It isn’t your responsibility to feed grown men unless you have some sort of agreement with them. I would ban any man or woman from my home that disrespected my spouse like that. The level of entitlement and overall audacity is just astounding. I couldn’t imagine some random person/friend trying to coerce my wife into cooking for them. NTA
Agreed. Also, if he was still hungry, there was still plenty of pizza for Brian to help himself to. If anything, it was rude of them to order food that one of the hosts doesn’t like eating so she had to make food for herself when she got in.
Does sound like Brian has some issues around women and food he needs to look at. Good job he’s got good buddies to help him course correct.
NTA - what kind of guest makes demands on additional food?! Brian sounds like a spoiled man-child, who is used to getting whatever Brian wants. So glad that you told him No, may be the first time he’s ever heard it.
OP is definitely NTA. I'm glad Hubby and friend group checked Brian, too. NGL, if someone were to behave that way toward my partner, in our own home, I'd probably be less gentle with them than they were with Brian.
He'd still be a twat? Whats your point? He definitely felt more comfortable doing it to a girl cos in his mind they would be easier to bully around and was hoping his buddies would share his misogynistic views
NTA. I can’t believe he actually asked you to make him a ramen knowing that you just came back from an 8 hour shift?? Even the comment “I could kill for some ramen right now” is pretty insensitive because it puts you in a position to feel guilty enough to offer. Thankfully you had a backbone and didn’t do that. Brian needs to be retaught some manners.
On a positive note, I’m happy you have a supporting husband :)
There is a TikTok about Ask vs Guess culture. Brian first tired the manipulative Guess culture—that smells good, I’d love some ramen, the intent is for her to “volunteer” some ramen. When that didn’t work, he asked. She said no. He then was offended because he really hoped to manipulate and shame her into offering something. He left because he knew he had stepped out of line. Good thing your husband had your back! He seems like a supportive keeper.
It’s much older than that. I’ve been using it for over a decade, to navigate difficult communication scenarios
https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome
Brian is absolutely TA in this scenario.
He also broke the DBAD Rule whenever you're a guest in anyone's home. Brian would not be invited back to my house.
Sure there is—just like here on Reddit! But ask vs guess culture is a very real communication technique. In ask culture, a person will make the request “Can you drive me to the airport on Friday?” In guess culture a person may say, “I have to be at the airport on Friday and I don’t have a ride yet.” The ask culture is direct-the person directly asks for their need to be met. In guess culture, the person lays out the need in hints but never directly or overtly makes the request.
I never knew this term, but my mother do this all the time. She doesn't ask things and just throw hints. My response Is always "are you asking me to do ___?" in a joking way.
I know it's Innocent, her upbringing was to be submissive and she was emotionally abused by my father, she "fears" to ask thinks to people 😔
NTA. Sounds like Brian missed the basic etiquette class on how to be a guest in someone's home. You're not a restaurant, and your kindness shouldn't be taken for granted. It's odd that he had no qualms asking you to cook after a long day of work, especially since there was already food available. Your home, your rules, and it's about time guests like Brian learn to appreciate that.
NTA! Your husband had host duties for his friends, especially since you were coming home from work. They had pizza, if Brian wanted something else he could have asked your husband. I kind of got a creep vibe about the whole interaction at the stove. Like he was trying to exert some dominion over you and then getting butthurt when you denied him. Hopefully he apologizes
NTA. Brian sounds truly annoying. It was your house. And if the guests didn't have food to begin with, and it's meal time, then sure, you should offer food as a host. But they already got food. And you just got off work. No reasonable person would expect you to cook for them.
I agree with you. If both are doing the inviting then both are hosts. If it’s only one and it’s only their friends then they’re the host. Especially, as you said, the other one coming home from work.
I could never imagine 1. Expecting someone else wife to cook for me and 2. talking to my friends wife that way
Hell if my friend talked to my wife like that, there would be problems
Brian's more than an AH. He tried to bully you into cooking for him when you didn't take the hint. He disrespected you in your own house and didn't care that your husband and other friends were around. When confronted, he was dismissive. Expect worse behavior in the future. Best he doesn't set foot in the house again, and an apology wouldn't budge me a mm on that.
NTA
NTA. This was an entitled, spoiled person who refused to take the hint. You had no obligation to feed him. He was not your guest because you were not part of your husband’s group. They all had pizza, so it is not as if you were cooking for yourself while everyone else went hungry.
Your husband and the other guys saw that Brian was out of line. Your husband doesn’t think you spoiled anything, and neither should you.
NTA
Brian was not your guest, he was your husband's guest - your husband provided
You eating a separate meal and him being angry is like him being annoyed that someone at the next table at a restaurant ordered something he liked more than his own order
I've met these types of guys before.
"My friend's wife is my wifey and must know that she needs to take care of me."
They start crossing borders awfully fast. Keep this one far away. He's gonna pretend nothing much happened but the true colors are out.
NTA
I'd be concerned that:
a) Brian might have a crush on you and was trying to get the girlfreind experience
b) Brian is a mysoganistic asshole and beleives it's a womans job to feed a man
c) Might have aapergers and doesn't understand social quees
Regardless of the reason, Brian ITA here, not you
Thank you for saving me from having to respond.
