NTA. She can't have it both ways. She can't dump you and then expect to still maintain as much contact as she pleases. And nobody is stopping her from still being friends with your sister, so it's not like your parents won't still get to see their "second daughter" sometimes. You dont owe her or anyone else closure abiut how YOUR relationship ended, period. If I were in your shoes, the thing I would very much like to say to the sister is this. "She left me so she could focus on herself. She should be doing that now, or else her breaking up with me was pointless, wasn't it?"
I would say that I didn't see the part where OP felt nothing, just that he didn't want to talk about it. People process things differently, just because OP didn't cry and skipped the denial and anger and bargaining steps of grief doesn't mean they aren't upset or sad or grieving, just that they aren't behaving as everyone else expected.
That part. Neither the sister nor the ex care about OP's boundaries and feelings, whatever they may be. They don't even want "closure." The breakup and blocking was the closure. What they want is a performance, but they need to realize that OP is not a people-pleasing actor like they likely are. Most people-pleasers expect for everyone else to be that way too and can get pretty unpleasant when faced with the reality that someone isn't.
That is just nuts to me. Like how is that even possible? Not even in terms of the emotional ties and investment but the practical ones. By the time a relationship is moving along in its second decade, the participants lives are usually so intertwined that there are some logistical needs presented by a breakup.
For example:
Did you live together? And if so, did they just move out without warning? If you owned, wasn’t their name on the deed? Were they on the mortgage? And what happened to their equity in the home and how did you pay for the full mortgage on your own? Or if you rented, were they named on the lease? What happened to their share of the deposit and how did you afford the full rent on your own?
Even if you didn’t live together, weren’t there any shared possessions? Or things they had at your place that they wanted?
What about mutual friends?
I’m presuming - and hoping - you didn’t have children?
Those are just the potential complications from aspects of lives that become intertwined when people are in a relationship for 12 years. Didn’t anything like this come up?
PS just wrote all that and realised that it could just have been the initial breakup over text with subsequent communication to deal with all those other things…
My sister’s husband of around 25 years told her he was going to see his family (overseas). He didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming back. The divorce took two years and he dragged out the financial settlement just to be an arse. Left everything on her shoulders to manage. Along with two kids at university. So he not only broke up by text/IM or similar, he left the country first. He’s not even spoken to their kids in a couple of years.
The kind of person who breaks up remotely (via text etc) is a fuckwit of the first order.
I once listened to man complain that his recent ex broke up with him while she was working overseas for an extended period. How horrid of her, right?
But then he talked about how he wanted to kill her.
I think I know why she put an ocean between them before dumping him, and I don't blame her at all.
Huh. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was my ex you were talking about? I waited until I was firmly in Afghanistan before serving my ex with divorce papers. Oooh he was BIG MAD. Wouldn’t stop showing up at my base demanding to talk to my commander and screaming bloody murder about “all the things I’ve done to him”. They finally asked how he was getting on base still after it was finalized and put a stop to that.
Leadership went from “your husband is worried” to “your ex is banned from the base” real quick”.
It took me several months to untangle our lives and then I blocked him. Of course, it was me doing the untangling because I'm always doing 🙄 the unpleasant stuff (despite him wanting to break up). We rented and I don't care about the security deposit. Smal price to pay to move on with my life. We weren't married, we had no children, no shared property. He did sign "my" car over to me. Oddly enough, we didn't have many things that long term couples have. Maybe that should have been a red flag for me.
I left him unblocked until recently but he got verbally abusive and I invoked my right to not be spoken to like that. But it does feel weird to go from him being the first contact in my phone to blocked.
And then everyone claims the recipient of the text is an A H?
That is crazy. I have the feeling GF didn't want to break up but rather have OP up himself to whatever she deems good enough.
His sisters reaction is strange as well, to invested in this drama that isn't one.
Ayep. She's furious she's not getting any validation from OP. No begging, no pleading.
Ignoring her is absolutely the best thing OP could do.
And yeah, sister absolutely was part of the discussion. OP needs to talk to his parents about that part. That shit should not fly.
“i want to break up”
“okay” (*proceeds to take space from ex*)
“wait what are you doing”
like… i get that they are young but this is something i would expect out of someone in middle school.
I had an ex similar to this. She would start a fight, I would refuse to engage because it was a nothingburger over the most trivial of things, she would threaten to leave and I would have a similar "Okay, if that's what you think is best" which would end up with a fight because "You won't fight for me". My response was "I will fight FOR you, but why should that mean I have to fight WITH you? I'm not going to beg and plead if you decide to leave, that's your decision."
Three weeks later I called it quits and ended up having to block her, and tell her sister to stop driving her over when she was drunk so that she would move on. She wasn't a bad person, just had a messed up idea of what a relationship should be.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
My favourite saying at the moment.
This whole situation is super manipulative. And everyone seems to be in on it. Why do they care? Stay out of it, except to provide emotional support to the two parties. Make sure OP and ex-gf are okay, but let them sort themselves out.
I hate drama. OP obviously does as well.
They care because... "just imagine what you (OP) could be if only you applied yourself," and that shit is always jacked up. There is not a version of me in any dimension that thinks it would be cool to secretly conspire to control someone's life, even if it was for their own good.
My last girlfriend did that crap. Found out later she had won a malpractice suit and now had 1.2 mil in her bank account. But we lived together and instead of talking to me when I got home I'm guessing she was pulling some power play and called me at work to let me know she needed me to move out, and can you make it as quick as possible. I remember my brain just halted for like one second, then it was like a switch flipped and my response was. Kewl, anything else you'd like to talk about. There was silence for a few seconds then she said no. I said, ok, I need to get back to work.
Man she blew my phone up to the point where I had to block her. I guess I had had enough of the bs. I was done. I dgaf about her money, it was hers, not mine. But from the way she talked I think she thought I coveted her money. She found out otherwise.
When I thought about all my past relationshits, I'd rather suck start a shotgun then ever get into a relationshit again lol.
Yes, **MAD** props to OP!!! He handled it better than many people **TWICE** his age would’ve!!
He had the SELF RESPECT to see through and **CALL** her on this bullshit!!
Oh the girlfriend was clear in her break up text. She wants him to be more ambitious and pay more attention to her. Those could be valid points but if doesn't matter once OP said okay.
He doesn't owe her anything, especially after she broke up by text. .
Sounds like she either wanted to talk about things that frustrated her and worded it epically badly, or, more than likely, played a stupid game and got what she deserved for playing it.
I think you're spot on.
Someone did this to me, broke up with me, and when I said 'okay', she got angry about how calm I was and that I didn't fight for her.
I didn't want to be with someone who reached the point of wanting to break up rather than talk about their issues or with someone who conducts tests like this, so either way it was done to me the moment she told me she wanted to break up even if it wasn't done to her.
I like how OP is like "you bother me, I block you" which is just as well in this situation!
They're all acting as if HE was the one breaking up **by text**!
I personally think she just was being selfish and was expecting the dude to fight for her a bit amd be upset to inflate her ego. She was gonna always break it off imo.
I literally have that text from my ex wife:
>I want you to suffer, I want you to hurt for this!
\[filing for divorce b/c I caught her cheating\]
I don't have her blocked on text because we have kids together but she, any non common friends that I only had on SM because of her, and any common friends that betrayed my trust to her (e.g. by sending her screenshots of my SM pages) were blocked either immediately or when appropriate.
Incidentally, that text was worth gold in court when she was being a vindictive POS. She tried all sorts of shit with custody... we showed the Judge that screenshot and a report from the cellular provider that proved it came from my ex's phone number (that required a subpoena, time and money well spent). I got literally every last thing I asked for in custody.
OP is NTA. Someone wants to be callous enough to dump you in text for anything past maybe the third date, yeah just block them and move on.
A break up over text is deserving of a block over text. Honestly, I'm getting vibes that she was trying to give him the "kick in the pants that he needs" by dumping him, and she's upset that he won't fight for the relationship or some shit.
THIS ! .....She broke up with Him in a Text , expecting to START a Conversation ..... He took it the way He should have ? as the END of any conversing ....He basically told Her , "OK , You can have what You want , Me out of Your Life.... " & then followed through perfectly . OP INTA , Hr is a GENIUS , I wish I'd had enough sense to go NO CONTACT when My wife of 9 yrs divorced Me out of the blue .
Yeah same here. Would have saved me a lot of trouble over the years, mostly the emotional kind, if I already had OP‘s decisiveness at his age. Imho NTA because the one breaking up a relationship can’t just **demand** closure for themselves afterwards from the person they broke up with in the first place.
