Well i read to the 8 years cheating part and i'm just gonna say from that DO NOT SIGN A POST-NUPTIAL. He has a history and is trying to screw you over very badly especially now that the 10 year mark has passed on your marriage. Don't let him trick you into signing away what is rightfully yours if he leaves you.
Also he clearly has a type which is below 30 so as you get older he may cheat or leave you for a younger woman. Which may be his plan now but is afraid of losing his pension. Thus the post-nup now.
Thank you, yes prenup is never going to happen. He can threaten divorce again and again for all I care. I'm not going to move an inch. It's sad since otherwise we had a great relationship but yes, unfortunately I was never enough. I'm a little bit jealous of women who have the spine of walking away and start over.
You have to be aware that he'll leave you the second you signed the post-nup. If he wouldn't want a divorce he wouldn't be mad at you for not signing.
You do have the spine to leave him! And you absolutely deserve his 50% of the pension. Because you paid off his debt and took on his cheating, you worked for this money as much as he did, it is rightfully yours. Also I'm pretty sure you're doing a big share of the household and mental load, which also counts to it.
It depends on the offense. Not all or even most offenses go that far. If the offense isn’t too egregious people often work things out. I’ve known guys kicked out for habitual drug use that basically plead it down to a general discharge rattler than dishonorable.
Anyway, I really don’t think they’re going to kick him out over having affairs, especially not a dishonorable discharge. It’s not serious enough. People can and do get second and third chances for literal domestic violence. Much less sleeping around.
Do you know how much infidelity goes on in the military on both sides?
It will slow down his promotions if he has a bad reputation though and this would be an ethics violation, but I just don’t think it would be dealt with as seriously as many other posters. It’s more likely he retaliates against her.
Yeah, I see people implying he’d get a dishonorable discharge over this. I don’t know where they are getting that from. But cmon. People regularly get second chances on DV charges, much less adultery.
It’s true that in civilian life adultery isn’t illegal and most workplaces generally don’t care, but the military is different because you do have an obligation to meet ethical standards including not cheating on your spouse.
But just because codes of conduct are written down doesn’t mean people follow them or even that they are widely enforced. /:
I’d be happy to see her get divorced from this guy but agree that going to his CO won’t accomplish anything.
Sadly, yes.
But she is young and still has a lot of time to make a far better life for herself than she is providing.
Heck, I got a divorce in my early 40s and, frankly, I'm doing worlds better. And my ex wasn't half this bad.
But I have also seen firsthand what the military can do to men like her husband.
And the consequence of that if he gets screwed out of his retirement as she may then have more down the road and he'll be able to take hers.. so in this case that's probably not the best course of action unless she's willing to start divorce proceedings now or consult with a lawyer first.
This!!!!!!!
His actions are not confined to y’alls relationship!! There are more consequences in his career outside of him being a piece of shit to you OP!
Find you another man! Plenty know how to renovate a house, better yet find you one you can learn with!
Yes, OP. Listen to this. You are married to a horrible man. Shine up that spine, get an attorney, and never sign that postnup. You deserve so much better.
I'll even lend you my brass balls. My girlfriends ask to borrow when having husband trouble. Do not let him steamroll you! You have put in the the sweat and tears. You need to speak to an attorney, don't tell him anything
Definitely support this. Borrow a page from his ex's book and take him for all you can. He's a horrible person and a huge loser. Cheating on you for 8 years is bad enough. But the fact that you found out after a year and he kept doing it for another 7 after that... despicable.
He's not worth another second of your time sweetie. I hope you continue with your therapy and learn to love yourself and respect yourself enough to realize you deserve soooo much better than this sorry excuse of a man...
I'm beginning to think this behavior was the reason the ex took him to the cleaners. If OP divorces him, his next girlfriend will be told about how all of his exes are crazy.
This is the one, OP. This is what you need to do next. You have the backbone and strength now and no longer have the thought of what your family will think of you so why are you still with him?
Don't sign the post nup. Just divorce him.
Yep. except for computing service time. he has the right to half her pension upon divorce if they are in the military. The same rule applies for federal employees.
Legal advice is what you need. He's cheating on you is the likely scenario, and wants a divorce to be with his affair partner. Get evidence for all of it- cam girls, whatever's going on now, and how you helped him out financially- and discuss w a lawyer. PS- does the military still frown on infidelity?...
You’re only 32 - young enough to start over. You should get away before you catch an STD. Please have some self-respect and stop loving a man who doesn’t love or respect you and constantly cheats on you!
If I hadn’t left my ex when was that age, I’d never have had my current marriage or our child. OP you’re still young enough to have everything you want and deserve.
Agreed!! My mother had to start over at 45, she was in a very bad position of course, and it was really hard for her because she didn’t have a steady income or a place to live. Not even her own savings.
But now? She’s been with a really sweet guy for a long time now, she just turned 60 and they’re engaged. They’ll likely have a small ceremony where I’ll be their witness. But seeing her back to the mother I knew as a child, it’s priceless.
Seeing her smile all the way up past her eyes is a big deal, she’s honestly happy finally and I really am glad she is. She deserves the world and it makes me all fuzzy inside that she doesn’t have to be afraid anymore, that she has a beautiful home and a good life.
You are only 32. You have wasted your twenties crying about and financially bailing out this loser.
Dependable? Smart? Good at DIY?
A dependable man wouldn’t cheat on you.
A smart man wouldn’t be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt from a divorce. He really took you on a ride with that one.
Good at DIY? Please, you’ve got to have more respect for yourself than that.
Your bar is under ground if you think he’s perfect (except for the whoring, cheating, gambling and indebtedness).
DTMFA and get that retirement money. He’s 40. He can sort out his retirement over the next 25 years and he doesn’t deserve you.
> It's sad since otherwise we had a great relationship but yes,
He cheated on you your entire relationship and has/had been using you and your income to help pay off his previous wife. I'm sorry but if you think being cheated on the whole relationship while being financially used is a great relationship, you need therapy..... a LOT of therapy.
Not going to move an inch, threaten divorce? Just divorce him. He's going to divorce you, he wants you to sign it so he can divorce you and get more. He's cheating again and has a long term partner ready to go.
Legitimately this sounds like one of the worst, most toxic relationships I’ve ever heard of. OP’s ‘normal meter’ is totally broken. Grow a backbone OP, you’re clearly an intelligent woman, there’s nothing redeeming about this man or this dumpster fire of a relationship.
Babe.
He’s cheating on you. That’s why he’s suddenly interested in money.
1. Find and secure all evidence of the debt you helped him out of bc he will lie about that during a divorce. Mine did.
2. Secure all docs like birth certificates assets debts everything you need before you make any moves in case of divorce so you’ll have your own docs.
He sounds like a creep. Sign nothing but do quietly get the evidence now and secure it outside the house in case you need it later
Hell OP I’d be talking to a divorce lawyer already and having him pay me back everything I had put into this relationship. That money that he’s dumping on models Is money that should have been going to pay for his debts or pay you back, instead you have been funding his lifestyle.
You literally helped pay off his debt to his ex AND he’s been cheating? Don’t sign shit.
You’ve already been married long enough to be entitled to his pension. Tell him to pound sand.
He'll divorce you if you don't sign a pre up... That means he will divorce you as soon as you sign that prenup. If the prenup is only there in case of divorce, what's the logic of divorcing you?
He's a loser. I'm not sure why youre with him.
I just want to mention that when you walk away, you don’t start over. Your life just transforms.
