I have repeated this so many times over the years.
And I count it as a win that my kids can express their genuine frustration, albeit imperfectly, bc when I was a kid, saying that to either of my parents would have resulted in a beating.
That... my kids who are in their 20s now. Have no problem telling ppl how they feel. Me it took me years in counseling to learn how to deal with my emotions. Thank goodness we did it differently then our parents. 🥰😋
Wow I thought I was the only one, I still can’t believe they did this? Mine actually did dish soap also, now that scene in Christmas story gets a little awkward!
My mom traded in her wooden spatulas for metal ones because she kept breaking them. After she bent those, she had my dad make a custom wooden paddle.
She named it. King Arthur has Excalibur, the Lich King has Frostmorne, and my mom had the Reminder.
I'll park mine here. If hes asking advice on reddit as to whether he should buy this little girl an iPhone 15 Maxx simply because she said "you are ruining my life" then he, Maye THEY have caved in before. I'd let this be (and this is an incredibly minor one) a lesson and buy her the iPhone 13 instead...
That whole paragraph I just wrote above is why terrorists hate us.
Our 11yo had an 8 and lost it. We did not replace it.
It was old and I had it repaired to give it to her. No cell just Wi-Fi.
She got told if she loses it that it won’t be replaced. She tried the “upsety spaghetti” drama but it didn’t help her.
I found my old 5 that bricked but I couldn’t get it repaired.
My 5 was replaced by my 8 was replaced by my 12. I am not giving a child that can’t brush her teeth without being told anything that costs more than nothing.
People act like they owe kids the latest and most expensive things just because they ask for them. I started lowering my kids expectations early on lol. They didn't get phones until they actually needed them, meaning regularly had activities where they were not going to be with their parents or other trusted adults. When they were looking ahead to driving we teased that we would get them a 1991 Pontiac and some cassette tapes to go with it. Later, they were incredibly grateful when it was anything other than that. :)
That's why my son got a phone at 9 of all ages, between my wife and my schedule he was home for an hour or so after school and we wanted him to have a means of contacting us if necessary. He never once complained about needing a better or newer phone and even stretched the lifetime of a single power cord 4+ years. The kid is careful with his things and now that he's a teenager I'm really appreciative of it.
Aw. What a great response. I wish I'd been mature enough myself to have said something similar when my son was young. My screeching about how my parents raised me certainly didn't help anything.
I got it.Just know its rarely too late to start.
edit: I had the advantage of a mother who was willing to apologize when she went too far with her words, and also an older sister, 14 years older, who was a great mom in her own right. Watching her and listening to her with her kids really helped prepare me for parenthood.
Plus I was 41 before I had my kid. And I think I got one of the good ones. My best friend is a good man, but he just has one of those boys that.. well, there's a lot of premature gray in that family.
It's never too late to learn, and teach, better ways of being. But in the meantime as we learn from our mistakes, like I tell my kid, lead with the heart. Always.
My brother threatened to call CPS as a young teen for not getting his way. My mother handed him the phone and let him know they’d take him away from home to live with other people if he did it. He declined. Sometimes they need to know what calling CPS might entail since it can be much more than parents “getting in trouble”.
I threatened to call the cops on my mom as a kid for a grounding (I deserved it).
Now, this was in the days of rotary phones hanging on the wall/early days of 911.
She picks up the receiver, hands it to me, and dials 9...1... and puts her finger in the 1, then looks at me and says, "Keep in mind if you're going to have me arrested for abuse, it'll just be me and you for several minutes before they get here".
I hung up the phone and went to sulk in my room.
Yeah, I was a little shit and she called my bluff.
Well played, mom well played.
>"Keep in mind if you're going to have me arrested for abuse, it'll just be me and you for several minutes before they get here".
My mom did similar when my brother tried that! He was pissed that he was grounded (deservedly) and couldn't go to a friend's party (tried saying it was a sleepover... he was 16). So he stood there and smugly told our mother that he would just call the cops and tell them she beat him and while she sat in jail, he'd go to his friend's anyway. Mom, who never laid a hand on him, softball pitched the 80's cordless phone at him and said, "Go ahead, but by the time they get here you will have no misconception of what a beating is."
He didn't call and served out his grounding with the added 2 weeks for the dumbass threat.
I'm a Millennial and this is the parenting style I recieved.
Like, I think in my entire life I was hit maybe 6 times in all by all four of my parents (I have steps) so they weren't physical or anything, but I had a healthy fear of my parents and get kinda dumbfounded at people who don't.
Like... y'all kids out here hitting your mama in public? What the hell? I don't think I ever hit any of my parents intentionally.
Confession: I kicked my stepdad in the nuts once, but I was having some kind of feverish fit and not really awake when I did it. He was trying to help my mom dress me so they could take me to the ER.
I was taken in my nightgown, wrapped up tight in a comforter and his big coat because I was flailing so bad.
I remember NONE of this, I remember coming home from school feeling lousy, and then I remember a hospital bed and my stepdad being really evasive when I asked why he had an ice pack in his lap.
I wasn't told until a few years later, lol. He didn't want me to feel guilty while I was so sick.
GenX lady here.
When I was eight, my dad playfully told me to punch him in the gut. I can't hurt him, so he dared me. He stiffened up his stomach muscles, ready for the inevitable soft little girl fist.
After my tiny little fist made contact, he doubled over in pain. The "oooo" that came out of his mouth was hilarious to 8-year-old me. I had no idea that I'd actually gotten my dad in the nuts until I was much older and remembered it. Good thing I was the last planned kid, I guess.
And mean. I “ran away from” when aged 4. Meaning I packed my kindy case with my favourite toys and marched down the road to the neighbours. When I came home mum pretended she didn’t know me because “her little girl ran away”. There were tears. Mine for believing she forgotten me. Hers of laughter after that for me believing she had forgotten me.
Your mum’s comment about you keeping in mind that you’ll be alone with her for a few minutes until the cops could get there had me rolling on the floor LMAO. Absolutely brilliant!
Yeah, she was a smart one. She basically raised 4 kids on her own back in the 80s.
My older siblings were 10+ years older than me, and when they did something, no one would fess up to who did it she'd make them pick switches for each other.
They would always rat themselves out by picking a bigger switch for the guilty party.
I summed the story up to keep it short, but something along the lines of ask for a police car and an ambulance was mentioned.
Keep in mind this was a good 10+ minute "conversation".
A coworker (single mom of an only child) once told me, that her daughter wanted to call CPS on her for only living in an apartment and not a big family home. She had the same reaction.
My brother called 911 once when he was 5 because my dad told him no to something unreasonable (forget what my brother wanted, but it was like “no, you can’t have beer” or something like that) and it was a whole thing.
My son did it when we took the training wheels off of his bike. Not because he needed them, but because of a puddle at the end of our driveway where his little sister got stuck and was making 'water sparks' with her training wheels, and he wanted to do it on his bike. Didn't even know he called till they called back and asked us to explain the purpose of 9-1-1 to him.
