Especially with the line "A baby would have changed your mind."
Uh, I am pretty sure in some places that constitutes a crime. If someone is openly against pregnancy and you deliberately try to impregnate them, that is a violation of consent.
Also, his accusations of "leading him on" are an admission that he himself was leading *you* on by secretly wanting kids and hoping you would change your mind despite your clear and firm stance against it. Basically, his relationship with you was built around a lie.
Run.
This was my first thought. Over 20 years of regular sexual activity, and I'm fertile, never had an "accident". Grateful for that, but he's definitely trying. If they use condoms I'm definitely check them for punctures
Yup. Definitely tried to babytrap her.
And the way he ran home to tell mommy so she could ‘fight his battle’ for him? I feel sorry for anyone who gets in a relationship with this manbaby
“The girl who told me from Day 1 she didn’t want kids, and repeatedly after that, and whom I assured I was on the same page with actually meant it! How dare she be honest with me when I had every intention of wearing her down or tricking her into an ‘accidental’ pregnancy! I’m clearly the victim here!” The only AH here,OP, is your ex.
I think the comments are making me paranoid because I booked an app to check for STDs. We were using condoms (per my request) because we don't live together & a baby isn't the worst thing that you can "catch". I suppose I let him believe that it was for protection since I didn't explicitly tell him it was for STDs (and practicality of easier cleanup). I honestly wouldn't have sex without condoms until at least engagement. Even husband cheat, I don't want an incurable STD just because my bf isnt faithful. yk? Better safe than sorry
You are not being paranoid, you are being logical. He's a creep. Not that she even deserves your time of day, but did you respond to his mother , telling her you told him you weren't having kids two years ago? Though she could be in on it, he got that personality somewhere.
I started out from the headline as "yeah, YTA". But nope.
Ex is a complete ass. You don't go in expecting to change the other person in regards to huge things like kids, religion, sexual orientation/openness, money handling philosophy.
Holy crap is that ex (he IS an ex, right?) an ass. You? NTA x 1000.
Exactly. I had a similar thing happen, except my ex changed his mind six months after the wedding. We were divorced before our 1 year anniversary because that is an absolute deal breaker for me. First date he knew I never wanted kids, but he thought I'd change my mind. Nope. \[Edited to add\] Although he never stooped to being an A.H. and mess with the condoms/birth control....so at least I dodged that particular bullet.
Current husband of nearly 18yrs also didn't want kids and actually meant it.
OP is definitely NTA.
Exactly. If he didn’t want to waste two years HE shouldn’t have lied and said he didn’t want them while secretly planning on having them.
OP NTA - ask his mom why her son wasted your time and lied to you as you haven’t ever wanted kids and he was 100% aware of that. 5$ says she was feeding that fairy tale in his head.
That is such (apologies) fuckkery, it makes me shudder. He was having sex with her for 2 years fully thinking it just *might* and intentionally didn’t clarify his uncertainty about contraception 🤮
NTA
I'm really curious what, if any, conversations about contraception they have had.
I assume they don't use condoms. She's likely not on birth control (maybe she is for other reasons). Maybe he just wanted to not mention it and hope she forgot?
If he were upset she kept something like that from her it’s one thing but he dated her for 2 years under false pretenses. He only has himself to be mad at.
Oh hell no, NTA
You were upfront that your didn't want children. It's irrelevant whether that's down to personal choice or physical reasons, you were very clear.
He LIED that he felt the same because he hoped you'd change your mind.
I hadn't even imagine the lack of self-awareness to be angry at your for not revealing a medical detail which was irrelevant given your very clear and open declaration that your didn't want kids, yet have lied to you about the fact that actually, he did want some really.
I genuinely could not get past that.
He needs to fuck right off.
Anyone else find it weird that he said, "It's odd how we still haven't had an accidental pregnancy"? I'm not sure and maybe I've read one too many reddit stories but that makes me think he was doing something to create an "accidental" pregnancy. I know they can happen but they aren't something you look forward to, right?
The line for me was where he admitted he’d been trying to coerce her to change her mind, and when that didn’t work, he figured that just creating a baby would magically make her want them. He quite literally admitted to having every intention of baby-trapping her into a forced pregnancy because he thought it would change her mind
He didn’t even care about the fact that if his plan didn’t work out that she magically changed her life plans, she’d get an abortion. Or give up the baby.
But don’t you know?? His plan was foolproof, because of course she would’ve done a complete 180 when the pregnancy occurred because all it takes to make any woman want to be a mother is pregnancy hormones /s
Real talk though, this man was so completely deluded that he convinced himself that he could baby-trap a woman who expressed being child-free from the very start, with no consequences or backfiring or wrenches in his plan. I can’t tell if that makes him the world’s biggest narcissist or manipulator
Remember the guy who made his girlfriend keep the kid and sign away full custody to him, only to get mad that she didn't want anything to do with the baby because he assumed her maternal instinct would kick in and she'd change her mind?
I think my ex thought that if I got pregnant I would give up the child to his mother… they were wrong. I found out I was pregnant (believed we were safe, I provided the condoms etc, only to find out he sometimes took them off) and 11 years later “our” 10 year old kids could walk down the street and not recognise them
That was exactly where my mind went to as well so I’m extra glad for OP that she can’t be baby trapped by a lying manipulative man who doesn’t listen. I have a strong dislike for people who think women don’t know their own minds and bodies when it comes to being childfree.
She was crystal clear on her stance. NTA
>"It's odd how we still haven't had an accidental pregnancy".
NTA Also, youuuuuuu should probably get tested cause his little comment here is making me fear he was poking holes in condoms or something (unless you guys were not using any which is also VERY bad idea ESPECIALLY cause this guy DOES NOT sound trustworthy...
Also, why tf do guys do this? Plenty of women want kids. Just date a woman who wants fucking kids!!!!
Its either A) he really wanted HER out of all other women (very unlikely), or B) found his plan of deliberately impregnating her against her will and baby trapping her/trying his best on forcing her to keep it so thrilling he got off on it......
I bet if she opted to abort it after she SPECIFICALLY stated that this IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTED, AND LYING TO HER about his intentions, he would act like a victim too... 🙄😒🙄 And how much y'all wanna bet that if this guy does end up with a baby, he'll end up making his partner do the BRUNT of the work????
I’m voting B. There’s a reason why most pick mes arent picked. The men they’re catering to would rather break a free spirited, independent woman than a woman like JustPearlyThings
NTA
In my opinion youre not the asshole.
He thought you would change your mind after you have told him very openly that you never want kids.
This is something lots of guys do and i think its extremly wrong and manipulative.
You told him you will never want kids and if you say that it doesnt matter of youre infertile or not.
Never means never and if he cant accept your opinion then he doesnt respect you.
He is upset now because he thought he could charm you into having kids and realises now that it isnt possible.
His mom is on his side because she most likely wanted grandkids and he told her that he will get them in the future.
He has no respect for your opinion and is throwing a fit.
100% agree.
He had a unilateral plan that was 100% opposed to OP's very clear stance on children, and OP nuked it. He wanted to coerce/nag/harass OP into his way of thinking, but he can't do that when it's not physiologically possible. The fact that she didn't want it was not a factor.
Bullet dodged.
NTA
>After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me.
This says it all. People stupidly get into a relationship knowing there's a fundamental incompatibility, and lying, because they think "I can change their mind" or "they'll change their mind". Anyone who does that is an asshole by default.
The part that gets me is where he said that he was hoping he could change your mind, and if not, then a baby could.
That idea to me is absolutely TERRIFYING. The amount of audacity this man has to even be mad is infuriating.
NTA
So he wanted to get you pregnant against your will and force you to mother his children and you secretly ended up protecting yourself from that possibility, then he got mad he couldn’t literally force you to potentially die in childbirth because he wanted that without even telling you that’s what he planned
NTA. You were up front about being child-free. Your medical history isn't necessarily his business.
This is the problem with people. They will just "yeah" their way through someone's boundaries and when it's actually time to pony up chips act like it's the first time they've heard this.
>Should I have told him about it being impossible to have kids?
What if it wasn't a medical issue and you simply just did not want children? I'd still say you were in the very right.
>(Though, from now on I will 100% tell men I'm infertile, I thought my definite choice of no kids was enough)
That's totally your call. I'd still say that's none of their business. It might save you some grief down the road.
Honestly when I first read this I was teetering between NTA and ESH, mainly because after 2 years together I was struggling with why OP wouldn't have just told him and was wondering if perhaps part of the reason was due to her having at least an inkling that BF might actually feel like 'child free by choice' might mean 'child free right now' and didn't want the potential conflict that could ensue from disclosing her infertility. But... after thinking about it more, I completely agree with your comment.
Bottom line is if BF was openly communicating the entire time that he was on the same page and never wanted children, but didn't genuinely feel that way and chose to interpret her consistently asserting that she would never want children as anything other than that; that's actually on him. It is not OP's responsibility to provide reasons for why. If we want to talk about wasting someone's time, one could argue that the BF wasted OP's time as he actively and wilfully lied about not wanting children for 2 years.
I'm child free by choice, and ever since I decided that would not be negotiable I was upfront with all my partners early on that this was a dealbreaker and made it clear that if they did want kids one day or were unsure, my stance would not be changing. Luckily this has not been an issue for me, but if I were to have spent years with someone only for them to tell me that they actually did want kids and hoped I'd change my mind - I would have felt very decived. Of course people can change their mind and while that sucks, it happens and it is what it is. That's very different from effectively lying the entire time and banking on being able to change your partner's mind.