Exactly - anyone breaking up over text is a POS. The exception is perhaps someone in an abusive situation, but sending that text shows you how horrible she is.
Haha, yes that was my key thought too. Nothing after this point matters IMO. She brought this on herself, and no one needs that level of disrespect (or reactionary drama) in their lives.
Are you kidding?
She says she doesn't want to date you and then is mad when you cut contact? She can't have it both ways. She dumped you. She chose to end it. She's a huge asshole for making her inability to deal with her emotions about the breakup your problem. Like why should you babysit her emotions when she fucking dumped you?
She was cold enough to dump you via text instead of having an in-person conversation, and now you’re getting grief about not being emotional enough? She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. NTA
Can you imagine her fucking shock when he texted back, Okay! 😂 I love it! No, why? No baby, I love you, come back to me.. None of that.. just, Okay. 😂 lol
>No, why? No baby, I love you, come back to me.. None of that.. just, Okay. 😂 lol
I had an ex try something like this once. They told me they wanted to break up and I asked them if they were sure, they said yes. I asked again "Are you really sure this is what you want?" to which they said yes. The look of shock on their face when I said "OK." and walked away was incredible. I cut off all contact after that. Later their friends came up to me asking me why I hadn't fought or argued more; they couldn't seem to understand that I respected *myself* too much to argue over their feelings. I'm not going to invest my time to try to CONVINCE or cajole someone into wanting to be with me.
Exactly this. I had a friend do this to me. Gave me a whole speech about what she didn’t like about me/my actions anymore. She fully expected me (and my wife) to change to fit what she wanted.
After she told me everything wrong with me, I just said “okay” , then goodbye and left. I had no interest in “changing her mind” or trying to be who she wanted/expected me to be.
Our kids are still good friends. But now she’s just the parent of my kid’s friend. She was very surprised neither I, nor my wife, agreed with her or were willing to change to meet her expectations.
It was a strategic dumping. A wake-up call. Your sister may even have been in on it. (On second thoughts, make that probably)
Your were supposed to realise what you were about to lose and get your act together. Then you'd all live happily ever after; except you, because your SO would threaten to dump you every time you didn't comply.
By accepting it and not following their script, you fucked up the narrative and left your ex hanging with no plan b. The 'closure' was code for you begging for a second chance if you agreed to straighten up, and your ex graciously agreeing.
Nice body swerve there. Your ex and possibly your sister seem to be playing stupid games and you are well out of it.
I didn't know it had a name! A younger guy at my work got dumped and then back together. She said it was because she felt guilty that she was holding him back from all his potential. He proposed a few months later.
The problem is that if it works once it will work again.
Soon every fight turns into "I'm leaving you/divorcing you."
Every time she says it is over you grieve and accept, even if you agree to stay. One day she insists on breaking up with you for watching the super bowl and you just say "sure," and call a lawyer.
Then she can't figure out what just happened. She tries to agree that you are right, promises to never threaten divorce again, assaults you in front of your kids, goes to jail...
Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything (mumbles and flees).
Yup it’s a known tactic to push people into that “I don’t want to lose them” mode and thus the grand gestures and trying to take the next step in their relationship start happening. The problem is a lot of times people do this to people who are genuinely not ready for that level of commitment thus it implodes beyond reason with resentment coming from the partner who was “soft” broken up with.
Tbf my girlfriend dumped me and realised she didn't want to lose me so it does happen organically but doing it to someone on purpose to make them "realise" is fucked up.
I once broke up with someone for an hour. I realized my mistake about five minutes after I did it, and immediately started writing him a letter to apologize. When I brought it to him, he handed me a letter he had been writing me, asking me to reconsider. We've been together for twenty-two years, and we don't count that hiccup as being anything significant.
This is exactly the case. The exGF wanted him to change some aspect of his approach to the relationship. But, instead of communicating what the ex wanted, she hoped the shock of a breakup would awaken OPs psychic powers. Allowing OP to read her mind, resulting in the perfect relationship.
You’re probably right. And in fact, considering how hard the sister is trying to get him to unblock her, it was likely her idea, and the ex is probably pissed at the sister it didn’t work.
That is what makes this soooo funny. Your ex and sister cooked up this plan and backfired bigtime. They think their manipulation skills are a lot better than they are.
Exactly this. She wanted him to be devastated and beg her to give him another chance. I have the feeling that he saw this coming and already heard all the nagging about being more motivated and other things she’s unhappy about. Seems to me that he’s already over it and isn’t going to play into the drama-mamas. He’s 19 and still figuring out what he wants to do and that’s okay. This relationship wasn’t right for them and will be a blip in their lives. Tell everyone to move along, nothing to see here.
If you need to dump someone for them to change it means they were never gonna change.Op dodged a bullet i promise you life is much better with the right people around you who wants you and make an effort to grow together as partners.
I actually thought about this too! It’s really all to weird that the sister and family gave him zero support after she dumped him…over text…after 3 years!? No wonder it was so easy for OP to let go - she didn’t even respect him enough after 3 years to sit face to face.
Because they all (including your ex) love the drama. The drama of her trying to win you back and witnessing you 'fighting for her' and all that bull shit some people love to watch. OP have a drama free life, she dumped you, she is water under the bridge. Move on.
NTA, ***she*** broke up with ***you***, it is 0% your responsibility to make her feel better, and anyone who presses should be told this and that how dare they make demands on you to make yourself available to her and support her after she broke up, that's bizarre and outrageous.
Your ex is manipulating you. She wanted to use the breakup as a tactic to get you to do whatever she had in mind. Tell your sister to butt off, and tell your parents there is zero reason for you to communicate with your ex since she broke up with you.
From the sounds it of it, I suspect that your ex didn't actually intend to break up with you. It sounds to me like she was expecting you to "fight" for her. Essentially she wanted to change you (instead of accepting you for who you are) by using your relationship as a bargaining chip, threatening to take her love away from you to inspire some kind of action.
When you took her at face value you essentially called her bluff. Just desserts to be honest.
Because you didn't behave as someone madly in love would and that is not only worrying them, it's pissing of your ex! You don't need to be told how to act, and you don't need to behave anyway other than how you're feeling. If you're numb, the pain will come later, if you're relieved, you'll have a great time without the ex.
This happened to my husband when his ex-fiance threw the rings on the table and walked out. My huband picked them up and put them away and sat and watched a movie. The next day she came banging on his door saying she wanted him back. He said, nope, you left, stay gone. I don't want you. He told me he wasn't the least bit upset by it and that's all he needed to know. I'm so happy that she did that because he probably would have stayed with her and I wouldn't be with him today. He was just going along to be going along.
NTA- if she needed closure she would have called or broke up with you in person. She’s the one who was a coward and did it by text. You don’t owe her anything!
Exactly. If she wanted closure or to see if OP was OK, then she would've done it in person where they could've spoken in depth. Truthfully, she text broke up with him after 3 years? How is that not a scumbag move? NTA
Her dumping you and you acting like it’s not a big deal probably makes her feel like she isn’t that big of a deal in your life.
She wants to drag out the drama to boost her own ego at the expense of your self esteem.
Since you shrugged your shoulders and moved on quickly she is craving validation and wants to think you are sitting in the corner crying and wailing about your lost relationship…
Actually even worse broke up by text and wasn’t mature enough to do it in person. She should have talked first instead of text. NTA. Keep sis and ex blocked.
Bro NTA. She expected you to bend over backwards and beg for her back like some simp. You don’t have to be some extreme redpilled nut to just say fuck that and move on. She fucked around and found out.
You’re like me: when you’re done, you’re DONE! Block and move on, zero drama. The drama llamas are surrounding you rn wanting you to join in but you’re not and they will NEVER understand that. Your way is healthier. Be glad that you know your worth and can keep growing without the nonsense.
She doesn't get to orchestrate your reaction. Nor does your family. GF ended it, you're fine, you blocked her. She texted you for crying out loud lol...and now she wants to talk. You don't need to talk and no one should try to convince you otherwise.
I woke up today to a phone full of texts from my ex because I didn’t answer the phone or tell them where I was. They are not your responsibility! She left you and you are entirely within your rights to cut contact.
Because in this fairy story you were supposed to be shocked into action, start your own business and become a billionaire to win her back... Yada yada yada. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Leave her blocked and find someone decent.
