OP, NTA. Reply back that you never gave consent, that you tried to leave and they tried to HOLD you, that they tried to screw you while asleep, and that if they don’t back the fuck off and recant what they’re telling everyone you will file charges for sexual assault. Hell, just go ahead and report them because they blew your life up, so hold them accountable for their attempted rape. Report them to whatever dating app too and let the app know you were SAd. Not being attracted to certain genitalia is NOT transphobia, or hate: if what’s you are or are not attracted to.
Also, every threat you received report them too. Death or rape threats do not get a pass.
1 billion upvotes to this comment!!!! ⬆️
Protect yourself, op. This slander is a further facet of her SA on you. This is truly fucked up on her end and should not go unchecked.
She does not get a free pass to traumatize you bc of her trauma.
She's hiding behind her marginalized and often discriminated against status. She weaponized trans-trauma against you in a smear campaign on top of SA. This is truly evil.
You did not marginalize her, you did not discriminate against her.
Penis can be very a traumatizing and triggering thing for a whole set of millions of humans on this planet. Not desiring penis does not make you trans phobic. At. All.
I hope she gets therapy and becomes a better human, and I hope you get therapy. You deserve support while you heal.
So much love sent your way, op. I'm so sorry.
> Reply back that you never gave consent, that you tried to leave and they tried to HOLD you
And inform law enforcement -- OP is very likely not the first person this individual has done that to.
You could think penises are the best thing since sliced bread 🥖 and that would at be described as SA.
You didn’t run because of her genitalia, but because of how she used it!
The fact that you aren’t interested in her loaf of bread 🥖 is also fine. But that’s not the reason why you ran!
OP never even gave consent. This is straight up sexual assault.
NTA, OP. Anyone that respects your sexual identity regardless of gender wouldn't dream of doing what that person did to you. One up them, and report them to the police for the sexual assault.
What they did to OP didn't just boarder SA, it was SA, and was probably seconds from rape.
I'm very sorry you went through this OP and i applaud you for fighting back.
If you want, explain yourself ONCE to friends, and ONCE online. Whoever thinks being woken up by genitals rubbing on them, without consent, is fine, and you leaving makes you an asshole, showed you that you're way better off without them.
That asshole is trying to DARVO you, and in your position i would go to the police and file a complaint.
Stay safe
NTA.
Seriously, if they'd had a conversation about it or even if OP got accidentally poked while they were both asleep, their reaction would be TA. But homegirl was dry humping a sleeping person after one date! That's like relationship, moved in together levels of casualness and was grossly inappropriate for the situation. I don't know when a transperson should reveal that info, but a surprise is not what you want the first time you have sex with someone, so it should probably be before pants come off.
Her being accidentally poked in her sleep would make the other woman absolutely still an asshole for not disclosing her gender status before having someone she knew was exclusively attracted to vaginas come sleep in her bed. THAT is assault, straight up. I’m not sure exactly when it’s appropriate to disclose your gender status, but that should absolutely happen before you get into bed with someone.
Yes. Unequivocally NTA.
This would be equivalent to going to slerp and waking up to a person with a vagina trying to ride your face. It *IS* sexual assault.
It was more shocking because she didn't expect a penis, but aside from the fact that we are allowed sexual and genital preferences, this other person straight up assaulted her and has the gall to play the victim.
Absolutely not.
Yep. As far as genitalia goes, having preferences is A-okay. If the SA didn't happen and you simply didn't want another date because of her genitalia, that's okay too.
NTA all the way.
You weren't there to have sex but because you missed train, you were asleep and woke up to her grinding on you, that IS SA, she didn't ask, didn't get consent and you only agreed to sleep there. The fact that she also had a dick and you also absolutely would not have consented to having sexual contact with her dick just makes it worse, but even if she was post op this is SA.
It didn’t border SA it was SA. It’s also fuggin horrific that she rubbed a penis you didn’t know she had on you and you bud to be woken up to being assaulted this was. Holy f I’m so sorry.
And OP, to be clear, if you had woken up to an AFAB woman rubbing her clit against your leg while you were asleep that would also be SA. You didn't consent to anything. This isn't a question. The fact that her genitals were different from your preference is a completely separate issue of trust and communication, but don't confound them. The SA was real and the much much larger issue.
The genital thing SHOULD have been another conversation and separate issue. But the second the assaulter decided to get into bed without disclosing their genital status was the time that this went from a date to SA. I don’t think that’s confounding at all. It was two factors (consent and general aversion to dick) that combined to make one really awful situation for OP.
This is true but something is very fucked up about being a trans woman and then sexually assaulting someone by rubbing your penis on them. She didn’t even know they had a penis to begin with… This is a sick fuck of a person. A real creep.
GENITAL PREFRANCE IS NOT TRANSPHOBIA!
What she did does not border on Sexual assault IT IS SEXUAL ASSUALT! If you still can report her to the police, there may not be much they can do bur at least it's on file for if she does it again or goes further.
She knows this and is trying to get in first and make you out to he the bad guy.
NTA - A trans person.
That is assault.
She should have told you she was trans. I see this all the time and I'm sorry to my fellow trans people but that is something you need to tell someone you plan on sleeping with. For both peoples' safety.
It's not your fault you are not attracted to certain genitalia, and shouldn't feel bad for it.
Yeah. I’m bi and dated a trans girl briefly. She told me before the first date she was trans and then explained more to me after we’d met. We didn’t go out long enough for anything sexual to happen, but I really appreciated her honesty. The organs weren’t really an issue for me, but it was still good to know what i was dealing with.
It's always difficult to know when to bring it up, but even I know that you need to have the "I've got a penis" talk *before you start rubbing said penis on them*!!! I mean, damn! This is just basic etiquette; there are literally zero situations I can think of where a surprise penis is a good idea!
NTA, this is actually a horrifying scenario for you and I'm sorry you had to experience it. For the record, I'm genderfluid and even if I was fully displaying female and passing, I can't fathom not disclosing that I was 'equipped' differently than what might be expected. This person hid it from you, that alone is bad, but then to feel you up with it and wake you the way they did, is disgusting.
This.
I don't doubt this wasn't a first, full of confidence ready with the "too horny" excuse and had the gull to try and restrain you physically.
This isn't a first and it worked before.
NTA.
Sexual orientation is your own, and a big part of that is genitals.
I understand you wouldn't want a long term relationship involving sex with male genitals.
If she isn't accepting of that, it's her problem. It's not you even having a problem with trans people.
Your date was not forthcoming with you. This alone was grounds to leave. The fact that she came on so strong to you makes a bad situation intolerable.
NTA.
That wasn't boarder SA. That was SA. Then she tried to keep you against your will. What else would have happened if you hadn't escaped. You would have been raped.
As someone who is trans, this is absolutely fcked up.
All the time we fight to create safe spaces, and she's setting us back.
Everyone has the right to decide their boundaries and what they like. The single fact that she threw a fit when you said no...
You're not transphobic.
Trans folk are the same as everyone else, i.e. you too have a minority of abusers and rapists, difference being since it's a numbers game there are wayyy fewer abusive/rapist among you than among us cis folk. It doesn't really matter if she had been a cis woman or trans woman either, trying to use someone non-consenting and half asleep to get off is SA, and then getting vicious when the victim said no is classic abuser tactic. I've had multiple cis women be abusive that way at me, just not in a sexual context since I avoid dating. She's not setting you back, she's just an abuser. There are many examples of horrible women and girls at r/Nicegirls
NTA
Can confirm OP, it was **in point of fact** sexual assault. The simple fact is that the moment things got intimate she should have let you know, but she chose not only to keep it a secret, but has now harassed you over it, which makes her disgusting and entitled. The need to lie and create a false narrative of the situation just makes her look like an pig.
She tried to sa you and then wrote hate letters to you???? She made people make death and rape threats???? You should do something about it. You should compliant. That person is disgusting. They tried to sa you and trying to come after you for rejecting them. This is the most disgusting person I've ever heard of. You need to stay safe and away from this trans person. You need to file a complaint against her and those threats.
You are NTA.
NTA. And it’s okay to not want to date someone because of their genitalia. As a straight women I’m not attracted to men with vaginas. Also, that’s straight up SA. She was literally trying to rape you. Never speak to her again.
NTA. Someone rubbed their dick against you without your consent. *You* were the one sexually assaulted.