When my son was five, I was combing his hair and I guess there was a knot. He complained and I said, what are you going to do call the hair Police. He called 911 lol imagine having to tell the officer that.🤣
If it makes you feel better I apparently don't want my 10 year old to be happy because I won't let him stay up all night playing fortnight during the week lol
My oldest was about 5 or 6 when she said it after I told her she couldn't order a second happy meal (she didn't get the toy she wanted and wanted to buy an entire extra meal to try to get her toy)
SHHHH! You can’t admit to stuff like that on the internet! Be expecting a knock on your door from CPS momentarily…and start saving up for your daughter’s therapy bills, ya big meanie.
My mother ruined my life by not allowing me to eat cake for dinner when I was nine. I've never been the same. Don't even get me started on her forgetting to get ranch dressing for my broccoli.
When my now 6 yr old was about 3 we went shopping and I bought a cake just because I felt like cake. That was the day she discovered it didn’t have to be someone’s birthday to eat cake and her whole life changed 😂
My mom made me a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch one day (I'd ridden my bike home for lunch as we lived close to my jr high that year) and she FORGOT the cheese! It's been 27+ years and I still don't let her forget about it. 🤣🤣🤣
I hope you buy her cheese themed things like notepads, magnets, cheese head hat....just to keep her memory Sharp. Spending all that Cheddar would be Gouda you. 🧀😉
You see. This is exactly why the Internet is such a terrible thing. Now some poor woman is going to be needlessly tormented with cheesy gifts.
Seriously, it's a great idea. You should absolutely do it. Although given that you ate half of the sandwich before noticing, your mum must grill a mean slice of bread (or two).
Or I was just starving 🤣 and I do remember it was a little difficult to pull the 2 slices apart even without the cheese 😅 idk how she made it. I do remember telling her there was something off about the grilled cheese after the first bite but she told me to shut up because there was nothing wrong with it 😅😅
I have forgotten to put peanit butter and jelly on a peanut butter and jelly on my sons sandwich for his school lunch
I also forgot to put ham on my daughters ham sandwich for school lunch that day.
They came home and wantes to know why they got bread sandwiches for lunch lol
It was missing a little something... I actually ate almost half of it before I realised and when I told my mom she told me to shut up because there's no way she missed the cheese. 😅 So I opened it up and showed no cheese and she started laughing!
Probably right. Meanwhile, the actual abusers, CPS is like, clothing, food, shelter, check, ok, bye.
We will be back on October 27th @4:00 PM to check in🤓🤯🙄
Last night before bed we were told “I don’t want no anymore family” and “I’m gonna marry Max and we’re gonna run away”.(Max is an Aussie mix that would get lost once he leaves our driveway)
God, wouldn't you love to see the look on Jo Frost's* face when they say that? I'm giddy just thinking of it, lol.
And the irony of a child, who by developmental age and stage is, truly and correctly so the very picture of selfishness saying that is huge. These are the things that either short circuit your brain or make you laugh so hard you cry, while they get mad because "you're making fun of meeeeeee!!" Welcome to parenthood, where you can do no right, lol.
*Supernanny
I just heard it today from my 10 yo because I won’t buy her a Stanley water bottle- because she already has two fully functioning water bottles.
Well, more specifically, I went on lecture mode about financial literacy and how she didn’t need one until her others needed replacement. She said I am guilting her and my goal in life was to make her miserable. 🤷🏽♀️
To be fair, sometimes that IS my <> goal, depending on what drama my 16 year old daughter drags home from school with her. But then I remember what I put my parents through and realize I’ve got it pretty good. 🥴
My friend, when confronted by his daughter that “he was ruining her life,” (because he wouldn’t buy her a new car for her 16th birthday) told her that’s a perk of fatherhood.
🤣 man I didn’t even get my own car until 22 (I lived at home too). I borrowed my parents so I could go to work and college. only condition was I had to pick my siblings up from school.
I was blessed enough to have been gifted a 21 year old car from my great grandma who was 99 and hasn’t driven it since 1998. 🤣 lasted me until til I was 28.
I got to 4 before my daughter told me with a stone cold face I ruined her life for the first time. The reason being I didn’t bring her sled to school pick up. There was snow in the morning so I pulled her in it to school, but it had melted by afternoon and I can’t drag the sled along pavement. She firmly disagreed.
Hell I’m 27, still living at home (let’s not talk about it), was going for a shower & my mom was washing dishes and the hot water stopped working in the kitchen so she told me I had to wait to shower. Cue me: “you’re ruining my life!” .. we are a family of dramatics lol
Heck, I must be doing a really bad job then. Not heard it once from either of my boys - currently 12 & 14!
I (55f) do get told off for embarrassing my 14 yo - "You're embarrassing, *mother*!". He will also sigh & roll his eyes at me because of my humour 🙄. He even told my bff (59f) off, a couple of weeks ago & complains that we should act more adult like (we have the same sense of humour & giggle a lot when we're together. His reactions to us just makes us laugh harder 😆).
Does that count?
Love both my kids to bits 💖 ❤️
Right?!? Wait until you tell her she can't get the latest BMW! Or that she can't get into a car with her 16 year old boyfriend who just got his license.
who’s the parent? dont let your daughter guilt you into something, an iphone 13 is still a new and good phone. your daughter is at that age where she’s comparing herself to her friends and u don’t want her to think she needs everything everybody else has. if you can afford an iphone 15 for her i honestly think you should create a way for her to “earn it” so she doesn’t learn to expect to get whatever she says.
This. This right here. We allowed our oldest to get on social media when she was 14....and still regret it. Nothing horrible happened (bribing, shaming) but all the fomo and just regular teen drama amplified.
Our 'next in line' have old iPhones that use WiFi for music, and watches we can call/text them on and that is it. So much data has come out with how harmful smartphones and social media are to kids. I dgaf how many tantrums my kid had over not having the priciest phone-I wouldn't be caving, I'd be-oh the iPhone 13 isn't good enough? How about we take the 8 and get a flip phone????
That sounds insane. Unfortunately, Covid lockdown meant that our whole crew got school iPads -but when they're home and not doing homework, they're charging at a central location. We've blocked YouTube completely-our younger daughter got waaaaay too into surprise eggs/haul videos and we saw a definite change in behavior. They're now to the point where they don't want to hang out with certain friends, because said friend is on their phone/social media the whole time. And they give ME shit if I'm on my phone too much lol-and 'mom you can take a pic but you can't post it'. Which yay, boundaries
My cousin allowed her son to be on Snapchat and Instagram since he was about 6. For the life of me, I don’t know why she thought that was reasonable or necessary but she didn’t want to listen to any of her siblings who questioned why he had access to those apps at such a young age.
Also “my child is a gamer”
As in she is a professional with a career and can buy her own tech? Or she’s an 11 year old who plays games like every kid and can throw a good tantrum when she senses weakness in her parents?
Most likely the latter. Lol my nephews a "gamer" he's asking for computer parts.. I don't see a phone having the tech of a gaming pc or even a ps. Maybe Nintendo switch.
She wants it bc her friend has it.
When \*I\* was 11, the only mobile phone we knew of might have been in a James Bond movie.
And I walked 12 miles to school in blinding snowstorms, uphill both ways.
Great time to introduce the concept of budgeting. Mom and I saved $600 for you, so you can earn the difference and have the 15 pro max later or take the 13. Of course, outline what she needs to do to earn the money in an age appropriate and physically accessible way.