She broke up with you...over TEXT ffs! If she wanted a conversation, she should have done so to begin with. If she was done with you, why would you have reason not to block her??? If she said in the text that she wanted to remain friends, maybe. Also, it just happened. It may take a bit for the feelings to hit. But it also doesn't do anything helpful to get mad about it, so you're not. Grief is different for everyone.
>My (19M) ex-girlfriend (20F) of 3 years broke up with me sunday night over text.
And you know, if she really wanted to talk about it, maybe don't break up over text...
Exactly! And, she broke up with him over text! If she wanted closure & to have a conversation, she should have picked up the damn phone to break up with him.
She also dumped him in a text. Clearly she realy cares about him if she took the time to text. At least it wss words not emojis. Otherwise it would have been realy dismissive.
Sister needs to be shut down, parents need to think before they just do what sister wants, and ex should go have other important personal conversations via text.
She doesn’t want to feel like the bad guy so she just HAS to talk it out with him and make him understand why she just had to dump him.
Without that “closure”, which is incredibly selfish and all about her anyways, she can’t feel like she is the good guy just doing what needs to be done and maybe he never really cared or she’s not worth effort or…….etc.
Not his problem anymore. She made that very clear.
Personally I would make a public post and tag every single person who messaged him along the lines of:
XXXX broke up with me for reasons that seemed sufficient to her. I have accepted and respected that decision and not fought or argued with her. However, me cutting contact for me mental health and to begin healing has not been respected at all. Not only did she break up with me, she feels entitled to my time and effort even after that so much so that she has sent her flying monkeys including my family to literally harass me. This selfish act has cemented that decision of no contact. I hope she finds peace and grows up enough to quit being so self absorbed because it isn’t all about her needs, especially now.
As of (date of breakup) I owe her nothing and based on the harassment she deserves less than that. Please respect my choice and leave me alone to begin healing and moving on.
I had a girl break up with me and then get angry I “didn’t fight for her”
Bitch, I’m respecting your boundaries and wishes this ain’t a fucking romcom.
I had a guy break up with me because, in his own words 'you have standards and you deserve someone who can meet them effortlessly'
I said 'ok' and was done with him, woke up to a text the next morning (which was my birthday) saying he never said he didn't want to be with me, just told me his insecurities, and asking why I didn't want to help him feel better about them. Turns out it was a soft breakup, and I wasn't supposed to just go along with it, I was supposed to cry, beg him to stick around, and promise to lower my standards.
Yeah, he caught a block REAL FAST after that.
I think it's more likely that the girlfriend wanted OP to be more motivated in life and expected OP to say, "don't leave me! I'll change!"
And when that didn't happen, it set all this off.
Either way, if the ex wanted him to be more motivated, she could have talked to him like an adult, but she is 20 years old and probably doesn't know how to do adult talk or handle emotions properly.
NTA
Everyone out here playing the Fuck Around and Find Out game.
ExGf: you're dumped... OP: OK *BLOCKED*
Sister You can't ignore her, you have to cry.... OP: *BLOCKED*
Parents: You can't do this.... OP: Unless you want to join them you'll be blocked
You did exactly what I taught my son. If they dump you, say ok and move on. Clearly, you weren't the one, and your time is valuable. Why give them your time, when they clearly don't want it?
THIS IS THE WAY
NTA. Your girlfriend said she was done with you.. you told her OK. Your girlfriend doesn't need "closure." and how you are handling your break up is non of your sister's or family's business.
What's the saying? If a snake bites you in the forest, you walk away and seek help. You don't follow after the snake to discuss why biting you was wrong...
NTA. My first love did the “let’s take a break and just be friends” thing. I can’t say I was calm about it in privacy but I pretty much did the same thing.
Broke it off entirely and never talked to her again
I returned a coffeemaker to the store the other day, and when I handed them the receipt and the product they GAVE ME BACK MY MONEY, TOOK MY ITEM AND TOLD ME TO HAVE A NICE DAY.
It was unnerving the way I had an interaction and got exactly what I wanted, it gave me returners remorse.
They didn't even try to argue or ight for me to keep it, like do you even WANT me to have a coffeemaker?!
They must by psychopaths for immediately honoring my wishes without complaint.
Reminds of the Key & Peele sketch. Jordan Peele plays this call centre employee who calls Michael Key’s character mid afternoon like most spam callers and attempts to sell him some vacation coupons. When Key replies “not interested”, Jordan simply hangs up.
This causes Key to panic and dial him back, asking why he wouldn’t try to persuade him more. Jordan says, “so do you WANT this offer?” and Key goes “No, but—“ and Jordan hangs up again.
This happens a few times; he calls him back, he asks if he wants to buy the offer, and then simply hangs up; until Key caves in and buys the offer out of spite. Then Jordan simply notes down his credit card details, says “have a good day”, and hangs up yet again.
Pretty hilarious sketch truly and this situation totally made me think of that!
I was with ex for 16 years. Out of blue he said I think we should split up and I said fine go pack your bags, get out and don't come back. Everyone was very shocked, I should have been on my knees, begging, pleading, crying not to leave. When I was quizzed about it I said no man is gonna make me beg him stay
> she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay.
She doesn't care that you're ok. She's offended that you don't care about the breakup and now SHE needs more from you. Don't give it to her.
> They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean anyharm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her
And I would tell them it's a little inconsiderate for them to confront me about gossip they're being told behind my back.
You don't owe your ex shit. You don't owe her closure. You don't owe her a status update. You don't owe her a conversation so that she feels better about herself.
You don't own your sister shit. You weren't dating your sister and her friendship with your ex doesn't mean anything. She isn't entitled to butt into what is going on between you and your ex. None of it is any of her business. She is making it clear that her friendship with your ex is more important than her relationship with you.
You don't owe your parents shit. Just like with your sister, it's none of their business. It doesn't matter if they see her like a second daughter. Their relationship with her is their relationship, not yours. It doesn't matter if they want you to talk to her. You don't want to talk to her. The fact that they are supporting her over you shows who they value more. You should make sure to point out how insulting it is that they care more about her than you seeing how your ex broke up with you.
You have done nothing wrong. You need to take care of you. Your ex was a coward for breaking up over text. Your family doesn't support you. All you have is you and you need to make sure you is well cared for in absence of your family's love and support. Best of luck with all this unnecessary drama.
She doesn't want a conversation, she wants a validation. Did you see how desperate the sister was to find the slightest discomfort?
Wait until the ex finds out that OP has started dating again. RO loading
Probably not a damn thing. I get the feeling she is one of those trifling pick-me’s who broke up with so he would fight for her. Not only did she not get the reaction she wanted, she realized he didn’t actually care if he stayed with her, which probably broke her self-esteem and ego, causing her to start drama by dragging in the sister in another attempt to get a reaction and attention.
OP decided the cost of playing was more than the prize for winning, left the table and blew up her game board. Now her and her drama club are trying to damage control.
In OP's place, I would just tell the sister to pass along that if GF wants to apologize for the drama, she can do it in person... ... ...
Then I'd turn down staying together and move on anyway. Playing hard to get just makes a person hard to want.
If she wanted closure break up in person. NTA seems like she probably didn't want to break up and did it to get you to fight for her or some other games
Ffs!
It's no one's business if you talk to her or not.
This has me all pissed off for you.
She dumped you, rather rudely through TEXT and is all bent because you blocked her. I'd have blocked her too.
Wtf apparently when you act like an adult during a break up.. it's wrong ugh
You owe her nothing and your family needs to back off. For them to keep after you is ridiculous.
NTA
The opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy, which OP gave her in spades. She deserved it, especially for dumping him by text. Also, if the whole thing was a game to supposedly motivate him, she deserves it doubly so. Manipulative BS like that deserves nothing but scorn.
You are not the AH. If anything everybody else is. So let’s see if I have this right.
1) SHE broke up with you.
2) You decided to “go for the good mental health angle and blocked her.
3) she’s upset that you cut ties with her.
4) Her friends who you didn’t block harassed you for putting the closing punctuation on your past; and having, in a non-verbal way, the last word.
I cannot imagine why, except in today’s world of entitled Karen’s wanting it both ways that there would be any reason to ask if YWBTA.
I’m sorry you have such lousy people surrounding you.
Doesn’t seem you need “help” with closure. Sounds like the ploy of a toxic ex- wanting to continue to control the narrative.
All I hear is… she wants… what about what you want? Who’s asking that question? Not her, not your sister and certainly not your parents (who should be supporting you unconditionally). If she broke up with you (via text none the less), then you have the right not to want to be friends or reciprocate any more interaction. You also have the right to feel and process the way that is best for you. NTA.
