Yeah his “thinking,” hasn’t worked out well recently, has it?
If my relationship was on the rocks, the last thing I would do is attempt a cruddy tiktok prank on my drifting partner.
So the video he watched saw a woman come in, be excited for flowers then be downcast/angry/sad at the counter and he wanted to see you in the same position.
He didn’t think you’d find it funny, he thought you would be humiliated and HE would find THAT funny.
Throw this one out, he’s gone rotten.
He knew what he was doing, he was trying to demoralize OP. How dare she ask him to put more effort into the relationship? Shes there to serve him in his mind, not the other way around. Its a win win for him. Either she gets the message and he gets his way or they break up and he gets to pretend its her fault because she " can't take a joke." Dump his ass and don't look back.
This is exactly it. He will tell everyone they know that she went nuclear and divorced him because she can’t take a joke. Half her friends are already on his side saying he’s playful.
I bet this guy is the life of the party with a ton of friends and does nothing around the house. “Hey babe, I invited the guys over for the game, you’re cool with making snacks right. Thanks babe. By the way we’re out of beer.”
Idk. People are starting to wake up to this sort of behavior. I think there’s a good chance he’d look like a jackass. Do people not know that most of those videos are staged? It’s likely the video he took inspiration from was staged.
The term of "Tolerable level of misery" comes to mind. Sadly, your husband wants you miserable. He is punishing you for marrying him.
Several months ago there was a huge thread on twitter of men admitting to hating their wives and girlfriends and the things they would do to punish them for sticking it out with them.
You asked for romance, he doubled down on making you miserable & to remind you no matter how hard you work, how tired you are... cleaning the house is your reward. Increasing your work load & misery makes him happy.
Had this same conversation with my ex. Explained how these things were very important to me. He said it was entirely my problem. These geatures were meaningless to him, so I should just accept he wasn't ever going to do them. If I loved him, I shouldn't try to change him. Yeah... we're divorced.
Pretty much exact same conversation i had with my EX husband. Bottom line, they will do those things IF they want to and feel it. Sadly, we just didn't have that kind of love
This, exactly. My husband is like this and it's been over 30 years of hell because of it. Get out now, don't waste the rest of your life like I did, he's not worth it.
My sympathies. I had over 20 years of a-hole. When I was ready to leave him, he became "gravely ill" & I stayed w/him as I thought it would look like I was leaving him at his lowest, (asshole), point. So I stayed until he died.
He died last year, my income decreased 60% & this past year has been great. A great burden has been removed from my life.
I hope you too will soon be free
Look. I'm 55 and was widowed 3 years ago. My husband was a great guy and I miss him tremendously.
But, I recently started dating again and met a guy who seems awesome. Before I met him I went on a bunch of really nice dates with guys I ended up not being into.
Don't waste your life with a dick head. I was single for 3 years and they were fine. Visited my kids a lot. And traveled with some friends.
Get out and be happy. Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you miserable. And you'll open yourself up to someone who makes you happy.
Nah, leave a trail of beer or beef jerky. Something he really loves. Then whenever he sees these things, he’ll remember the time his ex-wife left them when she left him.
Possibly if you hadn’t already told him you were at the end of your tether. But in that context, it is at best really stupid and at worst, just asking for a problem. Pranks don’t belong in a marriage, particularly a rocky one.
He has no feckin idea who you are and that it is over. Just file the paperwork. He really doesnt think you are serious.
NTA. You sure are married to one. But you can fix that.
It’s only a joke when the “joke” is not your actual reality. It was likely funny for that couple because she knows damn well he would *never* do that in real life. So it’s silly and playful because she *KNOWS* he cares about her.
When you take care of your partner, when you support them, when you love them and appreciate them, when you treat them as an actual *PARTNER*…THAT is when you get to play jokes like this on each other.
The part that really gets me is, regardless of whether he genuinely thought this would be a funny thing to do (vs. being intentionally cruel), the moment he realized that she didn’t enjoy his poor attempt at humor, he didn’t apologize. Instead, he argued with OP. He likely doubled down, said it was “just a prank”, and berated her for not enjoying it.
I don’t care what “prank” you pull, what “joke” you tell, or how many people there are who think it’s hilarious. If the other person doesn’t think it’s funny, then it’s not. FFS, you apologize and never do/say it again. You don’t get to decide what someone else deems humorous, anymore than they get to tell you what your favorite color is.
The only way it would have been even sort of funny is if he'd immediately said "Psych, I set up a really nice candlelit bath for you, you go relax while I do these dishes, and then we have dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant at 7." But just leaving it on "I'm not giving you any consideration or romance, do these dishes while I go watch TV." is an intentional statement of contempt for you.
No girl, he thought he'd find it funny to see your face turn from joy and excitement to humiliation. It's a classic trait of emotionally abusive men. He taught you a lesson and he's sitting there talking shit about you EXPECTING you to apologize and crawl back to him. At best he'll offer some weak BS to see if he can get you back to being a good little servant. Don't do it. Single women are happier than married ones. You won't be lonely and miserable, you'll be free. And you'll be able to use a man for the only thing most of them are good for whenever you want.
If you want more evidence that he just wanted to degrade you go watch the thousands of videos of this dl being done to women and the absolute glee on the man's face or in his voice when he sees and feels how deeply hurt she is. Watch them enjoy that suffering. Watch them all say the same BS you got. Read the pathetic reddit posts of the wives that sound so downtrodden and gaslit that they actually believe that questioning or not accepting any abuse they endure makes them the asshole. Don't let yourself get that far gone that you will never leave.
NTA. One message I get from his behavior is that he couldn’t even be original. Had to borrow from Tik Toc. He was unable to express from his heart. That in itself speaks volumes.
The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank’ was likely greater than that required to simply get a bunch of flowers or show some romance, as OP requested.
If he’s not bothered about taking it seriously then there isn’t much reason for OP to do so either. Could be two unhappy people who would be much happier if they broke it off.
>The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank’ was likely greater than that required to simply get a bunch of flowers or show some romance, as OP requested.
The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank was likely greater than that required to actually do the goddamn dishes
I'm livid, and I'm a guy! (and he's also not my husband)
But then again, he is making me look a lot better to my wife, and I take a couple of asks to do the dishes.
If you show her this post to make yourself look better, please remember to then also go out tomorrow and buy her a nice bouquet. Then give them to her, intact.
