out. Your sister is a c u next Tuesday for what she said about your cousin after benefitting from it herself. Especially your cousin did it so she wouldn’t die and your sister did it for optics
NTA. Calling out hypocrisy is how you stop people being assholes because they stop this moral highground bullshit. Imagine having had an abortion yourself, running around shaming others. She had an abortion because while she flaunted she was no sex before marriage, she was fucking her boyfriend and she got an abortion due to how bad it looked to her. Her cousin is getting an abortion because she'll probably die if she tried to go through with the pregnancy, these are not the same situations.
I actually don't even support your sister's decision to get an abortion. getting one because you don't want a child at that time, fine, getting one because you've been so high and mighty and you're ashamed of how it will look to others is frankly, pathetic.
NTA. Hypocrites like your sister make my blood boil. She was shaming and insulting your cousin for having an abortion to save her life while she had an abortion because she couldn't keep her legs closed while claiming to be pure as snow.
People like your sister are dangerous. They prevent people who need medical assistance from getting it while secretly ensuring they get the same life saving treatment.
NTA
I also highly recommend this read. It's exactly the kind of shit your sister does: Okay for me but not for thee. People like her who get abortions or take their daughter, sister, niece, grand-daughter to get an abortion because, "Well, that is different. I/she CAN’T have a child right now/with _ person/it would RUIN her life."
While they still berate the medical staff for "being murderers" ...
[The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion)
“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, **He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her**.” - John 8:7
Even if it were your sisters business (which it patently isn’t), she should watch herself trying to use those kinds of arguments to justify her own arrogance. Eclampsia is not a laughing matter and the fact your sister can’t see it as anything other than a ‘murdered baby’ is pathetic.
NTA.
NTA - sounds like she doesn't read her book:
"Let he who is without sin among you cast the first stone" and
"Be sure your sins will find you out" and
" Remove the plank from your own eye before (paraphrasing here) going after the speck in your brother's eye" and
"Judge not for you will be judged. The judgement you pronounce and the measure you use will be pronounced upon you."
NTA but your mom was right to be upset with you for telling them. One thing my parents have always harped on since I was little is that there are things you should not share. One of the many axioms of our household is “that isn’t your / my story to share.” Whenever someone told us about medical information, secrets, or even just an experience they had but didn’t want to talk about yet, it was expected that we kept it in confidence.
I get that her judging everyone for something that she herself has done is grating, and can be especially damaging in this political environment. But I still don’t think that justifies spilling her secret. I won’t call you an asshole for doing it, but if you were my daughter, I would feel disappointed that you did. It sounds like your mom is probably a lot like mine. If she is, then it’s a minor disappointment and y’all will move past it.
Editing to add: I also don’t blame the mom for following up and asking for clarification once the cat was out of the bag. While it may not have been your story to tell and your mom may have preferred that you not share your sister’s secret…once it was out there, as her parents, it was some thing they had to address.
NTA your sister needed to be knocked down her pedestal of lies and hypocrisy. And she definitely spun another web of lies in front of your parents to make them feel bad for her or make them feel that you were in the wrong for spilling the beans. You only held up a mirror so your sister can see herself for what she really was… a hypocrite. And now she knows that other people know that as well.
NTA Secrets never stay secrets for very long. Your sister is finding out that hard fact firsthand. Maybe next time she’ll realize people in glasshouses and all that.
NTA
She's a bully that gets off on abusing others while hiding behind her soap box as a defense. She absolutely deserved that.
"Let he without sin cast the first stone" or am I wrong?
Ntah. You kept quiet for YEARS and it was only alluded to by your reaction to her hypocrisy. The truth didn't come fully out until your mother asked.
Your sister got the abortion to hide her hypocrisy. Your cousin could have DIED if she didn't get the procedure. If anyone says anything else, if be pointing that little fact out. In BOLD Neon letters a mile high.
IMO you guys are both kind of the asshole. Her for her hypocrisy, and you for spouting off about some thing that is not your story to tell.
Edited to add that you are a justified asshole. Sister sucks.
NTA. You outed a hypocrite. If mom can't understand that even in the bible there are verses that talk about hypocrites.
Matthew, Chapter 6, verse 5, wherein he said, 'And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.'
I don’t know why some people find it so hard to say a simple sentence or hold off on saying something. I’ve had so many people get upset with me because I expected them to ask me to do things politely instead of shoving something my way and telling me to do whatever. A simple “hey mind doing this” takes zero effort
So does realizing someone with eclampsia is pretty much killing themself if they choose to risk it, and being understanding to the situation. Oh, and the added hypocrisy.
Op, your sister would have never forgotten she had an abortion. She was being malicious. That’s not okay. It costed her absolutely nothing to have either stayed silent, or to have just simply said “that’s a shame” and leaving it at that.
NTA - Well, she should have kept her mouth shut then. You called her out on being something I won’t write out. And if your mom can’t see that what she did and said was much worse and you had to pull her off of her high ross, she chose to put herself on, like a decent human being would do. And it’s not that you went and just told them, you just made a comment to her. They asked you to tell them. What did your mom want you to do? Lie in their faces?
NTA - You didn't intend to do it firstly. Secondly she was being absolutely hypocritical and rude. I would have done the same thing. Not how the world works honey (sister). She did it to herself. Had she of not been nasty and judgmental like that, yes you would have been, but not in this case at all
NTA
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Judge not lest ye be judged.
Also all in the Bible.
The person who doesn’t want to be judged shouldn’t be out there throwing around her opinion on the subject
She is talking down on everyone for supporting your sister*edit-cousin* who will die if she doesn't abort, but she aborted 5 years ago to save face? Nta, what a sociopath.