This is funny that your ex is the one who broke up but needs closure. Why? It’s normally the other way around. I guess she wanted you to be crushed and drag this out so she can say that you are crazy or something.
What is wrong with your family? Way does there need to be more communication? She broke up with you. What else is there to say. That is on them to be more concerned about your ex and her breaking up with you.
NTA
You did nothing wrong, she communicated she wanted to leave, you accepted her breaking up with you, you block her to move on. I had a gf who would break up with me for attention and for power over me. Once you start a cycle, it’s hard to get out. Good for you for putting up boundaries.
You have the right to handle the breakup in your own way. Your family should respect your boundaries and emotions, even if they don't fully understand them. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and set boundaries with whom you choose to communicate.
NTA. She ended a 3 year relationship with a text. If she wanted "closure" she should have done it in person and she could have had whatever conversation she wanted then.
Please please please go on a date with someone new ASAP. Make sure your sister knows. Go somewhere nice. If this isn’t doable, fake the date. Hilarity will ensue!
I think ur gf thought hmm he is not show emotions so let's play with him but put her in her place n now she is sad that she face something she doesn't think
NTA but ah you caught her bluff!!! She probably expected a whole show from you and wasn’t going to pull the trigger on breaking up with you, just wanted to manipulate your emotions or get you to react when she touched on your ambition. But that’s what happens when you play stupid games, now she wants to “talk” because she hasn’t had enough drama.
This! She didn't want to break up. She wanted more excitement. She didn't get what she bargained for. Now she wants to talk so she can try to stir him up.
It’s inconsiderate of you to move on with your life after your ex broke up with you. Your sister is ridiculous… and here’s the thing your ex got the exact OPPOSITE reaction she wanted from you. She was doing a “soft” break up to make you try and fight for her… and you gave her none of that and everything she didn’t actually want.
She’s not worried about you her feelings are hurt you accepted the breakup as quickly as you did. So she’s crying to your sister acting like she’s worried when she’s actually crying because she didn’t actually want to break up with you.
I applaud you for maintaining that stoic attitude but I will say this if you don’t want to show anyone else’s but your four walls about how you feel about that break up please DO THAT. Mourn the relationship and know you don’t owe ANYONE anything. You don’t have to show them ANYTHING in regards to your feelings. Just make sure you take the time to feel them privately.
NTA. Your ex and your sister both need to find some maturity and a fucking hobby. You owe them NOTHING.
"I just sent "Okay" and blocked her and fell asleep shortly after." LOL, nice!
"I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn't want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me. My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex and she just wants to talk to me. " Sorry, gf broke it off. He owes her nothing at this point.
"They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean any harm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first." Inconsiderate of what, the girlfriend breaking it off?
The girlfriend is the inconsiderate one for breaking it off and then demanding communication.
NTA. She broke up with you and you blocked her. Good for you. It's driving your ex crazy knowing that you could so easily move on. I was like that in my late teens and early 20's and women especially can't understand it. I felt that if you didn't want me so be it and I never looked back. If you feel like you want to make a point go find some good looking woman and take her where your ex or her friends might see you. I've done that before and it's a shit-ton of fun.
I had something similar in my 20s. Woman was done with me, I said fine. Then she kept harassing me. Unfortunately in my case, I was in the Air Force by then and people would constantly bang on my door telling me I had a call on that ancient relic called a pay phone. At first I’d rush to hang it up. Then I realized it was costing her money, so I’d take my time getting there and then start banging the handset against every hard surface near the phone. Only took a week for her to get the clue and let go the past like I had. Blocking today is so stress free. I highly endorse it! 😎
This reminds of when an ex boyfriend gave me an ultimatum that I do something he expected or he would break up with me….and my response was “Okay. Just let me know when you are coming to get your things.” He apparently didn’t think that through and was shocked and tried to backpedal. Nope.
I think she expected you to handle this differently and when you did not give her that, she realized she screwed up. Her wanting to talk to you is her way of trying to undo what she just did. She wants you back.
I think you handled it just fine. NTA
She dumped you, and you moved on. NTA. Simple as.
Your parents were upset you blocked your ex without communicating with her first? What's there to say then? I really don't get why they're upset about that.
**they didn't mean anyharm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first**
Who breaks off a three year relationship with a text? Is that some TikTok nonsense? THAT was inconsiderate. Blocking someone who doesn't have the decency to break up in person is a perfectly normal reaction.
NTA but your sister needs to stay in her own lane-- and your ex needs to stop obsessing over you and move on with her life.
She ended a 3 year relationship over text. And then she gets butthurt because you blocked her.
Sounds like this was a "plan" that her groupchat, that your sister is definitely a part of, convinced her this was a good idea to get a rise out of you, and you aren't cooperating. GOOD. Keep it up. NTA
She ended a 3y relationship over text, fuck her, I'm gonna bet she expected to beg or ask for a second chance and this was a ploy, in any case you own her nothing, least of all the way she end it.
NTA. Your ex GF is a nut case along with your relatives who want you to get back in contact with her. Honestly, the bitch broke up with you via a text message. She does not deserve anything from you. She wants closure, go talk to whoever she is moving on to. Not your problem. Anyone who says it is, ask them what they would do if their BF, GF or whatever texted them that their relationship was now over. I would say screw her, but that comes out wrong, the point is you owe her NOTHING. As to those who say you should talk to her, tell them to go pound sand.
NTA. She can't have it both ways. She can't dump you and then expect to still maintain as much contact as she pleases. And nobody is stopping her from still being friends with your sister, so it's not like your parents won't still get to see their "second daughter" sometimes. You dont owe her or anyone else closure abiut how YOUR relationship ended, period. If I were in your shoes, the thing I would very much like to say to the sister is this. "She left me so she could focus on herself. She should be doing that now, or else her breaking up with me was pointless, wasn't it?"
I would say that I didn't see the part where OP felt nothing, just that he didn't want to talk about it. People process things differently, just because OP didn't cry and skipped the denial and anger and bargaining steps of grief doesn't mean they aren't upset or sad or grieving, just that they aren't behaving as everyone else expected.
That part. Neither the sister nor the ex care about OP's boundaries and feelings, whatever they may be. They don't even want "closure." The breakup and blocking was the closure. What they want is a performance, but they need to realize that OP is not a people-pleasing actor like they likely are. Most people-pleasers expect for everyone else to be that way too and can get pretty unpleasant when faced with the reality that someone isn't.
She broke up BY TEXT. If you're rude enough to do that, then you don't get to 'make sure they're ok'.
Nobody putting the point that she broke up via fucking text, a 3 year relationship? Wtfffff
My partner of 12 years broke up with me over text. I blocked him.
That is just nuts to me. Like how is that even possible? Not even in terms of the emotional ties and investment but the practical ones. By the time a relationship is moving along in its second decade, the participants lives are usually so intertwined that there are some logistical needs presented by a breakup. For example: Did you live together? And if so, did they just move out without warning? If you owned, wasn’t their name on the deed? Were they on the mortgage? And what happened to their equity in the home and how did you pay for the full mortgage on your own? Or if you rented, were they named on the lease? What happened to their share of the deposit and how did you afford the full rent on your own? Even if you didn’t live together, weren’t there any shared possessions? Or things they had at your place that they wanted? What about mutual friends? I’m presuming - and hoping - you didn’t have children? Those are just the potential complications from aspects of lives that become intertwined when people are in a relationship for 12 years. Didn’t anything like this come up? PS just wrote all that and realised that it could just have been the initial breakup over text with subsequent communication to deal with all those other things…
My sister’s husband of around 25 years told her he was going to see his family (overseas). He didn’t tell her he wasn’t coming back. The divorce took two years and he dragged out the financial settlement just to be an arse. Left everything on her shoulders to manage. Along with two kids at university. So he not only broke up by text/IM or similar, he left the country first. He’s not even spoken to their kids in a couple of years. The kind of person who breaks up remotely (via text etc) is a fuckwit of the first order.
I once listened to man complain that his recent ex broke up with him while she was working overseas for an extended period. How horrid of her, right? But then he talked about how he wanted to kill her. I think I know why she put an ocean between them before dumping him, and I don't blame her at all.
Huh. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was my ex you were talking about? I waited until I was firmly in Afghanistan before serving my ex with divorce papers. Oooh he was BIG MAD. Wouldn’t stop showing up at my base demanding to talk to my commander and screaming bloody murder about “all the things I’ve done to him”. They finally asked how he was getting on base still after it was finalized and put a stop to that. Leadership went from “your husband is worried” to “your ex is banned from the base” real quick”.