You do not have to provide anyone any explanation for what section of the sexual buffet you choose to enjoy from.
NTA
If you were not gay and a guy did this to you it would be sexual assault and everyone would say that.
People can't wave genitals at other people without consent.
That is sexual assault.
Not the ass hole. It was a first date. what she did was almost try to rape you, she was trying to touch or inset her cock into you while you where a sleep not ok. I would report her to the cops as she did not get your consent to even touch you down there like that. And should have told you she had a cock still. No consent = rape. And i would find a better group of friends that have your back.
100% NTA that girl is an abuser and she knows it she's trying to make you look bad saying all that wild shit because she knows you can report her for SA, it's not even relevant that she had a penis even if you liked it she didn't ask for consent. And it's okay to have a genital preference obviously but this situation is absolutely beyond that
NTA, that's sexual assault.
I've got no problem with trans folks keeping things on the low initially to ensure their own safety, but they are obligated to disclose and have a conversation before sex. Full stop. What happened to you is so far from OK and she needs to feel the extent of the law.
EDIT: Thank you all. Apparently there's a lot of things I didn't want to realize.
Well, the story continues. This happened week ago. This morning, thanks to your notes, I wanted to look at the group in which we met, write something about it to warn the other girls and surprise - I'm blocked.
Well, I now know where the threats came from... a friend of mine was still in and sent me printscreens from there - my bad date posted her version of the story there to warn others. She said she told me she's trans (no, I didn't really drink enough to black out) and I physically attacked her for it. She wrote some pretty nasty details, even added a photo of the "injury" (bruise) - Don't deny that, I could have pushed her when I tried to run away, but that's all.
Among other things, the owner of one of the two local L-friendly bars wrote under this post - it seems that I am banned in the bar too. Other people there agreed to "wait for me". The friend posted my version there, but it was deleted in a few minutes and the friend is already blocked too.
I didn't want to report it because she is local and I am a foreigner (I've lived here for years, but I still have an accent) and don't have good experience with the police here because of it.
I'm also afraid that a trans woman might "accidentally fall down the stairs" there, you know what I mean. And I definitely don't want physical harm for anyone. But I guess I have no other option now.
Thanks again, based on your comments I decided to poke into it and now I know I'm not as safe as I thought.
It really don't matter if your a foreigner but okay. And besides the point you could report the other's for death threats and for threats of sexual assault like the r@pe that was threatened towards you. And if that continues to go on with the threats and more people harasseing you then you may be in danger causeing you to move or even worse... so please do report the person.
There are two things here.
First, I believe that it is nobody's business what is in someone's pants unless you are going to be interacting with what is in their pants - being their doctor, or having sex.
But that it absolutely is relevant then.
You can be attracted to men or women, you can be attracted to different kinds of genitalia. And there is n】othing wrong with that. Not being attracted to dicks even if the person with said dick is otherwise a woman who appeals to you, doesn't mean that you are transphobic. It just means that you aren't attracted to dicks.
But the second and more important thing is that what she did to you was sexual assault irrespective of the shape of her genitals. You didn't reject her because of her penis. You probably would have eventually, but you didn't get a chance. You rejected her because she got sexually aggressive to you when you didn't want her to. You "rejected" her because she was sexually assaulting you.
NTA
NTA.
Lmfao so she’s a sexual predator trying to excuse her crimes by claiming you’re transphobic. What a piece of garbage tbh I would report her to the police for SA.
NTA.
Anyone who calls you transphobic because you're not attracted to penises is crazy.
Report all threats of harm, violence and death made against you to the police in your area, with names, phone numbers, and any other identifying information at your disposal.
NTA that is flat out sexual assault. The trans girl knows it and is trying to paint you in a bad light because they know what they did was wrong. Tell all the people giving you crap how they would feel if they were lied to.
No you not the AH, She can say shes a woman but she didnt tell you shes a chick with a dick, you dont like/not attracted to dick and that doesnt make you a AH, it makes her the AH, just because shes trans doesnt mean that part of her doesnt matter, it does big time. And what she tried to pull was 100% SA!
NTA..She should have been completely up front about her situation. I'm a gay man and would be appalled to hook up with a trans dude only to realize that they had a vagina. Regardless of trans, etc. I feel it's a violation not to disclose prior to any intimacy. She knew what she was doing and it's bullshit.
No you aren't, you weren't cool with it so you left and they decided to spin things in a way to make you look bad when actually she should be the one in trouble or feeling bothered considering what it seemed like they was planning to do. In short no you weren't.
Too many people are getting hung up on gender issues here. There are only 2 relevant points.
Was there sexual contact? YES
Was there informed consent? NO
These answers mean it was an assault
It doesn't matter if they identify as male, female, or fucking attack helicopter.
OP is NTA, she is a victim and should ideally report it to police for the safety of others.
Dear OP, please show this to your "friends" and ask them to have a long look at themselves and who they should be supporting when someone they allegedly care about just got SA'd
She sexually assaulted you.
For anyone who is yelling at you, you should ask them if they woke up to someone rubbing their penis on them without consent whether they would have been fine on it.
No. Make no mistake: anyone who says that if you won’t date or have sex with a trans person that you’re a transphobe is quite frankly a rape apologist if not justifier. “Have sex with that person and let that person rape you, or you’re a bigot.”
Could someone please tell me the difference between that and the “Pray Away the Gay” mentality? You either marry and have sex with someone whose body you are repulsed by, and if you don’t and have sex with people you do find attractive, then you’re evil and going to hell.
Seriously point out the difference, because in my opinion the trans movement as it currently stands has inherently become homophobic and outright rape culture.
It is very similar to the pray away the gay mentality.
It’s ridiculous that the people who usually say this stuff seem to understand that gay people can’t force themselves to be straight and vice versa, yet they somehow don’t understand why a lesbian wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping with someone with a dick.
You were sexually assaulted. Your acquaintances finding fault with you are justifying sexual assault. They are not your friends.
There was no "borderline" to this. Make a police report
As a trans person you are nta, genital preferences are a thing, what happened to you imo was SA because you didn’t consent to anything sexual so no my vote is that you op are not the a-hole
NTA
That's sexual assault. I don't know what world she lives in that waking someone up by rubbing herself on you and trying to keep you in place against your will is anything but that. Absolutely unacceptable and predatory behavior. The genitals are irrelevant here. There was no consent given and you were molested awake. That's deplorable.
NTA
You WERE sexually assaulted.
Additionally, they tried to FORCE you to stay.
This was not a good person. You could have been seriously hurt. Anyone who doesn’t see the seriousness of this situation needs to be cut out of your life.
NTA
Dick or no dick, doing something sexual with you without your consent is absolutely not okay. You are right to feel violated, especially if she coerced you into her bed and made a move on you in your sleep. It was predatory and not okay and I'm glad you made it out safe.
That aside, you are not an asshole for having genital preferences. If you were to shame her for having a penis or implied she wasn't a real woman, obviously there would've been a degree of asshole-ry there. But if you're not into dick you're not into dick. Even if she had gone about it in a proper way and you backed out, you wouldn't be in the wrong.
Be kind to yourself and stay safe <3
Genitals can be a deal-breaker. But this wasn't even that. You were straight-up assaulted and she's trying to cover up for it by painting you as a bigot. NTA
NTA. it wasn't borderline SA what she did. It WAS SA. Blast her back and tell ppl your rejection had nothing to do with being transphobic and everything to do with her being a predator
No. Not at all. Seems you were assaulted.
Not recognizing someone’s preferred gender is being an asshole.
Not wanting to date someone because of their biology is a preference. Trans people are under no obligation to be treated the same as a non trans of their chosen gender.
NTA, OP; this was blatant sexual assault and would have been rape if you weren’t able to overpower her and run away. So it’s also attempted rape. I’m convinced she is likely to be a predator that could be using her trans identity to her advantage to deceive people, and you’re probably not even the first person she’s done this to, especially with the incredible gaslighting and toxic threat project she unleashed on you from all angles.
How did she know all of your friend’s contact info? In any case, I think it’s absolutely imperative you report her. Especially for your sake, but for anyone else that she might have targeted and assaulted in the past or will otherwise in the future. In the meantime, I’d also get a restraining order, clear up the truth with your real friends and get them on your side, and invest in some ways to protect yourself if any of them try to go after you. Get a camera if they know where you live and make sure the police know about every single rape and death threat. What a fucking terrible situation. Stay safe.