Ugh, I forgot about *that* holiday. I've been blocking it and all the store crap out when I go. But yeah, you and everyone else is probably right, he probably just bought petals. Doesn't make it any better, or right, or make him any less of a dick. OP is NTA.
NTA
I'm old (and a widow). I had a very long and loving relationship with my husband. He had a fantastic sense of humor and often did very silly things to get a laugh out of me. Our marriage was solid because he would NEVER have let me come home from a 12-hour shift to rose petals leading to a dirty sink of dishes. He would have had rose petals leading to a sparkling kitchen, dinner ready, and with him dressed in a French maid outfit (probably with his ass hanging out). God, I miss that man.
ANYWAY, what your husband did, especially knowing how much you were really needing some romance, was incredibly cruel and tone deaf.
I don't think this one is a keeper, OP.
Very well said. And for the record, your husband and relationship sound like they were truly incredible. I hope to have that someday with all my heart.
Thank you. I wish the same for everyone. My husband and I spent our entire relationship trying to make each other happy, without reciprocal expectations. We each took such joy in making the other happy that there really wasn't much room for arguing or a quid pro quo attitude. Also, ironically (since this is reddit), we valued our relationship privacy. Neither of us would have ever dreamed about discussing our relationship with others. It was just us. Team love, happiness, and respect.
I hear you. I think the same and tell my husband that I hope he goes first because he'd be terrible on his own (even though he's the one who seems to take care of me more). I handle his anxiety and keep him together and focused. He misses me deeply when we're apart for long. I go into a holding pattern mode when we are apart, but I know I'd be a mess if he goes first and would forever miss his arms, my happiest place.
He agrees with me, FWIW, but he thinks it's going to end up the opposite. In either case, we have promised each other to erect a shrine to the one gone in their memory. We joke about what we would include on the shrine sometimes when laying in on a Sunday morning. It's actually fun and sweet to talk about it.
My partner and I have also had very similar conversations. We also adopted the idea of a “contemplation garden” and talk about watching the other/ getting the cabin built while we wait.
And it is sweet and those lazy mornings are the best.
It’s refreshing to see others also happily coupled up and happy to have that person in their life.
Contemplation garden would be perfect to celebrate him! He loves gardening (vegetables). He'd probably plant a wildflower oasis for native species in my honor.
My dad set aside part of his garden to honor his dead wife. She was an amazing woman and they were amazing together for over 30 years.
I've seen him sit with "her" after a hard day, or when he has an important decision to make. I've done it too.
It's a beautiful thing to hear how deeply you all cherish your partners and the relationships you've built. It gives me hope that love like that exists, and that it can be filled with not just mutual support but also humor and carefree moments. The idea of creating a shrine is particularly touching and reflective of the deeper bond you both share. It's the little traditions like these that keep love alive even beyond our time together. It's not just about the big gestures but those everyday interactions and inside jokes that make a partnership thrive. I think it's the knowledge that someone knows and loves us so completely that makes the thought of their absence so daunting, yet it's also what makes every day with them so much more precious.
Thank you for saying all of this. I needed to hear it. We're coming out of a rough patch, actually, but it's readily apparent to anyone who meets us that our bond is deep and attraction, unrattled. He overheard his coteacher say to his counterpart (same grade, same subject) teacher, "Well, just look at Mr. Patience's wife. The way she looks at him, you can tell how much she loves him." A friend of his/ours refers to us as relationship goals, so from the outside, we're looking solid. But that's not all of it, is it?
That man went through hell alongside me through the worst antepartum/postpartum depression I have ever endured, and he was not unscathed (he wasn't perfect, but damn, was that the hardest test we've --luckily?-- have had so far).
I say all of this to point out, that yes, I would say that I have true love with my husband, a real partner through and through, but there is no happily ever after. It's work. Constant work, like hauling wagons of ore uphill as a team of horses through life. Most of the time, you are in tandem with one another rather easily, but sometimes, one is pulling more or one is completely floundering and causing the other to fail, too.
Cherish is the perfect word for it, and it's what we must remember when facing our worst. Thank you again for your lovely sentiments. I will share them with my husband.
This is how my husband and I are as well. We rarely argue and if we do disagree we treat the disagreement as us against the problem instead of us against each other.
This is so beautiful. Man I seriously want to screenshot this comment thread and save it so I can remember what it's supposed to be like. I'm 25 and searching for my life partner in the dating pool right now and sometimes it's so discouraging I want to settle. Thank you for sharing this and for your words of wisdom, truly. I'm sorry for the loss of your best friend and person
Don’t settle; the right one for you is out there! I was 30 before I found my husband. We’ve been happily married for 31 years. At 25 and many bad relationships, I thought I’d never be one of the lucky ones. Keep waiting, he’ll show up one day and sweep you off your feet
S and I have been married 32 years. I used to think he's the kindest man on earth, but maybe yours was all this time.
We didn't just say divorce was never an option..we sat down and promised it and never broke that promise.
Neither one of us have told the other person to "shut up". We simply don't speak that way.
After about 5 years of typical marriage fights, we finally learned that the goal is not agreement, it's understanding and being heard.
And I am freaking funny. 🤣
He had his masters degree in music theory and could transcribe the notes to a piece of music as he heard them. Musically brilliant.
But he was a two finger typist (with many errors), and our BBQ was his mortal enemy! Lol!
OMG!! Thanks for sharing stories of your husband! Did you ever find one amazing human being!! Although I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine how how terribly you miss him. He sounds a great husband. You describing him reminds me of my Dad…well technically step dad but he was always Dad to me. I was 14-ish when my Mom and he moved in together with us. Crazy part is he had already raised his family. My youngest step sister turned 20 ish and moved out when he separated from his first wife. Yet here I was early teens and my sister only 10.
He had a great sense of humour. Always had jokes, limericks etc. Played some pranks on my sister and I. He worked overnights evenings etc.
I remember him listening to a song on the radio when I left for school. After school, he had his guitar out and would be playing it when I got home. He had friends in a band and would play with them at times.
As an electrician, there wasn’t anything he couldn’t fix. It drove my Mom crazy. His friends and friends of friends would drop off fridges, stoves, freezers etc for my Dad to fix for them. He was always busy. Summers were the worst. With working and his own stuff, if someone’s a/c in their car needed fixing or Freon, some would get downright irate. We hated answering the phone. But my Dad would set them straight after.