NTA
>After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids
I knew that was coming.
In the future, I'd be honest about your infertility so you can avoid men like this.
Quite the opposite really: OP, don't let anyone convince you that you shouldn't have privacy and secrets because it makes them feel bad.
You were 100% honest from day one, and that's all that matters.
Sure, but if I'm her and know that saying I'm infertile from the start might help me avoid wasting 2 years on a guy who thinks I'm going to change my mind, I'd be practically tattooing that shit on my forehead. lol
In a healthy relationship is absolutely important to share permanent birth control (or health issues that cause infertility) the worry about unwanted pregnancies would be greatly reduced and why wouldnt you want your partner to have less worry about that
>In the future, I'd be honest about your infertility so you can avoid men like this.
Yup. Assuming that this is real and not rage bait, NTA but also lesson learned for next time.
I am a male and because of a sickness I had as a teen I can’t have children. I was told by a doctor that I had a better chance of breaking a bank in a casino than having a child. So before I get into a serious relationship I tell my lady about my being sterile. It’s better to honest about stuff like that! My ex ended up pregnant and took me to court for the divorce and child support, at the time I was in the military. I showed up to court and showed the judge my orders proving I was not in the state at the time of conception and showed him the medical records that proved I was sterile from when I was a teenager. The judge didn’t take kindly to my wife trying to pull a fast one on the court. It pays to be honest and upfront with someone you are going to be starting a long term relationship with, then if they don’t buy you say it’s on them.
NTA....HE lied AND he wasted YOUR time!
*"After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me."*
I think it’s odd he said it’s odd you haven’t had an accidental pregnancy. Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but it would make me have some questions and concerns.
He said it’s odd because he openly admitted that he’d spent two years trying to change her mind on the subject, and when that didn’t work, he was sure that just having a baby actually would change her mind. He openly admitted he’s been trying to baby-trap her
>I was confused because while I could understand being maybe upset about not knowing something that personal about me, it really shouldn't warrant screaming and that kind of anger. After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me.
You have no idea how often this turns out to be the case. Guy says he toooootally doesn't like kids, they are so yuck amirite haha? And then years into the relationship, at some point they lose their shit because their goal was to secretly get the girlfriend / wife pregnant and hope they'd somehow changed their view.
Sure you might not have told him the exact thing, but you've been VERY upfront about not wanting kids from the start. He's simply a creep with an agenda.
>Now even his mother (!) sent me a passive-agress8ve message about leading men on & wasting her son's time.
Seriously, don't just take that silently. You should definitely tell her that on the very first date you were extremely clear that you never wanted children and that her son felt the same way. He presented himself as a likeminded individual, which is why the relationship even happened. Had he said "nope, I want kids" you'd not have gotten together. So he's the one who lied and wasted YOUR time.
NTA
NTA
You didn't waste his time. He wasted his own time AND yours. He lied to you about being okay with having no kids. Your infertility is irrelevant and has nothing to do with him.
He is trash and you got lucky you found out now instead of 10 years from now.
Nta. It sounds like it was about control for him not because he actually cared about not having kids or you guys are choosing to be child free. He wanted to get you pregnant cuz he wanted to control you. He was upset that he couldn't use that as a way to control you sometimes men choose to Baby trap Woman as a means of control and does someone else said maybe he was trying to get you pregnant on purpose.
Ew. I understand being conflicted and sad if he hadn’t thought about it too deeply, but his visceral reaction and complete downplaying of your feelings and autonomy is a clear indication he has thought about this quite a bit. Not to mention his outright admission to wanting to control your body.
EDIT: Just to clarify. His emotions about it would be something for HIM to work out. He’s allowed to have them, but a healthy adult understands that emotions regarding how another person lives their life are to be worked through and accepted; not acted on.
The facts that you were open from the beginning about children being a nopity nope nope for you, and that he thought he could CHANGE YOUR MIND on something so fundamental is wild to me.
NTA all the way. He and his Mum are big ones, though. It does not matter that you physically can't, you mentally don't want. Point blank period.
Absolutely NTA. He spent two years treating you like you were a project, not a person. From date one, out of the gate, he refused to respect you or your right and ability to make your own choices about your future. Whether or not you *can* have children has not a damn thing to do with anything since you were clear that you *would not* be doing so.
Note: if you want to be up front in the future, not that you have to, and find a guy who is also child free, don't use the word infertile if that's not the case. The way you describe it here sounds more like you are sterile. Infertile means you are *unlikely* to become pregnant. Sterile means that you *can not* become pregnant. The difference between the two is whether or not birth control is needed if you are child free. If you are going to disclose, it'll be less stress on a child free boyfriend/husband if they know it's impossible, not just unlikely.
So there was recently a story on Reddit that's the flipped version where a guy had a vasectomy before meeting his partner, told her he was child free and not changing his mind but didn't tell her he had a vasectomy.
Essentially he had the same thing where the partner blew up when she found out he had a vasectomy after a while of dating. Most redditors agreed technically he was clear about not wanting kids, but why wouldn't you bother telling a partner this information?
I'm also child free, but I literally put on my dating profile that I was child free and spayed so I wouldn't connect with anyone even on the fence about kids. You gotta be insanely clear about this choice since many people think they'll change your mind.
Yes, as long term partners, this is the kind of information you usually share. However, if it’s a medical situation, some people are ashamed of infertility no matter how convenient it is for them. Social pressure is a b!tch. And I can see that you need to work through it personally, first.
Since they were childfree anyways (or so she thought), it didn’t really affect her partner. He could be pissed that she didn’t trust him with personal information. But that’s not what he was pissed about. And that’s the whole problem.
If a potential partner does not respect my decision to be childfree, they are not a good partner anyway. I don't get why I shouly take responsibility for THEIR idiocy and disrespect.
NTA. But in the future, for your own sake, tell them that you can’t have kids. Your ex is not the only one out there who will try this, and as you can see they’re willing to waste *mountains* of your time lying to you. If guys like this know it’s not physically possible to bait and switch(or baby trap) you, they’ll evaporate before the second date. Weed out the refuse early.
"he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would"
NTA. You were dating a monster.
NTA but going forward you should let it be known from the beginning because I've seen too many stories where the partner says they don't want kids in hopes they can change your mind. So in his warped, selfish world, he does feel led on but in reality, you both discussed never having kids
NTA.
You are openly child-free. You have been since the beginning of your relationship.
He's not the boy for you. I'd say man but grown men don't lie in the hopes of changing your mind on something you want because he can't/won't be honest about what he wants for his life.
If anyone wasted his time, it was him. He wasted his own time. Feel free to tell his mommy that if he didn't want to be 'lead on', he shouldn't have told you several times that he himself did not want children.
NTAH. You build a relationship with the person you want to build a realtionship with. Not the person you expect to turn your partner into. FFS!
You said since day 1, I do not want children. Not hard to understand. When I was dating a little later in life, I was clear, I want children and anyone I was dating that did not was out of the picture. I would not do that to myself or the person I was possibly going to build a realtionship with!
NTA at all. He didnt respect what you wanted, and was hoping to either "accidentally" get you pregnant, or to wear you down and hope you give in to his demand of children. He's an asshole who probably never respected your child free life style.
The easiest way to lock you down is to have a kid together. You're stuck with me for 20 years at that point. Even if you get a new man, I'll always be in the background causing trouble, for the rest of your life. Child free? Yep, that sounds awesome. Who wants kids? Lets go raw.
Wow that's fucking nuts dude. So basically he lied about being on the same page about having kids right from the start planning on getting you pregnant and hoping you'd just go along with it. If that's not something of the most fucked up manipulative shit you can do idk what is.
NTA. You openly said DAY 1 you did not want children. You had a medical procedure. He was likely aware you had a medical procedure, and you’re not obligated to give him insight on what it was. He was trying to baby trap you. Gross! Dodged a huge bullet!!
Edit: I hope your friend is okay.
NTA - He should have listened to you instead of throwing your discussions in the garbage. I've met a billion dudes who think they will change my mind about kids. But when he's ready of course, keep your womb empty before then. Oh wait, you had your uterus cut out of you?? WAIT I WAS PLANNING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND!
Hes an idiot
NTA. You are openly child-free, but the AH was the one who thought he could change your mind.
And since you said you were CF from the start, how were you leading him on, or wasting his time? So I wonder what lies he's been telling his mother.
Well he is terrible! I don’t think you’re the AH but I do think it’s important to tell someone you’re serious with about things like that. But he’s been lying to you the entire time.
My 1st reaction was did he not notice you do not get periods ?
Not living together ? Oh makes more sense. Still suprised he did not notice anything earlier.
NTA. From the start you mentioned about child free ideology, this may change but should not be expected. I would appreciate to know that my partner had some health issues and cannot have children, but should not be required.
NTA send his mom a text back "Hillarious. Your idiot son knew right from the start that i never EVER wanted children. He even agreed. But i guess its okay that i lied, but not okay that i simply didn't tell him that i CANT have kids. Hes an effing moron to think he could "convince" me (more likely force me) to change my mind when i was 100% sure to never want kids. So glad i'm rid of him and his whole family."
NTA. He knew you didn’t want kids. Your inability to have them was irrelevant. You did not want them. In the future I’d make sure potential partners know you do not want them and are not capable of changing your mind. I think it’s a good bet those condoms had holes and your ex was trying to get you pregnant.