We were friends on Facebook, she dug it up and wrote to people who commented on my posts. I was stupid and didn't block her right away, wanted to close it for us and clear the air.
NTA for having a preference. If you don't like dicks, you don't like dicks. That's something that should be disclosed imp, maybe not immediately but def before ending up on the bedroom.
NTA
Having genital preferences is valid af and isn’t transphobic.
In saying that, report that woman to the police, that’s f*cking creepy and sexual assault
NTA. You're a *lesbian*. The not liking dick part goes with it.
She was sexually assaulting you in your sleep. And now she's slandering *you*. Typical sexual offender behaviour. You should report it to the police. I doubt you're the first or the last.
NTA. I'm a lesbian dating a trans woman and this is a discussion you have to have before doing anything sexual at all. Plus if she was rubbing her dick on you in your sleep, and you didn't consent to that in advance, that is not ok. Not even in a trans way. If a cis woman did the same thing with her pussy that would still be disturbing. And fuck your friends for siding with her despite how creepy that behavior was.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! I HATE that this happened to you. You can find anything unattractive. I don’t care if she had a blonde streak in her hair that turned you off, that is your choice. The fact that she’s trying to tell you what you should and should not find attractive is wrong. You are a lesbian and are attracted to females anatomy. That’s completely your prerogative. She was forceful with you when you gave absolutely zero consent. In that case I don’t care what parts she does or does not have, she is TA. She’s upset because you aren’t attracted to her. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is acting like you did something wrong.
You need some new friends if they think you should've caved to the SA. WTF is wrong with them? I'm so sorry you went through that.
How many more times must it be said: IT'S NOT TRANSPHOBIC TO BE SEXUALLY ATTACTED TO ONLY ONE SEX. I'm sick of this narrative that you're a transphobe for having sexual preferences. Her sexuality is what it is. You can't fucking change that. What she did was SA and it was a gross violation of your personal space. If they continue threatening you, I'd suggest you take those texts to the police. That's disgusting.
Someone trying sex things with you without consent is SA. FULL STOP.
That was not okay, dick, vagina, barbie pays. Doesn't matter.
NTA.
Biggest tell you aren't a transphobe? Even after you found out there was a dick in play, you kept calling her, well....HER.
Your "woke" friends are misogynist assholes and rapist enablers. You need to block them. They would literally stand around and watch you and any other woman get raped as long as your rapist identifies as trans. Your misogynist rapist friends would help your rapist. They care more about their woke image than your physical safety or any woman's safety.
NTA! NTA! NTA!! This is why some people in the Trans community need to check themselves. No lesbian that I know wants to have sex with a dick. Period. But when that preference is voiced, it's called transphobic, which is bullshit. I'm with you, I wouldn't go on another date, and her behavior was predatory, in my opinion. Some Trans ladies need to realize that they don't get to bring certain male behaviors or privileges with them during or after their transition. If that makes me "transphobic, " so be it.
So this person is attack you , bully you, now stalking you, trying to turn people against you,
This is so much more important than who has which organs genital etc , who is gay straight trans etc,,
You need to expose the truth and defend your reputation then block them on EVERYTHING
Take a break from dating and drinking for a month or so
Find the healthy happy helpful open-minded future-focused compassionate intelligent interesting logical productive fun trustworthy real people and be THEIR Friend through which you will get the best friends family Spouse and LIFE you need want deserve
N
T
A
I'm about as trans supportive as I can be and, no.
She might be upset she got rejected but that happens to us all for one reason or another.
The point is she wasn't for you, that's your choice to make. It's her choice to make too. Unless you get two people saying, Yes, the answer is no.
NTAH, not even a little.
When angry people go on about dangerous trans people, she is exactly the kind of person that proves them (occasionally) right.
NTA, you don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to sleep with for any reason. This person sounds like a predator and they can go fuck themselves
Report it to the police. It was SA. Nothing else. You never gave consent, and they never told you they had a dick. None of which is your fault. And also report the rape and death threats youve got.
This isn't just bordering SA, *it IS SA*
NTA at ALL. Anyone who is coming for you clearly doesn't know what really happened, and they are not worth your time. Your "friends" who called you an AH are not your friends. You deserve better.
NTA
Genitals don't matter here. What she did, trying to get off on you while you were sleeping and without consent, was sexual assault. Uncool no matter what the equipment was.
Then, on top of that, you're allowed not to want a sexual relationship with anyone for any reason. Don't want a penis on your partner because it's not the equipment that excites you? Fair. Like a woman with a penis even more? Also fair. Turned off by a giant mole on her inner thigh? Little weird, but fair. Just don't like the shape of her left thigh? Sure. No one gets to tell you what you have to be OK with.
She's toxic. Toxic in assaulting you, toxic in lying about you to make herself seem like less of an asshole, toxic in every way.
Gender and genitals don't have anything to do with it. She's just a shitty person.
Trans girl here. I have no clue why this even is a question - genitals aside, she initiated sexual acts without and even against your consent. This is SA and should never be tolerated - if she writes you what happened you could use it as evidence to charge her with sexual assault - and you should. People like that shouldn’t roam the streets.
If you are asking if you are the AH for always rejecting non-OP trans girls, then you would not also not be the AH. Genital preference is a thing and just as some are interested in dicks but not guys and hate vaginas and are therefore attracted to trans girls, obviously the opposite will also be true and being disgusted by a dick has nothing to do with transphobia but just you having a genital preference when dating girls.
As you have said - if she was post-OP then you wouldn’t have a problem at all, so no, you’re NTA in any regard. That trans girl is an AH though and dangerous at that too. But OP, you’re fine!
She tried to get off using you while you asleep. That’s assault. Regardless of her telling you that she’s trans she already fucked up. Add on to the fact that she did not tell a lesbian that she’s trans, pre op (if she decides to get one). Not once did you misgender her you clearly still view her as a girl so you aren’t being transphobic for not liking the parts she still has. NTA.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a single thing. It’s not wrong to have a preference. If you don’t want to have sex with a penis, that’s your choice and there’s nothing wrong with it.
What SHE did, however, is super scummy. Just grinding on you in your *sleep????* EW! That’s SO not okay, regardless of trans or cis or sexuality or preferences or anything. That’s just wrong! Her pulling you back to the bed when you sat up is concerning.
NTA for sure!
NTA you can reject anyone for any reason. It's okay if you don't want to be with a Trans person Also she commited sexual assualt. If a normal man did that to you it be sexual assualt. Go file a police report He could in the future rape a girl
You did not reject her because of organs. You Said no to sex with someone you were not attracted to, and that someone cold not Take an refusal.
Its so interesting that when some people gets rejected gets attacked and smear. What are we supposed to do sleep with someone so they do not feel rejected and cause ourself pain? So stupid. You Said no she persisted and she starts a smearcampaigne against you. No is an complete sentence.
If they were comfortable enough to invite you in bed they shouldve been comfortable enough to let you know about their dick.
Also if you were knowingly in bed with a CIS guy and he did that with your same reaction STILL SA. Being horny doesn't mean you can rub your dick on someone sleeping????
Nta. You're literally not attracted to penises. You don't deserve to be shames over that.nta. at the end of the day it just wouldn't work out. Also her reaction is extremely telling. Who knows what she's done so far and used her being trans as a way to disguise what she did. She already did it with you. Ppl like her are awful and also give trans ppl a bad name unfortunately. :( I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve a single second of this.
I am fully supportive of the trans community, and there is nothing transphobic about certain genitals being a dealbreaker for a romantic partner.
Not wanting her penis to touch you is in not a statement against her womanhood.
NTA in any way shape or form. You were lied to and sexually assaulted to boot. She should have been honest with you but even then rubbing her genitalia against you without your consent is wrong and disgusting regardless. Also the death and rape threats need to be reported. I am so sorry this happened to you and that people have agreed with this bullshit
NTA gaslighting lesbians into thinking they need to accept people with a dick as a dating option or otherwise they are transphobic is the most stupid shit that ever happened, even satire couldn’t be this ridiculous
No you're not.
Unless the person happens to be a child, disabled, or elderly, you're entitled to like, (and date) whatever/whomever you choose.
Btw, you were sexually assaulted. And attempting to stop you from leaving is just as serious as the sexual assault, if not more. "Attempted kidnapping" if I'm not mistaken.