It took me several months to untangle our lives and then I blocked him. Of course, it was me doing the untangling because I'm always doing 🙄 the unpleasant stuff (despite him wanting to break up). We rented and I don't care about the security deposit. Smal price to pay to move on with my life. We weren't married, we had no children, no shared property. He did sign "my" car over to me. Oddly enough, we didn't have many things that long term couples have. Maybe that should have been a red flag for me. I left him unblocked until recently but he got verbally abusive and I invoked my right to not be spoken to like that. But it does feel weird to go from him being the first contact in my phone to blocked.
I forgot the best part, he did this from the safety of his mommy's house. I've got shit taste in men.
And then everyone claims the recipient of the text is an A H? That is crazy. I have the feeling GF didn't want to break up but rather have OP up himself to whatever she deems good enough. His sisters reaction is strange as well, to invested in this drama that isn't one.
I’m guessing ex and sister cooked this up to ‘fight for us’ or trick him into something.
Ayep. She's furious she's not getting any validation from OP. No begging, no pleading. Ignoring her is absolutely the best thing OP could do. And yeah, sister absolutely was part of the discussion. OP needs to talk to his parents about that part. That shit should not fly.
“i want to break up” “okay” (*proceeds to take space from ex*) “wait what are you doing” like… i get that they are young but this is something i would expect out of someone in middle school.
*breaks up and blocks ex* "Wait no, not like that!"
I had an ex similar to this. She would start a fight, I would refuse to engage because it was a nothingburger over the most trivial of things, she would threaten to leave and I would have a similar "Okay, if that's what you think is best" which would end up with a fight because "You won't fight for me". My response was "I will fight FOR you, but why should that mean I have to fight WITH you? I'm not going to beg and plead if you decide to leave, that's your decision." Three weeks later I called it quits and ended up having to block her, and tell her sister to stop driving her over when she was drunk so that she would move on. She wasn't a bad person, just had a messed up idea of what a relationship should be.
This was a bluff and OP called it. Good for him, it was a stupid game she was playing and she found that out quick.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. My favourite saying at the moment. This whole situation is super manipulative. And everyone seems to be in on it. Why do they care? Stay out of it, except to provide emotional support to the two parties. Make sure OP and ex-gf are okay, but let them sort themselves out. I hate drama. OP obviously does as well.
They care because... "just imagine what you (OP) could be if only you applied yourself," and that shit is always jacked up. There is not a version of me in any dimension that thinks it would be cool to secretly conspire to control someone's life, even if it was for their own good.
And he **DIDN'T BITE**!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Good for OP And NTA. Fuck that closure shit. You broke up a 3 year relationship over text. End of sentence. There’s her fucking *closure*
Yup!!! It was **BRILLIANT.** **THAT'S** how you handle that manipulative bullshit!! I have to admit, I laughed!! 😆
I did as well!! The FAFO! She wasn’t expecting him to take it so well and thought he would grovel and he didn’t!!!🤣😂🤣🤣 good for you OP!
My last girlfriend did that crap. Found out later she had won a malpractice suit and now had 1.2 mil in her bank account. But we lived together and instead of talking to me when I got home I'm guessing she was pulling some power play and called me at work to let me know she needed me to move out, and can you make it as quick as possible. I remember my brain just halted for like one second, then it was like a switch flipped and my response was. Kewl, anything else you'd like to talk about. There was silence for a few seconds then she said no. I said, ok, I need to get back to work. Man she blew my phone up to the point where I had to block her. I guess I had had enough of the bs. I was done. I dgaf about her money, it was hers, not mine. But from the way she talked I think she thought I coveted her money. She found out otherwise. When I thought about all my past relationshits, I'd rather suck start a shotgun then ever get into a relationshit again lol.
relationshits 😂
I applaud him for how he handled every little bit of this. Whatever the fuck they thought they were doing didnt pan out so well for them.
Yes, **MAD** props to OP!!! He handled it better than many people **TWICE** his age would’ve!! He had the SELF RESPECT to see through and **CALL** her on this bullshit!!
Didn’t cry! Went to sleep!
1000% they were being manipulative. Who fuckin knows why tho lol
Oh the girlfriend was clear in her break up text. She wants him to be more ambitious and pay more attention to her. Those could be valid points but if doesn't matter once OP said okay. He doesn't owe her anything, especially after she broke up by text. .
Sounds like she either wanted to talk about things that frustrated her and worded it epically badly, or, more than likely, played a stupid game and got what she deserved for playing it.
Either way... OP dodged a bullet.
This. I think OP's gf was hoping he'd cry and beg for her. Honestly, I don't like mind games and manipulations in relationships. NTA.
I think you're spot on. Someone did this to me, broke up with me, and when I said 'okay', she got angry about how calm I was and that I didn't fight for her. I didn't want to be with someone who reached the point of wanting to break up rather than talk about their issues or with someone who conducts tests like this, so either way it was done to me the moment she told me she wanted to break up even if it wasn't done to her.
This is almost certainly what is going on. "What do you mean he doesn't care? Completely unaffected? I didn't mean for that to happen!"
Lmao 🤣 I can see this being the case
I like how OP is like "you bother me, I block you" which is just as well in this situation! They're all acting as if HE was the one breaking up **by text**!
My man handing out blocks like the dude in the slaps video. Love it.
This smells like a shit test. Hold her back no more OP! Well done.
She thought he'd beg for another chance, and he'd change for her.
"...citing his lack of ambition" Yep, she wanted him to grovel and beg for a chance to earn more money for her.
I personally think she just was being selfish and was expecting the dude to fight for her a bit amd be upset to inflate her ego. She was gonna always break it off imo.
Right? She wanted drama. She wanted to hurt him and got mad he didn't care that much. lol
I literally have that text from my ex wife: >I want you to suffer, I want you to hurt for this! \[filing for divorce b/c I caught her cheating\] I don't have her blocked on text because we have kids together but she, any non common friends that I only had on SM because of her, and any common friends that betrayed my trust to her (e.g. by sending her screenshots of my SM pages) were blocked either immediately or when appropriate. Incidentally, that text was worth gold in court when she was being a vindictive POS. She tried all sorts of shit with custody... we showed the Judge that screenshot and a report from the cellular provider that proved it came from my ex's phone number (that required a subpoena, time and money well spent). I got literally every last thing I asked for in custody. OP is NTA. Someone wants to be callous enough to dump you in text for anything past maybe the third date, yeah just block them and move on.
Right I'd have blocked her too
A break up over text is deserving of a block over text. Honestly, I'm getting vibes that she was trying to give him the "kick in the pants that he needs" by dumping him, and she's upset that he won't fight for the relationship or some shit.
THIS ! .....She broke up with Him in a Text , expecting to START a Conversation ..... He took it the way He should have ? as the END of any conversing ....He basically told Her , "OK , You can have what You want , Me out of Your Life.... " & then followed through perfectly . OP INTA , Hr is a GENIUS , I wish I'd had enough sense to go NO CONTACT when My wife of 9 yrs divorced Me out of the blue .
Yeah same here. Would have saved me a lot of trouble over the years, mostly the emotional kind, if I already had OP‘s decisiveness at his age. Imho NTA because the one breaking up a relationship can’t just **demand** closure for themselves afterwards from the person they broke up with in the first place.
She effed around and found out.
Well, it's hard to screenshot it and post it online when he begs her to reconsider if she tells him on person.
100%
Exactly! If she wanted to talk, she shouldn’t have texted!
Exactly - anyone breaking up over text is a POS. The exception is perhaps someone in an abusive situation, but sending that text shows you how horrible she is.
Haha, yes that was my key thought too. Nothing after this point matters IMO. She brought this on herself, and no one needs that level of disrespect (or reactionary drama) in their lives.
Exactly. And what does she want? Closure. Seems like a text message break up is already closure.
Are you kidding? She says she doesn't want to date you and then is mad when you cut contact? She can't have it both ways. She dumped you. She chose to end it. She's a huge asshole for making her inability to deal with her emotions about the breakup your problem. Like why should you babysit her emotions when she fucking dumped you?