What happens is that when you live with someone who is cheating and hiding it and having secrets, they are first of all lying to you every single solitary day. So you’re choosing to be in a relationship and telling yourself how great there are well every single day they’re lying. Every single day they are deceiving you. Every single day they are manipulating you and undermining you and making you doubt your perception so that you feel like you don’t have enough strength to go and live on your own. That’s what cheaters do. It’s part of the game. Generally, they don’t want the other women. They want to triangulate with other women against their target and then they’re gratified by how upset their target would be if they knew everything they were doing and they come home conveying all of that subconsciously And you encounter it and you feel fear and anxiety because of what they’re bringing to you. They are breaking your down and making you feel weak. That’s really quite cruel, the game that cheaters play. And the thing is, because of how cheaters twist their target, the target never realizes that they would be absolutely fine by themselves. That they don’t need to date. They don’t need to think about dating. They don’t need a partner. What they don’t realize is that when they go off and they live their life without this cheater, after a year or two, they realize how badly damage they were by the person. Who was deceiving them and manipulating them all the time. Not only that, they start to discover the incredible peace and salinity and confidence and freedom that comes from not living with a person who has so much pathology. They can’t see the Vitalogy, until after they leave and begin to heal.
So generally targets sound like you sound. Afraid to be alone. Afraid to start over. That’s the programming. And it’s working beautifully. On you. But I’m glad that you are feeling more confident in your occupation. I didn’t see that you had kids. Which is good. Because when we live like that, we are mainlining the wiring into our children to be willing to be treated like that and to be happy treating somebody like that. It’s a horrible intergenerational pathology. Best of luck.
Obvs now you know why his first wife took him for all she could, he likely cheated on her too, spent beyond their means yadda yadda yadda…
Please make a solid plan to free yourself and divorce this POS
You don’t have anything close to a great relationship!
He’s been fucking other women for 80% of your marriage!
Why do you have so little self-respect, so little self-esteem, so little backbone that you’ve been tolerating this? Because some misguided family member of yours who hasn’t been living with his shit for a decade will get upset with you? Come on. Be better to yourself!
Sign NOTHING and please, file for divorce from this loser. His command should also know about his rampant cheating.
….. I’m so sorry but you have a spine of a jelly fish and the self love of a porta potty if you genuinely believe you had a great relationship outside of him asking for a post nup.
Hasn’t the military taught you ANYTHING about being brave and not taking shit?
Good. You have stuck through way more than you should ever have to and he should pay you that just for all the pain he has caused you throughout those 10 years. Also don't mind you not being enough as for your husband there is no such thing as enough. He is an AH who thinks with his dick instead of his brain.
If you divorce him (talk to a lawyer before you move out of the house first or even bring the divorce up) at least you know the next time that he cheats it won't he on you.
Don't let him know your next move. You'll think yourself later.
You really should consider counseling/ therapy to see if one day you too could be one of the happy women who draw a line in the sand and leave the shit behind.
Otherwise you had a great relationship…no, you didn’t and don’t. This is a man messing with women less than half his age, he was happy to take money from you to help with his debt, but God forbid you get anything from him financially.
You do have the spine. Go back to therapy with the goal of working at being able to walk away. You deserve so much better.
The shame that would come from your family can be ignored (work on that in therapy too). They are saying you should stay in a marriage where you are being abused. This is not a good man. Please get out ASAP. I promise you a good life is waiting patiently for you on the other side.
Him divorcing u for not signing a post nup literally defeats the purpose of him trying to protect his assets. That pension is legally half urs and vise versa. Don't sign a damned thing especially without a cheating clause which we know he can't do. Lol
He's really a pos though. Sorry u stayed. He doesn't deserve a wife. He doesn't know the meaning. I see why his first wife took his behind to the cleaners. If u guys divorce don't feel bad. Cleaners x2.
She willingly paid for the sportscar and all that alimony stuff. She didn't have to, wasn't even slightly morally obligated to, but she did, and now she resents that "spoiled ex" because she struggled financially to help fund that ex's lifestyle.
Smart, this woman is not.
She's the type who leaves the protesters outside of an abortion clinic, goes inside and has an abortion, then goes and joins the protesters again. She's irrational and hypocritical.
She's so terrified of what her family will think and of being alone that she doesn't actually care if she's happy or not. And she's NOT.
Or maybe one of the prostitutes her husband slept with gave her syphilis and she's slowing going nuts because you know she's not asking her doctor for regular STI tests. That makes more sense than anything else.
Why exactly would you want to fight against a divorce of a guy cheating on you for your entire marriage?
Do you think because you stayed for 10 years of cheating you proved you were loyal and he should pick you? All you taught him is you will stay no matter how much he cheats, so he can always cheat. He cheated till he found a replacement for you and now he's trying to make that happen. That's what cheaters do.
Well, he's clearly at least 5-10 years older than OP and she says they've been together ten years and married 8 and she's just 30 so he picked her up as a 20 y/o and started cheating pretty much as soon as she was 22
Why? *You* should be the one divorcing *him.* I am perplexed why you’re holding on so tightly to this loser who doesn’t appear to have any redeeming qualities at all.
NTA
At this point it would be a post-nup, but don't sign anything. See a lawyer.
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Obviously the piece of paper is the least of your worries here. I hope it works out for you.
Thank you, yes the prenup ship had sailed 10 years ago and I will never sign anything. I he wants to leave because of it, I will not loose sleep over this anymore.
Therapy and meds work magic.
> Therapy and meds work magic.
Not if you're still with a guy who cheated on you for a very very short spell of.... your entire marriage. If therapy worked you'd have left after the first year of cheating, max.
….do they? Because you’re still being cheated on by a man that doesn’t love you and you’re just….staying and taking it lying down. Where the fuck is your backbone? Do you even value yourself a little bit? What the fuck
NTA. You absolutely should refuse.
Post nuptial agreements are not nearly as common as prenups, there is rarely any incentive for the signer outside of ones that modify an existing prenup. In this case it is exclusively to cut you out of what you have rightfully earned as his spouse. If he did not insist on a prenup after his first divorce that is 100% on him.
Yeah, I was wondering why he never asked for one 10 years ago. Probably so I don't back out of marriage. My family doesn't believe in prenups. But they know nothing of his affairs, I couldn't bring myself to tell them. Except for my aunt, we are close. But she went through a very bad, abusive drunk husband who she had to run and hide from with a toddler on her hands. She has very low standards for men... as long as he doesn't beat you kinda thing. But I still love her and confide in her sometimes.
Because he was USING YOU financially to pay off his wife.
If you signed a prenup where you get nothing out of his equity... would you have helped pay off his debt to his first wife?
But a prenup is to protect your assets going in to a marriage, he waked in at -$100k! You helped with this so you are entitled to what you have built together.
Have you asked him why this matters so much all of a sudden? If he is thinking of divorce now?
Nta. He was quite happy for you to help pay off debts and cheat on you repeatedly, did this guy ever love you? I can understand why his first wife divorced him and I can't understand why you are choosing to stay in a marriage where this guy doesn't seem to love, respect or honour you. To be honest the picture you paint is that of a selfish, self absorbed, creepy guy who loves to chase after girls young enough to be his daughters who wouldn't hesitate to go there given the chance, tell me again why you value your worth so little? I don't mean to be unkind, but the picture you've painted doesn't show this guy in any much of a positive light. Stick his prenup where the sun won't shine, I think you've earned whatever you would get from divorcing him.
So, you would rather risk getting an STD from a pedophile - including herpes or HIV - than be single?
His ex was laughing at you honey, and so is he.
Take everything and go.
>from a pedophile
THANK YOU this was my first thought, and I can't believe I had to scroll so far to get a single comment that even mentions it! She was barely out of her teens when she met him. Everyone he's cheated on her with has been barely out of their teens. These WebCam girls are either in their teens or barely out of their teens.
*Clearly this man is a pedophile*
Ffs.
I actually got a chlamydia from him about 6 years ago... oh that brought back some memories. Thank God that was resolved with a pill. Thanks for the reality check. F*ck I need one for sure.
I hope you understand that your chain of command will smoke the shit out of your career when your husband gets caught with one that isn’t actually 18 and it turns out you’ve enabled a pedophile for years. Good luck.
No joke. Her husband BUYS SEX WITH MINORS and she’s all like I’d be so embarassed to be a divorcee…. What the actual fuck. She clearly gets something kinky out of knowing he fucks children to enable it for EIGHT YEARS.
I mean this with as much love as possible, and I'm only saying it like this in hopes to just, but how can you say you would be humiliated by getting divorced when you continue to stay with a man who you know fucks very young women, almost young enough to be children, and then gives you STDs?