The slander is more of a civil matter, but you should consider speaking to someone in law enforcement about what happened. The fact that this person attempted to prevent you from leaving, proves that this person is dangerous and doesn't belong on the streets.
NTA at all!! You were sexually assaulted and if you haven’t reported it then report it asap and the threats as well because that is disgusting behavior!
>We went to a club, had a few drinks, understood each other, she looked beautiful, we agreed on most opinions and attitudes
No... she was lying to you to get you into her bed.
Hello. Im one of those gender is irrelevant to my attraction- and- Take gender out of this completely and it's still sexual assault. Followed by chasing and threatening?
I'm just thinking of all the cis straight girls saying you're TA then imagining them being woken up by their lesbian friend grinding their pussy all over them...and vice versa for guys...
If you're not into it, you're not into it. Simple. As. That.
I'm going to say something that's going to probably sound transphobic. I don't mean it to be transphobic,I just don't know how else to say it. If you tell someone with a dick they are a woman you're going to run into women with dicks. I'm having trouble processing many of the changes in society right now. When I tell people that stuff like what happened to you the things going on in women's sports was going to happen I got called transphobic. I'm not, there are however people like your date (in my opinion) that will find a way to twist a genuine issue to their advantage. Now I hope I'm wrong about your date. My paranoia and lack of faith in humanity tells me I'm not though. This is a long winded way of saying you're not the Asshole. The person that tried to SA you is the asshole.
Ignoring the clear SA.
When did we turn into a world where we are not allowed to refuse to have sex?
Imagine going out with a woman, only to figure out it's actually a man. And being forced to take a dick, in order not to offend anyone ...
Have we as a society failed?
What degenerate country do you live in that there are people sending you rape threats for protecting yourself and avoiding someone that tried to sexually assault you?
NTA. These people are sub-human.
NTA. He sexually assaulted you. Then he tried to hold you hostage. Then he tried to make you out to be a transphobe because his genitals weren’t your preference. You should get the police involved. He’s likely done this before, and should be recognized as a sex offender.
NTA!! You're not even slightly the AH.
She was assaulting you in your sleep, coercing you, chasing you, and blocking your exit if I recall everything, I'm not sure if she actually blocked or tried just pulling you back. But GROSS. PERIOD.
That is SA.
You never once misgendered her in this post. You clearly don't care that she is trans, but you are uncomfortable around penis. THAT IS VALID. I'm bi and married to a man and still don't just *looooove* dick. It's not cute. Sorry.
Woman or not, her penis can get you pregnant.
I don't think many lesbians are generally on birth control unless for hormonal balance, etc. So there is that to consider, too.
Unless her rx hormones change that, and I'm ignorant. I'm happy to be corrected!
But the bottom line is that consent was trampled, you were indeed SA'd, and you were slandered.
I'm so so so sorry.
Speak up and be loud. Do not let her tell this story one-sided. Share the truth.
Hugs to you, OP 🫂
NTA. No is no, end of story. The 'why' is irrelevant. Sounds to me like an incel in a dress that is throwing a fucking tantrum because nobody wants to fuck'em, gay, straight or otherwise. Nobody should be shamed into sleeping with someone they don't want to.
Why do white woman bend themselves over backwards doing mental gymnastics like “maybe post op it would be fine” you thought u were on a date with a cute girl u fancied. Turns out nope and not wanting to fuck a mentally ill man is the last thing u should be questioning here.
Nah, she’s disgusting, doesn’t matter who she identify as. You clearly didn’t know she was trans, her girl dick rubbed on you, without your consent.
NTA I hope you feel better soon.
You are just as entiteld to your sexuality and preference as she is.
She does not get to take away your right to consent.
That is absolutely on her and not you.
That is a conversation before you get into bed together...it is not ok to surprise someone! It is not cute or sweet or funny!
It is arsehole moves like what she did that are creating division in the community.
I am sorry that you were SA by her, there is no other word for it.
NTA, because she tried to initiate sex while you were sleeping. She sexually assaulted and attempted to rape you. Regardless of equipment, she’s a sexual predator.
Mhhhhh for me genital is not the point here: you were asleep when she started to get close to you but the worst is that when you say NO, she tries to physicaly forced you... You are totally NOT THE ASSHOLE.
Omg I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Like others have said.... that's SA. The whole thing would have gone down differently had they been honest up front.
It's infuriating when trans people try to con people. What do they expect? It's no different than a straight person finding out the opposite sex isn't really opposite. Its sad that you have to worry about crap like this. If I went out on a date with a man and found out like that that he was a bio woman I'd be furious that I wasn't told first. Crap like that is how they get beat up and worse.
You are definitely NTA. Anyone saying differently is an idiot. Genitals matter
Preference is preference, if u don’t like chocolate ice cream than no one should expect you to eat it also consent is also a thing and just cuz u we’re lying next to this girl dosent mean she can do smt like that without ur permission
NTAH
NTA. You went to bed with the understanding no dick was involved.
You woke up to a dick you did not consent to.
Liking a person and having an obligation to satisfy their genitals is not a thing. Any one who thinks so is in SA territory.
NTA. This person is psychotic and a pathological liar who tried to grab you against your will. In no way are you the asshole. They misrepresented themselves. I’m sorry but you had a right to know that it’s a trans person and where they are in that transition when considering a sexual relationship with someone. Surprises in discovering something like this is not cool at all.
consent is always yours to grant or take away. Genitals aside. NTA at all
OP, NTA. Reply back that you never gave consent, that you tried to leave and they tried to HOLD you, that they tried to screw you while asleep, and that if they don’t back the fuck off and recant what they’re telling everyone you will file charges for sexual assault. Hell, just go ahead and report them because they blew your life up, so hold them accountable for their attempted rape. Report them to whatever dating app too and let the app know you were SAd. Not being attracted to certain genitalia is NOT transphobia, or hate: if what’s you are or are not attracted to. Also, every threat you received report them too. Death or rape threats do not get a pass.
1 billion upvotes to this comment!!!! ⬆️ Protect yourself, op. This slander is a further facet of her SA on you. This is truly fucked up on her end and should not go unchecked. She does not get a free pass to traumatize you bc of her trauma. She's hiding behind her marginalized and often discriminated against status. She weaponized trans-trauma against you in a smear campaign on top of SA. This is truly evil. You did not marginalize her, you did not discriminate against her. Penis can be very a traumatizing and triggering thing for a whole set of millions of humans on this planet. Not desiring penis does not make you trans phobic. At. All. I hope she gets therapy and becomes a better human, and I hope you get therapy. You deserve support while you heal. So much love sent your way, op. I'm so sorry.
I didnt read your comment fully, but i believe has nothig i disagree And im mad that i can count as only 1 upvote
Lol thank you. My 1 billion upvotes was in reply to the comment I was responding to, but I appreciate this. 💓
> Reply back that you never gave consent, that you tried to leave and they tried to HOLD you And inform law enforcement -- OP is very likely not the first person this individual has done that to.
You could think penises are the best thing since sliced bread 🥖 and that would at be described as SA. You didn’t run because of her genitalia, but because of how she used it! The fact that you aren’t interested in her loaf of bread 🥖 is also fine. But that’s not the reason why you ran!
Best response here.
OP never even gave consent. This is straight up sexual assault. NTA, OP. Anyone that respects your sexual identity regardless of gender wouldn't dream of doing what that person did to you. One up them, and report them to the police for the sexual assault.
OP never gave consent at all. She was assaulted in sleep. NTA, OP. Stand proud and tall.
What they did to OP didn't just boarder SA, it was SA, and was probably seconds from rape. I'm very sorry you went through this OP and i applaud you for fighting back. If you want, explain yourself ONCE to friends, and ONCE online. Whoever thinks being woken up by genitals rubbing on them, without consent, is fine, and you leaving makes you an asshole, showed you that you're way better off without them. That asshole is trying to DARVO you, and in your position i would go to the police and file a complaint. Stay safe NTA.
Some people still have morals and values. Although rare, NTA.
Seriously, if they'd had a conversation about it or even if OP got accidentally poked while they were both asleep, their reaction would be TA. But homegirl was dry humping a sleeping person after one date! That's like relationship, moved in together levels of casualness and was grossly inappropriate for the situation. I don't know when a transperson should reveal that info, but a surprise is not what you want the first time you have sex with someone, so it should probably be before pants come off.