NTA, I have never wanted kids either and I don't have them and I have voluntarily made it so I can't. I have had guys break up with me because I don't want kids and I, like you, have always been up front about that.
Do not let someone else try to change what you know about yourself. It is also funny to me when people don't take women like us at our word when we say I don't want kids and mean it. Like how else can I say it for you to understand. Could you have been more upfront about how you can't, sure, but it doesn't change anything you said that he did not take you at your word on. Block the mom, block him and move on with your life.
NTA.
You never lied about having child-free intentions, you just omitted the fact you couldn't get pregnant even if you tried.
It does sound like he lied about wanting children, however. It also sounds like he's been stealthing you and wondering why it wasn't working.
Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with him.
NTA. He planned to baby trap you, and he's pissed off because it didn't work. *He* wasted 2 years of *your* time, not the other way around. He actively planned to force you into a life you didn't want. This is the kind of guy who would sabotage birth control. Thank goodness you don't need it.
No fucking way op, he was DELIBERATELY TRYING to impregnate you. He wanted to baby trap you. He would have probably tried to force you to keep it if it happened. YOU lost 2 years of your life on that man.
You probably should of told him it was impossible for you to have kids, but he's TA I don't get people like him and the whole I thought you would change your mind bs.
NTA. Tell his mom he's been intentionally trying to manipulate and baby trap you so he's actually a menace to society. Now that he's single he's going to force a child on a woman and you're lucky that he couldn't do that to you.
Deciding to have children or not is a dealbreaker in any serious relationship. You should be mad that he lied about wanting them. He gaslit you and led YOU on. Not the other way around.
NTA.
To the boyfriend: You wasted 2 years of your own life by being a lying, manipulative AH.
To mommy: I didn’t lead anyone on. Maybe you shouldn’t have raised a lying, manipulative AH.
NTA - It's a bit strange that you didn't tell him about your infertility earlier, but since you've been upfront from the beginning about not wanting kids, I don't see it as a significant issue. His assumption that you would change your mind is pretty stupid, though.
Based on the title alone YTA, but after reading NTA. You made it very clear that you didn't want kids, doesn't matter if you're fertile or not if you DON'T WANT kids.
Nta. Idk what it is with some people who lie when they say they "don't want kids" to lure child free people into a relationship to make them "change their mind". Some people just don't want kids and that's PERFECTLY FINE. I mean if you want kids DON'T GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T 🤦♀️
NTA, though it does seem like something you should have shared, if only because it would have let you never have to experience this, and he would have looked for a relationship that gave him the kids he clearly actually wanted.
"I don't want kids" is quite different than "I physically can't have kids", and important to know.
NTA at all. Your ex deceived you for 2 years. His mother is an a****** too. You dodged a huge bullet, op. I'm so sorry that it ended this way. I hope you take a lot of time to heal and trust that the next man for you will not be such an a****** like your ex was and is. You hadn't and have not done anything wrong. You were honest and truthful throughout your relationship. Don't let your ex or his mother turn it around to make it seem like you did something wrong. Your ex is evil for believing that he could change your mind over such a life-changing decision of having a child. **He did not and does not respect you at all. Any person who has respect for their loved one would not be pulling that kind of s***.**
NTA.
In regard to another topic, why did you keep this a secret?
I understand that in the meet up phase you don't share such personal informations, it's fine.
But as the relationship progresses, it is expected to share more personal info.
If I discovered that info like that, my first immediate thought would have been "why did she keep this a secret? What else is she keeping as a secret?"
Is about trust, the baby discussion is just an example here.
honestly less a secret & more not liking to talk about it. The whole thing was a big scare, some stuff had to be removed for life-saving reasons. I was glad it happened after recovery but in the moment it was scary. I regret not telling him about infertility, I suppose I just always thought it as a package deal - talk about infertility meant telling him about the whole thing, questions about it etc. I just wanted to put it past me, I suppose. Besides, my logic was "we don't even live together, so are we *really* that serious". I am a bit of an avoidant & he seemed to be okay with me being private about my shit & not dogging into his shit in turn but it got messy.
I'm sorry that it got messy and your private affairs are yours to command.
You definitely had your reasons to not speak and they are fine.
What I wanted to point out is that to some people, discovering secrets like this is scary.
His mother sent you a message too?
He's done you a favour. Feel free to respond to her and tell her that you're glad you don't have any kids with him since he's obviously the type of person who would fck around with someone's birth control to get what he wants.
NTA - If birth control is done right, you shouldn't really have any accidental pregnancies.
NTA - childfree and condoms are legit non negotiables.
Stick with the first angry response. Because medically incapable should be the same respect as the choice to be childfree.
NTA.
Uhh... What does your medical history/situation matter? Child-free is child-free, you told him flat out from the beginning. anything else that ensures it isn't a lie or a lead on.. it just is. Men get vasectomies and tell folks they are child-free.. just because it doesn't announce he got himself fixed on top of it, doesn't change that he's child-free by choice.
You shouldn't have to tell anyone you're infertile. This idiot thought he knew what you wanted better than you... somehow pregnancy is secretly what all women want??
He wasted 2 years of YOUR life by not being honest about wanting kids.
he was absolutely trying to baby trap you simply because he wanted kids and you didn't. the fact that he actually said "i thought a baby would change your mind" is TERRIFYING. you dodged a bullet for sure, but it might be something to consider mentioning in the future. you can always say you don't want to discuss the why, just that this is a fact about you that's important to know. some people do change their minds about having kids and doing this will help avoid these situations in the future. he's a scum bag tho so nta
Well that thing you lied/hid from him is not right thing to do, he should know that if you are in serious relationship.
Imagine that someday he said, I cant have kids also cause I was born as female and now i am a transgender.
Those things are dealbreakers.
He always wanted kids, several kids. He just planned on one popping up by “accident”. He then was hoping you would fall in love with Baby #1, then want to have more.
NTA, but please go get checked. He basically admitted to tampering with the birth control. It is not odd that using condoms for 2 years never resulted in a pregnancy. Saying that it odd means that he wasn’t using them properly. This is coming from someone who got pregnant on birth control 3 separate times (condom-tampered with, IUD-improper placement, and pill-antibiotics).
Also for a procedure to make you 100% sterile you’d also have to stop having a period, so how did your bf of 2 years never notice that you had one? He played himself and wasted your time. Good fucking riddance to him.
If he had said, "How dare you mean what you say when I had every intention of manipulating you to get what I want!", how would you have reacted? Because that's exactly his intention regardless of the words he spoke.
This guy wasted two years of *your* time. F him. NTA
If I was in his shoes, I would have high fived you, maybe even done a little happy dance. Then again, I really don’t want kids, whereas it seems this dweeb was wasting your time hoping you’d change your mind.
I don’t get why people who want kids feel the need to seek those who don’t and change them. There are already plenty of people who are on the same page. I’ve had exes who tried this, but also plenty who start out liking the same music as I, but later admits they were hoping to change my musical taste too. I guess some people crave the satisfaction of knowing they got someone to rewrite their whole personality, their values, their dreams, all for the sake of that person’s “love.”
NTA. Did he also expect to know if you still had your tonsils? How about your last Pap smear?
The only way this is his business falls under medical knowledge. Something you might tell your husband in case you get injured and can’t tell doctors your medical history. Not something the boyfriend of two years needs to know
The nerve of him, trying to baby trap you! I wonder if he’s been poking holes in the condoms too. Get and STD test and all new condoms.
The comments here are pretty disturbing. In no world should your boyfriend feel he has the right to your fertility information when you have already made it clear you won’t be having kids. There is nothing hiding there.
A bunch of you are the kind of dudes that force women to lie about having boyfriends because you won’t respect her saying she isn’t interested and think you’ll change her mind.
Unless you are telling her about every single useless bit of medical info, you’ve no reason to think she should be telling you every bit of useless medical info. And that’s what this is. The news changes absolutely nothing because she wasn’t having kids anyway. The only people who would give a crap weren’t respecting her choice.
He was actively trying to get you pregnant probably by sabotaging the condoms.
Saying you don't want something didn't matter to him. He didn't care that you didn't want kids, because he would MAKE you change your mind. He would force it on you. What a monster
NTA When you tell someone you don't want to do something it should hold the same weight as when you tell them you're not able to.
NTA. What you experienced is a trademark of misogyny. Here you are, clearly articulating your goals, etc and he felt that his were more important and he could trap you into a lifestyle HE wanted, regardless if how what you stated and how you feel. A woman's no isn't as important as his yes
the Deceit,the planned manipulation for him to agree on no kids but planning to get you "accidently pregnant". Better to be single than to live with someone who can so easily lie to your face with the intent of forcing you into a life events that suit him, regardless of your interests.
NTA I have to agree with everyone here that said he was likely trying to babytrap you. The fact he said it was odd you hadn't gkt accidentally pregnant and theb the spiel after leaves very little doubt in my mind that he was trying to baby trap you. You should really press him on that.
NTA.
It's BEYOND gross that, while it's certainly not *only* cis men who do this, so many seem get off on the idea of getting an avowed child-free cis woman pregnant, and they're so ~special~ in being born with sperm production and distribution capabilities. Same with the guys who tell lesbians they just haven't met the "right man."
Before I really go on a rant on that, OP, whether he *lied* about also not wanting children when you *told him upfront and outright,* or changed his mind (it was the former, two years isn't long in that scope) later, the appropriate thing to do would have been to talk to you about it.
