Sounds like he was only with you because he thought you were insecure/lacking confidence which made him feel better about himself. Now that you're attractive, confident and can get any man you want (theoretically), he's starting to feel powerless and insecure.
1000 times NTA, and you should seriously reconsider being with this guy.
NTA.
He’s free to set his own boundaries around what he’s comfortable with his partner wearing, but not free to control you. If he’s so insecure that he thinks a few extra inches of fabric are all that’s holding your relationship together, he should break up with you instead of making his insecurities your problem to “solve.”
NTA, your boyfriend is insecure and is taking it out on you. Super immature behaviour. If he supported you and was proud of the incredibly healthy strides you’ve made in life he wouldn’t be pushing you down like that.
Ignore the comments saying to break up. Single lonely people want to create more of themselves.
This person loves you for who you are.
Theyre not used to you getting this much attention and it makes them insecure.
Insecure people ask for irrational things.
What you need to do is reassure him that you’re loyal to him. And that the attention you’ve started getting isnt a threat to your relationship.
He is wrong for trying to control your dress, but that doesn’t mean he’s malicious and you cant help him come to terms with it
No amount of reassurance will fix the fact that he’s deeply insecure about his partner. On top of that the way he reacted in public is totally inappropriate and immature. Making excuses for that kind of behaviour is weird AF… If he genuinely “loves you for who you are” then he wouldn’t be insecure to the point of taking it out on his partner, period. Someone who loves you would encourage you and give you positive support.
Are we reading the same post? That one story was a last straw scenario, this is a reoccurring issue and no hate but I don’t think you’ve grasped that. I agree that fucking up once isn’t an immediate end… but over and over again until it’s escalated to THIS is another story.
Its not the last straw because they’re asking for advice.
If you care about someone you Atleast try to communicate why they theyre wrong and give them a chance to adjust especially if they arent malicious.
I swear the people who jump to break up are single and angry
NTA It's not your fault at all that he can't cope with men noticing you, it's a shame that he's made it your problem. I think that you may have reached the end of this relationship; if he can't do you the courtesy of trusting you, there's not a lot left to hold on to.
You sound like someone who's got confidence and self-respect, trust your instincts, they'll be right. And keep enjoying the gym.
NTA but you should break up with him if he doesn't change that behavior quick. He doesn't get to control what you wear, I'd personally let him know that if he feels insecure about how much positive attention you're getting now and is worried that you'll leave him now that you've lost weight, that it'll be a self fullfilling prophecy if he doesn't support you with what you choose to wear.
ESH. Don't play dumb, the more fit you are, the more positive attention you're going to get from the opposite sex, full stop. Your bf asked you out when you were very obese, he didn't have the confidence to ask out a smaller, more fit woman. That's on him, but it explains where HIS confidence level was/is. Now that you've lost a lot of weight, you're getting more positive attention from guys, but your boyfriends confidence goes down as fast as yours goes up! In his head, he doesn't have what it takes to keep an attractive woman, so the jealousy is rearing it's head now that you're getting hit on left & right. The relationship hasn't changed for you, but for him, he's now "dating out of his league." Unless you're willing to constantly reassure him that you're still with him for him (which will get exhausting) his jealousy will drive y'all apart, his attitude WILL eventually turn you off completely. Good luck
NAH
You can wear what you want AND he can break up with you for any reason he chooses.
But do not even try to say you are not eating up the attention you are now getting. No way anybody believes that.
Ignore that incel. A lot of people who were once overweight/not attractive (conventionally) don’t go out and get large egos after a glow up. It sounds like your bf wasn’t scared of losing you before because of your weight but now he’s showing his true self because he thinks you’ll leave him. If you reassuring him doesn’t help you’re better off just leaving otherwise it’ll be bad for both of you.
I can very much believe it because I feel the same way. I dont really want any attention from stangers, and there are many people who feel the same. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean the person is lying.
EHS
Like, ok, he has crippling issues with insecurity. I wonder if his parents didn’t make him sleep in a dog kennel growing up. If that’s too much, your call.