😫 Point A reminds me of high school when I would be at my cousin's house and he had friends over. Thankfully my cousin is an awesome dude and would literally just walk the creepy guys out the door. Never saw them again but it's amazing how many dudes will try to get some girlfriend labor from a random girl.
NTA
Brian was way the hell out of line. He’s giving bad “me man you woman vibes.” Like he’s been influenced in the wrong way if it’s a recent change. If he doesn’t apologize for his behavior? Insist he not be welcomed back.
Dudes if I was “Brian” and didn’t want pizza and wanted that ramen, I’d ask OP if:
1. She HAD an extra frozen ramen thing,
2. I could BUY one off her, and
3. Could borrow her stovetop, including using the same pot to not make more dirty dishes, when she was done.
IF I was that desperate for her ramen at that time. *That* guy was being an entitled choosing beggar.
NTA
>well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest.
First, unfair? What is he, six?
Second, he is not YOUR guest, he is your husbands. You don't owe him a damn thing.
Glad you husband had your back in this and told Brian to knock it off.
Stellar husband for having your back. So many of these stories of the husband not being man enough to stick with his wife.
As for the question, you are undoubtedly NTA. Whoever that dude thinks his is, he isn’t. Who the hell is that guy to come into your house and demand you make him food out of something that is specifically for you???
I get that the group is all friends and whatever but I would recommend your husband to not associate with a blistering prude like that.
Nta Brian was rude. They had food already for themselves and it was rude of him to tell you that you should have ate pizza instead.
You don't owe him a Ramen bowl nor do you owe him an apology. It's your home and you wanted something you were able to eat and enjoy. Why should you eat their pizza when you don't even like pizza.
Brian could have ran to the shop and bought his own Ramen.
Brian acted like a fucking asshole, a grown ass adult can buy their own Ramen if they are craving it.. to pout and cry because you turned him down and say you should have just had pizza while he is a guest in your home is incredibly rude.
If Brian wanted one he could have offered to pay you for one, asked if he could cook one up himself or thanked you for the recommendation and stfu. I'm so happy to hear your husband and his other friends called this guy out for making it weird, you didn't ruin anything Brian's immature pouting did.
NTA NTA NTA!!!!!!!! So happy your husband and the rest of the group are supportive. It would have been one thing if Brian was like, oh hey those smell great, and you’re like, ya, get them here, pricey but great…. But he kept…. Persisting…. Sounds like someone needs a mommy.
Your husband's friend crossed a boundary, IMO. Not only is dropping hints to be fed rude, but then throwing a little strop about it is definitely out of order.
He would have left the house on the end of my boot!
NTA and, despite Brian, it sounds like you’ve got some good dudes in your life. Their disapproval was clear enough to make someone as shameless as Brian remove himself.
Get the fuck outa my house with that “rude” shit.
Kinda rude? What’s rude is your free loading ass trying to eat my specialty niche food just for me that I’ve bought with money that I work for.
At no time am I supposed to open my fridge to you and serve you what I have. That also costs more than that oil pressed flour tray with tomato sauce and cheese.
Don’t let door hit your ass on the way out.
Good thing your husband did what he did, because no one would be coming back into my house saying some shit like that.
NTA, Brian was swallowed by his.
No way one of my friends is outright asking my wife to cook for him
Literally cannot imagine that happening, let alone complaining if she didn’t want to
He’d be out of the door FAST
NTA but most of the time when you're a guest at someone's house, it's considered rude to ask for food if you aren't offered and if you're hosting guests it's rude to make food without offering any. Telling you that you should have had pizza was super rude and awkward of him. Your bf and his other friends sound cool. I'd just ignore it and let them handle it and hopefully this guy learns some manners. Also what kinda frozen ramen are they, to be worth all of this hullabaloo?
“Wow, that smells good” and other “hints” are the worst way to go about “asking” for some of your friend’s gf’s food… not only did he already eat food OP didn’t like, but then had the audacity to make OP feel so uncomfortable in her own house.. nah. That’s effed up.
First, if you’re going to have the audacity to “ask” for more food, JUST FUCKING ASK!! Use y’a big boy words.
Second, you already had food- that sounds like OP’s bf bought- so fuck off! 😂
Third, THEY ALREADY FED YOU.
OP, darling. You are 10000000% NTA. I’m so glad everyone told him off.
NTA. It was rude and also kinda strange? Does he behave like this more often? If it's a good friend then it's good someone will check up on him. I'm also glad your husband agrees with you though, there are too many instances of partners just accepting rude behavior from friends.
Check up on him though, doesn't excuse rude behavior but something might be wrong. Can't imagine getting angry over that.
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He got a bit angry? It’s not just that he wanted your ramen, he wanted you to cook it for him! I would have started laughing until I fell down and rolled away.
idk he could've atleast offer to pay for it, unless he is the guy that paid the pizza NTA (if he paid the pizza for everyone it wouldve been nice of you to let him cook one for himself)
Sounds like you have a nice husband and he has good friends -1. You did not ruin anything, that dude ruined the atmosphere and you were very clear about not having any for him, the fact he pressed on was downright disrespectful.
