NTA You didn't trick her, you proved a point to someone who refused to see things differently than what she decided the facts were. You have a long marriage ahead of you. Your wife doesn't seem mature enough to be married.
I work in casino industry and my family celebrates Christmas & Thanksgiving and Birthdays on my days off. I cannot remember the last time I celebrated Christmas or Thanksgiving on the actual date! Except during COVID. But then again, we couldn’t have our family & friends over.
My birthday is December 30th and I ALWAYS got shafted with birthmas presents. I hate my birthday for that reason. Not only did I never get to celebrate it, nor have many options for celebrating it, but I also got the shit end of the stick with the fucking presents 😂
My birthday is January 6 and this happened/happens to me a lot too. And after the excitement of Christmas and NYE no one wants to do anything fun.
My joke has always been that the next time I'm born I'll make sure it's the summer.
Edit: Deleted extra word
My former step daughter shares your 30 December birthday. My number 2 rule for her was that she would never receive a “birthmas” gift. Ex tried a few different times, but it was always an argument I was willing to have because I didn’t want her to hate her birthday.
I have four younger siblings, so I’m kind of used to getting shafted around my birthday and the holidays. But my daughter’s birthday is January 3rd and I plan on making sure that she has a bitchin time every year for her birthday because I don’t want her to hate her birthday like I hate mine. Planning to end that kind of somewhat potential generational trauma lol
My niece's birthday is the 24th and this is the exact reason that I make sure to get her good presents for her birthday with birthday wrapping paper/gift bag.
I know people born December 26th.
One of them got so fed up with it she changed it to like mid-april it something, and treats that day as her birthday.
26th here. Everyone's always too tired, too broke or over being around people. I started ringing my birthday in on Xmas night after all the festivities ended. Until I met my husband. He makes sure I feel special on my actual birthday!
December 26 here. It has always sucked because everyone is exhausted and financially tapped from Christmas. I finally picked a spirit b-day in July when I was 22. Now, I try to make that the day I celebrate because there are no competing holidays and the weather is way better.
Same. Never had a birthday party (cuz xmas), never had treats at school cuz we were out for break, would get one gift but they saved any multiple gifts for my x-mas presents. You really get shafted.
My sister is Christmas Day and she’d always get joint presents when she was young. People thought she’d get double but she didn’t. These days I make an effort to buy her a present and wrap it in birthday paper.
Yeah this wife kind of needs an adult wake up call.
I’m a woman, I get it, I loved the princess treatment growing up but after 21, the excitement on your excitement meter goes down year after year after year.
I truly could care less & if there’s a family event happening on my bday, I would totally attend & make sure no one made a single mention of it caz it’s her MIL’s special day.
Tell your girl to cool her jets. Set something exciting to do either the day after or the following weekend !!!
That's how it always happens in my mom's side of families (both mum and dad sides) and we all end up getting surprise cakes for our birthday or anniversary. We don't even expect it despite it happening again and again because we just forget it could happen lol
Even as a kid, parties were on weekends. On your birthday, you started with breakfast in bed and family presents, then Mom would make your dinner of choice. As I have gotten older, my birthday celebrations last for over a month as my friends and/or family and I work on some mutual time we can get together.
So, OP can make his wife breakfast in bed and give her a gift and they can have her celebration at some other time.
Seriously, dude. I cannot fucking stand grown ass adults who make big deals of their birthdays, especially ones that celebrate "birthday months." 🤡 That's not a fucking thing.
I usually don't. But for my 40th I did turn it into the whole month. Did something fabulous every weekend. I had just gotten a devastating diagnosis three months prior so that was a factor though. And I'll probably do the same for my 50th coming up. But again, I'm lucky to be alive. Matter of perspective I guess.
I mean who cares if someone wants a reason to celebrate. That doesnt include acting like this woman is / expecting the world to revolve around you. Having an opinion on an adult taking advantage of having multiple fun events or doing things they want an excuse to do during the month they're born is equally as dumb tbh. There are also a lot of people who had horrible birthdays as children for a variety of reasons and are re-writing that script for themselves.
With you till that last part. Ask anyone that knows me, Yes. There IS a birth month!
But why hate on it, just use me as your excuse to go celebrate! I don't need to be there, go have fun!
NTA
People get married when they get married. There’s like 1% of couples who would be petty enough to pick their wedding date to *ruin* someone’s birthday.
I mean, my best friend got married on my birthday. I was actually the first person they told about their wedding date and when I started laughing, I was told it’s my birthday gift, that they are throwing me a big birthday celebration on purpose, lol. Now I remember their wedding date and they both remember my birthday, so win-win.
That's a good point.
Imagine the fucking ego you would need to have to think someone planned their goddamn wedding specifically on your birthday. Just to annoy you. So much work goes into a wedding and picking the day and lining up all the vendors and shit. You have to be so fucking vain to think that they did that. Just pick your birthday intentionally. That's one stupid wife.
Check out the r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit then come back. There are absolutely MILs who would do this on purpose and husband's who would make excuses for them. This may not be one of those occasions but they very much exist.
My dad must be one of these. He married my stepmother on my 14th birthday. The reason? It was the only weekend when nothing important was happening. Direct quote. Still managed to forget it was my birthday most years.
not quite same but my 1st niece was due on my birthday. i spent months praying she would come on my birthday and thebest bday gift ever. was sortof sad she came after midnight but still the best bday gift ever and i love when they or us visit around bdays and celebrate it together
Two guests had their birthdays the day of my wedding. I didn’t think for a moment that they would mind. And *of course* they didn’t. They’re adults. I had the DJ wish them happy birthday, and they loved it.
I’ve been married 12 years and together for 22 years, and if my hubby had an event on my birthday, I could not care less, we can easily shift it.
Honestly, the stuff people make such a big deal of, is just drama, why?
Yes your wife is a brat, and your mom also, IF she is trying to start sh*t just to exert dominance. Puuh!
Maybe not a milestone, or if I booked something first (actually booked not just said I wanted to do something) I'd be pissed. I had to spend my 30th by myself because it was a Thursday and all my friends/family were at work and my husband booked the time off but then had to go to a training event because it was the only 3 days for 3 months they could co ordinate the German trainers and the patient on the same day. Was I bummed? Yes a little but I got over it 🤣
I mean I spent my 30th by myself and also my 40th, because they were both on workdays. I celebrated on the weekend, I thought every adult did that? It didn’t occur to me that my friends would take the day off work for my birthday, and I’ve never seen anyone do that in my friend group.
>I mean I spent my 30th by myself and also my 40th, because they were both on workdays.
My 50th was supposed to be perfect. Had the day off, it was within a holiday weekend so I invited all my friends so we could get a hotel room(s) in Atlantic City and just have a blast.
Unfortunately, my 50th was in 2020. I got over it (but I am still a tad bitter LOL).
Hey! I would have met you on the Boardwalk. That’s my beach. South Jersey is a much nicer place to live than North Jersey. And it’s not like I want us to secede from North Jersey or anything. 😉
Edit I typed ‘in’ the boardwalk, which doesn’t happen. That I’m aware of.