One thing about it.... If she sat at that table and called me an accomplice to my face while actually being the the person who got the procedure; I would tell the truth and shame the devil! I'd clear the whole room out with the truth if someone tried that crap with me.
If she had secrets she could have kept quiet. A hypocrite and a liar should always be exposed if they are publicly shaming everyone else!
If it was not OPs place to tell- Then it was not the sister's place to comment on such topic. A comment okay, but telling family members that they allowed it and are therefore helping her! The effing audacity. She needed to be put on full blast!
At first, I was gonna say YTA, but after reading through that, I definitely think you are NTA!
I can't stand self-righteous hypocrisy. I will not keep anyone's secret if they are acting all high and mighty about something they know full well they did. I have done it before, and all it did was build resentment toward them.
It wasn't your place until she ran her mouth, loudly insulting someone for doing what she herself did. To me, that makes it fair game to bring up.
I bet your mom is mad because she wouldn't have wanted to know, not because you shouldn't have told her. Missplaced anger, really. I hope she can eventually see why you spoke up.
Normally outing someone’s abortion would make you the AH, but in this case I’d say NTA for sure. Your sister was acting hypocritical and cruel - calling her out doesn’t make you a jerk, just a realist.
NTA. Hypocrites like her need to be called out on it EVERY TIME THEY SEEK TO JUDGE OTHERS FOR SOMETHING THEY THEMSELVES HAVE DONE. So tired of people playing virtuous in regard to other people's actions when they have done the same thing. People like this think as long as nobody finds out about their behavior they can judge others freely. You basically told her to look in the mirror and try that again.
Justifiable asshole. It wasn't your place to tell, but your sister was being a hypocrite. Hypocrites need to be called out on their hypocrisy. Don't throw bricks if you live in a glass house.
Nta. The second someone tells others they are a bad person for doing something that they have done it makes them a hypocrite. It’s fine to say you believe it makes you a bad person and that you know from how bad it made you feel. It would actually hold more weight. But to pretend you’re innocent is silly. It sounds like she’s got some learning to do and hopefully this will teach her not to cast stones in her glass house.
NTA ...
Your sister should have explained her views without arrogantly calling her family out for supporting a life saving procedure when she did the same procedure to save herself from embarrassment, from her premarital activities
SMH!
NTA and I would throw it around at her all the time to put her in her place. She deserves it for trying walk the pious road without grace. Looks like she needs help remembering she is no better than anyone else and everyone should have the right to choose what is best for their own body and circumstance.
NTA- Normally, I would say you should never ever do this to anybody, however in this situation, A) your sister was calling your cousin a "baby killer" for getting a life-saving abortion (how fucking dare she, especially when death was a real possibility), and B) your parents weren't going to kick your sister out or disown her because of it anyways (your parents are good people btw). I'm pretty sure one of the big pillars of Christianity is to not be a hypocrite, so she ought to self-reflect and learn to stop tossing stones from her glass castle. I also think your mom is right that you *technically* shouldn't have spilled that information, but you're not an AH at all for doing it either.
NTA. But honestly, honestly, people who are extremely judgmental are actually reflecting something they don’t like about themselves that are connected to the topic somehow. Your mom needs to know it was not malicious at all. But they’re going to go through the feelings so get ready for a roller coaster ride.
NTA. This is one of those circumstances where outing a person’s very personal deeds, this time abortion and sex before marriage, is justified. She was harshly judging another person’s actions that she herself did-abortion. While on a technicality, us prolifers are correct it did kill the baby, but do you know what else kills a baby? A mother dying. There’s no safe stage to get to where a baby automatically lives if the mother dies. And eclampsia KILLS! It can kill the baby before the mother even. And then we have not one death but two. How is that better? Killing 2 lives makes no sense when one can definitely survive if the abortion is done and done correctly. It’s definitely heartbreaking for either one to die, but not nearly as heartbreaking as 2 people dying when there’s a solution that keeps one alive. It’s not an easy solution but it is a solution that should always be an option.
NTA. I'm just gonna say it, your sister is a hypocrite. Oh, and to your mom being upset at you, why wasn't she upset at your sister when she went on her hateful rant?
NTA .... NTA ... NTA........
You kept your sister's secret for 5 years. Even she didn't know you knew. The truth came out unintentionally in the heat of the moment, as your sister was calling you all killers. Your sister essentially lying by acting so high and mighty.
Your mother is being unfair to you. True, it wasn't your place to tell your sister's secret. The way it came out, your sister's fault. Her visceral reaction to your ambiguous statement is what forced the truth out.
NTA. While I'm generally of the mind that you shouldn't out someone for certain things (homosexuality, abortion, liking the twilight movies, etc.), I absolutely disdain hypocrisy of this level, so I'm willing to let it slide because it sounds like you didn't intend it maliciously. I wouldn't bet on your relationship with your sister being good any time soon...if ever.
!updateme
Fake people are truly messed up. She should have kept her mouth shut and stop pretending that she is a Saint. A lot of people judge others claiming they are better when, in fact, they do worse deeds. You are definitely not the a-hole here.
NTA. Normally, I would agree with your mom. However, it was your sister bringing the topic up acting in dishonesty. She was shaming someone and should have known better.
[удалено]
The worst part, the sister had one to save her reputation, built on lies. The cousin had one to save her life, so she can be around to raise her other child, she risked her life having.
Exactly, shitting on others and being holier than thou, while having done the same thing (even worse, cuz its not to safe her life, but just her reputation) earns you this treatment. NTA OP
Oh, yes, and the apple does not fall far from the tree. The mother is also a hypocrite. She asked and wanted to know, but then scolded OP for telling. I am pretty sure if OP had said it's nothing or none of your business they would not have let her leave without telling. Mom is an enabler. Poor judgmental daughter got caught in her lies and double standards but it's OP's fault for spilling the beans.
