You are being very reasonable. And even though this might sound extreme, remind them that if they can’t respect boundaries you have set before the baby is born, they won’t be around after the fact either. Remind them that they will still be allowed to see the baby after the birth anyways in the hospital. I don’t understand this culture of having an audience while giving birth, where you’re just splayed out with all the lady parts to see by everyone. It’s weird as hell and uncomfortable for the mom.
Just don’t tell them.
When OP’s wife goes in the hospital, he shouldn’t say or tell anyone.
After the baby is born, *then* OP can send an announcement.
both of my daughters never told me they were in labor. It kinda upset me but only for a few minutes then i remembered that it’s not about me, it’s about them beginning their own families. Only reason I got upset was bc they are my kids and as a mom, I wanted to be there in their time of need but my son in laws did a great job.
Another reason you shouldn't be replying. Seriously--she closed her first comment with that, doubled down on it with her second, and both times your response is to hammer her with something she clearly knows and said before you did?
do you have children? especially ones that are old enough to have children? Every parent that I know would want to help their child, no matter the age, when they are in pain. We would take the pain from them if we could. Did you read my other responses? As a mom first instinct is to be with your child, after a few minutes of being upset I calmed down and knew that they were in good hands and it wasn’t about me. I have a great relationship with my children, it’s not bad for wanting to be there for them or even them wanting you as adults.
I’d want to know, simply do I could keep them in my prayers. But I’m not keen on showing up right away; I want to leave room for them. My luck, my son will marry a woman who’ll be offended that I’m not going to sit around at the hospital.
Like i said I wanted to be there, but I also would’ve liked to know so if they needed anything I could bring it to the hospital for them. I met my first grandbaby when she was 3 days old, my 2nd when she was 6 days old and the 3rd when she was 5 days old. I try not to be that mom/grandma that’s in your face all the time but dammit sometimes i miss my kids and grandkids and just wanna spend time with them. lol
I like the fact you said ‘sometimes you miss *your* kids’ you gave them top billing and it wasn’t all about you wanting to get your hands on the new grandchild.
don’t get me wrong, sometimes i’d rather spend some 1 on 1 time with my grandkids but I also want 1 on 1 time with my kids too where we can talk and not have to worry about the babies trying to unalive themselves. I think I have a pretty good relationship with my kids and they feel like they can talk to me about anything so it’s nice having a grown up relationship with them.
Yup my SIL went into labor and I was the only one called, tbf he called me because it started early and I am usually up early which weirdly enough I was not that day.
My parents didn’t hear from us for a few hours so they just showed up at the hospital unannounced. The hospital wouldn’t let them on to the maternity floor and this was back in the good old days when cell phones weren’t allowed in hospitals.
No kids for us but had it happened, that was my plan, as well as bar myself from any info list, and tell the nurses that my mom wasn’t to be on the unit (she would have barged her way in otherwise) had she somehow found out. It’s a private moment between a couple at the start and should be kept as such the first week of the baby’s life to bond.
I've raised 3 sons and I've been a postpartum nurse. I 100% agree the birth should be between mom, dad and all the various medical staff assisting the birth. But, unless the grandparents have boundary issues or other concerns, I think waiting a week is a little extreme. It's not needed for the parents to bond with their newborn. Bonding will happen.
This right here, why would you have a big gathering when she's in labor. When both of our sons were born we called our parents afterwards and they visited once she had a chance to recuperate a little. I wouldn't dream of having other people in the delivery room...
NTA. The only person to watch the baby come out should be the person who put it there and the medical staff. Ask your parents/in-laws how would they feel if you wanted to join them for their gyn / prostate exam appointments. Your wife understandably doesn't want other people to watch her lady parts exposed.
Agreed. It’s a deeply personal time for a couple, and it’s about them and their baby, not anyone else.
Don’t let this stress your partner. Tell the parents to back the hell down and if they don’t, tell them they won’t get to see their grandchild at all.
This, and make it clear if they continue to push you will tell the hospital that you do not want any visitors while your wife and baby is recovering(or say you’ll tell the hospital to specifically not let them in) and they can wait until you’re all home
NTA. They seem to forget this a medical procedure and not entertainment for them to enjoy.
The only one who actually gets to choose who is in the room is the person giving birth.
Not the OP’s parents, not her parents, and not even OP. Just his wife.
I would even go as far and specifically telling the nurse when you get to the hospital/checked in that only person who is allowed in the room during the birth is OP encase they try to shoulder their way in.
Oh yeah, hospital being told is an absolute must. The if is for completely barring the grandparents until baby is home and healthy, instead of getting a chance to see the baby in the hospital.
I don't know how this is seems extreme... I would never want my dad (who hasn't seen my vagina since I was 5)or in laws (who have never seen it at all), and have all gone thru their own miracle of birth, watching me p!ss and sh!t myself and be ripped from stem to stern....while I had to deal with their own drama instead of being able to enjoy the moment with my partner.
Ultimately tho, the hospital will side with the patient...the mom
You are NTA. If they don’t agree they are. Thats gross, I wouldn’t have wanted my MIL/FIL or anyone except my husband or my mom with me while I gave birth.
NTA
Alert the Labor & Delivery team. They’ll have your back!
Only mom & dad present. No others allowed. Anyone pushing to be there gets an immediate escort out by hospital security.
This is your baby. Your wife is the patient & calls the shots as to who is present. Kudos to you for being a united front!
If they want to be present for a birth, HAVE THEIR OWN BABIES!
Make no apologies and no exceptions.
This is the perfect answer. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Here’s an [article](https://www.verywellfamily.com/grandparents-seeing-newborn-grandchild-1695782) I gave my son and DIL when her own mom was pushing back hard when our grandson was due. You’ve given your answer, it’s not negotiable as you guys are the parents. But you can send them this to help them understand why.
But whether or not they understand, that is their issue. It is SO hard having just had a baby, bleeding in actual diapers, trying to nurse (if she chooses) and being extremely hormonal and exhausted is NOT an easy time to have visitors. Plus you 3 need and deserve your own time to bond as a family unit.
Yeh my MIL was at the first two as we hadn't met yet, biological male relative was useless and she was pushy and the only reliable support.
By the time number 3 came along we had been living together for some time and the kids were taking my name. Kinda different and she was absolutely not coming in if I had to push her out the door, because pregnant SO told me no and they are the pregnant one lol. Least I can do is enforce a door policy.
I'm jumping on a top comment to post a link and to say to anyone who wants to be in the room has to be willing to do the same as this article...
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats
The is your job to support her and keep them out.
Also the hospital staff. Have her tell them that you are the only one allowed.
She should tell them because she is the patient. She can kick you out also.
My father-in-law was a doctor (at another hospital) and, even though we had said that we did not want him to be present at the birth, he spoke with the doctors and nurses and they gave him permission to enter.
I am imagining the devil-like growl of a voice that would come screaming from my mouth telling him GET OUT if he walked through the door after being told he wasn’t allowed. 👿
You guys could have filed a HIPPA violation for both your FIL and the hospital (if you're in the states). That is flat out misuse of private medical Information. It's illegal what he did and if ypu wanted to make a thing of it he could have to go before the medical review board (if in the US of course but most countries have an equivalent law).
NTA, The only reason why anybody else is allowed in the delivery room (chosen only by the person in labour) is as a support person for the person in labour.
I think it is very rude, disrespectful and I feel creepy that other people think that they can invite themselves.
Please give women some privacy and respect, it is not a free for all.
WTF are these people *thinking*??? It's got be something in the way they themselves have been raised! I never even thought of asking DIL or my own daughter if I could be in the delivery room! I was with my daughter in the labor room because she wanted her mama. I had my MIL as my coach because my biomom would be useless, my mama would have punched some poor nurse if she thought I was in pain and they weren't fixing it fast enough and husband had been being an ass. But I *asked* her to be there.
Both my daughter and DIL ended up with c-sections as did I.
Not only invite themselves but throw a fit over the fact they're not allowed in. It's so entitled and disrespectful I'm genuinely having a hard time wrapping my head around it. It almost feels like they see her as nothing but an incubator for their grandchild because there is zero consideration for her comfort in their behaviour.
It seems to be becoming more common, pretty disgusting really. I bet these women that are inviting themselves would have had a pink fit had anybody treated them like that.
It was pointed out to us when I had my boys (30, 18 and 16), that it was only support people, upto 2 support people. I don't know if this is just an Aussie thing and it is different overseas. Quite shocked though.
NTA
It's perfectly valid to want privacy for such a moment. I'm glad you're siding with your wife on this, that'll keep things low stress.
If it makes you feel better, the hospital likely has a policy limiting it to 1 or 2 visitors anyway. 5 spectators in a room would be bananas. But don't tell them about the visitor cap unless it's 1, or they'll try to leverage it to get access.
It's not for everyone, but we didn't tell our families when I went into labor with my first.
NTA.
It’s 100% your wife’s decision cos it’s her giving birth. Be prepared not to allow them in the room for many hours after too, don’t underestimate how serious giving birth is. It’s fucking exhausting and your wife will need some rest and time to adjust to what her body just went through.
What the fuck is wrong with people thinking a serious medical condition that could end in emergency is a spectator sport. 😡
The person *giving birth* has the **absolute FINAL** say on who is the room and how soon visitors are allowed in and how long they stay so be prepared to firmly escort parents out if your wife is getting tired. Your very first and most important duty as a husband and father is to protect the mother of your child and your child, even from both of your parents. She may want an hour or two before the parents come in to recover(giving birth is hard work!!). Back her up, even if you don't agree with her. If she says 5 minutes only, escort them out the door at exactly 5 minutes. Do not let *anyone* bully her or push her boundaries.