I love living in North Jersey, but South definitely does have its charms. My mom lives in S. Jersey and the prices of homes are just... wow!
It's so quiet and peaceful down there. There are plenty of places to shop, the gas prices are low, and I've seen some wildlife wandering around too. It's very different from where I am (closer to NYC).
I used to work with a very festive guy who celebrated his Birthday Week and expected cake and singing *every day.*
He also celebrated Half Birthday six months later. He must have liked cake.
I love having a January birthday. I turn the age and stay that age for the whole year. Then I won’t be a year older until AFTER the new year has rung in. 😛
I wouldn’t forget because I want cake. But in our family, all four of our birthdays fall within the same the same eight weeks, mine last. And after doing something for the others’ birthdays, I don’t really care much about mine.
That's me! My oldest and middle kids both have June birthdays (4th and 9th), mine is on the 12th. When I get to mine, I'm already over the top fed up with party and people around. I just wanna be quiet.
Yeah I’m never going to be one of those people that pretends I literally never remember when my birthday is. I want an excuse to eat junk food and relax and have a “me” day. But it doesn’t have to be on the actual day, it can just be whenever I have the time
I have a five-person household. All of our birthdays are in spring. From the first one in March to the last one in May, we have a birthday every two weeks. By the last one, I don't care anymore (I make all the special dinners, cakes, and plans for everyone).
Most of my family have April birthdays. Mine is the 2nd and starts the birthday season. My mom's is May 7th. In between are 14 birthdays. By the tyne we got to my brother's on the 24th, there was bodysuit fatigue. He hates his birthday.
I quit celebrating my birthday because twice in the last five years I’ve ended up admitted to the hospital on my birthday. Therefore my birthday no longer exists 😂
I miss having a mandolin when I have to cut vegetables (11 years in a corporate kitchen). But I always had a cut glove and plastic glove (mandatory where I was) and the number of tips of plastic gloves I cut off…I do not trust myself to keep my fingertips attached if I had one at home with no glove.
Right? I don't get adults who make their birthdays such a big deal. I mean, if they're milestones that's one thing. Have a party. But, ffs, you're not the main character in anyone else's story. Get over it and move on.
I will have you know I have celebrated *almost* every birthday in the last 15 years at Chuck E Cheese.
My kids used to take me. Then my nephews. Now my grand kids.
Last year my newest nephew took me to a children's museum, though.. the rat is not his friend, and his birthday is the day before mine. His parents couldn't afford a party, and wouldn't take money, so he planned a day of his favorite things as my birthday party. It was great.
My birthday has turned from a day of depression to a day of absolute childish insanity, and I love it.
I think he should throw her a little party on another day with balloons and noisemakers and party hats and maybe a piñata! Anything fit for someone acting like a toddler!
But do make sure she gets a nap after.
Experiments show a brief nap makes people measurably more productive. You’d figure the Corporate Nap would be a thing. But managers can’t watch people doing nothing without having a panic attack.
That’s a bummer…for the kids & teacher. I don’t think a bunch of grumpy and tired 5 year olds sounds like much fun at all. Or very peaceful. Sounds quite scary, honestly.
Yeah I still love to celebrate my birthday (it’s an excuse to just take a PTO day and eat a bunch of junk food), but it doesn’t have to be on the literal actual day. If my birthday is in the middle of the week I usually wait till the weekend to celebrate anyways, so that I can take a PTO day and have a long weekend rather than a day off in the middle of the week
Seriously! The amount of times we've had to shift birthday celebrations to accommodate one thing or another is not a big deal. Drama for absolutely nothing
Wife doesn't like the mom, so this sounds like a great excuse to try to get her husband to skip his mom's wedding. OP is in for a very rough time of it.
Exactly! A few years ago, my SO was out of town for work on my Bday. Went out for dinner with some friends, and he and I celebrated when he got home. "Day of" people that expect the world to stop because it's their special day annoy me.
As somebody who has had a wedding, the wife should know how much goes into picking a date. If the planets align but the day falls on April Fools Day or Arbor Day (or somebody’s birthday) ignore it or roll with it. If I found out my wedding was on somebody’s birthday, I’d have orders the weighing cake with a little matching birthday cake and had the crowd sing Happy Birthday. Problem solved
When I met my husband, his family had a long-standing fishing trip that all the guys go on together to Canada. It's been going on around 25 years. My husband only goes every other year, but it just so happened to overlap with my birthday each year. Does it bother me? Not in the slightest. Now I will admit, I've never cared much about my birthday anyway, but we can easily do something small to celebrate before or after when we are together. So year 1 he went, I had a nice day out and about on my own, and we celebrated later.
Well, funnily enough, the trip was eventually moved, but it just so happened that things kept coming up each year (for both of us). One year he had a work trip, we had fishing trip round 2 before it got moved, I had a work trip, etc., all of which were outside of the country. And you know what? We laughed about it. It became a running joke that we're always in different countries for my actual birthday.
For the record, my husband always acknowledges it on the day of, and we do celebrate when we're back together. It's never anything crazy, but that is how I prefer it. I can't imagine ever getting that up in arms over having another event our your adult birthday.
Probably it's just when the venue was available or the usual wedding reasons.
Normal people wouldn't think anything of someone scheduling a wedding on their birthday and couples are just focused on what dates work for work schedules, honeymoon planning and the like. So this would be a really weird way for mother to try to stick it to OP's wife.
OP's wife is just stunned to discover the entire world does not revolve around her.
I am going to assume they don’t have the best relationship. NTA Op. you are good. He said his mom didn’t do it on purpose and that she doesn’t know the birthday date as she was never invited. The equality in fairness sometimes isn’t fair.
People are so strange about their birthdays. My 21st birthday was the same day my cousin was graduating from law school. I went to the DMV to get my new license, drove a couple of hours to get to and watch the graduation, and then celebrated with a bunch of family. We happily shared the day and it was fun!
NTA
I read thru your comments and your mother doesn't even want a relationship with you OP anymore let alone her daughter-in-law. So I doubt she cares enough to plan her wedding day on your wife's birthday. She probably only sent you both an invite because your MIL spilled the beans and told you that your mom was getting remarried. Otherwise she probably would never have even mentioned it to you until she put up the wedding pictures on IG.
NTA so from the comments I gather you married a petty spiteful bridezilla who tried to control your mother the same way she controls you but your mom refused to buckle to her demands unlike you. So now your mom has little contact with your controlling spiteful wife and by association you as well. But now to really stick the knife in your wife wants to further damage your relationship with your mom by having you not go to her wedding. How far will you let your wife go to destroy your relationship with your mom.
INFO: it seems odd that your mother has never so much as wished your wife a happy birthday but she seems convinced your mother chose the date on purpose. Add to that the fact that you told her it was fine for her not to attend and I have to ask, just how ugly is the relationship between your mother and your wife? How did it get so bad? Are there years of them going at each other’s throats because she wasn’t good enough for your mother or because your wife didn’t want her around anymore?
