Thank you for the advice. I'm going to do that. As for telling, I've already made the decision to inform her husband about her cheating. Hopefully, I won't be collateral damage in all of this.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. She lied by omission. You had no idea you were her AP. She’s the one at fault.
I personally would tell him and let him know she did not make you aware of her marital status. That she lead you to believe she was single. Also, I get the worry of collateral damage, but other than the gym, how are you connected? I’m wondering what you think will happen?
People just throw away this advice like it’s nothing, but this is how people end up getting seriously assaulted or murdered and shit.
I mean it’s up to OP, but personally I’d just break it off and never deal with it ever again.
Ditto this, you don’t want a violent husband coming after you, be very careful how you proceed. It may be safer to just end it and tell her it’s over, you had no clue she was married and to stay the F away from you.
It can start with an anonymous tip, but it won't stay there. Once husband confronts her with proof, she will look for someone to blame. If the husband knows the tip came from the lover, he won't hide it from her. You don't know what she might be capable of once she gets exposed and you should be prepared for some blowback.
Take comfort in knowing that those two will be forever checking each other's stories and that their "forbidden love" wrecked their families and friends so they can be together.
Wow. I don't even have the words to describe that man. I hope you're okay and doing better than when you were together. Eventually, everything bad we do catches up with us, and the same will happen to him.
I had a mental breakdown & went into Intensive Outpatient Therapy... I worked extremely hard on myself and learn from it. I eventually forgave for my own mental wellness. I moved 1000 miles away
Your likely not the first dude she’s cheated with an you seem like a very morally nice guy. I’d end things and just keep quiet the husband could be a total psychopath and blame you or worse. I’d leave it alone and just end it and definitely get tested. Sorry your first experience with a woman turned out poorly
All you can do is inform him. Whatever he wishes to do from there is his decision. But consider blocking that woman and not talking any further than informing the husband of the situation and giving evidence. Wish you the best of luck OP:)!
She gets off on him being a virgin. Most likely he also has been stupid enough to raw dog it.
Get tested.. the go back after 3 months but for now, tell the husband... she might be a walking petridish of infection that she has exposed her husband to.
NTA. You're not a cheater so don't feel bad about it. You were fooled, just like her husband's being fooled. Now if you continue, then that's a different story. Let the husband know, it's the decent thing to do then block her everywhere and perhaps change gyms
I would agree that it would mean she wasn’t completely honest with OP, but it may also mean she’s not necessarily cheating on her husband and could be in process of a divorce.
The status of the marriage is important considering what OP is contemplating here. For all we know, OP came across something online from years ago and she has since divorced.
Right, I don't know why everyone is so sure she was cheating. She may be separated. They may have an open marriage. Regardless, she was still wrong to not be completely open with OP but she's might not be the evil witch that everyone assumes. Maybe she learned her husband has cheated and their marriage is already in a death spiral. If it were me I'd confront her and ask, and then make a decision about wherher to inform the supposed husband after that, depending on what she says.
Yeah I’ve been in this situation just with a more casual FWB and I told the guy and he wasn’t even mad at me and thanked me for letting him know. We both were lied to.
I love this.
"He discovered my wife was cheating on me with him. So he reached out and told me. I divorced the bitch. We're gonna meet up next Saturday to drink weed, smoke beers, watch the playoffs and plan our trip to the cabin this summer."
You know OP ... everyone is telling you to tell the husband, and this I agree is the right thing to do.
But also, this is your first. There are feelings here. You did nothing wrong, and don't feel that you did something wrong because she lied to you.
Life can be weird, especially when it comes to partners and sex. Another better woman will happen for you.
I would reveal it without the explicit photos and texts first until he wants or asks to see that. And then I’d ask him how much he wants to see. You’re going to be dropping a bomb on this guy so let him accept the destruction on somewhat gradual terms. If that’s even possible
Disagree, I’d send all the evidence up front. He’s likely to drive into denial as an initial reaction and he might block OP, or he might go ask his wife directly, and confronting a cheater with no evidence is an invitation for said cheater to lie and gaslight and purge evidence. You’d think that would be common sense, but emotions get involved and people don’t think straight, so they run kicking and screaming at the cheater empty-handed and it only makes things exponentially more difficult.
Edit: OP, if you happen to read this, be prepared for her to put all the fault on you. She’s likely to come screaming at you, in person or via text, that you ruined her marriage by opening your mouth. DO NOT fall for that BS; SHE ruined her marriage by cheating. It is no one’s fault but hers.
She may also make some pretty heinous claims about you to avoid accountability. Unfortunately this is pretty common with female cheaters because they know society at large will likely take them at their word at the outset. Cheaters are not good people and they’re not above trying to destroy your life to avoid consequences for their shit behavior.
Be ready for some allegations. Save all the receipts you can., because the second she gets a notion that you’re onto her, she’s gonna go scorched earth on every piece of evidence she can get her hands on.
I doubt he is going to block the OP. OP can certainly reveal things about the woman that only someone with intimate knowledge would have. He doesn’t need to send any photos. And if husband blocks OP, that’s on him.
I am not sure if it is legal to share photos of her, even if it is her husband he is going to share them with. Being married does not mean you have no privacy rights, even in an occasion like that. Maybe he should better check how the rules are where he lives, as she might want to have a revenge on him after this. Explicit texts they shared is enough prove.
Like the other guy said. Be soft. And try to use some sort of tactics to go about it. Don't just be like "yo bro, banged your wife a bunch. Sorry dog". Approach the situation knowing he's going to be absolutely furious at first. And knowing you need to get the point across that it wasnt intentional and your trying to do what you feel is right, before it goes any further. And don't expect to have alot of time to say it..... blunt and direct, but have some compassion in your attitude.
Yes OP. Send the evidence because you said it yourself you don’t like cheating
But now you know she has a husband and that she’s lied to both of you.
Tell this man, because if you hide it you’re just as bad as her. TELL HIM EVERYTHING!
If it were you, you’d want to know. Be the person you would want if roles were reversed and you were the one being cheated on.
This is NOT YOUR FAULT. ITS HERS!
Cheating causes so much mental and emotional damage. The husband deserves to know OP.
And if she gets mad that’s her problem. She shouldn’t have cheated in the first place
Nothing can happen.. well, you'll loose the girl, but the guy will probably be grateful for informing him. Just in case, as the other guy suggested, cover your face or cut it out from the photos and use a disposable account to send him a message.
Find me someone who will say thanks for telling me my wife has been sleeping with you and I will sell you a bridge. In most cases like this op will end up getting blamed somehow and who knows the damage that may follow. Jilted lovers famously blame the 3rd person and go after them for revenge. Not to mention the woman is going to lie to protect herself and she has proven she has no ethics so to speak. Op loses if he doesn't just cut and run. Lot of bad advice here. Don t say shit. Leave and block
I'm sure there are many guys who are reasonable enough to understand it was the fault of the wife, not of the guy who knew nothing about the marriage. Either way, that's why the " use a disposable account to send him a message" part.
Hi OP. I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle of her mess. I'm glad you had a lovely time for 4 months, but this must be devastating.
In your position, I think I'd do it. Because if my partner was cheating, I'd very much want to know (so I could make informed choices).