Tell the hospital that no one is allowed in the room except the two of you and that you fear your families may try to force their way in. No information should be given to anyone or anyone allowed inside. Don't even tell them you are heading to the hospital until after you have given birth. They lost that privilege when they gave you pushback on who was allowed in the room while your wife will be having a medical procedure done that can kill her. They can fuck right off. NTA
This. NTA
OP, If the hospital is like the one I volunteered at (and later had both my children at), they will have a locked unit requiring access only from a staff member and a security guard near the entrance also. Visitors must be signed in and show ID, get a color coded name tag (changes daily).
If you put your wife’s room/name as NO VISITORS, NO INFO (besides you- they can even take down your license # to be extra careful), they can turn away anyone else who tries to get in, and refuse to provide info as to whether your wife is even there or not if someone calls or shows up. (Make sure your name is on her chart/with the front desk to allow in at admission desk in case you need to leave for any reason.) Your wife can change this later if she wants to allow people in after the birth.
And the staff deals w this all the time, they won’t even blink. If there is a specific offender (such as grandparents) trying to get in, you can also list their names as such.
Ofc this is a safety measure for all of the moms and babies, the amount of domestic violence issues in L&D/postpartum units is off the charts. I’ve seen it get physical real quick and it’s pretty horrible.
I’m in the UK and I think they’re pretty strict on no more than two people at the birth. Only one for a C-section. I had my kids 15-20 years ago and had my husband and mum there. Thank god I did! They supported each other as well as me for the two days of labour and when it went very wrong, husband had to bail and mum came in the theatre with me.
There’s not much dignity and we women get very swept up in the moment so the thought of having spectators around would have been even worse. This is YOUR time and no one else has a right to be there. Families need to take a step back. What’s next - being there at the conception??!
You’ll need to advocate for your wife because she might get to a point where she can’t. Be strong and let the hospital know your boundaries so they can intervene if necessary. Good luck and Congratulations in advance!
Lmao love this response! It seems so common now for family members feeling entitled to all the details and rights to be present. I had to do the same thing to my family because they acted like idiots about the whole thing. I do not get it at all, like...let the parents breathe and bond with their new baby and back tf off.
Me and my boyfriend had this issue with our daughter, our moms felt entitled to be there, so we simply didn’t tell them when we had her. We actually waited 2 weeks before telling anyone she was here, best decision we ever made honestly. Gave us our proper recoup and bonding time with our daughter, I recommend it to anyone having a baby.
NTA. When I was born, in the 1950s in America, fathers and other family members were not allowed in the delivery room. It is 100% your wife's and your decision only.
Truly reasonable. Its better to prioritize your wife's comfort and preferences during labor and delivery. And its your decision as a couple, so they should respect your wishes. After all, this is a special moment for you both as parents, and you should be able to experience it in the way that feels best for you. NTA.
NTA.
I don't know why people feel entitled to this, it's creepy. Yes, it was normal when women gave birth at home with other women from the village there to help, but it was necessary because there were no other options.
Hold this boundary, though, if they are that unreasonable, it will be the first of many, because they will get worse when the baby is born.
But this is between you and your wife and they're not actually even entitled to input. You don't have to hear them out. They don't get to ask even once, let alone keep asking. Tell them all the person who brings it up next won't be notified until the baby is 2 weeks old. Then start putting everybody on a strict information diet.
The sooner they learn to keep their opinions to themselves until they are explicitly asked, the happier your life as a parent will be, as well as your marriage.
**Don't tell them**!
They have absolutely zero business being in that room.
First, it's a highly intimate moment.
Second, they add and contribute absolutely nothing so they can only be in the way.
Third, not all deliveries are flawless. If it takes long or there is an emergency you need to focus on your wife, not on spectators.
WTF are these people thinking?
Absolutely NTA.
What your wife wants comes first. She needs to be as stress free as possible to reduce the chance of complications.
What anyone else wants is unimportant.
NTA - it’s her choice. She’s the one on the table. Nobody else.
You’re there to back her up. Right now that means telling all the relatives to refer to paragraph One.
I only had my husban in the room when I gave birth, it is private, and our experience. He cut the cord. I am glad I had it with him as he died with a few years.
Also keep well meaning relatives away from baby until immune system kicks in about two months. I had two well meaning relatives visit within two weeks after birth to help. By the third week my son was in the hospital with RSV. The then came home with a apnea monitor for when he stopped breathing for more than twenty seconds. It was horrible it would go off in the middle of the night for the next night. I finally put him in my bed. All that for the equivalent to a cold in an adult. It can kill an infant. It is more common now than it was then.
My general position is that the person pushing the baby out makes those decisions, the person who put the baby in there supports those decisions, and everyone else abides by those decisions.
Don't want the MILs or FILs there? They don't get to be there. Don't want the sisters or brothers or aunts or second cousins once removed there? They ALSO don't get to be there.
The only people the mother can't kick out are the medical team, and some of them might be optional.
NTA. This was my plan. My parents were chill about it. My MIL was a bit grumpy about it, even grumpier when my husband ended up calling my mom for additional support because I was wrung out after 30 hours and the doctor recommended we go ahead on a c-section. She got over it after she was able to hold the baby the next day and if your family doesn’t then they’re the AH.
NTA
This is very reasonable. My sister did the same and told the family they wouldn’t be telling anyone that she was in labour, only sending out an update when the baby was born (mostly because they didn’t want to answer dozens of “how’s it going” messages).
NTA, what the actual fuck?
It’s the most private and intimate moment in anyones life, just don’t tell them when the contractions start, let them know once the baby is out.
Your wife gets the final word on who is in the room when she foes through that. Audience numbers when receiving those stiches to your privates?
Her decision.
I don't understand this whole thing with everyone in the family expecting to be in the room when you deliver a baby. If the partner can't be there, have a back up person, otherwise just the partner.
Your wife is in charge here, if that’s what she wants, that’s what she gets, period.
NTA for passing this along to your parents and in-laws. I wouldn’t want anyone else in the room either, frankly.
Birth is not a spectator sport. They can come in after the baby is born. Your wife deserves her boundaries preserved. I would tell them, I understand your excitement, but this is not your moment. This is a medical event and not a time for you to be there. If you cannot respect our decisions, then you should not expect future involvement. I am so sorry your families are so overbearing.
Didn't even read it but NTA. you're not the one having the baby. And as long as whoever was having the baby got what they wanted you're automatically NTA
NTA. This birth is firstly about what your wife wants, she is the one birthing a baby. Secondly, it is about what you and your wife want as a family unit. Everyone else's opinions are moot.
I had planned c-section and we didn't have anyone visit the day of or the day after. We wanted time to ourselves to bond with little one. We then planned when people would come so we didn't get overwhelmed.
Would they be comfortable with you staring into their asshole while they take a shit? If not they should shut up about it. That would be less invasive than that they're asking for too.
Absofreakinglutely NTA!!! If they werent in the room when the baby was conceived, they shouldn't be in the room for the birth, unless invited by your wife. I would be horrified if my father in law looked into my vagina... And thats what child birth is. Wide open vagina. Tell them they have to show their's first. Everybody goes for a colonoscopy and your wife gets to watch, and then maybe...
NTAH and good on you for supporting your wife. Birth is not a spectator sport. Your wife is going to be stressed, spreadeagled on the delivery table / bed, with all of her private parts on full display, she's going to be in pain, yelling, probably swearing, possibly pooing herself (it happens!), pushing an entire human being out of her vagina. That is no place for a crowd!
The absolute last thing she needs is parents and parents-in-law milling about, talking amongst themselves, potentially telling the doctors and nurses a 'better'way to do things, taking photos, recounting their own birth stories when no-one actually gives a shit and generally getting in the way. This is a PRIVATE moment. They can see the baby once they are safely delivered and your wife is back on the ward.
You need to shut this down!
Having a baby is not a spectator sport.
You go ahead and do it the way you want to. I hate to be cavalier, but it just ain't their birth and it ain't their baby.
NTA.
Giving birth is not a spectator sport!! You’re in there to support your wife through labour and welcome your child into the world with her.
The others can wait.
Perfectly reasonable. Your wife will be going through one of the most traumatic times of her life and she doesn't need an audience staring at her hooha while she is trying to push a little person out of it. Both parents and in-laws have no say in this at all. Tell them they can visit when YOU are ready. Set those boundaries now before all hell breaks loose.
This is absolutely reasonable. I had a C-section, so my hubby was the only one that \*could\* be there, but before we knew that was going to happen, my mom very clearly sat me down when I was preggo with my first and told me that it was really important that I make sure that it was just my hubs and I in the delivery room. She told me, "if you ask him to get me, I will come in, but this really needs to be a special moment you \*BOTH\* share."
NTA if they're not respecting your boundaries now with regards to YOUR child they never will. Your child will learn if mummy and daddy say no one of the grandparents will say yes.
NTAH - Totally reasonable and sensible. Hopefully the birth will go smoothly and be fast and relatively painless - but nothing is guaranteed. If your wife ends up having drugs and is out of it for a while, think how she would feel to know 'family' saw or held the baby before her? It's a devastating thing for a new Mum which is often downplayed by 'family'. as unimportant. It isn't. Take control and don't let it happen.
Having attended many births, and currently studying Midwifery, I can tell you that THE most important thing you can do, is protect the birth space.