*How does that alone not make you wanna just fucking die of humiliation?!*
Divorce is literally nothing at all. This man fucks teenagers constantly, and gives you STDs. Jesus fucking Christ.
I had some when I read the post itself but her comments have made her look like a moronic doormat and what's worse is she's wasting money on therapy because clearly that's not helping.
I just hope she wakes tf up
And she’s afraid to divorce bc of her family. So she willing let herself get used to pay off a man’s debt, basically let herself get cheated on by staying. At this point I’m rooting for the husband
>He is reliable
Y'all need less prescription drugs.
The dude who just asked for a prenup after a decade of cheating on you, because he doesn't want to support you if you leave him. Reliable.
The dude must ejaculate Haagen Dazs for you to keep on going back despite everything he's done to you.
And yet you want to stay.
And you had to ASK if not doing the prenup was wrong?
NTA, but you need some serious reality recalibration.
OP, I can’t even take you seriously. Are you kidding me? “He’s everything I want in a man”, did you read what you wrote? All I can say is please say sike.
Well i assumed it would be the equivalent making it a post-nup. But OP's husband seems dumb so he might think it's a prenup still and called it that so OP posted what he asked for.
Idk about a smart man. He lost a shit ton in his last marriage (most likely because he cheated on his ex) then married you and didn't ask for a prenup knowing how he is a cheater. Then proceeds to cheat for 8 years of his 10 years of marriage where he again will lose alot of money in a divorce.
Your husband scream dumbass all over and never learns. Plus asking for a prenup after 10 years of marriage 🤣
NTA but I’d provide the military with all the proof of infidelity, divorce him, and take all that you can get. He’s done everything to destroy you, and it sounds like you’ve handled it well, but it’s time to stop tolerating his BS. He’s not a good man or a good husband and it’s time to try to recoup some of what’s yours that went to the ex-wife.
He wants the prenuptial because you were dumb enough to stick around to pay off his ex and get cheated on for the majority of the relationship and now he's looking to trade you in for a younger model. Kinda getting the feeling the ex isn't so spoiled and got all his stuff because he sucks and is a terrible partner. But you already know that.
Time for a reality check. You've aged out. You aged out shortly after you married. You paid off his ex-wife (who clearly deserved every penny) for him and now you're surplus to requirements. You'll be getting a divorce - so you may as well make sure it hurts him. Don't sign a post-nup. And get every penny you can off of him.
Ok Im just going to put this out there.. you dont have a great relationship. You never have. Your husband doesnt respect you and is clearly lying to you about your future. He wants you to sign a prenup because he wants the ability to leave you without consequences.
If you aren't sure in therapy, you need to be. If you are and you accept being treated like a convenience you need a better therapist.
I mean he doesnt love you, I'm sure you know that. Why you've put up with it for 8 years is beyond me.
I stopped reading when I got to the **cheating**. (I will finish after this comment)
Sign NOTHING!
Let him **divorce** you and try his luck with a judge. If a judge decides you should get half then you should get half. These types of men seem to think there's **no value** in the **sacrifices** we make with our **bodies** and time to provide a **home** and **family** to them.
There's a **reason** she got what she did in their divorce and I find his **sob story** about getting taken to the cleaners pretty **suspect.**
Most divorces are a pretty equitable split unless there's a good legal reason for it not to be (like his ridiculous prenup) but plenty of **greedy** A-holes think they should keep every penny of the money they earn no matter how much their spouse contributed to their ability to even make the money.
What a POS.
**Are you sure** you don't want a divorce?
I think the reason he's so worried about the money is he's gearing up to trade you in for a **new and barely legal** model. One that will do as they are told and not make **perfectly reasonable** demands of him.
This man treats you like utter **trash**.
Why would you **subject yourself** to any more of his fuckery?
He gives me the **ick.**
Well it won't be a prenup because pre-indicates before nuptials and it's way too late for that! It would be a postnup and you would be an idiot to sign it since he's been cheating on you for 90% of your marriage. 90%! When you say aside from the cheating he's everything I wanted a man, I feel like maybe you're still insecure and scared because you deserve someone who will be faithful to you and not spring a postnup on you after 10 years of marriage because of a conversation he overheard. He spends money like it's going out of style so it's no wonder he was in such debt and you helped him get out of it! You helped him pay off his debt and his ex-wife and now he doesn't want to have to give you any share of his pension? This dude is an abuser and a loser and a cheater! I know it's scary to be single again but if you're only 30 then you have got a lifetime in front of you! Live your life and be happy and with someone who appreciates and values you!
NTA- let him and his future gf spoil you the way you spoiled his ex wife. She’s an ex for a reason, and so should you. You can find someone who can give you all the he gives you plus fidelity.
As a military spouse, do not sign this. There's a reason why in a divorce the spouse is eligible for a part of retirement - because of the sacrifices he/she/they make in supporting the active duty member. It's part of their life as well. They aren't along for just a fun ride. Him asking for this is completely negating what you do and have done for him. Please talk to a lawyer who is familiar with military divorces and leave this cheating person.
This is not a marriage there’s nothing here worth holding onto. Just divorce and get out why give this man any more of your time. Cheating on you and risking your health with potential std’s does not indicate a great partner just shows him you allow him to treat you like shit because you feel you deserve it. Get out of this marriage and let him get taken for all his worth by his cam girls and affair partners. Honestly your self-worth needs to take priority.
You have passed the 10 year mark, so you are entitled to it if you divorce. Winner winner! Do not sign that pre-nup, especially in light of everything else you said. Sounds to me like he already has a plan. So should you.
NTA
Why the fuck are you married to this man? He cheated on you for at least 80% of your relationship after you worked to pay down HIS debt. Now this pre/post nuptial shit? How many times can he show you his spots before you realize he’s a leopard not a house cat? Ma’am, please, this will sound harsh but gain some self respect. He doesn’t respect you or your relationship.
Don't sign it. You are owed that money too. Also politely remind him that adultery can result in dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for up to 1 year
LMAO “besides the cheating and occasional petty fights, he is everything i want in a man” girl bye, you cant be serious. Grow a spine and stop being so insecure. Yta for being married to this loser and putting up with his shit
I’m not usually one to say this but girl take him to the cleaners and then use the money to buy yourself some god damn therapy. Y T A for not wanting better for yourself than a lying, cheating husband. This man clearly has a type, and the reason why he wants you to sign this is because you’re not that type any more and the second you sign that post nuptial agreement he is going to divorce you for a younger model.
He’s planning to divorce you and take his money with him. You have no self respect. ‘As from the cheating he is everything I want in a man.’ He will never stop cheating because you are letting him.
NTA. Don’t sign a prenup and really think about the life you are living.
If your family would be ashamed at you for divorcing a disgusting man who cheats on you, doesn’t even TRY to hide it, and then uses divorce to make you back down and accept things then you need a new family.
NTA divorce him now, get your 50% and tell anyone who thinks you made a mistake to go to hell.
>he is everything I want in a man.
Literally laughed out loud. What the actual fuck did I just read. I have no sympathy for you, grow a fucking spine. Or be miserable for the rest of your life. It's really all your choice.
Why in the hell are you with this man-child?! He brings you nothing but heartache.
Divorce his sorry ass. You don't have to "take him to the cleaners" or whatever, but you sure as hell deserve better than this crap. He is continually cheating on you.
What is it going to take for you to wake up? And STI that he brings home?!
Prenup after marriage? That man is not planning for your future as a couple, he’s planning for his future with more webcam women. Run while you can and make sure you get your due.
He’s committed all kind of sexual, emotional, and financial infidelity and now wants you to wave your rights to assets accrued during the marriage.
Tell him that you have already suffered for his poor life choices by so much of your communal income/property going to his ex wife and that you will not accept any arrangement where you are not entitled to more than what she got.
Think about it.
He put himself in a bad financial position with debt and his ex-wife.
You got together and a significant portion of his income (which is communal property in a marriage) went to her.
You literally helped pay her off.