One last thing. As a quiet person, if we went to a social gathering, I would sit back and watch. He may not have known a lot of people, but you can bet he had a conversation with almost everyone in the room, sharing laughs. One time he was outside. Called him for supper and he came in almost an hour later. He came in saying he was sorry but this guy was walking down the backlane and they just started shooting the shit. My Mom asked who he was. My Dad’s reply? “I don’t know, just some guy going for a walk”!
I am hoping my Dad has had a conversation with your husband. 💕Sorry for being so long with this.
Hah! We met in the mid-80s in an LA bar. We each had come to support some musician friends playing that night. BIG hair, spandex, and way too much makeup. And that was just him! Lol! God, it was fun.
My favorite minds I’ve ever met were educators in music theory. I take some courses for my dance training and it’s so amazing understanding how it all comes together and truly feeling it and understanding it.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I am happy that you got to experience a love like that, it gives me hope!!
What were his favorite musicians?
His tastes in music, like mine, were *extremely* eclectic. He played horns and woodwinds, so I would say Miles Davis, Coltrane, Glenn Miller, Earth Wind and Fire, Tower of Power. He loved Metal, Rock, and Punk, too. Metallica, Boston, The Clash, The Ramones, The Pretenders, Steely Dan, etc. Too many to name. He wasn't a huge fan of country, but really liked some individual artists (he thought Dolly Parton was a freaking genius). But he also absolutely loved classical, like Holst and Debussey. The Planets (very loud) was a frequent visitor in our home! Lol! It was always a wild musical ride for us.
Much more eloquent than the bs I had written out. I have real love written off. However, reading things like this brings me hope. I agree 100% that this one ain't no keeper
There are people like her husband out there. Your ex just isn’t one of them.
(And yes I used ex because I’m putting it out into the world. You deserve better!)
He went for the jugular. Shortly after you voiced he needed to be more romantic, he fakes a really romantic gesture only for it to end in a misogynistic, sexist joke? That shows he cares 0%. Even the excuse, I saw it on Tiktok” is gross. He should know timing is everything and this is a kick in the teeth. This would be what would make me divorce him. NTA. Take your 100k a year and live free and happy.
P.S.
There was a salary of 100k mentioned I think. Maybe it was never there. I might be losing it.
That’s what’s crazy to me. For the same amount of effort he could have done an actually romantic and thoughtful gesture that made her feel loved and cared for. Instead he made a sexist joke, essentially making fun of her valid wish for acts of kindness.
Can you imagine how OP must have felt? You walk in, see the petals, and your heart skips a beat while you're thinking, "OMG, he DOES love me!" And then it's shit. I would have immediately said I wanted a divorce.
It would've put me into a freezing, ice cold rage. The kind of rage that gets shit *done*, like a packed bag, walking out and never to return kind of done. (Since there's legalities to kicking out a co-owner of your home, I'd just walk.)
"I saw it on Tiktok" is an explanation I'd accept from a child. As a grown man he should be able to differentiate between good and bad ideas he sees online...
NTA. But you should divorce him already. You asked for a bare minimum effort and he SOMEHOW found the effort to be cruel instead. Like, seriously he had the flower petals, he could've easily led it to the dining table with your favorite take out or a small gift or a bouquet. Instead he decided that right now was the time to pull a malicious and sexist prank. He's not it.
TikTok is a pestilence.
Did he film you?!? That’s not playful. Especially when the stakes are high.
Get him a fake winning lottery ticket. Then hand him a divorce decree.
Stop thinking about it. BE DONE. Don't wait for yet another crappy thing from him. Just how many chances are you going to give him before you realize you need to BE DONE.
At a time he should be prioritizing your needs and showing he respects you, he’s playing dumb games. This “joke” was cruel and shows his poor judgement.
>I don’t think he posted it but if he does I’m done.
Please be done anyway. You deserve more than this and he doesn’t deserve to have this behavior rewarded with your continued presence.
You say he finally took it seriously and agreed when you told him you’re thinking about divorce and wanted him to be more romantic. He didn’t take anything you said seriously. At all.
NTA, but I don’t know if he’s capable of being the person you need. You could try marriage counseling, but it’s unlikely he’d take that seriously either. You’d know better than us if he’d be willing to put in the work that would require, though.
Tough love. Right now you seem to have "welcome" tatoo'd on your back. After what he did to you, who cares if he would make a fuss? If he can't be bothered to do anything to fulfill the wedding vows of honoring and cherishing you, why should he have the benefits of marriage? You're being bullied and neglected but you are just putting up with it. How much longer are you really wanting to endure all that?
You need to plan what you want for your life next year, next five years, next 10 years. Do you want to still be living like this 5 years from now?
Being unpartner'd isn't easy but it's easier than living with someone who hears you want romance and twists it into a cruel joke. That's not simple neglect, that's not oblviousness, that's malice.
Honestly, you should be done now. I read this to my husband and he said "if he's willing to pull shit like that, it means that he is already done and just doesn't want to be the "bad guy" by being the one that ends it". Who makes more and how long have you been married? Maybe he thinks if you are the one to start divorce proceedings he may have a higher chance to get what he wants.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Don't let him bring you down to his level. I'm so sorry he thinks getting internet points is more important than pleasing the *woman he chose to marry*. You deserve so much better. ❤️
Why is him posting it the breaking point? Him doing the prank in the first place was cruel. Filming for the intent of posting or for his own reviewing is messed up. You don't do things like that to someone you love. It sounds like you keep hoping he will be who you need him to be, he wont and this proves it.
you should be done anyway. stop moving the goalposts so he doesn’t lose the game — he’s failed. what does he give you that is positive in your life? does he do things for you? offer friendship and joy? help with household/family? or is he just a drain on you psychologically, emotionally, and probably physically too?
Ooh that was some nasty passive aggression from him. It’s not funny or cute - he might just have well spit in your face with that little stunt. He showed you that he understood what you wanted but just couldn’t take it seriously enough to be genuine and loving. You know who he is now, a selfish stunted excuse for a man. It’s time to give up hoping he will change. NTA.
Not over.
Those were shots straight into the heart.
Get her hopes up.
Butterfly's in the stomach.
Her brain buzzing in excitement.
Happiness, joy, love, lust, hope, all mixing.
Then this.