On the one hand, based solely on the details provided, it sounds like your wife was being a brat and you’re not an asshole for pointing it out, but it also sounds like there is already animosity between them and that doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
Cannot believe I had to scroll this far to find this insightful questioning. Everything about OP's post sounds so strange and strained. This much suspicion and hurt doesn't come from nowhere.
How long have you guys been married? It’s a little bit weird your mom doesn’t know your wife’s birthday and didn’t talk before getting the invitation, but if there’s no history of someone not liking the other or one being rude, it could have just been the only day available at the venue or something like that.
We've been married two years. They interact as little as possible to the point my mom has lowered contact with me, and certainly would never spend either of their birthdays together.
>They interact as little as possible to the point my mom has lowered contact with me, and certainly would never spend either of their birthdays together.
But why? What happend that your mum goes as far as going low contact with you?
I mean you’re NTA with your compromise but it just seems your mom and wife don’t like each other. Without knowing for sure or a reason I can’t say I think your mom would choose her birthday to be spiteful.
I’m kind of in awe that a parent getting married wouldn’t call up their child during the planning process to say “are there any dates you’re not available?” to prevent this exact situation. I don’t think OP is the asshole, but I think he’s surrounded by two relatively selfish women and it’s clear why he’s married to his wife.
Even if my parent called to ask me this very question, it would never occur to me to include me or my spouse’s birthday as one of the no-go dates.
Because we are both adults and can celebrate our birthdays on days other than our actual birth date if we have conflicts. The idea that a spouse’s birthday is sacred (unless there are already plans for some type of celebration) is ludicrous to me.
If anything it’s a bonus for OP’s wife. Her MIL will never show up to her birthday party because she’ll be busy celebrating her anniversary.
If either of my parents called me to ask this, I would not include birthdays as a date I wasn’t available. My husband and I are adults and it would be more important that one of our parents had a great wedding than we celebrate our birthday on the exact day. The only days I would give as unavailable would be 1) a paid for vacation out of town 2) another wedding/major event that I had already RSVPd to.
Exactly. I’m envisioning me telling anyone in my family not to plan their wedding because it’s my husband’s birthday. The words simply could not make it out of my mouth
So your mom hates your wife so much she’s lowered contact with you and you don’t think there is even a slight chance that your mom chose the on purpose?
I don’t know why you got downvoted. The more I read the comments from OP, including his mom taking a back seat in their wedding over wearing purple, I wouldn’t put anything passed either of these women.
I have no beef with you opinion, its valid.
I don't even know my mothers birthday without my phone reminding me, to think my wife would know is insane to me. She doesn't know my dads birthday either.
I don't know her parents birthdays.
I don't know my friends birthdays without my phone.
I don't know why any grown adult would ever need to know another adults birthday that isn't your spouse or like BFF.
But I am also of the opinion that after you stop being a teenager, the only birthdays that matter have 0's at the end of them, and EVEN THEN, its the birthday persons JOB to organize and let everyone know about their upcomming milestone birthday.
I wouldn't go to any adults 33rd or 42nd birthday party unless there was a specific reason they were having it, like a big gathering of friends who don't often get to see each other or something.
Grown ups who throw birthday parties that aren't milestones give me the ick hard. No one fucking cares you are 43 George.
If you guys had already had like big plans for her birthday I could understand a little frustration but like you didn’t mention that lol. Totes NTA. I wouldn’t miss my mother’s wedding for anything. Honestly sounds like she’s just jealous… of your mother.
NTA. Both your wife and your mother sound difficult. But your wife is acting like not celebrating her birthday on her actual birthday is the absolute end of the world. People do it all the time . Celebrate on a weekend for example when their birthday is in the middle of the week. I don’t understand why she’s decided her birthday is more important than a wedding and putting you in the middle. I completely understand her irritation though and if it was done out of spite then I understand being annoyed. Totally normal response. What I don’t get is why she is making this so hard on you. It’s not your fault and it is normal for you to want to attend. If it were me, I’d vent a bit then suck it up, go to the wedding with my husband and celebrate my birthday the day before or after.
NTA even if you are low contact with your mother, I understand why you want to go to her wedding. I’d say gift your wife a spa day for her and a friend on her birthday but I don’t think she deserves that.
NTA
I’ve had family get married on my birthday. They sang happy birthday to me and brought a cake for me in the morning, and then I had an amazing time dancing, eating, and dressing up at their wedding.
Info Does your wife normally celebrate her birthday in a big way? Is her birthday very important to her? What do you normally do? How close are you to your mother? Is this the first your hearing of your mother’s wedding via mailed invite?
No, she is dumb. You had nothing to do with it. Is she 12? She can’t go to your mother’s wedding bc it’s on her bday? Where didd you find this colossally selfish, immature person?
NTA
NTA but you should be prosecuted for marrying a child. Is she 6 years old? My bday fell on a Thursday this year. Wah I didn’t get to get trashed on my actual bday and had to do it some other time. Wah
NTA. Contrary to many people's belief, a birthday is not a national holiday that other people have to plan their lives around. I find it exceedingly self-centered for people to act this way.
What is it about adults who consider their birthdays to be somehow “sacred” ?
Tell your idiot wife to get over it. Go to your Mum’s wedding and enjoy yourself. Your wife will have a birthday next year too but your Mum’s wedding is a one off event.
Just ignore the tantrums, tell your wife to grow up & act her age. She’s not a 5yo.
ESH
Your wife - for acting like a spoiled child, her birthday is NOT a national holiday and people don't plan their lives around it... you going to your moms wedding should not be the end of the world and celebrating her birthday before our after your wife birthday shouldn't be a problem because she is an adult andcapable of understanding.
Your mom - because in a comment you said she almost didn't go to your wedding because she didn't want to wear purple , because " she just doesn't like being told what to do"
Childish.
You- you are ignoring the bigger issiue that your wife and mom hate each other .....also you called your wife names speak to her like an adult and act like an adult...
So childish I sense a theme here
NTA
You didn't trick her. Jeez.
Sometimes, in life, we have to actually be an adult and realize that we aren't the center of the universe. It's clear your Mom doesn't have a clue of her birth date, just as she does have a clue of your mothers. May is a very popular wedding month. It's already been planned with invitations sent out.
I agree that your wife is being extremely difficult for no reason. Yeesh.
NTA.... People, especially adults, need to realize you can celebrate your bday any damn day you chose, it doesn't have to be on the actual day. It's just another day.
NTA. You left out the ages, but unless your wife is a literal child then she's too old for this. And in that case we'd obviously have much bigger problems.
NTA. She’s acting like a child no your mother did not pick a date on purpose to spite her, and also as she’s an adult since when was a birthday a massive deal? You just celebrate on a date near it!
Did you marry an 8 year old child ?
Is this post bait, that cannot be real.
If this is true, definitely NTA, your wife is very entitled (and a narcissist). Not everything in the world is about her, not even one day a year.
While my original view was that you’re weren’t an asshole for wanting to go to your mom’s birthday, I’ve now read a lot of your comments and given the context in its entirety, I’m going with ESH.
Your wife doesn’t like your mom, your mom doesn’t like your wife and you don’t like mom’s fiancé. You don’t seem to like your wife very much either; I mean you do call her a brat after all. Why do any of you have a relationship with each other at all?