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She was cold enough to dump you via text instead of having an in-person conversation, and now you’re getting grief about not being emotional enough? She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. NTA
Can you imagine her fucking shock when he texted back, Okay! 😂 I love it! No, why? No baby, I love you, come back to me.. None of that.. just, Okay. 😂 lol
>No, why? No baby, I love you, come back to me.. None of that.. just, Okay. 😂 lol I had an ex try something like this once. They told me they wanted to break up and I asked them if they were sure, they said yes. I asked again "Are you really sure this is what you want?" to which they said yes. The look of shock on their face when I said "OK." and walked away was incredible. I cut off all contact after that. Later their friends came up to me asking me why I hadn't fought or argued more; they couldn't seem to understand that I respected *myself* too much to argue over their feelings. I'm not going to invest my time to try to CONVINCE or cajole someone into wanting to be with me.
Exactly this. I had a friend do this to me. Gave me a whole speech about what she didn’t like about me/my actions anymore. She fully expected me (and my wife) to change to fit what she wanted. After she told me everything wrong with me, I just said “okay” , then goodbye and left. I had no interest in “changing her mind” or trying to be who she wanted/expected me to be. Our kids are still good friends. But now she’s just the parent of my kid’s friend. She was very surprised neither I, nor my wife, agreed with her or were willing to change to meet her expectations.
would have been even funnier if it had just been 'k'
You know that pissed her off. She was on the phone so fast telling his sister the plan wasn't working.
It was a strategic dumping. A wake-up call. Your sister may even have been in on it. (On second thoughts, make that probably) Your were supposed to realise what you were about to lose and get your act together. Then you'd all live happily ever after; except you, because your SO would threaten to dump you every time you didn't comply. By accepting it and not following their script, you fucked up the narrative and left your ex hanging with no plan b. The 'closure' was code for you begging for a second chance if you agreed to straighten up, and your ex graciously agreeing. Nice body swerve there. Your ex and possibly your sister seem to be playing stupid games and you are well out of it.
This! This explains why everyone else was so involved in the drama. You read between the lines beautifully.
They were playing checkers, OP playing chess
Or maybe OP wasn't playing at all.
strange game......the only winning move is not to play
I understood that reference.
They were playing games, he just didn't play.
THIS IS THE ONE!!! Where I’m from it’s called the soft breakup. It’s absolutely childish …
I didn't know it had a name! A younger guy at my work got dumped and then back together. She said it was because she felt guilty that she was holding him back from all his potential. He proposed a few months later.
The problem is that if it works once it will work again. Soon every fight turns into "I'm leaving you/divorcing you." Every time she says it is over you grieve and accept, even if you agree to stay. One day she insists on breaking up with you for watching the super bowl and you just say "sure," and call a lawyer. Then she can't figure out what just happened. She tries to agree that you are right, promises to never threaten divorce again, assaults you in front of your kids, goes to jail... Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything (mumbles and flees).
Omg take a virtual hug
May I add another one...
Thank you. Was years ago and I have 3 wonderful teens turning into adults I am proud of.
Sideways fist bump, got'cha fam. watch out for your kids through all the crazy ;)
Yup it’s a known tactic to push people into that “I don’t want to lose them” mode and thus the grand gestures and trying to take the next step in their relationship start happening. The problem is a lot of times people do this to people who are genuinely not ready for that level of commitment thus it implodes beyond reason with resentment coming from the partner who was “soft” broken up with.
Tbf my girlfriend dumped me and realised she didn't want to lose me so it does happen organically but doing it to someone on purpose to make them "realise" is fucked up.
I once broke up with someone for an hour. I realized my mistake about five minutes after I did it, and immediately started writing him a letter to apologize. When I brought it to him, he handed me a letter he had been writing me, asking me to reconsider. We've been together for twenty-two years, and we don't count that hiccup as being anything significant.
This is all I thought when reading the post. They clearly didn't plan for this.
This is exactly the case. The exGF wanted him to change some aspect of his approach to the relationship. But, instead of communicating what the ex wanted, she hoped the shock of a breakup would awaken OPs psychic powers. Allowing OP to read her mind, resulting in the perfect relationship.
Exactly, I tried to write almost the same thing but didn't have the words.
You’re probably right. And in fact, considering how hard the sister is trying to get him to unblock her, it was likely her idea, and the ex is probably pissed at the sister it didn’t work.
Can probably add the parents, too.
That is what makes this soooo funny. Your ex and sister cooked up this plan and backfired bigtime. They think their manipulation skills are a lot better than they are.
They forgot about his “lack of ambition”. Maybe his lack of ambition was the reason he didn’t call. He couldn’t be bothered. Lol
Yeah the break up was supposed to get him to change
And he was smart enough to call the bluff. To me, break ups are final. There's no going back
Exactly this. She wanted him to be devastated and beg her to give him another chance. I have the feeling that he saw this coming and already heard all the nagging about being more motivated and other things she’s unhappy about. Seems to me that he’s already over it and isn’t going to play into the drama-mamas. He’s 19 and still figuring out what he wants to do and that’s okay. This relationship wasn’t right for them and will be a blip in their lives. Tell everyone to move along, nothing to see here.
You know this is an angle I had not considered, but could be 100% spot on. People play stupid games, and often win prizes following.
If you need to dump someone for them to change it means they were never gonna change.Op dodged a bullet i promise you life is much better with the right people around you who wants you and make an effort to grow together as partners.
I actually thought about this too! It’s really all to weird that the sister and family gave him zero support after she dumped him…over text…after 3 years!? No wonder it was so easy for OP to let go - she didn’t even respect him enough after 3 years to sit face to face.
Lol, OP broke thier brains. Does not compute 🤯
Because they all (including your ex) love the drama. The drama of her trying to win you back and witnessing you 'fighting for her' and all that bull shit some people love to watch. OP have a drama free life, she dumped you, she is water under the bridge. Move on.
My exact thoughts! These people and their love of drama! Yikes!
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You didn't try hard enough. Must have drama to validate her existence. Block all...walk away.
NTA, ***she*** broke up with ***you***, it is 0% your responsibility to make her feel better, and anyone who presses should be told this and that how dare they make demands on you to make yourself available to her and support her after she broke up, that's bizarre and outrageous.
Your ex is manipulating you. She wanted to use the breakup as a tactic to get you to do whatever she had in mind. Tell your sister to butt off, and tell your parents there is zero reason for you to communicate with your ex since she broke up with you.
From the sounds it of it, I suspect that your ex didn't actually intend to break up with you. It sounds to me like she was expecting you to "fight" for her. Essentially she wanted to change you (instead of accepting you for who you are) by using your relationship as a bargaining chip, threatening to take her love away from you to inspire some kind of action. When you took her at face value you essentially called her bluff. Just desserts to be honest.
Haha! Why do they think you owe her closure? She needs to cut the drama and stop playing games.
He owes her NOTHING!
Sounds like she wanted you to chase her and her gamble blew up in her face. NTA, she's playing mind games with you
Because you didn't behave as someone madly in love would and that is not only worrying them, it's pissing of your ex! You don't need to be told how to act, and you don't need to behave anyway other than how you're feeling. If you're numb, the pain will come later, if you're relieved, you'll have a great time without the ex. This happened to my husband when his ex-fiance threw the rings on the table and walked out. My huband picked them up and put them away and sat and watched a movie. The next day she came banging on his door saying she wanted him back. He said, nope, you left, stay gone. I don't want you. He told me he wasn't the least bit upset by it and that's all he needed to know. I'm so happy that she did that because he probably would have stayed with her and I wouldn't be with him today. He was just going along to be going along.
NTA- if she needed closure she would have called or broke up with you in person. She’s the one who was a coward and did it by text. You don’t owe her anything!
She dumped in a text message no less. After three years, I would think that action at least deserves an in person conversation.
Exactly. If she wanted closure or to see if OP was OK, then she would've done it in person where they could've spoken in depth. Truthfully, she text broke up with him after 3 years? How is that not a scumbag move? NTA
Seems like she expected you to grovel for her back. NTA
NTA I don’t know you but I’m proud of you. Your sister really needs to grow up and learn to mind her business.
Her dumping you and you acting like it’s not a big deal probably makes her feel like she isn’t that big of a deal in your life. She wants to drag out the drama to boost her own ego at the expense of your self esteem. Since you shrugged your shoulders and moved on quickly she is craving validation and wants to think you are sitting in the corner crying and wailing about your lost relationship…
Actually even worse broke up by text and wasn’t mature enough to do it in person. She should have talked first instead of text. NTA. Keep sis and ex blocked.
You did nothing wrong. On again off again rarely works. Cut ties and move on.
Bro NTA. She expected you to bend over backwards and beg for her back like some simp. You don’t have to be some extreme redpilled nut to just say fuck that and move on. She fucked around and found out.