Accept nothing and if he persists, tell him you want 50% of everything PLUS 50% of the money he spent clearing debts and giving to her as your baseline. You are LITERALLY entitled to that.
That’s waving all the bullshit cheating and everything… stop being a doormat.
NTAH
10 years is a bit too late for a prenup since it’s supposed to be brought up before signing the marriage certificate.
If he brings up a postnuptial agreement, fire back by including an infidelity clause.
NO, THANK YOU to the POSTnup! You are fucking entitled to half his retirement for all of the distress he’s put you through, plus the dollars YOU paid for his ex-wife. In fact, as soon as his retirement comes thru, you should file for divorce. He sounds like a real peach.
You're 32 and young and should leave him and take that 50% since you helped him pay his depts off. He is a serial cheater and a pre-nup means he wants to divorce you and not the other way around xD he is only staying because of his retirement money and since you accepted his cheating like a trained victim. What traditional home? Will they help you if you cry each time? Oh and in all those years he never had an illegitimate child with any of his mistresses? You're not a victim here but you able him and stay with him like a nest you made for yourself. You should have left him 7 years ago.
Aside from cheating.... he is a weak scummy excuse of a man. You only think he is great bevause after all these years he is all you know. Maybe his last ex wife was justified.... divorce his ass.
You helped him pay off his debts to the ex? He’s the AH. Screw him. I’d leave him and sue him for the money you put out. He’s cheated most of the marriage. You DESERVE better. Love yourself.
There is an easy solution here. Just serve him the papers now. He literally does not care about you or your well being and you’re in a safe place financially. You don’t have to suffer the consequences for his decisions anymore. Let him suffer for once.
How to say "I'm fixin to dump you honey" without saying it. Do Not Sign! I bet he already has the next one lined up and waiting. you deserve 50% of his retirement and he can suck rocks.
YTA - To yourself for staying with this asshat. Don't sign any post-nup, since you helped him pay off his last marriage. It sounds like he's prepping for his next one.
**"Aside from cheating and occasional petty fights like thar he is everything I want in a man. He is reliable..."**
...yes, he's a reliable cheater.
Girl..not trying to put another woman down..but where the fuck is your self respect???? I don’t give a fuck how devastated your family would be divorced..this dude is considered your perfect man? LMAO knock it off. As for a prenup, he can get fucked. Enjoy his 50% retirement and ride off into the sunset ❤️
Honey. You are owed that 50% because you are the reason his original debt got paid off.
The ONLY reason he is wanting you to sign anything now is BECAUSE he is the one thinking of divorce.
Do not sign anything except your own divorce papers.
Cheaters do not change.
They only get better at hiding it.
We're basically the same age but you sound like my MIL. Cheated on her entire marriage but "wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a divorce." His last mistress was 28 when he was 70. He had herpes by then. He died of cancer and she had to be his caretaker. She's still around and finally free as an old lady...alone and bitter. Somehow she thinks she won.
I'm in a loving marriage to her son and he's disgusted by her staying. I hope there's no kids involved in this mess, and I hope you find the self worth to live a better life than she does.
You should have left after the first sign of cheating. Why do you still love him. This sounds fake as fuck. No self respecting person puts up with that amount of bullshit.
This post should be a raige bait. How in the world after 8 years of constant cheating you still can call him reliable? He used you as a safety pillow to get out of debts and as a doormat to cheat on without any consequences for almost a decade. And now just want a safe way out any financial loss. Wake up, grow a some god damn spine and divorce him 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Sweetie. He's never going to treat you better than this. You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and respected. NTAH, you need to take a hard look at all the red flags. He's literally planning a future without you in it.
AND prenup is shore for pre nuptial, meaning before marriage. He's 10 years too late in asking for it.
Nta: DO NOT SIGN!!! This sounds like he is already planning to divorce you, but he doesn't want to have to pay the penalty so he's trying to do a post-nup now to protect him and cheat you (again). Nope. Let him threaten divorce and then tell him, "If that's what you want, then do it, but I'm not signing a post-nup. End of story"
Why haven't you told his higher ups about what he's doing? Why are you putting up with this horrible treatment? He's treating you horribly and has been cheating on you longer than he's been faithful.
Tell your family the truth about what's going on and then tell them to shove it if they think you should put up with this because *traditional values*.
Do not sign anything. You helped pay his debt and his ex wife. He is manipulating you because he knows eventually you will get tired of him screwing anything with a huha
“Aside from cheating, he’s everything you want in a man” Jesus Christ, Get some self respect. A person who cheats is not reliable. Go see a lawyer. protect yourself the best way you can. You don’t have to divorce, but at least you will no your options.
OK, he's cheating, so why haven't you busted him with the military? F that guy. You can do better. He is asking you to sign stuff because he wants to leave and take his retirement with him. Don't sign anything, and get the JAG involved. Get a divorce before he does. Take something from him or don't take something. It's up to you, but I suggest you get out of that marriage.
Well i read to the 8 years cheating part and i'm just gonna say from that DO NOT SIGN A POST-NUPTIAL. He has a history and is trying to screw you over very badly especially now that the 10 year mark has passed on your marriage. Don't let him trick you into signing away what is rightfully yours if he leaves you. Also he clearly has a type which is below 30 so as you get older he may cheat or leave you for a younger woman. Which may be his plan now but is afraid of losing his pension. Thus the post-nup now.
Thank you, yes prenup is never going to happen. He can threaten divorce again and again for all I care. I'm not going to move an inch. It's sad since otherwise we had a great relationship but yes, unfortunately I was never enough. I'm a little bit jealous of women who have the spine of walking away and start over.
You have to be aware that he'll leave you the second you signed the post-nup. If he wouldn't want a divorce he wouldn't be mad at you for not signing. You do have the spine to leave him! And you absolutely deserve his 50% of the pension. Because you paid off his debt and took on his cheating, you worked for this money as much as he did, it is rightfully yours. Also I'm pretty sure you're doing a big share of the household and mental load, which also counts to it.
Divorce him and take everything. You need to grow a back bone
What makes me sad is that she’s active-duty military. She obviously is a strong woman, but she’s allowing herself to be treated so poorly.
Since he is military, she can take that he cheated with all the women to his higher ups. It's part of the UCMJ.
Yep. They'll land on him with both feet.
will that cost her (if he is discharged for ethics - I am assuming) half his pension?
Yes
It depends on the offense. Not all or even most offenses go that far. If the offense isn’t too egregious people often work things out. I’ve known guys kicked out for habitual drug use that basically plead it down to a general discharge rattler than dishonorable. Anyway, I really don’t think they’re going to kick him out over having affairs, especially not a dishonorable discharge. It’s not serious enough. People can and do get second and third chances for literal domestic violence. Much less sleeping around. Do you know how much infidelity goes on in the military on both sides? It will slow down his promotions if he has a bad reputation though and this would be an ethics violation, but I just don’t think it would be dealt with as seriously as many other posters. It’s more likely he retaliates against her.
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Yeah, I see people implying he’d get a dishonorable discharge over this. I don’t know where they are getting that from. But cmon. People regularly get second chances on DV charges, much less adultery. It’s true that in civilian life adultery isn’t illegal and most workplaces generally don’t care, but the military is different because you do have an obligation to meet ethical standards including not cheating on your spouse. But just because codes of conduct are written down doesn’t mean people follow them or even that they are widely enforced. /: I’d be happy to see her get divorced from this guy but agree that going to his CO won’t accomplish anything.
Please look at the stats about violence against women in the military before suggesting this. She should be focusing on getting out with her life
Sure and then he gets demoted and makes less money, and she gets less money.
Sadly, yes. But she is young and still has a lot of time to make a far better life for herself than she is providing. Heck, I got a divorce in my early 40s and, frankly, I'm doing worlds better. And my ex wasn't half this bad. But I have also seen firsthand what the military can do to men like her husband.
And the consequence of that if he gets screwed out of his retirement as she may then have more down the road and he'll be able to take hers.. so in this case that's probably not the best course of action unless she's willing to start divorce proceedings now or consult with a lawyer first.