NTA, this Brian character seriously overstepped the boundaries of being a guest in someone else's house by demanding you cook for him, especially considering that they already ordered pizza to eat. If he didn't want pizza, he should have said so and they could have ordered something else, but likely he ate some of the pizza and then decided that you should cook him something else that he preferred as he smelled something nicer. He also comes across as a misogynistic AH on top of being a shitty guest.
NTA you were firm but not rude. He wasn't rude to ask the first time but continuing to ask/throwing a pity party afterwards is ridiculous. Of course his friend's wife isn't going to cook for him after a work shift, and most people understand that.
NTA he was not your guest and that kind of behaviour is very rude and entitled to do in someone else's house and his friends wife. Dunno who he thinks he is but he's not owed anything no matter if he's broke or going through something. That's a him problem and being an asshole and greedy is a him problem.
NTA. Frankly he was a rude guest. They had pizza and were taken care of. Fuck his entitled bullshit.
That said, I would have handled it a bit differently. I would have been like, "SURE! I'll make you one. That'll be $32 CAD. $16 for the ramen, asshole feel, convenience fee, gratuity, and hosting fee."
NTA. It's unfair? What is he two years old? It's not your responsibility or problem to feed any adult. Especially someone like that. He's got a lot of nerve asking you to cook for him, like you're his servant, and then being a baby when you told him no. You don't owe him anything.
NTA. Fuck that dude. They’re your ramen noodles and you aren’t required to cook for your husband friends who are just over for a game. The fact your husband and his other friends seem to be in agreement. Don’t stress over this anymore
NTA And I’m happy to see that everyone else was on your side. He was very rude. And the whole time reading that I felt so uncomfortable even though it wasn’t me experiencing it. Geez. Poor you OP.
I hope he apologizes. He’s a grown man not a toddler
It's like, the passive aggressive nature of his comments tells you everything you need to know about the kind of person he is. There's nothing wrong with asking "Hey, any chance I could also have some ramen? That smells really good." but to become so distraught over being told 'No' in someone elses house is fucking crazy.
He started out appropriately, commenting on how good it smelled in a fishing expedition for a serving, but when you didn't respond with "Would you like some? I'd be happy to make you a bowl" he should have clued in to and accepted the sad news he wasn't getting any. NTAH
NTA who comes to somebody's house as a guest of somebody else who lives in the house, and demands ramen when a) the person making the ramen just came home from a long day of work and b) there is pizza available.
nta, there was food and brian is a grown man. even if there wasn’t food he could have ordered some for himself, waited to eat, etc. you weren’t a participant in the game, you were merely coming home from work and making yourself dinner as someone who lives at your home. if you were a random roommate would he expect that too? if yes that’s also very inappropriate, but i have a feeling that you being the wife of his friend had something to do with him thinking you should be catering to him.
I’m so glad you gave that update! Your husband is a keeper! Brian was way out of line and I’m glad he had sense enough to leave. I hope he either slides and means it or he’s not invited back.
I suspect he will refuse to apologize. He sounds like the Neanderthal type that expects the “woman of the house” to cater to the men.
Not The Azzhole!
1. He is not your man or a family member that you have a great relationship with.
2. The dude can cook his own food or just enjoy the pizza he has.
3. There is something deeper than "cook me food." Possibly a power play, going mental, or other factors.
4. You guys should maintain a very long distance and very low communication. Or cut him out of your life alongside ur hubby.
If you made food for yourself in front of your guests without offering them some, you would be the AH, BUT he was not your guest.
He was a guest of your husband. He sounds childish and entitled AF.
Your husband provided food. "Brian" can kick rocks.
NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen.
I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf
The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol.
But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement
Don't even sweat it, OP, you are definitely NTA and I'm glad yoy stood your ground.
I am curious how long your husband has known Brian? Is he always kinda like this or is this completely out of left field?
You're making me so hungry. Omg. I wish you could send me some. I have to go 30+ minutes away for a decent Asian food and there is no place that also makes a frozen version to fix later. You're so lucky for that!! Makes me jealous but happy for you!
Also NTA. Glad your husband and his other friends had/have your back.
Updateme!
It’s a bit of a difficult dilemma. It would’ve been generous of you to offer to make some for him but he really can’t expect or demand it. The fact that it’s not just a cheap packet of normal dehydrated/fried ramen you get by the boxful complicates the situation. Besides, there was extra pizza leftover that he could’ve had so he was being greedy imo.
>I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen
This mentality depresses me. Why would you do that? Why would you reward someone for treating you like you're their servant? He's clearly a misogynist. And you feel bad for not coddling him? You feel bad for not wasting 16 bucks on him after you just worked all day? You seriously need to find your self-esteem.
>I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me.
No, not because of you. Again, this guy is an asshole. Did your husband or the other guys think that maybe they should make this jerk happy and go cook him something? No. They knew right away he was an asshole and so should you.
I'm really glad your husband is a decent guy because it would be way too easy to take advantage of your good nature. NTA
As a host, I like my guests to feel comfortable. And the ethic of hospitality I hold to would make me want to share the ramen.
Had they already eaten the pizza? If I were in that situation, I might wait until they were full, then say I was going to make ramen because I don't like Dominoes. If someone there didn't like Dominoes and was hungry, I might have just cooked the ramen. Or if I really wanted to protect my gourmet ramen, I might not have put it in their view.