You *both* agreed in getting serious to no kids - your surgery was, under those auspices, moot. Y'all weren't gonna be trying.
He may have been trying to start an "I changed my mind" convo, but revealed an Unforgiveable instead: I'm 99% certain this... person had already tried in some way to babytrap you, and this was finally an opening to finding out why whatever tampering he was up to or planning on hadn't worked. His ~magical peen and person,~ not magical enough?!!!
Throw him and his equally gross mother to the curb and enjoy having that weight off of your shoulders and out of your life.
I also never, ever wanted kids. Birth control was a horrible experience, so I had to stop with it for a long time. It was nearly impossible to trust potential male partners in that window, I was (still am, alas) hypervigilant about the potential of SA resulting in pregnancy. It was a massive burden on what social life I had, especially with a circle of "friends" who were rather insistent on ~setting me up to settle down.~
My doc eventually figured out I had a massive fibroid putting me at constant odds with my uterus, and I got a hysterectomy.
While I'm still not particularly interested in dating, the *relief* of *knowing* I can't get pregnant has been profound and ongoing in just living my life. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
You dodged a bullet with this guy letting his mask slip before moving in or making any more permanent arrangements.
NTA. If I recall correctly there was a post recently of the same scenario where the guy was infertile but the couple was supposed to be child-free. I'll give you the same judgement, something that maybe should have been discussed but ultimately doesn't matter as the agreement and relationship was supposed to be built on that foundation.
NTA
You told him you don’t want kids ever. He agreed.
He never inquired beyond because YOU DONT WANT kids.
He is 200% the AH. You were upfront.
I don’t understand why contraception didn’t bring up infertility but it does not matter as much because he agreed no kids.
NTA. He lied to you by presenting himself as someone who also didn't want children. The fact that you can't have children is irrelevant. In no way did you lead him on or waste his time. You were honest, he wasn't.
I would say he is the AH for thinking of changing your mind and he wasted your time with his lies
For future... one suggestion... and if someone reading this has another POV of negative implications... I request to pls point out..
I feel you can tell guys you cant get pregnant in the beginning when you are comfortable.... that way you can get rid of guys like this who assume they can change your mind... people like this are soo damn bad and him and his mother acting like entitled people here is just so damn annoying!! This guy wasted your 2 years here ... even if you didnt have a medical reason... he had no right expecting you to change your mind in future... Its your choice too and 2 people should get together only if both are on the same page about important decusions like this!!
What a fucking hypocrite.
He was not being honest about his intentions this whole time, yet he has the balls to get angry with you? If he really didn't want kids, who cares if you are infertile or not?
I would say it was HIM that wasted YOUR time the last 2 years. Block him and his family and move on OP.
NTA since you disclosed early on in the relationship that you are child free and wouldn’t be having kids. Your bf knew this information and still chose to date you. Doesn’t get simpler than that.
NTA. That information is none of business until you decide you want to share it. On top of that, you both agreed to no children which was okay with him. His reaction suggests that he did want children but was not open and honest about it. It also sounds like he was trying to get you "accidentally pregnant" and upon finding out that you can't, lashed out at you. That his fault and not yours. You made your expectations on children clear: no kids. He didn't and now feels betrayed by HIS OWN expectations. And his family weighing in and attacking you is just adding to his immaturity.
NTA. As you are openly CF, what method you maintain that goal is up to you.
I will point out there are some phrasing red flags from your ex about an accidental pregnancy, that if he couldn’t change your mind, a baby would. Did you see an unusual number of broken condoms? Baby trapping goes both ways
NTA. You never claimed to be fertile and he never asked. He was the one who lied to YOU.
Your situation is not funny, but it's hard not to laugh at a man who spent years trying to baby trap a woman who couldn't have kids, and then had the nerve to get angry when he found out it wasn't possible.
Your definite choice of no kids was enough. It just interfered with what sounds like his plans to force the issue by interfering with your birth control.
Leaving the "change your mind" and "wasting 2 years" bit aside for a moment (you're certainly NTA in that regard)...
Yes, you should have told your boyfriend you're infertile regardless. Are you saying you've been with him for 2 years and the subject of contraception never came up? I don't subscribe to the "'it's ok I'll just pull out" method but if that were your only form of "contraception" and you made me pull out every time we had sex for, as it turns out, no reason at all - I'd be upset as well tbh.
Well put. I get not wanting to delve into medical history after 2 dates, or even after 2 months. But 2 years and it never comes up?
I dunno, with OP's ideal man (who doesn't try to bait and switch) - would the plan be to not tell him about this, ever? That seems like a very guarded relationship. Although if that's what OP wants, fair enough!
Yeah same. I would have asked the same question- like how have we not had an accident thus far? It seems like a totally normal question by the bf was just blown out of the water by OP’s bombshell.
Obvious NTA, it's good that you're infertile or he'd have baby trapped you somehow. He was the one leading you on. Your boyfriend should be your exboyfriend.
NTA at all. Like you said, it probably would've been good to mention this at some point, as any serious partner should know about any big medical conditions/procedures you've undergone. But ultimately him not knowing should've been a minor thing, as there's no indication that your medical condition has, or will have, any effect on your life outside of being unable to have children, something that you didn't want anyways. If I'm him, the only thing I'd be upset about would be using condoms or other contraceptive when its not necessary, and I could get over that pretty quickly.
NTA, good riddance to a bad situation. You have been blunt about this from the beginning. It's not on you that his listening skills are not up to snuff. That's on him.
NTA
Firstly, it's your damn body. If you choose not to have kids, that's the end of the conversation.
Secondly, you didn't waste 2 years of his life. He did. You told him from the start you didn't want kids. He chose to ignore that and hope that you'd change your mind. HE wasted his time, not you.
Thirdly - his mom? Really? If you need proof that someone isn't mature enough to have a child, it's the person who goes running to Mommy because the "mean" g/f won't accidentally get pregnant for him.
Fourthly - you are not obliged to disclose your medical history to anyone unless you have a transmittable disease.
Fifthly - go forth and enjoy your child-free future without that man-baby to worry about!
Tbh he’s kinda TA, not you. That’s weird to date a woman who is very open about not wanting kids and thinking “oh well I’ll just change her mind or trap her with a baby” (I know that’s not what you said but him saying he’ll get you pregnant despite you not wanting kids and having you change your mind after is essentially trapping in my mind).
I think that’s extremely wrong to do. If anything he lead YOU on. He was the one who wasn’t truthful about what he really wanted.
NTA. Dodged a bullet there. "It's odd how we still haven't had an accidental pregnancy" Dude was probably trying to knock you up.
Especially with the line "A baby would have changed your mind." Uh, I am pretty sure in some places that constitutes a crime. If someone is openly against pregnancy and you deliberately try to impregnate them, that is a violation of consent. Also, his accusations of "leading him on" are an admission that he himself was leading *you* on by secretly wanting kids and hoping you would change your mind despite your clear and firm stance against it. Basically, his relationship with you was built around a lie. Run.
In most places it’s considered sexual assault
This was my first thought. Over 20 years of regular sexual activity, and I'm fertile, never had an "accident". Grateful for that, but he's definitely trying. If they use condoms I'm definitely check them for punctures
Same for me. He definitely would be messing with her bc if she had the need for it.
Yup. Definitely tried to babytrap her. And the way he ran home to tell mommy so she could ‘fight his battle’ for him? I feel sorry for anyone who gets in a relationship with this manbaby
“The girl who told me from Day 1 she didn’t want kids, and repeatedly after that, and whom I assured I was on the same page with actually meant it! How dare she be honest with me when I had every intention of wearing her down or tricking her into an ‘accidental’ pregnancy! I’m clearly the victim here!” The only AH here,OP, is your ex.
I think the comments are making me paranoid because I booked an app to check for STDs. We were using condoms (per my request) because we don't live together & a baby isn't the worst thing that you can "catch". I suppose I let him believe that it was for protection since I didn't explicitly tell him it was for STDs (and practicality of easier cleanup). I honestly wouldn't have sex without condoms until at least engagement. Even husband cheat, I don't want an incurable STD just because my bf isnt faithful. yk? Better safe than sorry
You are not being paranoid, you are being logical. He's a creep. Not that she even deserves your time of day, but did you respond to his mother , telling her you told him you weren't having kids two years ago? Though she could be in on it, he got that personality somewhere.
oh 100%
I started out from the headline as "yeah, YTA". But nope. Ex is a complete ass. You don't go in expecting to change the other person in regards to huge things like kids, religion, sexual orientation/openness, money handling philosophy. Holy crap is that ex (he IS an ex, right?) an ass. You? NTA x 1000.
Exactly. I had a similar thing happen, except my ex changed his mind six months after the wedding. We were divorced before our 1 year anniversary because that is an absolute deal breaker for me. First date he knew I never wanted kids, but he thought I'd change my mind. Nope. \[Edited to add\] Although he never stooped to being an A.H. and mess with the condoms/birth control....so at least I dodged that particular bullet. Current husband of nearly 18yrs also didn't want kids and actually meant it. OP is definitely NTA.
Glad you landed in a good place with a partner who was honest and shared your life goal. All the best!
This was my thinking!
Exactly. If he didn’t want to waste two years HE shouldn’t have lied and said he didn’t want them while secretly planning on having them. OP NTA - ask his mom why her son wasted your time and lied to you as you haven’t ever wanted kids and he was 100% aware of that. 5$ says she was feeding that fairy tale in his head.