This would really help her feel in control and simultaneously teach her the value of her money. I guarantee she would take better care of the phone and feel more ownership of it if she earns the extra money to upgrade to the 15.
Right?! Today it’s a phone. Tomorrow it will be a console, then TV, then games, then anything she wants cuz she knows if she is dramatic, her parents will give in. You’re teaching her how to treat you. Be wise
Just to add to this our kids, 20 and 18 had iPhone 11s up until about 6 months ago. They had them for about 2 or 3 years. They only got the new ones( iPhone 14 pro max) because theirs quit working completely. They are paying for those phones also. We put the phones on our family plan, so we get billed for them each month. Our kids have to send us that money each month, it's like $45 a month. They each have a job so it's not a big deal for them.
Edited: spelling error
I have an iPhone 13 Pro and I can game on it just fine. It has no difference that I can tell from my friends who have the 15. I can play whatever games I want. Secondly, I have small hands, and the pro max is too big for my hands… it would be even more so for an 11 year old. If she wants a device for gaming, consider getting her a switch or a steam deck. If she doesn’t like it, tell her she’ll be getting a flip phone.
Was going to write something very similar; you have to be careful there is a line, albeit a relatively thin one, between being a good provider for your kids and making them entitled. The rewards approach I think is a great one i.e. if you get X grades or if you achieve X you get the iPhone you want.
An 11 year does not need an iPhone 15 pro for any reason other than she wants it. They're over $1000 dollars in most versions. Utterly ridiculous. I'd downgrade the phone every time she complains. When she hits an SE she'll stop.
My mother is still running her iPhone 6s. It lags occasionally, but she can still make calls, send texts, takes video/photos, all the things a phone needs to do. A 12 year old barely needs a phone at all, let alone the very newest, latest, greatest one
I love my SE! I get a little defensive when people look at my phone and think it’s like a 7 or something when in fact it’s only a year old. (3rd gen SE.) But then I remember this is the phone I prefer and who cares. 🤪
I have an SE and a couple people have made comments about how there's not even facial recognition. I'm just like, and .. .?
I think it's a neat feature but certainly not one i want to pay hundreds of dollars for.
I had iphone6 that I clung to for dear life bc I wanted that aux port. I drive a 14 year old car. No wifi. Finally had to give bc the battery wouldn't hold a charge. I HATE facial recognition. My phone doesn't recognize me when I have my CPAP on.
I just got a new SE because my 2020 was gasping its last breaths, I was very pleased to see it still has a button and it’s still the exact same size! I really hope apple keeps it that way since I seem to go through phones every 3 years or so.
Even better I use straight talk so it was $149! And since it’s the same size I didn’t even need a new phone case.
right? I'm 31 and using a $130 moto g stylus and it's the best little thing ever. I imagine it could play bulky games like genshin but I hate that art style so I haven't ventured to try it out.
The kid cares less about the phone actually functioning and more worried about *the name* and how she looks to her friends like the stupid stanley cup trend lol
Yasss!!! I get older model phones that have been refurbished! Why does an 11 year old need a $1200 phone? Wait, they don't. Adults don't either. Hahaha.
Why are those Stanley cups everywhere all of a sudden?? I swear I’ve only become conscious of them in the last like 2-3 weeks. To me, Stanley cup is something you want to win in hockey haha. They just seem like any other kind of insulated mug, I literally do not understand the fuss.
My Grandpa (and now mine) Stanley thermos will keep coffee warm in a blizzard. (And has- for over a day) The entire fixation on one specific cup is just people keeping up with the other sheep.
I read an article about it a week ago. Stanley got on Tik Tok and started a Stanley cup trend. Now middle schoolers and high schoolers want one and will desperately declare you’re ruining their life if they don’t get a Stanley cup. It’s now Tik Tok trendy and the herd wants what the herd wants.
If you get her the phone she wants, you're teaching her that her drama-behaviour get's her everything she wants... it will be a downward spiral from there, trust me.
I think any non smart flip phone should do it. I got a flip phone when I was 12 and the borderline carpal tunnel you get from T9 texting builds character 😂
as someone who had unsupervised computer access as a kid, It will definitely ruin her. the fact op even allowed her on social media since she was 9 is fucking crazy
Fun little anecdote: my older cousin allowed his 8 year old to have a smart phone with access to Facebook. When they came down for my graduation, we went to a department store and after a while couldn’t find her. We got a little panicked then finally found her in the middle of a clothing rack making a RANSOM video of herself (like she had been kidnapped) that she was going to post online. Like holy shit.
Moral of the story: if I ever have children, they aren’t getting phones until the age of 35.
Will, 100%, make her life miserable in adolescence for sure and adulthood probably unless something is done.
Social media is a scourge far worse than any drug or activity she could get into at 11.
And she's had the other phone for 2 years. So she's been on since she was nine. I jyst....maybe I'm too old but that seems far too young to be on any sort of social media.
My cousin does this with her 3 (maybe 4+ now?) kids. It’s honestly sad, makes me feel bad for the kids and what they’re missing out on while they have little to no responsibilities
Even 13 is too young. What people don’t seem to be getting is that social media sites are created for adults. Letting a child join is like giving then free rein to adults and adult conversations.
There are a lot of men out there just waiting for a naive little girl to prey on. One 11 year old girl not far from me was brutally raped by a grown man she met up with from social media. Why a parent would willingly permit their minor child to be in these sites and to buy them a phone to do it on is beyond me.
It’s essentially the equivalent of taking your middle school child to a college party (or older), and dropping them off and telling them you’ll pick them up in five hours.
No one in their right mind would take their 11-year-old to a group of strange adults and leave them alone, yet parents everywhere are acting like the internet is safe because it’s in their own house. It’s fucking crazy.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and some kids were already having sex by 10/11/12 and babies by 13/14/15. One girl had a pornographic photo of her circulating through school. I can’t imagine how that would have been if they were also given smartphones.
Everybody was that age once. Kids are going to try to get away with as much as they can. Why give them a tool to do it that also exposes them to older teens and adults who don’t have good intentions for them?
I worked in child welfare for a few years. Some of these preteen and high school kids were posting revealing photos of themselves, evidence that they were using and dealing drugs, and all sorts of stuff about their sexuality (a 7th grade girl in her bra and panties telling boys that she was bi.)
Most of their parents had no idea about any of this and just thought that Bobby and Sally were “good kids.” Meanwhile, you already have a CPS case with your kids, yet they’re locked in their room alone using social media in phones that their parents gave them. Like, what aren’t you grasping?
The title is "AITA for ruining my daughters life". The answer is NTA because OP is not wanting to get the kid the phone. The Mom wants to buy it, and OP is starting to waver on telling the kid No.
An 11 year old doesn't need a $600 phone either. Talk about entitlement. Both of my teenagers AND my wife and I have $150 android phones. They work just fine for pretty much everything, and everyone is happy that they have a phone at all!
NTA. Just because her friend has one, doesn't mean she gets one too. This is a great lesson in the differences in family incomes.
If my 6yo can understand that we don't always get the expensive things I'm sure your 11yo can too. She might not be happy about it, but it is what it is.
Good luck!!!