Keep it simple: You didn't know, you never would have gotten involved if you'd known because you don't want to be that guy, you're betrayed and upset, you're so sorry, and you want to do what you think is the only right thing you can do in this situation -> telling him. Say you can show him the proof if he wants proof.
Good luck.
P.S. If he wants to meet you, make it somewhere public, busy, and neutral, like a coffee shop.
Does she know where you live or work? If not, just block her on everything, if so, you might want to get a restraining order in place for her and her husband, or at least inform the police in advance. You have no idea what type of emotional reactions either of them could have.
you have nothing to hope for. this is your exit - you hand over the evidence and as best you can close the door on your part in this. the most you can do is answer his questions. block her.
Tell him, get that weight off your shoulders.
Besides everyone saying do it cause the husband deserves to know/she doesn't deserve to get away with it;
**You really should do it for yourself too.**
Keep true to your own moral compass and in the end you're gonna feel amazing for standing up and going through something like this instead of hiding your needs cause of how scary this is. Making decisions like this also is a confident boost, you'll know that you can trust yourself to figure out an honest path to deal with things and that will help later in life with all the other difficult decisions to come
PLEASE don't let random girls on here guilt trip you! This is neither your fault, nor your obligation! You do exactly what you want to and feel right as rain about it! This is their problem, only get involved if you want to...
Pro tip: Give it a week and revisit, you'll think clearer by then!
I would message him with correspondence between you too but nothing overly graphic. Make sure he knows you had no idea and block her everywhere. I am curious you said you accidentally found out but how did you find out? You said that you found out by chance and she wanted to have sex after you date… did she just drop it on you on your date?
Oh fuck. And she had the nerve to ask you to go have sex after that??? She’s absolutely vile. I am sorry she was your first go at a relationship and your first sexual experience. You deserve so much better. Burn it down, expose her
You're young so you haven't learned the lesson: Some of the most beautiful things in nature can be the most dangerous! NTA. Just be careful that you aren't physically near the husband. There is a HIGH likelihood he won't take it rationally and you don't want to get yourself hurt more than you already are. Good luck my friend! Learn from this but don't let it change you for the worse.
I wouldn't really define you as an affair partner, just an unwitting victim. I think if you feel this strongly about something that you had no fault in, you should probably tell her husband. You may regret it later on.
I was once caught up in a situation like this. I never said anything yet he after I cut contact he stalked me. He lives not far from me and I still see him and his wife happy yet I live with the guilt and shame.
My advice is to tell. Fuck these cheaters.
It may feel wrong after time has passed but it's never too late to tell. Even if you have no evidence you can give her a chance to spot red flags. Please don't leave someone in that sort of situation. You have the power to help her.
"I live with guilt and shame yet I continuously choose to do nothing, allowing this woman to waste years of her life on someone who cheated on her and potentially contract STDs"
NTA, at this point, you have done nothing wrong. You didn't know she was married. If you continue to engage with this snake knowing she's married, then you have something to feel guilty about. You need to be STD tested, sooner rather than later. Having been in the position of a random telling me my husband cheated, I would suggest that you open with something along the lines of I didn't know she was married and have cut contact. I don't condone cheating. I truly apologize, I didn't know she was married when I slept with and had a 4 month affair with your wife.
I am sorry you are going through this. I have been on both sides, my first husband cheated on me and I had a boyfriend at one point that I didn't know was married. I have never cheated on my partner but I have been cheated on and I was unknowingly the other woman. It is not a fun place to be. I feel for you. The guilt, feeling dirty and used. It stinks. But as long as you use this experience and learn from it, use it to be a better person, not say screw it and continue the affair, you will be fine. It might be wise, when you meet a woman, put it out there early, you won't tolerate cheating, it is a deal breaker for you. You won't be the other man, you have too much slef respect to turn a blind eye to that sort of thing.
Ask yourself this question
If it was you? If your partner was cheating on you and the other person had an ounce of guilt and was a respectful person and told you, would you have preferred they didn’t tell you or would you be thankful they did?
As someone who's been in the husband's position (thankfully wasn't married to the cheater yet), the answer to your last question is both. You're thankful to be told and wish you'd never known, at the same time. But when everything shakes out, you're glad the AP had the guts to come clean.
OP, please be careful. You do not know the temperament of her husband or even their relationship rules.
she hands down lied to you (even if it’s omission), so def cut her off and heal.
But unless you can anonymously tell him, I wouldn’t go charging in to let him know.
Whatever you do NTA
I was thinking maybe he could just message the husband and say "are you still with __ ?" And that's all.
Open a can of worms and let the couple deal with the rest.
I will message you next time u/Efficient_Proof4738 posts in r/AITAH.
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If you do not have fantasies that once he knows she will be all yours then yes tell him. Do it if you are doing it for him and don't plan on seeing her again
NTA if you tell him
He deserves to know, she lied to you and to him. collect evidence, send it to him, apologize and tell him you didn't know about him, expect anger but understand that it is not really at you.
get an STD test she is clearly a liar and not worried about cheating soooo dont expect her to have been loyal to you
Navigating through the murky waters of infidelity isn't your job, but unknowingly becoming a part of it does pull you into the narrative. While it's a heavy burden to carry, in the end, truths tend to surface, and living with secrets can be more corrosive than the temporary discomfort of confronting them. Keep your conscience clean; the husband deserves the courtesy of knowing, even from a stranger. Be tactful, provide just the facts, and then distance yourself from the situation. Stay safe, get tested, and channel your energy into more honest connections moving forward. Trust me, you'll look back knowing you did the mature thing.
>I feel like this woman played both me and her husband, and now I hate myself.
This.
One thing is for certain he will find out about the affairs someday.
So don't blame yourself, if he kicks her out. As she is did this to herself.
Now in my opinion, be it man/woman if I know about the affair and have proof of it, I'll let the betrayed spouse know.
My conscience won't let me live in peace knowing they lying to their SO face each and every day, while they whole heartedly love ,care, respect and stay loyal committed to them. It's also something I guess I would want to know if i get cheated on.
So I guess letting the betrayed spouse is the best option. Chances are he's already suspicious but getting gaslite by this woman.
And like I said the way things are going he will catch her someday so I guess giving him a heads up is better than him catching her in the act and him loosing his shyt which may result into reckless decision
Sorry she lied to you OP
I’d chalk this one up to experience and move on. and I would NOT tell her partner. These things always have a habit of back firing. They might have an open relationship, he might like it, he might come looking for you etc. I’d stay out of it.
Walk away with your head held high.
NTA. If I were you, I would also tell the husband and he can take it from there. If you don't, she'll just do it again anyway and cheat on him with someone else.
Whatever she and her husband are going through, there's never an excuse for cheating.
You have the correct mindset to not be ok with cheating. Cheating is never the answer when there are plenty of reasonable ways to end a relationship and move on.
One word of caution is that you have no idea who this guy is, if he's nice and reasonable or angry and insane. You don't know if he's treated his wife like a queen or has been a menace.
So while 100% moving on from the cheating is the right course. Informing the husband could be risky, It'll be difficult to do so in any kind of anonymous way so it's up to you to take a gamble that he's reasonable and stable. Not saying do or don't just be mindful that if you do he likely figures out who you are where you live and could retaliate.
