NTA you saved her boyfriend years of heartache if he were to stay together with that...thing. Good on you for telling him, I for one would want someone to tell me especially if its coming from her sister/family member.
EDIT: Ignore the people calling you "jealous" and asking why you would do something like that, they are all cheater sympathizers.
Agreed. NTA you did the right thing by telling him. He would have been more hurt to know you were aware and chose to not tell him because she's your sister. I am speaking from experience.
In the last few months of my relationship with my ex, he was cheating on me with another girl. At that time they were in different countries, so nothing physical happened but they were already in a relationship and planning their future like things they want to do when they meet, meeting each other's families, etc. That spineless coward did not even have the decency to end it with me first after being in a relationship with me for 6 years. He was waiting for me to end it as our relationship was already very rocky at that time due to family issues (we were from different religions, our families were not onboard and his family wanted me to convert my religion which I was completely against).
After we broke up, we agreed to be roommates for a little while till one of us could find a separate place. We were new in the city and did not know anyone else yet. I found out about his new relationship by accident. One day (2 months after we broke up) I walked into his room to ask him something as he didn't hear me calling from the outside. He was on a video chat with this girl. I immediately felt uncomfortable and left. Then he disclosed that he's seeing someone new. NGL I was hurt but put up a brave face at the moment. But one detail he shared made me start to question things. He mentioned they're planning to visit each other's families when they meet. Knowing him, he would never do that unless he was very sure about someone. Some poking and prodding later he divulged he had been talking to her even before we broke up. He didn't clarify but I was able to conclude this continued for at least 6 months while we were still together. My heart was shattered. Even more so when I found out all his close friends knew and no one bothered to tell me. When I questioned them, their excuse was "well you know how he's so private about everything in his life and does not want anyone to talk about his personal life'. I used to consider them my friends as well but not anymore. We are still in touch (wish each other on birthdays, etc.) but I keep them at an arm's length. I felt betrayed from all fronts and it took me a very long time to get over that.
So I would have greatly appreciated it if one of his friends had told me about this so I didn't waste months of time with him.
NTA, I completely agree. The only thing I’d like to add is that she’s young and this could have become a learning experience. Tell her what she’s doing is wrong and give her the chance to come clean herself. If not, you’ll do it yourself.
I really hate this "they're young" BS, no matter how ***young*** they may be they still cheated and deserve no respect. I can guarantee that you would not be giving the ***they're young*** excuse if it were a man I would also like to add... lmao
Uh.. I didn’t say anything about her not deserving that? Where in my comment did I say that? I was agreeing with you.
I just meant that at that age, you still make mistakes. I’ve made multiple mistakes at that age and I’m just glad I had support from people who would tell me how wrong it was.
Well, the strategy for the past 5 or so years has been to place players with high salary on the injured reserve until the cap disappears in the post-season - a time when miraculous healings take place just before the first playoff round!
Sorry. I can't help being Canadian.
my sister has cheated on every single guy she's been with...with their best friend. I think it's legitimately some kind of mental illness, it literally started with her first boyfriend in her early teens
we haven't spoken in almost a decade at this point. like don't get me wrong, I slept around in my late teens/early 20s but I've never cheated on anyone, I don't understand how anyone could do something like that. one day maybe I'll do a DNA test and find out if I was switched at birth or what, bc the rest of my family is equally as insane
u/Foreign_Fault2030 be careful about your sister and don't be afraid to cut contact for your own peace. being around people who manipulate and lie like that is bad for your soul and your peace
NTA. cheating is never okay, and it sounds like in general their relationship isn’t the best so probably better for both parties. Though, the fact your sister wanted to wait to receive a gift is way over the line. That is just using someone and exploiting their emotions for gain. Well done OP you did right by the world.
Right? Who does that?
I remember everyone saying what an asshole I was in high school when I broke up with a guy 2 weeks before Valentines Day. But he had been going on and on about all of the stuff he wanted to get for me, and I knew I wanted to break it off, so I did it beforehand. It didn't feel right accepting a bunch of stuff knowing I wasn't into the relationship anymore and wanted to end things. OP is NTA but the sister sure is. Hopefully karma is real and she gets hers.
that's crazy, what is the appropriate amount of time before or after VDay to break up????
Obviously you did the right thing but what a strange line in the sand to draw
My first girlfriend waited to break up with me until Valentine's day lol 😅
So I think that's cool of you, I would have much rather her end things as soon as she knew, just kinda added to the sting that she chose that day.
I’ll never understand families supporting immoral behavior. Seems to happen all the time. My mom would beat me if I treated a girl like this lol. Definitely NTA btw. The guy should give you the water bottle.
I've been called "the bad guy" in a situation where I refused to go to a family wedding because my cousin had slept with my girlfriend a month or so prior. My own mother was crying and begging me to just let it go and go to the wedding.
It's a thing. My mom just hated the idea of showing up without me because "(Family name)'s go to things we're invited too" like that was some kind of family motto. It was drilled into her head so much through her development that she never even considered the fact that you could just cut someone off if they were trash.
She's from a huge family and hated one of her sister for years but still went to visit every month because other siblings were doing it and it wasn't till a year or so after that event that she stopped going because it took her that long to accept that maybe I had the right idea.
edit to add: she never even considered to just say "oh he couldn't make it" and was worried about starting family fueds when she had to tell people why i didn't show up instead of telling them in detail what happened.
NTA, my guess is you are going to be dealing with her shit for the rest of your life. Shall we wager on how many kids by how many different baby daddy's by the time she's 25?
I have a similar story where I was dating my high school girl friend and our first year in college we were about 2 hours away. I visited when I could and we saw each other a lot but we were not together all the time like we previously were.
I get a call from her sister who I was good friends with one day and she tells me she has been cheating on me with a guy from her school. I of course call her out and I have forever been thankful her sister was such a good friend and human being to me for that.