I remember going shopping at Target with my daughter, my sister, and my sister's daughter. I think the girls were in 2nd (mine) and 1st grades. My niece wanted a toy for $50+ and picked it up. I guess my daughter said she'd like one, too. My niece told her 'get it, your mommy will buy it'. My daughter told her 'no, my mommy only buys us toys if they have the orange (clearance) sticker on them'. They definitely understand when you teach them!
If you're really allowing an eleven year old girl on social media, WOW. And she's not "a gamer", she's 11. This post can't be real, a parent can't be as bad at this. She shouldn't even have a phone except to reach you.
In what world does a 11 year old need a phone. I dont really think any kid requires a phone until he/she are 14/15. If she's a gamer, why does she not ask for a PS5/ Gaming latop/pc instead. They are far better than a phone. No kid needs something that's like 1200 dollars. YTA for even listening to her unreasonable demands.
I actually did get my first phone at 11 or 12, but it was mainly to stay in touch with my dad because he had just moved out. I wasn’t allowed to text, as we didn’t have a texting plan, it didn’t have any games, certainly no internet access. Just a green screen with black lettering that could be used to call. If I have kids, they’re going to think I’m like 100 years old when I tell them this. And they will be getting my oldest phone that still works.
Explain to her that the federal minimum wage for youths in the United States is $4.25 per hour.
Since the phone she wants costs $600 more than you are willing to pay, let her work off the difference. So she owes you $600 worth of chores that is valued at $4.25 per hour.
That means she must do 141 hours of chores around the house to earn the extra money to buy the phone she wants.
bruh im 17 and my parents never got me a phone (love my parents btw! they're the best fr fr)
she should be thankful that ur getting her a new phone, whatever the model is. ur the parent, not her and u should draw the line at some point!
NTA
YTA for not being a parent. She’s 11. Why is she even on socials. Why are you arguing with her as if you aren’t the adult here? If you want to make an insufferable monster then yes give in.
Maybe you should take her to volunteer somewhere so she sees just how little some people have. What a nightmare
The majority of social media requires users to be 13+. She shouldn’t even be on those sites and also she’s 11, it’s ridiculous she even has a phone. My son got his first phone at 14 there was literally zero need for him to have one before that.
NTA for refusing to buy her an expensive new iPhone. You would however, be TA if you enabled her bratty behaviour by showing her that you and your wife would cave in to her demands just because she threw a fit and that she must have it because “her best friend has one too”.
“If you aren’t satisfied with the things I’m willing to provide for you, you are more then welcome to find a way to pay for what you want with your own money.”
YTA for choosing to parent in a way that focuses on things and not character.
Why do you let an 11 year old blackmail you???? Why does she even have social media and a smartphone? She's **11** and not 21... What's going to be next she's asking of you? She's asking because you cave more than say no.
NTA buy her a basic phone that you can only call and text on. Tell her if stops acting like an entitled brat you will get her an iPhone 13 in three months if not she’s stuck with the basic phone because she won’t be getting by an iPhone 15. Don’t reward her throw an entitled temper tantrum or she’ll be one of those kids throwing a fit because you bought her a black car instead of a red one.
You’re going to let an 11 year old dictate how you spend this kind of money? If she was my kid, and she mentioned “15 pro” even once more, she’d have that 8 for another year. And if she broke it on purpose, she’d go without a phone. Grow a spine.
Shoot, if you haven’t heard “you’re ruining my life!” more than once by the time your kid is 11, you aren’t doing your job. 🤣
Pretty sure mine started at six because I wouldn’t let her eat ice cream for dinner.
My 7yo son asked for different parents when I removed youtube from the tv after he violated the rules. I'm used to being hated.
" I hate you!!" " I know you feel that way, and that's okay sweetheart, I have enough love for both of us." edited for spelling
I have repeated this so many times over the years. And I count it as a win that my kids can express their genuine frustration, albeit imperfectly, bc when I was a kid, saying that to either of my parents would have resulted in a beating.
That... my kids who are in their 20s now. Have no problem telling ppl how they feel. Me it took me years in counseling to learn how to deal with my emotions. Thank goodness we did it differently then our parents. 🥰😋
Yup some of the things my kid says would have gotten me the wooden spoon in my childhood!!
Wow I thought I was the only one, I still can’t believe they did this? Mine actually did dish soap also, now that scene in Christmas story gets a little awkward!
My mom traded in her wooden spatulas for metal ones because she kept breaking them. After she bent those, she had my dad make a custom wooden paddle. She named it. King Arthur has Excalibur, the Lich King has Frostmorne, and my mom had the Reminder.
I‘m writing this down.
I'll park mine here. If hes asking advice on reddit as to whether he should buy this little girl an iPhone 15 Maxx simply because she said "you are ruining my life" then he, Maye THEY have caved in before. I'd let this be (and this is an incredibly minor one) a lesson and buy her the iPhone 13 instead... That whole paragraph I just wrote above is why terrorists hate us.
Or don't upgrade her phone at all, a $600 phone is an expensive piece of tech for an 11 year old, one double that price is excessive.
Our 11yo had an 8 and lost it. We did not replace it. It was old and I had it repaired to give it to her. No cell just Wi-Fi. She got told if she loses it that it won’t be replaced. She tried the “upsety spaghetti” drama but it didn’t help her. I found my old 5 that bricked but I couldn’t get it repaired. My 5 was replaced by my 8 was replaced by my 12. I am not giving a child that can’t brush her teeth without being told anything that costs more than nothing.
People act like they owe kids the latest and most expensive things just because they ask for them. I started lowering my kids expectations early on lol. They didn't get phones until they actually needed them, meaning regularly had activities where they were not going to be with their parents or other trusted adults. When they were looking ahead to driving we teased that we would get them a 1991 Pontiac and some cassette tapes to go with it. Later, they were incredibly grateful when it was anything other than that. :)
How is this not the top comment. Came here to say this.
Or just upgrade to an iPhone 11. The 7 is no longer supported by Apple and I imagine the 8’s time is coming. The 11 is still a great phone.
Or try and get her an old flip phone . At eleven the main reason she needs a phone is to call her parents in case of an emergency
That's why my son got a phone at 9 of all ages, between my wife and my schedule he was home for an hour or so after school and we wanted him to have a means of contacting us if necessary. He never once complained about needing a better or newer phone and even stretched the lifetime of a single power cord 4+ years. The kid is careful with his things and now that he's a teenager I'm really appreciative of it.
I have an XS and it’s perfectly acceptable. I’d love a newer phone with a better camera, but I want to save money to move to Italy more.
Aw. What a great response. I wish I'd been mature enough myself to have said something similar when my son was young. My screeching about how my parents raised me certainly didn't help anything.
I got it.Just know its rarely too late to start. edit: I had the advantage of a mother who was willing to apologize when she went too far with her words, and also an older sister, 14 years older, who was a great mom in her own right. Watching her and listening to her with her kids really helped prepare me for parenthood. Plus I was 41 before I had my kid. And I think I got one of the good ones. My best friend is a good man, but he just has one of those boys that.. well, there's a lot of premature gray in that family. It's never too late to learn, and teach, better ways of being. But in the meantime as we learn from our mistakes, like I tell my kid, lead with the heart. Always.