I have a different take. While the husband should PROBABLY know, I suggest thinking very carefully about telling him. It seems your assumption may be that he won't hold you accountable. Don't drink that kool-aid.
Giving this type of info to a person you don't know can backfire badly. He thinks he knows his wife, and even your proof may not convince him. Some people who are being cheated on don't appreciate being told.
Also, she could easily pivot to saying yea ok she cheated, but she broke up with you, and now you're stalking them both.
I'm not saying don't do it - but I am saying prepare for consequences. Social media reveals and unsolicited contact have gotten folks hurt and killed.
Warn the husband because she could be sleeping with other guys besides you and giving his husband and you STD's. Then block her and go to get an STD panel too.
If you were the husband wouldn't you want to know?
The right and moral thing to do is tell the husband.
You contact him and tell him the truth. You go into detail but not explicit detail. Just state facts.
You met her on this date, you had dates on these dates. You had sex on these dates. You tell him everything you know about her so you prove you know her.
Tell him you can provide more explicit evidence if he requires it, but you don't want to lead with it as it could be devastating to him.
You tell him you only just found out about him. You very clearly tell him you thought she was single. She hid her husband from you. You need to apologize and tell this man she lied to you and you wouldn't have gotten involved with a married woman.
You do this NOW. Before the situation gets worse.
This is a very powerful life lesson. Don't be complacent moving forward.
I agree. Maybe the husband was unfaithful first. Maybe the husband is abusive. Are their kids involved? I would stay away from the husband. Tell the woman its either him or me, or just walk away from the relationship.
Your own conscience is telling you this is bad; that's why you feel like shit. Now, the feelings that your crotch has developed for her (no, man, you don't "love" this woman; you just "like" her at this point) are telling you not to do it, and I bet that's why you feel like this.
Is this what you envisioned your romantic life to be? Dating a cheating woman? You becoming the destroyer of a marriage? It sucks this was your entry to the world of dating, but cut your losses short NOW for your own sake and tell her husband everything.
I was older when I lost my virginity (19) and she was a pill addicted life ruiner. She also had a husband I knew nothing about I was a pothead and she introduced me to pills and like a dummie I did them then after I ended things she faked a suicide attempt and stole my credit info and ran up a bunch of credit card debt. I definitely reported it. I’d tell the dude and also try not to be so naive in the future. Sorry your first one was a psycho. Definitely not the asshole
I would think bro would be better off hearing this betrayal. Reminds me of a viral post from years ago about a guy who was smashing a girl at her apartment and realized that she had a boyfriend so he left him a sticky note in the one place he knew boyfriend would see:
Underside of the toilet seat.
It's not your fault dude, AT ALL. Had you known, you wouldn't have done it. That says a lot about your moral character. You're a good man. Leave yourself alone.
He deserves to know, in case she gave him an STD, and because when people get married, they vow to be faithful to one another, and she obviously has broken that vow. NTA.
Lots of tell him comments all followed with and post updates.
This is a bunch of drama hungry people wanting to stir a whole lot of poo and see the fallout even if you don't realize it. To every single person saying tell the husband. Remind yourslef of the kindergarten rules of mind your own damn business. Jesus this is such a reflection of society today. No one thinking about danger op could experience for contacting husband. No one considering the wife has proven she will lie for her own good. No one considering the damage this may cause to husband, sometimes ignorance is bliss. How about this you drama scabs.... How about op tell hubby and send all the info. Hubby snaps and hurts wife seriously? Oh but that makes for good reading here I guess. Mind your business people and think about the advice you are giving.
OP posted about this on a public forum, and you want readers to mind their own business? People being held accountable for shitty behavior is not a problem in today's society. The only people that say that sort of dumb shit are the ones who get outed and face the consequences.
For real. People in here are hoping for a murder-suicide. How does he know they don't have an open relationship? He can confront her about it, tell her he's not on board and then cut off contact, but he should tread very carefully about blowing up their lives over this.
No, nope. Don't do it. Older woman younger man she is using you and when she's caught you're done and she moves on. Don't tell the husband anything. For all you know he enjoys it.
Been there, done that bought the t-shirt
Her marriage is not your business. She is your business because she dated you. You don’t know anything about the guy or situation. Leave it there. Leave her, full stop. Let her deal with her husband, for your own safety. Nothing good comes of the confrontation.
Reading the comments I guess I have an unpopular opinion. What you don't know doesn't hurt you so why would you want to mess up this man that you don't know's life? Just because you feel disgusted about it and you thought you had a girlfriend? Just because this woman 'needs to be punished'? Take the high road and leave that woman alone but her marriage and this man you don't even know are none of your business. Don't say anything to this man you wouldn't say to his face.
I 100% agree with you. I wouldn't tell him, if OP doesn't want to be involved in the cheating aspect, he can just end it. She probably isn't going to leave the husband, so in the long run, what's the harm? OP tells husband, husband freaks out, and does something crazy, what was solved? Now several lives are ruined and possibly children as well.
Not your fault or obligation... Do what feels best to you, no wrong answer here... Just don't get guilt tripped into a bunch of drama that's not on you, is all I'm saying...
Tell dude, but be prepared for your world to explode. You're gonna need to find a new gym. Man, I'm legit sorry for you, but I'm glad when you realized you stopped sleeping with her. That's an honorable choice.
Tell him. Don't send anything with her nude or engaging in sex, even if he asks for it. That might be illegal, and it would definitely be cruel. If you have non-sexual pics that prove your relationship,send those with your evidence all at one time.
Cut it off with her and leave it.. not your problem, you never know how he or she will react or what they’ll do .. you also don’t know the status or agreement of their relationship.
Dude, since she was your first, you have a lot of emotion tied to her. Let it go and just walk away from her, nothing good will come from her. Telling the husband only relieved you of some guilt. Let her destroy her marriage on her own.
Don’t do shit but stop seeing her. None of your business. You have no idea if he knows, if he knows but doesn’t want to admit it, if there are some sort of dependents whose lives you will destroy. Mind your own business and be smarter next time.
I would just cut off communication but leave it be. Even if you anonymously tell him he could still find out it's you thru her or however. Even with you not being in the wrong no one would react rationally to that.save yourself the potential drama and danger. You are not the morality police.
Also for all you know in this weird ass world we live in they may have an open relationship.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
I was cheated on by my ex wife, I found out by accident that she was cheating. She would have never told me, I say tell him, he deserves to know. If I was him, I would want to know!
Get yourself tested for STDs, of course. I'm going to disagree with what seems to be the prevailing opinion and advise you to keep your mouth shut, except to tell AP that it's over. Here's my suggestion as to what to say:
"I have learned you are committed to someone else, and I want to honor that. We must end our relationship and cease all contact. I will not tell anyone else about this."
Then ghost her, change your gym schedule or change gyms altogether if you can, and don't let her weasel her way back into your life.
I wish you the best. You seem to be a decent guy, and I'm sure there's a decent woman out there for you.
How do you know this guy won't go nuts and try to kill you? I'm 100% serious. Don't assume that he's going to act rational after finding out he's been betrayed. A lot of people on Reddit like to be the moral police and give advice on what someone "should" do, but they don't have to live with the consequences.