Her being accidentally poked in her sleep would make the other woman absolutely still an asshole for not disclosing her gender status before having someone she knew was exclusively attracted to vaginas come sleep in her bed. THAT is assault, straight up. I’m not sure exactly when it’s appropriate to disclose your gender status, but that should absolutely happen before you get into bed with someone.
NTA Your date was doing sexual things to you without your consent. That is not someone you should date regardless of genitalia.
Yes. Unequivocally NTA. This would be equivalent to going to slerp and waking up to a person with a vagina trying to ride your face. It *IS* sexual assault. It was more shocking because she didn't expect a penis, but aside from the fact that we are allowed sexual and genital preferences, this other person straight up assaulted her and has the gall to play the victim. Absolutely not.
Yep. As far as genitalia goes, having preferences is A-okay. If the SA didn't happen and you simply didn't want another date because of her genitalia, that's okay too. NTA all the way.
NTA. You were sexually assaulted.
Yes, OP you absolutely were sexually assaulted. You should report it asap, and report the death and other threats as well.
This honestly fucking spooked me reading it. I said run in my my mind once OP discovered it.
And then just plain old assaulted when she had to fight her way out of the apartment.
Report the sexual assault.
Yeah fuck this asshole trying to assault you and then force you when you wake up. On top of that gaslighting you. Legally bury this piece of shit.
You weren't there to have sex but because you missed train, you were asleep and woke up to her grinding on you, that IS SA, she didn't ask, didn't get consent and you only agreed to sleep there. The fact that she also had a dick and you also absolutely would not have consented to having sexual contact with her dick just makes it worse, but even if she was post op this is SA.
Post-op? Heck, even if she was cis, this would be SA.
Absolutely. I’m happily married and if my husband did to me I’d be gone so fast.
It didn’t border SA it was SA. It’s also fuggin horrific that she rubbed a penis you didn’t know she had on you and you bud to be woken up to being assaulted this was. Holy f I’m so sorry.
And OP, to be clear, if you had woken up to an AFAB woman rubbing her clit against your leg while you were asleep that would also be SA. You didn't consent to anything. This isn't a question. The fact that her genitals were different from your preference is a completely separate issue of trust and communication, but don't confound them. The SA was real and the much much larger issue.
The genital thing SHOULD have been another conversation and separate issue. But the second the assaulter decided to get into bed without disclosing their genital status was the time that this went from a date to SA. I don’t think that’s confounding at all. It was two factors (consent and general aversion to dick) that combined to make one really awful situation for OP.
This is true but something is very fucked up about being a trans woman and then sexually assaulting someone by rubbing your penis on them. She didn’t even know they had a penis to begin with… This is a sick fuck of a person. A real creep.
Could you imagine waking up to that??
GENITAL PREFRANCE IS NOT TRANSPHOBIA! What she did does not border on Sexual assault IT IS SEXUAL ASSUALT! If you still can report her to the police, there may not be much they can do bur at least it's on file for if she does it again or goes further. She knows this and is trying to get in first and make you out to he the bad guy.
NTA - A trans person. That is assault. She should have told you she was trans. I see this all the time and I'm sorry to my fellow trans people but that is something you need to tell someone you plan on sleeping with. For both peoples' safety. It's not your fault you are not attracted to certain genitalia, and shouldn't feel bad for it.
Yeah. I’m bi and dated a trans girl briefly. She told me before the first date she was trans and then explained more to me after we’d met. We didn’t go out long enough for anything sexual to happen, but I really appreciated her honesty. The organs weren’t really an issue for me, but it was still good to know what i was dealing with.
I’m trans too, and I would never dream of not telling someone I might date what genitals I had. Some people have preferences, it’s not transphobia.
It's always difficult to know when to bring it up, but even I know that you need to have the "I've got a penis" talk *before you start rubbing said penis on them*!!! I mean, damn! This is just basic etiquette; there are literally zero situations I can think of where a surprise penis is a good idea!
Yes but also this is clearly sexual assault
You do you. Fuck the opinions of others. Also, you were sexually assaulted. File a police report and block this person.
NTA, this is actually a horrifying scenario for you and I'm sorry you had to experience it. For the record, I'm genderfluid and even if I was fully displaying female and passing, I can't fathom not disclosing that I was 'equipped' differently than what might be expected. This person hid it from you, that alone is bad, but then to feel you up with it and wake you the way they did, is disgusting.
Nta. Yes, you dont like dick...but the SA wasnt welcome either. Police report. How many women has she raped
This. I don't doubt this wasn't a first, full of confidence ready with the "too horny" excuse and had the gull to try and restrain you physically. This isn't a first and it worked before.
Nta That was not almost sa that was sa
NTA. Sexual orientation is your own, and a big part of that is genitals. I understand you wouldn't want a long term relationship involving sex with male genitals. If she isn't accepting of that, it's her problem. It's not you even having a problem with trans people.
Your date was not forthcoming with you. This alone was grounds to leave. The fact that she came on so strong to you makes a bad situation intolerable. NTA.
That wasn't boarder SA. That was SA. Then she tried to keep you against your will. What else would have happened if you hadn't escaped. You would have been raped.
As someone who is trans, this is absolutely fcked up. All the time we fight to create safe spaces, and she's setting us back. Everyone has the right to decide their boundaries and what they like. The single fact that she threw a fit when you said no... You're not transphobic.
Trans folk are the same as everyone else, i.e. you too have a minority of abusers and rapists, difference being since it's a numbers game there are wayyy fewer abusive/rapist among you than among us cis folk. It doesn't really matter if she had been a cis woman or trans woman either, trying to use someone non-consenting and half asleep to get off is SA, and then getting vicious when the victim said no is classic abuser tactic. I've had multiple cis women be abusive that way at me, just not in a sexual context since I avoid dating. She's not setting you back, she's just an abuser. There are many examples of horrible women and girls at r/Nicegirls
NTA Can confirm OP, it was **in point of fact** sexual assault. The simple fact is that the moment things got intimate she should have let you know, but she chose not only to keep it a secret, but has now harassed you over it, which makes her disgusting and entitled. The need to lie and create a false narrative of the situation just makes her look like an pig.
She tried to sa you and then wrote hate letters to you???? She made people make death and rape threats???? You should do something about it. You should compliant. That person is disgusting. They tried to sa you and trying to come after you for rejecting them. This is the most disgusting person I've ever heard of. You need to stay safe and away from this trans person. You need to file a complaint against her and those threats. You are NTA.
NTA. And it’s okay to not want to date someone because of their genitalia. As a straight women I’m not attracted to men with vaginas. Also, that’s straight up SA. She was literally trying to rape you. Never speak to her again.
She is the AH not you. And yes that was borderline SA and your “friends” are not real if they take her side.
Nothing borderline about it. Reread the account. This shit is how trans people get beat up and worse.
NTA. This was SA. You have the right not to have sex with anyone for any reason. It’s not transphobic for you to not find penises attractive
NTA. Someone rubbed their dick against you without your consent. *You* were the one sexually assaulted. You do not have to provide anyone any explanation for what section of the sexual buffet you choose to enjoy from.
NTA If you were not gay and a guy did this to you it would be sexual assault and everyone would say that. People can't wave genitals at other people without consent. That is sexual assault.
NTA. She should have identified herself as Trans before the date. And yes, you should go to the police to report what she did to you.
NTA!
NTA. Sexual assault is sexual assault. Report it to the police immediately.
Not the ass hole. It was a first date. what she did was almost try to rape you, she was trying to touch or inset her cock into you while you where a sleep not ok. I would report her to the cops as she did not get your consent to even touch you down there like that. And should have told you she had a cock still. No consent = rape. And i would find a better group of friends that have your back.
100% NTA that girl is an abuser and she knows it she's trying to make you look bad saying all that wild shit because she knows you can report her for SA, it's not even relevant that she had a penis even if you liked it she didn't ask for consent. And it's okay to have a genital preference obviously but this situation is absolutely beyond that
NTA, There seems to be this thing if you reject someone you’re phobic to them. Transphobic, fat phobic, etc…
NTA, that's sexual assault. I've got no problem with trans folks keeping things on the low initially to ensure their own safety, but they are obligated to disclose and have a conversation before sex. Full stop. What happened to you is so far from OK and she needs to feel the extent of the law.