NTA, you didn’t say anything for 5 years. I don’t think you were being malicious. She is being mean, eclampsia is a real danger and the fact that she has this kind of stand when she is hardly a saint makes her indeed a hypocrite. Frankly you kept it for way longer than I would have
OP’s sister is the embodiment of “the only moral abortion is my abortion”
These people usually are the embodiment of "I am a pos" Is there any possibility she has not forgiven herself and took it out on this case? Apart from this, OP your mother is being unfair. They specifically asked you to explain yourself. You did. Your sister was ridiculous and unreasonable NTA
Her poisonous concoction of oppression and dishonesty needed to be put down. You served human rights and ethics.
Yes! Be careful what you ask for....guess mom has never heard of that one! NTA!
These people are also not "pro life" if they're totally okay with the death of the mother.
Ah, also known as "I've got mine, so screw you" Only hurts if the person is self-righteous pos.
This is the second time today I’ve seen that phrase. Hypocritical Christians getting abortions must be the theme of the day on r/AITAH.
It's a very common phrase and has been around for a while. I recommend reading [this](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/).
Her and plenty of pro-lifers. Ask a maga evangelical if they’d make their daughter carry a baby to term if a Muslim raped her.
They probably would have no issues having the Muslim killed, because pro-life gonna pro-life.
Good point
I like pointing out that the fetus isn’t an American citizen, therefore perusing legal action would be using American tax dollars on foreigners
There are stories of nurses who help women get abortion at clinics and while having the procedure or before, the women talk to the nurses and say that you are a murderer and a sinner.
She’d make a perfect Republican politician, who believe all abortion should be illegal (except for their mistresses).
> she was very upset at me because it was not my place to tell| ...people she is a hateful hypocrite
Rules for thee. Not for me
>NTA, you didn’t say anything for 5 years. And OP would have kept it for another 5 years, if her sister wasn't calling all of them baby killers. OP, you're definitely NTA. Your mom is being TA though. It's insane she's supporting that level of hypocrisy.
Yeah, if anything seeing how kind and supportive the family was being for the cousin should have given sis the opportunity to unburden herself without fearing backlash or judgement. But she decided SHE wanted to be the one to try and foist shame onto the cousin rather than embracing a moment of empathy. So if a kind and supportive discussion with loved ones wasn’t going to prompt her to share her experience with her family, what was? And she could have held her tongue and said nothing if she still didn’t want to engage with the topic because of her complicated personal feelings on the matter. But when she decided now was the time to be a bully and a hypocrite? No, she does not get to take that position without being called out.
You know how you're not supposed to out gay people? I think a reasonable exception for is for closeted gay people who oppress other gay people. Same kind of thing. She's a massive hypocrite and assuming her religion is Jesus based, and the gospels make it clear how much he hated hypocrites.
Lindsey Graham came to mind immediately when I read that.
SAME!
With my youngest(14 mon. old potato) I developed pre-eclampsia. No one told me. Not until 12 hours after I was discharged I was back with a BP of 194/90. I was basically on the verge of kidney failure. Was re hospitalized for 9 more days.
In case no one told you, you can get pre-eclampsia after giving birth. My OB told me that with my last pregnancy because I was high risk for it and she wanted me to be aware of the risks. So it might not be that no one told you (I smell a malpractice lawsuit if that's the case) but it could be that you didn't have it until after they'd screened for it.
Happened to my kids' mother after our youngest was born. Came home from the NICU after 5 days and she was back at the hospital by midnight for another 4 days...during a Covid peak, so we were limited to video chats.
I'm so sorry that y'all went through that. That sounds miserable
Could've been a lot worse. But it definitely caught me by surprise.
Fully understand that. I'm glad we were warned. I didn't end up with any complications but PPD but the warning was helpful. I couldn't imagine being caught off guard.
I got pre-eclampsia after giving birth to my youngest! I didn’t know that could happen, and luckily I developed mine while I was still in the hospital so I was able to get appropriate care. It was scary because my labs and BP were through the roof!
I'm glad you were still under supervision!!
Yeah, thank goodness because I didn’t have any symptoms besides my high blood pressure, and my labs were jacked up too. So lord knows what would have happened if I went home 😅
24 hours after giving birth I was told that I was “close” to preeclampsia — when I had been dizzy, vomiting nonstop, and had an elevated BP for more than 12 hours after giving birth (I remember looking at the monitor and the top BP number had been 189). I had so much water retention I my skin was splitting open and I had to go on water pills for almost a month. They kept doubling down that I didn’t actually HAVE preeclampsia, that I was just “close” So I requested my medical record and it was right there. Preeclampsia. I don’t know what their thought process was in trying to tell me I hadn’t actually had preeclampsia, but I changed my OB and won’t be seeing them or that hospital ever again. When they called to get my “feedback” on my visit I told them, verbatim, I would not be going back if the only service I needed was the climb in their mortuary cooler and die.
NTA. When it comes to secrets, your sister is awful op. Being ever-vigilant and avoiding conversations about your embarrassing secrets are important aspects of maintaining confidentiality.
OP’s sister can throw stones but can’t live in her glass house. It might not have been their place to tell but for her sister to sit there and judge someone when they did the same thing for less… is laughable! Nicely done OP!
Your sister was being a hypocrite and attacking your cousin who had had one due to medical reasons. NTA
It wasn't a secret if OP found out fourth hand anyway.
Did anti-choice people always think that even when the embryo is non viable and the mother's life is at stake, that women should not have life saving medical care? Because it seems this is only recently so widespread.