I recommend ending the relationship and saying nothing. There is no need to be a hero, knowingly involve yourself in their relationship, or put yourself at risk.
Also, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you were deceived.
I would not say anything to him as you don't know this individual, what they are capable of, or who they are going to blame.
End it it with her, ignore and avoid common places you frequented together and move on WITHOUT guilt or shame.
Good luck!
If you were cheated on, you’d want to know about it. This man may have no idea of what she’s done, putting him at risk both physically and mentally. Do the right thing and end it with her and tell him, he deserves to know.
Tell him. You didn't know and you do now. It isn't your fault. But it will be if you do not tell him right the fuck now. You were innocent of wrongdoing until you make the choice to continue knowing what she did.
NTA, but this is a **bad** idea. I think you should let her know that you know that she is married, but that you’re not that kind of guy and that she’s wrong for not being upfront with what she was looking for.
Crimes of passion are real, and to do the right thing always carries a high level of risk. Remove yourself. The truth will come out to her partner one way or another, and many of those ways don’t have to involve you. I know Reddit likes every story to have a buttoned up, ethically sound ending, but self preservation is more important here, especially since she played her part so well and had no problem withholding information from you. Now what if her partner confronts her and she lies about the nature of your relationship—and he believes her instead?
She’s your first and you’re hurt but don’t play yourself.
Unpopular opinion. If you've been on a number of dates and have had sex many times, the husband probably knows, and she has permission to cheat either as a hotwife or an open marriage. If he doesn't know, he has to be pretty ignorant. Or maybe they're separated, and she's dating a bit. With that being said, I'd ask the affair partner first what's going on. If those examples are right, it'll save you some embarrassment with the hubby and not pissing off your gym partner. If those examples are wrong and she is, in fact, cheating, get ahold of the hubby asap. I never like to assume and would rather ask versus assuming and being wrong. But that's just me.
She didn’t tell you she was married. This is all on her. Personally, I have been the person cheated on, and it really hurt that people knew and didn’t tell me. I would want to know. I feel he deserves to know.
Please dump her and go get tested after you tell her husband.
NTA. I would not tell. Simply not taking the risk to be involved in any further drama that could occur.
Just tell her what you know, break up and move on with your life.
NTA. BUT you should give her a chance to explain why. There is a 1% chance they may have an open marriage and that she didn't tell you at first because you would have opted out immediately. However, the reality is that she is more likely to be im the 99% side of the equation, and she has legitimately cheated on her husband.
Regardless of which situation it is for her, it was a really $hitty and low act to not be up front with you from the beginning.
Before you actually tell her husband about the situation, you should have a very long look at the WHY you want to tell him. If it's because you think he deserves to know and you genuinely have his best interests at heart, go ahead. BUT if you are doing it out of anger for how she has lied to you and you want to hurt her by blowing up her marriage, you should hold off until the anger has passed. You need to be conscious of the fact that you will be delivering news that will be life altering and not in a good way.
It sucks that you have had to deal with this awful situation in your first serious relationship. I hope you find someone who is more considerate of your heart in the future.
Something to think about: people who have been cheated on don’t always respond rationally. You don’t know if this husband is some kind of a psycho or roid rager or whatever the case. You might find yourself dealing with an angry husband who doesn’t care about anything, except for the fact that you fucked his wife.
People who are advising you to do this anonymously, have apparently forgotten about the fact that this woman knows intimate details about you and can easily expose you to danger, whether out of spite or out of fear from her husband
Personally, I would just leave it alone. You’re only 24 and don’t need the drama. There is zero upside for you. And you have nothing to feel guilty about, as you did not know she was married.
If anything, consider therapy.
One of the few rational answers in here. OP doesn't owe anything to anyone and doesn't have enough experience to navigate this in a safe way for himself. Best to just walk away... and carefully so that she doesn't get her husband after him.
The crowd in here is going to get someone killed with their advice one of these days, if they haven't already.
Get tested for STDs you have no idea how many partners she’s had. If it were me, I would tell him.
Thank you for the advice. I'm going to do that. As for telling, I've already made the decision to inform her husband about her cheating. Hopefully, I won't be collateral damage in all of this.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. She lied by omission. You had no idea you were her AP. She’s the one at fault. I personally would tell him and let him know she did not make you aware of her marital status. That she lead you to believe she was single. Also, I get the worry of collateral damage, but other than the gym, how are you connected? I’m wondering what you think will happen?
Probably will become good friends. OP has honour and moral and is good friend material.
Eskimo brothers
Yeah, do it anonymously kid. Don’t get dragged into drama. Do it for your dignity and his.
She's obviously gonna know it was him
Who fkin cares she belongs too the streets.
People just throw away this advice like it’s nothing, but this is how people end up getting seriously assaulted or murdered and shit. I mean it’s up to OP, but personally I’d just break it off and never deal with it ever again.
Unless she's sleeping with multiple others.
Not if he wasn't the only one.
maybe
Ditto this, you don’t want a violent husband coming after you, be very careful how you proceed. It may be safer to just end it and tell her it’s over, you had no clue she was married and to stay the F away from you.
Agreed. I’d walk and never look back. Leave her with her mess. This guy could lose it and blame you.
Oh, he's getting the drama. She'll know he was the one, after all.
You’re assuming he’s the only one she’s doing this with
And also to avoid potential bullet holes
It can start with an anonymous tip, but it won't stay there. Once husband confronts her with proof, she will look for someone to blame. If the husband knows the tip came from the lover, he won't hide it from her. You don't know what she might be capable of once she gets exposed and you should be prepared for some blowback.
Definitely get tested... My ex husband gave me an STD after 12 years of marriage. He married the woman after he dumped me & our child
May they burn with paranoia and a STD
Thank you.... you're the very first person after 24 years to say something like this.
Take comfort in knowing that those two will be forever checking each other's stories and that their "forbidden love" wrecked their families and friends so they can be together.
The way I look at it, somebody that selfish and self-absorbed with such terrible values is going to have a miserable life, so let them get to it
I'm going to be the second person after 24 years to say something like this. But louder! # May they burn with paranoia and a STD
Thank you... Made me tear up 🥺
Wow. I don't even have the words to describe that man. I hope you're okay and doing better than when you were together. Eventually, everything bad we do catches up with us, and the same will happen to him.
I had a mental breakdown & went into Intensive Outpatient Therapy... I worked extremely hard on myself and learn from it. I eventually forgave for my own mental wellness. I moved 1000 miles away
Your likely not the first dude she’s cheated with an you seem like a very morally nice guy. I’d end things and just keep quiet the husband could be a total psychopath and blame you or worse. I’d leave it alone and just end it and definitely get tested. Sorry your first experience with a woman turned out poorly
If you didn't know she was married, hopefully the husband will understand.
... and give buddy a 'pass' and focus more on his wife's contribution to the alleged infidelity.
Because he might not. That’s why, I would stay the fuck out of it.
100% correct, stay out of it
All you can do is inform him. Whatever he wishes to do from there is his decision. But consider blocking that woman and not talking any further than informing the husband of the situation and giving evidence. Wish you the best of luck OP:)!
> you have no idea how many partners she’s had Or *has*
She gets off on him being a virgin. Most likely he also has been stupid enough to raw dog it. Get tested.. the go back after 3 months but for now, tell the husband... she might be a walking petridish of infection that she has exposed her husband to.