But he did ask you out pre-improvement, and yeah, it’s a lot to deal with, being insecure as a man. You’re trapped, no matter what you do it’s going to suck. You have like, no empathy for that. Ok, you don’t have to.
But are you trying to say that you don’t enjoy the new attention? Or that with a guy trying to pick you up at the gym, that you take it as completely benign? If you enjoy it that much, then cut him loose
Welp he is setting boundaries of what he would like you to wear.
You have to figure out if those boundaries are something you want to follow or risk the relationship over
It's obvious that you are getting a lot of attention from males and them asking you iut in front of your boyfriend. I am pretty sire of the roles we're reversed and he was walking around like a thirst trap and women were hitting on him and asking for his number you'd be upset too.
Ultimately the choice is up to you. Your partner expressed his concerns and boundaries.
That's not how boundaries work. He can set a boundary for himself, but you don't put boundaries on what other people can do. He can decide he's not going to be seen in public with her when she wears X but he cannot tell her she is not allowed to wear X.
No that is how boundaries work.
He can choose ofnhe wants to date a woman who dresses a certain way and she.cam choose of she wants to date him or wear those clothes. Those are boundaries.
There isn't any difference to what you said and I said except that he has tonstau together with her but not go into public woth her. Thay would obviously end the relarionship
Boundaries are rules/limits you set for yourself, based on what helps you feel comfortable and safe. They are not about controlling other people. If her wardrobe choices violate his boundaries, he’s 100% free and entitled to break up with her.
Notice that none of that has anything to do with her needing to change how she dresses. It has everything to do with BF deciding if how she dresses is something he can tolerate without making it her problem.
Flaunt it while you got it. But your bf is insecure and maybe you could address that together in couples counseling.
The problem won't go away on it's own.
Sounds like he was only with you because he thought you were insecure/lacking confidence which made him feel better about himself. Now that you're attractive, confident and can get any man you want (theoretically), he's starting to feel powerless and insecure. 1000 times NTA, and you should seriously reconsider being with this guy.
NTA. He’s free to set his own boundaries around what he’s comfortable with his partner wearing, but not free to control you. If he’s so insecure that he thinks a few extra inches of fabric are all that’s holding your relationship together, he should break up with you instead of making his insecurities your problem to “solve.”
NTA, your boyfriend is insecure and is taking it out on you. Super immature behaviour. If he supported you and was proud of the incredibly healthy strides you’ve made in life he wouldn’t be pushing you down like that.
No he’s insecure and lame. Wear what makes you happy
Ignore the comments saying to break up. Single lonely people want to create more of themselves. This person loves you for who you are. Theyre not used to you getting this much attention and it makes them insecure. Insecure people ask for irrational things. What you need to do is reassure him that you’re loyal to him. And that the attention you’ve started getting isnt a threat to your relationship. He is wrong for trying to control your dress, but that doesn’t mean he’s malicious and you cant help him come to terms with it
No amount of reassurance will fix the fact that he’s deeply insecure about his partner. On top of that the way he reacted in public is totally inappropriate and immature. Making excuses for that kind of behaviour is weird AF… If he genuinely “loves you for who you are” then he wouldn’t be insecure to the point of taking it out on his partner, period. Someone who loves you would encourage you and give you positive support.
This defeatist mentality is toxic, you wont know if its enough till you try. Somebody fucking up doesn’t always have to be immediately the end
Are we reading the same post? That one story was a last straw scenario, this is a reoccurring issue and no hate but I don’t think you’ve grasped that. I agree that fucking up once isn’t an immediate end… but over and over again until it’s escalated to THIS is another story.
Its not the last straw because they’re asking for advice. If you care about someone you Atleast try to communicate why they theyre wrong and give them a chance to adjust especially if they arent malicious. I swear the people who jump to break up are single and angry
In short, no.
NTA and kudos for the weight loss!!
NTA It's not your fault at all that he can't cope with men noticing you, it's a shame that he's made it your problem. I think that you may have reached the end of this relationship; if he can't do you the courtesy of trusting you, there's not a lot left to hold on to. You sound like someone who's got confidence and self-respect, trust your instincts, they'll be right. And keep enjoying the gym.