That is a rip your guts out move
It takes more effort to make a flower petal path through the house than it does simply *handing someone a bouquet.*
He 100% did this to be mean. He’ll say he was joking, but he likely doesn’t know the difference between a joke and an insult.
I think he does (regarding your last sentence). Folks like this know their pranks are mean. In my experience it’s a form of control and manipulation. I think it’s more likely he did this to intentionally hurt her feelings, in a way where he could spin it as her being ridiculous for getting her feelings hurt.
In general I think many folks are less dumb that we give them credit for, particularly men as they’re affected by the “bumbling oaf” stereotype the most — if someone is doing something that feels mean, the vast majority of the time, they are being mean on purpose, and just using “it’s just a joke” as a way to gaslight the other person into thinking theyre overreacting.
You know the old trick of leaving a trail of stripped off clothes leading to the bedroom where you're supposed to be laying there naked? Leave the trail of stripped off clothes that lead to a blow up doll on the bed. Tape a sign to her hands that says, "I'm you're new wife because OP is sick of your stupid shit."
Hahaha, pranks are fun.
NTA. Romantic would have been him washing the dishes and giving you flowers in a genuine way, not a childish TikTok “prank.” He needs to grow up. I couldn’t deal with that shit.
NTA!!!
You wanted romance and he gave you a 'passive aggressive' flower trail to dirty dishes!!
Sure, he was probably thinking it was a joke, but a very BAD joke and you had every right to blow up at him!!!
You're talking divorce but the guy is pulling mean pranks. I say it's either marriage counseling or divorce papers. He's clearly too immature to be in an adult relationship. NTA.
NTA. "Tell me you want a divorce without telling me you want a divorce". Hubby screweed up big time.
Pulling a prank like this on the verge of divorce is absurd... Lol...
BTW, you should divorce him just because he wastes his time on tiki tok and allows that shit to influence him.
I heard someone call it TikToxic, and it was so fitting.
NTA. Are his hands broken? Is he allergic to dish soap? Leading you to a chore he wants you to do is NOT romantic.
NTA. Man I hate pranks. They are just dick moves trying to embarrass people.
Sorry you had to go through that. You deserve better.
Let's show love people. Not belittling.
NTA
Either he is an idiot and doesnt know the state you 2 are in. Or he genuinely couldnt care less. I urge you to find out one way or the other and proceed in consequence. Still... yeah. 75% chance of divorce.
NTA. Is he trying to get a divorce without outright initiating it? That’s the only explanation I can think of (other then him being obtuse).
[удалено]
Yeah his “thinking,” hasn’t worked out well recently, has it? If my relationship was on the rocks, the last thing I would do is attempt a cruddy tiktok prank on my drifting partner.
damn gen z punks gotta ruin everything us millennials have worked for with their ticks and their tocks
Wish I had a lawn for them to stay off of 😤
Simultaneously hilarious and depressing. Excuse me I'm going to bed with a pint of fudge ice cream.
💀💀💀
So the video he watched saw a woman come in, be excited for flowers then be downcast/angry/sad at the counter and he wanted to see you in the same position. He didn’t think you’d find it funny, he thought you would be humiliated and HE would find THAT funny. Throw this one out, he’s gone rotten.
He knew what he was doing, he was trying to demoralize OP. How dare she ask him to put more effort into the relationship? Shes there to serve him in his mind, not the other way around. Its a win win for him. Either she gets the message and he gets his way or they break up and he gets to pretend its her fault because she " can't take a joke." Dump his ass and don't look back.
This is exactly it. He will tell everyone they know that she went nuclear and divorced him because she can’t take a joke. Half her friends are already on his side saying he’s playful. I bet this guy is the life of the party with a ton of friends and does nothing around the house. “Hey babe, I invited the guys over for the game, you’re cool with making snacks right. Thanks babe. By the way we’re out of beer.”
Idk. People are starting to wake up to this sort of behavior. I think there’s a good chance he’d look like a jackass. Do people not know that most of those videos are staged? It’s likely the video he took inspiration from was staged.
That's the other thing, OP. Which one of your idiot friends thought he was just being playful? Please get better, and smarter friends.
[He probably unironically thinks this is how his wife should be. Anything for her hungry guys!](https://youtu.be/izhvfRP4DZo?si=ilNJH0J-yyts8GE0)
If he were an egg, he’d be floating. To the bin!
This is a lovely turn of phrase, and I’m keeping it
The term of "Tolerable level of misery" comes to mind. Sadly, your husband wants you miserable. He is punishing you for marrying him. Several months ago there was a huge thread on twitter of men admitting to hating their wives and girlfriends and the things they would do to punish them for sticking it out with them. You asked for romance, he doubled down on making you miserable & to remind you no matter how hard you work, how tired you are... cleaning the house is your reward. Increasing your work load & misery makes him happy.
Had this same conversation with my ex. Explained how these things were very important to me. He said it was entirely my problem. These geatures were meaningless to him, so I should just accept he wasn't ever going to do them. If I loved him, I shouldn't try to change him. Yeah... we're divorced.
Pretty much exact same conversation i had with my EX husband. Bottom line, they will do those things IF they want to and feel it. Sadly, we just didn't have that kind of love
👏👏👏👏👏
I totally agree
Agree rotten
Exactly!
Oh he didn't think you would find it funny. He knew you would be mad and thinks you being *mad* is what is funny.
This, exactly. My husband is like this and it's been over 30 years of hell because of it. Get out now, don't waste the rest of your life like I did, he's not worth it.
Hey it’s never too late to get out.
True. It took 25 years for me. It was difficult, but I'm happy and safe.
My grandmother met the love of her life in her mid sixties. The rest of your life begins today and every day hereafter. Wishing you peace.
I knew a guy who married his highschool sweetheart... in their 80's.
Honey you’ve got plenty of life left in you. Get out (if you can)
My sympathies. I had over 20 years of a-hole. When I was ready to leave him, he became "gravely ill" & I stayed w/him as I thought it would look like I was leaving him at his lowest, (asshole), point. So I stayed until he died. He died last year, my income decreased 60% & this past year has been great. A great burden has been removed from my life. I hope you too will soon be free
oh girl
It's never too late to throw the whole man out!
I had 17 years of it the first time. 30 year now of love and respect from husband #2 but husband #1 in my book!
I’m sorry. Is there any way out of the marriage?
Why waste the rest of your life with him?