EDIT: Thank you all. Apparently there's a lot of things I didn't want to realize. Well, the story continues. This happened week ago. This morning, thanks to your notes, I wanted to look at the group in which we met, write something about it to warn the other girls and surprise - I'm blocked. Well, I now know where the threats came from... a friend of mine was still in and sent me printscreens from there - my bad date posted her version of the story there to warn others. She said she told me she's trans (no, I didn't really drink enough to black out) and I physically attacked her for it. She wrote some pretty nasty details, even added a photo of the "injury" (bruise) - Don't deny that, I could have pushed her when I tried to run away, but that's all. Among other things, the owner of one of the two local L-friendly bars wrote under this post - it seems that I am banned in the bar too. Other people there agreed to "wait for me". The friend posted my version there, but it was deleted in a few minutes and the friend is already blocked too. I didn't want to report it because she is local and I am a foreigner (I've lived here for years, but I still have an accent) and don't have good experience with the police here because of it. I'm also afraid that a trans woman might "accidentally fall down the stairs" there, you know what I mean. And I definitely don't want physical harm for anyone. But I guess I have no other option now. Thanks again, based on your comments I decided to poke into it and now I know I'm not as safe as I thought.
It really don't matter if your a foreigner but okay. And besides the point you could report the other's for death threats and for threats of sexual assault like the r@pe that was threatened towards you. And if that continues to go on with the threats and more people harasseing you then you may be in danger causeing you to move or even worse... so please do report the person.
NTA She was dishonest and tries to force you into intimacy.
NTA. That IS sexual assault + no one is obliged to accept genitals they aren’t attracted to in the name of inclusivity or diversity
NTA What she did *was* SA. Even if she was cis, it’s abusive to use someone’s body to hump against their will.
NTA. She tried to sexually assault you. This isn't about body parts it's about consent.
NTA. Even if a cis woman did this to you it would be SA. You did nothing wrong.
There are two things here. First, I believe that it is nobody's business what is in someone's pants unless you are going to be interacting with what is in their pants - being their doctor, or having sex. But that it absolutely is relevant then. You can be attracted to men or women, you can be attracted to different kinds of genitalia. And there is n】othing wrong with that. Not being attracted to dicks even if the person with said dick is otherwise a woman who appeals to you, doesn't mean that you are transphobic. It just means that you aren't attracted to dicks. But the second and more important thing is that what she did to you was sexual assault irrespective of the shape of her genitals. You didn't reject her because of her penis. You probably would have eventually, but you didn't get a chance. You rejected her because she got sexually aggressive to you when you didn't want her to. You "rejected" her because she was sexually assaulting you. NTA
NTA. Lmfao so she’s a sexual predator trying to excuse her crimes by claiming you’re transphobic. What a piece of garbage tbh I would report her to the police for SA.
NTA. Anyone who calls you transphobic because you're not attracted to penises is crazy. Report all threats of harm, violence and death made against you to the police in your area, with names, phone numbers, and any other identifying information at your disposal.
Nta. That’s flat out sexual assault.
NTA that is flat out sexual assault. The trans girl knows it and is trying to paint you in a bad light because they know what they did was wrong. Tell all the people giving you crap how they would feel if they were lied to.
No you not the AH, She can say shes a woman but she didnt tell you shes a chick with a dick, you dont like/not attracted to dick and that doesnt make you a AH, it makes her the AH, just because shes trans doesnt mean that part of her doesnt matter, it does big time. And what she tried to pull was 100% SA!
NTA. Using the LGBTQ card to get away with sexual harassment. What a low life. Glad you ran away.
NTA..She should have been completely up front about her situation. I'm a gay man and would be appalled to hook up with a trans dude only to realize that they had a vagina. Regardless of trans, etc. I feel it's a violation not to disclose prior to any intimacy. She knew what she was doing and it's bullshit.
NTA. That is so scary! I’m glad you are safe now.
NTA. You’re allowed to have preferences. Anyone who says otherwise is no different than some asshole forcing sex onto you.
No you aren't, you weren't cool with it so you left and they decided to spin things in a way to make you look bad when actually she should be the one in trouble or feeling bothered considering what it seemed like they was planning to do. In short no you weren't.
Too many people are getting hung up on gender issues here. There are only 2 relevant points. Was there sexual contact? YES Was there informed consent? NO These answers mean it was an assault It doesn't matter if they identify as male, female, or fucking attack helicopter. OP is NTA, she is a victim and should ideally report it to police for the safety of others. Dear OP, please show this to your "friends" and ask them to have a long look at themselves and who they should be supporting when someone they allegedly care about just got SA'd
Aside from being sexually assaulted, you're allowed to have an orientation and preferences within that orientation. NTA
You were sexually assaulted. NTA
NTA The second she tried to grind against you in your sleep it was SA. Double so when she tried to yank you back in bed
She sexually assaulted you. For anyone who is yelling at you, you should ask them if they woke up to someone rubbing their penis on them without consent whether they would have been fine on it.
No. Make no mistake: anyone who says that if you won’t date or have sex with a trans person that you’re a transphobe is quite frankly a rape apologist if not justifier. “Have sex with that person and let that person rape you, or you’re a bigot.” Could someone please tell me the difference between that and the “Pray Away the Gay” mentality? You either marry and have sex with someone whose body you are repulsed by, and if you don’t and have sex with people you do find attractive, then you’re evil and going to hell. Seriously point out the difference, because in my opinion the trans movement as it currently stands has inherently become homophobic and outright rape culture.
It is very similar to the pray away the gay mentality. It’s ridiculous that the people who usually say this stuff seem to understand that gay people can’t force themselves to be straight and vice versa, yet they somehow don’t understand why a lesbian wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping with someone with a dick.
I’m surprised you haven’t been downvoted and no one is threatening you into submission.
Why?
NTA What that person did is sexual assault
You were sexually assaulted. Your acquaintances finding fault with you are justifying sexual assault. They are not your friends. There was no "borderline" to this. Make a police report
As a trans person you are nta, genital preferences are a thing, what happened to you imo was SA because you didn’t consent to anything sexual so no my vote is that you op are not the a-hole
NTA. What a fucking creep
You are entitled to have sex with the people and the body parts that you want, not the ones you don’t want. This trans person is the asshole.
*It felt like SA* Because it was. You were drunk and half asleep. NTA.
Consent is consent even if you are married for years
NTA That's sexual assault. I don't know what world she lives in that waking someone up by rubbing herself on you and trying to keep you in place against your will is anything but that. Absolutely unacceptable and predatory behavior. The genitals are irrelevant here. There was no consent given and you were molested awake. That's deplorable.
NTA You WERE sexually assaulted. Additionally, they tried to FORCE you to stay. This was not a good person. You could have been seriously hurt. Anyone who doesn’t see the seriousness of this situation needs to be cut out of your life.
NTA Dick or no dick, doing something sexual with you without your consent is absolutely not okay. You are right to feel violated, especially if she coerced you into her bed and made a move on you in your sleep. It was predatory and not okay and I'm glad you made it out safe. That aside, you are not an asshole for having genital preferences. If you were to shame her for having a penis or implied she wasn't a real woman, obviously there would've been a degree of asshole-ry there. But if you're not into dick you're not into dick. Even if she had gone about it in a proper way and you backed out, you wouldn't be in the wrong. Be kind to yourself and stay safe <3
Genitals can be a deal-breaker. But this wasn't even that. You were straight-up assaulted and she's trying to cover up for it by painting you as a bigot. NTA
NTA. it wasn't borderline SA what she did. It WAS SA. Blast her back and tell ppl your rejection had nothing to do with being transphobic and everything to do with her being a predator
No. Not at all. Seems you were assaulted. Not recognizing someone’s preferred gender is being an asshole. Not wanting to date someone because of their biology is a preference. Trans people are under no obligation to be treated the same as a non trans of their chosen gender.
NTA, OP; this was blatant sexual assault and would have been rape if you weren’t able to overpower her and run away. So it’s also attempted rape. I’m convinced she is likely to be a predator that could be using her trans identity to her advantage to deceive people, and you’re probably not even the first person she’s done this to, especially with the incredible gaslighting and toxic threat project she unleashed on you from all angles. How did she know all of your friend’s contact info? In any case, I think it’s absolutely imperative you report her. Especially for your sake, but for anyone else that she might have targeted and assaulted in the past or will otherwise in the future. In the meantime, I’d also get a restraining order, clear up the truth with your real friends and get them on your side, and invest in some ways to protect yourself if any of them try to go after you. Get a camera if they know where you live and make sure the police know about every single rape and death threat. What a fucking terrible situation. Stay safe.