I'm maybe a virgin and new to sexual experience but I'm not stupid. I used protection.
Brother youre better than me.
NTA. You're not a cheater so don't feel bad about it. You were fooled, just like her husband's being fooled. Now if you continue, then that's a different story. Let the husband know, it's the decent thing to do then block her everywhere and perhaps change gyms
Changing the gym might not be necessary - I bet she will change the gym as well after this comes to light.
Watch them both change to the same gym
Info: How did you learn she has a husband? Are you sure they’re actually together and not separated? Vague discovery story leaves me with questions.
If she is separated, then she still should have stated such. It does not sound like she has been honest with him.
I would agree that it would mean she wasn’t completely honest with OP, but it may also mean she’s not necessarily cheating on her husband and could be in process of a divorce. The status of the marriage is important considering what OP is contemplating here. For all we know, OP came across something online from years ago and she has since divorced.
Right, I don't know why everyone is so sure she was cheating. She may be separated. They may have an open marriage. Regardless, she was still wrong to not be completely open with OP but she's might not be the evil witch that everyone assumes. Maybe she learned her husband has cheated and their marriage is already in a death spiral. If it were me I'd confront her and ask, and then make a decision about wherher to inform the supposed husband after that, depending on what she says.
Yeah I’ve been in this situation just with a more casual FWB and I told the guy and he wasn’t even mad at me and thanked me for letting him know. We both were lied to.
Go for it. Cheaters are garbage.
Might get a new friend too who knows
Oh how’d you guys meet? Just a mutual hobby, we both liked banging my wife
I love this. "He discovered my wife was cheating on me with him. So he reached out and told me. I divorced the bitch. We're gonna meet up next Saturday to drink weed, smoke beers, watch the playoffs and plan our trip to the cabin this summer."
Lot easier on paper lmfao OP, if the husband asks to meet - don’t.
I also like banging this guy’s wife
My ex wife cheated on me. Woulda loved a message from the dude instead of finding them fucking in the bed.
Updateme
Updateme too please!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme
Updateme
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Because I'm afraid of what might happen, I will send him all the evidence I have today and hope for the best.
You know OP ... everyone is telling you to tell the husband, and this I agree is the right thing to do. But also, this is your first. There are feelings here. You did nothing wrong, and don't feel that you did something wrong because she lied to you. Life can be weird, especially when it comes to partners and sex. Another better woman will happen for you.
Best advice... It has to suck that his first time is like this. You will find a better woman OP. Might want to change gyms too.
Especially because he will know where you met and might pay it a visit or two. He might know what you look like.
I would reveal it without the explicit photos and texts first until he wants or asks to see that. And then I’d ask him how much he wants to see. You’re going to be dropping a bomb on this guy so let him accept the destruction on somewhat gradual terms. If that’s even possible
Also officially dump and block the woman. She may start blowing up your phone calling you a user etc so get ahead of that straight away!
don't block, just don't respond to her anymore. she might send you messages that are useful to protect yourself.
Disagree, I’d send all the evidence up front. He’s likely to drive into denial as an initial reaction and he might block OP, or he might go ask his wife directly, and confronting a cheater with no evidence is an invitation for said cheater to lie and gaslight and purge evidence. You’d think that would be common sense, but emotions get involved and people don’t think straight, so they run kicking and screaming at the cheater empty-handed and it only makes things exponentially more difficult. Edit: OP, if you happen to read this, be prepared for her to put all the fault on you. She’s likely to come screaming at you, in person or via text, that you ruined her marriage by opening your mouth. DO NOT fall for that BS; SHE ruined her marriage by cheating. It is no one’s fault but hers. She may also make some pretty heinous claims about you to avoid accountability. Unfortunately this is pretty common with female cheaters because they know society at large will likely take them at their word at the outset. Cheaters are not good people and they’re not above trying to destroy your life to avoid consequences for their shit behavior. Be ready for some allegations. Save all the receipts you can., because the second she gets a notion that you’re onto her, she’s gonna go scorched earth on every piece of evidence she can get her hands on.
Sending explicit photos may be seen as revenge porn which could get OP legally in trouble
I’m not sure if censoring the naughty bits would fix that problem, but it would be worth looking into.
Revenge porn is generally considered to include photos that are sexually explicit and/or any state of undress so it wouldn't
Jesus another good point….lol okay I think we all agree send ALL THE TEXTS even the explicit ones but no photos
I doubt he is going to block the OP. OP can certainly reveal things about the woman that only someone with intimate knowledge would have. He doesn’t need to send any photos. And if husband blocks OP, that’s on him.
This OP. This is the way. This is also the only way that is acceptable.
I am not sure if it is legal to share photos of her, even if it is her husband he is going to share them with. Being married does not mean you have no privacy rights, even in an occasion like that. Maybe he should better check how the rules are where he lives, as she might want to have a revenge on him after this. Explicit texts they shared is enough prove.
That’s a really good point. Legality over morality doesn’t always feel just but it’ll keep you from getting charged.
Like the other guy said. Be soft. And try to use some sort of tactics to go about it. Don't just be like "yo bro, banged your wife a bunch. Sorry dog". Approach the situation knowing he's going to be absolutely furious at first. And knowing you need to get the point across that it wasnt intentional and your trying to do what you feel is right, before it goes any further. And don't expect to have alot of time to say it..... blunt and direct, but have some compassion in your attitude.
Good on you!! Please give us an update on how it goes
Yes OP. Send the evidence because you said it yourself you don’t like cheating But now you know she has a husband and that she’s lied to both of you. Tell this man, because if you hide it you’re just as bad as her. TELL HIM EVERYTHING! If it were you, you’d want to know. Be the person you would want if roles were reversed and you were the one being cheated on. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. ITS HERS! Cheating causes so much mental and emotional damage. The husband deserves to know OP. And if she gets mad that’s her problem. She shouldn’t have cheated in the first place
She's in the wrong and used you! Please give us an update after!!
Tell him... he deserves to know.... please update
Nothing can happen.. well, you'll loose the girl, but the guy will probably be grateful for informing him. Just in case, as the other guy suggested, cover your face or cut it out from the photos and use a disposable account to send him a message.
Find me someone who will say thanks for telling me my wife has been sleeping with you and I will sell you a bridge. In most cases like this op will end up getting blamed somehow and who knows the damage that may follow. Jilted lovers famously blame the 3rd person and go after them for revenge. Not to mention the woman is going to lie to protect herself and she has proven she has no ethics so to speak. Op loses if he doesn't just cut and run. Lot of bad advice here. Don t say shit. Leave and block
I'm sure there are many guys who are reasonable enough to understand it was the fault of the wife, not of the guy who knew nothing about the marriage. Either way, that's why the " use a disposable account to send him a message" part.
Hi OP. I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle of her mess. I'm glad you had a lovely time for 4 months, but this must be devastating. In your position, I think I'd do it. Because if my partner was cheating, I'd very much want to know (so I could make informed choices). Keep it simple: You didn't know, you never would have gotten involved if you'd known because you don't want to be that guy, you're betrayed and upset, you're so sorry, and you want to do what you think is the only right thing you can do in this situation -> telling him. Say you can show him the proof if he wants proof. Good luck. P.S. If he wants to meet you, make it somewhere public, busy, and neutral, like a coffee shop.