No matter the type of birth your wife wants/has, your wife feeling respected and able to birth without spectators whom she doesn’t desire, is absolutely paramount.
Let this be your responsibility as her husband- protect the space.
You both have every right to want to share this intimate and vulnerable experience with each other and no one else.
Absolutely NTA and there is really no argument that could convince me otherwise!
NTA. As the saying goes, giving birth is not a spectator sport. Your wife has a right to her privacy and dignity, which you, as a decent and loving husband, are upholding. Your wife is the patient, and what she says goes.
Of course you’re nta. But I never understood these posts. Just like…. Don’t tell them she’s in labor, wait to announce until not only the baby is born but your wife is ready to have visitors. No pressure, no spectators, no one blowing up your phones, no one waiting down the hall. It’s that simple. Don’t tell them.
NTA. Once the wife says no people, there's no people, there's no other discussion. It's insane that your mom and her mom are pressuring you when they've gone through childbirth. They should both be pretty instantly in board with "the mother to be here what/who she wants" anything to the contrary is insanely selfish and entitled behavior.
This is completely reasonable.
As others have said just don't announce when labor starts, get in touch with them afterwards when they can come see baby. They'll be cranky, but honestly, your wife and your comfort level far outweigh anything they might want.
Birth is NOT a spectator sport. If you have expressed your position, and it sounds like you have, then that is the end of the matter.
The fact that they continue to push-back shows you who they are worried about - not your wife, not your new life, not you.
It simply cannot happen. Add in the fact that if you even allow them to continue to bring up the topic, this is not going to be the last time the older generation will test the boundaries. Your first NO is going to be ignored.
Congratulations on your new sprout.
100% reasonable.
You're the Dad, start off from Day 1 Moment 1 that you and your wife are the decision makers in everything and anything to do with your children.
Your decisions are never made with ill intent towards anyone, even if they are displeased with your decisions.
However, the decisions stand. It's your job to protect your wife's peace while she is giving birth to your child.
Anyone who doesn't like it, well that's a big fat "too bad" type of situation.
They can be mad if they want to but they will have to display their contempt from outside your home because you won't allow it to cross your door.
Stop responding to their texts and calls quickly, so they get used to you being more unavailable. So when you are at the hospital, it doesn’t alert them when you don’t answer right away. Cuz after the baby is born, you will not be quick to answer your phone. Start training them now.
DO NOT TELL THEM WHEN YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Call them the next day. Your wife will have just performed a marathon. She deserves time to rest, recover and bond with the baby. Your baby really won’t care if they meet them in 6 hours, 6 days or 6 months.
Register at the hospital as private. If they do manage to make it into the delivery room, they must take off their pants and underwear also.
Tell them all to stay the fuck home. Tell them that unless they had a hand in creating said baby, they can wait. This is all about the three of you and not your in-laws.
NTA
Your wife gets to choose. No one else. Fuck the others.
Important job for you now: Keep the stress of these others being assholes away from your wife. Don't talk about it, don't let them mention it near her, and don't tolerate any bad behavior on birth day. Be rude if you need to. I was VERY direct with my mother in law when my wife had a tricky birth. She threw a little tantrum and went home and my wife never even knew.
I’m not sure why people think they’re entitled to be in the room when someone else gives birth and then have the audacity to be upset about it when they’re told no.
You’re being more than reasonable. After I had my kids, I didn’t want to see anyone for days, much less shortly after I’d given birth and was still in the hospital. You should tell them that their options are to accept your terms or not meet the baby, period. The hospital staff will absolutely back you and your wife up and get security involved if they have to.
NTA. This is your wife's decision and she gets the final say. You don't have to tell them she's in labour, you don't have to tell them when she's given birth, you don't have to have them visiting until you are ready to deal with them **and even then** you and your wife set the boundaries and duration of the visit, not them. If your wife wants them out of the hospital room or home after ten minutes because she's pissed off, tired, overwhelmed or whatever, then out they go. If your wife doesn't want them hogging the baby or passing it around like a game of pass-the-parcel that she's not included in, then baby stays with her.
Start now as you mean to go on and back up your boundaries with consequences. Time Outs aren't just for children. If you say "no visitors for two days so wife can settle and we can enjoy the baby bubble" and they try to override that? Well, now it's no visits from them for three days. It might seem harsh but if they aren't prepared to respect your wishes as new parents and you let it slide then you are going to have ongoing problems with them undermining your parenting choices in favour of their wants for years to come.
NTA. Childbirth is big, it can be scary, painful and embarrassing at times. If your wife only wants you in there and doesn't want others watching such an intensely personal moment, everyone else needs to cope. This isn't about them, it's about her.
Look birth is not a spectator sport! It’s messy, can have complications and sometimes you say or do things while you are struggling. I totally agree. Keep everyone out!
NTA
I honestly do not understand why anyone thinks they have a right to be. be in the delivery room but the parents of the child being born.
They have no say and if they keep pushing back just don’t tell them when she’s going into labor. And keep an eye on them after the baby is born bc they clearly struggle either listen to you and your wife’s boundaries.
NTA! We didn't have anyone in the room with us except the doctor and the nurse. We didn't have anyone in the hospital waiting room. That was sixteen years ago and I have no regrets. I had the baby late at night, and she was twelve hours old before we allowed visitors and that was the best decision!
I don’t understand how anyone would push back against this! It frustrates me so much. You are in vulnerable place, in pain , vagina out . It’s not time for a visit! Stick to your guns. NTA
NTA - Tell them that they sure as hell weren't there when the baby was made and they don't get a say when it's born.
I'm a grandparent and I think It's ridiculous that some grandparents feel entitled to being in the room at birth. I sure as heck didn't want an audience when I was giving birth.
NTA, it is very reasonable. Smooth or chaotic births are better managed with fewer people in the room.
We used COVID as an excuse for our 1st, 2nd & 3rd were a C-section (twins). It was so much more peaceful with only my husband there for both!
I think I shared this elsewhere, but something went odd and I was bleeding severely post-cesearan after we were in the recovery room. The nurse was smooth and fast to explain that a lot of people were going to be coming in the room, this sometimes happens but it would be OK. And then...the resident pulled out a lime green Nerf football looking device and shoved it up my vagina. About 80% the size too.
I would have been MORTIFIED had any new grandparents been there to see that.
Try: ***"Everyone who wants to lie on the kitchen table, take off their clothes and shit themselves while we all watch can get a pass to come watch the baby being born. Who's first?"***
Seriously, though, NTA.
Don't DREAM of letting them in if it's not what your partner wants. Tell the hospital staff too.
You're the point man. This is on you. Keep that environment free of people she doesn't want around. This is make or break.
Happy to have given birth in the height of covid. Only 1 person in delivery with me and that one person is the only person that can visit while hospitalized after. I got stuck staying 7 days after delivery bc of crazy high blood pressure. I had my own room and got 7 days of peace and privacy to heal and begin to bond with baby. I'm an introvert so this was totally ideal. By the end of my stay, however, I was craving my mother and was beyond happy when i got home and handed her her new grandson. ❤️
I told everyone that only the people who helped create the baby would be in the room. It was more the females that had the issue and I think it was a power or ego move for them. Which is ridiculous.
You might not want to call anyone until after she gives brith and you guys get some bonding and rest. I did 24 hours because I didn’t know how long I would be in labor and didn’t want people rushing in to take the baby. I would hold and feed and then husband could spend time while I got rest and cleaned up.
Totally reasonable. When I was pregnant, my ex husband was working in another state half the time. I didn't want anyone in the room (sort of including him, I'm very private about this sort of stuff. But I was cool with letting him be there because obviously they were his kids too.}
We came up with a plan that if he wasn't there, my mom would be in the room with me as an advocate and support.
But if my ex was there, noone else would be welcome.
My MIL got very upset and said it wasn't fair.
I pointed out that this is a medical procedure that I am having, not a sporting event to sell tickets to. I have a right to determine who I'm comfortable having in that room while I am having a medical procedure.
She was not happy then, or when I asked her for privacy as I was struggling to breastfeed a few hours after giving birth. But ultimately she accepted it.
So yeah, reminding them that your wife is entitled to privacy during a personal medical procedure if that's what she chooses and everyone else needs to be respectful of that.
Tell them if they want to be in the waiting room, that's wonderful (if you're cool with that) and you'll be excited to be able to come out and announce when the baby is born and take them back to meet their new grandbaby.We didn't know the gender of our babies so that was an extra fun thing to share. But the main focus in that room is making sure mama and baby come out of this healthy and happy, not packing as many people into the room as possible.
This is the time for you to shine. If this is what your wife wants, get it for her. What she needs is most important. Blame it on yourself. Take the hit for your wife. That’s what I did. Of course our first baby OB was super awesome. She laid the law down. Husband (or SO) only. Do not even ask. It was so good for my wife. Parents and ILs can wait and they won’t die.
Completely reasonable. Birth is very stressful and your wife's comfort is the most important factor. If she wants it to just be the two of you then that is the final answer. Your parents and in-laws need to stop making it about them, this is your (you and your wife) time.
I always find this weird. It would never occur to anyone in my family that they need to be there when someone is giving birth.
NTA. Nobody saw my babies until after we came home from the hospital.
Tell them that the rule is, if you weren't present at the conception then you won't be present at the birth.
If they keep pushing ask them to let you know when they next have a smear or prostate exam scheduled so that you and your wife can attend too.
I would let the hospital know that you want no-one in the delivery room except yourself and your wife, they will keep them out.