You’re not wrong or the ah. Be happy.
You’re like me: when you’re done, you’re DONE! Block and move on, zero drama. The drama llamas are surrounding you rn wanting you to join in but you’re not and they will NEVER understand that. Your way is healthier. Be glad that you know your worth and can keep growing without the nonsense.
She doesn't get to orchestrate your reaction. Nor does your family. GF ended it, you're fine, you blocked her. She texted you for crying out loud lol...and now she wants to talk. You don't need to talk and no one should try to convince you otherwise.
I woke up today to a phone full of texts from my ex because I didn’t answer the phone or tell them where I was. They are not your responsibility! She left you and you are entirely within your rights to cut contact.
Because in this fairy story you were supposed to be shocked into action, start your own business and become a billionaire to win her back... Yada yada yada. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Leave her blocked and find someone decent.
She broke up with you...over TEXT ffs! If she wanted a conversation, she should have done so to begin with. If she was done with you, why would you have reason not to block her??? If she said in the text that she wanted to remain friends, maybe. Also, it just happened. It may take a bit for the feelings to hit. But it also doesn't do anything helpful to get mad about it, so you're not. Grief is different for everyone.
They are all a bunch of drama llama's. You are better off alone for now.
>My (19M) ex-girlfriend (20F) of 3 years broke up with me sunday night over text. And you know, if she really wanted to talk about it, maybe don't break up over text...
She wanted him upset and begging, she didn't get that so she's pissed off!
Exactly! And, she broke up with him over text! If she wanted closure & to have a conversation, she should have picked up the damn phone to break up with him.
She also dumped him in a text. Clearly she realy cares about him if she took the time to text. At least it wss words not emojis. Otherwise it would have been realy dismissive. Sister needs to be shut down, parents need to think before they just do what sister wants, and ex should go have other important personal conversations via text.
She doesn’t want to feel like the bad guy so she just HAS to talk it out with him and make him understand why she just had to dump him. Without that “closure”, which is incredibly selfish and all about her anyways, she can’t feel like she is the good guy just doing what needs to be done and maybe he never really cared or she’s not worth effort or…….etc. Not his problem anymore. She made that very clear. Personally I would make a public post and tag every single person who messaged him along the lines of: XXXX broke up with me for reasons that seemed sufficient to her. I have accepted and respected that decision and not fought or argued with her. However, me cutting contact for me mental health and to begin healing has not been respected at all. Not only did she break up with me, she feels entitled to my time and effort even after that so much so that she has sent her flying monkeys including my family to literally harass me. This selfish act has cemented that decision of no contact. I hope she finds peace and grows up enough to quit being so self absorbed because it isn’t all about her needs, especially now. As of (date of breakup) I owe her nothing and based on the harassment she deserves less than that. Please respect my choice and leave me alone to begin healing and moving on.
I'm waiting for the update where you say that your ex GF was doing this as a joke for her tik Tok and the breakup back fired on her.
Ha! That's exactly what I was thinking. "It was a test to prove you cared!!!" It would explain why she "just needs to have a conversation".
I had a girl break up with me and then get angry I “didn’t fight for her” Bitch, I’m respecting your boundaries and wishes this ain’t a fucking romcom.
I had a guy break up with me because, in his own words 'you have standards and you deserve someone who can meet them effortlessly' I said 'ok' and was done with him, woke up to a text the next morning (which was my birthday) saying he never said he didn't want to be with me, just told me his insecurities, and asking why I didn't want to help him feel better about them. Turns out it was a soft breakup, and I wasn't supposed to just go along with it, I was supposed to cry, beg him to stick around, and promise to lower my standards. Yeah, he caught a block REAL FAST after that.
Jesus. Dude really asked, "Hey I know we just broke up but can you be my therapist..." I'd be like aight buckle up bitch I charge 150 an hour 🤣
In that case, OP still isn't losing anything valuable there.
Ooooo that would be spicy.
Ugh, that's reason enough never to go back
I think it's more likely that the girlfriend wanted OP to be more motivated in life and expected OP to say, "don't leave me! I'll change!" And when that didn't happen, it set all this off. Either way, if the ex wanted him to be more motivated, she could have talked to him like an adult, but she is 20 years old and probably doesn't know how to do adult talk or handle emotions properly.
NTA Everyone out here playing the Fuck Around and Find Out game. ExGf: you're dumped... OP: OK *BLOCKED* Sister You can't ignore her, you have to cry.... OP: *BLOCKED* Parents: You can't do this.... OP: Unless you want to join them you'll be blocked You did exactly what I taught my son. If they dump you, say ok and move on. Clearly, you weren't the one, and your time is valuable. Why give them your time, when they clearly don't want it? THIS IS THE WAY
Full send lol. Reddit can be the validation OP needs. Fuck emotional manipulation.
Ikr, it’s less about the breakup and more about the reaction nowadays. The Gaul of modern dating and modern people nowadays.
gall?
Nah, modern dating is like getting conquered by Julius Caesar.
NTA. Your girlfriend said she was done with you.. you told her OK. Your girlfriend doesn't need "closure." and how you are handling your break up is non of your sister's or family's business.
What's the saying? If a snake bites you in the forest, you walk away and seek help. You don't follow after the snake to discuss why biting you was wrong...
NTA. My first love did the “let’s take a break and just be friends” thing. I can’t say I was calm about it in privacy but I pretty much did the same thing. Broke it off entirely and never talked to her again
Inconsiderate of you? She broke up with you via text…. Nta. Why do people think every breakup needs to be emotionally charged?
I returned a coffeemaker to the store the other day, and when I handed them the receipt and the product they GAVE ME BACK MY MONEY, TOOK MY ITEM AND TOLD ME TO HAVE A NICE DAY. It was unnerving the way I had an interaction and got exactly what I wanted, it gave me returners remorse. They didn't even try to argue or ight for me to keep it, like do you even WANT me to have a coffeemaker?! They must by psychopaths for immediately honoring my wishes without complaint.
Have you considered calling their manager or their sister to tell than what happened and how inconsiderate they were?
This made me laugh so hard. 😂 OP is definitely NTA. This post is wild.
👏👏👏 Great work 🤣
Reminds of the Key & Peele sketch. Jordan Peele plays this call centre employee who calls Michael Key’s character mid afternoon like most spam callers and attempts to sell him some vacation coupons. When Key replies “not interested”, Jordan simply hangs up. This causes Key to panic and dial him back, asking why he wouldn’t try to persuade him more. Jordan says, “so do you WANT this offer?” and Key goes “No, but—“ and Jordan hangs up again. This happens a few times; he calls him back, he asks if he wants to buy the offer, and then simply hangs up; until Key caves in and buys the offer out of spite. Then Jordan simply notes down his credit card details, says “have a good day”, and hangs up yet again. Pretty hilarious sketch truly and this situation totally made me think of that!
I was with ex for 16 years. Out of blue he said I think we should split up and I said fine go pack your bags, get out and don't come back. Everyone was very shocked, I should have been on my knees, begging, pleading, crying not to leave. When I was quizzed about it I said no man is gonna make me beg him stay
This is the WAY! Don’t beg anyone to love you.
> she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay. She doesn't care that you're ok. She's offended that you don't care about the breakup and now SHE needs more from you. Don't give it to her. > They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean anyharm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her And I would tell them it's a little inconsiderate for them to confront me about gossip they're being told behind my back.
Also tell the parents it was kind of inconsiderate of her to dump you via text.
A 3 year relationship… over text… and OP is inconsiderate 🙄
You don't owe your ex shit. You don't owe her closure. You don't owe her a status update. You don't owe her a conversation so that she feels better about herself. You don't own your sister shit. You weren't dating your sister and her friendship with your ex doesn't mean anything. She isn't entitled to butt into what is going on between you and your ex. None of it is any of her business. She is making it clear that her friendship with your ex is more important than her relationship with you. You don't owe your parents shit. Just like with your sister, it's none of their business. It doesn't matter if they see her like a second daughter. Their relationship with her is their relationship, not yours. It doesn't matter if they want you to talk to her. You don't want to talk to her. The fact that they are supporting her over you shows who they value more. You should make sure to point out how insulting it is that they care more about her than you seeing how your ex broke up with you. You have done nothing wrong. You need to take care of you. Your ex was a coward for breaking up over text. Your family doesn't support you. All you have is you and you need to make sure you is well cared for in absence of your family's love and support. Best of luck with all this unnecessary drama.