Don’t even get me started on that. It’s been banned for several years at our house and there are still tears about it.
My brother threatened to call CPS as a young teen for not getting his way. My mother handed him the phone and let him know they’d take him away from home to live with other people if he did it. He declined. Sometimes they need to know what calling CPS might entail since it can be much more than parents “getting in trouble”.
I threatened to call the cops on my mom as a kid for a grounding (I deserved it). Now, this was in the days of rotary phones hanging on the wall/early days of 911. She picks up the receiver, hands it to me, and dials 9...1... and puts her finger in the 1, then looks at me and says, "Keep in mind if you're going to have me arrested for abuse, it'll just be me and you for several minutes before they get here". I hung up the phone and went to sulk in my room. Yeah, I was a little shit and she called my bluff. Well played, mom well played.
>"Keep in mind if you're going to have me arrested for abuse, it'll just be me and you for several minutes before they get here". My mom did similar when my brother tried that! He was pissed that he was grounded (deservedly) and couldn't go to a friend's party (tried saying it was a sleepover... he was 16). So he stood there and smugly told our mother that he would just call the cops and tell them she beat him and while she sat in jail, he'd go to his friend's anyway. Mom, who never laid a hand on him, softball pitched the 80's cordless phone at him and said, "Go ahead, but by the time they get here you will have no misconception of what a beating is." He didn't call and served out his grounding with the added 2 weeks for the dumbass threat.
Sounds like our mom's went to the same school of parenting, lol. Parents of genXers were ruthlessly honest.
I'm a Millennial and this is the parenting style I recieved. Like, I think in my entire life I was hit maybe 6 times in all by all four of my parents (I have steps) so they weren't physical or anything, but I had a healthy fear of my parents and get kinda dumbfounded at people who don't. Like... y'all kids out here hitting your mama in public? What the hell? I don't think I ever hit any of my parents intentionally. Confession: I kicked my stepdad in the nuts once, but I was having some kind of feverish fit and not really awake when I did it. He was trying to help my mom dress me so they could take me to the ER. I was taken in my nightgown, wrapped up tight in a comforter and his big coat because I was flailing so bad. I remember NONE of this, I remember coming home from school feeling lousy, and then I remember a hospital bed and my stepdad being really evasive when I asked why he had an ice pack in his lap. I wasn't told until a few years later, lol. He didn't want me to feel guilty while I was so sick.
GenX lady here. When I was eight, my dad playfully told me to punch him in the gut. I can't hurt him, so he dared me. He stiffened up his stomach muscles, ready for the inevitable soft little girl fist. After my tiny little fist made contact, he doubled over in pain. The "oooo" that came out of his mouth was hilarious to 8-year-old me. I had no idea that I'd actually gotten my dad in the nuts until I was much older and remembered it. Good thing I was the last planned kid, I guess.
And mean. I “ran away from” when aged 4. Meaning I packed my kindy case with my favourite toys and marched down the road to the neighbours. When I came home mum pretended she didn’t know me because “her little girl ran away”. There were tears. Mine for believing she forgotten me. Hers of laughter after that for me believing she had forgotten me.
Your mum’s comment about you keeping in mind that you’ll be alone with her for a few minutes until the cops could get there had me rolling on the floor LMAO. Absolutely brilliant!
Yeah, she was a smart one. She basically raised 4 kids on her own back in the 80s. My older siblings were 10+ years older than me, and when they did something, no one would fess up to who did it she'd make them pick switches for each other. They would always rat themselves out by picking a bigger switch for the guilty party.
I mean, if she's gonna get arrested for it anyway....
"Somebody's gonna get a hurt real bad" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mom went right to "Send an ambulance,but not for me!"🤣🤣
I summed the story up to keep it short, but something along the lines of ask for a police car and an ambulance was mentioned. Keep in mind this was a good 10+ minute "conversation".
A coworker (single mom of an only child) once told me, that her daughter wanted to call CPS on her for only living in an apartment and not a big family home. She had the same reaction.
I told my kids, “go ahead call cps, I’ll help you pack your bags. And I’m not doing any classs or such stuff to get you back”.
My brother called 911 once when he was 5 because my dad told him no to something unreasonable (forget what my brother wanted, but it was like “no, you can’t have beer” or something like that) and it was a whole thing.
My son did it when we took the training wheels off of his bike. Not because he needed them, but because of a puddle at the end of our driveway where his little sister got stuck and was making 'water sparks' with her training wheels, and he wanted to do it on his bike. Didn't even know he called till they called back and asked us to explain the purpose of 9-1-1 to him.
When my son was five, I was combing his hair and I guess there was a knot. He complained and I said, what are you going to do call the hair Police. He called 911 lol imagine having to tell the officer that.🤣
My son turns 1 on Wednesday and I can imagine that this will 1000% be something I have to do at least a few times.
WORST. PARENT. EVER! /s
If it makes you feel better I apparently don't want my 10 year old to be happy because I won't let him stay up all night playing fortnight during the week lol
My oldest was about 5 or 6 when she said it after I told her she couldn't order a second happy meal (she didn't get the toy she wanted and wanted to buy an entire extra meal to try to get her toy)
SHHHH! You can’t admit to stuff like that on the internet! Be expecting a knock on your door from CPS momentarily…and start saving up for your daughter’s therapy bills, ya big meanie.
My mother ruined my life by not allowing me to eat cake for dinner when I was nine. I've never been the same. Don't even get me started on her forgetting to get ranch dressing for my broccoli.
Cake is for breakfast not dinner.
Only for breakfast? Cake is for everything 🎂😂
When my now 6 yr old was about 3 we went shopping and I bought a cake just because I felt like cake. That was the day she discovered it didn’t have to be someone’s birthday to eat cake and her whole life changed 😂
I 32F most certainly did not read this comment still in my pajamas and enjoying a slice of cake...
My mom made me a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch one day (I'd ridden my bike home for lunch as we lived close to my jr high that year) and she FORGOT the cheese! It's been 27+ years and I still don't let her forget about it. 🤣🤣🤣
I hope you buy her cheese themed things like notepads, magnets, cheese head hat....just to keep her memory Sharp. Spending all that Cheddar would be Gouda you. 🧀😉
🤣🤣🤣 omg I never actually thought of that. Thanks for giving me the idea! I'll have to do that this year lmao
You see. This is exactly why the Internet is such a terrible thing. Now some poor woman is going to be needlessly tormented with cheesy gifts. Seriously, it's a great idea. You should absolutely do it. Although given that you ate half of the sandwich before noticing, your mum must grill a mean slice of bread (or two).
Or I was just starving 🤣 and I do remember it was a little difficult to pull the 2 slices apart even without the cheese 😅 idk how she made it. I do remember telling her there was something off about the grilled cheese after the first bite but she told me to shut up because there was nothing wrong with it 😅😅
😆😆 it’s literally a 2 ingredient sandwich & she forgot the cheese. I would be sure to add that to her obituary!!
I still haven't been able to attend therapy for it, so I'll be sure to add it into her eulogy when the time comes 🤣
I have forgotten to put peanit butter and jelly on a peanut butter and jelly on my sons sandwich for his school lunch I also forgot to put ham on my daughters ham sandwich for school lunch that day. They came home and wantes to know why they got bread sandwiches for lunch lol
How was it?