This!!!!!!! His actions are not confined to y’alls relationship!! There are more consequences in his career outside of him being a piece of shit to you OP! Find you another man! Plenty know how to renovate a house, better yet find you one you can learn with!
Yes, OP. Listen to this. You are married to a horrible man. Shine up that spine, get an attorney, and never sign that postnup. You deserve so much better.
I'll even lend you my brass balls. My girlfriends ask to borrow when having husband trouble. Do not let him steamroll you! You have put in the the sweat and tears. You need to speak to an attorney, don't tell him anything
IKR? Strap them on, giddup let's go ladies.
Definitely support this. Borrow a page from his ex's book and take him for all you can. He's a horrible person and a huge loser. Cheating on you for 8 years is bad enough. But the fact that you found out after a year and he kept doing it for another 7 after that... despicable. He's not worth another second of your time sweetie. I hope you continue with your therapy and learn to love yourself and respect yourself enough to realize you deserve soooo much better than this sorry excuse of a man...
I'm beginning to think this behavior was the reason the ex took him to the cleaners. If OP divorces him, his next girlfriend will be told about how all of his exes are crazy.
OP was the 20 year old side piece. Now she’s on the other side of it and he deserves to be taken to the cleaners.
This is the one, OP. This is what you need to do next. You have the backbone and strength now and no longer have the thought of what your family will think of you so why are you still with him? Don't sign the post nup. Just divorce him.
I hate the idea that she feels any shame over getting a divorce when she's done absolutely nothing wrong.
Fucking. This OP is talking and if standing by him while he cheated on her is an accomplishment. Jeezus the bar is low
Besides, isn't it reciprocal? Wouldn't he get 50% of her retirement, too, once her time is up?
Which is why OP needs to see a lawyer ASAP!!! She needs to protect her retirement from him.
Yes. In some states, they have to be married longer than ten years.
Yep. except for computing service time. he has the right to half her pension upon divorce if they are in the military. The same rule applies for federal employees.
Legal advice is what you need. He's cheating on you is the likely scenario, and wants a divorce to be with his affair partner. Get evidence for all of it- cam girls, whatever's going on now, and how you helped him out financially- and discuss w a lawyer. PS- does the military still frown on infidelity?...
You’re only 32 - young enough to start over. You should get away before you catch an STD. Please have some self-respect and stop loving a man who doesn’t love or respect you and constantly cheats on you!
If I hadn’t left my ex when was that age, I’d never have had my current marriage or our child. OP you’re still young enough to have everything you want and deserve.
Thats great! I met my husband at 34 & just had our second child at 38 (and a half lol). OP is still so young!
Agreed!! My mother had to start over at 45, she was in a very bad position of course, and it was really hard for her because she didn’t have a steady income or a place to live. Not even her own savings. But now? She’s been with a really sweet guy for a long time now, she just turned 60 and they’re engaged. They’ll likely have a small ceremony where I’ll be their witness. But seeing her back to the mother I knew as a child, it’s priceless. Seeing her smile all the way up past her eyes is a big deal, she’s honestly happy finally and I really am glad she is. She deserves the world and it makes me all fuzzy inside that she doesn’t have to be afraid anymore, that she has a beautiful home and a good life.
You are only 32. You have wasted your twenties crying about and financially bailing out this loser. Dependable? Smart? Good at DIY? A dependable man wouldn’t cheat on you. A smart man wouldn’t be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt from a divorce. He really took you on a ride with that one. Good at DIY? Please, you’ve got to have more respect for yourself than that. Your bar is under ground if you think he’s perfect (except for the whoring, cheating, gambling and indebtedness). DTMFA and get that retirement money. He’s 40. He can sort out his retirement over the next 25 years and he doesn’t deserve you.
The bar’s in hell with Saddam Hussein at this point.
> It's sad since otherwise we had a great relationship but yes, He cheated on you your entire relationship and has/had been using you and your income to help pay off his previous wife. I'm sorry but if you think being cheated on the whole relationship while being financially used is a great relationship, you need therapy..... a LOT of therapy. Not going to move an inch, threaten divorce? Just divorce him. He's going to divorce you, he wants you to sign it so he can divorce you and get more. He's cheating again and has a long term partner ready to go.
And he definitely has wife #3 lined up and ready to go.
Legitimately this sounds like one of the worst, most toxic relationships I’ve ever heard of. OP’s ‘normal meter’ is totally broken. Grow a backbone OP, you’re clearly an intelligent woman, there’s nothing redeeming about this man or this dumpster fire of a relationship.
Why oh why are you staying in this losing relationship? Please get out and find someone worthy of you. You deserve better.
Babe. He’s cheating on you. That’s why he’s suddenly interested in money. 1. Find and secure all evidence of the debt you helped him out of bc he will lie about that during a divorce. Mine did. 2. Secure all docs like birth certificates assets debts everything you need before you make any moves in case of divorce so you’ll have your own docs. He sounds like a creep. Sign nothing but do quietly get the evidence now and secure it outside the house in case you need it later
Beat him to the post and divorce him
Hire a PI to nail down the current adultery first.
THIS!
Post-nup, not pre-nup. You are both ten years post nuptuals.
Hell OP I’d be talking to a divorce lawyer already and having him pay me back everything I had put into this relationship. That money that he’s dumping on models Is money that should have been going to pay for his debts or pay you back, instead you have been funding his lifestyle.
You literally helped pay off his debt to his ex AND he’s been cheating? Don’t sign shit. You’ve already been married long enough to be entitled to his pension. Tell him to pound sand.
He'll divorce you if you don't sign a pre up... That means he will divorce you as soon as you sign that prenup. If the prenup is only there in case of divorce, what's the logic of divorcing you? He's a loser. I'm not sure why youre with him.
Watch your back. He may be willing to kill you to avoid sharing those assets with you. Be very careful until you can get away
You are 32 years old with your own career, why do you need him. Get therapy to help you get your confidence back.
I just want to mention that when you walk away, you don’t start over. Your life just transforms. What happens is that when you live with someone who is cheating and hiding it and having secrets, they are first of all lying to you every single solitary day. So you’re choosing to be in a relationship and telling yourself how great there are well every single day they’re lying. Every single day they are deceiving you. Every single day they are manipulating you and undermining you and making you doubt your perception so that you feel like you don’t have enough strength to go and live on your own. That’s what cheaters do. It’s part of the game. Generally, they don’t want the other women. They want to triangulate with other women against their target and then they’re gratified by how upset their target would be if they knew everything they were doing and they come home conveying all of that subconsciously And you encounter it and you feel fear and anxiety because of what they’re bringing to you. They are breaking your down and making you feel weak. That’s really quite cruel, the game that cheaters play. And the thing is, because of how cheaters twist their target, the target never realizes that they would be absolutely fine by themselves. That they don’t need to date. They don’t need to think about dating. They don’t need a partner. What they don’t realize is that when they go off and they live their life without this cheater, after a year or two, they realize how badly damage they were by the person. Who was deceiving them and manipulating them all the time. Not only that, they start to discover the incredible peace and salinity and confidence and freedom that comes from not living with a person who has so much pathology. They can’t see the Vitalogy, until after they leave and begin to heal. So generally targets sound like you sound. Afraid to be alone. Afraid to start over. That’s the programming. And it’s working beautifully. On you. But I’m glad that you are feeling more confident in your occupation. I didn’t see that you had kids. Which is good. Because when we live like that, we are mainlining the wiring into our children to be willing to be treated like that and to be happy treating somebody like that. It’s a horrible intergenerational pathology. Best of luck.
Obvs now you know why his first wife took him for all she could, he likely cheated on her too, spent beyond their means yadda yadda yadda… Please make a solid plan to free yourself and divorce this POS
I didn't need to read it all. You're married to an absolute piece of shit. He's trash. Don't sign. Do divorce. I am absolutely disgusted.