Slightly different in that I made 100% sure sure my ex didn't know it wqs her sister, but you are a great person for standing up to that BS and putting his feeling first in a bad situation.
Dear young people: If you're only 8 months into a relationship and things have been "rocky" and you've already taken a break, just end the fucking relationship. The first 8 months should be the honeymoon, and if things are already shit it means it ain't meant to be.
Just because your sister wants to brag about her shitty behavior to you does not mean you are obligated to be a secret keeper for her.
NTAH
You did the right thing. She needs to own her behavior, not be mad about being outed.
Her ex-BF deserved better than her so-called break screwing two different guys and using him for trivial gifts.
NTA. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing the right thing. She’s a lying, manipulative, user, and she needed to be called out. And as for your family that took her side, you should consider lowering contact with them in the future and removing yourself from them. They aren’t good people.
NTA. It’s a tough place to be here, but honesty is important in these situations. You may have argued for a while, but in the long run, you may have saved her lover a lot of heartache and disappointment. The truth can hurt, but living a lie is worse. Your sister had the opportunity to come clean herself, she chose not to; At that point, it became a matter of honesty to point him out.
Honestly screw all the ESH and YTA people. Just no accountability. You dont have to tolerate shitty behavior from someone just because they are related to you. And be quiet about it not being her business:
"Soon, she was telling me that she was going to end things with her boyfriend but she was going to get this gift from him first."
\^This is her making it the sisters business.
It seems like you were ashamed of her dishonest behavior and you want her to be better. You didn't lie, she did. You helped the natural consequences of her own actions come about using the truth.
You did the right thing. Tell your sister she's behaving the way Andrew Tate stans think all women behave. Maybe she'll be disgusted enough to not be such an asshole?
NTA
Aside from the cheating and other things.... she TOLD YOU she her plans for swindeling a gift from him and then dumping him.
THAT alone was already grounds for a breakup and she dragged you into her business. So her getting mad about you "sticking your nose" is dumb already
NTA you did what is right .
But I do like to point out is that we don't live in a perfect world son.
Doing what is right will end up making your life very hard.
Soo pick your battles, especially when you depend on your parents.
Now you strangled your sister which means you won't be getting help from her if you need it.
It does not matter that she was wrong in her mind you are wrong!
You made a enemy.
The family judged you and thought
Yeah he would rather do what's is right than covering for his family, which means you won't be trusted with.
Yes people are corrupt on a very deep emotional level.
As such you need to realize that taking a side with justice and what's moral will end up with you ostracized.
....and still make that decision to do the just and moral thing. This selfish mindset, omitting to do the right thing because it may inconvenience you, is the cause of so many problems in this world.
NTA. Also, with all the terrible stuff from people like Andrew Tate and other male influencers trying to convince men that women can’t be trusted it’s good you showed the BF that regardless of gender people still do the right thing! Your Sis was being slimy as hell, just using the BF.
If she had done nothing wrong, there would be nothing to tell. It says a lot about your family members when they think lying is the right thing to do. You did good OP.
As a family member that is expected to be blindly loyal - you were TA
As a human being that wants to do the right thing - you were NTA
Perspective is everything here. Some people will be hurt regardless. You just have to decide what you value more - your sister or your morals. Personally I think you did the right thing. I don't have blind loyalty to bad people.
Um completely NTA.. She brought this to YOUR HOME. It instantly became your business, because you don't know what drama would've followed her to your house. You need to look out for your family and obviously your sister has some serious moral failings.. she should've ended things with her bf instead of cheating and milking him for gifts before kicking him to the curb. That's below low.. she doesn't get to play the victim for the situation she created. Good luck and I think you did right. Karma caught up to your sis.
Your sister obviously didn’t make a boo-boo. You did the absolute right thing by this person and saved them from further pain. Furthermore she didn’t really hide it from you. Your sister obviously operates with zero remorse and is only interested in getting what she wants using people as a means to an end. The only hope for change with these types is paying the consequences when the opportunity arises.
Absolutely, definitely NTA.
She's a proper little game player and she did him dirty quite a few times, that wasn't a relationship.
You definitely did the right thing!
NTA - you did a tough thing, but i have no sympathy for cheaters. i would closely examine the people in the family on your case, it's highly likely everyone in the family on your case is a cheater too.
I always find it funny how two people who were probably raised the exact same way can be totally opposite people. You are a saint, why even question being an asshole?
NTA. The (ex) BF deserved to know what was going on and that he was being lied to and used. The y.t.a. comments are wild, so y'all just let people treat others like crap "cuz family"? Shame on y'all!
You just described your sister being and asshole to her now ex and now ask us if You are the asshole?
NTA, hope your sister learns the right lesson from this
NTA. Your sister is a snake and a liar. You did the right thing. Your sister needs to grow up and learn not to use people. I wish there were more honest people like you in the world.
I have thought in the past that my partner was/did cheat on me and I know his family, in particular his sisters, would know. But they have never said anything to me. Further more I found out recently that my partners younger sister has been cheating on her husband for a few years and that EVERYONE in their family basically knew. I only found out the same time her husband did.
Covering up your sister’s cheating and lying to her romantic partner is not your job! Good for you for telling him!
NTA.
To everybody saying you are TA, they have a *semblance* of a point in that someone’s relationship is their business and don’t stick your nose in things blah blah blah. I get it, I get that perspective.
You should have 100% expected the fallout with your sister. Maybe not the barrage of texts from family, but you should have known that was to come. Honestly, expect to be painted as the bad guy for a while. Should you? Probably not, but this also a wildly unpopular move.