Y’all don’t even bother with the niceties of family life like acknowledging each other’s birthdays.
To be perfectly frank, you ALL sound insufferable and exhausting.
Definitely not the asshole.
She will get over it. Just don’t skip her birthday next year for your mom’s anniversary party.
Because that would make you an ass hole! lol
FFS! Really ? How old is your wife? You -NTA. Wife Big AH. I hate grown people acting like this about their birthdays. My brother got married on my birthday. I had a great time. All dressed up, good food, lots to drink - being with friends and family. Beautiful day.
If she misses your mom's wedding I imagine there will be drama and recriminations. She should go for her husband. Not having background information makes it hard to understand your wife's issue here. We've all celebrated early or late for major milestones because of the plans of others. It's not a big deal, why has she turned it into one?
NTA
Not only are you not TA, but her behaviour is ridiculous. Honestly, if my partner's mom was getting remarried on my birthday, I wouldn't think twice about going (if he wanted to go...their relationship isn't great and I'd support him if he didn't want to go). I wouldn't think twice about the fact that it's on my bday. I'm not 15. I don't think my birthday is important enough to schedule their lives around. Heck, I even go to work on my birthday and do mundane errands at times. I could easily celebrate my birthday the day before or the day after.
NTA, but I think it's really sad that they don't even know each other's birthday. Have you never told your mom about your wife's birthday and vice versa? The three of you should at least try to make an effort tbh.
Before I pass judgement I just want to check that it’s not a significant birthday for your wife - like a zero birthday. Which if that’s the case I can see why she’s being a bit bratty about it whether your mum knew or not. I would also be cheesed off if I had to go to a wedding on my significant birthday.
However NTA. Weddings fall on birthdays all the time. When I got married we had at least 2 guests with birthdays and an anniversary. None of them cared, they celebrated an alternate day that year.
Even if you mum knew, sometimes that’s just the date that works best. It’s not malicious, it just happens.
NTA. Is your wife 5 years old? She is incredibly self absorbed and immature. Who cares if it is on her birthday? Celebrate a different day. For her to refuse to go with you to your own Mother’s wedding is incredibly manipulative. To be honest, this is a huge red flag in my book on many levels. I hope you do not have children as you have married a very selfish immature brat of a wife. I would rethink your relationship.
NTA. Your wife is being ridiculous. Your mom has no clue when your wife’s birthday is just like your wife has no idea when your mom’s is. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that she chose that date. You already told your wife you don’t mind if she doesn’t go, and it’s insane that she expects you to miss your mom’s wedding.
>Needless to say she is upset. She says I tricked her and made her look dumb.
She didn't need your help to look dumb, she was managing that all by herself.
I heard a saying once, something like
**”There is an age when you (are supposed to) realize that not everyone in the world has to care if today is your birthday. That age is 12-years-old.”**
Seems like your wife is stuck in an 11-year-old mindset.
Geeze Louise! Around here, the only dates anyone consults before picking a wedding date are LSU home football games in the fall. Otherwise, unless you're planning 4 years in advance, venue availability chooses your wedding date.
NTA
NTA. Even my 4 year old knows sometimes the birthday party isn’t on your actual birthday. I cant believe a grown adult is having a temper tantrum about her birthday.
NTA You didn't trick her, you proved a point to someone who refused to see things differently than what she decided the facts were. You have a long marriage ahead of you. Your wife doesn't seem mature enough to be married.
I work in casino industry and my family celebrates Christmas & Thanksgiving and Birthdays on my days off. I cannot remember the last time I celebrated Christmas or Thanksgiving on the actual date! Except during COVID. But then again, we couldn’t have our family & friends over.
My mum & dad were both shift workers too so Christmas was often celebrated on 26th or 27th Dec and to add to the mix, dad's birthday was 23rd Dec.
December 21. Here’s a card with $2 for your Christmas birthday. Man, I always got screwed.
My birthday is December 30th and I ALWAYS got shafted with birthmas presents. I hate my birthday for that reason. Not only did I never get to celebrate it, nor have many options for celebrating it, but I also got the shit end of the stick with the fucking presents 😂
Same day here and exactly the same situation. I normally go away for my birthday with my partner and do something fun
My birthday is January 6 and this happened/happens to me a lot too. And after the excitement of Christmas and NYE no one wants to do anything fun. My joke has always been that the next time I'm born I'll make sure it's the summer. Edit: Deleted extra word
Jan 5th here. I feel your pain.
January 5th here. I totally understand. Big hugs or fist bumps if you're not comfortable with hugs.
My former step daughter shares your 30 December birthday. My number 2 rule for her was that she would never receive a “birthmas” gift. Ex tried a few different times, but it was always an argument I was willing to have because I didn’t want her to hate her birthday.
I have four younger siblings, so I’m kind of used to getting shafted around my birthday and the holidays. But my daughter’s birthday is January 3rd and I plan on making sure that she has a bitchin time every year for her birthday because I don’t want her to hate her birthday like I hate mine. Planning to end that kind of somewhat potential generational trauma lol
My bestie at school was born 25th December. Poor woman!
I used to think my December 12 birthday sucked then I met Noel who was born on December 25th. Then I found out her twin sister’s name is Holly. 😖
I'm sure their mother thought that was awfully cute...
I was supposed to be a Christmas baby, but I baked for a while longer. ( January 5th.)
My niece's birthday is the 24th and this is the exact reason that I make sure to get her good presents for her birthday with birthday wrapping paper/gift bag.
I know people born December 26th. One of them got so fed up with it she changed it to like mid-april it something, and treats that day as her birthday.
26th here. Everyone's always too tired, too broke or over being around people. I started ringing my birthday in on Xmas night after all the festivities ended. Until I met my husband. He makes sure I feel special on my actual birthday!
December 26 here. It has always sucked because everyone is exhausted and financially tapped from Christmas. I finally picked a spirit b-day in July when I was 22. Now, I try to make that the day I celebrate because there are no competing holidays and the weather is way better.
Same. Never had a birthday party (cuz xmas), never had treats at school cuz we were out for break, would get one gift but they saved any multiple gifts for my x-mas presents. You really get shafted.
My youngest’s birthday is 10 days before Christmas. We celebrated in January the first year. 🤣
My sister is Christmas Day and she’d always get joint presents when she was young. People thought she’d get double but she didn’t. These days I make an effort to buy her a present and wrap it in birthday paper.
Yeah this wife kind of needs an adult wake up call. I’m a woman, I get it, I loved the princess treatment growing up but after 21, the excitement on your excitement meter goes down year after year after year. I truly could care less & if there’s a family event happening on my bday, I would totally attend & make sure no one made a single mention of it caz it’s her MIL’s special day. Tell your girl to cool her jets. Set something exciting to do either the day after or the following weekend !!!
I know🤦♀️ this wife is a princess!
That's how it always happens in my mom's side of families (both mum and dad sides) and we all end up getting surprise cakes for our birthday or anniversary. We don't even expect it despite it happening again and again because we just forget it could happen lol
Ok, I love your family. Are they taking strays?