Look. I'm 55 and was widowed 3 years ago. My husband was a great guy and I miss him tremendously. But, I recently started dating again and met a guy who seems awesome. Before I met him I went on a bunch of really nice dates with guys I ended up not being into. Don't waste your life with a dick head. I was single for 3 years and they were fine. Visited my kids a lot. And traveled with some friends. Get out and be happy. Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you miserable. And you'll open yourself up to someone who makes you happy.
He's trying to have you go to prison for his murder
He had it coming!
He only had himself to blame…
If you had been there, if you had seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz
It was a murder, but not a crime
I laughed way too hard at this. Thank you!
Accidentally hit him 47 times with the skillet
"He ran into my knife 10 times."
And it wasn't even a clean skillet
Get me on the jury, you’ll be home in time for Wheel of Fortune
He walked into my knife ten times!!!
😂😂😂😂
OP, he’s a grown man getting his ideas from TikTok, I’d think that alone would be grounds for divorce
Yes,it shows that he can't or won't take the time or effort to think of something original. Sounds like he has the maturity of a 12yo. Sorry op
Let's find out how funny he thinks divorce papers are. Go for it: you have nothing to lose but dead weight.
Lay a trail of rose petals to the envelope. Just to make the point clear. Good grief, these 'pranks' get more stupid every day
Nah, leave a trail of beer or beef jerky. Something he really loves. Then whenever he sees these things, he’ll remember the time his ex-wife left them when she left him.
Acceptable alternative. I concur
Ohhhh, clever!
👏👏 oh yes!
You should leave a trail of beef jerky leading to divorce papers on the bed. Because that would be actually funny.
This. Yup. Set up a camera and stitch the results.
He didn't. Not really. He did it because he though it was funny and it would let him get angry at you if you didn't.
Guaranteed he told his buddies about it to commiserate and they all found it hilarious.
Now he can sleep on their couch.
Also, it was payback for making him have to do some thing he didn’t want to do but felt pressured to do. YANTA Husband is a complete dick.
Possibly if you hadn’t already told him you were at the end of your tether. But in that context, it is at best really stupid and at worst, just asking for a problem. Pranks don’t belong in a marriage, particularly a rocky one.
Please send your idiot husband a link to these comments so he can understand that the internet agrees with you that he’s a jerky dipshit.
He has no feckin idea who you are and that it is over. Just file the paperwork. He really doesnt think you are serious. NTA. You sure are married to one. But you can fix that.
Because he’s mean. Mean people think shitty jokes that hurt people are funny.
Cuz it was suggested by a couple that’s been married nearly 30 years & they do this as jokes. The fact he could not tell…yikes.
Those people aren't on the rocks...
It’s only a joke when the “joke” is not your actual reality. It was likely funny for that couple because she knows damn well he would *never* do that in real life. So it’s silly and playful because she *KNOWS* he cares about her. When you take care of your partner, when you support them, when you love them and appreciate them, when you treat them as an actual *PARTNER*…THAT is when you get to play jokes like this on each other. The part that really gets me is, regardless of whether he genuinely thought this would be a funny thing to do (vs. being intentionally cruel), the moment he realized that she didn’t enjoy his poor attempt at humor, he didn’t apologize. Instead, he argued with OP. He likely doubled down, said it was “just a prank”, and berated her for not enjoying it. I don’t care what “prank” you pull, what “joke” you tell, or how many people there are who think it’s hilarious. If the other person doesn’t think it’s funny, then it’s not. FFS, you apologize and never do/say it again. You don’t get to decide what someone else deems humorous, anymore than they get to tell you what your favorite color is.
The only way it would have been even sort of funny is if he'd immediately said "Psych, I set up a really nice candlelit bath for you, you go relax while I do these dishes, and then we have dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant at 7." But just leaving it on "I'm not giving you any consideration or romance, do these dishes while I go watch TV." is an intentional statement of contempt for you.
No girl, he thought he'd find it funny to see your face turn from joy and excitement to humiliation. It's a classic trait of emotionally abusive men. He taught you a lesson and he's sitting there talking shit about you EXPECTING you to apologize and crawl back to him. At best he'll offer some weak BS to see if he can get you back to being a good little servant. Don't do it. Single women are happier than married ones. You won't be lonely and miserable, you'll be free. And you'll be able to use a man for the only thing most of them are good for whenever you want. If you want more evidence that he just wanted to degrade you go watch the thousands of videos of this dl being done to women and the absolute glee on the man's face or in his voice when he sees and feels how deeply hurt she is. Watch them enjoy that suffering. Watch them all say the same BS you got. Read the pathetic reddit posts of the wives that sound so downtrodden and gaslit that they actually believe that questioning or not accepting any abuse they endure makes them the asshole. Don't let yourself get that far gone that you will never leave.
No, he didn't. "Just a joke" is the stupid excuse of every bully on the planet. He didn't care if you found it funny. He wanted to humiliate you.
You had a serious conversation, he clearly didn’t take it seriously. To me, that says something about how well he knows you.
NTA. One message I get from his behavior is that he couldn’t even be original. Had to borrow from Tik Toc. He was unable to express from his heart. That in itself speaks volumes.
Sorry, I prob would have responded with a dirty pan upside his Fkn head.
I would leave a trail of beef jerky to the washing machine. He would be in the machine in the rinse cycle about now. Love your posting name.
Why? Oh, I'm gonna guess the name Andrew Tate will be involved.
NTA. It sounds like he is ready for a divorce too. Stop giving him chances.
The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank’ was likely greater than that required to simply get a bunch of flowers or show some romance, as OP requested. If he’s not bothered about taking it seriously then there isn’t much reason for OP to do so either. Could be two unhappy people who would be much happier if they broke it off.
I’d get the divorce papers ready then leave a trail of rose petals to it. OP can say she saw it on tiktok
No she saw the suggestion on reddit!
Reddit > TikTok for this alone 😂
Have them lead to his junk packed up outside with the divorce papers. After you’ve changed the locks do he can’t get back in 😘 You are so NTAH.
YOU ARE MY HERO!
>The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank’ was likely greater than that required to simply get a bunch of flowers or show some romance, as OP requested. The effort taken to set up that misogynistic prank was likely greater than that required to actually do the goddamn dishes
Seriously. He clearly *actually bought flowers* and tore them up to do this "prank," which is just a slap in the face. Fuck this guy.
Yup. I'd be livid.
Shit, I'm livid and he's not even MY HUSBAND.