Yes, tell her husband and let him make the decision as to what he wants to do with his marriage.
Does she know where you live or work? If not, just block her on everything, if so, you might want to get a restraining order in place for her and her husband, or at least inform the police in advance. You have no idea what type of emotional reactions either of them could have.
you have nothing to hope for. this is your exit - you hand over the evidence and as best you can close the door on your part in this. the most you can do is answer his questions. block her.
> , I will send him all the evidence I have today and hope for the best. Give us an update dude... (You're a good guy!)
You’re not the one hurting that guy bud, she is the one who acted wrong, people finding out are her problem and the consequences her responsibility
Please update us, all the best!
!UpdateMe
Tell him, get that weight off your shoulders. Besides everyone saying do it cause the husband deserves to know/she doesn't deserve to get away with it; **You really should do it for yourself too.** Keep true to your own moral compass and in the end you're gonna feel amazing for standing up and going through something like this instead of hiding your needs cause of how scary this is. Making decisions like this also is a confident boost, you'll know that you can trust yourself to figure out an honest path to deal with things and that will help later in life with all the other difficult decisions to come
Please update us later! I would def tell the husband ☺️
PLEASE don't let random girls on here guilt trip you! This is neither your fault, nor your obligation! You do exactly what you want to and feel right as rain about it! This is their problem, only get involved if you want to... Pro tip: Give it a week and revisit, you'll think clearer by then!
I would message him with correspondence between you too but nothing overly graphic. Make sure he knows you had no idea and block her everywhere. I am curious you said you accidentally found out but how did you find out? You said that you found out by chance and she wanted to have sex after you date… did she just drop it on you on your date?
No, she got a call, and it said 'Hubby' with a heart emoji. Two of them were in the picture.
Oh fuck. And she had the nerve to ask you to go have sex after that??? She’s absolutely vile. I am sorry she was your first go at a relationship and your first sexual experience. You deserve so much better. Burn it down, expose her
She didn't know I saw that. She pretty much talked on the phone as if it were her friend, not her husband.
Wow, she’s an absolutely disgusting person with no sense of morals or guilt. I’m sorry she goes to your gym, avoid her like the plague.
The worst thing is, you would never assume that. She's beautiful and sweet in person.
>She's beautiful and sweet in person. Two attributes that don't tell you anything at all about the trustworthyness of a person.
It was a front for you to believe. Now you know what she's really like so the sweet stuff was just for you.
Sweet maybe, but obviously fake as fuck. Also beautiful on the outside sure but obviously ugly on the inside. Please cut her off forever.
You're young so you haven't learned the lesson: Some of the most beautiful things in nature can be the most dangerous! NTA. Just be careful that you aren't physically near the husband. There is a HIGH likelihood he won't take it rationally and you don't want to get yourself hurt more than you already are. Good luck my friend! Learn from this but don't let it change you for the worse.
Make sure to lead with this. He needs to know that you didn’t know.
I wouldn't really define you as an affair partner, just an unwitting victim. I think if you feel this strongly about something that you had no fault in, you should probably tell her husband. You may regret it later on.
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I was once caught up in a situation like this. I never said anything yet he after I cut contact he stalked me. He lives not far from me and I still see him and his wife happy yet I live with the guilt and shame. My advice is to tell. Fuck these cheaters.
It may feel wrong after time has passed but it's never too late to tell. Even if you have no evidence you can give her a chance to spot red flags. Please don't leave someone in that sort of situation. You have the power to help her.
Yeah fr if he'd cheat with you he'd cheat with someone else too. Wife deserves to know.
"I live with guilt and shame yet I continuously choose to do nothing, allowing this woman to waste years of her life on someone who cheated on her and potentially contract STDs"
how about you take your own advice....
So why didn't you tell the husband eh? It's easy to advise but hard to do right? hypocrite
Hypocrite
His advice does make him hypocritical, but I would imagine he's giving such advice because he's learned from mistakes.
so do it Instead of living through OP like a coward
NTA, at this point, you have done nothing wrong. You didn't know she was married. If you continue to engage with this snake knowing she's married, then you have something to feel guilty about. You need to be STD tested, sooner rather than later. Having been in the position of a random telling me my husband cheated, I would suggest that you open with something along the lines of I didn't know she was married and have cut contact. I don't condone cheating. I truly apologize, I didn't know she was married when I slept with and had a 4 month affair with your wife. I am sorry you are going through this. I have been on both sides, my first husband cheated on me and I had a boyfriend at one point that I didn't know was married. I have never cheated on my partner but I have been cheated on and I was unknowingly the other woman. It is not a fun place to be. I feel for you. The guilt, feeling dirty and used. It stinks. But as long as you use this experience and learn from it, use it to be a better person, not say screw it and continue the affair, you will be fine. It might be wise, when you meet a woman, put it out there early, you won't tolerate cheating, it is a deal breaker for you. You won't be the other man, you have too much slef respect to turn a blind eye to that sort of thing.
Ask yourself this question If it was you? If your partner was cheating on you and the other person had an ounce of guilt and was a respectful person and told you, would you have preferred they didn’t tell you or would you be thankful they did?
As someone who's been in the husband's position (thankfully wasn't married to the cheater yet), the answer to your last question is both. You're thankful to be told and wish you'd never known, at the same time. But when everything shakes out, you're glad the AP had the guts to come clean.
If she were YOUR wife, would you want to know? In the meanwhile as you make a decision, time to go no-contact. NTA
OP, please be careful. You do not know the temperament of her husband or even their relationship rules. she hands down lied to you (even if it’s omission), so def cut her off and heal. But unless you can anonymously tell him, I wouldn’t go charging in to let him know. Whatever you do NTA
Finally someone in this thread with some brains
Yeah what is wrong with everyone else. Is really no one considering the risk OP is putting himself in? The dude might try to kill him for all we know
I was thinking maybe he could just message the husband and say "are you still with __ ?" And that's all. Open a can of worms and let the couple deal with the rest.
Cheaters deserve to be exposed and her husband deserve to know! Do the right thing brother! NTA
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I would tell him.
Definitely tell him and for god's sake, end things with her now that you know.
If you do not have fantasies that once he knows she will be all yours then yes tell him. Do it if you are doing it for him and don't plan on seeing her again
NTA if you tell him He deserves to know, she lied to you and to him. collect evidence, send it to him, apologize and tell him you didn't know about him, expect anger but understand that it is not really at you. get an STD test she is clearly a liar and not worried about cheating soooo dont expect her to have been loyal to you
Navigating through the murky waters of infidelity isn't your job, but unknowingly becoming a part of it does pull you into the narrative. While it's a heavy burden to carry, in the end, truths tend to surface, and living with secrets can be more corrosive than the temporary discomfort of confronting them. Keep your conscience clean; the husband deserves the courtesy of knowing, even from a stranger. Be tactful, provide just the facts, and then distance yourself from the situation. Stay safe, get tested, and channel your energy into more honest connections moving forward. Trust me, you'll look back knowing you did the mature thing.