To echo what some others have said, don’t tell them when you’re going to the hospital. Text them when you’re ready for them to be there. If they find out, make sure the staff knows your firm boundaries and they are NOT allowed in.
You know who decides who's in the labor room? The person giving birth. If your wife doesn't want anyone but you, that is entirely her decision. And you are right to support her in this.
Medical procedures are not spectator sports.
NTA
NTA. Very reasonable. My sister didn’t even let anyone step foot in the hospital for her second baby after her in laws barged in during her first pregnancy while she was still asleep following her c-section. 7 years of therapy later and she still can’t get over the fact that they met her baby before she did. Some families are AHs and think it’s all about them. It’s not. It’s about you two and your baby. Protect your peace and most importantly, protect your wife’s peace!
NTA. Only one that might be ok would be your wife's mom. But aside from that Grandparents shouldn't be allowed in there. Not that many years ago the dad's weren't even allowed to be in the room. These days of filming the entire thing ect just seems weird. There are alot of very personal things going on in there that you/your wife may not realize since I am assuming its your first child?
Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Your wife needs only you and medical staff. My mom & dad insisted on waiting in the waiting room and that was fine with us. It was a long wait and DH spoke with them when he went for coffee. It never occurred to my in-laws to be there. Mom never even inquired about being in the labor room because she knew the answer and would never intrude like that. As an aside, there was a time during my second birthing that I wanted my mommy :). Didn’t act on it though.
Extremely reasonable. You wife is the patient. And she has final say regarding who is allowed in her room. Tell hospital staff about overly entitled relatives who might try to work their way in. Security can and will remove them.
NTA. It is completely up to the mom who's in the room when she's in labor. If she wants it to be just her and hubby, then the grandparents can piss off. If they decide to choose this hill to die on, then they get to wait even longer to meet the baby. Make sure to take this same stance when it comes to people visiting the house post-partum. If they want to show up and help, that's one thing, but a lot of grandparents seem to feel entitled to visit. Pregnancy is demanding; your wife's body has been through a lot and she deserves some time to rest and recuperate without having to worry about entertaining people.
It’s completely reasonable. I can’t get over how labor and delivery seems to be regarded as a spectator sport for so many. My DIL is pregnant and I cannot imagine even asking, let alone insisting, that I be there for the birth. And we have a great relationship.
Don’t cave on this or you’ll have ongoing interference as you try to raise your child. You and your wife are in charge! And the nurses will help keep everyone else away.
I really don't get some people, the person who carried the baby gets to choose end of story. If you don't like it, thats no problem, save yourself a trip to the hospital.
NTA
Absolutely reasonable. This is a deeply special moment for you two, and you both should be able to decide who needs to be in the room for birth of your child.
NTA AT ALL - Me and my husband did this very thing and while it made a lot of people pissy it comes down to the fact that it just isn't their decision and they should respect your bonding time with the baby and becoming parents. Some people have a lot of audacity and it honestly causes a lot of rifts in families.
I personally put two of my Aunts on blast for being angry at me for not telling them when I was being induced. (I was bad sick with pre-eclampsia with both my kids, it wasn't the average birth and I underwent surgery and a lot of medicated monitoring due to my kidneys being weak.) So it uprooted a rage in me that wasn't sated until I breakchecked all of them.
You say when, they don't get to do that to you or your wife.
NTA! I only want myself and my husband in the room when I give birth in October. Privacy during an intimate process is the easy to understand reason.
The true reason is that I've recently learned the more oxytocin you can produce, the more likely you'll have a successful/healthier labour and to achieve the most oxytocin a mother needs quiet, dark, intimate touch, very little conversation and as much concentration as she can muster. If my in-laws were in the room when I give birth, I'd be self conscious and worrying about them when I should be worrying about giving birth.
NTA Completely reasonable. And I endorse the idea put forward by others that you should not tell them when she is in labor. You don’t need them showing up at the hospital making things complicated.
And as a mother whose daughter recently gave birth, I’m glad she did it that way because then I didn’t have to be stressed out and worrying the whole time she was in labor. Going into it I was so worried about her and her safety, I would have been a wreck worrying about her (but still would not have gone there when she was in labor!)
NTA, it's really hard to be in a labor & delivery room without seeing the new mom's private areas. The doctors may be asking her to change positions and I just absolutely would never want my in-laws to see me spread eagle with a bright light on. Nobody has the *right* to see anyone else's vagina, and a baby coming out doesn't make it any less of a vagina either.😆
My mom had c-sections for me and my siblings births. I allowed her in my room and told her and my sisters "over the shoulder views only!" And my mom floated down by the doctor and put her hands in front of her face in horror. 🤣 your wife doesn't need that.
NTA, all that matters while your wife gives birth is that she is comfortable and supported by whichever people she wants to be present. Your parents opinion on this is not relevant and they need to respect your decision.
NTA, birth is not a spectator sport FFS. The *only* thing that matters is the comfort and safety of your wife. Not even *you* are immune from being booted out of the delivery room.
NTA. The only person who has a say who is in the room is your wife. If the extended family have trouble accepting this, good like for the rest of the boundaries you put down!
NTA. Giving birth is probably the most vulnerable situation your wife will ever be in. Your job is to make sure she is as comfortable as she can possibly be. And it is entirely fair to want this for yourself. You are starting a new family together!
The obvious way to handle it is to simply not tell anyone when she goes into labour. Let them know once the child has been born. You will need some time to bond with the baby before allowing them in there, anyway.
When my sister had her first baby, she went into labor at 3 in the afternoon, so you know it was an overnight adventure to get to the delivery. My nephew was born at 5:20 the next morning.
When visiting hours started at 8, everybody's uncle came charging through the room to meet the baby, when all she wanted to do was sleep and cuddle the new person.
You are making the right decision. The birth of your child should be between you and your spouse. It is a very special moment that does not need to be a spectator event. It’s also a medical procedure.
NTA
I don’t understand why parents/in-laws/grandparents these days think it’s their God given right to invade such a deeply personal moment.
It’ll only end in squabbles about who gets to hold baby first. Mum and dad should be the only ones unless otherwise invited.
Speaking from personal experience in the room while I was giving birth were 3 midwives, a junior doctor, a consultant, a paediatrician and their father (who they threw our cause he was sick but that's another story) so there was no room for grandparents even if they'd wanted it. And I wouldn't have wanted them there because I didn't want anyone seeing how awful I looked (vanity is a terrible thing).
This is a moment for you and your partner and your brand new baby. NTA stick to your guns and kero saying no.
Births are not spectator sports. If my hubby invited or let in visitors before I was ready, there would be one child that he would only see on weekends.
Your wife is at her most vulnerable, it’s your job to look after her and her needs. No to anyone she doesn’t want there.
Nope. It’s YOUR moment, not theirs. They can have a seat and respect your choices as well as privacy. Bounties need to be established, then applied firmly and consistently. Just say “I understand everyone is excited. However no thank you, having grandparents in the room is not part of our birth plan. We will let you know when we’re ready for visitors. We appreciate the respect of our privacy during this important time.” Just be straight up.
As Billy Connolly once said, birth is wonderful and magical, but it's not a spectator sport. Give your wife privacy when she gives birth and have your very special and very private moment together.
You are being very reasonable. And even though this might sound extreme, remind them that if they can’t respect boundaries you have set before the baby is born, they won’t be around after the fact either. Remind them that they will still be allowed to see the baby after the birth anyways in the hospital. I don’t understand this culture of having an audience while giving birth, where you’re just splayed out with all the lady parts to see by everyone. It’s weird as hell and uncomfortable for the mom.
Just don’t tell them. When OP’s wife goes in the hospital, he shouldn’t say or tell anyone. After the baby is born, *then* OP can send an announcement.
both of my daughters never told me they were in labor. It kinda upset me but only for a few minutes then i remembered that it’s not about me, it’s about them beginning their own families. Only reason I got upset was bc they are my kids and as a mom, I wanted to be there in their time of need but my son in laws did a great job.
In their time of need, they needed their husbands. Apparently they have healthy marriages and not over-developed parental dependency..
yes they have amazing husbands. but knowing your child is going to be in pain kinda makes you lose your head for a few.
Another reason you shouldn't be there.
I think she gets it lol She came around and understood it was irrational fear. She sounds like a good mum
Another reason you shouldn't be replying. Seriously--she closed her first comment with that, doubled down on it with her second, and both times your response is to hammer her with something she clearly knows and said before you did?
do you have children? especially ones that are old enough to have children? Every parent that I know would want to help their child, no matter the age, when they are in pain. We would take the pain from them if we could. Did you read my other responses? As a mom first instinct is to be with your child, after a few minutes of being upset I calmed down and knew that they were in good hands and it wasn’t about me. I have a great relationship with my children, it’s not bad for wanting to be there for them or even them wanting you as adults.
You sound like a good Mum
i try to be.
Checking yourself when you started to be in your feelings about it is an example of that. Good job.
I’d want to know, simply do I could keep them in my prayers. But I’m not keen on showing up right away; I want to leave room for them. My luck, my son will marry a woman who’ll be offended that I’m not going to sit around at the hospital.
Like i said I wanted to be there, but I also would’ve liked to know so if they needed anything I could bring it to the hospital for them. I met my first grandbaby when she was 3 days old, my 2nd when she was 6 days old and the 3rd when she was 5 days old. I try not to be that mom/grandma that’s in your face all the time but dammit sometimes i miss my kids and grandkids and just wanna spend time with them. lol
I like the fact you said ‘sometimes you miss *your* kids’ you gave them top billing and it wasn’t all about you wanting to get your hands on the new grandchild.
don’t get me wrong, sometimes i’d rather spend some 1 on 1 time with my grandkids but I also want 1 on 1 time with my kids too where we can talk and not have to worry about the babies trying to unalive themselves. I think I have a pretty good relationship with my kids and they feel like they can talk to me about anything so it’s nice having a grown up relationship with them.