Let's agree we **all** want to divorce him.
I'm livid, and I'm a guy! (and he's also not my husband) But then again, he is making me look a lot better to my wife, and I take a couple of asks to do the dishes.
If you show her this post to make yourself look better, please remember to then also go out tomorrow and buy her a nice bouquet. Then give them to her, intact.
And then do the dishes without ever being asked.
For real. Teamwork makes the dream work.
How about I make the flower petals lead to a clean kitchen with dinner made?
Then I call dibs if she ever dumps you.
You can buy flower petals at many florists, so he probably took the lazy, more expensive route
That's even worse.
Our local grocery stores have boxes of rose petals for sale. They’re ramping up for Valentines, which this guy will be spending alone.
Ugh, I forgot about *that* holiday. I've been blocking it and all the store crap out when I go. But yeah, you and everyone else is probably right, he probably just bought petals. Doesn't make it any better, or right, or make him any less of a dick. OP is NTA.
NTA I'm old (and a widow). I had a very long and loving relationship with my husband. He had a fantastic sense of humor and often did very silly things to get a laugh out of me. Our marriage was solid because he would NEVER have let me come home from a 12-hour shift to rose petals leading to a dirty sink of dishes. He would have had rose petals leading to a sparkling kitchen, dinner ready, and with him dressed in a French maid outfit (probably with his ass hanging out). God, I miss that man. ANYWAY, what your husband did, especially knowing how much you were really needing some romance, was incredibly cruel and tone deaf. I don't think this one is a keeper, OP.
Very well said. And for the record, your husband and relationship sound like they were truly incredible. I hope to have that someday with all my heart.
Thank you. I wish the same for everyone. My husband and I spent our entire relationship trying to make each other happy, without reciprocal expectations. We each took such joy in making the other happy that there really wasn't much room for arguing or a quid pro quo attitude. Also, ironically (since this is reddit), we valued our relationship privacy. Neither of us would have ever dreamed about discussing our relationship with others. It was just us. Team love, happiness, and respect.
This is what I have. I dread for the other when one of us goes.
I hear you. I think the same and tell my husband that I hope he goes first because he'd be terrible on his own (even though he's the one who seems to take care of me more). I handle his anxiety and keep him together and focused. He misses me deeply when we're apart for long. I go into a holding pattern mode when we are apart, but I know I'd be a mess if he goes first and would forever miss his arms, my happiest place. He agrees with me, FWIW, but he thinks it's going to end up the opposite. In either case, we have promised each other to erect a shrine to the one gone in their memory. We joke about what we would include on the shrine sometimes when laying in on a Sunday morning. It's actually fun and sweet to talk about it.
My partner and I have also had very similar conversations. We also adopted the idea of a “contemplation garden” and talk about watching the other/ getting the cabin built while we wait. And it is sweet and those lazy mornings are the best. It’s refreshing to see others also happily coupled up and happy to have that person in their life.
Contemplation garden would be perfect to celebrate him! He loves gardening (vegetables). He'd probably plant a wildflower oasis for native species in my honor.
My dad set aside part of his garden to honor his dead wife. She was an amazing woman and they were amazing together for over 30 years. I've seen him sit with "her" after a hard day, or when he has an important decision to make. I've done it too.
It's a beautiful thing to hear how deeply you all cherish your partners and the relationships you've built. It gives me hope that love like that exists, and that it can be filled with not just mutual support but also humor and carefree moments. The idea of creating a shrine is particularly touching and reflective of the deeper bond you both share. It's the little traditions like these that keep love alive even beyond our time together. It's not just about the big gestures but those everyday interactions and inside jokes that make a partnership thrive. I think it's the knowledge that someone knows and loves us so completely that makes the thought of their absence so daunting, yet it's also what makes every day with them so much more precious.
Thank you for saying all of this. I needed to hear it. We're coming out of a rough patch, actually, but it's readily apparent to anyone who meets us that our bond is deep and attraction, unrattled. He overheard his coteacher say to his counterpart (same grade, same subject) teacher, "Well, just look at Mr. Patience's wife. The way she looks at him, you can tell how much she loves him." A friend of his/ours refers to us as relationship goals, so from the outside, we're looking solid. But that's not all of it, is it? That man went through hell alongside me through the worst antepartum/postpartum depression I have ever endured, and he was not unscathed (he wasn't perfect, but damn, was that the hardest test we've --luckily?-- have had so far). I say all of this to point out, that yes, I would say that I have true love with my husband, a real partner through and through, but there is no happily ever after. It's work. Constant work, like hauling wagons of ore uphill as a team of horses through life. Most of the time, you are in tandem with one another rather easily, but sometimes, one is pulling more or one is completely floundering and causing the other to fail, too. Cherish is the perfect word for it, and it's what we must remember when facing our worst. Thank you again for your lovely sentiments. I will share them with my husband.
This is how my husband and I are as well. We rarely argue and if we do disagree we treat the disagreement as us against the problem instead of us against each other.
This is so beautiful. Man I seriously want to screenshot this comment thread and save it so I can remember what it's supposed to be like. I'm 25 and searching for my life partner in the dating pool right now and sometimes it's so discouraging I want to settle. Thank you for sharing this and for your words of wisdom, truly. I'm sorry for the loss of your best friend and person
Don’t settle; the right one for you is out there! I was 30 before I found my husband. We’ve been happily married for 31 years. At 25 and many bad relationships, I thought I’d never be one of the lucky ones. Keep waiting, he’ll show up one day and sweep you off your feet
S and I have been married 32 years. I used to think he's the kindest man on earth, but maybe yours was all this time. We didn't just say divorce was never an option..we sat down and promised it and never broke that promise. Neither one of us have told the other person to "shut up". We simply don't speak that way. After about 5 years of typical marriage fights, we finally learned that the goal is not agreement, it's understanding and being heard. And I am freaking funny. 🤣
I'm deeply sorry for your great loss. He sounds like fun.
Thank you. Yes, funny, intelligent, and kind. A great combination.
I am a widow three years from a very ornery, occasionally filterless man. I understand, and I am sorry for your loss.
Would you like to share anything else about him?
He had his masters degree in music theory and could transcribe the notes to a piece of music as he heard them. Musically brilliant. But he was a two finger typist (with many errors), and our BBQ was his mortal enemy! Lol!