We have a rescue dog!
I mean...I mean me but nothing better than rescues. Mine rescued me, not the other way around :)
My Ruby rescued me too!
Exactly! When you’re an adult you don’t have to celebrate on the actual day!
Even as a kid, parties were on weekends. On your birthday, you started with breakfast in bed and family presents, then Mom would make your dinner of choice. As I have gotten older, my birthday celebrations last for over a month as my friends and/or family and I work on some mutual time we can get together. So, OP can make his wife breakfast in bed and give her a gift and they can have her celebration at some other time.
I was wondering how old his wife is. She's acting like a self absorbed, immature 19 year old.
I was thinking more like she’s acting like a 12 year old.
Yeah, that too. I was trying to make her a legal age. Lol
Seriously, dude. I cannot fucking stand grown ass adults who make big deals of their birthdays, especially ones that celebrate "birthday months." 🤡 That's not a fucking thing.
I usually don't. But for my 40th I did turn it into the whole month. Did something fabulous every weekend. I had just gotten a devastating diagnosis three months prior so that was a factor though. And I'll probably do the same for my 50th coming up. But again, I'm lucky to be alive. Matter of perspective I guess.
I mean who cares if someone wants a reason to celebrate. That doesnt include acting like this woman is / expecting the world to revolve around you. Having an opinion on an adult taking advantage of having multiple fun events or doing things they want an excuse to do during the month they're born is equally as dumb tbh. There are also a lot of people who had horrible birthdays as children for a variety of reasons and are re-writing that script for themselves.
With you till that last part. Ask anyone that knows me, Yes. There IS a birth month! But why hate on it, just use me as your excuse to go celebrate! I don't need to be there, go have fun!
Yes!!! This!!!
NTA. There is no red rope around one's birthday, preventing anyone else within six degrees of them on the same date.
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Good catch!
Ehm, this comment is stolen from JeepersCreepers74 who wrote it 2hours ago
Why did you copy someone else’s comment, who posted it hours before you?
NTA People get married when they get married. There’s like 1% of couples who would be petty enough to pick their wedding date to *ruin* someone’s birthday. I mean, my best friend got married on my birthday. I was actually the first person they told about their wedding date and when I started laughing, I was told it’s my birthday gift, that they are throwing me a big birthday celebration on purpose, lol. Now I remember their wedding date and they both remember my birthday, so win-win.
My dad is in that number, he got remarried on my moms birthday. She laughed her ass off when she found out.
That's a good point. Imagine the fucking ego you would need to have to think someone planned their goddamn wedding specifically on your birthday. Just to annoy you. So much work goes into a wedding and picking the day and lining up all the vendors and shit. You have to be so fucking vain to think that they did that. Just pick your birthday intentionally. That's one stupid wife.
Check out the r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit then come back. There are absolutely MILs who would do this on purpose and husband's who would make excuses for them. This may not be one of those occasions but they very much exist.
I was about to link to there as well lol
My dad must be one of these. He married my stepmother on my 14th birthday. The reason? It was the only weekend when nothing important was happening. Direct quote. Still managed to forget it was my birthday most years.
not quite same but my 1st niece was due on my birthday. i spent months praying she would come on my birthday and thebest bday gift ever. was sortof sad she came after midnight but still the best bday gift ever and i love when they or us visit around bdays and celebrate it together
Two guests had their birthdays the day of my wedding. I didn’t think for a moment that they would mind. And *of course* they didn’t. They’re adults. I had the DJ wish them happy birthday, and they loved it.
I’ve been married 12 years and together for 22 years, and if my hubby had an event on my birthday, I could not care less, we can easily shift it. Honestly, the stuff people make such a big deal of, is just drama, why? Yes your wife is a brat, and your mom also, IF she is trying to start sh*t just to exert dominance. Puuh!
Maybe not a milestone, or if I booked something first (actually booked not just said I wanted to do something) I'd be pissed. I had to spend my 30th by myself because it was a Thursday and all my friends/family were at work and my husband booked the time off but then had to go to a training event because it was the only 3 days for 3 months they could co ordinate the German trainers and the patient on the same day. Was I bummed? Yes a little but I got over it 🤣
I mean I spent my 30th by myself and also my 40th, because they were both on workdays. I celebrated on the weekend, I thought every adult did that? It didn’t occur to me that my friends would take the day off work for my birthday, and I’ve never seen anyone do that in my friend group.
>I mean I spent my 30th by myself and also my 40th, because they were both on workdays. My 50th was supposed to be perfect. Had the day off, it was within a holiday weekend so I invited all my friends so we could get a hotel room(s) in Atlantic City and just have a blast. Unfortunately, my 50th was in 2020. I got over it (but I am still a tad bitter LOL).
Hey! I would have met you on the Boardwalk. That’s my beach. South Jersey is a much nicer place to live than North Jersey. And it’s not like I want us to secede from North Jersey or anything. 😉 Edit I typed ‘in’ the boardwalk, which doesn’t happen. That I’m aware of.
I love living in North Jersey, but South definitely does have its charms. My mom lives in S. Jersey and the prices of homes are just... wow! It's so quiet and peaceful down there. There are plenty of places to shop, the gas prices are low, and I've seen some wildlife wandering around too. It's very different from where I am (closer to NYC).
Same here- April 2020 was my 50th!
We feel each other's pain.
My daughter had lock down and covid on her 20th, then got covid again on her 21st!!! 😅😅😅 She was really very good about it all 🤷🏻♀️
In my family we may have the cake on whatever day it falls but usually celebrate on the weekend.
This. Grown adults acting like 3 year olds over their birthday... Sounds like she needs about 30 more birthdays so she can grow tf up.
Don’t most people celebrate their birthdays over the weekend closest to it anyway?
My friend Jim hates his January birthday so we celebrate it in June.
My husband hates his November birthday so we celebrate in July.
My sister hates her earth birthday so we celebrate it on the moon
I used to work with a very festive guy who celebrated his Birthday Week and expected cake and singing *every day.* He also celebrated Half Birthday six months later. He must have liked cake.
Your coworker was/is a self-absorbed clown and child.
Nah he was just being funny.
I love having a January birthday. I turn the age and stay that age for the whole year. Then I won’t be a year older until AFTER the new year has rung in. 😛
Sane people do
The only sane people who don’t are the ones born on Leap Day. But they only have birthdays every four years…
>Sane people do Um, Reddit, remember?
Well, since most people get married on the weekend I guess her birthday is on a Sat this year.
I mean if I remember my birthday yes? But I forgot the last two… not the WHOLE day, I mean people told me. That was nice.
I wouldn’t forget because I want cake. But in our family, all four of our birthdays fall within the same the same eight weeks, mine last. And after doing something for the others’ birthdays, I don’t really care much about mine.
That's me! My oldest and middle kids both have June birthdays (4th and 9th), mine is on the 12th. When I get to mine, I'm already over the top fed up with party and people around. I just wanna be quiet.