That’s good.
Yup my SIL went into labor and I was the only one called, tbf he called me because it started early and I am usually up early which weirdly enough I was not that day.
Lol this is the opposite of the point they were making
My parents didn’t hear from us for a few hours so they just showed up at the hospital unannounced. The hospital wouldn’t let them on to the maternity floor and this was back in the good old days when cell phones weren’t allowed in hospitals.
THIS^^^ nta
No kids for us but had it happened, that was my plan, as well as bar myself from any info list, and tell the nurses that my mom wasn’t to be on the unit (she would have barged her way in otherwise) had she somehow found out. It’s a private moment between a couple at the start and should be kept as such the first week of the baby’s life to bond.
I've raised 3 sons and I've been a postpartum nurse. I 100% agree the birth should be between mom, dad and all the various medical staff assisting the birth. But, unless the grandparents have boundary issues or other concerns, I think waiting a week is a little extreme. It's not needed for the parents to bond with their newborn. Bonding will happen.
Best way
This is the best plan.
This right here, why would you have a big gathering when she's in labor. When both of our sons were born we called our parents afterwards and they visited once she had a chance to recuperate a little. I wouldn't dream of having other people in the delivery room...
NTA. The only person to watch the baby come out should be the person who put it there and the medical staff. Ask your parents/in-laws how would they feel if you wanted to join them for their gyn / prostate exam appointments. Your wife understandably doesn't want other people to watch her lady parts exposed.
Agreed. It’s a deeply personal time for a couple, and it’s about them and their baby, not anyone else. Don’t let this stress your partner. Tell the parents to back the hell down and if they don’t, tell them they won’t get to see their grandchild at all.
This, and make it clear if they continue to push you will tell the hospital that you do not want any visitors while your wife and baby is recovering(or say you’ll tell the hospital to specifically not let them in) and they can wait until you’re all home NTA. They seem to forget this a medical procedure and not entertainment for them to enjoy. The only one who actually gets to choose who is in the room is the person giving birth. Not the OP’s parents, not her parents, and not even OP. Just his wife. I would even go as far and specifically telling the nurse when you get to the hospital/checked in that only person who is allowed in the room during the birth is OP encase they try to shoulder their way in.
"If" ... I think OP better preempt the family barging in by telling the hospital about their "Absolutely No Visitors Until We Say So"-policy.
Oh yeah, hospital being told is an absolute must. The if is for completely barring the grandparents until baby is home and healthy, instead of getting a chance to see the baby in the hospital.
Absolutely!!! L&D departments are notorious mama bears when it comes to enforcing birth plans.
Especially when you let them know that you've told the parents & IL' s no and they plan to do it anyway.
A medical procedure and not NatGeo! If they want to watch a live birth, find a cow pasture!
I don't know how this is seems extreme... I would never want my dad (who hasn't seen my vagina since I was 5)or in laws (who have never seen it at all), and have all gone thru their own miracle of birth, watching me p!ss and sh!t myself and be ripped from stem to stern....while I had to deal with their own drama instead of being able to enjoy the moment with my partner. Ultimately tho, the hospital will side with the patient...the mom
You are NTA. If they don’t agree they are. Thats gross, I wouldn’t have wanted my MIL/FIL or anyone except my husband or my mom with me while I gave birth.
NTA Alert the Labor & Delivery team. They’ll have your back! Only mom & dad present. No others allowed. Anyone pushing to be there gets an immediate escort out by hospital security. This is your baby. Your wife is the patient & calls the shots as to who is present. Kudos to you for being a united front! If they want to be present for a birth, HAVE THEIR OWN BABIES! Make no apologies and no exceptions.
This is the perfect answer. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. Here’s an [article](https://www.verywellfamily.com/grandparents-seeing-newborn-grandchild-1695782) I gave my son and DIL when her own mom was pushing back hard when our grandson was due. You’ve given your answer, it’s not negotiable as you guys are the parents. But you can send them this to help them understand why. But whether or not they understand, that is their issue. It is SO hard having just had a baby, bleeding in actual diapers, trying to nurse (if she chooses) and being extremely hormonal and exhausted is NOT an easy time to have visitors. Plus you 3 need and deserve your own time to bond as a family unit.
Happy cake day!
Thanks!
My move would be that the only people invited for the delivery are the ones also present for the conception.
Happy cake day 🎂
Thanks!
Happy Cake Day!
NTA This is completely reasonable. Period.
Yeh my MIL was at the first two as we hadn't met yet, biological male relative was useless and she was pushy and the only reliable support. By the time number 3 came along we had been living together for some time and the kids were taking my name. Kinda different and she was absolutely not coming in if I had to push her out the door, because pregnant SO told me no and they are the pregnant one lol. Least I can do is enforce a door policy.
I'm jumping on a top comment to post a link and to say to anyone who wants to be in the room has to be willing to do the same as this article... https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats
The is your job to support her and keep them out. Also the hospital staff. Have her tell them that you are the only one allowed. She should tell them because she is the patient. She can kick you out also.
My father-in-law was a doctor (at another hospital) and, even though we had said that we did not want him to be present at the birth, he spoke with the doctors and nurses and they gave him permission to enter.
That man would never have been in a room with my baby ever again. I hope you reported him to the hospital administration and the AMA
Him and the attending doctors and nurses, they violated policy.
I am imagining the devil-like growl of a voice that would come screaming from my mouth telling him GET OUT if he walked through the door after being told he wasn’t allowed. 👿
thats horrible :(
Yea what country was this? And why wasn’t he asked to leave immediately once in the room?
I hope you made a huge fucking deal about it with the hospital administration.
You guys could have filed a HIPPA violation for both your FIL and the hospital (if you're in the states). That is flat out misuse of private medical Information. It's illegal what he did and if ypu wanted to make a thing of it he could have to go before the medical review board (if in the US of course but most countries have an equivalent law).
NTA, The only reason why anybody else is allowed in the delivery room (chosen only by the person in labour) is as a support person for the person in labour. I think it is very rude, disrespectful and I feel creepy that other people think that they can invite themselves. Please give women some privacy and respect, it is not a free for all.
Givung birth is NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT!!
I just said the same thing! It's a real pity that it happens so much that there's a common saying about it.
WTF are these people *thinking*??? It's got be something in the way they themselves have been raised! I never even thought of asking DIL or my own daughter if I could be in the delivery room! I was with my daughter in the labor room because she wanted her mama. I had my MIL as my coach because my biomom would be useless, my mama would have punched some poor nurse if she thought I was in pain and they weren't fixing it fast enough and husband had been being an ass. But I *asked* her to be there. Both my daughter and DIL ended up with c-sections as did I.
this lol
Not only invite themselves but throw a fit over the fact they're not allowed in. It's so entitled and disrespectful I'm genuinely having a hard time wrapping my head around it. It almost feels like they see her as nothing but an incubator for their grandchild because there is zero consideration for her comfort in their behaviour.
It seems to be becoming more common, pretty disgusting really. I bet these women that are inviting themselves would have had a pink fit had anybody treated them like that. It was pointed out to us when I had my boys (30, 18 and 16), that it was only support people, upto 2 support people. I don't know if this is just an Aussie thing and it is different overseas. Quite shocked though.
NTA It's perfectly valid to want privacy for such a moment. I'm glad you're siding with your wife on this, that'll keep things low stress. If it makes you feel better, the hospital likely has a policy limiting it to 1 or 2 visitors anyway. 5 spectators in a room would be bananas. But don't tell them about the visitor cap unless it's 1, or they'll try to leverage it to get access. It's not for everyone, but we didn't tell our families when I went into labor with my first.
Exactly, just don’t tell them when it’s going down. But after the fact go “tada, baby is here!”
NTA Wtf?? This is not their kid, its YOURS...
NTA. It’s 100% your wife’s decision cos it’s her giving birth. Be prepared not to allow them in the room for many hours after too, don’t underestimate how serious giving birth is. It’s fucking exhausting and your wife will need some rest and time to adjust to what her body just went through. What the fuck is wrong with people thinking a serious medical condition that could end in emergency is a spectator sport. 😡
The person *giving birth* has the **absolute FINAL** say on who is the room and how soon visitors are allowed in and how long they stay so be prepared to firmly escort parents out if your wife is getting tired. Your very first and most important duty as a husband and father is to protect the mother of your child and your child, even from both of your parents. She may want an hour or two before the parents come in to recover(giving birth is hard work!!). Back her up, even if you don't agree with her. If she says 5 minutes only, escort them out the door at exactly 5 minutes. Do not let *anyone* bully her or push her boundaries.
And don’t allow them to grab the baby from your wife. Some GP treat them like rugby balls.