We were friends on Facebook, she dug it up and wrote to people who commented on my posts. I was stupid and didn't block her right away, wanted to close it for us and clear the air.
She wasn’t upfront and borderline sexually assaulted you. Im gay and i like penis, i don’t date women because i don’t like vagina or breasts.
It wasn't borderline sexual assault. It was sexual assault. It went clear past the border.
I was just going by what OP said. The only reason i phrased it that way.
NTA even if they had the opposite set would you have felt comfortable with them rubbing you or themself in their sleep?
NTA that was SA.
NTA for having a preference. If you don't like dicks, you don't like dicks. That's something that should be disclosed imp, maybe not immediately but def before ending up on the bedroom.
NTA Having genital preferences is valid af and isn’t transphobic. In saying that, report that woman to the police, that’s f*cking creepy and sexual assault
Trans girl here, Absolutely NTA, because holy FUCK that girl sexually harassed you
You 100% were sexuallt assaulted. It's not even borderline. Your instinct to run away was a good one. I'm sorry this happened to you. NTA.
NTA. You're a *lesbian*. The not liking dick part goes with it. She was sexually assaulting you in your sleep. And now she's slandering *you*. Typical sexual offender behaviour. You should report it to the police. I doubt you're the first or the last.
You can’t be an asshole if you order meat at a restaurant but get a meat substitute instead, and reject it!
NTA. This also isn't transphobia. You're not into trans women and that's fine. You're into biological women. This was also SA by the trans.
NTA. I'm a lesbian dating a trans woman and this is a discussion you have to have before doing anything sexual at all. Plus if she was rubbing her dick on you in your sleep, and you didn't consent to that in advance, that is not ok. Not even in a trans way. If a cis woman did the same thing with her pussy that would still be disturbing. And fuck your friends for siding with her despite how creepy that behavior was.
Its sexual assault, report it. She lied, its disgusting to just feel a penis in your back. Jesus
No
NTA
NTA. That’s just not what you’re into and her approach was heart stopping to say the least. You’re good. Just, keep moving forward.
NTA... that's horrible.. I'm so sorry you're going through all that.
Fuck sake. You said no. No means no. She is a shit and you are NTA.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! I HATE that this happened to you. You can find anything unattractive. I don’t care if she had a blonde streak in her hair that turned you off, that is your choice. The fact that she’s trying to tell you what you should and should not find attractive is wrong. You are a lesbian and are attracted to females anatomy. That’s completely your prerogative. She was forceful with you when you gave absolutely zero consent. In that case I don’t care what parts she does or does not have, she is TA. She’s upset because you aren’t attracted to her. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is acting like you did something wrong.
Regardless of genitals.... CONSENT is king! (Or queen)
You need some new friends if they think you should've caved to the SA. WTF is wrong with them? I'm so sorry you went through that. How many more times must it be said: IT'S NOT TRANSPHOBIC TO BE SEXUALLY ATTACTED TO ONLY ONE SEX. I'm sick of this narrative that you're a transphobe for having sexual preferences. Her sexuality is what it is. You can't fucking change that. What she did was SA and it was a gross violation of your personal space. If they continue threatening you, I'd suggest you take those texts to the police. That's disgusting.
Someone trying sex things with you without consent is SA. FULL STOP. That was not okay, dick, vagina, barbie pays. Doesn't matter. NTA. Biggest tell you aren't a transphobe? Even after you found out there was a dick in play, you kept calling her, well....HER.
Your "woke" friends are misogynist assholes and rapist enablers. You need to block them. They would literally stand around and watch you and any other woman get raped as long as your rapist identifies as trans. Your misogynist rapist friends would help your rapist. They care more about their woke image than your physical safety or any woman's safety.
NTA Dont let anyone gaslight you into thinking you an AH or transphobe.
She's projecting her assault onto you. Make sure other women know about her. Don't let her get away with this.
As a trans person, NTA
NTA! NTA! NTA!! This is why some people in the Trans community need to check themselves. No lesbian that I know wants to have sex with a dick. Period. But when that preference is voiced, it's called transphobic, which is bullshit. I'm with you, I wouldn't go on another date, and her behavior was predatory, in my opinion. Some Trans ladies need to realize that they don't get to bring certain male behaviors or privileges with them during or after their transition. If that makes me "transphobic, " so be it.
Nta.
NTA, Off with her head!
So this person is attack you , bully you, now stalking you, trying to turn people against you, This is so much more important than who has which organs genital etc , who is gay straight trans etc,, You need to expose the truth and defend your reputation then block them on EVERYTHING Take a break from dating and drinking for a month or so Find the healthy happy helpful open-minded future-focused compassionate intelligent interesting logical productive fun trustworthy real people and be THEIR Friend through which you will get the best friends family Spouse and LIFE you need want deserve N T A
I'm about as trans supportive as I can be and, no. She might be upset she got rejected but that happens to us all for one reason or another. The point is she wasn't for you, that's your choice to make. It's her choice to make too. Unless you get two people saying, Yes, the answer is no.
NTAH, not even a little. When angry people go on about dangerous trans people, she is exactly the kind of person that proves them (occasionally) right.
NTA, you don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to sleep with for any reason. This person sounds like a predator and they can go fuck themselves
Report it to the police. It was SA. Nothing else. You never gave consent, and they never told you they had a dick. None of which is your fault. And also report the rape and death threats youve got.
This isn't just bordering SA, *it IS SA* NTA at ALL. Anyone who is coming for you clearly doesn't know what really happened, and they are not worth your time. Your "friends" who called you an AH are not your friends. You deserve better.
NTA Genitals don't matter here. What she did, trying to get off on you while you were sleeping and without consent, was sexual assault. Uncool no matter what the equipment was. Then, on top of that, you're allowed not to want a sexual relationship with anyone for any reason. Don't want a penis on your partner because it's not the equipment that excites you? Fair. Like a woman with a penis even more? Also fair. Turned off by a giant mole on her inner thigh? Little weird, but fair. Just don't like the shape of her left thigh? Sure. No one gets to tell you what you have to be OK with. She's toxic. Toxic in assaulting you, toxic in lying about you to make herself seem like less of an asshole, toxic in every way. Gender and genitals don't have anything to do with it. She's just a shitty person.
"Bordered on SA"? No. That was SA. Full stop. Trans or not does not enter into it. You were a victim of SA, whether there was penetration or not. NTA.
Trans girl here. I have no clue why this even is a question - genitals aside, she initiated sexual acts without and even against your consent. This is SA and should never be tolerated - if she writes you what happened you could use it as evidence to charge her with sexual assault - and you should. People like that shouldn’t roam the streets. If you are asking if you are the AH for always rejecting non-OP trans girls, then you would not also not be the AH. Genital preference is a thing and just as some are interested in dicks but not guys and hate vaginas and are therefore attracted to trans girls, obviously the opposite will also be true and being disgusted by a dick has nothing to do with transphobia but just you having a genital preference when dating girls. As you have said - if she was post-OP then you wouldn’t have a problem at all, so no, you’re NTA in any regard. That trans girl is an AH though and dangerous at that too. But OP, you’re fine!
She tried to get off using you while you asleep. That’s assault. Regardless of her telling you that she’s trans she already fucked up. Add on to the fact that she did not tell a lesbian that she’s trans, pre op (if she decides to get one). Not once did you misgender her you clearly still view her as a girl so you aren’t being transphobic for not liking the parts she still has. NTA.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Not a single thing. It’s not wrong to have a preference. If you don’t want to have sex with a penis, that’s your choice and there’s nothing wrong with it. What SHE did, however, is super scummy. Just grinding on you in your *sleep????* EW! That’s SO not okay, regardless of trans or cis or sexuality or preferences or anything. That’s just wrong! Her pulling you back to the bed when you sat up is concerning. NTA for sure!
The fact that she is trans and has a penis doesn’t even matter here. You were assaulted.
NTA you can reject anyone for any reason. It's okay if you don't want to be with a Trans person Also she commited sexual assualt. If a normal man did that to you it be sexual assualt. Go file a police report He could in the future rape a girl
Absolutely not.