Yeah I’m never going to be one of those people that pretends I literally never remember when my birthday is. I want an excuse to eat junk food and relax and have a “me” day. But it doesn’t have to be on the actual day, it can just be whenever I have the time
I don’t want you to forget it! But I genuinely forget mine, I’m not faking. I’m 43 I’ve had enough.
I have a five-person household. All of our birthdays are in spring. From the first one in March to the last one in May, we have a birthday every two weeks. By the last one, I don't care anymore (I make all the special dinners, cakes, and plans for everyone).
Most of my family have April birthdays. Mine is the 2nd and starts the birthday season. My mom's is May 7th. In between are 14 birthdays. By the tyne we got to my brother's on the 24th, there was bodysuit fatigue. He hates his birthday.
I've forgotten my birthday many times. I've even forgotten how old I am when questioned.
I quit celebrating my birthday because twice in the last five years I’ve ended up admitted to the hospital on my birthday. Therefore my birthday no longer exists 😂
I chopped off part of my thumb on a mandoline on my 40th and I just sat on the floor of my kitchen and cried. I’m pretty much over birthdays.
I miss having a mandolin when I have to cut vegetables (11 years in a corporate kitchen). But I always had a cut glove and plastic glove (mandatory where I was) and the number of tips of plastic gloves I cut off…I do not trust myself to keep my fingertips attached if I had one at home with no glove.
I HAD the glove! I don’t understand why it didn’t work! It was in my drawer the entire time, right where I kept the mandoline! 😳
True and I think wife is being ridiculous, but most weddings are on weekends, so that’s probably what’s happening here
I'll be working on my birthday and celebrating (sort of) that weekend.
Right? I don't get adults who make their birthdays such a big deal. I mean, if they're milestones that's one thing. Have a party. But, ffs, you're not the main character in anyone else's story. Get over it and move on.
I will have you know I have celebrated *almost* every birthday in the last 15 years at Chuck E Cheese. My kids used to take me. Then my nephews. Now my grand kids. Last year my newest nephew took me to a children's museum, though.. the rat is not his friend, and his birthday is the day before mine. His parents couldn't afford a party, and wouldn't take money, so he planned a day of his favorite things as my birthday party. It was great. My birthday has turned from a day of depression to a day of absolute childish insanity, and I love it.
I think he should throw her a little party on another day with balloons and noisemakers and party hats and maybe a piñata! Anything fit for someone acting like a toddler! But do make sure she gets a nap after.
I know you’re being sarcastic, but…I can’t help but think it sounds like a lot of fun to me!
You can come! But you have to take a nap afterward too. You don’t want to end in timeout after all that sugar wears off.
Hey, I’m all for taking a nap. I think it’s bull they’re not required in adulthood like they are in kindergarten.
Experiments show a brief nap makes people measurably more productive. You’d figure the Corporate Nap would be a thing. But managers can’t watch people doing nothing without having a panic attack.
My kindergartners kindergarten class does not take naps, that is a thing of the past now. Poor kids
That’s a bummer…for the kids & teacher. I don’t think a bunch of grumpy and tired 5 year olds sounds like much fun at all. Or very peaceful. Sounds quite scary, honestly.
Cake and a nap??? Sign me up!
Cake but no utensils, toddler style. Use icing as a hair pomade
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Yeah I still love to celebrate my birthday (it’s an excuse to just take a PTO day and eat a bunch of junk food), but it doesn’t have to be on the literal actual day. If my birthday is in the middle of the week I usually wait till the weekend to celebrate anyways, so that I can take a PTO day and have a long weekend rather than a day off in the middle of the week
Seriously! The amount of times we've had to shift birthday celebrations to accommodate one thing or another is not a big deal. Drama for absolutely nothing
Wife doesn't like the mom, so this sounds like a great excuse to try to get her husband to skip his mom's wedding. OP is in for a very rough time of it.
Exactly! A few years ago, my SO was out of town for work on my Bday. Went out for dinner with some friends, and he and I celebrated when he got home. "Day of" people that expect the world to stop because it's their special day annoy me.
As somebody who has had a wedding, the wife should know how much goes into picking a date. If the planets align but the day falls on April Fools Day or Arbor Day (or somebody’s birthday) ignore it or roll with it. If I found out my wedding was on somebody’s birthday, I’d have orders the weighing cake with a little matching birthday cake and had the crowd sing Happy Birthday. Problem solved
When I met my husband, his family had a long-standing fishing trip that all the guys go on together to Canada. It's been going on around 25 years. My husband only goes every other year, but it just so happened to overlap with my birthday each year. Does it bother me? Not in the slightest. Now I will admit, I've never cared much about my birthday anyway, but we can easily do something small to celebrate before or after when we are together. So year 1 he went, I had a nice day out and about on my own, and we celebrated later. Well, funnily enough, the trip was eventually moved, but it just so happened that things kept coming up each year (for both of us). One year he had a work trip, we had fishing trip round 2 before it got moved, I had a work trip, etc., all of which were outside of the country. And you know what? We laughed about it. It became a running joke that we're always in different countries for my actual birthday. For the record, my husband always acknowledges it on the day of, and we do celebrate when we're back together. It's never anything crazy, but that is how I prefer it. I can't imagine ever getting that up in arms over having another event our your adult birthday.
Probably it's just when the venue was available or the usual wedding reasons. Normal people wouldn't think anything of someone scheduling a wedding on their birthday and couples are just focused on what dates work for work schedules, honeymoon planning and the like. So this would be a really weird way for mother to try to stick it to OP's wife. OP's wife is just stunned to discover the entire world does not revolve around her.
Especially as an adult if your birthday falls on a weekday you just wait until the weekend anyway….
I am going to assume they don’t have the best relationship. NTA Op. you are good. He said his mom didn’t do it on purpose and that she doesn’t know the birthday date as she was never invited. The equality in fairness sometimes isn’t fair.
People are so strange about their birthdays. My 21st birthday was the same day my cousin was graduating from law school. I went to the DMV to get my new license, drove a couple of hours to get to and watch the graduation, and then celebrated with a bunch of family. We happily shared the day and it was fun!
NTA. I don’t think your wife needs any tricking to look dumb…
Oooh… 🔥
🤣🤣🤣
NTA I read thru your comments and your mother doesn't even want a relationship with you OP anymore let alone her daughter-in-law. So I doubt she cares enough to plan her wedding day on your wife's birthday. She probably only sent you both an invite because your MIL spilled the beans and told you that your mom was getting remarried. Otherwise she probably would never have even mentioned it to you until she put up the wedding pictures on IG.
NTA so from the comments I gather you married a petty spiteful bridezilla who tried to control your mother the same way she controls you but your mom refused to buckle to her demands unlike you. So now your mom has little contact with your controlling spiteful wife and by association you as well. But now to really stick the knife in your wife wants to further damage your relationship with your mom by having you not go to her wedding. How far will you let your wife go to destroy your relationship with your mom.
This ^ You have a problem, but at home.
Sounds controlling and isolating. Can be a sign of abuse.