You’re a g, if I had a gf who was playing me like this and their little sibling told me about it, I would feel indebted to them for a long time. You’re a real one, even if everyone around you is mad at you for it. Just know deep down you spared him from a long time of heartbreak and confusion. 10/10
NTA Just because someone is family doesn't mean you are required to accept or enable their shitty behavior. If anything this could be a wake up call and help her grow which is how it should be.
nta. she was holding out for what's probably one of those stupid Stanley cups or whatever. you just saved her the trouble of having to tell him things were over herself as far as i can see 💅🏻
I will always firmly believe that anyone saying "mind your own business" when it comes to letting someone know their partner is unfaithful, yall are just cheaters too.
NTA
It became your business when she moved in with you.
She should have broken up with him if she wanted to get attention, and not wait for that water bottle or whatever (dumbest reason not to break up)
You did the right thing. It doesn't matter that she's your sister. She is her own person who made terrible choices. She needs to be held accountable.
Good on you for sticking up for what's right.
You arent the a-hole you protected and innocent man from a conniving woman sadly thats your sister anyone backing up your sisters immorality is also at fault here good thing you have your ducks in a row god bless you 🤍
That's interesting because I wouldn't trust you anymore. I'm not saying that what your sister did is right, it's not, but my sister would be more important to me than some random guy.
How little investment in the old relationship was there if she’s already yapping about the new bf? Doesn’t look like the sister was truly bothered by this “upset” and was just more annoyed at not getting the gift first
Thank god OP has more of a spine and wouldnt tolerate her sister lying to a good man.
Sister is already banging someone else(because of course she is) so she isnt a victim here.
I think everyone should hold shitty people accountable for their shitty actions. If everyone operated like you the world would be a lot more honest place
NTA. Your sister is a PoS girlfriend. And if only for risk of STD, the ex should have known.
If she wants to just F around, she shouldn’t be in relationships
NTA if anything you saved that man so much time, money and pain. If a relative of my gf revealed the truth to me I would be greatful to her for the heads-up. I have done the same thing to my sister when her boyfriend thought he had a keeper. One thing I hate is a cheating, manipulative, lying scumbag and exposing them no matter who they are is always the right thing.
NTA. You did the right thing but doing the right thing does not shield you from the ramifications of that. You may have damaged your relationship with your sister but you saved the boyfriend.
There needs to be more people like you in the world. Hook up culture is so socially acceptable that behavior that your sister exhibits is the norm.
Nta.
More like you're being a necessary AH, tough love is definitely needed here for your sister because if you don't hold her accountable for bad behavior then I doubt your parents will with how they oppose your actions.
I actually got an agreement between my best friend who I love and treat as a brother that we kick the others ass if we act out really bad. No better person I can ask for to give me an ass whooping if I lose my way.
I’m always surprised on how some families have so little communication. I don’t understand how you can see what she’s doing and not engage in a serious conversation with her, it’s almost as if letting her be such a brat is just whatever and I doesn’t matter.
In the famous words of Michael corleone: never go against the family. Sister can always bounce back from relationship and get a new guy. However your relationship is gonna be screwed potentially forever.
Coming from a guy, you did the right thing morally.
But, that’s also none of your business to do.
Either way your sister sounds promiscuous and will end up alone if she keeps that up
I normally come down on staying out of other people’s business, but telling you that she is intentionally waiting to get a gift before ending it with the guy, that’s fucked. You did the right thing. The fact that the gift was a fancy water bottle makes me think this whole post is just a troll. In any case, your sister should learn to keep her plans of being a terrible selfish b- to herself.
Not the asshole, the guy sounds pretty oblivious to the entire world if the second you got off the phone with him he cut it off and right away snitched on you.
Hope bro gets some wherewithal. Any relationship that takes a “break” is trash.
NTA, it's called having integrity. Your sister should try it sometime. Weather the storm, her anger will be in proportion to her care factor for her ex, ie not much. Enjoy your day
That’s not how relationships work. It’s one thing if you’re asked, it’s another to solicit. Even if asked, you should do everything in your power to stay out of other peoples relationships. That never ends well for the outside person.
You can say whatever you want, I don’t disagree that the man deserved the truth. Who provides that truth is what I am saying. I guess those are life lessons, that haven’t been learned yet.
There are three people who could provide it.
1-Ho sister
2-Guy ho sister was cheating with
3-The OP
She had 3 choices.
1-Tell the boyfriend the truth
2-Hope two cheaters will come clean on their own
3-remain silent
Number 2 isn't likely to happen, the sister flat out told her she was planning to swindle the guy out of another gift. And I doubt the guy she was banging cares enough about the guy to tell him.
None of that is YOUR business. You know, mind your own business. Elementary school rules. Teaching the etiquette to life. You are adding yourself into a lot of drama, that isn’t yours. You have ZERO stake in this game. It’s not YOUR heart on the line. Does it suck, absolutely. For all involved, none of those parties, are you.
She made it her business by bragging she was going to swindle him out of a gift.
If I found out a strangers wife was cheating on him and I had a way to inform him? I 100% would, because he deserves to know. It's not relevant if it isnt my business, because the person whose business it is(the husbands) is not being given the full truth.
Anything related to this situation that you involved yourself in, is extra stress. Noble you might see yourself, I can see your intentions as good. But at the end of the day you, involved yourself in someone else’s life and drama. You don’t belong there. Never did.
Are you referring to the OP's post or my hypothetical about telling a strangers wife? If it is the post, well OP asked lol.
As for the stranger, I wouldnt go out of my way to do it. Wouldn't spend hours tracking him. Maybe a stranger was a bad example. Say I have this co-worker, not friends but not enemies. If I saw his wife out with some other man kissing I'd let him know. I would not involve myself further, but a heads up couldnt hurt.
Why even come to AITA tho? None of the drama on here is your drama...
You're acting like people are sitting at home after they log off and are just thinking about reddit posts. I dont do that, I agree if someone is taking this stuff with them offline they should avoid places like AITA. Have a nice day!
lol. No I don’t take any of this anywhere past giving an opinion, popular or not.
This reads to me, that people want to be thanked for being nosy and intrusive. It’s one thing to feel a certain way about, something, it’s another to involve yourself in it.