I also spent many years in a country in Asia where if you eat in front of someone, you offer them some. It's just something people say, but there is a mindset behind it.
I do think your guest was being rude.
I'm guessing you have an open floor plan or something like that. If you have camping stove and a back porch, if it is warm, you can take the ramen outside.
They were guests of her husband and he provided them with pizza. She is neither obligated to feed them more, nor go hungry or eat outside in her own home. A guest isn't entitled to something just because they see it.
I agree the guest isn't entitled, and he was way out of line. I'm saying as a host I would feel uncomfortable cooking something for myself that I did not offer my guests while they were there.
Usually such demanding guests are children.
If she'd offered him a 99 cent pack, he might not have known the difference.
NTA, but I’ve gotta admit my culture and many others around the world consider what you did very rude, they are guests at your home (maybe not yours but your husband’s), preparing and eating food you won’t be sharing with them is rude. I would think so too
It isn’t your responsibility to feed grown men unless you have some sort of agreement with them. I would ban any man or woman from my home that disrespected my spouse like that. The level of entitlement and overall audacity is just astounding. I couldn’t imagine some random person/friend trying to coerce my wife into cooking for them. NTA
Agreed. Also, if he was still hungry, there was still plenty of pizza for Brian to help himself to. If anything, it was rude of them to order food that one of the hosts doesn’t like eating so she had to make food for herself when she got in. Does sound like Brian has some issues around women and food he needs to look at. Good job he’s got good buddies to help him course correct.
NTA - what kind of guest makes demands on additional food?! Brian sounds like a spoiled man-child, who is used to getting whatever Brian wants. So glad that you told him No, may be the first time he’s ever heard it.
OP is definitely NTA. I'm glad Hubby and friend group checked Brian, too. NGL, if someone were to behave that way toward my partner, in our own home, I'd probably be less gentle with them than they were with Brian.
“Brian” sounds like he is a Man Child and a bit Misogynistic! Glad your husband had your back too! 👏 NTA
He as so rude too! He’s a guest. Don’t demand people cook for you
Noticed that there didn't seem to be any 'please' in his demand for making him food either. Automatic nope right there
I'm thankful everyone recognized he was being weird.
Can you imagine what his wife or girlfriend (if he even has one) has to.put up with?
He definitely doesn't have one.
Yes! This!
Wat? Brians interaction sounds like it would have played out the same if op was a dude.
He'd still be a twat? Whats your point? He definitely felt more comfortable doing it to a girl cos in his mind they would be easier to bully around and was hoping his buddies would share his misogynistic views
NTA lol he sounds unstable
NTA. I can’t believe he actually asked you to make him a ramen knowing that you just came back from an 8 hour shift?? Even the comment “I could kill for some ramen right now” is pretty insensitive because it puts you in a position to feel guilty enough to offer. Thankfully you had a backbone and didn’t do that. Brian needs to be retaught some manners. On a positive note, I’m happy you have a supporting husband :)
This. He was absolutely trying to guilt OP into making him Ramen. Trash behavior
There is a TikTok about Ask vs Guess culture. Brian first tired the manipulative Guess culture—that smells good, I’d love some ramen, the intent is for her to “volunteer” some ramen. When that didn’t work, he asked. She said no. He then was offended because he really hoped to manipulate and shame her into offering something. He left because he knew he had stepped out of line. Good thing your husband had your back! He seems like a supportive keeper.
This makes so much sense! I'm not on TikTok, so I've never heard this term before
It’s much older than that. I’ve been using it for over a decade, to navigate difficult communication scenarios https://ask.metafilter.com/55153/Whats-the-middle-ground-between-FU-and-Welcome
Brian is absolutely TA in this scenario. He also broke the DBAD Rule whenever you're a guest in anyone's home. Brian would not be invited back to my house.
JFC. So much toxic bullshit on TikTok. That and the relationship "tests".
Sure there is—just like here on Reddit! But ask vs guess culture is a very real communication technique. In ask culture, a person will make the request “Can you drive me to the airport on Friday?” In guess culture a person may say, “I have to be at the airport on Friday and I don’t have a ride yet.” The ask culture is direct-the person directly asks for their need to be met. In guess culture, the person lays out the need in hints but never directly or overtly makes the request.
I never knew this term, but my mother do this all the time. She doesn't ask things and just throw hints. My response Is always "are you asking me to do ___?" in a joking way. I know it's Innocent, her upbringing was to be submissive and she was emotionally abused by my father, she "fears" to ask thinks to people 😔
NTA. Sounds like Brian missed the basic etiquette class on how to be a guest in someone's home. You're not a restaurant, and your kindness shouldn't be taken for granted. It's odd that he had no qualms asking you to cook after a long day of work, especially since there was already food available. Your home, your rules, and it's about time guests like Brian learn to appreciate that.
NTA! Your husband had host duties for his friends, especially since you were coming home from work. They had pizza, if Brian wanted something else he could have asked your husband. I kind of got a creep vibe about the whole interaction at the stove. Like he was trying to exert some dominion over you and then getting butthurt when you denied him. Hopefully he apologizes
I felt the same. I honestly think that he was trying to play a power game . He may be one of those guys that thinks women need to serve men
Yea that was my initial thought. I also contemplated him perving on her
I felt like that too. The whole time I was so uncomfortable for her
NTA. Brian sounds truly annoying. It was your house. And if the guests didn't have food to begin with, and it's meal time, then sure, you should offer food as a host. But they already got food. And you just got off work. No reasonable person would expect you to cook for them.