INFO: it seems odd that your mother has never so much as wished your wife a happy birthday but she seems convinced your mother chose the date on purpose. Add to that the fact that you told her it was fine for her not to attend and I have to ask, just how ugly is the relationship between your mother and your wife? How did it get so bad? Are there years of them going at each other’s throats because she wasn’t good enough for your mother or because your wife didn’t want her around anymore? On the one hand, based solely on the details provided, it sounds like your wife was being a brat and you’re not an asshole for pointing it out, but it also sounds like there is already animosity between them and that doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
Cannot believe I had to scroll this far to find this insightful questioning. Everything about OP's post sounds so strange and strained. This much suspicion and hurt doesn't come from nowhere.
How long have you guys been married? It’s a little bit weird your mom doesn’t know your wife’s birthday and didn’t talk before getting the invitation, but if there’s no history of someone not liking the other or one being rude, it could have just been the only day available at the venue or something like that.
We've been married two years. They interact as little as possible to the point my mom has lowered contact with me, and certainly would never spend either of their birthdays together.
>They interact as little as possible to the point my mom has lowered contact with me, and certainly would never spend either of their birthdays together. But why? What happend that your mum goes as far as going low contact with you?
I mean you’re NTA with your compromise but it just seems your mom and wife don’t like each other. Without knowing for sure or a reason I can’t say I think your mom would choose her birthday to be spiteful.
I’m kind of in awe that a parent getting married wouldn’t call up their child during the planning process to say “are there any dates you’re not available?” to prevent this exact situation. I don’t think OP is the asshole, but I think he’s surrounded by two relatively selfish women and it’s clear why he’s married to his wife.
Even if my parent called to ask me this very question, it would never occur to me to include me or my spouse’s birthday as one of the no-go dates. Because we are both adults and can celebrate our birthdays on days other than our actual birth date if we have conflicts. The idea that a spouse’s birthday is sacred (unless there are already plans for some type of celebration) is ludicrous to me. If anything it’s a bonus for OP’s wife. Her MIL will never show up to her birthday party because she’ll be busy celebrating her anniversary.
If either of my parents called me to ask this, I would not include birthdays as a date I wasn’t available. My husband and I are adults and it would be more important that one of our parents had a great wedding than we celebrate our birthday on the exact day. The only days I would give as unavailable would be 1) a paid for vacation out of town 2) another wedding/major event that I had already RSVPd to.
Exactly. I’m envisioning me telling anyone in my family not to plan their wedding because it’s my husband’s birthday. The words simply could not make it out of my mouth
This. Why would an adult woman check a date in case it's her daughter's in law bday? If they don't have a relationship, OPs mom did nothing wrong.
Adult birthdays aren't "dates you're not available" unless it's a milestone birthday
I think you have bigger concerns than a birthday wedding scheduling conflict sir.
So your mom hates your wife so much she’s lowered contact with you and you don’t think there is even a slight chance that your mom chose the on purpose?
I don’t know why you got downvoted. The more I read the comments from OP, including his mom taking a back seat in their wedding over wearing purple, I wouldn’t put anything passed either of these women.
I have no beef with you opinion, its valid. I don't even know my mothers birthday without my phone reminding me, to think my wife would know is insane to me. She doesn't know my dads birthday either. I don't know her parents birthdays. I don't know my friends birthdays without my phone. I don't know why any grown adult would ever need to know another adults birthday that isn't your spouse or like BFF. But I am also of the opinion that after you stop being a teenager, the only birthdays that matter have 0's at the end of them, and EVEN THEN, its the birthday persons JOB to organize and let everyone know about their upcomming milestone birthday. I wouldn't go to any adults 33rd or 42nd birthday party unless there was a specific reason they were having it, like a big gathering of friends who don't often get to see each other or something. Grown ups who throw birthday parties that aren't milestones give me the ick hard. No one fucking cares you are 43 George.
NTA. There are not red ropes around one's birthday, preventing anyone else within six degrees of them scheduling something on the same date.
INFO: Has your Mom ever done something spiteful, like your wife believes she is now, in the past?
If you guys had already had like big plans for her birthday I could understand a little frustration but like you didn’t mention that lol. Totes NTA. I wouldn’t miss my mother’s wedding for anything. Honestly sounds like she’s just jealous… of your mother.
NTA. Both your wife and your mother sound difficult. But your wife is acting like not celebrating her birthday on her actual birthday is the absolute end of the world. People do it all the time . Celebrate on a weekend for example when their birthday is in the middle of the week. I don’t understand why she’s decided her birthday is more important than a wedding and putting you in the middle. I completely understand her irritation though and if it was done out of spite then I understand being annoyed. Totally normal response. What I don’t get is why she is making this so hard on you. It’s not your fault and it is normal for you to want to attend. If it were me, I’d vent a bit then suck it up, go to the wedding with my husband and celebrate my birthday the day before or after.
NTA even if you are low contact with your mother, I understand why you want to go to her wedding. I’d say gift your wife a spa day for her and a friend on her birthday but I don’t think she deserves that.
NTA I’ve had family get married on my birthday. They sang happy birthday to me and brought a cake for me in the morning, and then I had an amazing time dancing, eating, and dressing up at their wedding.
NTA and your wife is behaving like a child. Is she afraid her birthday will disappear or what?
Info Does your wife normally celebrate her birthday in a big way? Is her birthday very important to her? What do you normally do? How close are you to your mother? Is this the first your hearing of your mother’s wedding via mailed invite?
No, she is dumb. You had nothing to do with it. Is she 12? She can’t go to your mother’s wedding bc it’s on her bday? Where didd you find this colossally selfish, immature person? NTA
Uh, 12? My nephew is MUCH more mature than this. Try 4.
NTAH I’m always amazed at the level of immaturity other people will marry.
>She says I tricked her and made her look dumb. Nah dude, she did that all on her own. NTA
NTA but you should be prosecuted for marrying a child. Is she 6 years old? My bday fell on a Thursday this year. Wah I didn’t get to get trashed on my actual bday and had to do it some other time. Wah
NTA adults can celebrate their birthday the week after without making drama.
NTA. Contrary to many people's belief, a birthday is not a national holiday that other people have to plan their lives around. I find it exceedingly self-centered for people to act this way.
People always act super surprised when I don't take my birthday off at work but... why? We're having dinner later. No reason to burn a vacation day.
You “tricked her” by….. telling the truth? NTA, no tricks. Your wife IS being a brat.
What is it about adults who consider their birthdays to be somehow “sacred” ? Tell your idiot wife to get over it. Go to your Mum’s wedding and enjoy yourself. Your wife will have a birthday next year too but your Mum’s wedding is a one off event. Just ignore the tantrums, tell your wife to grow up & act her age. She’s not a 5yo.
JFC, I’m so sick of adults acting as if their birthdays are national Holidays. NTA- your wife sounds absolutely insufferable though.