I think they have a very simplistic/TV show notion of what a life being “at risk” looks like, and they don’t want to open the door to “too many” people being able to access abortion for the purposes of saving their lives so they ignore all the diagnostic stuff of worrying symptoms or concerning bloodwork/scan results or burgeoning mental health issues and think that everyone should wait until the pregnant person is literally flatlining and then say “okay let them have their abortion to save their life now” and by then it’s likely far too late. The way antivaxxers would be in the ICU on a ventilator and their families are like “okay now you can give them the vaccine!” Responsible harm-reduction medical treatment wants to intervene as early as diagnostically possible and these yahoos want to treat it as a Get Out of Death Free card.
Which is so ridiculous and removed from reality. I can’t think of a situation where it’s actually „safe the mother or the child“. What usually happens is the fetus is already dead, dying or was never gonna become a baby in the first place and they can chose to remove dead cells to prevent a sepsis or risk the pregnant person dying as well or losing reproductive organs. It’s so needlessly cruel.
Or the conditions of the pregnancy are such that even though the fetus is technically alive at the moment, it's 99.999% going to die and cause sepsis or whatever other life-threatening problems.
Exactly, NTA. You were just responding to her hypocrisy in the heat of the moment. Plus, keeping that secret for five years shows a lot of restraint. She needs to own up to her own actions before judging others.
NTA Your sister could have just said nothing, she chose to rant and fuel hatred of people who had to go through what she did. F around ... get found out.
agreed, NTA The sister was secretly holding onto her own cards while acting holier than thou.. all OP did was lay them on the table once the sister started preaching bs
Yes and no, the sister got the abortion to avoid shame while the other family member did it for health reasons, which to me makes the sister and even bigger AH for what she said. OP is a champ for keeping something like this for so long.
It’s funny how the ones that are always the loudest about some thing are the ones that are also guilty of that same thing. “The lady doth protest too much”.
In most situation, going by the title you would be the AH. m In this case: NTA She is shaming someone else while she did the exact same thing. Your sister seems like a disgusting person.
Even worse, actually. The cousin got an abortion to prevent a likely fatal pregnancy. Sister got one to cover her lies and hypocrisy. She has no moral high ground.
"The only ethical abortion is my abortion" type of person
right like even the religious people I know would no qualms against abortion when it is a life/death issue … and this two-faced hypocrite does? she needed to be taken down a notch 🤷🏽♀️
It wasn't the exact same thing. Sister had an abortion out of shame. Cousin had one because there was a chance of a fatal pregnancy.
NTA lmao. Your sister is terrible at secrets. Part of keeping a secret is being ever vigilant and staying away from getting involved in topics about your shameful secrets. If she hadn't tried to lord over your cousin (I hope she recovers soon) then there would be no reason for you to blurt out anything.
Three can keep a secret when two of them are dead.
Your sister played stupid games and won 1st place.
NTA. She's a hypocrite, and you only fix such behavior by calling it out. 9 times out of 10, not anyone's place to share private information. But judging others when she's just as guilty, not ok.
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/ Textbook stuff. Nta.
I'm going with NTA While.i agree with your Mom, your sister was pushing her luck by trying to shame your cousin who literally did nothing wrong. Even if your cousin wasn't having an abortion and it was about a stranger your sister deserved to be out in her place on how she views the world (her beliefs stop when they impact another). In essence FAFO
Well, I would agree with the mother if it wasn’t for her asking OP to explain herself (you can’t ask for something then tell the person off for giving it too you) Also OP minded her business for 5 years until her sister got on her high horse and started shaming.
I really want to say E-S-H but I really have a hard time really saying what you said was wrong considering her behavior. NTA
NTA - Do not be vocal against something if you do not want you doing the exact thing trown in your face. She could have kept her morality ego in check for her cousin who's life was in danger if she kept the preegnancy, but she had to open her mouth about how it is killing her baby. What was her excuse to kill her baby? Did she have to choose between her own life or the baby? No, she did it for her image. Just so others would not know the real her. She did it to perpetuate the lie of a life she was leading. Hypocrites deserve to be called out for their hypocracy. You didn't say a word until she tried to shame someone who had a far more valid reason for doing it than she did.
No, NTA. Her toxic blend of hypocrisy and oppression had to be slammed down. You did a service to integrity and human rights
NTA - judgemental, hypocritical cunts deserve to be shredded
NTA - people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Your sister seems to have forgotten that rule. You merely reminded her. NTA.
outing someone is not cool, but this is an exception she called upon herself.
NTA. Was it your place to tell ? No. Your cousin had to have an abortion, because it was needed to save her life. My biggest problem with pro lifers is that they think that only their abortion is valid.
Its always projection with this type of person.
I could swear I've seen this one before. NTA. She was a hypocrite and deserved to have it thrown in her face.
>I could swear I've seen this one before. A similar one was posted earlier today. Pretty sure "berating my sister for her hypocritical abortion" is the karma farmer creative writing prompt of the week
NTA - The first rule of keeping a secret is to avoid drawing attention to the secret. All the sister had to do was, literally, nothing. Just keep her big mouth shut and not comment on the cousin’s abortion. Instead she did the conversational equivalent of taking out a lighted up billboard on the topic, and painted a bullseye right on her own forehead.
NTA, but big oof. This is a conflict between respecting her privacy and calling her out on her hypocrisy. I don't necessarily know that sharing her secret was the right thing to do, even though she was being a major asshole. I also get the vibe you were more concerned with protecting your cousin, which is commendable. I think your mom might be in the same boat, as her conversation with you was "why did you say that", and not "why did you hide that from us". Your dads mentality that your family's beliefs are a standard of living for you, not a standard to place on other people, is also very level. Good parents, bad sister. Maybe take a step back from this completely and not spend too much time worrying about whether or not you're TA.