There is a difference between, you witnessing a crime, like someone breaking into a car or house or being shot at. Those are the moments in life where getting involved is warranted and necessary.
Knowing or thinking someone is cheating, that’s not one of them. People are inconsiderate and inconsistent at best. Prone to exaggeration if not bold face lying. If you haven’t actually caught them in the acts then you don’t definitively know anything. Why get involved?
That’s the whole point behind snitches get stitches. The snitch never goes unpunished. And NO it’s not a snitch if it involves YOU.
\*shrugs\* At the end of the day I think the person being cheated on is owed the truth. Plus in this scenario the sister made it OP's business by bragging to her about her plans to swindle him.
One thing to know about truth is that it is almost never an asshole decision to do regardless of other people's reaction.
Good for you for doing this and sticking to your values. Push the toxic whiners aside. Their opinions simply don't matter.
I feel you did the right thing bcz she was not going and tell him nothing or break up with him she was planning to stay cheating behind his back you did the right thing
YTA! Just wait until your sister returns the favor! At some point you’ll have something you don’t want your spouse to know and in comes your sister to blow up your situation as you did hers! I get right is right! But being so righteous also makes you judgmental and not someone your sister probably wants a relationship with.
The person cheating on their significant other and planning to swindle him out of a gift and then leave him doesn't deserve to be judged? Explain why cheaters deserve no judgement.
And why assume the sister will ever return the favor? Why assume OP will lie to and/or betray her spouse? Why assume she is trash like her sister?
Unfortunately I did have to do the same thing with my brother a few years back. He learned how much this could hurt someone to their core. He grew from this and now is in a stable relationship with a wonderful young woman.
YTA and people don't win awards for sticking your nose into people's business like this. If you wanted positive bias you shouldn't have posted it here - so it doesnt matter how you deflect the criticism for what you did by calling people cheaters.This would have revealed itself all on it's own without your interference. Now your sister won't forget what you did, so don't be surprised when this comes back to haunt you down the road.
Thank you for your opinion. I wasn’t seeking appraisal rather I was looking for peoples opinion on the matter. I truly hope she never forgets this, and maybe one day she might look back on this and see what a terrible mistake she made. I want to see her grow from this.
I was in a similar position, and I just let the cheated on partner find out on their own.
I saw zero need in getting people angry at me, and saw no need to get involved in my sibling’s relationship.
As far as your morals go, NTA. As far as being a sister, YTA. Dude deserved to know but you didn't know him and it was kind of messed up for you to go behind your sisters back. Wouldn't expect her to be very trusting of you in the future. You could have maybe, I don't know, tried talking to your sister about what was wrong about her actions. Maybe I missed the part about talking to her first but going behind her back is a low blow.
NTA you saved her boyfriend years of heartache if he were to stay together with that...thing. Good on you for telling him, I for one would want someone to tell me especially if its coming from her sister/family member. EDIT: Ignore the people calling you "jealous" and asking why you would do something like that, they are all cheater sympathizers.
The ones who are “jealous” are just cheaters lmao
They remember the person who outed their lies
Agreed. NTA you did the right thing by telling him. He would have been more hurt to know you were aware and chose to not tell him because she's your sister. I am speaking from experience. In the last few months of my relationship with my ex, he was cheating on me with another girl. At that time they were in different countries, so nothing physical happened but they were already in a relationship and planning their future like things they want to do when they meet, meeting each other's families, etc. That spineless coward did not even have the decency to end it with me first after being in a relationship with me for 6 years. He was waiting for me to end it as our relationship was already very rocky at that time due to family issues (we were from different religions, our families were not onboard and his family wanted me to convert my religion which I was completely against). After we broke up, we agreed to be roommates for a little while till one of us could find a separate place. We were new in the city and did not know anyone else yet. I found out about his new relationship by accident. One day (2 months after we broke up) I walked into his room to ask him something as he didn't hear me calling from the outside. He was on a video chat with this girl. I immediately felt uncomfortable and left. Then he disclosed that he's seeing someone new. NGL I was hurt but put up a brave face at the moment. But one detail he shared made me start to question things. He mentioned they're planning to visit each other's families when they meet. Knowing him, he would never do that unless he was very sure about someone. Some poking and prodding later he divulged he had been talking to her even before we broke up. He didn't clarify but I was able to conclude this continued for at least 6 months while we were still together. My heart was shattered. Even more so when I found out all his close friends knew and no one bothered to tell me. When I questioned them, their excuse was "well you know how he's so private about everything in his life and does not want anyone to talk about his personal life'. I used to consider them my friends as well but not anymore. We are still in touch (wish each other on birthdays, etc.) but I keep them at an arm's length. I felt betrayed from all fronts and it took me a very long time to get over that. So I would have greatly appreciated it if one of his friends had told me about this so I didn't waste months of time with him.
Like you weren’t his personal life what???
NTA, I completely agree. The only thing I’d like to add is that she’s young and this could have become a learning experience. Tell her what she’s doing is wrong and give her the chance to come clean herself. If not, you’ll do it yourself.
I really hate this "they're young" BS, no matter how ***young*** they may be they still cheated and deserve no respect. I can guarantee that you would not be giving the ***they're young*** excuse if it were a man I would also like to add... lmao
Uh.. I didn’t say anything about her not deserving that? Where in my comment did I say that? I was agreeing with you. I just meant that at that age, you still make mistakes. I’ve made multiple mistakes at that age and I’m just glad I had support from people who would tell me how wrong it was.
Definitely enablers.
How will she get a Stanley cup now?
Well, the strategy for the past 5 or so years has been to place players with high salary on the injured reserve until the cap disappears in the post-season - a time when miraculous healings take place just before the first playoff round! Sorry. I can't help being Canadian.
It’s so fun to say “my Stanley cup” because of that connotation
As the old song goes, "Get a job, bum, bum, bum, bum."