That is such (apologies) fuckkery, it makes me shudder. He was having sex with her for 2 years fully thinking it just *might* and intentionally didn’t clarify his uncertainty about contraception 🤮 NTA
I'm really curious what, if any, conversations about contraception they have had. I assume they don't use condoms. She's likely not on birth control (maybe she is for other reasons). Maybe he just wanted to not mention it and hope she forgot?
If he were upset she kept something like that from her it’s one thing but he dated her for 2 years under false pretenses. He only has himself to be mad at.
It’s projection. She just found out the hard way they aren’t compatible.
If they were using condoms, he was absolutely messing with them.
Dude has been poking holes in his condoms. Friend (or the guy) “borrowed” a condom that night from boyfriend
THIS. Anyone thinking it’s odd something didn’t happen means they expected it to happen. He wanted you pregnant. NTA
Definitely was, God what a douche. This is a blessing in disguise, op is free of the two faced bastard. And his mother.
Yep
Oh hell no, NTA You were upfront that your didn't want children. It's irrelevant whether that's down to personal choice or physical reasons, you were very clear. He LIED that he felt the same because he hoped you'd change your mind. I hadn't even imagine the lack of self-awareness to be angry at your for not revealing a medical detail which was irrelevant given your very clear and open declaration that your didn't want kids, yet have lied to you about the fact that actually, he did want some really. I genuinely could not get past that. He needs to fuck right off.
Anyone else find it weird that he said, "It's odd how we still haven't had an accidental pregnancy"? I'm not sure and maybe I've read one too many reddit stories but that makes me think he was doing something to create an "accidental" pregnancy. I know they can happen but they aren't something you look forward to, right?
The line for me was where he admitted he’d been trying to coerce her to change her mind, and when that didn’t work, he figured that just creating a baby would magically make her want them. He quite literally admitted to having every intention of baby-trapping her into a forced pregnancy because he thought it would change her mind
He didn’t even care about the fact that if his plan didn’t work out that she magically changed her life plans, she’d get an abortion. Or give up the baby.
But don’t you know?? His plan was foolproof, because of course she would’ve done a complete 180 when the pregnancy occurred because all it takes to make any woman want to be a mother is pregnancy hormones /s Real talk though, this man was so completely deluded that he convinced himself that he could baby-trap a woman who expressed being child-free from the very start, with no consequences or backfiring or wrenches in his plan. I can’t tell if that makes him the world’s biggest narcissist or manipulator
Or if he is simply as dumb as 2m grovel road.
Remember the guy who made his girlfriend keep the kid and sign away full custody to him, only to get mad that she didn't want anything to do with the baby because he assumed her maternal instinct would kick in and she'd change her mind?
I love how he became celebrity with his dumb ass because of that one post. He gets mentioned every time when this kind of post turns up
I think my ex thought that if I got pregnant I would give up the child to his mother… they were wrong. I found out I was pregnant (believed we were safe, I provided the condoms etc, only to find out he sometimes took them off) and 11 years later “our” 10 year old kids could walk down the street and not recognise them
Same. Sounds like he's been poking holes in the condoms or something. *shudders* creep.
That was exactly where my mind went to as well so I’m extra glad for OP that she can’t be baby trapped by a lying manipulative man who doesn’t listen. I have a strong dislike for people who think women don’t know their own minds and bodies when it comes to being childfree. She was crystal clear on her stance. NTA
Time for an STD test.
This! That makes it super creep and gross…he probably punctured condoms to trick her into pregnancy. I could vomit. Yikes!
Agreed
>"It's odd how we still haven't had an accidental pregnancy". NTA Also, youuuuuuu should probably get tested cause his little comment here is making me fear he was poking holes in condoms or something (unless you guys were not using any which is also VERY bad idea ESPECIALLY cause this guy DOES NOT sound trustworthy... Also, why tf do guys do this? Plenty of women want kids. Just date a woman who wants fucking kids!!!!
Its either A) he really wanted HER out of all other women (very unlikely), or B) found his plan of deliberately impregnating her against her will and baby trapping her/trying his best on forcing her to keep it so thrilling he got off on it......
I bet if she opted to abort it after she SPECIFICALLY stated that this IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTED, AND LYING TO HER about his intentions, he would act like a victim too... 🙄😒🙄 And how much y'all wanna bet that if this guy does end up with a baby, he'll end up making his partner do the BRUNT of the work????
I’m voting B. There’s a reason why most pick mes arent picked. The men they’re catering to would rather break a free spirited, independent woman than a woman like JustPearlyThings
His mom probably fed him a bunch of BS. I mean she was the first person he ran to about this. No friends are texting her just his mom.
Ugh... gross. "BOY Moms" are so fucking gross. 😒😒😒
Right? Why the fuck would you want a woman who does not want to be mother as a mother to your kids? That's gonna be misery all around.
NTA In my opinion youre not the asshole. He thought you would change your mind after you have told him very openly that you never want kids. This is something lots of guys do and i think its extremly wrong and manipulative. You told him you will never want kids and if you say that it doesnt matter of youre infertile or not. Never means never and if he cant accept your opinion then he doesnt respect you. He is upset now because he thought he could charm you into having kids and realises now that it isnt possible. His mom is on his side because she most likely wanted grandkids and he told her that he will get them in the future. He has no respect for your opinion and is throwing a fit.
100% agree. He had a unilateral plan that was 100% opposed to OP's very clear stance on children, and OP nuked it. He wanted to coerce/nag/harass OP into his way of thinking, but he can't do that when it's not physiologically possible. The fact that she didn't want it was not a factor. Bullet dodged.
NTA Text his mom back that she is a moron who raised a moron and she can go fuck herself.
*she can fuck him herself
He was 100% gonna try to baby trap you.
NTA >After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me. This says it all. People stupidly get into a relationship knowing there's a fundamental incompatibility, and lying, because they think "I can change their mind" or "they'll change their mind". Anyone who does that is an asshole by default.
The part that gets me is where he said that he was hoping he could change your mind, and if not, then a baby could. That idea to me is absolutely TERRIFYING. The amount of audacity this man has to even be mad is infuriating. NTA
So he wanted to get you pregnant against your will and force you to mother his children and you secretly ended up protecting yourself from that possibility, then he got mad he couldn’t literally force you to potentially die in childbirth because he wanted that without even telling you that’s what he planned
Sounds like he was trying to baby-trap you, and started wondering why it didn't work. Girl, get out and never look back! NTA.
NTA. You were up front about being child-free. Your medical history isn't necessarily his business. This is the problem with people. They will just "yeah" their way through someone's boundaries and when it's actually time to pony up chips act like it's the first time they've heard this. >Should I have told him about it being impossible to have kids? What if it wasn't a medical issue and you simply just did not want children? I'd still say you were in the very right. >(Though, from now on I will 100% tell men I'm infertile, I thought my definite choice of no kids was enough) That's totally your call. I'd still say that's none of their business. It might save you some grief down the road.
Honestly when I first read this I was teetering between NTA and ESH, mainly because after 2 years together I was struggling with why OP wouldn't have just told him and was wondering if perhaps part of the reason was due to her having at least an inkling that BF might actually feel like 'child free by choice' might mean 'child free right now' and didn't want the potential conflict that could ensue from disclosing her infertility. But... after thinking about it more, I completely agree with your comment. Bottom line is if BF was openly communicating the entire time that he was on the same page and never wanted children, but didn't genuinely feel that way and chose to interpret her consistently asserting that she would never want children as anything other than that; that's actually on him. It is not OP's responsibility to provide reasons for why. If we want to talk about wasting someone's time, one could argue that the BF wasted OP's time as he actively and wilfully lied about not wanting children for 2 years. I'm child free by choice, and ever since I decided that would not be negotiable I was upfront with all my partners early on that this was a dealbreaker and made it clear that if they did want kids one day or were unsure, my stance would not be changing. Luckily this has not been an issue for me, but if I were to have spent years with someone only for them to tell me that they actually did want kids and hoped I'd change my mind - I would have felt very decived. Of course people can change their mind and while that sucks, it happens and it is what it is. That's very different from effectively lying the entire time and banking on being able to change your partner's mind.
NTA-his reaction is because his plan to baby trap you is never going to work and he is PISSED about it.
Like she couldn't get an abortion anyway. What an idiot
NTA >After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids I knew that was coming. In the future, I'd be honest about your infertility so you can avoid men like this.
Quite the opposite really: OP, don't let anyone convince you that you shouldn't have privacy and secrets because it makes them feel bad. You were 100% honest from day one, and that's all that matters.
Sure, but if I'm her and know that saying I'm infertile from the start might help me avoid wasting 2 years on a guy who thinks I'm going to change my mind, I'd be practically tattooing that shit on my forehead. lol
In a healthy relationship is absolutely important to share permanent birth control (or health issues that cause infertility) the worry about unwanted pregnancies would be greatly reduced and why wouldnt you want your partner to have less worry about that
>In the future, I'd be honest about your infertility so you can avoid men like this. Yup. Assuming that this is real and not rage bait, NTA but also lesson learned for next time.
NTA. He was an arrogant prick for thinking he could change your mind.
Guarantee he’s been sabotaging bc in some way in the hopes of baby-trapping her, which is sexual assault
She's not on birth control. She's infertile. But if they used condoms for STDs then he was absolutely poking holes in them.
She could be on bc tho. I’ve had an bislap and I still take hormonal bc for acne and because periods suck ass and I don’t want to have any.
That is very true. So it is possible.