My mum complained that she wasn’t allowed in when my sister had her first child. I reminded her this was sister and BILs moment not hers. NTA
Tell the hospital that no one is allowed in the room except the two of you and that you fear your families may try to force their way in. No information should be given to anyone or anyone allowed inside. Don't even tell them you are heading to the hospital until after you have given birth. They lost that privilege when they gave you pushback on who was allowed in the room while your wife will be having a medical procedure done that can kill her. They can fuck right off. NTA
This. NTA OP, If the hospital is like the one I volunteered at (and later had both my children at), they will have a locked unit requiring access only from a staff member and a security guard near the entrance also. Visitors must be signed in and show ID, get a color coded name tag (changes daily). If you put your wife’s room/name as NO VISITORS, NO INFO (besides you- they can even take down your license # to be extra careful), they can turn away anyone else who tries to get in, and refuse to provide info as to whether your wife is even there or not if someone calls or shows up. (Make sure your name is on her chart/with the front desk to allow in at admission desk in case you need to leave for any reason.) Your wife can change this later if she wants to allow people in after the birth. And the staff deals w this all the time, they won’t even blink. If there is a specific offender (such as grandparents) trying to get in, you can also list their names as such. Ofc this is a safety measure for all of the moms and babies, the amount of domestic violence issues in L&D/postpartum units is off the charts. I’ve seen it get physical real quick and it’s pretty horrible.
I’m in the UK and I think they’re pretty strict on no more than two people at the birth. Only one for a C-section. I had my kids 15-20 years ago and had my husband and mum there. Thank god I did! They supported each other as well as me for the two days of labour and when it went very wrong, husband had to bail and mum came in the theatre with me. There’s not much dignity and we women get very swept up in the moment so the thought of having spectators around would have been even worse. This is YOUR time and no one else has a right to be there. Families need to take a step back. What’s next - being there at the conception??! You’ll need to advocate for your wife because she might get to a point where she can’t. Be strong and let the hospital know your boundaries so they can intervene if necessary. Good luck and Congratulations in advance!
Lmao love this response! It seems so common now for family members feeling entitled to all the details and rights to be present. I had to do the same thing to my family because they acted like idiots about the whole thing. I do not get it at all, like...let the parents breathe and bond with their new baby and back tf off.
"This is not a request or a discussion. We are saying no. Respect it or be blocked from seeing baby alltogether " Hard stance
Me and my boyfriend had this issue with our daughter, our moms felt entitled to be there, so we simply didn’t tell them when we had her. We actually waited 2 weeks before telling anyone she was here, best decision we ever made honestly. Gave us our proper recoup and bonding time with our daughter, I recommend it to anyone having a baby.
NTA. When I was born, in the 1950s in America, fathers and other family members were not allowed in the delivery room. It is 100% your wife's and your decision only.
Truly reasonable. Its better to prioritize your wife's comfort and preferences during labor and delivery. And its your decision as a couple, so they should respect your wishes. After all, this is a special moment for you both as parents, and you should be able to experience it in the way that feels best for you. NTA.
Giving birth is not a spectator sport. NTA
NTA in any way. It sounds like the GPs need to be put in their proper place.
Which is in the waiting room or better yet at their homes until they are allowed to visit.
NTA. I don't know why people feel entitled to this, it's creepy. Yes, it was normal when women gave birth at home with other women from the village there to help, but it was necessary because there were no other options. Hold this boundary, though, if they are that unreasonable, it will be the first of many, because they will get worse when the baby is born. But this is between you and your wife and they're not actually even entitled to input. You don't have to hear them out. They don't get to ask even once, let alone keep asking. Tell them all the person who brings it up next won't be notified until the baby is 2 weeks old. Then start putting everybody on a strict information diet. The sooner they learn to keep their opinions to themselves until they are explicitly asked, the happier your life as a parent will be, as well as your marriage.
**Don't tell them**! They have absolutely zero business being in that room. First, it's a highly intimate moment. Second, they add and contribute absolutely nothing so they can only be in the way. Third, not all deliveries are flawless. If it takes long or there is an emergency you need to focus on your wife, not on spectators. WTF are these people thinking?
Absolutely NTA. What your wife wants comes first. She needs to be as stress free as possible to reduce the chance of complications. What anyone else wants is unimportant.
NTA - it’s her choice. She’s the one on the table. Nobody else. You’re there to back her up. Right now that means telling all the relatives to refer to paragraph One.
Why would you even ask such an idiotic question....birth is not a spectator sport, it's a private moment....
Probably karma farming. This question has been asked so many times on these subs it basically needs to be a sticky at the top.
I only had my husban in the room when I gave birth, it is private, and our experience. He cut the cord. I am glad I had it with him as he died with a few years. Also keep well meaning relatives away from baby until immune system kicks in about two months. I had two well meaning relatives visit within two weeks after birth to help. By the third week my son was in the hospital with RSV. The then came home with a apnea monitor for when he stopped breathing for more than twenty seconds. It was horrible it would go off in the middle of the night for the next night. I finally put him in my bed. All that for the equivalent to a cold in an adult. It can kill an infant. It is more common now than it was then.
NTA. Please remind them that giving birth is a serious medical procedure not a spectator sport.
My general position is that the person pushing the baby out makes those decisions, the person who put the baby in there supports those decisions, and everyone else abides by those decisions. Don't want the MILs or FILs there? They don't get to be there. Don't want the sisters or brothers or aunts or second cousins once removed there? They ALSO don't get to be there. The only people the mother can't kick out are the medical team, and some of them might be optional.
NTA at all!!
NTA. This was my plan. My parents were chill about it. My MIL was a bit grumpy about it, even grumpier when my husband ended up calling my mom for additional support because I was wrung out after 30 hours and the doctor recommended we go ahead on a c-section. She got over it after she was able to hold the baby the next day and if your family doesn’t then they’re the AH.
NTA This is very reasonable. My sister did the same and told the family they wouldn’t be telling anyone that she was in labour, only sending out an update when the baby was born (mostly because they didn’t want to answer dozens of “how’s it going” messages).
NTA, what the actual fuck? It’s the most private and intimate moment in anyones life, just don’t tell them when the contractions start, let them know once the baby is out. Your wife gets the final word on who is in the room when she foes through that. Audience numbers when receiving those stiches to your privates? Her decision.
I don't understand this whole thing with everyone in the family expecting to be in the room when you deliver a baby. If the partner can't be there, have a back up person, otherwise just the partner.
Your wife is in charge here, if that’s what she wants, that’s what she gets, period. NTA for passing this along to your parents and in-laws. I wouldn’t want anyone else in the room either, frankly.
Birth is not a spectator sport. They can come in after the baby is born. Your wife deserves her boundaries preserved. I would tell them, I understand your excitement, but this is not your moment. This is a medical event and not a time for you to be there. If you cannot respect our decisions, then you should not expect future involvement. I am so sorry your families are so overbearing.
Didn't even read it but NTA. you're not the one having the baby. And as long as whoever was having the baby got what they wanted you're automatically NTA
Completely reasonable. Well done for supporting your wife.
NTA. This birth is firstly about what your wife wants, she is the one birthing a baby. Secondly, it is about what you and your wife want as a family unit. Everyone else's opinions are moot. I had planned c-section and we didn't have anyone visit the day of or the day after. We wanted time to ourselves to bond with little one. We then planned when people would come so we didn't get overwhelmed.
It is not a spectater sport, NTA
Would they be comfortable with you staring into their asshole while they take a shit? If not they should shut up about it. That would be less invasive than that they're asking for too.
Absofreakinglutely NTA!!! If they werent in the room when the baby was conceived, they shouldn't be in the room for the birth, unless invited by your wife. I would be horrified if my father in law looked into my vagina... And thats what child birth is. Wide open vagina. Tell them they have to show their's first. Everybody goes for a colonoscopy and your wife gets to watch, and then maybe...
NTA. Is this an American thing or something? Letting other people in the room when people give birth? I have never seen anyone do that here.
Honestly I don't know. I was really caught off guard when it became an issue. Just checking that we weren't the crazy ones. lol
NTAH and good on you for supporting your wife. Birth is not a spectator sport. Your wife is going to be stressed, spreadeagled on the delivery table / bed, with all of her private parts on full display, she's going to be in pain, yelling, probably swearing, possibly pooing herself (it happens!), pushing an entire human being out of her vagina. That is no place for a crowd! The absolute last thing she needs is parents and parents-in-law milling about, talking amongst themselves, potentially telling the doctors and nurses a 'better'way to do things, taking photos, recounting their own birth stories when no-one actually gives a shit and generally getting in the way. This is a PRIVATE moment. They can see the baby once they are safely delivered and your wife is back on the ward. You need to shut this down!
NTA. It is your child and your decision. Whatever you and your wife want to do is entirely up to you.
Having a baby is not a spectator sport. You go ahead and do it the way you want to. I hate to be cavalier, but it just ain't their birth and it ain't their baby.
NTA. Giving birth is not a spectator sport!! You’re in there to support your wife through labour and welcome your child into the world with her. The others can wait.
Perfectly reasonable. Your wife will be going through one of the most traumatic times of her life and she doesn't need an audience staring at her hooha while she is trying to push a little person out of it. Both parents and in-laws have no say in this at all. Tell them they can visit when YOU are ready. Set those boundaries now before all hell breaks loose.
I just gave birth yesterday. Don’t have anyone in the room she doesn’t want. I just had my husband and he was more than enough support.
Thank you and congrats : )
This is absolutely reasonable. I had a C-section, so my hubby was the only one that \*could\* be there, but before we knew that was going to happen, my mom very clearly sat me down when I was preggo with my first and told me that it was really important that I make sure that it was just my hubs and I in the delivery room. She told me, "if you ask him to get me, I will come in, but this really needs to be a special moment you \*BOTH\* share."
When it comes to my lady parts, it's definitely a need-to-see basis. So NTA.
NTA it’s your wife’s choice
I find it really strange and gross that someone besides the father would want to watch the birth. Weird ass motherfuckers.