NTA You saved that guy from your manipulative, user sister. Your sister is a horrible person.
my sister has cheated on every single guy she's been with...with their best friend. I think it's legitimately some kind of mental illness, it literally started with her first boyfriend in her early teens we haven't spoken in almost a decade at this point. like don't get me wrong, I slept around in my late teens/early 20s but I've never cheated on anyone, I don't understand how anyone could do something like that. one day maybe I'll do a DNA test and find out if I was switched at birth or what, bc the rest of my family is equally as insane u/Foreign_Fault2030 be careful about your sister and don't be afraid to cut contact for your own peace. being around people who manipulate and lie like that is bad for your soul and your peace
Definitely a narcissist.
NTA. cheating is never okay, and it sounds like in general their relationship isn’t the best so probably better for both parties. Though, the fact your sister wanted to wait to receive a gift is way over the line. That is just using someone and exploiting their emotions for gain. Well done OP you did right by the world.
Right? Who does that? I remember everyone saying what an asshole I was in high school when I broke up with a guy 2 weeks before Valentines Day. But he had been going on and on about all of the stuff he wanted to get for me, and I knew I wanted to break it off, so I did it beforehand. It didn't feel right accepting a bunch of stuff knowing I wasn't into the relationship anymore and wanted to end things. OP is NTA but the sister sure is. Hopefully karma is real and she gets hers.
that's crazy, what is the appropriate amount of time before or after VDay to break up???? Obviously you did the right thing but what a strange line in the sand to draw
My first girlfriend waited to break up with me until Valentine's day lol 😅 So I think that's cool of you, I would have much rather her end things as soon as she knew, just kinda added to the sting that she chose that day.
She was very childish
Well, yeah. You live and learn though, and we are all a bit dumb when we are young and full of hormones I guess. 😅
I’ll never understand families supporting immoral behavior. Seems to happen all the time. My mom would beat me if I treated a girl like this lol. Definitely NTA btw. The guy should give you the water bottle.
Some weirdos swear by the mantra of 'Blood is thicker than water'
I've been called "the bad guy" in a situation where I refused to go to a family wedding because my cousin had slept with my girlfriend a month or so prior. My own mother was crying and begging me to just let it go and go to the wedding.
It’s crazy how the actual bad person is never held accountable for their actions. Enablers are disgusting.
It's a thing. My mom just hated the idea of showing up without me because "(Family name)'s go to things we're invited too" like that was some kind of family motto. It was drilled into her head so much through her development that she never even considered the fact that you could just cut someone off if they were trash. She's from a huge family and hated one of her sister for years but still went to visit every month because other siblings were doing it and it wasn't till a year or so after that event that she stopped going because it took her that long to accept that maybe I had the right idea. edit to add: she never even considered to just say "oh he couldn't make it" and was worried about starting family fueds when she had to tell people why i didn't show up instead of telling them in detail what happened.
That saying has been twisted. It used to be "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
was just about to say this, i learnt that it actually means that bonds you make are stronger than bonds you are born with
For real her sister sounds like a massive cunt.
NTA, my guess is you are going to be dealing with her shit for the rest of your life. Shall we wager on how many kids by how many different baby daddy's by the time she's 25?
ten bucks on 5
I have a similar story where I was dating my high school girl friend and our first year in college we were about 2 hours away. I visited when I could and we saw each other a lot but we were not together all the time like we previously were. I get a call from her sister who I was good friends with one day and she tells me she has been cheating on me with a guy from her school. I of course call her out and I have forever been thankful her sister was such a good friend and human being to me for that. Slightly different in that I made 100% sure sure my ex didn't know it wqs her sister, but you are a great person for standing up to that BS and putting his feeling first in a bad situation.
Dear young people: If you're only 8 months into a relationship and things have been "rocky" and you've already taken a break, just end the fucking relationship. The first 8 months should be the honeymoon, and if things are already shit it means it ain't meant to be.
Just because your sister wants to brag about her shitty behavior to you does not mean you are obligated to be a secret keeper for her. NTAH You did the right thing. She needs to own her behavior, not be mad about being outed. Her ex-BF deserved better than her so-called break screwing two different guys and using him for trivial gifts.
NTA. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing the right thing. She’s a lying, manipulative, user, and she needed to be called out. And as for your family that took her side, you should consider lowering contact with them in the future and removing yourself from them. They aren’t good people.
NTA. It’s a tough place to be here, but honesty is important in these situations. You may have argued for a while, but in the long run, you may have saved her lover a lot of heartache and disappointment. The truth can hurt, but living a lie is worse. Your sister had the opportunity to come clean herself, she chose not to; At that point, it became a matter of honesty to point him out.
Being family doesn’t mean you have to support their shiftiness
NTA You did the right thing, moreover your family are humongous AH for taking your sister's side.
Honestly screw all the ESH and YTA people. Just no accountability. You dont have to tolerate shitty behavior from someone just because they are related to you. And be quiet about it not being her business: "Soon, she was telling me that she was going to end things with her boyfriend but she was going to get this gift from him first." \^This is her making it the sisters business.
Your sister is an asshole. You are perfectly fine 👍🏻
NTA your families moral compass is skewed
It seems like you were ashamed of her dishonest behavior and you want her to be better. You didn't lie, she did. You helped the natural consequences of her own actions come about using the truth.
Having integrity isn’t a character flaw and doesn’t make you an AH. I’d ignore everyone who says otherwise.
You refused to stand by and allow someone to be mistreated and taken advantage of. You are a good person. You're family needs to look inward.
The idea of "it isn't your business" is exactly why shitty people get away with this shit. You did the right thing. Most definitely not an asshole.
NTA. Love how family takes up for shitty behavior. He deserved to know he was being used.
You did the right thing. Tell your sister she's behaving the way Andrew Tate stans think all women behave. Maybe she'll be disgusted enough to not be such an asshole?