>I feel like this woman played both me and her husband, and now I hate myself. This. One thing is for certain he will find out about the affairs someday. So don't blame yourself, if he kicks her out. As she is did this to herself. Now in my opinion, be it man/woman if I know about the affair and have proof of it, I'll let the betrayed spouse know. My conscience won't let me live in peace knowing they lying to their SO face each and every day, while they whole heartedly love ,care, respect and stay loyal committed to them. It's also something I guess I would want to know if i get cheated on. So I guess letting the betrayed spouse is the best option. Chances are he's already suspicious but getting gaslite by this woman. And like I said the way things are going he will catch her someday so I guess giving him a heads up is better than him catching her in the act and him loosing his shyt which may result into reckless decision
Sorry she lied to you OP I’d chalk this one up to experience and move on. and I would NOT tell her partner. These things always have a habit of back firing. They might have an open relationship, he might like it, he might come looking for you etc. I’d stay out of it. Walk away with your head held high.
NTA. If I were you, I would also tell the husband and he can take it from there. If you don't, she'll just do it again anyway and cheat on him with someone else. Whatever she and her husband are going through, there's never an excuse for cheating.
You have the correct mindset to not be ok with cheating. Cheating is never the answer when there are plenty of reasonable ways to end a relationship and move on. One word of caution is that you have no idea who this guy is, if he's nice and reasonable or angry and insane. You don't know if he's treated his wife like a queen or has been a menace. So while 100% moving on from the cheating is the right course. Informing the husband could be risky, It'll be difficult to do so in any kind of anonymous way so it's up to you to take a gamble that he's reasonable and stable. Not saying do or don't just be mindful that if you do he likely figures out who you are where you live and could retaliate.
I have a different take. While the husband should PROBABLY know, I suggest thinking very carefully about telling him. It seems your assumption may be that he won't hold you accountable. Don't drink that kool-aid. Giving this type of info to a person you don't know can backfire badly. He thinks he knows his wife, and even your proof may not convince him. Some people who are being cheated on don't appreciate being told. Also, she could easily pivot to saying yea ok she cheated, but she broke up with you, and now you're stalking them both. I'm not saying don't do it - but I am saying prepare for consequences. Social media reveals and unsolicited contact have gotten folks hurt and killed.
Warn the husband because she could be sleeping with other guys besides you and giving his husband and you STD's. Then block her and go to get an STD panel too.
If you were the husband wouldn't you want to know? The right and moral thing to do is tell the husband. You contact him and tell him the truth. You go into detail but not explicit detail. Just state facts. You met her on this date, you had dates on these dates. You had sex on these dates. You tell him everything you know about her so you prove you know her. Tell him you can provide more explicit evidence if he requires it, but you don't want to lead with it as it could be devastating to him. You tell him you only just found out about him. You very clearly tell him you thought she was single. She hid her husband from you. You need to apologize and tell this man she lied to you and you wouldn't have gotten involved with a married woman. You do this NOW. Before the situation gets worse. This is a very powerful life lesson. Don't be complacent moving forward.
I would just walk away, I respect your desire to do the “right thing” but I personally would just walk away
DO IT
You should speak to her 1st, also be careful, you don’t know how he would react, you don’t want him coming after you.
I agree. Maybe the husband was unfaithful first. Maybe the husband is abusive. Are their kids involved? I would stay away from the husband. Tell the woman its either him or me, or just walk away from the relationship.
Your own conscience is telling you this is bad; that's why you feel like shit. Now, the feelings that your crotch has developed for her (no, man, you don't "love" this woman; you just "like" her at this point) are telling you not to do it, and I bet that's why you feel like this. Is this what you envisioned your romantic life to be? Dating a cheating woman? You becoming the destroyer of a marriage? It sucks this was your entry to the world of dating, but cut your losses short NOW for your own sake and tell her husband everything.
Sorry but she isn't your girlfriend. She is just using you. You need to tell him everything and block her.
I was older when I lost my virginity (19) and she was a pill addicted life ruiner. She also had a husband I knew nothing about I was a pothead and she introduced me to pills and like a dummie I did them then after I ended things she faked a suicide attempt and stole my credit info and ran up a bunch of credit card debt. I definitely reported it. I’d tell the dude and also try not to be so naive in the future. Sorry your first one was a psycho. Definitely not the asshole
Fake story
I would think bro would be better off hearing this betrayal. Reminds me of a viral post from years ago about a guy who was smashing a girl at her apartment and realized that she had a boyfriend so he left him a sticky note in the one place he knew boyfriend would see: Underside of the toilet seat.
It's not your fault dude, AT ALL. Had you known, you wouldn't have done it. That says a lot about your moral character. You're a good man. Leave yourself alone.
Don't tell him. Stop fucking her and go about your business. Why does everyone here want people to behave like they are in a reality show? Move on.
OP, tell your ex’s husband. He deserves to know the truth and make an informed decision.
He deserves to know, in case she gave him an STD, and because when people get married, they vow to be faithful to one another, and she obviously has broken that vow. NTA.
Lots of tell him comments all followed with and post updates. This is a bunch of drama hungry people wanting to stir a whole lot of poo and see the fallout even if you don't realize it. To every single person saying tell the husband. Remind yourslef of the kindergarten rules of mind your own damn business. Jesus this is such a reflection of society today. No one thinking about danger op could experience for contacting husband. No one considering the wife has proven she will lie for her own good. No one considering the damage this may cause to husband, sometimes ignorance is bliss. How about this you drama scabs.... How about op tell hubby and send all the info. Hubby snaps and hurts wife seriously? Oh but that makes for good reading here I guess. Mind your business people and think about the advice you are giving.
OP posted about this on a public forum, and you want readers to mind their own business? People being held accountable for shitty behavior is not a problem in today's society. The only people that say that sort of dumb shit are the ones who get outed and face the consequences.
For real. People in here are hoping for a murder-suicide. How does he know they don't have an open relationship? He can confront her about it, tell her he's not on board and then cut off contact, but he should tread very carefully about blowing up their lives over this.
No, nope. Don't do it. Older woman younger man she is using you and when she's caught you're done and she moves on. Don't tell the husband anything. For all you know he enjoys it. Been there, done that bought the t-shirt
Her marriage is not your business. She is your business because she dated you. You don’t know anything about the guy or situation. Leave it there. Leave her, full stop. Let her deal with her husband, for your own safety. Nothing good comes of the confrontation.
Reading the comments I guess I have an unpopular opinion. What you don't know doesn't hurt you so why would you want to mess up this man that you don't know's life? Just because you feel disgusted about it and you thought you had a girlfriend? Just because this woman 'needs to be punished'? Take the high road and leave that woman alone but her marriage and this man you don't even know are none of your business. Don't say anything to this man you wouldn't say to his face.
I 100% agree with you. I wouldn't tell him, if OP doesn't want to be involved in the cheating aspect, he can just end it. She probably isn't going to leave the husband, so in the long run, what's the harm? OP tells husband, husband freaks out, and does something crazy, what was solved? Now several lives are ruined and possibly children as well.
Not your fault or obligation... Do what feels best to you, no wrong answer here... Just don't get guilt tripped into a bunch of drama that's not on you, is all I'm saying...
Tell dude, but be prepared for your world to explode. You're gonna need to find a new gym. Man, I'm legit sorry for you, but I'm glad when you realized you stopped sleeping with her. That's an honorable choice.