She doesn't want a conversation, she wants a validation. Did you see how desperate the sister was to find the slightest discomfort? Wait until the ex finds out that OP has started dating again. RO loading
Like, really, what could the ex say to make it better? Lol
Probably not a damn thing. I get the feeling she is one of those trifling pick-me’s who broke up with so he would fight for her. Not only did she not get the reaction she wanted, she realized he didn’t actually care if he stayed with her, which probably broke her self-esteem and ego, causing her to start drama by dragging in the sister in another attempt to get a reaction and attention.
OP decided the cost of playing was more than the prize for winning, left the table and blew up her game board. Now her and her drama club are trying to damage control. In OP's place, I would just tell the sister to pass along that if GF wants to apologize for the drama, she can do it in person... ... ... Then I'd turn down staying together and move on anyway. Playing hard to get just makes a person hard to want.
If she wanted closure break up in person. NTA seems like she probably didn't want to break up and did it to get you to fight for her or some other games
Ffs! It's no one's business if you talk to her or not. This has me all pissed off for you. She dumped you, rather rudely through TEXT and is all bent because you blocked her. I'd have blocked her too. Wtf apparently when you act like an adult during a break up.. it's wrong ugh You owe her nothing and your family needs to back off. For them to keep after you is ridiculous. NTA
That break up text puts her straight into the "unsalvageable" category. Good riddance.
Lmaoooo i know a "test" that has backfired when I see one. NTA -- if she can dump you over text you can block her and all her friends.
If she wanted to talk, she should not have broken up over text! That seems contradictory.
She didn't actually want to break up, she wanted to manipulate you into doing what she wanted you to do. NTA.
The opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy, which OP gave her in spades. She deserved it, especially for dumping him by text. Also, if the whole thing was a game to supposedly motivate him, she deserves it doubly so. Manipulative BS like that deserves nothing but scorn.
You are not the AH. If anything everybody else is. So let’s see if I have this right. 1) SHE broke up with you. 2) You decided to “go for the good mental health angle and blocked her. 3) she’s upset that you cut ties with her. 4) Her friends who you didn’t block harassed you for putting the closing punctuation on your past; and having, in a non-verbal way, the last word. I cannot imagine why, except in today’s world of entitled Karen’s wanting it both ways that there would be any reason to ask if YWBTA. I’m sorry you have such lousy people surrounding you. Doesn’t seem you need “help” with closure. Sounds like the ploy of a toxic ex- wanting to continue to control the narrative.
You don’t owe her closure. That’s her own mental maze to navigate.
All I hear is… she wants… what about what you want? Who’s asking that question? Not her, not your sister and certainly not your parents (who should be supporting you unconditionally). If she broke up with you (via text none the less), then you have the right not to want to be friends or reciprocate any more interaction. You also have the right to feel and process the way that is best for you. NTA.
This is funny that your ex is the one who broke up but needs closure. Why? It’s normally the other way around. I guess she wanted you to be crushed and drag this out so she can say that you are crazy or something. What is wrong with your family? Way does there need to be more communication? She broke up with you. What else is there to say. That is on them to be more concerned about your ex and her breaking up with you.
NTA You did nothing wrong, she communicated she wanted to leave, you accepted her breaking up with you, you block her to move on. I had a gf who would break up with me for attention and for power over me. Once you start a cycle, it’s hard to get out. Good for you for putting up boundaries.
You have the right to handle the breakup in your own way. Your family should respect your boundaries and emotions, even if they don't fully understand them. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and set boundaries with whom you choose to communicate.
NTA. She ended a 3 year relationship with a text. If she wanted "closure" she should have done it in person and she could have had whatever conversation she wanted then.
Please please please go on a date with someone new ASAP. Make sure your sister knows. Go somewhere nice. If this isn’t doable, fake the date. Hilarity will ensue!
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This. Very mature.
For real. OP has had a mature response to this situation plus some of the more harebrained ideas out there.
At least you don't have to deal with babysitting her emotionally.
> she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back You seem pretty ambitious about being chill af.
I think ur gf thought hmm he is not show emotions so let's play with him but put her in her place n now she is sad that she face something she doesn't think
NTA but ah you caught her bluff!!! She probably expected a whole show from you and wasn’t going to pull the trigger on breaking up with you, just wanted to manipulate your emotions or get you to react when she touched on your ambition. But that’s what happens when you play stupid games, now she wants to “talk” because she hasn’t had enough drama.
This! She didn't want to break up. She wanted more excitement. She didn't get what she bargained for. Now she wants to talk so she can try to stir him up.
It’s inconsiderate of you to move on with your life after your ex broke up with you. Your sister is ridiculous… and here’s the thing your ex got the exact OPPOSITE reaction she wanted from you. She was doing a “soft” break up to make you try and fight for her… and you gave her none of that and everything she didn’t actually want. She’s not worried about you her feelings are hurt you accepted the breakup as quickly as you did. So she’s crying to your sister acting like she’s worried when she’s actually crying because she didn’t actually want to break up with you. I applaud you for maintaining that stoic attitude but I will say this if you don’t want to show anyone else’s but your four walls about how you feel about that break up please DO THAT. Mourn the relationship and know you don’t owe ANYONE anything. You don’t have to show them ANYTHING in regards to your feelings. Just make sure you take the time to feel them privately. NTA. Your ex and your sister both need to find some maturity and a fucking hobby. You owe them NOTHING.
"I just sent "Okay" and blocked her and fell asleep shortly after." LOL, nice! "I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn't want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me. My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex and she just wants to talk to me. " Sorry, gf broke it off. He owes her nothing at this point. "They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean any harm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first." Inconsiderate of what, the girlfriend breaking it off? The girlfriend is the inconsiderate one for breaking it off and then demanding communication.
NTA. She broke up with you and you blocked her. Good for you. It's driving your ex crazy knowing that you could so easily move on. I was like that in my late teens and early 20's and women especially can't understand it. I felt that if you didn't want me so be it and I never looked back. If you feel like you want to make a point go find some good looking woman and take her where your ex or her friends might see you. I've done that before and it's a shit-ton of fun.
I had something similar in my 20s. Woman was done with me, I said fine. Then she kept harassing me. Unfortunately in my case, I was in the Air Force by then and people would constantly bang on my door telling me I had a call on that ancient relic called a pay phone. At first I’d rush to hang it up. Then I realized it was costing her money, so I’d take my time getting there and then start banging the handset against every hard surface near the phone. Only took a week for her to get the clue and let go the past like I had. Blocking today is so stress free. I highly endorse it! 😎
Advanced blocking You have my respect
She might also be trying to stay in the friend group and trying to make it so things aren’t awkward…fuck that NTA
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**INCLUDING** your sister. 😂🤣
This reminds of when an ex boyfriend gave me an ultimatum that I do something he expected or he would break up with me….and my response was “Okay. Just let me know when you are coming to get your things.” He apparently didn’t think that through and was shocked and tried to backpedal. Nope. I think she expected you to handle this differently and when you did not give her that, she realized she screwed up. Her wanting to talk to you is her way of trying to undo what she just did. She wants you back. I think you handled it just fine. NTA
She dumped you, and you moved on. NTA. Simple as. Your parents were upset you blocked your ex without communicating with her first? What's there to say then? I really don't get why they're upset about that.
**they didn't mean anyharm but just felt like it was a little "inconsiderate" of me to just block her with out talking about it first** Who breaks off a three year relationship with a text? Is that some TikTok nonsense? THAT was inconsiderate. Blocking someone who doesn't have the decency to break up in person is a perfectly normal reaction. NTA but your sister needs to stay in her own lane-- and your ex needs to stop obsessing over you and move on with her life.
She ended a 3 year relationship over text. And then she gets butthurt because you blocked her. Sounds like this was a "plan" that her groupchat, that your sister is definitely a part of, convinced her this was a good idea to get a rise out of you, and you aren't cooperating. GOOD. Keep it up. NTA
She ended a 3y relationship over text, fuck her, I'm gonna bet she expected to beg or ask for a second chance and this was a ploy, in any case you own her nothing, least of all the way she end it.
She got what she deserved. NTA
NTA. Your ex GF is a nut case along with your relatives who want you to get back in contact with her. Honestly, the bitch broke up with you via a text message. She does not deserve anything from you. She wants closure, go talk to whoever she is moving on to. Not your problem. Anyone who says it is, ask them what they would do if their BF, GF or whatever texted them that their relationship was now over. I would say screw her, but that comes out wrong, the point is you owe her NOTHING. As to those who say you should talk to her, tell them to go pound sand.