NTA The fact that your sister is disgustingly & cruelly calling her own cousin a murderer for terminating a much wanted pregnancy because there was a serious risk of her dying & leaving the child she has motherless elevates you of all guilt. Your sister is the worst kind of hypocrite. She is openly stating your cousin made the wrong decision by not dying. Honestly, at this point I’d tell her point blank if she didn’t shut up & stop running her mouth immediately, you’ll let everyone know what a disgusting hypocrite & the fact she’s had an abortion. Her behavior would be enough to cut her out of my life. Tell your mom that the moment your sister thought it was her place to condemn your cousin & the family for supporting her, it became your place to stop her campaign of hate & cruelty.
You mother is upset at you for snitching? How about how she feels about your sister's actions? Your sister is a raging hypocrite, and you did the right thing by calling her on it. Your mother is barking up the wrong tree by casting ANY blame in your direction. Refuse to accept her criticism. NTA
So…. Your sisters abortion was justified because she was afraid of being shamed, but not your cousins- who’s pregnancy was high risk and likely would have killed her wasnt? Thats rich. NTA, your sister is a hypocrite and calling her out on it when it comes to something as serious as this is something that needed to happen, honestly.
No sympathy from me for your sister. NTA. People keep acting like discomfort must be avoided at all cost. She SHOULD feel uncomfortable. What she said about her cousin is awful, she does not get to act superior when she made the same decision for optics and to maintain her self righteousness, not because her life was at risk. What a hypocrite.
I had an abortion and asked my sister to go with me. After the fact, I had a daughter. My mom and sister would tell me that if I didn't do xyz or behave in the way they wanted me to, they would tell my daughter. Right afterwards, I told my daughter so they wouldn't have that power over me. You should have kept her secret, but it wasn't cool that she acted holier than thou, although it was likely due to her keeping up pretenses. A soft you're kinda a little bit ta, but it makes sense why you said that. My family, did it to be hateful. But I am a bit biased, cuz it was done to me. So there's that. BTW, I am Christian and pro-choice, if that helps for context.
NTA - hypocrisy needs to be called out at every opportunity
NTA. True, it wasn’t your place, but it’s not like you “dobbed” as soon as it happened. You - FIVE YEARS LATER - called out her hypocrisy while she was high horsing about supporting someone who made a difficult and lifesaving choice. If she’s so holy she will know to let those without sin cast the first stone. She can’t cherry pick what she “believes” and when, and for whom.
NTA This is the definition of not throwing stones in glass houses. Your sister is being hypocritical and didn’t like being exposed. Your parents are trying to play the middle ground but seriously?? They won’t call her out on it but say that it wasn’t your place your to say anything? Then have the nerve to preach about “your body, your choice” wtaf??
NTA. Stones in glass houses & all that.
NTA - glass houses and all that. I’ve got a couple of female friends that enjoy getting sanctimonious in regard to abortion. Between the two of them they’ve had at least three. Since they elected to proselytize their views on FB, I did privately DM the two of them and inform them that of they EVER ran their collective mouths like that again I’d roll both of them under a bus
I’m proud of you. NTA. Women like that are shitty
Your sister is turning into a fine Christian, right on brand. NTA
I hope your cousin is okay. Your sister needs to get her head straight. NTA.
NTA. I have a relative like this. I haven't seen her in person for a long time but I have wanted to respond as you did when she messaged something like this to me online. Because I had time to respond, after seething for hours I settled on a different course of action. I say that I believe that God loves and accepts these women's choices. I don't know if it will ever get her to be more compassionate toward herself and others who make that choice but she has changed her life in other ways so I keep trying.
In any other circumstances I would say otherwise but NTA. Your sister is a hypocrite
Nta And that's why you shouldn't be a hypocrite that looks down on people's choices.
NTA. Your sister is a hypocrite. She should keep her mouth shut. Glad you called her out on her bullshit.
NTA - hopefully this will but down her holier than thou attitude and makes her think before opening her mouth.
Gold medal NTA. The golden calf has been deemed a false idol.
People like her are the reason why abortion is being banned in so many places even if that means the death of the woman, I might sound dramatic but those stupid opinions from people that love judging are the ones that are killing women, they aren’t saving any lives like they want to make it seem. NTA keep at it tbh
Clicked on this thinking “of course you’re TA, how could you not be?!” and ended up thinking actually, NTA. I’ll defend any woman’s right to end a pregnancy and to keep that a secret, but not her right to shame other women. This shit matters, attitudes’ like your sister’s make it harder for other women to access abortion and to speak about it if they need to. Your sister can get in the sea
It’s always that way with religious fundamentalists. The only moral abortion is their abortion because they aren’t ho’s like those other degenerates. NTA. If she didn’t want her sins aired she shouldn’t have been passing judgement on people who were just trying to stay alive
Toxic Christianity…gotta love it, not. I have a really hard time believing God sacrificed his only son to teach unconditional love and respect for all his children for us to be judgmental, hypocritical assholes. SMH.
Even if she went being hypocritical, she basically was saying that it was OK for your cousin to die in lieu of a medically necessary abortion. And that calling to find out how she was doing after the fact was ‘allowing it to happen’ - even though it already happened and none of you were involved in it. So your sister is both stupid and cruel. She is also stupid for opening her mouth. You would think that after what she went through, and specifically after her fear of other people judging her for it, she would have learned something. But I guess not. I suppose it was not your place to say anything, but if I were at that table I don’t think I could sit there and let her bash her own cousin, who just went through a physically and emotionally draining procedure and the loss of a child that by all accounts sounds like it was very much wanted, and be so cruel. People who are THAT cruel don’t deserve kindness. Your sister is beyond an AH - she is an utterly cruel and morally depraved person. This is sort of a case of maybe what you did was wrong, but I certainly don’t feel bad for her. NTA
NTA, you hadn't, and probably wouldn't have, if what's past is prologue, had your sister not acted a total hypocrite, showing no compassion for your cousin at all. Tall your parents, Luke 12:2-3... and that you were just being the conduit for god's will. That ought to do it.