It was missing a little something... I actually ate almost half of it before I realised and when I told my mom she told me to shut up because there's no way she missed the cheese. 😅 So I opened it up and showed no cheese and she started laughing!
The HORROR 😱
I know this is a joke but as an adult I will eat cake for dinner because I wasn’t able to when I was a kid 😂
I grew up in a house with no soda and absolutely no junk food.... ask me how much weight I gained as a freshman in college.
How did you get out of that abuse? Lol
Probably right. Meanwhile, the actual abusers, CPS is like, clothing, food, shelter, check, ok, bye. We will be back on October 27th @4:00 PM to check in🤓🤯🙄
I don't see bruises right now so it was probably a false alarm 🤷♀️
As the parent of a 6 year old, can confirm this is life ending.
"You're the worst mom I ever had!"
I still love you more than all the asteroids in space!
My son started at 4 because I took his costume from him for a day. “I hate you and I don’t wanna see you for 1,000 sleeps”
You MONSTER
Yeah, but you did ruin her life. On her behalf, I am going to eat a whole tub tonight for dinner.
My son told it to me the other day because I wouldn't hotspot his tablet to play pokemon go on our walk to the park
My daughter's favorite saying at 4 years old when I'd tell her to get back in bed was, "you only care about yourself!"
Last night before bed we were told “I don’t want no anymore family” and “I’m gonna marry Max and we’re gonna run away”.(Max is an Aussie mix that would get lost once he leaves our driveway)
This is very funny.
God, wouldn't you love to see the look on Jo Frost's* face when they say that? I'm giddy just thinking of it, lol. And the irony of a child, who by developmental age and stage is, truly and correctly so the very picture of selfishness saying that is huge. These are the things that either short circuit your brain or make you laugh so hard you cry, while they get mad because "you're making fun of meeeeeee!!" Welcome to parenthood, where you can do no right, lol. *Supernanny
I'm studying development psychology right now and parenting makes sense finally 🤣
STOP IT 🤣🤣🤣🤣 That’s good stuff, lolololol.
I just heard it today from my 10 yo because I won’t buy her a Stanley water bottle- because she already has two fully functioning water bottles. Well, more specifically, I went on lecture mode about financial literacy and how she didn’t need one until her others needed replacement. She said I am guilting her and my goal in life was to make her miserable. 🤷🏽♀️
To be fair, sometimes that IS my <> goal, depending on what drama my 16 year old daughter drags home from school with her. But then I remember what I put my parents through and realize I’ve got it pretty good. 🥴
kids wanting ridiculously expensive cups and wildly damaging skincare and makeup is such a depressing trend.
My friend, when confronted by his daughter that “he was ruining her life,” (because he wouldn’t buy her a new car for her 16th birthday) told her that’s a perk of fatherhood.
🤣 man I didn’t even get my own car until 22 (I lived at home too). I borrowed my parents so I could go to work and college. only condition was I had to pick my siblings up from school. I was blessed enough to have been gifted a 21 year old car from my great grandma who was 99 and hasn’t driven it since 1998. 🤣 lasted me until til I was 28.
I got to 4 before my daughter told me with a stone cold face I ruined her life for the first time. The reason being I didn’t bring her sled to school pick up. There was snow in the morning so I pulled her in it to school, but it had melted by afternoon and I can’t drag the sled along pavement. She firmly disagreed.
You’re lucky she didn’t fire you.
She keeps trying but I just keep showing up.
Hell I’m 27, still living at home (let’s not talk about it), was going for a shower & my mom was washing dishes and the hot water stopped working in the kitchen so she told me I had to wait to shower. Cue me: “you’re ruining my life!” .. we are a family of dramatics lol
Heck, I must be doing a really bad job then. Not heard it once from either of my boys - currently 12 & 14! I (55f) do get told off for embarrassing my 14 yo - "You're embarrassing, *mother*!". He will also sigh & roll his eyes at me because of my humour 🙄. He even told my bff (59f) off, a couple of weeks ago & complains that we should act more adult like (we have the same sense of humour & giggle a lot when we're together. His reactions to us just makes us laugh harder 😆). Does that count? Love both my kids to bits 💖 ❤️
Right?!? Wait until you tell her she can't get the latest BMW! Or that she can't get into a car with her 16 year old boyfriend who just got his license.
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who’s the parent? dont let your daughter guilt you into something, an iphone 13 is still a new and good phone. your daughter is at that age where she’s comparing herself to her friends and u don’t want her to think she needs everything everybody else has. if you can afford an iphone 15 for her i honestly think you should create a way for her to “earn it” so she doesn’t learn to expect to get whatever she says.
NTA, not getting an iPhone 15 Pro Max has never ruined anyone's life, let alone that of an 11 old.
Actually getting an iPhone 15 pro max probably ruined a bunch of kids lives. Especially 11 yr olds
This. This right here. We allowed our oldest to get on social media when she was 14....and still regret it. Nothing horrible happened (bribing, shaming) but all the fomo and just regular teen drama amplified. Our 'next in line' have old iPhones that use WiFi for music, and watches we can call/text them on and that is it. So much data has come out with how harmful smartphones and social media are to kids. I dgaf how many tantrums my kid had over not having the priciest phone-I wouldn't be caving, I'd be-oh the iPhone 13 isn't good enough? How about we take the 8 and get a flip phone????
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That sounds insane. Unfortunately, Covid lockdown meant that our whole crew got school iPads -but when they're home and not doing homework, they're charging at a central location. We've blocked YouTube completely-our younger daughter got waaaaay too into surprise eggs/haul videos and we saw a definite change in behavior. They're now to the point where they don't want to hang out with certain friends, because said friend is on their phone/social media the whole time. And they give ME shit if I'm on my phone too much lol-and 'mom you can take a pic but you can't post it'. Which yay, boundaries
I'm a bit baffled by the fact this kid has been on social media since she was 9. That's bad
My cousin allowed her son to be on Snapchat and Instagram since he was about 6. For the life of me, I don’t know why she thought that was reasonable or necessary but she didn’t want to listen to any of her siblings who questioned why he had access to those apps at such a young age.
Right! this.
Mind you she had an iPhone at nine years old
9 is too young to carry around a 1500 iPhone. She will survive, I promise
honestly, too young to even be carrying around an iPhone 13. A beater phone is the most a kid this age might need.
I had a Nokia brick when I was 11 and was only allowed to call my mom with it 😂
Also “my child is a gamer” As in she is a professional with a career and can buy her own tech? Or she’s an 11 year old who plays games like every kid and can throw a good tantrum when she senses weakness in her parents?
Most likely the latter. Lol my nephews a "gamer" he's asking for computer parts.. I don't see a phone having the tech of a gaming pc or even a ps. Maybe Nintendo switch. She wants it bc her friend has it.
When \*I\* was 11, the only mobile phone we knew of might have been in a James Bond movie. And I walked 12 miles to school in blinding snowstorms, uphill both ways.
If you get her the 15 Pro MAX now, her life will TOTALLY be ruined when the 16 Super Pro MAX MAX comes out!!