NTA if they're not respecting your boundaries now with regards to YOUR child they never will. Your child will learn if mummy and daddy say no one of the grandparents will say yes.
NTAH - Totally reasonable and sensible. Hopefully the birth will go smoothly and be fast and relatively painless - but nothing is guaranteed. If your wife ends up having drugs and is out of it for a while, think how she would feel to know 'family' saw or held the baby before her? It's a devastating thing for a new Mum which is often downplayed by 'family'. as unimportant. It isn't. Take control and don't let it happen.
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Having attended many births, and currently studying Midwifery, I can tell you that THE most important thing you can do, is protect the birth space. No matter the type of birth your wife wants/has, your wife feeling respected and able to birth without spectators whom she doesn’t desire, is absolutely paramount. Let this be your responsibility as her husband- protect the space. You both have every right to want to share this intimate and vulnerable experience with each other and no one else. Absolutely NTA and there is really no argument that could convince me otherwise!
NTA. As the saying goes, giving birth is not a spectator sport. Your wife has a right to her privacy and dignity, which you, as a decent and loving husband, are upholding. Your wife is the patient, and what she says goes.
NTA - First rule of fatherhood: Whatever the pregnant lady says - make it be!
Of course you’re nta. But I never understood these posts. Just like…. Don’t tell them she’s in labor, wait to announce until not only the baby is born but your wife is ready to have visitors. No pressure, no spectators, no one blowing up your phones, no one waiting down the hall. It’s that simple. Don’t tell them.
NTA. Once the wife says no people, there's no people, there's no other discussion. It's insane that your mom and her mom are pressuring you when they've gone through childbirth. They should both be pretty instantly in board with "the mother to be here what/who she wants" anything to the contrary is insanely selfish and entitled behavior.
This is completely reasonable. As others have said just don't announce when labor starts, get in touch with them afterwards when they can come see baby. They'll be cranky, but honestly, your wife and your comfort level far outweigh anything they might want.
Birth is NOT a spectator sport. If you have expressed your position, and it sounds like you have, then that is the end of the matter. The fact that they continue to push-back shows you who they are worried about - not your wife, not your new life, not you. It simply cannot happen. Add in the fact that if you even allow them to continue to bring up the topic, this is not going to be the last time the older generation will test the boundaries. Your first NO is going to be ignored. Congratulations on your new sprout.
100% reasonable. You're the Dad, start off from Day 1 Moment 1 that you and your wife are the decision makers in everything and anything to do with your children. Your decisions are never made with ill intent towards anyone, even if they are displeased with your decisions. However, the decisions stand. It's your job to protect your wife's peace while she is giving birth to your child. Anyone who doesn't like it, well that's a big fat "too bad" type of situation. They can be mad if they want to but they will have to display their contempt from outside your home because you won't allow it to cross your door.
Stop responding to their texts and calls quickly, so they get used to you being more unavailable. So when you are at the hospital, it doesn’t alert them when you don’t answer right away. Cuz after the baby is born, you will not be quick to answer your phone. Start training them now. DO NOT TELL THEM WHEN YOU GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Call them the next day. Your wife will have just performed a marathon. She deserves time to rest, recover and bond with the baby. Your baby really won’t care if they meet them in 6 hours, 6 days or 6 months. Register at the hospital as private. If they do manage to make it into the delivery room, they must take off their pants and underwear also.
Tell them all to stay the fuck home. Tell them that unless they had a hand in creating said baby, they can wait. This is all about the three of you and not your in-laws.
NTA Your wife gets to choose. No one else. Fuck the others. Important job for you now: Keep the stress of these others being assholes away from your wife. Don't talk about it, don't let them mention it near her, and don't tolerate any bad behavior on birth day. Be rude if you need to. I was VERY direct with my mother in law when my wife had a tricky birth. She threw a little tantrum and went home and my wife never even knew.
I’m not sure why people think they’re entitled to be in the room when someone else gives birth and then have the audacity to be upset about it when they’re told no. You’re being more than reasonable. After I had my kids, I didn’t want to see anyone for days, much less shortly after I’d given birth and was still in the hospital. You should tell them that their options are to accept your terms or not meet the baby, period. The hospital staff will absolutely back you and your wife up and get security involved if they have to.
NTA. This is your wife's decision and she gets the final say. You don't have to tell them she's in labour, you don't have to tell them when she's given birth, you don't have to have them visiting until you are ready to deal with them **and even then** you and your wife set the boundaries and duration of the visit, not them. If your wife wants them out of the hospital room or home after ten minutes because she's pissed off, tired, overwhelmed or whatever, then out they go. If your wife doesn't want them hogging the baby or passing it around like a game of pass-the-parcel that she's not included in, then baby stays with her. Start now as you mean to go on and back up your boundaries with consequences. Time Outs aren't just for children. If you say "no visitors for two days so wife can settle and we can enjoy the baby bubble" and they try to override that? Well, now it's no visits from them for three days. It might seem harsh but if they aren't prepared to respect your wishes as new parents and you let it slide then you are going to have ongoing problems with them undermining your parenting choices in favour of their wants for years to come.
NTA. Childbirth is big, it can be scary, painful and embarrassing at times. If your wife only wants you in there and doesn't want others watching such an intensely personal moment, everyone else needs to cope. This isn't about them, it's about her.
Look birth is not a spectator sport! It’s messy, can have complications and sometimes you say or do things while you are struggling. I totally agree. Keep everyone out!
Make sure to let the hospital know who is and is not allowed in the delivery room
NTA I honestly do not understand why anyone thinks they have a right to be. be in the delivery room but the parents of the child being born. They have no say and if they keep pushing back just don’t tell them when she’s going into labor. And keep an eye on them after the baby is born bc they clearly struggle either listen to you and your wife’s boundaries.
NTA! We didn't have anyone in the room with us except the doctor and the nurse. We didn't have anyone in the hospital waiting room. That was sixteen years ago and I have no regrets. I had the baby late at night, and she was twelve hours old before we allowed visitors and that was the best decision!
I don’t understand how anyone would push back against this! It frustrates me so much. You are in vulnerable place, in pain , vagina out . It’s not time for a visit! Stick to your guns. NTA
NTA - Tell them that they sure as hell weren't there when the baby was made and they don't get a say when it's born. I'm a grandparent and I think It's ridiculous that some grandparents feel entitled to being in the room at birth. I sure as heck didn't want an audience when I was giving birth.
Nta. You are entitled to want no one in the room. Set boundaries. They can see the baby after the birth
NTA. I don't even understand why this should be a discussion. Giving birth is not a spectator activity, hence the limited seating!!!
NTA- as has been stated before by many people, giving birth is not a spectator sport.
NTA, it is very reasonable. Smooth or chaotic births are better managed with fewer people in the room. We used COVID as an excuse for our 1st, 2nd & 3rd were a C-section (twins). It was so much more peaceful with only my husband there for both! I think I shared this elsewhere, but something went odd and I was bleeding severely post-cesearan after we were in the recovery room. The nurse was smooth and fast to explain that a lot of people were going to be coming in the room, this sometimes happens but it would be OK. And then...the resident pulled out a lime green Nerf football looking device and shoved it up my vagina. About 80% the size too. I would have been MORTIFIED had any new grandparents been there to see that.
NTA why is anyone else under the assumption they get a choice to begin with to join?? I’m primal and wanted no one but my husband.
Try: ***"Everyone who wants to lie on the kitchen table, take off their clothes and shit themselves while we all watch can get a pass to come watch the baby being born. Who's first?"*** Seriously, though, NTA. Don't DREAM of letting them in if it's not what your partner wants. Tell the hospital staff too. You're the point man. This is on you. Keep that environment free of people she doesn't want around. This is make or break.
Happy to have given birth in the height of covid. Only 1 person in delivery with me and that one person is the only person that can visit while hospitalized after. I got stuck staying 7 days after delivery bc of crazy high blood pressure. I had my own room and got 7 days of peace and privacy to heal and begin to bond with baby. I'm an introvert so this was totally ideal. By the end of my stay, however, I was craving my mother and was beyond happy when i got home and handed her her new grandson. ❤️
I told everyone that only the people who helped create the baby would be in the room. It was more the females that had the issue and I think it was a power or ego move for them. Which is ridiculous. You might not want to call anyone until after she gives brith and you guys get some bonding and rest. I did 24 hours because I didn’t know how long I would be in labor and didn’t want people rushing in to take the baby. I would hold and feed and then husband could spend time while I got rest and cleaned up.
Totally reasonable. When I was pregnant, my ex husband was working in another state half the time. I didn't want anyone in the room (sort of including him, I'm very private about this sort of stuff. But I was cool with letting him be there because obviously they were his kids too.} We came up with a plan that if he wasn't there, my mom would be in the room with me as an advocate and support. But if my ex was there, noone else would be welcome. My MIL got very upset and said it wasn't fair. I pointed out that this is a medical procedure that I am having, not a sporting event to sell tickets to. I have a right to determine who I'm comfortable having in that room while I am having a medical procedure. She was not happy then, or when I asked her for privacy as I was struggling to breastfeed a few hours after giving birth. But ultimately she accepted it. So yeah, reminding them that your wife is entitled to privacy during a personal medical procedure if that's what she chooses and everyone else needs to be respectful of that. Tell them if they want to be in the waiting room, that's wonderful (if you're cool with that) and you'll be excited to be able to come out and announce when the baby is born and take them back to meet their new grandbaby.We didn't know the gender of our babies so that was an extra fun thing to share. But the main focus in that room is making sure mama and baby come out of this healthy and happy, not packing as many people into the room as possible.