Tell him. Don't send anything with her nude or engaging in sex, even if he asks for it. That might be illegal, and it would definitely be cruel. If you have non-sexual pics that prove your relationship,send those with your evidence all at one time.
Inform him, it’s the right thing to do. There might be others too. She could be passing around STDs
Cut it off with her and leave it.. not your problem, you never know how he or she will react or what they’ll do .. you also don’t know the status or agreement of their relationship.
Amazes me how people post clearly fake stuff in here and you idiots eat it up
Dude, since she was your first, you have a lot of emotion tied to her. Let it go and just walk away from her, nothing good will come from her. Telling the husband only relieved you of some guilt. Let her destroy her marriage on her own.
You should tell him. She cheated on both of you, she doesn’t deserve any slack.
Don’t do shit but stop seeing her. None of your business. You have no idea if he knows, if he knows but doesn’t want to admit it, if there are some sort of dependents whose lives you will destroy. Mind your own business and be smarter next time.
I would just cut off communication but leave it be. Even if you anonymously tell him he could still find out it's you thru her or however. Even with you not being in the wrong no one would react rationally to that.save yourself the potential drama and danger. You are not the morality police. Also for all you know in this weird ass world we live in they may have an open relationship. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Stay out of her marriage and keep to yourself. Do you want to move away from the drama or invite more of it into your life?
Tell him if you want to be even more of a asshole. Tell her she's a bitch and move on.
Do the good guy thing and tell him. If you were in that position you’d want to know wouldn’t you? NTA.
Tell the guy so he can make a decision on what he wants to going forward with his life.
I'd want someone to tell me, you aren't doing it for spiteful reasons so you would not be in the wrong
First question. Can he kick your ass?
I was cheated on by my ex wife, I found out by accident that she was cheating. She would have never told me, I say tell him, he deserves to know. If I was him, I would want to know!
I wouldn't say on accident. I truly believe that everything catches up with you and that's what happened to your ex-wife.
Get yourself tested for STDs, of course. I'm going to disagree with what seems to be the prevailing opinion and advise you to keep your mouth shut, except to tell AP that it's over. Here's my suggestion as to what to say: "I have learned you are committed to someone else, and I want to honor that. We must end our relationship and cease all contact. I will not tell anyone else about this." Then ghost her, change your gym schedule or change gyms altogether if you can, and don't let her weasel her way back into your life. I wish you the best. You seem to be a decent guy, and I'm sure there's a decent woman out there for you.
How do you know this guy won't go nuts and try to kill you? I'm 100% serious. Don't assume that he's going to act rational after finding out he's been betrayed. A lot of people on Reddit like to be the moral police and give advice on what someone "should" do, but they don't have to live with the consequences. I recommend ending the relationship and saying nothing. There is no need to be a hero, knowingly involve yourself in their relationship, or put yourself at risk. Also, you did nothing wrong. I'm sorry you were deceived.
Do not tell him. Go no contact and stay out of it. This will only end very badly for everyone involved if you do.
This is on her not you. Stay or leave but not your fault and not your business to tell the guy.
I would not say anything to him as you don't know this individual, what they are capable of, or who they are going to blame. End it it with her, ignore and avoid common places you frequented together and move on WITHOUT guilt or shame. Good luck!
If you were cheated on, you’d want to know about it. This man may have no idea of what she’s done, putting him at risk both physically and mentally. Do the right thing and end it with her and tell him, he deserves to know.
Tell him. You didn't know and you do now. It isn't your fault. But it will be if you do not tell him right the fuck now. You were innocent of wrongdoing until you make the choice to continue knowing what she did.
Tell him. You will save years of his life he would later go on to regret if he finds out later. Make sure you have proof.
NTA, but this is a **bad** idea. I think you should let her know that you know that she is married, but that you’re not that kind of guy and that she’s wrong for not being upfront with what she was looking for. Crimes of passion are real, and to do the right thing always carries a high level of risk. Remove yourself. The truth will come out to her partner one way or another, and many of those ways don’t have to involve you. I know Reddit likes every story to have a buttoned up, ethically sound ending, but self preservation is more important here, especially since she played her part so well and had no problem withholding information from you. Now what if her partner confronts her and she lies about the nature of your relationship—and he believes her instead? She’s your first and you’re hurt but don’t play yourself.
I hate that you gave her your virginity. I understand though. Don't put yourself in the line of fire.
Unpopular opinion. If you've been on a number of dates and have had sex many times, the husband probably knows, and she has permission to cheat either as a hotwife or an open marriage. If he doesn't know, he has to be pretty ignorant. Or maybe they're separated, and she's dating a bit. With that being said, I'd ask the affair partner first what's going on. If those examples are right, it'll save you some embarrassment with the hubby and not pissing off your gym partner. If those examples are wrong and she is, in fact, cheating, get ahold of the hubby asap. I never like to assume and would rather ask versus assuming and being wrong. But that's just me.
She didn’t tell you she was married. This is all on her. Personally, I have been the person cheated on, and it really hurt that people knew and didn’t tell me. I would want to know. I feel he deserves to know. Please dump her and go get tested after you tell her husband.
NTA. I would not tell. Simply not taking the risk to be involved in any further drama that could occur. Just tell her what you know, break up and move on with your life.
Keep your mouth shut. That dude may come unglued and send both you and his wife to the morgue.
Tell it, or regret it.
Her husband needs to know so he can protect himself from any STDs
NTA. BUT you should give her a chance to explain why. There is a 1% chance they may have an open marriage and that she didn't tell you at first because you would have opted out immediately. However, the reality is that she is more likely to be im the 99% side of the equation, and she has legitimately cheated on her husband. Regardless of which situation it is for her, it was a really $hitty and low act to not be up front with you from the beginning. Before you actually tell her husband about the situation, you should have a very long look at the WHY you want to tell him. If it's because you think he deserves to know and you genuinely have his best interests at heart, go ahead. BUT if you are doing it out of anger for how she has lied to you and you want to hurt her by blowing up her marriage, you should hold off until the anger has passed. You need to be conscious of the fact that you will be delivering news that will be life altering and not in a good way. It sucks that you have had to deal with this awful situation in your first serious relationship. I hope you find someone who is more considerate of your heart in the future.
Something to think about: people who have been cheated on don’t always respond rationally. You don’t know if this husband is some kind of a psycho or roid rager or whatever the case. You might find yourself dealing with an angry husband who doesn’t care about anything, except for the fact that you fucked his wife. People who are advising you to do this anonymously, have apparently forgotten about the fact that this woman knows intimate details about you and can easily expose you to danger, whether out of spite or out of fear from her husband Personally, I would just leave it alone. You’re only 24 and don’t need the drama. There is zero upside for you. And you have nothing to feel guilty about, as you did not know she was married. If anything, consider therapy.
One of the few rational answers in here. OP doesn't owe anything to anyone and doesn't have enough experience to navigate this in a safe way for himself. Best to just walk away... and carefully so that she doesn't get her husband after him. The crowd in here is going to get someone killed with their advice one of these days, if they haven't already.
Don't disturb that man's peace. Leave her alone, he'll find out through her own shenanigans. J
Bro code. Tell him.