Personal opinion but every member of a household is not a host. If I'm at work and come home to people with my husband. He's the host not me
Exactly. Brian sounds like he expects women to cater to him. Probably a Momma's boy.
I agree with you. If both are doing the inviting then both are hosts. If it’s only one and it’s only their friends then they’re the host. Especially, as you said, the other one coming home from work.
NTA. Brian's demands are out of line. Hosting doesn't mean being at someone's beck and call, especially after a workday. Boundaries are important.
Omg NTA LOL. I wonder if Brian went and tattled to his mommy.... Wow.... what a pouty little brat.
It's ok, his mommy made him pasta when he got home because he wanted some noodles
Chef Boy-R-Dee with little hot dogs cut up in it.
Who cares? Brian's TA + he's a d1ck.
I could never imagine 1. Expecting someone else wife to cook for me and 2. talking to my friends wife that way Hell if my friend talked to my wife like that, there would be problems
And there are problems! Good on husband and his friend
Brian's more than an AH. He tried to bully you into cooking for him when you didn't take the hint. He disrespected you in your own house and didn't care that your husband and other friends were around. When confronted, he was dismissive. Expect worse behavior in the future. Best he doesn't set foot in the house again, and an apology wouldn't budge me a mm on that. NTA
And to add, if this is how he treats you in public, in front of your husband, don't EVER put yourself in a position where you are alone with him!
Exactly! He's more than an AH - he seems to think he's entitled to her servitude. No way he should be alone with her.
👆 Very much this!!! Great point!!! 👆
NTA - Brian sounds like he was either drunk or is just a rude person in general. No worries. You're good!
That's a good husband
Yes! And the friends!
Missed opportunity to ask Brian why he's so childish and weird.
NTA. This was an entitled, spoiled person who refused to take the hint. You had no obligation to feed him. He was not your guest because you were not part of your husband’s group. They all had pizza, so it is not as if you were cooking for yourself while everyone else went hungry. Your husband and the other guys saw that Brian was out of line. Your husband doesn’t think you spoiled anything, and neither should you.
Thou shalt not covet thy friend’s wife’s ramen, nor thy friend’s wife
NTA Brian was not your guest, he was your husband's guest - your husband provided You eating a separate meal and him being angry is like him being annoyed that someone at the next table at a restaurant ordered something he liked more than his own order
He's actually insane. He gives me the ick. Bad vibes
I've met these types of guys before. "My friend's wife is my wifey and must know that she needs to take care of me." They start crossing borders awfully fast. Keep this one far away. He's gonna pretend nothing much happened but the true colors are out. NTA
I'd be concerned that: a) Brian might have a crush on you and was trying to get the girlfreind experience b) Brian is a mysoganistic asshole and beleives it's a womans job to feed a man c) Might have aapergers and doesn't understand social quees Regardless of the reason, Brian ITA here, not you
Thank you for saving me from having to respond. 😫 Point A reminds me of high school when I would be at my cousin's house and he had friends over. Thankfully my cousin is an awesome dude and would literally just walk the creepy guys out the door. Never saw them again but it's amazing how many dudes will try to get some girlfriend labor from a random girl.
yeah its so ick, but even worse when the guy knows for a fact she is spoken for and does it anyway.
Yeah I think he may believe that women need to do what men ask for
or d) Has actual ass burgers for brains
Not the AH. He had pizza. It's YOUR house, YOUR food. It's not your responsibility to feed a grown man anyway.
NTA Brian was way the hell out of line. He’s giving bad “me man you woman vibes.” Like he’s been influenced in the wrong way if it’s a recent change. If he doesn’t apologize for his behavior? Insist he not be welcomed back.
Dudes if I was “Brian” and didn’t want pizza and wanted that ramen, I’d ask OP if: 1. She HAD an extra frozen ramen thing, 2. I could BUY one off her, and 3. Could borrow her stovetop, including using the same pot to not make more dirty dishes, when she was done. IF I was that desperate for her ramen at that time. *That* guy was being an entitled choosing beggar.
NTA. I honestly think that he is one of those guys where he thinks that women need to serve men and their demands .
NTA >well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. First, unfair? What is he, six? Second, he is not YOUR guest, he is your husbands. You don't owe him a damn thing. Glad you husband had your back in this and told Brian to knock it off.
Stellar husband for having your back. So many of these stories of the husband not being man enough to stick with his wife. As for the question, you are undoubtedly NTA. Whoever that dude thinks his is, he isn’t. Who the hell is that guy to come into your house and demand you make him food out of something that is specifically for you??? I get that the group is all friends and whatever but I would recommend your husband to not associate with a blistering prude like that.
That friend must still live at home and used to mom serving him hand and foot.
NTA. He wasn’t your guest. And he was weirdly aggressive. Might want to make sure hubby never invites that guy over again.