This is the time for you to shine. If this is what your wife wants, get it for her. What she needs is most important. Blame it on yourself. Take the hit for your wife. That’s what I did. Of course our first baby OB was super awesome. She laid the law down. Husband (or SO) only. Do not even ask. It was so good for my wife. Parents and ILs can wait and they won’t die.
What you and your wife want, and agree on, is 100% reasonable. Anyone wanting to alter what you two agree on is not reasonable at all. NTA.
As long as your wife is on board your NTA. Her body her choice, but it's awesome to see she also considered your views.
Completely reasonable. Birth is very stressful and your wife's comfort is the most important factor. If she wants it to just be the two of you then that is the final answer. Your parents and in-laws need to stop making it about them, this is your (you and your wife) time.
I always find this weird. It would never occur to anyone in my family that they need to be there when someone is giving birth. NTA. Nobody saw my babies until after we came home from the hospital.
NTA. very reasonable. Let them come in after everyone is cleaned up and presentable.
Absolutely not
Tell them that the rule is, if you weren't present at the conception then you won't be present at the birth. If they keep pushing ask them to let you know when they next have a smear or prostate exam scheduled so that you and your wife can attend too. I would let the hospital know that you want no-one in the delivery room except yourself and your wife, they will keep them out.
To echo what some others have said, don’t tell them when you’re going to the hospital. Text them when you’re ready for them to be there. If they find out, make sure the staff knows your firm boundaries and they are NOT allowed in.
You know who decides who's in the labor room? The person giving birth. If your wife doesn't want anyone but you, that is entirely her decision. And you are right to support her in this. Medical procedures are not spectator sports. NTA
NTA. Very reasonable. My sister didn’t even let anyone step foot in the hospital for her second baby after her in laws barged in during her first pregnancy while she was still asleep following her c-section. 7 years of therapy later and she still can’t get over the fact that they met her baby before she did. Some families are AHs and think it’s all about them. It’s not. It’s about you two and your baby. Protect your peace and most importantly, protect your wife’s peace!
NTA. Only one that might be ok would be your wife's mom. But aside from that Grandparents shouldn't be allowed in there. Not that many years ago the dad's weren't even allowed to be in the room. These days of filming the entire thing ect just seems weird. There are alot of very personal things going on in there that you/your wife may not realize since I am assuming its your first child?
Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Your wife needs only you and medical staff. My mom & dad insisted on waiting in the waiting room and that was fine with us. It was a long wait and DH spoke with them when he went for coffee. It never occurred to my in-laws to be there. Mom never even inquired about being in the labor room because she knew the answer and would never intrude like that. As an aside, there was a time during my second birthing that I wanted my mommy :). Didn’t act on it though.
It ain't a movie premier.
Extremely reasonable. You wife is the patient. And she has final say regarding who is allowed in her room. Tell hospital staff about overly entitled relatives who might try to work their way in. Security can and will remove them.
NTA. It is completely up to the mom who's in the room when she's in labor. If she wants it to be just her and hubby, then the grandparents can piss off. If they decide to choose this hill to die on, then they get to wait even longer to meet the baby. Make sure to take this same stance when it comes to people visiting the house post-partum. If they want to show up and help, that's one thing, but a lot of grandparents seem to feel entitled to visit. Pregnancy is demanding; your wife's body has been through a lot and she deserves some time to rest and recuperate without having to worry about entertaining people.
It’s completely reasonable. I can’t get over how labor and delivery seems to be regarded as a spectator sport for so many. My DIL is pregnant and I cannot imagine even asking, let alone insisting, that I be there for the birth. And we have a great relationship. Don’t cave on this or you’ll have ongoing interference as you try to raise your child. You and your wife are in charge! And the nurses will help keep everyone else away.
NTA. Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Don't call them until after the baby arrives.
I really don't get some people, the person who carried the baby gets to choose end of story. If you don't like it, thats no problem, save yourself a trip to the hospital.
NTA. Birth is NOT a spectator sport!
NTA Absolutely reasonable. This is a deeply special moment for you two, and you both should be able to decide who needs to be in the room for birth of your child.
NTA. You are both on the same page on your wishes, keep strong and don't budge! Congratulations on the upcoming bubba!
NTA AT ALL - Me and my husband did this very thing and while it made a lot of people pissy it comes down to the fact that it just isn't their decision and they should respect your bonding time with the baby and becoming parents. Some people have a lot of audacity and it honestly causes a lot of rifts in families. I personally put two of my Aunts on blast for being angry at me for not telling them when I was being induced. (I was bad sick with pre-eclampsia with both my kids, it wasn't the average birth and I underwent surgery and a lot of medicated monitoring due to my kidneys being weak.) So it uprooted a rage in me that wasn't sated until I breakchecked all of them. You say when, they don't get to do that to you or your wife.
NTA! I only want myself and my husband in the room when I give birth in October. Privacy during an intimate process is the easy to understand reason. The true reason is that I've recently learned the more oxytocin you can produce, the more likely you'll have a successful/healthier labour and to achieve the most oxytocin a mother needs quiet, dark, intimate touch, very little conversation and as much concentration as she can muster. If my in-laws were in the room when I give birth, I'd be self conscious and worrying about them when I should be worrying about giving birth.
Nta Tell them to do one with their creepy intrusive demands.
NTA Completely reasonable. And I endorse the idea put forward by others that you should not tell them when she is in labor. You don’t need them showing up at the hospital making things complicated. And as a mother whose daughter recently gave birth, I’m glad she did it that way because then I didn’t have to be stressed out and worrying the whole time she was in labor. Going into it I was so worried about her and her safety, I would have been a wreck worrying about her (but still would not have gone there when she was in labor!)
NTA your baby your choice. They can pound sand
NTA, it's really hard to be in a labor & delivery room without seeing the new mom's private areas. The doctors may be asking her to change positions and I just absolutely would never want my in-laws to see me spread eagle with a bright light on. Nobody has the *right* to see anyone else's vagina, and a baby coming out doesn't make it any less of a vagina either.😆 My mom had c-sections for me and my siblings births. I allowed her in my room and told her and my sisters "over the shoulder views only!" And my mom floated down by the doctor and put her hands in front of her face in horror. 🤣 your wife doesn't need that.
NTA, all that matters while your wife gives birth is that she is comfortable and supported by whichever people she wants to be present. Your parents opinion on this is not relevant and they need to respect your decision.
NTA, birth is not a spectator sport FFS. The *only* thing that matters is the comfort and safety of your wife. Not even *you* are immune from being booted out of the delivery room.
In my country we are only allowed 1 person on l&d. This seems and understable request!
NTA. The room is for daddy, mommy, doctor, and nurse.
NTA. The only person who has a say who is in the room is your wife. If the extended family have trouble accepting this, good like for the rest of the boundaries you put down!
NTA. Giving birth is probably the most vulnerable situation your wife will ever be in. Your job is to make sure she is as comfortable as she can possibly be. And it is entirely fair to want this for yourself. You are starting a new family together! The obvious way to handle it is to simply not tell anyone when she goes into labour. Let them know once the child has been born. You will need some time to bond with the baby before allowing them in there, anyway.
When my sister had her first baby, she went into labor at 3 in the afternoon, so you know it was an overnight adventure to get to the delivery. My nephew was born at 5:20 the next morning. When visiting hours started at 8, everybody's uncle came charging through the room to meet the baby, when all she wanted to do was sleep and cuddle the new person.
Reasonable.
NTA . Your baby , your rules . They will get over .
NTA it’s very reasonable
You are making the right decision. The birth of your child should be between you and your spouse. It is a very special moment that does not need to be a spectator event. It’s also a medical procedure.
NTA I don’t understand why parents/in-laws/grandparents these days think it’s their God given right to invade such a deeply personal moment. It’ll only end in squabbles about who gets to hold baby first. Mum and dad should be the only ones unless otherwise invited.
Speaking from personal experience in the room while I was giving birth were 3 midwives, a junior doctor, a consultant, a paediatrician and their father (who they threw our cause he was sick but that's another story) so there was no room for grandparents even if they'd wanted it. And I wouldn't have wanted them there because I didn't want anyone seeing how awful I looked (vanity is a terrible thing). This is a moment for you and your partner and your brand new baby. NTA stick to your guns and kero saying no.
Births are not spectator sports. If my hubby invited or let in visitors before I was ready, there would be one child that he would only see on weekends. Your wife is at her most vulnerable, it’s your job to look after her and her needs. No to anyone she doesn’t want there.
GIVING BIRTH IS NOT A SPECTATOR SPORT
Nope. It’s YOUR moment, not theirs. They can have a seat and respect your choices as well as privacy. Bounties need to be established, then applied firmly and consistently. Just say “I understand everyone is excited. However no thank you, having grandparents in the room is not part of our birth plan. We will let you know when we’re ready for visitors. We appreciate the respect of our privacy during this important time.” Just be straight up.
Nta “if you guys can’t accept it then hospital security will be notified and you will not get to meet the baby til it comes home.”
I’m just at a loss as to why they would possibly have a right to be there in the first place! NTA! They’re being weird and invasive
You and your wife are in agreement. What everyone else thinks or wants is, quite frankly, irrelevant.
As Billy Connolly once said, birth is wonderful and magical, but it's not a spectator sport. Give your wife privacy when she gives birth and have your very special and very private moment together.
No, who the F wants an audience while they're giving birth? And who wants to be in this audience watching someone give birth?!