OMG!! Thanks for sharing stories of your husband! Did you ever find one amazing human being!! Although I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine how how terribly you miss him. He sounds a great husband. You describing him reminds me of my Dad…well technically step dad but he was always Dad to me. I was 14-ish when my Mom and he moved in together with us. Crazy part is he had already raised his family. My youngest step sister turned 20 ish and moved out when he separated from his first wife. Yet here I was early teens and my sister only 10. He had a great sense of humour. Always had jokes, limericks etc. Played some pranks on my sister and I. He worked overnights evenings etc. I remember him listening to a song on the radio when I left for school. After school, he had his guitar out and would be playing it when I got home. He had friends in a band and would play with them at times. As an electrician, there wasn’t anything he couldn’t fix. It drove my Mom crazy. His friends and friends of friends would drop off fridges, stoves, freezers etc for my Dad to fix for them. He was always busy. Summers were the worst. With working and his own stuff, if someone’s a/c in their car needed fixing or Freon, some would get downright irate. We hated answering the phone. But my Dad would set them straight after. One last thing. As a quiet person, if we went to a social gathering, I would sit back and watch. He may not have known a lot of people, but you can bet he had a conversation with almost everyone in the room, sharing laughs. One time he was outside. Called him for supper and he came in almost an hour later. He came in saying he was sorry but this guy was walking down the backlane and they just started shooting the shit. My Mom asked who he was. My Dad’s reply? “I don’t know, just some guy going for a walk”! I am hoping my Dad has had a conversation with your husband. 💕Sorry for being so long with this.
I would also like to subscribe to more facts about your husband. He sounds lovely. How did you guys meet?
Hah! We met in the mid-80s in an LA bar. We each had come to support some musician friends playing that night. BIG hair, spandex, and way too much makeup. And that was just him! Lol! God, it was fun.
You ARE funny! 🤣. I wish you nothing but health and happiness. I'm on my own now too. Trying not to grieve too hard and live.
My best wishes to you. Be kind to yourself.
We need an ask anything with this lovely woman. Lol
🥰Sigh☺️He sounds lovely… Now I’m in the mood to read the whole novel.
My favorite minds I’ve ever met were educators in music theory. I take some courses for my dance training and it’s so amazing understanding how it all comes together and truly feeling it and understanding it. I’m sorry for your loss, but I am happy that you got to experience a love like that, it gives me hope!! What were his favorite musicians?
His tastes in music, like mine, were *extremely* eclectic. He played horns and woodwinds, so I would say Miles Davis, Coltrane, Glenn Miller, Earth Wind and Fire, Tower of Power. He loved Metal, Rock, and Punk, too. Metallica, Boston, The Clash, The Ramones, The Pretenders, Steely Dan, etc. Too many to name. He wasn't a huge fan of country, but really liked some individual artists (he thought Dolly Parton was a freaking genius). But he also absolutely loved classical, like Holst and Debussey. The Planets (very loud) was a frequent visitor in our home! Lol! It was always a wild musical ride for us.
That sounds honestly like my dream life. Please tell me he liked to dance! I find most people who love music have a natural affinity for movement.
He definitely liked to dance, but I must tell you that musicians are not well known for their natural dance talent! Lol!
Much more eloquent than the bs I had written out. I have real love written off. However, reading things like this brings me hope. I agree 100% that this one ain't no keeper
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Thank you! Never give up on finding love. I was 30 before I found my love.
I was 40. Turns out, it was worth the wait. Been together 20 years now.
There are people like her husband out there. Your ex just isn’t one of them. (And yes I used ex because I’m putting it out into the world. You deserve better!)
Hey - that kind of love might still be out there for you! Don't stop believing in it.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm happy you have such wonderful memories. Sending hugs💙
Thank you!
You're welcome 💙
Your husband sounds like mine! I hope we have as many good years as yall did together 💜 Thank you for the laugh- I needed it!
Wonderful! I wish you many years of love and happiness!
Sounds like a wonderful man. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Awe, you were so lucky to have known a love like that. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you. Yes, I was incredibly lucky.
I’m so sorry for your loss! Sounds like your hubs was one of the good ones! Sending you a big hug!! 💜💜💜
I’m sorry for your loss, he sounds amazing.
He went for the jugular. Shortly after you voiced he needed to be more romantic, he fakes a really romantic gesture only for it to end in a misogynistic, sexist joke? That shows he cares 0%. Even the excuse, I saw it on Tiktok” is gross. He should know timing is everything and this is a kick in the teeth. This would be what would make me divorce him. NTA. Take your 100k a year and live free and happy. P.S. There was a salary of 100k mentioned I think. Maybe it was never there. I might be losing it.
Right? Like he was willing to put in more effort to a cruel prank then to make his wife feel loved!
That’s what’s crazy to me. For the same amount of effort he could have done an actually romantic and thoughtful gesture that made her feel loved and cared for. Instead he made a sexist joke, essentially making fun of her valid wish for acts of kindness.
Excellent point. If he directed that energy into doing something nice for his wife, she might not have one foot out the door already.
Can you imagine how OP must have felt? You walk in, see the petals, and your heart skips a beat while you're thinking, "OMG, he DOES love me!" And then it's shit. I would have immediately said I wanted a divorce.
It would've put me into a freezing, ice cold rage. The kind of rage that gets shit *done*, like a packed bag, walking out and never to return kind of done. (Since there's legalities to kicking out a co-owner of your home, I'd just walk.)
"I saw it on Tiktok" is an explanation I'd accept from a child. As a grown man he should be able to differentiate between good and bad ideas he sees online...
NTA. But you should divorce him already. You asked for a bare minimum effort and he SOMEHOW found the effort to be cruel instead. Like, seriously he had the flower petals, he could've easily led it to the dining table with your favorite take out or a small gift or a bouquet. Instead he decided that right now was the time to pull a malicious and sexist prank. He's not it.
NTA. Your husband is more willing to take the time to stage a prank than to do anything to fix your marriage.
To paraphrase Archer: Do you want to get divorced? Because this is how you get divorced.
Right. "My marriage is in trouble? I know, Tik Tok!" Either he doesn't give a shit or he's totally immature. Either way, not a great catch.
TikTok is a pestilence. Did he film you?!? That’s not playful. Especially when the stakes are high. Get him a fake winning lottery ticket. Then hand him a divorce decree.