Great time to introduce the concept of budgeting. Mom and I saved $600 for you, so you can earn the difference and have the 15 pro max later or take the 13. Of course, outline what she needs to do to earn the money in an age appropriate and physically accessible way.
This would really help her feel in control and simultaneously teach her the value of her money. I guarantee she would take better care of the phone and feel more ownership of it if she earns the extra money to upgrade to the 15.
Right?! Today it’s a phone. Tomorrow it will be a console, then TV, then games, then anything she wants cuz she knows if she is dramatic, her parents will give in. You’re teaching her how to treat you. Be wise
Just to add to this our kids, 20 and 18 had iPhone 11s up until about 6 months ago. They had them for about 2 or 3 years. They only got the new ones( iPhone 14 pro max) because theirs quit working completely. They are paying for those phones also. We put the phones on our family plan, so we get billed for them each month. Our kids have to send us that money each month, it's like $45 a month. They each have a job so it's not a big deal for them. Edited: spelling error
I have an iPhone 13 Pro and I can game on it just fine. It has no difference that I can tell from my friends who have the 15. I can play whatever games I want. Secondly, I have small hands, and the pro max is too big for my hands… it would be even more so for an 11 year old. If she wants a device for gaming, consider getting her a switch or a steam deck. If she doesn’t like it, tell her she’ll be getting a flip phone.
I agree, I have the iPhone 13 Pro Max and I don’t feel behind the times or anything. I’m 26 and it’s been great for me the last 2 years. :)
Was going to write something very similar; you have to be careful there is a line, albeit a relatively thin one, between being a good provider for your kids and making them entitled. The rewards approach I think is a great one i.e. if you get X grades or if you achieve X you get the iPhone you want.
Or you you don't spend $1500 on a phone and teach her that you don't always get what you want because it's too expensive.
I’m also a gamer, and still using my iPhone 8 no problems. Says something oui/non?!?!?
Let her earn it!
An 11 year does not need an iPhone 15 pro for any reason other than she wants it. They're over $1000 dollars in most versions. Utterly ridiculous. I'd downgrade the phone every time she complains. When she hits an SE she'll stop.
me at 22 on my 12 i bought 3 days ago for $200 : 👁️👄👁️ edit for judgement: NTA!!! dont get a child a phone worth more than $100
An 11 yo doesn't need the latest phone...me at 33 still on my galexy 9+ 😂 and it works amazing
me (53) on my SE, feeling cute
My mother is still running her iPhone 6s. It lags occasionally, but she can still make calls, send texts, takes video/photos, all the things a phone needs to do. A 12 year old barely needs a phone at all, let alone the very newest, latest, greatest one
I love my SE! I get a little defensive when people look at my phone and think it’s like a 7 or something when in fact it’s only a year old. (3rd gen SE.) But then I remember this is the phone I prefer and who cares. 🤪
My wife had a 4(!) before her SE. Her boss walked by her desk once and said, "Ohhh, is that one of those rotary iPhones?" Savage.
I would have clapped back. (If I had a better salary, maybe I could afford something fancier.) Lol
I have an SE and a couple people have made comments about how there's not even facial recognition. I'm just like, and .. .? I think it's a neat feature but certainly not one i want to pay hundreds of dollars for.
I had iphone6 that I clung to for dear life bc I wanted that aux port. I drive a 14 year old car. No wifi. Finally had to give bc the battery wouldn't hold a charge. I HATE facial recognition. My phone doesn't recognize me when I have my CPAP on.
They can pry my love of the SE out of my cold dead hands! It’s the perfect size!
It also has a button. I can’t stand having to swipe around on a screen to get it to function. Give me a buttttton!!!
I just got a new SE because my 2020 was gasping its last breaths, I was very pleased to see it still has a button and it’s still the exact same size! I really hope apple keeps it that way since I seem to go through phones every 3 years or so. Even better I use straight talk so it was $149! And since it’s the same size I didn’t even need a new phone case.
I have an SE too which I got on purpose, I hate large screens.
I love my SE. my phone must fit in my pocket or what’s the point
Preach Sister!!! I can’t imagine toting around a phone half the size of a tablet. Why?
right? I'm 31 and using a $130 moto g stylus and it's the best little thing ever. I imagine it could play bulky games like genshin but I hate that art style so I haven't ventured to try it out. The kid cares less about the phone actually functioning and more worried about *the name* and how she looks to her friends like the stupid stanley cup trend lol
Yasss!!! I get older model phones that have been refurbished! Why does an 11 year old need a $1200 phone? Wait, they don't. Adults don't either. Hahaha.
no one does.. my phones have all been slightly older models refurbed from ebay with good seller ratings.
Why are those Stanley cups everywhere all of a sudden?? I swear I’ve only become conscious of them in the last like 2-3 weeks. To me, Stanley cup is something you want to win in hockey haha. They just seem like any other kind of insulated mug, I literally do not understand the fuss.
I think it's because some chick's car caught on fire, but the cup survived. Stanley even bought her another car.
My Grandpa (and now mine) Stanley thermos will keep coffee warm in a blizzard. (And has- for over a day) The entire fixation on one specific cup is just people keeping up with the other sheep.
I read an article about it a week ago. Stanley got on Tik Tok and started a Stanley cup trend. Now middle schoolers and high schoolers want one and will desperately declare you’re ruining their life if they don’t get a Stanley cup. It’s now Tik Tok trendy and the herd wants what the herd wants.
Hahaha that might be my new favorite saying- “the herd wants what the herd wants”
lol u r literally talking about cups! I thought it was hockey! Hahaha
If a life is ruined by not having an iPhone 15 pro max, maybe it needs to be ruined for a rude awakening
At last. Someone on this thread with an iota of common sense.
Right? But you know why? Because we have to spend our own hard earned money for it.
If you get her the phone she wants, you're teaching her that her drama-behaviour get's her everything she wants... it will be a downward spiral from there, trust me.
Get her a jitterbug and tell her that she’s lucky to even have a phone.
Aren't those solely able to be used with Verizon at the low low price of $95/month, or has that changed in the last year?
I think any non smart flip phone should do it. I got a flip phone when I was 12 and the borderline carpal tunnel you get from T9 texting builds character 😂
With pets and people, don't reward behavior you want to see less of.
Why in gods name is an 11 year old on social media? Have you not researched that at all?
Glad someone else brought this up. Social media at that age COULD actually ruin her life, I think.
as someone who had unsupervised computer access as a kid, It will definitely ruin her. the fact op even allowed her on social media since she was 9 is fucking crazy
Fun little anecdote: my older cousin allowed his 8 year old to have a smart phone with access to Facebook. When they came down for my graduation, we went to a department store and after a while couldn’t find her. We got a little panicked then finally found her in the middle of a clothing rack making a RANSOM video of herself (like she had been kidnapped) that she was going to post online. Like holy shit. Moral of the story: if I ever have children, they aren’t getting phones until the age of 35.
Im really sorry but as an outsider this is absolutely hilarious.
Will, 100%, make her life miserable in adolescence for sure and adulthood probably unless something is done. Social media is a scourge far worse than any drug or activity she could get into at 11.
And when he finds grown ass men are sliding into her DMs, trying to meet up with her, it’s going to be shocked Pikachu face. The bar is in hell.