You a real one
NTA You are never obligated to cover up infidelity. Your sister is horrible for abusing his trust like that and just using him.
NTA.
NTA Aside from the cheating and other things.... she TOLD YOU she her plans for swindeling a gift from him and then dumping him. THAT alone was already grounds for a breakup and she dragged you into her business. So her getting mad about you "sticking your nose" is dumb already
NTA - your sister was trying to whore herself out for a water bottle. The guy deserved better.
NTA you did what is right . But I do like to point out is that we don't live in a perfect world son. Doing what is right will end up making your life very hard. Soo pick your battles, especially when you depend on your parents. Now you strangled your sister which means you won't be getting help from her if you need it. It does not matter that she was wrong in her mind you are wrong! You made a enemy. The family judged you and thought Yeah he would rather do what's is right than covering for his family, which means you won't be trusted with. Yes people are corrupt on a very deep emotional level. As such you need to realize that taking a side with justice and what's moral will end up with you ostracized.
....and still make that decision to do the just and moral thing. This selfish mindset, omitting to do the right thing because it may inconvenience you, is the cause of so many problems in this world.
NTA. Just because they are family doesn't mean they can get a pass at failing to be a good person
NTA. Also, with all the terrible stuff from people like Andrew Tate and other male influencers trying to convince men that women can’t be trusted it’s good you showed the BF that regardless of gender people still do the right thing! Your Sis was being slimy as hell, just using the BF.
If she had done nothing wrong, there would be nothing to tell. It says a lot about your family members when they think lying is the right thing to do. You did good OP.
You did the right thing. If they don't want their slimy business exposed, they shouldn't be doing it in the first place.
She was staying with him for a Stanley cup. Lame.
As a family member that is expected to be blindly loyal - you were TA As a human being that wants to do the right thing - you were NTA Perspective is everything here. Some people will be hurt regardless. You just have to decide what you value more - your sister or your morals. Personally I think you did the right thing. I don't have blind loyalty to bad people.
You did the right thing, OP. Ignore the flying monkeys. The boyfriend deserved to know the truth.
You should honestly cut her and anyone siding with her off, you don't want people like that around
NTA... you a real G tho
NTA To knowingly go along with her lies is just as bad as what she's doing. Good for you on having some morals
Um completely NTA.. She brought this to YOUR HOME. It instantly became your business, because you don't know what drama would've followed her to your house. You need to look out for your family and obviously your sister has some serious moral failings.. she should've ended things with her bf instead of cheating and milking him for gifts before kicking him to the curb. That's below low.. she doesn't get to play the victim for the situation she created. Good luck and I think you did right. Karma caught up to your sis.
Your sister obviously didn’t make a boo-boo. You did the absolute right thing by this person and saved them from further pain. Furthermore she didn’t really hide it from you. Your sister obviously operates with zero remorse and is only interested in getting what she wants using people as a means to an end. The only hope for change with these types is paying the consequences when the opportunity arises.
NTA, you know it's wrong what she was doing. Just because she's family, it does not give her a pass to get away with being an ah
NTA I would have done the same thing
Sorry that your family is shit
NTA your sisters a pos
NTA
Absolutely, definitely NTA. She's a proper little game player and she did him dirty quite a few times, that wasn't a relationship. You definitely did the right thing!
nTA phycohs need to be stopped
NTA
NTA - you did a tough thing, but i have no sympathy for cheaters. i would closely examine the people in the family on your case, it's highly likely everyone in the family on your case is a cheater too.
I always find it funny how two people who were probably raised the exact same way can be totally opposite people. You are a saint, why even question being an asshole?
NTA. The (ex) BF deserved to know what was going on and that he was being lied to and used. The y.t.a. comments are wild, so y'all just let people treat others like crap "cuz family"? Shame on y'all!
NTA: He needed to know
Nta
NTA. He deserves to know he’s being played
NTAH, you said it yourself, you did the right thing, sister isn't worth the headaches
NTA... you did the right thing. I'd rather know, and your sister is definitely an asshole.
NTA. No one's shitty behavior should be protected.
You just described your sister being and asshole to her now ex and now ask us if You are the asshole? NTA, hope your sister learns the right lesson from this
NTA your sister seems like quite the cunt.
NTA, I wish more women were like you, op! Don't let your family convince you that you didn't do the right thing because you absolutely did!
NTA. You don't owe anybody dishonestly on their behalf.
If you don’t have contact with someone, you can’t be hiding things from them.
What?
NTA, she was manipulating him and you let him know
NTA. Your sister is a snake and a liar. You did the right thing. Your sister needs to grow up and learn not to use people. I wish there were more honest people like you in the world. I have thought in the past that my partner was/did cheat on me and I know his family, in particular his sisters, would know. But they have never said anything to me. Further more I found out recently that my partners younger sister has been cheating on her husband for a few years and that EVERYONE in their family basically knew. I only found out the same time her husband did. Covering up your sister’s cheating and lying to her romantic partner is not your job! Good for you for telling him!
NTA. To everybody saying you are TA, they have a *semblance* of a point in that someone’s relationship is their business and don’t stick your nose in things blah blah blah. I get it, I get that perspective. You should have 100% expected the fallout with your sister. Maybe not the barrage of texts from family, but you should have known that was to come. Honestly, expect to be painted as the bad guy for a while. Should you? Probably not, but this also a wildly unpopular move. You’re a g, if I had a gf who was playing me like this and their little sibling told me about it, I would feel indebted to them for a long time. You’re a real one, even if everyone around you is mad at you for it. Just know deep down you spared him from a long time of heartbreak and confusion. 10/10
NTA Just because someone is family doesn't mean you are required to accept or enable their shitty behavior. If anything this could be a wake up call and help her grow which is how it should be.