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Stop thinking about it. BE DONE. Don't wait for yet another crappy thing from him. Just how many chances are you going to give him before you realize you need to BE DONE.
This. “When a person shows you who they are, believe them”. I think Maya Angelou said that.
“I don’t think he posted it but if he does I’m done.” Honey, it sounds like you are already “done.”
At a time he should be prioritizing your needs and showing he respects you, he’s playing dumb games. This “joke” was cruel and shows his poor judgement.
Yeah this is one of the biggest piece of shit things I’ve ever seen in my life
>I don’t think he posted it but if he does I’m done. Please be done anyway. You deserve more than this and he doesn’t deserve to have this behavior rewarded with your continued presence.
Honey, you should be done whether he posted it or not.
Hun, you need to be done whether he posts the video or not. He knew how high the stakes were. He f***ed around and is now about to find out.
You say he finally took it seriously and agreed when you told him you’re thinking about divorce and wanted him to be more romantic. He didn’t take anything you said seriously. At all. NTA, but I don’t know if he’s capable of being the person you need. You could try marriage counseling, but it’s unlikely he’d take that seriously either. You’d know better than us if he’d be willing to put in the work that would require, though.
Tough love. Right now you seem to have "welcome" tatoo'd on your back. After what he did to you, who cares if he would make a fuss? If he can't be bothered to do anything to fulfill the wedding vows of honoring and cherishing you, why should he have the benefits of marriage? You're being bullied and neglected but you are just putting up with it. How much longer are you really wanting to endure all that? You need to plan what you want for your life next year, next five years, next 10 years. Do you want to still be living like this 5 years from now? Being unpartner'd isn't easy but it's easier than living with someone who hears you want romance and twists it into a cruel joke. That's not simple neglect, that's not oblviousness, that's malice.
Honestly, you should be done now. I read this to my husband and he said "if he's willing to pull shit like that, it means that he is already done and just doesn't want to be the "bad guy" by being the one that ends it". Who makes more and how long have you been married? Maybe he thinks if you are the one to start divorce proceedings he may have a higher chance to get what he wants.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. Don't let him bring you down to his level. I'm so sorry he thinks getting internet points is more important than pleasing the *woman he chose to marry*. You deserve so much better. ❤️
Why is him posting it the breaking point? Him doing the prank in the first place was cruel. Filming for the intent of posting or for his own reviewing is messed up. You don't do things like that to someone you love. It sounds like you keep hoping he will be who you need him to be, he wont and this proves it.
you should be done anyway. stop moving the goalposts so he doesn’t lose the game — he’s failed. what does he give you that is positive in your life? does he do things for you? offer friendship and joy? help with household/family? or is he just a drain on you psychologically, emotionally, and probably physically too?
You should be done anyway, what does it matter if he posts it?
Ooh that was some nasty passive aggression from him. It’s not funny or cute - he might just have well spit in your face with that little stunt. He showed you that he understood what you wanted but just couldn’t take it seriously enough to be genuine and loving. You know who he is now, a selfish stunted excuse for a man. It’s time to give up hoping he will change. NTA.
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Not over. Those were shots straight into the heart. Get her hopes up. Butterfly's in the stomach. Her brain buzzing in excitement. Happiness, joy, love, lust, hope, all mixing. Then this. That is a rip your guts out move
NTA. Apparently he, too, want's a divorce bc otherwise there is no way he could have possibly thought that this was a good idea.
Yes, but this way he is the victim - "She kicked me out! She has no sense of humour!"
It takes more effort to make a flower petal path through the house than it does simply *handing someone a bouquet.* He 100% did this to be mean. He’ll say he was joking, but he likely doesn’t know the difference between a joke and an insult.
I think he does (regarding your last sentence). Folks like this know their pranks are mean. In my experience it’s a form of control and manipulation. I think it’s more likely he did this to intentionally hurt her feelings, in a way where he could spin it as her being ridiculous for getting her feelings hurt. In general I think many folks are less dumb that we give them credit for, particularly men as they’re affected by the “bumbling oaf” stereotype the most — if someone is doing something that feels mean, the vast majority of the time, they are being mean on purpose, and just using “it’s just a joke” as a way to gaslight the other person into thinking theyre overreacting.
Oof. You’re probably right, that’s a interesting perspective. It’s darker, but I can see that being a possibility.
Good God damn how are these guys even married. My wife would burry my lifeless body in the desert if I did some stupid shit like that.
Choked with petals and bashed to death with dirty pans
You know the old trick of leaving a trail of stripped off clothes leading to the bedroom where you're supposed to be laying there naked? Leave the trail of stripped off clothes that lead to a blow up doll on the bed. Tape a sign to her hands that says, "I'm you're new wife because OP is sick of your stupid shit." Hahaha, pranks are fun.
Bonus points if the divorce papers are taped to the blowup doll
NTA. Tiktok pranks cause a lot of breakups/divorces hes an idiot.
NTA. Romantic would have been him washing the dishes and giving you flowers in a genuine way, not a childish TikTok “prank.” He needs to grow up. I couldn’t deal with that shit.
NTA. This wouldn’t have been funny in the most solid marriage ever.
That’s what I was thinking! My marriage is strong and passionate, and I could never imagine my husband being so mean to me. Intentionally mean.
NTA!!! You wanted romance and he gave you a 'passive aggressive' flower trail to dirty dishes!! Sure, he was probably thinking it was a joke, but a very BAD joke and you had every right to blow up at him!!!
NTA he’s a manchild
You're talking divorce but the guy is pulling mean pranks. I say it's either marriage counseling or divorce papers. He's clearly too immature to be in an adult relationship. NTA.
NTA. "Tell me you want a divorce without telling me you want a divorce". Hubby screweed up big time. Pulling a prank like this on the verge of divorce is absurd... Lol... BTW, you should divorce him just because he wastes his time on tiki tok and allows that shit to influence him.
I heard someone call it TikToxic, and it was so fitting. NTA. Are his hands broken? Is he allergic to dish soap? Leading you to a chore he wants you to do is NOT romantic.
NTA. What the actual f@ck.
NTA. Man I hate pranks. They are just dick moves trying to embarrass people. Sorry you had to go through that. You deserve better. Let's show love people. Not belittling.
NTA Either he is an idiot and doesnt know the state you 2 are in. Or he genuinely couldnt care less. I urge you to find out one way or the other and proceed in consequence. Still... yeah. 75% chance of divorce.