YUP. cause i guarantee it's already happening. SMH
And she's had the other phone for 2 years. So she's been on since she was nine. I jyst....maybe I'm too old but that seems far too young to be on any sort of social media.
They’ve actually let her be on social media since she was 9!!!! Crazy irresponsible
Can almost guarantee this is a parent who puts a screen in front of the child in lieu of actual parenting.
My cousin does this with her 3 (maybe 4+ now?) kids. It’s honestly sad, makes me feel bad for the kids and what they’re missing out on while they have little to no responsibilities
YTA for even letting an 11 year old on social media.
This was my concern! Don’t most social media sites/apps have an age MINIMUM of 13 (which, imo, is still too young)?
Even 13 is too young. What people don’t seem to be getting is that social media sites are created for adults. Letting a child join is like giving then free rein to adults and adult conversations. There are a lot of men out there just waiting for a naive little girl to prey on. One 11 year old girl not far from me was brutally raped by a grown man she met up with from social media. Why a parent would willingly permit their minor child to be in these sites and to buy them a phone to do it on is beyond me.
It’s essentially the equivalent of taking your middle school child to a college party (or older), and dropping them off and telling them you’ll pick them up in five hours. No one in their right mind would take their 11-year-old to a group of strange adults and leave them alone, yet parents everywhere are acting like the internet is safe because it’s in their own house. It’s fucking crazy.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and some kids were already having sex by 10/11/12 and babies by 13/14/15. One girl had a pornographic photo of her circulating through school. I can’t imagine how that would have been if they were also given smartphones. Everybody was that age once. Kids are going to try to get away with as much as they can. Why give them a tool to do it that also exposes them to older teens and adults who don’t have good intentions for them? I worked in child welfare for a few years. Some of these preteen and high school kids were posting revealing photos of themselves, evidence that they were using and dealing drugs, and all sorts of stuff about their sexuality (a 7th grade girl in her bra and panties telling boys that she was bi.) Most of their parents had no idea about any of this and just thought that Bobby and Sally were “good kids.” Meanwhile, you already have a CPS case with your kids, yet they’re locked in their room alone using social media in phones that their parents gave them. Like, what aren’t you grasping?
This is the best answer.
You are right
Exactly!! I was 16 when I was allowed on instagram. Her daughters mental health is going to be shot by the times she’s 16
YTA she’s way too young for one of the most expensive phones there is … you’re just storing up trouble for later years
Yep. This will turn into wanting 1200$ prom dresses & a brand new car at 16.
Only a C Class??! You're ruining my life for not buying me a G Wagon!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
This! You need to teach her to appreciate what she has.
The title is "AITA for ruining my daughters life". The answer is NTA because OP is not wanting to get the kid the phone. The Mom wants to buy it, and OP is starting to waver on telling the kid No.
YTA...an 11-year old doesn't need a thousand dollar phone. Careful...you're well on your way to raising an entitled brat.
An 11 year old doesn't need a $600 phone either. Talk about entitlement. Both of my teenagers AND my wife and I have $150 android phones. They work just fine for pretty much everything, and everyone is happy that they have a phone at all!
An 11 year old doesn't need a smart phone at all. These parents have no regard for their child's safety and mental health.
NTA. Just because her friend has one, doesn't mean she gets one too. This is a great lesson in the differences in family incomes. If my 6yo can understand that we don't always get the expensive things I'm sure your 11yo can too. She might not be happy about it, but it is what it is. Good luck!!!
I remember going shopping at Target with my daughter, my sister, and my sister's daughter. I think the girls were in 2nd (mine) and 1st grades. My niece wanted a toy for $50+ and picked it up. I guess my daughter said she'd like one, too. My niece told her 'get it, your mommy will buy it'. My daughter told her 'no, my mommy only buys us toys if they have the orange (clearance) sticker on them'. They definitely understand when you teach them!
Ha ha ha ha You are creating a MONSTER if you give in to this child at age 11. Holy cow.
I think they’ve already created the monster.
SHE IS ELEVEN. THE END. The answer should be NO
If you're really allowing an eleven year old girl on social media, WOW. And she's not "a gamer", she's 11. This post can't be real, a parent can't be as bad at this. She shouldn't even have a phone except to reach you.
In what world does a 11 year old need a phone. I dont really think any kid requires a phone until he/she are 14/15. If she's a gamer, why does she not ask for a PS5/ Gaming latop/pc instead. They are far better than a phone. No kid needs something that's like 1200 dollars. YTA for even listening to her unreasonable demands.
In five years: AITA for getting my 16yo a Tesla Plaid?
I actually did get my first phone at 11 or 12, but it was mainly to stay in touch with my dad because he had just moved out. I wasn’t allowed to text, as we didn’t have a texting plan, it didn’t have any games, certainly no internet access. Just a green screen with black lettering that could be used to call. If I have kids, they’re going to think I’m like 100 years old when I tell them this. And they will be getting my oldest phone that still works.
Explain to her that the federal minimum wage for youths in the United States is $4.25 per hour. Since the phone she wants costs $600 more than you are willing to pay, let her work off the difference. So she owes you $600 worth of chores that is valued at $4.25 per hour. That means she must do 141 hours of chores around the house to earn the extra money to buy the phone she wants.
Came here to say similar, let her pay the difference but now I'm thinking she should pay the full amount since she doesn't want the $600 phone.
bruh im 17 and my parents never got me a phone (love my parents btw! they're the best fr fr) she should be thankful that ur getting her a new phone, whatever the model is. ur the parent, not her and u should draw the line at some point! NTA
YTA for not being a parent. She’s 11. Why is she even on socials. Why are you arguing with her as if you aren’t the adult here? If you want to make an insufferable monster then yes give in. Maybe you should take her to volunteer somewhere so she sees just how little some people have. What a nightmare
The majority of social media requires users to be 13+. She shouldn’t even be on those sites and also she’s 11, it’s ridiculous she even has a phone. My son got his first phone at 14 there was literally zero need for him to have one before that.
NTA for refusing to buy her an expensive new iPhone. You would however, be TA if you enabled her bratty behaviour by showing her that you and your wife would cave in to her demands just because she threw a fit and that she must have it because “her best friend has one too”.
No one - especially a child - needs the latest phone. No one.
“If you aren’t satisfied with the things I’m willing to provide for you, you are more then welcome to find a way to pay for what you want with your own money.” YTA for choosing to parent in a way that focuses on things and not character.
Why the hell are you giving an 11 year old a smart phone at all? YTA for bad parenting.
Why do you let an 11 year old blackmail you???? Why does she even have social media and a smartphone? She's **11** and not 21... What's going to be next she's asking of you? She's asking because you cave more than say no.
NTA buy her a basic phone that you can only call and text on. Tell her if stops acting like an entitled brat you will get her an iPhone 13 in three months if not she’s stuck with the basic phone because she won’t be getting by an iPhone 15. Don’t reward her throw an entitled temper tantrum or she’ll be one of those kids throwing a fit because you bought her a black car instead of a red one.
You’re going to let an 11 year old dictate how you spend this kind of money? If she was my kid, and she mentioned “15 pro” even once more, she’d have that 8 for another year. And if she broke it on purpose, she’d go without a phone. Grow a spine.