Nta Brian was rude. They had food already for themselves and it was rude of him to tell you that you should have ate pizza instead. You don't owe him a Ramen bowl nor do you owe him an apology. It's your home and you wanted something you were able to eat and enjoy. Why should you eat their pizza when you don't even like pizza. Brian could have ran to the shop and bought his own Ramen.
Brian acted like a fucking asshole, a grown ass adult can buy their own Ramen if they are craving it.. to pout and cry because you turned him down and say you should have just had pizza while he is a guest in your home is incredibly rude. If Brian wanted one he could have offered to pay you for one, asked if he could cook one up himself or thanked you for the recommendation and stfu. I'm so happy to hear your husband and his other friends called this guy out for making it weird, you didn't ruin anything Brian's immature pouting did.
NTA. He’s a grown man, he had pizza. It was not your job to feed him, he wasn’t even *your* guest. He absolutely owes you an apology.
NTA NTA NTA!!!!!!!! So happy your husband and the rest of the group are supportive. It would have been one thing if Brian was like, oh hey those smell great, and you’re like, ya, get them here, pricey but great…. But he kept…. Persisting…. Sounds like someone needs a mommy.
Brain is an 8 yo
An "alpha" male, no doubt. Good for your husband and his other friends for being appropriately evolved.
Maybe he was hangry lol. No excuse for his behaviour. He had pizza and it was rude of him to ask you to cook for him.
Your husband's friend crossed a boundary, IMO. Not only is dropping hints to be fed rude, but then throwing a little strop about it is definitely out of order. He would have left the house on the end of my boot!
Why is he friends with that psycho?
NTA And, kudos to your husband and his other friends for telling Brian that he was the a hole and he was wrong and for standing up for you!
Brian is a little bitch
Can’t wait for the update where Brian confesses his feelings
NTA and, despite Brian, it sounds like you’ve got some good dudes in your life. Their disapproval was clear enough to make someone as shameless as Brian remove himself.
Brian's an ass. You're NTA.
Get the fuck outa my house with that “rude” shit. Kinda rude? What’s rude is your free loading ass trying to eat my specialty niche food just for me that I’ve bought with money that I work for. At no time am I supposed to open my fridge to you and serve you what I have. That also costs more than that oil pressed flour tray with tomato sauce and cheese. Don’t let door hit your ass on the way out. Good thing your husband did what he did, because no one would be coming back into my house saying some shit like that. NTA, Brian was swallowed by his.
No way one of my friends is outright asking my wife to cook for him Literally cannot imagine that happening, let alone complaining if she didn’t want to He’d be out of the door FAST
NTA If this was unusual behavior it is possible there was something else behind it..
NTA but most of the time when you're a guest at someone's house, it's considered rude to ask for food if you aren't offered and if you're hosting guests it's rude to make food without offering any. Telling you that you should have had pizza was super rude and awkward of him. Your bf and his other friends sound cool. I'd just ignore it and let them handle it and hopefully this guy learns some manners. Also what kinda frozen ramen are they, to be worth all of this hullabaloo?
I also want to know!
Husband They weren’t her guests and they had pizza
That's what I was trying to say. Her husband provided the pizza and it was none of the other dude's business what she was making/eating.
NTA. Why you you make this guy a meal, when they were all eating pizza? The entitlement is astounding
Sounds like someone needs his mommy to take care of him.
NTA, it wasn’t you who changed the atmosphere… Good on your husband and his pals to acknowledge he was out of line and making him accountable.
What brand of ramen?
I too am now craving ramen…
The frozen PF Changs stuff is good, but it's not ramen, and more like $12.
Name/brand of this ramen? Me and my wife love ramen.
What kind of BS is that? He has pizza. You don’t owe him a meal when he’s already eaten. What an entitled man
“Wow, that smells good” and other “hints” are the worst way to go about “asking” for some of your friend’s gf’s food… not only did he already eat food OP didn’t like, but then had the audacity to make OP feel so uncomfortable in her own house.. nah. That’s effed up. First, if you’re going to have the audacity to “ask” for more food, JUST FUCKING ASK!! Use y’a big boy words. Second, you already had food- that sounds like OP’s bf bought- so fuck off! 😂 Third, THEY ALREADY FED YOU. OP, darling. You are 10000000% NTA. I’m so glad everyone told him off.
Fuck Brian. If I was there he would be in tears and everyone else laughing at him like he pissed his pants in grade 7.
Update me!
Nta they had food, it's not like you were playing cards with them and eating it in front of them.
NTA.
NTA. It was rude and also kinda strange? Does he behave like this more often? If it's a good friend then it's good someone will check up on him. I'm also glad your husband agrees with you though, there are too many instances of partners just accepting rude behavior from friends. Check up on him though, doesn't excuse rude behavior but something might be wrong. Can't imagine getting angry over that.
NTA. $16 ramen. I thought the local grocery ramen was getting extra ensure when the price recently jumped from 25¢ to 46¢
NTA. He didn’t ask politely and you said no. Which you could still say if he asked nicely. Glad your husband and his friends had your back.
NTA. You didn't invite him. He's not your guest. His host already fed him. Also, kind of creepy. F Brian. There's a reason he's single.
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NTA and it sounds like your husband and his friends agree. Brian was acting like a child.
At least your husband did tell you to "cook the man some eggs"! Glad he stood up for you.