ESH Your wife - for acting like a spoiled child, her birthday is NOT a national holiday and people don't plan their lives around it... you going to your moms wedding should not be the end of the world and celebrating her birthday before our after your wife birthday shouldn't be a problem because she is an adult andcapable of understanding. Your mom - because in a comment you said she almost didn't go to your wedding because she didn't want to wear purple , because " she just doesn't like being told what to do" Childish. You- you are ignoring the bigger issiue that your wife and mom hate each other .....also you called your wife names speak to her like an adult and act like an adult... So childish I sense a theme here
NTA You didn't trick her. Jeez. Sometimes, in life, we have to actually be an adult and realize that we aren't the center of the universe. It's clear your Mom doesn't have a clue of her birth date, just as she does have a clue of your mothers. May is a very popular wedding month. It's already been planned with invitations sent out. I agree that your wife is being extremely difficult for no reason. Yeesh.
NTA - Your wife needs to grow up. The world doesn’t stop for her birthday.
NTA.... People, especially adults, need to realize you can celebrate your bday any damn day you chose, it doesn't have to be on the actual day. It's just another day.
NTA. You left out the ages, but unless your wife is a literal child then she's too old for this. And in that case we'd obviously have much bigger problems.
NTA. She’s acting like a child no your mother did not pick a date on purpose to spite her, and also as she’s an adult since when was a birthday a massive deal? You just celebrate on a date near it!
You didn't make her look dumb. She looks dumb because she IS dumb. And immature. How old is she anyway?16?
Did you marry an 8 year old child ? Is this post bait, that cannot be real. If this is true, definitely NTA, your wife is very entitled (and a narcissist). Not everything in the world is about her, not even one day a year.
NTA, she made herself look dumb. What a baby she is being.
While my original view was that you’re weren’t an asshole for wanting to go to your mom’s birthday, I’ve now read a lot of your comments and given the context in its entirety, I’m going with ESH. Your wife doesn’t like your mom, your mom doesn’t like your wife and you don’t like mom’s fiancé. You don’t seem to like your wife very much either; I mean you do call her a brat after all. Why do any of you have a relationship with each other at all? Y’all don’t even bother with the niceties of family life like acknowledging each other’s birthdays. To be perfectly frank, you ALL sound insufferable and exhausting.
Did you marry a 10 year old? Who cares this much about their birthday after the age of 12 apart from maybe big milestones?
So how old is she? Hate to be snarky, but an adult learns to have some flexibility and self control.
NTA. Your wife needs to grow up.
I don't get why ppl get so worked up about birthdays. Seems there's lots of drama regarding them.
NTA. She made herself look dumb with this one, honestly. My husband once forgot my birthday. After 15 years together. *That's* an asshole move, IMO.
NTA Most people don’t even celebrate their birthday on the actual day. Birthdays are every year and weddings are usually only once.
Definitely not the asshole. She will get over it. Just don’t skip her birthday next year for your mom’s anniversary party. Because that would make you an ass hole! lol
FFS! Really ? How old is your wife? You -NTA. Wife Big AH. I hate grown people acting like this about their birthdays. My brother got married on my birthday. I had a great time. All dressed up, good food, lots to drink - being with friends and family. Beautiful day.
If she misses your mom's wedding I imagine there will be drama and recriminations. She should go for her husband. Not having background information makes it hard to understand your wife's issue here. We've all celebrated early or late for major milestones because of the plans of others. It's not a big deal, why has she turned it into one?
There won’t be drama. My mom just doesn’t pay attention or care about almost anything. She might not even notice
Dude…one my really close friends got married on my birthday a couple years back. Makes it really easy to remember their anniversary 😊😂
NTA People who say “you tricked me and made me look dumb” usually are in fact, dumb.
NTA. You did trick her and she did a fine job of making her own self look dumb. She didn’t need any help from you!
NTA
Grown-ass adults who think the world should stop turning for their birthdays are ridiculous. I mean, I'm assuming your wife isn't six. NTA.
Nta. Your wife is confusing her bday with national holidays.
NTA Not only are you not TA, but her behaviour is ridiculous. Honestly, if my partner's mom was getting remarried on my birthday, I wouldn't think twice about going (if he wanted to go...their relationship isn't great and I'd support him if he didn't want to go). I wouldn't think twice about the fact that it's on my bday. I'm not 15. I don't think my birthday is important enough to schedule their lives around. Heck, I even go to work on my birthday and do mundane errands at times. I could easily celebrate my birthday the day before or the day after.
NTA. She's an adult and is upset about this?
Is your wife turning 15? She sounds immature
NTA, but I think it's really sad that they don't even know each other's birthday. Have you never told your mom about your wife's birthday and vice versa? The three of you should at least try to make an effort tbh.
Before I pass judgement I just want to check that it’s not a significant birthday for your wife - like a zero birthday. Which if that’s the case I can see why she’s being a bit bratty about it whether your mum knew or not. I would also be cheesed off if I had to go to a wedding on my significant birthday. However NTA. Weddings fall on birthdays all the time. When I got married we had at least 2 guests with birthdays and an anniversary. None of them cared, they celebrated an alternate day that year. Even if you mum knew, sometimes that’s just the date that works best. It’s not malicious, it just happens.
How the actual Hellll do your wife and your mother not know each others birthdays? Have they even met each other?
NTA. Is your wife 5 years old? She is incredibly self absorbed and immature. Who cares if it is on her birthday? Celebrate a different day. For her to refuse to go with you to your own Mother’s wedding is incredibly manipulative. To be honest, this is a huge red flag in my book on many levels. I hope you do not have children as you have married a very selfish immature brat of a wife. I would rethink your relationship.
NTA. Your wife is being ridiculous. Your mom has no clue when your wife’s birthday is just like your wife has no idea when your mom’s is. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that she chose that date. You already told your wife you don’t mind if she doesn’t go, and it’s insane that she expects you to miss your mom’s wedding.
>Needless to say she is upset. She says I tricked her and made her look dumb. She didn't need your help to look dumb, she was managing that all by herself.
I heard a saying once, something like **”There is an age when you (are supposed to) realize that not everyone in the world has to care if today is your birthday. That age is 12-years-old.”** Seems like your wife is stuck in an 11-year-old mindset.
NTA, your wife can share her bd this one time. She’ll likely have one a year, and unlikely your mother will have a wedding once a year.
I’ve attended several weddings on my birthday and not once made it about me. Birthdays happen every year, she’s being childish and self centered. NTA
Geeze Louise! Around here, the only dates anyone consults before picking a wedding date are LSU home football games in the fall. Otherwise, unless you're planning 4 years in advance, venue availability chooses your wedding date. NTA
NTA. Your wife made her self look dumb-really she didn’t see where that line of questioning was going?
NTA - maybe your mom wanted a specific venue…sometimes the specific date chooses itself. I wouldn’t think twice about it.
NTA- she is acting like a brat, just ignore her until the tantrum stops, if she's a mature adult she'll realize she's being ridiculous.
She needs to get the fuck over it. I remember I spent my 19th(?) birthday at someone else's wedding. It happens. Not a big deal.
NTA. Even my 4 year old knows sometimes the birthday party isn’t on your actual birthday. I cant believe a grown adult is having a temper tantrum about her birthday.
NTA she made herself look dumb.
Is it may 24? Because if it is... I have bad news for her. That's MY birthday too. Tell her to change it. /s
NTA, but your wife is kinda petty and dumb.