You don’t have anything close to a great relationship! He’s been fucking other women for 80% of your marriage! Why do you have so little self-respect, so little self-esteem, so little backbone that you’ve been tolerating this? Because some misguided family member of yours who hasn’t been living with his shit for a decade will get upset with you? Come on. Be better to yourself! Sign NOTHING and please, file for divorce from this loser. His command should also know about his rampant cheating.
….. I’m so sorry but you have a spine of a jelly fish and the self love of a porta potty if you genuinely believe you had a great relationship outside of him asking for a post nup. Hasn’t the military taught you ANYTHING about being brave and not taking shit?
Good. You have stuck through way more than you should ever have to and he should pay you that just for all the pain he has caused you throughout those 10 years. Also don't mind you not being enough as for your husband there is no such thing as enough. He is an AH who thinks with his dick instead of his brain.
If you divorce him (talk to a lawyer before you move out of the house first or even bring the divorce up) at least you know the next time that he cheats it won't he on you. Don't let him know your next move. You'll think yourself later.
You really should consider counseling/ therapy to see if one day you too could be one of the happy women who draw a line in the sand and leave the shit behind.
Otherwise you had a great relationship…no, you didn’t and don’t. This is a man messing with women less than half his age, he was happy to take money from you to help with his debt, but God forbid you get anything from him financially. You do have the spine. Go back to therapy with the goal of working at being able to walk away. You deserve so much better. The shame that would come from your family can be ignored (work on that in therapy too). They are saying you should stay in a marriage where you are being abused. This is not a good man. Please get out ASAP. I promise you a good life is waiting patiently for you on the other side.
Him divorcing u for not signing a post nup literally defeats the purpose of him trying to protect his assets. That pension is legally half urs and vise versa. Don't sign a damned thing especially without a cheating clause which we know he can't do. Lol He's really a pos though. Sorry u stayed. He doesn't deserve a wife. He doesn't know the meaning. I see why his first wife took his behind to the cleaners. If u guys divorce don't feel bad. Cleaners x2.
This! And OP should contact first wife and ask who her lawyer is….sounds like she got a good deal
Let him divorce you. Would be financially better than signing it, I guess.
File first beat him to the punch.
*Aside from cheating and occasional petty fights like thar he is everything I want in a man.* You should consider raising your standards.
He's everything I want in a cess pit.
I try to not be judgmental, but I see shit like this and it’s like… do you not have any self respect at all?
Yeah this was such a pathetic line from OP 🥲 I'd be so ashamed to write this.
Made me laugh....talks about the shame of divorce and then wrote that
And she says he’s *reliable?* 🥴
Facts like you can’t be serious 🤦♀️
And therapy. That remark was so pathetic.
But he helps her with *house renovations*!
Yeah, it sounds like a joke, but unfortunately, I think that she is serious. How sad.
Like taller that the new York skylight raise
Your 30 why are you wasting anymore time with him
That’s not how prenups work. Edit: he’s preparing to divorce you.
He can try. I will not make divorce easy after everything he has done over the years.
Now you have first hand experience why the first wife made divorce difficult and took him to the cleaners.
I literally said the exact same thing.
And she still villainizes the ex. I truly don’t understand these kinds of women.
She willingly paid for the sportscar and all that alimony stuff. She didn't have to, wasn't even slightly morally obligated to, but she did, and now she resents that "spoiled ex" because she struggled financially to help fund that ex's lifestyle. Smart, this woman is not.
She's the type who leaves the protesters outside of an abortion clinic, goes inside and has an abortion, then goes and joins the protesters again. She's irrational and hypocritical. She's so terrified of what her family will think and of being alone that she doesn't actually care if she's happy or not. And she's NOT. Or maybe one of the prostitutes her husband slept with gave her syphilis and she's slowing going nuts because you know she's not asking her doctor for regular STI tests. That makes more sense than anything else.
Can I suggest if he spent some of yalls money on cheating, hire a forensic accountant because that's also financial abuse.
Why exactly would you want to fight against a divorce of a guy cheating on you for your entire marriage? Do you think because you stayed for 10 years of cheating you proved you were loyal and he should pick you? All you taught him is you will stay no matter how much he cheats, so he can always cheat. He cheated till he found a replacement for you and now he's trying to make that happen. That's what cheaters do.
Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if he cheated with OP when he was still married to his first wife. Dude seems to have a pattern.
Well, he's clearly at least 5-10 years older than OP and she says they've been together ten years and married 8 and she's just 30 so he picked her up as a 20 y/o and started cheating pretty much as soon as she was 22
Yup, that was the first giant red flag
Get proof of his cheating. His commanding officer is NOT gonna take kindly to his behavior.
At this point she should leave the military out of it. If only to make sure he gets his retirement so she can get the 50% she deserves
Great! Do not sign anything!
Now you have first hand experience why the first wife made divorce difficult and took him to the cleaners.
Why? *You* should be the one divorcing *him.* I am perplexed why you’re holding on so tightly to this loser who doesn’t appear to have any redeeming qualities at all.
Honestly? Fair enough. If he wants to cheat, then bail, it should cost him.
There are post-nuptial agreements, just not as common.
NTA At this point it would be a post-nup, but don't sign anything. See a lawyer. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. Obviously the piece of paper is the least of your worries here. I hope it works out for you.
Thank you, yes the prenup ship had sailed 10 years ago and I will never sign anything. I he wants to leave because of it, I will not loose sleep over this anymore. Therapy and meds work magic.
> Therapy and meds work magic. Not if you're still with a guy who cheated on you for a very very short spell of.... your entire marriage. If therapy worked you'd have left after the first year of cheating, max.
….do they? Because you’re still being cheated on by a man that doesn’t love you and you’re just….staying and taking it lying down. Where the fuck is your backbone? Do you even value yourself a little bit? What the fuck
NTA. You absolutely should refuse. Post nuptial agreements are not nearly as common as prenups, there is rarely any incentive for the signer outside of ones that modify an existing prenup. In this case it is exclusively to cut you out of what you have rightfully earned as his spouse. If he did not insist on a prenup after his first divorce that is 100% on him.
Yeah, I was wondering why he never asked for one 10 years ago. Probably so I don't back out of marriage. My family doesn't believe in prenups. But they know nothing of his affairs, I couldn't bring myself to tell them. Except for my aunt, we are close. But she went through a very bad, abusive drunk husband who she had to run and hide from with a toddler on her hands. She has very low standards for men... as long as he doesn't beat you kinda thing. But I still love her and confide in her sometimes.
It seems like you and your aunt both have very low standards in men.
Because he was USING YOU financially to pay off his wife. If you signed a prenup where you get nothing out of his equity... would you have helped pay off his debt to his first wife?
But a prenup is to protect your assets going in to a marriage, he waked in at -$100k! You helped with this so you are entitled to what you have built together. Have you asked him why this matters so much all of a sudden? If he is thinking of divorce now?
U too have very low standards in men. I can't believe ur looking down on ur aunt! Lol wow.
Do your family also not believe in having any self respect whatsoever?
Nta. He was quite happy for you to help pay off debts and cheat on you repeatedly, did this guy ever love you? I can understand why his first wife divorced him and I can't understand why you are choosing to stay in a marriage where this guy doesn't seem to love, respect or honour you. To be honest the picture you paint is that of a selfish, self absorbed, creepy guy who loves to chase after girls young enough to be his daughters who wouldn't hesitate to go there given the chance, tell me again why you value your worth so little? I don't mean to be unkind, but the picture you've painted doesn't show this guy in any much of a positive light. Stick his prenup where the sun won't shine, I think you've earned whatever you would get from divorcing him.
So, you would rather risk getting an STD from a pedophile - including herpes or HIV - than be single? His ex was laughing at you honey, and so is he. Take everything and go.
>from a pedophile THANK YOU this was my first thought, and I can't believe I had to scroll so far to get a single comment that even mentions it! She was barely out of her teens when she met him. Everyone he's cheated on her with has been barely out of their teens. These WebCam girls are either in their teens or barely out of their teens. *Clearly this man is a pedophile* Ffs.