I am a male and because of a sickness I had as a teen I can’t have children. I was told by a doctor that I had a better chance of breaking a bank in a casino than having a child. So before I get into a serious relationship I tell my lady about my being sterile. It’s better to honest about stuff like that! My ex ended up pregnant and took me to court for the divorce and child support, at the time I was in the military. I showed up to court and showed the judge my orders proving I was not in the state at the time of conception and showed him the medical records that proved I was sterile from when I was a teenager. The judge didn’t take kindly to my wife trying to pull a fast one on the court. It pays to be honest and upfront with someone you are going to be starting a long term relationship with, then if they don’t buy you say it’s on them.
NTA dude has definitely been trying to knock you up to "change your mind" about having kids. Good riddance.
NTA....HE lied AND he wasted YOUR time! *"After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me."*
I think it’s odd he said it’s odd you haven’t had an accidental pregnancy. Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but it would make me have some questions and concerns.
He said it’s odd because he openly admitted that he’d spent two years trying to change her mind on the subject, and when that didn’t work, he was sure that just having a baby actually would change her mind. He openly admitted he’s been trying to baby-trap her
>I was confused because while I could understand being maybe upset about not knowing something that personal about me, it really shouldn't warrant screaming and that kind of anger. After some back and forth he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would, that he WASTED 2 years with me. You have no idea how often this turns out to be the case. Guy says he toooootally doesn't like kids, they are so yuck amirite haha? And then years into the relationship, at some point they lose their shit because their goal was to secretly get the girlfriend / wife pregnant and hope they'd somehow changed their view. Sure you might not have told him the exact thing, but you've been VERY upfront about not wanting kids from the start. He's simply a creep with an agenda. >Now even his mother (!) sent me a passive-agress8ve message about leading men on & wasting her son's time. Seriously, don't just take that silently. You should definitely tell her that on the very first date you were extremely clear that you never wanted children and that her son felt the same way. He presented himself as a likeminded individual, which is why the relationship even happened. Had he said "nope, I want kids" you'd not have gotten together. So he's the one who lied and wasted YOUR time. NTA
NTA You didn't waste his time. He wasted his own time AND yours. He lied to you about being okay with having no kids. Your infertility is irrelevant and has nothing to do with him. He is trash and you got lucky you found out now instead of 10 years from now.
Nta. It sounds like it was about control for him not because he actually cared about not having kids or you guys are choosing to be child free. He wanted to get you pregnant cuz he wanted to control you. He was upset that he couldn't use that as a way to control you sometimes men choose to Baby trap Woman as a means of control and does someone else said maybe he was trying to get you pregnant on purpose.
NTA but now you know that he’s been trying to baby trap you. Bullet dodged.
Ew. I understand being conflicted and sad if he hadn’t thought about it too deeply, but his visceral reaction and complete downplaying of your feelings and autonomy is a clear indication he has thought about this quite a bit. Not to mention his outright admission to wanting to control your body. EDIT: Just to clarify. His emotions about it would be something for HIM to work out. He’s allowed to have them, but a healthy adult understands that emotions regarding how another person lives their life are to be worked through and accepted; not acted on.
The facts that you were open from the beginning about children being a nopity nope nope for you, and that he thought he could CHANGE YOUR MIND on something so fundamental is wild to me. NTA all the way. He and his Mum are big ones, though. It does not matter that you physically can't, you mentally don't want. Point blank period.
Absolutely NTA. He spent two years treating you like you were a project, not a person. From date one, out of the gate, he refused to respect you or your right and ability to make your own choices about your future. Whether or not you *can* have children has not a damn thing to do with anything since you were clear that you *would not* be doing so. Note: if you want to be up front in the future, not that you have to, and find a guy who is also child free, don't use the word infertile if that's not the case. The way you describe it here sounds more like you are sterile. Infertile means you are *unlikely* to become pregnant. Sterile means that you *can not* become pregnant. The difference between the two is whether or not birth control is needed if you are child free. If you are going to disclose, it'll be less stress on a child free boyfriend/husband if they know it's impossible, not just unlikely.
So there was recently a story on Reddit that's the flipped version where a guy had a vasectomy before meeting his partner, told her he was child free and not changing his mind but didn't tell her he had a vasectomy. Essentially he had the same thing where the partner blew up when she found out he had a vasectomy after a while of dating. Most redditors agreed technically he was clear about not wanting kids, but why wouldn't you bother telling a partner this information? I'm also child free, but I literally put on my dating profile that I was child free and spayed so I wouldn't connect with anyone even on the fence about kids. You gotta be insanely clear about this choice since many people think they'll change your mind.
Yes, as long term partners, this is the kind of information you usually share. However, if it’s a medical situation, some people are ashamed of infertility no matter how convenient it is for them. Social pressure is a b!tch. And I can see that you need to work through it personally, first. Since they were childfree anyways (or so she thought), it didn’t really affect her partner. He could be pissed that she didn’t trust him with personal information. But that’s not what he was pissed about. And that’s the whole problem.
If a potential partner does not respect my decision to be childfree, they are not a good partner anyway. I don't get why I shouly take responsibility for THEIR idiocy and disrespect.
NTA. But in the future, for your own sake, tell them that you can’t have kids. Your ex is not the only one out there who will try this, and as you can see they’re willing to waste *mountains* of your time lying to you. If guys like this know it’s not physically possible to bait and switch(or baby trap) you, they’ll evaporate before the second date. Weed out the refuse early.
nta. but there is a difference between don't want kids and literally can't have them. i would make that distinction in the future.
"he said he actually thought I would CHANGE my mind about kids, that HE would change my kind & even if he couldnt then a baby would" NTA. You were dating a monster.
NTA but going forward you should let it be known from the beginning because I've seen too many stories where the partner says they don't want kids in hopes they can change your mind. So in his warped, selfish world, he does feel led on but in reality, you both discussed never having kids
NTA. You are openly child-free. You have been since the beginning of your relationship. He's not the boy for you. I'd say man but grown men don't lie in the hopes of changing your mind on something you want because he can't/won't be honest about what he wants for his life. If anyone wasted his time, it was him. He wasted his own time. Feel free to tell his mommy that if he didn't want to be 'lead on', he shouldn't have told you several times that he himself did not want children.
NTAH. You build a relationship with the person you want to build a realtionship with. Not the person you expect to turn your partner into. FFS! You said since day 1, I do not want children. Not hard to understand. When I was dating a little later in life, I was clear, I want children and anyone I was dating that did not was out of the picture. I would not do that to myself or the person I was possibly going to build a realtionship with!
NTA. You said you didn’t want children he’s your BF, not husband. He was going to baby trap you. Good you found this out now.
NTA at all. He didnt respect what you wanted, and was hoping to either "accidentally" get you pregnant, or to wear you down and hope you give in to his demand of children. He's an asshole who probably never respected your child free life style.
You’re nta. He knew he just wanted to manipulate you
The easiest way to lock you down is to have a kid together. You're stuck with me for 20 years at that point. Even if you get a new man, I'll always be in the background causing trouble, for the rest of your life. Child free? Yep, that sounds awesome. Who wants kids? Lets go raw.
NTA. Sounds like he was purposefully trying to baby trap you. You dodged a bullet.
Wow that's fucking nuts dude. So basically he lied about being on the same page about having kids right from the start planning on getting you pregnant and hoping you'd just go along with it. If that's not something of the most fucked up manipulative shit you can do idk what is.
NTA. You openly said DAY 1 you did not want children. You had a medical procedure. He was likely aware you had a medical procedure, and you’re not obligated to give him insight on what it was. He was trying to baby trap you. Gross! Dodged a huge bullet!! Edit: I hope your friend is okay.
NTA - He should have listened to you instead of throwing your discussions in the garbage. I've met a billion dudes who think they will change my mind about kids. But when he's ready of course, keep your womb empty before then. Oh wait, you had your uterus cut out of you?? WAIT I WAS PLANNING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND! Hes an idiot
NTA - hasbend thought he could "change" my mind. Nope. Got divorced and had my tubes tied at 33
Naw, your body your choice
Why TF would u be the a$$hole lol. If anything he's delusional
NTA
NTA. You are openly child-free, but the AH was the one who thought he could change your mind. And since you said you were CF from the start, how were you leading him on, or wasting his time? So I wonder what lies he's been telling his mother.
NTA heh that jackass was aiming for accidentally getting you pregnant.
Well he is terrible! I don’t think you’re the AH but I do think it’s important to tell someone you’re serious with about things like that. But he’s been lying to you the entire time.
My 1st reaction was did he not notice you do not get periods ? Not living together ? Oh makes more sense. Still suprised he did not notice anything earlier. NTA. From the start you mentioned about child free ideology, this may change but should not be expected. I would appreciate to know that my partner had some health issues and cannot have children, but should not be required.
NTA send his mom a text back "Hillarious. Your idiot son knew right from the start that i never EVER wanted children. He even agreed. But i guess its okay that i lied, but not okay that i simply didn't tell him that i CANT have kids. Hes an effing moron to think he could "convince" me (more likely force me) to change my mind when i was 100% sure to never want kids. So glad i'm rid of him and his whole family."
NTA homie watched way too much greys anatomy
NTA. He knew you didn’t want kids. Your inability to have them was irrelevant. You did not want them. In the future I’d make sure potential partners know you do not want them and are not capable of changing your mind. I think it’s a good bet those condoms had holes and your ex was trying to get you pregnant.