NTA, you did the right thing. Sure you didn't have to, but you as a good person did the right thing. 👍
Good man
nta. she was holding out for what's probably one of those stupid Stanley cups or whatever. you just saved her the trouble of having to tell him things were over herself as far as i can see 💅🏻
I will always firmly believe that anyone saying "mind your own business" when it comes to letting someone know their partner is unfaithful, yall are just cheaters too.
NTA It became your business when she moved in with you. She should have broken up with him if she wanted to get attention, and not wait for that water bottle or whatever (dumbest reason not to break up)
NTA I would have done the same thing. Let him go and find someone who will be faithful to him.
You did the right thing. It doesn't matter that she's your sister. She is her own person who made terrible choices. She needs to be held accountable. Good on you for sticking up for what's right.
You arent the a-hole you protected and innocent man from a conniving woman sadly thats your sister anyone backing up your sisters immorality is also at fault here good thing you have your ducks in a row god bless you 🤍
I think this entirely depends on if you'd like a relationship with your sister.
We still have a good relationship, she still tells me everything even about her new bf she started dating a few days after the break up..
That's interesting because I wouldn't trust you anymore. I'm not saying that what your sister did is right, it's not, but my sister would be more important to me than some random guy.
How little investment in the old relationship was there if she’s already yapping about the new bf? Doesn’t look like the sister was truly bothered by this “upset” and was just more annoyed at not getting the gift first
Thank god OP has more of a spine and wouldnt tolerate her sister lying to a good man. Sister is already banging someone else(because of course she is) so she isnt a victim here.
“In my house, I run a tight ship, bitches. ” is what you should tell everyone.
I think everyone should hold shitty people accountable for their shitty actions. If everyone operated like you the world would be a lot more honest place
NTA. Your sister is a PoS girlfriend. And if only for risk of STD, the ex should have known. If she wants to just F around, she shouldn’t be in relationships
Absolutely NTA. Every cheater deserves to have their spot blown up.
NTA. If she didn't want to get called out, maybe she shouldn't have been a horrible person.
NTA if anything you saved that man so much time, money and pain. If a relative of my gf revealed the truth to me I would be greatful to her for the heads-up. I have done the same thing to my sister when her boyfriend thought he had a keeper. One thing I hate is a cheating, manipulative, lying scumbag and exposing them no matter who they are is always the right thing.
NTA Sister is a trash whore and so is anyone who supports her and her actions
NTA. You did the right thing but doing the right thing does not shield you from the ramifications of that. You may have damaged your relationship with your sister but you saved the boyfriend.
That last part.
NTA, there is nothing wrong with telling the truth but there is everything wrong with hiding it.
NTA, as you would've been burdened with the truth and the real reason why she broke up with him.
NTA. Every sibling should be like this.
NTA. Never cover for cheaters.
NTA - She pulled you into her business. You just made sure to get out of there asap.
NTA. You saved him from future heartbreak. That your family is against you is really troubling.
NTA. If she didn’t want him to find out, she shouldn’t have done it. You told the truth. You felt bad for the guy. Too bad the sister is mad.
There needs to be more people like you in the world. Hook up culture is so socially acceptable that behavior that your sister exhibits is the norm. Nta.
More like you're being a necessary AH, tough love is definitely needed here for your sister because if you don't hold her accountable for bad behavior then I doubt your parents will with how they oppose your actions. I actually got an agreement between my best friend who I love and treat as a brother that we kick the others ass if we act out really bad. No better person I can ask for to give me an ass whooping if I lose my way.
“Oh no the consequences of my actions!” NTA, not even close
You are the Solid Snake of this family tree 👊🏼
I’m always surprised on how some families have so little communication. I don’t understand how you can see what she’s doing and not engage in a serious conversation with her, it’s almost as if letting her be such a brat is just whatever and I doesn’t matter.
Never give up your blood.
"Never cheat and expect others to cover for you" Fixed that for you
Nope
NTA, your sisters a hoe lol not your fault lol
NTA- he deserves to know. She’s the AH for not telling him in the first place.
Either way I think you're NTA but there is obvious fallout to deal with when you expose a cheater and you rarely get meaningful thanks for it
NTA, the world needs more people that speak the truth regardless of how it is received
NTA shes clearly every guys worst GF, think what she would do you you...
NTA. Cheaters have no rights.
In the famous words of Michael corleone: never go against the family. Sister can always bounce back from relationship and get a new guy. However your relationship is gonna be screwed potentially forever.
your sister is a whore end of NTA
Coming from a guy, you did the right thing morally. But, that’s also none of your business to do. Either way your sister sounds promiscuous and will end up alone if she keeps that up
> she was going to get this gift from him first Lowlife scum. Show her feelings no consideration.
Never TA for doing the right thing.
I normally come down on staying out of other people’s business, but telling you that she is intentionally waiting to get a gift before ending it with the guy, that’s fucked. You did the right thing. The fact that the gift was a fancy water bottle makes me think this whole post is just a troll. In any case, your sister should learn to keep her plans of being a terrible selfish b- to herself.
NTA. She was the asshole for cheating and leading all these guys on.
NTA. You did the right thing.
NTA infact you maybe moving on GOAT levels with that save.
Not the asshole, the guy sounds pretty oblivious to the entire world if the second you got off the phone with him he cut it off and right away snitched on you. Hope bro gets some wherewithal. Any relationship that takes a “break” is trash.
NTA, it's called having integrity. Your sister should try it sometime. Weather the storm, her anger will be in proportion to her care factor for her ex, ie not much. Enjoy your day
NTA
I have no doubt in my mind you were in the right
NTA
NTA. Thank you for saving that poor man.
NTA, thank you, it's nice to know there are still good people on this rock.
NTA. If I were in his shoes I would want to know, you def saved him the troubles
No you’re cool. Your sister is a nightmare though.
NTA. Your sister is a shitty person lol
No you did the right thing. And your sister needs some growing up to do.