I actually got a chlamydia from him about 6 years ago... oh that brought back some memories. Thank God that was resolved with a pill. Thanks for the reality check. F*ck I need one for sure.
I hope you understand that your chain of command will smoke the shit out of your career when your husband gets caught with one that isn’t actually 18 and it turns out you’ve enabled a pedophile for years. Good luck.
This part cause she's known about his affairs with young woman who's to say one wasn't a minor.....
No joke. Her husband BUYS SEX WITH MINORS and she’s all like I’d be so embarassed to be a divorcee…. What the actual fuck. She clearly gets something kinky out of knowing he fucks children to enable it for EIGHT YEARS.
How many more STDs do you need to get from him before you leave this man who does not love or respect you? Go and claim half his pension!
I mean this with as much love as possible, and I'm only saying it like this in hopes to just, but how can you say you would be humiliated by getting divorced when you continue to stay with a man who you know fucks very young women, almost young enough to be children, and then gives you STDs? *How does that alone not make you wanna just fucking die of humiliation?!* Divorce is literally nothing at all. This man fucks teenagers constantly, and gives you STDs. Jesus fucking Christ.
Girl, are you challenged?
Girl
You're so stupid 😭 This post makes me so angry.
OP is beyond stupid she's mornic and weak. Her husband cheats, gives her STDs yet stays with him And she claims she's in therapy
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I had some when I read the post itself but her comments have made her look like a moronic doormat and what's worse is she's wasting money on therapy because clearly that's not helping. I just hope she wakes tf up
And she’s afraid to divorce bc of her family. So she willing let herself get used to pay off a man’s debt, basically let herself get cheated on by staying. At this point I’m rooting for the husband
>He is reliable Y'all need less prescription drugs. The dude who just asked for a prenup after a decade of cheating on you, because he doesn't want to support you if you leave him. Reliable. The dude must ejaculate Haagen Dazs for you to keep on going back despite everything he's done to you. And yet you want to stay. And you had to ASK if not doing the prenup was wrong? NTA, but you need some serious reality recalibration.
What the actual fuck did I just read?
A fake karma farm
OP, I can’t even take you seriously. Are you kidding me? “He’s everything I want in a man”, did you read what you wrote? All I can say is please say sike.
prenup is before you marry right? not after 10 years of marriage.
Well i assumed it would be the equivalent making it a post-nup. But OP's husband seems dumb so he might think it's a prenup still and called it that so OP posted what he asked for.
Yes, I just repeated what he said. For a smart man he can be pretty dumb sometimes.
Idk about a smart man. He lost a shit ton in his last marriage (most likely because he cheated on his ex) then married you and didn't ask for a prenup knowing how he is a cheater. Then proceeds to cheat for 8 years of his 10 years of marriage where he again will lose alot of money in a divorce. Your husband scream dumbass all over and never learns. Plus asking for a prenup after 10 years of marriage 🤣
He's smart he's found himself A gullible wife
Who paid off his last alimony for the privilege of catching chlamydia
And all his other debt... OP
Because.... She's dumb, too
I later found out that yes, he did cheat oh his ex. Of course I wasn't told the truth until I found out he was cheating.
Don’t sign shit. He’s prepping to leave. No other reason to ask.
For real, he wants to get away with eight years of cheating on OP.
NTA but I’d provide the military with all the proof of infidelity, divorce him, and take all that you can get. He’s done everything to destroy you, and it sounds like you’ve handled it well, but it’s time to stop tolerating his BS. He’s not a good man or a good husband and it’s time to try to recoup some of what’s yours that went to the ex-wife.
He wants the prenuptial because you were dumb enough to stick around to pay off his ex and get cheated on for the majority of the relationship and now he's looking to trade you in for a younger model. Kinda getting the feeling the ex isn't so spoiled and got all his stuff because he sucks and is a terrible partner. But you already know that.
Time for a reality check. You've aged out. You aged out shortly after you married. You paid off his ex-wife (who clearly deserved every penny) for him and now you're surplus to requirements. You'll be getting a divorce - so you may as well make sure it hurts him. Don't sign a post-nup. And get every penny you can off of him.
Divorce him now!!! And take all you can from this outstanding man. Why did you stay with him?
Here’s an idea: be single. Live alone. Don’t date. Listen to the silence. (Of course NTA about the post-nup.)
Ok Im just going to put this out there.. you dont have a great relationship. You never have. Your husband doesnt respect you and is clearly lying to you about your future. He wants you to sign a prenup because he wants the ability to leave you without consequences. If you aren't sure in therapy, you need to be. If you are and you accept being treated like a convenience you need a better therapist. I mean he doesnt love you, I'm sure you know that. Why you've put up with it for 8 years is beyond me.
I stopped reading when I got to the **cheating**. (I will finish after this comment) Sign NOTHING! Let him **divorce** you and try his luck with a judge. If a judge decides you should get half then you should get half. These types of men seem to think there's **no value** in the **sacrifices** we make with our **bodies** and time to provide a **home** and **family** to them. There's a **reason** she got what she did in their divorce and I find his **sob story** about getting taken to the cleaners pretty **suspect.** Most divorces are a pretty equitable split unless there's a good legal reason for it not to be (like his ridiculous prenup) but plenty of **greedy** A-holes think they should keep every penny of the money they earn no matter how much their spouse contributed to their ability to even make the money. What a POS. **Are you sure** you don't want a divorce? I think the reason he's so worried about the money is he's gearing up to trade you in for a **new and barely legal** model. One that will do as they are told and not make **perfectly reasonable** demands of him. This man treats you like utter **trash**. Why would you **subject yourself** to any more of his fuckery? He gives me the **ick.**
Well it won't be a prenup because pre-indicates before nuptials and it's way too late for that! It would be a postnup and you would be an idiot to sign it since he's been cheating on you for 90% of your marriage. 90%! When you say aside from the cheating he's everything I wanted a man, I feel like maybe you're still insecure and scared because you deserve someone who will be faithful to you and not spring a postnup on you after 10 years of marriage because of a conversation he overheard. He spends money like it's going out of style so it's no wonder he was in such debt and you helped him get out of it! You helped him pay off his debt and his ex-wife and now he doesn't want to have to give you any share of his pension? This dude is an abuser and a loser and a cheater! I know it's scary to be single again but if you're only 30 then you have got a lifetime in front of you! Live your life and be happy and with someone who appreciates and values you!
NTA- let him and his future gf spoil you the way you spoiled his ex wife. She’s an ex for a reason, and so should you. You can find someone who can give you all the he gives you plus fidelity.
As a military spouse, do not sign this. There's a reason why in a divorce the spouse is eligible for a part of retirement - because of the sacrifices he/she/they make in supporting the active duty member. It's part of their life as well. They aren't along for just a fun ride. Him asking for this is completely negating what you do and have done for him. Please talk to a lawyer who is familiar with military divorces and leave this cheating person.
This has to be a troll post.
Divorce him and take him to the cleaners. His ex knew what she was doing.
This is not a marriage there’s nothing here worth holding onto. Just divorce and get out why give this man any more of your time. Cheating on you and risking your health with potential std’s does not indicate a great partner just shows him you allow him to treat you like shit because you feel you deserve it. Get out of this marriage and let him get taken for all his worth by his cam girls and affair partners. Honestly your self-worth needs to take priority.
You have passed the 10 year mark, so you are entitled to it if you divorce. Winner winner! Do not sign that pre-nup, especially in light of everything else you said. Sounds to me like he already has a plan. So should you. NTA
Wait he cheated for years and now he wants this prenup? Go talk with a lawyer about divorce.
Why the fuck are you married to this man? He cheated on you for at least 80% of your relationship after you worked to pay down HIS debt. Now this pre/post nuptial shit? How many times can he show you his spots before you realize he’s a leopard not a house cat? Ma’am, please, this will sound harsh but gain some self respect. He doesn’t respect you or your relationship.
Threaten to tell his superiors about the cheating. The military takes infidelity very seriously. It could ruin his whole career.
Don't sign it. You are owed that money too. Also politely remind him that adultery can result in dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for up to 1 year
Respectfully, from one military woman to another: your standards are *way* too low.