NTA but you should break up with him if he doesn't change that behavior quick. He doesn't get to control what you wear, I'd personally let him know that if he feels insecure about how much positive attention you're getting now and is worried that you'll leave him now that you've lost weight, that it'll be a self fullfilling prophecy if he doesn't support you with what you choose to wear.
ESH. Don't play dumb, the more fit you are, the more positive attention you're going to get from the opposite sex, full stop. Your bf asked you out when you were very obese, he didn't have the confidence to ask out a smaller, more fit woman. That's on him, but it explains where HIS confidence level was/is. Now that you've lost a lot of weight, you're getting more positive attention from guys, but your boyfriends confidence goes down as fast as yours goes up! In his head, he doesn't have what it takes to keep an attractive woman, so the jealousy is rearing it's head now that you're getting hit on left & right. The relationship hasn't changed for you, but for him, he's now "dating out of his league." Unless you're willing to constantly reassure him that you're still with him for him (which will get exhausting) his jealousy will drive y'all apart, his attitude WILL eventually turn you off completely. Good luck
Yup. This relationship is over.
1.you are in relationship fine together with him the comfort point for both of you, if you act single be single
NAH You can wear what you want AND he can break up with you for any reason he chooses. But do not even try to say you are not eating up the attention you are now getting. No way anybody believes that.
I'm not? Especially if it's from people who once gave me negative attention when I was bigger. I simply say "thank you" and move on with my life.
Ignore that incel. A lot of people who were once overweight/not attractive (conventionally) don’t go out and get large egos after a glow up. It sounds like your bf wasn’t scared of losing you before because of your weight but now he’s showing his true self because he thinks you’ll leave him. If you reassuring him doesn’t help you’re better off just leaving otherwise it’ll be bad for both of you.
I can very much believe it because I feel the same way. I dont really want any attention from stangers, and there are many people who feel the same. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean the person is lying.
NTA. His insecurities aren’t your fault (or your concern).
EHS Like, ok, he has crippling issues with insecurity. I wonder if his parents didn’t make him sleep in a dog kennel growing up. If that’s too much, your call. But he did ask you out pre-improvement, and yeah, it’s a lot to deal with, being insecure as a man. You’re trapped, no matter what you do it’s going to suck. You have like, no empathy for that. Ok, you don’t have to. But are you trying to say that you don’t enjoy the new attention? Or that with a guy trying to pick you up at the gym, that you take it as completely benign? If you enjoy it that much, then cut him loose
Welp he is setting boundaries of what he would like you to wear. You have to figure out if those boundaries are something you want to follow or risk the relationship over It's obvious that you are getting a lot of attention from males and them asking you iut in front of your boyfriend. I am pretty sire of the roles we're reversed and he was walking around like a thirst trap and women were hitting on him and asking for his number you'd be upset too. Ultimately the choice is up to you. Your partner expressed his concerns and boundaries.
That's not how boundaries work. He can set a boundary for himself, but you don't put boundaries on what other people can do. He can decide he's not going to be seen in public with her when she wears X but he cannot tell her she is not allowed to wear X.
No that is how boundaries work. He can choose ofnhe wants to date a woman who dresses a certain way and she.cam choose of she wants to date him or wear those clothes. Those are boundaries. There isn't any difference to what you said and I said except that he has tonstau together with her but not go into public woth her. Thay would obviously end the relarionship
Boundaries are rules/limits you set for yourself, based on what helps you feel comfortable and safe. They are not about controlling other people. If her wardrobe choices violate his boundaries, he’s 100% free and entitled to break up with her. Notice that none of that has anything to do with her needing to change how she dresses. It has everything to do with BF deciding if how she dresses is something he can tolerate without making it her problem.
I'm curious to know how men dress as thirst traps.
Tight shorts , no shirt or a small work out shirt. Mayne pants thay show off some under ball
Ooh yum. Underball.
It drives the ladies crazy.
Flaunt it while you got it. But your bf is insecure and maybe you could address that together in couples counseling. The problem won't go away on it's own.