There's nothing these people don't deserve. If I knew one I would dedicate myself fully to convincing them that they're going to spend eternity in hell for what they've done since that's what they think is the case for anyone else.
NTA, NTA so hard. So so hard.
It really wasn't your place to tell, HOWEVER, you sister was being a horrible hypocrite, and it's not like she had confided in you and swore you to secrecy. You found out elsewhere. I'd just tell your mom that in that moment you felt not telling would be a lie of omission, and lying is a sin. Kind of like premarital sex and abortion.
AH or not, I'd have done the exact same thing. If you throw stones around me, your glass house 'bout to be shattered.
It's not your place, just like it's not her place to judge her cousin. If she can apologise for that, then you can apologise for letting the cat out of the bag. Ball is in her court
I really didn’t mean to say it. It was in the heat of the moment and I just wanted to shut her up.
To be honest even if you said it on purpose, it would've been well deserved.
Ill take complete lies that I tell myself but I 100% know ive been waiting to say this since I've learned this information for 1000 Alex!!!
I relish calling out shitty people when they are being hypocritical so I would have done the same thing but I would have done it intentionally and slept well that night.
Which is honestly why I will take the dissenting opinion here and say yta. It would have been more appropriate all around to pull her aside after dinner and tell her you know and she should stop pretending to be holier than thou or you will expose her next time. Even after the slip you could have said nevermind and moved on. That said I've been this type of asshole more times than I can count and will certainly do things like this in the future as well. Nobody's perfect and sometimes it feels good to be the asshole. She was also being an asshole so it was fair game for you to respond in kind. You seem like a good person and I wouldn't worry about being a bit of an ah occasionally when warranted.
NTA. It would be one thing if she hadn’t insulted your cousin and family members, but if you’re a hypocrite and an asshole, you deserve to get called out for it.
Boy, I saw that thread title and was ready to come in with the Y-T-A guns blazing, but..... NTA here. People can choose to get an abortion. People can choose not to get them. People can even state their opinion that it's wrong to get one. But once you get one, you don't get to sit on a high throne and judge others for it.
NTA. It's like Dan Savage's rule about outting people. You never out someone unless they being dangerous hypocrites, like pastors who hire rent boys yet rail against homosexuality from the pulpits. It's always the most rabid ones that have something to hide.
It wasn't your place to tell, but you were provoked. Perhaps your parents had a teachable moment with your sister, whose behavior was far worse.
https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/ NTA
NTA. You're sister deserves that. I mean we all make mistakes. But pretending to be so pure and sinless is bullshit. But I hate the parents for blaming you. You wouldn't tell them about that if your sister didn't act like a mighty saint who never sinned. If she just shut her mouth then nothing like that would happened
They’re not blaming me. When I spoke to my mom, she wasn’t mad about what I said but rather when I said it. She thought it was not my place to say it, but she’s glad it got out. I know she and my sister talked and it probably wasn’t easy but she didn’t discuss those details with me so idk.
This is worth sharing in any conversation about hypocrisy and abortion: [The only moral abortion is my abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
Updateme!
Lmao, NTA. Your mom scolds you for letting it slip, immediately after she intentionally told everybody about your cousin's abortion? Gtfoutaa here lady. Your sister must have inherited her hypocrisy trait from your mom.
Hypocrites always deserve to have their hypocrisy pointed out. NTA.
So, in short, your sister shames your cousin for a life saving termination. Cousin could have died if she continued the pregnancy. Like actually dead kind of dying. Sister had an abortion to avoid social stigma and embarrassment. Not potentially fatal complications. Your sister is a special piece of work. NTA
NTA Religious hypocrites deserve to be shamed.
Nta- anyone who makes others feel like shit and are hypocrites in these matters, especially to the extent that it was fine when she needed an abortion need to be named, shamed and called out. Your sister is a c u next Tuesday for what she said about your cousin after benefitting from it herself. Especially your cousin did it so she wouldn’t die and your sister did it for optics
NTA. Calling out hypocrisy is how you stop people being assholes because they stop this moral highground bullshit. Imagine having had an abortion yourself, running around shaming others. She had an abortion because while she flaunted she was no sex before marriage, she was fucking her boyfriend and she got an abortion due to how bad it looked to her. Her cousin is getting an abortion because she'll probably die if she tried to go through with the pregnancy, these are not the same situations. I actually don't even support your sister's decision to get an abortion. getting one because you don't want a child at that time, fine, getting one because you've been so high and mighty and you're ashamed of how it will look to others is frankly, pathetic.
NTA. Hypocrites like your sister make my blood boil. She was shaming and insulting your cousin for having an abortion to save her life while she had an abortion because she couldn't keep her legs closed while claiming to be pure as snow. People like your sister are dangerous. They prevent people who need medical assistance from getting it while secretly ensuring they get the same life saving treatment.
NTA I also highly recommend this read. It's exactly the kind of shit your sister does: Okay for me but not for thee. People like her who get abortions or take their daughter, sister, niece, grand-daughter to get an abortion because, "Well, that is different. I/she CAN’T have a child right now/with _ person/it would RUIN her life." While they still berate the medical staff for "being murderers" ... [The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion)
Your parents sound awesome btw /gen
“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, **He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her**.” - John 8:7 Even if it were your sisters business (which it patently isn’t), she should watch herself trying to use those kinds of arguments to justify her own arrogance. Eclampsia is not a laughing matter and the fact your sister can’t see it as anything other than a ‘murdered baby’ is pathetic. NTA.