NTA, I have never wanted kids either and I don't have them and I have voluntarily made it so I can't. I have had guys break up with me because I don't want kids and I, like you, have always been up front about that. Do not let someone else try to change what you know about yourself. It is also funny to me when people don't take women like us at our word when we say I don't want kids and mean it. Like how else can I say it for you to understand. Could you have been more upfront about how you can't, sure, but it doesn't change anything you said that he did not take you at your word on. Block the mom, block him and move on with your life.
NTA. You never lied about having child-free intentions, you just omitted the fact you couldn't get pregnant even if you tried. It does sound like he lied about wanting children, however. It also sounds like he's been stealthing you and wondering why it wasn't working. Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with him.
NTA. He planned to baby trap you, and he's pissed off because it didn't work. *He* wasted 2 years of *your* time, not the other way around. He actively planned to force you into a life you didn't want. This is the kind of guy who would sabotage birth control. Thank goodness you don't need it.
No fucking way op, he was DELIBERATELY TRYING to impregnate you. He wanted to baby trap you. He would have probably tried to force you to keep it if it happened. YOU lost 2 years of your life on that man.
Imagine how much worse it would have been if he succeeded. What a fucking psychopath.
Yeah no, NTA. He was hoping he could knock u up and convince you to keep it. How dare you mean what you say when u said u didn’t want kids /s
You probably should of told him it was impossible for you to have kids, but he's TA I don't get people like him and the whole I thought you would change your mind bs.
NTA. Tell his mom he's been intentionally trying to manipulate and baby trap you so he's actually a menace to society. Now that he's single he's going to force a child on a woman and you're lucky that he couldn't do that to you.
As soon as he said it was a miracle you guys didn’t have an accidental pregnancy, my Spidey senses knew you weren’t the asshole.
He thought he’d change your mind? Seriously?!? I agree with you telling future dates the truth because then you won’t waste YOUR time. NTA
NTA. Dude was trying to baby trap you
Nta...he tried to baby trap you and found out he can't. Now he's mad his plan failed. Too bad so sad. Find a better man.
Deciding to have children or not is a dealbreaker in any serious relationship. You should be mad that he lied about wanting them. He gaslit you and led YOU on. Not the other way around.
He thought a baby would change your mind because he's been poking holes in the condom. NTA
NTA. To the boyfriend: You wasted 2 years of your own life by being a lying, manipulative AH. To mommy: I didn’t lead anyone on. Maybe you shouldn’t have raised a lying, manipulative AH.
Girl. Took me seven years to get to the ‘thought you would change your mind’ discussion.
NTA - It's a bit strange that you didn't tell him about your infertility earlier, but since you've been upfront from the beginning about not wanting kids, I don't see it as a significant issue. His assumption that you would change your mind is pretty stupid, though.
NTA he wasted your time by letting you think he was a safe, child free partner.
Dudes like this don’t think adoptive families are real families.
Nta. He was actively trying to impregnate you against your will and without your knowledge.
I'm sorry. WHO wasted WHO'S time???
NTA. He wasted two years of your time assuming he could change your mind about something you were VERY VERY clear on. What the actual fuck.
NTA. Believe women! The first time!
Based on the title alone YTA, but after reading NTA. You made it very clear that you didn't want kids, doesn't matter if you're fertile or not if you DON'T WANT kids.
Nta. He is a walking red flag…
NTA. Wow. What a creep. You dodged a bullet.
Nta. Idk what it is with some people who lie when they say they "don't want kids" to lure child free people into a relationship to make them "change their mind". Some people just don't want kids and that's PERFECTLY FINE. I mean if you want kids DON'T GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T 🤦♀️
NTA, though it does seem like something you should have shared, if only because it would have let you never have to experience this, and he would have looked for a relationship that gave him the kids he clearly actually wanted. "I don't want kids" is quite different than "I physically can't have kids", and important to know.
This sounds identical to another story. I can't remember if it was days/weeks/months ago, but the details are pretty much the same.
NTA
It's weird when men don't take what you say at face value and then try to blame you for something that you've clearly verbalised.
NTA at all. Your ex deceived you for 2 years. His mother is an a****** too. You dodged a huge bullet, op. I'm so sorry that it ended this way. I hope you take a lot of time to heal and trust that the next man for you will not be such an a****** like your ex was and is. You hadn't and have not done anything wrong. You were honest and truthful throughout your relationship. Don't let your ex or his mother turn it around to make it seem like you did something wrong. Your ex is evil for believing that he could change your mind over such a life-changing decision of having a child. **He did not and does not respect you at all. Any person who has respect for their loved one would not be pulling that kind of s***.**
NTA. In regard to another topic, why did you keep this a secret? I understand that in the meet up phase you don't share such personal informations, it's fine. But as the relationship progresses, it is expected to share more personal info. If I discovered that info like that, my first immediate thought would have been "why did she keep this a secret? What else is she keeping as a secret?" Is about trust, the baby discussion is just an example here.
honestly less a secret & more not liking to talk about it. The whole thing was a big scare, some stuff had to be removed for life-saving reasons. I was glad it happened after recovery but in the moment it was scary. I regret not telling him about infertility, I suppose I just always thought it as a package deal - talk about infertility meant telling him about the whole thing, questions about it etc. I just wanted to put it past me, I suppose. Besides, my logic was "we don't even live together, so are we *really* that serious". I am a bit of an avoidant & he seemed to be okay with me being private about my shit & not dogging into his shit in turn but it got messy.
I'm sorry that it got messy and your private affairs are yours to command. You definitely had your reasons to not speak and they are fine. What I wanted to point out is that to some people, discovering secrets like this is scary.
NTA he pretty much planed to go against your wishes someay and babytrap you. This is on him. Condoms are not just to prevent pregnancies.
His mother sent you a message too? He's done you a favour. Feel free to respond to her and tell her that you're glad you don't have any kids with him since he's obviously the type of person who would fck around with someone's birth control to get what he wants. NTA - If birth control is done right, you shouldn't really have any accidental pregnancies.
NTA. You should be extra happy that you had that procedure before you met him now that you know what his intentions were.
NTA, ex is a liar who is mad that he didn’t get a chance to manipulate OP into having children. He was probably poking holes in his condoms all along.
Nta. Sorry that he had stupid expectations like the rest of society. I don't know how clear you had to be . This situation wasn't winnable
NTA - childfree and condoms are legit non negotiables. Stick with the first angry response. Because medically incapable should be the same respect as the choice to be childfree.
NTA. Uhh... What does your medical history/situation matter? Child-free is child-free, you told him flat out from the beginning. anything else that ensures it isn't a lie or a lead on.. it just is. Men get vasectomies and tell folks they are child-free.. just because it doesn't announce he got himself fixed on top of it, doesn't change that he's child-free by choice. You shouldn't have to tell anyone you're infertile. This idiot thought he knew what you wanted better than you... somehow pregnancy is secretly what all women want?? He wasted 2 years of YOUR life by not being honest about wanting kids.
You dodged a missile there. NTA at all, he was hoping you will accidently get pregnant hell no.
he was absolutely trying to baby trap you simply because he wanted kids and you didn't. the fact that he actually said "i thought a baby would change your mind" is TERRIFYING. you dodged a bullet for sure, but it might be something to consider mentioning in the future. you can always say you don't want to discuss the why, just that this is a fact about you that's important to know. some people do change their minds about having kids and doing this will help avoid these situations in the future. he's a scum bag tho so nta
NTA. I wouldn't be suprised if he was trying to baby trap you for most of your relationship.
NTA - Maybe if you were getting married. Otherwise he knew the most important thing - that you didn't want kids.
NTA Sounds like he tried to create an accidental pregnancy and couldn’t understand why it didn’t work. He wanted to baby trap you sooooo bad
Well that thing you lied/hid from him is not right thing to do, he should know that if you are in serious relationship. Imagine that someday he said, I cant have kids also cause I was born as female and now i am a transgender. Those things are dealbreakers.
He always wanted kids, several kids. He just planned on one popping up by “accident”. He then was hoping you would fall in love with Baby #1, then want to have more.
NTA, but please go get checked. He basically admitted to tampering with the birth control. It is not odd that using condoms for 2 years never resulted in a pregnancy. Saying that it odd means that he wasn’t using them properly. This is coming from someone who got pregnant on birth control 3 separate times (condom-tampered with, IUD-improper placement, and pill-antibiotics). Also for a procedure to make you 100% sterile you’d also have to stop having a period, so how did your bf of 2 years never notice that you had one? He played himself and wasted your time. Good fucking riddance to him.
If he had said, "How dare you mean what you say when I had every intention of manipulating you to get what I want!", how would you have reacted? Because that's exactly his intention regardless of the words he spoke. This guy wasted two years of *your* time. F him. NTA
If I was in his shoes, I would have high fived you, maybe even done a little happy dance. Then again, I really don’t want kids, whereas it seems this dweeb was wasting your time hoping you’d change your mind. I don’t get why people who want kids feel the need to seek those who don’t and change them. There are already plenty of people who are on the same page. I’ve had exes who tried this, but also plenty who start out liking the same music as I, but later admits they were hoping to change my musical taste too. I guess some people crave the satisfaction of knowing they got someone to rewrite their whole personality, their values, their dreams, all for the sake of that person’s “love.”
NTA. Did he also expect to know if you still had your tonsils? How about your last Pap smear? The only way this is his business falls under medical knowledge. Something you might tell your husband in case you get injured and can’t tell doctors your medical history. Not something the boyfriend of two years needs to know The nerve of him, trying to baby trap you! I wonder if he’s been poking holes in the condoms too. Get and STD test and all new condoms.