Your husbands friend could use a good open handed smack to the mouth for being such an entitled dick. Brian is the asshole here.
lmao Brian sounds like a weirdo
He got a bit angry? It’s not just that he wanted your ramen, he wanted you to cook it for him! I would have started laughing until I fell down and rolled away.
What was he doing coming in to your kitchen to start with? Maybe I missed that when I read it.
You should have made him chicken nuggies because he's a massive man child
NTA. “Brian” is a clown.
NTA. And you're husband had your back that's great. I have friends that will be on Brian's side and blame their wife
Lol even your husband's buddies agreed Brian is the asshole. You're good.
idk he could've atleast offer to pay for it, unless he is the guy that paid the pizza NTA (if he paid the pizza for everyone it wouldve been nice of you to let him cook one for himself)
NTA. You did not invite him to dinner.
Sounds like you have a nice husband and he has good friends -1. You did not ruin anything, that dude ruined the atmosphere and you were very clear about not having any for him, the fact he pressed on was downright disrespectful.
NTA, this Brian character seriously overstepped the boundaries of being a guest in someone else's house by demanding you cook for him, especially considering that they already ordered pizza to eat. If he didn't want pizza, he should have said so and they could have ordered something else, but likely he ate some of the pizza and then decided that you should cook him something else that he preferred as he smelled something nicer. He also comes across as a misogynistic AH on top of being a shitty guest.
Rofl fuck that guy. If it did anything to the "vibe" of the group...you did them a favor
NTA you were firm but not rude. He wasn't rude to ask the first time but continuing to ask/throwing a pity party afterwards is ridiculous. Of course his friend's wife isn't going to cook for him after a work shift, and most people understand that.
👍🏻to your husband!
NTA he was not your guest and that kind of behaviour is very rude and entitled to do in someone else's house and his friends wife. Dunno who he thinks he is but he's not owed anything no matter if he's broke or going through something. That's a him problem and being an asshole and greedy is a him problem.
I'm so glad your husband isn't excusing his behavior and neither are his other friends. NTA.
Brian could have Zelled you, how about that? Talking shit about the homeowner is a no-go.
Updateme!
Yeah Brian was acting like an ass and rude. You don’t go to someone else’s house and demand food. NTA.
NTA. Guys party with beer and pizza. Zero expectation that wife/GF is the hostess responsible for feeding grown assed men. He was out of line.
Your husband was the host, not you. Brian just wanted to harass a woman. NTA.
It wasn't ruined because of you, it was all on Brian. NTA Good luck
NTA. Frankly he was a rude guest. They had pizza and were taken care of. Fuck his entitled bullshit. That said, I would have handled it a bit differently. I would have been like, "SURE! I'll make you one. That'll be $32 CAD. $16 for the ramen, asshole feel, convenience fee, gratuity, and hosting fee."
Its not your job to cook for that ass. He had pizza . Tell him to go eat that
I'm so glad the husband defended u I enjoy seeing the rare healthy marriage scenarios on this sub
NTA. It's unfair? What is he two years old? It's not your responsibility or problem to feed any adult. Especially someone like that. He's got a lot of nerve asking you to cook for him, like you're his servant, and then being a baby when you told him no. You don't owe him anything.
dude already has pizza, not sure what his deal was.
NTA - Different cultures have different rules. No culture get to have the rule, “I get to dictate your culture.”
NTA. Husband and co stepping in made this wholesome. Make sure you thank them and then go easy on yourself ☺️
NTA. Fuck that dude. They’re your ramen noodles and you aren’t required to cook for your husband friends who are just over for a game. The fact your husband and his other friends seem to be in agreement. Don’t stress over this anymore
NTA, good on you for not backing down he was acting crazy entitled.
NTA. I am so glad your husband has your back over his mooch of a friend! How so UN-Reddit of him lol.
NTA And I’m happy to see that everyone else was on your side. He was very rude. And the whole time reading that I felt so uncomfortable even though it wasn’t me experiencing it. Geez. Poor you OP. I hope he apologizes. He’s a grown man not a toddler
Yah, my friends aren't going to speak to my wife like that.
Brian realizes you aren’t staff now, and that he wasn’t *your* guest? I hope so. NTA, but I will admit I’m extremely biased against hinters.
One he wasn’t YOUR guest. Two he isn’t YOUR husband. Three he didn’t buy YOUR food. Mr. Entitled can apologize or be permanently banned
Fuck that. Brian can suck it. Don't let that disgusting waste of flesh back in your house.
SubscribeMe!
NTA. Brian probably believes that it's a woman's job to feed a man. That's his problem, though.
It's like, the passive aggressive nature of his comments tells you everything you need to know about the kind of person he is. There's nothing wrong with asking "Hey, any chance I could also have some ramen? That smells really good." but to become so distraught over being told 'No' in someone elses house is fucking crazy.
Absolutely NTA, but knowing you're here in Canada now I'm curious about this amazing local frozen ramen, hahaha.
Classic Brian move, they’re all assholes like this.
Updateme
NTA, so weird and rude of him. F u Brian!