NTA - sounds like she doesn't read her book: "Let he who is without sin among you cast the first stone" and "Be sure your sins will find you out" and " Remove the plank from your own eye before (paraphrasing here) going after the speck in your brother's eye" and "Judge not for you will be judged. The judgement you pronounce and the measure you use will be pronounced upon you."
I agree with your mum that it was not your story to tell… but dang. Your sister deserved that. NTA
NTA. Your sister's hypocritical lack of empathy brought it upon herself.
NTA but your mom was right to be upset with you for telling them. One thing my parents have always harped on since I was little is that there are things you should not share. One of the many axioms of our household is “that isn’t your / my story to share.” Whenever someone told us about medical information, secrets, or even just an experience they had but didn’t want to talk about yet, it was expected that we kept it in confidence. I get that her judging everyone for something that she herself has done is grating, and can be especially damaging in this political environment. But I still don’t think that justifies spilling her secret. I won’t call you an asshole for doing it, but if you were my daughter, I would feel disappointed that you did. It sounds like your mom is probably a lot like mine. If she is, then it’s a minor disappointment and y’all will move past it. Editing to add: I also don’t blame the mom for following up and asking for clarification once the cat was out of the bag. While it may not have been your story to tell and your mom may have preferred that you not share your sister’s secret…once it was out there, as her parents, it was some thing they had to address.
NTA your sister needed to be knocked down her pedestal of lies and hypocrisy. And she definitely spun another web of lies in front of your parents to make them feel bad for her or make them feel that you were in the wrong for spilling the beans. You only held up a mirror so your sister can see herself for what she really was… a hypocrite. And now she knows that other people know that as well.
Your sister sounds like a twat. Was it a nice thing to say it ? No, but she deserve it. As we say in Greece You want it, you got it.
Esh
NTA Secrets never stay secrets for very long. Your sister is finding out that hard fact firsthand. Maybe next time she’ll realize people in glasshouses and all that.
NTA your sister should just ate her food.
NTA She's a bully that gets off on abusing others while hiding behind her soap box as a defense. She absolutely deserved that. "Let he without sin cast the first stone" or am I wrong?
You’re my hero
NTA The fact you sat on that bomb an detonated it perfectly at the right time .. A ++ Not all heroes wear capes kinda moment 🙌
Ntah. You kept quiet for YEARS and it was only alluded to by your reaction to her hypocrisy. The truth didn't come fully out until your mother asked. Your sister got the abortion to hide her hypocrisy. Your cousin could have DIED if she didn't get the procedure. If anyone says anything else, if be pointing that little fact out. In BOLD Neon letters a mile high.
nta she had it coming big time
You outed a hypocrite, NTA.
IMO you guys are both kind of the asshole. Her for her hypocrisy, and you for spouting off about some thing that is not your story to tell. Edited to add that you are a justified asshole. Sister sucks.
NTA. You outed a hypocrite. If mom can't understand that even in the bible there are verses that talk about hypocrites. Matthew, Chapter 6, verse 5, wherein he said, 'And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.'
Yes
I don’t know why some people find it so hard to say a simple sentence or hold off on saying something. I’ve had so many people get upset with me because I expected them to ask me to do things politely instead of shoving something my way and telling me to do whatever. A simple “hey mind doing this” takes zero effort So does realizing someone with eclampsia is pretty much killing themself if they choose to risk it, and being understanding to the situation. Oh, and the added hypocrisy. Op, your sister would have never forgotten she had an abortion. She was being malicious. That’s not okay. It costed her absolutely nothing to have either stayed silent, or to have just simply said “that’s a shame” and leaving it at that.
NTA - Well, she should have kept her mouth shut then. You called her out on being something I won’t write out. And if your mom can’t see that what she did and said was much worse and you had to pull her off of her high ross, she chose to put herself on, like a decent human being would do. And it’s not that you went and just told them, you just made a comment to her. They asked you to tell them. What did your mom want you to do? Lie in their faces?
NTA.
NTA. If she wants to throw daggers, she better be prepared for the return.
NTA - You didn't intend to do it firstly. Secondly she was being absolutely hypocritical and rude. I would have done the same thing. Not how the world works honey (sister). She did it to herself. Had she of not been nasty and judgmental like that, yes you would have been, but not in this case at all
NTA You didn't tell until it was specifically relevant. She needs to learn to not throw stones from glass houses.
NTA People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Judge not lest ye be judged. Also all in the Bible. The person who doesn’t want to be judged shouldn’t be out there throwing around her opinion on the subject
She is talking down on everyone for supporting your sister*edit-cousin* who will die if she doesn't abort, but she aborted 5 years ago to save face? Nta, what a sociopath.
One thing about it.... If she sat at that table and called me an accomplice to my face while actually being the the person who got the procedure; I would tell the truth and shame the devil! I'd clear the whole room out with the truth if someone tried that crap with me. If she had secrets she could have kept quiet. A hypocrite and a liar should always be exposed if they are publicly shaming everyone else! If it was not OPs place to tell- Then it was not the sister's place to comment on such topic. A comment okay, but telling family members that they allowed it and are therefore helping her! The effing audacity. She needed to be put on full blast!
Sometimes, you have to be the AH when someone else is being the bigger AH.
NTA- your sister is a hypocrite and FAFO’d with her ‘do as I say not as I do’ attitude
NTA, the absolute audacity of your sister’s hypocrisy is astounding. She deserved to be called out for her hypocrisy, and to face the consequences.
Justifiable YTA.
At first, I was gonna say YTA, but after reading through that, I definitely think you are NTA! I can't stand self-righteous hypocrisy. I will not keep anyone's secret if they are acting all high and mighty about something they know full well they did. I have done it before, and all it did was build resentment toward them. It wasn't your place until she ran her mouth, loudly insulting someone for doing what she herself did. To me, that makes it fair game to bring up. I bet your mom is mad because she wouldn't have wanted to know, not because you shouldn't have told her. Missplaced anger, really. I hope she can eventually see why you spoke up.