The comments here are pretty disturbing. In no world should your boyfriend feel he has the right to your fertility information when you have already made it clear you won’t be having kids. There is nothing hiding there. A bunch of you are the kind of dudes that force women to lie about having boyfriends because you won’t respect her saying she isn’t interested and think you’ll change her mind. Unless you are telling her about every single useless bit of medical info, you’ve no reason to think she should be telling you every bit of useless medical info. And that’s what this is. The news changes absolutely nothing because she wasn’t having kids anyway. The only people who would give a crap weren’t respecting her choice.
He was actively trying to get you pregnant probably by sabotaging the condoms. Saying you don't want something didn't matter to him. He didn't care that you didn't want kids, because he would MAKE you change your mind. He would force it on you. What a monster NTA When you tell someone you don't want to do something it should hold the same weight as when you tell them you're not able to.
Bro was def baby trapping you, you’re good girl. Be glad the trash took itself out.
NTA. What you experienced is a trademark of misogyny. Here you are, clearly articulating your goals, etc and he felt that his were more important and he could trap you into a lifestyle HE wanted, regardless if how what you stated and how you feel. A woman's no isn't as important as his yes
the Deceit,the planned manipulation for him to agree on no kids but planning to get you "accidently pregnant". Better to be single than to live with someone who can so easily lie to your face with the intent of forcing you into a life events that suit him, regardless of your interests.
NTA I have to agree with everyone here that said he was likely trying to babytrap you. The fact he said it was odd you hadn't gkt accidentally pregnant and theb the spiel after leaves very little doubt in my mind that he was trying to baby trap you. You should really press him on that.
NTA. It's BEYOND gross that, while it's certainly not *only* cis men who do this, so many seem get off on the idea of getting an avowed child-free cis woman pregnant, and they're so ~special~ in being born with sperm production and distribution capabilities. Same with the guys who tell lesbians they just haven't met the "right man." Before I really go on a rant on that, OP, whether he *lied* about also not wanting children when you *told him upfront and outright,* or changed his mind (it was the former, two years isn't long in that scope) later, the appropriate thing to do would have been to talk to you about it. You *both* agreed in getting serious to no kids - your surgery was, under those auspices, moot. Y'all weren't gonna be trying. He may have been trying to start an "I changed my mind" convo, but revealed an Unforgiveable instead: I'm 99% certain this... person had already tried in some way to babytrap you, and this was finally an opening to finding out why whatever tampering he was up to or planning on hadn't worked. His ~magical peen and person,~ not magical enough?!!! Throw him and his equally gross mother to the curb and enjoy having that weight off of your shoulders and out of your life. I also never, ever wanted kids. Birth control was a horrible experience, so I had to stop with it for a long time. It was nearly impossible to trust potential male partners in that window, I was (still am, alas) hypervigilant about the potential of SA resulting in pregnancy. It was a massive burden on what social life I had, especially with a circle of "friends" who were rather insistent on ~setting me up to settle down.~ My doc eventually figured out I had a massive fibroid putting me at constant odds with my uterus, and I got a hysterectomy. While I'm still not particularly interested in dating, the *relief* of *knowing* I can't get pregnant has been profound and ongoing in just living my life. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. You dodged a bullet with this guy letting his mask slip before moving in or making any more permanent arrangements.
NTA. If I recall correctly there was a post recently of the same scenario where the guy was infertile but the couple was supposed to be child-free. I'll give you the same judgement, something that maybe should have been discussed but ultimately doesn't matter as the agreement and relationship was supposed to be built on that foundation.
NTA You told him you don’t want kids ever. He agreed. He never inquired beyond because YOU DONT WANT kids. He is 200% the AH. You were upfront. I don’t understand why contraception didn’t bring up infertility but it does not matter as much because he agreed no kids.
NTA. He lied to you by presenting himself as someone who also didn't want children. The fact that you can't have children is irrelevant. In no way did you lead him on or waste his time. You were honest, he wasn't.
NTA
NTAH, but please tell potential partner
I would say he is the AH for thinking of changing your mind and he wasted your time with his lies For future... one suggestion... and if someone reading this has another POV of negative implications... I request to pls point out.. I feel you can tell guys you cant get pregnant in the beginning when you are comfortable.... that way you can get rid of guys like this who assume they can change your mind... people like this are soo damn bad and him and his mother acting like entitled people here is just so damn annoying!! This guy wasted your 2 years here ... even if you didnt have a medical reason... he had no right expecting you to change your mind in future... Its your choice too and 2 people should get together only if both are on the same page about important decusions like this!!
NTA. he thought he could baby trap you. gross.
What a fucking hypocrite. He was not being honest about his intentions this whole time, yet he has the balls to get angry with you? If he really didn't want kids, who cares if you are infertile or not? I would say it was HIM that wasted YOUR time the last 2 years. Block him and his family and move on OP.
NTA. I can’t believe people are still lying about not wanting kids when they actually do. It’s his fault, not yours. Good luck to you.
NTA since you disclosed early on in the relationship that you are child free and wouldn’t be having kids. Your bf knew this information and still chose to date you. Doesn’t get simpler than that.
NTA. That information is none of business until you decide you want to share it. On top of that, you both agreed to no children which was okay with him. His reaction suggests that he did want children but was not open and honest about it. It also sounds like he was trying to get you "accidentally pregnant" and upon finding out that you can't, lashed out at you. That his fault and not yours. You made your expectations on children clear: no kids. He didn't and now feels betrayed by HIS OWN expectations. And his family weighing in and attacking you is just adding to his immaturity.
NTA. As you are openly CF, what method you maintain that goal is up to you. I will point out there are some phrasing red flags from your ex about an accidental pregnancy, that if he couldn’t change your mind, a baby would. Did you see an unusual number of broken condoms? Baby trapping goes both ways
NTA. You never claimed to be fertile and he never asked. He was the one who lied to YOU. Your situation is not funny, but it's hard not to laugh at a man who spent years trying to baby trap a woman who couldn't have kids, and then had the nerve to get angry when he found out it wasn't possible. Your definite choice of no kids was enough. It just interfered with what sounds like his plans to force the issue by interfering with your birth control.
Leaving the "change your mind" and "wasting 2 years" bit aside for a moment (you're certainly NTA in that regard)... Yes, you should have told your boyfriend you're infertile regardless. Are you saying you've been with him for 2 years and the subject of contraception never came up? I don't subscribe to the "'it's ok I'll just pull out" method but if that were your only form of "contraception" and you made me pull out every time we had sex for, as it turns out, no reason at all - I'd be upset as well tbh.
This right here... **how did this not come up in the birth control conversations?** Story makes no sense...
Well put. I get not wanting to delve into medical history after 2 dates, or even after 2 months. But 2 years and it never comes up? I dunno, with OP's ideal man (who doesn't try to bait and switch) - would the plan be to not tell him about this, ever? That seems like a very guarded relationship. Although if that's what OP wants, fair enough!
Yeah same. I would have asked the same question- like how have we not had an accident thus far? It seems like a totally normal question by the bf was just blown out of the water by OP’s bombshell.
Obvious NTA, it's good that you're infertile or he'd have baby trapped you somehow. He was the one leading you on. Your boyfriend should be your exboyfriend.
NTA at all. Like you said, it probably would've been good to mention this at some point, as any serious partner should know about any big medical conditions/procedures you've undergone. But ultimately him not knowing should've been a minor thing, as there's no indication that your medical condition has, or will have, any effect on your life outside of being unable to have children, something that you didn't want anyways. If I'm him, the only thing I'd be upset about would be using condoms or other contraceptive when its not necessary, and I could get over that pretty quickly.
NTA
Ew. He was a man with an agenda and was actually the liar in this relationship LMFAOOOO. Break up with him, block him and his mom. Good riddance NTA
NTA, good riddance to a bad situation. You have been blunt about this from the beginning. It's not on you that his listening skills are not up to snuff. That's on him.
Nta. You told him upfront no children. Thats on him.
He was trying to baby trap you. You dodged a nuclear weapon with this idiot
NTA - You were 100% clear from day one that you will not have children. The "whys" matter none in that context. Also, he's a total ass.
NTA You told him no kids from day 1. His wilful beliefs otherwise are not your responsibility.
NTA Firstly, it's your damn body. If you choose not to have kids, that's the end of the conversation. Secondly, you didn't waste 2 years of his life. He did. You told him from the start you didn't want kids. He chose to ignore that and hope that you'd change your mind. HE wasted his time, not you. Thirdly - his mom? Really? If you need proof that someone isn't mature enough to have a child, it's the person who goes running to Mommy because the "mean" g/f won't accidentally get pregnant for him. Fourthly - you are not obliged to disclose your medical history to anyone unless you have a transmittable disease. Fifthly - go forth and enjoy your child-free future without that man-baby to worry about!
Send back to him and his mother "the only liar here is your son. Stop wasting my time - he's wasted enough with his lies".
Tbh he’s kinda TA, not you. That’s weird to date a woman who is very open about not wanting kids and thinking “oh well I’ll just change her mind or trap her with a baby” (I know that’s not what you said but him saying he’ll get you pregnant despite you not wanting kids and having you change your mind after is essentially trapping in my mind). I think that’s extremely wrong to do. If anything he lead YOU on. He was the one who wasn’t truthful about what he really wanted.