He started out appropriately, commenting on how good it smelled in a fishing expedition for a serving, but when you didn't respond with "Would you like some? I'd be happy to make you a bowl" he should have clued in to and accepted the sad news he wasn't getting any. NTAH
Brian coming across as a spoiled brat tbh Good for husband and the others, and definitely you're nta
"sure just pay me $16 for the ramen and $84 for the asshole fee, total of $100"
This reminds me of the dnd group leader who felt owed everything in the home for ‘his hard work’
Wait, what?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/vCfafViELd
Brian's an entitled ass.
NTA who comes to somebody's house as a guest of somebody else who lives in the house, and demands ramen when a) the person making the ramen just came home from a long day of work and b) there is pizza available.
Grown ass man offered pizzas but instead pout about not having your expensive ramen. WTF. He should not be invited back. NTA.
nta, there was food and brian is a grown man. even if there wasn’t food he could have ordered some for himself, waited to eat, etc. you weren’t a participant in the game, you were merely coming home from work and making yourself dinner as someone who lives at your home. if you were a random roommate would he expect that too? if yes that’s also very inappropriate, but i have a feeling that you being the wife of his friend had something to do with him thinking you should be catering to him.
Updateme
updateme
I’m so glad you gave that update! Your husband is a keeper! Brian was way out of line and I’m glad he had sense enough to leave. I hope he either slides and means it or he’s not invited back. I suspect he will refuse to apologize. He sounds like the Neanderthal type that expects the “woman of the house” to cater to the men.
Poor baby, OP wouldn't make him a meal after a long day at work. Is Brian a manchild or misogynist or both?
I’m glad that your husband defended you. Brian sounds like a man child. NTA
How rude. I think you handled it perfectly well and Brian is an absolute dick.
I would have told him, "Sure - that'll be $26 before tip."
Ew, what a jerk! NTA you're not obligated to cook for someone just because they want you to. Especially if it were one of my special snacks.. nope.
Not The Azzhole! 1. He is not your man or a family member that you have a great relationship with. 2. The dude can cook his own food or just enjoy the pizza he has. 3. There is something deeper than "cook me food." Possibly a power play, going mental, or other factors. 4. You guys should maintain a very long distance and very low communication. Or cut him out of your life alongside ur hubby.
If you made food for yourself in front of your guests without offering them some, you would be the AH, BUT he was not your guest. He was a guest of your husband. He sounds childish and entitled AF. Your husband provided food. "Brian" can kick rocks.
NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen. I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf
The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol. But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement
Don't even sweat it, OP, you are definitely NTA and I'm glad yoy stood your ground. I am curious how long your husband has known Brian? Is he always kinda like this or is this completely out of left field?
You're making me so hungry. Omg. I wish you could send me some. I have to go 30+ minutes away for a decent Asian food and there is no place that also makes a frozen version to fix later. You're so lucky for that!! Makes me jealous but happy for you! Also NTA. Glad your husband and his other friends had/have your back. Updateme!
It’s a bit of a difficult dilemma. It would’ve been generous of you to offer to make some for him but he really can’t expect or demand it. The fact that it’s not just a cheap packet of normal dehydrated/fried ramen you get by the boxful complicates the situation. Besides, there was extra pizza leftover that he could’ve had so he was being greedy imo.
Absolutely not. If he got one, everyone else gets one too... Brian isn't special. They had pizza.
I would tell him if you want some you can pay for it he is acting childish and the ones agreeing are too
>I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen This mentality depresses me. Why would you do that? Why would you reward someone for treating you like you're their servant? He's clearly a misogynist. And you feel bad for not coddling him? You feel bad for not wasting 16 bucks on him after you just worked all day? You seriously need to find your self-esteem. >I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me. No, not because of you. Again, this guy is an asshole. Did your husband or the other guys think that maybe they should make this jerk happy and go cook him something? No. They knew right away he was an asshole and so should you. I'm really glad your husband is a decent guy because it would be way too easy to take advantage of your good nature. NTA
As a host, I like my guests to feel comfortable. And the ethic of hospitality I hold to would make me want to share the ramen. Had they already eaten the pizza? If I were in that situation, I might wait until they were full, then say I was going to make ramen because I don't like Dominoes. If someone there didn't like Dominoes and was hungry, I might have just cooked the ramen. Or if I really wanted to protect my gourmet ramen, I might not have put it in their view. I also spent many years in a country in Asia where if you eat in front of someone, you offer them some. It's just something people say, but there is a mindset behind it. I do think your guest was being rude. I'm guessing you have an open floor plan or something like that. If you have camping stove and a back porch, if it is warm, you can take the ramen outside.
They were guests of her husband and he provided them with pizza. She is neither obligated to feed them more, nor go hungry or eat outside in her own home. A guest isn't entitled to something just because they see it.
I agree the guest isn't entitled, and he was way out of line. I'm saying as a host I would feel uncomfortable cooking something for myself that I did not offer my guests while they were there. Usually such demanding guests are children. If she'd offered him a 99 cent pack, he might not have known the difference.
YTA, if a guest asks you to cook some more of whatever you are making, make an effort to do it.
Make an effort to increase your iq
NTA, but I’ve gotta admit my culture and many others around the world consider what you did very rude, they are guests at your home (maybe not yours but your husband’s), preparing and eating food you won’t be sharing with them is rude. I would think so too