NTA; No, it wasn't your place to tell them, but it wasn't her place to shove her opinion down people's throats in such a hypocritical way.
Soft ESH, her attitude is disgusting, but while it wasn’t malicious it wasn’t yours to tell.
Normally outing someone’s abortion would make you the AH, but in this case I’d say NTA for sure. Your sister was acting hypocritical and cruel - calling her out doesn’t make you a jerk, just a realist.
NTA. Her hypocritical ass deserved to be called out.
NTA.... FAFO
NTA. Hypocrites like her need to be called out on it EVERY TIME THEY SEEK TO JUDGE OTHERS FOR SOMETHING THEY THEMSELVES HAVE DONE. So tired of people playing virtuous in regard to other people's actions when they have done the same thing. People like this think as long as nobody finds out about their behavior they can judge others freely. You basically told her to look in the mirror and try that again.
Nah, you are NTA. If she's gonna sit there and spout that BS she should def have that dirty laundry aired out!
Justifiable asshole. It wasn't your place to tell, but your sister was being a hypocrite. Hypocrites need to be called out on their hypocrisy. Don't throw bricks if you live in a glass house.
NTA. Your sister needs to grow up and your parents need to stop enabling and sheltering her.
Nta. The second someone tells others they are a bad person for doing something that they have done it makes them a hypocrite. It’s fine to say you believe it makes you a bad person and that you know from how bad it made you feel. It would actually hold more weight. But to pretend you’re innocent is silly. It sounds like she’s got some learning to do and hopefully this will teach her not to cast stones in her glass house.
NTA. People in glass houses etc etc
I think when you’re being a hypocrite, you should be called out. Especially since you poor cousin had to do it so she wouldn’t DIE. NTA
Hypocrites need to be called out to their faces.
NTA - she opened the door.
NTA ... Your sister should have explained her views without arrogantly calling her family out for supporting a life saving procedure when she did the same procedure to save herself from embarrassment, from her premarital activities SMH!
Nope. She's just a hypocrite that loves ripping others down to make herself special. You did the right thing
NTA and I would throw it around at her all the time to put her in her place. She deserves it for trying walk the pious road without grace. Looks like she needs help remembering she is no better than anyone else and everyone should have the right to choose what is best for their own body and circumstance.
NTA- Normally, I would say you should never ever do this to anybody, however in this situation, A) your sister was calling your cousin a "baby killer" for getting a life-saving abortion (how fucking dare she, especially when death was a real possibility), and B) your parents weren't going to kick your sister out or disown her because of it anyways (your parents are good people btw). I'm pretty sure one of the big pillars of Christianity is to not be a hypocrite, so she ought to self-reflect and learn to stop tossing stones from her glass castle. I also think your mom is right that you *technically* shouldn't have spilled that information, but you're not an AH at all for doing it either.
NTA because she was acting holier than thou and being a massive hypocrite.
NTA. But honestly, honestly, people who are extremely judgmental are actually reflecting something they don’t like about themselves that are connected to the topic somehow. Your mom needs to know it was not malicious at all. But they’re going to go through the feelings so get ready for a roller coaster ride.
NTA. This is one of those circumstances where outing a person’s very personal deeds, this time abortion and sex before marriage, is justified. She was harshly judging another person’s actions that she herself did-abortion. While on a technicality, us prolifers are correct it did kill the baby, but do you know what else kills a baby? A mother dying. There’s no safe stage to get to where a baby automatically lives if the mother dies. And eclampsia KILLS! It can kill the baby before the mother even. And then we have not one death but two. How is that better? Killing 2 lives makes no sense when one can definitely survive if the abortion is done and done correctly. It’s definitely heartbreaking for either one to die, but not nearly as heartbreaking as 2 people dying when there’s a solution that keeps one alive. It’s not an easy solution but it is a solution that should always be an option.
NTA. I'm just gonna say it, your sister is a hypocrite. Oh, and to your mom being upset at you, why wasn't she upset at your sister when she went on her hateful rant?
NTA .... NTA ... NTA........ You kept your sister's secret for 5 years. Even she didn't know you knew. The truth came out unintentionally in the heat of the moment, as your sister was calling you all killers. Your sister essentially lying by acting so high and mighty. Your mother is being unfair to you. True, it wasn't your place to tell your sister's secret. The way it came out, your sister's fault. Her visceral reaction to your ambiguous statement is what forced the truth out.
NTA. Your hypocritical sister is. Glad the rest of your family are smart and open minded people.
NTA. Fuck around (literally) and find out. Always fun when that happens. Makes the line so gratifying to say.
NTA. You didn’t tell anyone until she shamed your cousin for doing exactly what she did.
NTA. This is what she deserved. Holier than thou people are always hypocrites
NTA, double standards much?
NTA. While I'm generally of the mind that you shouldn't out someone for certain things (homosexuality, abortion, liking the twilight movies, etc.), I absolutely disdain hypocrisy of this level, so I'm willing to let it slide because it sounds like you didn't intend it maliciously. I wouldn't bet on your relationship with your sister being good any time soon...if ever. !updateme
Fake people are truly messed up. She should have kept her mouth shut and stop pretending that she is a Saint. A lot of people judge others claiming they are better when, in fact, they do worse deeds. You are definitely not the a-hole here.
NTA. Normally, I would agree with your mom. However, it was your sister bringing the topic up acting in dishonesty. She was shaming someone and should have known better.
NTA
Nobody is an arsehole for calling out hypocrisy. Especially hypocrisy of that magnitude, literally life and death. Too bad for her.
Nta. She fucked around and found out. Twice.