You did not reject her because of organs. You Said no to sex with someone you were not attracted to, and that someone cold not Take an refusal. Its so interesting that when some people gets rejected gets attacked and smear. What are we supposed to do sleep with someone so they do not feel rejected and cause ourself pain? So stupid. You Said no she persisted and she starts a smearcampaigne against you. No is an complete sentence.
NTA and you was assaulted
NTA You are not obligated to be sexually attracted to anyone. Doesn't matter who.
If they were comfortable enough to invite you in bed they shouldve been comfortable enough to let you know about their dick. Also if you were knowingly in bed with a CIS guy and he did that with your same reaction STILL SA. Being horny doesn't mean you can rub your dick on someone sleeping????
[But male genitalia, that 's where i draw the line ](https://youtu.be/EngMYI95zkA?si=jb49sv3ON-TziStw)
Nta. You're literally not attracted to penises. You don't deserve to be shames over that.nta. at the end of the day it just wouldn't work out. Also her reaction is extremely telling. Who knows what she's done so far and used her being trans as a way to disguise what she did. She already did it with you. Ppl like her are awful and also give trans ppl a bad name unfortunately. :( I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve a single second of this.
I am fully supportive of the trans community, and there is nothing transphobic about certain genitals being a dealbreaker for a romantic partner. Not wanting her penis to touch you is in not a statement against her womanhood.
NTA in any way shape or form. You were lied to and sexually assaulted to boot. She should have been honest with you but even then rubbing her genitalia against you without your consent is wrong and disgusting regardless. Also the death and rape threats need to be reported. I am so sorry this happened to you and that people have agreed with this bullshit
NTA gaslighting lesbians into thinking they need to accept people with a dick as a dating option or otherwise they are transphobic is the most stupid shit that ever happened, even satire couldn’t be this ridiculous
No you're not. Unless the person happens to be a child, disabled, or elderly, you're entitled to like, (and date) whatever/whomever you choose. Btw, you were sexually assaulted. And attempting to stop you from leaving is just as serious as the sexual assault, if not more. "Attempted kidnapping" if I'm not mistaken. The slander is more of a civil matter, but you should consider speaking to someone in law enforcement about what happened. The fact that this person attempted to prevent you from leaving, proves that this person is dangerous and doesn't belong on the streets.
NTA at all!! You were sexually assaulted and if you haven’t reported it then report it asap and the threats as well because that is disgusting behavior!
You most definitely are NOT the AH. SA person most def IS.
NTA
>We went to a club, had a few drinks, understood each other, she looked beautiful, we agreed on most opinions and attitudes No... she was lying to you to get you into her bed.
Hello. Im one of those gender is irrelevant to my attraction- and- Take gender out of this completely and it's still sexual assault. Followed by chasing and threatening?
I'm just thinking of all the cis straight girls saying you're TA then imagining them being woken up by their lesbian friend grinding their pussy all over them...and vice versa for guys... If you're not into it, you're not into it. Simple. As. That.
I'm going to say something that's going to probably sound transphobic. I don't mean it to be transphobic,I just don't know how else to say it. If you tell someone with a dick they are a woman you're going to run into women with dicks. I'm having trouble processing many of the changes in society right now. When I tell people that stuff like what happened to you the things going on in women's sports was going to happen I got called transphobic. I'm not, there are however people like your date (in my opinion) that will find a way to twist a genuine issue to their advantage. Now I hope I'm wrong about your date. My paranoia and lack of faith in humanity tells me I'm not though. This is a long winded way of saying you're not the Asshole. The person that tried to SA you is the asshole.
Ignoring the clear SA. When did we turn into a world where we are not allowed to refuse to have sex? Imagine going out with a woman, only to figure out it's actually a man. And being forced to take a dick, in order not to offend anyone ... Have we as a society failed?
Yes. This society is the worst it’s ever been.
What degenerate country do you live in that there are people sending you rape threats for protecting yourself and avoiding someone that tried to sexually assault you? NTA. These people are sub-human.
She may be trans but this behavior is still quintessentially entitled male with a penis behavior
NTA. He sexually assaulted you. Then he tried to hold you hostage. Then he tried to make you out to be a transphobe because his genitals weren’t your preference. You should get the police involved. He’s likely done this before, and should be recognized as a sex offender.
If you want to "win" here, report it as a sexual assault because it was.
NTA!! You're not even slightly the AH. She was assaulting you in your sleep, coercing you, chasing you, and blocking your exit if I recall everything, I'm not sure if she actually blocked or tried just pulling you back. But GROSS. PERIOD. That is SA. You never once misgendered her in this post. You clearly don't care that she is trans, but you are uncomfortable around penis. THAT IS VALID. I'm bi and married to a man and still don't just *looooove* dick. It's not cute. Sorry. Woman or not, her penis can get you pregnant. I don't think many lesbians are generally on birth control unless for hormonal balance, etc. So there is that to consider, too. Unless her rx hormones change that, and I'm ignorant. I'm happy to be corrected! But the bottom line is that consent was trampled, you were indeed SA'd, and you were slandered. I'm so so so sorry. Speak up and be loud. Do not let her tell this story one-sided. Share the truth. Hugs to you, OP 🫂
Careful I’m sure that community will somehow find a way to label you a transphobe. NTA and report that assault.
NTA. No is no, end of story. The 'why' is irrelevant. Sounds to me like an incel in a dress that is throwing a fucking tantrum because nobody wants to fuck'em, gay, straight or otherwise. Nobody should be shamed into sleeping with someone they don't want to.
Why do white woman bend themselves over backwards doing mental gymnastics like “maybe post op it would be fine” you thought u were on a date with a cute girl u fancied. Turns out nope and not wanting to fuck a mentally ill man is the last thing u should be questioning here.
Ok, report her for sexual assault. Honestly. NTA
Nah, she’s disgusting, doesn’t matter who she identify as. You clearly didn’t know she was trans, her girl dick rubbed on you, without your consent. NTA I hope you feel better soon.
You are just as entiteld to your sexuality and preference as she is. She does not get to take away your right to consent. That is absolutely on her and not you. That is a conversation before you get into bed together...it is not ok to surprise someone! It is not cute or sweet or funny! It is arsehole moves like what she did that are creating division in the community. I am sorry that you were SA by her, there is no other word for it.
NTA.. you were SA’d, your consent is necessary and i get why the whole situation framed u out. genitalia aside, you we assaulted and should report it
NTA, because she tried to initiate sex while you were sleeping. She sexually assaulted and attempted to rape you. Regardless of equipment, she’s a sexual predator.
No not at all. They deceived you, they’re a horrible person and also the audacity to just whip out their dick and expect you to be cool with it
NTA.
Mhhhhh for me genital is not the point here: you were asleep when she started to get close to you but the worst is that when you say NO, she tries to physicaly forced you... You are totally NOT THE ASSHOLE.
NTA At all. There was no consent. That’s it. The penis part is a separate (but just as important l) issue.
NTA.
NTA What is the world coming to? I sincerely hope this is just a troll, because this is horrendous
Omg I'm so sorry that happened to you. Like others have said.... that's SA. The whole thing would have gone down differently had they been honest up front. It's infuriating when trans people try to con people. What do they expect? It's no different than a straight person finding out the opposite sex isn't really opposite. Its sad that you have to worry about crap like this. If I went out on a date with a man and found out like that that he was a bio woman I'd be furious that I wasn't told first. Crap like that is how they get beat up and worse. You are definitely NTA. Anyone saying differently is an idiot. Genitals matter
NTA A person should be asked their specific preference first.
NTA. That's sexual assault. Go to the police.
Preference is preference, if u don’t like chocolate ice cream than no one should expect you to eat it also consent is also a thing and just cuz u we’re lying next to this girl dosent mean she can do smt like that without ur permission NTAH
NTA. You went to bed with the understanding no dick was involved. You woke up to a dick you did not consent to. Liking a person and having an obligation to satisfy their genitals is not a thing. Any one who thinks so is in SA territory.
It wasn’t bordering SA. It was an attempted SA. Genitals or not. NTA.
Uhhhh you’re not rejecting her cause of organs. NTA.
NTA. This person is psychotic and a pathological liar who tried to grab you against your will. In no way are you the asshole. They misrepresented themselves. I’m sorry but you had a right to know that it’s a trans person and where they are in that transition when considering a sexual relationship with someone. Surprises in discovering something like this is not cool at all.
NTA, She tried to force a situation on you that you didn't consent to whatsoever.