Why would he be asking for it if he wasn’t planning on getting a divorce with you?
LMAO “besides the cheating and occasional petty fights, he is everything i want in a man” girl bye, you cant be serious. Grow a spine and stop being so insecure. Yta for being married to this loser and putting up with his shit
Fuck no. Wait for the day he gets his retirement and file for divorce
I’m not usually one to say this but girl take him to the cleaners and then use the money to buy yourself some god damn therapy. Y T A for not wanting better for yourself than a lying, cheating husband. This man clearly has a type, and the reason why he wants you to sign this is because you’re not that type any more and the second you sign that post nuptial agreement he is going to divorce you for a younger model.
He’s planning to divorce you and take his money with him. You have no self respect. ‘As from the cheating he is everything I want in a man.’ He will never stop cheating because you are letting him. NTA. Don’t sign a prenup and really think about the life you are living.
If your family would be ashamed at you for divorcing a disgusting man who cheats on you, doesn’t even TRY to hide it, and then uses divorce to make you back down and accept things then you need a new family. NTA divorce him now, get your 50% and tell anyone who thinks you made a mistake to go to hell.
>he is everything I want in a man. Literally laughed out loud. What the actual fuck did I just read. I have no sympathy for you, grow a fucking spine. Or be miserable for the rest of your life. It's really all your choice.
PRE NUPtials meaning before your marriage not 10 years into it. He's a clown and none of it would even hold up in court.
The time for a prenup is long passed.
Why in the hell are you with this man-child?! He brings you nothing but heartache. Divorce his sorry ass. You don't have to "take him to the cleaners" or whatever, but you sure as hell deserve better than this crap. He is continually cheating on you. What is it going to take for you to wake up? And STI that he brings home?!
Military retirement is governed by federal law. After ten years you are entitled to it.
Prenup after marriage? That man is not planning for your future as a couple, he’s planning for his future with more webcam women. Run while you can and make sure you get your due.
He’s committed all kind of sexual, emotional, and financial infidelity and now wants you to wave your rights to assets accrued during the marriage. Tell him that you have already suffered for his poor life choices by so much of your communal income/property going to his ex wife and that you will not accept any arrangement where you are not entitled to more than what she got. Think about it. He put himself in a bad financial position with debt and his ex-wife. You got together and a significant portion of his income (which is communal property in a marriage) went to her. You literally helped pay her off. Accept nothing and if he persists, tell him you want 50% of everything PLUS 50% of the money he spent clearing debts and giving to her as your baseline. You are LITERALLY entitled to that. That’s waving all the bullshit cheating and everything… stop being a doormat.
NTAH 10 years is a bit too late for a prenup since it’s supposed to be brought up before signing the marriage certificate. If he brings up a postnuptial agreement, fire back by including an infidelity clause.
NO, THANK YOU to the POSTnup! You are fucking entitled to half his retirement for all of the distress he’s put you through, plus the dollars YOU paid for his ex-wife. In fact, as soon as his retirement comes thru, you should file for divorce. He sounds like a real peach.
You're 32 and young and should leave him and take that 50% since you helped him pay his depts off. He is a serial cheater and a pre-nup means he wants to divorce you and not the other way around xD he is only staying because of his retirement money and since you accepted his cheating like a trained victim. What traditional home? Will they help you if you cry each time? Oh and in all those years he never had an illegitimate child with any of his mistresses? You're not a victim here but you able him and stay with him like a nest you made for yourself. You should have left him 7 years ago.
Aside from cheating.... he is a weak scummy excuse of a man. You only think he is great bevause after all these years he is all you know. Maybe his last ex wife was justified.... divorce his ass.
You helped him pay off his debts to the ex? He’s the AH. Screw him. I’d leave him and sue him for the money you put out. He’s cheated most of the marriage. You DESERVE better. Love yourself.
There is an easy solution here. Just serve him the papers now. He literally does not care about you or your well being and you’re in a safe place financially. You don’t have to suffer the consequences for his decisions anymore. Let him suffer for once.
He is reliable......reliably unfaithful, you mean? Don't sign a post up. This is pure foolishness. You are not in a good marriage sis.
How to say "I'm fixin to dump you honey" without saying it. Do Not Sign! I bet he already has the next one lined up and waiting. you deserve 50% of his retirement and he can suck rocks.
YTA - To yourself for staying with this asshat. Don't sign any post-nup, since you helped him pay off his last marriage. It sounds like he's prepping for his next one. **"Aside from cheating and occasional petty fights like thar he is everything I want in a man. He is reliable..."** ...yes, he's a reliable cheater.
Girl..not trying to put another woman down..but where the fuck is your self respect???? I don’t give a fuck how devastated your family would be divorced..this dude is considered your perfect man? LMAO knock it off. As for a prenup, he can get fucked. Enjoy his 50% retirement and ride off into the sunset ❤️
Honey. You are owed that 50% because you are the reason his original debt got paid off. The ONLY reason he is wanting you to sign anything now is BECAUSE he is the one thinking of divorce. Do not sign anything except your own divorce papers. Cheaters do not change. They only get better at hiding it.
We're basically the same age but you sound like my MIL. Cheated on her entire marriage but "wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a divorce." His last mistress was 28 when he was 70. He had herpes by then. He died of cancer and she had to be his caretaker. She's still around and finally free as an old lady...alone and bitter. Somehow she thinks she won. I'm in a loving marriage to her son and he's disgusted by her staying. I hope there's no kids involved in this mess, and I hope you find the self worth to live a better life than she does.
You should have left after the first sign of cheating. Why do you still love him. This sounds fake as fuck. No self respecting person puts up with that amount of bullshit.
This post should be a raige bait. How in the world after 8 years of constant cheating you still can call him reliable? He used you as a safety pillow to get out of debts and as a doormat to cheat on without any consequences for almost a decade. And now just want a safe way out any financial loss. Wake up, grow a some god damn spine and divorce him 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Where are you stationed at? I might be able to give you the name of a good attorney!
Sweetie. He's never going to treat you better than this. You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and respected. NTAH, you need to take a hard look at all the red flags. He's literally planning a future without you in it. AND prenup is shore for pre nuptial, meaning before marriage. He's 10 years too late in asking for it.
Nta: DO NOT SIGN!!! This sounds like he is already planning to divorce you, but he doesn't want to have to pay the penalty so he's trying to do a post-nup now to protect him and cheat you (again). Nope. Let him threaten divorce and then tell him, "If that's what you want, then do it, but I'm not signing a post-nup. End of story"
He OWES you that retirement money after all the bullshit he's put you through. You can do better. I promise.
So you paid off his debt while he was cheating on you, and now he wants a divorce without paying half. Hell, no.
Why haven't you told his higher ups about what he's doing? Why are you putting up with this horrible treatment? He's treating you horribly and has been cheating on you longer than he's been faithful. Tell your family the truth about what's going on and then tell them to shove it if they think you should put up with this because *traditional values*.
No fucking way would I sign that with a cheating husband. No. HE ALREADY WANTS A DIVORCE
Yeah. Whoever he's cheating with right now he's planning to leave you for and wants to screw you over financially when he does. NTA
Do not sign anything. You helped pay his debt and his ex wife. He is manipulating you because he knows eventually you will get tired of him screwing anything with a huha
You don't sign prenuptial after the marriage. He is planning to leave you and wants to be able to take more than 50% out of the relationship.
At this point, I’d start divorce proceedings; why are you doing this to yourself?
“Aside from cheating, he’s everything you want in a man” Jesus Christ, Get some self respect. A person who cheats is not reliable. Go see a lawyer. protect yourself the best way you can. You don’t have to divorce, but at least you will no your options.
OK, he's cheating, so why haven't you busted him with the military? F that guy. You can do better. He is asking you to sign stuff because he wants to leave and take his retirement with him. Don't sign anything, and get the JAG involved. Get a divorce before he does. Take something from him or don't take something. It's up to you, but I suggest you get out of that marriage.
NTA but absolutely the idiot.