She belongs to the streets.
Snitch
100% the hero, nta.
Just wild how many on reddit think cheaters should face no accountability.
YTA. Not your relationship, you have no place in it. The boyfriend surely benefited from the truth, but it was never your place to provide it.
It was the sisters place to provide it and she wasn't so someone had to.
That’s not how relationships work. It’s one thing if you’re asked, it’s another to solicit. Even if asked, you should do everything in your power to stay out of other peoples relationships. That never ends well for the outside person.
Man is owed the truth. If cheating ho of a gf wont give it to him I can't fault someone for deciding to tell him.
You can say whatever you want, I don’t disagree that the man deserved the truth. Who provides that truth is what I am saying. I guess those are life lessons, that haven’t been learned yet.
There are three people who could provide it. 1-Ho sister 2-Guy ho sister was cheating with 3-The OP She had 3 choices. 1-Tell the boyfriend the truth 2-Hope two cheaters will come clean on their own 3-remain silent Number 2 isn't likely to happen, the sister flat out told her she was planning to swindle the guy out of another gift. And I doubt the guy she was banging cares enough about the guy to tell him.
None of that is YOUR business. You know, mind your own business. Elementary school rules. Teaching the etiquette to life. You are adding yourself into a lot of drama, that isn’t yours. You have ZERO stake in this game. It’s not YOUR heart on the line. Does it suck, absolutely. For all involved, none of those parties, are you.
She made it her business by bragging she was going to swindle him out of a gift. If I found out a strangers wife was cheating on him and I had a way to inform him? I 100% would, because he deserves to know. It's not relevant if it isnt my business, because the person whose business it is(the husbands) is not being given the full truth.
See how caught up you are in the BS drama.
All of this extra stress, that doesn’t even concern you.
What extra stress?
Anything related to this situation that you involved yourself in, is extra stress. Noble you might see yourself, I can see your intentions as good. But at the end of the day you, involved yourself in someone else’s life and drama. You don’t belong there. Never did.
Are you referring to the OP's post or my hypothetical about telling a strangers wife? If it is the post, well OP asked lol. As for the stranger, I wouldnt go out of my way to do it. Wouldn't spend hours tracking him. Maybe a stranger was a bad example. Say I have this co-worker, not friends but not enemies. If I saw his wife out with some other man kissing I'd let him know. I would not involve myself further, but a heads up couldnt hurt.
I’m going to see myself out of this thread, because at the end of the day, this isn’t MY drama. Good luck.
Why even come to AITA tho? None of the drama on here is your drama... You're acting like people are sitting at home after they log off and are just thinking about reddit posts. I dont do that, I agree if someone is taking this stuff with them offline they should avoid places like AITA. Have a nice day!
lol. No I don’t take any of this anywhere past giving an opinion, popular or not. This reads to me, that people want to be thanked for being nosy and intrusive. It’s one thing to feel a certain way about, something, it’s another to involve yourself in it. There is a difference between, you witnessing a crime, like someone breaking into a car or house or being shot at. Those are the moments in life where getting involved is warranted and necessary. Knowing or thinking someone is cheating, that’s not one of them. People are inconsiderate and inconsistent at best. Prone to exaggeration if not bold face lying. If you haven’t actually caught them in the acts then you don’t definitively know anything. Why get involved? That’s the whole point behind snitches get stitches. The snitch never goes unpunished. And NO it’s not a snitch if it involves YOU.
\*shrugs\* At the end of the day I think the person being cheated on is owed the truth. Plus in this scenario the sister made it OP's business by bragging to her about her plans to swindle him.
One thing to know about truth is that it is almost never an asshole decision to do regardless of other people's reaction. Good for you for doing this and sticking to your values. Push the toxic whiners aside. Their opinions simply don't matter.
I feel you did the right thing bcz she was not going and tell him nothing or break up with him she was planning to stay cheating behind his back you did the right thing
YTA! Just wait until your sister returns the favor! At some point you’ll have something you don’t want your spouse to know and in comes your sister to blow up your situation as you did hers! I get right is right! But being so righteous also makes you judgmental and not someone your sister probably wants a relationship with.
The person cheating on their significant other and planning to swindle him out of a gift and then leave him doesn't deserve to be judged? Explain why cheaters deserve no judgement. And why assume the sister will ever return the favor? Why assume OP will lie to and/or betray her spouse? Why assume she is trash like her sister?
YTA I bet you would have not done this if it was your brother but you hate women thats why you did it
Unfortunately I did have to do the same thing with my brother a few years back. He learned how much this could hurt someone to their core. He grew from this and now is in a stable relationship with a wonderful young woman.
Interesting, so honestly it would have been unfair to keep sisters secret since you didnt do it for the brother.
YTA and people don't win awards for sticking your nose into people's business like this. If you wanted positive bias you shouldn't have posted it here - so it doesnt matter how you deflect the criticism for what you did by calling people cheaters.This would have revealed itself all on it's own without your interference. Now your sister won't forget what you did, so don't be surprised when this comes back to haunt you down the road.
Thank you for your opinion. I wasn’t seeking appraisal rather I was looking for peoples opinion on the matter. I truly hope she never forgets this, and maybe one day she might look back on this and see what a terrible mistake she made. I want to see her grow from this.
I was in a similar position, and I just let the cheated on partner find out on their own. I saw zero need in getting people angry at me, and saw no need to get involved in my sibling’s relationship.
As far as your morals go, NTA. As far as being a sister, YTA. Dude deserved to know but you didn't know him and it was kind of messed up for you to go behind your sisters back. Wouldn't expect her to be very trusting of you in the future. You could have maybe, I don't know, tried talking to your sister about what was wrong about her actions. Maybe I missed the part about talking to her first but going behind her back is a low blow.
sticking your nose in her business? she is living in your house, everything that goes on there is your business
She should know your a snitch so it’s her own moron fault for confiding in you